#it was fun though! moths are one of the easier bugs to draw for us so that helped

[cordycepsbian]

the collective noun for a group of moths is an eclipse

[miraculouscontent]

Gonna deal with all of the asks about the male bodysuits versus female bodysuits in one post:

Anonymous said:

To paraphrase a quote from Doctor Doofenshmirtz, "She's 13/14!"

The age of consent in France is 15, you storyboarding weirdos, and that still wouldn’t make it right.

Anonymous said:

the whole ‘skin tight body suit’ is practical is the sense that you can just draw the anatomy and color in without adding stuff but in that aspect it’s also cheap

Anonymous said:

I always thought the reason why every hero wears a skintight jumpsuit was so it'd be easier for them to be animated. Still doesn't explain all the closeups of Ladybug's ass.

Oh, I fully understand the need to keep things not... “flowy.” That’s why you won’t see me asking for more complex things like wings/capes and just talk about very basic armor/padding. I’ve made 3D models before so I understand that having a lot of physics going on can be a hassle, and thus I avoid designs like that unless I’m just having fun.

But yeah, definitely doesn’t explain the close-up shots.

Anonymous said:

I love the spider marinette design but yeah I didn’t really get why they went with such a basic design either but then again they made hawk moth a fashion designer has created Akumas like the bubbler.

Thanks! I’m glad people like my redesign! (well, more like “me just using Spider-man as a reference”)

And yeah, they really don’t keep in mind the characters personalities in most of the designs or names.

Anonymous said:

This is a really dark idea, but I'm just imagining whenever Marinette detransforms, she takes a few deep breaths because of how constricting her supersuit is.

Okay, so Alya is basically dead then.

Anonymous said:

I guess they didn’t want Natalie exposed like the other girls because I might make the weirdness of the skin tight bodysuits apparent.

Agreed. It’d be even more obvious on the body of an adult woman. Nathalie’s also another person who gets slimmed down in her transformed state soooo, yeah.

libralizard said:

Is it odd that (now that you’ve put them next to each other) I’ve only   just noticed that MisterBug had a waaaay better design than Ladybug? With the black accents to make the dotted red parts pop more - Just like you showed with your spider man comparaison. If they can give Adrien a good Ladybug herosuit, why can't Mari get that sort of treatment with hers?

The difference between Mister Bug and Lady Noire is insane, honestly. Mister Bug gets all that padding and the more complex Ladybug design while you can literally see where Lady Noire’s ribcage is and she just gets this all gray bodysuit with none of the cool stuff that Chat Noir had (like, I legitimately don’t understand what they were doing with her design).

Anonymous said:

I saw someone online say that they liked the simplicity of Ladybug's costume because they thought it sent the message of "I'm here to save Paris, I don't need a fancy costume." Ignoring the fact that she didn't expect the transformation in Origins, it's clear that person forgot that Marinette is a FASHION DESIGNER! By all means, she should have a fancier outfit than the one she's given. Maybe a frilly Lolita dress and a new hairstyle(this IS Magical girl after all)? But no, femininity is bad.

I could see the argument against a dress - not because of the “it’d be harder to work with” argument - but because of the physics issue I mentioned above (a few asks ago).

...I guess an argument could be made considering Mayura has one though.

They could have more feminine outfits and such if they really wanted, but instead they just do bodysuits that end up looking really generic.

Anonymous said:

Could you show us an edit of what the girls would look like with padding/the boys would look like without padding? I just want to see the difference for myself. ;) And yeah, the tight, sexualized outfits of the ladies always irritated me, it's why I like Mayura's the best, since it looks more individualistic and her dress makes her resemble a magical girl more than the others, who just look like generic comic book superheroes. The poses only make it worse, especially Ladybug and Rena Rouge.

I don’t think I would have the skills to edit/remove padding is the only thing. I’m also not great at design so I wouldn’t know where to put padding if it was there.

The other thing is that it isn’t just padding. In the post with the edited Ladybug using Spider-man as a reference. I point out that it’s not totally about the padding; it’s also the colors and where they’re used, as well as the complexity of the design (like, Chat Noir VS Lady Noire is both a padding issue and a complexity issue, not a color issue, among other things).

This basically means that adding padding doesn’t automatically solve the problem. It helps, but doesn’t solve the problem.

[highstwildflower]

Highly

A/n: this is really long I’m sorry!😂

Words: 2000 ca.

