#it's a good show so far no complaints but not driving me crazy either mostly bc detective shows are not 100% my thing

[kittychicha]

[springsteenicious]

WRITING PLAYLIST #2 of 5

This one is for @those70scomics‘ fic, Jackie Stargazer (ao3 / ffnet). Keep in mind, I put this together. None of these songs are approved by MistyMountainHop, I just think they fit the vibe of her excellent fic. And I would like her to know that she has veto power over this playlist, meaning that if there is a song she feels does not fit on this playlist, she can tell me to take it off :D 

I will also be adding to this as more of the story is published. Each time I add to it, I’ll make a post with the tag ‘Jackie Stargazer Playlist,’ so if you don’t want to see these, block that tag. 

Listen to the playlist on Spotify! (Let me know if that link doesn't work, Spotify was being weird.)

Number of songs on the playlist (currently): 24 songs

Bands/artists: Cheap Trick, Deep Purple, Ezra Furman, The Kinks, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Pink Floyd, Rainbow, Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow, The Dead Daisies, Black Sabbath 

Significant Songs: All. So, under the cut is my explanation for each song, or just the important lyrics. 

Downed by Cheap Trick - I’m gonna live on a mountain / way down under in Australia / it’s either that or suicide / its such a strange strain on you / Ooh, I got a mind / Over you it's not the first time / Ooh, I got a mind

Mean Streak by Deep Purple - This song is about Ro. It’s a kickass song and the lyrics fit her (and Hyde) very well. --- She drive me crazy gets inside my brain / She spun my money down the drain, ohh / So I roll over for my reward / How much can I afford? / She says, "Just a little more" --- I can't take this no more / Tried so hard but I can't get through the door / Because one smile from those eyes / And I stand there paralyzed / And she says, "You better beg for more I mean / Get down sucker you know what I like"

Perfect Strangers by Deep Purple - I am returning / The echo of a point in time / A distant face that shines --- I am the echo of your past

Black Night by Deep Purple - The whole song is relevant to Jackie. 

The Queen Of Hearts by Ezra Furman - See this post. 

Destroyer by The Kinks - Again, relevant to Jackie. --- She said, man, there's really something wrong with you / One day you’re gonna self-destruct / You're up, you're down, I cant work you out / You get a good thing going then you blow yourself out / Silly boy, ya self-destroyer / Silly boy, ya self-destroyer / Silly boy, you got so much to live for / So much to aim for, so much to try for / You blowing it all with paranoia / You're so insecure, you self-destroyer

Serve The Servants by Nirvana - Teenage angst has paid off well / Now I'm bored and old / Self-appointed judges judge / More than they have sold --- Serve the servants / That legendary divorce is such a bore / As my bones grew they did hurt / They hurt really bad / I tried hard to have a father / But instead I had a dad / I just want you to know that I / Don't hate you anymore / There is nothing I could say / That I haven't thought before

Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana - Just. This song is so good. And can be very easily applied to JS. --- She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak / I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks / I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap / I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black --- Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet / Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath / Broken hymen of Your Highness, I'm left black / Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back --- I got a new complaint / Forever in debt to your priceless advice

Rape Me by Nirvana - Self-explanatory. 

All Apologies by Nirvana - What else should I write? / I don't have the right / What else should I be? / All apologies --- I wish I was like you / Easily amused / Find my nest of salt / Everything is my fault / I'll take all the blame / Aqua Sea Foam shame / Sunburn freezer burn / Choking on the ashes of her enemy

Corduroy by Pearl Jam - This song is amazing and I could write so much about this and how it fits not just Jackie but Hyde too. If you listen to the song and follow along with the lyrics, you’ll see what I mean. 

State Of Love And Trust by Pearl Jam - State of love and trust as I busted down the pretext / Sin still plays and preaches, but to have an empty court, uh huh / And the signs are passin', grip the wheel, can't read it / Sacrifice receiving the smell that's on my hands, hands, yeah / And I listen for the voice inside my head / Nothin', I'll do this one myself

Once by Pearl Jam - I admit it / What's to say / I'll relive it / Without pain / Backstreet lover on the side of the road / I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode --- Once upon a time / I could control myself / Ooh, once upon a time / I could lose myself, yeah / Oh, try and mimic / What's insane / I am in it / Where do I stand? --- Ooh, once upon a time / I could love myself, yeah / Once upon a time / I could love you

Release by Pearl Jam - Again, relevant to Jackie. Just look at the lyrics. 

Black by Pearl Jam - Like Corduroy, if you follow the lyrics while listening you’ll see why I put this on the playlist. 

Paranoid Eyes by Pink Floyd - You believed in their stories of fame, fortune and glory / Now you're lost in a haze of alcohol soft middle age / The pie in the sky turned out to be miles too high / And you hide, hide, hide / Behind brown and mild eyes

The Thin Ice by Pink Floyd - Again, Jackie. And again, just pay attention to the lyrics. 

Stargazer by Rainbow - I will be completely honest with you, I chose this mostly for the title. The song is kind of a stretch, but if you look at the lyrics a certain way, the wizard is kind of Hyde. Anyway, I kept it on the list for the chorus(es): Where is your star? / Is it far, is it far, is it far? / When do we leave? / I believe, yes, I believe

Still I’m Sad by Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow - See the stars come fallin down the sky / Gently passing, they kiss your tear drops dry / See the wind come, softly blow / Your hair from your face --- For myself my tears just fall in the dust / As I search in the night and find they're lost / See the wind come gently blow / Time into my heart / And the rain comes falling down / While were apart / Still I'm sad

Unspoken by The Dead Daisies - Mostly because the lyrics fit, also there is a Degenerate Matter song with this same title --- In the oneness now you realize / Lost your compass and I sympathize / In the darkness now you fade to grey / In the stillness you will make your way / Oh, I can hear you breathe / Unspoken, you gotta let go / Unspoken, you're out in the glow / Unbroken, you let it all flow

Like No Other (Bassline) by The Dead Daisies - Don't breathe in the air on the dark side / It's a lie, you will go insane / You fall down, down deep in the landslide / Who am I, who am I? / You lose your head in the music / Move up and kiss the sky / You slip away and refuse it / Do or die, do or die

Come Alive by The Dead Daisies - Come alive / You can start over / Now take me by the hand and come alive / Gotta break your malady / You got to live your life free / So come alive

Resurrected by The Dead Daisies - Stare in the mirror, lines on my face, yeah / I wonder where the time has gone / It's been a long hard road out from the grave / But I keep a moving on / I been up, down, turned around / Kicked hard to the ground / Keep a coming back again / From the ashes, from the flame / I'm here to light the fire again / I'm back, resurrected

Paranoid by Black Sabbath - Sadly, this is yet another Jackie song. --- I need someone to show me / The things in life that I can't find / I can't see the things that make / True happiness, I must be blindMake a joke and I will sigh / And you will laugh and I will cry / Happiness I cannot feel / And love to me is so unreal

If you have questions about the songs or don't get why I put them on, feel free to ask!

[irwinkitten]

men of mayhem | a.i

notes: so the majority of this is written already. but i probably won’t post the next part too soon. however, this is a sons of anarchy!au and i’ve been so excited about. you do NOT need to have watched the show to know what’s going on, but if you have seen the show, you may spot some familiar names and places. to give you a rough timeline, the oc (Michelle) and Ashton are born in 1978 and this part has various stages. She attends university in 1996 and the ending is taking place in the summer of 1998. We don’t see all of the guys in this part, but they will be making more appearances as the story goes on! A big thank you to @sexgodashton​ for going over this with a fine tooth comb and to @spicycal​ and @softbabiestan​ for being my cheerleaders. Love you guys.  warnings: mentions of violence, hints of smut, mentions of guns word count: 5.7k

donate to my ko-fi here 

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               When Michelle Morgan left the small town of Charming at the age of eighteen to pursue her dream career, she knew she was leaving behind more than her parents and baby brother, Matty. She was leaving behind a group who she’d grown up with. Many said that her childhood sweetheart would leave her in the dust, break her heart whilst she was in the big city, studying her chosen profession. But those many knew nothing about her hometown life.

Growing up with the Irwin’s had been something of a blessing for her. The Morgan’s took it as the sign that it was, because nobody in Charming messed with the Irwin’s. Although her father had never joined SAMCRO—the known biker gang who ran many things off the books as well as their mechanics business—he fully supported them, helping out with transport when they needed it. 

Her friendship with Ashton—the only son of Anne-Marie and Bert Irwin—only formed because she’d been cornered by the playground bullies at the age of five, and her vicious kicks to their shins followed by Ashton pulling them away from her had the two kids as thick as thieves since.

They’d been childhood sweethearts from the get go, and with the rest of SAMCRO being an influence in her life, her father knew that she was going to be involved somehow. Her mother  first mentioned being Ashton’s “Old Lady” when they were sixteen—celebrating her sixteenth birthday no less—causing both teens to blush furiously at her words. The other club members had laughed, and despite her bright red face, she scoffed.

“Don’t like the idea of that, lil’ lady?” Bert teased her, the nickname filled with nothing but the affection that he and Anne both had for Michelle.

“Someone is gonna have to pull your sorry asses outta the fire when your plans go to shit. That’s gonna be me. I’m gonna study and get into those bigshot firms. And I’m gonna come back and keep the lotta you out of trouble.” She missed Ashton’s look of awe, but the other club members hadn’t. 

But her words had hit home for them, and so they toasted her luck on her sixteenth birthday.

That night, when the two were hidden away in their den—despite what their parents assumed when Ashton pulled her away—they were lay on the various throws and pillows that lived on the floor, cuddled up as he played with her fingers, gently bringing her knuckles up to his lips.

“Did you mean that Micha? You really gonna go away for however long it takes to be a big shot lawyer?” When it was just the two of them, he never hid from her. The fear was laid out for her to see.

“It’s gonna be seven years of school at least. Maybe a couple more to work with the big firms and get cases under my belt.” 

The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. Silence for them never had been since he’d confessed that he loved her when they were fourteen and had loved her since they were six. 

“Ten years is a long time, sweetheart.” She turned in his arms to face him, her eyes searching his face. She could see the fear sitting there, plain as day for her. 

“It is. But I’m not letting you go, Irwin. We’ve got ten years of love on our side, with another two before I’d have to go to University. Surely we can make it through another ten? I know your dad won’t put you on any of the runs, not till you turn twenty one. Which means we got four years of unfiltered time for you coming to visit, right?” 

“Of course.” He whispered, his lips brushing against hers softly. “Reckon you’ll let me into your pants before you leave?” And she giggled, his own face lighting up in joy.

“Reckon you can wait till I’ve gotta leave. I know you’re not gonna complain when my lips can be put to better use for the next two years.” He rolled over with a playful growl, pinning her down which earned a small giggle as he playfully nipped at her neck. 

“I reckon I can do that. But, I’ve gotta treat my birthday girl tonight.” His lips met hers and she didn’t argue. 

When she was accepted into University, the club had celebrated with her, watching in anticipation for her acceptance. She’d studied so hard for her entrance exams and had already imparted some knowledge to Bert to keep him out of trouble.

Her first year had been daunting. Ashton visited her once a month at most thanks to the cost of gas, but it was enough for them.

That was when people began to tell her that they’d never last. 

Men in her class would tell her that she’d be better off with them, but Michelle held her own. They didn’t like that. They tried to get vicious with her in the mock court sessions and various debates, but she had a secret weapon.

She’d grown up with SAMCRO, and in the words of Chibs, “she’s got balls of diamond that one”. Ashton had laughed at his words, and she’d thrown the drinks mat at his face, making the other club members laugh.

When she’d come home for the holidays, Bert had heard enough from Ashton to track her down and ask her if she wanted a second layer of protection. 

“I can’t give you Ashton, I need him here unfortunately. Him and Hood get into enough trouble.” This made her grin. 

“Throw in Hemmings and Clifford, and that’s going to be a disaster when they start doing runs.” Bert had snorted at her words.

“Either it’ll be crazy enough that it’ll work or a disaster.” He muttered before pulling the two of them back on track. “Instead of Ash, I figured it was about time that Chibs and I taught you how to shoot a gun, don’t you think?” 

“I know how to shoot a gun,” came back the retort, and Bert smiled.

“Ah, but from a moving vehicle? And what about awareness of your surroundings, lil’ lady?” Michelle paused before reluctantly shaking her head at his questions.

“I guess not.” She finally muttered and he grinned.

“Chibs and I will start you tomorrow. Ash can come as well. Maybe get him to rope Hood, Hemmings and Clifford into it. The four of them are gonna be a force to reckon with when he takes over.” 

“Oh no bet on that one. Cal will be his VP. You need to make sure that Bobby doesn’t murder them when they prank him because you know he’s gonna be their easy target.” 

The two of them made their way back into the Irwin household. Michelle laughed as her little brother rushed to greet her. It had definitely been strange being away from Matty for so long.“You’re not wrong. C’mon lil’ lady. You’ve been missed by a lot of people.” 

He’d guided her into the main dining and sitting room to find nearly all of the club there along with what was considered the next generation of club members. All of the younger members kept away from the free flowing alcohol, knowing that the following day was going to be daunting as it was. Michelle was happy enough to stay sober to talk to her parents and sit with Matty on her lap, listening to him going on about all the things he’d done in the months that she’d been away. 

Ashton barely left her side. 

The following morning felt like it was straight out of the movies. But she knew that this was the reality for the club members who did the various runs. 

Unsurprisingly, Ashton helped both Bert and Chibs. Michelle hadn’t expected anything less from her boyfriend, but even then, it still stunned her the trust that he had in her not to hit him with a bullet when it came to being aware of club members versus rivals. 

“Am I gonna really need to know this kinda stuff?” The complaint had been good natured, but the elder Irwin understood her hesitation. He hadn’t risen to her complaint, making her go through their course again. It was late afternoon before Chibs finally called to a halt, and they began to pack down, making sure nothing was left behind.

Once they were ready to go, Bert motioned for the other two to head off. Ashton scowled for a moment before his dad sighed.

“I just need to talk with your girl. I’ve got intel on her uni, and you need to go meet with Hood. the Harris’ have payments due.” With a quick kiss to his girlfriend, Ashton handed Michelle her helmet and then he was gone with Chibs.

“C’mon lil’ lady.” She didn’t hesitate to climb on the back of Bert’s bike. It was a level of freedom that she understood and part of her wanted her own to travel back to uni with, to show those men who thought she was easy that no one messed with her. 

The drive wasn’t too far out of Charming. It was mostly desert, but there was a little spot that gave a nice view of the town.

When the bike was parked up, Michelle was off first, heading to a small bench that had been left there by a previous resident.

“Ashton’s gonna be Club Prez one day. You and I both know this.” Michelle did know this. Both her and Ashton had known since they were kids. Ashton had always so desperately wanted to follow in his dad’s footsteps.

“What time frame?” She finally asked, turning her head to the man who had turned into a second father for her.

“Maybe by the time he’s twenty five. I’ve been CP for nearly forty years, and it’s time to retire for me.” This shocked Michelle, her eyes going wide. 

“But, Ash thought he wouldn’t be Prez til he was in his late thirties at least?” The surprise that coloured Michelle’s tone made Bert laugh as he threw his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her gently as he kissed her temple. 

