#it was then brought up during a livestream and he talked about it for a few minutes genuinely apologizing

[espinosaurusrexex]

Watchful Eyes

CEO!SteveRogers x Female!Maid!Reader AU

read Bucky's story here

summary: When your best friend gets you a new job, cleaning the apartment of the most successful man in New York City, you don't hesitate to accept. The pay is more than good, and the man himself is better than any eye candy you have ever seen. Unbeknownst to you, you've caught his attention just as much. Steve can't keep his mind off you, so much so, that he drives everyone around him insane with his grumpiness when you aren't around. It seems like he has to take matters into his own hands when he realizes, you're too shy to take things further yourself.

a/n: So that just happened... I don't know where it came from, but please enjoy. (Please don’t be discouraged by the word count - I promise you it’s worth it and I kindly ask you to at least try 💛)

word count: 10.8k

warnings: power differences, Steve is pining, watching someone over secret livestream (is this stalking?), women being referred to as objects (not by Steve), just so much fluff, and also angst (there is a happy ending!), smut (masturbation - m, praise kink, oral - f receiving, dirty talk, orgasm control, overstimulation, unprotected p in v, size kink, breeding kink) !MINORS DNI!

ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ✶ 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ✧*･ﾟ

“Can you start Monday?”

“I can start Monday.”

“Perfect.”

Holy fuckidy fuck fuck. 

You had a job. A job that would crinkle some noses but it would pay money. Good money actually. Well, better than other offers in the branch.  

It had been luck, really. Because during one drunken night, which had originally been dedicated to drowning yourself in self-pity over the last job that had let you go due to staff cuts, your friend Natasha had crashed your party with Chinese food and gossip from her workplace. She was an assistant for one of the CEO’s of Shield Protection Services. And during her lunch with Sharon, the other assistant, Sharon had complained about Steve Rogers and how he had fired the third maid this month because they, apparently, were taking pictures of his home or selling some of his things. 

There might have been some talk about how picky and stuck up he could be but the important info was that Sharon was desperate at this point and had asked Nat if she knew anyone with the decency not to breach privacy and willingness to clean the CEO’s home. 

The good thing - or bad thing, you weren’t sure - was, Nat knew you were desperate too. So she gave Sharon your number and before you knew it, you were an employed woman again. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It was too early for you to be roaming the streets of New York, but you had gotten instructions and so you had gotten up at 6 and headed out to the address. And when you arrived, it felt as though it was the first time you blinked since the subway - you were that tired. Definitely not a morning person.  

The building was huge, tall glass fronts stretching into the sky and the ride up to the penthouse took longer than your average elevator rides did. 

The doors opened and revealed a beautiful open floor plan. A whole wall of windows brought natural light into the place and offered a view so breathtaking, it took you a moment to collect yourself. The place was ginormous - a lot to clean up - but seemed tidy enough to at least get started right away. 

You placed your bag on the counter by the kitchen and took more of the place in when suddenly, a voice startled you. 

“Who are you?” You whipped around, big eyes searching for the source until they landed on a tall man standing in what seemed to be a dining area - well, one of them at least. He had broad shoulders, neatly styled hair and one of those toothpaste smiles you only ever saw in magazines. He was wearing office attire, blue dress pants that slightly stretched over his muscled thighs, and when your head wandered back up his body, piercing blue eyes seemed to stare right into your soul. 

Holy Shit. 

Before you stood Steve Rogers, three-time Forbes Magazine cover story, young entrepreneur turned filthy-rich hunk of a man, and CEO of the most successful security firm in this country. And he was talking to you - staring at you... waiting for an answer. 

Talking, you needed to start talking, you reminded yourself.

“I’m the new maid, sir. I’m so sorry I was told to come here at 7 as you leave for work before that.”

Mr. Rogers looked at you with an unintelligible stare. Meanwhile, you were nervously wringing your hands in the doorway, looking down. You hadn’t planned for anyone important to see you today. The worn-down Fleetwood Mac shirt you didn’t mind getting bleach on hanging over some pants you pulled from the back of your closet definitely wasn’t the kind of outfit you expected to greet Steve Rogers in. Great start. This was going awful.

“Well I’m here aren’t I?” His arms folded before his chest as his eyebrow raised, impressive biceps bulging beneath the white button-up, and - damn - it was hard not to stare. 

“Right. Yes. Sorry. I’ll come back later.” You turned to leave again but he stopped you.

“No need. I am on my way out.” The left corner of his mouth twitched into a cheeky grin when he grabbed his bag, left the newspaper discarded on the table, and placed his coffee mug in the sink. Interesting.

“Don’t snoop.” He whispered teasingly as he passed you, a whiff of expensive cologne paralyzing your senses and you weren’t sure if he was making a suggestion or actually warning you. That damn perfume seemed to hypnotize you. 

Your eyes followed his broad shoulders until they disappeared behind the corner and then the elevator doors shut. It seemed to take all the tension from your face. You exhaled long and then began to look around some more.

The place was huge, you’d already established that. But when you found the third bedroom amongst the private office and Pool table room, you knew you had to make a weekly plan to work off. You had to give Mr. Rogers credit, though. There was rarely any clutter lying around - it wasn’t dirty per se - just had the usual dust you’d expect in a place this size with only one person living in it. 

You huffed, resting your hand on your hips once you completed the tour. And then you got started. 

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve peered up from his computer screen when Bucky strolled through the doors of his office. A coffee in hand he had most likely tweaked from his assistant's desk on the way here, he shot a grin to his oldest friend and business partner. 

“What ya doing, punk?” The brunette asked teasingly when he circled the desk and settled on the window sill behind Steve. 

“Just making sure things stay in order.” He leaned back and turned around slightly, just in time to see his friend nod knowingly.

“Heard Nat got you a new maid.” Bucky dipped his chin towards the laptop still open on the desk. “That her?”

His eyes wandered to the screen where a live feed of his apartment streamed you changing his bedsheets. He hummed in agreement. 

“She’s pretty,” Bucky commented before sipping his coffee again and Steve felt an unfamiliar feeling bubble in his stomach. “But I bet you don’t care anyway. You’re all ‘don’t sell my stuff’ and ‘having things stolen from a security firm CEO is embarrassing’. Wouldn’t know a pretty thing like that if it climbed you.”

“Because it is embarrassing. And I highly recommend you monitor your staff to make sure they don’t do the same.” Of course, Steve knew you were ‘pretty’. Exactly his type, to be honest. He had noticed it the second you stepped into his apartment this morning. The way your hands wrung beneath you. And he had shot you a teasing remark in hopes of discovering a sassy fire in those timid doe eyes of yours. But you had stumbled over your words like a fawn.

Bucky clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Nonsense. Peggy is great - and too old to even carry anything valuable out of my place. I trust her with my life and house keys.” And then he pushed off the sill. “I think it’s time for you to get laid again. And that’s why I’m a great friend and organized dinner and drinks with Tony and Sam tonight.”

Steve fell back in his chair, hands over his eyes. “I don’t need your wing-maning me. I’m perfectly fine on my own.” 

“Sure.”

“I’m serious, Buck.”

“You can thank me later.” He stout towards the door. “You know... after you’ve been devoured by the pretty little waitress at the Ironbar.” Bucky winked before his face disappeared again. 

Steve just huffed as his eyes landed back on the weekly report on his desk and then swayed back to his computer screen. 

As unwilling as he was to admit it, it had been some time since his last late-night rendezvous. And as he saw you crawl up on his bed to place the bedsheets properly along his mattress, he felt his pants tighten slightly. 

❁ ❁ ❁

“We’ll get one more round of the good stuff.” 

“Of course Mr. Stark.” Tony winked and patted his waitress’s butt before she stalked away on her high heels and towards the locked glass cabinet behind the bar. 

Steve had designed it himself, a fiberglass shrine-like display for ridiculously expensive liquors, only to be opened by a passcode that got regenerated every week. He watched as Betty - the young and lanky waitress - retrieved a crystal bottle of whiskey and filled four glasses with the golden liquid. 

“God, I love that thing,” Tony sighed next to Steve and watched Betty with a satisfied smile.

“You better be talking about that cabinet, Stark.” Steve shook his head with a frown only to receive a wink from Tony, who was sitting closest to him at the round table. 

“So...” Bucky leaned over to Steve and spoke in a hushed voice. “You see anything you like?” He gestured at the bar where Tony’s carefully picked waitresses passed with filled and emptied glasses and bottles. They were all wearing tight black t-shirts and skirts or shorts that counted just as scandalous. One could foolishly mistake this place for a Hooters if Tony hadn’t made it one of the most pristine bars in all of New York City. 

It was popular amongst the clientele which mainly consisted of bored rich men that came here to get something to look at without being judged for it. But Steve wasn’t feeling the girls today. When Betty shoved her breasts in his field of view, all he could think about was how he had never gotten the idea to get his maids a uniform that catered to his... liking. And when Betty swayed her hips on her way to the bar, his thoughts became clouded by the image of you in a short little skirt, riding up just a little to tease I’m about what was hidden underneath when you kneeled on his bed to get the sheets sorted. 

Steve adjusted his pants at the little flashback, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter in his seat. 

“Oh, apparently you have...” Bucky grinned before his eyes hushed down to Steve’s crotch and back up just as fast. “Well then,” he leaned back with a satisfied grin. “Which one is it? Samatha? Tiffany? Though I think Megan is more your type.” 

“Just shut up, punk.”

“Okay you don’t have to tell me me... either way, my job here is done.” He brushed his hands off fake dust and smiled smugly. “You better be in a good mood tomorrow.” 

Steve just huffed and waited for Betty to come back with ‘the good stuff’ to hopefully drown out his annoying friends for the rest of the night. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them. No, he would do anything for the people he chose to have in his life. The group he found himself in right now had been through thick and thin with him, stayed through his fame and fortune, and was just as supportive before it had all happened to either of them. He was happy having the guys because they built each other up and aimed for greatness - together, they were fucking invincible. 

But sometimes, Steve felt a little out of place amongst Bucky and Tony. It was in situations regarding women most of all because he could never adapt the attitude to talk about them the way they did. And he never had the headspace to juggle as many as they did. He had tried the one-night stands. But he struggled to navigate the superficial pleasure maze New York City provided in masses. Because just as the ever-passing smiles on the streets, it wasn’t fulfilling enough for Steve. At least not in the way it was for his friends. 

He wanted what Sam had. A partner, a family, something constant and beautiful. And that was, why he found himself asking for pictures of Sam’s kids and nephews rather than listen to Tony’s latest bed bunny endeavor whenever the conversations took a turn in that direction. 

“Earth to Rogers,” Sam’s finger snapped in front of Steve’s face. “What this I’m hearing? You got a new maid? What happened to the old one?”

“She sold his stuff on Craigslist.” Bucky snorted and took a sip of the drink that had magically appeared in front of them. 

“You aren’t serious.” 

“I really liked that tie,” Steve grumbled into his cup. 

“Man, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with things like that. You rich people really are a different breed.” 

“You’re rich, too, Sam.” 

Sam just smiled above his crystal glass, having fun with the little joke he liked to pull for ages now. He wasn’t any less successful than any of the other men at their table. But other than them, he had settled in a beautiful neighborhood - despising the concrete jungle each of the other guys lived in. His house felt like home, like a cozy place that had seen love and time and nothing like the polished and sleek man caves the rest of them owned.

“Well, anyways, my amazing assistant organized him a new one, the prettiest thing - really. But he’s refusing to see it.” 

Tony chuckled. “Well, that's Rogers in a nutshell, isn’t it.” 

Sam just pursed his lips and glanced over at Steve with a soft smile, ignoring the comments of the other guys. They never explicitly talked about it, but Sam was a smart man, and it would have surprised Steve, had he not already figured out that he was more of a family man than their friends were as of right now. 

“To new maids that aren’t selling your clothes on the internet then.” He raised his drink and winked at Steve once their glasses clinked. 

And Steve? He visibly exhaled, silently thanking Sam for pulling the tension out of their conversation. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It had been a little over a week. And so far, things had been going great. 

By now, you had cleaned through the entire place once and set up a plan of what to do on which day. You weren’t surprised it actually took a full 6 days to cover every single room in Mr. Rogers’s apartment. You had already figured out which tasks were going to be your favorite and which weren’t. Like his bedroom. You liked doing that. Because even though the sheets were a bitch to get on the ginormous bed, you kind of liked the smell the room had. His pillows smelled of the cologne you couldn’t forget ever since the man had brushed past you on your very first day.

You were pretty sure you would never forget that since your knees literally felt like giving in at that moment.  

Today, it was bedroom day. That and the on-suite. 

With a smile on your face, you entered the apartment on the top floor, each day secretly hoping you’d catch a glimpse of the CEO before he took off to work. But even though you tried to arrive ten minutes earlier (you really couldn’t spare any more sleep for your own good), the first day remained an exception in Mr. Rogers’s daily schedule. 

You placed your bag on the stool at the open kitchen island, changed into some other shoes, and headed for the supply closet. Despite the size of the place, you actually got around pretty easily. Mr. Rogers was a very organized and neat man - you’d noticed that the first and only time you met him. So things were almost always where you’d think they would be. Which made your job just that much easier. But also prevented you from the advised ‘not snooping’ you desperately wanted to do. 

You knew better though. 

People like Steve Rogers probably had cameras installed in this place. And you would certainly not go and rummage through his underwear drawer after he had personally told you not to. Who knows what strings powerful people like him could pull. So, for the sake of not waking up on a cargo ship to Madagascar one day, you restrained yourself as much as possible. 

Of course, you didn’t stop your eyes from wandering whenever you swept the shelves in his walk-in closet or closed the drawers in his office space. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And this girl had a nosy best friend on her back that wanted to know every little detail of her new job... and was also way too invested in celebrity gossip.

Though, as always, there was nothing out of the ordinary today - there never was. Sure, it was still exciting to see how the filthy rich lived but other than that, no scandalous collection of women’s underwear, or drug lord papers lying around. You started to believe that Steven Grant Rogers was a very boring man. Not that you could properly judge in your position, seeing as you did not really know him, but the whole being in his home seemed a little too intimate not to do so. 

So that day you finished the tasks for the day, packed your stuff, and made your way back home, hoping to see him in the morning or to at least find something more interesting than dust in his home. 

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve greeted the concierge of his building when he entered the marbled entree hall. With a little frown and a look at his watch, the man greeted him back before he resumed his work. 

Yes, Steve was home earlier than usual. He regularly stayed even longer than his original work schedule intended. Today, however, he was home even earlier. But after another banter with Bucky about Steve’s non-existent sex life, he couldn’t imagine making it past five in the same building as his persistent best friend. So, he fled the office and decided to work through the rest of his papers at home. 

Of course, Steve knew that Bucky only wanted the best for him. But the ways he tried to approach the supposed bothersome loneliness Steve had in his bed just weren’t for Steve. Those might have worked on Tony - hell, Tony probably invented setting his friends up with one-night-stands - but not on Steve.