The cloud that erupted from your lips vanished into thin air, reminding you of the man who used to fan the smoke away from his reach. Now the spot next to you was empty, no one was complaining and no one was bugging you about being unhealthy. The thick joint was pressed between your lips once again, sucking the poison into your lungs. The relaxing plant infected your system and everything slowed down. The stars swimming above you dripped into the moon that was filled to the brim. You finished the joint, leaning back with a heart that was aching. Moving around you found the position that allowed your heavy heart some rest, your phone was out of reach and you were too lazy to retrieve it. You wanted to shoot him a text tho, telling him all the words he never got to hear.

Instead you lay there, images burning behind closed eyes. Images of his green forrest eyes that disappeared when his laughter erupted, how you would kill to hear that laugh again. The feeling of  the vibration through his chest as he sung you a new tune. How he used to look at you, eyes searching for inspiration and the look in them the second he found it. Being his muse had been the greatest achievement of your life. Your favorite memory was from the frosty night in December only five moths prior, ditching a party the two of you had ventured off into the night. He had held you close when you arrived at your shared home, bodies moving in sync, the rhythm you fell into in the bed had been steady and slow. Intimate love making till dawn. Your bodies not craving sleep, instead you had moved to the patio. His large body had been pressed firmly against the lounge couch and he had pulled you against him. Limbs draped over each other's and low voices filling the air with words of adoration. The conversation following the flow of the wind, the chilly morning offering you an excuse to snuggle closer to your love. He had happily accepted the closeness, and soon series of laughter had erupted into the slow morning. Just the two of you, bodies pressed together and love flowing freely.

You mind had turned off to the memory of him, and next thing you knew you woke up in your lonely bed. It had never felt so big when Michael had been taking up half of it. The empty room taunting you and the long halls hunting the memories that was made here away. As days fell into night and night turned into days your speckle off hope had vanished. The hope of feeling his body once more, his lips on yours and his voice rumbling against your skins. Instead you tugged away your emotions everyday walking through life as someone else, and only allowing the emotions to take over at night. Most nights your mind raced to the loving memories, but some nights it was the burning memories of pain the pressed into your head.

Dating Michael had been fun and easy, when he asked you to build a home with him you had been ecstatic. Slowly reality dawned on you, the rockstar lifestyle being far away from the life you wished to led. His drinking turned into situations that was hurtful, a large number of girls pressing on. Wishing to enter your relationship, you begging him to change every night when he would stumble through the door.

The last time you saw him stung in the back of your mind. Just mere hours after you had told him that he had to stop with the excessive amount of alcohol and he has kissed you with a promise of doing better. You were fuming when you heard him fumbling with the front door, the creaking of the door setting you completely off. With steam clouding your mind you had entered the entrance and he had shot you a short smile. As he came close the words that left his mouth dragged your breath away, leaving your body defenseless "I though you were out with us? Who was the girl I kissed than?" He carelessly moved through your house towards the bedroom. Tears drawing pathways down your cheeks and hiccups threatening to spill passed your lips. You stayed up all night, waiting for him to sober up. Every minute of the night was spent considering the conversation of tomorrow. When he was clear in his head, he yelled out for you, his words bouncing of the walls. Your fragile body towering over him, and your voice anything but fragile. He was shunned from the house, leaving in a hurry as you yelled out your pain. Months passed where you awaited his next move, silently hoping that he would beg for you to forgive him. Instead you got nothing.  His stuff was still where he left them except from his guitars. And you knew everything but his guitars was replaceable. When Calum had turned up at your door with a sorrowful painted across his face you knew he was there to pick them up. It hurt every time you glanced at the empty room having yet to entered it, dust was covering the corners and slowly tugging the room into a dull forgotten memory.

Your high ponytail was swinging from side to side as you strutted down the sidewalk. The pep in your steps were just a reminded to yourself that you had the power to move on. When you spotted him at your favorite coffee shop, your steps came to a halt. His eyes meet yours long before yours meet his. He saw you and froze. Your smile telling him that you were doing good but your eyes spilling your secret. Awkwardly you walked over to him "hi stranger" your voice was a pitch higher than usual and you mentally scolded yourself for the preppy outburst. His voice was darker than you remembered but the impact of his words stronger than you expected "Hi. How are you?" The concentration on your face told him that you were trying your best to stay cool "I'm good , yeah very good. What about you?" The forced smile made his heart ache and his guards grow weaker. "Im glad you are doing good y/n. Im getting through day by day. 4 months sober yesterday" His voice grew with pride as he told you about his sobriety, and his smile grew even larger as he saw the proud look on your face. Without thinking twice you leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly against yourself "Im so proud of you Micky." Your cheeks grew red as you realized that this wasn't what was normal for you to do anymore. The break up meant that you had to sacrifice being close to him and just watch his life from afar. You knew he was sober, his instagram had told you so. But to hear the words leave his mouth made you ache with pride. When he felt you draw back he pulled you into himself again, not ready to let you slide through his fingers once more. Your smell was filling his nostrils and he wanted to keep you wrapped in his arms forever. When he let go of your body, you stumbled back and took him in. He looked better than ever, more fit and more alive. The silence laid as a blanket making the air hot and thick and just as you were about to say your byes he spoke up "Do you wanna catch up some day? maybe drink a cup of coffee?" you smiled shyly at him, and the fact that he had cheated on you was forgotten, "Yeah I would like that." Just like that you had a date with him, your body felt like yours for the first time in months and the pep in your step were no longer forced.