“I’m glad that you both have faith in this old man. But unlike the others, I wanna be able to spoil my grandchildren when they come. I’m surprised that my boy hasn’t made an honest woman outta you.” 

Michelle blushed, making him laugh. “Shove off old man.” She groaned, pushing away from him, making him laugh even more.

“I just wanna know, what’s gonna happen. That’s all.” He raised his hands in surrender, and she sighed.

“We talked about it before I left in September. I want to finish school. He knows I’m already planning to spend maybe a couple of years in the big city in a firm so I have a few cases under my belt. He also knows that I want him. I never really wanted anyone else.” 

“And I know that, lil’ lady. That’s why I want to help you protect yourself. When Ashton becomes Club Prez, you know we’ve got problems that he’ll inherit. The second they find out you’re a lawyer? That’s a pretty lookin’ red target painted on your forehead.” 

Michelle nodded. “That’s why you had me take out the opposition vs our own.” 

Bert nodded. “I don’t anticipate you being part of the club like that. But if you get into a situation, I’ll be relieved to know that one of my girls can get away safely. You know we’d be devastated if we lost you, Anne-Marie especially.” Michelle felt her heart swell for this man and his wife. 

Her parents were good to her, and she knew that. And so were the Irwin’s. But knowing that they valued her like a daughter already made her appreciate just what she had in her life.

“At least by the time I’m finished with school, I’ll be there to haul his ass out of the fire coals.” Her murmured words made Bert laugh before patting her knee.

“And he’d be lucky to have you hauling his ass from the fires. C’mon lil’ lady. Let's get back before he goes off at me. I know you’re only here for a few more weeks, and he wants to spend as much time with you as possible.” 

When the two of them returned, Ashton didn’t hesitate to almost drag Michelle out to the den that they’d built as teenagers, making Bert laugh at her exasperated eye roll. But once the two of them were secluded away from the world, she happily nestled against him, their clothes long gone as she traced his tattoos.

“What was dad after?” His fingers ran up and down her spine, her body melting against him as she fought to keep her eyes open.

“Told me why he was doing that today, why he wanted me to know how to at least fight back.” She murmured and his lips pressed against the top of her head.

“And why would that be, sweetheart?” Her head tilted up so that her chin could rest on his chest, her eyes catching his. 

“You’re gonna be Prez eventually, Ash. Everyone and their mother know about us. He’s worried that when you take over, you’ll be inheriting problems he’s been dealing with for years. Just being associated with you paints a target on my back. When they find out that we’re together? That target moves to my forehead.” There was no way to paint it nicely, but Ashton understood, even if there was crease between his brows at her words.

“Hopefully being in the big city takes it away, you’re out of town for too long.” She smiled sadly at him before letting the subject drop. 

“He also asked why you haven’t made an honest woman out of me. I think he forgets we’re only eighteen, and I’ve barely been away for six months.” Ashton laughed, and the mood changed drastically as she shifted, straddling his hips. 

“Trust me sweetheart, when I’ve saved up, I’ll be making an honest woman outta you. Those big shots can get fucked when they see a nice, shiny diamond on your finger.” 

“Oh there better be a shiny diamond eventually, Irwin.” He laughed as she leaned down to kiss him. 

Time passed by for them. Whilst he was saving up the money he earned from helping the club and working with Bobby in the garage, Michelle worked her ass off. 

Despite repeatedly telling men that she was taken, none really believed it. However, when she landed a few punches after one of them got too handsy with her, they quickly realised that it didn’t matter what they believed.

She could fight back, and she could put them down quicker than they’d ever be able to step away from. 

When Ashton had found out, he’d taken a month away, despite Bert half-heartedly arguing, he realised that if anything, it would keep her safer if they saw what kind of boyfriend she had.

She was surprised when he turned up after her lecture to pick her up. The roar of the bike engine was so familiar that it sounded out of place in the big city.

Michelle had been chatting with Jennifer, as they’d left, deliberately ignoring the few guys that seemed to invite themselves along. When Jen had spotted her ride, she hesitated, unwilling to leave Michelle with the guys from their course, circling around her like vultures.

“I can see if Jack could drop you off, save you from these creeps?” They shared a giggle.

 “Thanks but I need to head to the bar. Old Jerry wants me to stop by soon to try his new cocktails...” The roar of the engine made her pause, her eyes immediately searching out the sound.

“Chelle?” Jen had prodded her to get her attention, but once Michelle spotted the bike, her face lit up in undisguised glee.

“I don’t need to worry about getting a ride, mine just arrived.” The guys that had been lingering, scoffed. 

“Really Morgan? You’re going after a lowlife, probably with no stable job and an arrest record?” She wasn’t sure of his name, Mike or Marc, but his words triggered her anger. As the bike pulled up, she spun around, ready to punch him before remembering where she was.

“If I wasn’t so determined to become a lawyer, I’d have decked you with no hesitation. However, that apparent lowlife has been my best friend since we were kids. Add in the fact he’s literally the love of my life, and you get the picture. No arrest record, his dad runs and owns a garage that he’s set to inherit one day and not to mention, I like my men a little rough around the edges. How about you go fuck the blow up doll your buddies got you for Christmas and get off my fucking ass.” She snapped and she watched as he glanced behind her.

“He gonna come in and save you then?” This time, she smirked.

“When you run around with men that look like they could kill you, you get taught how to defend yourself from creepy assholes. Try it and see where this will get you. Not to mention that I’m a scholarship student. Why would I jeopardize this chance for a career?” Her voice had turned innocent, sweet. But the dare was laid for all to hear.

“You’re an ugly bitch anyway.” He finally muttered before turning on his heel and leaving. She shared a look with Jen before they both started laughing. Michelle hugged her friend goodbye before running to where Ashton was standing, leaning against his bike. 

The hindrance of her skirt meant that he could only pick her up and swing her around, but she was finally in the safest place.

“It’s been a minute.” She finally breathed when their lips pulled away, his smile only having grown wider.

“I know, but there are reasons. However, you’ve got me for a good chunk of time, doll.” This made her light up in excitement.

“How much time?” His smile was impossibly wide at this point as he dipped his head to kiss her once more.

“At least a month.” His voice was low, setting the fire off in her belly, but even that couldn’t squelch the joy that surged through her as she kissed him.

“Lets head back to mine then, handsome. I’ve got some new things for you to enjoy.” He had to swallow his reply as she got herself sat on the bike, a laugh escaping at the put-out look on her face.

“Sorry doll, but it looks so strange to see you dressed like that on my bike.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I haven’t got much of a choice. Dumb dress codes.” Ashton ignored her dar mutter as he placed her helmet on for her before climbing on and kicking the bike into life.

She’d missed the feeling of the bike underneath her. The way the engine rumbled was a reassurance, something that had come with years of riding around with Ashton and being taught to ride by Bert. It was a level of freedom that she never felt in the city, so enclosed and overrun with either pedestrians or cas. Bikes were around, but not ones like these, they were more what Bobby would call flashy toys, built for speed but would never survive one of the runs they did. 

When Ashton pulled up to Michelle’s place, there were nosey neighbours who peered from their windows to see what the noise was about. She outright ignored them as she took Ashton’s hand and led him up the stone steps to the house she was renting, the door barely closed before he had her pressed against the wall with his lips on hers.

 This was another thing she missed as she sighed into the kiss, the soft moan escaping as hands pushed up her skirt, and he began to tease.

“Do you think you’ll get complaints about any noise?” He murmured as his lips moved to her neck and she moaned at the sensations.

“Don’t care.” 

She didn’t hold back and neither did he.

When they were nestled up in her bed, having gotten their welcome home out of their systems, Michelle was dozing off against his chest when he leaned over to the floor, rummaging through his jacket pockets.

“What are you doing? I had a comfy pillow.” She muttered indignantly. He chuckled.

“I had a whole thing planned out, but being with you like this? Honestly it's the best moment I think.” 

This had her confused as he resumed his previous position but this time, she tilted her head so that it was resting on his chest, staring at him.

“And what moment would that be, Irwin?” He gave her the softest smile, one which she knew was reserved just for her.

“The moment to tell you that I’ve loved you for nearly my entire life, and I don’t want a life without you in it. Michelle Morgan, will you marry me?” he had the ring in his hands, and she couldn’t stop the gasp as she sat up, staring at him in shock.

“Ashton, this better not be a joke.” The tears threatened to fall and there was the soft smile again as he leaned forward to kiss her.

“I would never joke about this. You’re too important to me, Micha.” 

The first tear fell as she moved her trembling left hand, offering it to Ashton.

“Yes. Yes I will marry you.” The joy on his face in that moment sealed it for Michelle. As he slid the ring on her finger, he kissed it before his lips found hers once more.

“My sun, my moon, my stars.” He whispered.

When she went into her class on Monday, Jen was the first to notice the very shiny diamond ring on her finger.

“Oh my god, really?” Her friend gasped excitedly before pulling her into a hug. Michelle laughed.

“Really! He had this whole elaborate plan set out but ditched it because it didn’t feel like us. He wants to celebrate, but since he’s staying for the month, his brothers are going to travel up for celebrations next week. Ash wants to meet you and Jack and have a quiet double date before his brothers show up.” 

There were a few mutters from the men around them, but the two girls paid them no attention like they’d done from day one when the two realised they were the only females in the class.

“The only reason she’s getting married is because he probably knocked her up.” Mike-she was certain now after hearing his name called out on the register-muttered.

This time, she wasn’t going to let him slander her name like that. Those kinds of rumours not only fuelled fire but could potentially cost Michelle her career, and she wasn’t about to have any of it. 

Turning in her seat whilst they waited for the lecturer to start, she scowled at him. 

“Kindly refrain from making assumptions and starting rumours that you can’t back up with facts, O’Riley.” She kept her voice levelled, albeit slightly condescending. He scowled at her in return.

“What, scared that I’m right?” The taunt was a clear bait, determined to show she shouldn't be there. Both her and Jen had suffered from them.

The class had fallen silent at this, and Michelle smirked.

“How about I give you the facts first since you’ve spent the entirety of first year trying to make a point that neither Jennifer or I belong. I’ve known my fiance since we were children. Five years old to be precise. Whilst I’m at school, he works for the garage that his dad owns and will one day take over. He tries his hardest to visit once a month but sometimes he can’t because of obligations to the company means that sometimes the garage comes first.” She could see a few of the guys take on board her words.

Jen was smirking.

“If he were to have knocked me up, the last time I saw him was two and a half months ago. Notice how I haven’t swapped to any kinds of baggy clothing? Had I actually been pregnant, I’d have taken a leave of absence for a week so that I could go home and tell him as well as our families. Getting the picture yet?” His cheeks were burning as she so easily put him in his place.

“You have a go at the two of us, saying we don’t belong because we can’t be doing our studies right, we can’t be learning the same things as men. But if I look objectively at the situation, you’ve repeatedly tried to bait Chelle into an argument and lost every time. Most facts she’s been quite open about, and the others seemed to have put two and two together, but you can’t let go of the fact that she rejected you. So you hound her for anything. I hope that if you actually get into Law School after the undergrad program that you have to face her in the courts, because she’s clearly better than you.” Jennifer had spoken up in defence of her friend, and it had fallen silent before the lecturer began to clap.

Michelle hadn’t even realised that they’d eaten into the class time.

“Miss Morgan is correct, Mr O’Riley. Report to my office after class.” 

Unsurprisingly, O’Riley left her alone, and before Michelle knew it, the end of the year was upon them and she was back home with her family. 

She hadn’t had a chance to really pass the news and had forced Calum, Luke and Michael to stay quiet about it. Ashton knew better than to ruin this surprise for her, even though her family had been waiting for the day to happen ever since he’d asked her father’s permission the day after she’d left.

To say they were excited was understatement of the century. Both of them had winced at the high pitched squeal from her mother and her father was laughing at the scene before him.

They welcomed Ashton into their family when he was a child, but this was a different kind of welcome, one that really made him feel lucky to have the parents he had.

Unlike some of the weddings they’d seen from the club members, Ashton had been adamant. The wedding would be how Michelle wanted it, and if anyone had a problem then they could work at the garage instead. 

Bert had surprisingly backed his son up.

“She’s practically been my daughter since he brought her home with a skinned knee and tear tracks down her face. This is her day just as much as his, and if Ash wants it to be how she wants it, then no one will say a fucking word.” 

The prospects had eyed the father/son duo warily before nodding in acceptance. Ashton had already made it clear to them that they’d be around for security rather than the ceremony. 

They’d watched one of their previous comrades learn the hard way not to insult Michelle Morgan around any of them. The last prospect who did that not only lost his chance to be in the club but also ended up in the hospital with broken arms and a bullet to the knee. 

The warning rang loud and clear for them so they weren’t bothered by the fact they’d been relegated to security.

Despite the endless ribbing that Ashton had received from his best friends, he helped Michelle with ideas for what she wanted. They’d decided to plan and book it for the following summer, to let her get through her second year of university without worrying. 

“I’m going to defer a year after we get married.” Ashton stared at her in shock. She’d told him that the career was important to her, and he couldn’t wrap his head around why she would do that. 

He’d pulled her so that she was straddling his lap, the two of them sat on the sofa at his parents’. They were out for the weekend. He knew his dad was preparing for a patchover and his mom wanted as much time as possible with him without the two of them underfoot.

“And why are you deferring a year, doll?” 

“So that I can steal you away for a year. Our honeymoon is going to be much longer than two weeks.” The grin on her lips was almost predatory, and he felt the corner of his own twitch up in response. 

“Oh is it, Miss Morgan?” Her arms were resting on his shoulders as she leaned forwards, nibbling at the skin of his neck, her hips slowly rocking into his. 

He was struggling to stay focused. 

“A full year of us travelling. Motels, fancy hotels or hostels. Travel America and then maybe fly out and travel Europe. A whole year. I’m sure you wouldn’t be adverse to having sex in every state and then as much of Europe as possible.” Her teeth tugged at his earlobe, and he had her pinned on the couch, the look of shock amusing as his lips met hers.

“What my lady wants, my lady gets.” 

Later when they’d redressed themselves and were looking at various places, Ashton let out a sigh. “You realise that it means I’ll definitely be doing more runs. And maybe a few hits?” 

She squeezed his hand gently. “That’s why pops is planning on offering to pay for half of the trip. He knows what your dad does, they’re best friends. He knows what you do. He also knows that you’d protect me and move heaven and earth if you could. I wasn’t supposed to tell you this, so act surprised when he offers it.” This made him laugh as he kissed her temple.

“Secret is safe with me, doll. So July or August for the wedding date?” 

True to his word, Ashton did act surprised when her dad made the offer, however, he didn’t have to fake his shock at the amount that he was offering.

“That’s, surely that would cover the entire trip?” Ashton barely breathed. Marcus Morgan laughed as he slapped Ashton on the shoulder. 

“Son, I’ve been saving for this ever since she brought you home to us to introduce us to her newest best friend. At first it was small amounts which I was prepared to make her college fund, and then you two got together and her mother told me to start saving properly.” Ashton stared at his soon to be father-in-law, stunned.

He could do nothing but hug Marcus tightly in gratitude, in amazement, in awe. He wasn’t entirely sure. But he loved this man just as much as he loved his own dad.

