#it was so jarring to me in my intro to communication class when i saw “negro” in the book like ok...💀?

[icanseethefuture333]

White authors and teachers love to talk about anti blackness just so they can use the n slur

[jarofrebuke-transcripts]

Jar of Rebuke Episode 5 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 5: Perfect Attendance

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

TODD

Hey Jared, it's Dr. Carmen. Listen, I know you asked to cash in on some of that paid time off you've got, but I wanted to let you know that I couldn't fulfill your request quite yet. There's one little thing I need you to look into for me first. There's some circulating rumors of a former teacher causing some trouble at the local school. I say former because she's been dead for about a hundred years or so. I don't know the exact details yet besides what Dr. Rahal heard- footprints with no source, flying clocks, startled janitors- you know the drill. So I need you to go and investigate. Since you're just so good with those little kiddos that come by your place at night, I figured you'd be even better with some actual kids. And since you've been doing a little personal community outreach, why not put that to use? Now go see what you can figure out and report back to me, then we can discuss that vacation time of yours. Oh, also you're welcome for the plumbing fixture, by the way. I know you've been too busy to stop by with a proper thanks, but I'm just glad we could get that all fixed up for you. Well, I'll keep an eye out for your report by the end of the week. See you around.

JARED

“Oh you're welcome for the plumbing fixture, by the way.” Oh, geez Louise, I literally never asked them to fix my plumbing. I called it- now he's gonna hold that over my head for gods-know-how long. I know that some folks say that being motivated by spite ain't the best way to live but it's a real hell of a motivator. I don't plan to delete this voicemail till I get that chat about time off because if I get brushed out about that PTO again after everything, I'm going to remind them that he guaranteed me a talk about it. I mean he normally sends me out over the dangerous stuff, but this was just tedious. More like Todd just wanted to send me out on an errand and just threw me out over the first thing that he could. I mean, considering that I drowned a few weeks ago, this was expected to be a bit of a piece of cake. While it wasn't life-threatening, it was annoying. And draining.

So today, I just so happened to bump into the principal of the local school. I know that she goes to the Chronicle Inn’s country store a lot, especially during her lunch breaks. So I went in the afternoon and spent some time there talking with Ester and Laura as I waited for her to arrive. Ester was wearing a really lovely dress and a floral apron, the pale pink accented her gray hair really nicely. And Laura was already in her denim overalls and plaid flannel. Apparently she was wanting to get some woodworking done in her workshop, but then she decided to stay in and help Ester out with managing the shop for the afternoon rush, you know, since all the folks started pouring in on their lunch breaks. And that afternoon rush was what I'd waited for because that's when Mrs. Anika Ralsh showed up. We haven't really ever talked much, just enough to get to know each other's names and general identities. So when she saw me she greeted me with a small smile and a wave. She asked how I'd been doing, you know, what I'd been up to, the usual. I had planned on how I was going to broach the subject of the haunting in the school considering that it's not exactly something that just, uh, comes up naturally in conversation. I needed to find some inconspicuous way to shift focus to, to that topic in a way that wouldn't trigger too many red flags. But then she dropped the bombshell on me!

She said that she'd spoken to Darius and that he mentioned that I had some curiosity with the supernatural, which was weird because I remember mentioning that passively to him like once when I panicked when he asked me what I do for a living. And that was a while ago. I'm shocked that he remembered. So I basically told her what I told him. Yeah, I'm a scientist who studies natural phenomena around here but I also have an interest in supernatural phenomena but that's more of a hobby. Which is a boldface lie, but far more acceptable than the truth. The script in my head of how the conversation would go was now entirely thrown off which did, in all honesty, throw me completely off my rhythm. But she actually got far more to the point than I would have planned to so I guess it worked for the best.

Anika said that she hadn't been sure who to reach out to about this, but when Darius had mentioned me she thought it'd be worth a shot to ask me to look into things. That there's a ghost of a deceased teacher that keeps stirring up trouble at the local school. It was a former teacher who taught fifth graders back in like the 80s or something like that. She taught up until the day she died, and she's rumored to still linger around. But she's been getting more disruptive than before and it's getting a bit out of hand. So, Anika asked me if I knew a way to get this ghost to calm down, but to not get rid of her. Apparently this Mrs. Alice Caller has been a part of the school community for so long that even if she scares or startles people sometimes they don't really want her gone. She startles the staff more than anything, the teachers and all that. But the students seem to get a kick out of it. Every building has their character after all, that's what Anika said. And I guess you could consider a haunting to be a splash of character.

