#it’s not enough to say it’s not what’s in ur heart you’ve tainted every moment till death do we part

[ferreho-writes]

Can you draw noctis prompto hurt/comfort EXPELL UR SADS ONTO PROMPTO

I can’t draw shit and you know it this is a writing blog 

Anyway here’s a couple thousand words of me Projecting onto my fave sorry Prom ilu baby boy

Sometimes, Prompto had bad days. Days where he couldn’tbring his usual cheer and optimism to the group. Days where he would flinchaway from his own reflection and the world seemed to be filtered in through afog – distant and blurry.

But without his peppy personality, what else could he bringto the group? Noctis was the reason they were all there and he was the reasonPrompto had the life he did now, instead of being alone and lost. Ignis hadeverything planned and put together and besides, he was an amazing cook. Gladiocould keep everyone safe and he knew how to set up camp. All Prompto had onthem was that he could keep his head up when no one else could.

So what happened when he couldn’t even do that?

They could dress him up as much as they wanted, but he wasalways going to be that lonely, awkward, fat kid whose only friend was hiscamera. No amount of hard work or crownsguard uniform could ever fix that.Prompto was always going to be who he was – clingy, annoying, always ramblingabout something no one else cared about.

It was nice enough that Ignis and Gladio tolerated him, evenif he suspected it was more for Noctis’ benefit than his own.

Some days, he couldn’t understand what Noctis saw in him.Something must have made Noctis think Prompto was worth his time and effort,but Prompto was never sure what it was. Sure, they liked the same shows andmovies and video games. But Noctis liked to sleep in where Prompto couldn’tremember the last time he was still in bed past 10AM. Noctis could maintain acool and aloof image where Prompto wore his heart on his damn sleeve.

Noctis was important and perfect, and Prompto was just somenobody. Some failed experiment smuggled in to taint everything he touched withwho and what he was. The powers that be let him live, but some days that didn’tfeel like mercy.

With how easily he fucked everything up, with a secret thatcould destroy everything he had, it very often felt like a curse.

A part of Prompto always expected it – that one morning hewould wake up to everything gone and a note written in neat, cursivehandwriting telling him he was just too much of a liability and they had to lethim go.

He would be crushed; he would have nothing left to live for.

He wouldn’t blame them for a second.

They had been together for years without him and they wouldbe able to do it again. Just like that, Prompto would be an already fadingmemory. One they would probably speak about with regret that they let it go onthat long.

But now Insomnia has fallen and the pressure is more thanany of them have ever needed to cope with, so Prompto can do something. He cansmile when no one else will. He can laugh enough for all of them.

No matter how forced it may be, it’s what he has to do. Theyhave bigger issues than his and he learned to deal with his own head a longtime ago, when there was no one to support him through the fog.

He was a little out of practice but he could get back intothe swing of it. For the sake of the guys who made up his whole world, he couldremember to rely on himself again.

*

Prompto kept it up for about a week, maybe. Fighting throughbleary eyes when he hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, keeping a smileplastered to his face any time anyone looked at him, responding to anythingthat sounded like a cue as if on autopilot.

He couldn’t bear to look at himself in the mirror now. Hehated seeing all the reminders of how imperfect he was. He didn’t dare look atthe others either, for fear of remembering what he was comparing himself to.

What he had to compare to, if he wanted to be a part ofthem.

He had tried his best, but the nagging feeling that he wasstill not doing enough and that any day now they would realise he was justanother on their list of burdens wouldn’t leave him be. His brain had latchedonto every little mistake he had made that day and screamed it back at himuntil his thoughts became a laundry list of fuck ups.

You missed that shot.

You lagged behind.

You ran too far ahead,Iggy shouldn’t have to be looking out for you.

Everyone had to stopso you could take pictures. Selfish.

He thought that when Ignis said he wanted to go to themarket after they all settled into a hotel for the night that he had hischance. Gladio would go with him because he always liked walking in theevenings and Noctis would take the opportunity for a nap before dinner.

Perfect. Prompto could just say he wanted to clean up, hide inthe shower for a little while and pull himself together. No one needed to know.

He didn’t pull himself together.

He barely managed to actually wash himself, but at leastthen he wouldn’t have to worry about getting everything physically dirty. Inthe end he had sat under the water for at least ten minutes, trying not to cryin case Noctis heard.

They had bigger problems than this, they really did.

Noctis and Gladio had both lost their fathers. Their homewas in ruins. The Empire wanted them dead.

Prompto still couldn’t keep himself together.

He hoped Noctis would be asleep when he eventually got out (don’t steam the room out, it’ll makeeveryone uncomfortable) but instead he was lying on the bed, wide awake,doing something on his phone.

