#it would be nice to do Shabbat with people

[soupcrouton]

Man some days i just nmmmmmmmmmmm. Being jewish is different for everyone I know. And when i forcefully put myself in jewish spaces i have to remind myself that its still DIFFERENT. I may not find anyone who I share similar ideas about judaism with and thats okay. Thats okay thats okay thats FINE!!

[unbidden-yidden]

Y'ALL.

I just had an Idea.

Okay hear me out: a traditional egalitarian shul that operates effectively as a weekly retreat center. You drive there before Shabbos, check in, turn in your car keys and your phone and anything else not shabbosdik, and then settle in to your Shabbat-friendly room. You stay for all of Shabbos in an environment that totally facilitates traditional observance with community, activities, full davening, meals, socialization, built-in Shabbos nap time, as well as personal space to do whatever reflection you want and to have a breather away from people if you need it.

Located in the middle of a nice plot of land with an eruv around both the buildings and the natural spaces, but ideally reachable by public transit.

That would deal with SO many of the barriers to traditional observance that are faced by huge parts of liberal Jewish communities now that most shuls are located in rich areas without good public transit. Done right, it would also really help people with a variety of other access needs, including those with young children, elders, and people with mobility issues that normally can't walk a mile (or more) to shul.

And it would facilitate close-knit communities while leveling a lot of the haves and have-nots of hosting and access to Jewish education, having lots of local Jewish family, etc.

Think about how much studying, davening, and learning could happen while also giving people real downtime and time with friends every week. It would be like a lock-in or sleepover or mini-vacation + deep level Torah and learning.

THINK ABOUT IT.

[germiyahu]

I loved your post on affordable Judaica

Synagogues will have Shabbat siddurs, for everything else there's debit MasterCard a bunch of different, free, siddur apps. They have apps for the megillot, too, which I download ahead of each chag/fast for easy access. There's even an easy online page for funeral rites.

Fancy Kiddush cups tend to have either an annoying plastic insert or leave a metallic taste in your mouth. Lots of people I know have moved on to these stylized glass/crystal cups. Much less expensive, dishwasher safe, and equally beautiful.

also, if you sidle up to Israeli Tumblr or Facebook, you'll probably be able to find someone willing to mail you stuff and/or someone travelling who's able to bring you stuff. Judaica here is like shampoo—there's the fancy boutique stuff, but there's also supermarket brand things (literally; we bought our Hanukkiah in the supermarket) that are perfectly nice and perfectly affordable, but naturally don't ship overseas.

It can very well be considered צדקה to donate Judaica, so if you genuinely can't afford anything, and if you genuinely have nothing appropriate to use (though one of my classmates uses a ceramic mug he and his wife made on their honeymoon so the limit on what's appropriate is pretty far off in the distance), there is no shame in asking people for help.

You're not commanded to buy Yair Emanuel polished brass Tree of Life Shabbat candlesticks... you're commanded to beautify the Shabbat table. It's not about money, it's about what you find beautiful. What you find meaningful. I would recommend saving for a more expensive item, at least one, if you plan on starting a family, so that you have something to pass on to your kids. But at the end of the day, what's more valuable? A Kiddush cup made of real silver or real crystal, or the story behind your chintzy little ceramic mug that your grandchildren will be telling stories about?

At the very least, a benefit of being involved in a Jewish Community is you will inevitably interact with people of older generations, which I think a lot of Gen Z is just not really doing these days? These people have tons of experience and can give advice, for what to get and how to find it and how to budget for it.

Also a Shabbat siddur can get you through weekdays, depending on your level of observance. Especially considering most shuls don't even have weekday services, so the prayers you do at home are going to be similar, and the main difference from what I can tell is the Shabbat siddur has more in it, so it's a process of cutting out things you don't need on the weekdays. Again it depends on your stream and level of observance. But you are going to need a Machzor.

[figureofdismay]

does anyone have recs for Jewish Mulder fics that are...... I don't know how to put this. That are backed by Jewish thinking? That don't have such a Christian relationship to belief and non belief and argument? about the long process of doing the work?

I mean obviously people come at these things from their perspectives and I enjoy a wide variety of perspectives on a bunch of different Mulders, but in the small subset of Jewish-ish Mulders i've read about i haven't really found. Like. Jewish Atheism is different than Christian Atheism and I do agree that it's challenging too articulate how that is without sounding like a theological essay instead of a character dialogue but. You don't need to observe Shabbat or keep kosher to still not think like this particular binary, or this societally common cluster of binaries, and it would be nice to see that expressed somewhat in this context

[that-rad-jewish-girl]

you claim to be a Jew but you support Palestinian genocide. The most important thing in our religion is human life. Above everything else. That’s why we still dove to the hospital on Shabbat, sure it would be nice to have an only Jewish land but at the cost of millions of innocent Palestinians? Do not do this in the name of our god

Being Jewish is not conditional on whether you see me as a “good Jew” or not. I’m Jewish because my mother is Jewish. And my mother’s parents are both Jewish. And their parents are Jewish. All the way back, to the earliest traces of my family - we are Jews.

The earliest traces of my family being in the land of Israel.

It’s in my DNA, my culture, and my religion. Israel is my life and my homeland.

I do not wish for a genocide or ethnic cleansing of Palestine. I do, however, believe in protecting my people. I am fine with a two-state solution. Clearly, they are not. And if it comes down to it, I will always choose my people’s lives, safety, and homeland over the Palestinians.

I will never side with people who sided with Hitler. I will never mourn Nazis. I will never condone terrorism against my people. And if the last couple weeks taught me anything, it’s that the “pro-Palestine” crowd clearly supports all of these things.

[pettytiredandjewish]

Are you pro-Israel or pro-Palestine?

I honestly don’t think it’s any of your concern but if you really want to know my “stance”, I’ll tell you. You may or may not like my answer but I’m at the point where I really don’t give a flying F. So here we go-

A little background about me-I’m not Israeli, I’m from the states but my great-grandparents on my mom side left Germany sometime a little before WW1 due to antisemitism (they were Ashkenazi Jews.) Not everyone left and the ones who did stay ended up in the concentration camps/ghettos during WW2. Honestly if my great grandparents didn’t leave Germany- well there is a high chance that I wouldn’t be here and that this family tree branch would be non existent.

I’m gonna be honest I’m a “zionost”. There is no safe place for Jews. A lot of countries made it known for many years and they are still making it known to this day. Not only is the land of Israel is considered holy (I’m not super religious but I do recognize and respect that it’s a sacred and holy site) but it is also considered a safe place for many Jews who had to leave their own homes due to all the antisemitism/hate/etc. I’m not an “anti-Zionist”. Did you know that one of Russian’s leaders during- I believe the Soviet Union created that term as a way to help destroy Jewish culture during that era? That term just rubs me the wrong way.

