#it's 2:30 am i hope i can trust my editting skills

[daemonoferror]

Ouuhuhou Scarlet Hollow fanfic, that sounds so good! If it’d be fun for you I’d suggest a little reese fix it moment , like hurt comfort fluff in his basement before stuff goes down! If not that’s all chill too ^^

I'm so sorry this took me like, a month to write- I still hope you like it!

It'll be Okay

Of all the terrible things that have happened this week, being barricaded in a basement against your will isn't the worst. It’s easier to cope with when you tell yourself you're just spending time with Reese. Except he's the reason you're trapped, and he's not the most reassuring person right now. He’s completely restless and jittery. That kind of unhinged, uncontrollable excitement you see people act in movies. He pretends to be okay, but he’s clearly not. He’s just witnessed a betrayal very few have to handle, and no matter how excited for the future he is, the hurt that’s happening now will take a long time to heal.

You’re not very interested in the movie you’re watching. Instead you’re watching him. His wide eyes as he rambles about the aspects of the movie. His fidgeting hands and subconscious foot tapping. His demeanor could seem impatient or annoyed, regardless of the big grin he wears. The movie isn’t fast paced enough to keep up with him. When he interrupts again with a factoid about a scene you haven’t watched yet, you turn the TV off. “A movie might be too much for you right now, man.” You answer his disappointed, questioning look. “Are you feeling okay?

"Yeah, I feel fine- great, actually! My body must be adjusting without the poison. I'm getting better, healthier! I'm doing great!" Reese responds, his words rushed. The reasoning doesn't sit well with you. The poison was flushed out within hours of not taking it? A deadly poison he's been fed for at least a decade? The body doesn't work that fast.

You frown, "Are you sure you're not like, upset? This is a lot to process, Reese, maybe you need to talk about it-”

“I don’t know what there is to talk about!” Reese interrupts you, "The doc has been poisoning me for the past decade, and I've practically been a prisoner down here for the same amount of time." He says, and his smile falters a bit. His bouncing leg is nearly vibrating, he stands up and starts quickly pacing around his room to try to calm down.

You want to drop it, but there’s this sinking feeling, something telling you there’s something wrong here, more than you know. "I just. . . I feel like your mom had to have a reason. Nothing in Scarlet Hollow seems this transparent." You’re a little meek to say it while Reese is doing so poorly. He does tense at your words, for only a moment. From where you're seated, his ears look pointier, his nails longer before he balls his hands into fists. 

"You don't have to defend her. And don’t call her that. She lost that right." Reese strains to control his anger, "I don't care what her reasons are, it doesn't change anything." He paces faster, glaring at the ground. The changes you could've blamed on a trick of the light or mind are obvious now, and very real.

“Reese?” You slowly stand up and reach out to him. “Are you-”

“Yes! I mean no- I’m-. . .I’m just mad.” He growls, and brings a hand up to hold his head. He looks taller, his skin a sort of gray color. "Everything I used to blame on my illness was really just because of her. I had to drop out of school because of her. I couldn't go out or hang out with my friends because of her. I thought I could die any day because of her." Each word is spoken with more unearthed resentment until he’s nearly yelling. All of these little changes start to come together to make him look nothing like the reese you know. His sweater tears as his shoulder widen and arms grow. His face droops like molded clay, sharp teeth poking out of his mouth. "And I'm still just trapped in her basement, waiting on her to leave. Why should I wait on her any longer? Why does she get to live when she's stolen my life from me?" His anger boils over to a snapping point. It feels like the world freezes around him as the plan takes shape, staring at the door with wide eyes and new, morbid motivation. "Stay here. I'll be right back." His voice is lower, malice. The monster treks towards the stairs, and you're mortified.

 “Reese- Reese please wait-” Your voice trembles witnessing the scene in front of you. The paintings come to life, bubbling under the surface and reaching out for purchase in this world. You try to step towards him, but you can’t move. Looking down, painted hands seep from his art to hold your feet in place. You struggle against it as Reese ignores your pleas.

“This has to be done.” He ensures. He only climbs a few steps before your struggle with the paint ends, squashing it under your shoes with a splat. You hardly think before you collide into him in an embrace. Maybe it was meant more to restrain him- a fruitless attempt against his new beastly size- but it works as a sign of affection that throws him off. He stumbles a bit, and seems to shrink ever so slightly in your arms. It leaves him speechless, frozen in place, with his long arms raised to not touch you. 

When you feel him shaking above him, you immediately think you did something wrong- hurt him or angered him- and take it as a sign to step away from him. His breathing is heavy and short, his snout scrunched up and nostrils flaring. His face is twisted in pain. Agonized and conflicted with a far off gaze. His eyes dart to look down at you, the glow in them dims, soft and glossy. One hand reaches out for you, the claws graze your arm before he pauses, wide eyes taking in the look of his monstrous appearance for the first time. "Oh... I'm-... I'm sorry-" His voice is less than a whimper as he pushes past you, stumbling down the stairs with unfamiliar legs. 

"It's okay-" You quickly say, following his path until he collapses to the floor with his back to you. "I'm alright." You ensure your voice is soft, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. 

He hides his face as well as he can in his hands, but it is clear when you hear a sob that he’s crying. "Why-" He starts, so many emotions built behind the one word. There's hundreds of things he could ask, questions neither of you have the answer to. "Why would she do this? What did I do? What's… What's wrong with me?" He asks,

"There isn't anything wrong with you. This isn't your fault." You tell him the only thing you're (mostly) confident in. 

"Bullshit." He scoffs, and his ears twist down. He finally turns to you and the anger simmers away again. "I was going to kill her. I could've hurt you." 

"But I'm fine! Not a scratch on me." You reassure him, sitting down next to him. He flinches a bit when you wrap an arm around his shoulder, removing it to not make him uncomfortable. "Look. I've only known you for like, two days. But I know that you're sweet and kind. I trust that you would never hurt me." 

He looks at you, and there's this tiny voice that tells him he could easily crush you, and he feels nauseous. "I don't like this." He sighs in defeat, hugging his arms across his torso. That voice tells him he's lying- like a constant need to be at odds with himself. "I guess… I do though? It's easier to breathe. I just don't-" When he looks into your eyes, he's at a loss for words again. "I don't..." He thinks he'll get lost in them, the nagging thoughts quieting like he's been riddled with stage fright. "I don't want to do something I'd regret." He finally pieces together. "I don't want to be a monster."

You grin softly and take his hand. "You're not a monster. You're Reese. You're human." You tell him, sure in your words. He uses his free hand to wipe away tears that were beginning to form. Finally his features start to shrink into something just more human as he tries to return the smile. A quiet sob bubbles up and he uses all his strength to not start weeping. He awkwardly pulls you into a hug, your face pressed against his chest. He holds you tight, as silent tears roll down his cheeks. 

"Thank you." He says with a sniffle after minutes of staying like this, rubbing circles into his back. He holds onto you like a lifeline, and you're not sure he ever intends on letting go of you.

The moment is ruined when you hear stomping from upstairs, and Doc Kelly yelling for Reese. He tenses and squeezes you tighter, maybe too tight. "Hey, it's okay." You mumble, soothing and softly, and his muscles relax enough for you to pull away. You look up at the ceiling, placing in your mind where the mad doctor could be before facing Reese, "Maybe I could try to talk to her-"

"No." He gasps, and you start to see his features shifting again. "Especially not without me." He spits. 

Your shoulders droop and you sigh. It was a mad idea in the first place. You decide to change the topic, hoping to distract him. "Come on, it's getting late, you've gotta be tired." You use his loose grip on your arm to pull him towards the bed. He's definitely confused; and probably disappointed you're not encouraging the fight, but he lets you drag him away. You lay down first, and scooch as far back as you can, your back pressing against the cold brick wall.

"Are you sure we shouldn't try to leave now? I don't have to hurt her, I could just like- shove her out of the way or something?" Reese shrugs, hesitant to crawl in beside you.

"I'd rather just avoid her instead of risking it. Please, just humor me? We'll get you out of here soon, safely. Just relax for now." 

Reese sighs, "Fine." And lays down beside you. "Do you have a plan then?"

"Take a nap. And at like 2 or 3 am or so we sneak back to the estate." You shrug, scooching towards him to get away from the cold wall.

"What if she doesn't fall asleep?" His voice waivers, imagining the many ways this could end with you hurt.

"We break a window or something? I don't know. At some point she's going to think you simmered down, right?" Maybe it's true your plan isn't great, but even if you're just prolonging the inevitable, it's worth it to be here with him. 

"I'm not sure. I don't remember the last time this happened. If this has happened?" He picks at his nails anxiously, remembering the logs of his "episodes" in the book he found. 

"Well, we'll figure it out. It'll be okay." You assured him.

"Thanks. For being here with me. And for not running away. I'm glad I met you." He says with a sigh, moving to press his forehead against yours.

"I'm glad I met you, too. And I'm happy I'll get to spend more time with you." You lace your fingers with his to hold his hand, closing your eyes, feeling safe next to him. "You still think you'll come home with me?"

"Yeah." He answers without skipping a beat. "What's it like in your town anyways?"

You snort, "Hm, you'll think it's boring. There's no ditchlings, or mine collapses, or vengeful ghost hauntings." You hum, amused, a small smile tugging at your lips as your eyes droop shut. 

"And no one transforming into…" He trails off, but the question is clear.

You hum a negatory. "No one like you. You've got no competition."

It wasn't what he meant when he asked, but your answer made him flush, "Oh… good." 

"But I can't stress this enough though: the cat's a complete asshole. He's terrible, you'll love him." You chuckle, and Reese reciprocates it.

"I've never had a cat, it'll be fun." Reese shrugs confidently.

"Yeah? Then you can clean his litter box. He tries to kick all of it out as soon as you're done, by the way. And when he does go he usually misses. He's a terror." You reiterate. 

"Damn. Maybe he just doesn't like you. I'm sure we'll be best friends though." He teases, and nudges your arm. 

"If he likes you more than me I'm throwing one of you out." You laugh and nudge him back. "I'm kidding."

"You better be! You can't get rid of me that easily." He jokes, comfortable silence falling over the two of you after. "I'm really excited about this. It sounds so nice to just- live and explore the city with you."

"Yeah. Wait till you try all the food you've been robbed of for years." You try not to yawn, "No more plain pasta for you. You're getting the greasiest pizza, richest chocolate cake, soda- whatever you want. I'll even make you anything you want. If you don't get a stomachache in the first week, I've failed you."

Reese laughs, "That all sounds great… more or less."

"It will be." You sigh and mutter after, "I'm just happy to be part of your new life." Your eyes are heavy, yawning again. You want to keep talking but you can't, wrapping your arm around Reese as you fall asleep. 

Sleep doesn't find Reese as easily though. He listens for any noise or indication of trouble. His eyes dart to any movement out the window, jumps at every creak in the floor boards above. But nothing happens. Even the ditchlings don't make their regular visits. He finally relaxes enough just to stare at your sleeping face, and he starts to think things will all be okay.

[homeofjonicles]

The Jonicles - Entry 2

Note: This is the second entry of The Jonicles and was written on day #5, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the second entry of The Jonicles!

It's May 23rd, 2022. It's also 6:30 pm on a Monday, the day of unending dread. Fitting! Today is day #5 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation.

Hello. I write again to document my current fixation on Jon Arbuckle. I've downloaded more images of him, especially the ones I think he looks particularly dashing in. My profile picture on Discord was updated to a panel of Jon dancing with a broom (displayed above) taken from a Garfield Minus Garfield strip. And furthermore, I am becoming quite enchanted by Jon's voice in the Garfield And Friends series. He sounds so... gentle, it's really soothing. It's reassuring, soft, and sounds trained, for quite an unhinged person like Jon.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Jon is most likely suffering from mental illness? Many in the Garfield fandom already know of this theory, but it's just so... interesting to me. When Garfield is around, he acts as something Jon's own sadness can bounce off of as a sort of punchline, but when the cat isn't there, it feels... empty, relatable, and Jon's character just hits you like a truck. And even when Garfield is there, with this context in mind, Jon is just a lonely, sad cartoonist who talks to his cat to fill in the void. He can't hear Garfield, but it works, just a little. That's part of why Jon has such bad social skills when talking to women and people in general. He's not really shy, but he's a recluse and can't get the "correct" words out (correct in terms of what people are supposed to do, anyway). He's... really relatable, except for the whole "desperately trying to pick someone up and get a date" part. I'm demiromantic and have trust issues, so that's not as relatable, haha......

Anyway! I've also listened to "Shake Your Paw" about 20 or so times today. It's the same song Jon dances to when he obliterated disco with his slick moves. The real reason disco is dead is because it couldn't handle carrying Jon's pure, unstoppable gigachad energy. Additionally, I drew Jon in my film class book, one of them being him as Sans, which is proof my drawing abilities were a mistake.

Not much to say here, other than I want to go watch the "Here Comes Garfield" special, not only for THE scene (the one that broke the hearts of millions of Garfield fans.... you know the scene....), but for Jon Arbuckle's unbeaten presence that always seems to enthrall me. Jon, I hope you're still enjoying your stay in my chaotic mess of a brain, because this is still only the beginning.

Last edited: 6:49 pm, May 23rd 2022.

EDIT (7:25 pm): i'm fuckignf xrry cryign... im.g.... not fcrying ovcer garfdeld nono,, ,yiyu are...... pleaee im in tteatrs.....

Ahh, the second entry. Back when I was only on day #5 of this whole mess. The image I used for this entry when I wrote it on my phone is one of my favourite Jon images, he just looks so smug, it's hilarious

Also, regarding the third entry... I'm not exactly sure if I want to post that one yet. It's very personal and I go into my.... *gags* my feelings.... Yeah. I may provide a shortened version or a summary of the entry, but for now, I think I might lay it off until I feel ready to post it. Also, demiromantic reveal! Blind dates are so bizarre.

And yes, I did actually cry during Here Comes Garfield, and that is genuine crytyping... Listen, if you've seen the special, you know exactly what I'm crying over, I think I'm completely justified for crying at that bit...

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 18th of July, 2022 at 6:30 pm.

[trylkstopocket]

Story: From Unemployed To 3 Jobs In 6 Months – u/OEaholic - Overemployed

The following is a success story from u/OEaholic with some light edits. Visit our Reddit community r/Overemployed.

Hey everyone! I felt it was time to share my story of how I went from unemployed to having three jobs in a span of six months. If I can do it, anyone with interest, skill, and hunger for money can achieve it. Of course, experience is important as well. I hope this will help anyone who is looking to take advantage of OE. I am a US citizen who has immigrated from a South Asian country when I was young. I completed my MBA from a top 50 university and graduated in January 2021. Isaac’s note: also see our how to break into tech in your 30s.

$30k of Debt and Jobless

From January, I had a loan of about $30k from my MBA program and I found it difficult to get a job for three months. I was doing part-time jobs while searching for jobs using LinkedIn and Blind. I applied and got interviews for all kinds of companies. The roles I was looking to get were Data Analyst/Business Analyst type roles. I had done more than a dozen interviews from January to March of 2021 and my expenses were piling up. That propelled me to dig in and find a job.

I started looking into contracting roles which were a game-changer for me. I have found that contracting roles had less strict criteria and require only one or two interviews before you are hired. Isaac’s note: very true, just understand the other side is looking for someone who is plug-and-play and experienced.

I was always interested in getting multiple jobs, so I found that finding contracting jobs was the way to go. Of course, there were negatives which I will explain later in the post.

J1: A contracting job at a FAANG company.

This was March 2021 and by this time I was desperate. Since it was an interview for a FAANG company, I barely had any hopes of getting the job and this was also my first contracting interview. The company did two rounds of interviews and hired me the same day of my second interview! I was hyped. This was a business analyst role and the annual pay was $127K. I immediately accepted and worked only at this job from March, 2021 to May, 2021. In these three months, I got accustomed to the work, my team, and my manager. Luckily, I had one of the best teams one could ask for, my manager was amazing at what she does, and the team was extremely flexible. I am good at what I do and my team completely trusted me. We had a daily stand-up, but other than that, no one bothered me or asked me what I was doing as long as I got my work done. I never worked over 20 hrs per week except for a few times but got paid for all 40 hrs.

By May, I started looking for J2. Again, I only looked for contracting roles and was able to find a job within 2 weeks from search to hire (it helped I had FAANG on my resume).

J2 and J3 enter the game

J2 is a contract business analyst role at another FAANG company paying $141k. The work here is a little bit more hectic than J1 but still manageable. Luckily, this job only has two meetings per week. And as long as I show results, no one questioned or bothered me. This is a plus for being a contractor.

In July 2021, I started looking for J3. This was another contracting role and the recruiter reached out on LinkedIn. I couldn’t resist saying no and interviewed for the role.** This was a PM role at a major social media company paying $134k**. The team is really good and since it is a PM role I have quite a few meetings at the end of each quarter but other than that manageable with a lot of freedom.

I have been working three jobs since July 2021. Even though it’s difficult at times, I found a way to manage and now it’s easy for me to handle. Of course, I have been fortunate enough to get three jobs that have good teams and manageable workloads.

Total Compensation Breakdown

J1: $127k

J2: $141k

J3: $134k

Total: $402k/year

Since it’s contracting, I don’t have other benefits such as allowance, stocks, company insurance, etc. I have noticed that when you are a contractor, the focus on you is a little less than FTE. I also feel that this gives me leniency to work multiple jobs. Isaac’s note: the flexibility and balance of contract work can make up for the lack in RSUs and other benefits, OE is all about prioritizing you.

OE Tech Tips

I use Logitech MX Master keyboard and mouse since it gives me a chance to connect to all three laptops at once and I can switch between them easily at the click of a button. I also have all work related apps on a separate work phone that gives me the chance to respond to any chats/emails immediately. Check out our other tech tips that have worked for countless others in our OE community.

[irisofpurple]

Good Girl

Summary: What happens when Lana comes home to Ethan, fashionably late after a girls night?

Book: Open Heart Book 3 (post ending)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey×f!MC (Lana Stevens)

Word Count: 2k.

Warnings/Rating: Smut, Swearing, NSFW; Explicit.

A/N: This is pure filth and nothing but filth. A self indulgent produce of my very Scorpio brain and the smuttiest fic I've ever written. I'm not exactly sorry but you've been warned jskssjjkkhhssk. It follows up after New Look, which was my first ever Pictagram edit. I suppose you can still read this if you missed that though. Hope you enjoy reading!

This work is NSFW and meant for 18+ readers only. Please use discretion.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

A rush of giddy excitement hit her as she turned the keys to his apartment, making her stumble slightly at the doorstep as she entered.

Alcohol from the countless shots Jackie made them do was still hot and pumping through her veins. In her drunken haze, Sienna had actually convinced her to keep the wig on.

She adjusted it slightly before she realised she'd stepped into pin drop silence, the moonlight streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows the only source of light cutting through the darkness.

A quick glance at her watch told her it was 2:30 AM. Way past Ethan's bedtime.

Her stomach dropped. The girls night had went on longer than she'd anticipated. They'd gotten a bit carried away between gossiping and drinking to new beginnings. It had been a while since they'd had a relaxing night as this after all.

As fun as that was, what Lana was really looking forward to tonight was seeing Ethan. All that teasing had made her as hot as she'd hoped to have made him. She wanted to leave right then but it wouldn't have been fair to her friends.

Her shoulders slumped. It was no use now.

She turned head into the bedroom, the knowledge that she'd find him peacefully asleep making her heart sink a little.

"You're late."

The familiar rumble of his voice echoed through the room, making her gasp in surprise and turn back around.

There he was. Sitting at the bar with a glass of scotch nestled in his hand.

Her heart jumped in her throat, a fresh surge of adrenaline coursing through her, renewing her excitement even more than before.

The contrasting shadows and moonlight highlighted his already sharp jawline, making him look more beautiful than ever.

Slowly, he rose from his seat, drawing nearer to her, his dark predatory gaze never leaving her. She wasn't able to look away either, her belly clenching with anticipation with every step he took.

She shivered as he ran his fingers though the red hair, his blue eyes going the deepest shade of sapphire possible.

"You're still wearing it, I see." he muttered darkly, a dangerous edge to his voice.

A slow smirk spread across her face. She knew no joy like seeing Ethan Ramsey tethering on the edge in a struggle for control.

And she'd make sure he fell over tonight.

"I thought you'd fallen asleep." she said, feigning nonchalance, pointedly ignoring his observation.

In a sudden movement, he pulled her hand by the wrist to the front of his pants, making her feel his hardness though the fabric.

"Do you know how hard it is to sleep like this?" He said through gritted teeth.

Lana was unfazed. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as she stared right back into those celestial blues.

"I can only imagine." She murmured huskily as her fingers caressed him ever so slightly, confidence oozing through her as he twitched violently at her touch.

He pulled her hand away and onto his chest, having realized that his move had backfired.

