#it is the mortifying ordeal of being known (positive) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anxious-lee · 8 months

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The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known || Hazbin Tickle Fic ||

A/N: this entire fic was inspired by that one scene where Al threatens Husk in ep 5. it broke my heart to see him so utterly petrified so I wrote this as a hurt/comfort for myself

Warnings: mentions of Alastor's control over Husk, slight NSFW language but it's not actually sexual I just didn't have any synonyms for what I meant lol

Word count: 2,466

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When you're an Overlord of Hell, you tend to get pretty comfortable with staying in control.

Because one wrong move can mean the end of the line.

Husk knew that better than most.

And even now, after all that power of his was lost, he still found himself more suited to calling the shots in whatever situation he found himself in. It was just easier that way. If he could remain on top of things, then nothing would go wrong. Mostly.

That feeling of security never lasted long, though, because sooner or later, he was reminded of the terrible choice he made long ago. That he gave away his autonomy to the most psychotic demon in hell.

The way he spoke to him. Like he was so small. And insignificant. Like he existed purely for the bastard's own amusement and nothing else. Any input given was condescended to, patronized, and dehumanized. It formed an ugly little pit in Husk's chest. How little control he had once Alastor stepped into the room. It scared him, in a way that so few things did.

At least he had someone else to talk to who knew how he felt.

Speaking of whom, Angel Dust strutted into the bedroom, sporting a fluffy silk robe.

"Hope I didn't make you wait too long~" he whined seductively.

"Not long at all," the other purred.

The two settled down together in bed, soaking in each other's embrace.

Tonight was all about them, huddled together in hell's moonlight.

Husk remained still as Angel shifted downward until his head fit under Husk's chin, knowing just where to go.

He loved to be pampered, that much was obvious.

It was peaceful for some time before Angel's eyes suddenly blinked open.

"Hey. How come you never want a turn at being the little spoon? I'm not unreasonable, I'm sure we could share," he said coyly.

Husk didn't quite know what to say to that. It wasn't something that needed to be spoken in words. Husk dominated, Angel submitted (in more ways than one). It seemed almost absurd to suggest that Husk would be the one being given affection.

"Nah, I'm good. You look pretty comfy down there, anyway."

Angel, however, wasn't satisfied with that answer. He pulled himself back to get a good look at the cat's face, cocking his own head curiously. Who wouldn't want to be on the receiving end? Even once? It couldn't be understated how warm and protected one could feel in the arms of another. And Husk didn't want that? Did he feel pressured to say that because he knew Angel liked to take that spot?

"Really? You THAT much of a top that you can't play second fiddle once?" said Angel.

"I'm just not a big... "softy-cuddles" kinda guy, as if you already couldn't tell," Husk admitted, gesturing to his overall gruff demeanor.

Angel studied his face.

"Not buying that for a second," he said, punctuating each word with a poke to the chest. "Come on, you're missing out!"

"That's sweet, babe, but I'm-"

"Just five minutes?" Angel pleaded, holding five fingers up in front of him, "Five minutes of me cuddling you for a change. If you decide you hate it, I won't bring it up again. I just... you're always taking care o' me. I want to give some of that back to you, ya'know? You deserve it."

Fuck.

How was he supposed to say no to those puppy eyes?

Besides, it couldn't hurt... right?

"Fine," Husk relented.

"Yay!" His boyfriend cheered.

They rearranged their positions; Husk now farther down the length of the bed and Angel wrapping all three pairs of arms around him like a furry burrito. His knees and head also tucked themselves inward to cradle the cat properly.

It still made Husk a little tense, letting someone handle him so willfully, but the touch was too nice to deny for very long. Thoughts of safety oozed into his brain as his body relaxed against the chest behind him.

"See? Now isn't this nice?" said Angel softly, barely above a whisper, "For a man who supposedly doesn't little-spoon, you've got the moves down pat."

"I'm not making any moves," Husk mumbled, smiling loudly in his voice.

"Well, you're relaxed, aren't ya?"

In a way.

Angel peered down at the bundle of fuzz, taking in how much shorter he was in comparison.

"Awww! I never noticed how cute you were from up here." His hand began petting the top of the kitty's head, smoothing down the hair.

And there was that feeling again. The one that couldn't let Husk enjoy a good thing while he had it. The fear of releasing control.

"I'm not a pet," he grumbled, having no control over the defensiveness in his voice.

Angel, ever oblivious, pressed on. "Oh, but you are to me~. My sweet little Husky~."

Finally, the camel's back broke under that straw.

"Just stop, okay?! I don't-" Husk took a much-needed breath, sitting up, "I know being treated like a toy is your thing, but it's not mine. I don't like being talked to like I'm a pet. Like all I am is your little dancing monkey." It dawned on him just how much of all that was directed at Alastor. The words sunk in like cement in a lake, and he turned his eyes away, unable to look at what he just ruined.

Angel blinked. All of sudden, the moment had soured, and he had no clue why. Was it something he said? Husk said he didn't want to be treated like a toy. Is that how he felt? Like he wasn't valued? That wasn't what he was trying to say at all! It was adoration! Not condescension.

"What...?" Angel breathed.

"Forget it. Just, I'm sorry-"

"No! No, don't apologize," Angel interrupted, choosing his next words carefully, "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. It wasn't what I meant to say. I wasn't tryin' to say you were weak or small. I was... I was trying to tells you that I adore ya. You do so much for me and our friends. You look out for us, and protect us, and listen to our bullshit problems all the time.

"I think so highly of you, Husk. You don't take shit from no one, not even me. You're unafraid to speak your mind. You know how to keep your head when life gets messy. I got nothing but respect for you. That's why I wanted to do all this. That's why I want to pamper you with love and shit. Because you're always so strong, and I wanted to... I don't know... give you the space where you didn't have to be strong. Not with me."

A heavy silence fell over the room.

