#it was a computer lab assignment and we had to do a face-to-face individual presentation on our computer program

[cranberrylane]

i was just going through old studyblr content (this isn't mine, it's @/tbhstudying's answer to an ask) and wow in hindsight this is so real and so relatable like i had to ask for an extension for the first(?) time this semester and i was unnecessarily sweating over it 😭

[songtoyou]

Letting Go

Paring: Steve Rogers x Reader/You

Rating: PG

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 1,616

Description: Steve and you are assigned in pairs for a team exercise. The task is to come up with positive solutions to a negative experience. 

A/N: I don’t know where I was going with this drabble exactly. I just wanted to write another Steve and Reader one-shot.

I don’t permit any of my fics to be posted anywhere else on the Internet without my permission

Note: This story has been updated for edits of grammar and punctuation.

“So, due to a slight altercation the other day, I think it would be best if we all partake in some team-building exercises,” Pepper announced to the group, which consisted of the original six Avengers, plus Sam, Wanda, Vision, and you.

You could not believe how you got the job position. You were not an enhanced individual, nor did you have any combat skills. Heck, you were not even a scientist. No, what got you the job helping the Avengers were your computer hacking skills that rivaled Daisy Johnson. It was Fury who sought you out. 

“You have made quite a name for yourself. Not only are you on the FBI’s most dangerous hacker list, but you made it onto the CIA’s, Shield’s, and I suspect Hydra’s as well. How about you use those skills for good?” Fury pitched to you.

That was about two years ago. With you primarily staying behind the scenes, it was your job to help guide the Avengers on missions. You were always “buzzing” in their ears, as Tony affectionately put it. Your task was to keep everyone safe and make sure they had the right information. They were not only your teammates but family as well. And with family comes arguments and fights about stupid things such as taking someone’s blueberry Pop-Tarts without asking. 

You raised your hand to get Pepper’s attention. “Pepper, I just would like to reiterate that the whole altercation, if that is what you want to call it, that occurred in the kitchen was Thor’s fault.”

“Y/N, we are not here to point blame on anyone,” Pepper clarified with a sigh.

“Uh, excuse me, Lady Y/N, but I told you time and time again that I was not the one to take your Pop-Tarts,” Thor defended himself.

“That is bullshit! You are the only one besides me that eats those. No one else! It was you! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find non-frosted blueberry Pop-Tarts? They’re almost impossible to find!” You were shouting now. 

“What the fuck! Are we stuck doing this due to fucking Pop-Tarts?” Clint yelled. His annoyance was evident on his face, similar to everyone else.

“Tony, I got to back to the lab. Do I really need to be here for this?” Bruce asked quietly.

“If I am stuck here having to do this, then so are you,” whispered Tony. He had to stick around to be supportive of Pepper. 

Pepper remained neutral. If she was annoyed or frustrated, the woman did not show it on her face. ‘This woman needs to be canonized,’ you thought.

“Look, everyone here is a team member. So, it is standard to do team-building exercises every once in a while. Whether the incident in the kitchen occurred or not, it is a good idea for all of you to partake in these exercises to help grow as a team,” Pepper informed calmly. “I’m going to pair everyone in teams of two: Thor and Sam. Vision and Tony. Wanda and Natasha. Clint and Bruce. Steve and Y/N. The name of this exercise is winter/loser. Partner A will share with Partner B something negative that in happened in their life. Now, this can be work-related or personal; however, it must be true. Partner B will help Partner A focus only on the positive aspects of the experience. The purpose is to help reframe our negative situations into learning experiences. I’ll give you guys twenty minutes, then we can reconvene as a group for the next exercise,” Pepper instructed the group.

You got up and walked over to Steve. You gave him a small smile, which he returned. Steve always made you nervous whenever you were around him. He was not only intimidating but devastatingly handsome. You never really talked to Steve outside of missions. You both did not have much in common as it would appear. You two were literally from different times. Steve was very conservative and a bit stuffy, while you preferred to be opinionated and outgoing.

“How about we go to my office? It’s quieter in there,” Steve suggested, and you followed him out of the conference room.

 Steve’s office reflected his personality. It was clean and organized—nothing out of place. One thing you noticed about Steve was his need to always be in control. Ushering you to take a seat at the table by the window, you obliged. 

“Do you want to go first?” Steve asked.

“Not really,” you stated honestly. “I’m not really in the mood to talk about the negative experiences I have endured. I like to put them in a box and bury them deep inside my soul,” you said with a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

Steve sighed. “Y/N, be serious for once,” he scolded.

You scoffed. “I am serious. Why don’t you go first?” When you saw the hesitation in Steve’s eyes, you clocked him on it. “See, it’s not that easy. You don’t want to go down that road either.”

The two sat in uncomfortable silence, with neither wanting to speak up. 

“Okay, how about we go about this a different way,” Steve suggested.

“I’m listening.”

Steve got up from the table to retrieve a piece of paper and pen. “How about instead of relaying our bad experiences, we look at ways to overcome them,” Steve said as he wrote a title on the piece of paper, ‘How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts.’

“You serious?” you asked.

“Do you have any better suggestions? I am actually trying to turn this into a positive experience for us.”

You knew Steve had the right idea. So instead of giving him an attitude, you decided to be a team player. “I think when it comes to dealing with negative experiences, the first thing a person should do is to choose to let it go.”

“That is good. Okay, what else?” Steve asked as he wrote down the first step. Writing things down helps to get something off your chest,” Steve recommended and wrote that down as well when he saw your approval.

“Playing the blame game never solves anything. How about live in the present? Focusing on the past never helps anyone, would you agree?”

Steve could sense to prying tone in your voice, so he merely wrote down the new step. After a while, the two of you came up with a list of ten steps:

1.) Make the Choice

2.) Write it Down

3.) Stop Blaming

4.) Live in the Moment/Present

5.) Be Empathetic

6.) Surround Oneself with Positive People

7.) Stop Replaying the Bad Experience

8.) Transform Painful Memory into Something Good

9.) Make a List of How You Can Control the Situation

10.) Focus on the Future

“I have to say, Rogers, that this is quite a list you helped come up with; you really are a good leader, you know,” You told him. 

In all honesty, you admired Steve. He was the embodiment of what a good person show strives to be. 

“I could not have done without your help, Y/N.”

“Can I share my negative experience with you?” You asked Steve sheepishly. 

He motioned for you to go ahead. After you let out a sigh, you went along. “When I was in fourth grade, one of my classmates told me that this boy liked me and that he wanted to be my boyfriend. I was shocked because no one paid attention to me. Least of all, boys. So, I was excited. I was happy. However, that turned out to be all lie. The guy who claimed he liked me came up to me and said it was not true. It was a prank. I was devasted. Not so much of not having the boy like me, it was feeling of being used as a joke that bothered me.”

Steve leaned in closer to you and placed his large hand on tops of yours. “The same thing has happened to me. Too many times to count,” Steve confessed.

“Why are people such assholes, Steve? I don’t get it. Like, it is not that hard to be a decent human being.”

“Apparently, for some folks, it is. Can I confess something to you? You have to promise not to get upset,” requested Steve.

“What is it?” You enquired, raising one of your eyebrows.

Taking a deep breath, Steve went on to say, “I was the one to eat your Pop-Tarts. I’m sorry. I had just gotten done at the gym, and it was late. I was tired, and I didn’t want to make anything. So, I saw those blueberry Pop-Tarts, and they just looked delicious…”

You shook your head. You were not precisely angry at Steve but more amused. “Steve Rogers, I will give you this one pass. But don’t you ever eat my Pop-Tarts ever again,” You reprimanded him in a nonthreatening tone. 

All of a sudden, the two of you busted out laughing. “Ugh, now I have to eat crow and apologize to Thor. We should head back to the conference room anyways,” You said, standing up from the table with Steve following you.

Before you reached the door to open it, Steve spoke up, “Hey, how about I take you to the store so you can restock on Pop-Tarts. I know a place that carries the unfrosted blueberry ones.”

You happily accepted his offer. “Do you want to get coffee as well? Don’t worry; I’m not suggesting Starbucks. I know a place in Brooklyn that has excellent coffee, and they aren’t too pricey.”

“I like that idea,” he replied as he led you out of his office and towards the conference room with the other Avengers.

[neshabeingchildish]

League of Extraordinary Geniuses || Chapter 1

A/N: I never actually rated this, I don’t believe, but there’s a little bit of cussing here, I can’t tell you yet exactly which direction everything is going in. I’m predominantly an angst writer and I do have a lot to give to this story, mainly with Chase, just because, plain and simple... I don’t know if that man has really had people in his corner the way that he’s needed in the past, so there’s things to work through with him in particular and there’s always things to sort of try to get over and into in relationship dynamics and moreso when more people are involved than two. Also, at least two of these people are workaholics, so work projects, assignments, flashbacks, etc, will be something that is likely to appear a lot as a backdrop. The work won’t always be things that we, or even sometimes they agree with, but it’ll be there. Tagging only who I heard from last time @kiddangers @sunbeameyes @just-a-j-reallly @supercasperprincesslove-blog Let me know if I need to take you off. Edit: Thunderbolt headcanon from flashback was introduced to me by @famousflowermagazine (You don’t have to read, but I wanted to make sure that I credited your idea)

They’re the Same Picture

Charlotte woke up to the hyper sounds of the excited yipping of puppies and she immediately got out of bed and headed for the courtyard. The caretaker was out there, minding them, but when they saw Charlotte, they rushed back to her and she waved to let the caretaker know that the puppies were coming with her. They were light brown with black ears, and wearing matching little malleable outfits. She brought them to her lab and let the caretaker worry about accepting her guests, because she left her phone in the bedroom and she was not going to pick it up any time soon. 

She had one group chat titled Defenders for herself, Henry and Jasper, and it was the most used one in her phone. She had one titled Bionic Forces, for Chase and his siblings, and sometimes Donald. She had been added to that one at one point by Leo, whenever he had to casually ask her a question that she could somehow feel was tied to a catastrophe that he and his older brother, Adam were trying to evade at the Academy (and if she was being honest, one of them probably started), and she didn’t get involved again in that one until after she met Chase and he at’ed her to say that he realized that she had been in this old GC of theirs before. Now, she frequently visited and used it. 

She had one titled Elite Force, one titled T-Force, and one titled Danger Force and she hadn’t thought about how many Force teams had a GC with herself and the members, or even the fact that she knew several Force teams, until those three were active and she kept switching between the 3, one particular day. IF. EVER. There was another triple crisis, she vowed that two androids would have to get onto cloned phones and be her, because trying to sort out more than a dozen names and comments for a foreseeable incident was… a mess. 

Fortunately, Chase, Max, and Mika each took initiative in their respective chats after a while to be the point of contact and unclutter the chat at the time. But still… There were androids capable of evaluating very accurately exactly what Charlotte might think and say to responses.

She had several GCs that were business related, several that were science-for-fun related, one that was the Bionic Academy mentors, one that was everyone that she knew who had bionics, one that was everyone that she knew who was a superhero, one that was her team of androids, and one that was her lab workers. 

She was a busy woman who knew busy people, but she also was the type that liked to be helpful to friends and associates and to keep up with her loved ones and business relationships. So, most of the ones who she had GCs with… They also individually texted with her, as well.

Currently, her most frequent ones were from Henry or Jasper, who truth be told, would likely be texting her frequently for the rest of the three of their lives as lifelong best friends. Almost as frequently though were Chase Davenport and Max Thunderman.

It was a little shocking to her after she met Chase, to find out that they were extremely alike in a lot of ways, considering how differently the conversations she had with each of them went. Chase was always the perfect gentleman. If she mentioned a problem, he would factually assess it, give her stats, numbers, wish her well and ask her to touch base with him later to let him know if his assistance was fruitful. 

Max was less precise, but as correct in advice… he could probably give her stats, but knew that they weren’t usually needed and it wasn’t his default to calculate outside of an invention or something where exact numbers were necessary. Also, he was a little more profane. 

Whereas Chase might say something like, “I’m sorry that they’re making you jump through these hoops at a place of business. That is terrible customer service. Do they not realize who you are?”

Max would say, “Those guys are dicks. Just drop your name and get ‘em fired.” 

Which… was in essence the same response, to her, as their responses frequently were, and yet worlds apart. That was who they were, in her mind too. The same great person presented in two extremely different, but equally attractive ways. She valued them on the same level, though she was closer to Max, because she had known him longer and gone through more with him.

Whenever Max posted his video journal of gadgets and inventions, Charlotte noticed (and this was whenever she was in Dystopia, towards the beginning of the trio’s rise in popularity there), that he had both artwork of Dystress, her alter ego on his wall, and Charlotte Page accolades. News and fanfare!

She honestly lost her shit for a moment and squealed to Henry and Jasper, “This guy that creates gadgets and shares them online KNOWS ABOUT ME!” They had been in the habit of listening to her, but what were the odds of some dude from Hiddenville who posted science projects online for nerdy strangers like Charlotte to wind down, chewing on ice and making comments like, “I didn’t expect that to work out so well. This dude’s a genius!” just knowing about Charlotte, tucked away in one of the most silenced charities in Dystopia?

She pointed out and zoomed in on things on his wall - framed photos of her at gizmo fairs, plaques of her stats in Swellview, etc, and on THE SAME WALL, her with her purple hair and the mask that covered the bottom half of her face, many, MANY shots of her and stories about the mysterious new three Defenders who appeared in Dystopia and began vigilante justice. “That dude knows who you are, Char,” Henry said, worried.

Stressed out, she made a whole account and sent a private message, “So, I saw on your wall that you have the Dystopian Defenders. That’s cool. I like them.”

He almost immediately answered, because he was simply at home, and he was interested in fanboying any chance that he got. “Not so much interested in the Defenders as The Damsel.She’s currently my muse.”

She replied too quickly, “She prefers to be called Dystress.” The she winced and wished she could take it back. How would someone know that? Maybe another hardcore fan? There were a lot of clips of her online...

Well, that had done it. Because, now this complete stranger seemed to be trying to suggest to Max that THEY knew his favorite underground vigilante better than HE did, and before he decimated them, he was curious who he was about to destroy. “Is that something she told you?”

“I’ve heard it around Dystopia...”

He kept up the conversation long enough to trace her IP address and phishing her account. He almost fell out of his chair.“Are you Charlotte Page???”

“WHAT?” She screeched out loud, then typed, “Is that the other Black woman on your wall? You know… People are gonna think that you’re obsessive… or have a fetish... or something unbecoming.”

“I’m a fan. I didn’t mean to alarm you… So… WAIT… You’re Charlotte Page AND you are a Dystress fan AND you’ve seen my series??? This is perfect! This is like a DREAM for me! Or… is this like one of those things where you contact me and tell me that it’s creepy that I have your stuff on my wall? Because, honestly, that’s fair. It’s just… I looked up some of your work and you were super brilliant, but we’d met previously under not so great circumstances, so I didn’t want to be that guy and make it weird, but this is just how I’ve decorated my workspace. I just admire your work, a lot.”

Charlotte had watched --she didn’t know how many of this dude’s invention videos -- Every time she saw his face, a glimmer of a thought that he looked familiar passed through her mind, but his face wasn’t on screen most of the time. The focus would be on his hands and his inventions, so she didn’t notice his face too much. The way that the human brain works, she simply put it out of focus and subconsciously presumed she’d seen his face there, in the videos.

But, now that he said it, she gasped again. Realizing the familiarity, she dropped a phone number. She did NOT want to continue this conversation on the same device he had just hacked, and she had a burner phone on her.

“Hello?” She said. It took him only long enough to pick up his phone and dial while looking at the computer for him to call her.

“Is this real???” He asked. “Are you honestly Charlotte Page?” Before she could even answer, he continued, “I am absolutely freaking out!” 

It was a far cry different from the first time they crossed paths, the time that she had remembered only after he made it known that they had before. When he was a little villain-to-be. She hadn’t gotten a very good look at him, but her eyes had at least passed over his face a little, years before.“What do you want?” She asked, through her teeth. “To expose me?” 

“Expose?” He gasped and lowered his voice, but heightened his excitement, “Are you some kind of criminal mastermind, because I can totally dig that.”

“I’m…” She looked at the muted video where she had been studying his wall and she realized something. There weren’t photos of each, next to each other. There were no lines, or notes or string... He didn’t know that those were the same people. He didn’t know that she was the Damsel of Distress. He really was... just a fan of both of them. Maybe it was subconscious on his part, but she didn’t feel like he was playing mind games or anything. And… he had powers, so exposing her wouldn’t be wise for him or other supers. 

“Charlotte? Are you still there? I’m not gonna expose you, if you were waiting on an answer to that. But, I’ve gotta tell you… I’m a superhero now and if we gotta cross paths while you’re in your criminal phase… I mean… It’ll be AWESOME and like hella fun… but, I’d have to take you down. Duty and all that.”

Now, she laughed. “The Dystopian cops haven’t been able to, but give it your best shot.” There was a long pause and then a longer gasp, then the exhaling and declaration, “CharlottePageisalsotheDamselandIcan’tbelieveIdidn’tnoticeitbefore!”

“I prefer Dystress. With a “Y,” like Dystopia + Mistress… The Damsel of Distress was supposed to a clever one liner and nothing more. Some overgrown goon caught me about to tamper with supplies that we needed to steal from the criminals to give to the kids in our charity, and he said something like, “Looky here, a damsel in distress,” and…”

“And you, a 4’11 (I can’t believe that I didn’t even place your identical measurements to figure this out), you touched your wrist, hulked up somehow and beat him with his own weapon, then said, “More like a Damsel OF Distress,” and it was caught on security cameras. I HAVE that footage. I’ve gotten probably every piece of footage of you that has been recorded. I am not kidding when I say to you, that I am your biggest fan.”

“You’d think that with that wall you’ve collected,” she said, her wide smile evident in her voice. She knew that the kids in Dystopia stanned Dystress. They would tag her name and image all over the place and whenever in costume, girls and women always gave her stuff, sometimes, what appeared to be their last. She would refuse it and give them whatever she had on her to spare. 

Dogfight was in essence sleepwalking through battle, so even though he could reply to people (in Spanish), they usually didn’t understand it and generally didn’t talk much to him.  

Deflector was just that, on or off the battlefield. Henry had never mastered lying, that much was sure, but found that avoiding questions because he only spoke English, or if they spoke English, simply deflecting the conversation instead of making up something worked better for his mystery and his cover than lying ever did. 