"You made me wait." He accused, his rebellious gaze dropping to her lips.

"I think I know exactly how to make up for it." Lana said with coquettish smirk.

She captured his lips soon after, not letting him a chance to say anything more. Her hands travelled down to palm his bulge once more, making him groan against her lips. Tongues tangled in a desperate battle for dominance, their need for each other assuming more importance than air for a few breathless moments.

Lana pushed him onto the couch, looking down at him with a devilish smile as she pulled off her wig, shaking free her natural blonde curls. They fell around her shoulders gracefully as Ethan watched her with an awestruck look on his face, all traces of resistance gone. She took off her top next, taking delight in his sharp intake of breath as her breasts spilled free before his reverent eyes, following to straddle his lap and continue kissing him with abandon.

Her lips trailed down the corded muscles of his neck, sucking and biting as she goes. Ethan's hands meanwhile were firmly gripping her waist, another one inching underneath her skirt, closer and closer to her soaked core.

But she wouldn't let him get there. Not yet.

His shirt flew across the living room in a matter of seconds and then she on her knees before him, her lips having left a wet trail of kisses all over his chest and abs.

She unbuckled his belt with deft fingers, pulling down the redundant material of his trousers. His cock sprung free, jutting out in all it's glory, demanding immediate attention.

Her delicate fingers gripped him firmly, pumping him a few times torturously.

"Lana.." Ethan groaned helplessly.

She gave him a smile that she knew he found devastating.

"Feel free to pull my hair." she said as she moved to give a long luscious lick along his length.

Her blood red lips were wrapped around his cock the next second, causing Ethan's hips to buck up involuntarily. His fingers tangled in her hair, making her hum around him in satisfaction.

She was on her knees but the one surrendering was Ethan, completely at her mercy. That knowledge was as beholding as it was empowering.

She sank down the length of him, hollowing out her cheeks, relishing every grunt and moan that escaped his throat as she took him deeper into her own.

She repeated the motion, working him up, not letting the involuntary gags or tears brimming in her eyes stop her from taking him where she wanted.

Keeping eye contact, she realised him with a dizzying pop only to suck on his heavy balls till they were as wet as his now glistening cock.

The look of sheer adoration mixed with lust and frustration on his face had to the hottest thing she'd ever witnessed. It made her own folds drip with arousal.

Her tongue flicked across the slit of his tip, before her warm mouth engulfed him once more to bob down his steely length with determination, taking him all the way in.

"Sweetheart, you're going to make me.. FUCKK!"

His grip on her hair tightened, almost to the point of pain. It only served to excite her more. She didn't let up till he emptied himself down her throat, cursing as he shook and came like never before.

She licked him clean, not leaving a single drop.

She felt breathless and a little punch drunk as he pulled her up and into his arms, kissing her tenderly, softly caressing her cheek and wiping away the tears.

He pulled back to look at her, concern etching his handsome face. "Are you okay?"

She laughed. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He seemed satisfied with her answer because the look of worry gave way to a roguish smirk.

"Just needed to be sure cause I'm not done with you yet."

"Wha-"

"Shhh." He silenced her with his fingers. "You had your way with me, didn't you? Now it's my turn."

"But.." her query died in a moan as Ethan's fingers found her dripping core.

"Damn." He hissed. "How are you already so wet?"

Lana was in no shape to answer because his thumb was working her clit in maddening circles, excruciating pleasure rippling through her as two fingers curled into her slick passage.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as his skillful fingers moved over her with precision and expertise, over and over again. Just when she was about to reach her peak however, he ceased all movements.

Lana cried out in disappointment from the sudden loss of sensations.

"What are you doing?" she hissed at him in frustration.

Ethan only smiled. "You didn't think I'd let you get away with all that teasing so fast, did you?"

"What do you-"

"Hush, my darling. I said it was my turn. You made me wait for you all evening. Now close your eyes."

"But-"

"No arguments." He said firmly.

Lana hesitantly shut her eyes, the ache between her legs getting unbearable with each passing second.

"Good girl." She could hear the smile in his voice. "Don't move an inch and keep your eyes shut. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" she cried. "You can't leave me like this."

"Don't you trust me, my love?" He chastened.

Lana gulped. "I do but.."

"No buts then. I promise I'll make it worth your while but no cheating or this ends here."

"No!" Lana shook her head. "I'll do as you say."

"That's my girl."

She heard his footsteps fade away as she struggled to stay still. She was tempted to take a peek and more anything else, touch herself and soothe the throb between her legs. She could get off so easily right now.

But she didn't dare disobey. The wait and build up made her wetter and more turned on than she'd ever been.

Her breath came in shallow pants as she waited and by the time he was back, she felt like one touch would be enough to make her explode.

He secured a silky fabric across her eyes and she heard a low click of glass on the surface of the table.

What the hell was that?

Her heart pounded in her chest and her sex clenched in anticipation.

"Hands above your head and don't move. Or I'll have to tie you up."

She nodded eagerly, following his instructions. "Please Ethan."

He chuckled. "Patience, my love. If there's anything I learnt tonight, it's that waiting makes everything better."

She gasped as she felt his lips on her inner thighs, his beard deliciously scraping her skin as he kissed her everywhere but where she needed him most. It was too much but not enough.

His fingers hooked around the lace of her panties. "As pretty as these are, they have to go."

A loud rip followed, tearing through the room and informing her that her panties were definitely in shreds.

"That was.." she choked out, almost in alarm, unable to finish her sentence. But Ethan seemed to understand her concern.

"I'll buy you more." He grunted.

She felt warm liquid slosh onto her chest, flowing down slowly between the valley of her breasts and down her belly, making her entire body tingle.

Her back arched as the flow inched closer to her pulsing core. She moaned out loud as it finally reached it's destination, suddenly cooling her hot sex.

Ethan's mouth closed on her clit before she could process what was going on.

"Ethannn" She cried out.

She didn't recognize the feline noises escaping her, gasping and moaning for her life as she climbed higher and higher with each masterful stroke of his tongue.

"God. I thought scotch was best had neat. I was wrong. So wrong." He muttered against her sex.

The low rumble vibrated through her body and as soon as his fingers joined the ministrations of his mouth, Lana catapulted over the edge, fireworks exploding behind her eyes and blinding her with hot white pleasure as she came all over his face harder than ever. He didn't stop till all the aftershocks rocking her subsided, letting her ride out her orgasm.

He removed her blindfold and pulled her into his arms, gently kissing the top of her head as she hugged him feebly.

As she caught her breath, her eyes landed on the expensive half empty bottle of scotch and she laughed. "Scotch and sex? Who would've thought?"

Ethan chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. "Me apparently. How did it feel?"

She buried her face in his chest, feeling her face heat. "You know how I felt. I was pretty vocal about it."

Low masculine laughter rumbled through his chest making her heart squeeze and sex clench, like she didn't just have the best orgasm of her life.

She wasn't embarrassed though because she could feel his rock hard errection against her thigh.

She looked up at him mischievously. "Are we ready for a round two?"

She yelped as he lifted her, her thighs wrapping around his waist as he carried her to their bedroom.

"Always."

Whew! I hope you enjoyed reading that. As usual, I'd love to know what you think. Please forgive the mistakes if there are any. I couldn't proofread due to shortage of time.

Tags: @lem-20 @pixie88 @aleynareads @maurine07 @whimsicallywayward15 @lovingramsey @coffeeheartaddict @txemrn @shewillreadyou @aussieez @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @schnitzelbutterfingers @imaneditorthankyouverymuch @mercury84choices @thegreentwin @adiehardfan @custaroonie @headoverheelsforramsey @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

[morganamysticblog]

The Royal Romance - Book 2 - Fanfic

This is from The Royal Romance – Book 2 – after Drake and MC confront Bastien…

MC – alone in her room on the train – So that was fun. NOT!! Drake’s statement that this conspiracy and set up goes all the way to the top is right. But it’s not Queen Regina like he thinks. This goes all the way to King Constantine. And the worst part of it, now that I’m really thinking about all of it, I’m pretty sure Liam knew the whole time.

(MC pulls out her laptop and opens it up.) I wonder if I my hacking skills from college can get into Cordonian palace security. (After a few minutes…) Wow, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Cordonia royal security is crap. I have full access to everything. Security cameras, past recordings, everything. At least they have good cameras in pretty much every possible location except bedrooms.

Now…how far back should I go? Liam started acting weird right after the Royal Regatta. Let’s start there.

MC accesses the security logs and finds one in a small dining room with King Constantine, Liam and Bastien. The video and audio are great. All color, full sound.

Constantine – Liam, I see you’re getting rather close to that commoner girl, Heather.

Liam – Yes father. I believe she is the one.

Constantine – You’re blinded by your heart son. Keep your eyes open to your responsibilities. Have fun with the girl for a while, do what you will with her, but she will not be Queen. Madeleine has been born for this, trained since birth. She will be your choice at your Coronation.

Liam – But I have no feelings for Madeleine father.

Constantine – Feelings have nothing to do with this, Liam. This is for the stability of Cordonia. You will make the correct decision when the time comes, or I will make it for you.

Liam – (hanging his head, frowning) Yes father.(Liam leaves the room leaving Constantine and Bastien alone.)

Constantine – Bastien, watch him closely. We need a plan to rid ourselves of that girl when the time comes, if she doesn’t leave of her own volition.

Bastien – Yes sir.

Constantine – I will think on this and let you know when we need to initiate a plan.

Bastien – Of course sir.(MC stops the video.) 

So he did know. He knew this whole time. Drake was right, the royals just mess with people. This all makes so much sense now. He’s been trying to distract me, keep me off balance. Especially now on this engagement tour. “I want to talk about our future…come with me to this super romantic cave.” The trip to the Eiffel Tower. And even tonight at the speakeasy, wanting to take me on a midnight tour of Paris. He said he would use his resources to help me find out who set me up. Yeah right. He’s using his resources to mess with me and keep me away from the truth.

I can’t stay here anymore. I am done with being someone’s plaything. I need to let the others know I am leaving. (Picking up Jackson’s leash) Come on baby, I know it’s late, but we’re going for a walk. (MC packs up her personal things and leaves the train.)

(Down the street MC finds a decently lit park and sits down.)I can record messages to everybody and then send them all at once after I’m on my way to the airport or wherever.

MESSAGE TO HANA –Hana, you are such an amazing friend. I want to thank you so much for always being there for me since the day we met. I hope you realize how wonderful you are and how strong you really are. Never give up on your dreams. I wish I could stay and help you find your path, but things have gotten to be a little too much for me. Please keep in touch. You can call, text, video chat, whatever, any time. Take care of yourself Hana. Good bye.

MESSAGE TO MAXWELL –Maxwell, my little brother. I will never be able to thank you enough for taking me in and making me a part of your family. It’s been quite a while since I had that. I could always count on you to make me smile, no matter how bad I felt. I wish I could give you one last big hug, but I really need to be out on my own now. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done to help me with trying to clear my name. But, I’m done investigating. I just want to move on with my life. Take care of yourself, Bertrand and little Bartie. I hope you realize you’re the glue that holds the Beaumonts together. I will miss you so much. Keep in touch. Good bye.

MESSAGE TO LIAM –Liam. I don’t know where to even begin. You are one of the sweetest, most romantic men I have ever met. I truly thought we had a connection, even though it felt like I was a contestant on The Bachelor – Royal Edition. But, based on what I know now, I don’t know if any of it was real. If you did actually care for me, or if it was all part of the game. I know what happened, Liam. I know who set me up. And I know you knew about it. All of the offers for romantic getaways, all of the sweet things you would say when we were at different functions, the way you looked at me. It was all to distract me from finding out the truth. That may not have been the only reason, but it was a big part of it. You offered to help me find out the truth, but instead you kept keeping me away from it, lying to me. I feel like such an idiot allowing myself to be played like that. I actually trusted you and believed you. Let your father know he won. This “commoner” won’t be around to distract you any longer. Even after everything, I wish you the best. Take care of yourself and I wish you a long and happy marriage to Madeleine. Good bye Liam.

MESSAGE TO DRAKE –Drake – I hate having to say good bye to you like this, but I can’t stay here anymore. Not after tonight. Well, the part before the bar with you. That part was amazing. You have been so wonderful this whole time. I told you before that you were the one I want to be with. I meant it. You see yourself as always being in Liam’s shadow. I see him being in yours. You have been there for me every time I needed you. You saved me from the horse at the Derby. You helped me on the boat at the Regatta. This is when I started getting feelings for you, by the way. Getting to spend your birthday with you. And then the night with Tarek. That night I knew you were the one for me. I would love to be able to stay here with you, and only you, but I think it’s better if I leave, go back to the States somewhere, I don’t know. You were right, Drake. The royals love playing with people’s lives. And I was their latest target. So, I’m taking myself out of the game. Constantine is the one who set me up. And Drake, I know Liam is your best friend, that you trust him, that you have been to hell and back several times with him, but he knew, Drake. He knew the whole time. I thought he was offering to take me on those romantic excursions because of his feelings for me…which I pretty much blew off all of them to spend time with you by the way. But now I realize he was doing it to distract me. Get my mind off the investigation, take blame away from him. I’m sorry, Drake. I didn’t want to tell you like this. I hope you know this epiphany has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I hope you know how much I care about you, how much I…how much I…how much I love you, Drake. Bye.

MESSAGE TO OLIVIA –Hey Olivia. Well, I know how much you hate when I text or call you, but you’re just going to have to deal with it this time. I’m leaving. The information you need to finish the investigation we’ve been on…it’s Constantine. He’s the one that set us both up. He wanted to make sure that Liam chose Madeleine. He used Bastien to set me up, and he had the information on your parents ready to release against you. He would have been the only one who knew the truth that they were trying to assassinate him. In a way, after all this, I see why he has so many enemies. I think your parents were right to try to stop him from his major power trip. Use this information however you wish. I can search through the security videos again if you want true confirmation, but you’re smart enough to know it’s the truth. Take care of yourself Olivia. I know you don’t like letting people in, but I do consider you a friend. Keep in touch if you want. Good bye.

Well, that’s done. It’s 6:30. Everyone will be waking up soon. Might as well hit “send all”. (MC pushes the SEND button on the phone.)Now to find a cab so we can get to the airport Jackson.- 

Inside the train – phones begin to beep.

Maxwell – hmmm, it’s little early for my alarm. Huh? Voice message. (He listens to the message.) Woah. I’m her little brother!! Awww. Wait…she left? (Maxwell comes out into the common area of the train.

Hana – Heather’s gone? What happened last night? (Hana comes out of her cabin and finds Maxwell.) Maxwell…what happened? Heather’s gone.

Maxwell – I know. I got a message from her. I know she and Drake talked to Bastien, and then they disappeared for a while. I haven’t talked to either one of them since.

Liam – sitting on the edge of his bed, he pulls his phone out and sees the message alert. He pushes the play button and hears Heather’s sweet voice. But the words she says to him are not so sweet. She knows. She knows all of it. Well, not all of it. He wasn’t trying to distract her, only spend time with her. He still loved her, even after everything that had happened. He hated having to keep the truth from her. It took all his willpower not to tell her. Maybe he should have told her. He would have lost her anyway, but at least it would have proven how much he cared for her. She hated him now. He should have seen it. She had been avoiding him lately. He sets the phone down and puts his hands over his face. Tears stream down. He just lost the one bright spot in his life. And there was nothing he could do about it. No apology could ever fix this. Slowly he regains his composure and walks out of his cabin. He finds Maxwell and Hana talking. Apparently Heather left them goodbye messages as well.

Maxwell – Liam, there you are. Heather’s gone. She left me and Hana messages saying how great we are and then just goodbye.

Liam – She left me a message as well. I…I need to get ready for today.But just as Liam is getting ready to head to the boutique car to change, Drake comes out of his cabin. Anger all over his face. Before Liam can say a word, Drake punches him in the face.

Drake – You son of a bitch. You know this whole time. You covered for your father, you lied to her. You lied to all of us. I hope your satisfied. Watching us all run around like little rats in a maze. I thought you were actually real. You’re an even better actor than your father. You’re going to be a wonderful king. And just so you know…the nights you kept inviting Heather to come spend time with you…the reason she never showed…she was with me.

Drake walks away as Liam stands with his jaw on the ground, rubbing his sore face. Hana and Maxwell, just stare, speechless.Drake leaves the train and starts walking down the street.

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[until-theend-oftheline]

Kari’s Marvelous 2k Writing Challenge

Thank you so much, guys. I honestly didn’t expect this blog to grow the way it has when I started it. I love this fandom and I love reading for these characters as much as I love writing for them, so let’s celebrate with a challenge, shall we?

Since I reached the milestone before my 1 year anniversary I will as open up drabble requests using a prompts list - I’ll make a post about that as soon as I can.

Also, check out and please participate in my Spread the Love event for my 1 year anniversary.

This challenge is for you guys to have fun with. I set the due date a few months in the future to make sure you got plenty of time to complete it.

The prompts for this challenge are all dialogue prompts. They are all a little odd and a little sassy. Cause well I am a little odd and sassy ;) On to the rules and have fun Y'all!

Due Date: June 1st, 2019

Word min: 500 words

Word Max: 6k words

Style: It can be a drabble, one shot or beginning of a series. Do not put in in the middle of an ongoing series since I plan on reading them and don’t want to read 10 parts of something to understand the entry.

Fandom: MCU - mostly

Will you read and reblog my fic?

You betcha :D I am behind on reading for previous challenges so patience is a virtue here

When Do I Post?

Right now. Sign Ups start now and end when there are no more prompts or when the due date rolls around

Genre: Anything you want. You have to be over 18 if you write smut and you always have to warn accordingly! Fluff, angst, AUs, and crack are all welcome.

Limits on what you can write: No Mommy/daddy kinks, no non/dub con, no A/B/O, no merpeople. No half animal anything, please. No mobster aus. No monster porn (this counts Venom and Hulk) No glorification on cheating (it’s okay as a plot device but use it with thought), no wife, s/o (even exes) or actor hate in rpfs! - if you got any questions at any time feel free to send me an ask,

NO BDSM INVOLVING BUCKY - NEITHER IN SHIPS OR READER INSERTS! PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF HIS PTSD! DON’T TURN HIS ARM INTO A KINK FOR ANYONE - IT’S A DISABILITY AND CONNECTED TO GREAT TRAUMA. 

Format: State in your A/N that it is for my (until-theend-oftheline) Kari’s Marvelous 2K Challenge. And use the # Kari’s Marvelous 2K Challenge in the first 5 tags.

Pairing and word count also have to be easy to spot in your header!

Submit: After you posted on Tumblr you have to add yourself and your fic to this doc.  If you don’t do this you will not be added to the masterlist I create when the challenge is over. If you got questions - just ask :D

Doc link it case Tumblr is an ass: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16FmPbXuA6oF23M5qiR5jRCSiUpaW_RiDIPUHG_LziBk/edit?usp=sharing

How do I join?

You pick a prompt and a pairing off the list. Send me the prompt number along with a backup just in case and your pairing of choice. ASKS ONLY!! REPLIES, REBLOGS AND IMS WILL BE IGNORED!

There are no limits on the pairings but I only allow 2 people per prompt so think before you sign up. If you don’t think you will be doing it then don’t take the spot from someone else. For now, 1 person can sign up 3 times (one prompt per story). 

Prompts and people are under the cut.

Pairings

No male readers - gender neutral are fine otherwise female.

General Fics - character or rpf are both fine.

All genders, skin tones etc. OCs are welcome as well.

Sister/daughter/romantic/friendship reader pairings for following are all fine - just let me know which (I prefer romantic or friendship but no pressure):

Actors

Sebastian Stan

Chris Evans

Bradley Cooper

Chris Hemsworth

Robert Downey Jr.

Tom Hiddleston

Elizabeth Olsen

Tom Hardy

Characters

Bucky Barnes

Steve Rogers

Thor Odinson

Tony Stark

Wanda Maximoff

Sam Wilson

Brunnhilde/Valkyrie

Natasha Romanoff

Clint Barton*

Wade Wilson

Eddie Brock (no monster porn please!)*

Ships (all are allowed as poly with reader too):

Stucky*

Winterwitch*

Winterwidow

Winterhawk*

Winterfalcon*

Sam x Clint (I don’t know their ship name)

Clintasha

Steggy

Thundershield

Thor x Valkyrie (also forgot the ship name)

Prompts

1 “I’ve never been so insulted!” - “You don’t listen much do you?” @jewelswrites-ish (Chris Evans x Reader) / @avengerscompound (Winterhawk)

2 “On a scale of one to Australia. How dangerous are we talking?” @avengerscompound (clintasha) /

3 “When did you become so smart, oh wise one?” - “Since I stopped listening to you.” @writing-mermaid (Tony x sister!reader) /

4 “Seven billion people in the world and you are overreacting because we killed one man.” - “But…” - “Seven billion people! Now shut up and drink your smoothie!” @queen-of-the-avengers (Tony x Reader) /

5 “Oh God. I think I am in love” - “For your sake, I wouldn’t tell her/him that” @docharleythegeekqueen (Winterhawk x Reader) /

6 “Don’t trust him” - “Funny that’s exactly what he said about you” @readitandweepfics (Steve x Reader) /

7 “Children shouldn’t play with guns” - “Who said I was playing”

8 “On a scale of one to ten how bad do you think it would be if….” - “At least twenty” @fangirlfiction (Stucky x Reader) / @queen-of-the-avengers (Tony x Reader)

9 “What’s our exit strategy?” - “Our what?” - “Ohmygod we’re going to die” @acreativelydifferentlove (Steve Rogers x Reader) /

10 “I taught you how to pick locks and this is how you are using that skill?” @messy-random-bitch (Clint Barton) /

11 “What’s the little blinking light mean?” - “It means…. Wait? Blinking?!”