Anyways, so yeah, after chatting for a bit and pretending that I had my knowledge of ghosts and hauntings due to at-home research and not my nine to five, even if it's more of a six to five. I told her I could investigate, but I'd probably want to do it when there weren't, you know, students in the halls? She'd asked if I was free literally that evening and considering Todd was basically holding my paid time off as hostage I said of course. I mean the sooner I got it done the sooner I could have some sort of vacation. As preemptive compensation, she bought me lunch which was really nice and told me to come by school after I finished eating. She took her food to go, but I stayed and ate there at the end and chatted with Ester and Laura a bit more. I also texted Darius and asked if he told Anika about my supernatural interests. He said yes and apologized if he shouldn't have told her but I said that it was fine, that I was mostly surprised that he'd remembered. I'd mentioned it a while back and we really don't ever talk about it, so the fact that he remembered... it was sweet. I mean especially considering I let him do most of the talking in conversation. He has a nice voice and tells really nice stories. I was flattered more than anything.

After I ate and played some mindless puzzle games on my phone I headed out towards the school. If I'd really wanted to I could have walked but I had driven to the end from my house anyways and had no reason to just leave my car behind. I got there a little before the last class ended and just went to the front office. After some light chit chat, I was given a tour. It was one floor, maybe like 13 classrooms in total. Not including the small computer lab, the gym, the restrooms or closets. I saw teachers wrapping up classes and students getting ready to head home. Nothing seemed off during the first walk through. She asked me when I got into tracking the supernatural and I told her about two years ago. Not a lie, I guess. She asked what I did for the Enclosure. “We don't really know what it is you all do, I guess we're just curious,” is what she'd said. I felt like she was reading every movement and microexpression in response to whatever my answer would be. I kind of panicked. I told her that I just keep tabs on the natural anomalies, animal behavior primarily. I told her I'm involved in monitoring wildlife just to make sure that the ecosystem is in balance and stuff like that. Then I quickly changed the topic because I know jack diddley about biology beyond the basics.

I got to talking to Anika about what's been happening, which was what Todd had said and then some. Flying clocks, footprints, and startled staff. But there were also a few other things as well. Things apparently turn on and off by themselves, like the janitor's vacuums or the lights. One time the cleaning staff heard some stuff moving around in an empty room and then when they investigated the room, apparently a bunch of desks got moved around and flipped over. Seems that this Mrs. Caller has also been knocking over projectors and has made things go missing, especially in the old classroom where she taught. After Anika showed me around the whole school, uh, greeting kids as classes let out, which, let me tell you, made me incredibly uncomfortable. Again, I'm not good with kids, so I just kind of gave awkward waves and half smiles to them. Anyways, after she showed me around and led me back to where Mrs. Caller's former classroom was, she asked if I needed anything before she'd go back to work and leave me to meander. Right before she walked away though she asked if I had any tools for the ghost hunting. I hate calling it that. I'm not hunting the ghosts or anything, I'm more just trying to communicate, check in and see what's going on. They don't always want to talk and I definitely respect that. I mean, heck, there's times I sure don't want to talk to people. I told her I mostly wanted to check out the place first. I would bring in my equipment from my car once all the students were gone. She asked if I needed to wait till night time and I told her that that's just a rumor. Paranormal investigations often happen at night because it's quieter from interruptions and easier to use the night vision. But if the ghost has been haunting during the day then it makes sense to investigate during the day as well.