Husk couldn't find the words even if he tried. He had never heard such meaningful things spoken about him. Him, the grouchy barfly. How could he possibly come back from such a beautiful declaration? Especially now with how foolish he felt. It had never occurred to him that accepting affection was an act of good, and not an admission of weakness. That someone could be trusted to hold him in their hands and lift him up rather than drag him down.

Angel could never be Alastor. This was not a hostage situation.

This was a security.

One that he felt that he needed in this moment more than ever.

"Fuck... I'm sorry. I messed up everything and spoiled the mood. I'm still not very good at this whole intimacy stuff," Husk sighed.

"I know, and it's okay. I can teach you," Angel cupped his hand around Husk's cheek.

Husk leaned into the touch. "And uh... thanks. For what you said."

"I meant it."

What did Husk do on Earth to deserve such an Angel?

"Look, if uh. Ahem. If you still wanted to... to do what you were doing before... you know, I won't fight you," Husk stammered, falling quieter with each word.

If that's the only means of permission that Angel can get right now, then he'll take it. He gently eased Husk onto his back once more.

"Good. 'Cause I still have lots more love to give you, sweetcheeks." Angel's iconic smile returned.

Even though Husk basically just admitted he wanted Angel to keep going, his praises were beginning to fluster him. The corners of his lips started to rise, and the only defense he had against them was to turn his face away from the man in front of him.

"You like it when I talk to you like that, huh, baby? Do you hear in my voice how much I'm crazy about you? How I'd do anything for ya? Cause I would~. There's nothing that you don't deserve," Angel said, scratching oh so lightly beneath Husk's chin.

Husk squeezed his eyes shut as he surrendered to his smile and tried to crush Angel's hand with his neck.

"It's true~. Because you're just the cutest little thing alive! Er, unalive, so to speak," the spider said, feeling encouraged by this reaction, and bringing another hand to scritch in the middle of his side.

Before he could stop it, a giggle escaped from Husk's mouth. Mortified, he then clamped his jaw shut, holding any more upcoming laughs in.

"You don't have to pretend for me, baby. It's just us here," said Angel, now bringing all three sets of arms into the mix. One pair was tracing his sides, another scritching either sides of his neck, and the last drumming their fingers torturously over his belly.

The giggles rose back up again, and this time shutting his mouth wasn't keeping them at bay. If he weren't so stubborn, he might've given in by now. But it was just too embarrassing.

Husk clapped his paws over his mouth, and while it did (partially) succeed in quieting his laughter, it didn't do anything to remedy the tickly sensations now all over his torso. He twitched and quivered under the touch, but with Angel hovering over him, it didn't leave much room for reprieve.

"This looks like it really tickles. I'm sure you'd feel better if you let all those laugh out!" Angel encouraged, "Pleeeeeease? For me? For yourself?"

Still, he didn't budge.

"Okay. I didn't wanna have to do this, but you've left me with no otha' options." Angel took one hand that was scratching his chin and took both of Husk's paws in it, holding them above the cat's head.

The effect was gradual.

At first, you couldn't hear a peep. Then, over a matter of seconds, Husk's giggles began to bubble up once more, fighting their way to the surface, and tickling him from the inside out.

It was over. Before long, there was nothing between the loving attacker and the melodic sound he adored so much. It started out deeper and huskier, much like his normal speaking voice, but with each passing moment, it grew higher in pitch; the kind of laugh he reserved only for his softer moments with Angel.

The spider took this as a sign to continue and deepened the pressure of all of his appendages, digging into the jittery muscles.

Husk couldn't even recognize himself anymore. He sounded nothing like the bitter old drunk he normally was. In its place, was a goofy little lovesick fool who laughed like no one in the world could hear him. He guffawed and chortled and cackled with reckless abandon.

"There it itihis! There's that gorgeous laughter!" Said Angel. "For a moment there, I thought you was bout to explode!"

The compliment somehow made everything worse. The helplessness of the situation was still there, the feeling of being small, but it was... different. Like he was small enough to be held in someone's palm and protected from all harm. It felt safe.

Husk's cheeks began to burn red.

Hopefully, Angel would be too distracted to notice.

"Aw baaabe! Are you blushin'?!"

Fuck.

As if on cue, his cheeks burned brighter.

"Am I making you feel flustered~? Does it make it tickle more?"

"WOHOHOULD YOU SHUHUT UHUHUP?!"

"So it does. Hmm," Angel hummed as he started moving his hands faster and faster up and down his body. Up his sides, then down his sides, up his tummy, then down his tummy.

It was maddening.

It was tortuous.

It was wonderful.

If Heaven didn't feel like this, he didn't want it. If salvation didn't give him the same amount of relief and safety and joy that playing with his lover gave, then it wasn't worth it. He'd stay in this inferno of hell forever if it meant he could stay with Angel. Stay in this moment.

The demon in question kept on with his teases.

"Who's the cutest little thing~?" Angel cooed as he noticed Husk jump when he touched the lowest portion of his belly, "Ohoho, looks like someone's ticklish! Coochie coochie coooo~!"

Just when Husk thought he couldn't laugh any harder, he did.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FUHUHUCKING PRIHIHICK HAHAHA!" Husk snorted.

"Oho my gosh! You sound just like Fat Nuggets!" Angel chortled.

Husk's laughter was beginning to go silent, and started getting wheezier. This, Angel knew, meant it was time to stop.

"Alright, doll, I think you've had enough," Angel said as he released his prisoner.

As the spider removed his hands from his body, Husk started panting and giggling hysterically, still feeling the phantom sensations on his skin.

"Need some help there?" Angel offered, moving his hands back towards the other's belly.

Husk curled away from his hands, "Dohohon't!"

"I'm not gonna tickle ya, I swear! I'm just gonna get the leftover tickles to go away. Okay?"

Husk nodded hesitantly and revealed his stomach to him.