12 “Right now I don’t know if I want to kiss you or push you off the cliff!” - “Can I pick?”  @sweeetmonstrosity  (Sam Wilson x Reader) / @averyrogers83  (winterfalcon x reader)

13 “This is what the third time I crashed my own funeral” - “Fifth” - “Really? That many?”

14 “Bring them home. All of them.” - “But…” - “All. Of. Them.” - “Fine!”

15 “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” - “And I am subtly trying to avoid it.”

16 “What’s with the face?” - “Small fire! I said to set a small fire. Small was important!” @queen-of-the-avengers (Natascha Romanoff x Reader) /

17 “What the hell kinda noise was that?” - “I sneezed.” - “That was NOT a sneeze!” @jewels2876 (Chris Evans x Reader) /

18 “You got blood on your knees. No one goes nowhere and gets blood on their knees.”

19 “Is that blood?” - “No?” - “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question!” @nekoannie-chan (Steve Rogers x Reader) / @becs-bunker (Stucky x Reader)

20 “Obviously I’ve been gone for way too long. You managed to kill all the houseplants” @awkwardfangirl2014 (Bucky Barnes x Reader) / @queen-of-the-avengers (Tom Hiddleston x Reader)

21 “Don’t you know who I am?” - “Yup. I just don’t care.” @queen-of-the-avengers (Elizabeth Olsen x Reader) /

22 “You’re going to break his heart if you pull a stunt like this” - “He has a heart?”  @keepgrindingwaywardsoul (Bucky Barnes x Reader) /  @yougetkilled-walkitoff (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

23 “Sorry I got a cold and feverish assassin on my lap. I’ll call you back when I convinced him a cold doesn’t mean he is dying.” @keepgrindingwaywardsoul (Bucky Barnes x Reader) /  @acreativelydifferentlove (Steve Rogers x Reader) 

24 “I hate you” - “Why? I’m lovely” @barnesrogersvstheworld (Bucky Barnes x Reader) / @queen-of-the-avengers (Natascha Romanoff x Reader)

25 “You’re one insult away from starting a war” - “That’s presumptuous of you. It already started”

26 “What are you doing in the chandelier?” - “You know. Just hanging out”

27 “Can we please try not to kill anyone today?” - “Well you are no fun”  @kentuckybarnes (Bucky Barnes x Reader) /

28 “You missed!” - “I never m… FUCK!”

29 “You nearly took my head off!” - “I told you to dug didn’t I?!” @raqnorok (Bucky Barnes x Reader) / 

30 “If you weren’t so goddamn annoying I would kiss you right now” - “Well if you weren’t such a pain in the ass…. Wait what?”  @tranquil—heart (Steve Rogers x Reader) / @awkwardfangirl2014  (Chris Evans x Reader)

MCU WRITING CHALLENGES 

@ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off @captain-rogers-beard @dolphinpink310 @grace-for-sale @docharleythegeekqueen @rebelslicious @thorne93 @hillywooddestiel @peterman-parker @queen-of-deans-booty @acreativelydifferentlove @emilyevanston @blacktithe7 @becs-bunker @roxyspearing @blacktithe7 @cassiefanfic @readitandweepfics @kayla-of-shield @fangirlextraordinaire @thatfanficstuff @danijimenezv @hopes-archer @marvel_madam08 @averyrogers83 @thelookingglassalice @slowlywithfreedom @awkwardfangirl2014

And a few others cause I love their writing

@jewels2876 @becs-bunker @roxyspearing @barnesrogersvstheworld @sebs-potato @moonbeambucky @tropicalcap @softlybarnes @bucky-at-bedtime @evanstarff @fangirlfiction @i-dont-do-rpfs @avengerscompound 

[hey-hey-chan]

Zombie Apocalypse!Chan Pt.2

“Highly requested pt.2 of zombie apocalypse Chan!! Sorry for the hella long wait,, I wasn’t feeling lots of inspo NOR did I have the time to write :|

Please enjoy and sorry if I’m rusty and i never edit my writing, why do yall read my shit oml 

“Y/n! Can you pass me the bowl of potatoes please?” An older chef had asked me. I quickly glanced around and saw the bowl.

“Uh sure, wait, do you want me to peel them first?” 

“That would be awesome, dear!” I heard in reply. I quickly took out the peeler and started raking away. 

Ah, the normal hustle and bustle of the kitchen.

I hated every moment of it. I had gone through hard and arduous training to become a chef in the kitchen, but even though I was still lacking, they couldn’t turn away any type of help, even the bad kind.

I quickly peeled the potatoes, in record time and handed them to the lady, “here.” She gave a small smile in response, but had no time to give her thanks as there were hundreds of people to feed. 

“I still can’t believe that you’re in here.” I heard suddenly, making me jump back out of surprise. I shook my head and gave the boy a crooked smile.

“Yedam, I told you, I like working in the kitchen.” Ha, I could almost laugh at the lie. The boy knew it too.

“Oh yeah? Since when, you’ve always hated cooking and anything relating to anything of the female stereotype. Really y/n, what are you doing?” I shoved a banana in his hand and sighed.

“I’m helping the community, maybe you should try it instead of sitting on your ass all day while playing games.” I said this as a joke of course, but the boy still pouted.

“Hey! I’m only 12!” I smiled at his whiny voice while trying to wash some vegetables. 

“Yeah yeah now take your 12 year old butt and walk out of here, this is for chefs only,” I said while pulling a knife out to chop the veggies. As I thought the boy was going to leave, I instead heard a loud sigh, which made me want to sigh as well, “now what?” 

“I just thought you would fight to be, uh, you know, a fighter? You love-” I saw the other women in the kitchen start to give us curious glances when the word “fighter” was mentioned. I set down my knife and crossed my arms at my brother. 

“I’ve settled for this job, I don’t mind it too much anymore. I get breaks and I get served first, what a privilege.” That wasn’t a lie; I did get breaks and I did get served first, but honestly, I would be rather be working my ass off fighting and bleeding than stirring around pots. I wasn’t look down upon the female chefs, yet I knew this wasn’t where I was supposed to be. 

But I had to be here if I wanted Yedam and I to stay safe, and I would do anything for my younger brother. 

I heard a deep sigh once more before sneakers started to squeak, “ok fine, whatever you say. But I don’t believe you, you’re just caught in some kind of funk.” I scoffed at the boys words. 

“I’m in a funk.” I asked although it sounded more like an accusation. He nodded and gave me one of his childish grins.

“Yes a-”

Suddenly, loud sirens sounded across the cafeteria, making everyone drop what was in their hands to cover their ears.

“Y/n-” I quickly grabbed Yedam and pulled him close to me. “What is that?” He whispered in my ear. I shook my head, telling him I had no idea either and that he should shut it. 

Shrieks of girls in the kitchen echoed throughout the kitchen, making me cringe at the volume. If there were zombies, they would have heard this already. 

Sirens, what a rookie mistake. Let’s hope the walls are soundproof. Unless they’re already in the-

“Everyone! This is Chan, your leader. Please stay calm.” As soon as I heard that son of a bitch’s voice, I stomped out of the kitchen and threw down my apron. 

There stood Chan, one of the leaders of the camp. He had saved my life and let me and Yedam into the camp, yet he wouldn’t let me fight, so I obviously hated him. 

“What is the situation? Are your walls soundproof-” 

“Please, calm down. I will answer individual questions later since I am needed on the battlefield, but don’t worry. There is only a small group of zombies trying to enter, nothing we haven’t had before and certainly nothing we can’t handle.” The boy leaned back on one foot and smiled at the crowd, already melting their hearts. 

I almost shook my head in disbelief at how easily the worried people became calm in the face of this guy. This idiot.

I stared at his facial features closer and instead of the calm and collected boy I usually saw, I saw his features scrunched and tense, like he was panicked.

“That’s bullshit. You look scared as hell, don’t lie to them. We deserve to know.” I growled next to him. His eyes turned angry, unusual to his usual self. 

He took a step closer to me and my first instinct was to take one back as well, yet I couldn’t lose this battle. 

“Please don’t start any rumors, Miss Y/n. I am well aware of our conditions and me and my men are doing fine.” Oh wow I’ve never wanted to rip someone’s throat out so badly. 

“I know that look, it’s the look that faces death, I know it very well. But I know you won’t face it if I was there to fight, so let me-” He interrupted me by snapping and waving someone over.

“Yeah, um, someone please escort Y/n to her room, I will not have people trying to change my rules and scaring my people.” Before he finished his speech, I felt arms pull me back and I immediately pulled myself out of their grasp. “And please don’t be rough with her, I think she’s just nervous ‘cause this is her first siren.” 

Nervous my ass, the only thing that makes me nervous is that I’ve left my life in the hands of these pricks who think they know everything about the outside world.

A man with tattoos lining his arms grabbed my upper arm which made me flinch, “do NOT touch me, got it?!” I yelled. As I got angrier, so did they making me, which caused a vicious cycle of fighting. 

“Hey don’t hurt my sister!” Yedam yelled. I saw their arms grab for him too which suddenly zapped me into reality again. I kicked them back and puled Yedam behind me.

“Do. Not. Lay. A. Hand. On. My. Brother. Got it?” I bent low, almost as if I was ready to pounce. 

One of the men scoffed, crossing his arms, “as if a woman could out fight a man.” 

Right as I was about to slap that bitch across his silly face, Chan’s walkie talkie went off. 

“Come out- need you.” And that’s all I heard before I heard Chan say “copy that” and stomped away. 

The two men looked at me before walking away as well. 

“Behave yourself, I trust yourself not to do anything stupid if you love your brother so much. It’d be a shame if you two got kicked out,” he said. The two cackled at his joke which made me want to break his next even more. 

“Follow him.” I snapped my head around to my younger brother who seemed to be picking up a rebellious streak. 

“What?” 

“Follow him, you know you want to. This might be your big chance to show Chan and the other guys you can fight.” He spoke quietly and softly, making me unable to get mad at him. 

“Yedam, I can’t-”

“You can and you will. I know we might get kicked out if you try any funny business, but I’d rather leave in fear than have you live unhappily-” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I’m not unhappy, I’m safe here with you. That’s all I need to be happy.” I spoke truthfully, yes, I didn’t like the kitchen, but Yedam was happy here, so than I was happy as well.

Suddenly I see Chan entering the cafeteria again, making me confused. 

“Secure the doors please.” His voice boomed. I heard doors clicking the women’s cries being heard. Something was seriously going on.

As Chan was about to walk away, I grabbed his arm, something I would never do. 

“Hey! You need more men.” He stopped in his tracks, stared at his arm. I awkwardly released it. “Sorry, but you need help. I see it. Your men aren’t as good as you, I know, I’ve seen them. Let me help.” Chan stared at me for a moment and shook his head.

“You don’t get it do you, you can’t-” I laughed hysterically and took a step closer to him.

“No, Chan. You don’t get it. You would rather let a bunch of people here get hurt because you have to much of your man ego to let a girl fight. But look around you Chan, you don’t have the privilege of people who would sacrifice their life to say shit like that.” I spat. We were dangerously close as I could feel his anxiety and anger rolling off of him in waves.

Before he could respond, I heard loud thumping noises, as if bodies were falling against the walls. I met eyes with Chan, both of ours wide and bug eyed. 

“Shit!” He yelled. A saw a group of zombies break through the barriers. 

“Around 30 zombies, highly skilled and trained, probably ex-military! All men here now!” 

I saw a zombie head towards me and Chan grab it and slice his head off. I scoffed, like I needed the protection. 

“Yedam, go hide behind the counters, NOW! Yell if you are in danger.” The boy followed my instructions well and scurried out of sight. 

I felt the world slow down as a zombie ran full force at me, he was a big one and I could see the anger in his eyes. 

“Y/N!” I heard being yelled, oh well, I guess I was unconsciously walking towards it. “STOP! You don’t even have a wea-”

The zombie came an inch between me and I grabbed it’s throat and crushed it with my bare hands. I couldn’t fight the smile that popped onto my face.

“WHAT THE FUCK? DID THAT GIRL JUST KILL THAT THING WITH HER BARE ASS HANDS!?” 

I smirked at the screams of the other fighters and even felt my heart swell with pride as Chan gaped at me. 

I kicked started into fight mode as more came running at me, I must’ve killed their leader. I let out a howl as they ran at me, feeling the adrenaline fill me like a drug.

“Here.” I felt a dagger being shoved into my hand. Chan gave me a small nod and I nodded back. 

I then swung my feet to hit the head of a zombie, bringing them down to I could cut their head off. Another pounced at me as I was sitting on top of another and I cut their head off midair. 

One after the other kept running at me, my pride swelled when I was covered in blood and sweat. I kicked the last one down with my full might and saw it’s head break as I stumped into it. 

“You’re just a little boy, can’t fight a strong woman like me, boo hoo.” I looked to my right and saw 4 zombies flanking Chan.

“Yes, killing the leader, just like you killed ours, how... fitting!” I spent no time listening to their stupid drama and pulled the knife away from Chan’s neck, no hesitation at all which made her gasp. I kicked her down and trusted Chan to take the back of me. 

“You bit-” She never got to finish this words before her head went limp against the ground. I turned to my right and finish the other that was standing in shock at the loss of a friend. 

“Thanks.” I heard a strangled voice say. I chuckled and shrugged. 

“Well, next time maybe you would want me to fight sooner, so you don’t go through so many near death experiences.” I joked, setting my knives down. Oh fighting always put me in a better mood. Yedam was right, I was never truly happy just doing nothing here. 

“Hey I’m sorry, ok? I don’t know what I was being such an asshole to you. I think if any other girl asked, I would’ve let them on the team.” At these words, I swiveled around and crossed my arms.

“Wow, why so cruel to me?” I wondered. I saw the boy shrug and wipe his knives off with a towel. 

“Hm, it’s kind of embarrassing,” he muttered while rubbing the back of his neck. Oh well, now I was curious. 

“Oh do tell.” I smirked. 

The boy shrugged, a blush forming on his face, “honestly, I think I was intimidated by you. You were so much like a leader it was scary, I think I thought that if you joined the fighters, you would overpower me.” I stood in silence for a moment, letting his words soak into me. Then I smiled, teeth and all.

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” I smirked and left him standing there in confusion, but I turned around once more to say, “but hey, now that you let me fight, there’s no going back. I guess you’re going to have to get used to me taking charge.” I winked at him and saw his dimples pop back on his face. “Well, I guess-”

“Oh wait, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you for saving my life, I really was in a... pickle over there.” I held in a chuckle at his word choice and shook my head.

“No problem, you saved mine too, I guess we’re even. Meaning, you have no more leverage over me.” I wiggled my eyebrows and turned away from him, but I didn’t go far before he called my name.

“Oh wait y/n,” I turned to face the boy. He dug his hands into his pockets and gave me a boyish grin. “See you are practice tomorrow?” I felt my cheekbones stand high and proud as I let out a chuckle.

“For sure.”

[toraberaa]

“Out of this world!”  those were the words that I uttered after witnessing the impeccable beauty of Mt. Ijen.

Mt. Ijen is not just an ordinary mountain. It is a volcano. And not just an ordinary volcano but an active one. It is a stratovolcano which sits 2,799 meters above sea level (9,183 ft). A hazardous volcano that emits toxic fumes and a home for highly acidic lake.

Literally, it was a “hell” and figuratively speaking as well. My hike was hellish. There were too many struggles I faced. I know that without these hardships, the story that I would tell will be definitely lame. Kidding! Nevertheless, I overcame it and I was rewarded with a beautiful sight. I saw a “heaven”. It was a bizarre feeling. I’ve never seen so sublime in my life. It’s a mixture of apocalypse and nirvana. A violent act of nature. Many of the locals said this phrase “Eye on Heaven, Foot in Hell”.  It’s amazing how these two places coincide. How God beautifully designed it.

With that said, I entitled this as “Where Heaven and Hell meets”

Day Minus Zero

It was August 6, 2018 when I left Bali. A day after magnitude 7.0 earthquake hit it. I thought on myself that it was far from the epicenter thus, it was much safer to go on high areas. I was worried that there would be a tsunami at that time. Nah. Who was I kidding? I just surfed earlier on that morning and the real reason was, I scheduled to go on that day based on my plan. The D-day.

It was hot and sunny in Bali and for few hours and kilometers away, I was welcomed by drizzle at Banyuwangi. (I will edit this post later to provide info on how to go to Banyuwangi from Bali)

Loooong and winding road

Approximately 5 hours of bus ride, I arrived at Ketapang port at 8:30 PM. There were only few people around and it feels like it’s already late at night. It was difficult to hail a taxi or even an ojek (motorcycle taxi). No one shows available too in Grab. I went to convenience store and asked around. Some can’t understand English. Somehow I could tell that they understood what I’m trying to convey and they were willing to help. They referred me to a cab who knows a little bit of English and said repeatedly “House stay?” I said “Yes. Mango home stay” and hopped in. I hoped we were at the same page after I confirmed. I checked on my GPS and it was a relief that he knows where we were heading.

I arrived at Mango Tree House Home Stay and I paid him 40.000 IDR.

The Mango Tree House Home stay

“Philippines?” Mr. Arif, the owner of the house, greeted me. I acknowledged him with a nod. He said he was waiting for me. As we entered the house, he asked me again “Tea or coffee?” “Coffee will do.” I replied.

While he was heating the pot, he showed me my room. It doesn’t have an air condition but it have an electric fan. It’s okay since it was cold. The room have also a single pillow and a bed. That’s it! You get what you pay for. (By the way, the room was only 65.000 IDR) The room was just good enough for an overnight. After all, I just came here for Mt. Ijen.

House Special!

Mr. Arif served the coffee and we just had a conversation. We talked about my experience in Indonesia, difference of our countries (because Indonesia and Philippines were kinda the same) and other stuff. He had a good sense of humor and very entertaining. A moment later, another guests arrived. Mr. Arif introduced the new guests to me. They were a German couple who came from Probolinggo, just after the Mt. Bromo tour. He said I would be joining them for the Mt. Ijen tour tonight as well as the two Italians who arrived earlier than us. And guess what, they were also a couple. (Not jealous. lol!) Mr. Arif told us that he was still waiting for the French guy to arrive. I was hoping. Not that I wanted to be a fifth wheel but it must be a minimum of 6 persons to avail the package to Mt. Ijen.

As the night getting late, Mr. Arif suggested to take quick dinner near the home stay. The German couple decided to take a rest while I took a quick dinner at warungs (a small family owned business restaurant).

Solved! My dinner for 15.000 IDR only

The tour will start by 12 AM. It was 10 PM already. I went back to the home stay and took a quick nap.

V

I woke up exactly 11 PM. I packed up for the things I needed — headlights, gloves, jacket, camera and etc. Checked! I went to the living room and I didn’t saw yet the Italians and Germans at the living room. Maybe I was too early? I guessed I was really excited for this tour (which was true). I wished I stayed a little longer in bed.

I saw new faces in the living room. The French guy was already there, along with two lovely gals who were also French. He said that he was too tired and he would not go for Mt. Ijen tonight while the two gals were scheduled tomorrow.

We had a little chit-chat. Yes, only a little. They were talking in their native language. Since I can’t understand them, my mind wandered and I imagined The Little Prince. (LOL!) The younger lady (too bad, I couldn’t remember her name) was so considerate as she kept me entertained. She even asked the others to speak in English so I could also join their conversation.

Few minutes passed, they showed up. So it would be just a group of five — 1 Filipino, 2 Germans, and 2 Italians. Good thing that Mr. Arif was really kind. He didn’t want to disappoint us. Instead we avail the package tour from the agencies, he would be the one who will drive us to Mt. Ijen.

The Road to Mt. Ijen

From the start, it was already a challenge, the weather condition was not that good. It’s drizzling. We were starting to doubt if we could see the blue fire tonight. Blue fire is one of unnatural phenomenon that is happening in Banyuwangi. I believed this was also the reason why travelers would go here. Mr. Arif said that “We can’t tell. It’s nature.” He seems to have a good point. After all, nature is really unpredictable. But he also made our hopes high and said “But you will go above the clouds, so it will not be raining.”