He huffed and swiped some loose hairs from his forehead as the elevator dinged at the top floor. The doors opened to the window front of his penthouse apartment and Steve stepped over the threshold, immediately stopping in his tracks when he took in the scene before him. 

The vacuum was running while you were kneeling on the floor, wiping up some water he only assumed came from the vase missing next to his sofa. He would have found it rather amusing if it weren’t for the way you carried yourself today. Something wasn’t right. 

Steve knew that you weren’t usually this messy - that much he could tell from the livestream that had become a constant in his office by now. Your head hung low, your motions hurried and sloppy. He watched as you swiped the floor, one of your sleeves constantly slipping down your arm again until you angrily pushed it up further than necessary. 

It was worrisome. 

He couldn’t place the feeling he felt in his chest when he sat his briefcase down and approached you from behind. His foot carefully turned off the vacuum and then he stood still, careful not to startle you when you finally looked up at him. 

He could see it in your eyes then. The panic, the uncertainty, and something else he hadn’t seen in them before.

You looked around you as if you were seeing the mess for the first time and when Steve was still watching you with an arched brow after a minute of silence, you suddenly sprung up to your feet. 

“I am so Sorry, Mr. Rogers. I didn’t realize it was this late already.” You turned a full 360 until your eyes landed on his again. “I’ll have this cleaned up in no time and I'll be out of your way. I promise.” 

Steve watched as you scrambled to gather the vacuum cord, struggling with it when it didn’t immediately snap back into the caster. “The subway was stuck in a tunnel for an hour because some guy decided to pull the emergency break for fun. And then this lady passed out next to me and when the fire department finally got us out and the paramedics packed her in the ambulance, I realized that I still had her purse.” You finally got the cord in turning so fast that the wet rag in your hands sprayed some water on Steve. “And do you know how difficult it is to find out which hospital they’re taking people? Because it’s so much more difficult than it looks in the movies. I didn’t know that! And then it was almost 10 a.m. when I got here. I am so sorry. This won’t happen again I promise-“

“Hey,” Steve finally stepped forward and caught your flailing hands with his and it shut you up. “It’s alright.” He spoke softly, guiding your hands down and proceeding to carefully stroke your arms down. “Are you okay? Do you need a day off?” 

Your doe eyes stared up at him, round and shiny as if you couldn’t believe he was actually standing in front of you. And Steve had to admit, besides the concern breezing through his body, your face was capturing up close. He traced your lashes with his gaze, the way your lips were parted slightly, your teeth showing past your upper lip, and the way your eyebrows were raised in shock. 

“No... no, I’m fine.” You finally stammered and it made Steve relax a little. 

“Then take a breath for me, please.” You nodded and Steve watched as your shoulders moved when you inhaled with your eyes closed. It shook Steve out of his trance. He cleared his throat and retreated his hands from your arms, awkwardly standing up a little straighter now that there was no excuse to touch you anymore. 

You were fine - that’s what you had said. But you didn’t quite seem that way. 

He watched as you opened your eyes and gifted him a small smile. Then your gaze dew to the floor and the mess you were standing in. Your smile turned awkward. 

“I’ll clean this up real quick and then I’ll be out of your hair.” 

Steve shook his head with a smile. Maybe this was a nice opportunity to do as Bucky had suggested. It was true, Steve hadn’t been interested enough before. Had he taken more time to know his former maids better, he could have probably prevented his things from being stolen and sold. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what Bucky had meant by ‘interested’, but Save decided it would do for now. “You can do what you need to and you can take as much time as you need to. I’ll be in my office for some time, so please don’t rush. I didn’t mean to freak you out by coming home earlier.” 

His arms reached up to scratch the back of his neck and your eyes landed on his bicep. Those damn doe eyes. “O- okay.”

He nodded, buried his hands in his pockets, gifted you a tight-lipped smile, and then proceeded to grab his briefcase and disappear into his office at the end of the hall. 

After some time, he heard the vacuum pick back up. Steve peaked through his open office door and caught a glimpse of you roaming his living room every now and then. It was relieving to know that you were functioning again. You had him worried for a second there - a feeling the successful CEO hadn’t welcomed in a hot minute. But it was kind of nice, made him feel a little more human than usual. So he didn’t mind having you work while he was home. On the contrary, actually, even though he had a huge stack of papers to go through, having to do them with a little bit of white noise was much more efficient than he had thought. He liked it when the occasional sound of items being set down snook its way to his office just to be interrupted by the vacuum again. And before he knew it, the workload he had taken home with him today, was worked through. 

Steve made his way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Though, as he waited for the machine, he found himself leaning against the counter and watching you work in front of him. You were currently bent over the sofa, arranging the cushions after shaking them out, your shirt riding up ever so slightly and exposing a strip of skin on your back. 

The fresh grounding of coffee beans covered the way Steve gulped loudly at the sight of you in front of him. This was definitely different than watching on his laptop screen. He felt his pants tighten ever so slightly as he imagined walking up to you and just taking you from behind. Your face would press into the pillows as he would easily push into you, hearing your drawn-out moans through the cushions. 

He couldn’t help himself, you were just so pretty. 

The smell of coffee drew Steve back to reality. It wasn’t that simple. Because Steve wanted you to want him as well. But you didn’t know him well enough yet. 

You pulled the vacuum around the corner and seconds later the sound of the storage room door closing echoed through the apartment. You walked back into the living room, adjusted the book on his coffee table, and then looked at your work with your hands on your hips. It was kind of cute to watch, Steve had to admit. 

“Well done,” Steve praised and your shoulders jerked in surprise. 

“Woah, didn’t see you there, Sir.” You relaxed again and then moved to change your shoes, before packing the other pair in your bag. You looked like you were about to leave, but Steve didn’t want that. 

“Would you like some coffee?” He offered and turned to grab the mug that was just filled with the steaming hot beverage. 

But you shook your head, raising your hands. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m sure you’ve got work to do...”

“I wouldn’t have asked if it were an inconvenience.” 

You looked down and nodded, which made Steve smile and hand you the cup. Your hands encased it like it was a cold winter's day, timid looks roaming the room and landing everywhere but him. 

“You seem uncomfortable,” he tried, cautious not to intrude. 

“I’m not. It’s just that... I’m not used to,” you gestured around the kitchen, “all this.” 

“I know it sounds stupid but sometimes I feel the same.” Steve took in the high ceilings and shiny surfaces, the expensive paintings and furniture he had no part in picking out.

You just stared at him again before nodding and averting your eyes once more. It seemed like you were holding back, but Steve didn’t feel like he was in the position to ask. So he just had to do with your fleeting glances and diffident presence. It was fine for now. Though he didn’t know if he could actually stand it for long. 

“You got this job through Bucky’s assistant, right?”

“Natasha, yes. She’s my best friend.” Your eyes lit up and Steve celebrated the little victory in silence. He had finally found something to talk about with you. 

“How long have you known each other?” He took a sip of his own coffee, acting indifferent, though his gaze hung on your lips. 

“We’ve been friends since high school. But then we went to different colleges and for a moment, we lost contact. But when I called her after graduation, we reconnected. We coincidentally both moved to New York. It’s nice to have her back.”

“That does sound nice. I know a thing or two about reconnecting with old friends.” Steve smiled reminiscent. 

“Right, your business partner. Mr. Barnes.” You set your mug down when Steve shot you a surprised look. “Sorry, but it’s hard not to know things about you when every tabloid in the country has covered your story.”

Steve nodded, being reminded once again how different his life was now. Not that he didn’t appreciate it... it just used to be simpler. 

“Yes, Bucky is my oldest friend... we’d lost contact in-between as well. Now we spend so much time together, I sometimes wish it was that way again.”

“You don’t mean that,” you laughed and Steve swore it was the prettiest he’d ever heard. 

“Of course not.” He set his cup down once he noticed that you had finished your coffee and had grabbed your bag from the stool. 

“I should go,” you smiled sadly and Steve just nodded with a similar expression on his face. Then he pushed off the counter and walked you to the elevator. He caught your small wave before the doors closed, leaving his stomach feeling warm and fuzzy. 

This was definitely new.

❁ ❁ ❁

The next week was pure torture. 

Steve couldn’t work from home like he had wanted to. He also couldn’t go to work later to at least catch a ‘good morning’ from you. 

It had only lasted a couple more days. He had managed to trap you for a conversation with coffee two times after the first one and then it all went downhill from there. 

Steve’s work seemed to pile up in unusual amounts of papers on his desk. His e-mails and meetings were longer than ever and his frustrations built with every new message Sharon redirected to his phone.

It wasn’t until Bucky pointed out how unusually grumpy he was, that Steve realized, he missed you. How could that have happened? He barely knew you and talked to you even less than that. But he knew he was missing you. Because as silly as it sounded, the time he spent with you, he was more relaxed than ever before. 

“I’m headed home, now. Do you need anything before I go?” Sharon popped her head through the door of Steve’s office after the knock she placed there. 

Steve just sighed as he closed one of a dozen tabs on his computer. Then he shook his head. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early!” She beamed and Steve just waved her off. 

The door fell shut once again and Steve moved to close a second tab. The one open beneath was the video footage of his home. It was paused because Steve had categorized it as ‘not suited for work’ once he saw you climb on his bed to straighten out the sheets and his dick reminded him just how deprived he really was. 

Looking at the paused video now, his pants tightened again. There you were, on all fours on his bed, tugging the sheet under the headboard side of his mattress - ass up and struggling. Fucking hell. 

His hand instinctively moved to his crotch to relieve some tension and then his eyes fell to his office door. Sharon had gone home. He was likely the only one left. His gaze wandered back to his computer screen and before he knew it, he was rubbing his hard cock through his pants. 

He groaned lowly at the feeling spreading through his body, the image on his screen just intensifying the scenarios he usually imagined when he got himself off. Because now they had your face. And your perfect body. If he squinted at the screen, he could actually see a sliver of your underwear peaking out the top of your pants. 

“Jesus Christ,” He pushed through his teeth when his hands worked to open his belt and pulled his rock-hard length out. He was already leaking from the angry red tip. 

His thumb grazed over his sensitive flesh, spreading the beads of precum and his whole body shivered when he imagined you doing it instead. His knees spread further apart in his office chair as he squeezed the base of his cock, concentrating on his breathing to slow. And then, without thinking, his other hand moved to play the video. 

Steve’s eyes never left the screen as he watched you tug the sheets tight. Your ass bounced up and down with the motion and he began to pump his shaft, imagining pushing into you from behind. Then you crawled back slowly, careful not to pull the sheet off again, but one corner came loose anyway. As you leaned forward, your new position seemed even more obscene - with your arms stretched forward and your ass still slightly lifted off the mattress. 

Steve’s fist pumped harder up and down his cock, he was panting. He could already feel the orgasm building. His balls were on the edge of bursting - but he wanted to hold out a little longer. 

For a second, his gaze jumped to the little speaker icon at the bottom right corner of his screen. His right hand still pumping with a tight grip, the left moved to slightly turn up the volume on the stream. 

Just then, you released a frustrated groan, followed by a throatier, softer noise that could almost be mistaken for a moan and Steve lost it. His fist stroked his thick cock in hard fast motions, the tingle in his body building with every heavy breath you released. His thumb grazed over his tip when you fell forward like a fawn and it was enough to make him burst. 

He closed his eyes and threw his head back on the chair. With a last firm push, he tumbled over the edge, squeezing his flesh as he felt the hot ropes of cum cover his hand. His heart beat in his ears once the ecstasy subsided, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths.  

Steve stared at the ceiling, sighing in defeat. He was in deep now. 

❁ ❁ ❁

“So... how’s it going?” Nat’s voice rang through your speaker and you pressed your phone a little harder to your ear to hear her over the street noises. 

“It’s going really good. I don’t see him that often but he’s not messy at all, so it’s really not that bad.”

“Good, I’m glad!” Nat cheered on the other end of the line and you could hear her computer keys clicking beneath her fingernails. “Anything you wanna tell me?” Her tone was suggestive, and you kind of hated how well she knew you. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, we’re stating the obvious here. He’s hot!”

“Nat!” You gasped appalled. “I’m not going around asking you if you think your boss is hot.”

“Why not? I'm not ashamed to admit it. My boss is hot,” she stated plainly and shorty after a distant ‘You got that right, doll!’ was heard through your speaker. 

“Oh my god,” you muttered, watching around you as if anyone could hear what Nat was saying. 

“So...?”

“Okay, yes he’s super hot and I wish he would just grab me with his big muscled arms and kiss the life out of me every time I see him. Are you happy now?”

“Yes, very.”

You waved at the concierge when you reached Mr. Roger’s apartment building and then stepped into the elevator. “Good. I can’t believe I just made me say that out loud.”

“We both know it’s true. No shame in a little crush.” You could practically hear her grin through the phone and it just annoyed you even more. How could she call you out when she was a mile away?

“Great, now I’m actually imagining kissing him and running my hands down his chest,” You huffed as the elevator door opened and turned the corner just to stop in your tracks. 

“I knew it!”

“Nat, I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, but-“ and then you ended the call as your eyes were glued to the kitchen counter. 

You stepped closer, your eyes never leaving where they had landed upon your arrival. There, on the polished black marble, stood a vase with a beautiful bouquet of pastel flowers. 

Your breath hitched in your throat as your fingers traced the colorful petals, and you leaned in to smell them. This was so sweet! A little giddiness shot through your body at the sight of the flowers. You’d never expected them from Mr. Rogers and it was nice to be appreciated. 

Feeling excitement all over, your fingers reached for the little white card lodged between a eucalyptus branch. But when you turned it over, all of it fell like someone had turned on gravity again. 

Happy one month!

Your mind repeated the words over and over again until they registered.

Happy one month.

You dropped the card and it made a dull clicking noise on the counter. How could you have been so naïve? Nat had put this stupid haze in your brain, getting you all giddy and excited. Of course, he had a fucking girlfriend. How could he not? He was Steve fucking Rogers.

You needed to take a step back and breathe. Those were a few too many emotions to feel in the early morning for you. Now you even felt guilty about wanting to run your fingers down his body. God, you’d even said it out loud - how embarrassing! 

“Okay, girl. Relax. Nobody heard,” you reminded yourself out loud. And then you took a deep breath with your eyes closed. 

“It’s not embarrassing if nobody saw. I’m the only one that can decide the level of awkwardness here.” Maybe stop talking to yourself then. You nodded and carefully placed the card back in the bouquet. 

“This never happened,” you whispered, more so to ensure yourself. “Just move on with your day.” 

Thank god it wasn’t kitchen day - you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of those flowers any longer.

With your shoulders pulled back and your head held high, you made your way to the supply closet and got to work. 

It’s just another day. You reminded yourself when you pulled your cleaning supplies out and into the office. 

Just like any other day...

❁ ❁ ❁

Boy, had you never been any more wrong. 