So we walked back to the front door. She went into what I guess is her office and I went and grabbed my kit that I keep in my trunk. It's got an EMF sensor, a voice recorder, which is basically just a fancier version of what I use for these journal entries. An infrared thermometer, high power camera, other nifty little tools. Mostly the basics, they don't give me the heavy duty kit for assignments like these, of course. I made my way back to Mrs. Caller's former classroom and gave passing greetings to everyone that I passed and made eye contact with. Just a little smile and wave, asking how are you, as neither party planned for an extensive conversation. I got over there and introduced myself as I set up the equipment. I definitely felt something. I wasn't sure if it was her or not but with the way that it felt, well I felt more comfortable. It felt more familiar. So I told her my name, that I was there just to communicate and see if I could help calm her down at all. I explained what I was setting up and what all it would do. I felt my muscles relax as I just felt far more comfortable in this situation than being surrounded by students while talking to Anika. Nothing against Anika, I felt quite comfortable talking to her back at the restaurant. I think it was just the whole being surrounded by people thing. So I got everything set up and started to poke around the classroom. I started asking general questions, ones that I'm encouraged to ask based on protocol. What do you want, how did you die, why are you here? And so on. I hate those questions. What makes anyone think that those spirits would want to answer them anyway?

So after I got very little response I sat down on top of one of the desks crisscross applesauce, put the equipment down and just chatted. I asked how she was feeling. I apologized if it was bothersome being pestered with questions especially if she'd been primarily been being ignored, except for people prying. I asked why she lingered in her former classroom, like why this place? That was when a small frame holding up what looked like an obituary caught my attention, a hung up above the door, so I asked her about it. I heard some beeps from my pile of tools but I didn't need to pick it up. I knew that particular beeping. It wasn't an auditory reception, it was an energy spike. And I could feel the shift in… the atmosphere? The mood of the room? At first I just felt like I was being watched, but then I felt like it was more, um, that I was encroaching in someone else's living space. That I was somewhere that I shouldn't be or doing something that I shouldn't be doing. I slid myself off the desk and went to start gathering my supplies, but then the feeling went away. Seems like she'd just been upset that I was sitting with my feet up on the desk like that. So I muttered an apology and just made my way over towards the door to take a closer look at the obituary. It felt like something was practically breathing down the back of my neck. Not literally, but, I don't know. I could just feel it there. I turned around slowly and saw, unsurprisingly, nothing. But I knew in my gut that she was right there.

Then what scared me more than anything was that the classroom door flew open behind me. Not enough to slam on the wall or anything, but enough to make a sound. It was just some student who apparently left her notebook behind her something. She couldn't have been more than, what ,13? She was sweet, asked what I was doing back there. I told her a half truth, which is pretty much just my life at this point. I told her I was investigating on behalf of Mrs. Ralsh, which in my opinion is not a lie, just not the whole truth. She then went on to tell me about an experience that her dad had last year. Apparently her dad is one of the school janitors that had an incident early one morning when he'd come to clean up the place during the weekend. He was helping wax the floors in the halls by the back door, and at some point he turned to see footprints in the wax finishing on the tile. Her dad got pretty freaked out since he knew that he did not hear or see anyone walk by and the footprints were all too small to be his. He followed the footprints to the back door. He tried the handle but the door was locked, it was a door that needed a key to be unlocked. So he used his key to open the door and discovered footprints leading from the door to the direction of the town's cemetery, which wasn't too far away. The same cemetery that Mrs. Caller was buried in. I asked her if her dad had experienced anything else since then with Mrs. Caller, and she said that he's seen loads of stuff. But normally he sees the aftermath, like he has to clean up the messes that she makes if the other teachers can't for whatever reason. So I thanked her, she grabbed her things, and then she wished me luck before she hurried out.

So once again I stood alone in the classroom. Well, alone besides the presence of Mrs. Caller, which was definitely still strong. Maybe it was a bit smarmy of me, but I asked her, “now why would the girl wish me luck?” I was told that Mrs. Caller isn't aggressive towards people but she definitely wants her presence to be known, and I guess she didn't like the idea of the disrespect in my tone in her own classroom. Suddenly there was a blur in front of me and the sound of shattering glass, the framed obituary that hung above the door had been knocked off the wall and landed practically at my feet, which made me jump instinctively. Thankfully my boots are sturdy enough that I didn't have to worry too much about getting hurt from the glass, but I noticed that there was something tucked behind the obituary in the frame. My hands are already fairly scarred up from work and I don't think the nerve endings in my fingertips really work as well as they used to, so I kind of just reached down without thinking. I brushed away the glass and picked up the paper so that I could examine it.