Marcus understood the unspoken words and held onto Ashton just as tightly, giving him a moment to take in the significance of the offer. 

“You realise that the second Michelle finds out, she’ll flip?” Ashton finally asked as he pulled back, and Marcus laughed loudly.

“Like I’d expect anything else from that girl. She’s her mother’s daughter through and through. I can only count my blessings that she found you early on to temper her impulses.” Ashton tried and failed to hide his smirk as his soon-to-be in-law rolled his eyes before they were drawn into a discussion about the newest modifications he’d made to his bike. 

They still continued to plan, even when Michelle was back at University. Mercifully, after her verbal slapdown of O’Riley, both her and Jen had earned the grudging respect from their classmates. 

That respect was a big help when it came to the appointments for her dress fittings and bridesmaid dresses. If Jen hadn’t been one of her bridesmaids, she knew her friend would’ve handed her any and all the notes she needed for missed classes however, both of them relied on the notes from their classmates and the occasional meeting with their tutors.

It was a much quieter year for both her and Ashton, despite all the appointments and meetings for the venues and vendors. It dawned on them how much work it took to pull off the wedding that they were planning, on top of their respective school work and jobs. 

It was exhausting, but they pulled it off, she’d finished top of the class, with Jen close behind her and the business side for the Irwin’s had been thriving. 

Before she really knew it, she was standing in the foyer of the church, gripping her dad’s arm to stop the butterflies causing havoc through her entire body, let alone her stomach.

“You nervous sweet girl?” Her dad's tone was reassurance of all these new exciting feelings. She let out a small breath of air as she finally let it sink in that it was just Ashton waiting for her.

She was marrying her best friend.

“Excited. I still can’t believe he agreed to let you practically pay for our entire trip.” It had been a constant disagreement until her mother had sat her down and told her why her dad was doing this.

“Call it payback for you actually telling him before I could.” And she felt her jaw drop. She knew that Ashton hadn’t told him, or at least they’d suspected she’d gotten away with her slip up. 

Marcus chuckled as he gently tapped under her chin, her jaw shutting with an audible snap. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She hissed dangerously, and he grinned in return, his eyes suspiciously bright as his hand lifted, the backs of his fingers tracing down her face. She relaxed into the comforting touch almost immediately.

“You’re my child. I’ve raised you and I know you. Ashton is also mine, even though your mother didn’t bring him into the world. The two of you grew up with your mom and I as well as his parents. You might be able to fool the world sweetheart, but you can never fool your parents.”

It was another sigh before she let out a snort of laughter.

“Figures.” The key changed in the music, and the butterflies were back with reckless abandon. 

“Time to get the show on the road, sweet girl. I love you and I’m proud of you.” His lips touched her forehead, and it was almost like magic that her entire body relaxed. The butterflies finally settled as they began the walk down to her future husband.

-

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[skylarmoon71]

Leonardo x Reader- Oneshot

“Guys I’m back!” Between school and your track practice, you tried your best to squeeze in time to see your favorite people err...turtles. Mikey jumped up with a wide grin and Donnie offered a small wave.

“Oh Donnie thanks for the advice yesterday, my knees feel much better!” you pulled out a twelve pack of juice boxes handing it to him. He smiled giving a small thanks. “Thank you.” He spoke happily. He was already pulling the first one out.

“I take it ya won your race.” you nod at Raph’s question, and he patted you on the back, maybe a bit too roughly because you stumbled. “Came first place. My third one this week but who’s counting.” you boast.

“I wish we could watch your races, I’d like to see you beat all those other people.” Mikey said.

“I got my brother to tape it here.” taking out your phone you pulled up the video and they all started gathering around to see. With the four of you huddled in a circle, Leo raised a brow when he walked outside. “Are you guys planning another prank.” he asked unimpressed.

“Nah, (Y/N) is showing us her last race.” Mikey says enthusiastically. Leo looked a bit curious now, and when he walked over to take a look you flushed, clicking the button as soon as your race ended.

“O-Oh, look at that I think my battery just died. Maybe next time.” you mutter. Raph sent you a little smirk, and slowly they all started to disperse. Leo looked a bit disappointed, but he didn’t voice it.

“I-I should get going, practice starts in half an hour. I’ll check back in tomorrow. It's my off day.” Just like that you were heading out the lair, and Leo watched you leave.

“Does she hate me or something?” At first he thought he was imagining it, but every time he was around you made it your mission to disappear. He didn’t understand it because you weren’t that way with the others. And he was pretty sure he hadn’t done anything to make you think ill of him. So why were you being so distant?

“You just intimidate her.” Raph states doing push ups.

“Intimidate? Why do I intimidate her? If anything she should be intimidated by you.” Leo defended. He didn’t see himself as an intimidating person.

“Ya so blind it ain't even funny.” That just annoyed him more. Raph was speaking in riddles and it was irritating him. Of course he was way too prideful to come out and ask, so he just walked away.

“You think she’ll ever tell him?” Donnie mutters from the side. They all knew the reason behind your quick escapes, and truthfully it was entertaining to watch, especially since you and Leo were just so bad and being forward about your feelings. Donnie had once insisted they just set you both up, but Raph was adamant on letting you figure it out on your own. He didn’t like getting in the middle of these kinds of situations, or maybe he just wanted to see Leo squirm a bit. Either way, it would play out.

~~~

“Guys check this out!!’ Donnie’s eyes made all of their heads turn. Raph and Leo stopped their little play fight, heading over to the screens.

“It’s (Y/N), she just finished third in her national meet. This is playing live.” Now they were all watching attentively, Mikey cheered when he saw the shot of you running up on the screen.

“And our third place finisher, do you have anything to say to your friends and family.” The reporter turned the microphone to you.

“I’m just really grateful to my family for always pushing me hard, especially my miserable brother.To all my friends old and new, thanks for the endless support.” You were smiling and breathing a bit heavily, clearly still winded from the race.

“Any message for the special someone in your life.” The question made your cheeks slightly flush.

“Oh uh I..” your gaze drifted, but then you looked right at the camera.

“Leonardo, thank you for being my inspiration. '' Leo's eyes were wide, and Raph shoved him playfully. “Oooooo! Our fearless leader’s got an admirer.”

“Well you heard it folks. Thank you again for tuning in and congratulations (Y/N) on the amazing race. “ The reporter moved to other runners, but Leo’s eyes were still glued on the screen. He tried not to read too much into it. But his heart was still pounding in his chest. It’s not like you’d confess to him, yet those words felt far greater than any confession he could imagine.

“I think she broke him brah.” Mikey was poking Leo insistently, but he didn’t budge.

Donnie smiled from his seat. “I recorded it Leo, if you want to watch it again.” Leo’s eye hardened, and he straightened his shoulders, letting out a small sound as he left. It seemed to be his only response lately whenever he got flustered. He still hoped though, that maybe you meant something more. That you wanted something more.

~~~~

“If it ain't Bolt.” you giggle at the nickname, flexing your muscles. “What can I say, can’t keep all this raw talent contained. “

“Shell yeah you can’t!!” After celebrating with your family. Of course you came to hang out with the boys. They were family too after all. You saw Splinter and he walked over with a smile.

“Congratulations (Y/N).”

“Thank you Master Splinter.” With a small bow, he was off, and Mikey was grilling you on the whole experience. Raph was sitting on the couch listening. As you were giving major details, you couldn’t stop yourself from searching out Leo. You knew for a fact they saw the interview, and your blood had been practically pumping since then, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the race. When you were done giving Mikey a rundown, you excused yourself, heading for the one place you could always find the blue eyed leader. You gripped at the metal of your medal in your hands. You were excited to show him it. Stepping through the hall of the training area, you caught sight of him on a mat. He was standing but his eyes were closed. He looked completely concentrated.

“Leo..” usually you never disturbed him when he was meditating, mostly because he could always tell when you were there. His eyes opened slowly and you gave a little wave.

“H-Hey.”

“Hey, I saw your competition. Congratulations (Y/N).” Hearing that from him had a completely different effect than all the others. You blush, fully stepping in. “Thanks Leo.” you never seem to be able to keep your cool when you're in the same room as him, it’s crazy. His eyes watch you. The pretty tint of red on your cheeks. Your wandering eyes. It’s so cute to him, and now he can’t stop himself from asking the question that’s been burning in his mind.

“(Y/N), what you said..I just, I feel like I can’t take much credit for you performing that well. If I’m being honest I was under the impression that you disliked me.”

“W-What! “

Leo chuckles at the look you’re now wearing. “ You run out the moment you see me, I could only assume that’s what it was. Raph also said that you’re intimidated by me, which was even more confusing. “

You really sucked at emotions, you realized that now. With a small sigh, you tucked the medal into your pocket. You’d have plenty of time to show him that later. “Leo I..I am intimidated by you. But not for the reasons you may think.” The look in his eyes urged you to continue.

“When I first met you guys, I’m not gonna lie it freaked me the hell out. I never believed things like this existed and I started questioning a lot. After a while though, I got to know you and your brothers and it showed me that we weren’t very different. You were just like everyone else, maybe even more. Leo to me you’re just so incredible, every night you go out and risk your life expecting nothing in return. You put your family first, you lead your brothers with so much confidence and ease that it just...it amazes me.”

Leo hadn’t looked away since you started talking, and his sapphire orbs were conveying so much. “You amaze me in so many ways and that’s why it's so hard for me to be around me because you do intimidate the hell out of me because I’m terrified that you’ll see right through me and realize just how crazy I am about you.”

“(Y/N)...”

“I really like you Leo.”

There, you finally said it. No more stolen glances or silent wishes. Everything was out there.

He started walking closer, and you kept eye contact, heart pumping briskly.

“I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you (Y/N), but I’m happy that we actually have mutual feelings.”

“Are you saying that…”

“I thought it was obvious.” He whispered.

“Guess we’re both pretty bad at this.”

He smiles, and the hand that rests on your cheek heats up more than just the skin it’s laying on. The final step makes you inhale, and when he leans down, your eyelids lower. You push unto your toes to balance out the height differences, and Leo’s hand runs down your cheek, to your shoulder as he plants a much awaited kiss to your lips. The little sound you let out is involuntary, and Leo smiles into the kiss, wrapping his other hand around your waist as he pulls you closer.

Your hands even out on his strong firm chest, and your delving deeper and deeper. You’ve been dying to experience this, and you can’t get enough. It doesn’t feel like enough. Leo must be thinking the same. Your lips part and as you’re about to rejoin, Leo opens his mouth slightly slipping his tongue in. You quiver, whining at how great it feels. He invades your mouth with incredible precision, and you try your best to match him. You moan, you can’t help it. This is too good. Leo arm tightens around your form at the sound, still driving you mad with his wet tongue.

Oxygen, that’s the sole reason you part. Leo is reluctant, you can tell, but he needs to get a breath just as much as you. When he separates, your grinning and huffing, quite the same as when you finished your race.

“I guess..I should be glad that I intimidate you, I’ll try to do it more often.” His cheeky response just makes your grin widen.

“I have absolutely no complaints. “

It really wasn’t such a bad thing.

[ohjohnno]

Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E09 (”When The Blood Burns”)

I’ve been demurring on this one, partly because of real life shit (well, mostly that to be honest) but also because this episode isn’t all that good. It’s an episode entirely centering around Antony Starr’s characters, and I sure hope they paid him double, cos the range he needed for it was tremendous. But, unfortunately, one of those characters (Van) just isn’t all that interesting yet, and the other (Jethro) is ill-served by one of the dumbest and most unfortunate sideplots the show has yet had. So, without further ado, we’ll get this one out of the way, and I’ll try and keep it short. 

We open with a dual appearance from the two most irritating characters in the show: Tracy and Suzy Hong, their differences now thoroughly mended and united in enjoying themselves by tormenting Van.

Yeah, it’s as insufferable as it looks. An incensed Van finally snaps and threatens to quit; Mr. Hong overhears, but Van finally manages to stand up for himself and it pays off: Mr. Hong makes him manager of one of his local little stores, which seems to sell mostly cheap novelty junk. I’m not entirely sure why he does this, honestly, but it’s a mildly important character moment for Van, so okay, I guess?

Meanwhile, in the West household, things are getting a little crazy.

Cheryl and Kacey are promoting their new underwear business with a sorta quasi-striptease party, hosted by and for middle-aged women. It’s one of the aspects of the episode I like best, not because the women are sexy but more because they really aren’t; they’re a bunch of trashy fortysomething women, reminding the world that it isn’t just model-type people who like having sex, or who know how to have fun with it. Kacey makes this explicit with a little barb at the morbidly fascinated Pascalle, telling her they didn’t offer to use her as a model because they wanted to use “real women”, which is a nice reminder that toxic standards of femininity cut cruelly in both directions. So, yeah, good segment - made all the better by the horror of the younger girls who’ve been dragged along.

Van returns, utterly nonplussed at the scene before him, and they all retreat to the bedroom. Antony Starr’s comic acting here is great, actually - he follows the others to the room and finds them using his drugs with an indignant and confused response of “well... don’t!”, and it makes me laugh every time. Draska expresses some clear interest in him, which he once again ignores, as usual. The next scene is where the plot properly begins.

The gist of it is this: the Hongs’ local store has their goods transported from warehouse to shelf by Draska’s clan, the Doslics. Van discovers that there’s a discrepancy between the number of trading cards he was meant to be shipped and the number he actually received; he goes and politely asks the Doslics about it, and they do not take that well.

   I come from good people - HONEST people! Made strong by our troubles!

Naturally, they think he’s accusing them of thievery. Naturally, this makes Van pretty sure they really are committing thievery, and a raging Mr. Hong agrees. The two proceed to keep escalating tensions, and the rest of the Wests get caught in the crossfire; mama Doslic gets into a fight with Cheryl in a supermarket car park, Pascalle finds her old tyre-modelling photos all defaced with violent graffiti, and it’s all mildly funny but also kinda dull. Eventually, it turns out that Van’s mate Munter has been stealing the cards from the warehouse all along, using the keys Van gave him for safekeeping. This is not the last time Van will find himself victimized by the consequences of his own actions.

I’m blasting through *a lot* of this plot here really quickly, and that’s cos it just isn’t very interesting for the most part. It’s trying to be a farce, mostly, and it sometimes succeeds; Van’s initial confrontation with the Doslics is really quite funny, and his steadily increasing panic as the situation just goes more and more wrong isn’t bad either. But it’s all a bit too by-the-numbers and predictable, and in the end none of the stakes feel real; we all know that in an episode like this, the Hongs and the Doslics were never really gonna properly come to blows, and they don’t. Van confesses a lot of stuff to Draska in a couple of secret meetings, and while he’s initially paranoid about her loyalty, she proves herself by finding a way to fix the issue; she places all the blame for the break-ins on Eric (who was selling the stolen cards anyway, after buying them from Munter) and the two families come together to absolutely motherfucking whoop the guy’s ass, leaving him looking rather worse for wear. 

      ...next thing I know I’m getting the shit kicked out of me by half the West                                                   Auckland United Nations!