Your phone rang at 7.30 that evening. You had already made yourself comfortable on your sofa, ready to binge a whole season of Gilmore Girls, after a successful day of pretending you hadn’t gotten the biggest turn-down of the century this morning. You had finished your cleaning plan, you had gone grocery shopping, bought yourself some own damn flowers, and even showered all before the sun had set. 

But now your phone rang and the caller ID could not mean anything good. 

“Hello?”

“Good evening!” Your name echoed through the speaker of your phone, a - for your taste - way too cheery woman on the other end. “I am very sorry I have to call so late. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“That’s alright, what do you need?” You bit your lip nervously, only dreading the next words of Mr. Rogers’s assistant.

“Well, actually it is not I that needs anything. Mr. Rogers requested for you to see him. Is that possible?”

“What? When?”

“Now would be amazing.” Your eyes widened at her words. Mr Rogers wanted to see you and it couldn’t wait until tomorrow? You must have done something horribly wrong. Oh, god, had he noticed you messed with the flowers? Had he seen you sniff his pillows? All possible scenarios of wrongdoing swarmed your head when you sprung up and bolted for your closet. 

“I can be there in thirty minutes,” you hurried through the speaker just to receive a satisfied hum from the other end. 

“Amazing! Thank you so much.”

She had hung you before you could even answer. It didn’t matter. You looked through your clothes, trying to decide what an appropriate ‘getting fired’ outfit would consist of - probably no sweatpants, so you could find the closest bar and drink your sorrows away in connection to the dreaded talk. 

You pulled out something, you could see yourself crying in and headed for the door.

❁ ❁ ❁

8.00 pm on the dot, the elevator doors opened to reveal a beautiful New York Skyline. Unfortunately, you neither had the headspace, nor the time to appreciate it properly. As soon as you turned the corner you saw Mr. Rogers casually leaning on the kitchen island. 

Instantly, you felt intimidated. He had never done anything to make you feel scared or in danger, but his mere presence was so powerful, you didn’t quite know how to act around him. Especially, because on top of it all, he was the most attractive man you’d ever laid your eyes on. 

“What did I do?” It just sprung out of you, your arms wanted to hug your body but you willed them still. He didn’t need to see how worried you really were. 

To your surprise, however, his face scrunched up in amusement instead. He pushed himself off the counter and gestured towards the flowers still standing proud on that polished marble top. 

“You forgot your flowers.”

“My... my flowers?” He nodded with a small frown, probably confused by your reaction. And to be honest, you were too. 

“Yes... I got you flowers. You’ve officially been working here for a month. That’s a record.” He shook his head with a chuckle and then rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m... very picky.”

His eyes met yours and a whole new wave of uncertainty washed over you. You didn’t miss the hesitation in his tone, the carefully chosen wording for something he didn’t exactly say. 

“So, I’m not fired.” God, why did it take so long for you to register. You just looked so stupid right now. 

“On the contrary.” Mr. Rogers took a step closer, though still keeping a respectable distance. “I think I can trust you. I’m very pleased with your work. You deserve them.”

“I do?” You looked up at him with big eyes when he took another step closer. He was so tall, you had to tilt your head up now that he was so near. 

“Can I trust you?”

His chest would almost touched you, if you were to breathe any heavier. Your breath hitched in your throat when the faint remains of his perfume reached your nose. It was as intoxicating - the way his eyes stared down at you - intense and looming. “Ye- Yes.”

“Good.” His voice was a raw timbre. His gaze drifted to the side, where his hand slowly reached up to lay on your shoulder. You felt warm and tingly from the touch. 

Not knowing what to do exactly, you just held your breath and stared up at his eyes. They were so blue - and up close, they were so much more captivating than any magazine photograph could ever display. 

You wanted to touch him, reach out, and pull him down towards you, but he had just told you he trusted you. Were you really going to risk this perfectly good job for a heated moment?

His other hand came up to graze your cheek with a careful touch and the worry of losing your job suddenly became very small. Mr. Roger’s hands were warm, his fingers almost hot even compared to your heated face. 

So you did it. Your hand reached forward and landed on the top of his chest, one of them traveled down the hard plane of his torso while the other clawed at his shirt collar. His thumb traveled to your lower lip, pulling it down and then stroking over the soft flesh, touching your teeth as well. 

Guided by the heat traveling through our body, your right hand tightened around his shirt and pulled him down and onto your lips. The blonde man jerked forward until his mouth crashed onto yours, immediately moving in perfect sync with yours. 

Your insides were tingling from the kiss when you felt his lips pull into a smile. His big hands roamed your body until they snook around your back, pulling you flush against his body and making you sigh contently. 

Mr. Rogers chuckled and then kissed you deeper. His touch was everywhere, yours too. Your mind was free of anything that wasn’t the tall, built, blonde man in your arms as soon as his tongue traced your bottom lip - asking for you to let him in. And you did just that. When he began to explore your mouth, you melted even further into his embrace. 

No man had ever kissed you like that. Which was why you dreaded the moment you had to pull away for air. 

Your hand landed on his cheek, thumb softly stroking his beard, eyes locked with his. 

“You’re very good at this.”

He just chuckled and pecked your lips once more. “Up.” He demanded, suddenly, he grabbed your thighs and lifted you as if you weighed nothing. 

“What are you doing?”

“I'm gonna show you how good I am at this.” 

Then he set you down on the bed and pushed you back until your head hit the comforter. His scent, the one you’d secretly been craving ever since you started working here, engulfed you like a big blanket. He stood above you, big and broad-shouldered, looming over you like a wild animal. But you weren’t scared.

“You know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” His lips attached to your collarbone, sucking and licking bruises to your skin until you moaned beneath him and your hands clung to his hair. “I’ve been watching you,” he murmured to your neck and a shiver traveled down your spine. 

“I knew it,” you gasped when he reached a spot behind your ears that sparked more pleasure. The thought of him spending his day watching you made you all excited and impatient. 

“The way you stumble about this place when you clean it... How do you navigate the world being this clumsy, Bambi?” A whimper escaped you at the nickname he chose for you. “You need somebody to take care of you, huh.” 

You arched your back to brush up against him. His hard cock was already straining his pants, pressing into your own deliciously. “Ah, yes.”

“Don’t worry, Bambi, I’m right here. I’ll take real good care of you.” His fingers traveled down your body until they reached the hem of your jeans and began to tug on them. 

You pulled him down to your lips once more, guiding his head back to that spot behind your ear that had you squirming on the sheets. “So needy.”

His voice was so low and husky now, you barely noticed he had already worked your pants open and halfway down your legs. You kicked them off the rest of the way and arched yourself back against him just to have him grind down on your core. 

“Feel so good, so big,” you mumbled through the haze you already found yourself in. God, what was it with this man - he was out of this world. 

“You can’t wait any longer, can you, Bambi?” His hands moved beneath your shirt and began to massage your breasts. “But I get it. I don’t wanna wait any longer, either.” 

In a swift motion, he had you flipped on your stomach, his hands traveling to your hips to pull you on all fours in front of him. Then the bed dipped and you felt his fingers press to your soaked underwear. He rubbed the drenched fabric over your entrance, only driving you wild with need when his fingers reached higher to your clit. “So pretty.” 

“I need you,” you whined, “need you so bad.” 

“Believe me, I need you too.” He pulled the black lace over the curve of your ass and you felt the cool bedroom air hit your wet core, only making you shiver once more. 

“You’re so fucking perfect, you know that.” You could only whimper in response when his hand pushed your head into the comforter and his face suddenly pressed into your pussy from behind. 

“Oh, god.” A yelp escaped you as his tongue teased at your entrance, only to be pulled back to lick a long strip from your clit back to it. His hand massaged your cheeks and the constant moaning to your core shook you from the inside out. 

“This isn’t enough, is it, Bambi?” He dragged a strong finger up your spine. “You need me to fill you all the way up, don’t you? Need me to mark you, show everyone you’re mine.”

“Yes, yes, fill me up, give it all to me. Fuck me and make me yours.” You were so desperate at this point. His mouth had you squirming and aching for the promising bulge beneath his pants and you couldn’t wait to feel him raw - you’d let him do anything. 

You turned your head and watched as he unbuckled his belt. Within seconds, his cock sprung free from its restraints and your breath hitched in your throat. He was thick and long, a prominent vein running along his side up to his tip, pink and already decorated by a bead of precum. Of course, Steve Rogers had a pretty cock. What wasn’t perfect about him?

“You’re so wet already, Bambi. So ready for my fat cock, aren’t you? You’ll suck me right in, I just know it.”

“Please! I wanna feel all of you.” Another whimper got swallowed by the mattress when you waited in anticipation for him to finally fuck you. 

His one hand grabbed your ass and the other aligned his cock with your entrance. You could feel his head already breaching, a delicious stretch sending shocks through your body in hot and cold waves of pleasure. 

He groaned lowly and it sent shivers down your spine. “Relax, baby girl. You’re so tight. You’ll be so stuffed with me.”

“I need you de-. I- ah just please!”

He worked himself forward with small rocking motions, each time reaching a little deeper into your core and when you thought he was finally all the way in, he pushed even further until your ass was pressed flush to his thighs. 

You screamed into the covers and reached for something to grasp when he groaned behind you. “Gripping me like a vice, Bambi. Are you gonna be able to take it?” He shivered behind you and you could tell he was struggling to hold still until you answered him. 

“I can take it. Your big cock feels so good inside me. Oh, god, please move.”

“Fuck.” Wet noises filled the room when he drew back almost all the way, just to slam back into you. In this position the curve of his cock stroked your walls perfectly, making it hard to hold back the building orgasm. 

“I’m so close already, sir. I’m-”

“Fucking call me Steve,” he roared and pushed your face further into the covers. “You gonna come? Gonna squeeze my cock with your pretty little pussy already, huh?”

You could only whimper in response, the steady stroke of his body clouded your mind until you felt like you were floating. 

“I-“Another scream ripped through your speech when the pleasure exploded within you. Steve slowed his motions, seemingly unable to move with the way your muscles contracted around him. And when the pulsing pleasure lessened after what felt like minutes, he picked his pace back up again. 

“That was so sexy. You gonna do that again for me? I’m so fucking close.”

His hand reached around you and began to massage your clit in tight little circles and your body lifted off the bed. Steve had pulled you up flush against his chest and watched his hand work on your clit over your shoulder. 

“’S too much! Ah!” You were still pulsing around his cock with every circle he traced on your bundle of nerves, making your legs quiver.

“You’re doing so good, Bambi. You can give me another. Milk my cock dry.” He kissed your neck and bit your skin. “So fucking beautiful, how’d I get so lucky?”

“Steve!” You felt another wave of pleasure approaching, just for his fingers to still on your clit, his hand now pressing into your stomach. 

“I’m almost there, baby. Hold it a little longer.” His face fell into your neck and you could feel his cock twitch inside you while his hot breath licked down your shoulder. “Don’t you fucking cum until I say so.”

“I don’t know if I-“

“Yes, you can!” Steve pushed you until you fell onto all fours again and then guided your hips to meet his hard strokes. His movements became frantic and fast, making you lose your mind. 

“I’m gonna fill you to the brim, Bambi. Make you drip with my cum for days. You’re mine.”

“Steve! Steve!” You couldn’t hold it any longer, it was too much. He was so big, and his movements so fast, there was no way you were lasting any longer. 

“Wait. Almost there.”

“I can’t. I can’t! I’m- Oh my god!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuck.” With one last hard slam, Steve shot his hot seed in your pussy. Your walls clenched with every lewd sound he pushed through his heavy breaths. “Cumming so much for you, Bambi. All for you. Uhnggghh.” He rutted into you a couple more times and once the intense feeling faded into lazy pulses, he fell forward and pulled you into his chest. 

Still buried deep within you, Steve pulled the covers over your bodies. Every little movement made you squirm and your pussy clench down again, drawing small grunts from the man behind you. 

“You did so good.” His hand stroked over your hair and his face nuzzled into your shoulder. “Now, rest. You deserve it.”

And with that, you let your body fall into its well-needed sleep - warm, content, and without a care for the morning.

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve woke up to the sound of his alarm. He smiled before he opened his eyes, his mind still reminiscing the night before. He felt warm and content at the thought of it. Your kiss was like nothing else.

He felt around his bed blindly after turning off the alarm only to be met by a cold mattress. Opening his eyes, he called out your name and sat up in bed. But when no answer sounded from his apartment, he got up and looked for you. After a few minutes of searching, he was sure you weren’t there. And it worried him. He had planned to order you breakfast. He wanted to talk about last night. He wanted to tell you how much it had meant to him. 

A look at the clock on his wall made him frown. Maybe you’d gone home to change for work. He decided to wait and get to work a little later today. It would all resolve itself, Steve was sure. 

But when seven rolled around, there was no sign of you. And even after another 25 minutes, there was no indication you’d show up soon. Steve really couldn’t push his time anymore. There was a lot of work waiting for him at the office. So he got up and grabbed his briefcase, only to be interrupted by his phone. 

“Good morning, Sharon.” 

“Good morning, Mr. Rogers. I’m just calling to let you know your maid just called in sick.”

“What? Until when?”

“She didn’t say. But she’ll call when she is better.”

“Do you know what she has?”

“I believe that’s private. Mr. Rogers.”

Steve just hummed absentmindedly. His brain already playing all the possibilities in his head. 

“Would you be so kind so send me her number?” He asked almost hesitantly, but still demanding enough for Sharon to agree right away. 

“Of course, one second.” And then his phone pinged with a message from his assistant. 

“Thank you.” Sharon just hummed in response and then she hung up the phone, ever the busy assistant he knew her as. 

Steve didn’t hesitate to call you right away. With every peep. His heart hammered faster in his chest. And when he was about to give up, a familiar rustling rang through his speaker. 

“Hello?”

Steve took a second to breathe and then he said your name - steady but careful. 

“Mr Rogers,” you sounded surprised, and Steve tried to suppress the sting in his heart at the sound of his last name. You had called him Steve just last night. Why’d you stop?

“Yes... I heard you’re sick. Do you need anything?” He cringed the second he said it. You obviously didn’t want anything from him given that you had fled from his apartment before he even woke up this morning. 

“No, no. I’m good thank you.” There was an awkward tension in the static connecting the two of you. But Steve didn’t understand where it came from. Had you not enjoyed last night. Had he only imagined the affection you gifted him then?

“Well... I hope you are able to come back soon.”

You huffed into the phone. “Uh, yes. Okay.”

“Alright, then. I’ll see you.”

“I’ll see you.”

And then the line went dead. And Steve couldn’t shake the feeling that you had sounded a lot colder than before...

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve had taken the next day off. His mind was too occupied to work, anyway. He had caught himself glimpsing at his video feed several times that day, even though he knew you weren’t going to show. He guessed, somehow that you would appear anyway. It didn’t happen of course.