Angel's hands met his fur, and although it did jump at first, the firm pressure and massaging motions rubbed away the remaining tickles, just like he said it would.

"Dahamn. That really works." Husk breathed.

"Right? Now do you feel better?"

"Yeah," Husk sat up as Angel gave him room, "You know, for such a compliant gentleman, you sure do know how to take charge."

Angel swiveled to Husk with his mouth agape. "I can be a boss when I wanna be!"

"Heh. Sure, power bottom."

Angel reached for Husk's right foot (or paw) and skittered one set of fingers over it.

"NonononONONOHOHO! I'M SORRY, I TAKE IT BACK! I tahahake it bahahack! Hehehehe!"

"Uh huh. That's what I thought," Angel stopped and huffed with a wink, nothing but kind love behind his eyes, "So. You ready for bed?"

"After all that laughing? Hell yes I am. I might even sleep through tomorrow." Husk said tiredly.

Angel chuckled, sidling up behind Husk and gently cacooning his arms around him again.

"This okay?"

Husk sighed.

"It's perfect."

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Wooh! That was a rollercoaster! 😅 Hope the people that wanted lee!husk enjoyed this fic 🫶

#tickle #tickles #tickling #ticklish #tickle community #tickle fic #hazbin hotel tickles #lee!husk #ler!angeldust #huskerdust tickles

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astriiformes · 6 months

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The thing that really gets me, Nate Astriiformes, about Laios' particular brand of monster autism is that no matter how you translate it into a real-world setting, it is a huge mood.

Is it a love for animals in general? One of my degree concentrations is in biology, and I have worked as both a nature educator at a science museum and a wildlife field tech, as well as volunteered in multiple zoological collections

Is it specifically a love for unloved wildlife? One of my favorite volunteer position was at at an insectarium where I taught people to handle and appreciate "creepy" and less-loved critters, and I have also done volunteer work for the Colorado Spider Survey.

Is it a love for monsters, specifically, which we may not actually have in the real world but can absolutely still study anthropologically? Guess what, one of my favorite courses I took in college was on monsters, I would love to expand my werewolf research for it into a book someday, my two favorite pieces of academic writing are Jeffrey Jerome Cohen's "Monster Culture (Seven Theses)" and Susan Stryker's "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix," and I'm considering focusing on bestiaries and Early Modern natural knowledge for a PhD.

Needless to say, I understand why my friends have all been generally unsurprised and gone "Yeah, Nate, he seems like your Type of Guy" even if it also means the mortifying ordeal of being known this past week has been real.

#legally changed my last name to a type of monster. for personal reasons.... head in my hands

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sincerely-sofie · 1 year

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Twig is my response to replaying PMD2 for the nth time and getting upset with how dry the Hero feels in comparison to the other characters! I’m really enjoying how she’s turning out, so I thought I’d share a little bit about my blorbo OC in case anyone reading my silly little comics is interested.

She’s a charmander— the reason for this is less because that’s what an internet quiz told me the personality I wanted for her would be, and more because the thought of “haha what if the leaf lizard’s bestie turned into fire lizard” grabbed me by the throat and would not release me until I declared it to be official.

The flame at the end of her tail is supposed to resemble a maple leaf in autumn as an additional nod to her grass-type buddies.

She nicknamed her partner, a mudkip, Kip. Kip the mudkip. She panicked and now she’s stuck calling him this because he absolutely loves it.

(Kip had a huge crush on her throughout their entire apprenticeship at the guild. She has no inkling that this was ever a thing. Grovyle's unable to believe someone would ever like him in a romantic way and Twig is no different.)

The gal's just a horrible little shambling mess of neuroses exclusively kept intact by the fear of submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

She’s 12-ish by the first chapter of the game and is just barely entering her 20s by the end of the post-game.

While she doesn't realize this thanks to her amnesia, Grovyle grew up way too fast in order to keep her alive, and she felt awful about this in the Dark Future. She tried to be as helpful as possible to take the burden off of his shoulders— or at least as helpful as an eight-year-old could be to a teenage magical gecko. Seven years later, by the start of the game, neither of them had an actual childhood despite both of their efforts to provide that for the other.

As a result of the previous bullet point, despite not being cognizant of the reasoning behind it, Twig has a thing about being a burden. She is convinced she is an awful burden on everyone at all times, and she is constantly scrambling to be sufficiently valuable in order to cancel out this burdensomeness— and she does this without ever even considering the idea that she could be a positive presence. She can only be neutral at best and negative at worst— in her eyes, at least.

(Are there therapists in Treasure Town? Asking for a friend)

Grovyle named her Twig! She had a human name at one point, but she never told it to Grovyle after running away from the hidden bunker of humans she once called home. With all her memories of her past erased, including those of her original name, it’s lost to time.

She's almost completely unable to read at the start of the game, and is only able to recognize a handful of footprint runes: Time, Avoid, Future, Past, Travel, Passage, Gear, Twig, Grovyle, and Celebi. She's weirded out by being able to read the name on Grovyle's wanted poster and ferret out that he’s wanted for stealing time gears without help.

(She learned these by trying to read the plans that Grovyle and Celebi would write in the dirt as they navigated the Dark Future and plotted out their rebellion.)

She jokingly stanned Grovyle before Dusknoir's true colors were revealed as a way to teasingly bug Kip, who didn't think it was funny to stan a criminal, even ironically. After chapter 16 and beyond it is no longer remotely ironic.

After the events of the post-game, Kip gets a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue his childhood dream of being a cartographer. Twig encouraged him to jump on the opportunity, even if it meant them being apart for a time, and he reluctantly set off on a years-long expedition without her. They miss each other dearly, but they have become the ultimate pen pals and they’re keeping their local post offices in business with their individual correspondence alone.