I constantly worry about my friends and family. I worry about mine and their safety. I have to keep looking over my shoulder when I leave the house or when I go to the store, it to work… I know my parents worry too and I know my mom is secretly happy that I attended Shabbat services via online. I don’t want to think about what would happen if something happened to me or to my family/friends. But I don’t hide my “Jewishness”. I love being Jewish- I’m not ashamed of it. It’s a beautiful culture but it also is sad too. The history is not all butterfly’s and rainbows. We (Jews) have suffered for generations but we also overcome everything that people throws at us. Are we traumatized? Probably yes, but we don’t give up. We work hard to keep our culture alive so that we can keep passing it down.

The situation in Israel and Palestine is/has always been messy. It’s like a pressure pot- every little issue and conflict has been cooking up for some time. And every once in a while someone will let some steam out- to help let out some pressure but if you keep it covered and not let out the pressure, well it’s all going to build up and explode. And il that’s what’s happening here. That’s what we’re seeing now. This is the aftermath.

So to answer your question- I’m “pro Israel”: I think that Israelites have the right to live there. It’s their home. They did not colonize it. It is also not an apartheid state. Really people- please read a dictionary to understand these terms that you keep throwing out. Gaza’s government has been unstable for some time and it did eventually fell to hamas control sometime earlier 2000’s(?) for those who don’t know and or still in denial about what they really are- hamas is a terrorist organization. They’re not a resistance group of freedom fighters “fighting to save their people” cuz they don’t give a damn about their own people. They a literally using their own civilians as human shields. They’re stealing resources that’s mental for the civilians and using it themselves.

Also quick question(s) but why is Israel getting blasted for defending themselves after Oct 7? Is anyone gonna call out the other neighboring countries for how they are handling the situation- why aren’t they opening up their borders for refugees? Also why are most of y’all blaming Israel citizens and well- Jewish people in general- i mean I know the answer to this (*cough* most of y’all hate Jews and are using this as a reason to unmask yourselves).

I honestly could keep going- I’ve mostly kept this to myself, so it’s building up, but to be “nice” I’m gonna stop there for now. I don’t know what your “stance” is and I really don’t care per se- the whole situation has been stressing me out like crazy. If you don’t like my answer to bad so sad- I’m no one’s “good Jew”. If you or anyone have any questions you can ask but if you say some antisemitic crap I will block you and depending on my mood- call you out on it too. Have a happy holiday.

Am Yisrael Chai

[housethemd]

Daddy’s Boy

(House/Wilson, established relationship, takes place during the S2 episode of the same name.)

House comes out to his parents.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s awkward, sitting across from his parents in the hospital cafeteria. It’s always like this, everyone picks at their food, ignoring the awkward silence. He wishes he could see his mother without having to see his father. Unlike him, she genuinely loves him. He knows that. She’s a victim of John House just as much as he is.

He used to get in fights at school, as young as seven. He’s always rubbed people the wrong way. His father would scream and put him in an ice bath, or make him sleep outside. He gave up trying to explain or justify his actions early on, even though he often didn’t understand why the other kids hated him so. Why they got so mad. All he did was point out things that were true. He’s learned since why that upsets people, but as a child he didn’t. His father never explained it to him, only yelled and accused him of playing stupid.

Things were better when his father was deployed, when it was just him and his mom. The fights still happened, but instead of punishments and screaming she’d lay in his bed with him, rub his back. He’d lament that he didn’t know what he did wrong to make the other kids so angry.

“I know.” She’d say, “It’s okay, Greg. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

He picks at the last bit of bread from his ruben as his mother recounts her last book club meeting. She’s just filling the air, trying to avoid having him and his father talk. He appreciates it, but a conversation with his father is unavoidable.

“So besides work what have you been up too?” His father asks.

“Oh not much.” He responds without looking up.

“That’s what you always say, ‘not much.’” John House scoffs.

“Bought a new motorcycle.” He says not looking up.

He can hear the disapproval in his father’s next breath. He never approved of motorcycles, even when House was able-bodied. He’s sure he finds a cripple with a motorcycle to be something of an oxymoron. House sort of agrees, he knows it’s ridiculous, but he liked motorcycles. He always has. There isn’t a whole lot he enjoys that he can still do these days.

“You know what your problem is?”

Here we go.

“Changing gears?” House quips.

“John.”

House’s father’s attention is turned from his son to his wife, who is looking at him with pleading eyes. John pulls a series of faces, but does as Blythe wishes and shuts the fuck up. At least for the moment.

“It was so nice of Wilson to set this up. He’s such a good friend too you.” Blythe says. She glosses over the fact that she only had to go through Wilson because House dodges their calls.

“Yeah. He is.”

See the thing is, his parents don’t know about him and Wilson. To be fair, he and Wilson were just friends for the first twelve years. It’s only the last year that they’ve been dating. And of course, Wilson is unendingly empathetic and patient, and he knows that House’s red-blooded, all-American, military man of a father is unlikely to take kindly to finding out his son is bisexual and in a relationship with a man. Even in all of Wilson’s pestering to stop dodging Blythe’s calls and actually see his parents, never once did he bring up telling them about their relationship.

A part of him wants too, actually. They’ve already come out at work, and to Wilson’s family. Wilson’s father didn’t say much, but House had learned over the years that Joseph Wilson was a man of few words, much happier to let his wife Rebecca do most of the talking. Rebecca Wilson, born and raised in New York City, was happy to do all the talking. When he and Jimmy had gone to the Wilson’s for Shabbat, Jimmy had, in the middle of dinner told them he had an announcement. Then Jimmy took his hand, and told his parents they were dating.

Rebecca had been out of her seat so fast, pressing kisses to Jimmy’s cheeks and then his, which truly made his skin crawl but he’d allowed it for Jimmy’s sake. She told them she thought it was so wonderful, and she wished them all the happiness in the world. Later, when they were putting on their coats to drive back to New Jersey, Rebecca had taken her son in her arms.

“Bubbeleh, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel you had to be something you’re not. I want you to be happy. That looks different for you than for your big brother and that’s okay. After all these years, I know no one can make you as happy as Greg.”

It was sweet, but House knew had no hope of such a positive reaction from his parents, especially from John. He pushes more food around on his plate, as they’ve once again lapsed into awkward silence.

“So, any new babes you want to tell me about?” John jibes.

House grimaces, but knows this is his chance. If he’s going to do it, it should be now.

“Funny you mention babes, and we were just talking about Wilson.” He starts, looking at the floor next to his right shoe. He can’t see their faces if he’s going to say what he has to say.

“What, did Wilson set you up with someone?” John asks.

“No, not exactly.” He replies, trying to gather enough courage to do this.

“But you have a new special someone in your life?” Blythe sounds excited. He wishes she didn’t.

“Not, new, not exactly.”

“Just spit it out boy.” John says adamantly.

“It’s Wilson.”

Silence.

“I’m - I’m dating Wilson. He’s my boyfriend.”

He finally brings himself to look up, and both his parents are wearing shocked expressions.

“If this is a joke, it ain’t funny.” John says, voice laced with barely contained anger.

“It’s not a joke. Jimmy and I have been dating for a year. We live together. I love him. It, it isn’t a joke Dad.”