The knock at your door alerted you that he had arrived. You opened the door and smiled at him a laugh followed shortly behind "Quite weird having you knocking on your own door" he smiled back at you before he spoke "Thats ok, you look absolutely beautiful love" he handed you the flowers in his hand and you felt oddly embarrassed, such gestures never fell naturally to Michael. More a man of words he would praise you, shower you in physical affection but stray away from gifts. The ride in his car was longer than you remembered it, the small drops of sweat that was collecting at Michaels hairline let you know that you weren't alone with the crippling feeling of anxiety that started to form the second you woke up. His hands were both clutched to the steering wheel and as he turned into the coffee shop your stomach turned with anticipation. "I was thinking we could do to go? And then go to our spot?" You smiled at his idea, that he remembered how much you enjoined your spot.

The car came to a halt at the empty parking spot. Michael was quick to climb out of the car and open your door for you. Slowly you made your way towards the spot. Surrounded by nature you felt your breath become easier. The large stones that leaned against each other offered a place to take a seat. He came prepared with a blanket and a packed picking. Like so many times before you took place next to each other, the still warm air clinging to both your bodies as the sun continued it's decent. The ocean reached the stones and splashes were sent into the sky. His legs rested and made contact with the firmness of your other thigh. Slow conversation filled the space between you and drew you closer. Coffee was sipped and sandwiches shared. The sun came into contact with the ocean and Michael dived into the cruel conversation that was awaiting you. His body turned to yours "I'm sorry" his words were low but you heard him, your eyes meet and you signaled for him to go on. He took deep breaths of fresh air, worried that his fragile words wouldn't be enough "I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I've realized that I was so far out of line. All my decisions fell back onto you. And I'm awfully sorry about kissing another woman. You are truly the only one for me. I understand if you aren't interested in being with me ever again, but I've changed y/n. I'm still working on myself, but you are my motivation every single day and I want to make it up to you." You mind was clouded by his words, the mentioning of his infidelity was like salt in wounds but you wanted to give him a chance. "Yeah you sucked" you tried to lighten the mood but you both knew that, that was a light way to put it. You continued while gripping his hand " I want to be with you Mickey. But it is definitely going to be difficult for me to trust you" you smiled a careful smile at him and he moved even closer, desperate to feel you. His hand moved to your face as he silently asked for your permission to press his lips against yours. You nodded your head, eager to feel the movement. The world stood still, birds chirping became louder and the intensity of the small gesture made you dizzy. Michael was right there with you, you soft lips sending him into a feeling of ecstasy.

Silent promise between lovers who had been torn apart filled the now colder air. Sun kissing the ocean and dancing in warm colors. Pulling one another closer, and thinking of each other highly.

[erable-writes]

Prucan Week Day #6: Noble Souls

Day 6: Partnership, Duality, Union

Matthew didn't know why he was here. 

Really, he didn't belong. The gathering was for nobles, meant for the highest class and the most pure of blood. That was not Matthew. Sure, Matthew lived in a castle, but that was as good as it got for him. unfortunately, Alfred had decided that instead of leaving Matthew at home, he needed someone to accompany him to the “Grand Seasonal Banquet” or some equally pretentious name. Matthew had not wanted to, partly because he was painfully shy, mostly because of the aforementioned not royalty thing, but Alfred was the one housing him, and therefore the one in charge of him, so he couldn't really say no.

Matthew sometimes wondered how different his life would be if he was truly royalty. Sure, it would probably be easier to be a royal. He wouldn't be the first in line, so his only job would be to look presentable, maybe talk to visiting aristocrats every once in a while. That part seemed appealing. However, Matthew was also acutely aware of the fact that he would not be a highly respected noble. The world maintained a certain order, and Matthew happened to be born into a low standing. He wasn't upset by it, not at all. He lived with his papa Francis in a small community, where he knew everyone by heart and did not fear being criticized or gossiped about. He was never on display, never the central focus of anything. That held its own comfort.