Twig gets a bee in her bonnet one day about evolving and storms off to Luminous Spring to get it done. For some reason— perhaps a lingering distortion of time or space clinging to her— her evolution into a charmeleon is incomplete. She grew a little taller, lost some baby fat, and has a bit of a nubby lil horn, but she hasn’t got the height or coloring of a typical charmeleon. In addition to this, all your scars are meant to vanish along with your old form when you evolve, but one in particular on her right arm remained unchanged. The scar doesn’t bother her, but it does weird her out that it didn’t go away. She doesn’t even remember where she got it, so it’s not like it's special or anything… right? It kind of looks like a handprint. Weird.

She ends up getting a house in a place called Verdant Village just north of Treasure Town and doing odd jobs to keep the money coming in— she doesn’t take many exploration gigs because it’s not the same without Kip— and makes herself a nice life there.

(She has a family consisting of a gallade, gardevoir, and little ralts kid as next-door neighbors. The gardevoir could smell Twig’s rancid shambling-mess-of-neuroses vibes from a mile away and has made it a point to regularly try to get her to open up. Twig will absolutely not open up because she doesn’t know how to go about explaining her problems when they're centered around how she’s a former human originating from an alternate future that no longer exists, and that she spent a while being antagonized by the god of nightmares before he was blasted into the ether by the ruler of space and promptly disappeared, never to be seen again. There’s a lot to unpack there and she honestly would rather throw out the whole suitcase than deal with it.)

She was feeling nostalgic one day and decided to go crawl the mystery dungeon at Mount Travail, where she encounters an amnesiac Darkrai hiding in the bushes to avoid the fighting types prevalent in the area. After very awkwardly attempting to threaten him despite the increasing urge to just turn tail and run, it became clear to Twig that he remembered nothing but his name, and he didn't seem all that intent on world domination anymore. She couldn’t help but be suspicious of him regardless, but disguises her wariness as concern and gives him a place to stay at her house so that she can ensure he doesn't remember who he was and what his goals were before his memory was erased.

Thus begins the "And They Were Roommates" arc of Twig's life, where the plot swings rapidly back and forth between her comically desperate efforts to keep the origin of 82.9% of her mental illnesses from learning anything about his past, feign normalcy to bystanders when she goes to the market with a being of myths and legends trailing after her, and keep The Bad Thoughts from taking over while also trying to figure out how to explain to her friends what she's been up to for the past few months.

Shenanigans ensue. Friendships are tested and strengthened. Long-avoided conversations are had. Twig is, mortifyingly, understood. Healing is found and time keeps marching on.

(Also Darkrai ends up nicknamed Ark for similar reasons to Kip being nicknamed Kip. Thought I'd just sneak that in here.)

#stuff by sofie #the present is a gift au #pmd eos #pmd explorers #pmd2 #pmd sky #pmd #pmd oc #pmd2 oc

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driften-sea-snake · 6 months

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there was only one strike

marika’s shattering of the elden ring and radagon’s attempt to repair it were not two separate events. it was the same hammer strike, done for two different reasons by two different people. though they shared one body, they did not share the same individuality. it’s the perfect culmination of marika and radagon’s story.

radagon is something like a fragment, clone, or bud separated from marika. however, the nature of subjective consciousness meant his journey turned him into a distinct person with his own experiences, desires and character. when he returned and rejoined marika’s body it was not the reunion of two halves of the same person. in this way it's an example of elden ring’s exploration of consciousness and individuality. regression is the pull of meaning, and all things share a yearning to converge. yet, just as life cannot return to the shared unity of the crucible, marika and radagon could not simply merge again. their different memories, emotions and relationships combined with the passage of time to create distinct individuality. when they reunited they did not find the comfort of one’s self, but all the intimacy and horror that goes along with the mortifying ordeal of being known.

marika’s story is defined in large part by a key contradiction. she wished to free herself of the golden order, disillusioned with the elden beast as its promises of eternity and a larger plan in the universe were called into greater and greater doubt. however, the golden order was also the source of her godhood. even if she was only a figurehead to exploit, the people of the lands between worshipped her because of it. to separate herself from the golden order and the power of the erdtree controlled by the elden beast would mean losing this status. based on their different personalities and histories, marika and radagon came to reflect the opposite sides of this contradiction. marika represented the possibility of rebirth, that destroying the elden beast and/or usurping its power would allow her to be an eternal god in truth. radagon embodied the ostensible safety of stagnation, which would mean coming to terms with the golden order and trying to save it. to do so would mean continuing to be trapped within those confines, but it would preserve her place as revered god. there is a comfort in misery, especially one that is known for a long time; the unknown can offer the hope of change and rebirth, but also uncertainty and the possibility of something worse.

this all ultimately led marika and radagon to bring their hammer down on the elden ring, but contained within that strike were the contradictions of two people and two goals. for marika, becoming a god in truth by usurping or destroying the elden beast, for radagon strengthening or reforming the elden ring in an attempt to allow the golden order to persist. marika yearned out of hope and ambition that she might become a god in truth while radagon trembled at the thought of losing the power and stability of her current position. it was an attempted resolution of their contradictions, both within themselves as distinct individuals and the golden order that empowered and trapped them.

#elden ring #marika #radagon #elden beast #golden order #radagon of the golden order #queen marika #maria x radagon #shadow of the erdtree #fromsoft #soulsborne #i should write all my thoughts but i'm throwing this out there

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lightasthesun · 3 months

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we need a positive saying for the mortifying ordeal of being known, some official is coming to check on me today for disability benefits etc. and they need to 'talk' (evaluate) to me before anything can be done and my best friend (and roomie) is at work but she wrote a two page list of all the things she could think of that would be helpful for them to know (my symptoms, my flare-up triggers, tiny things) and I'm just here like wow she really notices me. She really knows me and she knows more than she lets on even about the things I don't say because I don't want to seem whiny or anything like that.

Anyway I was just blown away by this realization and the amount she cared.

