#it’s referendum day and I’m so stressed

[lesbiancalkestis]

Not even a democracy sausage could calm my anxieties about today.

[sunshinecoastqldnews]

Putin is aware of hes shedding Ukraine warfare can not clarify to Russia why: Zelensky

That’s in line with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, who shared the message with Individuals in a Face the Nation interview Sunday. “He is aware of that he’s shedding the warfare,” Zelensky stated of his Russian counterpart. “Within the battlefield, Ukraine has seized the initiative. He can not clarify to his society why, and he’s on the lookout for solutions to those questions.”  Zelensky made the feedback after being requested whether or not Putin was utilizing current referendums to annex elements of Ukraine as an excuse to say that Russian territory was being attacked by the West. With an invasion that was imagined to take days now in its seventh month, Zelensky stated, Putin “has to justify” to his folks the navy’s struggles towards a smaller nation.  “He has to take steps to justify,” Zelensky stated of Putin. “He says, ‘See, let’s take a look at it. I’m not afraid of Ukraine. It was a particular operation, however now it’s Russia. It’s our territory. Look, we carried out referenda. Now, it’s the West who assaults Russia. Now, the West assaults our territories.” Zelensky additionally pointed to Putin’s announcement on Wednesday of a partial mobilization of as much as 300,000 navy reservists to struggle the warfare. “For a number of months, they’ve been secretly mobilizing,” he stated. “However now, they admitted that their military will not be in a position to struggle with Ukraine anymore…They didn’t count on the resistance that they acquired from us.” Putin turning into ‘fairly determined’   Zelensky wasn’t alone in noting the stress mounting on Putin, which some concern will immediate him to reply with nuclear weapons. Putin is “turning into fairly determined,” stated James Stavridis, former NATO supreme allied commander for Europe, on Sunday’s version of the Cats Roundtable podcast. “Nobody desires to be drafted,” the retired U.S. Navy admiral stated of Putin’s mobilization announcement. “There are main protests popping up in Russian cities. It’s beginning to have that Vietnam-era really feel of a rising sense of civil discontent. I might rating it a really unhealthy week for Vladimir Putin.”  Protestors risked arrest Wednesday evening to display towards the mobilization, and greater than 1,200 had been detained in Moscow and St. Petersburg, in line with OVD-Data, an unbiased Russian human rights group. Among the detained protestors had been handed draft papers whereas in custody, the group stated. The protests continued this weekend, with Russian police transferring rapidly yesterday to disperse the crowds in cities throughout the nation. Yesterday Zelensky provided assured protections to Russian troopers who give up to Ukrainian forces. Such troopers could be handled in a civilized method, he stated, and the circumstances of their give up wouldn’t be disclosed. For these desirous to keep away from a return to Russia, he added, his authorities would discover a method to make sure they’re not exchanged.  “Russian commanders don’t care concerning the lives of Russians,” he stated. “They only have to replenish the empty areas left by the lifeless, wounded, those that fled or the Russian troopers that had been captured.”  On Saturday, simply days after saying the mobilization, Putin signed amendments enhancing punishments for residents refusing to struggle or deserting the battlefield, in line with Radio Free Europe. They’ll now reportedly count on as much as 10 years in jail. Join the Fortune Options e mail record so that you don’t miss our largest options, unique interviews, and investigations. Originally published at Sunshine Coast QLD News

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART FIFTEEN

A/N: So... Dani and Liam kinda took over this chapter but I hope it’s okay. I promise it is getting somewhere! Also, sorry for the delay in posting, I had a hard time with writing anything. Also x2, this chapter may suck because I think I forgot how to write in English. Pardonne-moi.

Rating: PG

Word count: 2256

Tagging: @gardeningourmet @delightfullypinkglitter @desireepow-1986 @hopefulmoonobject @dcbbw @kingliam2019 @the-soot-sprite @thequeenofcronuts @badchoicesposts​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @axwalker​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @drxkewalker @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​  @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ @yukinagato2012​ ♥

“Hey, can you please pass the charger?”

Dani looked up from her bed and wordlessly threw the charger at her sister.

“Thanks.”

“Are you going to call Drake?” She asked but already knew the answer. It had been a few weeks since Riley moved out from Drake’s cabin and moved into Dani’s hotel room. She said she talked with Drake but decided it was better for them to stay separate. She still visited him when it was his turn with Bartie.

“Nah, I’m just looking at furniture for my restaurant.”

“Riley...”

“Please, Dani, stop. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ri, it’s been weeks. You’ve seen the lab results, Drake didn’t do anything wrong, he was tricked!”

“I know. And this is why I shouldn’t be with him.”

“That makes no sense.” Dani shook her head.

Riley swallowed hard before blurting out, “we both will be safer that way.”

Dani turned to her and sat down on the bed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... It’s better for us if we’re not together.”

“But--”

“I tried to love my parents but they didn’t care about me. I loved my grandma and she left me. I... liked Drake and he got drugged. I just... I need to accept the fact that I should be alone.”

“This is nonsense! Riley, people--”

“Dani, please. I made my decision. I just wish Drake would hate me already. It’d be easier for us.” She said quietly. Drake tried to talk to her, call her but she wouldn’t answer back. She expected him to give up but he never did. Never... until this week. It was Thursday and he hadn’t called for the whole week. Riley wasn’t sure if what she felt was a relief or a hearbreak.

Dani shook her head. She loved her sister but couldn’t understand her. The only thing she knew was that she couldn’t fix her sister’s relationship. She had to do it herself.

Dani had been meeting up with Liam for the past few weeks, trying to figure out the way to bring Drake and Riley together but nothing seemed to work. Nothing because Riley was too stubborn.

She looked at her phone and read a message from Liam.

“You’re smiling like an idiot. Is it Liam?” Riley asked and Dani looked at her sister innocently.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I need to go though. And I might pick up some coffee to wake me up,” she added.

“What’s up with you and coffee? You always hated it!”

“I never hated it, it just always made me feel like I was having a heart attack. But I’ve been so tired recently that coffee is the only thing that keeps me awake.”

“Man, you must be pretty stressed,” Riley murmured and went back to scrolling.

“Yeah, well, my sister is now living with me because she had an argument with her husband, my brother-in-law was drugged and my father is sending me to law school. I guess I am pretty stressed,” she answered and her eyes widened in horror. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound so passive aggressive. I’m just really tired.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t know about the law school. Why did you agree? You hate law!”

“Do you remember the last time I tried to disagree with father? This is why.”

“Dani... Maybe you should talk to him. And stop caring so much about everything. It only makes you sick!”

“Someone has to care,” Dani replied and. Riley sighed.

“You know... Not everything that’s weighing you down is yours to carry.”

Dani looked at her, surprised, but Riley was already focused on her phone. She shook her head and left the room.

~~~~

“I talked to Drake, he’s ready to give up,” Liam told Dani as they were drinking coffee. “He’s tired of not knowing why Riley is acting the way she is acting.”

“I know, I’d be pretty frustrated too. But he can’t give up. Riley... is a mess. She has many issues she needs to figure out but I’m sure she’ll finally realize she wants to be with Drake.”

Liam sighed, “I just hope it won’t be too late.”

He took empty mugs and put them back on the drawer. Dani walked up to Liam’s desk and looked at his laptop.

“Is that the footage from Savannah and Betrand’s disappearance?” she asked and chucked when Liam raised an eyebrow. “Riley told me everything.”

“Yes. The first one is what our police found and the second one was lost but Madeleine’s detective found it and she gave it to us.”

“Madeleine, huh. And it’s not fake?” Dani asked as she watched the two videos carefully.

“Nope. The footage is legit. No editing, no photoshop, no--”

“NAILS!”

“No nails?” Liam asked. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“No! I mean, look!” Dani took Liam’s hand and paused the video. “The first footage, they go in. Look at her nails,” she zoomed in a little. “Perfect manicure. Love the color though. I wish my father let me wear dark polish too.”

“Okay, manicure. What about it?”

“Look at the second video, the one taken an hour later. She has pretty much no polish on! Either her nails grow extremely fast or she chipped it or...”

“Or?”

“Or the video was taken much later. Like, about three, four weeks later. Which would kinda explain why both of them look a bit stiff.”

Liam swallowed hard as he felt dizzy. He sat down and looked at Dani. “How did you even notice that?”

“I work in a bank, remember? Noticing the details is a part of my job. Plus, I’m kinda obsessed with dark manicure.”

“You’re wonderful, you know that?” Liam asked before realized he said it out loud. Dani blushed.

“Yes, well, umm, so that means... they were kept somewhere. And are alive. Or at least were so the video could have been taken.”

“Seems like it,” Dani nodded.

“And if you say her manicure was around a month old, it’s the time between us finding out they are gone and Drake’s outburst at Madeleine in the court.”

Dani’s face lit up. “That’d make perfect sense, she recorded the video so Drake would stop suspecting they’re still in Karlington!”

“I need to call Drake.”

“And I’ll call Riley!”

A whole thirty minutes later, Drake was watching the footage with his fists clenched and anger written all over his face. Riley was seated in the other corner of the room, comparing pictures of Savannah’s hand that Liam quickly printed.

“I hate them. I HATE THEM!” Drake hit the table, spilling the tea from his mug. “I’m gonna make them pay for what they did to my sister. THIS BI--”

“Drake!” Liam raised his voice. “Please. I know you’re angry but--”

“Angry? Just angry? I am furious and I’m going to show this little spoiled brat what--”

“Drake! She can’t know we know or everything will get lost,” Liam explained and Drake sat down, breathing heavily. “We need more evidence. Her manicure is not really gonna be enough,” Dani added, offering him a fresh cup of tea.

“So what, I’m supposed to sit and do nothing?”

“Not nothing, just acting as if everything is normal so we can gather more evidence.”

“I can’t do that, my sister might still be alive and she’s in danger!”

“Oh my gosh, Drake, just sit your ass down and stop making a bigger mess!” Riley yelled, stunning everyone.

“Why are you so mad? What do you want from me?!” Drake asked, raising his voice Dani flinched.

“A divorce,” she answered, quietly this time.

“Great then, because that’s exactly what I want too. Who needs a wife who doesn’t even care about her husband being drugged. Liam, divorce us now.”

Liam’s eyes widened and he looked at Dani who only shook her head ‘no’.

“I-I can’t can’t,” he said and Dani showed him a thumb up.

“What do you mean you can’t? You said you’d annul our marriage!” Riley inquired.

Liam looked at Dani again, panicking, and Dani started showing him some strange gestures. He shook his head to let her know he didn’t understand but Riley noticed that and looked at her sister as well. Dani quickly stopped gesturing and looked up at the ceiling, pretending to be admiring it.

“Because... a new law has just been introduced!” Liam lied and nodded his head as if to make it more believeable. Riley narrowed her eyes.

“New law? About divorce?” Drake asked, confused.

“Yes, new divorce law. It says that the couple has to be married for at least a year before annuling their marriage. Sorry guys, my hands were tied.”

“Aren’t you the King?” Riley asked.

“Umm, yes but... but...”

“The referendum!” Dani cut in. “Liam couldn’t do much, the nobles voted him out!”

“Exactly!” Liam nodded.

Drake looked puzzled and Riley was looking between Liam and Dani.

“Right,” she said. “Anyway, I gotta go. Let me know if you find out something!”

“The in-depth analysis of the footage should be tomorrow,” Liam told her and she nodded in understanding before leaving.

“Well, I should be going too,” Drake said and started heading out.

“She still cares a lot about you, you know,” Dani said and Drake turned to her. He looked conflicted.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“You two will be fine, I know it. Just give her time, please,” she asked and Drake nodded slowly, before exiting the office.

“That was close,” Liam whispered after a few minutes of silence.

“Too close. But good thinking with the new law!”

“Good thinking with the referendum! We make a good team, don’t we?” he smiled softly at her and she retured the gesture. He felt his heart skipping a beat a little.

Stop it. It’s not gonna happen, stop hoping for it like an idiot.

~~~~

“Are you sure you really can’t go?” Riley asked her sister for the tenth time that day.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I feel too sick,” Dani rasped. She was lying in her bed, feeling miserable.

“And this is not just an excuse so I’ll be there with Drake?” Riley raised an eyerbow.

“Liam will be there as well. I wanted to come, I promise. I just feel terrible.”

“Well... Okay. Feel better soon, then,” Riley hugged her sister and headed out, leaving Dani alone.

Dani groaned as she buried her face in the pillow. She was lying for a few hours, mindlessly watching funny videos of dogs online when someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she answered, assuming it was either Riley or her parents.

“Hi.”

She sat straight immediately after hearing his voice. Seeing Liam there, in her hotel room, while being in her pajamas, was the last thing she expected to happen that day.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to cover herself with the comforter. Despite the fact that Liam had seen her naked before, she still felt weird about him seeing her like that.

“Riley told me you are sick so... I wanted to check on you,” he smiled at her sheepishly. “I also brought soup that my mom used to make for me and it always made me feel better.”

“Thank you, that’s so... thoughtful,” she smiled at him, trying to swallow a giant lump that was formed in her throat. There was a King in her hotel room. A King who just brought her a soup because she felt sick. And she was in her pajamas that had little Mickey mouse faces all over it.

While Dani was internally panicking, Liam took out the jar with the soup and heated it a little in the microwave.

“Be careful, it’s hot,” he warned her as she took the jar from his hands. He sat down next to her when she was eating the soup and filled her with everything he found out after the analysis. It felt almost strange. Nice but... strange. It felt cozy. It felt home. It felt dangerously good and Dani was scared.

At some point, Dani finished the soup and lay down for a bit and Liam joined her. They were lying on her bed together, on two different sides on her small bed, both silently looking at the ceiling, their index fingers intertwined.

No words were exchanged but the silence still felt good. And if only they could hear each other’s thoughts, they’d be surprised at how similar there were.

I know I’m not perfect, I know I made a lot of mistakes but please, let me stay in Cordonia with him. Let something happen so I can stay here with him. Give me a sign, anything. I can’t imagine not being here.

I’m so ungrateful, I know. I know I shouldn’t be asking for this but please. Please, make something happen so that she stays here. Anything so that we could be together. I know I probably don’t deserve this but I’ll do everything to make her happy. I can’t imagine being without her.

[stellalux-universe]

Look, I’m going to level with all of my progressive Democrats here. Do I like Joe Biden? Eh. He wasn’t my choice for a nominee and I definitely did not want the next president to be just another old, rich, white man. Do I even like Kamala Harris? Complicated. I love her image, I love the idea of a woman, particularly a woman of color, finally making it to the office of vice president, one step closer, but I have issue with her history as attorney general of California. To be clear, I view Biden to be the exact definition of a “career politician” and I am under no assumption or delusion that voting him into office will even come close to solving our problems or even advancing a progressive agenda.

What I do view him as, is a step in the right direction, a necessary and vital step, to get us away from the increasing and worrying instability that has been exacerbated by Trump. Last election, far too many progressives either didn’t vote or protest voted because they refused to see the truth and the threat that Trump posed and now our country will have to contend with a 6-3 conservative leaning in the highest court in the country that will last for generations.