John House stands so abruptly, his chair nearly falls over. It draws the attention of everyone else in the cafeteria just in time to watch him storm off, muttering about his son being a german word for cigarettes. He’s sure his father doesn’t mean it in that way.

Well. That went as well as could be expected. He and his mother sit in awkward silence once more, and it becomes clear John isn’t coming back.

“Have you always… liked boys?” His mother asks softly.

“Yeah, mom. I do like girls too, in case you’re curious. But yeah, I realized I liked both when I was fourteen.” It feels kind of good to tell his mom, letting out the secret he’d been keeping from her for thirty years.

He’s back to staring at the ground. He wants the ground to swallow him whole, he wants to go to sleep, he wants Jimmy. Emotions always exhaust him, and so does his father, and now everything feels to loud and bright.

“Hey,” his mother says, sliding her hand over his, “You are perfect just the way you are.”

She’s smiling at him.

They say their goodbyes, as she has to go find where John took off to and get back to the airport. He sits alone in the cafeteria, to drained to move when someone slips in next to him on the bench.

“You’re mom called, said I should come check on my boyfriend. That you might need a little love right now.” Wilson said softly, putting an arm around his back.

“Yeah that sounds like her. I’m fine, really.” Despite his words he lets his head fall to Wilson’s shoulder, lets Wilson hold him.

“You told them.” A kiss is pressed to his forehead.

“Yeah. Went as well as you can expect.” House says sarcastically.

“I’m proud of you, Baby.” Wilson whispers it in his ear.

House closes his eyes and presses himself harder against Wilson. He’s soft and warm and smells like home. House has no idea if Wilson realizes how much those words mean to him, but he probably does. Wilson has this funny way of understanding him in way no one else does, even when he doesn’t say anything.

It’s why House loves him so much, he told him homophobic father about it.

[olderthannetfic]

/728571347409731584

Firstly, the person you're replying to only describe in-person experiences. Secondly, I've been to two universities in the US as a result of getting a scholarship midway through. At one, I was discouraged from attending the queer club on campus by the head of it, as I wasn't queer, I wasn't "really" aroace, I was just "a late bloomer". She informed me that everyone wants romance and sex sometimes. Aro and ace people want it less, she explained, to my face, standing ten feet from me, but they still want it.

No, it's not "only in online spaces". Queer people who use the queer segments of the internet do not only exist in darkened cellars they never emerge from. Teenagers and young adults go to college. It isn't 1998 anymore, pretending the internet and the physical world have zero overlap and what you read online cannot impact or shape your views is ridiculous.

You know how I know this? At my incredibly liberal university, where I live in a gender-inclusive nearly all queer dorm, not only have I heard two separate conversations at floor events about this where it was repeated by other queer students, including ace people, that ace people have sex and ace people do romance, with NO utterance of the word "sometimes", but today? Today, guys, gals and enbies, this Friday, this very fucking Shabbat, I heard it from a professor.

My Social Stratification professor said that asexuality is "a usually treatable condition" and "doesn't mean someone doesn't have sex, just that they have a low sex drive" and when I said some people don't have sex, she said "therapy can help" and topped it off with, "and of course they still masturbate frequently, so they're really not as different as people like to stereotype them as".

I don't. I don't masturbate, it's not fun for me. I don't long to fuck fictional characters or real people. I don't need therapy. I'm not traumatized. I don't have sex. I don't want romance. I don't find reading about it compelling most of the time, either. I don't need therapy for that, because you go to therapy for things that are negatively impacting my life, and actually?

I am aroace in the "wrong" way, a zero-sex, zero-romance, zero-masturbating person, and I'm happy. I like who I am. I like how I am. I have a good life at my dream university, with good friends, a nice room, roommates I like, a mostly walkable part of town, and I'm working on my dream degree to reach my dream career. I'm not huddled in the corner in the fetal position sobbing about the sex I secretly want or on my bed furiously masturbating to anything. I am not lying about my identity, my experiences, my thoughts or my feelings.

This professor is young, roughly 30. That means it's feasible she's been using tumblr for years, as it was popular during her teenage years, or she has been in the company of people who, via tumblr, Instagram, Amino, etc., have this idea of asexuality. And does that idea stay locked inside a computer somewhere? No, because the person who reads them doesn't. The people who read, internalize as truth and believe shitty online takes also exist in the real world. They have physical bodies they take to physical places and they open their mouth and say things, which are then passed onto other people who exist in the offline world.

"The only thing that [they] are seeing is internet wank" NO! The only thing you are seeing is internet wank, but there is not a mass conspiracy of college students across the USA to lie and say we're experiencing things we aren't, which would be the only explanation for so, so many ace people I know online talking in private on Discord servers, tumblr, in YouTube comments and in person having this same shared experience.

I genuinely don't know how people think no one could possibly have the same bad take offline that they do online. Q-Anon exists. January 6th happened. People get radicalized into beliefs much more absurd than this and act on those beliefs constantly and "no you just need to touch grass" is what you arrived at as a conclusion instead of "sometimes people are wrong"?

Though I say this with love, I mean it when I say that you don't just need to touch grass, you need to hug a whole hay bale.

--

[nullbutler]

okay but jewish orthodox communities are fucking nothing like catholic/christian groups of that nature AT ALL

source: I visit Muncy to see family and have seen that family since i was very small, i KNOW this community

and specifically this community...this community where the women cover their hair and wear ankle length skirts, where the men have payot and wont be caught dead withous a tallis, THIS Community where every resturaunt is kosher and you'll be squinted at if you drive on shabbat, THIS COMMUNITY has been so chill. for context i usually stay with my grandparents where we spend all day at an old folks home. not only is most of the staff dedicated, smiley folk from all over the world (jamaican, ukrainian, probably coming in from new york -- not really worth mentioning but they're all so nice and JKLD my grandma's old nurse didnt do half of her job and they still kept her for a year which :( but also yeah!! no xenophobia that i could pick up on, quite the opposite) but even some of the oldest members of the community decide not to follow the religious 'rule.' old ladies will wear pants, shorter skirts, reveal their hair, and they will recieve NO flack for it FROM ANYONE

and when i was sitting outside one time next to a group of old ladies, one of the ladies had a little 1 year old grandson who was bored out of his mind, so as I was waiting for my grandma to get back from a walk i sorta played peekabo with him for the better half of an hour. and the ladies looked over at me and went "oh how nice of you ^^" even though I was (1 very obviously queer (2 very obviously not from the community

and also after my grandma outed me to my slightly more religious aunt (as in EXTREMELY religious WILDLY religious MATRIACH of the community religious), her response was just "shrug. she'll do what she wants. lets get dinner as a family :)"

they almost all have phones, MOST people have access to the internet. it felt like I was walking through the 80s, honestly, kids playing with chalk on the sidewalk and riding bikes and walking to the convenient stores. the biggest drama was the fact that my boy cousin wanted to impress the people he was going to camp with, so he asked his sister to drive over and bring his 'cool' pants, and she was like...'what. why.' 'i want to look cool' 'is everyone wearing dress pants' 'no, just me' 'wh' and she did it anyway so she could pick up icecream on the way back HJGJLDS

and even my littlest cousin, who is very obviously autistic, definitely isn't recieving any school mandated support but is handled with the loving community approach of "oh, let him do as he pleases, he means no harm" and if anyone bullies him they have to deal with his parents

its just AAAAGH its so wholesome, and even as far the more conservative approaches go, its more of a dartboard than a specific community rule. like for instance even if the people nearest to the center of the board were extremely strict with the rules and narrow minded, the people in the outer ranks would be much more accepting. its like different social circles, you cant get ostracized by the entire community because everyone has different levels that they're willing to go, and to everyone in the area its more unusual to be as extreme as my aunt