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” – Zig Ziglar

Around 12:30 AM, we leave at the home stay and drove towards Mt. Ijen. It would be a long drive for about an hour. I sat at the front seat while the others continue to rest at the back seats. I can’t catch some nap even I wanted to. Plus, I sat next to Mr. Arif. I should keep him a company and needed him to stay awake. With this, I just witnessed how difficult the roads to Mt. Ijen.

Excessive moisture in the window.

It had a zigzag road. For a few moments, the roads turned to a jungle with no lights on the road — trusting only the headlights that the car provides. The road also became muddy due to the weather condition. As we went higher, the fogs appeared. Mr. Arif wiped the windshield every time as the window had moist. I’m very glad that Mr. Arif was a skillful driver and knew the road.

The Base Camp

We reached the Base Camp at 1:36 AM. Mr. Arif handed us gas masks. After that, Mr. Arif called me and told me the best tip ever. “This is the only tip I can give to you. At the counter, say “Satu” (it means one) and just give 10.000″.  We both knew that I looked like an Indonesian. The price difference from foreigner to locals was 90.000 IDR. Good guy Mr. Arif!

Mr. Arif guided the others and I headed to the ticket office alone. I needed to be alone to pull this trick. When I got there, I followed his advice. I confidently said “Satu!” as if I spoke a magical phrase “Open sesame!” in One Thousand and One Nights. However, the ticket officer said something I didn’t know. I repeated “Satu!” but the stare of the officer didn’t quite look good. (Uh-oh! Busted!) Our plan didn’t worked out. The ticket officer went outside and that moment I thought I would be penalized or could be worse. But he just pointed me where I should buy. He meant “Where the foreigners should buy”. Whew! I think this was not the first time it happened to them. Some also tried this scheme perhaps. But what embarrassed me more was when he spoke to me and I tried to push a little harder saying random Indonesian words that I learned. I believed in his mind you would read “Nice try!”. (LOL!)

I went back to our group and paid the foreign price. “What happened?” the group questioned. I reported and I said “I think he was asking for smaller bill. I saw the ticket it was only 5.000 IDR. Maybe it’s something with my accent too.” Mr. Arif said that someone might already overheard us and tipped the officer. “Too bad.” Mr. Arif responded with a chuckle and patted my back. “It’s okay!” I replied. Well, it’s actually fine. No regrets. Although the price difference were very significant, to be honest, spending 100.000 IDR was already cheap for the exchange for what we would discover later. (I’m telling you now that it was very worthy after I finished the hike.)

Jump Off

We started at 1:58 am. This was where the real struggle began. First, it was cold. Maybe because we were already in high altitude and rain also contributed. They said that the temperature sometimes drop from 15°C to 10°C. Second, it was dark. Pitch dark. It was nice that I bought a headlamp since it was not included in the trip. Third, we have no tour guide either. Even though if we avail the package, the tour guide was excluded. Mr. Arif told us that it wasn’t required and we don’t need to. “Mt. Ijen trail had only one trail — where you enter is where you exit. Just follow the crowd and you will not get lost.” He was right. There were many people who were also hiking. These people were not only tourist. Some were just local people — guides and miners. Yes, the sulfur miners. And so on and so on.

The gates were already open.

Our group, the Mango Tree House party (I made that up inside of my head), agreed that we could walk together instead doing by yourselves. While walking, I introduced myself and started a conversation. The name of German couple were Patrick and his girlfriend (Sorry! I forgot the name!) And the name of Italian couple were Andrea and her boyfriend. (Yes…I also forgot the name.) The Italian couple didn’t talk too much. It was Patrick’s girlfriend who talked to me a lot. That was why it was a shame to forget her name. (If you ever found my blog and read this. Let me know so I can apologize.).

Along the way, we saw some locals who had a push cart. This is what they called “Human Taxi”. Some says it costs around 400.000 IDR in exchange that they would take you to the top.

The Struggle is Real

Few minutes later, I felt that I’m having difficulty to walk. Besides that it was still raining and that makes the terrain slippery. But because I surfed before I went here, it’s now paying toll on me. I felt the pain in my upper body and I got blisters on my toes. Although minimal, I felt the irritating pain every time I took a step. I was thinking why I did that knowing that I would hike later. Nevertheless, the show must go on. And by speaking, while hiking, I still managed to document or video myself.

We saw a shed. I took some minutes to rest, while others went to toilet. Some also put layers on their body. This was supposed to be our last stop, and we should moved all the way from the top..well..uhmm let me repeat that. This was supposed to be “their” last stop. Because for me, it’s not. As we back on track again, I felt now the fatigue and every steps were now heavy. My heart was pounding like a jack hammer. I was leading before on our group (excited too much) and now I was lagging behind. Their stamina was fascinating. I knew I haven’t had a good rest just like them. That’s what I told to myself just to fool my mind.

“You are in the cottage”

We arrived at the “cafeteria”. I stopped again and took a rest for a while. It was my life saver! I was a fool that I forgot to brought water. If there’s no store available, I might desperately beg someone to give me some water. After I bought a bottled water, I gulped it immediately. As I checked my group, they were nowhere in my sight. I lost them and I think they didn’t notice me. That’s why I said that was our  their last stop because I realized they didn’t took a break here.

I proceeded even without them and just a few moments later, the nature called me. I wanted pee. I don’t know if there would be another stop after the cafeteria. I don’t want even to go back there. I went astray and I did the “tabi-tabi po” style (common Filipino culture) and asked Mt. Ijen for forgiveness. Thank goodness it was pitch dark.

To the Summit

We needed to be on top quickly. It’s because blue fire only show itself in darkness. This was also the reason why we needed to hike at midnight. It would not be longer visible once the sun had risen.

I moved quickly as I needed to catch up with Mango Tree House party. I hoped that at some point I would see them. And just when I thought. They were there, waiting and searching for me. I heard from afar “It is him?” as I went closer to them. I saw their faces with a sign of relief. All of them were worried about me. They asked if I’m okay. I answered them that I’m fine and I apologized to them. I suggested that they could continue without me. I don’t want to become a burden or the reason why they will not see the blue fire. Still, Patrick’s girlfriend insisted “No, you can tell us if you want to have a break. We will wait for you. Okay?” Isn’t she sweet? (It was really a shame that I forgot her name. I wish one day, I will remember it.)

When we got back on track again, she noticed that I’m running out of breath and curiously asked me “Do you smoke?” I honestly replied “No, I’m just fat.” and she laughed.

I stopped recording and documentation for a while to save some energy.

MDPL means meter dari permukaan laut which literally translated as meters above sea level (MASL)

We were already walking for about 2 hours from the start. They said that 3 hours was the average time to reach the top. I felt we were already near. I saw already the caldera and the trail changed to flat terrain. At 3:26 AM, we finally made it to the top.

To the Dragon’s Nest

Actually, to went down close to the crater was prohibited. Only the workers (sulfur miners) were allowed. Not to mention that it was dangerous, but it was also slippery at that time. However, many of the visitors ignored this warning and continue their way to the crater. It was at your own risk. We talked to each other if we wanted to continue. It was early to go back and we decided to continue our way.

The trail going down was very narrow. At least one person could fit in. There were no hand rails. One wrong step and you would fall. Take note that the terrain here was rocky. To jump or skip would make stones or rocks fall.

We, the uninvited guests, were attacked by the vile stench of Mt. Ijen halfway down the steep trail. It was an acrid and sour smell. From here, we wore our gas mask. This made hard for me to breathe.

This was the time, Patrick and his girlfriend turned around and decided to go back.  I was behind them and I could tell that they were having a difficulty going down. They said it was very dangerous and they don’t wanted to risk it.  I didn’t persist. They wished me good luck and I replied them to take care. (Later, when we were on our way to house stay. Patrick was vomiting along the way and got sick. It was a good call for them to turned back.) 

As for the Italian couple, who were just right behind me. I saw that they hired a guide who gave them a helping hand when descending. They were now in good hands and we parted away from each other as I had to do breaks. So from here, I did it on my own.

The Devil’s Gold and the Ijen Warriors

I saw sulfur miners as I moved closer to the crater. According to some, these sulfur miners carries a load for about 30-50 kg (60-110 lbs) for each basket. If you ever saw them along the way, please stop for a while and give way. I also noticed that some of them didn’t have proper equipment, they didn’t wear gloves and gas masks. Despite the dangers and the risks they could encounter, as I heard, most of them went twice on a single day to doubled their sulfur mine. And you may probably wouldn’t believe that the cost of their tough grind is only 800 IDR per kilo.

These sulfur miners were the real mutants. Where did they get their superpowers? This probably one of the toughest job in the world! With their amazing feat, they have earned respect and fascination on the tourist. Some of them tried to carry the loads or took some photographs with them and leave a small tip. Some gave things like cigarettes which they said to be their favorite, which was kinda ironic. While some of the sulfur miners created souvenirs for extra income. These were shaped sulfur which comes in different shapes and size with a cost of 10.000-50.000 IDR. I bought a teddy bear shaped sulfur for 20.000 IDR for keepsake and to helped them. Please don’t haggle anymore.

The yellow ore is the sulfur. This is already extracted from the volcano.

Behind me is what they called “Devil’s Gold” where the sulfur miners risked their lives for these.

The Heart of Mt. Ijen

I arrived at the crater at 4:15 AM. They were already a lot of people waiting for the blue fire. As I stood on the ground and took a rest, I saw people who were still going down. I was fascinated to saw the alternating lights, blinking and flickering. Looked back how far that I got just to arrived here.

What I saw afterwards was more fascinating than this. As I extended my sight upwards, I saw the illumination of the moon and the brilliant stars. I saw the Milky Way and a glimpse of the universe. What a lovely sight to see. I stared for a while and made me forget the exhaustion even just for a second.

I was worried if the blue fire would appear tonight. So I looked around for the other spot. And I finally saw the blue fire.I said “This is it?”  A stranger replied “Yeah, it’s the blue fire”. Deep inside I know it’s the “blue fire”. A fire that was blue. But it’s not what I pictured based on what I Googled and it was just a small one. It looks like the one you could see when you light up a denatured alcohol or a flame in your stove. At that time, my headlamp was still on. But even after I turned it off, I appreciated it somehow.

The Eccentric Blue Fire

11 minutes passed and the blue fire finally appeared. The one that I was expecting. We were all in awe. All of us in crowd said “Wow!” in chorus. I moved closer to the blue fire. We all know that the blue flame was the hottest and the most intense part of a fire. They said that it could be at 600°C yet I can’t feel hot nearby the blue fire. I haven’t thought of this at that time. I was overjoyed I guess. But I admitted that I was reckless at that time.

I stopped recording and just watched the marvels of the world.

There are only two places in the world that the blue fire can be observe — Iceland and Indonesia.

While Indonesia is just close to Philippines, it has also a larger blue fire area compared to Iceland.

It looks like a lava, that’s why most of the people mistakenly called it as “blue lava”. The flames were so pure and so mystical. It was like a heart of Mt. Ijen, burning so brightly indicating its life force. Once the flames go out, it would lose its appeal. Eventually, that happened.

The Blue Acid Lake

After some time, they extinguished the fire and we were now enveloped in toxic fumes. This was the time our gas masks became really useful. These smokes were very nasty. Even with our gas masks on, I could still inhale the smoke that I needed to stop my breathing for a while. It was also irritating to the eyes. It singed that made our eyes teared.

As the show already finished, like what I said earlier, some people started to climb back. Even we were engulfed by smoke, I chose to stay for several reasons. They were still people going down. With the trail so steep and it’s still dark, I was worried about the traffic and there might be falling rocks or debris. I might also lose my balance and fall. If I stay, it would be a perfect time to recover and saved some strength. To add, it’s too early to went back. I wanted to see the blue acid lake. I have checked where the blue acid lake located. It was still dark at that time and I’m unable to appreciate its true beauty.

I looked for a spot and hid behind a big rock. At least, it would protect me from toxic smoke. In order to survive until sunrise, I needed to stay low, curl down, closed my eyes, and stopped my breath.

Around 5:43 AM, as dawn washed the darkness from the sky, the blue acid lake was revealed to be an enchanted beauty. I have seen similar turquoise blue water in Kawasan Falls at Cebu, Philippines and Kuang Si Falls at Luang Prabang, Laos but this was an exception. It was not the type of waters you want to dive into.

It was deceptively beautiful!

Mt. Ijen is also known for the World’s Most Highly Acidic Lake. (Hitting two birds in one stone) According to research, it has a pH lower than the battery acid or almost zero.

I wished I could stay longer to admire the acidic lake. However, I already ran out of luck and the toxic smoke was slowly engulfing us. I couldn’t take it anymore and my body was now reacting to it. Short-term exposure to highly concentrated levels of toxic smoke could be deadly. It could lead to breathing difficulties, may burn the lungs, corrode the skin and can even melt your teeth. Yikes! It’s time to go back.

After Dark

It was 6:37 AM when I reached Mt. Ijen’s peak again. This time, I was greeted of an awe-inspiring sight. The sun light slowly gleaming the caldera. The sky was deep blue and the cloud was the same height as where I stood as if my hands could reach it. The cold wind blew so strong you could hear its whistle. The field became lunar-liked as if I was transported or stepped on another planet. While revisiting the sight of blue acid lake and smoke came from the sulfur, it somehow reminded me of the movie “The Planet of the Apes”. So calm yet, destructive. I also like the blending of colors — bright yellow and turquoise blue.

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I never had this scene in my entire travel. This was what the philosophers called “the sublime”.

Totally out of this world!

Below was a short impromptu documentary that I made. Enjoy! 🙂

Sometimes, the most phenomenal things in life require a little danger, and climbing Mt. Ijen certainly is one of them.

Mt. Ijen – Where Heaven and Hell Meets "Out of this world!"  those were the words that I uttered after witnessing the impeccable beauty of Mt.

[trylkstopocket]

Story: From Unemployed To 3 Jobs In 6 Months – u/OEaholic

The following is a success story from u/OEaholic with some light edits. Visit our Reddit community r/Overemployed. original

Hey everyone! I felt it was time to share my story of how I went from unemployed to having three jobs in a span of six months. If I can do it, anyone with interest, skill, and hunger for money can achieve it. Of course, experience is important as well. I hope this will help anyone who is looking to take advantage of OE. I am a US citizen who has immigrated from a South Asian country when I was young. I completed my MBA from a top 50 university and graduated in January 2021. Isaac’s note: also see our how to break into tech in your 30s.

$30k of Debt and Jobless

From January, I had a loan of about $30k from my MBA program and I found it difficult to get a job for three months. I was doing part-time jobs while searching for jobs using LinkedIn and Blind. I applied and got interviews for all kinds of companies. The roles I was looking to get were Data Analyst/Business Analyst type roles. I had done more than a dozen interviews from January to March of 2021 and my expenses were piling up. That propelled me to dig in and find a job.

The Hidden Gem: Contract Roles

I started looking into contracting roles which were a game-changer for me. I have found that contracting roles had less strict criteria and require only one or two interviews before you are hired.

Isaac’s note: very true, just understand the other side is looking for someone who is plug-and-play and experienced.

I was always interested in getting multiple jobs, so I found that finding contracting jobs was the way to go. Of course, there were negatives which I will explain later in the post.

J1: A contracting job at a FAANG company.

This was March 2021 and by this time I was desperate. Since it was an interview for a FAANG company, I barely had any hopes of getting the job and this was also my first contracting interview. The company did two rounds of interviews and hired me the same day of my second interview! I was hyped. This was a business analyst role and the annual pay was $127K. I immediately accepted and worked only at this job from March, 2021 to May, 2021. In these three months, I got accustomed to the work, my team, and my manager. Luckily, I had one of the best teams one could ask for, my manager was amazing at what she does, and the team was extremely flexible. I am good at what I do and my team completely trusted me. We had a daily stand-up, but other than that, no one bothered me or asked me what I was doing as long as I got my work done. I never worked over 20 hrs per week except for a few times but got paid for all 40 hrs.

By May, I started looking for J2. Again, I only looked for contracting roles and was able to find a job within 2 weeks from search to hire (it helped I had FAANG on my resume).

J2 and J3 enter the game

J2 is a contract business analyst role at another FAANG company paying $141k. The work here is a little bit more hectic than J1 but still manageable. Luckily, this job only has two meetings per week. And as long as I show results, no one questioned or bothered me. This is a plus for being a contractor.

In July 2021, I started looking for J3. This was another contracting role and the recruiter reached out on LinkedIn. I couldn’t resist saying no and interviewed for the role.** This was a PM role at a major social media company paying $134k**. The team is really good and since it is a PM role I have quite a few meetings at the end of each quarter but other than that manageable with a lot of freedom.

I have been working three jobs since July 2021. Even though it’s difficult at times, I found a way to manage and now it’s easy for me to handle. Of course, I have been fortunate enough to get three jobs that have good teams and manageable workloads.

Total Compensation Breakdown

J1: $127k

J2: $141k

J3: $134k

Total: $402k/year

Since it’s contracting, I don’t have other benefits such as allowance, stocks, company insurance, etc. I have noticed that when you are a contractor, the focus on you is a little less than FTE. I also feel that this gives me leniency to work multiple jobs.

Isaac’s note: the flexibility and balance of contract work can make up for the lack in RSUs and other benefits, OE is all about prioritizing you.

OE Tech Tips

I use Logitech MX Master keyboard and mouse since it gives me a chance to connect to all three laptops at once and I can switch between them easily at the click of a button. I also have all work related apps on a separate work phone that gives me the chance to respond to any chats/emails immediately. Check out our other tech tips that have worked for countless others in our OE community.

[oddity-writes]

Grounded Ch.1 Pt.2

Decided to post this on Ao3 as well. (Mainly cause tumblr's character limit) I will continue posting to both tumblr and Ao3. If you guys want the link to it on Ao3 let me know.

Edit: Someone on Ao3 let me know that I accidentally kept switching around Virgil's username, so I fixed it! It's Blackwings, not Darkwings. (Not really sure how I even made the mistake in the first place. My mind must have wandered.)

Tag list: @nerd-in-space @thebaagelboy

The first month of staying in the apartment and paying for everything was terrible. Even with the paychecks just about every week, Virgil still had to work himself to the bone to pay for the rent, food, clothing, and any other daily nessesities. After the first rough patch, though, he had a stable life. He was even able to put aside some money to buy a crappy computer and a cheap drawing tablet.

Using these, he would draw when ever he had free time.

"Wow," Virgil stared at his computer screen, "people like my drawings that much?"

He was honestly suprised. He's been drawing for a long time, so he decided to post some of his works online. That was just a few months ago. Now he has some devoted fans that love his works. Some even asked if he would open up commissions.

'They want to commission me? Really?' His mind had trouble proccessing the info it received. He had nothing to lose. Not only would he be drawing for people that love his art, but he would be paid for it. Opening up his blog, he let his fans know that he would, in fact, be opening up commissions. Many instantly replied to his post saying to link them to the commission page when he's ready. His fans where always so supportive. Hes not really sure why they are, but their support has helped him make it though tough times.

Once Virgil was done setting everything up, he instantly got two commissions. 'Well, I'm free today, might as well work on these now.' He sat at his desk prepared to start when he realised that the first commissioner is his first fan. Not only that, but they gave him a lot more money then he asked for. "Oh, my god. They gave me 50$!?" He almost yelled.

His first fan is a user that goes by the username "TheRoyalPrince". They are the first person to find and support to this day the drawings that Virgil posts. They are also the first fan to suggest to open up comissions. 'Why did Prince give me 50$?'

His comissions info only went up to 20$ as the highest amount. TheRoyalPrince gave him 50$. Virgil, after snapping out of his shock, read the TheRoyalPrince's commission info.

Commission 50$ made by TheRoyalPrince:

'Hello, Blackwings! I would like to commission a royal kingdom. Make sure this kingdom has a handsome prince, but other then that I would like to see your take on a royal kindom. Also, I have been a fan of your works since the day you first posted. The extra 30$ is to help you live better and to continue making more art in the future! :)'

Virgil sat there, dumbfounded. 'Prince really likes my art.' Starting to tear up, he grabbed the tablet pen sitting a little to the left and opened up a blank page. After pondering for a moment, he got to work. This isn't the first time Virgil has talked with Prince. Awhile ago, he asked his fans for ideas, since he was having trouble drawing. Prince, was somehow the first one to give him an idea. So he knows a few things that Prince likes.

Vibrant reds and golden yellows started to streak across the blank page. Virgil's hand moves gracefully across the tablet, leaving different colors in its wake. By the time he was done it was pretty late in the day. He started around 9 in the morning, so it was suprising to see that it was 1 almost 2 p.m. He got up and stetched. 'That...was really fun to draw. It even looks good. I hope Prince likes it.' Virgil was genuinely happy with the result of the commission. It was a vibrant white and red kingdom with a bit of a golden yellow. The viewpoint of the drawing is on a hill looking down at the large kingdom. A little bit off to the left of the hill, is a majestic looking prince on a white horse with a mane that has a tinge of yellow. The prince looks like he is ready to defend the kingdom from what ever dares to attack.

