#it would be lovely if people who've had bad experiences and those who haven't been able to get into the community could band together

[nachosncheezies]

In defense of late-canon x files (including the revivals)

I was thinking about this poll after I commented on it, and I kinda want to be brave and say more.

Short answer to the poll's question before I go any further: If you're a new fan and a sensitive sort who thinks you'll struggle with your blorbos Really Going Through It and you really need a happy ending, I suggest you stop at the end of season 8. Do not pass go, do not look at spoilers. Disregard this post entirely, close the internet, and go look at something that makes you happy. (Also fuck every part of society that characterizes sensitivity as inherently weak and bad and some kind of personal failing, you are valid.)

That said, "quality" as a concept is entirely subjective, and the question of whether or not there's a decline in quality for any story is wholly subjective, too. In the case of x files? I'm not convinced there is a decline. I am going to be upfront that I haven't yet watched past season 8, though I am almost completely spoiled on events after that - and the reason I haven't watched yet is not because of how I know events are going to unfold, but simply because I don't want it to end!!! Ohh, the tension between "I CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "Nooo don't be over D:"

When I first came to txf fandom on tumblr and gradually became spoiled about what happens in late canon though, I was often left uncomfortable and tbh kinda queasy about it. As I said in my comment on the poll, the hate for especially the revival and IWTB, or to a lesser extent even seasons 8 & 9, is very well documented. But! There are other takes to be found here on tumblr if you figure out where to look, and my feelings have changed!

The thing is, I have yet to find myself in any fandom where there isn't a vocal subset of fans who dislike the story after a certain point. I am not joking when I say that no one hates the things they love as passionately as sci-fi and fantasy fans. In my experience, it often hinges on the extent to which a viewer has strong notions on where they would like the characters to end up. In particular with series where shipping is a dominant component for the bulk of a fandom, I have almost universally found that there comes some turning point in the story where "let them be happy you cowards" is the dominant view, and things that compromise the attainment of a degree of romantic stability and/or domesticity are, to many fans, annoying at best and despicable at worst. But! As one tagset on the linked poll said:

and I think for any fandom, that last tag especially is so so so important. (I think that's harder for people watching a weekly series live, bc you have so much time to analyze and speculate and dream before the next breadcrumb drops, but I digress.)

So why am I saying this and how do I apply it to x files? Well, I eventually found that there are also a subset of fans who find redeeming things right up to the very end and actually quite like the whole thing! The things that I had seen people rage and ventpost so much about honestly never quite sounded to me as "out of character" or "untrue to the story" etc as those same ventposts made them sound. And I've discovered I'm not the only one who felt that way. Do I love that the spooky squad had to go through all of those things? No, those poor guys D: Life is hard and they have been through so much trauma. But do those events and their choices make sense to me in light of everything that came before? Yes! And I honestly can't wait to see them fight to overcome those things, breaking, healing, always learning, always growing, always getting better.

So if you're wondering "where does it go wrong"... well, I'm a completionist, as many people who've answered that post are, but also my personal opinion is that I don't think it does go wrong. If you're new and interested in exploring why I've gone from "vaguely queasy" to "excited" about the whole thing, or want to maybe balance out the impressions you're getting about the later seasons before deciding whether or not you want to see the whole thing, I'll put a few blog names in the comments.

Final admission: even once I started feeling a little more confident in the possibility that "actually ok maybe I'm not crazy, maybe this all kind of is in character and does make sense", there was one big plot point that I was NOT looking forward to and I thought I would never be comfortable about. In hindsight, I think my discomfort came from the negative responses being SO seemingly universal that I hadn't stopped to let myself truly consider other possible interpretations on that point. (I mean my initial instinct when I first read about it was, why are we mad about this?? CSM is literally the most unreliable narrator in history???? it's obviously fake news?????? this must be either a fever dream someone's having or it's a misdirection ploy against whatever shadowy forces might still be lurking?????????????? but for whatever reason I guess I had halfway written that off.) Happily, just last month there's a new post-s11 novel out, and although reviews for the book as a whole are mixed, it seems to have laid the groundwork for resolving that plot issue in a way I think most fans would be broadly happy with. If you're interested in being spoiled about that and seeing how, I recommend searching #perihelion on @agent-troi who liveblogged reading it with receipts, scroll back chronological-style to the first post on the subject and see how it unfolded. (And never forget that Dana Katherine Scully is the queen of denial as a coping mechanism lol)

Everyone's mileage will vary. Each person can feel however they want! But for anyone new, I wanted you to know that the very many ventposts you might be seeing are not all there is to this show or its fandom. Some of us love it despite - or even because of - all the things that went "wrong". I think we just don't talk about it as much.

[manic-pixie-aquarius]

Mike Wheeler, quick to defend Will but not El

No cause it's crazy that Mike didn't hesitate to stand up to bullies talking shit about Will in his absence, but when bullies started surrounding El with a camera, clearly about to humiliate her Mike just stood there. (As did Will, but to be fair we never see Will stand up to bullies. But he did aid El earlier when her diorama was broken).