#happy disability pride ig

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cookinguptales · 9 months

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While I do think Arthur's characterization (and the relationship in general) gets much more compelling as the series continues on, I do really like this aspect of their relationship even in s1.

(And, while I'm not about to talk about it now, I do also love how we see the beginnings of John's fascination with and respect for Arthur's detective work here.)

(more thoughts on forced proximity, the violation of being known without your consent, and the intimacy of giving that consent under a cut)

I think one of the really compelling parts of Malevolent and the relationships it's building is this concept of... being known, I guess, and the implicit horror (but potential comfort) in being unable to hide who you really are.

I think we all have our own issues when it comes to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. but we haven't found ourselves in a situation where we are almost physically incapable of remaining unknown by another person. Arthur (and his various hangers-on) has found himself in this unenviable position -- and worse, he has not even gotten to choose who gets to see him.

Both Arthur and John attempted to hide intrinsic parts of themselves from the other very early on, but realized eventually, with frustration and exhaustion and a small amount of comfort, that it was going to be impossible to hide from each other. John couldn't hide who he really was, a sliver of an eldritch being who delights in torture and madness. Arthur couldn't hide his past, either, not forever.

The two of them are almost forced to lay bare their most intimate and private memories, fears, and neuroses -- and to hope that the other won't use it against them.

(Newsflash: they both use it against each other.)

Even here, fairly early into the series, Arthur is coming to realize that John understands him. He may not like it (and John doesn't either), but there's a peculiar mixture of frustration and weary acceptance, maybe even a little bit of affection, in the way John talks about him here. And Arthur is forced to accept that John isn't wrong. He does watch Arthur, and Arthur is starting to feel unpleasantly seen.

The two of them will peel away each other's protective layers as the series progresses, and John will come to understand Arthur's guilt, self-loathing, and self-destructive tendencies. Arthur will come to understand John's guilt and confusion and desperate need to believe that even the most monstrous among us can be saved.

And then, y'know, right as we're starting to feel comfortable with the two of them, too, right as they've kind of ironed out this weird, codependent relationship between them, the two are separated. John is replaced with Yellow.

This is where things get kind of interesting, imo. Because John and Yellow are similar, but not entirely the same. There's a whole nature vs. nurture vs. purposeful minefield argument to be had here, but I'll talk about that some other time. The fact of the matter is that, by this point, Arthur had mostly pushed past the agony of being known because he had found a creature that knew him intimately -- and loved him nevertheless. Who accepted him.

Yellow came to know Arthur, too. Was given a confession that even John didn't know yet. And he didn't accept Arthur.

Arthur didn't accept him, either.

So you have both sides of it, really, and the intrinsic horror of being unable to hide from a roommate inside your own mind. Arthur and John hated being known, but came around to it in the end because they grew comfortable with even all the worst parts of each other. There was a sort of tentative acceptance there, and one that they both desperately needed. They have both consented to being known, for the most part, because they have consented to trust each other with that knowledge.

But what happens when they don't come around? When they don't accept you? When you have no ability to hide from a person who has nothing but contempt for you, and there will never be trust shared between you?

That gets toxic very quickly.

You come to realize how lucky the two of them were to find common ground eventually, even if it was largely bonding through shared trauma, and how easily things could have been much, much worse.

And then, y'know, we don't just have to compare John and Arthur's relationship with that of Arthur and Yellow. We can also compare it to all of the humans in Arthur's life, ones that John seems to be getting increasingly frustrated with.

Once Arthur goes to New York, you really see how much of his life has been dominated by his refusal to be known. He wouldn't open up to the mother of his child, to the child, to his father-in-law, not really. He sealed a part of himself away from them, and in refusing to be known, never really fully came to know them, either. He denied himself these relationships.

But Arthur is changing, isn't he, and it's probably partially due to him becoming more comfortable being known through his relationship with John. He's opening up to his FIL. He's opening up to Noel.

And then there's Oscar. In Oscar, we see something interesting, and something that John seems to find deeply threatening.

Oscar is sort of a mirror image of John in some ways, except the intimacy he offers Arthur isn't forced. He let Arthur in on purpose. He told him about his past on purpose. He genuinely likes Arthur, wants to know him, wants to be known by him, and wants to be with him. It's the first time since perhaps Parker that Arthur's been in a position to know and be known in a healthy manner.

It's one of the first times he's been in a position to choose to be known, and to some degree, he does let Oscar see him. He does it because he wants to, not because he has to. He sees Oscar as a friend and potential partner, not just one more uneasy, forced ally.

While I believe that John's insistence on leaving Oscar behind is largely connected to whatever the hell's going on with Kayne, I do think there's also a bitter jealousy in him that covers up quite a bit of insecurity. He knows that Arthur doesn't have a choice about being with him, and here he sees Arthur being presented with a choice -- and wanting to take that choice. He sees Arthur wanting to be known by a person, a human, a person who can give Arthur a lot of things John can't. Stability. A physical partner to touch and hold and aid him. Understanding. True comfort.

Humanity.

But most of all, John sees the allure of being in a relationship where Arthur can truly choose how much of himself to give. He sees that Arthur wants to give in a way that he didn't want to give himself to John, not initially, and that mostly happened because Oscar gave himself first. Which is a thing that John still can't do, not entirely. Arthur knows him more intimately than John has ever been known before, but... he's still hiding things, isn't he?

And, due to their forced proximity and shared affection, it's killing him.

So... in the end, I do think it's very interesting. The way that the monstrousness of John and Yellow and the KIY in general is the way that your mind is not safe from them. There is no place in you that is truly private or your own. And true intimacy can't come from privacy torn from you -- only of privacy freely given.

I think John's seeing the difference now, though Arthur might not have entirely figured out what he's feeling yet. John is realizing that though Arthur trusts him now, so many of their shared experiences were extremely nonconsensual. He'll never have quite what Arthur can have with a person like Oscar because Arthur can choose to be more or less honest with him, but he can't choose whether or not to give himself to John the way he can with another human like Oscar. He'll never have the intimacy of being... chosen, y'know?