The obituary itself was hardly remarkable, exactly what I'd expect from a beloved school teacher who passed away many many years ago. But what was behind it was odd. An old Enclosure business card. I still have it with me. It looks probably as old as the obituary, if not older. It's the same general logo but it doesn't look as modern, as if they've updated it since then. The colors aren't as bright, aren't as jarring. But something about it made my stomach twist. It felt wrong, not like the uncanny valley wrong, but just I don't like looking at it. I pocketed the business card and carefully put the obituary on the desk. I asked what Mrs. Caller was trying to tell me, but the energy felt... tired? Strained? A little concerned. I asked for literally any other message, any other sign, anything that could be helpful with whatever this, this business card is. Then I saw chairs in the classroom start to move. Instead of them all being pushed into desks they were all shifted as if whoever was seated in the chairs were all facing me. I was the focus at that point. It suddenly felt like I was being watched far more intensely than I've been in a haunting situation. It was like I was standing in front of a crowd who were all watching me with narrowed, scrutinizing eyes. At first I just gave a huff and said “oh haha, very funny”. But then, the smell of something sweet. It was... it was a mild smell, not like anything I've ever smelled before, but as soon as that smell hit my senses my chest hurt and my stomach churned. I looked back at the obituary on the desk and saw Mrs. Caller's smiling face, then looked up to see the words “do your homework” written on the whiteboard in neat handwriting and one of the markers uncapped on the little storage ledge thing. So I told her, okay, I would, but I had to leave. I felt sick, which has never happened in a situation like this before. I normally have a gut of steel but something about that sweet smell just shook me to my core. I hurriedly capped the marker, wiped off the whiteboard, and then rushed over and started to power down my equipment that I hardly even used. I have been chased, drowned, attacked, and so many worse, worse things than having empty chairs turned to face me, but my heart was thudding in my chest and my palms started to sweat. I needed to leave. The sweet smell still lingered and I couldn't stand it!

I packed up my equipment and just got out of there. As I made my way back towards the front door I knew I couldn't be seen by anyone like that, I couldn't stand the idea of anyone's eyes on me at that point. I ducked into the bathroom, I tucked myself into a stall. I put my box down on the floor and just sat on the toilet before I just... stared at my hands. My scarred, now nicked-with-glass fingers, the creases in my palms, the swirl of my fingertips. I just reminded myself that I was there. The sweet smell was replaced by the smell of cleaning supplies and other musty smells. While it wouldn't normally be a pleasant smell it was far better than whatever I had smelled previously. After a few deep breaths I finally stood up and started to prepare to leave. That was when my bathroom stall flew open to reveal... nobody. It was more like Mrs. Caller was telling me to skedaddle on home and get working on my homework. I don't know why I couldn't fully see her like the ghost set the Chronicle Inn, but I could surely feel her presence strongly enough.

I'll admit I got a little huffy with her. I told her it was rude to barge into a stall like that and I was getting ready. Considering I hadn't actually used the bathroom, I just grabbed my stuff and headed out. Thankfully I made it to the front entrance without really catching anyone's attention. I was actually even able to slip by the front door without anyone noticing me, or at least they didn't call out to me. I felt a little bad without saying goodbye to Anika, especially after only being there for like, what, an hour? But I just wanted to get home. And now I'm home. And what was my homework? Well I decided to look more into this Alice Caller. She had a husband who passed away not long before she did. The husband worked in town and apparently had some ties with the Enclosure. Not an employee, they don't really hire townsfolk. But seemingly a friend of a former employee. I did hours of digging after I got home and found a mention in a newspaper of him and a Dr. Severin Kelder. I don't know why that name stuck out to me, but it did. I don't know if I've seen it on a research file before, or what. But I'm going to look more into it when I have my work computer at the lab tomorrow. Maybe Mrs. Caller saw the Enclosure logo on my equipment or something? But why was that business card even there? This business card isn't even for a particular person. I mean, it has a phone number on it but no name. I don't recognize the number and when I looked through my roster of numbers it didn't match anything. So perhaps, it was an older, no longer used number? Also, Todd said that Mrs. Caller died like a hundred years ago. Well, if this business card from the Enclosure was there, then that's impossible. The Enclosure settled here in like the 1930s. I think Todd was just exaggerating. Also both Anika and the obituary said that she taught and then died in like the 80s, so, whatever. Not that that really matters.