It took a second for Prompto to remember he needed to smile.It was a second long enough for Noctis to notice something was wrong. He tiltedhis head slightly and Prompto could see the question forming already.

“You okay, dude?” No, not really. And he definitely wasn’tprepared for anyone to ask if he was – they all had so much to worry about. Hedidn’t expect anyone to notice the half-seconds and private moments where helet the misery slip out. He had been counting on it, in fact.

Prompto was a royal retainer and a grown ass man, he couldlook after himself and his stupid head.

So when he replied it came out a little watery, but he stillmanaged a “Yeah, I needed that!”

Noctis didn’t seem convinced.

“What’s up?”

Prompto shook his head. No, he wasn’t doing this. Not toNoctis, who was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Nothing, just beat, dude,” He mimicked Noctis, sitting onthe bed and taking his phone out. “Can’t wait for dinner, ‘m starving.”

He was so focused on staring blankly at his screen that hehadn’t noticed Noctis come over until he felt another body against his own. Helooked up to find Noctis right against his side, eyes questioning.

“Seriously, you’ve been weird all week. What’s up?” So hehad noticed. Prompto had been bottling up his insecurities since he was a kidand he was still no good at it. That sounded about right for him.

He knew if he just told Noctis the questions would stop andthe worry would go from his face, but Noctis was caring enough that he wouldjust add Prompto to his list of things to be concerned about. They weresupposed to be best friends; Prompto couldn’t do that to him. So he shook hishead again.

“Seriously, just been tired. We’ve been doing hunts like,all week, remember?” It was a flimsy excuse – they had actually taken a day offbetween two hunts earlier in the week. It was also the only excuse Promptocould think of on short notice. He just wanted Noctis to drop it so he could goback to trying harder to seem like his usual self.

What if this was his usual self now? Prompto would lose theonly reason they kept him around. They’d drop him in a heartbeat.

He was so busy trying to picture what he would be withoutthe guys that he didn’t notice Noctis calling him until a hand waved in frontof his face.

Great, now Noctis looked super worried. That was the exactthing that Prompto had been trying to avoid. Now he had to get him to stoptalking about it before Ignis and Gladio got back or they would want answerstoo. Prompto knew he was living on borrowed time with them, but he didn’t wantto drop reasons to let him go right into their laps.

“Prom. Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“No.” He didn’t even realise he’d said it. His brain hadn’tokayed it – his brain wasn’t giving anything the go ahead.

Noctis had never seen him like this before; he couldn’t now.Not now.

“What? Why? What’s happening?” Noctis’ voice was starting totake on a panicked edge and it made Prompto want to throw himself out of thenearest window.

Noctis’ arm was around his shoulders now and no, this isn’twhat Prompto wanted. He didn’t want Noctis to be comforting him. He should becomforting Noctis.

He could still do this; he could still get himself under controland convince Noctis this was nothing to worry about. He could do it all beforethe others got back and no one would know he was falling apart at the seams.

He could definitely do it if he could get himself to stopcrying. Because that had happened at some point and now Prompto couldn’t stopit. He didn’t dare look at Noctis now – he didn’t want to see what this wasdoing to him.

He didn’t really have that option for long before Noctis washugging him properly, stroking one hand through his hair while the other slowlyrubbed his back. He couldn’t entirely make out what Noctis was saying to him inbetween the little shushing noises but he was sure it was meant to becomforting.

Prompto hated himself for putting Noctis in this position.He hated that Noctis was now definitely concerned. Because Noctis was a kindperson and didn’t have the sense to walk away from someone who was clearly alost cause.

Instead he just sat there with him, stroking his hair andrubbing his back and softly telling him that everything was going to be okayuntil the tears stopped. Noctis was the best person Prompto had ever met and hedidn’t deserve his attention, let alone his friendship. Noctis deserved so muchbetter.

“That’s not true.” Noctis spoke firmly and it took Prompto amoment to realise that he had said that out loud.

He felt Noctis pull back and for another moment Promptothought this was it – Noctis was finally walking away. He should have known itwas coming, but it still hurt.

Noctis shifted his hands to Prompto’s arms and held themthere, firm and warm. He looked Prompto in the eye and while there was stillconcern in his face, there was also a sternness that reminded Prompto of Ignis.

“You’re my best friend, and that’s not gonna change. I don’twant that to change. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Noctis’ facesoftened slightly and Prompto saw some of the tension disappear. He hadn’t evenrealised how tense Noctis had been until it was gone. Some friend he was being.

“You can be not okay too, Prom.”

He hadn’t realised that he had been waiting for some kind ofpermission, but now that it was there Prompto didn’t want it.

“I want to be okay, for you.”

“You’re always trying to be okay with everything. No oneexpects you to be, it’s not fair on you.”

Of course it was fair – what else did Prompto have? Someawkward jokes and semi-decent aim? That wasn’t enough.