In short, Matthew was fairly certain that if he were truly a nobleman, he would crumble under the pressure.

But the world had not been kind to him or his people, and so Francis had sent him away to the Honeyfield Kingdom. At that point, it had been pure luck that he had stumbled upon Crown Prince Alfred, who had exclaimed delightedly (read: loudly) that they had the same face and promptly insisted that he come to the castle for further investigation. It had then been proven that they were not blood siblings (shocking, Matthew had thought dryly, though Alfred had looked genuinely surprised), but that didn't deter Alfred. Instead of sending Matthew on his way, like any sane person, he had instead declared Matthew ‘Charge of the Castle of Honeyfeld’, which was fancy speak for ‘Adopted Brother’. This was all fine, in theory, but now it had led to this night, which meant Matthew really wished he had never met the hyper blond, no matter how much his life had improved.

Matthew didn't really like people.

Which was perfectly fine, he thought, because people didn't like him much either. Ever since he had moved to Honeyfeld, he was often subject to double-takes, side-glares, open gawking, and other forms of not-so-subtle scrutiny. Although, he couldn’t exactly blame the citizens either. 

He was a moth, in firmly bee territory. In all honesty, he’d probably gawk at himself too.

Yes, Matthew was a moth, not a butterfly, despite how colourful his wings were. It was an unfortunate truth that moths were low class citizens, Often seen as dirty and ugly, not good for anything but work or wilderness. Matthew thought this was awfully generalized, as outsiders to his hometown had often commented on how lovely the villagers wing colours were, only to flush and stammer when told they were in a moth township. Matthew was often saddened to see his people suffer when they had truly done nothing to deserve it. However, despite his protests and advice to Alfred, there was never anything that could be done. 

If Alfred was ignoring that Matthew was a moth, or if he didn’t care, Matthew was uncertain.

And yet, despite knowing that Matthew was not fit to be in a gala, full of lords and ladies that would look down on him and sniff haughtily and call him ‘Alfred little pet’, Alfred still brought him along.

“It will be fun!” He announced.

For one of us.

“I need to bring along my loyal advisor! Everyone would be delighted to meet you!”

They would be delighted to mock me.

“C’mon, I need my brother by my side!”

Well, Matthew couldn't really argue with that. So now he was here. At the biggest, most lavish, most expensive party in all the kingdoms. Joy.

Matthew shuffles his wings nervously (causing a few people to skitter back a few inches), trying to rearrange them to press closer to his back as if they would disappear. He quickly runs a hand through his hair, making sure his antennae are adequately covered, and sighs.

“Mattie! What’re you doing over there! C’mere!”

Mustering the best smile he can, Matthew rejoins his brother.

----------------------------

In all fairness, the party isn’t bad. The music is nice, the food is excellent, and no one has any desire to talk to Matthew, which is great for him. Nothing truly terrible has actually happened to him, and it likely won’t, considering he has the crown prince backing him. Still, Matthew cannot simply enjoy the party. Every person that passes leaves him on edge. Anyone that walks up to him to speak to his brother makes him nervous. He would really rather be at home, with a good book and a warm drink. At least in Honeyfeld Castle, he was well enough known that the attendants knew not to stare. Here he was exposed, left completely open to any snide look or shocked expression. He felt a bit like a spotlight had been placed above him. Even when he was alone, off to the side, the prickling feeling of eyes on him never left. He didn’t like it. 

A hand suddenly connects with his shoulder, and Matthew jumps, letting out a small gasp as his wings instinctively flare out. He whirls his head to face the attacker, only to come face to face with Alfred. Matthew relaxs, his wings resuming their neutral position as he smiles to his brother. Alfred offers him a comforting smile in return, pity shining through his eyes.

“Hey, Mattie. There's nothing to be scared of, alright? No one's going to hurt you. I’ll make sure of it.” If only that's what Matthew was worried about. Then he could have taken comfort in those words. As it stood, Matthew returned the gesture with a meek nod and a small ‘thank you’ as he continued to subconsciously scan the room. Alfred sighs, drawing Matthew close into a protective hug.

“Relax. Enjoy the party for a little bit. and watched out for the prince of eye-- ees-- ah... The ones with the funny accent. He’s been eyeing you up all night.” Eisenrinde, Matthew tries to correct, but Alfred chooses to take his leave at that moment. “Ridiculous,” Is Matthews next thought, “He doesn't even know which kingdom his own allies are from.”