I put the old Enclosure business card away in the back of one of my drawers. I don't want to look at it anymore than I have to, it reminds me of that sweet smell in the classroom and I hate it. I normally love sweets and sweet smelling things, but something about that particular smell, it… I don't know. It triggers flight or fight down to my very core. Even if I know logically that I'm safe. [shivers] Just thinking about it is sitting me on pins and needles. Oh gods, and I didn't even tell anyone about the broken glass. A janitor probably had to clean it up. Totally forgot. Now I feel like a jerk... should I send an apology? Should I call in the morning?

[tapping sounds] Oh, I hear you! But you're not coming in, not after last time! I don't want to have to replace my couch again. I told you to just please, please leave me alone. Why'd you even want in my place so bad? There's other houses for you to knock on! [takes a deep breath] They're just kids, Jared. They're just doing whatever it is that they do. There is no need to shout at them. They don't know better. Sorry! I'm gonna stop the research for tonight and get some rest, I've stayed up way too late and I think that the black-eyed children are drawn to my house due to the fact that my lights are still on. I'm gonna call Anika in the morning and see if I could come back Friday after school, have the place relatively to myself, examine a bit further. It also gives me time between now and then to do some more research. I know Todd wanted the files on his desk by the end of the week, but I could always go in Friday afternoon and drop off the files Saturday. Still at the end of the week, he never specified what day. So, till next time, I guess. This is Dr. Jared Hel, signing off.

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Dr. Todd Carmen is voiced by Conrad Miszuk. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for updates. You can support us on Patreon or Podhero by following the links in our episode description. And special thanks to our patreon supporters Becky Thompson, Perry Bruns, Tristan Fraud, Nico Allen and Devin Wright.

[maxismatchccworld]

Latest Patch Notes

Update: 12/18/18 - PC 1.48.90.1020 / Mac 1.48.90.1220

Hey Simmers!

It’s cold out there… wait, that’s a Groundhog Day intro. Also, it’s pretty “northern” stereotypical… my apologies. So, it’s a month out there in which some experience a cold season at this time of the cycle in which we revolve (or not) around the glowing ball in the sky, and in which festivities may or may not be observed, and others experience a warmer season, in which similar, or non-similar observances may be made. And I wish you an emotional response relevant to your desire.

With that said…

What’s New?

We have added MORE to the Holiday Pack!

More home things…

Some new light sources!

Some new decoratives!

A new Picnic table

2x1 Ceiling light

Mason jar candles

A log display… with candles

Ceiling snowflake décor

Mason jar décor

Bough wall hanging

Wood carving wall hanging

A fireplace façade (for decorative purposes only)

And more clothing things…

A sweater top for kids

A female full body outfit

Female pants

A female hair

A male sweater

A male hair

Slippers for male and female

Yeti costume, unless you choose brown, then it’s a Bigfoot costume

Not that I’ve ever seen Bigfoot…

And I apologize if you are a Big Foot who happens to play The Sims. Hopefully you see a resemblance.

All Holiday pack objects can be found easily in the catalog by using the Holiday Pack filter, in the filter sort options.

Remember, if you have not yet downloaded the Holiday Pack, click on the Holiday Pack icon from the Main Menu! And if you have already downloaded the pack previously, you don’t need to do anything, you have the updates now!

…assuming you are reading this after you launched The Sims, and finished downloading the update. If not, then you have them then!

In addition to the Holiday content, there are few other new bits…

A female hoodie, sweater, and crop top are new in Create a Sim

Two new recipes for your Sims to cook

And the Lin-Z Smart Speaker!

Winter Cake

Crown Roast

Play music, order a pizza, play trivia, be yelled at… all with the touch of… with the call of the wild… with just a…

You have to just talk to it. Your Sim talks to It.

Please don’t start talking to your computer.

Make friends with your new AI overlord and learn its secrets! Or don’t. It’ll remember

But if you already do, that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just don’t name your computer Shodan.

First person camera smoothing updates. We got some feedback about the mode being a bit sickness-inducing (especially if you watch the announce stream and saw the Sim on the swing… or the rock clim… ahm, ur okay, I’m… let’s move on).