Because make no mistake. The Republicans are going to fill this vacancy. It’s going to happen and just as in the impeachment proceedings, Democrats who are holding out hope that a small handful of Republicans will vote with their conscience instead of along party lines, are just deluding themselves. The Supreme Court is the Republican holy grail, because they know it is the best way to advance their agenda and are willing to use whatever power political move they have to make to ensure it’s in their favor.

The only thing that a politician will respond to more than money, is the vote. If they do this and then are immediately met with a swift referendum come election day, not just in the presidency but in the Senate and I can not stress how important they both are, perhaps it will be a wake up call but that means that every eligible Democrat, Independent, and never Trumper has to go out and vote en mass. And NOT FOR A THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE YOU ASSHOLES.

If you want to address income inequality in a meaningful way to actually bring about change, or criminal justice reform, or racial inequality, or women’s rights, or LGBTQ+ rights, or education reform including student loan debt, or climate change, or health care, then we have to do what needs to be done which is VOTE JOE BIDEN AND THEN STAY ON HIS ASS AND PUSH FOR THE CHANGE THAT IS DUE INSTEAD OF DISAPPEARING THE MOMENT THE ELECTION IS OVER.

We have got to take back our political power after decades of being silenced, whether by voter suppression tactics against communities of the poor or color, or by the money pouring in by the super rich and corporations that control members of both parties. We forgot that we control whether or not these fuckers have a job, so we HAVE TO VOTE, and not just for general elections, in EVERY ELECTION AT THE FEDERAL, STATE, AND LOCAL LEVELS. It is not enough anymore to just come out to vote every two or four years for Congress or the presidency. Because civics is no longer taught in a majority of American schools, look into your state and city and county laws to see what positions are actually elected positions AND MAKE SURE YOU VOTE. Vote for Governor, vote for Attorney General of your state if you can, vote for mayors, vote for sheriffs and school board members. Keep these assholes’ feet to the coals and call into their offices to make sure that your communities’ needs are being heard. Don’t depend on them to just do it because they won’t, don’t depend on someone else to show up at the town hall meeting and hopefully make the point you want to make. Do everything this democracy allows us to do to fight for the human rights that they claim we need to “be patient” for.

Happy FUCKING National Registration Day, go make sure you’re registered, and VOTE.  

[hatari-translations]

Vikan með Gísla Marteini (22.11.19) - translation

On November 22nd, Matthías was on talk show Vikan með Gísla Marteini (The Week with Gísli Marteinn), plus Andrean as a surprise guest near the end, where they talked about, among other things, the protest Hatari were about to play at, the Eurovision Palestine banner protest, and their experience performing in Russia.

Most of the show before Andrean comes in isn't particularly relevant to Hatari fans, but I still translated anything substantial Matthías says plus relevant context. If you just want the main bit about the Moscow concert, scroll down to the "Moscow and the rainbow wings" heading under the cut.

Protests and politics

As always, Gísli Marteinn is a popular talk show host and also the Icelandic Eurovision commentator. The guests on the show this time are:

- Matthías, whom we know, introduced as "hater [Hatari], artist and playwright" - Bubbi Morthens, one of Iceland's most beloved musicians, who wrote many classic songs; a musical based on his life is premiering soon - Björk Vilhelmsdóttir, former city council member, who was recently arrested in Israel

Host Gísli Marteinn opens the show by saying it's a month until the days start to get longer again. Seasonal depression is pretty common in Iceland, and he asks if the guests do anything special to maintain their mental health in the darkest part of the year. Matthías responds: "No, the winter is my time. It's more in the summer that I have to try to stay grounded. I think it's fine."

After a segment with some jokes about the news, which include the whole corruption scandal about Samherji:

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Matthías, you're in an anticapitalist band.

MATTHÍAS: Very much so.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: How do these issues going on in the country right now strike you?

MATTHÍAS: It's perhaps illustrative of the values that capitalism - or late capitalism, maybe neoliberalism, dunno - instills in the hearts of young, up-and-coming scammers and moguls. No, that was...

GÍSLI MARTEINN: You never quite know when Hatari is joking about the anticapitalism.

MATTHÍAS: That was the take that we in Hatari have gone with, and we'll be keeping it aloft at Austurvöllur tomorrow, at two o'clock.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: You'll be playing there?

MATTHÍAS: Yes. It's "Democracy, not plutocracy", an event arranged by the Constitution Society [organization campaigning for the new Icelandic constitution, which was written by a democratically elected council of members of the public and overwhelmingly approved of in a national referendum in 2012, to be actually implemented instead of being stuck in a drawer like it has been] and other organizations -

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Unions...

MATTHÍAS: Yes, Efling [one of Iceland's largest unions], the Icelandic Disability Alliance came in too, and other organizations. So it's big organizations behind this, and I think it's imperative to show through action that this kind of behaviour... that you care, whether you agree with all of... Look, yeah. No, just show up.

They talk about anticapitalism and the scandal for a bit.

Israel and the flag incident

GÍSLI MARTEINN: On to something slightly different. Matthías, last time you were here, you were on the way to Eurovision.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah, we wore those specially designed tracksuits.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Yeah. I've got here one of the most famous objects of 2019 in Iceland, and that's this... this flag here.

He pulls out the Palestine banner that Matthías held in the green room.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: The nation was shocked by the Samherji news, but I think the shock was greater when this was pulled out.

BJÖRK: The joy was greater!

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Yeah, but still shock! I don't necessarily mean shock in a negative way. I'll just say for myself, I could barely believe you were doing this. Walk us through it a bit, I mean, how... You were incredibly stressed about doing this.

MATTHÍAS: Yes, and there's a lot of uncertainty, as I've talked about before, in that situation. Some 9000 people start booing, viciously. And I also spoke to people who were in Berlin and other places, who were at Eurovision events that might be sponsored by some Israeli company, people pepping up Israel and Eurovision, and there are Icelanders in the crowd just watching the show, and how the crowds, not just in Tel Aviv but all around Europe, just fill up with rage. It's strange how that's what you feel, you can't feel the viewer behind the camera like you can at a concert, where we're in our element. So the love comes later through social media, and messages and reactions from people that we talk to, and there was way more of it, but that rage is the first thing you feel.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Right. But you had to smuggle this in somehow. Where did you keep this?

MATTHÍAS: Just inside of the beltline or in our boots - not out of any disrespect for the flag, it was just a method for...

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Didn't you buy this in a toy store or something?

MATTHÍAS: I actually didn't buy it, it was the reporters at Iceland Music News who took a trip and bought this for us. We're just in the whole Eurovision bubble, keeping the wheels turning.

Gísli Marteinn asks the others about their reactions to the flag stunt. Bubbi rants a bit about the Israeli state's policy of violence, then Gísli Marteinn asks Björk about how she got arrested in Israel. She says they didn't know she was Icelandic at the time, so Gísli Marteinn quips, "So it wasn't Matti's fault." Björk says the Palestinians really notice Icelanders, and noticed the incident, and talks about how she's so impressed with how just this one word ["PALESTINE" on the banners] shattered the rosy image they'd been trying to build up for Eurovision. She rants a bit too, about why we're being made to pay a fine just for displaying a word.

MATTHÍAS: Like there aren't a bunch of Israeli flags there. That was kind of a justification for me personally; there are a bunch of Israeli flags.

They move on to Björk’s arrest. She was there at the Gaza border with three other volunteers for the International Women's Peace Service. She had not been intending to get arrested; at one point they were going to be waving Palestinian flags at the border just to let people know they were not alone, but had been threatened with arrest, so she actually specifically didn't come to that bit. They’re vague about the arrest, so I looked up another article for the details. The actual arrest happened when they were with Palestinian farmers helping them pick olives; a settler came up and acted threatening, they ignored him, and he called the Israeli army, who arrived and told them they were in a militarily restricted area, asked for their passports, and arrested them when they didn’t have them with them.

Björk has brought European blueberry squash that she made, and everyone has some.

Theater and Bubbi Morthens

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Despite your young age, you've won an award for your achievements in theater. You wrote an amazing play about a man who gets stuck in IKEA.

MATTHÍAS: Griðastaður.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Griðastaður. If you were writing the play about Bubbi that's being staged this winter, how would you have approached the project?

MATTHÍAS: I probably would've approached it kind of like Ólafur Egill [Egilsson, writer/director of the Bubbi musical] said he would approach it. That is to say, he talked about the concept of Bubbi. Not necessarily personally about the human being, but just about Bubbi as a phenomenon hovering over the nation. That's how Ólafur talked about it, I think before the process started, or I don't know how far he'd gotten.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Bubbi isn't a man, he's an atmosphere.

MATTHÍAS: Yes. He's a part of all of us.

Bubbi talks about how he's read the script and was shocked because it's pretty merciless (he had explicitly asked to not be consulted as the script was being written). He ends up saying he's anxious, scared, but really happy and excited; Matthías says "I'm just happy and excited."

Environmentalism and the climate

Gísli Marteinn asks Björk about some greenhouses that are scheduled to be built just below where she lives, and she talks about how unnecessary construction isn't good for the environment.

MATTHÍAS: But speaking of the environment, there's one thing you didn't cover in the "News of the Week" segment, and that's the Kastljós citizens' assembly on the climate. [This was a special episode of Kastljós on November 19th, featuring a live discussion on climate change with various scientists, politicians, environmentalist, and one anthropogenic global warming skeptic journalist.] I thought that show was awesome! I'd watch it if it was on every week, just every Tuesday night.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: The same episode?

MATTHÍAS: Just the same... with new people and so on.

Björk suggests he should see author and environmentalist Andri Snær Magnason's show at the City Theater, an accompaniment to his recent book, where he discusses climate change. Matthías says, “The book is on my bedside table right now. I'll have to get started on that.”

Moscow and the rainbow wings

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I'm going to pivot a bit, because Matthías just got home from Moscow, and we saw on the news that you made some ripples over there, because as we know the Pride Parade has regularly been banned there...

MATTHÍAS: And any kind of "propaganda" is just banned.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: But Hatari, as this...

MATTHÍAS: Propaganda machine.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Yeah! [laughs] And beneath it there's this satire on, shall we say, fascist methods and so on.

MATTHÍAS: Totally.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: How were you received in Moscow?

MATTHÍAS: Actually, we've never been as well received by any audience, just...

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Amazing!

MATTHÍAS: Just, "by a long shot", to use an English phrase. The love in the room was so palpable, and there were Pride flags, and there were gay and lesbian couples, and people were still jumping around and singing an hour after we left the stage. I've never seen anything like it.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: That's good to hear!

BUBBI: Isn't it typical for a dictatorship, that underneath that's there?

BJÖRK: People thirst for those human rights.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah.

BUBBI: That joy, and...

GÍSLI MARTEINN: That's probably true. But I saw a video, and I don't think it diminishes anything to say that the high point...

BUBBI: It was amazing!

GÍSLI MARTEINN: ...was when Andrean walked in...

MATTHÍAS: Definitely.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: We've got him on the show as a surprise guest! Andrean, come in!

Andrean walks in, to cheering.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Andrean had this thing he has on his back built for him. Please spread your wings, my friend!

Andrean unfurls the wings, to further cheers. Bubbi launches into a bit of one of his songs, "Strákarnir á Borginni", a 1984 song criticizing the violent homophobia of the time.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: Andrean, congratulations on what you did. I know you came up with this on your own, to have this built and then spread those wings on the stage in Moscow.

ANDREAN: Yeah, I did. I actually - I didn't build this myself, I got Haraldur Leví at the National Theater to create the mechanism and then Alexía Rós, talented seamstress, made the wings.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I know this was - you had to steel yourself, it's not just literally heavy on your back, but mentally heavy as well.

ANDREAN: Yeah, very. I was honestly terrified to take this there. The guys were there before me, they went to St. Petersburg. I didn't want to go first to St. Petersburg and then to Moscow, where the story would spread, and...

MATTHÍAS: Also, the Moscow gig was a lot bigger, so you picked the right one.

ANDREAN: But so I was traveling alone with this, and I was just... There are horrible stories that you hear from Russia, about violence and sometimes murders of LGBTQIA people, so I was constantly fearing the worst and didn't trust anyone, and had a bunch of conspiracy theories that I'm not going to get into. But then everything went really well, and as soon as you got to the venue, then you immediately felt the presence of like-minded people. As soon as I stepped onto the stage, there was just this sharing of love between everyone.

MATTHÍAS: The Russians were shouting, "Andrean! Andrean!"

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I saw that on the video! Everyone knew your name, you got so much love from the audience...

ANDREAN: Yeah. And really the idea came about when we were out in Tel Aviv. I started waving the Pride flag in the Green Room, and I happened to be positioned so that I was between the host and someone they were talking to, and was there in the middle waving this flag. And for us Icelanders it's just become really mundane, thankfully, and it's just a beautiful rainbow flag, but we often forget it's a highly political flag as well, in many countries that are participating in the contest. And I just got a deluge of messages, especially from Eastern Europe and especially Russia, where people were sharing their love, and stories, horrible stories. Which encouraged me to do something crazy.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I just say this was awesome! Congratulations and thank you for coming and showing this to us. I know you have a full-time job with the Iceland Dance Company, and like everyone around Hatari you're doing a million different things.

Then he introduces the next segment, Berglind Festival going around exploring how come Icelanders are apparently reading more books in the past couple of years. In the vein of her Hatari segment, it's pretty funny (also, one of the people she interviews is the aforementioned Andri Snær Magnason), but it has nothing to do with Hatari, so I'm not translating that. The show closes off with a performance of the song "Namminef" (Candy Nose), by the band "Bland í poka" (Mixed Candy Bag).

[ehyeh-joshua]

Senate Hall of the United Planets, Larak'Ki'Tar, 2082 AD

“As is well known to those in this assembly, the Kongelim Republic is facing it's final years. The illness that has ravaged our people for the last two centuries has almost finished it's wretched work among us.

None of this is new of course; there are those who have always been jealous of us, watching like vultures. Or those who tried to help, and faced no better fortune than we did.

Two centuries ago, we noticed the illness coming, and we realised that there would be no more Kongelim except those who were already. A century ago we were all imaged for the archives here on Larak'Ki'Tar, so that there would always be a record of us.

Today, we number so few that our ancient Republic has dissolved; a system of constant referendums to all remaining Kongelim is as effective as our great Republic was, that stood for thousands upon thousands of years across a dozen worlds.

Our once proud race lays low, driven to dust. Fear, terrible loneliness, and pointlessness have been the experience of us last Kongelim all our lives as our race dies one by one.

But in these dying days of the Republic, we are not alone.

Twenty years ago, the honoured member of this assembly Elanor Vallone of Mars came to our world; the Humans then were barely able to travel faster than light, and they had journeyed a long time to reach us. And she arrived as First Officer, on one of Humanity's first interstellar vessels.

And we were perturbed.

We all know of our esteemed colleague Insurrection's report on the Humans from little over a hundred years ago, how in his view they would rival even the Cygnar in battle. A divided race, committed to war, but also showing great promise.