If I have a favorite moment in this plot, it’s probably near the beginning, when the elder Doslic is first bringing in what he believes to be the full shipment of cards. He’s ranting and raving, the whole time he does it, about how much he just damn well hates the “chinks” and their terrible language skills, not to mention their driving - all while speaking in a heavy Croatian accent himself and also, oh yeah, taking their money. This show really does get quite a lot of comedy out of the idea that solidarity between marginalized groups really just doesn’t exist.

The rest of it, though? I mean, it does contain a couple of important moments, I guess. Van, after initially lying to protect Munter and only making everything worse, is genuinely willing to offer himself up, blame himself entirely, and essentially sacrifice himself in order to save everyone’s hides, and only doesn’t end up doing it because Draska fixes it all before he has to. That’s a nice reminder that Van, at his core, really is a genuinely good person, and that his internal conflict as a character all comes from the tension between that and the toxic masculinity he’s had indoctrinated deep within him by his father and the culture he’s grown up in. Cheryl demonstrates where her loyalties lie and takes Van’s side without a second’s hesitation after mama Doslic shows up with complaints; for all her problems with Van, she really does love him unconditionally. But there’s also too much stuff that doesn’t come off, like Van’s boring interactions with a mildly delinquent kid who likes the trading cards, or Tracy’s ever-one-dimensional mistreatment of Van. 

Still, at least it’s better than Jethro’s plot.

Remember how Tracy knows now about Jethro’s little rape-by-deception thing a few episodes ago? Well, she still doesn’t seem to be thinking of it as rape, but she is trying to get him to apologize for it nonetheless. Jethro, meanwhile, wants to root her again, and he knows he can’t do that without apologizing. So Jethro’s plot this episode is several scenes in a row of him miserably failing to pull off a convincing apology, and... that’s it, really. Hugh’s back, being annoying as usual (though it’s intentional enough that it doesn’t bother me too much), and Loretta briefly shows up to mock him for how bad he is at apologizing (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!), but for the most part this is all really redundant and dull. The only interesting part comes in Loretta’s video shack, where Jethro straight up lies to Caroline’s face, right in front of Loretta, in order to make himself some free time to go and keep trying it with Tracy. Loretta, of course, is too sociopathic to feel sorry for her, and we all knew a couple of episodes ago that Jethro wasn’t gonna be able to maintain it with her as a regular relationship, but the beginnings of heartbreak on Caroline’s face as she begins to get an inkling, in her subconscious, of what’s going on is genuinely sad.

But the ending of this plot? It’s awful, and in a really unfortunate way. In the end, see, it turns out Tracy never really wanted an apology; she likes Jethro, doesn’t really care about the fact that he deceived her in such an intimate way, and wants it with him again. She decides he’s ready when... he just refuses to apologize one time, admitting he isn’t sorry because (and this is possibly the worst line of dialogue in the whole show, so brace yourselves): “why would I be, when it was the best fuck I’ve ever had?” 

Eugh.

So they start having an affair, and that’ll stay important. Meanwhile, Van’s plot ends similarly, in the superficial respect: Draska finally convinces him to have sex with her, as a celebration for the two of them getting out of that little escapade with everything intact, and it’s also the start of a relationship. Her toxicity, of course, has been evident the whole time from her unhealthy fixation on him, but if she demonstrated anything in this episode it was her intelligence and resourcefulness, so one suspects bad things on the horizon for Van. Nothing much happens with the rest of the characters - Loretta doesn’t do much other than the aforementioned mockery of Jethro and some mildly funny jabs at Pascalle’s choice of career, and Pascalle doesn’t do much other than get all horrified by what’s been done to her poster. On the whole, then, this is a disappointing episode, and maybe the worst one so far. Van will get good, I promise - the potential is all there already. But we’ve still gotta wait for now. Until next time.

[pettyrevenge-base]

Revenge on loud partying college students, featuring my dad and dog

This occurred in the late 90's/early 2000s, when I was in grade school.  I grew up on a street that was mostly old houses from the 1910s, and most of them were huge.  Like built originally as single family homes, but massive enough to turn into apartments or studios.   Which is what a lot of landlords did, to make a decent profit off of the kids who went to the college about 6 blocks up the street.  I think typically 6-8 kids shared one house.  One such house was directly next door, and another was down and across the street.

There was a lot of turnover in these houses as you can imagine, and it always stressed my mom and dad out to see new kids moving in.  As an adult, I now understand why.  A few times we had some really chill, nice kids living next door.  And a few times, we had total assholes living there.

One year, it was assholes.  They were hard party types who didn't care if it was the middle of the week or the middle of the night to throw an insanely loud, rowdy house party.  And when I say loud, I mean that even with our houses being separated by a large yard, we could STILL hear their bass thumping from INSIDE our house.  Sometimes until three in the morning.

Now my dad is one of the most laid back and passive people I know.   He always started by going next door himself to ask them to kindly keep it down.  This particular crowd basically blew him off and if I recall, had a few colorful words for him.  Ok, fine.  Police were called.  The policy at the time, iirc, was if the police were called three separate times over the same house, a complaint was launched automatically.   These kids literally did not care, the complaint happened, and I assume the landlord gave them mild shit for it.  They quieted down for maybe a week or two, and started back up again.  I don't know how they didn't get evicted, other than the landlord cared more about money than keeping the peace in the neighborhood.  This went on all.  Fucking. Semester.   And to add to it all, the party goers would lob all their trash over the fence into OUR yard.  This include glass, which broke often.  Once there were broken beer bottles right under where my swing was.  Needless to say, my parents were not happy.  If either parent confronted these twats, they would be rude and unpleasant.  My mom began picking up their trash and throwing it back into their yard, for what good that did.

The morning after one particularly loud party,  I was out in the yard with my mom, and our dogs.  One of the dogs was a hound; this information will be relevant shortly.  I think my mom was picking up some of the trash.  It was mid-morning, and the party people were next door sleeping off their hangovers.  I had the idea of bringing one of my many pets out in its cage (honestly can't remember which one, I had a plethora of hamsters, guinea pigs, and rabbits growing up).  I would sometimes take the bottom off of the cages and let the critter enjoy the grass for a bit.  I did this, not thinking about our high prey drive hound being outside at the time.  He got really worked up upon seeing a small animal.  He started baying.  Loudly.

Now I'm thinking oh shit, the dog is making noise, gonna take the critter back inside.  My mom glanced over, saw what was going on, and said something along the lines of, "leave the critter out here for a bit."

So I kept it out of reach of the hound (who had to be on a long rope, as he would bolt and run off) and just sat there for a minute watching him incessantly bay over and over, before it dawned on me what my mom was doing.  Mind you, we were as close to this other house as we could be without going over the fence.  These hungover people were getting a rude awakening.  Plus, this was one night we had called cops.  They were going to have to deal with a complaint and their landlord when they got up.

Mom continued throwing trash over the fence back into their yard.   Dog bayed.  Critter didn't care; critter was safe under his cage and happily snacking on the grass.  I doubt any of the other neighbors would have cared, as we knew most of them and they had all been dealing with the same noise we had for months.  No one from the house ever came out but I know that dog made enough racket to wake them all up, hopefully feeling like crap.  That was the last rowdy party that house had until the end of the semester.

​I didn't find out about this next bit until I was well into adulthood.  Part two of this revenge includes my dad, who to his credit always tried to deal with these people civilly.  The victims of his revenge were in the house down the street.  They were so loud that half a block away we could still hear their music and yelling.  Except these people were meaner.  They got really crazy, and sometimes the parties got violent.  When my dad went to ask them to lower the noise level, they said not just nasty, but threatening things to him.  Same complaints to the cops, same b.s.

After they kept us awake for the dozenth time, my dad went over to their absolutely trashed yard after dark.  With him, he had a crock pot of chili that had been neglected in the fridge for far too long.  My dad said it smelled and looked like vomit.  And lo, there was the motorcycle of one of the assholes, parked in the front yard, uncovered. My dad liberated the rotten chili onto said bike.  He told me he peeked out the window a few times, and actually got to witness the glorious moment the bike owner came upon his defiled cycle.  The guy apparently actually PUT HIS HAND in this stuff and then proceeded to puke all over the lawn.  I'm sure he thought someone else had been sick on the bike.

No one ever cleaned off the bike, either.  It sat in the yard until it was nothing but rust.  I still consider my dad to be one of the most passive human beings on this earth, but it shows that everyone has their limit.

Fortunately, afterwards both houses had decent kids every year until we moved away from that house.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[impala-dreamer]

The Last Straw

SPN FanFic

~Sam takes things a little too serious, and all you really want out of life is a freakin’ cookie.~

Sam x Reader, Dean, surprise OC

3,495 Words 

Warnings: Supremely Fluffy with a hint of spicy Angst. But mostly disgustingly fluffy. Please brush your teeth afterwards. 

A/N: This is another gem for my ‘Give Em A Merry Christmas’ treasure chest. A shout out to @fandom-queen-of-wonderland who submitted an idea for a Dean x Reader with the line “All I want is Christmas is a gingerbread man and some peace and quiet!”. As you can see, it’s not Dean x Reader, but trust me, Dean is as sweet as a freshly baked blueberry pie in this. I hope you like it. Also, there is a surprise for one of my favorite followers in here. I’m not going to call her out, but I’m pretty sure she’ll pick up on it when it gets to that bit. ;) Hope you all enjoy!

Feedback is GOLD ~ My Masterlist ~ Christmas 2017 Fic Corral

Like many things in your crazy life, getting pregnant was not planned. Well, honestly, if you took it a bit further back, meeting and falling in love with Sam Winchester wasn’t planned either. Neither was getting into Hunting, or even being aware that all the things that went bump in the night actually did go bump in the night, but hey, it happened, but that’s a story for another day.

While you and Sam had no plan to officially marry, the unexpected news of the bun now occupying your oven was nonetheless welcomed. From the moment Sam had thoroughly absorbed the news, he went a little bit off the deep end helping you to prepare. Like the true nerd he was, Sam read every single baby book in the Lebanon Library, scoured the internet for information, even joined babycenter.com as Soon2BPapaWin2017. He stalked the message boards, chatted with expectant mothers, and dove headfirst into taking care of you and his future bundle of joy.

He was so adorable when researching baby gear, often spending late nights reading every review of his chosen product only to write it off in favor of something that looked just a tiny bit safer. He filled up his online shopping carts on Amazon and BabiesRUs with the best of the best, never buying anything, because he knew he could find better. He only wanted the best for his child, and in turn, you.

While Sam couldn’t protect you with rubber bumpers on table corners, or wrap you in bubble wrap, he could try to protect you in another, rather annoying way. Sam took it upon himself to get you healthy, and while he meant for the best, and you loved him for it, it was driving you nuts.

He had tried to insist that you stop hunting, but you slapped him so hard upon the first mention, that he didn’t bring it up again. It wasn’t until well into your seventh month that you voluntarily stayed back, not wanting to slow the guys down. The worst part, though, was that during the entire nine months of your pregnancy, Sam insisted you follow a strict diet that he concocted, filling you up with more vegetables and random vegan proteins than you had ever seen in your life. Add to that Sam guilting you into joining him in prenatal yoga, and taking no less than three walks a day while you were home, by your third trimester, you were done.

Through all your whining and discomfort, Sam was by your side, never letting you drink a single kale smoothie by yourself. He was getting you both healthy, and he practiced what he preached. While he was pushing every last one of your buttons, you did appreciate the love he put into every annoying thing he did.

Dean was another story altogether, and the soon to be uncle slowly became your best friend and savior, often sneaking you chocolate when you needed it most, and letting you fall asleep on him when Sam had pushed you an extra mile.

Both Winchesters were excited and happy for the next generation to arrive, but they went about showing their joy in rather opposite ways. Sam answered your complaints with offers of cocoa butter lotion and random science facts, while Dean would tuck a pillow under your back, flip on Netflix, and rub your tired feet. When watching you choke down green leafy things, Dean often jokingly promised to take you out for a steak dinner before the baby arrived, and it always pissed Sam off. He would throw his hands up and stalk away, mumbling to himself about how he was just trying to help and make sure everyone was healthy.

Sure, he was over the top and the food was disgusting, but he was just trying to help.

As Christmas rolled around, you found, much to your dismay, that you were rolling around too. Your ankles were swollen, your back ached, and your stomach shot out so far in front of you that it looked like you were having triplets.

Waddling through the Bunker in search of something to do that wouldn’t get you in trouble with the father to be, your nose picked up a deliciously warm, spicy scent and your feet turned towards the kitchen.

Nutmeg and ginger filled the air, making your stomach grumble as you floated towards the oven. Sam turned around to greet you with a kiss and a smile as he set a freshly cooled plate of cookies down on the counter.

“Hey, Baby,” he said, kissing your nose. “And Baby…” he smiled and bent down to kiss your giant belly.

Laughing at his goofy smile, you shook your head. “You’re gonna have to come up with a new pet name for at least one of us or it’ll be confusing.”

“Well that will depend on what Little Baby is,” he told you, gently rubbing a huge hand over the apex of your stomach. “Still don’t want to find out?”

“Nah,” you said with a tiny laugh. “I’m only doing this once, might as well keep the surprise.” Your smile faded to a deep grimace as the baby kicked hard, and Sam jumped in shock. His face lit up with such a smile as he felt his child press against his hand, that you couldn’t help but smile back.

“That’s so cool,” he said under his breath.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, maybe for you. Little Winchester’s been kicking the shit out of me all day. He’s very aggressive. I think he takes after his uncle.”

“He?”

“Just a guess,” you shrugged and then licked your lips as you looked around Sam to the cookies not being eaten. “And, like his uncle, Baby is also hungry.”

“I made you a treat,” Sam grinned and went to grab the plate.

“I’m starving, thank you!” Happiness filled your soul as you looked down to see what appeared to be a plate of real, legitimate gingerbread men cookies. With an excited grin, you picked up the top cookie and lifted it to your nose, taking a sniff. It smelled right… but…

Sam watched carefully and without comment as you opened your mouth, but something in his eyes made you stop before the treat hit your tongue.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s in this cookie?”

An innocent laugh left his pink lips and Sam shook his head in shock. “What? Nothing.”

“Sam…”

“It’s good, trust me.”

Your eyes narrowed as you looked from the cookie to your boyfriend, not for one second believing his lie. Nine months of quinoa and spinach cakes had made you more than suspicious. Even being Christmas, there was no way that Sam was suddenly going to let you have a normal cookie.

“What’s in this cookie, Sam?”

“Just taste it.”

“Not until you tell me what it’s made of.”

“I’ll tell you after you taste it.”

The baby kicked again, clearly wanting some food, and so, after a deep breath, you closed your eyes, took a bite, and instantly spit it back out. “Oh good God, what is this?”

“Flax seed,” Sam laughed.

“What?” You wiped your mouth with your sleeve and stared up at him in pained shock.

“Flax seed. It’s good for you.”

A deep, burning anger rolled through your gut and pushed out from your lips with a screeching wail that echoed through the Bunker. “Dean!”

Boots pounded the hard floor as Dean flew through the hall, and he jumped down the kitchen steps, out of breath and panicked.

“Y/N! What is it? You gonna have the baby?”

“We’re gonna have a funeral!” you yelled, fists clenched as you stepped forward, scaring Sam enough so that he backed away slowly.

Dean gripped the wall, catching his breath as he assessed the situation. “What?”