Yeah, Mike was already upset that she lied, but she lied about having friends due to her insecurity. If my s/o lied about something like that to me, I wouldn't be that upset... I would be empathetic and try to help them feel comfortable by talking about my own experience with bullies and not fitting in at school... which leads me to ask once again WHY do people still ship Mileven??😭 They are not good together! I've been an advocate for El being single and learning how to be independent from Mike and men in general because there have been so many men with power over her her whole life who've dictated everything she does- INCLUDING Mike, and as much as I love him as a character, he is such a bad boyfriend to El!!!

(I saw a gif earlier of Mike saying this paralleling Brenner but can't find it anymore ughh)

Anyways, off of this tangent, Mike being upset and passive aggressive and overall unhelpful to El after she is humiliated is because he's actually upset with Will and therefore cannot be bothered by El's issues - which is entirely fucked up. Like bro that is your GIRLFRIEND. Just like you said to Will...

She's your girlfriend but you sure aren't taking your boyfriend duty that seriously... you didn't even want to talk to her after she got humiliated in front of her classmates. Everyone is focused on your quietly sulking ass at the dinner table, but you didn't even go through the brunt of the problems your girlfriend and best friend did (as far as we know, we don't see any major struggles Mike is going thru prior to season 4 --besides the hellfire club stuff--unlike El's bullying and Will's struggle with queerness. Those of us who aren't the GA know that Mike not writing "Love" is likely an internal issue with him falling out of love with El/struggling with his queerness). Like Will is initially upset at El because she keeps lying to Mike about her status and he's also mad about Mike not reaching out to him. El is mad at Will for telling the truth and also at Mike for not standing up for and helping her/probably for being scared of her and rubbing her mistake (hurting Angela) in her face "What did you do?!"/for him not saying he loves her. Basically, El has multiple reasons to be upset at Mike. And Mike's upset at Will for not reaching out/"being a douche" to El/for thinking that he should be a top priority along with El. He is also upset at El for lying, although he expresses anger at Will for not telling him about El's lying even though he didn't even know about the lying. In Mike's eyes, he isn't doing anything wrong even though he is a big subject of both Will and El's insecurities. So why is he sulking? If anything, El should be the one allowed to sulk and get the sympathy/empathy. But she doesn't, and Mike acting like the victim of this whole situation in this scene sends El over the edge.

I honestly love this scene because she had every right to be mad at Mike. And I'm not trying to let Will off the hook here, but he was trying to be noble by clearing any lies before they went too far, although they went too far anyway. He also has every right to be upset at Mike (as far as we know, because Will mentions that Mike didn't reach out which leads us to believe that the reaching out was one-sided)

Note: I haven't done a season 4 rewatch yet so correct me if I'm wrong about anything. I only rewatched the rink fight and Byers dinner scenes for this post!

[fireflystimeline]

I'm feeling something I'm having trouble expressing. In fact, this year has been full of feelings I haven't been able to put into words. At least, not as well as I usually can. And I'm not sure exactly why this is.

I've had a lot more personal support lately. Connections and socializing (if mostly digitally) that have brought me comfort and sometimes even joy. I've been in awe of how many of my friends (old and new) have wanted to spend time with me: texting, voice chatting, gaming, and sharing deep conversations. It's been wonderful. The most connected I've felt in a very long time. But...

This is actually hard for me? At least some of the time. And I'm not just talking about introvert social fatigue, which has popped up from time to time. I realized I have never, ever felt likable before. I've had close friendships in the past, and I have always been of the quality over quantity mindset. But I always felt those people tolerated my less likable aspects better than most, and over time we bonded over shared experiences to the point where we were like soldiers who had faced something no one else would understand together. Friendships forged in the fire, I always said. And there's nothing wrong with that. I cherish that aspect of my longtime friendships.

But I still didn't feel... or maybe didn't let myself feel... likable. My therapist and I talked about this recently. "How do I suddenly have so many friends?" She told me I was likable. And I said, "Am I?? Because I've never felt likable!" Because frankly, when you are bullied to the point of wanting to die as a child. When you are made to feel, not even invisible and unworthy, but like a disgusting blight on the world. How could you ever feel likable?

Being likable isn't everything. In fact, probably a lot of the most influential people in history were unlikable. And if you have to bury parts of yourself to be likable, it's not worth it. It's not authentic. It's not being seen for your true self. I've never been able to do that. At least not for any long period. And not without a massive amount of emotional pain. I learned I had to be myself a long time ago. I was forced know myself, to accept myself, and for brief periods of time, I even found a sense of self-love. But at best, I considered myself (and my friendship) to be an acquired taste.

Even with as open and vulnerable as I am, I deeply fear being misunderstood or rejected. This was a huge battle I faced when I was writing Book Two. This week my therapist said I have come so far with that. And I have. I honestly have. But whether by fate or bad brain chemistry, just talking about that brought about a new wave of self-doubt.

There's so much I don't like about myself. So many parts that feel unworthy of being loved. I've forgiven the people who've hurt me the most in life. That doesn't mean I've forgotten it. But I have found true empathy for those people. It's the mistakes I've made that haunt me the most. The parts of me I don't like seem so much worse than the good parts. I know they're there. Prominently. But I obsess over the shadows instead. Maybe that's how it is for most people. My therapist thinks so.

I'm not aiming to be likable. I'm aiming to be authentic. Vulnerable. Truly me. And truly connected in whatever relationships I'm meant to have. But is it so bad to hope for being liked? For being understood? For being seen and valued?