#it was so emotional to me I hurt myself in the process | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yomiosatious · 2 years

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posted the update to Tempered Glass last night and was on the verge of tears HOWD I DO THIS TO MYSELF ,, WHAT HAPPENED

#WHY DID THEY DO THSI TO ME #i don’t know I don’t know how this happened #it was so emotional to me I hurt myself in the process #why’d I do that to him whyyyyyy #i made it….. too realistic #freehoun #yomiospeakous #yomiowrites

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hoforwonho · 1 year

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thank you, moonbin. rest in peace.

#moonbin #it's been an emotional few days and I've had so much trouble processing and dealing with this #I got into kpop in one of the lowest moments in my life - and it/the community has helped me get through more than I thought I could #Moonbin and Astro were a huge part of that #This hurt - it hurt a lot more than I thought it ever would #I can't even begin to imagine what Sua - the rest of Moonbin's family - Astro & his close friends are feeling #All of my thoughts are with them #And to every other fan struggling with this: you aren't alone #And if anyone needs to talk - please reach out #I know there are a lot of incredible fans on here who are willing to help - and I'll do my best to make myself available for anyone #addy.gifs

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brown-little-robin · 8 months

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あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up.#this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY.#it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's—#hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker.......#I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!!#WAH!!!!#I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese

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buttercupshands · 3 months

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I just managed to get off mha hyperfixation

And now it's happening again... Oh no

Helps with upcoming MHUI LoV event tho, it was a long time since last one happened I wonder what would happen in a new filler story part

Basically this and couple of pages of mid-final arc chapters + recent episode and next one being The Dabi episode was just too much not to get excited again

But! Important thing - I need to reread the last arc before I make anything new, if possible without finishing it to the 419 chapter and everything after, it took 2 months to really recover from the damage that chapter did

Anyway am I ready for the new event? Kinda! Do I have enough gems to get new Tomura? No! I'm not sure he'll even show up this time, because other ones were and still are really stubborn

Also Steampunk recruit took like 120 pulls in a step-up recruit and in the usual one combined

Not the best time to get LoV involved, it's cruel even

Also that one part of the page I added at the beginning was so interesting to look at and them I joked about 236 being similar. The only good thing with final arc being over is that I can say that Izuku didn't draw the parallel of seeing everyone hurt and seeing Tenko react on Mon's death

Understandable why, but it's funny to just look at them and be like, "wow Horikoshi traumatized them both"

#bnha #mhui #morning thoughts #not art #tenko shimura #shigaraki tomura #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #Still trying to assure myself that it's okay to tag whatever with whatever #If I get into drawing Izuku and Tenko interacting again this post is why #I don't prefer shipping stuff aside from here and there but some of the relationships are so interesting to look at #Izuku and Tenko one is one of my favorites and when PLF arc ended with Izuku looking behind who Tomura was on the outside was...#I can't describe it because I was SURE it was never happening and then it did and almost 3 years after that we get the actual thing #And then boom it's over #I thing knowing that AFO shows up in the 418 ruined it for me I saw people trying to predict it and stuff #But I hoped it wasn't gonna happen but I didn't know what would the other option be #So I was in 'we'll see' mindset for months and I'm okay with the end result... Kinda #It hurts really badly if I turn to my actual emotions #I was just thinking one day and while reading stuff decided to punch a pillow and suddenly it's like some wall broke and it hurt #It hurts now too actually just writing this #I thought because I wasn't processing this the way most people I saw in the fandom did with all of the hating on Horikoshi and stuff #AND hating on Izuku too!#I was either broken or a strange one even to the part of the fandom I tried to join for the first time in ages #While people were clinging to anything to keep deluding themselves that Tomura is alive #Or being openly angry on Twitter #It all was on Twitter actually because I have no power to really change what it shows if I don't just “ignore” every single person there #I tried drawing through it but I slowly hit burnout with drawing absolutely nothing #I'm a bit better now and I tried different things instead so it's alright still a bit... Too much all at once since I had irl stuff too #I'm glad that I'm not known enough to be pressured about anything since I pressure myself enough already

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peribirb · 6 months

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you ever catch feelings for somebody but you've spent your entire life convinced/convincing yourself that you're fundamentally unattractive and broken in a way that makes you unlovable and unsuited to any sort of relationship, and so instead of just enjoying that extra dopamine burst of seeing them around you just make yourself feel miserable for even daring to feel that way in the first place? or is that just me?