...

Wait.

The Prince of Eisenrinde was watching him?!

Matthew whirls, frantically trying to confirm this fact. How could he have missed that? There was no way. He couldn't possibly have overlooked something as massive as the Prince of the most militaristic kingdom eyeing him up. And if it was true, Matthew might as well throw in the towel. The only feasible reason someone would be watching him would be because they were disgusted by him, and Matthew wasn't exactly fit to fight. He would be so absolutely and entirely dead. Truly, this had just become the worse night of his life.

Suddenly, Matthew saw him.

The Prince of Eisenrinde (His name was Gilbert, Matthew remembered) was not a very imposing man, at least physically. Matthew was actually fairly certain he was taller than Gilbert. Unfortunately, that was Matthew's only real advantage. Gilbert was much stronger than his height showed, with fortified chitin plating and an absolutely terrifying spiked ridge that ran from the back of his neck to the middle of his back. As if he wasn't already the most intimidating man on the face of the Earth, Gilbert also sported eyes the colour of blood, which was fine when he was a country away but not fine when he was in the same room as MAtthew and also staring him down.

Did Matthew mention that Gilbert was staring at him like he committed a felony? Because that was also happening.

Timidly, Matthew met the gaze of the Life-Ender (He was scared, he’ll come up with a better nickname later.)

There was a sudden warmth to his cheeks, and the room seemed to go silent. The only thing Matthew heard was his heart beating, every instinct in his body telling him that whatever problems he had were irrelevant as long as he was looking at Gilbert.

Oh no.

Gilbert also seemed to be aware of the feeling, as his eyes widened ever so slightly.

Oh shit.

Gilbert smirks at him, raising one hand slightly and gesturing for Matthew to come to him.

Prince Gilbert of Eisenrinde was his soulmate.

Matthew gulped nervously.

He was so fucked.

----------------------------

What's this? Two posts in one day (at least in my timezone)? I’m surprised too. This is Royalty/Soulmate AU, With Canada as a peasant and Prussia as a royal. This little bug bit has been floating around in my head for a while, so it's nice to actually write it out. Maybe I’ll do more for this world?

(If anyone is curious, Canada is a Harlequin Moth, Prussia is a Wheel Bug, and Alfred is a Bumble Bee.)

[Edited, so any more errors are just me being stupid.]

[punkocalypse]

For commissions, they're going to be open, prices will go back to normal as of Monday or Tuesday, so take advantage of the sale while/if you can... Even if I don't get it done immediately, the sales are still going. 50% off of everything except line arts, which are $10 for a single full body and $15 for a couple full body.

Now onto the rest...

October 5th, 2018... Wheatley was the first to get skunked.

I don't know what he did or where he found it... but we were taking a break and had everyone inside and all we could smell was that signature skunk smell... so we sniffed and there is Wheatley... sad as could be... eyes kinda red... not SUPER smelly but definitely got it...

Poor baby... but it teaches him... so we gave him a bath and he's sticking close now. He's ready to rest... Everyone is. You give them a day of running willy-nilly outside and they're okay to sleep for the night xD

Meanwhile me? My shin that I busted open on the 4th opened back up and bled some more... so we used hydrogen peroxide and we did a dose of that maybe 6 or 7 times and it STILL kept fizzing... so we're going to keep an eye on that...

Aside from that, turned in the keys today and went to the postal office to let them know we moved... have to call some places Monday because we simply haven't had time to sit on a phone for 2-3 hours on hold to tell someone we've changed addresses :/ barely had time to go to the post office and let them know.

But everything is finally moved AND we took a photo of the mold in that closet just in case... as well as we have our therapist who we've been telling about all the crap that those apartments keep pulling on us over these couple o' years, just in case they try to pull one last screw you... Which they better not be angry about the mold because it's THEIR water closet and the only reason we know about it is that that's the whole reason they came into the apartment in the first place was to see if we had it cuz downstairs had it...

We just thought we were sick and couldn't breathe for no reason aside from stress... but no. We were being freakin' poisoned by mold spores going into the A/C and being blown all over the house. And then they never even took care of it, like everything else.

So goodbye. Now I can fix my problems. But so far the only problems with the new place is some of the doors are easily opened (old farmhouses are like that) and there's a crap ton of spiders everywhere... But when no one has lived here for who knows how long and the house is on 12 acres, you're going to get spiders... Cool thing is the laundry room has a super crooked door that can't be fixed because the threshold is too big for the door and since the floor it's on is crooked, you can't have a normal door there... but it looks cool af. We live in a crooked house and I love it.