AHGHHHHH college is making me long for a simpler life drawing chalk on the sidewalks and living in blissful ignorance of what fandom drama is. TAKE ME BAAAACK

[owlbelly]

l'shanah tovah, i'm kvetching about religious frustration i guess

i always feel so weird on HHDs. all my Jewish friends are either doing video services with various congregations all over the map, or going in person to one of the local ones & i just don't ever feel like i want to do either of those things. with big online stuff i'm just totally disconnected & usually waiting for it to be over. i'd do better at an in-person thing but i'm so allergic to institutions, i don't want to be a member of a shul. the only time i ever had something fulfilling to do was when i was involved with that local radical havurah/minyan which was SO much more my style of observance & ever since that disbanded i've been kind of like. well, big shrug.

i feel really grateful to have local Jewish stuff to do - chevra kadisha, co-organizing the Hanukkah market & Jewish zine fest pop ups, going to other people's little workshops here & there etc. - but i really don't have anything to replace what NS was...like a real collective prayer/ritual thing. i only even had like a tiny taste of it before the pandemic (there were some things that happened during but they weren't in-person gatherings) but i guess that was enough to feel kinda depressed now. idk! i think i'm also just sick of feeling like i'm too tired & unfocused to do any ritual even by myself. being Jewish & having massive executive dysfunction & fatigue is a whole fucking thing i barely ever see anyone talk about. ofc i know a lot of other disabled Jews but it feels like everyone has more patience for online services than me. also like...maybe i would enjoy having a consistent personal Shabbat observance of some kind but that has never felt possible! i made myself a nice little altar space with all my Jewish stuff on it & i do NOTHING with it because i've never been able to maintain any kind of consistent personal ritual practice, ever, so i just try to look at it sometimes & appreciate it, which i guess is better than nothing. i try to be really protective of what i do consider to be my Jewish observance, which is a lot of study & creative expression, my ethical frameworks for how i live & socialize & pursue justice - but i hate constantly feeling like i'm not a part of "actual" Jewish religious practice even though i am an authority-rejecting weirdo Jew. i guess "actual" for me is just doing ritual & prayer, especially with other people, it doesn't have to be traditional although i like there to be some element of that too.

idk we're gonna go apple picking tomorrow like we usually do for Rosh Hashanah & i do appreciate that i have that! but that's a secular observance with my non-Jewish chosen fam. i do actually wish i had a religious thing to do with other Jews & i don't like any of my options & i'm unexpectedly sad about it

[sappho-shalom]

CONVERSION UPDATE ?!

Long time no see!!! So I think in my last update I said I was considering enrolling in college and guess what? I did! It's just community college and I'm doing it part time and I'm not entirely sure what subject I want to focus on, but I'm a few weeks into it and so far it's been going well. I also got a job which is great because I've needed one for awhile lol. Also, re: sims 4 jewish cc, I never was able to get sims4studio to work (I consulted many forums) so I don't think that's happening anytime soon sorry!!

But anyways, what everyone is here for: conversion updates! I've started studying with a partner, she's older than me and is marrying into a Jewish family so she's a little more knowledgeable about certain things compared to me, but it's still cool to have a partner and she’s really nice! I think the first time we met together with the rabbi we were discussing the Akedah and he asked us why we thought G-d would command Abraham to do something like that, and I had just finished my first watch of Good Omens season 2 so I pulled out some references to the Book of Job and he seemed very impressed with me LMAO.

But more importantly: I've finally been to services! My first service was Rosh Hashanah so, to quote my rabbi, I was kind of thrown into the deep end LOL. I was a little anxious (although less than I thought I would be) and it was kind of awkward when everyone but me kissed the Torah (and of course everyone was watching bc I guess you face the Torah when it’s carried around the room? I learn new things everyday!), but I really enjoyed it!! I was worried I was going to get bored or something (it was a 3 hour long service) but I ended up adulting for my mom who kept asking when we could go home lol. I also went to the Kol Nidrei service which was nice, there were way more people!! I also got to take home a tzedakah box (except it only takes coins and this is the 21st century so I never have coins LOL). OH and last week I got to light Shabbat candles for the first time!!!! But not really, it was Thursday and we were just practicing (and I butchered the Hebrew). BUT I did ask the rabbi and he said I could start lighting Shabbat candles myself!!!! I'm genuinely so happy and excited about it.

The synagogue also has services for Sukkot and their own sukkah which I wanted to go to but the first one was a potluck (I hate cooking) and I almost went to the second one because they had pizza but then I found out that we had to pay for an entire pizza ourselves ?!?! I don't have money for that LOL. (Okay that sounds a little mean lol, I was just expecting it to be like everyone chips in $5-10 and there are enough pizzas ordered for everyone to get 1-2 slices, not $14 for your very own pizza!!)

I've been working Friday nights a lot but I finally worked up the courage to talk to my manager so after this week I'll be free on Shabbat evenings and hopefully go to Shabbat services (or just just spend it at home LIGHTING MY OWN SHABBAT CANDLES BC THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO NOW?!?!?!)! Sorry if this post is a little all over the place or there's too many exclamation marks, I'm genuinely just so excited. It really feels like studying is starting to ramp up, although that probably has something to do with all the High Holidays lol. Anyways, I think that's it!

Chag sameach!

[2percentsugar]

also ive noticed a really interesting divide in responses when i tell people im shabbat observant. not everyone comments on it, but the ones who do fall into two broad camps:

"oh wow that sounds so nice. i wish i could do something like that"

some variation of "how can you stand being without your phone that long? i could/would never do that"

there is an age differential, but not necessarily the one you'd expect. younger people are overwhelmingly in the first camp, with a sharp dropoff when the asker is in or past their 40s. my own parents didnt believe me until i came back from college and did it in their vicinity/house a few times.

even now, my mom has trouble with it, asking me to text before and after shabbat & telling me on multiple occasions she wished i used my phone during it. when i do have it the rest of the week, she will often be frustrated or upset if i take longer than she expected in responding to a text.

ive heard other people my age express having similar interactions with their parents, which makes me think that parents are all as phone addicted as us, if not more, and the worst thing is theyre not aware of it. whereas (many) young people are aware of their phone addiction and self-conscious about it (with some asking me for tips!), (many) older people seem to think their degree of reliance on technology is normal & not maladaptive. and uhhh

i think thats bad,

[atthebell]

13 for music asks

13. three songs you want at your funeral

1. Oops!... I Did It Again - Britney Spears

Think of how funny this would be. Anything else along these lines either implying this is not the first time I've died or that I'm immortal would be very funny

2. Cupid Shuffle - Cupid

I am very much a "party at my memorial" kind of person so I think my loved ones doing the Cupid Shuffle to commemorate me would kind of rule so I would politely request it in my will or whatever. Also Cha-Cha Slide.