Dystress was the one who spoke with the people. She spoke their language. She spoke to them as people. All of the Defenders were heroes to the Dystopian downtrodden, but Dystress was like a motherly hero. She could be both that ferocious bear whose cubs are threatened but she generally delivered the goods while Dogfight and Deflector fought off the criminals. Her covered face and purple ombre locks were what they saw right before they had meals that weren’t drugged to kidnap them or rotten. The image that they saw whenever they got clean socks, soap and towels...

“What are you thinking about?” Max wondered, his voice now soft, having regained control of himself after this wondrous discovery.

“I’m hoping that my secret really is safe with you and I’m appreciating being noticed by someone who I didn’t have to help save, first.”

He smiled, “Of course your secret is safe with me. I admire everything you do, apparently as you and her. I’d never let myself be a threat to you.” She was smiling on the other end and he knew it, but he also knew that this was a Dystopia line and probably a burner she got from a corner shop. He needed a doorway in. He didn’t want to let her slip through his fingers. “I can probably actually help you, you know? I have a lot of resources, with T-Force. Dystopia is a red level city. Every time the Hero League has assigned someone, they either die, quit, or turn, because the crime is like a hydra. It would only take a mention that the heroes there need supplies for me to get approval to bring some.” There was another long pause and he said, “I wish I could see your face right now.”

“You can see it… As soon as we get some supplies.”

“How do I contact you? I know this is a burner you’re on.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think this is a burner you’re on and I got your number when you called. Thanks in advance… what should I call you?”

“My name is Max.”

“Thank you, Max.”

“My pleasure, Charlotte.” They both smiled and hesitantly hung up their phones. But, Charlotte was looking forward to seeing “her biggest fan” in person… ESPECIALLY if he was using his power to come with supplies. 

After a few weeks, he made good on that. She sent him a list and asked, “Is this asking too much?” He was confused at first, because it was a different phone number, but whenever he saw the list, he knew who it was from and he smiled brightly. “Not at all. I can be there by Friday. Send me coordinates to wear to meet you.”

The Defenders were there. T-Force shook hands with them and commended them on volunteering to take on Dystopia. They unloaded everything onto a trolley and Thunder Man was explaining to Deflector and Dogfight that once everything was out of the transport, his youngest could teleport them to wherever they felt safe to bring it. 

Charlotte realized that they had brought twice the amount she requested when she placed the order, and Max added, “We also took donations up from the Hero League and transferred the total into yen, in case something comes up in between now and next time that you need us.” 

“You’d do this again?” She wondered.

“For you? Are you kidding?” He laughed, but was silenced when she practically leaped up so that she could throw her arms around his neck. Nobody was paying attention, because the rest were working. He was staring into her eyes, because that was all he could see, and it definitely was enough for him to recognize them from footage of her Spelling Bees and stuff, but, he wondered, “Could I see...” he didn’t get a chance to finish the question and she pulled down her mask, stuck her tongue out and smiled. “I’d do this however many times you need,” he finished.

Since then, they’d been gravy. Chase took much longer to warm up to her like that, and even when he had, his gushing in her presence, was generally due to some exciting news, findings, work, etc. He hadn’t gushed over her like that, and Max did not mind doing so, at all. Really, the fact that she was always comparing the two in her mind was how she came up with this idea to… well… to ask them to come on an adventure with her towards saving the world. 

She knew that she could tell Max to do anything and he would say yes and figure out how. Chase would WANT to say yes, but have some questions and need some reasonable answers. He would ultimately say yes, whether or not she was able to provide them, but he would be out of his comfort zone without a fully detailed, full transparency blueprint and trajectory. But, he would say yes no matter what she gave him because, if she knew one thing about both these people, it was that they both trusted, respected, and she hoped, loved her, and they listened to her for these reasons. SO, she would always try to reciprocate it. That was something that she knew that they didn’t always get. Max from knowing him and his family for several years and Chase from mostly Douglass and Leo’s stories. Chase only ever seemed to talk about his attributes and advantages. He never complained about the things that she’d heard about his life. Or maybe, he just didn’t trust her that much yet. 

She opened a GC with the three of them and asked them when they could all meet sometime in the near future. Max was getting ready for a furlough and Chase was finalizing another bionic mission team for field work. She was getting ready to take a hiatus on degree work for the first time in 8 years and get settled into her castle that it took 5 years to have built. For reference, it took longer to build her castle than it did to rebuild Dystopia itself, but of course, one of these things she was paying for and the other had been greenlit by a billionaire.

Eventually, the three found where they could make the meet happen and she could hardly wait to share her ideas with them and also just spend time with both of them, instead of having to always divide herself.

.

Max was visiting, spending his furlough in the castle and Chase was there “on business,” because Mr. Davenport literally never allotted vacations for him, so Charlotte told a half truth about requiring him at her place for a few days for a special project and since they scheduled it after the formation of the most recent bionic field team, Donald approved the request, but reminded him that he would still be on call, if needed.

“Firstly, I need to apologize to you both for the short notice, but whenever I realized that you finally both were free at the same time, I made sure that we could all get together! I’ve… introduced you two before, right?’

Chase raised an eyebrow and studied Max. She had never introduced them, but she talked about Max to him a lot, and pretty fondly from how he recalled. “I’ve never seen this man before in my life,” Chase said. It was partially true. He had not met him face to face or even crossed him in passing. They were once in Dystopia at the same time, but although she planned to introduce them, both had avoided allowing it to happen.

Max said, “That’s your boss’ little kid, right?” Max knew exactly who Chase was. He had read about him, seen his work, talked to Charlotte NUMEROUS times about his ideas, and even was impressed by him, sometimes, But he also knew that there was no way that this dude didn’t know who he was. Therefore, two could play that game. “The one that doesn’t really fight much,” he added for good measure. Chase narrowed his eyes. He fought all of the time, but people often reduced his efforts because he didn’t have feats like the members on his team. He had better feats…

“Chase Davenport!” Charlotte corrected Max and cut him off at the same time, seeing it might turn into a pissing contest if she didn’t rein it in, “Mission Leader of the world’s first bionic mission team, Mentor at the Davenport Bionic Academy, he creates most of the bionic teams that you see on the news during missions!” She proudly announced.

Chase blushed and shuffled his feet bashfully, then said, more confidently, to Max, “I do more than that, actually…”

“Cool,” Max said and made a little sound with his mouth, to which two puppies came trotting into the foyer to him. “Hey, Buddies!” He cheered and began to love talk to the brown puppies with black ears. 

Chase wondered, “Oh, you have pets?”

Max collected both puppies into his arms and stood, “Have you not been invited here, yet?” He asked, meaning for it to sting.

Charlotte interjected, “Chase is usually too tied up in missions for social visits, so this is his first time being able to stop by and his first time seeing them.”

“They’re her kids,” Max said.

Chase cleared his throat and wondered, “I’m sorry, what?”

“These are the Swagger twins,” Charlotte clarified.

Chase let out a sigh of relief, then immediately engaged with the puppies, while Max grimaced, still holding both. “They should be about two years old, shouldn’t they? Why are they puppies and not full grown dogs? Also, why are they dogs?” And both pups became toddlers in Max’s arms, causing Chase to flinch a moment, but he still petted both their heads. 

“They have shapeshifting bionics with identical coding,” Charlotte said. “Jack had very specific speculations for them. He wanted them to be male presenting, have certain traits from himself and certain ones from Cheyenne, and identical bionics that were allotted for them to transform into dogs. They are currently puppies because they’re too young to realize that a two year old dog would be full grown and probably too small to do it, if they knew it.”

“Why does Jack Swagger want his kids to be able to turn into dogs?” Chase asked, very confused.

Max grumbled, “Because celebrities are weird and gross!”

Charlotte laughed and said, “Jack’s fiancee is Max’s former celebrity crush. He’s been moody since the engagement,” she laughed. “I, on the other hand am DELIGHTED that celebrities are weird and gross. Jack has funded all of my private research on genomic architecture JUST so he can both have perfect babies with his future wife AND also have dogs.”

“Whatever happened to good old fashioned going to a third world country and buying a desperate mother’s kid from her because they’re both starving?” Max asked and scoffed.

Chase, ignoring the rhetorical question, asked, “Why do you have his two year olds at your castle?”

Charlotte shook her head and said, “Oh, these boys aren’t going to go to him. He’s not going to actually collect until I get the formula for the perfect sons who shift into the perfect dogs, with the perfect model bionic chips, and I’m going to take that to create the embryos for their surrogate.” She forced a smile and her eye was twitching, but it was extremely lucrative, if not incredibly privileged and highkey eugenics.

“Weird and gross,” Max repeated.

“Well,” Chase ignored Max again, “Where are they going to go?” He wondered, concerned about the Swagger twins. 

Charlotte laughed and said, “Budding Flowers,” like it was obvious.

“That orphanage?” He asked, a little bit horrified.

“It’s really more like a boarding school,” she told him. “And shelter for orphans. People aren’t exactly adopting them.”

“But… these boys are bionic. Aren’t the kids there all… normal?” Chase wondered.

She pointed to him and said, “You are absolutely right! We need a bionics specific orphanage/education center. I propose either in Dystopia or Centium City.”

“Why not on the island?”

“Are you kidding? You think she’s gonna hand her babies over to Davenport after how he raised you?” Max asked. 

“Max!” Charlotte hissed and held her hands out like wtf. Chase was definitely a little bothered. Charlotte tried to explain, “Excuse him for that. Sometimes Dougie complains about The Dom whenever we’re hanging but I don’t know WHY Max would bring any of that up!” She threw Max a look. Max looked unbothered.

Chase squinted, “He… knows my Uncle Douglas?”

“He’s your dad, Dude,” Max said.

“Douglas just TELLS people these things???” Chase said, highly upset, now.

“No. It’s mostly been said in what was supposed to be confidence. With the two of them both being on the board of the Max O. Thunderman Rehabilitation & Reformation Metropolis.”

“I like to call it the Maxtropolis,” Max said, smirking with his mouth and his eyebrows.

“And everyone hates when you do,” she teased. “They’ve got stuff in common.”

“You… wait… Your friend Max is ON the board at that place?”

“It’s literally named after me,” Max said.

“Yes, I realized that, but I thought it was because you were a donor or something. Douglas said that board is composed entirely of villains!” Chase said, now on alert.

“Reformed villains,” Charlotte corrected. “Like Douglas, and like Max.”

Chase ground his teeth and stared at Max. He didn’t fully always trust Douglas, at times. He certainly wasn’t ready to trust this very shifty character, so close to Charlotte AND with a villainous past? He REALLY needed to start paying more attention to others, even those that he was writing off. Now, he would have to research and review everyone that came into contact with Charlotte. How many other dangerous possible traitors did she trust in her midst? Charlotte and Max were staring at him and he realized that the puppies were too. Also, that the kids were puppies again. 

Charlotte offered, “Let’s go settle into the lounge and sit down.” She opened her hand to let Chase see were the lounge was and she caught Max’s hand and whispered as low as she could, “Why are you antagonizing him?”

“I’m not. I just don’t like him.”

“You haven’t even given him a chance!”

“I did whenever I came in and he started it. “I’ve never seen this man before in my life? You and I both know that waif has seen me before.” She covered her forehead with her fingers and lowered her face at the insult. “Furthermore, I don’t like his sanctimonious song and dance, just because he’s the poster boy for heroes, a position that he has only been granted because bionics in the past few years that they’ve been accepted have taken credit for every superhero’s victories and act like they’re doing us a favor by doing small percentages of the work and capitalizing on all of the victories!” He folded his arms and Chase turned around and looked at them. Max glared at him.

Charlotte noted still whispering, “He has super hearing. I think he’s heard us whispering.” 

“I did,” Chase said.

Max shrugged his shoulders, “Where was the lie? Bionics are just non-supes with technology. You’re only special because a madman put technology into you when you were too young to consent.” Charlotte covered her lips with her fingers this time and lowered her face again. 

“You obviously know enough about me to continue to personally attack me because of your perception of my position. If that makes you feel better, do it,” Chase said. What wasn’t about to happen was him losing his cool in front of Charlotte, or worst, inside of Charlotte’s home.

She shook her head, “I thought that the two of you would get along. There’s so much greatness inside of both of you, that I see, I guess I presumed that you would see that in each other. I had no idea that there was some kind of superhero vs bionics bad blood in you two.”

“Seriously? Because, I’ve heard that your friend here is pretty anti superheroes. Besides the members of his team, who he’s been openly negative towards (we talk, Bionic Boy), and the only super that you’ve really fully accepted was your sister, after she siphoned a little from Skylar Storm. You had supers right in front of your face, proof of our existence and you berated them and talked trash on them. At least that’s how Sky would tell it.”

“You… know Skylar too? Technically… she’s not a super. She’s an alien. All of her people are like that.”

“Wow. So not the point,” Charlotte said. “Are you actually anti-supers?”

“No! I may have said some of what he’s gossiping about, but I was younger at the time he’s speaking about, probably not much older than he was when he was aspiring to be a super villain.”

“So, NOW you know who I am?”

“I researched the information while the two of you were whisper arguing!” Chase said.

“You knew who the fuck I was when you walked into this castle, Boy! You, the smartest man in the world, who has been betrayed and bamboozled multiple times didn’t do a background search on someone who was going to be staying in the home of the woman you love and meeting up with you for possible business? I’m not the smartest man, but I’m not a dumbass, either. You absolutely looked into me, just like I’ve been looking into you from the first time she mentioned your name. Maybe you could get a fast one on the simpletons you’re usually surrounded by, but Char and I? We're in the genius leagues.” 

Chase was breathing hard and eyeballing Max, looking a bit menacing and sort of hovering over him. Chase scanned him over and Charlotte stepped between the two of them, into Chase’s line of sight. He seemed to calm down and she was grateful, because he’d looked pissed and she heard that could make things get really ugly. “I heard your response, Chase and it’s valid. You were younger and didn’t subscribe to the value of superheroes. Max was young and didn’t either! Yayyy! Similarities…” She looked at both of them. They both folded their arms and scoffed, then both groaned because they’d had the same reactions. Getting them on the same page might be a hard sell. But, she had a few days. “Let me show you your quarters, and maybe everyone can have a drink and kinda…” her shoulders slumped and she sighed, unsure of what words to use.

Henry and Jasper had been friends when she met them. Douglas and Schwoz hit it off right away. These two… SHOULD have too. But, they were both extremely pissed and she felt like she’d missed something that she should have considered before bringing them together like this. That argument proved that she missed several things. She was so in love with the idea of them being science bros, she didn’t think about Chase’s trust issues and how they might affect his view of Max. She didn’t think about Douglas telling Max things that she didn’t even know about, like Chase having a past with superhero hate, or maybe just a little bigotry, but, still… She was supposed to be smarter than that. She had been judging both of them with her heart for so long… it just seemed natural that anybody else, especially one another, would adore them too.

“Charlotte, are you okay?” They both asked her in unison. She looked up and both of them looked concerned and a little guilty. They were most likely going to at least squash it for tonight, for her benefit. 

“I’m sorry for not doing MY due diligence. I just think, if you two could get past it all, you’d understand why both of you are here with me as I embark on a new chapter. You two were my first choice and it was an equal choice. It wasn’t one over the other, it was… I know that you both bring what I want and need to the table. I want it to be a table of camaraderie.” The men looked at each other with a raised eyebrow and flared nostrils. 

“It’s fine,” they both lied. At least she knew that they’d try.

[sweetiepie08]

Rebel Z (Chapter 1)

Invader Zim fanfic

While analyzing Zim’s PAK for weaknesses, Tak discovers strange coding that sends her on a search for answers. The clues lead her to uncover a conspiracy that governs all of Irken society. When the truth sends her on the run, she has no choice but to return to the one place the Tallest would never willingly go: Urth.

Meanwhile, Dib has noticed odd changes in Zim’s behavior. Has the invader simply grown bored of his mission over the last few years, or is there something more interesting going on?

People who asked to be tagged: @incorrect-invader-zim , @messinwitheddie, @reblogstupids, @cate-r-gunn

If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list please let me know.

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3.  Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6.  Chapter 7.  Chapter 8.  Chapter 9. 

[-]

Tak sat on the sidewalk, leaning against Zim’s fence and making sure she stayed out of sight from the security cameras. Her fingers tapped an impatient rhythm on the top of the gift box by her side. She kept her eyes trained on the street, waiting for the SIR unit to arrive home.

It’d been years since she first came to Urth and tried to snatch the planet out from under that undeserving worm. She told herself it was nothing personal. The Irken Elite didn’t get caught up in petty personal vendettas. It was about proving her herself worthy as an invader and proving Zim unfit for even a fake mission. She’d lied to herself then. Not anymore.

She made a few more attempts over the years. Each time Zim and those meddlesome humans thwarted her. Every failure ended with her going off-planet to regroup and examine where she went wrong. After so many defeats, she finally had to admit to herself this was personal. This was about Zim and her fatal flaw was underestimating him.

A whistled tune caught her antenna and she looked up to see Zim’s SIR unit, called GIR, walking toward the base. He was dressed in his dog costume and he carried a bag of groceries. She stood up and put on a fake smile as the robot skipped its way over.

“Excuse me,” she said, her voice gratingly sweet. “Aren’t you Zim’s SIR unit?”

“Hellooo…” Gir sing-songed in reply.

“Listen, I know Zim and I haven’t had the best relationship and I wanted to make it up to him. I got him this present to say sorry for all the times I tried to ruin his mission. Could you make sure he gets it? There’s a jumbo bag of gummy bears in it for you.”

“Okie-dokie!” The head of GIR’s costume opened up and a claw arm flew out of his head. It snatched the gift box and drew it back inside his head’s storage compartment. He then gave her a little wave and scampered into the house.

Once he was inside, Tak got down and army-crawled to the base’s window, careful not to set off any motion sensors. As she peered inside, she could see Zim, sitting on the couch, looking over something on an Irken computing tablet.

“GIR, good, you’re home,” he said, not looking up from his work. “I’ve just finished drawing up the plans for-”

“I got a present for you!” GIR squealed as the gift box popped out of his head.

“Eh? A gift for Zim?”

GIR nodded vigorously.

“Huh.” Zim set aside the tablet and slid off the couch. “Well, thank you GIR,” he said, picking up the box. “Wait, this isn’t full of moldy tacos again, is it?”

GIR shrugged “I dunno.”

“You don’t know?”

GIR shook his head.

“This isn’t from you?”

GIR shook again.

Zim narrowed his eyes and examined the box. He gave it a light shake and placed an antenna on it to listen. Finally, he looked at the tag.

TAk smiled. She could imagine his heart dropping as he read the words.

“Night-night? Tak?” Zim threw the box on the ground. “Computer! Activate defensive maneuver number-”

Before he could finish, MiMi jumped out of the box holding an electrified shocking fork. She jabbed it into his neck. Electricity coursed through his body and he fell to the floor in a heap.