And I know that in some ways Arthur has chosen John, and in some very aggressively overt ways. But John also knows that it wasn't always going to end that way. It certainly didn't with Yellow. And he suspects that if he and Arthur hadn't been forced together for so long, it probably would have ended up like Yellow.

That's gotta sting.

I think... Arthur knows that, too, really. It's part of what scares him about John losing parts of himself. He's so codependent with John by now, to the point where temporarily losing him was deeply traumatic for him. He was also confronted with the knowledge that if the two of them had had any choice in the matter, they probably wouldn't have eventually come to love each other the way they did.

Which means that... no, he really can't believe that some version of John will always come back to him. And if John loses his memories again, as he seems to be doing now, he may never get him back again. There will be no second chances, just other versions of the Yellow debacle.

idk man. It's just... forced proximity vs the intimacy of choice vs the love we have that truly is only based on the memories we've built with others. It's all a part of the mortifying (if not deeply traumatic) ordeal of being known, and it's one of the parts of the series that I find by far the most interesting.

#I guess I'll start doing more in-depth posts about this as I go #I do have a lot of thoughts about these characters #and a relisten is a good enough time as any to start delving into them #malevolent podcast

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darth-grips · 5 months

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“If Luke is your favorite character who you project on, why do you never write from his POV” well the answer is simple. i am simultaneously mortified by the ordeal of being known while also being fascinated by the perception of myself through the lens of the other, and so naturally I am obsessed with and addicted to the thrill of being privy to how I am seen by others, especially if that view is positive, and doubly so if it comes from the people I admire. Therefore there is nothing in this world that feels more masturbatory and self indulgent to me than writing 50k of internal monologue from the POV of someone who’s completely obsessed with Luke. and being masturbatory and self indulgent is my entire raison d’être for creating art. Hope that helps.

#anyway tldr writing about how much people love luke and how cool they think he is is halfway between self soothing and power fantasy #I’m just your average Star Wars fanboy in that way

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the-furthest-city-light · 1 year

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This post is relates to the current chapters in my Fem!Luffy AU, so read if you want but feel free to scroll.

Sanji has this thing about masculinity and machismo born from a combination of a childhood spent being ridiculed for having emotions and being a Normal Human, and then being raised on the Baratie, which is full of guys who are kind but similarly gruff. He doesn't express vulnerability easily, and he's used to showing he cares in indirect ways that avoids the mortifying ordeal of being known so to speak, especially in relation to other men, and especially men his own age.

I think Sanji by nature of his weird chauvinism would view Luffy as a figure of respect much more quickly than he does Lucy. While he likes her and is probably kinder to her than he was Luffy to start, it’s probably not until around the end of Arlong Park in my fic where Sanji really gets it in his head that Lucy’s in charge and worthy of following, as opposed to the fight on the Baratie in canon. He's just never in his life experienced and trusted himself to a capable female authority figure before, and Luffy, being a guy, would be a much easier and more natural model of leadership for Sanji, regardless of Luffy/Lucy's similarities in personality.

By the time Whole Cake Island comes around, Sanji is on board with Lucy's leadership 100%. He's exactly as loyal to her as he is to Luffy. But since Sanji's conflict in Whole Cake Island centers around his emotional turmoil and his own long-buried trauma and fear, I think Lucy would have a distinct advantage in dealing with it from Luffy. By virtue of Luffy being a guy, Sanji puts on a pretty strong front throughout their various interactions in the arc. He’s not someone who likes to be vulnerable in general, but around other guys (especially Zoro) it’s really obvious that he’s someone who fronts with machismo and aims for stoicism he doesn’t actually feel.

I’m convinced that when confronted with the same emotional turmoil before Lucy, he would actually express that emotion more honestly and openly. She's his captain and his friend yes, so he still feels that sense of loyalty and need for honesty, but she's also a girl. The need to front masculinity isn't there. For Sanji, women have always been sources of emotional comfort and a safe place to express himself, and I don’t think that would change just because she’s a kind of authority figure, especially when they have so much history proving Lucy's trustworthiness.

I do think Lucy's position as a female authority figure/friend in Sanji's life would do interesting things to his psyche following Whole Cake Island. I think he'd probably view her more fraternally than he was previously, or than he does with Nami and Robin, who are decidedly Women to Sanji, though of course the three of them are friends. I don't think his behavior would necessarily change much, but the way he thinks about her, possibly.

I initially started writing this AU because I was interested in how Luffy/Lucy's gender would affect their personal development, and to reflect more severely/honestly some of the dangers depicted in the one piece world. Sanji and Usopp have always been the characters I have the hardest time dealing with in this fic for different reasons, but with Sanji specifically it's because he's so weird about women that it's hard to imagine him respecting one enough to follow her the way he does Luffy. It's been fun to write scenes depicting why Lucy's gender is an advantage to her leadership rather than a hindrance, especially when it features Sanji.

New chapter to be posted in a bit :)

#one piece #luffy #sanji #fanfic #me talking #meta #whole cake island #whole cake arc

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spinthetags · 1 year

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South Park Olympics Awards

Welcome, one and all, to the official South Park Olympics Awards! To start off, once again we want to say a huge thank you to everyone who helped make this event such a rousing success. Going through all the creations made for judging just made us once again really appreciate the hard work everyone put in. All our judges had a very tough time narrowing things down.

Each award will include a short description of how the category was judged, the nominees, the runner up, and the winner. Let’s take a look at what awards are up for judging:

Best Art / Best Fic / Best Playlist / Fan Favorite / Most Specific Attack / First Attack / Last Attack / Most Attacks Made (Team Giant Douche) / Most Attacks Made (Team Turd Sandwich) / Most Attacks Made (Overall)

With that, let’s get into the awards!