So today, Steve had to learn to do nothing. That included not thinking of you as well. Because as much as the thought of you distracted him from work, not working wasn’t exactly the best move to get rid of his thoughts. 

First, he had tried to stay in bed until 6. That was hard enough. Then, he worked out a bit, read an article, made a smoothie - okay he ordered one - and then he sat on his sofa watching as the clock above his fireplace ticked to 7 a.m. 

It was ridiculous. If every hour would pass this slowly, he’d go insane.

His fingers taped on his thigh as he watched the seconds hand tick. He had to do something, anything. 

The moment this thought passed his mind, he heard the elevator door ‘ding’ at his level. And before he could even turn around, your bag hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Steve stood up straighter, adjusting a tie he was not wearing, but the motion had become a habit. He was excited you’d shown up - visibly well and healthy that was. 

You stared at him for a solid minute and neither of you said a word. Your stare was unintelligible to Steve. He had to admit, that he didn’t know you well enough to read into your silent conversation yet, but he wanted to - he wanted to so badly. 

His hands moved to clasp in front of him and then he cleared his throat, but as he was about to say something, you moved past him, straight to the supply closet, and then disappeared into his guest bedroom. 

He followed you before he could tell his feet to stop, halting in the doorway of the room and watching as you dusted off the tall shelves above the sideboard. 

“What are you doing?” His voice was higher than he anticipated. 

“I’m working,” you answered bluntly, moving to the next object to dust off. 

“Why?” Steve had promised to provide for you just the other night. And, yes, while he might have been hazy from the incredible pleasure you had created, he had meant every word.

You suddenly turned to him with an angry stare. “I’m working because, unlike other people, I can’t just do whatever I want and not deal with the consequences,” you spat and then turned around again. The dusting motion turned a little more aggressive and Steve felt a cold shiver run down his back. Feisty.

Though, Steve couldn’t quite place your anger. Had he said something to offend you? How did the other night play into any consequences and why the hell were you working still? You’d said it yourself, you wanted to be his. And that was all he ever wanted. It just didn’t make sense.

Steve didn’t move. He just stood there like an idiot and watched you work your anger away on the poor dusty decorations of his home. You obviously didn't want to talk to him and he had no idea what to say to you. So he just watched... and watched until at least ten minutes had gone by. 

You were at a completely different corner of the room by now, trying to grab a book to dust off, but couldn’t quite reach. Steve had been standing in the doorway this whole time so he just assumed he was blocking your way to a ladder. But he took it as an opportunity instead. 

In three Long strides, he had walked up to you, reached for the item you stretched toward, and handed it to you. And for a second there, he could see those doe eyes return to your face, staring up at him.

Maybe he had misread the situation after all because your gaze drew him in again. He slowly closed his eyes before he could reach your lips, excitement rising in his veins when he thought back to the feeling of your lips on his–

*smack*

His eyes shot open when your hand collided with his cheek, a fire flickering in your eyes that made him take a step back, holding his heated skin. 

“You don’t have to mock me, okay?! I know it’s embarrassing and it’s stupid what we did, so please don’t make this more difficult.”

“What?” Steve was baffled, hurt. 

It was stupid what we did. Your words echoed in his mind until your voice penetrated the mantra. 

“Just leave me alone. Don’t you have work to do?”

He shook his head with an aching heart. You really had no idea. You thought he had used you, made you a bed bunny like Tony or Bucky would - he’d never do that. “I called in sick. I was so... forget it.”

You resumed cleaning and Steve just stood in your way watching. His chest stung with every second he spent with his eyes glued to you, knowing what you thought of him. He couldn’t stand it. He never wanted to make you uncomfortable, much less convey he’d only use you. 

“Can I ask you a question?” You ignored him, but he could see your movements stagger for a second. “Do you really regret what we did?”

Then you paused, your eyes trained to the surface in front of you. When you finally looked at him, Steve could see the tears shimmering in them. 

“No,” you whispered softly, Steve had almost missed it had his heart not skipped a beat. 

He instinctively stepped closer to you again, though cautious not to scare you away. He’d come this far and didn’t want to mess it all up again. “Then why are you ignoring me?”

“I'm not ignoring you.” It shot out of you like a bullet. You sighed, took another breath, and set the duster down. “We don’t know each other. We live in completely different worlds. There is not one scenario in which we could exist together as anything more than... this. I know that now.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re you and I’m just the maid.” You gestured to Steve and then yourself and Steve hated the way you degraded yourself just because he had a couple dollars more in his bank account. It wasn’t right. 

He shook his head, his hand reaching out to you but dropping just before he could actually touch you, curbing into a soft fist instead. “And what if I told you that you are much more to me than that?” Now he finally dared to lay his hand on your cheek, tilting your head so he could come closer to you and still stare into your eyes. “I like you. And the night– ever since you came into my life, my days seem just so much less dull.” 

He smiled with shiny eyes, afraid your silence would last forever. “Please say something, Bambi.”

“You like me?” There was awe and disbelief in your voice and Steve wanted to kiss it away until every last doubt was erased from your mind. Whoever had made you this insecure about affection would eat his fist. 

Steve bit his lip to hide the chuckle threatening to spill. “I do.”

He slowly got lost in your eyes again. Those beautiful innocent orbs looked at him like he was a different type of special. He loved it so much. 

His gaze dropped to your lips, slightly parted and full, and then back up. And before he could lose himself in them again, your hands latched onto his collar and pulled him down toward you. 

The kiss was all tongue and teeth, need and desperation melting into sighs and tingles - he could feed off of it forever. His hands roamed your body and pressed you deeper into his. Your arms reached around his neck as your noses bumped against each other in eager anticipation. 

Nothing ever felt this right. Steve couldn’t possibly believe you’d doubted the chemistry for a second. Not when it felt like that. But he wouldn’t need to think back on it anymore now... now that he finally had you.

I couldn't decide which GIF to use, so here are some extras!

If you’ve read this far, I would be so happy to receive a comment or reblog. It helps writers reach more people in the community and also improve themselves. So, if you have the time, please consider giving me some feedback :) until next time ~Meg 💞

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[jakesangel]

jake dating idol!reader ꣑୧ - headcanon ver - requested

we all know dating in kopop is seen as prohibited and w a passionate jake who is someone who loves w his whole heart it would be hard for him to make a decision between his love for you or his love for being an idol. but as you're an idol as well, there won't be a decision to do but just dating behind the cameras.

end of the year ceremonies

he is trying super hard to not look at you. you're all dolled up it's almost impossible so he just wouldn't look at your way. even when bowing he wouldn't dare to look up just aknowledging your presence tho in his body, his heart is going the fastest.

during your performance, his jeans will be bobbing a normal amount still wanting to show you support but not daring to catch date scandal. even tho he tries to not beam at you smile whne your face is on the screen, he can't help it but lose it whne you wink at the fans.

he would ask his company if he can do a tiktok challenge w you n is more than happy to see you backstage. he also tries to keep his compute as it's being recorded, but everyone can tell the soft eyes words he has for you.

weverse/vlives

would never fail to put one of your songs in his livestream, singing along w you.

would talk about the interaction w engene if they brought it up or even fake a comment so he can have an excuse to talk about you. would compliment idol you, saying that your veri talented n sweet.

i don't think he will talk to about you in weverse as he only talks about himself, layla n the members.

music shows

he is so happy when he realized the both of you have a comeback at the same time. that means for a month, he will get to see you everyday ᵎᵎ

he will be watching your performance on the tv's back room and will text you right away telling how good you were.

again he will ask for a tiktok challenge w you.

would sneak into your back room, your members/staff aware of your relationship, aww-ing at the both of you.

bring flowers when you win n he would be giving them to you

off camera

he would sneak out of his dorm quit often, not letting you come in his because 1. you're his princess n shouldn't be outside whne it's dark 2. he is living w 7 other men, meaning the dorm is never the cleanest.

he will text you lot of time, w lots of i miss you or you're so pretty today n he will send you your viral content saying how proud he is n how lucky he is to be dating you.

he would flirt w engene lots more to make you jealous so you can text him as well n he'll then have a reason on giving you more love n attention.

the drabble ver

notes : thank you anon for your idea >< i hope you like it <3

@imaluckygirl @luvj4key @stwrjvke @amouriu @neos127 @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby @jaeyunpinkyring @pockettwinzz @jwsdoll @heeheeswifey @sjylouvre @txnwvc @oopshee

[johnbrand]

Screen Froze

Podcasting had become inescapable in recent years. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on...well everything. Politics, world sports, cooking, an obscure movie from 1978 only released in a now-extinct language. If it could be covered, it would be. And one could find this content anywhere across the internet. Youtube, social media, even streaming services promoted their podcasters. Everyone was watching everyone talking. 

Of course, with so many different podcasters flying about, it was difficult to actually spot out talent. And from a sociologically micro perspective, it was even harder for individuals to find podcasters discussing the content they actually wanted to hear about. The more unique the niche, the less people one could happen upon to be talking about it during their recorded stream of consciousness. It was a simple formula, but it forced individuals to browse for hours or even days to find what they were searching for.

Sometimes though, people could not hold such patience. They would not wait for their new hero, a disciple preaching their values and morals to audiences around the globe. They would skip past one livestream discussing the economics of green villages in Switzerland to the next debating the potential existence between a minor character in two separate fandom universes. They could even perhaps land into a podcast like Sean’s.

“Most people just don’t understand the Soviet Union’s impact on architecture,” the measly, pale nerd innocently commented. A little shy in front of the camera, he was only able to relax a bit when discussing his favorite topics. Sean dressed in theme too, wearing a brutalist-like business casual outfit, a trait his small but dedicated fanbase adored.

“There were a lot of architects that really shaped this movement from all around the world,” Sean continued. “But today, we are just going to focus on those from the USSR.”

So what happened when one’s patience dried up? Well, everything was brought to a halt.

DragonHeart49: anyone else’s screen freeze? superduperloverboy: mine too <3bitsandmore: sean, I think ur glitching out

With the screen frozen, our impatient soul could now get to work. If one could not find the podcast they were looking for, then why not just create their own? Obviously, this did not mean constructing a podcast themselves, but rather alter the fabric of reality and completely realign another’s being to their preferred state. That was much easier.

Physical modifications were made first. A much larger body was necessary, something that demanded confidence and respect from others. Juicy pecs, rippling abs, sturdy legs. There was always something unreasonably fun in bloating the podcaster’s feet up a few sizes. An imposing frame to be craved by others, even when hidden underneath clothes, was priority. And speaking of clothes, those were quickly stripped down to less formal articles. Expensive branded tee, athletic shorts so small that boxer-briefs were visible, classic white Nike socks, all of it much more respectable than a button-up and tie.

This was not the impatient soul’s first time altering a podcaster to their liking, nor would it be their last. Physically at least, each of the end products were a little different. All alpha males, but just enough variation to not warrant any unnecessary rumors. This particular podcaster had his pre-American heritage redirected from France to India, the features in the screenshot tanning accordingly as a dark stubble acquainted itself along the sharper jawline. Of course, the bulge was accurately enlarged for geographical standards too.

Mentally however, all the podcasters could be considered copies. They each spoke of the same rhetoric, theories, and ideologies that our impatient soul wanted to hear. No matter how “backwards” or “hateful” their discussions were deemed as, nearly anything could be said by hulking bodies with undeniable charisma.

“These homos have no idea what they’re talking about!” Sanjay raged as the podcast restarted, his deep voice cocky and assertive. "Sure bro, I was just thinkin’ about a girl’s rack I saw earlier today but there's more to a girl than big tits. There's a tight pussy too!”

The chat section lit off with encouragement, their fates too having been altered.

MassiveFART69: you tell them fags bro! LOL XD crassmassschlongnator: we want to BREED THEM TOO!!!! <3TITSGALORE: JUST TALKIN ABOUT IT ALREADY GOT SANJAY GRABBIN HIMSELF AGAIN

Sanjay vacantly looked down, finding himself already subconsciously scratching at the thick bush within his shorts. He let out a hot protein fart followed by a laugh, his scratching slowly extending into groping his fat 8 inch babymaker.

“God, that was WET bros!” Sanjay applauded himself, his free massive hand swallowing the mic. “Anyway, I’ll catch you on the flip side dudes, gotta go hit the gym. Bros for life!”

There was a reason the traditional masculine movement was becoming stronger. Maybe it was because men were slowly aspiring to become the alphas’ equals, or because fags were beginning to submit to their nature. Or possibly, it could have been because each time a screen froze, reality was altered one click closer to traditional, normal masculinity.

[annieqattheperipheral]

wooosh. That's me sighing and breathing it out. Couldn't watch the gaudreaus memorial service live while working, just watched it in full on cbj youtube. first off, I'm ever so grateful the family granted us a livestream of this very difficult experience, that they are willing to open their arms to all of us to grieve together. their generosity and love.. wow. I'm in awe of this family. Thank you thank you. It is helping and healing so many of us to be part of this circle of support. thank you.

The priest interwove such beautiful personal memories with the gaudreaus in his sermon, and brought hope and a sense of guidance to steer mourners after such a heartwrenching and sudden tragedy. He welcomed ppl of all different faiths and connected the family to those grieving both there with them and far away. It was a beautiful way to begin the service.

I paused quite a few times during Madeline's and then Meredith's speeches to wipe tears. Meredith's was long but i get it. As she was nearing the end i had this feeling of no don't stop talking because when you end this speech is when we say our last goodbyes to johnny and matty and that's it we all carry on without them. No more Johnny Hockey in the NHL and that cannot be right.

The stories of how Johnny wore meredith's comfy clothing to pregame cracked me up. How he came bounding down the stairs one day in her maternity sweatshirt and she's like noooo take that off and he's like what it fits so well 😂 i cannot!! I can just imagine him preening so proudly lolll. He was so proud of his baby's spit up on his clothes, wore em to the rink. Incredible father and husband. Cannot believe he won't be around to help her through her 3rd pregnancy.

That both of Johnny and Matty's wives are going to go through pregnancy and labour without them. This tragedy is insane. How. How???!!!

I liked hearing about Johnny and Matty's deep deep connection. That Johnny lived an nhl life all season but all he wanted in the offseason was to go sleep in his tiny twin bed next to his brother in his own tiny twin bed in their childhood bedroom. Meredith said she knows so much of the focus has been on Johnny but even in life Matty knew that's how it was and loved his brother for it, was so proud of him.

Sean Monahan... wow wow wow I'm hurting hard for him. Johnny was really excited to play in cbj with him. Omg.

And Kevin Hayes. Goodness. So much heartbreak. Lost yet another brother. The hayeses really took care of Johnny in the nhl.

Guy Gaudreau, their father. The very last shot of the family at the end as they exited the church, following the two caskets out, Meredith followed Johnny's. Madeline and the gaudreaus (parents and 2 sisters) then following Matty's.. Guy was an absolute mess being held up by his wife and daughter. My heart broke all over again.