“I’m about to murder your brother.”

Sam held his palms up in surrender as you came closer and closer. “Y/N/N, I’m just trying…”

“Don’t!” you shouted and shook a fist up at him. “Don’t you ‘Y/N/N’ me, Sam! This is all your fault! I’m fat and tired and starving and you won’t let me eat! I hate seeds! I hate salad! I want Indian food, goddammit! The baby wants pizza and Hostess cupcakes! You’re trying to kill me is what you’re doing! And now? This cookie?” You threw the offending gingerbread man at his head, barely missing him. Sam ducked and looked to his brother for help, but Dean stood in the doorway, smartly keeping his mouth shut. “How dare you! All I want for Christmas is a motherfucking Gingerbread Man and you gave me this! I hate you!”

Sam’s lips quivered in shock, struggling to find something to say that would soothe you, but there was nothing. He watched with sad puppy eyes as your rage turned to tears and your knees gave out. He tried to catch you as you sank to the floor, but you pushed him away, angry and tired.

“No! Leave me alone, Sam! This is the last straw! I can't...I can't…”

Finally, Dean moved from his place by the door and hurried to your side. He scooped you up without a word, and you gratefully fell into his flannel covered arms.

Ten minutes later, you were out cold on the couch, having passed out with your head on Dean's shoulder. Carefully, and with the finesse of a cat burglar, Dean slid out from underneath you and stretched.

Sam was in the doorway, watching with a frown. “She hates me,” he said as Dean pushed himself up from the sofa.

Dean shook his head and pressed a finger to his lips. “Shh!” Waving Sam out of the room he went on, “She doesn't hate you, Sam. It's like...hormones and shit. And the poor girl...dude, you gotta let her eat; she's starving.”

“She eats!”

“Rabbit food, man. She's eating for two and neither one of them likes tomatoes. And you know that and still you put tomatoes on everything. Also, seed cookies?” Dean hung his head in disgust. “It's Christmas, Sammy. How could you?”

Sam’s jaw twitched. “I'm just trying to do what's best. You don't know, Dean. You haven't read all the books, you don't know what could go wrong. Gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, placenta previa...You just don’t know!”

“Sam…”

“The baby could be breech! Do you have any idea what that means, Dean!” Sam’s hands swam through his hair as his eyes grew wide with worry. “Peripartum cardiomyopathy...she… she could have a friggin’ heart attack at any time!”

“Sammy…” Dean tried to snap Sam out of his rant, but the taller brother began to spin as his eyes darted about the room, seeming to read all the horrible things he’d seen on the air.

“That’s not even what could happen during labor! She could get an infection, she could bleed out! Just… die. You don’t understand, Dean. I have to keep her safe. I have to!”

“Damn it, Sammy, stop!” Dean grabbed Sam’s shoulder and jerked him to a halt. “Listen to me! You have to calm down. That’s all worst case stuff. Y/N is healthy, so is the baby. You’re the only one causing any problems.” Sam stared at him, silent and pained, but Dean sighed and went on. “Now, just relax. Nothing that could go wrong is gonna be fixed by force feeding your girlfriend plexiglass seeds or whatevers.”

“Flax.”

“What?”

“Flax. Flax seed.”

“Whatever,” Dean cringed. “The point is, you have got to let up. She’s miserable, can’t you see that?”

Sam pulled away enough to look over his shoulder at you. Your cheek was smushed against the seat, your hair a mess of sweat and tears. “She’s fine,” Sam argued. “Besides, we’ve only got a few weeks left.”

“Exactly, so why not let her enjoy it?”

Sam shook his head sternly and turned back to Dean. “No. I have to protect her, and this is the best way I can right now. This baby is…” He paused, not sure how to explain himself.

Dean filled the empty space. “It’s just a baby, Sam. People have them everyday. Sometimes more than one at a time.”

“No. You just don’t get it.” Sam gave up, and after a last look at your snoring face, he pushed passed Dean and set off in a huff. “And you can stop sneaking her Snickers when you think I’m not around, Dean.”

“Well, screw you too,” Dean muttered under his breath. “I’ll give her a damn Snickers if I want. This ain’t prison.”

You stirred on the couch, and Dean popped his head in the room to check on you. He would have attempted to carry you to bed, but you always hated that, and he was afraid he’d drop you now anyway.

“Dean?” You blinked into the dim light, woken by a ridiculously loud grumble in your tummy.

“Hey, Sweetheart, you want to go to bed?” Dean extended a hand, which you took, but shook your head, declining his offer.

“No,” you told him as you tugged his arm, pulling him down close to you. “What I want… what I need… is meat.”

Dean laughed and bent closer to kiss your forehead. “I know, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

“No, Dean, I’m serious.” You lifted your chin to look him straight in the eyes and took a fistful of his shirt between your fingers. “I need you to break me out of here. You’ve been saying for months you’re gonna take me to a steakhouse. Come on, El Chapo, Today’s the day!”

“Y/N/N…” Dean’s hand closed around your fist and he patted your fingers gently. “We can’t. Sam’s just being…”

“Nuts,” you cut in. “He’s insane. Do you know he makes me take this giant vitamin every morning? It’s the size of a golf ball, Dean.” Tears were springing up behind your eyes as you begged him to help you. “And I have to wash it down with… he calls it milk, but goddammit, Dean, it didn’t come from no cow. You gotta help. If I smell another blade of wheatgrass I’m gonna cut my nose off. Please. You gotta help me.”

You could tell you’d won in the way his shoulders dropped. Dean sighed and bit his lip, looking down at you with such sympathy it tugged at your heart. Sure, you were pathetic, but that was your card to play right now. It wasn’t as if you were milking it, Sam was literally torturing you with all the health food. For the last three weeks you’d been dreaming of oreos; that couldn’t be normal.

With one last pitiful pout, you whispered your prayer to the green-eyed superhero you called friend. “Please, Dean.”

“If he finds out, he’s gonna kill me.”

“It’s just a burger, Dean. What could go wrong?”

The steakhouse was not open, as it was nearly one in the morning on Christmas Eve, but Millie’s Diner was open all night.

You sat sideways in the booth because your belly wouldn’t fit, but you couldn’t care less about how you looked. Dean ordered a giant meal for you both, and you matched him bite for bite. The fries were overdone and deliciously crispy. The milkshake was cold and divine. The burger… you couldn’t find a word for it. Your brain frizzled when the rare meat and melted cheese hit your tongue, and all you could do was close your eyes and sigh happily. Dean watched you with a smile as you devoured your dinner, and even gave you a strip of bacon right off his burger. “For the baby,” he said with a wink. You didn’t care if it was for the baby, or your hips, you needed it all.

Smacking your lips, you sat back with a satisfied grin and rubbed your belly. “Thank you, dude. That was amazing.”

Dean mirrored your pose, right down to the belly rub. “It was. Good idea, Y/N/N.”

A flash of pain wrapped around your middle and you cringed as it stopped your breath. “Ow.”

Dean’s head snapped up from his plate where he’d been eyeing a drop of cheese that had been left behind. “You OK?”

You nodded quickly and shifted a bit in the seat. “Yeah, this table is just uncomfortable.”

“Well,” Dean laughed. “We could have sat at the counter, but you’re a little off balance lately.”

“Shut up,” you laughed and then tensed up as another wave of pain circled your belly. “Ouch!”

“Y/N/N…”

Dean sat forward, eyeing you suspiciously, but you waved him off. “Just indigestion,” you assured him. “I’m good.” You hissed at another stabbing pain, this one harder and coming up from below. “Gaah!”

“OK, that’s not OK, Y/N.” Dean scooted to the end of his seat and moved to stand up.

“No! No! Sit.” You took a deep breath and forced a smile. “I’m good.” Another crackle of daggers around your sides. “Fuck!” You gasped but kept your lips lifted in a smile that was nothing short of creepy now. “Pie? They have pie. Let’s get pie.”

“Sweetheart, the only thing we’re getting is you to the hospital.” Dean finally stood up and had your elbow in his hand, trying to urge you up.

“No, no hospital. I’m fine.” The last word came out on the end of a scream that turned every head in the brightly lit diner. “Dean! I think I’m in labor.”

“Yeah, Y/N/N, I know.” Dean picked you up and slung your arm around his shoulder, carefully guiding you to the exit. He paused to hand the waitress some cash, who basically pushed you both out of the door.

“Dean!”

“Oh, Sam is gonna kill me.”

Sam probably would have killed you both, but all of his anger, fear, and months of worry faded away when he held his daughter in his arms. Tessa Rose was born on Christmas Eve after an exhausting seventeen hours of labor. She was soft and squirming, already a loud and feisty Winchester as she cried as Sam tried to adjust her against his chest. He’d read every book ever written on infants, but holding the newborn, his newborn, was something he was not prepared for.

You lay in bed, slipping in and out of sleep, watching with a pain-killer induced smile as Sam struggled in the chair next to your bed. His face was twisted with nerves, but his eyes were calm and happy. Finally, Tessa found a spot that she seemed to like, and fell asleep against her daddy’s chest. Sam rocked gently side to side and looked over at you with a truly contented smile.

“You did a great job, Mommy,” he said.

“Well, I had help.”

Sam frowned and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I went a little…”

“Psycho Father To Be?” you laughed. “Yeah, I noticed.” Sam nodded sadly and looked away, but you sat up and reached for his hand. “Hey, Sam, I get it. It’s OK. I love you. You’re gonna be an amazing dad. You just have to learn to go with the flow.”

Sam smiled and fit his fingers through yours. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Dean appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat. “OK, can we roll the credits on this RomCom? I want to see my niece.”

“Come on in.” Sam sat up and gently lifted Tessa from her spot, showing her off to Dean.

“Oh, she is… awesome.” Dean grinned and took the baby in his arms, smiling down at the perfectly chubby cheeks and dusting of brown hair. Tessa popped open her eyes and batted her delicate lashes, instantly wrapping her uncle around her finger. Dean kissed her forehead and then set her down on the bed. “I got a you a present, Tessa.”

Sam climbed into bed with you and you snuggled together as Dean pulled a red velvet Christmas stocking from his jacket. Before you could stop him, Dean pulled the sock up over Tessa’s legs, and the baby sank down into it, her chin popping up over the white faux fur.

“Dean, what are you doing to my baby?” you asked from your spot under Sam’s arm.

Dean laughed to himself and snapped a picture of your festively swaddled daughter. “That one’s going on the fridge.”

“Take it off,” Sam said with a laugh.

“Why?” Dean picked Tessa up and held her aloft. “She’s the best Christmas present ever.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Sam echoed, and pulled you close. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Merry Christmas, Sam.” You looked up and placed a warm kiss on his lips. “Merry Christmas, Dean,” you added, looking over at the giddy man holding a stocking full of baby.

Dean shifted Tessa to lay in the crook of his arm, and kissed the tip of her tiny nose. “God bless us,” he said softly. “Every one.”

FOREVERS (closed): @akshi8278 @allinhishands @amanda-teaches @atc74 @autopistaaningunaparte @because-imma-lady-assface @blanketmadeofstar @blushingdean @brewsthespirit-blog @brooke-supernatural16 @carryonmywaywardcaptain @cassieraider @charliebradbury1104 @charred-angelwings @chelsea072498 @chrisevansisdaddy04 @chumi-la-chula @courtney-elizabeth-winchester @crispychrissy @daughterleftbehind @docharleythegeekqueen @dustycelt @dylanosprayberry03 @emoryhemsworth @emptywithout @erin654 @evansrogerskitten @evyiione @faithfullpanicmoon @fallenangelsneverfade @fandomismyspiritanimal @fandom-queen-of-wonderland @fangirlofeverythingme @fatalcrossbow @feelmyroarrrr @findingfitnessforme @flormolero @frenchybell @fuckyeahfeysand @geekgirl1213 @ginasmith @grace-for-sale @growningupgeek @hair-dresses @hexparker @icequeen6666 @idreamofhazel @ilsawasanacrobat @imascreamerbabymakemeamute @impalaimagining @im-super-potter-locked @jayankles @jessilliam-caronday @jesspfly @jocelyn-of-the-jellyfish @jpadjackles @just-another-winchester @katelynbkool @katymacsupernatural @kdfrqqg @lauren-novak @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @lefthologramdeer @lipstickandwhiskey @luciisthebest​ @mandilion76 @meganwinchester1999 @mery-magizoologist @michellethetvaddict @milkymilky-cocopuff @missselinakitty @mistressofallthingsgeeky @mjdoc90 @mrsbatesmotel53 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @mrswhozeewhatsis @musicgleenerd @myfand0msandm0re @naviwhite @newtospnfandom @nichtlisax @notesfromalabprincess @obsessivecompulsivespn @ohmychuckitssamanddean @percussiongirl2017 @pinknerdpanda @poukothenerd @purrculiar @queen-of-deans-booty @ridingmoxley @riversong-sam @roxy-davenport @roxyspearing @samisimportant @saxxxology @sgarrett49 @sireennotsiren @skadi-winterfell @snarkpunsandsarcasm @sofreddie @sophiebobzz @spn-fan-girl-173 @spnjunky @super100012 @supernaturaldean67 @supernatural-girl97 @supernaturallymarvellous @super-not-naturall @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @theoutlinez @there-must-be-a-lock @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @thinkwritexpress-official @tmccarney @trexrambling @turnttover @typicalweirdbookworm @walkingkhaleesi @waiting-to-find-myshadows @wayward-marvel-sommer1196 @winchesterprincessbride @wordstothewisereaders @wotinspntarnation @xxmizzlexx

Sammy Lovers:

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[ayearofpike]

Remember Me 3: The Last Story

Pocket Books, 1995 244 pages, 20 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-87267-2 LOC: PZ7.P626 Rg 1995 OCLC: 31863011 Released February 1, 1995 (per B&N)

In her second go at life, Shari Cooper has become a best-selling young adult author, and her success is confusing her mission to help make things better. They're about to start shooting the movie of her first novel, and as involved as she is in picking the actors she starts to get too involved with her male lead. This starts to drive a wedge between Shari and her life/afterlife partner, who wants her to listen to the words of a wise teacher and how they might resonate with the teacher they had between lives. By the time she finally starts to listen, will it be too late?

Huh, my blurb makes this book seem readable. In real life, it's more of a patchwork crazy quilt of ideas (and whole scenes!) we've already seen, which doesn't take long to get frustrating. This is even worse in retrospect, with the knowledge that Pike never really wanted to write this book and mostly did it out of obligation to his publisher. It's pretty slapdash and sort of lazy, and even where it wants to be deep it's more like stomping in the kiddie pool than diving in (certainly compared to these other stories he's already done).

Remember my white-savior complaint about Remember Me 2? It's back here, and worse because Shari, in the beginning, seems to have totally abandoned her mission to help. Like ... a year of learning from a master in the afterlife, and your strategy for bettering Jean's home culture and community is to write teen thriller novels? And also to adopt as your pen name "Shari Cooper," the most saltine cracker of names, thus totally obscuring your assumed ethnicity when a best-seller by a visible Latina could raise the water level for all of us? When we start, she’s signing her most recent book, the story about herself that she ghost-wrote inside her brother Jimmy's body, which she submitted (against his wishes) because she "needed another best-seller." Again, this is printed under her pen name. Which is SHARI COOPER. Do you really not foresee any problem with this?

