#it's about abstracting everything I see down to its essentials and rebuilding it

[emkini]

Having thoughts in this chili’s tonight about how art is just as much about learning to see as it is learning to draw 

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

OC-tober Day 2: Glass

OC-tober prompts put together by @oc-growth-and-development​! I have to ramble in meta instead of write, because my brain is Mush lately. (I know I’m behind but I have a lot pre-written, I just need to put it into coherent words!)

This one especially can be rambled about at length, because the most important “glass” object in my stories is one I greatly enjoy exploring: Dove’s mindscape mirror!

^ I drew it forever ago; here’s the deviantArt link if you’d like to see the big version! 

https://www.deviantart.com/ravenshiddensoul/art/Dove-s-Keepsakes-Mirror-and-Box-284227087

It’s largely modeled after a bird stretching its wings upwards, with a handle like a tail and certain details are inlaid with Azarathean gold to better channel its magics.

Now, this is where the rambling begins: The mirror’s backstory, and I’ll be exploring one of my favorite things to develop in all of my stories: Dove’s mindscape!

Dove's mirror isn't one of her most prized possessions, nor super incredibly sentimental, but it IS an object touched with her mother's magic, it has flourishes of Azarathean gold (some of the last pieces to exist), and it's useful for introspection and self-soothing, so it does have some value and importance.

Dove struggled with meditating quite a lot as a child, and there was only so much her mother could do to help. Meditation was pretty important to them as both a means of helping Dove control her powers, and as a staple of Azarathean spirituality. As she so often did, Alerina poked around and asked enough questions around the temple that she was told about Raven's mirror, and she decided to replicate it for Dove. She custom ordered a gold-lined wooden hand mirror, and then cast the spells to connect it to Dove's inner world herself. It took a few tries (it's much harder to connect something to someone else's mind than your own, after all), but she was nothing if not determined to help her daughter, and eventually figured it out.

As for its main purpose: Self-reflection! (If you'll pardon the pun.) Dove uses it to meditate, but where Raven uses hers for centering and compartmentalization, Dove uses it more as a blend of escapism and a focusing aid.

Much like Raven's, Dove's mirror acts as a portal to the depths of her mind, and this is where it gets fun!

The vortex that transports the users is usually white and gold, imbued with the same energies that give Dove her powers, at least on her mother's side. It's noticeably touched with black and red in DDD. (Dove's evil side starts taking over her mind, and thus its energies manifest through the mindscape, and Dove's portal into it, hence: black and red energies instead.) It tends to open up like a light tunnel and almost opens the mental world around the user, rather than dragging them in.

Once inside, one can't expect to navigate the same way as Beast Boy and Cyborg did in "Nevermore". Every mind is different, after all! We saw Raven's mindscape divided nearly into emotional sections with a neutral space between them, and the way through each area was preset and linear. While different parts of Dove's internal world manifest in different "areas", they're not so totally divided and separate, and there's no real "neutral" zone except at the very "center". The scenery changes, but it's more of a gradual transition, and though Dove employs thresholds to mark key areas, they're very much just visual aids.

Dove's mindscape is laid out more like a series of rooms and courtyards in a very (very, very, very) large mansion. The ground is generally of crystal, spires and columns decorate the scenery, and the thresholds are modeled after birds with their wings outspread. (While this seems like a play on Dove's namesake, it's actually based on Azarath's architecture, particularly that of George Perez's Azarath in the 1980's New Teen Titans comics.)

Dove's sky shows various stars and often casts moonlight from an uncertain source, particularly when she's introspecting. The ambient temperature varies amongst the locations, chilly in the regions ruled by fear and sadness, uncomfortably warm near her demon's domain, and comfortable and breezy where her peace and contentment reside.

One could easily get lost in her mindscape if they don't know where they're going. The place can shift and change on a whim.

