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#it just sucks when I feel good about myself but I Know it's cause I feel like I lived up to my own beauty standards
captain-joongz · 2 days
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You know how Hongjoong has those fucking gorgeous thick thighs? Yeah I wanna leave marks on them so bad. Fuck hickeys on the neck, I want to give him hickeys on his thighs grrrrr
(If you write anything sub hongjoong please, idc what type but I dont read dom member ever cus it gives me the ick)
oooh anon you don't even know how much i understand you. do you remember when Hongjoong wore that striped crop top and light blue jeans? those pictures had me going crazy for his thighs and ass for days. our captain is just so well built~
and i'm definitely not opposed to writing sub!idols, it's a nice change for me and i am a switch (tho i mostly lean towards sub, but sometimes i get dominant streaks - especially with joong, hwa and yoongi, those guys drive me insane)
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warnings: subby joong, marking, edging, begging, riding, unprotected sex
i go absolutely crazy for marks, so i fully understand your plight, and joongie just has such beautiful thighs and stomach, made for you to mark up as you please. i know i wouldn't be able to help myself
and whether we're talking about idol!joong or any other au, we know that our captain is just a helpless workaholic that will spend entire days working, dragging himself home just to sleep a few hours and then go right back to his job, and that puts a lot of strain on his psyche, so every now and then he needs a good caring for, a reminder that he can let go and someone will give him everything that he needs
that's where you come in, always ready to indulge your boyfriend and help him destress - and one of your favourite ways to do this is to have him all marked up writhing in pleasure under you, begging you for more and crying with how good he feels
his thighs are so strong and beautiful, and the honey-toned skin bruises so prettily, darkens to deep purple, and he responds even better when you take your teeth to his skin, leaving bite marks nicely encircling the dark dark bruises. but what's even better is how he tenses and jerks and jumps with every sharp prick of pain at a new mark made, whines and whimpers slipping out of his lips effortlessly
you always love to see how his eyes grow more and more hazy as he surrenders himself completely to the pleasure, giving up the reins and letting himself be carried by the flow. when he's really tired he always turns so sweet and pliant, all needy and teary-eyed, whimpering anytime your travelling hands brush over his perked up sensitive nipples or when your mean fingers dig into the bruised skin to draw out the burn
and even with his pretty cock all hard and red, wet and smattered in precum, you ignore it in favour of sucking and biting more spots into his abs - you're never satisfied until he's all covered in your spit and love, until there are tear tracks on his cheeks and drool slipping out the corner of his mouth without you even touching him where he wants it the most, cause that's when he's begging for you the sweetest
he'd want to cum so bad, and he wouldn't be shy to ask for it, countless whiney "please, please, please!" spilling out of his mouth, hands gripping into the bedding because he wouldn't dare displease you by touching where he's not supposed to
and when he was desperate, teary and marked up enough, you'd finally relent. the moment you finally sunk down on his cock would have him choking on his spit and moans, body tensing as he fought not to cum - he knew you wouldn't be happy about it, he still needed to earn your permission
whether you'd ride him quick and rough or slow and sensual would probably be up to your mood, but if he was really tired and just needing a release, you'd find it in yourself to take it easy on him, languidly rolling your hips on him and clenching your cunt around him to drive him closer to that peak
and he'd look so fucking beautiful under you like that, pretty tears tracking down his face, eyes hazy and mouth slack in pleasure, head thrown back, tits all bitten up. he'd be a vision, your vision, and you'd want nothing more than finally give him what he so desperately needed
after all, he'd been such a good boy for you, begged so prettily for you and worked so hard so he could spoil you, he deserved everything - and you'd tell him as much, smothering him in praises that would make him cry and whimper even more - he wanted nothing more than to be your good boy
"please, please, let me cum, i've been so good" he'd cry endlessly, and finally when you were also close you'd let him, allowing him to spill himself into you while you rode both your orgasms out. he'd cum with the most melodious relieved moans and then ragdoll into the sheets, completely sated and spent
and after wiping him clean, watching him slip in and out of content sleep and whispering more praises about how he pleased you so well, you'd finally settle in, pulling Hongjoong into your chest and petting his hair as he slipped off into the most comfortable sleep he had in a while
he could always count on you to give him just what he needed
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our second ask, phew this one was so fun to write! everybody needs a little subby joong in their life, god just how much i want to spoil him and pamper him <3
hard hours continue!! don't be shy and come submit your own fantasies!