“Prom, look at me.” He hadn’t realised he had looked awayfrom Noctis, but there was something sad in his eyes when Prompto looked back. Itmade him feel slightly sick.

“You’re doing okay. You’re doing great. Just don’t…don’t betoo hard on yourself. You can’t let everyone else have bad days without lettingyourself have a few.” The words sounded slightly Ignis-like, and Promptowondered if he and Noctis had ever had this conversation.

The thought was slightly heart breaking.

Still, he was slightly surprised at how much Noctis hadpicked up on. Prompto used to joke about how oblivious he could be.

It turned out Noctis noticed a lot, when he cared enough topay attention.

“Promise me, yeah? That you’ll go easy on yourself?” Noctisplayfully ruffled his hair, a gentle smile forming on his lips. “Can’t haveanyone talking about my best friend like that, right?”

It brought a small laugh from Prompto. He couldn’t promiseNoctis anything – they hadn’t even scratched the surface of what was going onin Prompto’s head and nothing was going to change overnight. Noctis was goingto want to keep talking about it, but for now Prompto was grateful that he wasn’tpushing. What they had managed had exhausted him.

He would probably be asleep before Ignis finished dinner.

“I can, uh…I can try? I guess?” He shrugged, but for nowNoctis seemed satisfied with his answer and he nodded.

“All I’m asking.”

Prompto still didn’t understand what Noctis saw in him. Whyhe was prepared to put in the time and effort for someone as dime a dozen as him.He didn’t know why Noctis chose him out of everyone else he had ever met.

But there was something there, and maybe one day Promptowould get it. He could work on it.

[codename-bewareofthefangirl]

Please make a scenario where kasamatsu & takao found out that their s/o is cheating with a girl. And their s/o admitted that theyre actually a bi. Pls make it so angsty admin-san. Take ur time writing this. Bless you!!!

Hi dear! I don’t know why lately I’ve been asked allthis angst, but if you enjoy it, here it goes! (Really, why you want to seepoor, lovely Takao suffer? XD)

Please, all of you my dear readers, remember that cheating is wrong and very painful forthe other person; if you’ve ever cared about them, don’t do it. Respect them!

Have a good day!

 Not Enough

Kasamatsu

When you finally entered in your apartment that night,you found it completely silent.

“Yukio, I’m home!” you called, seeing a light comingfrom the kitchen.

No answer.

You put down your bag and jacket, and then reached thesmall kitchen. Your boyfriend was there, seated stiffly on a chair, waiting foryou. You noticed his tense shoulders and cold stare immediately, trying to showhim a nervous smile. His expression made him look  like he was dead inside.

“Ehi Yukio.” You greeted him, shifting uncomfortablyon your feet.

“Where have you been?” he asked quietly, clenching hisfists.

“With a friend.” You replied immediately, brushing yourarm with a hand.

For a second, his eyes saddened horribly and you sawin him an abyss of desperation, but coldness washed over his expression again.

“I didn’t know you kissed your friend like that.” He statedbitterly, his voice was rasp.

You froze, terror and horror rushing through yourveins.

“I’ve seen you. You and the other girl.” He added, everybreath left his throat painfully.

“Yukio, I can explain!” you cried, stumbling over toreach him, but he jumped up as if he was scared of you and avoided your touch.

“There’s no need.” Growled lowly, taking some stepsback. He didn’t feel his heart beating anymore.

“I didn’t mean-” you desperately tried again, eyesfilling up with tears.

“You didn’t mean what? Cheating on me? You seemed toenjoy it a lot though.” He hissed coldly, averting his eyes from your face.

He had loved you. He had loved you more than anyoneelse. He was horrible at dealing with girls, and yet you had slowly managed towin his heart. You made him laugh in the most unexpected moments, you alwaysrespected his peace and let him get used to you. He had done his best tosatisfy you in every way, to care about you and to make you feel loved. Dates plannedin every detail, small daily surprises, being ready to support you and hug youwhen you needed it. He had even accepted to share an apartment and fill yourdays with warmth and a steady, comforting love. Defying all his shyness and difficultiesrelated to relationships, just for you. Just for your happiness. So why, whyyou had betrayed him? Where did it go wrong?

“I-I’m bisexual Yukio.” You cried, covering your mouthwith both hands, sobbing hard, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

He slammed the hand against the table, startling you.

“THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM!” He yelled, letting the pain andthe anger surface for a second, “That’s not the problem.” He repeated loweringhis voice, noticing how scared you were; even in that moment he couldn’t standto hurt you.

“I could’ve accepted that for you; your past, yourpresent, your preferences…” He listed helplessly fixing his gaze on the ground,“But not betrayal. Not to be chested on like this.” Concluded lifting his eyeson you. His voice was a sharp, silent blade that stabbed your heart.