“Master?” GIR gave Zim a poke.

MiMi swept to the door and let Tak in. Once inside, she disabled her human disguise. “He’s napping,” she said, dropping a large bag of Urth candy at GIR’s feet. “Here’s your gummy bears. I’ll take him downstairs to rest.”

The SIR unit began gleefully digging through the bag as Tak grabbed Zim’s ankle and dragged him to the kitchen. MiMi followed close behind. They took the elevator down to the base’s main computer lab and walked over to the control panel. She stuck Zim’s body in the control seat and plugged in his PAK. The computer lit up, showing a log-in screen. She placed Zim’s hand on the identification pad and, just like that, she gained access to the computer network.

“MiMi, restrain him.”

Her SIR until gave a solute, then pulled a roll of duct tape out oh her head and taped Zim down.

Tak turned back to the computer and inserted a programing disc. She grinned as her coding filled the screen. It was her best work yet, a near perfect copy of the Control Brain’s PAK reading system. Only the Massive held such technology. She’d waited three Urth years for this moment. Three years of consorting with shady figures from the back alleys of space. Three years of making deals with backdoor hackers. Three years of trading favors to gain access to the technology she needed. It all lead up to this moment, the moment when she finally learned how to crush Zim once and for all.

MiMi tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned to look, MiMi pointed to Zim and made a slashing motion across her throat.

“No, Mimi, we can’t kill him yet.” It was true. She could easily kill him now while he was vulnerable, but it wouldn’t be satisfying. When she finally claimed her vengeance, she wanted his eyes to be wide open.

The computer dinged, alerting her that the program was ready to run. She turned back to the screen and looked into the wicked eyes of her own reflection. “Alright, let’s see what makes Zim, Zim.”

She swiped her hand across the control panel, opening a starting page. It outlined Zim’s basic information.

Name: Zim

Age: 16.6

Occupation: Food Service Drone

Assignment: Foodcourtia, Banishment.

So far, so good. Now she just had to run the error check simulation. She typed in the command and waited for the program to work its magic. When it finished, the alert sound blared and the word DEFECTIVE flashed across the screen in big, red letters.

“Hmmm… No surprise there, MiMi, but I need more. Let’s get more specific.”

She typed in a few more commands and the screen showed her a list of all of Zim’s defective areas broken down by category. The list was long, too long to go over before Zim woke. Two categories caught her eye: PAK Installations and Irken Traits. These two seemed curious. She opened the file for PAK Installations first. A list popped up.

PAK Installations

·        Perseverance: 89342/10

·        Loyalty: 324/10

·        Penchant for destruction: 352301/10

·        Susceptibility to propaganda: 134/10

Tak’s mouth turned downward as she read over the list. Every Irken knew the PAK boosted certain personality traits to ensure successful service to the Empire. However, only the highest-ranking PAK engineers knew what. Some of these were to be expected. Of course, an Irken must persevere in the face of opposition and remain loyal to the Empire. Those were obvious. And she supposed a soldier must be capable of a little destruction. But susceptibility to propaganda?

She switched off the PAK Installations and looked into Irken Traits. Surely this section would reveal enhancements made to the already superior race. Why else would the PAKs monitor their natural Irken inclinations?

Irken Traits

·        Creativity: 3342/0

·        Personal ambition: 3625/0

·        Need for companionship: 334/0

·        Need for affection: 3420/0

·        Sense of individuality: 4280/0

·        Survival instinct: 4406/2

Tak took a step back as she analyzed what this meant. Suspicion crept through her like a parasite and the truth glared down at her from a screen. Irken traits were meant to be blocked? This couldn’t be the norm. There had to be some mistake. Zim was a defective after all. Perhaps these blocks were just part of his defects. Or maybe his PAK was changed after the mess he made of Impending Doom I. Yes, that must be it. The Control Brains must have tried to take away certain skills to prevent further disasters. But if these blocks were deliberate, why didn’t the levels match up? Surely the Control Brain would have caught these errors during re-encoding. And could she even be certain that these blocks were unique to Zim? To be sure, she’d have to compare his results to those of a standard PAK.

Her hand unconsciously reached back and brushed the top of hers. It was the only PAK immediately available. She hadn’t tested the program on herself before. It would have been the smart thing to do, instead of coming all this way without testing it on a real PAK. She told herself that her ship wouldn’t have enough power to generate a full reading, but that wasn’t entirely true. She could have at least attempted a partial reading, just to make sure.  What stopped her?

She unplugged Zim’s PAK and plugged in her own. Her start page appeared on the screen.

                                                                   Name: Tak

                                                                   Age: 16.9

                                                                   Occupation: Janitorial Squad

                                                                   Assignment: Dirt (planet)

She scowled at her demeaning encoding. It should read “invader” or at the very least “Irken Elite.” She had everything they wanted. She excelled at every training. She passed every testing simulation she took. She made herself the best of the best. The final test should have been a mere formality. If not for the idiot taped to the chair behind her, she would be in her rightful place.

She typed in the command for the error check. Yet another formality as far as she was concerned. It was required to view her own stats. An error reading should be impossible. After all, she was everything the empire wanted her to be. She worked, and studied, and molded herself into the shape of a perfect Irken soldier. There was no way she could be…

DEFECTIVE

              The word flashed across the screen in glaring red letters. The alert sound shook her antenna and the light from the screen burned her eyes. Her mouth fell open and her body broke into a sweat. “No! It can’t be!” She must have gone wrong somewhere, made some mistake. It was the software. That was it.  That was the problem, not her PAK.

              You know that’s not true, her own sinister mind whispered back to her. It was right. The PAKs were designed to be completely secure from enemy tampering. A PAK could only be accessed with specific Irken equipment and software. If there was a flaw in her coding, it should not have connected to the PAK at all. The only way for her to even be seeing this word was if her software perfectly imitated that of the Control Brain’s programing.

              She pressed on, swiping straight to the PAK Installations.

PAK Installations

·        Perseverance: 1344/10

·        Loyalty: 10/10

·        Penchant for destruction: 10/10

·        Susceptibility to propaganda: 5/10

So, at least her errors were not as off as Zim’s. Her loyalty and penitent for destruction were at the ideal levels according to the reading. But her susceptibility to propaganda was too low? And perseverance too high? And these were considered errors? Were these not good qualities to have? There was something strange going on here, to be sure.

She swiped over the Irken traits.

Irken Traits

·        Creativity: 3542/0

·        Personal ambition: 5437/0

·        Need for companionship: 23/0

·        Need for affection: 10/0

·        Sense of individuality: 4281/0

·        Individual survival instinct: 4192/2

A smug smile came to her face when she realized her creativity and ambition outmatched Zim’s, but it quickly disappeared when she saw what her ideal levels were. Zeros all around, just like him. According to the reading, she should have no creativity, no ambition, no individuality… She barely even had a survival instinct. She should be nothing. Was this what the Empire really wanted? Just mindless drones?

This wasn’t right. Something deep down in her gut told her so. These characteristics were assets. They were what helped make the Irken race so great. But if Irkens were superior, why were their natural traits being blocked? Something was wrong, very wrong.

Perhaps the problem was in the encoding. She and Zim were technically assigned to menial occupations when they both had the training of the Irken Elite. Their jobs didn’t match their skill-level. Tak was clearly meant for something greater and Zim… Zim was an anomaly all his own.

But even if that was the case, these stats still didn’t make sense. Did a janitor or food service drone not have the right to see themselves as an individual? Did they not deserve the ambition to aspire to something greater? Or to be creative in their assigned professions? And what did a level 2 survival instinct entail, anyway? Just the wherewithal to get out of the way of a crashing ship? Or the ability to look before falling off a cliff? Nothing about this added up.

Still, she only had the data for 2 allegedly defective Irkens of low rank. If she wanted answers, she’d have to look at a PAK which bore a higher rank. Luckily, she knew just where to find one.

“MiMi,” she said, shutting down her program and removing the disc. “We’re leaving.”

MiMi cocked her head to the side and pointed at Zim.

“Leave him for now. Something more important has come up.”

MiMi nodded and followed Tak out of the room.

After a quick raid of Zim’s fuel stores, Tak and MiMi made their way out of the base. They went to the backyard where she parked her ship. She uncloaked it, revealing a grey, outdated, Vortian vessel. It was all she’d been able to acquire since she was forced to eject from her Spittle Runner. Yet another loss she could attribute to Zim. It wasn’t quite up to the standards of modern Irken vehicles, but she’d been able to modify it to run on an Irken operating system. At the very least, it allowed her to blend in both inside and out of Irken controlled space.

As MiMi added fuel to the tank’s ship, Tak climbed inside. “Computer,” she commanded, waking the ship’s A.I.

“Yes Master,” the robotic voice answered.

She’d never bothered to download her personality into the A.I. like she had on the Spittle Runner. It didn’t feel right. Her last ship was her pride and joy. She’d turned that thing from a pile of scrap metal to a vessel capable of outrunning even the latest creations of the Irken military engineers. That ship was worthy of her mark. What she wouldn’t give to have it back.

“Awaiting orders,” the computer reminded her.

MiMi finished fueling and hopped into the cockpit.

“Computer, bring up the coordinates of the last known location of Invader Skoodge.”

[rachelroams]

I HAD COVID-19. THIS WAS MY EXPERIENCE.

Important note: my story is just one story. There are many people experiencing coronavirus, and each one of those narratives is valuable.

And, while each of our stories may provide a window into an individual experience, together—as compiled by experts—those stories allow for vetted, reliable data.

Please look to the tried-and-tested knowledge from medical professionals as you navigate this health crisis.

And remember: I’m just a regular person who had an experience and wanted to invite you into the fold.

***

THE BEGINNING

That photo was shot four days before my symptoms began. It was March 10th, and I was on assignment in South Carolina. I had just wrapped a public speaking engagement in NYC. The U.S. was still figuring out how seriously to take the Covid-19 threat, so storefronts, mass transit, and most of the world as we knew it was still open for business.

By March 12th, as I traveled home to the West Coast, Trump had announced a travel ban on flights from Europe, and things were starting to get serious in the States. I made a plan to self-quarantine for 14 days so that any potential germs I might have brought back from NYC didn’t get passed on to others.

THE ONSET

On March 14th, I noticed I had a light headache and muscle aches. I attributed them to post-travel fatigue and went on with my day. Within a few days, however, my body aches grew notably worse, I was constantly exhausted, and I was starting to have trouble sleeping.

By the 18th, my body was in full decline, and the pile-on of symptoms got scary fast. I had the symptoms that most of the news stories list—fever, aches, cough—plus a whole bunch more. (A full list of symptoms is in the next section.)

Between March 18-25, I fell into the void that is Covid-19. I ran a 102-degree fever for seven days. I had chills. Shivering. Fever dreams that looped, and looped, and looped again. Body aches severe enough that extra-strength acetaminophen did nothing lessen them.

One day somewhere in the middle of that time frame, a cough came on so strong and fast that I had to avoid talking, sitting up, or even moving. Those actions agitated the coughing to an extreme. My body became fatigued enough that I eventually couldn’t stand, walk, or even sit up for longer than a minute or two at a time. I wanted to sleep constantly, but never got past 4-5 hours without waking up in need of more pain or cough medication.

THE SYMPTOMS  

Here’s the full list of symptoms I experienced. They’re not all pretty, but they were all present.

Fever Cough Body aches Headaches Exhaustion Chills Night sweats Fever dreams Diarrhea Loss of appetite Clammy skin Red ring around eyes Loss of sense of smell Inability to sit up, stand, or walk Sensation that joints weren’t connected Sensation that knee caps were going to slide off my legs

(Yes, those last two are strange. Yes, they were part of my experience.)

THE TEST

My symptoms were notable enough that on March 19th, my husband called Urgent Care and asked what they would advise we do. After an interview about my condition and travel history, nursing staff said we should come in that afternoon.

At the staff’s instruction, my husband Todd put on a mask and gloves, and entered the hospital to register me as a patient. I was asked to stay in the car so that I didn’t come into contact with more people than necessary. After Todd returned to the car, a nurse called my cell phone and interviewed me about my symptoms and recent travel history. Based on my answers, we were waved through to the drive-through testing tent.

Nurses in gowns, face shields, masks and gloves approached the car and asked me to remove my mask. They took my temperature, listened to my lungs, confirmed my symptoms, and called a doctor to the tent. While the doctor ran through my list of my symptoms, triple-checking what we had described to the nursing staff, he inquired about my travel history. When I listed New York, he paused, turned away from us, and yelled, “We’re gonna need a Covid test here! This one’s been to New York.”

First, I was given a conventional flu test, and informed that it would be processed within the next few hours. If it came back positive, the hospital would assume I had the flu. If it came back negative, they would assume it was coronavirus and ship my Covid test out for processing.

The Covid-19 test was… uncomfortable. To test a person, medical staff inserts a 6-inch swab deep into the nasal cavity until it reaches the nasopharynx/upper throat, rotating it several times over the course of 10-15 seconds to gather a sufficient sample, and sometimes repeating the procedure with a new swab in the second nasal cavity. Normally fairly stoic, I had to be reminded to breathe during this process, wiping tears away as the doctor dipped my swab into a sealed pouch and passed it to the nurse.

The image below shows the handout I received following my test.

THE RESULTS

Within a few hours of our drive-through experience, we received a call from Urgent Care informing us that my flu test had come back negative. Next, they would be sending out my Covid-19 for processing. We were told that we would have to wait 5-10 days for results. The national average for results turnaround was five days at the time of testing (March 19).

In the meantime, we were instructed to stay home and treat the symptoms ourselves. The only exception would be if I started experiencing extreme shortness of breath (as per the nurses: “[feeling like I had run a marathon while sitting still, or feeling like I was suffocating]”), at which point we were to return to the hospital seeking intensive care. Barring that, we were to continue self-quarantine until both my husband and I were symptom-free for at least 72 hours. (Thankfully, Todd never developed symptoms.)

Over the next two weeks, we had a series of follow-up calls with nursing staff. On March 25th, I was told my test had been sent from Oregon to a North Carolina LabCorp facility, where it was “in process.” At that point, I was informed it would be closer to 12 days before I would receive results due to an inundation of tests needing processing at East Coast facilities.

Over the next couple calls, however, it became clear something strange was happening. On call two, my test was no longer showing “in process” in the lab records, but it was also not marked “complete,” which is the next stage. On call three, the nurse said my test notes now read “future,” indicating the swab had not begun processing, even though we were nearly two weeks past my test date.

THE MISSING TEST

On April 1st, 13 days after testing, the test was suddenly, inexplicably, not in the system. It was not listed in North Carolina. It was not listed in Oregon. It was not listed anywhere.

That day, I received a call from the Head of Nursing at Urgent Care. He informed me that I would not be receiving my Covid-19 test results… ever. He conferred, “[The staff here feels confident you had Covid-19, based your on symptoms and recent travel history. That’s why we gave you a Covid test. Unfortunately, there’s no way for us to confirm your positive results, because we don’t know where your swab went. We can no longer located it in any lab’s computer system.]” He continued, “[Unfortunately, this has happened a number of times now, with a number of different patients. Swabs have gone missing, and we don’t know why. At this point, I can say with confidence that we will never find those tests.]”

Somehow, between my Covid-19 test on March 19 and the swab’s transit to a LabCorp facility, my test disappeared, along with a number of others. In a nation with an already-limited number of tests, an unknown number of them are now afloat, unprocessed, and uncalculated in the national totals.

THE HEREAFTER

Regardless of official results, I believe I can safely say I’m on the mend from coronavirus. It has been exactly four weeks since the onset of symptoms, and I’m feeling mostly human again. While I still need to sleep 10-12 hours a day as my body repairs (my husband says I’m “sleeping like a college student”), I’m finally able to walk farther than the distance between the living room and bathroom. In fact, I made it beyond the mailbox this week. All things considered, that’s a victory.

As I take each day as it comes, I’m thankful to the body I normally take for granted. The partner who supplied me with Gatorade, prepared me miso, and noted my temperature three times a day for two weeks. The community of friends and family who sent love notes, funny gifs, and encouragement as I faced the fire.

As I place my trust in the healing process, I’m grateful for the opportunity to reflect on life’s small pleasures. Who knew it could be so exciting to watch a daffodil bloom? To note a Cooper’s Hawk outside the window? To get a good night’s rest, play a board game, or walk the whole length of the driveway? Who even remembered, in this wildly busy world, what a gift it is to simply listen to the breeze?

As I look forward, I send gratitude to the people deemed essential workers, whose employment at hospitals, grocery stores, restaurants, and more, requires them to show up at the front lines daily to keep our society fed and functioning.

As I acknowledge the vast unknowing that all that of us face, I encourage everyone (yes—even YOU!) to stay home if you’re not an essential worker. To get to know not only the inside of whatever building you’re calling home, but also the inside of your mind, your heart, and the wide expanse of space that is Not Knowing. To ask yourself what you feel today—every day a new day for asking—and grant permission to yourself to experience whatever natural, beautiful, and challenging feelings this whirlwind may ask of you.

THE AMA (“ASK ME ANYTHING”)

Do you have questions about my experience? Please let me know in the comments below. I’ll do my best to provide an answer.

I’ve had friends ask what supplies to keep on hand in case they get sick, what mindset I adopted during the healing process, what shows I was watching on Netflix when I was down for the count… whatever you’re wondering, let me know.

Thank you, as always, for sharing this journey with me.

You are appreciated,

Rachel

[j-diamond]

I’ll Wait For You (Roy x Reader)

“Roy, you really shouldn’t.” You say as you sit down at the lunch table. He laughs and shakes his head.

“Y/n.” He sits down next you, “you just… you don’t understand.” You raise an eyebrow at him,

“I un-” you start, but can’t finish because you begin coughing a bit violently. Roy looks at you then grabs his water bottle and gives it to you. You immediately begin drinking it, allowing you to stop coughing. After a pause you both begin laughing, “see that?” You nudge him, “if you weren’t here I could’ve died.” He shakes his head laughing,

“You’re not gonna die from coughing.” He says, as he begins eating,

“You don’t know that.” You say and he gives you a deadpan look, “I’m just saying. If a=b and b=c then a=c.” He looks at you almost spitting out his food. He swallows and looks at you,

“What does math have to do with anything?” He asks and you shrug your shoulders,

“I don’t know, I just said whatever came to mind first.”

“And that was math?” He asks and you playfully shove him.

“Shush.” You say and continue eating.