Spotted a lot of familiar hockey faces in the pews. I hope being there was healing. I know for me, everything felt unreal and confusing until i physically got to see my cousin's casket and then see with my own eyes as she was placed to rest. That connection to reality helped the loneliness and confusion i felt. I wanted to be with her but then my brain could finally give me an answer, she's sleeping in that place where i can go visit.

Ok. well in the pans over the attendees saw cbj, flames, team usa, Matthew Tkachuk, Seth Jones, Cole Caufield, Nikita Zadorov and others.

Well. This coming season is gonna get off to a real sad start and I'm glad we have each other in the lb🫂💕 those home opener tributes are gonna be tough.

[yridenergyridenergy]

The wholesome-ish friendship between Shinya and Kyo

Their latest playful Q&A in Haiiro no Ginka vol. 100 has prompted me to compile examples of this weird but overall wholesome relationship that Kyo and Shinya have and which is not obvious at first.

Situation #1

In October 2017, Kyo gifted Shinya with a custom white version of a MadaraNingen one-piece. As far as I remember, that article of clothing was not available for purchase in white at all, to the public. And of course, we all know that Shinya prefers to wear white.

Situation #2

I think that in response to Shinya sharing a video of him briefly playing with the minicars that were sold as tour goods in This Way to Self-Destruction, Kyo posted a story on Instagram of him revving up a bunch of mini-cars and persistently making them hit his phone propped up on a counter and displaying a picture of Shinya. At age 43. To which Shinya made an Instagram post vaguely hinting that: "Good children should not play with the mini-cars to hit someone's picture!"

Kyo's Instagram Story "The proper way to use mini-cars" video

Shinya's translated response

Situation #3

In late 2022-early 2023, Shinya publicly celebrated his bandmates' birthdays via emojis on Twitter, and Kyo was the only one to respond, in kind.

Situation #4

Kyo posted a cryptic picture of Shinya's video meeting with Mana in an Instagram Story and he has mentioned on Twitter at least once that he was watching Shinya Channel (the making of the FaFa onigiri).

In the same vein, Shinya took his failed attempt at needle-felting a pink bunny in March 2022 and turned it into a miniature hammer-wielding bunny in October 2022, in response to sukekiyo unveiling their Mosaic Shoujo PV which featured Kyo in the killer bunny suit.

Situation #5

This very old video of Kyo teasing Shinya by pinching the side of his dress, Shinya reacting by pushing Kyo a bit and Kyo falling into a robot dance in response.

Situation #6

The coffee maker. In one of the live talks held during the COVID-19 pandemic at concert venues, Shinya mentioned having a coffee maker which was of no use to him, and Kyo expressed interest in taking it from him. Later, in the Galacaa livestream talk between the two, it was revealed that Shinya had promised to give Kyo his coffee maker, but he never pulled through on that offer. Kyo, sporting a doodled face to hide his own, insistently questioned Shinya on this unreliability when the topic was brought up by fans in the comments. Shinya kind of struggled but ended up explaning that the coffee maker was really useless because of a defect, that it would not have been an appropriate gift anymore. But he forgot to update Kyo about it after he tried to contact the manufacturer. Kyo replied like: "Oh, alright then."

At some point, Kyo took the matter to Twitter, confronting Shinya about it with their respective member photos to illustrate the dialogue, and Shinya replied the same way.

Situation #7

In that same livestream, Shinya is so used to Kyo's bullshit by now that he completely ignores Kyo's doodle face sheet and casually leans forward to look past him and at the interviewer, sat on Kyo's right. After a while of this, the interviewer points out to Shinya that Kyo is insistently staring at him with this disturbing face, which is when Shinya becomes startled and nervously laughs upon realizing that, also making Kyo chuckle.

Situation #8

More often than others, Shinya and Kyo are documented chatting on the chairs backstage while they wait for everyone to be ready to start the show. Maybe there's something to be said of how they are the two members of the band to leave the stage the quickest, while Kaoru, Toshiya and Die stay for a while to throw picks.

Situation #9

Miscellaneous pictures of the two:

Situation #10

Apparently it was Shinya's earbuds that Kyo used to play with the cat (also Shinya's?) in this famous old video.

Situation #11

Other interactions on Twitter include commentary regarding the song battles that fans were voting on via that same website, during live broadcasts from their manager Fujieda on Galacaa. Kyo and Shinya were the only two members reacting to the songs that were pulled out of the box, Kyo sometimes replying to Shinya's own tweets wondering what he meant or outright questioning his preference.

Another interaction consisted in Kyo copying Shinya's tweets regarding the release of their Phalaris album and twisting Shinya's cute comments into hellish versions.

Situation #12

Probably a bunch of elusive comments throughout the years, but here's an example of something that Shinya said about Kyo in a magazine interview.

Situation #13

In Haiiro no Ginka vol. 100, the members were asked to send each other member five questions. Some chose to personalize them based on what they actually wanted to ask of the others, while a couple decided to send the same questions to all, but members were not told who the questions came from. Kyo picked up on that anonymous part of the game and when answering Shinya's set of questions, he ended each of his short answers with a second sentence that can either just be the Kansai dialect for: "Aren't you Shinya!", or in other dialects, translates more to: "Shinya, you bastard!" hahah. From what I saw, nobody else hinted at who they thought the questions came from in their answers. In reverse, Kyo took up two of his five alloted questions for Shinya with the simple statement: "You don't know you're dead yet!", a quote from Fist of the North Star which is highly intimidating as it hints that someone has defeated the character so easily and lightning-fast that they are a dead man standing, their body having trouble catching up with the reality that they were slaughtered. Shinya, in response to that repeated tease, stubbornly replies in his polite and formal Japanese that: "No, I'm not dead." Their Q&A with the other members were not nearly that quirky.

Situation #14

At his SERAPH birthday concert in 2023, Shinya said that his three treasures in life are:

DIR EN GREY

SERAPH

sukekiyo

Situation #15

Kyo replying to Shinya's post featuring a very old picture of Kyo (which was however respectfully hidden by Phalarisu-kun) by pulling out the oldest/youngest postcards of Shinya he could find, also commenting to paraphrase Shinya: "Postcards that probably no one has anymore." His own postcard depicting him peeks from underneath.

Shinya replied to that with: "I tried to look for it but couldn't find it 🥺"

Situation #16

On Twitter, Shinya posted a photo with other artists which he explained as: "Yesterday, we had a birthday celebration for everyone born in February and March 🎂 Happy birthday everyone 🎉🎉🎉"

To which Kyo directly replied: "I wasn't invited." (born February 16th)

And Shinya responded with: "The DIR EN GREY guys are a bit mean 🥺"

Kyo never replied to that.

Situation #17

Going to combine two things considering how long ago they were.

Shinya and Kyo were the first members of Dir en grey to meet, and the day right after I posted this compilation happened to be the 28th anniversary of when they first performed together.

There's also an anecdote that, way back then, no one in the band knew how to contact Kyo because none of them had his phone number, but eventually Shinya just casually revealed that he had it all along and said: "Oh I'll just call him"

Situation #18

Shinya and Kyo are the only members who are clearly dog lovers in the band, while Die and Toshiya are part of the cat team. Shinya used to have a dog (chihuahua?) and Kyo now has Pun-cha. Shinya recently wore a sweater with a dog on it.

Situation #19

In a tweet that Kyo has since deleted, he wrote that if there was one grudge he still held, it was that he never appeared on the cover of a Rockin'f magazine. Shinya also wasn't featured, so he added that while he doesn't have a grudge against them, he has declined interviews and comments for a certain magazine after that.

Situation #20

During their European tour 2024, Kyo and Shinya embarked in a playful spat on Twitter, seemingly out of boredom while traveling on the tour bus. It was funny the way it culminated in both of them forcing the other to subscribe to their fan clubs to find out more. On Kyo's side at least, I didn't see anything related to that on kyo-online for real hah.

Situation #21

Shinya took the time to snap a picture of Petit Brabançon playing on the Yunika Vision screens while he was out solving a game, then posting that on Twitter and promoting Petit Brabancon. " I heard Kyo sing while solving a mystery in Shinjuku"

He also made numerous mentions of the Petit Brabancon posters around Gorilla Hall in his video touring that venue:

... Did I miss any? And there will undoubtedly be more to come!

Thank you very much to shinyaburashka, mementoboni, lamenty45 and degtau for your help!

[smallishbeansshipbracket]

TOP 20 reasons why YOU should VOTE BOATBOYS/SMALLETHO!

1. Obviously number 1, they're obsessed w/ each other.

2. Etho always longs for Joel and misses him dearly, I doubt he's surviving Joel being gone for his trip to Japan.

3. They're always flirting, like constantly, in many Tango and Scar streams that include them they're together and joking.

4. They gravitate towards each other, it's like a second sense.

5. THEY WERE SOULMATES AND STILL ACT LIKE THEY ARE. LIKE A YEAR LATER??

6. Etho's statues.

some may say " oh he made others too?! " well to contradict that, he made statues for Joel multiple times and Joel's were the highest quality + first. Etho also only really talks about Joel's statue in his video.

7. Joel has talked about Etho in all of his videos, he has mentioned him at least once in all 13.5 episodes

8. Joel's playlists. He said in his QNA video that they weren't directed towards Etho, but the evidence says otherwise. Also, have we ever trusted Joel when it comes to anything about Etho?

9. ETHOS MAIL TO HIM?

10. The bit of Neck Kisses stuck to Etho and Joel, even if it started with someone else and other people were involved.

11. I HAVE BEEN A BOATBOYS LIKER SINCE LAST LIFE I NEED THIS.

12. Joel is active on the Boat Boys/Smalletho tag on Tumblr.

13. Scar asks if Joel grew up in the closet while he was with Etho. This isn't a reason I just found it funny.

14. Etho saying "Oh snap" to Jimmy after he tried to make him jealous?

This by itself isn't really anything but pairing it with number 15 it makes more sense.

15. During the charity Livestream HC X tour once Joel was brought up Etho was constantly talking about him.

16. It is confirmed that Etho watches Joel's hardcore series.

17. Joel likes comments in his comment section when they bring up Etho, quite obsessed if I do say so myself.

18. THIS BIT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR LIKE A YEAR.

19. Joel called Etho's statues of him cute and was fangirling over them

LASTLY. NUMBER 20. They are the best duo ever and I love them to death, and they should forever win!2!!

Of course, I could name so many more, but I don't wanna take up any more of your valuable time that you could be using to vote boat boys!

Farewell and please consider joining the dark side.

lots and LOTS if boatboys propaganda by my mutual, @tinyetho!!!

(sorry for namedropping you, i just feel like your user is important for this propaganda)

[silv3rswirls]

Their s/o is brought up while they’re on live

Note: unedited

Anon asks: Oh oh! Ateez reaction to their public s/o being brought up during a livestream?

♡Seonghwa♡

Slowly a shy little smile takes his expression. He doesn’t talk about you too much when he livestreams, so it makes him a little flustered when Atiny leave comments asking about you.

♡Hongjoong♡

Like Seonghwa, he’s a tad more reserved than other members. Of course, he never turns down the opportunity to assure Atiny that you’re doing well. And on occasion he’s been known to show off something he’s made for you- an accessory he customized, lyrics, etc.

♡Yunho♡

At this point he has a whole segment on his lives where he talks about you. He answers questions, or ponders his next date idea. He even promises he’ll get you to join him one evening to do it together.

♡Yeosang♡

He always has the nicest smile when he talks about you, recently he’s gotten less shy with talking about his relationship on live like this. He likes to tell stories about you, especially embarrassing ones or taking opportunities to tease at you.

♡Mingi♡

He’s gets excited when he sees comments asking about you. He’s very passionate about your relationship and is happy to tell his fans how wonderful you are, showering you in compliments.

♡San♡

He’s pulling up cute pictures of the two of you before Atiny can even finish spamming his comments about you. Ones of you sleeping on him, candies, etc. he always shows them off with a smile.

♡Wooyoung♡

Atiny don’t have to ask, he’s always ready to talk about you. “Yeah, they just can’t resist me lately” he boasts, he always mentions how nice you look that day, or brags about all the attention you give him.

♡Jongho♡

Unlike the previous few members he falls more on the more reserved side. Not shy, just likes privacy. He doesn’t ignore comments though. He says your doing well, tells them you’ve eaten and he’s taking extra care of you.

[mercurytrinemoon]

Break-ups and comebacks, jealousy and infidelity: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale synastry analysis

I was watching the livestream of No Doubt's Coachella set and reminiscing on the good ol times, thinking of the songs Gwen wrote about Gavin Rossdale and their on-and-off relationship and then the trainwreck marriage (spoiler alert: he cheated on her with their baby sitter) and of course, I had to look at their synastry. And let me tell you, it is something.

Let's look at Gavin's chart first and see what we're working with.

His chart is of a successful person first and foremost. A Scorpio stellium and rising gives allure and clout - paired with a Sun in a trine with exalted Jupiter in the 9th, that combination will sooner or later bring a lot of accomplishments. A flowing aspect like this brings optimism and lucky events in the person's life and the planet of grandiose and expansion in the house of achievements just strenghtens that. His ascendant ruler, Mars gives him some traits of brattiness, being in the loud and fiery Sagittarius. Right next to it is Venus - both yin and yang planets coming together endowed him with a huge charisma. The downfall is, that conjunction is closely squared by Uranus and Pluto, which can give not only sudden changes of the heart but also excessive secrecy, push-and-pull dynamic in relationships and someone who generally may like to play the field, especially given the mutable traits of Sagittarius. It is even more pronounced because Venus rules his 7th house of relationships.

His 5th house of romance and sex suffers as well, having both malefic Saturn and wounded Chiron in it. The ruler is that Jupiter in Cancer but its retrograde notion can bring some hiccups along the way.

Capricorn Moon in detriment may also carry some trauma surrounding parental figures that has a potential to repeat family mistakes and what google just told me is that his parents were married three times. Talk about troubled relationships.

But Moon in itself signifies women in his life, as well as his partner. The luminary is trined by that Uranus-Pluto conjunction, which definitely speaks of him having many admirers. This gives him even more charm. This is definitely a chart of a rebellious heartbreaker.

And then we have Gwen. Her chart is also very success-friendly with a Libra stellium in her 10th house of career and exalted Mars on the ascendant that blessed her with powerful personality that stands out. Capricorn ascendant brings slow rise to success but also hardships in life and its ruler, Saturn is retrograde in the 5th house (both of them have that placement in the 5th, which is interesting) - this makes her focused on creativity and her kids but the retrograde motion brought a lot of issues with her breaking through is her younger years. Mind you, No Doubt's real rise to fame happened during Gwen's Saturn return (and yes, that's where the album name "Return of Saturn" came from; also, side note, she learnt about it through Gavin himself).