Let's be real: there is nothing here that is remotely in service of leveling the playing field or raising up the inner-city Latinx community that Jean Rodrigues came from. In fact, Shari has totally distanced herself from being Jean, aside from using the name when it's convenient. She barely mentions Jean's mother, she doesn’t even think about her siblings at home, she briefly talks about her old friend Carol who is sick in the hospital, and don't even get me started on how Lenny is not Lenny even a little bit anymore, but now totally Peter. He even goes by Peter now; I think they only identify him as Lenny once, again for convenience's sake. (To his credit, Peter appears to have taken on the service bit of his return to a body much more readily: he coaches disabled baseball teams, and later invites one of his homeless blind players to live with them.)

Shari pisses me off so much that I almost quit reading this book twice. But I'd be annoyed with myself if this blog was "reading all of Pike's books except one," so I finished it. Still, I'm going to skip ahead on the summary and probably leave a lot of things out.

The movie they're making is a sinking-boat thriller, where a nerdy kid invites seven bullies out on a pleasure cruise and then sinks it in shark-infested waters, leaving only one lifeboat. The star they've got lined up is a drug addict, but the producer has found someone else who knows all Shari's work and blew him away on a chance audition, so even though they're going to start shooting in just a few days he wants to switch actors. And sure enough, this guy makes Shari feel like he belongs in the role, even though he's cocky enough to suggest script changes before he has it and to kiss her during the reading. Or maybe it's because of that last part. She's very confused.

So Shari gets in a fight with her nerd villain actor not long after, and this dude both stands up for her and takes her away, out for a romantic dinner. Did I mention that Shari lives with a dude that she's been in love with across TWO lifespans? But she still goes with this guy, and he kisses her again, but she does have the good grace to back away and go inside, where Peter tells her all about a meeting she missed with a yogi who teaches meditation for unity.

They fall asleep, and Shari wakes up outside her body, feeling just like she did in the first book when she died only she knows she's not dead yet. She jumps into Peter's dreams, where the yogi is hanging out, and they talk about their feelings and their actions and Shari's headaches, which she still gets, naturally, because Jean fell on her head off a balcony. Then Shari suddenly appears in her brother's bedroom, where he's naked in bed with her best friend. Not Carol — the half-sister from her previous life. It doesn't matter, because even this friend isn't that important in this story. Shari's suddenly whisked to her mom's bedside — but not her birth mom, her switched-at-birth mom, her brother's mom, her murderer's mom — who is crying herself to sleep next to a copy of Remember Me by Shari Cooper. (This doesn't make a lot of sense to me either. Wasn’t this the lady who suddenly jumped to Amanda’s side and hired her a lawyer when she realized she was her birth child? Maybe I'm making this more confusing than it needs to be, but after all, Pike put all the strings into this crazy quilt. I'm just unraveling them.)

Then she hops to the fancy hotel room where her star is sleeping, and she jumps into his dream and sees a creepy space battle where purple ships are blowing up white ones. What does it mean? Shari isn't sure, but she wakes up (confusing her dreams and jumbling them together) and is inspired to start a new story: “The Starlight Crystal,” about a fleet of white ships returning to Earth after centuries of travel, having found golden enlightenment and been told to bring it home, only to be driven away by a vicious attack from a fleet of purple ships. As far as I can tell, this Starlight Crystal has nothing in common with the computer game from See You Later except the name and the fact that there is interstellar travel, and likewise with the novel that'll show up later.

(And let me just take a second to be annoyed that she remembered the dream sequence enough to write it all down for THIS fuckin’ book but acts like it was slipping away from her as she’s writing “The Starlight Crystal.” Like Pike forgot how to acknowledge the present-tense narrator describing the past between the first book and now. It really doesn’t hold up by comparison.)

In the morning, Shari goes to the set they’re constructing for the exterior boat scenes. They’re excavating a pit somewhere in the desert, which they’re going to fill with water and surround with matte paintings of the Caribbean and deposit their rental sharks. Yeah, rental sharks, four of them, and apparently it’s OK to just stick them in a dredged hole with trucked-in pumped water without raising any eyebrows. The new star shows up and asks to take her to lunch, which, sure, he’s supposed to be rehearsing a movie and she’s supposed to be finalizing the script and also she’s WITH SOMEONE, but they can go have a two-hour lunch in a fancy restaurant in Beverly Hills. He tells her that he’s read all her books, including Magic Fire, a shoutout to a Pike novel that hasn’t come out yet. While they’re flirting, he reads her palm and is taken aback by the break in the lifeline that indicates she should have died three years ago. He also calls her both Jean and Shari, which ... fuckin’ sloppy, Pike.

I didn’t mention that Lenny’s body is impotent, right? He’s paralyzed from the waist down, and so Peter can’t get up to much in the bedroom. Plus he couldn’t help fucking around with the chest-burster alien thing in the afterlife when all Shari wanted was to get laid after the prom in their imaginations. Like the one thing she’s constantly wanted is to have sex with Peter, and all she has are memories of the premature ejaculator of her Shari life and of Jean getting pregnant. She’s been celibate for four years, even while she’s been with the one dude she constantly dreamed about. So I get why she’s horny for New Star, even if I still reserve the right to be a little judgemental. It isn’t helping Shari that he has some kind of undefineable it-factor that at least she’s learned to attune to in her afterlife training.

But now Shari wants to know just who this dude is and why he has these compelling effects on her. So naturally she decides to hire a private detective. Specifically, she goes to the detective that solved her murder. She’s pretty vague about why she wants New Star checked out, which makes the detective uneasy, but when she offers to double his rate he takes the case. Then they all go to the yogi’s lecture. Well, not the detective, but New Star tags along with Shari and Peter and her brother, and he’s pretty much a total asshole while the yogi is explaining how to share and communicate and love and help and find unity. Also, the lecture starts and ends with unguided meditation, and Shari finds that her headache is gone without drugs for the first time in months. Basically, it’s the same scene from Sati, except Peter and Shari and New Star don’t let anyone else talk.

She wakes up again in the middle of the night to write, this time adding a description of the pursuit by the purple ship and attempted escape of the white ship. She stops when she runs out of words, and finds that she has startled awake the blind baseball player sleeping on her couch. He tells her all about what a great guy Peter is and how he hopes that Peter’s spine will heal someday so he can walk with her on the beach like he’s always wanted. Shari never knew this was something Peter wanted to do, because she’s a self-centered asshole.

The movie starts shooting early the next day, and Shari and her producer have to immediately fire one of the actors because she can’t handle being in water over her knees. This is a movie about a SINKING BOAT and nobody thought to make sure the actors could deal with water. New Star has a ballsy solution: have Shari play the role. She’s not an actor! The villain points this out! She flubs half the takes! But it’s a low-budget picture, apparently, despite being based on a New York Times best-seller, so they have to go with it.

Afterwards he takes her out to dinner again, while Peter’s at the yogi’s meditation class. Then they go back to her place so he can give her a full-body massage. Then they get naked and make out. (Shades of Chain Letter 2!)  But before his ... uh ... purple spaceship can enter the wormhole to hyperspace, the blind baseball player comes home and walks in on them. He’s blind, so he assumes he’s caught Shari with Peter, and he’s contrite and apologetic and hides in the bathroom. So Shari sneaks New Star out of her house and then asks if the kid wants to go to Disneyland so he doesn’t hear when Peter actually comes in. After nine at night. Yeah, nothing weird about that. But he’s a kid, so he’s excited, and when they get home he asks Peter why he didn’t get out of bed and go with them if he’s awake now. So Shari confesses, and Peter cries, and Shari leaves.

She goes to the same hotel where New Star is staying, but doesn’t seek him out. I guess that’s one good thing I can give Shari: given enough guilt, she won’t immediately go climb on some dude’s jock. Instead, she writes more, about how the white ship jumps through hyperspace but the purple ship follows, and their ship is crippled from the pursuit so all they can do is send the crew off on the emergency escape pods and hope for the best while the captain and first mate hang behind to be boarded by the purple invaders and hopefully set off one last bomb and ruin the attackers’ plans.

During a break in shooting the next day, Shari goes to the detective, who has turned up some information on New Star. Specifically, he is a creep and an abuser who has beaten up his last two co-stars but because they didn’t press charges he’s walked. Shari doesn’t want to believe it, and the detective quickly susses out that she’s got more involvement with New Star than just being his boss. You came to a detective with good instincts, you idiot, what did you expect? At the end of the day, she calls Peter and apologizes again and says that there’s something she has to face, but that she loves him and hopes he’ll forgive her. And then in the middle of the night, her phone rings and it’s the movie’s villain, saying that someone is planning to feed someone to the sharks during the next day’s shoot and that she needs to meet him on the set to talk about it.

So who does Shari call to help her out with this situation, given what she just learned about New Star from the detective that day? That’s right — she’s a stupid idiot! They drive out to the set and find the villain waiting for them with a gun in his hand. He says that a real murderer’s only motivation is wanting to kill, and now he wants to kill. But first they’re going to rehearse. Shari and New Star must each paddle a lifeboat across the shark pond and back, and if they can both make it and come back and neither one bolts, they’ll both live. So Shari gets in the boat, which feels like it’s leaking, and quickly (through/around the panic) does her lap. But New Star refuses, and instead throws the villain to the sharks directly. Uh, no shit.

So the police come, and after hours in the clink Shari finally thinks to call the producer, who comes and gets her out immediately. She goes back to the hotel and sleeps for a whole day, dreaming about a golden being floating to Earth and living a life and dying and being reincarnated, each time hoping to impart a little more knowledge and love into humanity. When she wakes up, she remembers that Peter had wanted her to see the yogi one last time, but by the time she gets there he’s already left for the airport. She and Peter reconcile, but on the way home she gets a call from the detective, who must talk urgently. They pick him up, and he directs them to a certain address. A certain condo near the beach, where on the ground outside there’s a faint bloodstain that has never washed out.

It seems that the detective has read Remember Me by Shari Cooper. Also, he’s a GODDAMN DETECTIVE who was ON THE CASE it was about. Also, his daughter read it, the only one who would actually remember an angel and a devil showing up to scare her straight. He’s pretty freaked out at how this Latina from the barrio could possibly know what happened with saltine-cracker Shari in Huntington Beach, but she’s able to calm him down without actually answering his questions. I guess we have to accept that there are more than just knowable facts in this story, because the detective does and remembers that he’s called Shari because he learned some gruesome details about New Star. Which, so has Shari, first-hand. And they’re about to get some more, because New Star is at the door with a gun.

He pushes the detective off the balcony, I guess because nobody had gone off a balcony in this book yet. Then they drive to Shari’s grave, which he’s already dug up and is going to bury her alive with her old body. He throws her in the hole, and as she tries to climb out he nails her in the head with the shovel right where her headaches start. Like he knew. It seems that New Star is from the other side too, but his mission is to thwart the drive toward peace and unity. You know that dream he was having, the one that inspired Shari’s story? It’s all true, three hundred thousand years in the past, and Roger is one of the purple-ship aliens in a human body. And their grand mission is to ... kill a YA thriller writer because she’s getting too close to home. I don’t know why she has to be buried with her previous body, other than it happened in “Collect Call.”

So Shari looks to Peter for enlightenment and love to be the last thing she sees as she’s buried alive. Only he’s not in his wheelchair. The pain of his love being buried has magically healed his spine, and now he’s behind New Star with the shovel. Obviously they kill him, and then whisk Shari to a hospital, where she knows her brain only has limited time left but wants to get out to finish her story. Which she does: the captain blows up her ship and the aliens’, but only after remembering a fable her grandmother used to tell about a dragon stealing a heart and then being tormented to kill itself because the heart retained the love and desires of its body and wouldn’t stop beating. I don’t know, this seems like a pretty shitty story to kill someone over.

But then she realizes she has to apologize to someone. No, not Peter; that’s done and he’s still walking. No, not Carol, still sick in the hospital as far as we know — why would we be concerned with a bisexual Latina drug addict just because she’s Jean’s best friend and Jean’s body is dying? It’s her mom. NO, not her birth mom. NO, not her Latina mom. Switched-at-Birth Mom. Jimmy’s mom. The one who raised her. Which, OK, that counts for something. But anyway, she drives to her house and tells her that the story is true and that she can’t say why. Then she’s obviously in pain, so Switched-at-Birth Mom invites her to lie down in ... Shari’s bed. Where she dies.

The epilogue is literally Peter handing Jimmy the floppy disk that this story is written on and Jimmy finishing it. Which is maybe why the last little bit is about his mommy. But then again, Shari forced his body to write the first one, so maybe she guided him here too.

This shit is a hot mess, you guys. Let’s leave aside the fact that Pike didn’t really want to write it, and let’s leave aside the fact that all these pieces BARELY line up to form a coherent story, and let’s leave aside how the problems mentioned in the second book TOTALLY WENT AWAY for this one. Let’s even jump over how my Latino heart was stepped on and kicked aside along with the roots of these characters for the ENTIRE BOOK. Here’s the big issue: Christopher Pike wrote a story about an angel (I guess) returning to human form, with a mission to make humanity better ... and the BEST THING he could come up with, the DEEPEST POSSIBLE SOLUTION to our woes that crossed his sexy lizard brain, was that she needed to be a best-selling YA thriller author. Talk about an inflated sense of self-importance.

And with that, I am finally done with Remember Me 3: The Last Story. Which I am not ashamed to admit that I did NOT remember. Hopefully I will remember to NOT read it again.

[greetingsfromthebottomofthewell]

CORRUPTUS

[directory]

graven images.

[source] [triggers]

If you really believe in something, it can be yours.

That's how we've been conditioned to think. Mostly, I suppose it's a coping mechanism to keep us from eating the rich. We all think we'll be rich someday if we just want it hard enough. How long has it been since there was a good, old-fashioned culling of the wealthy elite?

That probably wasn't a good way to start this blog post... I'm more than a little tired, but fuck it. I'm leaving it.

"Corruptus".

That was the subject of an email I received before my ISP dropped me. My phone turned into a brick the same day. Hell, I think it was the same precise moment, though it's difficult to know for sure since I only tried it after my laptop couldn't connect.

"Corruptus"... I'd never heard the word before, and to be honest I'm not exactly sure it IS a word at all. It could be Latin. It sounds like Latin. I haven't been able to look it up, and this is the first time I'm getting on the web since my unexpected removal from the grid.

I tried to sign on at the local library, by the way. My card was revoked... unpaid late fees for books I'd never read, much less checked out. Mostly borderline fetish material and self-help books for various mental illnesses. The apparently quite detailed tome on weapons of mass destruction seemed to be of the most concern for the librarian.

I hung around the library for maybe a half an hour, until someone left a computer logged in and unguarded. When I went to check my email, to tweet a complaint about what happened, those accounts were gone, as well. Honestly, I was a pretty huge dumbass for expecting them to be there.

It wasn't long before I noticed the computer's rightful user pointing me out at the front desk. I guess she wasn't a fan of the direct approach. I was out the door before anyone could cause a real fuss.

It's been over two years since I left Mowgli's Palace and never looked back.