3. Lecha Dodi

This one's my serious answer; this is a beautiful piece of Jewish liturgy typically said/sung for Friday evening services. There are some really beautiful melodies for it and it's always my favorite part of Kabbalat Shabbat liturgy; I wouldn't necessarily want it to be sung at my funeral exactly but like at the next start of shabbes I would want people to think of me when singing it.

If it's any indication as to my opinions on my own funeral I have always wanted my loved ones to just have a nice time in memory of me so that's why these are so jokey, and also I figure the party is more important than the somber parts of the funeral

[3 songs ask game]

[are-my-ocs-ta]

AITA for bringing home a bomb?

Throwaway because I have a secret identity that I'm trying to keep private. I (18F) and a couple other kids (16F, 17M, 18F, 19F) sort of became superheroes by chance a few weeks ago so now we're kind of a team. I haven't told my parents because they have a lot going on right now and don't really need another thing to worry about. Sometimes I go out "for a run" when I'm really off with my friends dealing with problems only superpowers can fix. I set up this alarm system that immediately sends us all notifications whenever something's about to go down so we can be there right away.

Anyways, this Saturday, there were *a lot* of situations that came up, so naturally I had to go on a lot of "runs" so my dad (52M) wouldn't get worried. We got a message about a guy with a bomb at the university threatening to send people back in time, so it was really important we were there to stop him. We were able to talk him out of it pretty easily since he was upset someone else got the last glizzy at 7/11 and he just wanted people to admire his research.

Unfortunately we did have to disable the bomb so nobody would get hurt. It wasn't very hard because our friend A (18F) is a technopath. However I felt really bad that the police arrested the guy anyway. Thankfully I realized that my mom (55F) would be really interested in his work because she has a PhD and wrote a 200-page dissertation on mining explosives. She doesn't work with explosives anymore but I thought she'd find it really cool anyway. My friend A wanted to keep the bomb because it would make a good home for her bees so she suggested we could show it to my mom in person before she takes it home.

Unfortunately when we brought it home my dad was really shocked that we had a bomb with us. I had to explain to him that obviously it's disarmed and I wouldn't bring home a live bomb but I don't think it made much of a difference. He said that I should've at least texted him to tell him beforehand but I thought it would be more in the shabbat spirit to just talk about it face to face. I don't even think it made a difference to him that I was trying to do a nice thing for my mom because he made a new house rule that I'm not allowed to bring home bombs without asking first, even disarmed ones. And now he's asking all kinds of questions like where I got it and where I met my "running buddies" and so on. I don't want him to worry but he's seriously blowing this out of proportion. Am I the asshole?

[wonderlandleighleigh]

At risk of sounding greedy ... any chance of turning the "coffee at the Gaslight" scenes into a trilogy? I gotta know what leftovers are in Midge's fridge lol

He cannot remember the last time he had home-cooked food that he didn't make himself.

Generally, when he's not dope sick, he sticks with lean cuts of chicken and steam vegetables. Maybe some pasta sometimes. He's not much of a snacker, and generally, his work schedule means he eats out more often than he likely should. Deli sandwiches on the go. Chinese after gigs. That kind of thing.

If he thinks really hard, he's pretty sure his grandmother used to cook for him. And after that, there were homecooked meals on the farm, but beyond that, his mother hated cooking and his ex was awful at it.

But Midge, it turns out, really is the domestic goddess she purports to be, because the brisket, though it's been in the fridge for a day, is juicy and flavorful, and melts in your mouth, and the tzimmes is spiced just right; cinnamon and a little ginger. A hint of nutmeg, and tangy from a generous splash of orange juice.

And while he wasn't hungry before (dope sick, y'know), he finds himself ravenous as he scarfs the offerings down in her quiet kitchen.

Midge helps out a little, sitting next to him, eating bits of the brisket and a carrot from the tzimmes here and there.

And it's nice.

It's really, really nice to just sit here with her quietly like this.

But he's bad at silence so

"This is ridiculous," he tells her. "How did you learn to cook like this?"

She shrugs and grins. "Practice. I wanted to bag a husband, after all. I had to learn to feed one."

Lenny chuckles a little and shakes his head as he chews.

Midge gets to her feet and wanders over to the counter where fresh coffee is has just finished brewing and pours them each a cup.

"Thank you for this," he says quietly as she walks back over, setting the cups down.

"Well, you're looking a little like you've been on a hunger strike," she jokes gently. "And they don't serve food at the Gaslight, and even if they did, I'm pretty sure it'd be a health hazard."

"Likely." He glances at her, a little awkwardly. "So. After I've finished stuffing my face...what do we do then?"

Midge smiles a little and reaches out, stroking the hair at his temple. "Sleep."

"Or."

"Nope."

"No?"

"No," she shakes her head. "You look like you haven't slept in days. You need rest, and we need to take this slow."

Lenny nods, considering that. "I guess you're probably right..."

"We haven't spoken in almost three months," Midge points out as she sips her coffee. "And in all honesty, we don't know that much about each others' lives."

"What's there to know?"

"What's your daughter's name?" she asks him, point blank.

He shoves a large forkful of brisket in his mouth, chewing it slowly as he contemplates the pros and cons of getting into this. "Kitty," he says finally. "Well, it's a nickname, but her real name is a little...her mother picked it."

"Kitty's a cute name," Midge smiles.

Lenny nods. "Your kids?"

"Ethan and Esther," she tells him.

He wrinkles his nose. "Two E's?"

"Mhm. If we'd had a third, it would have either been Edith or Eli," Midge informs him.

HIs nose wrinkles harder, making her laugh.

"Hundreds of thousands of names out there, and you stick with E's?"

She shrugs. "That was part of the picture-perfect Upper West Side life. Kids whose names had alliteration, and...the perfect brisket on the dinner table for Shabbat every week, and the husband who comes home from work every evening and taking my measurements every day to make sure I stayed proportionate."

Lenny gazes at her for a long quiet moment. "Sounds awful."

"It was awful," Midge agrees. "And I didn't realize it until he left."

He nods. "My marriage was awful in wildly different ways than yours. My wife was a stripper who decided to keep stripping even after we had Kitty. Which came with wanting to see other people, or invite other people into our bed, and pushing me to see other people, and then there was the drugs...the push for a big show business career." He thinks about all of the things that just spilled from his lips as he considers the piece of sweet potato on his fork. "There's got to be a middle ground, right? Something that's not so rigid but not so chaotic."

She smiles and takes his fork, eating part of the sweet potato before handing it back to him and sipping her coffee. "God, I hope so."