#hhhh i hope this doesn't come across as some sort of “ohhhhh you have to come fix me and save me” bullshit cus that's not it. it's just #i'm sick of my brain acting like this and i wish i could process my emotions in a healthier way #one that doesn't feel like i'm just using them to mentally selfharm you know #or at the very least in a way where i don't immediately think i'm being some sort of creep for daring to find somebody attractive #i just. don't have the self-esteem for it and my brain immediately sabotages even just idle fantasy scenarios #some sort of long-term relationship? god i'm so distant and easily distracted i'd just hurt them by inadvertently ignoring them #something short-term and low-key? well i'll still forget to check in or i'll fuck up some other way and feelings will get hurt #just fuckin? god i hate my body so much i. cannot convince myself that i'm desirable in any way #even if i literally know people who would tell me otherwise and mean it. it's just so deep-seated i think #i think i just have a lot of problems to work on. and i don't really know how to go through that process yet #anyway. this isn't like helpful processing of emotions or anything it's just venting lol #this doesn't even cover the “am i aroace or not” confusion spiral that i've got going on...#it was a therapy day so my brain is already primed to Dig In Deep to everything that hurts #:thumbsup:#vent #delete later

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sassy-hedgie · 3 months

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when you’re someone who isn’t outwardly emotional and people treat it like a good thing or something that’s easily fixed and you’re just 🫥

#shoutout to my mom for once again saying the worst thing without meaning to #like yes mom i’m glad you fixed your somewhat minimal issues with showing emotion #except i’m not you and i’ve always been unable to get myself to do it because my brain isn’t wired that way #and got teased about it my whole life instead! and treated like garbage!#like believe me if i could show emotions in a normal way and not just internalized until my tummy hurts i WOULD #and have tried for 30 fucking years to do so #but thank you once again for reminding me i’m a socially incapable mess of a human being mom #idk this is tbd i’m just so tired of this and had a heavy night already and issues processing so this got to me

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selfshippinglover · 25 days

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Vent ignore

#just have to get thoughts out need to not be sitting with yhem alone #haha #i hate myself rn #it's not my fault i know my emotions are just gucking everywhere rn #and every one of them is touchy #but fuvking having that i scary thought process again that i should die cause i will never learn to love myself #that scary feeling of wanting to pack up and run away and start a new life #or die quietly rotting alone #fucking hell #i need to get a self esteem or a grip or something this sucks #i am at eork I can't cry but i want to really badly #it hurts it is heavy #crying would help some #instead i will internally scream #lol work is so bad fir my mental health #like a designated period of time alone sith my thoughts is always good #and totally works out for me everytime #ugh #i feel like shot fir needjng to vent but i need it out of me #i have shit to do here #i am sitting in a corner in the back room taking breaths while tyoingbthis #i will find a distraction #i will get through this #i want to be more acrivr on hrre and i am trying to be!#just keep ending uo mentally bad whrn i finally am ready to haha

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neurotypical-sonic · 1 year

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Like im absolutely looking forward to prime but at same time. its actually gonna be a bit painful anfjfk I will absolutely get overwhelmed and the chances of having a meltdown will be high. "oh just dont watch it in one night" several reasons why not watching it all will be the same amount of bad or more bad, its a small and petty thing to complain about but GODDD

#egg.txt #talk of harmful stimming ->#im usually pretty lucky in the fact that I can redirect wanting to hit myself or otherwise Hurt as a stim #when I watched part one I had my huge appa plush just so I could punch the shit out of it shdjdjd #but god. not only the trying to process all the sudden new information but the #handling the emotions that come with #any Big emotion automatically is bad for me. will send me in a crisis #I MISS WEEKLY EPISODES. THEY WERE EASIER AND ALSO A LOT MORE FUN

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stereax · 2 months

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saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:

oh...