“Roll” has been disabled in First Person Camera mode when you are using the Sims 4 camera settings (you can find your chosen option in the Camera Controls menu in the upper right corner of the screen). Roll is essentially side to side movement along a curve, and the primary motivator of discomfort.

If you are a Sims 3 Camera user, and you want the smoother camera, you can use the cheat “camera.fpc.simple on” to switch to Sims 4 camera while in First Person Camera mode. And of course, to turn it off “camera.fpc.simple off”.

In addition players can use the cheat “camera.fpc.smoothing off/low/medium/high” to fine-tune their experience.

That’s that for the new, on to the old.

General Issues

The tutorial has been updated with some new tips in order to assist our new players with the basics of playing The Sims!

Style Influencer stay at home tasks now register as complete, when completed.

You can now hire a gardener if you have plants on your lot for your gardener to garden, regardless of your garden’s gardening needs.

The brick01GEN wall pattern has a new name.

Teen interaction Mess Around should no longer duplicate itself in the interaction menu for each target location for said mess around.

Townie Sims are no longer glaring at each other as they pass by on the streets.

Sims have taken social etiquette classes, and now understand that one does not need to constantly mix drinks when hosting a party.

The tutorial's chef aspiration no longer starts your Sim with the Snob, Foodie, and Glutton traits, but instead the Slob, Perfectionist, and Foodie traits.

First Person Camera will no longer show the inside of the Sim's head when using Intel Integrated Graphics.

Ceilings should no longer look darkened, but instead lighting should be more prevalent in comparison to the location of lights in a room.

The Gardener Career now provides raises when the profession is maxed.

The With Pets, Dogs, or Cats Gallery filter now works, and will no longer break your other filters from functioning.

Z/X and -/+ shortcut keys will now adjust FOV in first person camera mode.

Exiting first person camera will no longer cause a Sims head to become stuck facing one direction.

If you have enough traits to fill the Simology panel beyond the window height allowed by your monitors resolution, you will no longer find yourself unable to interact with the Simology panel.

So, this issue has been addressed (see next bullet). However, the fix is easier to understand than the issue... but here it is as it was communicated to me:

Previously, if your garden was not in need, you were being incorrectly informed that you didn’t have a garden.

Does the concept of the entire Sims populace taking classes in social etiquette give you an Orwellian chill?

The former due to a text error.

The later due to the two being incompatible.

I told my mom that, she called my grandma, and said she was worried about me.

Many others however are still stuck facing One Direction.

Also, your Sim is amazingly complex.

Visiting a household with locks set using another household, resets the locks on returning control to the household with the locks

If that was not clear, just go with the fix:

Doors stay locked.

Non-specific pack issue

Randomly generated neighborhood Sims should no longer shop exclusively within the City Living and Vampires Create-a-Sim catalogs, and are more likely to have expanded their clothing opportunities to all packs you have available for them.

Cats & Dogs

Cats will no longer become stuck on top of surfaces after being lectured about jumping on surfaces.

Cat Whiskers now appear with the proper color relevant to the color chosen in Create-a-Sim.

Seasons

Setting the thermostat to cold when it’s hot out, or hot when it’s cold out, will no longer add a 1.5-5x modifier to your bills.

Get Famous

Take Selfie interaction will now help relieve the Separation Anxiety tense buff that is a result of the Phone Fanatic quirk.

The More Views Video Station can now be cloned with the Eyedropper tool.

Sleeping Pod interaction Less Needy Dreams, has been changed to Social Dreams.

The More Views Video Station memory upgrade tooltip will no longer lie to you.

The Drama King buff received from watching a Sim perform the Perform Dramatic Monologue interaction will now tell you that it is from watching a Sim perform the Perform Dramatic Monologue interaction.

Moving an in use Music Production Station will no longer cause the music to become stuck on.

The Lifestyle Brand interaction now works.

Celebrity Sims set to the normal walk style, should now maintain their walk style setting.

Married celebrity Sims will no longer react in disgust towards one another.

In case you wanted more More Views.

Unless there is reason to.

Like cutting your toenails in bed.

I mean, who does that?!

Spa Day

Sims giving a hand massage, will no longer contort in an excruciatingly painful manner during the massage.