“Shut up!” You say as you push him. He smirks,

“Is there any other reason you invited me over your house to ‘study’?” He asks

“Yeah!” You say as you point to your chemistry book, “to actually study.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, we’re lab partners. We have to present. So yes, I invited you over to STUDY.” You say rolling your eyes. He smirks and scoots closer to you,

“Are you sure it’s not because you like me?” He says as he leans in closer,

“Roy-”

“Get out.” A familiar voice says, cutting you completely off. You both look towards the dining room entrance to see your dad. There he stood, tall, proud, and mad as hell. You look at him, then back at Roy wide-eyed. The position you guys were just in did look a little iffy.

“Dad…” You say as you get up and go to him to try to persuade him to let Roy stay. He stops you, eyeing Roy the entire time,

“It’s okay.” Roy says, as he begins to pack his backpack, “I’ll leave.” He goes to hug you, but the look from your dad suggests otherwise. So he stops and hands you the assignment, “Besides, I’m sure we’d get it done faster if we both did our own individual parts well…” he looks at you then your dad then back at you, “Individually. Excuse me.” He squeezes past your dad and out the door. You sigh,

“Who was that?” He asks, and you sit down, knowing exactly how this was gonna play out,

“Roy.”

“And what exactly was he doing here?”

“Studying for the test and our presentation.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“Well that didn’t look like studying to me.”

“That’s because you walked in at the wrong time.”

“And i’m glad I did. Cause who knows where that would’ve gone.”

“It wouldn’t have gone anywhere Dad. Roy’s not like that.”

“Do you know how many cases I have to go through for teen pregnancies a month?” He asks, and you groan,

“Roy’s not like that Dad!” You say as you stand up, “He only came over so that we could work on the presentation together.”

“You don’t know that.” He says, “I was in high school once, I know what goes on in a hormonal teenage boy’s mind.”

“Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. Roy’s not like you.” You say grab your stuff, “Excuse me, I have an assignment to do by myself, considering the only person who could help has left.” You leave to go to your room.

“Why weren’t you at school yesterday?” You say and he shows you his bag,

“Don’t open it.” you say as you cover your eyes, “I already think I know what’s in there, and I can’t even be remotely involved.”

“Your lost.” he says as he closes his locker.

“You already know who, what, and how my dad is.” You say punching him in the arm and he rubs it.

“Geez, that’s hurts.” He says as he shakes his arm,

“Again. My dad is Harvey Dent. THE HARVEY DENT.” you say as you close your locker. You look him in the eye, “Never expect anything less.”

“Okay Dent jr.” he says, bumping into you as you both begin laughing.

“You need to stop skipping school.” You whisper, slightly irritated. He fixes his backpack under the table, and sighs,

“I had a lot of late night runs.” He whispers back and you shake your head,

“This is bad for your school career. I mean-”

“Y/n, Roy.” The teacher calls, interrupting you, “Would you mind sharing with the class what you were discussing?” You both turn to see eyes from the entire classroom on you. Roy looks at you, that same pleading look in his eye from when he’d skip for the first time and you had to help him out of the pickle.

“Oh sorry Mr. Roup.” You say as you give Roy the ‘I got this look’. “We were just arguing about the newest name for some of the new man made metals on the periodic table. And what class they should be assigned to. Considering that though, they align with alkaline metals, I believe they sort of take on this ionic form similar to the earth metals. Yet for some reason, neither of us could differ which period they would form for their reactivity.” Mr. Roup looks at you both, eyeing you down, and nods,

“Very well then.” He goes to write on the board but turns around, “Just try not to interrupt class next time.” You nod meekly and wait for class to get started with whatever they had been discussing previously.

“You’re lucky this time.” You say as you start putting up your textbook, “Next time don’t expect as much.” Roy nods slowly and put his head on the desk. He looks up at you with puppy dog eyes,

“I love you.” He says in a child like voice. He smiles, and you can’t help but laugh a little, but soon your little laughter turns into another full blown coughing fit. Every eye of the class in on you two yet again, as Roy searches his bag for his usual water bottle he kept just for you. Yet, today it had been missing, and he began to grow worried,

“Does anybody have water?” He shouts, and everyone begins searching. Yet there efforts were growing in vain as you began to start choking. Somebody tosses Roy an unopened plastic water bottle and he opens it and tries to get it to you. But by the time he had unscrewed the cap, your air supply had left you, and you lost consciousness and fell onto the floor.

You awoke in the school’s infirmary, your Dad at your side.

“Hey.” You say weakly. He looks at you, a sigh of relief escaping his lips, “how long was I asleep?” You look at him then look around the room, “Where’s Roy?” Your Dad sighs and shakes his head,

“He isn’t here.” He says, a disdainful look in his eye, “He never showed his face in here.” He sits upright, “Why do you care? It’s obvious he doesn’t care for you.” He walks over to the nurse and they talk about something for a while, both of them occasionally throwing glances your way. You look out the door’s window, watching the traffic of students, rushing past. You sigh, envying them. How you wished this wasn’t your life. You go to look away, but a certain dirty blond, freckled face kid catches your eye.

‘Roy.’ You mouth his name not wanting to grab your father’s attention. And as fate would have it he turned in your direction. He pretends to laugh at you and you roll your eyes, glad to know he was okay. He then took on a serious stance,

‘You okay?’ he mouthed and you nodded,

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ You ask, and he facepalms.

‘Gotta go.’ he mouth as he forms a heart with his hands, and does this weird look that you think was supposed to resemble Flynn Rider’s smoulder. You laugh and wave as he walks off. You turn your attention back to your Dad and the nurse, as they soon finish their conversation. He looks back down at you, and his once glare, softens, a sadness seeming to hide behind his eyes,

“How about we go out.”

“What?” You ask unsure of what he meant,

“Let’s go somewhere.” he says smiling that giddly smile you know and love, “Anywhere you want. Anywhere at all.”

“Let’s go to Disneyland.” You say with that same giddy smile. He looks away then back at you,

“Ok. Anywhere you want besides Disneyland and Disneyworld.” He says again and both of you laugh.

“You looked at the clock, then to your paper. You were so bored, but all you had to do was get through this one day and you'd be fine. You wrote down the notes he told the class to take but you continue to sneak glances at your phone. Yet there was still no text from Roy. You sigh as the teacher pulls down the projector screen. You raise your hand,

“Yes Ms. Dent?” He asks, and all eyes look your way. All of them watched your every movement, as if you were gonna collapse any moment,

“Ummm,” You say almost forgetting why you’d raised your hand in the first place, “Oh, my partner's not here.” His eyes shift left,

“So it would seem.” He says thinking, “Well I guess you might just have to present by yourself…” he looks back to you, “Do you think you can handle that?” You sigh inwardly,

“Yeah. Um sure.” You say as you pull out your notes make your way towards the projector. You hear someone snicker as you walk by, and suddenly you trip.

“Someone up there must love you, because they’re giving you a second chance.” He says as he shows him the quarter, which showed heads, “Now go back to school, and stop getting yourself in trouble.” Roy nods and runs off quickly. After making it a considerable distance away, he sighs. He doesn’t know what to do. He pulls out his phone and dials your number,

“Y/n will know what to do. She always knows what to do.” He says as his phone rings, “She’ll probably just tell me to go back to school like her Dad did.” He hangs up and starts walking home solemnly.

“Here.” Roy answers, and the teacher, along with most students, look up shocked.

“My my my…” She says as she looke Roy up nd down, “Look who finally decided to show up.” Everyone snickers, “It’s a little late though, we’re nearing the end of the trimester, so you’ve pretty much already failed.” She looks back at the computer and continue calling role. She finishes, and starts the lesson. Roy, for what seems like the first time in forever, actually pays attention and begins taking notes. The classes go by fast, and soon the lunch bell rings. He shoots up in excitement and immediately goes to his locker and waits. And he continues to wait, yet you never show. He of course assumed it was payback for him being gone for so long. So he goes to sit at you guy’s table. The bell rings and he goes back to class. The days continue like that all week, and he grows concerned. He hadn’t seen you all week, something had to be wrong. After school lets out he runs the entire way to your house. The door whips open after his continuous banging.

“What do you want boy?” Harvey asks, upon seeing who it was who had given him a headache.

“Where is she?” He asks, almost out of breath, “Where’s Y/n? I haven’t seen her all week. Is she home? I’d she transfer schools or something? Is she-”

“She’s alright.” He says interrupting. His posture softens at Roy, seeing how worried he’d been over her, “She’s in the hospital. Room 293.” Roy looks at him, and Harvey nods, “go.”

“Thank-you Mr.Dent.” He says as he runs off.

“Y/n!” Roy cries. He looks at your still figure. He gathers his breath and slowly goes to your side, “I’m sorry.” He kneels down next you, “I shouldn’t have left you.” He grabs your hand, “I won’t this time. I promise. I’ll always be here for you.” He looks up at you, “I’ll wait for you as long as needed, because I love you.” Tears slowly begin falling from his face as he grips your hand tighter, “So I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” He stands back up, “I love you, so I’ll wait for you.” The machine beeps showing a slight increase in brain activity. He smiles softly, as he wipes his tear stained face. He kisses your forehead. He sneaks one last glance at you before he leaves the room. “I’ll wait for you y/n.” He says softly to himself as he begins to leave the coma ward.

[fenvincible]

Hesitant Beginnings

 The second chapter of my merman Arin AU inspired by @writergrump! 

There are few words to describe how time moved for Dan in that moment. He was acutely aware of the look of panic and fear in the merman’s eyes. He felt the tension and unease heavy on the shoulders of Brian and Suzy. He took in the cold look of assessment in Dean Terry’s eyes before he had the clarity of mind to think, why exactly is Dean Terry here anyway? Suzy must have sensed his confusion because she offered an answer without prompting.

           “He came up just after you went down. Said he wanted to check on his ‘star pupils’ as they prepared to ‘change the world’.” Something in Suzy’s voice burned, the tone hinted that she didn’t quite believe that reasoning. “When… he, brought you up,” Suzy gestured to the merman. “the Dean had one of his lackeys net him. He didn’t even check on you, he hasn’t even checked on you. He’s just been staring at that poor guy for fifteen minutes now.”

           Having felt their staring Dean Terry finally turned to the three scientists standing a few feet away from him.

           “Ahh, Daniel. You’re okay?” Dean Terry slowly approached them, walking in a sideways type of manner that ensured the strange creature stayed in his vision. “What good… luck, we are having. You evade death again, and we find this-” the dean waves his hand dismissively toward the merman, “thing.”

           In that moment Dan wonders how he never realized this about the dean. Never saw the way his eyes, a warm shade of brown, looked cold and unforgiving. The way his voice never revealed any emotion. Dan hadn’t noticed until right now how terrifying this man really was.

           “That – thing-“ Dan spat, the words burnt his tongue, it felt like dirt in his mouth “saved my life. Why are you removing him from his home?”

           A quiet exchange happened in that moment. Suzy and Brian looked on in shock as Dan stood, brushing some of the dirt off his wet suit. At 6’2” Dan was nearly 4 inches taller than the Dean and he used it to his advantage at the moment. The Dean’s eyes were hard, a fire burned inside of them for a moment.

           “I’m sorry Daniel.” The Dean uttered coolly. “I thought our goal was the further development of science? To work in discovering the unknown? To reveal the secrets of the sea. Well, we have a huge secret less than five feet away and I have a team coming to get him.”

           Rage burned in Dan’s heart he was conflicted. His life had been saved, the concussion he surely received in the sub mixed with the depth he was at means there is no way he would have gotten out without the merman’s help. He was a scientist after all, his goal was knowledge, learning. But, how could he learn at the expense of another creatures forced imprisonment?

           “And what if we disagree?” The voice that spoke wasn’t Dan’s, it was Brian’s. “What happens if we disagree with what you’re saying?” Brian’s voice was quiet, a tone Dan only heard him use once before. On the wealthy mother of a wealthy kid who hadn’t attended a single lecture all semester and was blaming Brian for her kid failing the class. This was Brian’s ‘I don’t fuck around’ voice.

           “Then, instead of giving this assignment to your team, who I think deserves it most, I will have to find another team to run the tests and figures I want done.”

           “What happens when you’re done? What will you do with him then?” Suzy’s voice was different, the men had their hackles up, a test of will power occurring between them. All ready to stand tall for their values and beliefs. Suzy’s voice was nurturing still, an ever present analytical tone could be heard as she weighed the options in front of them.

           “When we are done, we will return him.”

           “He won’t be hurt?”

           “He won’t’ be hurt at all. All tests will be as unobtrusive as possible.”  

           “We’ll do it.” Brian and Suzy spoke in harmony.

Dan’s head was reeling, maybe he stood too fast. Maybe too much was happening too soon.

“Wait. We-we’ll what?” Dan’s head began spinning as he tried to assimilate the information. Taking in the way Brian and Suzy came up to flank him, each putting a tentative hand on his shoulders, the quick look of surprise that flitted across Dean Terry’s face.

“Right, yes. Good then. The team will be here within five minutes. Go home for the day, you will still be paid. Come into the lab tomorrow, until then I will take care of this.” The dean turned and began walking back toward the still struggling merman, the sounds of the man’s distress sent shivers down Dan’s spine.

“And Daniel, visit a doctor. I believe you hit your head.”

           In his 25 years of life Dan wasn’t sure he had felt dread like he did today. He stood outside of the lab, stomach full of butterflies grounding himself for the second time in so many days.

           “Five things you can see Danny, five things.” Dan took a deep breath in. “I can see the door to the lab, duh. I can see the files I grabbed this morning, the tea in my hand, the cheap linoleum reflecting this harsh light. And finally I can see this isn’t going to work and I need to man the fuck up.

           I can touch, the tea that’s literally burning my hand. The f-“

           “Danny?” The voice behind him was soft, soothing, Suzy’s. “Are you okay?”

           “Y-yeah Scuze. I just..” Dan trailed off. Not wanting to give life to the fears he hadn’t yet acknowledged for himself.

           “Yeah,” Suzy agreed. “I’m nervous too.”

           “We have to go in eventually.” Brian’s voice materialized out of thin air. Actually causing Dan to jump, the man moved like a ninja.

           Suzy offered a small nod and hum of agreement.

           Brian entered the lab first, making a beeline for his office. Not taking a moment to look around at how things would now look, given the change in.. direction of their research.

           “Well, I guess.. we follow.” Dan muttered. He and Suzy entered the lab, she uttered a slight gasp.

           The lab was large, a fact Dan was thankful for as he took in the large tank now positioned directly in front of the door, in the middle of the room.  The tank was huge, at least 20,000 gallons of water filled it, Dan estimated it was nearly fifteen feet wide and just as tall. A platform was built around the tank, Dan guessed this was for himself and the others to easily observe the merman. Dan and Suzy’s desks had been moved to either side of the tank and the rest of their lab materials had been moved to various areas around the room. Thankfully this wouldn’t involve much of it, but Dan was still upset at the movement of his things. Suzy and Dan chanced a glance to their left, where Brian’s individual office was located, the man was furiously typing on his computer. His mouth a thin line, eyes as cold as they had ever been and his posture giving life to his discomfort.

           “Get to work please.” Was all Brian had to say before Danny and Suzy were scuttling to their desks.

           The rest of the day was spent analyzing the tank, making sure it was as close in habitat as possible to the area the man had been taken from. The dean had done pretty good in the small amount of time he had been given but he didn’t check all the boxes. During the day Dan had Brian order a better filtration system. Suzy checked and rechecked the salinity of the water as it wasn’t quite stable yet.

           The day was quiet, Brian barely leaving his office. When he did his posture and eye contact all worked around the large tank in the room. To Dan it seemed the man thought if he didn’t see it then it didn’t exist.

           Throughout the day Suzy and Dan took turns trying to get the merman to appear. He didn’t come up at all during the day. Not to try to communicate with them or ask for food or anything. Guesses had been made as to what he should be fed. In the end they decided to offer a variety of foods that he might like, better safe than sorry. Various fish and marine plants were gently added to the water, though the merman never came to the surface to eat anything.

           Nevertheless, the day came to an end. Brian left the facility about an hour early, head down and mood foul as he silently left. Suzy had gotten tired of trying to cajole the merman to come talk to them and left about thirty minutes after Brian left. Muttering something about how the poor thing was probably terribly homesick and she couldn’t harass him any longer. She was going to have dinner with Holly and Barry.

           That left Dan, and Dan promised he wouldn’t leave until he felt as sure as possible that the merman was comfortable. Which is how he ended up still in the lab at about eight in the evening. Still messing with temperature and salinity settings. The whirring of the water filter, the buzz of the lights and the consistent step of the security guards provided a subtle background noise that comforted Dan. Still, he began to sing.

           “Sometimes days pass and this emptiness fills my heart when I want to run away I drive off in my car but whichever way I go I come back to the place you are.” Dan’s voice carried through the lab, the acoustics better than he had imagined, a reason for him choosing to remain in this lab when the dean offered a larger, newer one on the other side of campus. His hips moved side to side slightly as he began checking the pH of the samples Suzy had pulled during the day and checking them against the ones he had grabbed.

           “All my instincts, they return and the grand facade, so soon will burn without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside.”

           “What are you doing?” The voice, soft and curious, caused Dan to jump making him drop the test tube of water he had been holding.

           “Holy fuck!” Dan yelled out of fear, no matter how much of an adult he was, he was still easily scared.

           He turned around to see the merman treading (would it be treading if he had a fin? Dan decided to consider this more later) the surface of the water, arms crossed over the top of the platform, head resting atop them.

           “I’m- singing.” Dan said, inching slowly closer to the tank.

           “What’s.. singing?” the man questioned, voice still soft. Dan stopped for a moment, considering why the man wouldn’t know what singing is.

           “It’s like speaking, like you and I are doing right now. But, special. You kind of let your voice flow.”

           “Oh.” Dan thought the conversation was over, though he wasn’t going to make it close enough to the merman to get a really good look.

           “I think your singing is very special. I like it. Who were you singing for?”

           “Uh, well. Since it’s only you and I here that’s who I was singing for. I was singing for you and I.”

           The merman’s face changed from light curiosity to happiness for a moment, before sadness.

           “You saved me.” Dan stated, finally having covered the distance to the platform, he began ascending the stairs.

           “You were too deep. The thing you were in. It broke? I’m not sure. But I saw you floating and you weren’t even trying to swim and I wanted to help.”

           “I’m so sorry.” Dan stated, as he finally reached the platform. “You shouldn’t be here right now.”

           “You’re right. I shouldn’t.” The merman said. They fell into a silence.