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divider from @cafekitsune
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Touch Starved 1 (Scenarios) Yandere Upper Moons X Gender Neutral Prisoner Reader (Demon Slayer)
[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another request! This one is going to be a mini-series of the Yandere Upper Moons x gender-neutral human prisoner reader and what they do if they hugged them! Now let's do this! This will have at least Kokushibo, Doma, and MAYBE Akaza as well! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!]
(Disclaimer: None of the Upper Moons are Yandere, well except for Maybe Doma, that man is a kinda sussy! This is just for fun and Not to be Taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)
(Kokushibo, Upper Moon 1) (A Forgotten Fondness)
(Kokushibo's POV)
I have my human companion, their name is (Name). I take good care of them. At first, they would try and run. I caught them each time and would spank them. I would never cause permanent damage to my darling. I would not be able to live with myself. They did not like me touching them. So I never forced my affections onto them. Even though I wanted to hold them while they slept. I missed being able to hold someone in my arms. As demons we did not need to sleep, but like fish we could sort of rest.
So every night I would lay next to them, I would watch them as they fell asleep. Their back always turned to me. I am reading a book since I could read in the dark. I then heard them roll over and their leg was the first thing on me.
Their leg is draped over my two legs and they then slowly wrapped their arms around me and laid their head on my chest. I could tell by their heartbeat that they were awake. Their heart is racing and I can tell they are nervous about what I would do. I stayed still and then I wrapped an arm around them and pulled them closer.
They squeak, tensing up, but soon relax and they fall asleep on my chest. I forgot how much I loved this. They will be sleeping while hugging me from now on. I cannot let my (Name) go another night, not embracing me!
(Doma, Upper Moon 2) (Icy Hugs)
(Doma's POV)
It was hot, or at least that is what my followers were saying. I run cold, even more than other demons. When I was a human my temp ran a bit cool as well. I was worried about my little snow bunny. They were my human pet! They were the only one to make me feel. I adore them and so I kept them nice and safe with me!
Some would say that they are a prisoner! I disagree! I was keeping my snow bunny safe. Without me, they could die! I could not let that happen. Also, I adore being able to be near them and to love them! I love my snow bunny, I know they put up a fight, but I know I am also wearing them down! They are sure to fall in love with me sooner or later.  I finished my duties for the night and came back to see (Name) They were lying on the western bed and they were in absolutely nothing at all. They looked up at me and groaned as I walked in.  "Is someone not feeling-" I start and they Suddenly they got up into a sitting and pulled me down into a hug.  I feel my cheeks flush and my heart race.  "Shut up!" They whine into my neck. "Hold me... It is too hot... I don't like it." 
They needed me, they wanted me to hold them! Oh, Thank Lord Muzan. I climbed into bed with them and stripped my clothes. So my full cold body can press up against them.  They let out a happy noise and buried their face into my neck. I love them so much and I am NEVER Letting them go~ 
(Akaza, Upper Moon 3) (Deep Rooted Loneliness)  (Akaza's POV)) 
It sucked being up at the top. I wanted to have a friend, someone I could bond with and become stronger with. I had been lonely since I became a demon. Although I would never admit it to anyone. I was not going to let anyone know that weakness I had. Lord Muzan had made it clear that feelings like that were weak.  Then I met them, they were like no one I have ever met and I wanted them. When they refused to become a demon, I knew I could not let them go. So I kidnapped them and got Lord Muzan to let me keep them. They had been angry and fought me every day. I loved it! I love fighting them and them fighting back against me.  I would praise them every time they landed a hit on me! I felt so alive and I did not give up in asking them to become a demon. They always told me to fuck off.  Of course, it could not stay like this, after a while they seemed to give up. Their fire had been snuffed and they just sat staring at the wall. I had to force them to eat because I refused to let them die. I tried to goad them into fights, arguments, anything. They just stared at the wall, holding themselves.  This week was no different. So I left them alone to look for the spider Lily. It was the first time I had to leave them at all. I had a demon taking care of them for this week, and when I came back they had thrown their food on the ground and they tore up the room.  They saw me and I was certain they would fight me. Although they did not. They wrapped their arms around my waist and cried into my chest. I realized that this whole time I had been gone they had been alone except for food. They felt as if I left them and did not want them. They had missed me. 