Clicking on the submit button, the drawing got sent to Prince.

"Okay, before I start on the next one I really need a shower." He hadn't taken a shower for a little while, so he could save on the water bill.

Walking over to the bathroom, he started to get undressed. Taking off his shirt he sees his reflection in the mirror that's just above the sink. 'My marks.' He sees his soulwing marks almost everyday. He doesn't go out much other than to do his part time jobs, so he doesn't really have any friends. His marks are his only comfort. They prove that there is at least one person on this world that won't hate him or call him a freak.

He finishes getting undressed and jumps in the shower. Quickly getting in and out to save as much on the water bill as possible. After drying himself and getting clothes on, he finishes the other comission by night time. 'Okay, i've got work to do tomorrow, so if I want food, I better go to bed.' Although, it's pretty late, he doesn't have to go to work very early, so he should be fine. Not only that, but he's used to getting little to no sleep, if the bags under his eyes are any indication. He lays down in his bed thinking back to Prince. 'I hope Prince liked the drawing.' Virgil mulls over the bright red and white kingdom as he doses off.

The next day he wakes up late, but, he really doesn't have work early so he had about an hour before he had to leave to another job. Rising from his bed like he was zombie, he got up and made a simple breakfast of an omelet. He is not a master chef, but living on your own forces you to learn how to cook. He has decent skills, when he is not dead tired and actually feels like cooking instead of just making ramen. Grabbing the hot omelet and flipping it onto a plate, he sits down at his desk and checks his phone. He has a notification from his art blog. Tapping on it showed that Prince had responded to the commission. 'Prince? Did he not like it?' Slightly scared that he disappointed his first and longest time fan he opened up the response.

TheRoyalPrince replies:

'Blackwings!! Amazing! I could not have asked for anything better! I love it! It's the perfect thing for my room. I just gotta print it onto some poster paper, and voilá! It will fit on the wall as if it has always been there.'

'What?'

Virgil opened up his account 'Blackwings' and started to reply to Prince.

Blackwings: 'I'm glad you liked it. I spent a lot more time then expected to on it.'

He didnt expect Prince to reply right away, so he started to set his phone down, when it buzzed.

TheRoyalPrince: 'Oh, but of course I'll love it! Just about anything you post is magnificent!'

Seeing the reply, had him start to tear up, again. He felt like he was wanted for once. His family always treated him like he didn't even deserve to live, but Prince even though they don't even really know each other, seems to actually want him or at least the things he can create.

Blackwings: 'l...thank you. You and my other fans support has helped me through...some hard times. So, thank you.'

Blackwings: 'Also, I'm not accepting the extra 30$. I will send it back. I don't deserve it. I completed your commission that was for 20$. I don't deserve the get anything extra.'

Virgil was not going to argue with Prince about the extra money. He really doesn't deserve the it. The 20$ was enough.

TheRoyalPrince: 'I'm glad my support has helped you through tough times! It's the least I can do. However, I am not going to take back the 30$. I gave you 50$ for a reason. I remember, in the past, you posted something about not being able to afford food, so you had to go on hiatus. Back then I wanted to help you, after all it is what a prince should do, but you didn't have anything open. Now that you do, I'll give you all the money I want to give you. And I am not taking no as an answer.'

He could tell he didn't have a choice. Even though he really did want to give the money back, he could tell, feel, that Prince would just send it back. If Prince doesn't want the money back, Virgil can't give it back. After all Prince has to accept the transaction.

Blackwings: 'Fine, I won't take the money back, but is there something else I could do? Like maybe, another commission? I want to at least earn the 30$.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Something else you can do?'

...

Virgil waited for a response.

TheRoyalPrince: 'Actually there is something you can do.'

Blackwings: 'Really? What is it?'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Be my friend!'

'What?' "What?" He was so dumbfounded that he voiced his confusion outloud.

Blackwings: 'You want to be...friends?'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Of course! I actually wanted to talk to you for awhile now, but didn't know how to start.'

Reading this, Virgil didnt know what to do. He hesitated for a moment before replying.

Blackwings: 'I'm not worth 30$. Trust me. But if that's really what you want, then okay.'

He truly believed, at this point, that he wasn't worth anything. Although he is happy, because he would get a friend, or at least someone to talk to. He's scared. What if after talking for awhile, Prince finally realises that he isn't worth it. He doesn't deserve Prince's friendship.

TheRoyalPrince: 'You're not worth...? Well of course you aren't worth 30$! You are worth so much more. Everyone shouldn't have a price tag attached to their life.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'It seems as though you have convinced yourself that you are not worth much. I will change that!'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Here's my phone number: 727-371-XXXX. Just text me and let me know that it's you.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'and don't talk about yourself that way. I may not know much about you, but I'm sure you don't deserve to be hated by yourself.'

At this point, it's almost time to leave. Virgil finishes up his omelet, picks out neat looking clothes, and fixes his hair. Just before he leaves his apartment, he sends a text message to Prince.

'It's Blackwings. I'm heading of to one of my jobs. I'll let you know when I'm free.'

He assumes this text should be good enough, so he opens up the front door, ignoring the slight happiness, that Prince's last reply, left in his heart.

[pocketprinter]

Charlie Munger on the psychology of human misjudgment

Speech at Harvard University Estimated date: June, 1995 Transcription, comments [in brackets] and minor editing by Whitney Tilson

Moderator: ...and they discovered extreme, obvious irrationality in many areas of the economy that they looked at. And they were a little bit troubled because nothing that they had learned in graduate school explained these patterns. Now I would hope that Mr. Munger spends a little bit more time around graduate schools today, because we’ve gotten now where he was 30 years ago, and we are trying to explain those patterns, and some of the people who are doing that will be speaking with you today. 

So I think he thinks of his specialty as the Psychology of Human Misjudgment, and part of this human misjudgment, of course, comes from worrying about the types of fads and social pressures that Henry Kaufman talked to us about. I think it’s significant that Berkshire Hathaway is not headquartered in New York, or even in Los Angeles or San Francisco, but rather in the heart of the country in Nebraska. 

When he referred to this problem of human misjudgment, he identified two significant problems, and I’m sure that there are many more, but when he said, “By not relying on this, and not understanding this, it was costing me a lot of money,” and I presume that some of you are here in the theory that maybe it’s costing you even a somewhat lesser amount of money. And the second point that Mr. Munger made was it was reducing...not understanding human misjudgment was reducing my ability to help everything I loved. Well I hope he loves you, and I’m sure he’ll help you. Thank you. [Applause] 

Munger: Although I am very interested in the subject of human misjudgment -- and lord knows I’ve created a good bit of it -- I don’t think I’ve created my full statistical share, and I think that one of the reasons was I tried to do something about this terrible ignorance I left the Harvard Law School with. 

When I saw this patterned irrationality, which was so extreme, and I had no theory or anything to deal with it, but I could see that it was extreme, and I could see that it was patterned, I just started to create my own system of psychology, partly by casual reading, but largely from personal experience, and I used that pattern to help me get through life. Fairly late in life I stumbled into this book, Influence, by a psychologist named Bob Cialdini, who became a super-tenured hotshot on a 2,000-person faculty at a very young age. And he wrote this book, which has now sold 300-odd thousand copies, which is remarkable for somebody. Well, it’s an academic book aimed at a popular audience that filled in a lot of holes in my crude system. In those holes it filled in, I thought I had a system that was a good-working tool, and I’d like to share that one with you. 

And I came here because behavioral economics. How could economics not be behavioral? If it isn’t behavioral, what the hell is it? And I think it’s fairly clear that all reality has to respect all other reality. If you come to inconsistencies, they have to be resolved, and so if there’s anything valid in psychology, economics has to recognize it, and vice versa. So I think the people that are working on this fringe between economics and psychology are absolutely right to be there, and I think there’s been plenty wrong over the years. 

Well let me romp through as much of this list as I have time to get through: 

24 Standard Causes of Human Misjudgment. 

1. First: Under-recognition of the power of what psychologists call ‘reinforcement’ and economists call ‘incentives.’ 

Well you can say, “Everybody knows that.” Well I think I’ve been in the top 5% of my age cohort all my life in understanding the power of incentives, and all my life I’ve underestimated it. And never a year passes but I get some surprise that pushes my limit a little farther. 

One of my favorite cases about the power of incentives is the Federal Express case. The heart and soul of the integrity of the system is that all the packages have to be shifted rapidly in one central location each night. And the system has no integrity if the whole shift can’t be done fast. And Federal Express had one hell of a time getting the thing to work. And they tried moral suasion, they tried everything in the world, and finally somebody got the happy thought that they were paying the night shift by the hour, and that maybe if they paid them by the shift, the system would work better. And lo and behold, that solution worked. 

Early in the history of Xerox, Joe Wilson, who was then in the government, had to go back to Xerox because he couldn’t understand how their better, new machine was selling so poorly in relation to their older and inferior machine. Of course when he got there he found out that the commission arrangement with the salesmen gave a tremendous incentive to the inferior machine. 

And here at Harvard, in the shadow of B.F. Skinner -- there was a man who really was into reinforcement as a powerful thought, and, you know, Skinner’s lost his reputation in a lot of places, but if you were to analyze the entire history of experimental science at Harvard, he’d be in the top handful. His experiments were very ingenious, the results were counter- intuitive, and they were important. It is not given to experimental science to do better. What gummed up Skinner’s reputation is that he developed a case of what I always call man-with-a-hammer syndrome: to the man with a hammer, every problem tends to look pretty much like a nail. And Skinner had one of the more extreme cases in the history of Academia, and this syndrome doesn’t exempt bright people. It’s just a man with a hammer...and Skinner is an extreme example of that. And later, as I go down my list, let’s go back and try and figure out why people, like Skinner, get man-with-a-hammer syndrome. 

Incidentally, when I was at the Harvard Law School there was a professor, naturally at Yale, who was derisively discussed at Harvard, and they used to say, “Poor old Blanchard. He thinks declaratory judgments will cure cancer.” And that’s the way Skinner got. And not only that, he was literary, and he scorned opponents who had any different way of thinking or thought anything else was important. This is not a way to make a lasting reputation if the other people turn out to also be doing something important.

2. My second factor is simple psychological denial. 

This first really hit me between the eyes when a friend of our family had a super-athlete, super-student son who flew off a carrier in the north Atlantic and never came back, and his mother, who was a very sane woman, just never believed that he was dead. And, of course, if you turn on the television, you’ll find the mothers of the most obvious criminals that man could ever diagnose, and they all think their sons are innocent. That’s simple psychological denial. The reality is too painful to bear, so you just distort it until it’s bearable. We all do that to some extent, and it’s a common psychological misjudgment that causes terrible problems. 

3. Third: incentive-cause bias, both in one’s own mind and that of ones trusted advisor, where it creates what economists call ‘agency costs.’ 

Here, my early experience was a doctor who sent bushel baskets full of normal gall bladders down to the pathology lab in the leading hospital in Lincoln, Nebraska. And with that quality control for which community hospitals are famous, about five years after he should’ve been removed from the staff, he was. And one of the old doctors who participated in the removal was also a family friend, and I asked him: I said, “Tell me, did he think, ‘Here’s a way for me to exercise my talents’” -- this guy was very skilled technically -- “’and make a high living by doing a few maimings and murders every year, along with some frauds?’” And he said, “Hell no, Charlie. He thought that the gall bladder was the source of all medical evil, and if you really love your patients, you couldn’t get that organ out rapidly enough.” 

Now that’s an extreme case, but in lesser strength, it’s present in every profession and in every human being. And it causes perfectly terrible behavior. If you take sales presentations and brokers of commercial real estate and businesses... I’m 70 years old, I’ve never seen one I thought was even within hailing distance of objective truth. If you want to talk about the power of incentives and the power of rationalized, terrible behavior: after the Defense Department had had enough experience with cost-plus percentage of cost contracts, the reaction of our republic was to make it a crime for the federal government to write one, and not only a crime, but a felony. 

And by the way, the government’s right, but a lot of the way the world is run, including most law firms and a lot of other places, they’ve still got a cost-plus percentage of cost system. And human nature, with its version of what I call ‘incentive-caused bias,’ causes this terrible abuse. And many of the people who are doing it you would be glad to have married into your family compared to what you’re otherwise going to get. [Laughter] 

Now there are huge implications from the fact that the human mind is put together this way, and that is that people who create things like cash registers, which make most [dishonest] behavior hard, are some of the effective saints of our civilization. And the cash register was a great moral instrument when it was created. And Patterson knew that, by the way. He had a little store, and the people were stealing him blind and never made any money, and people sold him a couple of cash registers and it went to profit immediately. And, of course, he closed the store and went into the cash register business...

And so this is a huge, important thing. If you read the psychology texts, you will find that if they’re 1,000 pages long, there’s one sentence. Somehow incentive-caused bias has escaped the standard survey course in psychology. 

4. Fourth, and this is a superpower in error-causing psychological tendency: bias from consistency and commitment tendency, including the tendency to avoid or promptly resolve cognitive dissonance. Includes the self-confirmation tendency of all conclusions, particularly expressed conclusions, and with a special persistence for conclusions that are hard-won. 

Well what I’m saying here is that the human mind is a lot like the human egg, and the human egg has a shut-off device. When one sperm gets in, it shuts down so the next one can’t get in. The human mind has a big tendency of the same sort. And here again, it doesn’t just catch ordinary mortals; it catches the deans of physics. According to Max Planck, the really innovative, important new physics was never really accepted by the old guard. Instead a new guard came along that was less brain-blocked by its previous conclusions. And if Max Planck’s crowd had this consistency and commitment tendency that kept their old inclusions intact in spite of disconfirming evidence, you can imagine what the crowd that you and I are part of behaves like. 

And of course, if you make a public disclosure of your conclusion, you’re pounding it into your own head. Many of these students that are screaming at us, you know, they aren’t convincing us, but they’re forming mental change for themselves, because what they’re shouting out [is] what they’re pounding in. And I think educational institutions that create a climate where too much of that goes on are...in a fundamental sense, they’re irresponsible institutions. It’s very important to not put your brain in chains too young by what you shout out. 

And all these things like painful qualifying and initiation rituals pound in your commitments and your ideas. The Chinese brainwashing system, which was for war prisoners, was way better than anybody else’s. They maneuvered people into making tiny little commitments and declarations, and then they’d slowly build. That worked way better than torture. 

5. Fifth: bias from Pavlovian association, misconstruing past correlation as a reliable basis for decision-making. 

I never took a course in psychology, or economics either for that matter, but I did learn about Pavlov in high school biology. And the way they taught it, you know, so the dog salivated when the bell rang. So what? Nobody made the least effort to tie that to the wide world. Well the truth of the matter is that Pavlovian association is an enormously powerful psychological force in the daily life of all of us. And, indeed, in economics we wouldn’t have money without the role of so-called secondary reinforcement, which is a pure psychological phenomenon demonstrated in the laboratory. 

Practically...I’d say 3/4 of advertising works on pure Pavlov. Think how association, pure association, works. Take Coca-Cola company (we’re the biggest share-holder). They want to be associated with every wonderful image: heroics in the Olympics, wonderful music, you name it. They don’t want to be associated with presidents’ funerals and so- forth. When have you seen a Coca-Cola ad...and the association really works. 

And all these psychological tendencies work largely or entirely on a subconscious level, which makes them very insidious. Now you’ve got Persian messenger syndrome. The Persians really did kill the messenger who brought the bad news. You think that is dead? I mean you should’ve seen Bill Paley in his last 20 years. [Paley was the former owner, chairman and CEO of CBS] 

He didn’t hear one damn thing he didn’t want to hear. People knew that it was bad for the messenger to bring Bill Paley things he didn’t want to hear. Well that means that the leader gets in a cocoon of unreality, and this is a great big enterprise, and boy, did he make some dumb decisions in the last 20 years. 

And now the Persian messenger syndrome is alive and well. I saw, some years ago, Arco and Exxon arguing over a few hundred millions of ambiguity in their North Slope treaties before a superior court judge in Texas, with armies of lawyers and experts on each side. Now this is a Mad Hatter’s tea party: two engineering-style companies can’t resolve some ambiguity without spending tens of millions of dollars in some Texas superior court? In my opinion what happens is that nobody wants to bring the bad news to the executives up the line. But here’s a few hundred million dollars you thought you had that you don’t. And it’s much safer to act like the Persian messenger who goes away to hide rather than bring home the news of the battle lost. 

Talking about economics, you get a very interesting phenomenon that I’ve seen over and over again in a long life. You’ve got two products; suppose they’re complex, technical products. Now you’d think, under the laws of economics, that if product A costs X, if product Y costs X minus something, it will sell better than if it sells at X plus something, but that’s not so. In many cases when you raise the price of the alternative products, it’ll get a larger market share than it would when you make it lower than your competitor’s product. That’s because the bell, a Pavlovian bell -- I mean ordinarily there’s a correlation between price and value -- then you have an information inefficiency. And so when you raise the price, the sales go up relative to your competitor. That happens again and again and again. It’s a pure Pavlovian phenomenon. You can say, “Well, the economists have figured this sort of thing out when they started talking about information inefficiencies,” but that was fairly late in economics that they found such an obvious thing. And, of course, most of them don’t ask what causes the information inefficiencies. 

Well one of the things that causes it is pure old Pavlov and his dog. Now you’ve got bios from Skinnerian association: operant conditioning, you know, where you give the dog a reward and pound in the behavior that preceded the dog’s getting the award. And, of course, Skinner was able to create superstitious pigeons by having the rewards come by accident with certain occurrences, and, of course, we all know people who are the human equivalents of superstitious pigeons. That’s a very powerful phenomenon. And, of course, operant conditioning really works. I mean the people in the center who think that operant conditioning is important are very much right, it’s just that Skinner overdid it a little. 

Where you see in business just perfectly horrible results from psychologically-rooted tendencies is in accounting. If you take Westinghouse, which blew, what, two or three billion dollars pre-tax at least loaning developers to build hotels, and virtually 100% loans? Now you say any idiot knows that if there’s one thing you don’t like it’s a developer, and another you don’t like it’s a hotel. And to make a 100% loan to a developer who’s going to build a hotel... [Laughter] But this guy, he probably was an engineer or something, and he didn’t take psychology any more than I did, and he got out there in the hands of these salesmen operating under their version of incentive-caused bias, where any damned way of getting Westinghouse to do it was considered normal business, and they just blew it. 

That would never have been possible if the accounting system hadn’t been such but for the initial phase of every transaction it showed wonderful financial results. So people who have loose accounting standards are just inviting perfectly horrible behavior in other people. And it’s a sin, it’s an absolute sin. If you carry bushel baskets full of money through the ghetto, and made it easy to steal, that would be a considerable human sin, because you’d be causing a lot of bad behavior, and the bad behavior would spread. Similarly an institution that gets sloppy accounting commits a real human sin, and it’s also a dumb way to do business, as Westinghouse has so wonderfully proved. 

Oddly enough nobody mentions, at least nobody I’ve seen, what happened with Joe Jett and Kidder Peabody. The truth of the matter is the accounting system was such that by punching a few buttons, the Joe Jetts of the world could show profits, and profits that showed up in things that resulted in rewards and esteem and every other thing... Well the Joe Jetts are always with us, and they’re not really to blame, in my judgment at least. But that bastard who created that foolish accounting system who, so far as I know, has not been flayed alive, ought to be. 

6. Sixth: bias from reciprocation tendency, including the tendency of one on a roll to act as other persons expect. 

Well here, again, Cialdini does a magnificent job at this, and you’re all going to be given a copy of Cialdini’s book. And if you have half as much sense as I think you do, you will immediately order copies for all of your children and several of your friends. You will never make a better investment. 

It is so easy to be a patsy for what he calls the compliance practitioners of this life. At any rate, reciprocation tendency is a very, very powerful phenomenon, and Cialdini demonstrated this by running around a campus, and he asked people to take juvenile delinquents to the zoo. And it was a campus, and so one in six actually agreed to do it. And after he’d accumulated a statistical output he went around on the same campus and he asked other people, he said, “Gee, would you devote two afternoons a week to taking juvenile delinquents somewhere and suffering greatly yourself to help them,” and there he got 100% of the people to say no. But after he’d made the first request, he backed up a little, and he said, “Would you at least take them to the zoo one afternoon?” He raised the compliance rate from a third to a half. He got three times the success by just going through the little ask-for-a-lot-and-back-off. 

Now if the human mind, on a subconscious level, can be manipulated that way and you don’t know it, I always use the phrase, “You’re like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.” I mean you are really giving a lot of quarter to the external world that you can’t afford to give. And on this so-called role theory, where you tend to act in the way that other people expect, and that’s reciprocation if you think about the way society is organized. 