#sterechats :)#going through It. and by It let's just say. the worst loss of my life lol #but I don't think anyone wants to hear how I ruined it again #and how badly I miss them #and if they'd give me one more chance I'd be the happiest person in the world #they put up with so much shit I should never have put them through #I can't blame them for leaving I just wish I could show them how much they mean to me #that behind all of my masks and my anger I cared about them more than anything #and I'm just so damn scared of being vulnerable because I've learned vulnerability is weakness #and even though that's wrong and I know it is it's less vulnerable to close myself off and respond with rage #than it is to actually confront my own emotions and realize that I'm not a robot #that I have feelings and they're usually really big and overwhelming for me #and I have to step back and process these things on my own because it's unfair to others #because I can't keep treating my friends like they're responsible for my emotions and at fault for them #because I need to actually communicate my needs instead of assuming people know them #because these same patterns are why I keep losing friends over and over again #and if I don't fix them I'm never going to be able to maintain a friendship #god. if they're ever going to read this I hope they know how much they mean to me #and how deeply and truly sorry I am for everything I've done #and how I never want to hurt them ever again #and I'm crying again. it feels like all I'm ever doing recently is crying #you know that saying 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone'? yeah.#for all the shit I talked I'd do anything to hear them tell me about their f1 drivers again #I miss them so much it's killing me it feels like #I just. I don't think they're coming back #no matter how much I tell myself they just need a few weeks or months #I think I really fucked it up this time and I don't want to admit it to myself #because I don't think I can mentally accept that they're gone forever most likely #I just want to hope that they'll give me that one last chance and I can prove myself #I just want to talk to them again and it hurts so much

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🥡

#smth that does trouble me is that i am extremely emotional and i have complained of that for a long time lol #it does make me feel ashamed and frustrated bc #when i was a child i had to suppress all my emotions bc i got punished for literally feeling anything #so i never learned how to process any emotions in a normal healthy way #and idk w most ppl in my life they get an intensely watered down version of me bc i just restrain myself #and dont let myself feel a lot or anything at all bc when i feel it's bad #but sometimes very rarely i like someone so so so much that like ...#if i let my love out that emotional instability will also be shown.... ://///#and idk. since i've never been in a space where i can *fully* with comfortability and security in that i can let it out (bc im scared and #careful and need time lolz) i need more of a learning curve #but i know im capable of such deep profound love and devotion and loyalty and faithfulness and like all of that #tbh 98% i have gotten to a point thanks to my avpd and fear of judgement im able to not let my instable emotions pour out #like actually i dont. no one knows me based on my vent blog lol 🖕 it's only when i get overstimulated (noise emotions impressions etc etc)#or have certain issues of mine triggered. that it pours out #i dont mean that to blame other ppl like i know that *i* have these issues and like they mainly affect and impact me #but yeah idk it's frustrating & idk how to navigate it bc 1st im emotionally locked bc im fearful of everything that includes deep feelings #then im too scared of rejection to even like try to say anything. then when i realize i didnt... realize everything i get too emotional bc #idk how to process emotions and like i just dont know??????#im just ashamed of it and i feel bad abt emotional outbursts but im also able to love so deeply and fully #and bc of my childish emotions and how fkn worthless i am i dream of a dad bf who is patient #and understanding and compassionate and takes me as i am and sees that im trying and am in pain #ppl judge that and me but thats just how i feel and what i want and need and im not hurting anyone else #i mean... except the one person who has never made me feel ashamed or bad for this and since i feel too much #he's the only one i've had emotional outbursts to and then i was too scared to show love to balance it out #(and this sounds bad but it's hard to explain and tbh i realize that it doesnt really concern anyone lol)#and yeah i regret it and yeah a lot of things i say is applicable on me as well and im self aware abt it and yeah idk :p

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gumy-shark · 4 months

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applied for a job and then mom encouraged me to follow up in person. so i went since we needed to pick up some things from there anyways. and i tried to ask about it but i literally could not talk to the employees. could not approach them could not form words. i am back home and this is fucking Hell this is Nightmare Dimension