I asked her then why they had come. 'to help, as best we can.' she replied. Waves of sorrow flowed over me at that time, reliving the past when we had tried to face the dreaded curse. I told her the sad tale of our woe then, and then asked her one word; why?

And her answer was simple, and heartfelt. 'We must try'.

They had traveled far and long; the best scientists and doctors they had. And like many before, they did try. And as with us all, they failed.

But they did not give up. Instead, more of them came; they came, and kept us company as best they could. They attended to us. They studied from us, they taught their children our songs, they learnt to live our ways. And for a few years, we were spared the curse; only my generation remained.

When my brother died, they stayed by him long after we could not bear the stress. He was the first Kongelim not to die alone in almost fifty years.

They tried to save him. Damn they tried. But they couldn't – so they stayed by his side, until he was gone.

The next morning, they greeted us with plans for a building; a pyramid of stone. And we were confused.

We have not buried our dead in many decades; our homes have become our tombs. Like much activity of life, a dying species does not concern itself with such things; after all, the vultures longing to pick our corpses won't hesitate to rob graves.

And they told us they wanted to build it to remember him.

So we were suspicious. I asked Insurrection if this was some kind of joke, and to my surprise, my learned friend quieted me instantly. 'Ask them about the pyramids, ask them about Harlicarnassus, or the Taj Mahal.'

So I did ask. And they showed me photographs and videos of these structures, and many more besides. Structures that date back as far as they have recorded history that have the sole purpose of remembering the departed. Structures that they still look after, still consider wonders of the world, lifetime upon lifetime since those buildings were made. 

And as I was looking at these images, I suddenly understood. They wanted to commemorate my brother like they commemorated their own people.

We cautiously agreed to let them, and they brought in stone crafters who built a pyramid for him using traditional Human techniques, and they brought things from his home, asking us what these items meant to him. We answered as best we could, and they carved the answers into pedestals shaped for the items, as many as felt significant.

When my sister died, they raised one for her, next to his.

And now, my eyes too grow the red haze that we know is the beginning of the end; soon, the blood vessels in my eyes will collapse, and I will go blind, for whatever remains of my life.

I was a hatchling before they split the atom for the first time in their history. From that time until relatively recently, I lived in terror of what I face now; my death, the death of my species.

But I'm not afraid anymore. My pyramid has already been built, my speeches and writings displayed that all may learn from me. I do not face the journey alone, because these Humans have come alongside me. They will be my eyes when my natural eyes will burst, and they will stay with me until the end.

In this I find my solace; there may be no more Kongelim as we have been known since the week of Creation. But a new generation of Kongelim rises, as Human and Kongelim cultures merge.

So, it is fitting then, that I – the last leader of the Kongelim Republic – make this statement. Earlier this month, I spoke to all twenty two of the remaining Kongelim, about the declaration I am about to make.

The decision was unanimous.

We, the Kongelim, owe a debt of gratitude for all that they have done for us. Once there was fear; they brought hope. Once there was darkness; they brought life-giving light. Once, we were forgotten; now, we know they shall remember us.  

So, we, the Kongelim, bequeath to those who gave themselves and asked nothing in return, our world, and all that remains of the Kongelim Republic; they are our successors.”

Sarakh sat down, having delivered his final speech.

-----

A relatively quick write, based on a writing prompt I saw this morning; “Last contact”.

[luckylq9-blog]

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[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 1

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3 Read it on FF.net/on AO3 ---

The boy is utterly numb, despite the fact that Even’s weaned him off the painkillers. He has not said one solitary word to anyone, has barely made eye contact. His knowledge of psychology is less than ideal, but he knows that the boy is clearly deeply traumatized.

Ansem has barely left his bedside, taking his work in with him, fretting over this or that shred of diplomacy. Even tried to tell him that such stress was not good for the little one; he needed peace, quiet, rest, and likely soon some kind of counseling, once they can find an appropriate person. But Ansem wouldn’t hear it, and once Ansem’s mind is made up there’s no convincing him. What does Even know; he’s only a doctor, he’s only seen firsthand what stress will do to people.

Still, there is the matter of what will become of the boy. As the days pass, Even tries to convince Ansem into making some kind of choice. There are plenty of childless couples in Radiant Garden that would be happy to take him in, despite trauma; he will go down to the agency and personally interview them if that is what it will take to get a decision.

When Ansem finally decides, they’ve moved the boy from the med bay onto their floor. He still has not said a word, but at least he looks one in the eye. Even tries to fill the silences with questions. He is out of practice with children.

“Are you hungry? Would you like some juice? Apple, orange? Would you like to go outside? I’m sure Aeleus would be happy to accompany you. Fresh air would be good for you, it’s such a lovely day. Maybe you can make a friend to play with.”

He is met always with that quiet, one piercing teal eye staring up at me through long bangs. He's itching to cut it--no doubt that hair is no good for his eyesight--but he knows he needs to be careful with this one. Even realizes that he isn’t sure if the boy even knows; what did he see? Did Ansem tell him what happened? He must’ve.

Again, he goes down to his office, that familiar bastion. Ansem's desk is a sea of papers; half bureaucratic, half scientific, a slurry that makes Even wince. “I don’t suppose you have a moment, Master.”

He chances giving me a small smile. “For you, Even, always.”

Sarcastic bastard. “I hate to be redundant, but I have questions about the boy.”

His soft expression hardens a little. “His name is Ienzo.”

“Is he aware of what happened?”

Ansem scratches his beard. “It’s hard to be sure what he’s aware of,” he mutters. “Have a seat.”

It is never good news when Ansem asks one to sit. Even picks up a stack of papers from one of the chairs and sets it down.

“Even, it warms my heart to know you care. I see such tenderness from you so rarely. I wish you would allow it to come out more.”

He wonders if Ansem’ll chance bringing it up. Even wonders if he dares.

Ansem takes a sip of his tea. “The… parallels don’t escape me.”

His expression becomes rather fixed. “I believe I came here to discuss another matter,” he snaps.

He lets it drop; which is good. It means he can keep all of his body parts. “Which is?” He wants to make him say it. Even scowls.

“Has anyone told the boy? Has anyone sat him down and explained his parents are dead?”

“There’s no need,” Ansem says quietly.

“Of course there is. He can’t live not knowing. He can’t begin to recover--”

“He saw them.” Ansem knots his hands and stares at him. “After the Unversed swarm. Aeleus heard him screaming.”

Even feels his heart settle, itchily, in his chest. “...I suppose that settles that.”

“Is that all you wished to speak of?”

“You know it isn’t. Someone has to decide his fate. And it seems that everything I say is taken with a grain of salt.” He was the one who brought it up earlier, but Even almost finds himself backtracking to it--which one of them has parented a child?

“There is nothing to decide,” Ansem says simply. “His place is obviously here.”

“Here?” The blood rushes to Even’s face. “This is not a fit place for a child. He needs the opportunity to go to school--to make friends--”

“We can provide a far higher quality education, one that is on par with his brilliance. You did not get to speak with him… before all this horror,” Ansem says. “He is… he’s beyond precocious. You can see it in his eyes.”

All Even can see in the boy’s eyes is pain. “I must insist otherwise,” he continues. “He will have enough trouble adjusting. The best thing to do would be to get him into treatment, and find a loving family who can provide far more nurturing than we. Now that you’ve finally broken down that disgusting referendum barring homosexual adoption, there are so many--”

“Even.”

He’s made up his mind. Even may as well be speaking to a wall. He is just wasting his breath.

“His parents wanted to be apprentices to make a better world for him,” he says, gently. “I think they would find it a great comfort if we were to devote ourselves to the same.”

He shakes his head. “As a physician, I cannot condone this.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have the authority to make that decision,” Ansem says.

It will always be a bit galling to have Ansem override him. Just because he was elected, he thinks he knows everything.

Ansem the Wise. None of those senators would ever believe his naivete. “I hope you trust me on this,” he says, a bit more gently. “We can give him so much more than an outsider. And if you doubt me…” A heavy sigh. “You think I have not considered the alternatives? Dilan and Aeleus have been asking all over town. There’s no other family.” He leans back in his chair, shifting the red stole around his neck. “I am… trying to draft a curriculum for Ienzo’s education. I would like your input. I also would not mind… any other advice you may have.” He smiles gently. “Think of this as… an opportunity.”

As if the boy could ever replace what he once had. “As you said. I don’t have the authority.”

---

There’s so much to be done, yet here Even is, dallying. The chaise seems to be holding him down, not the other way around. He is exhausted; physically, mentally. He used to find these arguments with Ansem challenging; now they are just tedious.

Things between them have never been the same since--

It does no good to wallow in these matters. He needs to work.

He takes his coat from its hook by the door and slides it on. The smell of bleach is comforting, a sort of nothing smell. He heads down the hallway towards the staircase. Dilan must have been cooking; garlic and onion still hangs in the hall. He is trying to recall the last time he had a decent meal when he hears it. Soft, but unmistakable.

The boy is crying.

Even steels himself and tries to turn away, but he simply can’t. He goes over to the boy’s bedroom door, cracked to let in the nightlight in the hall. “Little one? What’s the matter?”

When he sees Even he flinches, curling tightly on himself. Even approaches him slowly, taking a clean handkerchief from his pocket. “It’s me, Even. We’ve met before. I didn’t think I was that forgettable.” His attempt at joking goes nowhere; Even was never good with humor. “May I sit near you?”

The boy says nothing, his one visible eye swollen and watery. He perches near him on the bed and offers him the cloth. After a moment, he snatches it, but rather than wipe at the tears he presses his face against the fabric.

“Were you having a nightmare?” Even asks him. He’s not sure why he bothers; the boy likely won’t respond. “You know that’s quite alright. It’s okay to be scared.” He sounds like an idiot. “You know you are safe here? Aeleus and Dilan won’t let so much as a mouse inside the castle.”

The boy opens his mouth; for a second Even wonders if he might speak. But he only takes a deep breath.

He has no idea what to say. No idea how to make it better. He glances around the room. It’s minimally furnished; no toys, barely any clothing. Even makes a note to arrange for the boy’s possessions to be gathered from the parents’ home; one heartbeat later he realizes he’s going to have to be the one to do it. But he notices something on the desk (much too big for a boy that size); a storybook, roughly middle-grade. The boy sees him staring at it. “Do you want this? Do you want me to- to read it to you?”

The boy shakes his head, but holds out his hand. Even takes the book and gives it to him.

“Let me get some light. Bad for your eyes.” He flicks on the lamp at the bedside table. Even figures he’s probably looking for the pictures. Very carefully, the boy opens to a page and looks down. If Even didn’t know better, he’d say the boy was reading; he’s much too young for something so advanced. He watches closely; he can see the boy’s eye moving slowly. “Can you read?” Even asks.

The boy gives him an odd look.

“Did you know most people your age are just beginning to learn?”

Slowly, he shakes his head.

“This is pretty advanced. Did you want something easier?”

He shakes his head again. At least they’re communicating in some small way, Even notes with relief. He can work with yes or no questions. “Did you want something… more difficult?”

For a second, but just one, the pain in the boy’s eyes retreats, replaced with something like a glimmer. Ansem is right.

“I’ll be right back,” he says to the boy. “I’ll get you some more to read.”

He doesn’t have to go far. In one of the small libraries--one of the only ones with children’s books--he finds the ones for older readers. He chooses a few difficulty levels, and once, on impulse, grabs an adult one. Even takes the books back to the boy and places them on the dresser. The boy watches with something like apprehension and anticipation.

“Try this,” he says, handing him the adult novel. “You may like it.”

The boy takes it from him. It’s almost comically large in his lap--is he merely small for his age? He flips right to the first chapter, a smooth, practiced notion. Even waits. He knows the boy can tell he’s being observed, but he doesn’t seem to mind much.

“You can understand all that?” Even asks.

Slowly, hesitantly, a nod.

Again, Even so wished the boy would speak, to get a grasp of his vocabulary. His heart is racing. He longs to test the boy, to see how much he knows and how much is raw intelligence. He forces himself to hold back, but before he can stop it, “Do you know how to write?”

The boy gives him a puzzled look. Even takes a pad and pen out of his pocket. Slowly, with less pleasure than the books, he takes the items. He holds the pen awkwardly, and then with great concentration, writes his name. This isn’t surprising; most five-year-olds knew this. But then in the same breath, the boy wrote out his whole address, replete with surname. The parents must have taught him in case he got lost; how clever. He seems to have wounded himself, tearing up again. Even gently takes the books and pen from him. “I know, little one,” he says. “I know it hurts.”

He knows more than he’d ever care to.

---

One thing is certain; the boy can write. Even isn’t sure how well. But this could be a tool that could help them communicate with him, should this period of silence go on.

“Selective mutism,” Dilan says, with a shake of his head. “Not uncommon in cases of trauma.” He walks over to the white board they’d all been wittering over, considers the equation, and changes out some numbers for others. Aeleus begins tediously working it out. “I am… flabbergasted, though. Does Ansem seriously think this is a good idea?”

“Master Ansem,” Even corrects gently. Dilan rolls his eyes. “And I… am very much on your side, Dilan. I tried convincing him to find the boy a good home, but he wasn’t having it. He thinks he knows best. We are all too busy to raise a child. This place isn’t safe.” He noted, with horror, the many different hazards that existed in their residences alone; the windows aren’t screened in, for one. And the tubs are much too deep.

“Nor do we want to raise a child,” Dilan mutters. “If he wants to… indulge his parental instincts, that should be on him, not all of us. He should’ve just gotten a dog. Goodness knows we can use one.”

“You know how he gets when he’s made up his mind,” Even says drolly.

Aeleus holds up the small board he is working on. “It doesn’t figure,” he says.

“Damn,” Dilan says. “I don’t suppose you have any opinions on the matter?”

“I think it could work if you swapped the imaginary for a radical.”

“Not that, you dolt. Obviously. ”

Aeleus blinks. “I believe if the decision’s been made, then I have no right to comment on the matter.”

Even sits down. His feet are hurting. He feels as if he’s just gotten these shoes; have the soles worn out already? He pulls the elastic out of his hair, to readjust it, only to feel the band pop. He sighs heavily. “I need this compound to work,” he says. “Let’s start again.”

Dilan scoffs. “Why? What on earth are you going to use it for?”

“Something that concerns neither of you.”

Dilan looks at his watch. “Then you can solve it,” he says bitterly. “Duty calls. As always.”

“Is it that time already?” They’ve been here for hours, blathering on and getting nowhere. “Goodness. The boy must be hungry.”

Dilan gives him an odd look, his violet eyes glinting. “Ansem wants a ward, he can feed one.”

Even shakes his head. “He’s been in with city council all morning. Trying to get them to reverse their stance on their veto.”

“They vetoed the referendum?” Dilan asks.

Even pales--Ansem told him that in confidence. “Don’t tell anyone I told you,” he says. “It wasn’t… public.”

“All our progress and we’re still run by a bunch of idiots,” Aeleus says calmly.

“He’s king in title only,” Even agrees. “I must go.”