A guy named Zimbardo had people at Stanford divide into two pieces: one were the guards and the other were the prisoners, and they started acting out roles as people expected. He had to stop the experiment after about five days. He was getting into human misery and breakdown and pathological behavior. I mean it was...it was awesome. However, Zimbardo is greatly misinterpreted. It’s not just reciprocation tendency and role theory that caused that, it’s consistency and commitment tendency. Each person, as he acted as a guard or a prisoner, the action itself was pounding in the idea. [For more on this famous experiment, see http://www.prisonexp.org.] 

Wherever you turn, this consistency and commitment tendency is affecting you. In other words, what you think may change what you do, but perhaps even more important, what you do will change what you think. And you can say, “Everybody knows that.” I want to tell you I didn’t know it well enough early enough. 

7. Seventh, now this is a lollapalooza, and Henry Kaufman wisely talked about this: bias from over-influence by social proof -- that is, the conclusions of others, particularly under conditions of natural uncertainty and stress. 

And here, one of the cases the psychologists use is Kitty Genovese, where all these people -- I don’t know, 50, 60, 70 of them -- just sort of sat and did nothing while she was slowly murdered. Now one of the explanations is that everybody looked at everybody else and nobody else was doing anything, and so there’s automatic social proof that the right thing to do is nothing. That’s not a good enough explanation for Kitty Genovese, in my judgment. That’s only part of it. There are microeconomic ideas and gain/loss ratios and so forth that also come into play. I think time and time again, in reality, psychological notions and economic notions interplay, and the man who doesn’t understand both is a damned fool. 

Big-shot businessmen get into these waves of social proof. Do you remember some years ago when one oil company bought a fertilizer company, and every other major oil company practically ran out and bought a fertilizer company? And there was no more damned reason for all these oil companies to buy fertilizer companies, but they didn’t know exactly what to do, and if Exxon was doing it, it was good enough for Mobil, and vice versa. I think they’re all gone now, but it was a total disaster. 

Now let’s talk about efficient market theory, a wonderful economic doctrine that had a long vogue in spite of the experience of Berkshire Hathaway. In fact one of the economists who won -- he shared a Nobel Prize -- and as he looked at Berkshire Hathaway year after year, which people would throw in his face as saying maybe the market isn’t quite as efficient as you think, he said, “Well, it’s a two-sigma event.” And then he said we were a three-sigma event. And then he said we were a four-sigma event. And he finally got up to six sigmas -- better to add a sigma than change a theory, just because the evidence comes in differently. [Laughter] And, of course, when this share of a Nobel Prize went into money management himself, he sank like a stone. 

If you think about the doctrines I’ve talked about, namely, one, the power of reinforcement -- after all you do something and the market goes up and you get paid and rewarded and applauded and what have you, meaning a lot of reinforcement, if you make a bet on a market and the market goes with you. Also, there’s social proof. I mean the prices on the market are the ultimate form of social proof, reflecting what other people think, and so the combination is very powerful. Why would you expect general market levels to always be totally efficient, say even in 1973-74 at the pit, or in 1972 or whatever it was when the Nifty 50 were in their heyday? If these psychological notions are correct, you would expect some waves of irrationality, which carry general levels, so they’re inconsistent with reason. 

8. Nine [he means eight]: what made these economists love the efficient market theory is the math was so elegant. 

And after all, math was what they’d learned to do. To the man with a hammer, every problem tends to look pretty much like a nail. The alternative truth was a little messy, and they’d forgotten the great economists Keynes, whom I think said, “Better to be roughly right than precisely wrong.” 

9. Nine: bias from contrast-caused distortions of sensation, perception and cognition. 

Here, the great experiment that Cialdini does in his class is he takes three buckets of water: one’s hot, one’s cold and one’s room temperature, and he has the student stick his left hand in the hot water and his right hand in the cold water. Then he has them remove the hands and put them both in the room temperature bucket, and of course with both hands in the same bucket of water, one seems hot, the other seems cold because the sensation apparatus of man is over-influenced by contrast. It has no absolute scale; it’s got a contrast scale in it. And it’s a scale with quantum effects in it too. It takes a certain percentage change before it’s noticed. 

Maybe you’ve had a magician remove your watch -- I certainly have -- without your noticing it. It’s the same thing. He’s taking advantage of contrast-type troubles in your sensory apparatus. But here the great truth is that cognition mimics sensation, and the cognition manipulators mimic the watch-removing magician. In other words, people are manipulating you all day long on this contrast phenomenon. 

Cialdini cites the case of the real estate broker. And you’ve got the rube that’s been transferred into your town, and the first thing you do is you take the rube out to two of the most awful, overpriced houses you’ve ever seen, and then you take the rube to some moderately overpriced house, and then you stick him. And it works pretty well, which is why the real estate salesmen do it. And it’s always going to work. 

And the accidents of life can do this to you, and it can ruin your life. In my generation, when women lived at home until they got married, I saw some perfectly terrible marriages made by highly desirable women because they lived in terrible homes. And I’ve seen some terrible second marriages which were made because they were slight improvements over an even worse first marriage. You think you’re immune from these things, and you laugh, and I want to tell you, you aren’t. 

My favorite analogy I can’t vouch for the accuracy of. I have this worthless friend I like to play bridge with, and he’s a total intellectual amateur that lives on inherited money, but he told me once something I really enjoyed hearing. He said, “Charlie,” he say, “If you throw a frog into very hot water, the frog will jump out, but if you put the frog in room temperature water and just slowly heat the water up, the frog will die there.” Now I don’t know whether that’s true about a frog, but it’s sure as hell true about many of the businessmen I know [laughter], and there, again, it is the contrast phenomenon. But these are hot-shot, high-powered people. I mean these are not fools. If it comes to you in small pieces, you’re likely to miss, so if you’re going to be a person of good judgment, you have to do something about this warp in your head where it’s so misled by mere contrast. 

10. Bias from over-influence by authority. 

Well here, the Milgrim experiment, as it's called -- I think there have been 1,600 psychological papers written about Milgrim. And he had a person posing as an authority figure trick ordinary people into giving what they had every reason to expect was heavy torture by electric shock to perfectly innocent fellow citizens. And he was trying to show why Hitler succeeded and a few other things, and so this really caught the fancy of the world. Partly it’s so politically correct, and over-influence by authority... 

You’ll like this one: You get a pilot and a co-pilot. The pilot is the authority figure. They don’t do this in airplanes, but they’ve done it in simulators. They have the pilot do something where the co-pilot, who's been trained in simulators a long time -- he knows he’s not to allow the plane to crash -- they have the pilot to do something where an idiot co-pilot would know the plane was going to crash, but the pilot’s doing it, and the co-pilot is sitting there, and the pilot is the authority figure. 25% of the time the plane crashes. I mean this is a very powerful psychological tendency. It’s not quite as powerful as some people think, and I’ll get to that later. 

11. Eleven: bias from deprival super-reaction syndrome, including bias caused by present or threatened scarcity, including threatened removal of something almost possessed, but never possessed. 

Here I took the Munger dog, a lovely, harmless dog. The only way to get that dog to bite you is to try and take something out of its mouth after it was already there. And you know, if you’ve tried to do takeaways in labor negotiations, you’ll know that the human version of that dog is there in all of us. And I have a neighbor, a predecessor who had a little island around the house, and his next door neighbor put a little pine tree on it that was about three feet high, and it turned his 180 degree view of the harbor into 179 3/4. Well they had a blood feud like the Hatfields and McCoys, and it went on and on and on... 

I mean people are really crazy about minor decrements down. And then, if you act on them, then you get into reciprocation tendency, because you don’t just reciprocate affection, you reciprocate animosity, and the whole thing can escalate. And so huge insanities can come from just subconsciously over-weighing the importance of what you’re losing or almost getting and not getting. 

And the extreme business case here was New Coke. Coca-Cola has the most valuable trademark in the world. We’re the major shareholder -- I think we understand that trademark. Coke has armies of brilliant engineers, lawyers, psychologists, advertising executives and so forth, and they had a trademark on a flavor, and they’d spent the better part of 100 years getting people to believe that trademark had all these intangible values too. And people associate it with a flavor. And so they were going to tell people not that it was improved, because you can’t improve a flavor. A flavor is a matter of taste. I mean you may improve a detergent or something, but don’t think you’re going to make a major change in a flavor. So they got this huge deprival super-reaction syndrome. 

Pepsi was within weeks of coming out with old Coke in a Pepsi bottle, which would’ve been the biggest fiasco in modern times. Perfect insanity. And by the way, both Goizuetta [Coke's CEO at the time] and Keough [an influential former president and director of the company] are just wonderful about it. I mean they just joke. Keough always says, “I must’ve been away on vacation.” He participated in every single decision -- he’s a wonderful guy. And by the way, Goizuetta is a wonderful, smart guy -- an engineer. Smart people make these terrible boners. How can you not understand deprival super-reaction syndrome? But people do not react symmetrically to loss and gain. Well maybe a great bridge player like Zeckhauser does, but that’s a trained response. Ordinary people, subconsciously affected by their inborn tendencies... 

12. Bias from envy/jealousy. 

Well envy/jealousy made, what, two out of the ten commandments? Those of you who have raised siblings you know about envy, or tried to run a law firm or investment bank or even a faculty? I’ve heard Warren say a half a dozen times, “It’s not greed that drives the world, but envy.” 

Here again, you go through the psychology survey courses, and you go to the index: envy/jealousy, 1,000-page book, it’s blank. There’s some blind spots in academia, but it’s an enormously powerful thing, and it operates, to a considerable extent, on the subconscious level. Anybody who doesn’t understand it is taking on defects he shouldn’t have. 

13. Bias from chemical dependency. 

Well, we don’t have to talk about that. We’ve all seen so much of it, but it’s interesting how it’ll always cause this moral breakdown if there’s any need, and it always involves massive denial. See it just aggravates what we talked about earlier in the aviator case, the tendency to distort reality so that it’s endurable. 

14. Bias from mis-gambling compulsion. 

Well here, Skinner made the only explanation you’ll find in the standard psychology survey course. He, of course, created a variable reinforcement rate for his pigeons and his mice, and he found that that would pound in the behavior better than any other enforcement pattern. And he says, “Ah ha! I’ve explained why gambling is such a powerful, addictive force in this civilization.” I think that is, to a very considerable extent, true, but being Skinner, he seemed to think that was the only explanation, but the truth of the matter is that the devisors of these modern machines and techniques know a lot of things that Skinner didn’t know. 

For instance, a lottery. You have a lottery where you get your number by lot, and then somebody draws a number by lot, it gets lousy play. You have a lottery where people get to pick their number, you get big play. Again, it’s this consistency and commitment thing. People think if they have committed to it, it has to be good. The minute they’ve picked it themselves it gets an extra validity. After all, they thought it and they acted on it. 

Then if you take the slot machines, you get bar, bar, walnut. And it happens again and again and again. You get all these near misses. Well that’s deprival super-reaction syndrome, and boy do the people who create the machines understand human psychology. And for the high IQ-crowd they’ve got poker machines where you make choices. So you can play blackjack, so to speak, with the machine. It’s wonderful what we’ve done with our computers to ruin the civilization. 

But at any rate, mis-gambling compulsion is a very, very powerful and important thing. Look at what’s happening to our country: every Indian has a reservation, every river town, and look at the people who are ruined by it with the aid of their stock brokers and others. And again, if you look in the standard textbook of psychology you’ll find practically nothing on it except maybe one sentence talking about Skinner’s rats. That is not an adequate coverage of the subject. 

15. Bias from liking distortion, including the tendency to especially like oneself, one’s 

own kind and one’s own idea structures, and the tendency to be especially susceptible to being misled by someone liked. Disliking distortion, bias from that, the reciprocal of liking distortion and the tendency not to learn appropriately from someone disliked. 

Well here, again, we’ve got hugely powerful tendencies, and if you look at the wars in part of the Harvard Law School, as we sit here, you can see that very brilliant people get into this almost pathological behavior. And these are very, very powerful, basic, subconscious psychological tendencies, or at least party subconscious. 

Now let’s get back to B.F. Skinner, man-with-a-hammer syndrome revisited. Why is man- with-a-hammer syndrome always present? Well if you stop to think about it, it’s incentive- caused bias. His professional reputation is all tied up with what he knows. He likes himself and he likes his own ideas, and he’s expressed them to other people -- consistency and commitment tendency. I mean you’ve got four or five of these elementary psychological tendencies combining to create this man-with-a-hammer syndrome. 

Once you realize that you can’t really buy your thinking -- partly you can, but largely you can’t in this world -- you have learned a lesson that’s very useful in life. George Bernard Shaw had a character say in The Doctor’s Dilemma, “In the last analysis, every profession is a conspiracy against the laity.” But he didn’t have it quite right, because it isn’t so much a conspiracy as it is a subconscious, psychological tendency. 

The guy tells you what is good for him. He doesn’t recognize that he’s doing anything wrong any more than that doctor did when he was pulling out all those normal gall bladders. And he believes his own idea structures will cure cancer, and he believes that the demons that he’s the guardian against are the biggest demons and the most important ones, and in fact they may be very small demons compared to the demons that you face. So you’re getting your advice in this world from your paid advisor with this huge load of ghastly bias. And woe to you. 

There are only two ways to handle it: you can hire your advisor and then just apply a windage factor, like I used to do when I was a rifle shooter. I’d just adjust for so many miles an hour wind. Or you can learn the basic elements of your advisor's trade. You don’t have to learn very much, by the way, because if you learn just a little then you can make him explain why he’s right. And those two tendencies will take part of the warp out of the thinking you’ve tried to hire done. By and large it works terribly. I have never seen a management consultant’s report in my long life that didn’t end with the following paragraph: "What this situation really needs is more management consulting." Never once. I always turn to the last page. Of course Berkshire doesn’t hire them, so I only do this on sort of a voyeuristic basis. Sometimes I’m at a non-profit where some idiot hires one. [Laughter] 

16. Seventeen [he means 16]: bias from the non-mathematical nature of the human brain in its natural state as it deal with probabilities employing crude heuristics, and is often misled by mere contrast, a tendency to overweigh conveniently available information and other psychologically misrouted thinking tendencies on this list. 

When the brain should be using the simple probability mathematics of Fermat and Pascal applied to all reasonably obtainable and correctly weighted items of information that are of value in predicting outcomes, the right way to think is the way Zeckhauser plays bridge. It’s just that simple. And your brain doesn’t naturally know how to think the way Zeckhauser knows how to play bridge. Now, you notice I put in that availability thing, and there I’m mimicking some very eminent psychologists [Daniel] Kahneman, Eikhout[?] (I hope I pronounced that right) and [Amos] Tversky, who raised the idea of availability to a whole heuristic of misjudgment. And they are very substantially right. 

I mean ask the Coca-Cola Company, which has raised availability to a secular religion. If availability changes behavior, you will drink a helluva lot more Coke if it’s always available. I mean availability does change behavior and cognition. Nonetheless, even though I recognize that and applaud Tversky and Kahneman, I don’t like it for my personal system except as part of a greater sub-system, which is you’ve got to think the way Zeckhauser plays bridge. And it isn’t just the lack of availability that distorts your judgment. All the things on this list distort judgment. And I want to train myself to kind of mentally run down the list instead of just jumping on availability. So that’s why I state it the way I do. 

In a sense these psychological tendencies make things unavailable, because if you quickly jump to one thing, and then because you jumped to it the consistency and commitment tendency makes you lock in, boom, that’s error number one. Or if something is very vivid, which I’m going to come to next, that will really pound in. And the reason that the thing that really matters is now unavailable and what’s extra-vivid wins is, I mean, the extra- vividness creates the unavailability. So I think it’s much better to have a whole list of things that would cause you to be less like Zeckhauser than it is just to jump on one factor. 

Here I think we should discuss John Gutfreund. This is a very interesting human example, which will be taught in every decent professional school for at least a full generation. Gutfreund has a trusted employee and it comes to light not through confession but by accident that the trusted employee has lied like hell to the government and manipulated the accounting system, and it was really equivalent to forgery. And the man immediately says, “I’ve never done it before, I’ll never do it again. It was an isolated example.” And of course it was obvious that he was trying to help the government as well as himself, because he thought the government had been dumb enough to pass a rule that he’d spoken against, and after all if the government’s not going to pay attention to a bond trader at Salomon, what kind of a government can it be? 

At any rate, this guy has been part of a little clique that has made, well, way over a billion dollars for Salomon in the very recent past, and it’s a little handful of people. And so there are a lot of psychological forces at work, and then you know the guy’s wife, and he’s right in front of you, and there’s human sympathy, and he’s sort of asking for your help, which encourages reciprocation, and there’s all these psychological tendencies are working, plus the fact he’s part of a group that had made a lot of money for you. At any rate, Gutfreund does not cashier the man, and of course he had done it before and he did do it again. Well now you look as though you almost wanted him to do it again. Or God knows what you look like, but it isn’t good. And that simple decision destroyed Jim Gutfreund, and it’s so easy to do. 

Now let’s think it through like the bridge player, like Zeckhauser. You find an isolated example of a little old lady in the See’s Candy Company, one of our subsidiaries, getting into the till. And what does she say? “I never did it before, I’ll never do it again. This is going to ruin my life. Please help me.” And you know her children and her friends, and she’d been around 30 years and standing behind the candy counter with swollen ankles. 

When you’re an old lady it isn’t that glorious a life. And you’re rich and powerful and there she is: “I never did it before, I’ll never do it again.” Well how likely is it that she never did it before? If you’re going to catch 10 embezzlements a year, what are the chances that any one of them -- applying what Tversky and Kahneman called baseline information -- will be somebody who only did it this once? And the people who have done it before and are going to do it again, what are they all going to say? Well in the history of the See’s Candy Company they always say, “I never did it before, and I’m never going to do it again.” And we cashier them. It would be evil not to, because terrible behavior spreads. 

Remember...what was it? Serpico? I mean you let that stuff...you’ve got social proof, you’ve got incentive-caused bias, you’ve got a whole lot of psychological factors that will cause the evil behavior to spread, and pretty soon the whole damn...your place is rotten, the civilization is rotten. It’s not the right way to behave. And I will admit that I have...when I knew the wife and children, I have paid severance pay when I fire somebody for taking a mistress on an extended foreign trip. It’s not the adultery I mind, it’s the embezzlement. But there, I wouldn’t do it like Gutfreund did it, where they’d been cheating somebody else on my behalf. There I think you have to cashier. But if they’re just stealing from you and you get rid of them, I don’t think you need the last ounce of vengeance. In fact I don’t think you need any vengeance. I don’t think vengeance is much good. 

17. Now we come to bias from over-influence by extra-vivid evidence. 

Here’s one that...I’m at least $30 million poorer as I sit here giving this little talk because I once bought 300 shares of a stock and the guy called me back and said, “I’ve got 1,500 more,” and I said, “Will you hold it for 15 minutes while I think about it?” And the CEO of this company -- I have seen a lot of vivid peculiarities in a long life, but this guy set a world record; I’m talking about the CEO -- and I just mis-weighed it. The truth of the matter was the situation was foolproof. He was soon going to be dead, and I turned down the extra 1,500 shares, and it’s now cost me $30 million. And that’s life in the big city. And it wasn’t something where stock was generally available. So it’s very easy to mis- weigh the vivid evidence, and Gutfreund did that when he looked into the man’s eyes and forgave a colleague. 

18. Twenty-two [he means 18]: Mental confusion caused by information not arrayed in the mind and theory structures, creating sound generalizations developed in response to the question “Why?” Also, mis-influence from information that apparently but not really answers the question “Why?” Also, failure to obtain deserved influence caused by not properly explaining why. 

Well we all know people who’ve flunked, and they try and memorize and they try and spout back and they just...it doesn’t work. The brain doesn’t work that way. You’ve got to array facts on the theory structures answering the question “Why?” If you don’t do that, you just cannot handle the world. 

And now we get to Feuerstein, who was the general counsel with Salomon when Gutfreund made his big error, and Feuerstein knew better. He told Gutfreund, “You have to report this as a matter of morality and prudent business judgment.” He said, “It’s probably not illegal, there’s probably no legal duty to do it, but you have to do it as a matter of prudent conduct and proper dealing with your main customer.” He said that to Gutfreund on at least two or three occasions. And he stopped. And, of course, the persuasion failed, and when Gutfreund went down, Feuerstein went with him. It ruined a considerable part of Feuerstein’s life. 

Well Feuerstein, [who] was a member of the Harvard Law Review, made an elementary psychological mistake. You want to persuade somebody, you really tell them why. And what did we learn in lesson one? Incentives really matter? Vivid evidence really works? He should’ve told Gutfreund, “You’re likely to ruin your life and disgrace your family and lose your money.” And is Mozer worth this? I know both men. That would’ve worked. So Feuerstein flunked elementary psychology, this very sophisticated, brilliant lawyer. But don’t you do that. It’s not very hard to do, you know, just to remember that “Why?” is very important. 