Best Art (judged by @honey-creek, @tweekbroscoffeeshop, and @kierranodel)

The three judges were asked to take a look at all the art made for the event, then nominate their top 3 choices. Their 3 choices were then given to another judge, who was asked to choose 1 from those 3. From that, the winner ended up with 2 votes and the runner up had 1.

Nominees: SOT Style / Princess Kenny and Karen Tea Time / Bebe and Wendy Play Just Dance / Adopted Craig and Tricia / Marjorine / Kenrietta / Dip Thunder Comic / Tweek

Runner up: SOT Style for iksvolforb by 0-dear-rose-0

Winner: Marjorine for galatic-gazer by 0-dear-rose-0

Best Fic (judged by @waterrgenasi)

The judge was given a Google Doc with all the fics directly copied from their original source (ao3 or tumblr) and labeled using only the title and ship, character, and/or AU the fic was based on. She then created her own rubric to judge each one by.

Nominees: [N/A: All fics considered]

Runner up: The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known for knightinink by alister312

Reason given: “perfect characterization and dialogue, great structure, interesting concept, character development”

Winner: Captain’s Log for clydethetacox by alister312

Reason given: “super fun and unique voice, told a lot of story and lore in a small amount of time, great characterization”

Best Playlist (judge asked to not be credited)

The judge was given all playlist created for the event and asked to judge each based on the explanations the creator gave for their song choices.

Nominees: [N/A: All playlists considered]

Runner up: Ctrl+C for plugnuts by alister312

Winner: Kenny and Vic’s Hawaiian Vibes for adventurecat85 by alister312

Reason given: “Every song was explained well and the ambiance was perfect. It’s so obvious how much care was put into [both the playlists alister312 made] and it’s amazing.”

Fan Favorite

The community was asked to send in nominations for their favorite creations by July 5th. After, all nominees were put into polls split by art, animation/comics, and fic/playlist. The winners of each category then went into a final poll.

Nominees: Art Nominees / Animation & Comics Nominees / Playlist & Fic Nominees

Runner up: Mysterion/Professor Chaos Lego Batman animatic for adventurecat85 by 0-dear-rose-0

Winner: The Grass is Greener and the Dirt is Slidable for amporella by alister312

Most Specific Attack

SP Olympics participants were asked to send in what attack they received that felt the most personalized to them and why. From there, one of the spinthetags mods chose which reason given sounded the most specific.

Nominees: “Staying Positive” [iksvolforb] / “The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known” [alister312] / “As Long As I Have You” [iksvolforb] and “The Grass is Greener and the Dirt is Slidable” [alister312] / Creek Kagerou Days [alister312] / Princess Kenny and Karen Tea Time [0-dear-rose-0] and Kyle’s Middle Name [0-dear-rose-0] / Transdar Kyle and Wendy [fandom-freek] / Scilly [alister312] / “Love Me, Need Me, Please Don’t Ever Leave Me” [knightinink] and Gregstophe Mer!Gregory [rianrye] / Marjorine [0-dear-rose-0] and Clyde Uses Marjorine’s Stickers [clydethetacox] / [untitled Kenman fic by amporella] / Butters Knows About Kenny’s Deaths [clydethetacox] / Trans Kyle and Enby Stan [vegetabletaxi] / “Nothing Better To Do” [alister312] / Stangory Moonlight Waltz [alister312] / Christophe and Pip [clydethetacox] and Baron Discord [clydethetacox] / Heidrietta [fandom-freek] / Craig and Tweek Adopt Butters [clydethetacox] / Ctrl+C [alister312] and Craig’s Laser Eyes [clydethetacox] / Captain’s Log [alister312]

Winner: Nothing Better to Do for iksvolforb by alister312

Iksvolforb’s reason given: “Out of all the attacks I received, they focused on only 1 or 2 of my hcs, whereas [alister312’s] fic had not only a ship and trope from my list, but also FIVE other hcs that were listed! He melted them all in together so well and none of it felt forced. It was honestly just an absolute TREAT ♡♡♡”

First Attack

This award is given to the very first attack made for the SP Olympics.

Winner: New Kid for justanartistiguess by clydethetacox

Last Attack

This award is given to the very last attack made for the SP Olympics.

Winner: Craig’s Racecar Bed for sk3lly-pr1nce-xp by 0-dear-rose-0

Most Attacks Made (Team Giant Douche)

This award is given to the person outside of the overall winner who made the most attacks and earned the most points for team Giant Douche. The runner up will get $5 to donate to a cause of their choice. The winner will receive up to $15 to be used for an art/fic commission of any kind. Please DM alister312 for more info.

Runner up: @galatic-gazer (9 attacks made, 101 points earned)

Winner: @alister312 (14 attacks made, 128 points earned)

Most Attacks Made (Team Turd Sandwich)

This award is given to the person outside of the overall winner who made the most attacks and earned the most points for team Turd Sandwich. The runner up will get $5 to donate to a cause of their choice. The winner will receive up to $15 to be used for an art/fic commission of any kind. Please DM alister312 for more info.

Runner up: @fandom-freek (6 attacks made, 108 points earned)

Winner: @clydethetacox (17 attacks made, 411 points earned)

Most Attacks Made (Overall)

This award is given to the person outside of the overall winner who made the most attacks and earned the most points throughout the whole event. The winner will be awarded a $20 Redbubble gift card. Please DM alister312 for more info.

Winner: @0-dear-rose-0 (37 attacks made, 456 points earned)

And that concludes the South Park Olympics awards! Congratulations to all the nominees and winners! We hope everyone had a fun time c:

#south park #sp olympics #south park olympics

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knightinink · 1 year

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Do you have any reccomendations for Dip/Pip fics??

OH BOY DO I!!! Let me give you some that I just love!!!