#mom wants me to ‘work my way up’ THERE IS NO PART OF THIS THAT IS EASY FOR ME #EVERY PART OF THIS IS SMTH I HAVE TO ‘WORK UP’ TO EXCEPT THERES NO WAY TO BUILD MOMENTUM BC ALL OF IT IS HARD #i Need to get a job this summer. i will not be able to afford school if i don’t #but there is no part of this process that isn’t so stressful for me that my fucking sinuses or w/e hurt #like the emotional pressure i am putting myself under here is enough to feel like physical pressure in my ears #i legitimately don’t know what to do here bc even THINKING about it is so stressful

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backfliips · 2 years

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if u finish reading the catcher in the rye and walk away going “ugh holden caulfield is such a spoiled rich kid” i am going to scream so loud into your face that your eardrums explode

#did you read the fucking book #sorry i just cried over holden caulfield in real life and im making myself angry #its just so upsetting to me how a so clearly empathetic traumatized abused kid who is so lost and overwhelmed by life gets so little #sympathy from most audiences #people want to approach it with the mindset that holden caulfield is acting like hes the saddest worst off person on the planet #and they judge the book by saying his position isnt the lowest on the totem pole so his complaints are invalid and not worth anyones time #and thats not... the point... of the book.......#holden is supposed to represent basically young men with ptsd who have no idea how to process their trauma or emotions #people with trauma who act in self destructive ways because theyre suicidal and lost #people who have been hurt so badly that the thought of others losing their innocence is enough to drive them to tears #holdens dream is to keep others from experiencing the hurt he feels #he fumbles his way through life because he doesnt think hes worth anything #hes such a deeply empathetic character and i just. GRAAHH.......

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parallaxabomination · 5 months

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my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now.#i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

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midwestblue · 1 year

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I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.

#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved #I'm feeling really emotional sorryy #basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself #its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress #I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont.#btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was #so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad #and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life #so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay.#so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy #its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time?#because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right?#but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because #I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life #Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this.#I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like #all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping #Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out?#idk this has been really long im so sorry.#vent #tw vent #tws ->#abuse ment #parents ment #<- in tags

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viderose · 1 year

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he’s annoying, i don’t like him (he hasn’t given me as much attention lately)

#im fighting for my life out here #i feel so childish and annoying. like rationally ik i can’t have his undivided attention. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it sometimes🥺#i think what actually is happening is that im worrying he’s about to ghost #i feel bad thinking that though. bc he seems like a very honest and mature person? with how he talks abt things i don’t think he would rly #ghost me after talking for this amount of time. but ya never can tell…. every time we don’t talk as much for a few days i get very nervous #and it’s weirdly quite difficult to push that worry out of my head. and then i get annoyed with myself for worrying about it to begin with #like i can’t control what he does so why worry about his hypothetical actions? i’ll deal w the consequences of them if or when they occur.#if we stop talking i’ll feel sad and i’ll miss him for a bit and then i’ll get over it. that’s all. it’s not that bad.#but anyway my point is we good #sometimes idk if id truly feel That sad. i think it depends how it ends.#or maybe i just don’t think anyone can hurt my feelings as much as the first person to hurt my feelings in a specific way #like you experience a loss or betrayal or grief - whatever - the first time and it’s all encompassing. it feels like it could genuinely kill #you it hurts so bad. and every subsequent loss or betrayal or grief you experience just isn’t the same? you barely flinch #maybe it’s because you learn to process those emotions better or maybe it’s keeping things at arm’s length as a protective measure #that means nothing hurts as much as the first thing #idk #this became a silly ramble #im just very attached to him and i miss him when he’s busy but also don’t want to ask too much for fear of being a nuisance or rejected :)#ykwim?#i miss him a lot

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apathyfairy · 1 year

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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i #understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom #i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking #4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am #and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself #i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies #in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still #not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight #or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week #because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of #knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and #i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally #Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead #then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just #i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i #want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk #that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.

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