19. Other normal limitations of sensation, memory, cognition and knowledge. Well, I don’t have time for that. 

20. Stress-induced mental changes, small and large, temporary and permanent. 

Here, my favorite example is the great Pavlov. He had all these dogs in cages, which had all been conditioned into changed behaviors, and the great Leningrad flood came and it just went right up and the dog’s in a cage. And the dog had as much stress as you can imagine a dog ever having. And the water receded in time to save some of the dogs, and Pavlov noted that they’d had a total reversal of their conditioned personality. And being the great scientist he was, he spent the rest of his life giving nervous breakdowns to dogs, and he learned a helluva lot that I regard as very interesting. 

I have never known any Freudian analyst who knew anything about the last work of Pavlov, and I’ve never met a lawyer who understood that what Pavlov found out with those dogs had anything to do with programming and de-programming and cults and so forth. I mean the amount of elementary psychological ignorance that is out there in high levels is very significant[?]. 

21. Then we’ve got other common mental illnesses and declines, temporary and permanent, including the tendency to lose ability through disuse. 

22. And then I’ve got development and organizational confusion from say-something syndrome. 

And here my favorite thing is the bee, a honeybee. And a honeybee goes out and finds the nectar and he comes back, he does a dance that communicates to the other bees where the nectar is, and they go out and get it. Well some scientist who is clever, like B.F. Skinner, decided to do an experiment. He put the nectar straight up. Way up. Well, in a natural setting, there is no nectar where they’re all straight up, and the poor honeybee doesn’t have a genetic program that is adequate to handle what he now has to communicate. And you’d think the honeybee would come back to the hive and slink into a corner, but he doesn’t. He comes into the hive and does this incoherent dance, and all my life I’ve been dealing with the human equivalent of that honeybee. [Laughter] And it’s a very important part of human organization so the noise and the reciprocation and so forth of all these people who have what I call say-something syndrome don’t really affect the decisions. 

Now the time has come to ask two or three questions. This is the most important question in this whole talk: 

1. What happens when these standard psychological tendencies combine? What happens when the situation, or the artful manipulation of man, causes several of these tendencies to operate on a person toward the same end at the same time? 

The clear answer is the combination greatly increases power to change behavior, compared to the power of merely one tendency acting alone. 

Examples are: 

• Tupperware parties. Tupperware’s now made billions of dollars out of a few manipulative psychological tricks. It was so schlocky that directors of Justin Dart’s company resigned when he crammed it down his board’s throat. And he was totally right, by the way, judged by economic outcomes. 

• Moonie [as in Sun Myung Moon and the Unification Church] conversion methods: boy do they work. He just combines four or five of these things together. 

• The system of Alcoholics Anonymous: a 50% no-drinking rate outcome when everything else fails? It’s a very clever system that uses four or five psychological systems at once toward, I might say, a very good end. 

• The Milgrim experiment. It’s been widely interpreted as mere obedience, but the truth of the matter is that the experimenter who got the students to give the heavy shocks in Milgrim, he explained why. It was a false explanation. “We need this to look for scientific truth,” and so on. That greatly changed the behavior of the people. And number two, he worked them up: tiny shock, a little larger, a little larger. So commitment and consistency tendency and the contrast principle were both working in favor of this behavior. So again, it’s four different psychological tendencies.

When you get these lollapalooza effects you will almost always find four or five of these things working together. 

When I was young there was a whodunit hero who always said, “Cherche la femme.” [In French, "Look for the woman."] What you should search for in life is the combination, because the combination is likely to do you in. Or, if you’re the inventor of Tupperware parties, it’s likely to make you enormously rich if you can stand shaving when you do it. 

One of my favorite cases is the McDonald-Douglas airliner evacuation disaster. The government requires that airliners pass a bunch of tests, one of them is evacuation: get everybody out, I think it’s 90 seconds or something like that. It’s some short period of time. The government has rules, make it very realistic, so on and so on. You can’t select nothing but 20-year-old athletes to evacuate your airline. So McDonald-Douglas schedules one of these things in a hangar, and they make the hangar dark and the concrete floor is 25 feet down, and they’ve got these little rubber chutes, and they’ve got all these old people, and they ring the bell and they all rush out, and in the morning, when the first test is done, they create, I don’t know, 20 terrible injuries when people go off to hospitals, and of course they scheduled another one for the afternoon. 

By the way they didn’t read[?] the time schedule either, in addition to causing all the injuries. 

Well...so what do they do? They do it again in the afternoon. Now they create 20 more injuries and one case of a severed spinal column with permanent, unfixable paralysis. These are engineers, these are brilliant people, this is thought over through in a big bureaucracy. Again, it’s a combination of [psychological tendencies]: authorities told you to do it. He told you to make it realistic. You’ve decided to do it. You’d decided to do it twice. Incentive-caused bias. If you pass you save a lot of money. You’ve got to jump this hurdle before you can sell your new airliner. Again, three, four, five of these things work together and it turns human brains into mush. And maybe you think this doesn’t happen in picking investments? If so, you’re living in a different world than I am. 

Finally, the open-outcry auction. Well the open-outcry auction is just made to turn the brain into mush: you’ve got social proof, the other guy is bidding, you get reciprocation tendency, you get deprival super-reaction syndrome, the thing is going away... I mean it just absolutely is designed to manipulate people into idiotic behavior. 

Finally the institution of the board of directors of the major American company. Well, the top guy is sitting there, he’s an authority figure. He’s doing asinine things, you look around the board, nobody else is objecting, social proof, it’s okay? Reciprocation tendency, he’s raising the directors fees every year, he’s flying you around in the corporate airplane to look at interesting plants, or whatever in hell they do, and you go and you really get extreme dysfunction as a corrective decision-making body in the typical American board of directors. They only act, again the power of incentives, they only act when it gets so bad it starts making them look foolish, or threatening legal liability to them. That’s Munger’s rule. I mean there are occasional things that don’t follow Munger’s rule, but by and large the board of directors is a very ineffective corrector if the top guy is a little nuts, which, of course, frequently happens. 

2. The second question: Isn’t this list of standard psychological tendencies improperly tautological compared with the system of Euclid? That is, aren’t there overlaps? And can’t some items on the list be derived from combinations of other items?

The answer to that is, plainly, yes. 

3. Three: What good, in the practical world, is the thought system indicated by the list? Isn’t practical benefit prevented because these psychological tendencies are programmed into the human mind by broad evolution so we can’t get rid of them? [By] broad evolution, I mean the combination of genetic and cultural evolution, but mostly genetic. 

Well the answer is the tendencies are partly good and, indeed, probably much more good than bad, otherwise they wouldn’t be there. By and large these rules of thumb, they work pretty well for man given his limited mental capacity. And that’s why they were programmed in by broad evolution. At any rate, they can’t be simply washed out automatically and they shouldn’t be. Nonetheless, the psychological thought system described is very useful in spreading wisdom and good conduct when one understands it and uses it constructively. 

Here are some examples: 

• One: Karl Braun’s communication practices. He designed oil refineries with spectacular skill and integrity. He had a very simple rule. Remember I said, “Why is it important?” You got fired in the Braun company. You had to have five Ws. You had to tell Who, What you wanted to do, Where and When, and you had to tell him Why. And if you wrote a communication and left out the Why you got fired, because Braun knew it’s complicated building an oil refinery. It can blow up...all kinds of things happen. And he knew that his communication system worked better if you always told him why. That’s a simple discipline, and boy does it work. 

• Two: the use of simulators in pilot training. Here, again, abilities attenuate with disuse. Well the simulator is God’s gift because you can keep them fresh. 

• Three: The system of Alcoholics Anonymous, that’s certainly a constructive use of somebody understanding psychological tendencies. I think they just wandered into it, as a matter of fact, so you can regard it as kind of an evolutionary outcome. But just because they’ve wandered into it doesn’t mean you can’t invent its equivalent when you need it for a good purpose. 

• Four: Clinical training in medical schools: here’s a profoundly correct way of understanding psychology. The standard practice is watch one, do one, teach one. Boy does that pound in what you want pounded in. Again, the consistency and commitment tendency. And that is a profoundly correct way to teach clinical medicine. 

• Five: The rules of the U.S. Constitutional Convention: totally secret, no vote until the whole vote, then just one vote on the whole Constitution. Very clever psychological rules, and if they had a different procedure, everybody would’ve been pushed into a corner by his own pronouncements and his own oratory and his own... And no recorded votes until the last one. And they got it through by a whisker with those wise rules. We wouldn’t have had the Constitution if our forefathers hadn’t been so psychologically acute. And look at the crowd we got now.

• Six: the use of granny’s rule. I love this. One of the psychologists who works for the Center gets paid a fortune running around America, and he teaches executives to manipulate themselves. Now granny’s rule is you don’t get the ice cream unless you eat your carrots. Well granny was a very wise woman. That is a very good system. And so this guy, a very eminent psychologist, he runs around the country telling executives to organize their day so they force themselves to do what’s unpleasant and important by doing that first, and then rewarding themselves with something they really like doing. He is profoundly correct. 

• Seven: the Harvard Business School’s emphasis on decision trees. When I was young and foolish I used to laugh at the Harvard Business School. I said, “They’re teaching 28-year-old people that high school algebra works in real life?” We’re talking about elementary probability. But later I wised up and I realized that it was very important that they do that, and better late than never. 

• Eight: the use of post-mortems at Johnson & Johnson. At most corporations if you make an acquisition and it turns out to be a disaster, all the paperwork and presentations that caused the dumb acquisition to be made are quickly forgotten. You’ve got denial, you’ve got everything in the world. You’ve got Pavlovian association tendency. Nobody even wants to even be associated with the damned thing or even mention it. At Johnson & Johnson, they make everybody revisit their old acquisitions and wade through the presentations. That is a very smart thing to do. And by the way, I do the same thing routinely. 

• Nine: the great example of Charles Darwin is he avoided confirmation bias. Darwin probably changed my life because I’m a biography nut, and when I found out the way he always paid extra attention to the disconfirming evidence and all these little psychological tricks. I also found out that he wasn’t very smart by the ordinary standards of human acuity, yet there he is buried in Westminster Abbey. That’s not where I’m going, I’ll tell you. And I said, “My God, here’s a guy that, by all objective evidence, is not nearly as smart as I am and he’s in Westminster Abbey? He must have tricks I should learn.” And I started wearing little hair shirts like Darwin to try and train myself out of these subconscious psychological tendencies that cause so many errors. It didn’t work perfectly, as you can tell from listening to this talk, but it would’ve been even worse if I hadn’t done what I did. And you can know these psychological tendencies and avoid being the patsy of all the people that are trying to manipulate you to your disadvantage, like Sam Walton. Sam Walton won’t let a purchasing agent take a handkerchief from a salesman. He knows how powerful the subconscious reciprocation tendency is. That is a profoundly correct way for Sam Walton to behave. 

• Ten: Then there is the Warren Buffett rule for open-outcry auctions: don’t go. We don’t go to the closed-bid auctions too because they...that’s a counter-productive way to do things ordinarily for a different reason, which Zeckhauser would understand. 

4. Four: What special knowledge problems lie buried in the thought system indicated by the list? 

Well one is paradox. Now we’re talking about a type of human wisdom that the more people learn about it, the more attenuated the wisdom gets. That’s an intrinsically paradoxical kind of wisdom. But we have paradox in mathematics and we don’t give up mathematics. I say damn the paradox. This stuff is wonderfully useful. And by the way, the granny’s rule, when you apply it to yourself, is sort of a paradox in a paradox. The manipulation still works even though you know you’re doing it. And I’ve seen that done by one person to another. 

I drew this beautiful woman as my dinner partner a few years ago, and I’d never seen her before. Well, she’s married to prominent Angelino, and she sat down next to me and she turned her beautiful face up and she said, “Charlie,” she said, “What one word accounts for your remarkable success in life?” And I knew I was being manipulated and that she’d done this before, and I just loved it. I mean I never see this woman without a little lift in my spirits. And by the way I told her I was rational. You’ll have to judge yourself whether that’s true. I may be demonstrating some psychological tendency I hadn’t planned on demonstrating. 

How should the best parts of psychology and economics interrelate in an enlightened economist's mind? Two views: that’s the thermodynamics model. You know, you can’t derive thermodynamics from plutonium, gravity and laws of mechanics, even though it’s a lot of little particles interacting. And here is this wonderful truth that you can sort of develop on your own, which is thermodynamics. And some economists -- and I think Milton Friedman is in this group, but I may be wrong on that -- sort of like the thermodynamics model. I think Milton Friedman, who has a Nobel prize, is probably a little wrong on that. I think the thermodynamics analogy is over-strained. I think knowledge from these different soft sciences have to be reconciled to eliminate conflict. After all, there’s nothing in thermodynamics that’s inconsistent with Newtonian mechanics and gravity, and I think that some of these economic theories are not totally consistent with other knowledge, and they have to be bent. And I think that these behavioral economics...or economists are probably the ones that are bending them in the correct direction. 

Now my prediction is when the economists take a little psychology into account that the reconciliation will be quite endurable. And here my model is the procession of the equinoxes. The world would be simpler for a long-term climatologist if the angle of the axis of the Earth’s rotation, compared to the plane of the Euclyptic, were absolutely fixed. But it isn’t fixed. Over every 40,000 years or so there’s this little wobble, and that has pronounced long-term effects. Well in many cases what psychology is going to add is just a little wobble, and it will be endurable. Here I quote another hero of mine, which of course is Einstein, where he said, “The Lord is subtle, but not malicious.” And I don’t think it’s going to be that hard to bend economics a little to accommodate what’s right in psychology. 

5. Fifth: The final question is: If the thought system indicated by this list of psychological tendencies has great value not recognized and employed, what should the educational system do about it? 

I am not going to answer that one now. I like leaving a little mystery. 

Have I used up all the time so there’s no time for questions? 

Moderator: I think that what we’re going to do is we’re going to borrow a little bit of time from the end of the day questions, and we’re going to move it and allocate it to Charles Munger, if that's acceptable to everybody.

Munger: By the way, the dean of the Stanford Law School is here today, Paul Brest, and he is trying to create a course at the Stanford Law School that tries to work stuff similar to this into worldly wisdom for lawyers, which I regard as a profoundly good idea, and he wrote an article about it, and you’ll be given a copy along with Cialdini’s book. [The article Mr. Munger is referring to is called "On Teaching Professional Judgment" by Paul Brest and Linda Krieger. It was published in the July 1994 edition of the Washington Law Review.] Questions? 

Audience Member #1: Will we be able to get a copy of that list of 24 [standard causes of human misjudgment]? 

Munger: Yes. I presumed there would be one curious man [laughter], and I have it and I’ll put it over there on the table, but don’t take more than one, because I didn’t anticipate such a big crowd. And if we run short, I’m sure the Center is up to making other copies. 

Audience Member #2: If I had listened to this talk I might have thought that Charles Munger was a psychology professor operating in a business school. Every once in a while a micro-issue -- you told us how you would’ve deal with one of these issues, for example with the unfortunate lady See’s -- but you didn’t tell us how these tendencies affected you and what’s probably the most important, or one of the most important elements of your success, which was deciding where to invest your money. And I’m wondering if you might relate some of these principles to some of your past decisions that way. 

Munger: Well of course an investment decision in the common stock of a company frequently involves a whole lot of factors interacting. Usually, of course, there’s one big, simple model, and a lot of those models are microeconomic. And I have a little list of -- it wouldn’t be nearly 24, of those -- but I don’t have time for that one. And I don’t have too much interest in teaching other people how to get rich. And that isn’t because I fear the competition or anything like that -- Warren has always been very open about what he’s learned, and I share that ethos. My personal behavior model is Lord Keynes: I wanted to get rich so I could be independent, and so I could do other things like give talks on the intersection of psychology and economics. I didn’t want to turn it into a total obsession. 

Audience Member #3: Out of those 24, could you tell us the one rule that’s most important? 

Munger: I would say the one thing that causes the most trouble is when you combine a bunch of these together, you get this lollapalooza effect. And again, if you read the psychology textbooks, they don’t discuss how these things combine, at least not very much. Do they multiply? Do they add? How does it work? You’d think it’d be just an automatic subject for research, but it doesn’t seem to turn the psychology establishment on. I think this is a man from Mars approach to psychology. 

I just reached in and took what I thought I had to have. That is a different set of incentives from rising in an economic establishment where the rewards system, again, the reinforcement, comes from being a truffle hound. That’s what Jacob Viner, the great economist called it: the truffle hound -- an animal so bred and trained for one narrow purpose that he wasn’t much good at anything else, and that is the reward system in a lot of academic departments. It is not necessarily for the good. It may be fine if you want new drugs or something. You want people stunted in a lot of different directions so they can grow in one narrow direction, but I don’t think it’s good teaching psychology to the masses. In fact, I think it’s terrible.

[musicgoonmail]

Doomed

In This Edition

In this week's edition, I share thoughts on recording video content for Sunday School, what's new with my book reviews, church social media, new podcast episodes for SOLA Network, and what's coming soon across my creative projects - including my first book giveaway on Instagram!

We'll be celebrating Mother's Day by going on a trip to get Cha for Tea - Jess' favorite boba spot. When thinking about my own relationship with my mom - I would say that it is not a typical relationship. But I thank God for her continued presence in my life. I know Mother's Day can be quite challenging for some. I appreciate you for reading my newsletter -- please let me know how I can be praying for you.

My soul longs for the courts of the Lord: What should I feel when when I can’t go to church?

Book Reviews and My First Giveaway!

Walnut Commentary: Dealing with Disappointment with Pastor Hanley Liu

SOLA Network Podcast: Cruel Summer with Hannah Chao

Playlists

Weekend Throwbacks

Extended Play

Lightning Links

Coming Soon

Weekly Review

My soul longs for the courts of the Lord: What should I feel when when I can’t go to church?

I delivered my Sunday School devotion from Psalm 84 to my high school students LIVE on Zoom last weekend, and you can watch the recorded video on YouTube. Here is my main point: Trust in Jesus, the true and better temple, and base your hope in our heavenly home.

It was hard for me to be objective with my own evaluation after giving the lesson. My co-teachers were generous and kind in their feedback. I hope to get better at delivering content via video, so I am definitely open to hearing suggestions from my newsletter readers. Simply reply to this email and let me know your thoughts.

Book Reviews and My First Giveaway!

This week I reviewed 4 books and were a great display of the different books I receive. God’s Glory Revealed in Christ (edited by Denny Burk, James M. Hamilton Jr., and Brian Vickers) is an academic Festschrift, Gentle and Lowly (by Dane C. Ortlund) reads like a devotional, The Book of Ecclesiastes (by Alabaster) is magazine-style book, and Disruptive Witness (by Alan Noble) is a relevant look at Christian living.

I am happy to let you be the first to know that I will be doing my first book giveaway on my Instagram @diveindigdeep. I am partnering with Intervarsity Press, and we will be giving away 3 copies of Disruptive Witness by Alan Noble. I'll share more about how this came about in our next newsletter, but for now be sure to follow and be ready on Monday morning to enter!

Walnut Commentary: Dealing with Disappointment with Pastor Hanley Liu

For the first time, Pastor Hanley Hanley and I record the Walnut Commentary podcast LIVE on Zoom. You can watch the video recording on YouTube. After clearing the air about an argument we had earlier this year, Pastor Hanley answers 3 listener questions: 1. What kind of encouragement does The Bible offer to those who have to deal with disappointment and/or sadness for present or upcoming events directly affected by the shelter in place order? 2. How did this COVID-19 crisis change FCBC? 3. A local pastor has asked pastors to pray about opening doors to church on May 31st. What are your thoughts?

We had 3 reasons for launching the LIVE podcast. First, offering the live option works for us because we can do it easily. We've built up a rhythm that works in our conversations. Second, it works in Pastor Hanley's favor because he's making himself available to our congregation. I think providing a known avenue for Q and A with your pastor is a good thing to have at our church. Finally, if we're going to record a podcast anyways -- it doesn't hurt us to do it LIVE. I still have the content ready to be published for anyone that wants to watch it on-demand. So we're going to keep going and just have some fun with it!

SOLA Network Podcast: Cruel Summer with Hannah Chao

This special episode was recorded on Zoom with SOLA Network editor Hannah Chao. She gives an update on SOLA Digital, discusses our top 5 articles so far in 2020, and shares what she's been working on creatively. Watch on YouTube. Listen on Spotify or Podcasts.

I'm very happy that SOLA Network is open to providing more video content - and I'm happy to contribute with the podcast. While the people at my church know who I am, it's a different feeling showing my face on an outside ministry. I hope to roll with the punches, learn, and improve as we go along.