The original blog post has come and gone so much... across so many different sites... that I can barely even remember the first place I tried to host it. If I'd known how far this would go, I don't know if I would've been able to hack out that clumsy, flawed account of what happened. The pressure would've been too great, and I suppose there's a certain level of comfort in the idea no one will actually see or care about your work.

It seems like a lot of sites removed the information, either upon direct request from Disney... or on their own in fear of reprisal. I know a really popular YouTuber who pulled readings of my posts from his channel. The rumor was that someone threatened to sue him, some supposed "author" of the "story". Bullshit. I know first-hand that he took it down in a bout of pants-shitting fear when he realized Disney's connection to his partner company.

I tried to keep up my "After Abandoned" blog for a while. I don't know how many people out there saw my notes on Room Zero, Club 22, and so on. They're still around if you look... at least at the time of this writing.

Yes, "Club 22" exists. No, it's not a typo of "Club 33". I later learned, from the same contact, that there's an 11 as well, and supposedly the debauchery only grows as the numbers get lower. I heard of a "Club 00", but I can't confirm that as clearly as I can with the previous contact. I also don't know if it has any connection to the "Room" of a similar name.

Yes, the door probably said "Characters" or "Cast Members" instead of "Mascots". I know, I know, I hear you all. Thank you so much for that. I'm sure your memory is crystal clear in moments of abject terror, right?

Overall, I'm glad that my words have spread so far and wide... but the down side is that so few of you are taking this seriously. I can't stress this enough... Treasure Island? Real. The Utilidors? Real. Just because you can't substantiate the rest doesn't mean it's "a cool story". Instead of picking apart the inaccuracies and making games about how cool it would be to have been in my position, maybe people can start taking this seriously and digging into what's going on.

Maybe?

I don't know. I don't want this to be a rant. I want to stay focused and make sure I post exactly what I wanted to make public. All of the stress... the stalkers, the phone calls, the broken windows... I know that's all supposed to keep me off track. They want me confused, scared, and most of all they want me quiet.

There's a team of men and women in suits that I've seen at random times. Here and there. I call them "The Focus Group" because they pop up with clipboards and pens, taking notes about everything I do. They all have the same outfits, the same thick-rimmed nerd glasses, the same red pens that just scream "we're judging you".

The first time I noticed them, they were following me through the Mall. I looped and turned, trying to be SURE they were following me... and there they were, every step of the way. Days later, I spotted them again in the laundromat window across from my new apartment.

I chased one down, once. The tubbiest one. They stayed silent through the entire chase and even the scuffle that ensued. When I wrenched the clipboard from his hand, I only found page after page of off-kilter, random gibberish coupled with crude Mickey silhouettes. All in the same red ink.

I know it sounds insane, to say that a group of men and women in black are following me and taking nonsense notes, but I think that's the point. I think the idea is that it SHOULD drive me insane, and if it doesn't, you'll still think I'm crazy just for saying it.

It's a no-win situation.

I will forever regret that trip to Emerald Isle, but on the other hand I'll always be grateful to the people who have come forward, anonymously, to share their experiences with me. Whoever mailed me the suggestion box from the resort is basically my hero at this point. To read what I'd written about the place and still brave the journey... wow. I can't imagine how that felt, whoever you may be. You even left the original, corroded lock in the box so I'd know it was legit. To do all of that without even taking a look inside for yourself must've been really hard. Thank you.

If you haven't noticed, I'm treating this post a lot like my "final installment". There's a reason for that. I don't know how long I can keep subverting Disney's attempts at silencing me before some sort of final action is taken. I have no doubt that somewhere, at this very moment, someone is using my identity to commit a crime that would discredit me. That, or the men in white jackets are about to show me a lovely little padded cell. I don't know what's going to come of this, and that's the worst part I suppose. All I know is that it's coming.

So what is "Corruptus"? Well, as I mentioned it was the title of an email I received. One that was presumably deleted along with my account. It was blank, and seemed to exist for the sole purpose of placing an attached text document in my hands.

Too bad for the powers that be... I had already printed it the moment I saw it.

Not much they can do to reverse that, can they?

I should've mentioned... remember that library? I used their copier to run off a few thousand duplicates of that letter. A few hundred are stapled in random places, a few hundred were passed out to random people, and the rest... let's leave those as a little surprise. Have fun trying to stifle THAT, you horrible mouse-fuckers.

Without any more rambling, here's the letter. Word for word. It arrived from a source whose email address I won't disclose... though I assume it's an untraceable dummy account, anyway.

—

Summation of CORRUPTUS incidents for January, 2015

For office use only. This message contains information that may be confidential or proprietary, or protected by the attorney-client privilege or work product doctrine intended solely for the use of the addressee(s) named above. Any review, disclosure, distribution, copying or use of the information by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error or without authorization, please advise the sender by immediate reply and delete the original message. All email sent to this address will be received by the Disney corporate email system and is subject to archiving and review by someone other than the recipient. Violation of this disclaimer as written will result in prosecution.

Please refer to official guidelines with relation to "known" and "unconfirmed" incident reports. Respect regulation as per ongoing and/or finalized designations.

Known CORRUPTUS incidents up to and including January, 2015

Treasure Island

Extreme agitation/inappropriate activity within Vulture population.

Mild to moderate agitation/inappropriate human activity.

Resolved CORRUPTUS: Unidentified Avian Species

Abandoned. Final.

Disney's Pop Century Resort

Misplaced and mobile objects.

Chronological Displacement/Anachronism.

Unresolved CORRUPTUS: Wandering entity.

Pending.

Disney's River County

Microorganism infestation.

Unresolved CORRUPTUS: "Clear Man" aka "See-Thru Man" aka "Friendly John".

Abandoned. Final.

ImageWorks: The What-If Labs (2nd Floor)

Multiple missing persons reports regarding Dreamfinder's School of Drama.

Pin screen fatality.

Vibrating mirror sickness.

Unresolved CORRUPTUS: "Wily Wizard" installation

Abandoned. Final.

Mowgli's Palace

Auditory hallucination and/or projection.

Misplaced and mobile objects.

Moderate to severe agitation/inappropriate human activity.

Unresolved CORRUPTUS: Inverted Character

Abandoned. Final.

The New Global Neighborhood

Resolved CORRUPTUS: Fiber Optic Worm (NGN C 1)

Resolved CORRUPTUS: Digital Howl (NGN C 2)

Resolved. Repurposed.

Room Zero

Sudden-onset mass-hysteria.

Auditory hallucination and/or projection.

Unresolved CORRUPTUS: Unknown

Contained. Final.

Please note: Nara Dreamland is not an officially licensed Disney park and no information or resources are to be shared with any responsible for containing its residents.

A complete list of suspected CORRUPTUS incidents and reports may be available.

—

It took a few readings before I could get my head around this. Essentially, if the attached file was to be believed, then the events I had experienced were not part of an isolated incident. The events within Room Zero... the Gascots... they seem like part of a much larger problem.

What is "Corruptus"?

Corruption. I mean, I don't need to run Google Translate for that, even if I felt like I COULD take a break from writing without the risk of someone finding and disconnecting me at any moment.

Corruption of what? Dreams? Ideas? Desires?

I've never been a religious man, but I was dragged to Sunday School more than enough times to know about Golden Calves. False Gods created by man... icons, graven images...

Characters. Mascots.

If you believe in the Bible at all, and I'm not sure I do, especially not after what I've seen... then maybe God wasn't angry because people worshiped other things. Maybe he was afraid. Maybe if enough people believe in something hard enough, there's a chance it will come to be. Since we're naturally flawed beings, that means there's a very good chance such a thing would become corrupted.

If you think about it, Disney's animated films have always had one overriding message.

Clap your hands and believe hard enough, and Tinkerbell will live. When you wish upon a star... anything your heart desires...

People like to say Disney has some connection to Satanism, but I never bought into that. I still don't. I think they've been trying to create that Golden Calf... a God-Idol that everyone believes in... one that everyone loves... It's almost as if any dream or idea that is shared by enough human hearts and minds has a real chance of being born into the world.

The creatures... if any exist beyond what I saw with my own eyes... I think they're the deformed half-starts. Random manifestations of some dark, unquantifiable non-life that seeped into our state of being. They're mistakes of reality. Cosmic abortions.

The Corrupted.

Did everyone in Emerald Isle harbor such a negative impression of Mowgli's palace? How potent was the fear of nuclear war on the day Room Zero became full? If you want to find Gascots and mystery voices, does that search bring about the very thing you're looking for?

How many children have been disappointed, confused, or scarred for life when they saw Mickey without his "head"?

These are questions I'm never going to be able to answer. I don't know if anyone can. Speaking personally, this will probably be the last time I talk to you about Disney and everything I've learned about them. I'm truly sorry for that, especially since there's so much more I could say... unconfirmed rumors, documents and items I received that now seem to be gone forever...

I thought they were just trying to contain that Mickey costume. I thought that's why they went out of their way to keep the public in the dark about so much. Why they coerced and bullied to get their way.

Now I realize I was wrong.

It was this, all along.

They didn't want anything like THIS getting out.

I wish you all good luck, and I know I need the same from you.

Thank you.

[previous]

[vskpop]

May 2017 ⋅ Not so fresh

Lonely - SISTAR

 Why does this keep happening?! Can girl groups stop releasing amazing songs that are THEIR LAST EVER BECAUSE THEY ARE DISBANDING?

AL1 - SEVENTEEN

Forgive me, God of k-pop, for I have sinned. I said I wanted dark Seventeen and another Highlight, but now that I have it I really don’t want it at all.

I will preface everything I’m about to say by reiterating that Seventeen are probably my favourite third generation group and that I like Don’t Wanna Cry and the mini album in general.

However, the truth is my expectations were too high and I was disappointed by this comeback. As much as I love Woozi, Don’t Wanna Cry is the most unoriginal thing he’s ever produced. It isn’t just that it sounds like a Chainsmokers song: some parts are almost identical to Closer, and not in a good way, if there even is a good way to be Chainsmokers copycats.

The more I listen to the song, the more I like it and I love how Seventeen made it theirs, but this doesn’t change that this song doesn’t feel remotely as unique and personal as their previous releases.

I’m still mostly ok with Seventeen moving away from their bubbly, cute image, but not if it means rounding down to the blandest, trendiest thing they can come up with. This is pretty much the same complaint I had about Winner’s Really Really: it annoys me that a group with a specific identity would abandon it to go as generic as possible.

What made the comeback bearable for me is how beautiful and elegant their live performances are: it’s always hard to make thirteen people look good on a tiny stage, but with this choreography Seventeen have really outdone themselves. I don’t know if I’m more in love with Woozi’s, Joshua’s or Jeonghan’s solo moments, not to mention The8 starting his section with a somersault because why not. A good thing - even though not especially to my taste, obviously - is the rest of the album goes well with Don’t Wanna Cry, rather than being jarringly different and going back to “old” Seventeen. The performance team delivers a banger as usual with Swimming Fool, and for once the vocal team’s song Habit is a lovely powerballad (instead of being the most boring song in the album).

It’s not coincidental that the “American” sound of the song came with a video filmed around Los Angeles. I’m not sure where they got the idea of going the minimalistic, tumblr aesthetic route with their video and the performance styling. It’s not my favourite, but I don’t hate it either: it matches the song concept and it isn’t an insult to the human eye.

Overall this is a good comeback, but it’s hardly what I wanted from Seventeen: I find myself missing the pastels and the happiness, which is what made me like them in the first place. On the other hand, I guess I’ve seen worse rebranding (see iKON) and at least it’s clear how it makes sense for them to change direction. I’ll keep my hopes up for the repackaging.

New Kids: Begin - iKON

Now for something I really, really, really hated: iKON’s so-called rebranding. New Kids: Begin is their first comeback after a year and a half of touring and postponing. As the “new kids” suggests, this release should signal a change in direction for iKON or, as their promotional material said, a “new beginning” and “new style”.

I couldn’t imagine what a new style for iKON would look like and ...it doesn’t. It’s not a new era at all. They look and sound like an uninspired, inferior version of what they did in Rhythm Ta and Anthem. They’re doing exactly what they were doing before, but they’re not doing it well.

Both title tracks, Bling Bling and B-Day, are on the nonsensical bravado banger side of iKON’s repertoire.

Even after trying to make myself like it, I really detest Bling Bling. The instrumentals are ok for the first minute, but after that things get way too repetitive and boring, especially because entire song is rapped (or sing-rapped) and the singers get no space to add some texture to it. It could have been a better song, but it was over for me the moment I heard Junhoe being autotuned out of existence.

B-Day has a lot of YG’s recent material mixed in: it has the atmosphere of Bobby’s Holup, and the trippy melody of Big Bang’s Bae Bae and Fxxk It. It’s a much more interesting and captivating song than Bling Bling, which is why, obviously, it won’t be the promoted track.

The “bling bling” theme feels incredibly out of fashion; every time they say “champagne” I shudder. The big shiny cars feel far from anything that iKON would do - just think of the beat-up they were driving in Dumb & Dumber.

This kind of concept only worked when they looked like idiots playing dress-up. Even Bobby, who is the clear inspiration for the concept (last year’s Holup! music video is B-Day and Bling Bling), seems slightly uncomfortable with the part he’s been given. The other members don’t get to show off their vocal skills in the best cases, and seem on the verge of walking out in the worst. The videos are awkward, and the live performances are a secondhand embarrassment extravaganza.

YG didn’t even try to hide the fact that they’re trying to make iKON into the new Big Bang; the issue is that Big Bang did the crazy bangers with cryptic, super-high-budget videos when they were eight years into their career and not at their sophomore release.

It makes no sense for YG to rebrand them as this high-rolling, pseudo hip-hoppy group when so much of their success depended on how they mixed genres and looked like your average silly classmate, which is why the goofier parts of both videos work so well.

I can hardly find something that works well in this comeback. The songs are mediocre, the styling and concept are abysmal, the rebranding is ridiculous. The members that aren’t the two rappers basically disappear in the background (not that this is B.I or Bobby’s fault, to be clear). As much as I love them, they are mediocre dancers: I am baffled that they would focus their comeback campaign on the fact that “hey, they’re dancing now!” when literally nobody asked them to, and they did perfectly well without choreos being a predominant part of their image.

This is supposedly the beginning of a series of 2017 iKON comebacks, and I have a terrible feeling about them if this is the road that they’re taking.

I also want to mention how idiotic I found the fact that, a year and a half after debut, the members of iKON got new “English-sounding” names when everyone had already learned the Korean ones. I will never in my life call Jinhwan “Jay” or Yunhyung “Song”. NEVER.

199X - TRIPLE H

I’ll start by saying that the video for Triple H’s debut 365 Fresh is all sorts of no-no and comes with the biggest trigger warning I think I’ve ever issued for a k-pop video. It’s ironic that the only part I found refreshing (spoiler: it’s the threesome!) was the one that caused a stir and not, say, the sexual assault, the attempted suicide or all the other things that were glamourized when they really shouldn’t.

Anyway. If Triple H is another attempt from Cube to save whatever is left of the company, I will gladly take it. I’ve loved Hyuna for a long time, even through all of her basically-naked performances, and it is well documented that E’Dawn is one of my favourite members of Pentagon ...and I guess I don’t hate Hui.