           Dan took a moment to really look at the merman, he was beautiful. Sincerely stunning. His features were delicate not quite feminine and not quite masculine, somewhere gloriously in-between. He had a bright pink streak going through his hair, almost identical to the location of Suzy’s, Dan would have to tell her that. Delicate pink scales dotted along his face, in what Dan thought Suzy would describe as a contour, leading up to his gills. Just behind his gills two small fins protruded where ears would have been.

           “I’m sorry, I wish… I wish I could do something.” Dan said, regret tinging his voice. “I wasn’t worth it. I’m not worth your freedom. I’m not even sure how long you will be here, I don’t know how much time the Dean will make us keep you. I just know, he promised us he will let you go.”

           They sat in silence a little longer. Words didn’t seem to do the situation justice, Dan felt guilt run through his veins as they sat in silence. The sound of the merman’s tail moving through the water created a lapping noise. The buzz of the lights and the noise of the filter lulled Dan, the lack of sleep and the left-over dizziness from the concussion made him bold.

           “Do you have a name?”

           “Arayinphyra.”

           “Arayinphyra?” Dan stuttered out, having a hard time wrapping his tongue around the sounds and syllables. The name was exquisite, but it didn’t sound as musical on Dan’s tongue as it did rolling off the merman’s lips.

           “You can call me Arin.” The merman stated, a musical laugh bubbling out of him in spite of the situation. “That’s what my parents and brother call me.”

           “Well, Arin. My name is Leigh, but you can call me Dan. That’s what my friends and family call me.”

           The merman smiled at Dan, it was tentative but still sad.

           “Do your best to get me home soon, Dan. I miss my family.” Arin stated, before swimming back down into the depths of his tank. Leaving Dan alone on the platform full of sadness and regret.

[lazylacadaemon]

Studying in Toronto: October 15-21

I didn’t take too many photos this week since most of my time has been spent in that midterm crunch. Most of these are from my trip yesterday, actually...

On Monday I attended a workshop about Indigenous Perspectives in Libraries, which was a real eye opener on how the library classification system really works against indigenous knowledge, experiences, and contributions to other fields. Of course, this classification system, though it can be slightly modified (mostly cosmetically) by individual libraries, still makes collaboration and information sharing between libraries unnecessarily difficult in part due to its basis in the Library of Congress classification system, which has been and continues to be unwilling to modify the categories such as “Indians of North America” under “North American/American/Canadian/etc. History”. 

I was pondering this the next day and figured hey, I might as well go check out U of T libraries since they are the Best in the country and I wanted to noodle around the Canadian history section anyway, but then my introduction to Robarts was more traumatic than helpful so I ended up fleeing due to being overwhelmed with their Ridiculous Architecture and Hogwarts-like “access”. I didn’t think I’d find a major university building worse than U of A’s BioSci (which is notorious for having 7 different architects who disagreed, so you get showers over computer labs and doors and stairs to nowhere etc). I was Mistaken.

I headed to Pizza Pizza for their 50th anniversary discount and was very pleased. As a grad student I appreciate trashy foods in all of their forms and it hit the spot for my pizza craving. The nap afterwards did not really do anything good for me though.

After battling poorly explained and vague as hell assignments and coordinating group projects, I took a trip to the very outskirts of civilization... Markham! I literally took TTC to the very edge of the city with my tomodachis to head to Pacific Mall, which I had heard tasty things about on yt and was proven correct. I FINALLY got the salted cap tea i had been craving, and it was matcha too! The green tea ice cream in a waffle was also delicious and devoured in seconds. I also had Hong Kong style milk tea for the first time, which was like a soft punch in the nose but in a good way. The lamb skewers and fried chicken were also super delicious and it’s a shame it’s unlikely I will be making it back out due to the long long trip. As souvenirs I grabbed some cute cat stickers, kids cutlery (they are lunchbox size and have cute cats ok!!!), a cat face cloth, and a calligraphy pen from the Ichiban dollar store (which is thankfully opening closer locations). All in all it was a great haul and we were ALMOST home before dark. 

I guess it’s time to get back to my assignments. I’m starting to feel a liiiittle more comfortable with them, even if I’m generally unhappy about the class structures and it’s making my brain switch off when I don’t need it to. Hoping this week’s presentation is the kick in the ass I need. 

(Oh, and I love the passive aggressive TTC ads, they’re killing me)

[willidleaway]

Oh Christ, why is this study being even given attention:

A facial recognition experiment that claims to be able to distinguish between gay and heterosexual people has sparked a row between its creators and two leading LGBT rights groups.

The Stanford University study claims its software recognises facial features relating to sexual orientation that are not perceived by human observers.

The work has been accused of being "dangerous" and "junk science".

I think the criticisms of it being dangerous are missing the mark a little—better that scientists hit on this idea and test it before governments do—but the claims of it being ‘junk science’, while a bit overly dismissive, hit closer.

I read through the preprint over the weekend, and I regret that I bothered. Here are the things I noticed.

First. Graduate School of Business? That’s a bit weird. Stanford has a computer science department (which both authors did go through), and a statistics department too, you know. Why does this researcher now have a position at a business school? By itself this is mostly a surface concern, though, and shouldn’t automatically sink your opinion of it. The first author in particular seems to have made a living out of mining for information from social media websites and building his research on it, framing it as sounding some kind of alarm on privacy rights. Make of that what you will.

Second. As many have noted, the sample was specifically restricted to US white Caucasian male/female faces, was classified on a straight/gay basis only (bi/pan/ace people, as you know, either have too many faces or are entirely faceless), and were taken from dating services rather than in a controlled lab setting. This is important from a scientific standpoint because while it may not completely invalidate this study, it nonetheless limits its validity. The authors hand-wave around this, but I see it as a severe limitation.

Third. Their repeated flourishes to try and frame the results of this study as indicative of support for prenatal hormone theory—i.e. androgen exposure in the womb influences sexual orientation—is both infuriating and laughable, particularly because of the second point. Do the men writing this study have any idea how much facial information could be fundamentally, irreversibly distorted in the taking of a picture? All I see is a lot of hand-waving about how Face++ and their neural net pick out facial structures that cannot be distorted, but are you really telling me that lighting and make-up (and maybe even surgery) cannot distort facial structure in a picture versus, for instance, in a laboratory 3D scan? How do you go from ‘given one straight face and one gay face this classifier can pick out which is which somewhat better than a coin toss’ to ‘gay people have masculine features and this is consistent with PHT’? How?!

Fourth. Speaking of ‘somewhat better than a coin toss’, that depends on what index you use. This is the single biggest issue I have with this study: the authors are not especially clear about the real-world performance of their classifier.

The numbers quoted in the abstract and in most media articles come from an area under receiver operating curve coefficient (which somehow abbreviates to AUC???), but this apparently isn’t meant to indicate the likelihood that the classifier is correct given one or more images of a particular face. The BBC puts it more succinctly than I would:

In one test, when the algorithm was presented with two photos where one picture was definitely of a gay man and the other heterosexual, it was able to determine which was which 81% of the time.

With women, the figure was 71%.

So given two faces where you know one face is of a straight person and one face is not, you can reach that level of accuracy. But how does the classifier perform if we’re running blind, and we just have five images of one face and we have to try and tell if the person pictured is straight? I don’t know, and the only hint we have of this comes from a particularly confusing discussion about accuracy and precision versus ‘recall’, where the authors drew 70 gay men and 930 straight men at random from their sample and had the classifier assign probabilities that the person pictured was gay. With a random draw of 100 people you might expect under 10 of them to be gay. What does the preprint have to claim about the classifier’s performance?

However, among the 100 of individuals with the highest probability of being gay according to the classifier, 47 were gay (precision = 47/100 = 47%).

That sounds like the classifier is doing a good job, but we don’t know what these probabilities are in the first place. What’s the 90th percentile chance of gay? Is it 90%? 99%? 57%? Could you conceivably establish a threshold chance of gay and use that in a blind test? No, you can’t! Remember: the sample of 1000 included a total of 70 gay men, so the classifier didn’t even put 23 of them within the 90th gay percentile. What does that tell you about the accuracy of this classifier? At this point, the authors have confused me so much that I just don’t care anymore.

If the pretense behind this study is ‘if malicious actors can pick out gay people from straight people via facial recognition, we need to sound an alarm’, then this is a really confusing, terrible alarm to sound. I’m not asking for a blueprint for malicious actors to follow, but I would really appreciate some clarity on the performance of this classifier, and I do not find their preprint satisfying in this regard. And somehow, that discussion is still better than their condescending, strawman-filled author’s note apparently aimed at a general audience, but surely unsuitable for this target when, at time of writing, it doesn’t even explain what an AUC is, and includes this gem:

We could be easily convinced that gay men (our gay male friends for sure!) have better hairstyles and facial hairstyles, and take better pictures. As we discuss in our paper, gay and straight faces do differ in terms of grooming.

Note the parenthetical. ‘Oh, trust us, we know what we’re doing with this study! We’re scientists and some of our best friends are gay!’ Eww.

Plus, if malicious actors wanted to pick out gay people, facial features aren’t the best way anyway. Consider, for instance, how the authors picked out gay Facebook male users in a validity check, trying to show that their classifier didn’t need dating profile pictures:

First, we used the Facebook Audience Insights platform to identify 50 Facebook Pages most popular among gay men, including Pages such as: “I love being Gay,” “Manhunt,” “Gay and Fabulous,” and “Gay Times Magazine.” Second, we used the “interested in” field of users’ Facebook profiles, which reveals the gender of the people that a given user is interested in. Males that indicated an interest in other males, and that liked at least two out of the predominantly gay Facebook Pages, were labeled as gay. Among the gay men identified in this way, and for whom relationship data was available, 96% reported that their significant other was male.

‘But,’ I hear you ask, ‘that’s only applicable in socially liberal environments where the person is comfortable being out online!’ Well, given that this study is based entirely around a segment of the cis white US population, I could say the same for the face-based classifier.

In conclusion, screw this study. As an attempt to justify prenatal hormone theory it is laughable and falls far short. As an alarm for online privacy, it’s about as effective as sounding a bell made out of papier-mâché. It may not be ‘junk science’, but the authors’ sanctimonious and dismissive attitude towards their critics and the apparent exaggerated sense of importance about their work, not to mention the way they come across as attention seekers rather than scientists operating in good faith ... ooh, it makes me mad.

[maggieinnepal]

Students ROCK

I’m starting to be completely psyched about the students. It took just a bit at first because they are college freshman and pretty consumed with what they are doing in their lives and with each other. They are not as quick to latch on or show excitement to the PAs as the middle school and high school students were, but now that they are seeing that we are young adults with senses of humor too, they are coming out of their shells and they are the best! They are always excited to see you on campus and in the halls, and have started inviting us to do stuff (tomorrow some of the students in my class are cooking hotpot for us in the dorm kitchen!).

There’s 282 students split into 14 classes, or sections. Each section has a teacher and a few PAs. They’ve assigned 4 PAs to each of sections 001-003. These sections are called ‘A1’s – they are the ones who are really riding the struggle bus based on their entrance test. The twelve of us PAs on these sections run a more intensive speaking curriculum than the ‘A2s’ (sections 004-014). My section – 001, which is supposed to be the weakest group of the 14 sections, only has around 15 students.  Although I began with section 001, I also began working with section 003 at the beginning of the week for half of each day. The section 001 PAs (yay for us!), apparently did an extra great job in our evening activities section after the first two days of camp, and so they did some tradsies amongst sections and moved me and a fellow PA Zak into two other sections to be ‘lead PAs’. So now I work with section 001 in the morning session, and section 003 in the afternoon and evening activity sessions. Really this lead thing means nothing, all the PAs are great, I think it was more of just a transferring of ideas and energy.

The very first day of camp was a total mind f+^$& for me. There was a special schedule due to the fact that all the students had to do tests in order to check that they had been placed in the right section. Somehow, while the other 37 PAs were assigned to different rooms of 6-8 students to watch them take a test and make sure they didn’t cheat, my teaching partner John and I were assigned to teach 3 sections, of 40min listening/reading class, back to back to back, with ~50 students in each class. Without any of the student’s teachers present, or a co-teacher PA. Like, me in a big room of fifty 18-20 year olds. I had no idea what I was walking into or what was going to happen until I was handed the materials by the program coordinator and walked into the room, and was immediately EXCEEDINGLY happy that I had some experience teaching . If not I would have pooped my pants right in front of the class. Even though I was a tiny bit annoyed to be blind sighted by this assignment, especially when the other 37 PAs were chilling out for 2 hours, I genuinely really love teaching. It was actually really fun to be up in front of a class again without training wheels or co-teachers. I got to run the class how I wanted to run it. (This is a little like my dislike of travelling in groups….no one likes having to compromise…). I’ve missed it and it really was a lot of fun in the end J

So camp is set up like this:

We finally settled into a daily schedule that is actually quite intense. The PAs go to the last hour of morning classes which is from 11-12. In this section we basically divide up so that we are one PA per group, and help the students with the group work that they are working on. This is where I get to work with section 001. Next, there is a lunch break, and then students report back to the classrooms for a 3-rotation of afternoon activities. There’s computer lab, listening/reading lesson, and ‘talk time’ . PAs are responsible for teaching talk times (at least for weeks 1 and 2). For A2s, this means a set of games and activities, but for A1, this means 3 rounds of ‘speed interviews’. These are absolutely exhausting, but ultimately the best possible activity for very low level students to be doing with their time. Each group has 4-5 students, so each of the 4 PAs takes a student for 10 minutes and just has conversation. Every 10 minutes the students rotate. Each student talks to each PA for 10 minutes, and then the first session is done and the next group of students comes in. This means that as PAs, we hold 12 mini 10-minute conversations with non-native speakers, which let me tell is you is TIRING! Luckily, the better we get to know the students, the more fun it is because you get to know them as people, and also get to know their individual English proficiencies better, meaning that it is easier to choose topics and establish a dialogue that you know they will be able to understand, instead of grasping at straws for things they may be able to comprehend.

After the afternoon activity session, there is clubs and sports for an hour. Somehow, my friends Pearl and Dex and I got drafted to run the badminton club(?!?). This has ended up being loads of fun. I got to pick up a new sport and it turns out that it is really, really fun. Some of the students are REALLY good at it, and it’s fun to watch them. The kids come to club and we play doubles at the university sports complex, rotating the loosing team out and a new team in for 5-point games. SO fun!!!

After sports and clubs there is a dinner break and then evening activities from 7:30-8:30, which means basically just games – no studying. Today section 003 group watched Grease…..maybe shouldn’t have watched a movie during evening activities but it waaaas in English, and the kids had had a long day. And so did the PAs.

The 001s and 003s are coming along SO well its sort of incredible! Kids that just giggled and hid their faces if they were asked ‘How are you?’, are now sitting down with me at speed interviews and breaking into monologues about their weekend. It’s amazing what consistent, relentless exposure to a language will do for students. It’s inspiring and wonderful to see their confidence sky-rocket. Love this job!

Mags

[greggarner87]

My ‘Personal Statement’ for my PhD application

Warning: SUPER long post ahead. What follows is the personal statement for my application for NC State’s PhD in Design program, to begin Fall 2017.

I’d love to hear your feedback!

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I’m not an artist. I don’t work in oils on canvas or throw clay into just the right shape. I don’t spend much time thinking about color theory or how to pull together the right elements in the right way to create the most compelling visual effect. I’m not a creative. I don’t have a portfolio of drawings or campaigns from which to pull. I don’t create web interfaces or think about UI. I don’t own expensive pencils or even a subscription to Creative Suite. I’m not a designer. I don’t have a drafting table and rolls of blueprints. I don’t create architectural marvels with CAD and work to raise them from the earth. I don’t have more than a cursory understanding of typesetting and I don’t spend my days sketching or thinking of ways to develop new, beautiful products to be introduced into the marketplace. In many regards, the pursuit of a Ph.D. in Design might seem to be a mismatch. With an undergraduate degree in Business and a Master’s of Education, shouldn’t I pursue education policy? Or at least some kind of doctoral level program in the College of Education? What business do I have in a Design program?

The role of education has always been to get out of its own way. Education is rarely, if ever, for its own sake. Education is the silver bullet not because of what you know, but because of what you can do with what you know. It might, perhaps, be more appropriate to say ‘learning’ instead of ‘education.’ Learning is about changing the way you see the world around you and developing new models from which you develop new opinions. Learning is taking a pinhole camera and creating a panorama. In my work at the Friday Institute, I have been fortunate enough to be able to tinker and explore new ideas. To play and see how things may or may not work. To puzzle and ponder, open my eyes and wonder. To talk with any number of educators from K-12 classroom teachers to building principals to district superintendents to college faculty and experiment with these ideas. Will students have deeper, richer, more meaningful experiences as a result? What are the pain points and how might I reduce the friction? What changes can I make and then try again? Whether you call it the scientific method, design thinking, iterative design, or even trial-and-error, my work puts me in the midst of some of the toughest work in the realm of education: how do we improve our practice, as educators, for the benefit of our students?

In my first year of teaching, I had applied to be an 8th grade math teacher. I had enjoyed math and wanted to see if I could spark the same interest in others. However, after being hired by a small, rural district in east Texas, I was informed that I would be teaching 6th grade math and 8th grade keyboarding. Keyboarding, as it turns out, is categorized as a “business” class and since I had a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration, the principal thought it a natural fit. I was not, however, particularly excited about teaching a class that, when I took it in middle school, had stolen all joy from the computer lab, the one place school was supposed to be fun. I resolved, on behalf of my students, that they would enjoy the computer lab and learn something along the way. I went to work creating a new kind of classroom. The first problem I faced was that I had 25 teenagers and, since I had come upon my career nontraditionally, had none of the requisite skills with which to manage my classroom. So I created a business simulation experience, where students would learn to type as well as how to format specific documents by working through a series of required document types, but instead of each student working on an individual packet, I put them in teams of 5. Each team then had a ‘CEO’ that was responsible for overseeing their understanding of correct formatting, typing technique, and even monitoring their team’s overall behavior in class. I, then, worked exclusively with the CEOs, helping them to understand what to look for, how to format the documents themselves, and coaching them through some of the difficult issues that invariably arose in a group of two dozen thirteen and fourteen year-olds. I was praised at the end of the school year by both my principal and my superintendent for my innovative classroom practices, but the truth was that these practices were borne not from any particular pedagogical insight but rather my own naïveté.