They hug me tight to them and I rub my back. I was pleased that they needed me for emotions and physical touch. I also wish that I had not had to hurt them again. I know lord Muzan will make me leave them again for another mission. I hated the idea of them being lonely. Although... If they are willing to hug me afterward or maybe even more. It might be worth it~ 
I love holding them in my arms~ 
[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS part 1 done! I hope you all enjoyed this! The next one will be Hantengu or his clones or all of them! So keep an eye out! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter here, and please Stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]
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fleshengine · 11 hours
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What happened to your friend does sound awful, but it doesn't sound like something that's actually unique to trans women. Someone making false claims after a bad breakup and people believing claims of victimization are fairly normal occurrences across the board, especially since people do generally believe it's praxis to believe all victims immediately. The fact that your friends came around in a matter of days is a better than average result.
Hi Velvet, I think this is the second or third time you've come on to one of my posts where I talked about transmisogyny and tagged it as such. Those posts don't get a ton of traction, do you just like... patrol the transmisogyny tag or something?
Anyway I do not feel a need to clarrify myself to you. But I will add that there were a lot of details that I didn't add to the post, stuff I will not be discussing, that solidifies my belief that it was an example of transmisogyny. I'm not at liberty to talk about some of it, and for the rest I honestly just do not care enough to defend myself to you. I lived my life and you read a rant about it.
That aside, do you know how many transfems I know who have been made out to be rapists/mentally ill after they broke up with their partners? Do you want me to list all the normal occurences across the board that have made me personally terrified to show others intimacy? Why is it that when someone says "that trans girl is a rapist!" people believe her but when trans girls say "we keep getting called rapists, this sucks" we get people like you telling us that it's normal to be made out into a charicature and systematically cut off from your entire social group?
Now that I've got that out of the way, let's dig into your word choice.
"What happened to your friend" this voice is so passive it's going 45 in a 50. "What that guy did to your friend" is much more direct and active, that's a sentence fragment that drinks orange juice with its breakfast. I probably would've accepted "what was done to your friend" because even though it's passive it still emphasizes that someone did something wrong. But you didn't even do that. Instead you completely removed the idea of fault from the equation, no one did it, nothing caused it, it was divine intervention that my friend nearly lost their entire support network.
"does sound awful" it doesn't sound like anything. It is awful, through and through. I hate the man that did it even though my friend has forgiven him.
"better than average result" average what? Messy breakup or transfem targetting rumor mill? It was a better than average result, I can attest to the average and it's not good. I'm glad I was there to sway people back to reality.
Moving on, you only addressed one of the two things I mentioned. I said "break up with a trans woman and unperson her" and "unperson any trans woman who's minorly annoying." You completely skipped the whole "a guy tried to tell people I was a gaslighter because I asked him to stop calling my friend a sociopath" bit. The post wasn't even saying that what happened was specifically transmisogynistic (it was), I was literally just talking about how stuff I was hearing mapped onto my life.
I also find it interesting, how you put this in an ask instead of a reblog. A reblog puts whatever I said on your account, an account I've heard you regularly use to support transmisogynists. I'm happy to talk to you more, genuinely I like to argue and you seem interesting enough. But I want what I say on your account. I'm not going to respond to another ask or reblog on this one until you reblog the original. Here I even got you a link.
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soppsop · 1 year
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
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the-kneesbees · 4 months
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just watched my brother graduate
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salty-eggg · 4 months
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Reaaaally not enjoying these pits of body dysmorphia I find myself falling into often lmaoo one minute I'm like "I'm above beauty standards. It doesn't bother me at all, my body is ever-changing and it's stupid to subscribe these arbitrary expectations" to "hnnnng my face is too round literally everything else would be Fine if my face was slimmer, I need to work out Immediately and eat less cause if I don't I will Explode oh my god I'm so ugly"
Like just fucking relax and let me enjoy these photos I took w my bf😭
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dogearedheart · 5 days
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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void-tiger · 1 month
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Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.