Also, we've got like 3 types of grasshoppers, 2 kinds of crickets (One of which ALSO keeps getting inside), butterflies, moths, beetles, mosquitoes (we spray ourselves and pups have meds to deter them), other strange bugs, lizards, birds, deer, armadillos, skunks (obviously), I saw a possum the other night, turkey vultures, pigeons, and just a whole host of other critters... I heard screeching tonight, that might've been one of the possums just making noise cuz all pups were accounted for.

I also had to take an old abandoned bird's nest AND an old abandoned wasp's nest out of our mailbox so it could be used... I felt bad for taking down the bird's nest cuz there was NO way to remove it without breaking it apart...

Also, been looking more around the grounds, there's a bunkhouse out back just a tad (there's a walkway from the back of the porch to it, just has lots of overgrowth) that has electricity and is attached to the well-house by a wall but the shower in it is broken probably... has a bed in there and the light works though... we are just using it as storage.

There is also a wagon against the back of the house that I plan on taking out to the old garden and weeding soon, just toss them all in there so I can get them to the garbage easier... We want to go out and get a pumpkin sometime this month and just put it in the garden so it'll decompose and give us pumpkins next year (Okay... I want that and it was my idea lol... Grambo said we'll have pumpkins forever so probably just get one pumpkin)

I got my seeds though!! I ordered some seeds that were on sale... mostly herbs and some vegetables so in the spring I can start on it. If I can earn up the money I want to order more and maybe even order some grapes and other fruits that aren't trees. Ordered Lovey some sunflower seeds too so I can grow them to put in a vase. Also ordered like three kinds of carrot seeds cuz those are good treats for everyone...

Need to find someone who sells green beans, though... I don't know if those come in seeds or not... I've SEEN the plants when I was younger but I have no idea how they got planted or where you buy them here... but they're good dog treats and Wheatley loves them.

I want to start canning as well, next year so we can be slightly more self-sustainable, especially through the winter... I'm going to have a lot of work cut out for me but I think it'll be easier being away from everyone... I still need to clean out what we're going to use as a garage and the old chicken coop so I can use the coop/barn/thing as a workshop.

We're not ready for chickens. I want them... but we're not ready. Garden first. Plus, that coop would need a LOT of work and I still have to do the garden, the fence, and literally everything else... I'm excited about it though. I like to fix things, it makes me happy.

I'm also excited to get back to painting and drawing... traditionally. It'll be awesome to go outside and just do some sketching or maybe painting that American,I think he said Oak or Elm, tree outside in front... it is SO beautiful... Plus, the trees here aren't rotted or dead...

I have a lot of work cut out for me but it'll get me outside, so it's worth it. First thing tomorrow, since we finally have everything here, I need to take the pups out on a walk along the border of our property so they learn this is ours and this is home, don't leave this. Going to keep doing that so they learn... plus, it'll show me everything around here...

Sunday, we're going into town to see what all they have... Then Monday we have therapy and visiting Grambo.

And throughout all of that? Unpacking. BUT, we're already mostly done... It's much easier to unpack than to pack... Plus, we have space... and I hear a cricket inside, lol. Pups are sleeping, so he's lucky... Lovey stepped in cricket earlier.

Anyway, enough rambling... Will update another time... Internet is still spotty while we get used to it as well as we're super busy with home stuff and my muscles are sore and stiff so not much getting done outside of packing and unpacking... Now just unpacking, though so I can take my time...

I love this place so much... I'm actually excited and happy to come home... It's calming at home... I'm not constantly terrified... I can walk around my own home without feeling like I'm constantly in danger... Sure, for now, I have to check everything for spiders before I touch it but that's way minor to me and way less scary than people...

Speaking of people... apparently in her drunken state yesterday, Uncle's gf said she was going to fight me or punch me in the face or something... I don't know exactly... Uncle told lovey who told me that she was threatening to fight me specifically... and I just find that fucking hilarious because that happens so often... I don't do anything and people want to fight me and then never actually do anything...

Like, literally... I have NEVER done anything against this woman in my LIFE... I've been polite. I've never said anything to her. I've never said anything to her boyfriend. I've never said anything to Grambo... But she wants to punch me in the face... For not being involved whatsoever...

The last time this happened was some girl was being incredibly rude to a different Grandmother and I told her she needed to respect the woman allowed her to live under their roof, to which she told my friend's cousin she was going to punch me in the face next time I did that... which she never did and I didn't find out about the threat until after the fact...