Vampires

The Parts to Copy filter, for vampires in Create-a-Sim, should now actually show what parts you can copy.

Parenthood

REJOICE! Children can once again play on the monkey bars without the compelling need to halt their monkey bar activities to make a mess. Yes, that’s right Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Player, children are free! Free to play! Free to climb, swing, and do whatever it is that children do on the monkey bars. The draw, the compulsion, the absolute need to end their activity to make a mess has finally come to a close. So rejoice! And let your kids climb, until they can climb no more.

Ok, let’s see, it’s been awhile since I’ve done this, so let me just go through my checklist.

Greeting, uh yep, check.

The What’s New section, check.

Various issue commentary, unnecessary expository, overuse of ellipses, random grammar atrocities, run on sentences…, check, check, and… um, check.

References to old and outdated entertainment media, check.

Sign off, and holiday wishes, not yet, but shortly.

Looks like everything is good to go!

Happy Holidays!

-SimGuruGnome

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 4.2.2017

scattered thoughts on the things i took in over the last seven days. this week: matt pryor, boyhood, julien baker, literally show me a healthy person, drake i guess, the goldfinch, the discovery, dave chappelle

1) Memento Mori, by Matt Pryor: i mean yeah, it's an album of acoustic folk songs? so i don't. i'm sure there's a lot that can be said about this album? but i'm so not the person to say those things, i could listen to this album again and again and try my best, but i can't be that person. this is no one's fault but my own, i'm not gonna be like "nyeh, this album sucks" because this happens to be something i don't typically dig, because i'm just not the kind of person that listens to folk. (don't you listen to country?) yeah but in country everyone's drunk and heartbroken, this is, i dunno, adult? yeah too adult for me, and i'm comfortable admitting that. (aren't you 27?) listen.

2) Boyhood, dir. Richard Linklater: So it IS possible to be absolutely dazzled by MOVIE-MAKING MAGIC yet be left kind of cold by the finished product. The story of how this film was made is cool, and you can feel the love and passion for this project oozing from the seams, but this is also a film about how a young boy grew up to become a college student with bad facial hair?, and there's a limit to how engaging I find those types of stories. So it's tough, because this is a film completely unlike anything else before it and an absolute treat to watch and think about (gosh, the pains one must have to go through to shoot a film over 14 years and make the finished product look cohesive!), but also a story I could get literally anywhere else. I thought the overall product was fantastic, but enough other people have been waving their flags hard enough and long enough that I'm okay not adding my own to it.

3) Sprained Ankle, by Julien Baker: This week, Bob! attempts to digest three quiet indie things despite not being all that into quiet indie things! For what it's worth, I know I have to give this a more attentive listen, this sort of music would pair better with list-making than it did with Mario Kart 7. I won a race where I had fewer Mario Kart points than all but one other dude in the field. I won the race with a last-turn pass and only by half a second maybe, and once I saw I took 1st, I shouted at my Nintendo 2DS, "REMEMBER THE FUCKING NAME," while alone in my apartment. The Mario Kart 7 headspace is not condusive to an album in which a young woman sings songs about death. I will say: even spending the first listen shouting at Mario Kart 7, I could still tell there was tremendous depth to be plumbed, so at least this thing was able to permeate the mania. Every now and then I'd hear a lyric ("I'm screaming at myself in public/I know I shouldn't act this way in public") and think "oh fuck, that's me, I need more time with this."

4) literally show me a healthy person, by Darcie Wilder: I don't know that any one thing has had a greater influence on my writing, if not my outlook on life, over the last year or so than the 333333333433333 Twitter account. Darcie Wilder is an absolute master of that form. I deleted my Twitter because the website is exhausting and I couldn't handle it (also real talk I'm just a fucking dude in Minneapolis, why do I need to worry about my brand), but hers is one of select few accounts I still visit on a regular basis because the Posts are just that Good, and her voice is perfectly represented in this book. Lesser writers would have published a compendium of tweets. Wilder presents something between a monologue and a short story collection, a recap of the day's thoughts, her mind bouncing from fun thoughts about rats to THIS IS SOMETHING I DID WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET like a mind actually does. It's dope as hell. It's the best thing I've ever read that I was able to knock out in three and a half bus rides. (Also, there's a passage in this book that is just a two-word sentence, "bob died," and it is my favorite instance of my name appearing in a work of art since Undertale.)