The boy is exactly where Even left him last night; nose deep in books. At least it is distracting him from his pain and grief. “Have you been here all morning?” he asks the boy. At least, he notes with relief, that his breakfast plate is clean.  “Would you like something to eat?”

The boy seems distraught; he clutches the book.

Even chuckles, knowing that feeling well. “You can come back after you eat,” he says. “You need to keep your blood sugar up. It helps you think more clearly.”

He considers this and, very seriously, nods.

“Alright, then. You best come with me. I can’t keep serving you forever.”

The boy, on uncertain, unused legs, follows him across the hall to the kitchen. He warms some soup Dilan made, butters toast. The boy takes it without comment, eating quickly, Even is sure, so he can return. While he lifts his spoon, the boy flinches and switches hands.

“Is your shoulder aching?”

He seems surprised Even noticed.

“I’d like to take a look at it,” he says. “I’m sure the stitches are uncomfortable. I can make that… better.” He can’t be sure if the boy fears needles; he was unconscious when Even initially doctored the wound.

Again, a small and serious nod. Even takes him by the hand towards the hospital room, sits him on the bed. The boy takes off his shirt without being told, his mouth opening in a small O of pain. Even scrubs his hands and removes the bandages. The wound’s clean, the scars forming beautifully, though they’ll be quite noticeable. He takes a small pair of scissors. “This won’t hurt, but it might pull a bit,” he says.

The boy doesn’t react as he removes the stitches; his eyes have again gone vacant, focusing grimly on the nylon sutures in the pan. Even smears the wound gently with a salve to promote healing, and covers it again.

“Better?” he asks.

The boy shrugs a little, as though testing it. He nods.

“You handled that bravely. Would you like a…” What? Candy? A sticker? Did they even have any of that?

There’s one thing they always have. “Would you like to go see Master Ansem?”

The boy nods again. As they walk towards his office, Even feels the boy slide his tiny hand into his. He feels something like a stab of pain, deep inside, and he has to bite down hard on the memory that wants to come.

He knocks on the door to Ansem’s study. He can just hear the tail end of a phone conversation-- “I will not accept no for an answer. For any amount of dallying about, but not about this. This is the one thing I have authority to change without anyone else questioning me.” The gentle ding of the phone clicking onto the receiver. “Who’s there?”

“Just a little guest,” Even says. He opens the door. Immediately Ansem’s demeanor changes, softening, his rust-colored eyes lighting up with a smile.

“Ienzo! Thanks for visiting!”

The boy seems almost unsure of how to react, but Even swears he can see the beginnings of a smile. “We got our stitches removed and were very brave,” Even says, feeling a bit of shame for the way he spoke, so babyish.

Ansem crouches so he’s eye level with the boy. “That so?”

“Didn’t even flinch. Put up less fuss than Dilan when that erlenmeyer flask burst. If only all my patients were so good.” Ansem takes the boy’s tiny hand and gives it a squeeze. “Well I think that deserves a reward, don’t you? Have you ever had sea salt ice cream?”

The boy shakes his head. Ansem clucks his tongue. “That’s a shame. I think that needs to be fixed immediately. I think we can all use some fresh air, hm?”

Even starts a little. “We’ve none in the castle?”

“Why shouldn’t we go out? It’s a lovely day. What do you think, Ienzo?”

The boy thinks very hard. He nods once.

“Then that settles that.” Ansem takes the boy’s hand. “Surely you’ll come with us, Even?”

Ansem’s gaze is unsettling him, wrapping a fist around his heart. Memory tugs. “Oh, I mustn’t, I’ve been trying to solve an equation for hours.”

“I see. Don’t want to lose mojo.” Ansem smiles. “I’ll bring some back for you. Though it may be gone if you’re not quick about it.” He winks. “Onward and upwards, Ienzo.” He begins whistling softly.

Even watches them leave, the fist around his heart squeezing tighter. I will not think about this, he mutters to himself. I will not--

---

He’s stuck. Again.

It’s not just the numbers that don’t make any sense; neither do the formulas. He’s increasingly convinced he’s just smearing goo around beakers and test tubes, wasting resources that could have a practical application. This isn’t even theory at the moment; it’s madness.

On paper it all makes sense; a being is a body, heart, and will. A body should be simple, is simple. But whenever he tries his method compared to standard IVF, nothing is viable. All he needs is a cell, just one cell. If he can get this, everything will fall into place. If he can make this work, who knew how many lives could be saved?

“...You forgot,” Ansem says slowly, with a chuckle. “How long have you been here?”

He’s startled him; it takes Even a moment to compose himself. “Do forgive me,” he says. “I’ve… hit a wall.”

“Best take a break, then. You may get clarity when you revisit it.” He offers Even the ice cream bar, still in its wrapper. Even removes his goggles and gloves, washes his hands clean, though he’s done no work that dirtied them.

“I do so hope this is only the second one you’ve had,” Even says.

Ansem shrugs.

“Should you hope to have a long tenure, you should take better care of yourself. The last thing we need is for you to go on insulin.”

Ansem laughs. “Pot, kettle, black. When was the last time you left this castle, Even?”

He sighs. “...Touche.”

“Shall we walk, then? You’ve nothing “cooking,” so to speak?”

“I wish.” He takes of his coat. “After you. Sir. ”

“You know you needn’t call me that.” The breezeway, compared to the lab, is cool. “One of the… many things I’d like to accomplish is the demolition of these useless titles. I am a civil servant; nothing more.”

“You do deserve respect. You are my superior.”

“By luck and coincidence.” Ansem shakes his head. “Indeed, were you more extroverted yourself, you might have found yourself in this position.”

“...Balderdash. I detest politics.”

Another laugh. It’s a warm sound, like woodsmoke. Then, he sobers somewhat. The cool night air and the ice cream are making Even a bit cold. He should’ve kept the jacket on. “Even, are you… fulfilled, with what you do? I do not mean to open wounds, but I know you’ve gone through some upheavals. I wanted to… check in. Not as your superior, but as your friend.”

Even stares down at the ice cream, half-eaten. It’s no longer quite so sweet. “That is kind of you,” he says slowly. “I am… happy with my work. The rest will come if it’s meant to. I… do not wish to give too much away, but the project I am working on could do so much good. It could be the culmination of my career.”

“And you won’t give me a hint?”

“Not the slightest. You’re not that lucky.”

Ansem smiles. “I suppose not,” he concedes.

They’re on the veranda now. It’s starting to get dark. They pause at the railing, watching the pinpricks of light below.

“There is so much potential for this world,” Ansem says slowly. “So very much. Our people don’t hunger, there’s not much crime. With the right reforms, we can give this next generation the tools they need not just to grow this world, but to visit… others.”

Even looks up, startled. “Don’t tell me you seriously believe there are others,” he says.

“Even, how can we not? You know the history, the tales of one vast world before it was fractured by darkness. There is evidence everywhere, if only you’re looking to see it.”

“Then how do you propose getting to one of these other worlds ? And what then? What right have we to delve into such matters?”

Ansem squeezes his shoulder. “Yes, Even. Exactly.”

The warmth of Ansem’s palm seems to remain after he takes it away. Even brushes these thoughts aside. “I don’t know why you get so excited over what will surely be a bureaucratic nightmare. Good luck trying to get these people to understand. They barely accept the fact that some people love differently.”

Ansem sighs heavily. “It’s the old guard. They are… dying, or retiring. The new blood is always so much more accepting. Hopefully this will all one day be a horrible memory.”

“That will take far too long,” Even says, but without energy. “Must another generation suffer?”

“Not if I’ve anything to do with it.”

For a moment neither of them speak.

Ansem clears his throat. Even’s not sure why, but he feels his heart stutter, the fist from before loosening the slightest. But Ansem’s words do not warm him. “I wish to take Ienzo on as my ward,” he says softly.

For too long Even does not know what to say. “You can’t be serious. This is… more than taking the boy in. Should you proceed with the adoption, Ansem, he will be your son , legally, emotionally. Have you the time to nurture him the way he needs? You were right.” He feels heat rising in his face. “He… he’s brilliant. He can read --not just Dick and Jane , or what have you, but Shadow of the Morning Star. And he can write more than a child of that age. I… I implore you to reconsider. Not as your colleague, but as your friend who’s known you for years.”

Ansem stares at him. In the semidarkness, Even can’t discern his expression. “Would you feel this way if it were not… for the situation?”

He feels like he’s been punched. For a moment, Even is positive he will vomit. The vitriol comes out in his words instead. “How dare you?” he spits.

“Even--I did not mean it that way--”

He turns and starts walking the other way, long confident strides that don’t make up for the fact that he’s fighting tears. He tries to swallow it down, swallow it all down, because none of this is productive.

“Even, I’m sorry. I truly--”

He stops. His hair, with nothing to restrain it, hangs around his face like he’s some kind of lunatic. “Children are not playthings,” he spits. “They’re not pets. Everything you do has an impact. Everything. ”

“I know. How can I not know this? I deal with consequences every day, Even. You may have had a human child, but my child is this town. Every day, I make impossible decisions. Every day, I  have to decide what’s right and what’s wrong.”

“Then why am I the one who’s been looking after him?” he asks. “Where have you been?” His heart is beating painfully fast.

“I had hoped this would help you--none of us have been able to reach you--”

“You don’t know what’s best for me.”

He expects Ansem to argue, but all he says is, “Do you?”

He clutches his elbows tightly, trying to choke down the wave of pain.

“I’m sorry,” Ansem says. “Truly.”

Even can’t look at him. He turns away. “I must go. Do what you wish. You always did.”

It’s a pain like rivers.

---

There’s a knock at his bedroom door. A dull, insistent pain beats the inside of his skull. “Go away,” he says to his assailant.

The response is another knock. “I do not wish to be bothered. Kindly leave.”

Another knock. Anger heats the pain inside of him, and he vaults off the bed with the intent of telling off whoever it was. He gathers the words under his tongue, opens the door, and sees nothing.

Something tugs his free hand. Even looks down. It’s the boy. “...Little one?” he asks, trying to smooth and soften his face. “What are you doing here? Are you hungry?”

He shakes his head.

“Is your shoulder hurting you?”

Another no.

“Then what can I help you with?”

He holds out his hand towards Even. With a sigh, he takes it.

The boy leads him to the small library. “When did you come here?” Even asks him. The response was a shrug. “You haven’t been wandering on your own, have you?” Another shrug. “This place is far too big for you to be off on your own. You could get lost… and we might never find you again.”

The boy seems not to be listening. He crosses over to a shelf and points upwards. Even understands. He gestures to a certain volume, and the boy nods.

“What on earth do you want with this?” he asks the boy, but hands him the legal volume anyway. The boy goes over to one of the chairs, hops up, opens the book, and begins searching. Even reads over his shoulder, noting the speed and almost the grace with which he finds the section on “adoption.” “I suppose Master Ansem told you, then.” God, the bastard is really going through with it. “How do you feel about this?”

The boy looks up at him, considers this, and nods once.

“Wouldn’t you rather have a nice family in town? Some parents who--”

The boy’s shaking his head, the pain in his eyes leaching onto his face.

Even crouches down to his level. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

He nods once, blinking tears out of his eyes. Almost automatically, Even reaches out to wipe them away; both he and the boy seem startled by his touch. “If you’re sure,” he says softly. “But if you’re going to be here indefinitely, we need to figure out some system so you can talk to me. Have you ever spoken?” Likely too complex a question for the boy to understand, but something in Even seems to intuit his understanding.

The boy nods.

“Is it that you won’t, or can’t?”

He thinks about this. He holds up two fingers to indicate the latter.

Even considers this. “I’m sorry,  I’m going to touch you,” he says. He feels the boy’s throat, seeking some irregularity, finding none. “Would it be alright with you if I took a closer look? With machines? It won’t hurt, I promise.”

The boy shrugs.

“Well, then. Come with me, Ienzo.”

So that’s that, then. He is no longer an aqueous entity, no longer just a noun. Only then does Ienzo become real to Even.

---

"...Sit right here."

Ienzo looks so small against the table, and he shivers. He looks at the x-ray machine with a morbid curiosity.

"I'm going to take a picture of your throat. Just to see if everything's working the way it should." He guides the machine into place. "Don't move. It'll only be a moment." Ienzo barely stirs, staring at the ceiling as though he's done this a hundred times. Even frowns. "Ienzo, has this happened to you before? Where you were talking and all of a sudden you couldn't?"

Slowly, he nods. "I do wish you had told me." He takes the shot, because, well, the boy's already in position. "I can take a look at your medical records. You've been to doctors, yes?"

---

It takes a little bit of digging, to get Ienzo's records, but working under the king does give one certain advantages. Ienzo has been to many doctors, it turns out, for a variety of reasons. Headaches, sensitivity to noise and textures and smells, anxiety, panic attacks, and the wavering ability to speak. Nearly all of them noted his brightness, as well as his shyness. Reading the notes, it becomes obvious to Even--

Patient, while bright ( he does so detest physicians who use that "while" as if they go hand in hand) seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Referred parents to a special education facility and offered medication. No further action needed.

Things have just become more complicated.

---

Even finds himself reading about it voraciously. To help Ienzo communicate is a problem to solve; rather than his messy, theoretical work. Autistic children can develop selective mutism, sometimes as a trauma response; Dilan was right. But there's no easy way to break the cycle except, perhaps, through therapy, and Even's absolutely not qualified. He figured manual language would be the most useful, but none of them have the time to learn. When he asks Ienzo if he wants to try that, all he gets is a shrug.

Ienzo solves the problem for him. He approaches Even in his bedroom and plunks down a small whiteboard, the same they use in their work. A pen clatters down next to it. "...Where did you get this? ...Never mind. I don't want to know." Hopefully it had nothing important on it. "So you can write?" He gives back the board and sees him struggling.

Yes. The writing is messy and childish but legible.

"We must work on your penmanship."

OK.

---

Before this, there's a matter of things being settled. Considering Ansem's status, the court hearing is basically ceremonial. Who wouldn't trust him? Such a sweet and caring man to take in the poor child, didn't you hear? It takes all of twenty minutes and three signatures for Ienzo to become Ansem's son. They celebrate with ice cream; Even finds himself scrubbing the blueness out of Ienzo's clothes. Brilliant as he is, he is five.

They take the remainder of Ienzo's things, as well as anything that might be important--a few photos, some documents. Ansem places the home in a trust under Ienzo's name, should he decide he wants it when he's able to make such decisions. His parents were comfortable, not rich; there is not much else to take care of.

They do not take him, as it would doubtless be traumatizing; Ansem tells him afterward, gently. He can't look Even in the eyes, still, but for Ienzo Even will be civil. The child does not need more stress; neither does he.

Ienzo scribbles something feverishly on the board. What about the plants?

"The…" Ansem frowns.

Ienzo exhales heavily, erases. Her plants.

Even does not have the heart to tell him that in the weeks that passed, the plants all died; even the heartier, desert blooms. He wonders briefly if they can feel their missing caretaker; but they're just plants, after all.

So why does he find himself lying? "The neighbors are taking care of them," he says. "But would you also like to learn a little bit about what makes them grow?”