Where Dove spends her time building that peace and contentment, it's very closely modeled after her mother's memories of Azarath (which is where she learned how to find peace, after all): there's marble and gold everywhere, and the stars twinkle with dozens of colors in the sky.

Where Dove retreats when there are feelings of timidity, her excruciating shyness, her grief and doubt, the world becomes shrouded in thick fog. Broken buildings and pale light litter the grounds.

Where she built her love for reading, for history, for creativity and study and learning, it's arranged as rooms with dark marbled tile and a carpeted path, the floor for dozens of feet on either side littered with piles of books.

Dove's inner happy place is an open field on gently rolling hills, where thoughts take the form of birds and somehow the sky holds both the stars and suns. One might find trees, flowers, abstract forms of cottages, and forts loaded with mugs and cozy cushions. If you wander far enough you'll find very tall stone walls surrounding it, because Dove's mind is such that her happiness is one of the few things she really truly believes she needs to protect from the rest of herself.

And then there are the aspects of herself that she shoves the deepest down, secreted far away from the surface: the anger, the hunger for power, the mean streak. (Yes, believe it or not, Dove does have a mean streak! You just have to work especially hard to bring it out. Or trigger her in just the right ways around sadism, violence, war, or death. It's very much Not Recommended; bringing too much of that mean streak out could mean Dove loses control of her powers, or worse: her demonic aspects.)

Those secret forces aren't so much located in one particular space of her mind as they're hidden in every dark corner, coursing through the underside of all the ground, a tantalizing power running through every part of her, only ever set free enough to use the dangerous powers to her own ends.

Her places for Fear and Curiosity in particular will be explored in the upcoming Missing: Raven rewrite. (As they're the strongest things Dove is feeling in that story, that's going to be what Beast Boy and Cyborg encounter.) I also explored the way these things manifest in DDD, and in that same story Dove will focus on rebuilding Peace in the final chapter.

I can't talk about Dove's mindscape without mentioning the "emoticlones". These fun little guys are called by the fanon term given to Raven's "emotion clones", the separate parts of her that express a specific set of traits based on particular aspects of her personality. I had so much fun playing with their voices and thoughts in Dove's head during DDD, you have no freaking idea! I also copied the concept of them having Colored Cloaks from Teen Titans canon, because honestly it's a quick and easy way to identify them, and the fandom's familiar with this system through Raven.

Which colors mean what was more inspired by details from a really old, now-defunct website called Cartoon Orbit that had separate "online trading cards" for each of Raven's emoticlones! On that site, Raven's were labeled as such, and this is what I based Dove's system on, loosely: - Pink: "Raven Happy" - Red: "Raven Rage" - Orange: "Raven Rude" - Yellow: "Raven Smart" - Green: "Raven Brave" - Brown: "Raven Fear" (I'm pretty sure there was a purple one, but I don't recall what it was called. "Love" maybe? That might be from fanon; this site was running like 15 years ago, and I was like 10 years old, so I hardly thought to pay Super Special Attention to it...)

But I digress. The point is, I adapted that system for the key aspects of Dove's unique personality, and came to understand them as follows:

- Pink: Joy, relief, coziness - Red: Cruelty, impulsivity, anger - Orange: Apathy, indifference, disregard - Yellow: Curiosity, study, intrigue - Green: Courage, determination, activity - Blue: Contentedness, pacifism, spirituality - Purple: Compassion, friendship, romanticism - Gray: Sadness, grief, longing. - Brown: Fear, fear, fear!

But for Dove's mind in particular, it's not only HER experiences and personality that form the world! She's a telepath, and though she holds others' privacy in very, very high regard and tries never to read someone's mind without their permission, her sense of receptive telepathy is ever-present. Echoes, lights, shadows, reflections of others' memories and thoughts might affect the very edges of her mind. It's a constant sense, but it only ever causes very ephemeral changes unless something deeply affects her.

Her mindscape also grows and changes as Dove grows and changes, experiences life, learns to cope, and changes how she handles her own emotions.