Lenny eats the rest of it and then sits back, blowing out a breath. "I cannot believe I ate so much. I think I might pass out."

"Then you'll sleep good tonight," she tells him, getting up to put everything away.

He gets to his feet to help her, putting tin foil over the dishes and putting them away. He cleans the forks and the coffee cups, and Midge decides at that moment to tuck herself in against his side, cuddling up.

"What's this?" he asks with a chuckle.

"No one ever does the dishes for me," she tells him. "Unless Zelda's here, and we have to pay her."

"Remind me to get up early and iron my pants before she gets here," he grumbles.

Midge laughs softly and leans up to kiss his jaw. "Bed."

[berlinbabylon]

review of s4 (skip if you don’t want to read criticism)

SPOILER WARNING

so, i finished season 4 a couple of days ago and... i liked some parts of it and one episode was good (episode 8) but for the most part i really absolutely hated this season and i never thought i would say that. in my opinion, it actually got worse towards the end! i must be living in a different reality from everyone else.

i’m sorry. i really am. but i have to get this off my chest:

- charlotte double-wielding guns and shooting up those white hand idiots like she’s in a john woo movie? awesome! except... it was dumb af. this could have been so good, i’m a huge genre fan of this type of action, but not at the expense of a character’s intelligence. there was zero reason for her to barge in there when she did. at least make it seem like they’re just about to kill the good pathologist, have them string him up or whatever and she sees and has absolutely no alternative but to intervene. or have them conclude their meeting and start making for the door. please, i’m begging, just anything to make her desperate actions make sense.

- malu taking a shot for kiddie fiddler wendt? thanks, i fucking hate it. for that matter, i hate what they did to wendt’s character.

- for that matter, awesome lgbt+ rep or uhmm not. reinhold and fred don’t even get a kiss or any significant scene together (the couples date at the very end is cute but too little too late) although fred actually has a fairly important role to play this season. we never even really get to see them talk about his decision to work for that nazi paper. like, what. okay, fred quits at the end, good for him, but does this qualify as a character arc now?

- speaking of lgbt+ rep, them blowing up the esther/edgar/walter polycule only to have walter go “well whattaya gonna do. i loved him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” right as he croaks was the most ridiculous thing i’ve seen in a long while and didn’t land at all. i actually cackled. i can’t believe they turned the complex dynamic they had introduced in s3 into this clichéd jealousy mess that had no nuance whatsoever. i’m stunned people preferred their storyline this season. it didn’t track at all. neither did edgar showing up again (as i had predicted) and gereon believing him about wanting to broker peace in the underworld. el oh el.

- also edgar being like “oh btw we need to kill doktor schmidt, he’s an evil mastermind” was an absolutely ridiculous and lame way to try and advance that storyline. it also just got dumped in there and you don’t get any sense that it’s influencing gereon or his character actions at all. not that he has much of an arc or anything this season anyway but back when the show was still good (and by good i mean exceptional), his drug addiction and guilt complex was a major driving force behind much of what he did, how he behaved at work etc. here, in s4, you have to be grateful that they belatedly remember to send him to confession because he’s a catholic but that scene also just unceremoniously gets dumped in there. not to compare but since we have already seen an absolutely outstanding confession scene this tv season (in interview with the vampire, fabulously acted by jacob anderson), i couldn’t help but notice how the confession with gereon was neither written well, nor particularly acted well, nor integrated in its episode well, nor, in fact, scored well.

- max raabe’s ein tag wie gold is a bop but other than that, this season was not scored well and i say that as someone who owns the first two soundtrack releases on vinyl. there were many times when i noticed that something was off, where the music actively worked against the scene it was supposed to be enhancing. the song at the shabbat dinner was nice but as a jewish friend who i watched it with pointed out, them playing piano on shabbat is very sus, even if they’re a reform household. there was a woman with a wig which indicates (ultra) orthodox. not going to nitpick that scene any further though because the shabbat dinner and abe goldstein’s character in general were a highlight (although i loathed the storyline he was stuck in).

- tell me you don’t want to write actors out of the show without telling me. nyssen and helga have long overstayed their welcome. nyssen they could justify by having him pop up from time to time in connection to the rocket science “plot”. but he’s lars eidinger (who’s great), so. helga has just become whatever they needed her to be. anne marie’s actress had some extremely dodgy acting going on this season, sorry to say. i don’t even want to talk about the idiocy of how they wrote this storyline which could have been extremely good and important. i’ll just say that i laughed my ass off when anne marie clocked abe with her flute but generally it was not a good choice to play these kidnappings for laughs (and i guess these rich people just have no security whatsoever, even after the first kidnapping). there’s a time and a place and this storyline wasn’t it. but rich people, funny, or something. well, they are ridiculous.

- the whole story with the butler. talk about wasting screentime. his götz von berlichingen monologue was also really bad although i was delighted when i heard the verses. it just didn’t land. that goes for many scenes this season imo. i don’t know if it was the directing or what but even stuff that looks interesting on paper just does not come across well. it just comes across as ridiculous and manieriert. but not in the good way. (there is a way to do this well and the show used to walk that line very well. not anymore, it seems.)

- (side note: the frivolity of the movie industry provided the perfect pastiche for that sort of thing in s3. which is why i really vibe with it, as someone who’s a huge fan of 1930s movies. didn’t even mind that they relocated the apex of expressionism into the late 1920s when that’s very ahistorical. but anyway that’s a different topic.)

- actually as a last point on the nyssen storyline, abe goldstein shooting a hole in the ship instead of shooting anne marie in the head made me groan. it was so obviously written that way just to give her a chance to pop up later again. it made absolutely no sense, even if you try to handwave it as an attempt at poetic justice. neither did helga leaving her down there make any sense. she had no way of knowing that abe would kill her or make it seem like he killed her. at that point, helga still looked like she could think straight, she didn’t tumble around deliriously, she made a clear choice. and they just did it for the twist, not because it made sense for the character in that moment.

- the show was always very drunk on coincidences, twists of fate etc in that 19th century charles dickens / victor hugo way and i could dig that for the most part because they had this rich tapestry of social commentary going on. while i can still appreciate the breadth of society that they’re trying to show, it now comes across as shallow, there’s no immersion, i was extremely distanced from everything going on and couldn’t have cared less, which is a damn shame considering that this is where we should start feeling even more involved.

- as for one storyline that i couldn’t have cared less about: everything to do with toni. in fact, i think it would have been far more poignant if we hadn’t seen her for a season and hadn’t known what had become of her after running away and then when we least expect it, charlotte comes across her living on the streets, maybe while chasing a suspect or something. now that’s a coincidence i could buy. and such a scene would play like a gut punch. but they rob themselves of any dramatic impact by wanting to overexplain and overshow and being all pedagogical which is a huge problem in the writing of german tv shows and s4 of babylon berlin has started showing all the hallmarks of mediocre german tv and it makes me feel sick, considering how stylish and epic the previous seasons were.