Gwen has a lovely domicile Moon in her 7th house, which should bring prosperity in relationships - and we gotta admit all of her relationships were long-term. Unfortunately that Moon is tightly squared by Jupiter, which talks about possible naivety and legal issues - that can hint at things like divorces. Moon in a square with the Sun and Mars can also signify severing and distance from a male figure in your life, which can very much be a life partner. What isn't helpful is also fallen Venus in Virgo, which can bring a troubled love life.

Okay so let's get into the synastry

The first thing that comes forward is their Moons being opposite. Gavin's Moon is right on Gwen's ascendant, which probably made them gravitate to each other in the first place as Moon touching someone's ascendant can act like a glue. This also underlines his changeability towards her - the Moon comes and goes, it's moody. Of course, Moon oppositions can be lovely as they may compliment each other and probably at some points in their relationship it was like that. But these Moons don't have much of a support from other planets aside from her Moon trining his Saturn and Chiron, which can definitely act like a glue between two people and the need to build a life together. It's not really an affectionate aspect, but it's binding and full of care.

Now if you look at synastry, what you should pay attention to is recurring aspects. Because they have Moon oppositions and because Gwen has a natal Moon-Sun/Jupiter square, what that results in is that his Moon also squares her Sun-Jupiter conjunction. This just adds to the fuel and makes the negative aspect more potent as it's an aspect of a separation.

The other tight opposition we have here is his Sun with her Saturn. That is… not the best. And again, thse planets don't really receive any other strong flowing aspects. The Sun-Saturn opposition is extra tough because Saturn already has a distancing attitude towards everything. Put it against the Sun, that's two leadership-hungry planets having a constant fight. It also brings possible disappointments, resentment and cold treatment as well as suspiciousness on the side of the Saturn person.

I've mentioned Gwen having a square to Jupiter, which can bring legal issues. Here Gavin's Jupiter is tightly squaring Gwen's Mercury - this just reinforces that and also brings conflict between their worldviews, thinking patterns and day-to-day tasks. An aspect like this can make one of the pertners too permissive or full of neglect. Heated arguments or heavy debates can arise with it as well.

Aside from the mentioned Moon on the ascendant, a pretty cosy aspect, Mercury-Neptune can bring some dreaminess to the relationship as well. This is also a great thing to have as an artist as you can be each other's muses. On the flipside, whenever we search for deception, Neptune is where we point at. And conjunctions with a planet like this can go both ways. In this case, it's Gavin's Neptune that was pulling wool over her eyes.

And if we think of infidelity, we look at the 12th house because it rules all things hidden from us. In this case, they both have planets in each other's 12th houses. Gavin has his Venus and Mars in Gwen's 12th house - these two planets placed like this can definitely point to romance behind your back. And then her Libra stellium is in his 12th house, which can show neglect and not seeing her - especially her Sun, which, as a luminary, definitely wants to always be seen.

"The most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl"

I accidentally found a scan of an old article about the pair from 2002 where Gwen discusses how jealous she can get over Gavin. She justified it with the fact that he's a desirable frontman followed by a swarm of groupies. I mean, the assumption here might be reasonable but shouldn't be the case if your partner assures you of their loyalty by their actions and such. So, where do I sniff jealousy and the lack of trust?

First, we may go back to the 12th house overlays situation. Rossdale's Venus and Mars are both in her 12th house so she had a constant feeling of something happening behind her back and because of the nature of these planets, that something is related to other women and romance.

Gwen's Jupiter in a square to his Moon might bring a few things: being overly permissive ("somehow I'm full of forgiveness", as she sang in a No Doubt song), having issues just getting along sometimes, bad spending habits and, again, divorce and court disputes. And speaking of his Moon, it is not a tight conjunction but the luminary is very sensitive: Gwen's Mars touches it with a 7° orb. A Moon-Mars aspects in synastry, especially conjunctions can make Mars very protective but also very possessive over the Moon. Especially that her Mars makes natal squares to her planets, which makes it kinda competitive in nature. Gwen's Venus in a square to Gavin's Mars is a spicy, alluring aspect but it can definitely bring out some jealous feelings as well - more so from Mars' side but it can go both ways.

My favorite part: timing

The pair met for the first time in April of 1995 (might've been April 11th but I'm not sure) when transiting Jupiter was in the middle of Sagittarius. For Gavin it was directly touching his Venus and Mars, for Gwen - it was sextiling her natal Jupiter exact. Jupiter transits can definitely bring a new partner in a person's life, especially one that might be seen as a blessing or a lucky coincidence. They also usually point to long-term partnerships. Interestingly, the ascendant in their Davidson chart is right around the middle degrees of Sagittarius as well.

Spiler alert: Jupiter themes will show up again.

They married on September 14th 2002 with Moon conjunct Chiron in the sign of Capricorn as well as a tight Jupiter-Neptune opposition. The big benefic was transiting through the sign of Leo, making a trine to the Jupiter in Sagittarius that took place when they met and started dating: this means both of them received positive Jupiter transits around the wedding day but it also gives us a clue that Jupiter cycles play a huge role in their relationship (aka they had their relationship milestones when the planet was going through fire signs).

The couple fired for divorce in August of 2015. Now, if you've been paying attention and you know math, you'd know that this is not only a full Jupiter cycle gone but also… *drum roll* Venus retrograde period in Leo!

Their wedding lasted a whole Jupiter cycle, which is pretty common given Jupiter rules legal matters. And their Davidson chart? Has Jupiter in Leo. It was of course also marked by the Venus retrograde. To be more impactful, Stefani was going through a Venus-ruled profection year.

Transit-wise, Gavin was just at the tail end of Saturn transiting his 1st house, while for Gwen, it was a Saturn opposition.

During the divorce, as Jupiter was moving over Gwen's Venus, she started getting closer to Blake Sheldon and the couple began dating in November of the same year. They're now married.

[lggy]

I just wanted to tell you, coming from a past total Jason hater who has now accepted that they were wrong on things, that your takes about him and Jess have helped me get out of whatever parasocial disillusioned mess I was in. I just felt like you deserved to know that you weren’t shouting into the void.

THANK YOU

i'm trying to undo some of the damage caused by parasocial rumors n hater stuff.. i feel like i probably come off as a dickrider and it doesnt help that im the wiki guy on top of that and people probably perceive me as not being critical enough, but i think it's way better to approach things (especially accusations against irl people) with all the facts laid out and with critical thinking (bad-faith interpretations are not critical thinking) and also empathy/believing people's first hand experiences.

i'm mostly advocating for stopping the spread of misinformation and rumors.. but i am biased bc i love aphmau.

it's just really hard for me to hate on jess like some people here do after watching that livestream where she breaks down after talking abt the level of harassment/threats/(now as we learned, stalkers) she got during mcd s2. idk i feel bad for her people are so mean to her :(

a lot of people jump on hate trains bc they dont want to be labelled problematic hence all the ppl who tag their aphmau posts as like "jess defenders dni" "jesson supporters dni" "i dont support aphmau" and it becomes one big spiral of rumors and accusations and becomes a toxic cesspool then wonder why jess ghosted all social medias. it takes effort to get all the information and a lot of ppl dont want to do that, so thats why i'm doing it.

idk i just go about the internet as if the creators can see what i say and draw. some ppl straihgt up want to bar the creators from their own fandoms which is fucked up in my opinion. some of you people are proud of bullying the employees which is extremely gross and cringey too. thats just my opinion though

There really are issues with the workplace, a few current/former employees speak up about it. These are issues brought up in just the past few weeks:

( sebastian's og tweet was last year but he retweeted in the beginning of june for some unknown reason but i won't speculate on that though)

last one is just in general that pulls in over the past couple years^ i don't have any sources for the employee who allegedly had ptsd after working at blujay/catface because i haven't looked that deeply into that in particular and dont know where to look for it

i don't really know what to say about the workplace things.. they hired new HR recently so i guess they're working on it.

I can interview a few current employees to learn more but all i know rn is people in the voice and art department

i had more but its 1 am i have work tomorrow oops gn thank you for hearing me out

[wonhuihonwuiii]

Jun + Hoshi (SoonHui)

As mentioned in my previous analyses, I have STILL been seeing people criticize Jun's relationship with the members. I cannot stress enough how adorable and unique each ship is so I have decided to do an analysis.

Here is SoonHui!

Have you seen the way they look at each other? LITERALLY THE CUTEST! I’ve seen several clips (tho I am unsure of which exact videos they are from) of Hoshi watching Jun’s every move as if wanting to take him home (he’s so whipped but honestly same)

To be honest, I feel like SoonHui have SO MUCH in common to not be (at the very least) close friends. They are both part of the 96 line, performance unit, and are called gemini twins. 

Jun is usually quiet so his interactions with most members are typically not as highlighted in their content while Hoshi is the complete opposite! I think he appears to be more extroverted on camera so we see him mostly with those equally as active as him. 

I also think that Jun being a few days older and Hoshi being the leader of the PFU plays a role in their dynamic. I don’t mean this in terms of authority but mostly how they evidently respect one another given these roles. We would see Jun respecting and following Hoshi because he’s a leader. Similarly, we would see Hoshi being taken care of because he’s younger than Jun. I find it interesting how their dynamic is mostly serious but also slightly playful.

 On the other hand, I also noticed how Soonhui is INCREDIBLY supportive of each other! I feel like these aren’t as talked about because of how lowkey these moments are but I’d like to share a few of my favorite examples.

As we know, Hoshi typically acknowledges the accomplishments of other Seventeen members outside their group schedules. For example in a concert, Hoshi brought up the release of Jun’s song, Psycho. Hoshi also kept talking about Jun’s kissing scene when Junhao were in China. In a GoSe episode, he mentioned how Jun attended a Chinese award show a few days after their concert in Macau. In their God of Music comeback show, Hoshi also mentioned Jun winning in the Busan International Film Festival. In AAA 2023, BSS was also watching Jun’s award ceremony backstage despite being in an award show themselves. Hoshi even posted a selca of himself and the livestream of Jun accepting the award. In short, I just find it incredibly sweet how Hoshi never fails to take care of not just Jun’s screen time but actually give him the recognition he deserves by directing the spotlight onto the latter. This was again seen in their recently released 9th anniversary video where Hoshi asked Jun to speak about how he feels. Honestly, most of the time, Jun is given attention BECAUSE of Hoshi. It’s the simple “How do you feel about this or what can you say about this?” that shows how much Hoshi cares about Jun.

I also noticed how often Jun acknowledges / compliments Hoshi! For example, I’ve seen multiple clips of Hoshi being a bit dissatisfied with a performance despite doing good so Jun would always reassure him that he did so well or looked cool. In one clip (I don’t remember where it’s from), He even mentioned how Hoshi creates, executes, and monitors choreographies even until late at night because he’s that passionate and hardworking. Literally Jun expresses how he finds Hoshi cool every chance he gets!

I also noticed that Jun is actually so supportive of Hoshi’s Horanghae agenda! In a video where they had to design caratbongs, Jun was FEEDING Hoshi all the tiger related designs and in the Huya video, Jun told Hoshi about the tiger character. Even in concerts, when Hoshi says “put your tiger signs up” Jun automatically raises his hand 🥹 It’s the ABSOLUTE cutest thing in the world.

Another thing I’d like to point out is how they make their presence KNOWN by being physically present. Hoshi visited Jun during his filming for Limbo while Jun visited Hoshi during his filming for Spider and Fighting (even had a coffee truck for BSS). It’s nice to know how members make time to drop by each other’s filming sets despite having busy schedules. It shows how much they care for one another.

Other moments I could think of would be maknae Hoshi to Jun (which is a bit rare since again, they’re relatively closer in age compared to others)

In in the soop 1, Hoshi called Jun because he wanted shabu-shabu. Initially, Jun said they should wait for Seungkwan since he was away from a shoot. However in the next scene, we see Jun preparing the ingredients because “Hoshi wanted to eat shabu-shabu.” It’s just cute how Jun had zero intentions of even cooking but because it was something Hoshi was craving for, he gave in.

In one of their God of Music promotions, Hoshi also whispered to Jun about his Epik High collab, wanting other members to acknowledge it. So Jun, with zero hesitation, brought it up in the conversation. After doing so, we could see the two of them giggling in the back, particularly with a happy Hoshi who once again got what he wanted! 

Another SoonHui moment that stood out to me would be Jun’s story about how quick and easy they make up after having an argument. Jun mentioned that after about 30 minutes to an hour after fighting, they would make eye contact, wink at each other, laugh it off then everything would be back to normal. I don’t know about you but the fact that they don’t even need WORDS to reconcile says A LOT about their relationship! This is literally how best friends or siblings would resolve conflicts. (This reminds me of that clip of Hoshi watching a movie in the airplane, specifically when he randomly made eye contact with Jun and the latter raised his eyebrow, making both of them laugh at each other’s silliness)

OVERALL, SoonHui’s dynamic is honestly one of my favorites in Seventeen! They have so many similarities yet are opposite at the same time. I do understand why some people would think that they’re a bit distant because l feel as if they’re ALWAYS together given their similar positions in svt so naturally there isn’t a need to be clingy to each other. However this doesn’t make them any less close. In fact, they act EXACTLY how siblings who are close in age are around one another. They would argue A LOT but in a room with many others, they would find themselves speaking up for each other! 

[liknws]

[ 001 ] it's all felix's fault.

⎯⎯ PAIRING: han jisung x reader/oc ⎯⎯ TAGS: rockstar!3racha plus jeongin, non!idol au, lovers to exes to enemies, one tour bus instead of one bed trope, subtweeting but in songs dropped during concerts, right person wrong time, whole lotta angst, lots of anger, mutual pining ⎯⎯ RATING: 18+, mature ⎯⎯ WARNINGS: none this chapter! let me know if i missed any ⎯⎯ WORD COUNT: 3k (3,683)

⎯⎯ SUMMARY: it’s been three years since the break up, three years since leaving the band you helped start, three years since you’ve even talked about your ex. not only have you been able to avoid talking about him, but you’ve been able to avoid him all together. until that same band you helped start decides to change labels and not a single person warned you that your safe place was about to be invaded by three men you’d do anything to avoid.

[ masterlist ]

“It’s not like we’re going to see them all the time.” The words are a mimic of Felix from months ago. Admittedly, he was trying his best to cheer you up and offer some sort of reassurance that just because 3RACHA was joining Shadow Side Records, doesn’t mean that Jisung and the others were going to immediately be forced into your life again.

“This is all your fault.” Seungmin speaks up from the back of the room, zipping up his suitcase for the fifth time. Minho had absolutely insisted on double checking what he’d packed- according to Minho the youngest in the band had a habit of packing no socks but overpacks on shirts. The argument that followed had brought a smile to your face for the first time in days.

“It’s not Felix’s fault. He didn’t use his magic powers to force us to tour with 3RACHA,” Lily interjects. She’s quick to come to his defense, reaching out to hold his hand. “Don’t worry Lixie, no one really blames you.” The softness in which Lily handles them all makes you melt every time and you’re grabbing his other hand. Putting it on your heart, you smile at him fondly.