So yeah... People always want to fight me and I'm losing the will to care at this point. I'm not a confrontational or violent person but everyone wants to fight me behind my back... Okay then, I guess? By all means, throw the first punch... I will pin you to the ground so you can't hurt anyone and YOU can go to jail for assault. I don't like bullies and I don't like fighting. I don't have time for this.

Have fun with it.

I'm writing this at 1:11 AM but will post it when I get up because my internet isn't working right now and I think computers will have to be permanently grounded to the bedroom to get any service because that's also the only place the wifi router works. No living room for you... I have to put a desk in there, we've only got one... Thankfully, we have our own desk... it's just outside while we're unpacking... And then it has to be checked for bug-life before it's allowed out of purgatory and into the realm of the living... Just like almost everything else.

Alright, that's the end, I'm done... Hope you're all good.

NEW NOTE: It's 4:11 AM and couldn't sleep so posting while I can

[grubhivemind]

RILEY: -while ryan falling  back into the web of addiction wasn't a good thing, she was grateful that she was given the chance to support her through this. she took advantage of every day's two hour long visiting period no matter what. the last she wanted was for ryan to feel like she was going through this alone- 

RILEY: -she gets clearance into the facility and knows by now not to bring much of anything--everything could be used as a weapon these days. and she walks into the common area, looking for her daughter-

RYAN: -she's got herself perched in an arm chair near a window, away from other small groups of visitors with patients. she seems to be zoning out a little, watching the happenings of the outside world, but she already looks like she's on the upswing in general, even with the pensive look on her face.- 

RYAN: -when riley enters, she catches a glimpse of the movement and perks to attention. a smile returns to her weary face, brightening her look immensely and she waves in case riley hasn't spotted her yet.-

RILEY: -her attention is grabbed by the waving and she greets her youngest with a warm grin- hey, baby.

RYAN: -hops up from her seat to capture riley in a hug. she really appreciates her visits... the loneliness really worsens the restlessness.- hey!!! i missed you.

RYAN: its only been a day but i missed you!!!

RILEY: -hugs her tightly and smooches her head- i missed you too, cutie. 

RILEY: how are you doing?

RYAN: im alright... just a little bored i guess. -sighs-

RYAN: i mean aside from all the gross withdrawal shit but hey. 

RYAN: its not as bad as it could be???

RILEY: -she pulls away to take a seat next to ryan's chair- you really feeling that optimistic despite all of this? i mean...you totally should. because it's gonna get better. i just know how hard it is to.

RYAN: -wringes her hands and then takes a seat again too.- yeah. i dunno. 

RYAN: last time i was in a place like this it wasnt really... my decision?

RYAN: guess its easier to be optimistic if you sorta feel in control.

RILEY: -nods- yeah. i totally agree. 

RILEY: it took a lot of maturity, you know. for you to put yourself first and come here. 

RILEY: i wouldn't have been able to do that at your age at all.

RYAN: ... -she just shrugs about that- just took advantage of a moment of clarity. 

RYAN: i had some motivation but... 

RYAN: i think mostly i was disappointed in myself? and i was tired of feeling bad about that. 

RYAN: time to put on me big girl panties i guess.

RILEY: -she smiles a little, listening to ryan talk- and you're pretty fucking amazing for it.

RILEY: but you've always been amazing.

RYAN: -she blush... she isn't sure how to receive a compliment like that. at least not in THIS context. she doesn't feel all that amazing. its just necessary.- aw gee. 

RYAN: youre just saying that. :blush: -still gonna act coy about it tho.-

RILEY: -ruffles her a hair a little- nah. 

RILEY: i'm real proud of you, kid. 

RILEY: just happy i get to hang around you this time around. 

RILEY: you know, impart my motherly wisdom or some shit like that.

RYAN: oh?? what nuggets of wisdom do you have to share with me today?

RILEY: fuck bitches get money.

RYAN: -snorts then pops and locks it- no no no no silly boys cant tame me. 

RYAN: bennys the only one whos ever gonna claim me. 

RYAN: uh uh uh uh im in love with the price tag. 

RYAN: gimmie your number imma give that shit right back. 

RYAN: fuck boyz get money. 

RYAN: fuck boyz get money.

RILEY: i like that better. 

RILEY: okay, but for real, i never got any motherly wisdom to impart in the first place. it's all just winging it.

RYAN: hehe... i figured thats how the parenting thing works. 

RYAN: i mean no offense.

RYAN: youre good at winging it.

RILEY: yeah? 

RILEY: good enough to get a g on my report card?

RYAN: more like straight up g.