- toni’s actress is not good. i’m sorry. i just have to say it. but also, they stuck her in a nothing storyline. moritz’ actor fares better but if they wanted to pair off the spares and get rid of them, they needed to do that in a way that would’ve left more screentime for the interesting and/or relevant stuff. like, uhm, everything to do with malu/litten/charlotte etc. it’s a damn crime that they didn’t do anything with lotte being fired from the police and then hired by litten. nothing. she gets to mope around at the bar a little bit and poor jacky gets to be her hapless sounding board (he deserves better, so many characters and actors in this cast deserve better). and then she gets to be gereon’s emotional support system. once again, charlotte is deprived of any and all agency and no, the double-wielding scene does not make up for it. the scenes in that haus sonneborn institution were well-shot, the horror film genre influence was clear, but unfortunately i don’t much care for horror films and i also, at that point, did not much care for toni or her friend or the pathologist (f*ck him for getting rudi killed in a very lame rip-off of stephan’s much superior exit) and we all knew lotte wasn’t going to die. that’s what i mean by immersiveness: where in previous seasons i’d have been on the edge of my seat with tension and dread, this didn’t elicit much emotion from me at all. except for the groan when lotte did her thing at the end there. the only good thing to come out of that was her conversation with gereon about her guilt which was the only time in the entire season where i believed a scene between them, emotionally, and was invested.

- i guess that, on the bright side, she got to be happy. i support that. even though i don’t believe it should have to come at the expense of the show being good. and she still had to go through that awful ordeal of the dance marathon. (one of the few memorable scenes of the season, at the very least.)

- random but i very much liked the actor playing oskar. and he was very much underutilized. really, don’t get me started on the entire debacle that was malu’s storyline. i think i’d rather have watched an entire season set on that zeppelin than what we ended up with.

- litten not even being in the finale should actually be considered a crime against humanity considering he’s literally the best character on the show at this point. for that matter, the trial against katelbach and the undermining of the legal system and the press should have been a much bigger arc and point. katelbach still being a comic relief character only used to bumble about not knowing whether he did propose to behnke or not is absolutely ridiculous. these are the characters we’ve come to know and care about and they were paid absolute dirt in s4. behnke’s best scene was the train heist and even that was not edited or scored well but hey, at least it was amusing and they did something with some sort of flair there.

- going back to lotte for a moment. i’m happy for the charlotte/gereon shippers that they got so much fucking out of them this season (to be crude, then again so is the show) but i can’t be the only one who thought they were awkward as all hell together. i never shipped them but i did always like their dynamic and i thought their kiss in s3 was magical. what they did with them here did absolutely nothing for me, i cringed when she visited him at the station and their idea of sexy talk in between kisses was discussing case-related work. none of it had the levity, flirtation or charm you’d see in a lubitsch film (one of the alleged inspos for this season) although liv lisa fries sold the hell out of her infatuated smiles and looks. volker bruch trying to smile was physically painful to me, however. sure, it could be charming that he’s an awkward turtle duck but considering everything we know about the bts issues, it really didn’t endear me any further. i dread having to watch them be awkward together in future seasons and i absolutely dread lotte’s only purpose being tied up in that. for that matter, how did she earn her badge back at the end? surely not with her double-wielding gun action? but it’s not like the show really cared to pursue this as a storyline or her as a character this season, so why should i care.

- the way they threw rukeli in there at the very end of the season was almost offensively bad. i was extremely excited for him to show up ever since they had insinuated that he’s her half-brother in s3. the actor here was fine (i wouldn’t count on him being accurately or sensitively cast bc german productions usually don’t do this, haven’t checked it, however) but you’re really going to do a whole season where boxing is at the very least on the periphery and you’re only going to throw him in at the end to make some sort of point? we didn’t even get to stay with him and lotte during their first meeting? we’re just supposed to believe they have some sort of relationship now after that camera shot panned out, showing them through the window of the café? i’m sorry but what?

- worst of all: them having him use chalk as white paint to mock the nazis in the audience to make a point. you can’t make a character we’ve barely even met the dramatic and emotional high point of the season. and i’m sorry but rukeli was a real person and in real life he was forced to present himself with bleached hair and white paint in an “aryanized” form, this was part of the abuse he suffered!!! it makes me absolutely mad to think about how they tried to turn this into some kind of empowerment thing here. nevermind that at this point in time, audiences were still overwhelmingly on his side and actually protested against fights being rigged against him. i just absolutely hate everything this scene chooses to be. i also hate how gereon walks up to that one guy who can command~ the crowd and we get a flashback to something that happened in the same episode, like, just 30 minutes earlier, to remind us that this is the guy he refused to shoot so they can defuse the situation in the dumbest most construed way possible. i feel like i’m losing my mind when i see people say that this is good writing. good writing would have involved audiences not needing a flashback to something that happened in the same episode, just because almost nothing in this season is giving anything resembling the appropriate weight and focus.

- speaking of which, the case of the season was so uninteresting and lame i even forgot to talk about it. and i still don’t have anything to say. except one thing: why did weintraub not immediately suspect that something was up with max (the henchman) when that car bomb went up killing the other henchman? because weintraub arrived in the car, went inside, came back outside and suddenly a bomb has been attached to his car in the meantime and max was standing there all the time? like, what?? this season is littered with this dumb shit and maybe it was prevalent in the other seasons as well and i just chose to overlook it because there was so much for me to love but i genuinely can’t believe five adults wrote this season and struggled so much with thinking any of it through. it feels like they just had little chess figures with pictures of the characters attached to them and tried moving them across a board.

- oh and one more thing about the flashback issue. böhm and his family being in that apartment at the very end was an absolutely ridiculous scene. his money issues were well-telegraphed, a little too well-telegraphed if you ask me, and his involvement in the shoot-up was already extremely obvious by the time his wife demands to know where he’s got his money from. that bit where he collapses against the wall and we get all these flashbacks to things an audience that’s half-way intelligent and half-way paying attention has already gotten long ago was just embarrassing for the show. the issue wasn’t just with the flashback, however, it was also with the way it was shot and edited. so many scenes this season really don’t land as intended. i feel bad for the actors because they’re doing their best and they’re also not at fault for this weird issue in german shows where they do really bad ADR (re-dubbing scenes when there were sound issues in the footage from set, it makes dialogue sound very unnatural and strange and the show always had this issue in certain scenes but in this season it’s amplified to the max, i almost couldn’t watch the edgar/gereon reunion because of the bad sound engineering). but woof that böhm family scene could have been a highlight but the way he creepily said something to the effect of them never being separated (probably telegraphing an eventual fate that we call “erweiterter suizid” in german where usually a man kills his family and then himself) and then the show just straight up cutting to the nyssen last will scene without giving any of it the time to sink in was absolutely comical. i’m sorry. but there are scenes this season that feel amateur and i don’t think you can blame it on covid when the editing is at issue.