Ao3

Stairway-“Damien was sick and tired of being treated like dirt by his father. He decided it was high time to hop on the bus and head out of town. Sadly, he missed the bus the first night, but it did lead him to a chance encounter with a pretty blonde who seemed to be having the same troubles and an unlikely friendship was formed. DamienPip romance or friendship. Implied abuse.”

Accidental-“The first thing Pip noticed when he opened his eyes was a sense of numbness. The second thing he noticed was the pile of flesh and bones smashed into the concrete. Oh.”

The Fault in our Battle Against Climate Change-“Damien Thorn watches his father lose to ManBearPig.”

Sincerely, Pip-“Damien really has nothing to do, so when he gets a letter Invitation from a familiar blonde haired boy, who is he to refuse? Better than being in hell anyway. And who would've though so.ething as small as olives would of gotten them together?”

Spectacular-“Phillip and Damien cuddle.”

Tears of a demon-“Damien and Pip are having a sleepover at pips and Damien can't help but feel an emotion he isn't used to: sadness. Though, he doesn't know that, so he tries to ask and it doesn't go well.”

A Stone a Day Keeps the Pond at Bay-“"Can I kiss you?” The words were sudden, completely unexpected, especially from Pip.”

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known-“Damien is totally fine by himself, on his own, no friends or anyone required. He figures it'll be like that forever. Until Pip shows up, his halo broken and looking for help.”

A little too much comforting-“Basically Pip carried and comforted his child too much and Lucas became too attached and managed to cry his way into sharing the big bed with his dad's.”

Wings-“Life in hell is difficult, especially when you're Satan's son, but Pip was always there to hear Damien complain, curse at everything and everyone around him, as well as heaven and earth as they shared a cup of tea. Pip did so much for him, more than he could ever imagine. Even without wings, Pip was a true angel. At least for Damien.

Camelias-“𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 ▎damien regalaba ramos de camelias a philip, para demostrarle que sin importar la diferencia de clases sociales, su amor sería eterno y puro.”

Eisoptrophobia-“While on vacation in the mountains, Damien finds a tourist attraction he really wants to visit, but Pip is hesitant to go, puzzling the antichrist.”

Power Outage-“Pip and Damien are in the middle of a sleepover when suddenly the lights go out. Damien's isn't bothered too much by it, but Pip is another story.”

Growing Pains-“Damien’s horns and wings are starting to grow in, but he’s got extremely painful headaches and backaches and his dad’s excitement about it isn’t helping. Pip immediately notices the shift in demeanor of his friend and is quick to aid him through the process, even if Pip is unfamiliar with the situation.”

Shelter In The Forge-“It’s storming in a small England town one night and poor Pip can’t get to sleep because he’s afraid of it. Thankfully, Joe knows just to to comfort the boy, and they take shelter in the forge together until Pip falls asleep.”

Love Letters-“Pip has a secret admirer.”

Summon Me and I’ll Come Running-“Damien grants Pip a magic power and Pip doesn't abuse it, because he's the only good person in South Park.”

Stay with me and I’ll stop the hurt-“Pip renounces his position in Heaven to be with Damien, also renouncing his one chance to finally meet his parents and reunite with them, because he's a selfish human being.”

Fanfiction.net

Need A Little Cheering Dip-“Damien comes home to find a crying Pip.”

Dip oneshots-“Damien and Pip, Dip galore, ranging from fluffy and cute to...not. T for South Park and yaoi. Fluff,angst, and randomness ahead!”

Name-“Damien hadn't anticipated that he'd have to be a shoulder to cry on. First and foremost, he had not a clue what he could say that might serve as a form of comfort. But comfort, it seems, can sometimes come from the most seemingly insignificant things.”

Graceful-“Even as married adults, Damien is always enchanted by every little bit of grace that Pip exudes. Every ounce of grace, intertwined with every action Pip takes, still manages to positively enchant him.”

Anthology of DIP-“A series of prompt short-stories involving he pairing of Damien and Pip”

The Red String-“What happens when a blonde is born without a string, especially in a world where almost everyone has one? What happens when a fateful encounter happens? Phillip longed to have a string, but maybe it wasn't meant to be.”

Hot Chocolate-“Pip is working in an empty café when a dark-looking customer comes in for a drink.”

Dear Santa-“Christmas isn't usually the best time of year when you're the son of Satan... (Festive Dip one-shot!)”

A Purrfect Christmas-“'Twas the night before Christmas, and there Pip Pirrup sat, eyes full of glistening sorrow, talking to a red-eyed cat. Meow. (Festive ONE-SHOT)”

Like Father, Like Son-“Luca Thorn-Pirrup and his father Damien like to torment Pip sometimes.”

Just for you-“damien finds a crying pip on his bedroom and tries to cheer him up.”

A Home Away from Home-“While getting ready to leave South Park forever, Pip looks back fondly on the small mountain town.”

How The Stars Came To Be-“It is not a tale of war, or of lovers, ill-fated or otherwise. Be it a tale of the stars, and how they came into the heavens above. Their origin be not from thy heart, or thy soul, but from the eyes of two younglings, an angel and a demon.”

20 Questions-“Damien and Pip ask 20 questions.”

Angel and Demon-“Damien is telling a bedtime story to his two kids”

Phoenix Wings-“How does one run from something that is everywhere at once? There is nothing safe to them, except the security of their arms.”

It’s Just A Nightmare-“Pip has a nightmare while sleeping at Damien's house.”

Unconventional-“Their romance was hardly picture-perfect, but it made them happy.”

Fancy Hand Sandwiches and Sunsets-“They sealed it with a kiss.”

#I hope this is enough 🤣🤣🤣#I love them so much so I have a ton I’d recommend #you’re asking me about my theories??? I’ve been waiting YEARS for someone to ask me about my theories!!!#💛🖤😇😈#pip pirrup #damien thorn #sp dip #pip x damien #south park #my askbox

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