365 Fresh hardly has anything fresh about it: it sounds almost exactly like Bruno Mars’ 24k Magic, and even that was not exactly original material. The good thing is that, even if it’s something we’ve all heard before a million times, it doesn’t lose its earworm power in this iteration. It’s the perfect summer song, especially in comparison to Hyuna’s summer comeback from last year.

Hui’s voice really manages to balance out Hyuna’s and E’Dawn’s timbres, and overall the balance of singing, rapping and hook-repeating works amazingly well. It was one step away from being too repetitive.

Hyuna’s charisma doesn’t need an introduction, but it’s cool to see Hui and E’Dawn hold their own. It’s especially surprising to see E’Dawn in the role of the beefcake, when that’s the last thing one would think of him seeing him next to the rest of Pentagon (for me he’s always been the one most likely to be involved in a drug scandal, if anything). I love that Hyuna got to wear actual clothes for an entire round of promotions.

It was surprising to me that they wouldn’t just come out with one single, and I thought the rest of the mini-album would be a bore; I was glad to be proven wrong. In just a handful of song, they incorporate a ton of retro references and stay interesting and cohesive throughout. My favourite has to be 80’s-flavour ballad Girl Girl Girl.

Signal - Twice

 The more I like a Twice song, the more everyone else will hate it, and I ve learned to live with this fact ever since Knock Knock. I’m so delighted that, while they’re still not straying too far from their signature sexy baby concept, Twice managed to pull off such an unusual song.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve heard such a prominent bass line, and I love that the structure of the song is not super-conventional. It’s hard to think that in general they are one of the most traditional girl groups in k-pop (not that that’s a bad thing).

I saw a lot of criticism about the fact that it’s not a vocally complex song (when have Twice ever had virtuoso songs?!) but I would give that up any day for a more equally split song: girls who never got to speak like Sana, Tzuyu and Mina got actual parts and all the others will be just fine.

I’m also happy to see that for once the video has a proper story, rather than being about just them being pretty. I loved the 70’s outfits and the alien storyline, and I thought even the superpowers part was done really quirkily. On the other hand, I was fairly annoyed that JYP had to stick the damn schoolgirl concept in there when it was completely superfluous.

I also love Three Times a Day and Only (which, by the way, was written by Yeeun) from the mini-album.

/

Rapid fire round

 Cactus - A.C.E.

I know it’s been done before, but whenever a k-pop group goes full 90’s eurodance, it always feels like the first time. I wouldn’t have given A.C.E. a single listen if the song hadn’t been called Cactus - the best title of the year - but I’m so glad I did, even just for their already iconic performances in short shorts.

  Puppet - Marmello

In a world of cute concepts, I don’t know how successful a girl band will ever be, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. I can’t bring myself to pretend it’s not a super-conventional and predictable song, but I’m so happy to see some girls playing instruments I don’t even care (and yes, I checked, they can actually play them).

 Shangri-La - VIXX

What an amazing mini album VIXX put out. I haven’t been particularly into them at any point except when they came out with Dynamite, and I don’t think I ever will, but I love every single song on Shangri-La. I’ve been complaining about k-pop really converging on the Chainsmokers/tropical trend, but it really works well mixed with VIXX’s style. Also: THE FAN DANCE.

  More songs of note

Beautiful - PENTAGON Bomb - PSY ft. Bobby & B.I

Dance Dance - DAY6 

Eclipse - Kim Lip (LOONA)

So Good - Taeyang 

Strays

• My favourites Dreamcatcher cover my other favourites’ song, Winner’s Really Really 

• The Japanese video for BTS’ Blood Sweat & Tears is really really (get it?) good 

[flauntpage]

Not as Bad as it Seemed: Takeaways from Avalanche 5, Flyers 2

Flyers Twitter is my favorite place to go when I’m looking for a sports-related laugh.

During and following the team’s 5-2 loss to the Colorado Avalanche Saturday night, the social media platform was ablaze with the same old complaints about the team – bad coaching, turnovers, questioning Andrew MacDonald’s existence, etc.

It was a far cry from the abject elation that was emanating from Twitter following a solid 5-2 win in Vegas on opening night Thursday.

On that night, the Flyers were going to be a chic pick to go far in the playoffs, their depth was being praised, the growth of their young talent was being praised, and all was right with the world.

The difference between winning and losing certainly brings out the extremes in the schizophrenic world of Philadelphia hockey.

I’m about to make it a little more confusing for you:

The Flyers actually played a really good game against the Avalanche, and at times, were actually better than they were against Vegas.

Yeah, their mistakes were more magnified because they either resulted in goals against or incredibly high percentage chances that Brian Elliott was forced to be superhuman and keep out of the net, but the Flyers really had good flow. They skated with a very fast Colorado team. The Flyers breakouts were mostly good. Their 5-on-5 play was really good after an uneven first period. The No. 1 power play didn’t score, but it looked really good. The penalty kill was OK – the Avs didn’t score on the power play until the final four minutes of the game, so the Flyers did a good job of disrupting their set. However I felt Colorado was allowed to set up too easily, which means the Flyers weren’t great killing through the neutral zone.

And Elliott was superb again.

So, things weren’t that bad and we have a few things to talk about, but, for the most part, it’s football Sunday, so I know your attention will be elsewhere, so I’ll try to keep this short:

1. JVR injury

If you are looking for something to actually worry about, there is cause for concern here. I wouldn’t be overly-worried, I mean, it’s the second game of the season and JVR did try to test the injury out after it happened, meaning it wasn’t crushing pain, but this didn’t look great:

James van Riemsdyk left tonight's game with a lower-body injury after this play. pic.twitter.com/yvgGB7lrYB

— Sons of Penn (@SonsofPenn) October 7, 2018

It looked like he took a clearing attempt off the inside of his right knee. That’s not comfortable for sure, but it’s also unlikely to be a real long-term injury. Still, he’s going to be evaluated by team doctors back in Philly, which may be later today, could be tomorrow. Either way, he’s questionable at this point for the home opener Tuesday.

Dave Hakstol did a nice job rolling his lines after JVR went out of the game. He mixed and matched and double-shifted guys who were playing well, so he did a fine job there, and the Flyers seemed to be going ahead without missing a beat. Granted, they had a few long shifts, something you never want in any game, but especially not in Denver’s thin, mile-high air, but on the whole, the Flyers adapted to the loss of JVR well.

2. Goalie Interference?

Trying to be the NFL, the NHL likes the fact that it has a rule that is so ambiguous that no one knows when it should or shouldn’t be applied. In the NHL it’s the goalie interference rule. When is a goalie impeded from making a save?

There was a big debate on this one last night:

GABRIEL LANDESKOG TIPS HOME MACKINNON'S SHOT TO GIVE THE AVS THE LEAD!#GoAvsGo pic.twitter.com/9AIRj6G47r

— NHL Daily 365 (@NHLDaily365) October 7, 2018

Landeskog did skate into the crease area on his own. Travis Sanheim, not doing a great job in front, kind of held Landeskog there, preventing him from getting out of the way. Elliott’s stick was impeded on the play, but would it have made a difference? The re-direction by Landeskog changes everything.

In my opinion, from the perspective of the sport of hockey that should be a goal, and it should be allowed at all times, however, by the rule book, it may have actually been interference.

And clearly, Hakstol thought so….

"Why would I fucking challenge goalie interference then?" pic.twitter.com/JWQk8GKgC1

— Sons of Penn (@SonsofPenn) October 7, 2018

His annoyance only built from there:

Mood. pic.twitter.com/bMpWY8sneR

— Sons of Penn (@SonsofPenn) October 7, 2018

I get it. When the rule is so unclear, it’s easy to get this mad. It also was the difference-making goal, so if the call goes the other way, maybe the outcome is different.

However I get a feeling, this won’t be the last time this happens.

3. Moose

Elliott has allowed six goals in two games and only stopped 53 of 59 shots faced for a save percentage of .898.

Statistically, that’s not very good.

But screw the stats man, Elliott has been the Flyers best player through two games, and it’s not even close.

He made more 10-bell saves against Colorado than I’ve seen a goalie make in one game in a long time:

Elliott with three saves to keep it a one-goal game! pic.twitter.com/NOFNblRm3U

— Sons of Penn (@SonsofPenn) October 7, 2018

Again, this is just one set. He had a stop on a 2-on-none. He was square to the shooter all night. He stoned Nathan McKinnon on at least four occasions. The guy has been really, really good. The Flyers need to be better defensively in front of him. Plain and simple.

4. Folin’s Folly

This kind of coaching decision is the kind that drives me crazy. I didn’t think Radko Gudas had a great game in the opener, but he wasn’t terrible either. So, why replace him? And why give Folin a game when he showed you absolutely nothing of value in the preseason. He was frankly so bad, I thought there was a chance he didn’t make the team.

And then Saturday happened. He was on the ice for Colorado’s first goal and was left alone in front to try to stop an odd-man chance – and failed.

He turned the puck over on a blind pass that led to another goal. A third mistake led to a penalty.

Frankly, the guy was dreadful.

It wasn’t the reason the Flyers lost, but it contributed to it. Hakstol shouldn’t tinker for no reason. This was a no reason tinker, and it failed, miserably.

5. Laugher of a goal

I’ll wrap it up with this, because I know you have fantasy lineups and bets to get in, but Misha Vorobyev’s first NHL goal was… well.. a thing:

Mikhail Vorobyev's first NHL goal is an absolute thing of beauty. 10/10. pic.twitter.com/FehJc2JTJg

— Sons of Penn (@SonsofPenn) October 7, 2018

There aren’t many hysterical goals in hockey, but this is as laughable as it gets. This is butt fumble bad on the Avalanche. Speaking of butt fumbles… let’s get to football Sunday. See you at the home opener.

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[geekade]

Zwia Reviews: Wonder Woman aka The Good DC Movie

Right off the bat let me make a couple very key, important points. First, I personally feel that Wonder Woman was a good movie and if you haven't already, you should go out and see it as quickly as possible. Despite any criticism that I spout throughout this review, I am, at the end of the day, a supporter of this movie and I think it is incredibly important that it does well financially. Wonder Woman, unfortunately, is looking to be the key to many film companies learning to have faith in female-led super hero flicks. Luckily, that uphill battle seems to be in extremely capable hands.

Second, while the movie itself was very enjoyable, it is pretty difficult to talk about it without at least bringing up the entourage of… less than stellar… movies that Wonder Woman associates itself with. So far the DCEU (DC Extended Universe) has been surviving more on the popularity of the characters involved than on the craftsmanship the movies themselves. While I personally have found all three films preceding Wonder Woman to be very enjoyable, I do feel that objectively they are mostly poorly constructed or just downright bad movies. Suicide Squad has a novel idea, great characters and acting, but is butchered by poor editing and pacing. Batman v Superman’s theatrical cut is just an overdramatic mess that struggles to stay on point or adhere to any specific theme, though admittedly the director’s cut is somehow a drastic improvement. Man of Steel is honestly the only one of the three that I can even remotely say checks all the marks of a decently put together movie. My complaint is mostly that it’s… It’s just pretty okay.  Because of this, I cannot really tell if Wonder Woman is an amazing movie or just a good movie that feels amazing because the bar has been set so low. Regardless, it is streets ahead of anything the DCEU has done so far, and I am so thankful for this.

If I were to describe the movie, I would have to say that it’s a cross between Captain America: The First Avenger and the first Thor, which honestly doesn’t really sound all that appealing, but darn it works somehow. Basically, we have a movie that captures the structure of Captain America, the showing clearly in the beginning that the story is a retelling of events that took place in the past, the war filled time period, the slow build up to get to know the main character only for them to just go on a crazy fighting stuff montage in the later acts, the special military type love interest, hell even the star-spangled uniform… but with the main character having the fish out of water misunderstandings of Thor…  …and my gosh Gal Gadot is just perfect for it. Her innocent excitement and curiosity is adorable, which only further reinforces her badassness when she gets angered and shows her warrior side. The contrast between those two aspects of her personality and how seamlessly she jumps from one to the other, perfection.

The movie as a whole is mostly pretty average. It DOES stand out because it’s the first good female-led comic book movie AND the first DCEU movie that is getting positive reviews across the board, so I’ll give it that. But otherwise it doesn’t do anything majorly impressive. It’s not redefining the genre. It’s no Dark Knight. It’s no Logan. It’s no Avengers. Honestly, it plays it pretty safe. The film stays pretty true to your typical three act structure. It builds up its main characters well enough for you to understand their drive and motivations, and then gives you the right payoffs at the right times. It’s average, sure, but it’s still competently executed stuff, which I’m fine with. The parts I personally thought it shined brightest were in its themes and its willingness to slow down to get to know the characters. Throughout the movie there are a couple big themes that it drives home. The first two are ones that you should probably come to expect from the character Wonder Woman; One being your usual coming of age story, showing Diana growing, shedding her naivety and understanding her place in the grand scheme of things, and the other being a repeated touch on sex/gender and questioning the norms and expectations of each within our culture. These are both nice and well done.

The one repeated message and theme that was particularly strong, that’s repeatedly dissected throughout the movie, was the its critical look at war and whether or not there is truly a good or evil side to it. The movie starts off very black and white on this, as you see things through Diana’s eyes, but as it progresses, you see more and more of the horror from both sides and well… it makes a pretty complicated statement on the subject, which I appreciate. Now, let’s talk about the “slowing down for the characters” part. This movie starts in present day, then backtracks to Wonder Woman’s origins. As such, we, as an audience, already know that Wonder Woman herself will be okay. This type of move isn’t all that unusual, but it does have its drawbacks. In my opinion, knowing a character’s fate can hinder the audience’s investment in the movie because, well, they already know the ending. As such, I feel that these movies are smart to do a handful of things, with the best choices in my eyes being either 1. Have a damn good story that MAKES us care or 2. Have a damn likable character to make us care. Wonder Woman does a satisfactory job with 1, but damn it does 2 exceptionally well, and I blame their use of scenes. I feel the biggest difference between Wonder Woman and the rest of the DCEU (with maybe Man of Steel as the exception) is that Wonder Woman takes its time to get to the big action pieces. It’s more than okay with sitting around at a bar, or on a boat, or in a German village, just hanging out with the characters and getting to know them. It doesn’t need to push the plot forward to every giant explosive moment you saw in the trailer. It allows the characters to get there on their own time, and you appreciate the characters more because of it. Don’t get me wrong, this movie has its big epic badass moments too. For starters, they use her theme song pretty sparingly, and every time they do it is a badass chilling moment. Hell, they don’t even show her classic uniform for about half the movie. You know she is wearing it, but you don’t see it… and when the movie is finally ready to show it, it does it in a big AWESOME way.

And well, the rest you’ll have to see for yourself. I do think the movie has SOME pacing issues. The dialogue at times is rough. There are one or two really bad cuts that were just comical. The ending has some weak moments and drags a teeny bit. Oh, and the CG is like… like up to par with movies from the early 2000’s at times. But most of these are really minor complaints. At the end of the day, this is a great movie and I am very pleased with it. It’s not some perfect masterpiece, and it certainly isn’t the best comic book movie so far (or even in the top 5) but it is definitely a movie I believe everyone should go out and see! Here’s hoping the rest of the DCEU takes notes.