In the interview for my second teaching job at a very large, urban school district, the principal mentioned that he wasn’t actually sure what was involved in the open position but that, “they make a lot of posters and the kids seem to like it.” Upon accepting the position teaching Technology Applications at the 8th grade level, I was congratulated and given carte blanche to create the class however I saw fit. And so, as a second-year teacher with essentially no formal training in how to teach, I started writing my own curriculum for a class in which I had no prior experience. I borrowed some of the structures from my business simulation but ultimately landed on a class that was set up much more like a production studio with creative products, open-ended assignments, and rolling deadlines that allowed for multiple attempts based on feedback they received. One year, students worked as travel agents, creating compelling pitches for where to go on your next vacation. Another year, they made short films where they wrote, storyboarded, directed, filmed, and edited their original creations. In my third year, they worked as political consultants, selecting a candidate and then working to get them elected President. In each of these projects, I was far more focused on what was happening between their ears than the raw quality of their work and, as a result, many students felt the freedom to continue developing their skills outside of class, creating websites, learning to write code, learning new video editing techniques, and more, far exceeding what I could have taught them in the constraints of a one-semester, 90-minute block schedule. It was the boundless possibility of technology as experienced by my students that piqued my interest in a Master’s of Education, focused on Educational Technology Leadership. I wanted to grow. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to improve. I wanted to expand my influence and help other teachers discover what had been revealed to me through these four years as a  classroom teacher. I had already started presenting at conferences and really enjoyed getting to share my ideas with others as well as continually feeding my own desire to learn and grow.

I would move from the classroom into an instructional coaching role in Austin, Texas to assist with an iPad initiative that would provide a device for every student and teacher in the district. My role was to work with middle school teachers to create new learning opportunities and I found myself again trying to blend a great student experience, strong learning outcomes, and ways for technology to create modalities of learning previously not possible. It was in this role that I really began to expand where I sought input for new ideas. I was fortunate enough to be a part of EdTech Austin, located in a downtown startup coworking space where I could connect with other educators and some entrepreneurs and ask more expansive, generative questions. These opportunities propelled me into a consulting role for a number of education technology startups, helping them to create new products and strategies to better serve teachers.

I was hired at a middle school in Chapel Hill shortly after moving to North Carolina and was given great latitude to design and execute a new vision for what teaching and learning might look like in that school. My thinking would shift again, this time expanding to encompass not just classroom experiences, but organizational structures and methods for systemic change. It was here I caught the attention of the Friday Institute. I was invited to facilitate one of their programs aimed at instructional coaches and not long after this, I was asked to join the team full-time. In this role, I am able to leverage the whole of my experience as well as untried, divergent theories. I am able to work with any variety of education stakeholders and not just hear about what they need, but I’m able to experience it for myself and help create mutually beneficial solutions.

In truth, I am an artist. My media are my learning experiences. My canvas is a room full of educators, wondering what their day holds in store. My muse is a vision for the future where students play substantive roles in creating their own destiny, well-equipped with the skills and dispositions they’ll need to take them there. Instead of color theory, I’m digging into behavioral psychology and organizational politics and neo-constructivist pedagogy. I’m spending a great deal of time pulling together the right elements to create the perfect effect: I’m changing what you believe to be possible. In truth, I am a creative. I have compiled a decade of research and practice into a portfolio that I can pull from at will. I spend a great deal of time in UX design, but instead of wireframes, I rely on sentence stems and metacognitive questioning strategies. At my core, I’m in sales. Will you “buy” with your time and your teaching what I’m trying to sell you? Will my sales pitch resonate through compelling design, meeting a need you felt but had never named? In truth, I am a designer. At my desk are notebooks and Google Drive files full of blueprints for how to facilitate deep, meaningful change personally and organizationally. I spend my days sketching notes about how best to connect you to a future you haven’t seen, a reality unknown. I am trying to design and create much more than a product: I am creating the very capacity you’ll need to create products for yourself.

In this spirit, I pursue my Ph.D. in Design. My strengths lie in my ability to take what has been a heretofore unconventional path and show others how to blaze their own trail.  I am not naive to what I lack, particularly in terms of the ‘hard skills’ of design, but have yet to shy away from a learning experience that didn’t also refine and sharpen my understanding and expertise. Further, I look forward to being able to work with trained designers and creatives, perhaps even in a studio setting, to be able to see how we might complement one another to create new opportunities at State, in North Carolina, and even around the country. Through research, through iteration, through design I am privileged to work alongside the best educators our state has to offer, helping to raise a new creative class. But Education cannot afford to remain in its walled garden. Education must reclaim its heritage rooted in learning, one that always excelled when it eschewed the silo in favor of the studio; when it remembers that it is in the diversity of our backgrounds and experiences that we find particularly interesting and nontraditional solutions to the problems we face. NC State offers a world-class College of Design and excels in its ability to bring together elite minds that both think nontraditionally and then do the extraordinary. I seek to continue this longstanding tradition of designing the future for our state, for our country, and for our world.

[withinmyquietthoughts]

Fall 2015 Part 1

My second first day of nursing school was very similar to all first days of the semester. The professors talked about their syllabus, told us which books were mandatory (basically all of them), and then we had our first lecture. I was happy that “T” was there with me because other than her, I didn’t know a soul. I was literally sitting in an auditorium filled with people I had never seen before. I wondered if I would find a close group of friends like I had at my last school. Those people seemed irreplaceable and hard to find.

Our first class of the week was Monday with informatics and pathophysiology, then on Tuesdays it was Health Assessment lecture, and on Wednesdays it was Foundations lecture and Health Assessment lab. Obviously I had taken all of these classes before, but only “T” knew that. Sometimes when I was sitting in class listening to the lecture, I would feel panicked. I guess it was leftover PTSD from my other school. But I was always able to calm down and realize that I was truly learning the information being presented to me. I wasn’t just memorizing facts and hoping I could figure out the concepts; I was truly learning and applying what I was learning. This was such a new feeling for me… Could I actually be retaining some of this? Could I actually apply it in clinical? Could I actually be doing this?

For our first Foundations lab, we were split up into our clinical groups. “T” was not in my clinical group, but that just meant I had to make new friends. And boy did I ever. This clinical group ended up being my saving grace, eight people who became my closest friends in this program. But more on that later.

So as I walked into my first day of lab, I just knew everyone would know my secret. That I had been to nursing school before, and I had done poorly. I just knew it was written all over my face, like a scarlet A on my chest. But obviously that wasn’t the case. My lab group sat down together, and we all introduced ourselves. We immediately clicked and began talking about assignments and check-offs. Throughout the weeks that we were in lab, we grew so close as a group. No other group clicked like we did, and we could tell all the other groups were jealous of us. While everyone was quietly practicing their skills individually, we would be talking together and helping each other. This wasn’t a competition; we genuinely cared about each other’s successes. I think that’s what made us different; when one of us was down, we all helped to pick them up. If someone was struggling with a subject, we all pitched in to help. I don’t think they realized how much I needed them, but then again, we all needed each other.

One day while practicing our skills, I accidentally let it slip that I was in nursing school before. We were trying to demonstrate a skill, and I offered some advice to one of my group members. Then when we had to practice in front of our instructor, I was the only one in the group who performed the skill correctly. Everyone kept saying, “Wow you’re really good at this” or “How did you learn that so quickly”. So with the curtains drawn up around our lab station, I confided in all of them that I had been in nursing school just a year ago, and this was my second attempt at earning my degree. Without skipping a beat, each of them applauded my ability to “get back out there” and were amazed that I jumped back into it so quickly. It was that moment I realized that this school really was different. There was no competition, no one trying to get ahead for their own sake. Each of us wanted to succeed in our own way, but we also wouldn’t see it as success if our friends didn’t succeed too.

As far as academics were concerned, the same rules applied. Not only did we each want to succeed, we wanted our friends to succeed just as badly. Although I had taken all of these classes before, it still didn’t calm my anxiety completely. I still felt that same nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach as each test day slowly approach. When it was time to take our first Foundations exam, I was shaking. All of those negative thoughts came flooding right back in. What if I mess up again? What if I really can’t do this? What if I’m not smart enough to be a nurse? All of the exams were on the computer, which was very different from my last school. It was actually good for us though. The professors would actually meet up and go over the questions we missed and discuss whether or not the question should be “thrown out”. Like I said, this school was so different from my last one. After that class, I had a break until my lab in the afternoon. That was the longest two hours ever. I had to sit and wait, overthinking every test question and analyzing how I could have possibly passed that exam. When it was time to go to lab, I headed back over to the nursing building. I saw a few of my friends, “S” and “M”, sitting outside of the classroom. They were buried in their phones, and as I walked up to them, they both said, “Grades are posted.”

……

I felt my heart jump into my throat. This was it. I told myself to breathe. I had been here before multiple times. Just open up the grade book and prepare myself. I probably didn’t pass, but I knew how to move on and move forward to the next exam. Nothing could have prepared me for the grade I saw in the “Exam 1” column.

98

No. That can’t be right. I don’t make As. I’ve never done that well on an exam the entire time I’ve been in college. But no matter how many times I refreshed the page, the grade remained the same. I guess my friends noticed the look on my face because they asked if I was okay. I was better than okay! I told them my grade, and they were genuinely happy for me. I couldn’t believe it. I was actually doing well in school, and that was something that had not happened in a long time.

I finally had to tell “T” what I made on the exam when I saw her the next day. I thought she would be happy for me just like my other friends; but I could tell there was a hint of jealousy in her voice. She didn’t make an A, but she was nowhere near failing. I tried to reassure her, and I told her I knew how it felt to not do well on an important exam. I reminded her that I had already taken this class before and knew how to answer nursing exam questions, so it was only logical that I did well (even though I had no confidence in myself to do well on any exam no matter how many times I had taken the class). I could tell she was still mad that she didn’t do well and I did, but I tried not to let that bother me. I had earned this. Just a year and a half ago I was clinging to every point just trying to stay alive in the class. There were other examples of her jealousy or anger or whatever it was that she was feeling (I never found out, we didn’t speak much after this semester). One day in lecture, the professor was asking a bunch of questions to the whole class. Most of the time I stayed quiet in our lectures. I don’t like speaking up when I may not know the right answer. But this time it was a subject I knew very well. For the first few questions, I stayed quiet. No one knew the right answers, so the professor answered them for us. Then finally I gathered the courage to answer one of her questions out loud. When I did, and gave the correct answer, “T” looked at me and said, “Shhh!”

….. I’m sorry what?

Shhhh

Don’t shhh me

I knew the right answer, and you had every opportunity to speak up if you wanted to. I wasn’t being a know-it-all. I literally sat there for five or six questions and didn’t say a word. And when I finally get up the courage to say the right answer, you tell me to hush. Unfortunately, this was only the beginning of the end of our friendship. More on that later.

[wirelesshomealarms]

Artificially intelligent security cameras

 New AI Camera Security Systems

Geneva Simms and Nathan Lavertue were driving to their country house in Dutchess County one recent weekend when there was yet another spring snowstorm. But when they arrived late that night, their home, which was built around 1780 and was once a Quaker meetinghouse and a stop on the Underground Railroad, wasn’t bitterly cold. That is because during his lunch break in Brooklyn, Mr. Lavertue had turned on the heat remotely, using his smartphone.

“We have three cameras — two exterior and one interior — four Nest thermostats, two Echo Dots, one Echo Show, one traditional Echo and 10 smart lights. And also the Nest smoke detector,” said Mr. Lavertue, a global experience design director for IBM, who installed the equipment himself. “The cameras are for security, but they provide plenty of entertainment. I have really funny footage of Geneva running after a U.P.S. truck.”

Like a lot of second-home buyers, Mr. Lavertue and Ms. Simms, a personal trainer, corporate wellness coach and founder of Empower to Power, were overwhelmed at first with figuring out how to protect their country house when they weren’t there. The married couple, who rent in Brooklyn and had never owned before buying their Stanfordville house last year, researched their options and then turned to do-it-yourself smart home components. They plan to add another smoke/carbon monoxide detector, several more smart thermostats and a digital front-door lock from August to complete their home security system.

Artificially intelligent security cameras are spotting crimes before they happen

Next time you see a surveillance camera following you down an alleyway, don't be too sure that there's a human watching.

Surveillance camera companies are increasingly relying on artificial intelligence (AI) to automatically identify and detect problematic and criminal behavior as it happens — everything from public intoxication to trespassing.

An automated camera system called AIsight (pronounced eyesight), installed in Boston after the 2013 marathon bombing, monitors camera feeds in real time and alerts authorities if it spots unusual activity, according to Bloomberg.

AIsight cameras use a statistical method called machine learning to "learn what is normal for an area and then alerts on abnormal activity," according to its creator, Behavioral Recognition System Labs.

Slate reports that could mean picking up anything from "unusual loitering to activity occurring in restricted areas."

"We are recognizing a precursor pattern that may be associated with a crime that happens," Wesley Cobb, chief science officer at the company, told Bloomberg. "Casing the joint, poking around where he shouldn't be, going around looking at the back entrances to buildings."

And these systems aren't just looking for criminals. In early August, West Japan Railway installed 46 security cameras that can "automatically search for signs of intoxication" in passengers at the Kyobashi train station in Osaka, Japan, according to Wall Street Journal.

The AI watches for people stumbling, napping on benches, or standing motionless on the platform for long periods of time before lurching to move. The system can then alert human attendants if the person is in danger of falling on the tracks or hurting themselves.

Drunken passengers frequently fall or stumble off the train platform. West Japan Railway conducted a study that found 60% of the 221 people hit by trains in Japan in 2013 were intoxicated, the Wall Street Journal reports.

  AI camera Japan train This graphic shows how the system works.West Japan Railway Company

Using AI in surveillance systems makes sense — AI can catch what humans miss, operate around the clock, never get tired, or fall asleep on the job. But it raises concerns with "privacy and civil liberties advocates," because it "treats everyone as a potential criminal and targets people for crimes they have not yet committed," according to Slate.

Stuart Russell, AI researcher at University of California, Berkeley and co-author of the standard textbook "Artificial Intelligence: A Modern Approach," thinks intelligent "watching" programs will likely freak people out more than a human monitor does, even though& most people would reasonably expect they were being watched if they encounter a surveillance camera.

"What if there's an AI system, which actually can understand everything that you're doing?" Russell told Tech Insider. "Would that feel different from a human watching directly? I expect people are going to feel differently about that once they're aware that AI systems can watch through a camera and can, in some sense, understand what it's seeing."

This is just one of the many security and privacy issues that courts will have to grapple with as AI improves in the coming years, like the legality of AI that can buy up tickets, and then scalp them online.

  AI for Crime Prevention and Detection – Current Applications

Companies and cities all over world are experimenting with using artificial intelligence to reduce and prevent crime, and to more quickly respond to crimes in progress. The ideas behind many of these projects is that crimes are relatively predictable; it just requires being able to sort through a massive volume of data to find patterns that are useful to law enforcement. This kind of data analysis was technologically impossible a few decades ago, but the hope is that recent developments in machine learning are up to the task.

There is good reason why companies and government are both interested in trying to use AI in this manner. As of 2010, the United States spent over $80 billion a year on incarations at the state, local, and federal levels. Estimates put the United States’ total spending on law enforcement at over $100 billion a year. Law enforcement and prisons make up a substantial percentage of local government budgets.

Direct government spending is only a small fraction of how crime economically impacts cities and individuals. Victims of crime can face medical bills. Additionally, high crime can reduce the value of property and force companies to spend more on security. And criminal records can significantly reduce an individual’s long-term employment prospects. University of Pennsylvania professor Aaron Chalfin did a review of the current research on the economic impact of crime and most analysis puts the cost at approximately 2% of gross domestic product in the United States.

This article will examine AI and machine learning applications in crime prevention. In the rest of the article below, we answer the following questions:

What AI crime prevention technologies exist today? How are cities using these technologies currently? What results (if any) have AI crime prevention technologies had thus far? Companies are attempting to use AI in a variety of ways to address crime that this article will break down into two general categories: (a) Ways AI is being used to detect crimes, and (b) Ways AI is being used to prevent future crimes.

AI Crime Detection City infrastructure is becoming smarter and more connected. This provides cities with sources of real time information, ranging from traditional security cameras to smart lamps, which it can use to detect crimes as they happen. With the help of AI, the data collected can be used to detect gunfire and pinpoint where the gunshots came from. Below, we cover a range of present applications:

ShotSpotter The company ShotSpotter uses smart city infrastructure to triangulate the location of a gunshot, as they explain in this 3-minute video:

According to ShotSpotter, only about 20 percent of gunfire events are called in to 9-1-1 by individuals, and even when people do report the event they often can only provide vague or potentially inaccurate information. They claim their system can alert authorities in effectively real time with information about the type of gunfire and a location that can be as accurate as 10 feet. Multiple sound sensors pick up the sound of a gunshot and their machine learning algorithm triangulates where the shot happened by comparing data such as when each sensor heard the sound, the noise level, and how the should echoed of building.

Before ShotSpotter is launched in an area, acoustic sensors and cameras are placed all over a city. When the program goes live:

An officer, detective or other law enforcement official can log in on a computer to see a map interface. When a shot is fired sensors near by that capture sound which, in turn, trigger the connected cameras to point in the noise’s direction. Based on sound frequencies and volumes, the system triangulates where and between which sensors the shot took place. On the interface, the map will move to show where a shot was detected, noting a red circle at what it has assigned as the shot’s exact location. In a sidebar next to the map, an official can see other details like the time and number of shots fired. The coordinates and other information can be sent immediately to an on-duty officer or fleet of officers. A user can also access footage of the cameras which moved in the shooting’s direction. After an incident, shot detections stay logged so a user can find the information and video for investigation purposes. In 2011, CSG Analysis surveyed police departments in Brockton, Mass., East Palo Alto, Calif., Nassau County, NY, Richmond, Calif., Riviera Beach, Fla., Rochester, NY and Saginaw, Mich. about their use with ShotSpotter. The study found the following problem-point themes:

All departments noted that they wanted to improve response to and investigation of gun shots, telling surveyors that, in many cases, gun shots do not result in 9-1-1 getting called. When 9-1-1 is called by a nearby person who hears a shot, police and detectives say they don’t always get pinpointed location information necessary for further investigation. The study did not note each police offices gun shot response numbers or the area city gun violence numbers before the use of StopShotter. Most officers, analysts, detectives and other surveyed department employees said they were “confident” to “very confident” in ShotSpotter’s accuracy. Over 71 percent of the respondent rated its value as “very high” on a high-low scale. Respondents of the Brockton Police Department also told CSG that officers were able to see a gunshot detected through the software and report to the scene of a shooting with enough time to save victim’s life. They added that no one called 9-1-1 to report the incident.

ShotSpotter has also released case studies on how the program detected the location of campus shootings. Although they did not name the campuses, they acknowledged that one of them was on the west coast.