“I promise, Lix. I’m not mad at you at all. The universe is just a cruel bitch sometimes.” Your reassurance does the trick it seems, the smile that brightens his face and makes the freckles on his skin contrast beautifully against the light flush in his cheeks. “You’re precious and I could never ever be mad at my Sunshine.”

“Instagram Live coming through!” Hyunjin shouts through the door, giving all of you less than a few seconds to scramble to make sure nothing incriminating or spoiler–wise is laying around the room before he’s walking in backwards with the camera pointing at himself. You and Felix are the first one’s in the frame and light up.

“Hi Hues!”Felix greets the viewers with a wave. He was the one to come up with the fan base’s name and you had found it too cute to argue. You and Hyunjin were quick to adopt the name but Minho had taken some convincing. Seungmin had only caved thanks to the peer pressure of the rest of the band. You’re sure he secretly loves it though.

The comments in the video scroll past so quickly that you’re unable to keep up. Hyunjin had taken to livestreaming as often as he could with fans, even if it was just small check-ins and quick conversations. It’s done well for the fanbase, you realize, having them feel more engaged with the band members. You’re almost always in the streams with him, even if you just sit and annoy him while he tries to talk to the fans.

“Who’s ready for the tour? Everyone got their show tickets?” You poke over Hyunjin’s shoulder with a grin, arm looped across his back to cuddle into him. A wave to the camera, you’re laughing at the influx of excitement you can see in the chatters. “We can’t wait to see you guys out there with us.” The excitement of the fans only elevates your own until you’ve forgotten the whole reason for this tour in the first place. For the Hues you could do anything, you would do anything for them. Without them you wouldn’t be given any of the opportunities you had and their continual support is what lets you do what you love everyday.

“Sorry guys, we have to go. Time to hit the road in a bit and I should save Cherry from Lino before he’s stuffed into his own suitcase.” Hyunjin makes a quick sign off before doing just as he said, running to Seungmin’s aid to shield him from an annoyed Minho. You catch the word underwear and immediately decide it’s not something to concern yourself with.

・❥・

Okay, so there is one thing you can’t do for Hues. “I cannot share one bus with them.” Hands slam on the table top, those closest to you flinching a little at the sound of palms slapping as you stand up. You point to the four on the other side of the table. “I agreed to the tour but I refuse to share a space with them.” Eyes cut to your old band, people you once called friends, maybe even family. “Sorry, Jeongin was it? I’m sure you’re lovely and all.” He gives you a sad smile and wow you almost feel bad for lumping him in with the other three. None of it was his fault at all, you didn’t even know him. “But our,” you gesture to your band. “Last two albums went platinum and you’re saying we can’t afford a separate bus?”

“It’s just a few months. It’s not like we’re telling you to move house together.” Lily’s ever patient nature was wearing thin and you could tell by the slight narrowing of her eyes. You’re pushing it by arguing this and there wasn’t a way around it. “The label just agrees that one bus is best right now between the equipment being transported in the other vehicles and the cost of rental and paying a driver plus full time security for the road and any flights.” She puts up a hand to stop your continual arguing, shaking her head. “Trust me, I tried. I really did okay. They’re set on this. Unless you want to sleep with the drums in the truck, you’ll just have to deal. The bright side is that when we stop at hotels they are spending the money on suites for each band so you’ll have that to look forward to.”

“Fine. I’m getting the back room and not the bunks.” Your agreement makes her smile but your declaration of the only bedroom has a few people around the table jumping in to argue. “With Lily! Her and I are the only non-men on the bus and we get the only bedroom with a real door and if you want to argue about it, argue with the fucking wall.” You drop into your seat with a huff, arms crossed as you glare at anyone that might look like they want to argue the point but it’s hard to when the logic is there. The rest of the bus will be full of men, you and Lily deserve at least a little privacy from them.

“With that out of the way- On to the rest of the details. The trucks are being loaded right now. We have all the gear you guys went over with the crew, wardrobe will be at the venues but you’re mostly in charge of whatever you want to wear. You should have all been fitted for your new earpieces.” She looks down at the paper in front of her and checks off things as she goes over them. “So I will be the general tour manager as well as the personal manager for Ultra Violet. Until we can get a manager settled for you guys long term, just come to me for anything you’ll need okay?” She glances between Jeongin, Chan, Changbin, and finally settles on Jisung for a little bit too long before moving on. “Are there any pre-performance or show rituals I should prepare for? Or let the venues know of it?”

“Jisung gets really nervous and needs a group hug right before going on.” You speak up without even realizing it, like an old habit coming back. Nine pairs of eyes turn to stare at you in varying degrees of surprise and confusion. “Unless that’s changed.”

“N-no. I, yeah, I still do that.” He stumbles over his words a bit, blinking in surprise still before looking at Lily with an apologetic smile. “But we have that handled, don’t worry about that.”

“No, it’s okay. If you need anything just let me know. It’s my job, it’s what I’m here for. Anything else?”

“We have a war cry or chant we do.” Chan speaks up, taking the lead of the conversation while Changbin and Jisung huddle back together, sharing whispers. You don’t miss the glances your way from the pair but you pretend not to notice or care, instead just watching Lily and Chan talk about what 3RACHA would need for this tour. Smaller details like diet requirements, allergines, and other arrangements before the checklist is complete.

“Well we have about an hour before we have to hit the road so just be at the busses in the next forty five minutes, okay?” She dismisses you guys and you’re the first to stand and bolt from the room, leaving your conference room chair spinning in the haste of your exit.

・❥・

“Want to talk about that earlier?” Felix lays next to you, arms wrapped around your waist as he cuddles you closer on the bed. It’s been a few hours on the road already, the quiet of the bus is tense and uncomfortable. Your band is mostly unwilling to mingle with the other four just out of solidarity to you, even though you can tell it’s painful for Felix to not be welcoming to the others. Hyunjin too, he’s looked over at the four more than a few times wanting to join in their games.

“I’ve known him since we were in high school, Lix. Some things just stick around, you know? Like his favorite snack is cheesecake, he laughs with his whole soul, and when he’s super anxious he bounces his leg.”

“Those are very specific things to know.” The new voice speaks up, sticking his head in the door of your room. Minho smiles teasingly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. “You two aren’t as quiet as you think. We can hear you in the bunks, just so you know. The walls are very thin on this bus.”

Mortified, your face flushes deep red before you’re hiding in Felix’s chest with a groan. Minho laughs and sits on the edge of the bed, hand rubbing on your back as he continues to giggle. “Shut up, Min. I’ve managed to make a fool of myself twice already. This is fucking stupid.”

“I don’t think the others heard you. They’re in the front swapping embarrassing stage stories. I heard something about ripped pants and left.” Both you and Felix erupt in laughs over this, his body shaking yours while he holds you. “Seungmin was roasting Changbin about some voice crack on stage and that’s how it started.” There’s a bit of pride in your chest at that.

“Lily just texted and wanted to talk about dinner plans.” He holds a hand out to you both and hauls you off the bed with a dramatic grunt. The back of your hand meets his chest in a playful hit while laughing. You’re thankful for his steady presence, he’s been there for you since you two had met. His love was a bit different than Hyunjin and Felix but you knew it was there nonetheless. Seungmin, you still questioned every once in a while.

“Thanks for joining us. Changbin was starting to whine about being hungry.” Hyunjin is sitting next to the mentioned man on one of the couches, turning to look at you when the three stepped into the small living room space at the front of the bus. You glance around and notice the only empty seat is next to Chan or Jisung so instead you drop to sit on the floor, back leaning against one of the half walls sectioning off the kitchen.

“Do you guys have any first night traditions for tour?” Hyunjin asks excitedly, leaning forward a little to glance around at 3RACHA. You open your mouth but close it quickly, realizing that it’s not for you to answer and lots of things have likely changed in the three years since you were on tour with them.

“We budget for a huge dinner with the whole crew, any opener that might be with us. Everyone that worked to get the tour started and make it happen.” Chan offers in answer, making her head snap up and eyes go wide. You hadn’t expected that answer at all- you’d been the one to start that. Your first ever tour with 3RACHA years ago, back when the music was still considered underground or indie, when the tour was the four of you in a van and two or three friends in another van with all the instruments.

“Really? We do that too.” Felix is all smiles and sunshine, happy to hear that they have the same tradition. Three sets of once familiar eyes look in your direction, one of them coming with an inquisitive eyebrow raise before looking back to Felix. “They were so insistent on it, saying that the label could take the cost out of their personal earnings but it was their way of thanking everyone they could that supports them behind the curtain.”

“It’s cool to hear that you kept up with that,” Jisung says. He smiles at you, that disarming smile that makes his already round cheeks puffier and you just want to pinch them off his face. You can barely meet his eye and give him the stiffest of nods before looking pointedly anywhere but at him.

“What about getting a few pizzas and we all hang out together? If we’re going to be in a bus together for months without much space, we might want to get to know each other and set up some rules.” Minho is quick to offer, cutting the awkward silence before it could settle over everyone. You’re thankful, shooting him a smile and he just gives you a wink. He can read you like a book, often calls you so easy to read it’s like a picture book.

・❥・

“I’m so serious, Jinnie! If I see one more pair of your underwear on the bathroom floor I will choke you with it.” You’re leaned over, on your knees reaching for him to prove your threat. After getting all the pizzas everyone wanted, you had all agreed to sit on the floor so that everyone could sit to see everyone else. There are elbows and knees invading personal spaces but once the tension was broken with the first joke it all seemed okay for the most part.

“Hues will be devastated to hear the most handsome member died!” He dramatically protests, laughing as he falls backwards to get away from your reach.

You pause, suddenly serious. “I didn’t threaten Minho.” The devious smirk curls up your lips gives away the teasing as you settle back in between Felix and Jeongin, smug at the incredulous look on Hyunjin’s face. Everyone broke into laughter then, the sound loud and full of warmth in the small space.

Lily returns from the driver’s cab of the bus, smiling at all the laughter. “I know everyone’s having fun but there is one serious rule we should go over. Normally this is a private conversation between talents and their managers but since I’m both we’re just going to do it here and rip off the bandaid.”

A few of you groan and fall back, making various half-assed arguments about how she didn’t need to speak it outloud. “We’re all adults and the label understands that things happen. Still, the executives wanted me to make it clear that there can’t be dating or sex between you guys while on tour. Given the,” she hesitates before sighing. “Given the history of the bands, they think it’s best that things are kept strictly platonic.”

You tense at the mention and the laughter dies in your chest. Suddenly the tears in the corners of your eyes aren’t from laughter and they burn more than they did a second ago.

“What you decided to do outside of that, is your decision. Please use discretion and for security it’s not to be brought to the bus. As you know each venue we’re playing more than one night so you’ll have a hotel suite in every city to do what you want, that’s a conversation between you and your bandmates.” Without waiting for a reply, Lily heads back to the driver’s cab of the bus and closes the door so the two bands are left alone. Work mode Lily is a person made of no nonsense but also the most level headed and trustworthy as well. She’ll joke and laugh with you guys through the tour but she won’t let being friends get in the way of her doing her job. You respect the hell out of her for that.

“So that means no trying to kiss Chan, Hyunjin,” Seungmin breaks the silence in the best way he knows how: roasting his best friends. Hyunjin sits up and throws what you assume is a pepperoni at him, shouting about how he absolutely does not want to kiss Chan of all people. “Well don’t kiss me either.” Cue more laughter, though it feels a little empty in your chest. Forced.

Clearly you’re not the only one who thinks so, Felix looking over at you with concern. You shrug, answering his unvoiced question. Looking away from him you finally let your gaze wander to Jisung who seems to have had the same idea. You two catch eyes and you swear your traitorous heart beats a little faster looking into his eyes. He looks like he wants to say something, so you just shake your head ever so slightly to dissuade him to do so.

“I’m going to head to bed.” You want to make a quick exit, get out from under his stare as fast as possible. You can feel it, each time you two meet eyes, the cracks in your heart threatening to grow. You had barely put yourself together the first time, you were still healing from it. To know that he can have you weak kneed with a look and have your heart racing with a smile shakes you, throwing you off kilter. You just needed to sleep, to put space between you two and remind yourself why you left three years ago.

“Actually that’s a great idea. I think we should all go to bed, there’s a lot of work to do in the morning when we get to the first stadium.” Chan is the natural leader, always has been. You remember when it was him directing around your ragtag team and now he seems even more mature.

By the time everyone has settled in their bunks, you in your bedroom, the bus is quiet. The only sounds are the hums of the road, the small fans set in the bunks, and the soft whispers of different conversations. It’s comforting to hear the familiar sounds, to be back on the road doing exactly what you always dreamed of.

There’s a soft knock at your door and you assume it’s Lily checking that you’re still up so she can come get ready for bed herself. “I’m up.” You sit up in bed, flicking on the small lap next to you as Jisung walks through the door slowly. He’s barefaced with glasses on, looking just the right amount of comfortable and beautiful.

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“About what?” You're pulling your legs up, gesturing at the foot of the bed if he wants to sit. He declines with a shake of his head.

“I assume that your friends know everything about us-” You cut him off with an affirmation, stating that they do in fact know every detail of you and Jisung’s history. “That explains why Minho looks like he wants to kill me.”

“That’s just his face.” The quip is so natural you don’t realize you’re being comfortable with him until he laughs. “What did you want to talk about? Please, I want to get some sleep before tomorrow.”

“Just- thanks. Thanks for giving us a chance.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking down as he talks.

“Let me be very clear here, Ji. I am not giving you any kind of chance. This tour is good for my band’s career, this situation has nothing to do with you or Chan or Changbin.” You’re trying not to raise your voice. “I was perfectly happy to never have you around again, to never have to speak your name or see you ever again. When I left and closed that door, it was meant to stay shut forever. You hurt me, in ways that I am still healing from and probably will be for the rest of my life. You broke my heart and my trust.”

“I’m so sorry. I never- I didn’t mean to. I promised you I would never hurt you and I still did. I hate myself all the time, every day, for what I did. You deserved so much better than what I did.”

“I do, you’re right. I don’t care about your apology. This isn’t anger, Jisung. This is indifference. You no longer matter in my life. You, 3RACHA, all of it is the past. I’ve moved on.” You don’t realize how raised your voice has become until a few bodies are shoving their way into the bedroom. Hyunjin is immediately at your side, Felix crawling in on the other side of the bed. The two sandwich you in a hug and you relax.

“Come on, Ji. Leave them alone.” Changbin is soft, reaching for his friend’s arm to guide him from the room. He catches your eyes and you know that he sees it, that every word you just said is a lie. You will never be able to stop loving Jisung. You will never move on from the love of your life. The one you were meant to spend forever with. Sealed with a ring and a kiss and your best friends as the only witnesses.

“Angel, why did you lie?” Felix brushes your cheeks, wiping at the tears you hadn’t realized were spilling over your lashes.

“Because if he stops looking at me like he still loves me, then maybe I can convince myself I don’t love him too.”

taglist!