Even never studied botany thoroughly; that was Aeleus. Aeleus and Ienzo work together in the greenhouses, dirt and bulbs, propagating stems, whispering in the science of it, the Mendel’s peas and punnett squares. Ienzo seems to find something soothing in the work, and Even understands why; learning his mother’s craft must be something like catharsis. Anything to tide him until they could find a proper therapist.

And so Ienzo’s education begins.

---

The boy’s brilliant; Even’s never seen anything like it. He reads and he reads and he reads and he seems to remember nearly everything. Facts, numbers, all seem to make sense to him. Even sees him blooming slowly.

“He’s… phenomenal,” Even says to Ansem. “I knew he was… but to see the proof, as it were--”

Ansem smiles. “You do see why I couldn’t let him pass us by?”

He sighs. “I still… disagree. But I believe we may be able to make this work. The one thing that I do not wish to compromise… He needs therapy, Master. The studies and the gardening make a wonderful distraction, but you do not live near us. I can… hear him, at night. He has nightmares. And… sometimes I’ll be teaching him, when all of a sudden he breaks down in tears. I’m positive it’s no temper tantrum.” Even’s aware of how grammatically improper his sentences are. He bites the inside of his cheek.

Ansem nods. “I agree,” he says. “I will… see if my peers know of anyone qualified. We also have to consider… the other aspect of Ienzo. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”

“Of course not. His needs will be… different.” He stands, strands of hair slipping free from his worn elastic. “Please consider it.”

Ansem touches his shoulder. “Believe me when I say it’s my priority.”

When he pulls it away, Even again feels warm. “I shall see you later, then.”

“Yes. I’m going to be tutoring Ienzo, so I may as well join you all for dinner.”

“Yes.”

He gives Even another solid once-over. “Are you alright?”

“I have been… tired,” Even says. He forces a smile.

“These things do take a great deal of energy, do they not?”

“For you especially. Between your work, the research, and now the child--”

“I’m managing. I always have. Best do it while we’re still mostly young, eh?”

Even smooths the wrinkles in his jacket. “Quite. Well, I take my leave.”

---

For a little over six months, life continues in this vein; juxtaposing research with childcare exhausts Even to no end. More than once he falls asleep at the dinner table, only to have Dilan tease him mercilessly.

"One would think he's your ward, not Master's," he says, with a nasty smirk.

The thing is, Dilan's right. Ansem devotes as much time as he can for the boy, and Ienzo is clearly enamored with him. But two or three hours here and there isn't enough to cover the scrapes, the nightmares, the sicknesses.

Which is why for Even the memories become harder to avoid; they creep up in his dreams, and he wakes up, an emotional and illogical wreck. But he needn't burden the others with his woes. His absence prior to Ienzo's appearance was telling enough.

Ienzo continues learning in leaps and bounds; quickly they realize that they can't possibly expect to hold him to a grading system. But while he engages highly in their STEM work, he still never stops reading fiction.

"I believe he could benefit from some training in the humanities," Even says tiredly. He's been coming to Ansem's study more and more, less for his own cajoling of resources than for Ienzo. "He loves stories. He'd enjoy it immensely."

"We might make a writer of him yet." Ansem chuckles. "Leave it to Ienzo to want to learn the one thing we have no expertise in."

"He's certainly stubborn as all get out." He rarely takes no for an answer and pursues what he wants with recklessness, regardless of what Even or the others ask of him; more than once Even's had to scold him for trying to get into the freezer for more ice cream. All he ever gets in response is a scowl. "I don't suppose you've made any progress?"

Ansem sighs and runs a hand through his hair, mussing the neat slick. "I'm afraid the situation is more dire than I realized. My predecessor failed to mention in her reports the state of mental health care in this city, leaving me with piles of unanalyzed numbers. Needless to say, we're in something of a crisis."

"So there's no one?"

"No one other than overworked, under-educated social workers. All they'll tell him is to "hang in there!"" Ansem grimaces. "I'm trying to put the groundwork in place--but you know how slowly these things go. Lives are at stake--more than just his."

"But his is the one I witness day in and day out. There has to be something that can be done."

Ansem sighs. "Have you spoken to him about it?"

"Interpersonal relationships are not one of my strengths.”

"I'm not so sure. The boy clearly cares for you. He writes about you all the time."

Even raises an eyebrow. "I do not believe it for a moment."

"Believe it, or not."

Even frowns, feeling his face heat. If he were reading Ansem's tone right, the king might just be… jealous. "He cares for you too," Even remarks. "You should see how excited he is to spend time with you."

Ansem laughs. "I don't suppose when you accepted your role here you figured coparenting into it."

It's the word choice, "coparenting" versus "childcare", that throws Even off. "Er--no." He looks into the cup of tea Ansem offered him, still untouched. "Though I never expected you, of all people, to desire a family."

Ansem shrugs, dropping his eyes. "I had never considered it," he admits. "But I also know enough to trust in the ways of fate, should it hand something to me."

"Fate." He shakes his head. Learned scholar, and Ansem believes in that nonsense. "In which case, it surely has a sense of irony."

There’s a pause, one long enough for Even to consider taking his leave. Finally Ansem says, “It may help you to speak of such things too.” His eyes are so gentle.

Even is too tired to come up with the Pavlovian rage he’s developed. “I do not desire my personal life to intermingle with my work,” he says instead. He sips the tea to avoid saying anything else; it tastes terrible, and he flinches.

“Even, how long have you and I known one another?”

“Too long, apparently,” he says.

“The way we all live and work--there’s no room to isolate parts of oneself.” He reaches out across the desk, takes Even’s hand, and gives it a squeeze. It’s the touch more than anything, unexpected and warm, that shakes him, brings the wetness into his eyes. He takes his hand back.

“I should go,” he says.

“Even--”

“How many times do I have to make this clear? I do not wish to speak of it, and considering you are my superior, you should respect that professional boundary. It’s unbecoming.”

Ansem sighs heavily. “You’re right. I apologize.”

“I must go. It’s time for one of my lessons with Ienzo.” He turns. It hurts when he swallows. “Good day.” He shuts the door to Ansem’s study, but not quickly enough to blot out his parting words--

“I hate seeing you in pain.”

---

Pain is not useful; so he keeps it at arm’s length. Like any wound, left alone it would eventually heal. Anyhow, he has ways to fill his time, more than he thought possible. On top of his nebulous research for this new project, he is occasionally required to assist the others (it’s only polite) should they need his expertise. Dilan, in particular, loves to waste Even’s time, having him check and recheck his equations. To a degree Even understands this need for things to be watertight--in civil engineering the slightest thing off could literally take lives--but he finds it utterly exhausting. Aeleus’s own work--architecture plans for the further expansion of the city--is of course stuck in a bureaucratic backlog, awaiting votes from the council and populace alike.

Even admires the way Aeleus always makes himself useful; in this period he takes over Dilan’s guard shifts, and looks after Ienzo. Even believes he can sense something of a bond forming between the two. Aeleus always did have endless patience. He works in the garden with Ienzo, cultivating the blooms the boy bred. One such afternoon he happens to pass by and sees Ienzo on Aeleus’s shoulders, trying to catch butterflies. “That’s a Danaus plexippus,” Even hears him explain. “A monarch butterfly. They migrate here this time each year. That’s why I make sure there’s so much milkweed. It’s what the babies eat, where the adults lay their eggs. I think you’ve got one. Be gentle, okay? We just want to look at it. Don’t touch its wings.”

It’s the most Even’s heard Aeleus say in one go, he realizes. He approaches slowly, so as not to disturb them. Aeleus sets Ienzo down and takes the net from him.

“Look at the patterns. You can tell by the shape of the wings this one’s female. The males’ wings point more downwards. Nobody’s sure exactly why they migrate. But not every mystery is meant to be solved by us. You ready to let it go?” Aeleus opens the net, watching the butterfly go up, and up--Ienzo waves to it. “It’s going to go join its friends.”

Ienzo turns slightly and notices Even. He smiles a little.

Aeleus nods. “I figure a little taxonomy couldn’t hurt.”

“Nothing learned is wasted,” Even says.

“Everything is alright?”

Is there something on his face? In his eyes? “Oh, yes. I was taking a little stroll. Forgive my intrusion.”

---

Why can’t he figure this out?

It’s the closest he’s gotten since beginning this fool’s errand--the cell actually fertilized, but it did not begin to undergo mitosis, quickly degraded, and died. All of his calculations support it living in these conditions. Something’s missing, and he’s no idea what.

He’s pondering the dead cell yet again when he hears his door bang open. “Come in, why don’t you,” he says sourly.

Dilan’s in his guard uniform, his face flushed, sweaty. “He’s not in here with you?” he asks, a trace of panic in his voice.

Even raises an eyebrow. “I’ve been alone all morning. What on earth is the matter?”

He’s breathing hard. Even goes over to the mini-fridge and pours him a glass of water. Dilan drinks it in one swallow. “We can’t find the boy. He’s disappeared.”

If the castle is full of places for small children to hide, then the city might as well swallow him whole. A sharpness tugs at Even’s chest, a hot flush of fear. “He was supposed to be with Ansem this morning. Ienzo must have slipped away when he turned his back.” He throws aside his lab coat. “Let’s go.”

They search for hours, the three of them; they get some of the cleaners to assist as well. It feels like vanity, to keep calling his name--could he even respond? What if Ienzo were hurt, or in danger? Could he scream? They pore over the castle for what seems like an eternity, checking every wardrobe and closet, the gaps below the balconies, the strange tricks of architecture. He’s nowhere to be found.

“Let’s try town. Maybe someone’s seen him,” Dilan hedges.

Even wonders if this is all in vain. Finally a shopkeeper admits to seeing a silver-haired boy in the clothing Even left out for him this morning, but she says that when she tried to speak to him, he ignored her. They follow the trail out into the residential district. It’s there they find him, finally, crouching in a patch of flowers. Even runs over to him. “Oh thank god,” he says, over and over again. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” He gives Ienzo a once-over and finds with immense relief that, aside from a scraped knee and some dirt, the boy is unharmed. Ienzo seems shaken; again his eyes are vacant. “Did someone hurt you?”

He shakes his head weakly. He gestures over Even’s shoulder. It’s the house. Of course. He must’ve tried to come home.

“Oh, little one, why didn’t you just ask if you wanted to come here? We’ve been worried sick, looking for you. You shouldn’t be out on your own.”

Ienzo sniffles a little, his eyes watering. His hands tremble. He points to the pad sticking out of Even’s pocket, and he hands it to him. Why did you lie about the plants?

“The--” It clicks. “Dilan, take a look at the house.” He nods and turns towards the door.

Ienzo keeps scribbling. The pots are all empty. You didn’t give them away. They died.

“I--” It feels terrible, to be caught in this lie. “Little one, by the time we got here it was already too late. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. You already lost so much.”

Ienzo seems to not know how to respond; he gives Even back the pen and pad.

“The door’s still locked, but it looks like he crawled in through the window,” Dilan says. “I’ve secured it.”

The boy is so deflated now, so exhausted, tears running disjointedly down his face. He does not fight when Even picks up him; he lays against him limply. Once they are finally back at the castle, Even runs him a bath and puts him in bed. In all this time Ienzo does not try to communicate. Finally, Even concedes. “Ienzo, I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. But do you understand why I did it?”

The boy turns on his side, away from Even.

He sighs heavily. “Try to get some rest.”

His own body is so heavy, so unwieldy. He drags himself slowly to his quarters. He needs sleep more than anything; perhaps a stiff drink as well. Normally such substances are out of his realm of interest, as he tries to think as clearly as possible. But tonight he needs to think a little less. He reaches into the cabinet for the cheap bottle of whiskey Dilan gave him one birthday, finds it mostly empty, and gives up. Tea will have to do.

Even feels strangely numb. He probes the sensation idly. He knows he should be concerned; sadness is one thing, numbness could be pathological. Which is the last thing he needs. He realizes that he, too, is rather filthy, from all the digging in the near unused parts of the castle. But he cannot find the strength to go bathe. Cannot find the strength to do anything, it seems.

There’s a knock at the door. He does not respond. Best let them think he’s asleep. The thought of crawling in bed while so dirty appalls him. Perhaps he’ll just sleep in this chair.

The door opens. “Even? Are you awake?”

Ansem. He takes a deep breath.

And finds himself yelling. It’s a surprise to him, too. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Searching like the rest of you--”

“He was with you, he was supposed to be with you!”

“I turned my back for a moment to take a call--”

“Do you know what could have happened?” His spit tastes like copper. “He could’ve--fallen out a window, or down the stairs, or someone could have taken him. He’s a child, Ansem. You can’t expect him to know these things. Why on earth weren’t you paying attention? I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t--”

He notes how haggard Ansem looks; his shoulders sag. “Even. My friend. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry’s not good enough.” He can feel the heat in his face. “Now leave me be.”

“Even--”

“ Get out. ”

The tone of his voice is enough, and Ansem flees. He drops himself back into the chair, wretchedness choking him. And promptly bursts into tears.

It feels strange to cry, after putting it off for so long. Alien. Inhuman.

---

He gives Ienzo space, after that. Even does not know how else to apologize. He leaves a book for Ienzo to read, one he liked as a boy. Ienzo seems to tolerate his presence, but the tentative bond they built seems to have weakened.

No matter. The boy is not his son. His opinion of Even should not matter.

He turns back to his work, back to the walls that face him in his experimentation. He makes careless mistakes, misses errors he wouldn't have normally. Even feels unwell.

Something is missing.

So he reads. He turns away from numbers, towards a story that ultimately doesn’t matter. He understands why Ienzo reads so much. It’s an easy way out. He’s delved into one of these volumes in the sitting room when he hears the voice.

“Even?”

Startling. Unfamiliar. He looks up slowly and sees Ienzo.

“It’s back,” the boy says simply, and leaves.

[uk-news-talking-politics]

The tactical voting dilemma: Canterbury goes down to the wire

By Donald Macintyre

"I don't really believe in tactical voting," voter Emily Blake is telling Labour canvasser Huw Kyffin. "Ethically you should vote for your chosen party." In her case that's the Liberal Democrats, but she's hesitant. If she backs her chosen party, she increases the chances of a Conservative victory in her Canterbury constituency.

So can he count on her vote on December 12, asks Kyffin. "Not quite yet," Emily says, politely.

Thousands of such agonised exchanges, replicated in different ways across the country, could yet decide this extraordinary general election. Indeed, Canterbury is totemic for reasons that go beyond its status as a hyper-marginal (Labour's Rosie Duffield won in 2017 by 187 votes).

It's also a test of whether an attractive, energetic and independent-minded local candidate can outweigh the negatives attaching to her party's national leadership, of the claims that the real divide in British politics is now between Leavers and Remainers, and of whether some new political  alignment may hesitantly be taking shape, at least in southern England, which is catalysed by, but not confined to, Brexit.