5) More Life, by Drake: I took an Intro to Film course at community college, because I like film AND I liked taking classes to help fill the art credit requirement! I took this class in 2008, so naturally, people were abuzz about some of the classics that had been released late in 2007, like There Will Be Blood. The professor DID NOT like There Will Be Blood. When pressed, he said something along the lines of: "There's no story! Daniel Plainview begins the movie as a monster, and he ends the movie as a monster. What changed? What did we spend two hours of our lives watching?" And while I don't agree with his assessment of the film, his perspective has stayed with me. Why do I bring that up? Who knows! Anyway this is the same album Drake has been making for nearly a decade and listening to it didn't enrich my life in any meaningful way because I already listened to other Drake albums. Also this was fucking 80 minutes long and even if I enjoyed Drake's whole thing, there is no excuse for a feature-film-length album, like calm down, just who the fuck do you think you are even? I spent less time reading literally show me a healthy person than I did listening to More Life. That's stupid and I hate it.

6) The Goldfinch, by Donna Tratt: This was recommended to me by a friend, so that's how I read this story about a young man who gets big into antiquing, and now I'm offering a review where, not only am I out of depth trying to proffer literary criticism, it's not even the sort of book that I'd come to on my own, so now I'm HELLA out of depth. This book is written in this elegant, austere way, and I loved the moments in the book where the author was just describing things, this book is at its best when no one is talking, but it was always somewhat jarring when a reference to modern technology was made. It felt odd and out-of-step with the rest of the novel, to have the odd reference to video games or iPods, like what's technology doing here, get out of here, I wanna read about the chairs this dude's been selling. But overall, I dug this book. It's about grief and the power of art and how decisions you make when you're 13 still influence the rest of your life, all things I’m into, and it was a welcome change of pace from what I usually read. (You mean nothing?) Again, listen:

7) The Discovery, dir. Charlie McDowell: ah just what i need a cloudy-day movie about suicide So like, I remember watching The Happening for a Bad Movie Night and thinking that the worst thing the movie did was squander an intriguing premise. There was a good movie somewhere inside The Happening, a movie about how to keep yourself believing life is still worth living, and it's not a perfect one-to-one translation of course, but The Discovery is pretty danged close to being the film I thought The Happening could be. Maybe it's a matter of scale: it takes this concept, "What would happen if science proved the existence of an afterlife?" and applies it to this small family drama, the son of the man who found the proof and their efforts to find out what the afterlife is. It has an offbeat sense of humor (I never realized how much I needed to see Jason Segel and Jesse Plemmons just hangin' out), and I appreciated the hell out of the final twist (even if I could have done without the Usual Suspectsy montage of moments from earlier which presaged the twist; "Look at all the foreshadowing we did! Aren't we such clever boys?" ugh i mean as someone who once paid enough attention to game of thrones to be able to identify every single white dude with a beard, i find that kind of shit annoying, i KNOW he said those things, i was WATCHING your FILM). I found much to enjoy about this film, even if "enjoy" is a weird word to apply to a film where a suicide counter figures prominently in the background.

8) Deep in the Heart of Texas, Dave Chappelle: I think a lot of what I said about his other Netflix thing applies here. The focus was a bit tighter, but ESPECIALLY here, it felt at times like he was telling jokes he wrote a few years ago that he just really wanted to get on television. He did a run on "Wait (The Whisper Song)." I didn't know people were still talking about that. He attributed "Wait (The Whisper Song)" to 50 Cent. One, you think people are gonna remember "Wait (The Whisper Song)," but won't remember The Yin Yang Twins? Two, you're gonna attribute it to 50 Cent? Come on, man. Say Lil' Jon. Lil' Jon is as current a reference as 50 Cent (moreso, actually, given "Turn Down for What"), that name is at least in the ballpark, and it's an easy applause line for you, like dude, shape up, I know it's not that simple but I'm pretty sure I've nailed it. But this was still more good than bad, and it still provided exquisite shots of white people in the front row who somehow didn't know who they had paid to see. Gosh, you could just smell the "well, actually" on some of those bros. That's the best part of these specials.