…why am I like this. Why are we like this.
#tiger’s roar#…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship#(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap#then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date#and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially#when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month#to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life#that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more#I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week#in addition to their own research and god knows what else#…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life#sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people#which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me#…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it#just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.
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neverendingford · 5 months
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.
#tag talk#I feel good cause a new friend at work said something about how my boyfriend hasn't talked much to him since meeting me#And I was like uh oh I do not want to be that bitch#and I know he's been trying to organize some kind of game might and I was like rip you can't get him to play stardew valley with you#and I don't like stardew valley so I was like hey what about minecraft? because if I get them playing together on a realm then It's fixed#so anyway now I might have a new server and friend group to play with and hopefully I'll be less in the way of the preexisting friend group#because I'm really conscious of when I'm the reason stuff goes poorly so I don't wanna be a reason friends don't hang out anymore.#cause that shit sucks. jealous girlfriend type can go die I ain't about hogging people I don't feel good about it.#I just want everyone to get along and be friends#I'm putting in the work to learn bedrock mechanics. that's how committed I am to this. I hate variations on an established base.#it's the autistic in me for sure. I loathe multiple versions of songs. there can only be one true version. one right answer. all else is bad#so the slight discrepancies between bedrock and Java drive me absolutely nuts bonkers up the wall#I read a really good twilight fanfic and it rewired my brain and now I'm forever mixing up which is cannon and which is fanfic#because my brain immediately booted the version I preferred less and installed the new fanfic version as the correct right version#anyway. I'm hunting tutorials that actually explain the mechanics and taking notes so I know how to adjust the designs for aesthetics#because you need the minimum mechanical base to work before you can ad lib a building style and design onto the structural framework#I figured out the iron farm mechanics so tomorrow I think I'm gonna work on gold farm stuff. and redstone I just want to learn myself
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kavehater · 6 months
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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clits-and-clips · 6 months
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x
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king127 · 2 months
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The conversation sucked but was so what I needed. I was asked to respect his decision to move on. & I asked for the respect to not have sex anymore. Because I love my husband & it makes it harder for me to move on. I was being cordial, not trying to fight. But instead of saying okay & ending the conversation I get shit talked about me. Like what?
I want to move on peacefully as well, just as he requested & not having sex with someone I love who no longer loves me back makes me wrong? So much negative things being said to me. When the convo could’ve been so short. Just crazy. Proves me how toxic he truly is.
But the conversation was needed for me to understand that I am not the only one who messed up. I was lied to & made to believe we’d always work through it & always get stronger through our downfalls. I mean I literally got all the proof of his betrayal, but to him it was nothing & I’m the bad guy. He told me to stay when I should’ve left & now he denies it lmao Okay. We both messed up. Take accountability as I have. I was willing to always try & you lied about never giving up & always trying & that divorce was never an option. Thanks for showing me your true colors. Even showing me how much of a snitch he is by threatening me with law enforcement like really. Thank you for the push. I’m with our kids 85% of the time cause you work a lot & that’s okay I understand that but you threaten to try to get me in trouble with the law. Fake AF. So unbelievable but it’s okay. Thank god I didn’t decide to go back to that place when you asked me to for our kids. I knew it wasn’t gonna be a good idea & I’m so thankful I stuck to my gut feeling.
& he’s mad I use this app to vent instead of talking to people & posting on apps where people know us. Don’t nobody know me here. Don’t nobody even care. You left me, you can’t dictate how I heal myself from being fooled. Crazy how the truth unfolds when things get rough.