YouGov's seat-by seat-analysis predicts that Canterbury will once again be Labour – the only such seat in Kent. But it won't be a pushover. Without a chance of winning themselves, the Lib Dem leadership insisted on parachuting in a new candidate, Claire Malcolmson,  after the previous one, journalist Tim Walker, stood down explicitly to give the resolutely pro-Remain Duffield a clear run.

In reality, there are few signs of signs of active canvassing  for Malcolmson and Labour canvassers report a steady stream of Lib Dem conversions. But YouGov still identified an 11% Lib Dem base.  Anna Firth, the Tory candidate and a Vote Leave stalwart, has been luckier. The Brexit candidate withdrew and was not replaced.  

Having spent a few days talking to a wide range of electors across the city - pro and anti Brexit, students and locals, working and middle class, black and white - I think Duffield can win provided she can make herself heard above the din of the air war. She must overcome two problems: doubts about Corbyn (a "bit too communist", as one hospital porter on the minimum wage described him) and about electoral politics in general.

Duffield herself thinks that some people "are so fed up with voting and they don't trust politicians - and when people are lying and they're running the country or breaking the law without seeming to care, I can't blame them". Her answer is to stress that as the one genuinely local candidate – she has lived in Canterbury for 22 years - "I care about them and understand their way of life here."

She responds similarly to the Corbyn issue. The Labour leader's policies are clearly attracting many of the city's 35,000 students, but he remains a handicap for some older voters. Duffield points to the public's "love or loath relationship" with both party leaders. "All I can keep saying is: 'well, I'm  not Jeremy Corbyn'. I think it's obvious that if there are  things I don't agree with the leadership, I'm not going to go along with it. If you don't like the manager of your football team during a particular season you don't abandon your football team."

Her public stand against the party's handling of anti-semitism complaints are why Canterbury is one of the select seats in which the Jewish Labour Movement have campaigned. On Brexit, of course, Duffy has consistently backed a second referendum since she was elected. "I wanted the job and it was a lovely, lovely surprise," she says. "But I don't want it enough to compromise my principles. I promised the people here I would be a Remain MP. I had a coalition of people here including Greens, Lib Dems, even Tories, and I'm not going to let them down." Many of the 45% of voters here who backed Leave, she suggests, care more about public services than the EU issue.

Duffield's determination to be politically her own woman may be her primary asset. "I think all MPs have to do that now on both sides," she says, "because the country is so divided". And yet, even if she isn't tribalist, she's still wholly Labour. She picked Nye Bevan as her hero at the Whitstable hustings and her opening statement ringingly denounced "ten years of austerity and the punishing cruel harsh things it has done to poor people", ranging from "Pip assessments to the way asylum seekers and refugees are treated by this government".

The reference to a "coalition of people" is apt. Last weekend Duffield had the starry support at a city centre rally of Emily Thornberry in full-on Remain mode, and - partly in response to Duffield's stunning October Commons speech describing her own abuse by a recent partner – of the Women's Equality Party,  including an enthusiastic Sandi Toksvig.

Canterbury for Europe, one of several overlapping groupings increasingly focussed on returning Duffield on December 12, includes Lib Dems like former council leader Alex Perkins  and even former Tories, such as  Joe Egerton. As a pro-European Tory council candidate, Egerton was expelled for refusing to back the previous MP, Julian Brazier, because he accepted support from Ukip.

"I can no longer regard my former party as that of Disraeli or Macmillan," he says. "I don't  agree with all Rosie Duffield's policies but she clearly believes that the only use of power is to secure the welfare of the people."

Just before last week's hustings Kevin Tubb, 41,  who not only used to vote Conservative but once worked for William Hague, said he would "have to hold my nose and vote for Rosie Duffield" because he was a firm Remainer. Midway through the hustings, he tapped me on the shoulder, and made a thumbs up sign. He clearly would no longer need to hold his nose.  

Whether or not this presages a flight of crypto-Remain Tories to Duffield remains to be seen. But it's telling that the Tory candidate presents such a subdued form of euroscepticism. She tweeted after the 2016 Leave vote her congratulations to "political heroes" Nigel Farage and Daniel Hannan for making it happen. But now  Firth is trying  to make Johnson's pitch sound as palatable as possible to Remain-inclined voters. "It's not a far-right, Farage deal," she insisted to Whitstable voters last week.

Canterbury has in fact had an anti-Tory majority since 1997, one that failed to mobilise in successive elections because it was split between Labour, the Lib Dems, and latterly the Greens. Everything could come  down to whether voters like Emily Blake can bring themselves to back a Labour candidate as a way to stop the Tories.

If she wins it will be more than just a Labour victory. It will be a triumph for that "coalition of people" and a much-needed boost for the social democratic tradition in British politics.  

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: September 2019

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of September 2019 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

As if proven liar Boris Johnson suspending parliament to try and force through a No Deal Britait at the end of August didn’t look dictatorial enough, he then moved on to threatening and Tory MP who doesn't fall in line with deselection - and yet, rather than call this the obviously despotic move that it is, instead the media spent more time focusing on him adopting a fucking dog

Master strategist Dominic Cummings said that, rather than listen to “rich Remainers” in London, people should listen to those all over the country - which certainly helped, as Cummings’ genius idea to have proven liar Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson walk the streets of Morley and Doncaster saw said proven liar have to listen to the non-rich giving him both barrels for being responsible for the mess we are currently in

Not only did Laura Kuenssberg repeat what the press did with Carrie Symonds’ neighbours and throw around the term “Labour activist” to dismiss the very real concerns of the father whose daughter was in the understaffed hospital that proven liar Boris Johnson visited for a press op and then called out the proven liar’s claims it wasn’t a press op by pointing to the camera crew a few feet away, but she went one step further by doxxing the person by posting one of his tweets to her Twitter timeline, which unsurprisingly led to him getting a dog’s abuse from people because he dared say bad things about proven liar Boris Johnson - abuse he would not have got if Kuenssberg hadn’t doxxed him to her 1.1m Twitter followers, all because she wanted to distract attention from the fact her beloved BoBo had been caught on camera lying to someone’s face

...and it wasn’t long before the BBC proved their blatant double standards, having circled the wagons around Kuenssberg to say she did nothing wrong while doxxing a member of the public, yet disciplining Naga Munchetty for an off-the-cuff remark about the Orange Overlord saying Trump saying non-whites who criticise him should “go back where they came from” is racist

There is nothing sinister about Dominic Cummings saying that, if MPs wants to stop receiving death threats, they need to get Britait done.  Absolutely nothing sinister about that at all...

When Jacob Rees Mogg wasn’t literally lying in parliament, he was dismissing the genuine concerns of neurologist Dr David Nicholl by comparing his concerns to those of anti-vaxxer Andrew Wakefield, who was struck off for giving erroneous advice

I’m trying to work out if Justin Trudeau forgot about the whole wearing blackface thing, or merely assumed everyone else had.  Either way, at best he could generously be accused of gross naivety - especially when the second round of photos came out, after he tried to pass it off as a one-time prank

So not only did proven liar Boris Johnson sound supremely cuntish by saying that leaving the EU would honour the memory of Jo Cox - that’s the same Jo Cox who, while campaigning for Remain, was murdered by a member of Britain First - but when quizzed on this Bernard Jenkin could only respond about the stress that the proven liar was under, because as we all know the real victim is the person who said something monumentally dense and not the person murdered by a member of the far-right on the streets of their constituency

If anyone can explain what the hell compelled Stephen Kinnock to suddenly decide that Theresa May’s deal should have yet another going over in parliament in spite it being defeated three times already and her not even being PM at this point, let alone why he wanted to bring this up at the moment No Deal was being defanged, I would love to hear it

Something compelled Quentin Letts to compare the recently-deceased Robert Mugabe to Boris Johnson...as a compliment

Compelling argument against nominative determinism James Cleverly thought he was being clever by keeping up the “chicken” jibes against Jeremy Corbyn that proven liar Boris Johnson and his cronies at The Sun had been keeping up for days in a desperate attempt to pretend Corbyn hadn’t spotted an obvious tarp by Dominic Cummings and sidestepped it...right up until his stunt ended up seeing the entire Tory party get bitchslapped by Kentucky Fried Chicken

...and it wasn’t long before proven liar Boris Johnson rendered all jibes of Corbyn being “chicken” laughable when he responded to some heckling when visiting Luxembourg by publicly running away from a press conference with Luxembourg’s PM 

According to Kwasi Kwarteng there are people up and down the country questioning the impartiality of the Scottish judges who ruled Boris Johnson’s prorogation of parliament unlawful.  Just a reminder, Kwasi Kwarteng is the Business Secretary and not a Youtube right-wing conspiracy nut

Waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage has decided that those dozens of appearances on BBC political programming over the last decade were examples of the BBC being biased against him, and he;s boycotting all future appearances.  He neglected to mention whether or not any other member of The Nigel Farage Ego Project would follow suit...

We saw just how little credibility Laura Kuenssberg has on the 2nd September edition of The Six O’Clock News where she stood outside 10 Downing Street talking about how proven liar Boris Johnson would be calling a snap election, only for her to be cut off mid-sentence by the proven liar walking out to waffle for five minutes where the only thing of note he said that wasn’t an easily-debunked lie was that there would be no election...and once he was finished Kuenssberg continued talking about a snap election as if she hadn’t been stood less than twenty feet away when it was said there would be no election

The fact that nobody was surprised when James Cleverly falsely claimed that the Tories created the NHS during the Tory conference isn’t a surprise - not least because it’s not even the first time Cleverly has made that patently false claim 

It would appear that Alan Sugar misses the days that he and not Alexander Boris De Pfeil Johnson was being held up as the British answer to Donald Trump, judging by his posting a tweet taking aim at the dogwhistlers’ favourite target Diane Abbott

We are supposed to feel sorry for David Cameron after his memoirs stated that he thought that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove behaved “appallingly” before and during the EU Referendum campaign.  If only the party leader did something about this, which they were in the position to do, and what was the name of the leader of the Tories at that moment in time again...?

Forgetting that we’re supposed to be calling Jeremy Corbyn a chicken, instead our good and honest friends at the Daily Mail instead ran an article about how awful it was that Jeremy Corbyn supported the Guildford Four’s Paul Hill.  That’s the Paul Hill who, like the other members of the Guildford Four (and the Maguire Seven) were threatened, beaten and tortured by the police and served fifteen years in jail for being members of the IRA in spite of the fact that they weren’t members of the IRA nor plotted any terror attacks, and the Mail thinks it’s bad to show support for someone who was a victim of one of the worst miscarriages of justice in British history

It’s a bit rich for Rachel Riley to be the face of the Don’t Feed The Trolls campaign considering her history of harassing, doxxing and encouraging pile-ons on anyone who disagrees with her

Sentient testicle Toby Young thought he was being really, really clever when he accused Phillip Hammond of an “anti-semitic conspiracy theory” after Hammond stated that the sole reason for proven liar Boris Johnson trying to take the UK out of the EU by October 31st is to help out his speculator mates - although the cleverness rapidly evaporated when Hammond responded personally with a threat of suing for libel, and for some strange reason Young’s really, really clever tweet vanished off the face of the earth

...and because Toby Young has to be Toby Young about things, rather than keep his head down after Hammond’s threat of legal action instead he came rushing to the defence of the proven liar by saying that female Spectator employees felt upset if they weren’t groped by proven liar Boris Johnson, which is not only the defence of the rapist but his “defence” only serves to say that proven liar Boris Johnson has a history of groping

It’s as if The Sun have decided they can go back to their pre-Leveson levels of scumbaggery, judging by how they’d both told Gareth Thomas’ parents he was HIV positive and threatened to publish it, as well as reporting how two members of Ben Stokes’ family had been shot and killed several years ago without actually obtaining consent from Stokes before splashing it across their front page

...and right on their heels was the Daily Mail doxxing Jo Maughan for the sole purpose of...nope, no idea why they felt the need to do so, but they did it anyway

If Steve Baker thought he was helping the Leave side look non-deranged, his claiming that proven liar Boris Johnson is moving the Tories back to the centre ground failed to do that on a molecular level

It’s all well and good the Liberal Democrats acting as if bringing in Luciana Berger and Angela “funny tinge” Smith as MPs is some kind of major breakthrough...but they sure kept it quiet that they wouldn’t be defending the parliamentary seats they’ve been squatting in since February

So nice of Mike Gapes to join the dogwhistling brigade with his deciding to highlight Diane Abbott’s poor use of grammar...by highlighting that she was using grammar correctly while Gapes’ attempts at grammar bullying only served to highlight his grasp of the English language could be better

It says it all that the Daily Mail was encouraging their readers to stop sponsoring the RNLI for the crime of using 2% of those donations to support causes abroad

To nobody’s surprise, as soon as John Humphrys was out the door he harrumphed about the BBC’s “liberal bias” to the Daily Mail - as if over thirty years of his using the Today programme as a platform of his right-wing views and generally being a miserable twat

How generous of Tim Martin to say that, as the UK had left the Customs Union, Wetherspoons could now charge 20p less per pint...except Britain hadn’t left the Customs Union, revealing that Martin could have cut prices long ago if he wanted to, but he obviously felt he didn’t need to as the chain’s profits weren’t nosediving as a direct consequence of Tim Martin alienating half of his customer base for the past three years

According to reports, Nicalis head honcho Tyrone Rodriguez went to the same business school as Channel Awesome supremo Mike Michaud, judging by the reports coming out that he would go weeks without answering any calls - which is not what an indie dev who sent their game over to Nicalis to be ported wants to discover - as well as a laundry list of evidence of him not realising he isn't a 14-year old edgelord who can only talk in raicst, antisemitic, homophobic or ablest slurs, on top of his charming habit of bullying members of staff

In the latest attempt by PewDipShit to prove he's not beholden to the alt-right section of his fanbase he offered to donate $50,000 to the Anti-Defamation League...and when that same alt-right section of his fanbase kicked up a fuss, he cancelled the donation and waffled about “taking responsibility” while demonstrating that how averse he is to the idea

This month it was John Ocasio-Nolte who was getting insanely triggered by Greta Thunburg, taking to Twitter to suggest she either needs to be spanked or receive psychological counselling (which worked about as well as can be expected the second the tweet was posted) while Dinesh D’Souza said she looks just like images used for Nazi propaganda as if that means anything other than Dinesh D’Souza spend hours going through Google image searches to try and find something, anything that would serve as the basis of an utterly batshit proclamation that his moron followers would swallow

Not a good look for Focus Home Entertainment to decide that, once their deal to distribute Frogwares’ games expired, their solution would be to drop all of Frogwares’ games from every online store - yet rather than return the code to Frogwares, instead they’d be keeping those as well because if Focus Home can’t sell those games, no-one can

It’s not a surprise to see The Sun forgot the faux outrage they stoked last December at trying to say Jeremy Corbyn called Theresa may a “stupid woman” (even though any lipreader will tell you he said “stupid people” of the entire Tory front bench) judging by their response to proven liar Boris Johnson calling Corbyn a “big girl’s blouse” was to dispatch one of their hacks to Corbyn’s house the following dya waving an item of women’s clothing at him, seemingly under the impression this looked anything other than mad

Meanwhile The Daily Telegraph wrote a piece comparing waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage to Britait’s Icarus...somehow forgetting how the story of Icarus ended

Britain’s most triggered man Piers Moron Morgan took to Twitter to howl about how Dora the Explorer discourages men from becoming explorers.  I’m guessing that he forgot how Indiana Jones and Nathan Drake exist...