- having said all of that, i was excited for gereon’s arc this season and imo they never did anything of note with him undercover in the SA. why not have him befriend stennes for real, become conflicted about what he’s trying to do (and, well, in fact him and the police president do want stennes to succeed so it wouldn’t even have been that outlandish). him talking to the police president about the mission at home while his very much indoctrinated nephew is in listening distance was so so dumb omg.

- the stennes putsch which i also was very much looking forward to was such a flop that fizzled out without any real spark. his confrontation with wendt was lame af. the actor is awesome, his interactions with wendt in s3 were intriguing and this what it all leads up to? gdi. i can’t believe they wasted so much time on that homophobic blackmail material plot when it was never even picked up again after it got stennes out of prison. he never should have gone to prison before the putsch, he already had his conflict with wendt from last season, they could have saved so much time on this and dedicated it to something actually interesting. and if you actually want to get into the messiness of homophobia and homosexuality in the SA, röhm and all, you better be prepared to bring on figures like magnus hirschfeld (it’s honestly ridiculous he hasn’t even been referenced on the show yet because he was super famous in berlin and germany in general and also a favorite target of the nazis). reference the harden-eulenburg affair. do something with this. not just have wendt buggering a kid in a park. i like that gräf was quietly pissed at gereon about the whole thing but this should never have been a storyline in the way it was implemented.

- it really ruined wendt on top of things. not that it made him worse as a person because he was already bad before (though lbr it did make him worse ofc) but it made him a whole lot more uninteresting as a villain (he only seemed to find his groove back in the last two episodes). the interesting part of his dynamic with malu in s3 was the intellectual clash of ideologies. while i did not and do not ship them, i was very intrigued to see where they would take that in s4. well, i have my answer. they skipped any and all interesting and relevant development and turned it into an extremely clichéd and lame honey trap plot because we all know communists loved honey traps. groan. (yes, i watched the americans.) also, rilke is my favourite poet and has been for many many years and wendt needs to keep his words out of his damn mouth. i can’t believe they revealed that wendt used to sexually abuse underaged boys and still wanted us to think that his relationship with malu is in any way romantic, cute or intriguing?

- i was so rooting for doktor völcker to get him and then malu just had to take a bullet for him. bruh. just when i thought i couldn’t hate this season more. i know i already mentioned it but still. at least she didn’t die from it, small blessings, but her getting shot straight through the chest and then being back to spy shenanigans on the zeppelin not much later was just the height of ridiculousness. i always hated the train confrontation between gereon and bruno and it seems that the show is very very determined to evermore move towards that pulpy comic book-y version of the show that i can barely tolerate in order to get to the good stuff. but when there’s barely any good stuff to get to, it gets tough.

- do i even want to talk about edgar? him taking the kids away from esther was lame. anything to do with esther was lame. i can’t even muster more to say and edgar/gereon was one of my absolute favourite dynamics in s1/2 so i should’ve been overjoyed to see it make a return here. but, in the eternal words of the matrix: not like this.

- finally, doktor schmidt, eh? well. where to begin. first of all, jens harzer is one of the best living german actors, he’s phenomenal, and the fact that he still gets so little development is a fucking joke, frankly speaking. i might have liked his scene with alfred lying on the floor best. at least it was funny. his sessions with gereon were hamfisted in their analogies. his last scene with gereon also didn’t land, it was just groan-worthy. gereon repeating back his words just made it all the more obvious how much of their luster they have lost at this point. i can’t believe someone spoke schmidt’s platitudes in a serious way like some sort of cool mic drop when the “quelle der angst” stuff only works in that hypnotic evil drugged out therapy session way jens harzer says it. the cgi was also bad but that’s neither here nor there (there was a surprising number of badly lit and framed scenes in this season, idk if they changed cinematographers but even the staple shot of following a centered gereon with his hat around became extremely overused). the thing is that i’ve long been convinced that doktor schmidt isn’t actually anno / gereon’s brother, so i should be happy that he seems to be finally be revealed as a svengali type which i also find very fitting for the movies and culture the show references as well as the history it tries to reflect (in fact, this season was as thematically rich as ever, with many metaphors and analogies for the rise of evil etc etc but what good is that if it’s all pedagogical and the actual character writing is either non-existent or utter bullshit?). they’ve dragged this out for too long now. they also, and this might be the worst offense, have completely lost the connection gereon is supposed to have to this plot. nevermind helga or moritz. have doktor schmidt be a svengali figure, fine, love that, i vibe with it, but that doesn’t mean this plot should have no advancement. it really feels like they treaded water for as long as they could because they only had a very vague idea of where they wanted to go with this and still needed to figure out the details. well, hire some fucking writers (and by that i don’t mean hire your wife, like one of the director/writers did for s4).

- i’ve really come to loathe this very german tradition of producers, directors and others thinking they can write scripts themselves and that there are barely any decent writers around who are just that, writers. we have some that are barely okay but the structural issues of underpayment etc ensure that the talent that exists can’t turn this into a job. instead you really just have nepotism and all those people who think they can write but where the wheels eventually come off. now i’ve loved babylon berlin for a very long time, i’ve been there since the beginning, i’ve actually been there since the first press announcement (the show spent a lot of time in production hell before s1/2 saw the light of day, the budget kept ballooning etc). and i will say that i think the first three seasons featured some of the best that german tv has to offer. (s3 slightly less so but it was still entertaining and i think they did a really good job introducing a number of great characters like malu and litten in it, plus sabin tambrea is always fun!) but i must now question whether i was not more so taken in by the direction, the music, the style, and some very expertly shot and executed scenes that the show either cannot or does not want to afford anymore. the type of scenes that are needed to let the wild and often nonsensical plotting breathe and give the characters a chance to shine, to give all of it depth and resonance. i’m really so profoundly sad by the direction this show’s quality has taken and i have no idea whether it’s because one of the directors did more this season than the others, whether it was because of the new writers (i hope not). whatever happened, they had enough prep time and this just ain’t it.

- last point: i know how annoying it is when a show that you love gets hated on by others, so this is the last thing i’ll say about that. but i really needed to get this off my chest because i’ve been loving the show for a very long time, i’ve been investing a lot of time (not so much in recent years but before that) into spreading the word, at least here on tumblr and irl where i got several people into the show who all disliked s4 as well btw, i loved making gifs (which is also why i’d say i have a very good eye for the cinematography and style of the show and all the finer details but gif-making isn’t a real credential ofc lol). and i’m usually quite chill about stuff, i’m neither a super stan even when i love something (which is also why i didn’t watch it first thing it came out) nor am i a hater when i don’t like something but a case like this, where i genuinely loved something and it turns sour, that hurts, man. i’ll probably watch the next season - if there’s a next season! - because i still hold out hope that it might be better, i think it’s an important history to tell and the show had everything set up in order to tell it. there are two gif sets i want to make of this season (which is also always a good gauge for me to tell how i feel about something, and even those sets aren’t sets i absolutely want to do but i’ll do them nonetheless at some point; probably). after that i don’t think i will use this blog much anymore but i’ll keep it online for as long as tumblr is online because i always find it annoying when other people delete their stuff.

so long und auf wiedersehen!