@borahae-reads @shoverse @katsukis1wife @hanjis-blog @kpopsstuffs @chaotic-world-of-the-j @justletmehavethenamemarsomfg @ylixbok @eternitywaveshello @pearbunny @pinkskzs

[s1lly-billy]

Purgatory.

A land of violence and pain

And bad boy halo

Sides being chosen and tested

Three teams.

Bolas. Soulfire. Green "Gay" Ninjas.

AND THEY'RE CRAZY AND REALLY FUCKING FUNNY

Alright, let me type big lore like the big lore typer I am.

(Been a while since I fed you huh?)

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Purgatory is run by a tall, black, figure with a humanoid shape, it only has an eye as it's main feature. It's voice is deep and raspy, and it can talk, and it seems to have feelings! Sadistic and distasteful ones, but feelings none the less. "He" runs "egg" island, where the eggs "escaped" the black gunk I like to call it. Its spreading.

EVERYWHERE.

It's all over Quesadilla island, and the federation has been trying to rid of it since it arrived. Cucurucho, a representative of the census Bureau (big power) doesn't even know what it is. Many have conspired that it's interdimentional

(it's black like the void I think they're gonna do smth with the end but that's just me personally)

To make a connection, think Stranger Things (yes ik this may sound cringe but hear me out)

The upside down, a exact replica of the normal world is covered in creepys and crawlies (aka dangerous creatures)

And these creatures always attack. Or, try to take over.

So what does this interdementional disease seem to do on quesadilla island?

It tries to infect.

This seems to be a common theme, as code also takes over bodies and land.

I think this is a form of matter that's built like a infection.

My in my head less like a virus and more...

Like uncontrolled cell replication so to speak.

Interdementional cells.

(Oh there's more? YES THERE'S MORE)

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Now let's look at some connections of color, size, and behavior

The "eye" from purgatory aka egg island is a black figure, that really does what it wants, but is still in associations with the federation. But like a different branch yk? Like the law doesn't reach it.

Purgatory also has a common theme of red and black.

Who else is red and black?

"Evil"Cucurucho/Cucurevil

He also has a deep voice, and led the islanders to the first wheel.

Ok, thats normal haha

(Lies)

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Eggs/Huevos

Another thing, all of the eggs are alive(not including yk tilin Trump Bobby) , but like completely roughed up, like it's sad how roughed up they are.

The eggs are practically on a leash. They can't leave, or escape. They can't even wash themselves, and that damned "eye" clearly hasn't been treating them well.

But claims to care about them, saying the islanders are "sinners" for being bad to them and others.

The "eye" knows more than he's letting on for sure.

And I seriously doubt he "cares" for these eggs.

Also strangly, he has smaller versions of him that are white and cute and act like eggs. (Well egg children)

And their not roughed up, their even allowed to roam without danger? Strange.

He's "protecting" the eggs, but at the same time

He's actively depriving them of their parents.

Huh.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

The safety of Juanaflippa/Codeflippa

I just had to add this section because ive seen so many people concerned about flippa

"WHAT IF SHE'S DEAD"

no calm down silly

The "Juanaflippa" we know right now aka "Codeflippa" isn't in danger unless she was caught after the first QSMP livestream. Codeflippa is likely as safe as the other codes are, they're probably sticking together.

Ive seen people mention the code the federation captured.

I can guarantee thats not codeflippa, that code was brought up during etoiles lore, and flippa appeared with Charlie after that.

So yes, flippa is likely safe. :))

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

holy SHIT I haven't typed that much lore in a WHILE feels good to lore again.

Anything else you want me to analyze or talk about?

Just ask.

(Ask box or comments/reblogs idc)

And remember!

Enjoy the islands :]

[meraki-yao]

That question was super serious im trying to figure out what's going on, love that taylor got all that exposure but it was a bit surprising, Im from a super homophobic country (illegal/death penalty type homophobic) and china is probably more progressive from where i stand but by western standards its still a lot conservative. So it was odd that an actor who's only popular in certain groups for playing a queer character is getting hyped up there.

Heads up, I went on a rant lmao

I agree. And I was really freaking anxious the whole time he was there because of it.

Okay, for those who don't know, here's the thing about LGBT+ in China. And I'm only gonna talk about the sexuality aspect because the gender aspect is a whole other topic and a lot less progressive than the sexuality side (that being said trans lives matter)

The official stance promoted by the government, ergo the public, is condemning it. Thankfully not in an illegal/death penalty type, but more in a "if we ignore it and don't talk about it, it will go away" type.

There were a couple of years I think in the mid-2010s where significant progress was being made in terms of both representation (see shows like Guardian, the Untamed, Word of Honor) and pride organizations and support (see Shanghai Pride)

But starting in mid-2021 the government suddenly cracked down on queer representation. "Effeminate" men were publicly condemned and called "sissy" BY THE OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE (I was fucking fuming when I read it). Dangai (BL, or simply, adapted from gay novels) shows were banned. Multiple LGBT+ organizations were shut down without explanation. And just this year, when a singer with a famous song about being an LGBT ally supporting the community held a concert in Beijing, anyone with anything remotely resembling a rainbow was banned from entry and had to hand in the rainbow object, even if it was their clothing. And those stuff were never returned. The older generation, such as my parents' generation, condemn it. It's not an optimistic sight.

But here's the fucking truth: queer people, have always existed, and always will. So actually, younger people, I'd say 30 years old and younger, the vast majority accept queerness. Gay couples are sharing their lives on Bilibili. Danmei (explicitly gay) radio dramas, novels, and comics are still being produced and consumed. There are so many people watching Western gay shows and movies such as RWRB as well as producing gay fan content. And honestly, part of it is due to the shipping culture here (which is a whole other topic I can write a dissertation on).

Either way, what I'm trying to say is regardless of whatever the "official stance" is, the demographic that's active on social media is accepting of it. Which is why RWRB could gain such popularity in China.

As per my last ask, I think the main reason for inviting Taylor is his willingness to try things the local way. A lot of times Chinese capitalists/executives don't really care where the star got their fame from, they just care that they are famous.

The difference with Taylor is that actors in China of a similar level of status locally to Taylor and who have been in queer productions don't talk about it after the promo period is over. If anything, gaining fame from being in a Dangai is kind of considered shameful. In fact, they actively avoid it. Taylor is of course, more than willing to talk about RWRB. In fact, during the videos, live streams and stuff, I was actively observing if RWRB would be brought up by the Chinese side/host. It wasn't. During the Little Red Book livestream, despite basically everyone in the live chat spamming RWRB comments, Taylor was the one who said "Oh I see talk about RWRB, what do you want to know?" And I understand that there are several potential reasons why RWRB wasn't brought up by the host, including time constraints, pre-set questions, pre-set agendas etc, but latent homophobia is also a potential reason.

Either way, yeah. I don't really know what the conclusion of this ramble is but here you go 😅

[porlatamconlouis]

heyooo! jules here. i realized i haven't posted anything about the montevideo or buenos aires shows... i've been sort of on a weird mental space, in which i'm the happiest and somehow also mad? at the world? at myself? but anyway. this is about joy!

the show in mvdeo was amazing! my favorite so far before buenos aires happened. besides liam interrupting everyone's attention during giant rooks' set, the energy was so gooood. that performance of chemical, holy shit. oh, and i got to see three people at the back of the pit, when back to you started, one of them started singing without realizing and their friends were like "eh..?" and then the first person got sooo excited when they realized which song it was and started jumping while singing and hitting their friends' arms for them to realize what it was, hajshajsh. and then they all got it when the pre-chorus came around. it was so funny, and reminded me of the first time he sang it, watching the livestream with maia and how it also took us a few lines to realize but we were singing it, hajshajshs. anyway. great show!

we stayed at a place called 'casa vegana' (vegan house), it was sort of an hostal in an cute old building, and very big on activism. there were posters plastered on every wall. and vegan food in montevideo was good as well!

so definitely better memories were made in montevideo. :) even the ferry back to buenos aires was good! and okay... louis in vélez! what the hell. we were there? lol.

his energy, confidence and beauty were off the charts. not even the cold brought him down!!!

(fucking tumblr deleted a good chunk of what I wrote dammit)

i was saaaaaying... he could have used the catwalk more than three times. hajshaj. the energy in that stadium was so amazing... we were at the back of the front pit and everyone jumping up and down, and chanting on quiet times, and just... ugh. argentinian crowds are incredible! i've found my matches!

also... i'm sorry i couldn't ask tom about the color lights during beauty. i only had time for one question before he ran away from me and that was "what happened to lucia?". but it was a funny interaction, because he looked scared and amused that i approached him by name at the end of the show to thank him for his work, hajshs. and then when i asked about lucia, i was about to add that i was referring to the lightbulb but HE KNEW what i was talking about. so they know. 😌 anyway, he just said "couldn't happen today" or something like that, and i was like "why?" and he just shrugged and kept walking away and said i don't know while being amused and like withholding information. so there's that.

anyway, then yesterday we went to see giant rooks at a small venue, and pffft. i make a separate post on my blog, because... i'm still reeling from it, i think. they might be too, because they haven't posted about it, hhahshss.

anyway. stocked up on vegan alfajores (i had a flashback to the last time i was here like 12 years ago, and also bought so many alfajores to bring home, so to have so many vegan options so i could do the same? ooof! (they won't make it homehome but they'll last for a bit).

tomorrow we'll be on our way to chileee and soon meet up with andrea and alex! i'm sooo exciteeeedddd!

[firespirited]

thought I might add a little to a question unanswered by the video essay: the why?

not as an excuse, not a full explanation either because there's still the matter of the Telos money.

but why does a man live, breath and eat for his channel/career without the passion for researching and learning?

I can tell you that he truly *did* devote his entire time and energy to producing videos and engaging with the commentariat as a full time job, though if the video scripts were copy paste. He probably feels like he's devoted his entire soul for years into this project and the copy paste was "just" to keep up with the youtube once a week upload demands.

IMHO, what we have is a bloke with crippling anxiety, loneliness and body dysmorphia with a pathological fear of rejection who attempted to build an online queer community that wouldn't ever let him down. As far i can can tell he barely left the house, didn't date and i started to wonder if he really had moved when he wasn't visiting any of Toronto's very gay friendly places or even some of the museums and libraries, wasn't making any local connexions even when people reached out. Instead, he spent his weekends chatting online (often on livestream) about gay media, business, youtube and film making.

I think he could have built that safe haven if he'd kept the day job, produced a fully credited video once a month which was in the format of let's watch this documentary, let's read this book, let's dive into a topic and read the various articles followed by his livestream chats. There is clearly an audience eager for it.

and that's where it gets uncomfortable, right? the lines blur between shyness + not wanting to be hurt vs not collaborating and not being part of other established groups. Canada not only has multiple gay filmmaking scenes, advocacy groups and even a whole bunch of Canadian queer youtubers. They don't have to all get along, because there's more than just the Canada based breadtube, there are a lot of smaller channels that'd love the opportunity to network.

Anyway, it was during a live that i bought up some local Canadian networking opportunity, he backed off quite hard in a way that felt like a little bit more than anxiety about the fierce competition that goes on for such stuff. It felt vaguely like Little Britain's "The Only Gay in the Village" but mostly I was reminded of folks in my life who decided to forge their own paths in charity work and activism, specifically the very dodgy intersection between missionary work and charity and charities that are about the joy of bringing fish to the hungry instead of helping the locals who know how to fish get the new motor for their boat. It's actually a really complex and nuanced conversation where sometimes the least colonialist choice is to hold your nose and work with the local catholic church - yeah I know, that level of complicated, here's some reading before I start on the importance of translating books to creoles being a better investment than teaching english to match an english curriculum and how relief work is often predatory business opportunities and how secularism is a tightrope balancing act and don't get me started.

It is possible to walk and chew gum and listen to music at the same time. We can talk about how plagiarism is bad, how the algorithm rewards it, how this guy is probably getting more ire than the right wing grifters also brought up, why left tube maybe feels a lil intimidating, why people build their own little digital or offline communes, how being an educator and being a thought leader get smooshed together in an attention economy that wants to create influencers with a parasocial engagement with folks that want personal guidance, sometimes stolen valour/plagiarism/fake cancer is for power and clout and sometimes it's a maladaptive response to a desperate loneliness I hope I never fully comprehend.

[golbrocklovely]

Prepare yourself I was in a stream on a react channel on YT today cos the guy was doing a discussion with his followers and the guy who revealed the leaked footage on his YT channel came into chat.

He said he was sent the footage a week ago by his source and he got the video up a week after receiving the footage. He said he was not doing it for clout but he was happy to take the money he was making from the video, he had hoped it would do well because of all the 'effort' he was putting into it. (A load of bollocks if you ask me, he's clearly doing it for clout) He also said it was definitely Sam who spoke the last bit (But it''s clearly Seth's voice and Seth's mouth moving)

And worst of all he said he's in the process of making a follow up video which should be out soon, so the drama is only going to continue and maybe even get worse and I'm already dreading it. What else could he possibly have got his grubby little hands on? Is Kristin coming out of the woodwork to make the drama worse? I'm so afraid and upset, why does this hater channel have to be targeting my favourites?

Sorry I know you said you did not want to talk about this anymore but I have nowhere else to go and I'm so upset, please say something comforting because right now all I see is a descent into fandom hell and I don't want that.

so…. i'm gonna be honest with you, he's most likely just gonna make a follow up addressing what ppl said in the comments, thanking ppl, and *maybe* spilling more tea if he has any. the thing is, first off, this comment came up during the livestream.

this entire situation, to me, seems extremely fishy. first off, how did his source get this footage, bc clearly, if this source gave an actual shit about what happened to kristin, they would have released it after snc went there almost two years ago at this point. it's very obvious that the only reason this footage is leaked now is bc there is heat already on snc bc of the conjuring. secondly, unless his source is kristin, he doesn't know the real truth of what went down.

i'm not one to leak information from xplrclub. i've literally argued against fans that have done it. but i will FULL ON leak the video from the ross house, where kristin was smiling and laughing along with snc and seth, clearly AFTER she had told them about the footage and what she saw the previous night while they were there. after the police were called and everything, she still continued to be in their video and played along with them no questions asked.

so clearly, she let bygones be bygones fast.

they are on good terms with her. the texts, even according to SEG, line up with snc statement… but not his sources. he said that at the very end of his video, and then asked kristin to reach out for further comment.

i'm not being an asshole when i say this, but clearly someone is lying, and i'm gonna assume it's not the one that has direct contact with kristin aka snc.

this whole situation got blown out of proportion. while snc and seth definitely fucked up by breaking the boo buddy and seth saying that inappropriate comment, this was dealt with last year. it is only getting brought up to smear snc's name. and this dude is just enjoying the fact that in a day or so he gained like 2k subs.

ignoring him is the best option. unless he has proof of snc doing something morally wrong, idc what he has to say. and i suggest that's what you do too.