You could see all his sufferance, all the sufferance you’vecaused him.

“I’ve loved you s/o. But it seems I wasn’t enough, orat least not what you wanted. Even though, I didn’t deserve this.” He said thatlooking at you as if he was lost in a storm, not knowing what to do. But seeingthat you were lost as well, that the words he wanted to hear weren’t going tocome, he hardened his expression again.

“I guess it’s the end then.” Stated emotionless,letting out a shaky breath.

“Yuk-”

“Don’t call my name!” he interrupted you, fighting tostop his tears and lifting a hand, “Don’t call it anymore, you have lost the rightto do so.”

You quieted down, sobbing silently and trembling.

It was really the end.

“I’ll come here tomorrow morning to move out mythings.” He told you tiredly, as he was exhausted after a hopeless fight; you searchedhis eyes trying to say something, but they were full of void and blocked thewords in your throat. “I hope you’ll be happy with her.” Whished you bitterlyin a whisper, walking past you. For a second he lifted his hand as to pat yourhead for the last time, but midway he clenched his fist in the hair andretracted it.

You weren’t worth it anymore.

He exited without turning back, leaving you crying inthat silent apartment full of tainted memories.

 Takao

You froze horrified, looking at Takao who stood infront of you. He had let fall on the floor his bag and was looking at you withhis mouth open, trying to rationalize what he was seeing. The girl you werestill kissing some seconds ago, got up hurriedly, flushing, before rushing outfrom the apartment. You two remained alone and you stood up, trying to reachhim, but his eyes blocked you on the spot. Hallucinated.

You swallowed and lifted your hands as to tame a wildbeast.

“Tak-” whispered in a low voice but he interrupted youbursting into laughter, throwing back his head and covering his eyes. A cold,empty, unamused laughter as you had never heard.

“And here I was asking myself if you felt lonely whileI was back to my hometown, planning to surprise you coming back earlier andthen bringing you out for dinner.” He snickered at himself, shaking his head, “NowI must seem a real fool in your eyes.” He commented bitterly, finally lookinginto your eyes.

You shivered. In them, you could only see containedpain and disgust.

“I don’t believe you-” you desperately tried to defendyourself, blushing. You couldn’t stand his stare, it was heartbreaking.

“Oh sure. Was she the first one? Or just one of themany?” he asked rolling his eyes with a fake smile, “How many guys and girls dirtiedour couch while I wasn’t looking?”

You swallowed hard, taking a step back.

“Please stop, let me explain.” You begged mortified,but his smile become sour.

“You don’t have you explain anything. Even because Iwouldn’t know if believe you or not.” Stopped you grimacing.

You had been his sun and the reason for which hesmiled for months, he had enjoyed every moment spent with you. He hadn’t beenable at first to believe you loved him, and yet you stated the contrary everyday. But they had been lies, a lots of lies. He had just deluded and embarrassedhimself. What a fool, he should have known better.

“I’m bisexual.” You blurted guilty, clenching yourtrembling fists.

“So?” he asked tilting his head, “Don’t humiliate allthe other bisexuals. You sexual preferences don’t give you rights to be acheater.” accused you with a cold smileand empty grey eyes.

You have loved his wit, his cheerfulness and his wayof never taking anything seriously, but now he was only scary. He wasn’tshouting or hitting you, he was only stating fact as if they were nothing. Likecheesy, bad jokes. He was crushing you and the worst was knowing that he wasfeeling even more shattered. You could read it in his eyes.

You had lost him.

“I didn’t want to say that.” You stuttered wrappingyour arms around your own waist.

“I know.” He replied exhaustedly, his fake smile faltering,“You wanted to say “Sorry that I don’t love you anymore, but you’re not what Ineed.”.” he rephrased covering an eye with the hand, gripping strands of hair tohurt himself and remain lucid, desperation finally choking him.

You remained silent, without words to answer him.

“Was I just a cover? A way to spend the time? Or itwas useful to live with me? Did you ever even loved me?” He asked to himself,in a cracking, sarcastic voice, crouching.

“You weren-”

“I don’t care.” He stopped you, stepping back andlooking at you, broken inside, “I don’t care anymore.” He whispered, bendingslowly to take his bag.

“Live your life, s/o!” faked a cheerful wish, tearsstreaming down his eyes, “Bu not with me by your side. Not anymore.” Added withhis heart finally crumbling.

That was the last goodbye.

You lowered your eyes, closing them to stop the tears.You know you hadn’t the right to cry.

“It was good to love you. Sorry it wasn’t enough.”Takao muttered sadly, turning his back to you and walking out the apartment.Leaving the pieces of his heart behind.

You fell on your knees, sobbing desperately, but thistime no one came to rescue.