What would a month be without Donald Trump doing something utterly lunkheaded?  Not this month, that’s for sure, judging by his response to mistakenly claiming that Hurricane Dorian was heading to Alabama wasn’t to admit the mistake or even never mention it again, but instead draw on a weather map with a Sharpie to make it look like Dorian’s path would now head into Alabama - so not only did he prove he can’t admit to being wrong, but he’s so thin-skinned his being wrong eats at him so much he can’t let his being wrong go, which only draws attention to his being wrong in the first place

[curlicuecal]

This is kind of a self-indulgent question, but how do you deal with people who VERY BADLY want to be your internet friend, and they'd be Crushed if you stopped talking to them, but you just don't have the energy for it/are beginning to resent them for it? (And for other reasons you can't bring up because whiffs of criticism squeeze their "I'm a terrible person" reflex)

Oh, gosh. As someone who has been on BOTH sides of this experience, this speaks to me right where I live.

If you’re at all like me, this stuff is difficult from several angles:

Firstly, I like people to be happy and not unhappy. If I can do things to make people happy, I tend to want to do them. Other people’s (un)happiness often feels like it weighs more strongly than my own (un)happiness.

Secondly, I am extremely rejection-sensitive myself, so this ups my perception of the harm to the other person. It also makes the whole topic feel extremely charged, b/c if *I* secretly don’t like this person for no reason they can control then maybe other people secretly don’t like me for reasons I can’t control. Maybe all my friends secretly hate me! (They don’t. I’ve checked.)

Thirdly, if I’m honest, I would like to be able to reject someone in a way that somehow causes zero change in their opinion of me, see previous All People Must Like Me At All Times Or I’ve Failed As A Human Being. (Also not true. I’ve checked on that one, too.)

Soooo yeah. This is one of those easier-as-a-bystander things, but here’s some things that have helped me.

-Untangle what you do control from what you don’t

You are in charge of your feelings and your actions. You CAN’T control (or even 100% predict) how the other person will react to them, so stop assigning yourself the task of being feelings!forecaster and emotions!wrangler.

Sometimes things in life (like you not manifesting the correct feelings) will make people feel bad in ways you can’t actually prevent or control. Give yourself permission to not try.  Break ups hurt, and the idea that there is a Magical Correct Perfect way that will cause no hard feelings is, sadly, not a real thing.  Pull off the band-aid fast or slow or however the heck you prefer.  It’s gonna come off.

-Try not to project

Worth emphasizing: If they haven’t said it out loud, you don’t actually know what they’re thinking or feeling.  Mind reading is a cognitive distortion, so try to spot when you’re falling into it.  Ditto for fortune-telling (you don’t know how they’re going to react) or catastrophizing.

-Practice enthusiastic consent in relationships

Seriously. Do this *today.* Every time you find yourself in a position where you need decide to skype/message/reply/hang out with/otherwise spend emotional energy on this person" check in on your consent. Do you enthusiastically want to?

If not: don’t.

It is amazing how often this idea feels revolutionary. But you don’t owe strangers (or your friends) make-outs or sex just because it would make them happy, and similarly you don’t owe them a deep, emotional feelings jam. Or even a relationship. Neutrality towards someone is not harm.

Guilt is a toxic as fuck relationship dynamic, Do Not Do.

-Sometimes people don’t click

It’s not a referendum on someone’s character if you just don’t feel it the same way. You don’t need to be someone’s friend because they are nice. You don’t need to be someone’s friend just because you don’t have a compelling reason not to be. You don’t actually need a reason to not want to be someone’s friend. There are several billion perfectly nice people in the world you will not have time to be in either a platonic or romantic relationship with.

Also, having incompatible relationship needs doesn’t necessarily mean EITHER of you need to change as a person.  It just means you have incompatible needs.

If you feel bad for not being able to be the Nice Thing in this person’s life, go leave a comment on someone’s fanwork.  There, you’ve brightened someone’s day.

-It’s not rude to not answer someone on the internet

This one’s hard for me! But seriously. Especially the less well you know someone, the less you owe them dropping everything to craft a response of any flavor on demand. Try not to frame it as “ignoring someone speaking to your face” and look at it more as “ignoring someone shouting vaguely in your direction across a crowded room.” I’m bad at small talk, so my rule of thumb is if I don’t have anything in particular to add to a conversation, I just…. don’t. “I liked ur post” does not mandate any particular response.

-Therapists get paid

Therapy is hard, emotionally-draining work aand that is why therapists get paid to do it, and why they only do it in a very specific, limited context. When you engage in therapy as a friend, it should be as part of mutually beneficial relationship. Does this mean that 2 friends always get the same benefits out of a relationship or that 2 friends will always have the same amount of spoons to spend on a relationship at any given time? No. But over the span of years it should probably feel like it evens out.

In my personal experience, starting as someone’s free therapist doesn’t usually work out well in terms of friendship. It feels nice to be helpful, but it’s a weird power imbalance, and best case scenario you’re both eventually going to have to work out new ways to relate to each other. Worst case scenario, one or both people’s spoons drastically change and suddenly you CAN’T continue the current dynamic and nobody’s got a safety net interaction-style to fall back on.

-You can understand and empathize with a reaction without having to prioritize it

You mentioned a “terrible person reflex”. And god, I feel that.  But this is one of those areas where both of you have GOT to be aware of who is in charge of handling that reflex. (Hint: it is not you). It’s very similar to struggles with jealousy or any other cognitive distortion– they are real, painful emotions, but as distortions they are not based in reality. People outside your own brain can find some ways to provide reassurance, but they cannot manage them for you. Is there a way you can work out a ritualized shorthand for the long set of reassurances or nimble tap-dancing that it sounds like ensues from this reflex triggering? (Something like: “are we still friends?” “yep!”)

In particular, if you find that expressing a need/feeling leads to you setting that conversation aside for prolonged discussion of the other person’s needs or feelings THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY OR SUSTAINABLE PATTERN.

-Listen to your brain when it wants you to stop doing something that hurts

When you’re experiencing emotional overload, distress, or damage, a healthy brain is gonna take steps to protect you. That resentment?  That is your brain giving you armor.  That is emotional coping.

If you’re like me, and not always very tuned in to your own needs (I *can* so obviously I *should*).  Sometimes your brain will just scale up the shouting (”Seriously, Stop Doing the Thing”) until you have to acknowledge it. One example is the “bitch eating crackers” phenomenon, where your brain escalates resentment of a person to the point where even the way they eat crackers starts to bother you. “Look at that bitch sitting there eating crackers.” This is not a good place to be in in a relationship. Repression is not a sustainable interaction style in a relationship.

-People that love you want you to be happy

If you are unhappy, that is important. If your happiness requires you taking a step back, *even in a way that hurts the other person*, most of your friends will want you to take that step. Plus side: this means that sharing a relationship problem will trigger good friends’ protective problem-solving rather than defensiveness. Or at the very least you know what they would want for you if they were in a better place.

The corollary to this is, of course, people that don’t value your happiness are not worth pouring your emotional energy into.

-If you’re waiting for the Thing That Will Give You Permission to Leave, “I want to” is sufficient reason

I have to include this because it is so damn important.  Seriously.  If you want out of a relationship, this is your sign.  Go.

-Be aware that “do this or I’ll hurt myself” is also abuse

Also so damn important.  Threats of physical violence to coerce behavior are Not Good.  Run run run.

-You aren’t required to invest work in fixing a relationship, but if you DO  want to put it in, here are some quick thoughts:

Switch to only engaging in ways, frequencies, and topics that you find rewarding. (ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. DESIST FROM EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION.)

State your needs without feeling the required to offer detailed explanation or justification. (“I’m really stressed lately, so I need to only talk about casual things”)

Resist the urge to get drawn into guilt spirals.  (”I’m not mad” + restate need).

Resist engaging with stuff that violates boundaries you’ve communicated–just ignore and switch the topic. Redirect any too-heavy stuff to other channels. (“Sounds like you need a therapist to talk to”; “Ugh, that sounds stressful, hope you find someone that can help you through that”; “Sounds like something you two will need to work out together”; + TOPIC CHANGE).

Shift some of the relationship work to the other person, such as strategizing ways to balance conflicting needs.

Frankly what I’m hearing from you is “I want to stop” so…. yeah, you can stop.  Official Stranger On the Internet permission given.

ps, check out Captain Awkward’s tag on The African Violet of Broken Friendship, highly recommend.

[sparklyicecube]

Brexit - A guide/rant to

I'm on another tangent today except today isn't about TXT or HNK or any other fandom I have been wandering in.

So. The debates on Brexit has been happening the past couple of days, and if you want to know what happened it's simple to sum it up because everyone is so repetitive and childish that the just the words need to be simplified, not the ideas.

Background:

Think of it like a divorce, if the couple was young, didn't own many things, didn't have many big investments, then they can probably part ways with polite words and not much hassle needed. Britain and the EU have been in a relationship for more than 30 years and has shared businesses, several children and Britain has been trying to finish this divorce for 2 years, after all, you need to split everything in a way that makes everyone happy. What does this mean? It means that for 2 years investors refuse to invest because who wants to place money where you don't know is going to happen? Therefore the world's economy is holding their breath for Britain to sort Brexit out once and for all. The EU has given them until March 29th 2019 to decide what to do, this is what happened or is happening in a nutshell.

Teresa May proposed a deal, an agreement of what Britain can take, keep and get rid of in regards to the EU. No one likes it, the parliament voted against it, and in the words of several parliament members "her deal is dead."

She proposes another deal, same process as before.

They propose 'no deal'. This is where a bit more explanation is necessary. 'No deal' is where Britain walks out losing more than they gain, many of their businesses are cut off from EU partners, British students are kicked out of EU universities because they didn't need to get proper visas before (although I think that might already be happening) and basically it's the worst thing Britain could have. So of course the parliament votes against it.

Here we catch up to present day where the Parliament is trying to decide to get an extension of the deadline, or as many parliament members want, a no-deadline.

So what has happened? Let's put it this way:

"Do you want the red shirt?"

"No!"

"Do you want the blue shirt?"

"No!"

"Do you not want to wear a shirt?"

"NO!"

"What do you want?"

"... for you to ask me later, I need to think about it."

"When should I ask?"

"When I am ready to go."

"By dinner?"

"Probably not just, you shouldn't rush me."

This might make me look like I'm pro Teresa May and honestly, I don't think I even have a bias at this point because as a debater myself, these groups are painful to watch. But what the opposition wants is unrealistic, at the moment an extension is what they want but what teacher is going to assign homework with no deadline? The EU is understandably tired of waiting and is only willing to give them two extra months, provided that they know what the hell they want to do in those two months.

On the other side:

They are dying. Teresa May isn't just fighting for her party anymore, the reason why she is losing by a landslide is because her own party doesn't respect her anymore, she is fighting for her own survival. Also, I don't know about anyone else but when I heard her reply with her sore-throat voice I was scared out of my wits. Back to the topic.

The opposition has repeatedly said: she isn't listening to them. She is pushing for her own two proposed plans that already died vs no deal at all and hence isn't listening to them. So here are the paths that lay in store for Britain now:

1. Use one of Teresa May’s proposals - Unlikely as the parliament doesn’t like them and have already repeatedly voted against them.

2. No deal - Unlikely as the Parliament may hate this idea more than her proposals, they lose so much more than just staying in the EU

3. Extension - Likely, they are probably going to get 2 more months or something, this is where they can procrastinate in making a decision until the next deadline comes up and will have to choose one of the other choices anyway.

4. Referendum - Unsure. The public will vote, either on this very topic of how to get out of the EU (which deal or no deal) or just re-voting on whether the citizens still want to leave the EU

5. The EU kicks Britain out - This is what I am personally, low-key hoping for. In this scenario the EU decides that Britain is more trouble than they’re worth and kicks them out of the EU, therefore having no deal and starting over from scratch. They might spare Scotland, but that is a whole separate debate on Scotland. If this happens it will probably happen on the 27th or 28th leading up to the deadline.

Debate Rant:

You know how I mentioned I’m a debater? Well, I didn’t even watch the entire thing but just a bit gave me shivers. 

- Most of their manner is spot on, few fillers, very smooth, very much rehearsed and planned. The problem is that this is a debate, they are supposed to engage with each other, this is a discussion to decide on something, not a million public speeches, so having your speech planned down to the word is not the best strategy.

- None of them were really providing links, processes, they told us that 1 will become 369 but they never told us how we got there, just said that we would. This is problematic as this helps the judge, the audience, and everyone in general weigh up how likely it is that the end goal of each side (which is happiness, money, etc) will actually happen.

- It. Is. So. Personal. This just reminds me that we are watching the dirty game of politics where these people use personal examples, purposefully target the opponent’s history and have no respect for the people speaking.

- Following up from the last point, heckling, booing, cheering, just the noise level in general, no wonder the debate took 7 hours. I have had stupid opponents before but the room was always quite civil.

Shout outs to some people:

No, not to people I know. 

- Firstly, to the Speaker (judge-person) who was sometimes the victim of people trying to pin the blame but handled everything professionally and without bias. Also for his most savage comment of the day:

“I am proud that I was never, in fact, a parliament member.”

- The poor EU leaders. This is some though stuff they’re dealing with, ridiculous requests and endless stress and yet they persevere. We are with you. This quote isn’t direct but it is basically what they said:

“Britain, make up your mind.”

[thessalian]

Thess vs Endlessly Screaming

I need a cure for that feeling where you constantly want to scream. I mean, I seriously need that in my life right now. Because ... you know, I can take a lot? But after awhile, shit starts piling up.

Work shit? No problem on its own. I mean, I’ve been working as a secretary for over twenty years, mostly temp jobs. If I couldn’t take criminal stupidity, an increased workload created by the laziness of others, and a substantial amount of verbal abuse, I would be dead or insane by now. Still, there’s regular day-to-day stress, and then there’s knowing that I’m going to be more or less alone in a department with significant clinic management issues over the Christmas holidays. Particularly when people don’t seem to understand that this particular hospital is very small and doesn’t actually have a lot of staff so we don’t just have someone who takes over for the consultant when the consultant is on holiday.

Budget issues? Also no problem. Again, agency work for a substantial percentage of my time in the workforce. I am getting very used to the issues that arise when an employment agency somehow manages to wait until you’re scraping the bottom of the attempt at a savings account before finding you a new job. I’m also used to not knowing exactly when I’m getting paid because there may be yet another paperwork issue owing to hospital staff banks making it nearly impossible to pay temp agency staff in hopes that they’ll stop hiring temp agency staff. (hint: that will never happen because hospital staff banks don’t treat their employees well enough to attract anyone above band 3) Point is that I’ve got this. I won’t starve. I have bus fare. It is not easy but it is doable. I have done it before, I will do it again.