According to that case study, an officer heard shots fired and radioed the police department, which had already been notified by the software. According to ShotSpotter, the software determined the specific location at which 14 shots were fired. While the officer mistakenly thought the shots were fired in a closeby park, the software was able to detect that they were actually two blocks away from it, according to the case study.

The study notes that more officers were able to reach the location of the shooting with enough time to find valid evidence and question witnesses that were still in the area. They later arrested two suspects, according to ShotSpotter.

SpotShotter claims to be in use in over 90 cities including New York, Chicago, and San Diego. Most of their clients are in the United States, but last year they added Cape Town, South Africa to their list of customers. They have also been highlighted on Boston Police Department’s website.

The company had their IPO in July 2017, and their current market cap is $183 million.

Cameras and Surveillance The following three companies claim use computer vision and other AI techniques to spot potentially criminal anomalies on real-time surveillance video.

Hikvision While ShotSpotter listens for crime, many other companies are using cameras to watch for it. Last year Hikvision, a Chinese company which is a major security camera producer, announced they would be using chips from Movidius (an Intel company) to create cameras able to run deep neural networks right on board.

They say the new camera can better scan for license plates on cars, run facial recognition to search for potential criminals or missing people, and automatically detect suspicious anomalies like unattended bags in crowded venues. Hikvision claims they can now achieve 99% accuracy with their advanced visual analytics applications.

With 21.4% of the market share for for CCTV and Video Surveillance Equipment worldwide Hikvision was the number supplier for video surveillance products and solution in 2016 according to IHS.

Movidius explains the benefits of having this capacity directly built into new cameras

Their systems have been using AI to perform tasks like facial recognition, license plate reading and unattended bag detection for several years, but that video processing has traditionally taken place on a centralized hub or in the cloud. By performing the processing within the cameras themselves, the company claims they are making the process faster and cheaper. It can also reduce the need for using significant bandwidth since only relevant information needs to be transmitted.

When a surveillance officer uses the platform, they can see a live feed of video or older videos recorded with the camera. At the time of recording, the software, which is already trained, will pick up on faces and objects, such as bags or cars. As a feed comes through to the surveillance officer, these objects can either change in color or will have a square outline around them. In airports, the software can film specific areas and identify when a bag is dropped and left for long enough for it to be considered abandoned. If the AI detects the bag for a long enough time, the control room or surveillance officer will be notified through the program. In 2005, Hikvision was selected by London officials to replace its current CCTV security system in both Hammersmith and Fulham Burroughs. Hikvision’s case study noted that the current CCTV system in place had some technical issues, limited customer support and could not record in the highest resolution needed for the mix of high commercial and public areas within each burrough.

According to the case study, released in 2013, this software has been able to detect and rout an estimated 80 percent of threatening visuals, such as violent objects, caught on camera directly to police department control rooms.

Among the successes Hikvision cites is assisting with a 65% drop in crime in Sea Point, South Africa following the introduction of their camera system. Hikvision claims it placed 42 cameras on the town’s busiest roads, driven down by visitors and residents.

Because Sea Point had noticed that there was a combination of traffic and high criminal activity on these streets, they used Hikvisions night and day computer vision cameras to detect and log every license plate that went in camera view. Hikvision says cameras used could also shoot poor weather conditions. This information was then fed to police department control rooms for further analysis, both on screens and through Hikvision software. It is not clear of how long cameras were placed here before the dip in crime occurred, or how much crime occurred on these streets before the implementation.

Cortica Tel Aviv-based Cortica, founded in 2007, claims to offer city-wide security systems, claiming that its “unsupervised” AI software can “comb through” real-time footage from both surveillance cameras and drones in order to search for and alert law enforcement or town officials of detected criminal patterns. The program claims to offer these AI and computer vision features:

A user can search for an image or video by text or reverse-image search Collecting groups of facial images relating to one event or span of time. Analyzes physical behavior and motions of humans to determine threatening and non-threatening movement patterns. The company also offers drone compatible software which can allow for the similar image analysis as well as geo-tagging, and directing the drone on an autonomous route.

The company claims its software can be used for traffic management, urban safety, travel security, surveillance in various facilities and monitoring public transit.

According to its site and demo video, Cortica’s software can allow a user to upload or stream video or images as they are recorded. The software learns the patterns of those images will highlight or circle anomalous objects that show up in those images. It can also be used with x-ray machines and set to detect certain shapes, like those of weapons. The user can also click to see specific images that are detected in a photo or image from a video.

The 1-minute promotional video below explains how clients, such as airports, could use Cortica’s image software:

In January 2018, India and Israel’s prime ministers announced that they were partnering with Cortica to develop a new surveillance monitoring system for their countries using Cortica’s AI software. Cortica has not released any case studies on its site.

The company’s Chief Scientist, Josh Zeevi, has studied computer science through fellowships at Harvard and MIT and received a PhD from University of California in Berkley. He is also a professor of electrical engineering at Technion – The Israeli Institute of Technology. According to a study from CB Insights, Cortica is one of the US leaders in AI-related patterns, holding 38 granted patterns.

Criminal Behavior Detection – Cloud Walk The Chinese facial recognition company Cloud Walk Technology is trying to actually predict if an individual will commit a crime before it happens. The company plans to us facial recognition and gait analysis technology help the government use advanced AI to find and track individuals.

The system will detect if there are any suspicious changes in their behavior or unusual movements. For example if an individual seems to be walking back and forth in a certain area over and over indicating they might be a pickpocket or casing the area for a future crime. It will also track individual over time.

The company told the FT, “Of course, if someone buys a kitchen knife that’s OK, but if the person also buys a sack and a hammer later, that person is becoming suspicious.”

No case studies or video demonstrations on this application within law enforcement could be found.

AI the Search for Missing Children Intel While Intel is known for providing a variety of tech and AI solutions, it also claims to have furnished an organization with AI technology specifically created to find missing children. In an interview, Intel spoke with Intel’s Chief Data Scientist, Bob Rogers, about his missing-person initiative.

According to Rogers,

Intel is helping the non-profit, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), which takes in, prioritizes, organizes and investigates tips and reports for the FBI and other law enforcement agencies. This organization had to sort through over 8.2 million tips which came by phone, text, email and other online portals. Tips needed to be prioritized and reviewed by a team of only 25 analysts. Some of these tips were photographic, such as those relating to hashing, or the circulation of child pornography online. The analyst and Intel scientists worked together to “modernize” the non-profit’s existing infrastructure and sorting system, while also building them a platform that could allow them to easily examine and further organize data. Along with a platform that categorizes, organizes and prioritizes tips, the software can also use computer vision to recognize and show connections between faces, or red flag high-priority images that are submitted as tips.

Intel did not include a demo of the platform they upgraded, but this flowchart from the company below notes how they claim the process works.

Intel Missing Child Program Explanation Source: Intel

Intel has not disclosed other clients that it has worked with on this specific topic. Because this was unveiled in mid-2017. results directly linked with the application have not yet been noted by Intel or the media.

AI for Crime Prediction and Prevention The goal of any society shouldn’t be to just catch criminals but to prevent crimes from happening in the first place, and in the examples below, we’ll explore how this might be achieved with artificial intelligence.

Predicting Future Crime Spots – Predpol One company using big data and machine learning to try to predict when and where crime will take place is Predpol. They claim that by analyzing existing data on past crimes they can predict when and where new crimes are most likely to occur. Currently their system is being in several American cities including Los Angeles, which was an early adopter.

In this video Predpol co-founder explains how their system works.

Their algorithm is based around the observation that certain crime types tend to cluster in time and space. By using historical data and observing where recent crimes took place they claim they can predict where future crimes will likely happen.

For example a rash of burglaries in one area could correlated with more burglaries in surrounding areas in the near future. They call this technique real-time epidemic-type aftershock sequence crime forecasting. Their system highlights possible hotspots on a map the police should consider patrolling more heavily.

PredPol screen shot A screen shot of PredPol’s map application. Source – PredPol.com

One success the company highlights is Tacoma, Washington, which saw a 22 percent drop in residential burglaries within two years after adopting the system in January of 2013.

Tacoma implemented the system as part of its Burglary Reduction Initiative, which was established in an effort to make Tacoma one of the safest-ranked cities in the United States. While 2013 burglary rates were not noted in the story, the police department said the 22 percent drop exceeded their initial goal of decreasing the crime by 7.5 percent. Given that crime is such a complex issue with numerous causes, it is very difficult to isolate the impact any one tool has. However, one study by researchers at Predpol concluded that police patrols based on near real-time epidemic-type aftershock sequence crime forecasting (what Predpol uses) results in a 7.4 percent reduction in crime volume.

Pretrial Release and Parole – Hart After being charged with a crime, most individuals are released until they actually stand trial. In the past deciding who should be released pretrial or what an individual’s bail should be set at is mainly now done by judges using their best judgement. In just a few minutes, judges had to attempt to determine if someone is a flight risk, a serious danger to society, or at risk to harm a witness if released. It is an imperfect system open to bias.

The city of Durham, in the United Kingdom, is using AI to improve on the current system deciding to release a suspect. The program they’ve commissioned, called the Harm Assessment Risk Tool (Hart), was fed five years worth of Durham Police Department criminal data from 2008-2012. From there, Hart’s predictive algorithms will attempt to predict if an individual is at low, medium or high risk of committing a crime.

The city has been testing the system since 2013 and comparing it’s estimates to real world results. The city claims Hart’s predictions that an individual would be low risk were accurate 98 percent of the time, and predictions that an individual would be high risk were accurate 88 percent.

Because this is a city-funded project, there is no other report of Hart clients or case studies. We also could not find a video demonstration of the program developed.

Crime Recidivism Prediction – COMPAS Jurisdictions in the United States have been using more basic risk assessment algorithms for over a decade to make decisions about pretrial release and whether or not to give an individual parole. One of the most popular is Correctional Offender Management Profiling for Alternative Sanctions (COMPAS) from Equivant, which is used throughout all Wisconsin and numerous other locations. A 2012 analysis by the New York Division of Criminal Justice Services found COMPAS’, “Recidivism Scale worked effectively and achieved satisfactory predictive accuracy.”

COMPAS has recently come under fire after a ProPublica investigation. The media organization’s analysis indicated the system might indirectly contain a strong racial bias. They found, “[T]hat black defendants who did not recidivate over a two-year period were nearly twice as likely to be misclassified as higher risk compared to their white counterparts (45 percent vs. 23 percent).”

propublica ProPublica’s coverage of COMPAS was overtly critical (this image is a screen shot from ProPublica)

The report raises the question of whether better AI can eventually produce more accurate predictions or if it would reinforce existing problems. Any system will be based off of real world data, but if the real world data is generated by biased police officers, it can make the AI biased.

A 2018 study from the journal Science Advances suggested in its abstract that this software “no more accurate or fair than predictions made by people with little or no criminal justice experience.”

When splitting up 1000 older case files between a group of 20 human participants, the publication reported that average prediction accuracy was roughly 62 percent. The study claims that the same 1000 case files were fed in into COMPAS, which showed 65.2 percent prediction accuracy. The study did not acknowledge how old the case files were or if any of the individuals noted in them were alive or deceased.

Concluding Thoughts and Future Outlook The ability of AI to allow governments to collect, track, and analyze data for the purpose of policing does raise some serious questions about privacy and the threat that machine learning could create a feedback loop that reinforces institutional bias. This article wasn’t dedicated to these important issues but the AI Now Institute at New York University is a research center dedicated to understanding the social implications of artificial intelligence which can provide more details about these concerns.

While civil liberty concerns do exist, they so far have not stopped the spread of AI technology in surveillance and crime prediction. According to IHS, there were 245 million professionally installed video surveillance cameras operating in 2014 and the number of security cameras in North American effectively doubled from 2012 to 2016. There is more and more data being fed to security and law enforcement agencies; it is only natural they are going to want to keep investing in more and more AI tools to shift through this ever-growing stream of data.

The use of AI and machine learning to detect crime via sound or cameras currently exists, is proven to work, and expected to continue to expand. The use of AI in predicting crimes or an individual’s likelihood for committing a crime has promise but is still more of an unknown. The biggest challenge will probably be “proving” to politicians that it works. When a system is designed to stop something from happening, it is difficult to prove the negative.

Companies that are directly involved in providing governments with AI tools to monitor areas or predict crime will likely benefit from a positive feedback loop. Improvements in crime prevention technology will likely spur increased total spending on these technology.

PEW Research crime reduction From PEW Research “5 facts about crime in the U.S.” from February 21, 2018

While effectively all categories of crime have been trending down for decades, in major American the share of general funds being spent on law enforcement has grown steadily. In American politics, there remains strong emphasis on law enforcement. It seems that the drop in crime has possibly even created a feedback loop. Instead of a lower crime rate being seen as a reason to cut police services, it is seen as proof that law enforcement is working so therefore deserves more money.

After all, a lower crime rate has broad social benefits for a community and real political benefit for the local elected officials responsible for budgeting. In New York City both liberal mayors like Bill De Blasio and conservative mayors like Rudy Giuliani heavily citing the drop in crime under their tenure during their re-election campaigns.

Most of these technologies which are or were mainly developed with government clients in mind have spillover benefits for private companies. The same AI security cameras used by government are also being used by private companies to protect their assets. Technology used to predict crime or automatically catch suspicious behavior can help companies with loss prevention or deciding where establish new locations.

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EDUCATIONAL METHODS: Adaptive Learning, Blended Learning, Collaborative Learning and Differentiated Instruction Learning

This reflection is intended to have prior knowledge in teaching-learning process regarding the strong foundation of theories and principle. It exposes the different types of educational methods that exist in the teacher’s classroom and school. It describes the roles of teacher as curricularist, student as center of teaching-learning process and ICT Information and Communication Technology as equipment and tools in teaching and learning process as a media and methodology.

 As we go along with our topic, Educational methods are a part of Philosophical Foundations of curriculum. It answers the questions like: What are schools for? What subjects are important? How should students learn? What Methods should be used? What outcomes should be achieved? Why?  - regarding to the question “What methods should be used?” it characterized as – it makes use of principles; it utilizes the principle of “learning by doing”; it provides for individual differences; it stimulates thinking and reasoning; and it provides for growth and development.  (Bilbao Purita, Dayagbil Filomena and Corpuz Brenda (2014) Curriculum Development , Lominar Publishing Inc. Quezon City.

 The Educational Methods refers to the teacher’s systematic procedure of getting the lesson across the child. There are some essential educational terms that somehow applied as teaching-learning styles but we don’t know the terms that had been implement in a school setting or discussions. John Dewey influenced in one way of “learning by doing”.

                  The role of technology in the curriculum springs from the very vision of the e- Philippine (e stands for electronic) Thus is stated :

“ an electronically enabled society where all citizens live in an environment that provides quality education, efficient government services, greater resources of livelihood and ultimately a better way of life through enhanced access to appropriate technologies”. (International workshop on emerging technologies, Thailand, December 14-16, 2005)

These points to the need for an e-curriculum, or a curriculum which delivers learning consonant with the Information Technology and Communications Technology (ICT) revolution. This framework presupposes that curriculum delivery adopts ICT as important tool in education while users implement teaching-learning strategies that conform to the digital environment.

Adaptive learning, Blended learning, Collaborative Learning and Differentiated Instruction Learning are classified ass (1) discussion procedures and (2) improved instructional practices ,because the modern progressive schools make used of it.

      ADAPTIVE LEARNING

Adaptive Learning is a teaching method that uses computers and technology to facilitate comprehension and retention based on the unique needs of the learner; a systems endeavor to transform the learner from passive receptor of information to collaborator in the educational process. (Wikipedia)

Adaptive Learning systems have traditionally been divided into separate components or ‘models’. While different model groups have been presented, most systems include some or all of the following models: (1) EXPERT MODEL the model with the information which is to be taught; (2) STUDENT MODEL the model which tracks and learns about the student; (3) INSTRUCTIONAL ENVIRONMENT the user interface for interacting with the system;(4) INSTRUCTIONAL MODEL the model that actually conveys the information: (a) UNDERSTANDING DESIGN - What we teach ,Quality curriculum ,Authentic transfer of knowledge, Avoid text book coverage and activity oriented teacher, Regular reviews of curriculum and assessment, Provides  opportunities for students to explore ,interpret etc., Working smarter with technology and (b) DIFFERENTIATED INSTRUCTION - Mastery and understanding comes through meaningful interactions and ideas, Quality instruction that meets the needs of individual learners, Struggling learners get focused. Advanced learners get challenge, Where/how we teach, Provide the results to make the adjustments; DI guides educators in thinking, Use evidence of variance to provide opportunities, sharing understanding through collaboration.

   EXAMPLE /SCENARIO:

Minji is a 6th-grade students and attends an English academy in Seoul  ,South Korea. She recently had to write an essay about her favorite vocation in her composition class. Minji can submit her essay assignments through an online education program. This program checks her essay for errors and provide supplementary lesson when necessary. (In her current essay she had several subject /verb agreement mistakes. The program not only recognized her mistakes, but gives her more information on the topic. It then asked her to find her errors within the current essay. The program Minji uses not only finds her mistakes ,but offers her extra material to help her understand where she went wrong. Then, to help her with remembering this information in the future, finding her own mistakes.)

ADVANTAGES OF ADAPTIVE LEARNING

Ability for more interactive learning systems, allows users to not have to repeat command, scans given areas creating a topographical map as opposed to solely using GPS, fun computer/video games, less work done by individuals as this technology “learns”.

DISADVANTAGES OF ADAPTIVE LEARNING

Makes things very easy for individuals who could cut out work people, based on a database so will take longer to develop, learns based on the user, limited information for analysis, maintaining database.

      BLENDED LEARNING

Blended Learning is an educational program (formal or informal) that combines online digital media with traditional classroom methods. (Wikipedia)

The definition of Blended Learning is a formal education program in which a student learns: At least in part through online learning with some element of student control over time, place, path, and / or pace; at least in part in a supervised brick-and-mortar location away from home; And the modalities along each student’s learning path within a course or subject are connected to provide an integrated learning experience. There are many components that can comprise a blended learning model, including: “instructor-delivered content,  e-learning,  webinars, conference calls, live or online sessions with instructors, and other media and events , for example, Facebook, e-mail, chat rooms, blogs, podcasting, Twitter, YouTube , Skype and web boards.

The Majority of blended-learning programs resemble one, four models: Rotation, Flex, A La Carte and Enriched virtual.