RILEY: daaaaaaaaaaamn! 

RILEY: didn't see that one coming. 

RILEY: so have you made any friends here yet? 

RILEY: places like these are friend central.

RYAN: i mean... im friends with pretty much everyone. -looks around at all the folks visiting with their family and friends.- 

RYAN: im of moderate popularity. people either love me or hate me cuz im being so bitterly optimistic haha. 

RYAN: so you know. 

RYAN: love me or hate me its still an obsession.

RILEY: love me or hate me that is the question. 

RILEY: you've always been the light that draws all the moths and big bugs. 

RILEY: it sounds less like a compliment when i say it like that but i swear it is.

RYAN: -snorts- oh yeah... i attract all KINDS of creepy crawlies.

RILEY: where's the lie?

RYAN: -snickers, but then pauses thoughtfully.- hey... 

RYAN: im sure theres some wisdom you can share though? advice on how to like... 

RYAN: keep myself from feeling so  restless?

RILEY: -looks over at her as her expression softens a little- you can't. 

RILEY: it's a fun part of withdrawal, baby. 

RILEY: what you can do is try and distract yourself. or make sure you're never completely alone. cuz it's when you're alone that it gets unbearable.

RYAN: ... -looks down at her lap.-distractions are hard.

RILEY: they are. 

RILEY: or you can channel that energy into something artistic. 

RILEY: it's not going to take it away but at least you'll get something out of it, you know?

RYAN: -fidgets, but then nods.- i always try singing. 

RYAN: it usually helps a lil bit.

RILEY: keep singing. even if you don't want to anymore. 

RILEY: that's my advice.

RYAN: -some days it is harder to find her voice and it feels like those have been more often than not lately.- you wanna sing with me?

RILEY: -she smiles sweetly at her- there's no question about it. 

RILEY: i'd fuckin love to.

RYAN: -nods again, taking a deep breath.- alright cool. 

RYAN: -shuts her eyes, thinking of what she wants to sing... and then just lets it happen.- 

RYAN: when it went down it was hard to breathe. 

RYAN: i gave up everything in a slow fall down to the floor. RYAN: life was escaping me. i couldnt find myself. 

RYAN: til it was all lost. 

RYAN: not anymore. 

RYAN: im holding on to all the pieces of my hearts debris. 

RYAN: til its time. 

RYAN: ill put it together and fix myself eventually. 

RYAN: and know its mine.

RILEY: i found gold in the wreckage, put it on a necklace. 

RILEY: keepin' it cause i, i, i, i know that it's mine. 

RILEY: i wear it like a message so i don't forget it. 

RILEY: keepin' it cause i, i, i, i know that it's mine.

RILEY: i know that it's mine no matter what i do. -reaches over to push ryan's hair back- 

RILEY: i know that it's mine whether i win or lose. 

RILEY: and even though my heart needs to take its time. 

RILEY: i know that's mine, i know that it's mine.

RYAN: -chest tightens at the simple gesture.- facing the change but its still tough to see. 

RYAN: at first i fought it all. i was so mean. 

RYAN: im still unsure how its supposed to be. 

RYAN: but taking every day now by the skin of my teeth.

RYAN: until i learn. 

RYAN: im holding on to all the pieces of my hearts debris. 

RYAN: til its time. oh. 

RYAN: ill pull it together and fix myself eventually. 

RYAN: and know its mine. -she starts to sniffle, watching her mother sing with her.-

RILEY: i found gold in the wreckage, put it on a necklace. 

RILEY: keepin' it 'cause i, i, i, i know that it's mine. 

RILEY: i wear it like a message so i don't forget it. 

RILEY: keepin' it 'cause i, i, i, i know that it's mine. -takes the opportunity to bring Ryan against her, holding her and singing more softly.- 

RILEY: know that it's mine no matter what I do. 

RILEY: i know that it's mine whether I win or lose. 

RILEY: and even though my heart needs to take its time. 

RILEY: i know that it's mine, i know that it's mine.

RYAN: -curls up against her, clinging tightly and giving up on singing the rest of the song because she's trembling too badly now.-

RILEY: -just holds her safely in her arms and leans her head against her daughter's.. she's still singing, just very softly-

RYAN: -she just listens to her for a long while, letting the tears that escape from her to cleanse the heaviness in her heart. she feels like a kid again, crying over something trivial that her mother effortlessly cast away with her soothing songs. it reminds her of all the ways she wanted to be just like riley. maybe she got that wish in too many different ways, but she wouldn't change this connection they have now for anything. she feels safe just like this.-