The country in which I’m living visibly imploding? ...A little harder to cope with. I mean, the shit with Brexit and frankly the entire Conservative party is horrifying on levels I can’t even begin to describe. No one seems to be planning for the No Deal Brexit that we’re currently facing as a legitimate possibility because various people won’t budge (not that I blame the EU), and no one seems to want to take the EU up on their (frankly quite generous) statement of, “You know, you guys don’t have to do this...” No one wants a new referendum either, despite the fact that I think a lot of votes would be different and a hell of a lot more voters would come out, given that those who stayed home thinking, “No one will be stupid enough to vote for Brexit” now have absolute proof that this is not the fucking case because people are still supporting this horror because they seem to think that we still have any kind of economic power in terms of export.

Put all of those things together, though, and ... yeah, endlessly screaming on the inside. Still, I’ll be okay. I’m not going to starve because I managed my budget and, seriously, I can put together a decent meal out of basically nothing (practice makes perfect, and I’ve been doing this a long time). I have travel fare. I can survive a week. And then point 2 won’t be a problem ... right up until I have to do the last-minute Christmas shopping, anyway. But a lot of that is home-made baked goods and equally home-made soap for my stepfather. (He’s very picky about his bath products and the stuff he likes the smell of most a) is expensive and b) may be discontinued, so I’m going to make him an equivalent.)

I think I just need a way to take my mind off it for a little while. There will be video games or something. I just need to pick which one. I’m in the middle of a few playthroughs and can’t decide which one to pick up and run with. I could just do crafting runs in FFXIV, I guess. That tends to be nicely zen. I could use some zen.

Don’t mind me; I’m fine. I’m coping better than some, I know all too well (another source of financial stress is wishing to hell I could help the people who need it). Just sometimes venting helps the stress. And now I have vented and can look forward to making a rather large portion of chicken fried rice (leftovers to take to work for lunch tomorrow) and vegging with video games. And further look forward to payday, five-day weekend (even if unpaid, it’s still time off without guilt), family Christmas and taking home leftovers. Hey, I’m not a huge fan of turkey but it works fine in my ‘student Alfredo’ recipe.

Also ... I know we’re protesting Tumblr’s removing the NSFW stuff, but ... I tag it for a reason. And now there are no damn tags on the NSFW stuff and I don’t know what else to tag to flag it. So ... thanks for that.

[portmanteaurian]

PLAN FOR AFTER LUNCH:

- take a break from this briefing note, which is killing me, to go through the scheduling work I need to do, which is also killing me but in a different way

- flesh out “key messaging” section of BN

- send to more experienced briefing-note-maker for feedback

- make adjustments, i’m sure there’ll be several

- put together my printing packages and submit them to ye olde print shoppe (get CC info from coworker)

- collapse into heap

I am trying to avoid making today into a referendum on whether I can Do This Job, but it is true that it is one of the more hectic days I’m likely to have so if I can get through it it bodes well, and also true that if I DO flame out it’ll cause a lot of problems for people. it’s been a little stressful and starting the week with 2.5 days of illness really did not help lol

[atlanticcanada]

Zelensky hints at openness to compromise on eastern Ukraine

Ukraine is prepared to declare its neutrality and consider a compromise on contested areas in the country's east, President Volodymyr Zelensky said ahead of another round of talks set for Tuesday on stopping the fighting. But he said only a face-to-face meeting with Russia's leader can end the war.

While hinting at possible concessions, Zelensky also stressed that Ukraine's priority is ensuring its sovereignty and its "territorial integrity" -- preventing Russia from carving up the country, something Ukraine and the West say could now be Moscow's goal.

Russia has long demanded that Ukraine drop any hope of joining the Western NATO alliance, which Moscow sees as a threat. Zelensky has also repeatedly stressed that Ukraine needs security guarantees of its own as part of any deal.

"Security guarantees and neutrality, non-nuclear status of our state -- we are ready to go for it," Zelensky said in an interview Sunday with independent Russian media outlets.

The Ukrainian leader has suggested as much before, but rarely so forcefully, and the latest remarks could create momentum for the talks scheduled to take place in Istanbul.

"We must come to an agreement with the president of the Russian Federation, and in order to reach an agreement, he needs to get out of there on his own feet ... and come to meet me," Zelensky said in the interview, which Russia barred its media from publishing.

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said Monday that the two presidents could meet, but only after the key elements of a potential deal are negotiated.

"The meeting is necessary once we have clarity regarding solutions on all key issues," Lavrov said in an interview with Serbian media. He accused Ukraine of only wanting to "imitate talks," and said Russia needs concrete results.

In an overnight video address to his nation, Zelensky said Ukraine is seeking peace "without delay."

While saying "Ukraine's sovereignty and territorial integrity are beyond doubt," Zelensky also suggested compromise might be possible over the Donbas, the predominantly Russian-speaking eastern region of Ukraine where Moscow-backed rebels have been fighting a separatist war for the past eight years. With its forces bogged down elsewhere, Russia said days ago that its focus is now on securing the Donbas.

Zelensky also said that a peace agreement would have to be put to a referendum of Ukrainian voters, but that Russian troops would have to withdraw from the country first.

"A referendum is impossible in the presence of troops. No one will consider the referendum results legitimate if there are foreign troops on the country's territory," he said.

Zelensky said that a possible compromise could see Russia pull back its troops to areas where they had been before the invasion started on Feb. 24.

"I realize that it's impossible to force Russia to fully leave the territory. It could lead to World War III. I understand completely. I'm fully aware of it," he said. "That is why I'm saying, yes, this is a compromise: Go back to where it all started and then we'll try to resolve the issue of Donbas, the complex issue of Donbas."

It was not clear how a compromise on the Donbas would square with maintaining Ukraine's territorial integrity, and Russia and Ukraine remain far apart on other issues.

In other developments:

The mayor of Irpin, a northwestern suburb of Kyiv that has been the site some of the heaviest fighting in the capital area, said the city has been "liberated" from Russian troops. Irpin gained wide attention after photos circulated of a mother and her two children who were killed by shelling as they tried to flee, their bodies lying on the pavement with luggage and a pet carrier nearby.

Russia's invasion has most Americans at least somewhat worried that the U.S. will be drawn directly into the conflict and could be targeted with nuclear weapons, according to a poll from The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

Germany's energy minister said Monday that the Group of Seven major economies rejected a Russian demand that some countries pay in rubles for its natural gas exports. That demand appeared designed to try to support the Russian currency, which is under pressure from Western sanctions.

The Pentagon said it is deploying six Navy aircraft that specialize in electronic warfare to bolster NATO's eastern flank. It said the aircraft are not intended for use in Ukraine and will be stationed in Germany.

Ukraine has banned reporting on troop and equipment movements not announced or approved by the military. Journalists who violate the law could face three to eight years in prison. In one case, a Kyiv resident was accused by the security services of posting images on TikTok showing Ukrainian military vehicles near a shopping mall that was later destroyed by a Russian missile strike.

Russian delegates to the Istanbul talks arrived Monday, Turkish media reported.

Earlier talks, both by video and in person, have failed to make progress on ending a more than month-old war that has killed thousands and driven more than 10 million Ukrainians from their homes -- including almost 4 million from their country.

In the besieged southern port of Mariupol, the mayor said half the pre-war population of more than 400,000 has fled, often under fire, during weeks of shooting and shelling.

Alina Beskrovna, who escaped the city in a convoy of cars and made it across the border to Poland, said desperate people were melting snow for water and cooking on open fires "under shelling and bombs just because if you don't, you will have nothing to eat."

"There is no medicine. A lot of people are just, I think, starving to death in their apartments right now with no help," she said. "It's a mass murder that's happening at the hands of the Russians."

A fiercer than expected Ukrainian resistance -- bolstered by weapons from the U.S. and other Western allies -- has bogged Russian forces down. Russia has resorted to pummeling Ukrainian towns and cities with artillery and airstrikes.

In Stoyanka village near Kyiv, Ukrainian soldier Serhiy Udod said Russian troops had taken up defensive positions and suffered heavy losses.

He said "probably they thought it would be like Crimea," which Russia annexed in 2014. "But here it's not like in Crimea. We are not happy to see them. Here they suffer and get killed."

------

Andrea Rosa in Kharkiv, Nebi Qena in Kyiv, Cara Anna in Lviv and Associated Press journalists around the world contributed to this report.

Get in touch

Do you have both Ukrainian and Russian family members? How are you handling the crisis? Email dotcom@bellmedia.ca.

Please include your name, location, and contact information if you are willing to speak to a journalist with CTV News.

Your comments may be used in a CTVNews.ca story.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/VIejENY

[paulbenedictblog]

%news%

New Post has been published on %http://paulbenedictsgeneralstore.com%

News A virus, fires and protests: The perils confronting college study-abroad programs - The Washington Post

News

A original, doubtlessly lethal virus in China. Bush fires in Australia. Political protests in Hong Kong.

Amid turmoil in numerous corners of the realm, universities that ship students to some distance-flung locations appreciate temporarily curtailed some programs whereas carefully monitoring others.

9 American University students finding out in Beijing are hundreds of miles from the center of a coronavirus outbreak in Wuhan, China. However they appreciate been inspired to construct on surgical masks, wash their hands continually and protect some distance off from good crowds, stated Tag Hayes, director of the college’s leer-in a international country programs.

“None of them are within the affected areas that appreciate been quarantined,” Hayes stated. “We appreciate been working to present them knowledge.”

Three students from Georgetown University are finding out in Beijing, stated Meghan Dubyak, a spokeswoman. The college issued a campuswide advisory in latest days urging students and college to derive flu shots and to depend on World SOS, a platform that gives scientific signals and evacuation providers for students and college in a international country.

Authorities in Wuhan appreciate halted regional scramble, and hundreds of flights from the metropolis’s global airport were canceled Thursday. In Beijing, officers appreciate canceled mass Lunar Unique twelve months celebrations, hoping to limit the spread of the airborne illness.

China’s leader, Xi Jinping, warned Saturday of an “accelerating spread” of the virus that has claimed no no longer up to 56 lives. Infections appreciate been confirmed in cities throughout China — including Beijing — and in Japan, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, South Korea, Taiwan, Vietnam, Nepal, Australia, France and the US.

The response to the coronavirus has been without warning evolving: On Saturday, Hong Kong announced faculties might per chance well be closed till mid-February.

Leaders at George Washington University appreciate shared safety knowledge with students finding out in China and other international locations, Crystal Nosal, a spokeswoman, stated in an email.

“College students were inspired to cease mindful and leer doubtlessly the most modern knowledge from their programs referring to the changing prerequisites whereas within the country or traveling via the living,” Nosal stated. “The effectively being and welfare of our community members is our utmost precedence.”

However even outdated to the emergence of a original coronavirus used to be broadly known, several campuses within the District — American, Catholic, George Washington and Georgetown universities — were suspending academic programs for one more arrangement: explosive protests in Hong Kong that appreciate received global consideration.

The demonstrations were ended in by legislation that might per chance well appreciate allowed the extradition of prison defendants to mainland China. Hong Kong’s authorities formally withdrew the proposal in October, however protesters desire officers to fulfill other calls for — including an just investigation into police habits and convey elections for presidency leaders.

Scrutinize-in a international country program directors have to tread an outstanding line between obstructing students’ ability to search out original areas and holding them safe.

In November, the silent protests in Hong Kong took a turn when a pupil at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology died after demonstrators clashed with police.

“The protests moved onto college campuses,” stated Grace Schnei­der, director of education in a international country at Catholic University. “Hong Kong is one that, clearly, it used to be a lengthy time ramping up. The protests started little, nonviolent, and went on for months.”

Leaders at Georgetown evacuated a community of students who were finding out at the Chinese language University of Hong Kong in November, stated Livvy Gordon, a junior and global industry main at Georgetown.

“We had been in Hong Kong for nearly three months at that level, and I had viewed one order from afar,” Gordon stated. “We were anxious once it began to escalate and once issues moved to campus.”

Some students ogle political unrest as a finding out different. Rohit Seth, a 19-year-dilapidated sophomore at American University, stated he wants a possibility to treasure, firsthand, the stress between legitimate-Brexit and legitimate-European Union voters in London. Heaps of of hundreds of protesters stuffed the streets of London in October to decry the Brexit referendum authorizing the UK to withdraw from the E.U.

“With all the issues going down with Brexit, I mediate it’s vital to be in a international country when all this remarkable stuff is going down,” Seth stated at an knowledge session for students buying for leer-in a international country alternatives.

AU’s Hayes stated his place of job has warned students about seemingly scramble concerns within the living. Brexit might per chance well appreciate an impact on students’ ability to scramble across Europe and return to their host college in London.

AU in latest years discontinued a leer-in a international country program in Aleppo, Syria, and evacuated students from Beirut amid safety concerns. Catholic suspended its program in Chile this semester after protesters fought a subway fare develop in October.

Two common leer-in a international country sites in Australia — Sydney and Melbourne — haven't been directly stricken by bush fires engulfing aspects of the country, however program directors are peaceful monitoring the flames.

Four Howard University students are finding out in Sydney, about 50 miles some distance off from the fire zone, stated Maraina Sir Bernard Law, assistant director of leer-in a international country programs.

Officials discontinue no longer achieve an advise to programs to be upended by fires however are concerned about air quality. Reports from Melbourne stated air quality in mid-January used to be six events worse than what’s regarded as healthy. In latest days, prerequisites appreciate improved.

Bryony Whitelaw, a junior at AU, stated her host college in Melbourne has sent knowledge about where the fires are roaring and the scheme some distance those sites are from campus.

“I’m no longer having a wait for it if it is some distance as horrible as it has been the outdated couple of days, however I have to peaceful be magnificent,” Whitelaw stated referring to the air quality in mid-January.

Scientists appreciate cited climate commerce because the underlying arrangement within the encourage of a plague of fires that appreciate price higher than two dozen contributors their lives and destroyed upward of two,000 properties. Whitelaw views it as a finding out different.

“Perchance it’s an different for the realm to occasion and advise we want to construct some radical changes there,” Whitelaw stated.

At the Institute for the World Education of College students, frequently is named IES In one more country, college are inspired to comprise the chaos, stated William Hoye, government vice chairman and chief working officer. The nonprofit gives leer-in a international country programs in 34 areas across the realm.

“We’re frequently centered on our college making clear what’s going down within the country has a teachable moment,” Hoye stated. “We desire the college and team to no longer upright perceive where the protests are, however why the protests are.”

IES suspended summer season programs in Hong Kong and is providing students in Sydney the possibility to transfer their research to neighboring Unique Zealand, Hoye stated.

International universities that host American students customarily advise safety tricks to prospective students. Scrutinize-in a international country workplaces at Washington-space faculties reported sharing a host of sources with students, including Tell Division scramble advisories and scramble insurance protection, in case programs are without warning lower speedy.

“When international locations are extra unstable, we’ll be somewhat extra cautious with students, permitting them to know upfront referring to the advise and that we don’t essentially know but what’s going to happen,” Catholic University’s Schneider stated.