Playlists

SOLA Network allowed me the opportunity to interview a Korean-American hip-hop artist named Uzuhan, so I did a deep-dive into his catalog. I love everything about the song Doomed. The guest vocals by vlogger Nikki Phillippi are outstanding.

I added the track to my MUSICGOON playlist this week and it will have a stable spot on our TGIF playlist for SOLA Network. Also, there's a fun music video to go with the song - watch it on YouTube.

MUSICGOON: 10 songs I enjoyed this week.

SVRGNLA: Jess and I love these songs.

ETJ: Music that inspires my band.

DIDD: A crowd-sourced worship playlist.

TGIF: Crowd-sourced for SOLA Network.

This is FCBC Walnut: Sunday setlists.

Weekend Throwbacks

Mother’s Day reminds us about when we were waiting for adoption. We have a special burden for those who are waiting. Jess wrote an article almost two years ago about her own struggles and how she felt like An Ugly Waiting Mom.

I plan to share a trio of throwback articles from my own blog this weekend on social media related to Mother's Day. I hope they can be a small and special encouragement to you.

God is Working in Your Waiting

My Mom Learns By Writing

Worth the Wait

Extended Play

This section of the newsletter is starting to turn into a Disney+ love letter. We're watching the Disney Channel series I Didn't Do It, and we're starting the new original series Prop Culture - a documentary series that reunites iconic Disney movie props with the filmmakers, actors, and crew who created and used them in some of Disney's most beloved films.

The article that impacted me the most this week was Pandemic Priorities for Church Planters by Tyler St. Clair for The Gospel Coalition. Here is the stinger: "Our churches need fully engaged and compassionate shepherds, not just spiritual content providers.” As the social media officer for my church, this is something I need to take into consideration.

Throwback: You Love Music Ministry More Than God If…

Movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

TV: Prop Culture

Article: Pandemic Priorities for Church Planters

Book: Disruptive Witness by Alan Noble

Song: Doomed by Uzuhan

Lightning Links

“Asian Americans” premieres on PBS on May 11, 2020

Spotify Launches New Campaign to Celebrate Asian American & Pacific Islander Heritage Month

How the Air Jordan 1 Became the Sneaker King

The J.Crew Bankruptcy Has Exposed A Hard Truth About The Influencer Economy

Coming Soon

My 40-minute video interview with Uzuhan will be published next week. I felt like this one really challenged and sharpened my interviewing skills, and it was great to talk to an artist with so much experience. Here is the early YouTube link - let me know what you think!

Pastor Hanley Liu and I will be recording another LIVE episode of our podcast, Walnut Commentary. Join us on Zoom, this Thursday, May 14, from 9:00 - 9:30 PM. You can ask questions and submit prayer requests LIVE in the chat or simply reply to this email. All are welcome!

Weekly Review

SOLA: The Cancer of Racism amid COVID-19 / Make Sure Your Members Are Christians, Not Just Immigrants / Pandemic Priorities for Church Planters

Thank God it’s Friday: COVID-19 & The Church / Free eBook from the 9Marks Church Questions series / How a Plurality of Elders Shines in a Pandemic / Columns from Tabletalk Magazine for May 2020

Book Review: Disruptive Witness by Alan Noble

Book Review: The Book of Ecclesiastes by Alabaster

Book Review: Gentle and Lowly by Dane C. Ortlund

Book Review: God’s Glory Revealed in Christ

Walnut Notes: My soul longs for the courts of the Lord: What should I feel when when I can’t go to church?

Recommended Reading: The Cancer of Racism amid COVID-19 / When Being Heroic Means Staying Home / Zacchaeus: The Sinner Who Was Seen / Finding My Neediness in Postpartum Hours, Days, and Weeks

[wrex-writes]

Hi Wrex! I'm just transitioning from short stories into long form fiction (fanfic), and I keep getting stuck on my draft because I don't feel like it's any good, especially compared with the beautiful stories I see others write. I know I'm supposed to just let go of that, trust that it'll get better with editing, and most importantly, that I will get better with practice. The reason it's difficult is that I'm not sure that's true: I know practice works for art, since it's a physical skill, 1/2

2/2 but with writing it just seems different. Like, what are some concrete ways in which you–or any followers–have been able to improve their writing by practising? A lot of people I see just starting out, often younger than me, are just so good. I’m also more a thinker than a feeler, and maybe to be a good writer, you need to be the latter? Emotion and atmosphere are really hard for me. Anyway, this is like ten questions in one, sorry about that :) Thanks for your inspiring blog!

This is a very good question! First of all, I don’t actually think that’s true about art - I literally just saw a post about the problem with telling young artists to “just practice” without any hint of how to practice. So it’s an issue for both art and writing. Art might have a larger kinesthetic component than writing, but both skills fundamentally involve your perception and judgment, each of which need experience and training to develop.

This more than most is a question I’d like to kick to my followers. But I can tell you two things I’ve done to practice:

1) One thing I do a lot is reread writing I like (pro or fanfic) and try to figure out exactly why I like it. The key here is to stay very technical in my observations and not to get swept up in “well it just makes me feel all these things!” and similar judgments that just make me devalue my own work even more. I try to figure out exactly what they’re doing, word to word. If you’re concerned specifically with emotion, look at a story you like and analyze a paragraph with an eye toward emotion. How does the writer convey the character’s emotions? How often do they even mention emotions? Are they using key emotion-related words? Pick that paragraph apart. Then see if you can extract one little technique they’re using that seems really cool and effective to you and try it out in your own work. Don’t worry if it feels wonky at first. And - this is important - don’t think of that other writer’s technique as “the right way to do it.” Think of it just as a tool you can put in your toolbox. Other writers undoubtedly use different tools, which you’re free to borrow as well.

I mean, look - writing may seem magical, but it’s also highly technical. I have often calmed down my inner freakout of “but they’re all just so much better than I am!” by really breaking things down to a technical level and seeing exactly how my favorite writers are making their gears mesh together.

2) Another thing I do is the exact opposite of this: I freewrite, or as close as I can get. This just means I set a timer for 30 minutes and write literally whatever’s in my brain at the moment. If I’ve got a specific project brewing, I might think about that project and spew out the first things that come to mind, no matter how stupid or irrelevant. Or I’ll ask myself “what do I want for this story?” and crank out an incoherent paragraph of unrestrained wishes and ideas that reads like a six-year-old wrote it. This is actually super hard, because of course my impulse is to judge it all. So sometimes I will do something to distract a part of my attention (music with lyrics usually does the trick) so that my brain just does not have the bandwidth to write and judge what I’m writing at the same time. 

Very often, when I’m done, I’ll just throw this writing away. Or I might save it if it turns out to be useful rough notes for the project. The point is, I wasn’t trying to make it good, so I don’t reread it hoping for it to be good. It’s just an exercise. And the point of the exercise is merely to disinhibit myself as a writer, to gain access to that layer of unpasteurized thoughts, phrases and ideas that I usually filter out when I’m trying to write well. Because frankly, that filter can catch what’s good as well as what’s bad. And the more you filter yourself, the more difficult it is to reach that spontaneous, irrational, interesting part of you that’s purely creative instead of just correct.

It might seem kind of weird that I do both of these exercises: one devoted to removing the filter of judgment, and one oriented, in a way, toward strengthening it. I’m not sure why it works for me, but the two exercises seem to operate in a kind of dialectic. I know that writing is a technical skill, and that one way to acquire good technique is to become aware of techniques and employ them consciously. But I also know that writing has an accidental, unconscious, one might say id-driven aspect to it, and if I spend too much time obsessing over technique, I risk overinhibiting myself. So that’s why I do both, I guess.

Followers, weigh in with whatever you’ve got!

[inazuma-eleven-translations]

I did my own meme again : ) You should do it too if you have some time, I’d love to read your answers~

WOULD YOU RATHER: INAZUMA EDITION - PART 2

1. Go to a dinosaur museum with Shinsuke OR go to a book club with Ichino

I wanna see Shinsuke get super excited about dinosaurs, it’s so cute! He can teach me all about his favorite kinds~

2. Let Shindou teach you how to play the piano OR let Kidou teach you how to cook

I am musically-challenged and cooking is a more useful life skill. Although I can already cook... But Kidou can make me better : D Although I prefer Shindou to goggle-boy...

3. Eat Tachimukai’s super super spicy curry OR eat curry that Kogure made for you (with an evil look in his eye as he passes it to you)

I’ll take my chances and pray it’s not spicy - I can’t do spicy food at all!

4. Make onigiri with all the managers for a team of your choice OR make chocolates with one manager to give to only one of the boys

I didn’t realize this was so difficult... Okay, I’ll make chocolates with Aoi-chan to give to Sakuma! ...Although the timeline is not right... I wanna make onigiri for all of GO Raimon too! Damn you, me! This was a tough one!

5. Bake a cake with Tenma, Shinsuke, Hikaru, Kyousuke, Masaki and Aoi OR Be a manager for Inazuma Japan

I noticed that everyone is being clever and saying they’ll be a manager AND bake a cake with the team. But I love the GO first year kids so much TENMA so much and I wanna see Kyousuke and Masaki’s reaction when we bake a cake together...

6. Have Fei make you a matching plush bunny OR have Max make you a personalized hat

I don’t wear hats and omg I love plush toys... I only have two right now in my apartment, a Zangoose and my bunny. So my bunny needs a friend, Fei. Pink one please : D

7. Read soccer magazines with Tenma and Taiyou (Who will never get bored) OR listen to every single one of Midorikawa’s proverbs AND Osamu’s lectures

They both sound not super interesting to be honest but I’ll go with Tenma’s enthusiasm... Tho Mido will be enthusiastic too...

8. Go to a petting-zoo with Konoha OR play basketball with a very competitive Ibuki

I don’t know anything about her but I like petting animals. I’ll get her autograph to use it as bribery for Arata -w-

9. Have Tetsukado teach you boxing OR have Sakura teach you gymnastics

I imagine self-defence would be useful

10. Cuddle up under a blanket with Fei OR eat strawberry and cream cake with Tenma

I wanna cuddle with Fei!! How cute is he?? I bet he would be so cuddly~ Although it will get hot under there so quickly, and I don’t like being too hot. And cake is delicious aaa...

11. Have Manabe help you with your homework for the year OR visit a planet of your choice from Galaxy

IF I was still in school I’d pick Manabe. But I’m not so I pick visiting space.

12. Have Gouenji buy you a giant teddy bear OR have Sakuma buy you a penguin keychain

FFS I want both the giant teddy bear for my apartment and the keychain BUT I guess I could attach the penguin keychain to my keys. And I love Sakuma : D

13. Make high-quality chocolate with Shindou OR make traditional Japanese sweets with Kirino

As much as I love Ranmaru, if Shindou could teach me how to make chocolate I would be so happy! I also feel like Shindou would be a better cook than Kirino... ^^’ I can buy Japanese sweets, but I need Shindou to teach me the art of chocolate~

14. Be trapped in a snowstorm with Fubuki OR Endure a heatwave with Gouenji

I dislike both options but it is SO HOT right now that I can’t take any more heat...

15. Have Aoi teach you calligraphy OR take photos with Akane

Aoi-chan, teach me pretty calligraphy! I wanna write Kirino’s name!

16. Have Tsunami and Tenma show you around Okinawa OR have Fubuki and Yukimura show you around Hokkaido

I LOVE Hokkaido! Even though I love Tenma, Okinawa sounds so hot... ^^’ I do love Yukimura. And I have such precious memories from Hokkaido. I can visit my host family! And I would love to see Sapporo : D

17. Kariya bullies and teases you OR Kogure constantly plays pranks on you

Bring it on, smol fox -w-

18. Go to the Pokemon Center with Shinsuke OR go to the Ghibli museum with Hikaru

Pokemon every time

19. Go see a comedy show with Kabeyama, Kageno, Kurimatsu and the little ninja dude OR go bowling with Sangoku, Minamisawa, Kurumada and Amagi

I really dislike bowling, though those guys would make it fun. But I wanna laugh!

20. Watch old-fashioned samurai dramas with Midori OR watch old-fashioned detective shows with Minaho

To be honest I would be interested in both types of show BUT I like Midori more (we can talk about hot guys haha)

21. Plan a surprise birthday party for Kyousuke with Tenma OR plan a welcome home party for Yuuichi with Kyousuke

Oh wow, a party for Yuuichi would be so touching. I hope it happens. But I love the idea of planning a party with Tenma for Kyousuke. Extra bright and colourful decorations!

23. Go to a host club and have Minamisawa be your host OR go to a maid cafe and have one of the managers be your maid

As much as I wanna see Aoi-chan in a maid costume, I can’t turn down the chance for Minamisawa-senpai to be my host for an evening~

24. Go shopping with Kirino to pick out a birthday gift for Shindou OR Have Kazemaru and Midorikawa go shopping to pick out a birthday gift for you

Of course I would choose the first one, haha. I would love to go shopping with Kirino for his best friend~

25. Let Fudou cut your hair OR let Burn and Gazel ‘mind’ your house for a week

FFFF- I feel like my hair will grow back even though it will look awful at first but if anything gets damaged I have to pay for it... I don’t trust those two. OH WAIT! I’ll have to get a straight perm again and that’s really expensive... But I was going to get it done anyway in January... How long does it take for hair to grow back? My students won’t take me seriously. But I don’t trust those two with my house at all! What if they annoy the neighbours with their arguing? What if Burn sets the place on fire? I know I’m insured but I can’t risk it-

26. Eat the okonomiyaki from Rika’s shop OR eat the managers’ hand-crafted onigiri (not Natsumi’s!)

-I guess if Aphrodi comes with them it should be safe, right? I just got a new sofa, AND I cleaned the whole apartment today, I don’t want them to mess it up!

27. Visit Korea with Aphrodi, Burn and Gazel and get a personalized tour OR visit the Nara deer park with the Break Trio, Kazemaru and Fubuki

I already visited the deer park (but I wanna see Kaze’s reaction to deer!) and I wanna eat Korean food! Aphrodi will be a good tour guide : )

28. Hang out in America with Ichinose, Domon and the rest of team unicorn OR go on a European tour with the captains from FFI

I don’t know either teams at all but since I’m from Europe I wanna visit America. Wait no, Fideo! I pick Europe! Italy : D

29. Prepare for Raimon’s cultural festival with Kazemaru and Gouenji OR go on a camping trip with Tatsuya and Midorikawa

I wanna make yakisoba with them : )

30. Fall asleep on the train between Shindou and Kirino OR have both Kazemaru and Fubuki walk you home (you can invite them in for tea!)

I wanna fall asleep with them right now

[cresselian]

11 Questions Tag: Writer Edition!

Tagged by @mangaluva (aaaa my fave writer noticed me)

1) How many works in progress do you currently have?

Counting original works:

1. My Otherworld setting, which I am currently working on the first book of. Modern fantasy with fairies! And super involved metaphysics because I enjoy that sort of thing

2. A web video series I’m doing with a good friend based on Dungeons and Dragons, which is currently in the first draft phase.

Counting D&D stuff:

3. A running journal for my character in a friend’s medieval stasis campaign, which I really need to take some time to work on. Maybe I should just put a few lines for each session? But that would be reductive...

4. Nihularian, a D&D setting of my own, which I plan to run at the end of this month/start of next month. I made like 12 new races, and the world is the inside surface of a sphere, because I am Just That Extra.

5. Nibelung, a D&D setting that I pumped out intending to run for my sister and her friends. It’s a lot more conventional than Nihularian, but I enjoyed putting in politics and magic.

btw I plan to run Fate Core, not d20. d20 would be too complicated to build a totally original setting in.

Counting fanfiction that I’ve at least started:

6. My Pokemon self-insert series, AKA my first fanfic, which is so dead I can’t even describe how dead it is. I had planned all the regions, and then crammed The Legend of Zelda and Kingdom Hearts onto the end with the same characters, because I was small but ambitious.

7. The Multiple Personalities of Artemis Fowl, AKA my second fanfic, which is dead because I was so disappointed in The Last Guardian I couldn’t write in that universe anymore.

8. Pokestar Studio Productions, which I swear I’ll work on again someday. I thought it would be fun to write fanfic chapters based on the Pokestar Studios movies from Pokemon Black 2 and White 2. Mostly it turned out to be tedious, but rewarding.

9. Satisfaction and Skating, which is the only fic I’ve completed an arc for. Hi, Check Please fanfic! We start you now! A Hamilton/Check Please crossover fic that I wrote for the Check Please Big Bang last year. Planning to write more of it this summer.

10. A Kingdom Hearts self-insert series I was working on with a friend, but never posted. It was a fun experiment in writing with a full co-author, and I’m still slowly plugging away at it for writing practice.

And now, counting fanfiction that I have at least partially planned, 90% because @a-canker-in-a-hedge is an enabler:

11. A Check Please/Pokemon crossover I toyed with before the release of Sun and Moon last year.

12. A Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812/Jupiter Ascending crossover, 30% because it would bring a better plot and 70% so I can do lavish descriptions of SPACE BAROQUE.

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

See above. I mostly write fanfic, because I think it’s fun. I do try to do something original with it, though, because I wasn’t raised on the fanfic conventions by which character interactions constitute a plot. I need to have some sort of external driver to what’s happening to enjoy what I’m writing.

3) Do you prefer real books or e-books?

In theory, e-books. In practice, real books.

I like the idea of e-books because then I could get rid of so much clutter in my house, and they make so much more sense than using dead tree to store all our words. But in practice, I can’t survive without the feeling of an actual book under my hands. But I won’t write in either; that’s blasphemous.

4) When did you start writing?

My first piece I remember was in Grade 1, but that was a class assignment and it’s only notable for being the first time a teacher said that I’d been really exceptional at something. I believe that I can call that a catalyst?

I posted my first fanfiction when I was 14/15, but started working on it when I was 11/12. I started doing original work in earnest about a year ago, when I was 18, once I started seriously thinking about doing a university creative writing program.

5) Do you have someone you trust to share your work with?

That would be @a-canker-in-a-hedge for my fanfic. I’m remarkably cagey about original WIPs, but once the draft is done to my satisfaction I will throw it at literally anyone I think can give me feedback. The more perspectives I can get, the better.

6) Where is your favourite place to write?

I plan on the bus or in other public places when I don’t have other entertainments. I have great ideas in the shower (and then desperately hope I won’t forget them). When I write by hand, it’s mostly in bed or on the couch, and when I write on the computer, it’s in my university’s library that I get the most done. I try to write from my desk a lot, but it never works. Tumblr calls to me...

7) Favourite childhood book?

The Redwall series by Brian Jacques. I reread it continually from when I was in Grade 3 to Grade 6, without ceasing for almost anything else. There were just enough surprises mixed in with Jacques’ formulas that I could be interested but never shocked, which was perfect for a kid who loved everything to be just so.

You could probably qualify the border between my childhood and adolescence by the point at which I put Redwall aside for good and dove into my high school’s fiction section to finally read Percy Jackson and Septimus Heap.

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication?

I’d like to add a third option: I write online for validation. What other skill do I have that people will adulate like my writing? None, that’s the answer.

For real, though, I write because it’s my favourite thing to do, and because I hope to someday get published/self-publish. As one of the TAs in my Creative Writing class this term said, if I had to stop writing I’d probably lose my mind, so I may as well use it to its best advantage.

9) Pen and paper or computer?

I write so much better by hand, especially when I have a plan. It forces me to think through what I’m about to write before I get there, and it distills my thoughts to make them more easily transferable to other people. You better believe I do all my planning by hand: I think in flowcharts and diagrams, and putting those into a digital universe is too time-consuming and involved to be practical.

However, my writing is more spontaneous on the computer, and it ends up... passable, I suppose. Because University, I rarely have the time to do a draft by hand followed immediately by drafting on the computer, so I write directly onto the computer based on the planning I did in my notebooks. If I had the time to do it all by hand, though, I would.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

I decided to become an author in a grade 6 class called Reading Writing Workshop, because I was the best at it. I do a lot of things because I like being exceptional with minimal effort.

In the term I just finished at uni, I took a class on writing for children (there was a bit of good info) and last summer I took an introductory class on fiction writing at the university level (it was useless, and the classroom smelled of cleaning products).

The purpose of taking a writing class, I think, should be to force the students to produce a large volume of good work for deadlines, because that’s what I need to improve. The craft of writing is something that I, personally, learned primarily from reading voraciously, and from large amounts of practice and getting things wrong.

11) What inspires you to write?

Screaming with @a-canker-in-a-hedge.

Seriously, though, it’s reading, and playing games, and going ‘huh. that’s not how I would do that’. And then the idea takes root and suddenly there’s a new writing project. Often, I won’t actually write it until there’s a deadline, and then it will get done and it will be wonderful but I won’t be pleased because I couldn’t do it until the last minute and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Anyways

I tag @a-canker-in-a-hedge, @sakura-deserved-better, @ohthewhomanity, and any other writers who happen to see this! Do the thing! Then write something!