#people really switch up on you#never trust a person who speaks poorly about you when man#never trust someone who only blames you#only good thing was the children who taught me to be gentle & loving cause they so stuck up my ass. lol#I let myself trust someone after never trusting a soul due to the bad that was done to me by people who were supposed to protect me#God sees everything & saw me try my best#yes I made mistakes but nothing to be treated so poorly about#both of us fucked up & at least I take accountability for my actions#glad I could now see the toxicity & lies told#never was his love just had been settled for#I couldn’t even get the same respect of what’s best for me to move on but I have to respect his decision#I’m so dumb#I let him in & he failed me & lied to me#trying to make me believe I’m bad when I know I’m not#I tried he gave up. I kept my promise to god in my marriage not him & god sees it all so stop your lies#belittling my feelings & speaking so poorly of me#you reap what you sow. & god has a better plan for. glad he pushed my limits. it so helpful#sucks I love him but reading everything he texts me for over a month helps me. I’ve been cordial & our texts prove it#manipulation at its finest. crazy how one switches up & blames everyone else but themselves#I tried. that’s all that matters. couldn’t reciprocate the respect asked of me. respect was never there#I was never the one. I have so much proof. it helps me move on & be strong for myself#I deserve better & will better myself for myself & my kids that he asked for to do it the right way yet breaks apart another family#make it make sense. but honestly it don’t even matter. things won’t get better. he hates me & I can’t trust him#when someone threatens you with the law & is okay with being snitch you can never trust them. with no trust nothing will get better#he don’t wanna make it work. I’m happy he disrespected me. was needed to let go as asked. I was never the one#just another lesson babygirl#I know I did my best but ain’t gonna keep being stupid for someone who disrespects me & makes everything an argument#like I literally just wanted to not have sex so I can let go. sex makes things confusing. I wasn’t fighting. n got the worst said to me.#like why can’t I get the respect I was asked for. I’ve been cordial. tryna be respectful to eachother for our kids. but he cant even do tha#ashamed in myself for letting someone in. fooled me so bad it’s crazy how someone can be so fake. I’m shocked by the reaction of my request
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delicatetaysversion · 5 months
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today is the first time in like forever that i kept my hair open for the whole day without hating them by the end of the day and they're so soft and i tried on dark maroon purple lipstick yesterday with my bestfriend and she was like whoa. you look like. hot. and Mature. and i told her i love her because i kept using pink because it's cute pretty girly and i wanna feel pretty but it didn't really suit me but this this dark shade it's perfect i feel so confident and sexy and i hung out with my cousin little sister rn we used to be closest bestfriends but we drifted apart because of papa-chachu drama in childhood but
#she came over and she was like i don't have company to smoke with come on smoke with me#and i was like aaah okay#and she's so cute she's like okay have this vape after the cig to like remove the bad taste#and i gave her change for auto cause she didn't have any and she was like ill pay you back and i was like girl please shut up#choti behen hai meri itna toh kar hi sakti hu and she laughed and was lke arre aise hai fir toh main itne mein nahi maanungi aur do#so i was like bade hoke pakka abhi itni hi aukat hai#it's nice i feel happy#i also leaned my head on my office wali senior ka shoulder cause i was superrrr sleepyyyy today#only for like a minute but she was like aww are you sleepy it's okay so ja i understand this and she patted my head gently#like you know side face pe they pat🥺🥺🥺0#and like i was like do you need help what do i do when she was working and she was like kuch nahi i just need you to sit here next to me#and keep chattering#it's so 🥺🥺🥺#like this is big okay she's kinda very cool and smart and like real focused and serious okay she doesn't like disturbances#and i love her brain i want to be curious and sorted like her i love the way she understands things slowly but completely#like just work wise i aspire to be her everyone gets so impressed by her i do too the sir was like {her name} ko ab bank audit acche se aa#gaya hai ab wo apne aap bhi kar sakfi hai sign kar sakti hai#WHICH IS SOOOOOO COOL like bhai he's a very good ca okay crazy intelligent and to have him say that. just wow#and i was whining to her ki everyone sucks my relatives suck nobody even appreciates that im killing myself trying to make a career here#all my mami cares about is that why couldn't i take ek din ki leave and show up at her fucking dance practice😭😭#so she was like aww it's okay leave them ill say it you're doing very good {my real name} im proud of you#i literally said awww thank you out loud itna sweet tha na#wow a happy vent post this is a first
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conderkyl · 7 months
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Big dumb heart
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rosicheeks · 6 months
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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gaystardykeco · 1 year
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being miserable for only reasons that are entirely my own fault is actually so funny like if this was a tv show itd absolutely be one of the ones where the main character (me) is such a piece of shit causing all their own problems that the audience gets joy from seeing them reap the consequences and suffer
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