 Rotation Model a course of subject in which a student rotate on fixed schedule or at the teacher’s discretion between learning modalities, at least one of which is online. Other modalities might include activities such as small-groups of full-class instruction, group projects, individual tutoring and pencil-and-paper assignments. (a) Station rotation – a course of subject in which students experience the rotation model within a contained classroom or group of classrooms. The Station rotation differs from individual rotation model because students rotate through all of the station, not only those on their custom schedule. (b) Lab Rotation - a course or subject in which the students rotate to a computer Lab for online-learning station. (c) Flipped Classroom - a course of subject in which students participate in online learning off-site in place of traditional homework and then attend in brick-and-mortar school for face-to-face ,teacher guided practice or project. The primary delivery of content and instruction in online which is differentiates a Flipped Classroom from students who merely doing homework practice online at night. (d) Individual Rotation – a course or subject in which each student has an individualized playlist and does not necessarily rotate to each available station or modality. An algorithm or teacher(s) sets individual schedules.

Flex Model a course or subject in which online learning is the backbone of students learning, even if it directs students to offline activities at times. Students move on an individually customized, fluid schedule among learning modalities. The teacher of record or other adults provide face-to-face support on a flexible and adaptive as-needed basis through activities such as small-group instruction, group projects, and individual tutoring. Some implementations have substantial face-to-face support.

A La Carte model a course tat a student takes entirely online to accompany other experiences that the student is having at a brick-and-mortar school or learning center. The teacher of record for the A La Carte course is the online teacher. Students may take the A La Carte course either on the brick-and-mortar campus or off-site. This differs from full-time online learning because it is not a whole-school experience. Students take some courses A La Carte and others face-to-face at brick-and-mortar campus.

Enriched Classroom a course or subject in which students have required face-to-face learning sessions with their teacher of record and then are free to complete their remaining coursework remote from the face-to-face teacher.  

There are some given models of Blended Learning programs that composed of those four major models: FACE-TO-FACE DRIVER online learning is decided on a case-by-case basis by the instructor as a supplement to the curriculum. Ideal for intervention and Enrichment, allows students to learn subjects at their own pace. ONLINE LAB courses are taught entirely online, but in a brick-and mortar location and supervised by an adult. Ideal for the Budget Conscious, allows district to offer subjects for which they have no trained teacher. Effective use if time, space and resources – (25 students can independently learn 25 different subjects in the online lab.)

   SELF-BLEND Students have the option to take online courses to their traditional classroom learning.  Ideal for motivated self-directed student. Online courses offer a greater range of specific subjects that may interest otherwise unchallenged students. ONLINE DRIVER the entire courses are delivered through an online platform, with possible teacher check-ins. Ideal for the Independent student requiring Flexibility. Allows students who need independence and flexibility –including those who are not able to attend a physical school – to get the education they deserve.

It is important to note that even blended learning models can be blended together and many implementations use some, many, or even all of these as dimensions of larger blended learning strategy. These models, for the most part are not mutually exclusive.

PROS AND CONS OF BLENDED LEARNING

PRO for flexibility, accessibility, best of both worlds, can save time, self-reliant learning; and CON that can lead to a lack of face-to-face communication, the clicking monkey, design choices more difficult, self-reliant learning much needed.

      COLLABORATIVE LEARNING

Collaborative Learning is learning by small groups of students who work together in a common learning task. It is often also called group learning but to be cooperative learning. (Educational Technology2 ,.p.710)

 SCENARIO/EXAMPLE:

Ms. Tyler is writing her lesson plans for the week. She knows how important social interaction is for children and understands that they can often teach each other and explain things in way she can’t. She often use collaborative learning to encourage her students to interact and rely on each other as resources. Here’s how it looks in the classroom.

ONE-ON-ONE

Ms. Tyler makes sure there are plenty of chances for her students to relate to each other. She sets up peer learning   or times when one student works with another student. These opportunities can be a tutoring session, peer instruction, or a time when both students contribute equally.

 One-on-one

Example:

In math, Ms. Tyler is pairing up George, a student she knows struggles with fractions, with Martin, a stronger student. These two will work together ; Martin will tutor and help George when he falters. She also puts Katherine together with Ana; Katherine has missed several days, and Anna is capable of catching her up with the class. Finally, she plans on Molly and Mike teaming up for the week to focus on a project. Both students bring strengths to the table and will learn from each other as they work.

SMALL GROUP

Ms. Tyler often group work in her classroom. She sometimes has students get together for a simple, quick learning activity, such as playing a game or creating a chart. She also organizes larger units can take a few weeks or more. In addition to projects, Ms.Tyler groups her students in reading or math based on their abilities or on the skill she’s teaching. Working with smaller groups allows her to zoom in her instruction, and learn from each other more easily in this smaller format.

ADVANTAGES OF COLLABORATIVE LEARNING

Develops level thinking skills, Build self-esteem in students, Enhance students satisfaction with the learning experience, Develops oral communication skills, Encourage diversity understanding, Creates an environment of active, involved, and exploratory learning., Creates a stronger social support system, Addresses learning style differences among the students and Builds more positive heterogeneous relationship.

CHALLENGES IN COLLABORATIVE LEARNING

Certain individuals do not feel comfortable participating in a group setting, even at a distance, Burden in making the students responsible for each other’s learning apart from themselves, Some members may contribute while others do not, Lower ability students may feel perpetual in need of help rather than experiencing the role of leader or expert relative to the others in their group, Higher ability students may not experience the stimulation or challenge that they would with other higher ability students, Sometimes, in group of mixed ability, low-achieving students become passive and do not focus on the task.

         DIFFERENTIATED INSTRUCTION

Differentiated Instruction is a philosophy that enables teacher to plan strategically in order to reach the needs of the diverse learners in classrooms today. Differentiation is not just a set of instructional tools but a philosophy that a teacher and a professional learning community embrace to reach the unique needs of every learner.   (Gregory.2003 p.27 Differentiated Instruction Strategy in Practice)

Differentiation means tailoring to meet individual needs. Whether teachers differentiate content, process, products, or the learning environment, the use of ongoing assessment and flexible grouping makes this a successful approach to instruction. (Carol Ann Tomlinson)

Instead of using a one-size-fits-all approach, a teacher uses a variety of methods to teach. This can include teaching students in small groups or in one-on-one sessions. Carol Ann Tomlinson, an educator who has done some of the most innovative work in this area, says there are four areas where teachers can differentiate instruction: Content, Process, Product, and Learning Environment.

Teachers can differentiate at least four classroom elements based on students readiness, interest, or learning profile:

CONTENT – what the student needs to learn or how the student will get access to the information; PROCESS – activities in which the student engages in order to make sense of or master the content; PRODUCTS- culminating projects that ask the student to rehearse, apply, and extend what he or she has learned in a unit; and LEARNING ENVIRONMENT – the way the classroom works and feels.

Differentiated instruction can play out differently from one classroom to the next- and from one school to the next. However, the features of this approach are:

SMALL WORK GROUPS the students in each group rotate in and out.  This gives them a chance to participate in many different groups. A group can include a pair of students or a larger group. But in all cases, it’s an opportunity for students to learn from each other.

RECIPROCAL LEARNING sometimes the students becomes a teacher, sharing what he’s learned and asking questions of his peers.

CONTINUAL ASSESSMENT teachers regularly monitor students’ strengths and weaknesses ( in both formal and informal ways) to make sure they’re progressing well in their knowledge and mastery of schoolwork.

Benefits and challenges of Differentiating Instruction in 21st century classrooms:

BENEFITS it meets the needs of diverse learners (Hence it has a student-centered approach). It accommodates the students with learning disabilities. It stimulates creativity by helping learners to understand the ideas rather than rote memorization. It can raise the bar for all learners. It can motivate the unmotivated learners.

CHALLENGES Effective differentiation is complex to use and thus difficult to promote in schools. Many teachers hesitate to differentiate their instruction because they think they lack time, administrative support and professional development resources.

CONCLUSION

There are no perfect methods for the teaching-learning process. First and foremost, we have to consider the center of the teaching-learning process – learner. And the development of the learners will depend on how the teacher implements his topic in a certain subject. The implementer must consider the three domains in his assessment task. Teachers have to take consideration that the different strategies should match with the learning styles of the students. Yes, indeed those educational methods will help the students to gain mastery of lessons and courses as well as the teacher to effectively inculcate learning and increased their capability. However, the scarcity in e-learning is not just an issue but realms of facing the 21st century demand. A brick-and-mortar classroom will remains if there is lack of computer and internet and it will be the problem in implementing the online learning. As conducive environment for e-learning must have all the instructional materials as it needed. We perceived major obstacle to ICT use to implement those methods such as: lack of computer, lack of technical support, lack of training opportunities for teachers, lack of standards and guidelines for its integration and lack of funds for operations and maintenance.

But we have to focus on the soft side of it, as the “hard” side. Learn to learn from each other start building a “community of practice”. Break the endless cycle of pilots and start thinking about how we can go to scale. As Chandra Mishra said “the life of a river vested in its flow; the death of a pond inherit in its stillness”.

Learning continuously is a sign of progression and living with a goal for future.

 Group 9

Petilla, Romalyn R.

Tierra, kate Winslet

Valladolid, Mark Joseph

Zara, Sarah

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Boulder software firm attracts $6.7 million from Silicon Valley investors

Software program evolved in Boulder that we could customers examine facts without understanding a lick of code has attracted funding from Silicon Valley undertaking capitalists Boulder.

SlamData, which released its open-supply product in 2014, said Wednesday that it raised $6.7 million in a sequence A round led by way of Shasta Ventures, a Menlo Park firm stated for being an early investor in related-thermostat Nest Labs. It’s funding in SlamData is the company’s first in Colorado in more than 10 years.

“SlamData is a corporation game changer. They’re the first corporation that helps you to write once to any kind of information source — remodeling how nowadays’s companies can quick discover, analyze and derive cost from their ever-increasing information resources,” Nitin Chopra, predominant at Shasta Ventures, stated in a declaration.

The Software offers one program for customers to discover and analyze unstructured facts resources from NoSQL, Hadoop, and cloud APIs. Previously, programmers needed to construct their personal Software to analyze statistics from a couple of resources. The brand new investment, which brings the corporation’s general to $10.three million raised on account that 2015, may be used to double staff to 30 personnel, stated Jeff Carr, SlamData’s co-founder, and CEO. One latest lease is Sreeni Iyer, Formerly at retail intelligence company Quad Analytix. Iyer, who’s senior vice president of engineering, can be based totally in Silicon Valley and head up The brand new office there. SlamData additionally has a workplace inside the Uk.

Present traders Proper Ventures, additionally from the Bay Area, and Get right of entry to project Companions in Westminster also participated inside the spherical.

Why investors Are Considering Actual Property funding Software

Real Property investment may be a rather rewarding investment supplied you realize how to cross about it. This is in which an Actual Property investment Software program steps in. Geared in the direction of freshmen and pro investors, it may contend with your entire portfolio of funding, assisting you to make bigger at the pass.

We are able to break this newsletter into two components –

· The blessings of the use of a Actual Property investment Software program

· The standards to choose the exceptional

The benefits –

· It performs a number of duties right from putting in an efficient mail gadget (unsolicited mail, electronic mail templates, autoresponders and so forth.), growing contracts, vehicle-fill documentation, trying to find customer and supplier leads, making calculations.

· The bottom line is it’s miles superfast. Whether you want to calculate cash flows and profitability, or find deals or fill in bureaucracy, it could achieve this at the click of a single button.

· It gathers plenty of precious property-associated records that can be used to shut deals effectively and create a Real records analysis. It includes belongings bought by using particular individuals, to be had investment homes, fame of houses and many others.

· It really works with precision. In place of scratching your head calculating figures, you can let it do the task for you attaining a better stage of accuracy. It assist you to get a close-to-correct approximation of price of go back on properties.

· Particularly, it is cheap. you may get satisfactory evaluation at a fraction of the value.

Selecting a Actual Property investment Software

It is going without announcing that there are dozens if now not hundreds of such programs in the marketplace. not all are created alike, with a few acting better than the opposite. Right here are features to search for.

1. If you don’t have already got some hints, you may begin with a Google search for the pinnacle Real Property investment software in the marketplace.

2. Read up critiques of some of the programs you’ve got shortlisted. It’s going to provide you with an concept of the pleasant capabilities in a Software program in addition to the negatives helping making a decision higher.

3. Charge may be one of the elements you operate to slender down your picks. some require an in advance payment while maximum others entail a month-to-month price. pick something that fits your budget.

four. When you have some friends that are additionally into Real Estate investing, you may ask them for the Software program programs they use.

five. Take a look at the responsibilities the utility can carry out for you.

6. maximum Actual Property funding software have a demo model to check the capabilities of the application. Take the demo before you pay for it.

7. Decided on programs have specific Software requirements, within the absence of which it might not work. This includes destiny enhancements. Inquire if the upgrades are to be had from the developer and Whether or not They may be paid or free.

8. It should be user-friendly and should have a minimum learning curve. The unique capabilities have to be nicely-prepared and smooth to locate.

9. What In case you face a trouble? Do they provide technical aid? Discover the techniques you could use, email or telephone, to attain tech support.

Silicon Valley need to Exercise What It Preaches

Does each person else see the irony in the first-rate technologists of Silicon Valley railing against the Trump Management for hampering the economic prosperity of our children, prescribing immigration and diversity, and fostering profits inequality. Their own corporations employ sophisticated technology to make certain that they are able to appoint as few as possible, which permits them to pay their employees outlandish sums of money. The products and services they promote allow other corporations to do the identical. Over the many years the ones agencies have achieved their satisfactory to reduce or even take away the world’s “blue collar jobs” and are actually with their so-referred to as Synthetic Intelligence attempting to do the identical to international “white collar” jobs. In fact, it is likely that the Trump Administration may be unable to maintain its promise to go back the tens of millions of manufacturing jobs which have moved offshore during the beyond forty years, because many of the ones jobs had been replaced by using computer operated machines.

How does any of that assist cutting-edge young people in making their economic way in the world, or help middle elegance incomes preserve tempo with inflation or assist immigrants to assimilate into American subculture? Additionally, if Silicon Valley receives its way, all jobs paying a dwelling wage will require personnel to possess sophisticated skills in a few aspect of constructing and/or working laptop systems. That still hampers financial range if no longer ethnic range in the latest workforce. That can be development, but it isn’t very “revolutionary.”

No person is arguing that improving technology isn’t always a boon for the worldwide financial system or humanity at large; a favorite example is how Microsoft Home windows transformed duties that took me weeks to perform down to days and sometimes mere hours. And businesses like Google, Amazon and many others continue to enhance and improve our lives each day. but a number of the current additions, just like the Facebooks and Twitters of the sector, you may without problems argue have not simplest made our lives much less efficient and much less at ease, however, have a few methods contributed to the “dumbing down” and social ineptitude, if now not delinquency, of our children and teenagers. The steady preoccupation with the internet, mobile gadgets, and “virtual reality” is leading many among us to decide out of “Actual international” truth. This “earbud generation” appears less fascinated and privy to the mounting demanding situations of the more and riskier global in which we stay.

Why constructing an Enterprise Feels like Pushing a Boulder Uphill

constructing your Commercial enterprise is like pushing a boulder uphill. You start off at The lowest with bags of power and the vision of attaining the lofty heights. Sure, you acknowledge it’s going to take effort and time, but you are up for the assignment and raring to go.

With all that power, it is normally pretty clean on the begin, plus the foothills are in no way that tough, simply a chunk of a gentle upward thrust to get you started out. it’s simplest while you’re more than one hours in that you begin to feel the pinch. The slope’s getting steeper, the temperatures rising and you are beginning to feel tired.

Half of way up is normally the vicinity you stop to rest and what do you do? You appearance up at the route in advance and wince at the assignment nevertheless to come. it’s steeper and rockier than before and the summit nonetheless appears a very lengthy way off. it is frequently tempting to offer in at this level, in particular, if the course you have been following suddenly appears to stop and you have to look for an opportunity direction to the top.

This is the time to look in the different path. In preference to searching at how ways you are nonetheless were given to go, flip round. Take a look at how ways you’ve come. Examine the space you have already traveled and how remote The bottom of the hill seems. Basically, take a second to admire the view. Have a drink, a chunk to devour. Take a breather and congratulate yourself for the way some distance you’ve already come and, consequently refreshed, continue with the venture of having that boulder to the pinnacle.

The previous couple of toes are usually the toughest; that final push to get to the summit. you’re all hot and stricken, you are worn out, hungry and thirsty and maximum of you are possibly muttering obscenities underneath your breath alongside the traces of “whose stupid idea was it to begin this entire charade anyway?”

That is whilst the general public surrender. They just do not have the power of thoughts or body to give it that one ultimate push. They overlook all of the time and efforts they have got invested in getting this a long way and just saying “Oh sod it” and surrender.

That is when you have to draw on all of your energy to position your lower back behind the boulder when you don’t sincerely experience like you’ve got something left to provide and make that one ultimate massive effort. it is the precise time to involve the efforts of others, to ask them to simply provide you with a little helping hand to cover the remaining bit, to sooner or later reach your goal and get in which you need to be. And all of sudden your there, on the top of the hill and trust me, the view is amazing! It truly does seem like you have the whole international at your feet and there is no different feeling love it. You abruptly recollect why you began the whole adventure inside the first area and typically realize that the view is a long way higher than you ever may want to have imagined.

So, what do you do now? properly, after the upward thrust and the summit comes the plateau and, despite the fact that pushing that boulder is simpler than it was, it is nonetheless no longer a stroll within the park and, because the view does not trade very lots, you begin to lose heart again. The plateau is always difficult – all that pushing and not genuinely going anywhere. however, it’s crucial not to give up.

After the plateau comes the go back and that’s via far the high-quality bit. due to the fact in spite of everything that pushing and heaving, it most effective takes the tiniest of nudges to ship that boulder over the brink. And boy, does it move, rolling quicker and quicker and accumulating its personal momentum and all you have to do is watch it whizz off into space.

Now, If you do not need the boulder to wipe out the whole thing in its path, it is usually a great concept to run after it, try to preserve up and, if you may keep it on course, because while it sooner or later involves relaxation, you want to be proper there with it. And the adventure is complete… Or so that you’d suppose! however what else is there to do with the boulder, however, push it all of the ways up the hill again?

Good enough, so at this point in time, it’s no longer top of your listing, however, after a bit of relaxation and reflection, you feel as much as the task. you have accomplished it before, after all, and now that there is a less difficult route than the only you took earlier than – you saw it on the primary way up, however, could not get to it. This time you can begin from a special area and strive that different course. It won’t work, but who is aware of, it is probably the excellent aspect you ever did.

you know the lie of the land, you realize wherein it gets hard, you understand in which you will have to ask for help, you understand kind of where the boulder will land whilst it receives lower back to The bottom. So what is to stop you giving it every other go, only for the hell of it? Why? because you could!