Most notably, the internal struggle in DDD tore her mind apart. Initially it was due to a breakdown of certainty and confidence, hastened by guilt and grief, but it soon became a deliberate tactic to wage war on the parts of Dove's mind that were trying to resist the evil; eventually her inner demon began intentionally breaking/corrupting everything it could touch.

By chapter 20, that evil is the only strong and stable thing in Dove's mind. Raven's attack to remove the evil in her took away that stability, and strength, and thus took away what was essentially the last support holding Dove's mind together. As it says in the story: "everything collapsed". Dove's mindscape was utterly destroyed, and only the most basic aspects of her remained.

For awhile, that left Dove unable to remember things clearly, or feel emotions without great pain. Rebuilding it to the point where she was able to talk and feel Mostly Normally again took months of meditation.

When Dove is kidnapped and Leyla has distressing dreams about her mother, she, Srentha, and Raven use the mirror to check on Dove by accessing her mindscape. With her powers stripped away, surrounded by people who mock her, and certain Fauni rituals sickening Dove to her soul, naturally her mind is very different: shadowy forms flitted at the edges of vision, the ground wavered, her discomfort was thick in the air and the constant fear made everything so, so cold. "Shadows" of others' thoughts flashed in and out of existence, and Dove's desperation manifests as fleeting voices on the wind. It's uncomfortable to be in her mind while she's so distressed.

It's also worth mentioning that her mindscape changes again, essentially "growing" the part of her that belongs to Love when she finally lets herself love Srentha, and it expands again when Leyla's born and Dove once more finds depths of love she didn't know she could carry.

[honourablejester]

Fantasy, Horror and the Intangible

I’ve been thinking a bit lately about why I like some stripes of horror/fantasy and less others. Actually, I’ve mostly been thinking about how I like dark fantasy, but I like dark fantasy mostly in the sense of ‘fantasy crossed with gothic and/or cosmic horror’ not ‘fantasy but everything is horrible and ultimately soul-crushing’, like I want ghosts and eldritch star gods, not grimdark ‘everyone is a terrible person and morality is meaningless’ bullshit.

Sorry. That was strongly phrased. But. I grew up in the 90s. I’m a little tired of grimdark.

And I think when I look at it a bit, it comes back to a basic … not ‘problem’, maybe, but divide, with a lot of fiction. I think it does probably come back, in a large sense, to the ‘realism’ debate. What I mean is, I’m getting a sense with a lot of fiction that it wants sort of … tangible conflicts? Tangible threats, tangible moralities, tangible consequences. Physically grounded things. There’s a feeling I get that fiction right now doesn’t like a lot of the more … ambiguous or delicate concepts or emotions.

Okay. Pulling back a bit. Here are a few subgenres that I really, really like:

gothic horror

cosmic horror

fairytales

paranormal investigation

There are others, obviously, I like a lot of things (sci-fi, most notably), but these are the ones I’ve been circling lately. Because they have a thread of something in common, and something that’s actually increasingly hard to find: intangibility. Uncertainty. Also: wonder. Awe. Curiosity. Apprehension. Terror. Insanity.

They’re genres that play a lot with non-physical threats and promises, essentially. With emotions to do with things that aren’t here yet, or things that may not be real, or things that are felt but not seen. They have consequences that are often not merely fatal or unfatal. Costs in cosmic horror, gothic horror, fairytales, paranormal stories, and even mystery stories are often more on the abstract end: you lose your sanity, your humanity, your freedom, your believability, your reputation.

They’re stories that famously rely on emotions. On atmosphere. On dread, enchantment, curiosity. People don’t usually have powers, they have feelings. They sense things that other people can’t sense. They see things that other people can’t see.

There’s magic in all of them. There’s another world layered over the base one, secrets that most people can’t see. There’s wonder. Whimsy. Secrets. Arcane rules. Mysteries.

And then, because that other world often contains monsters, there’s fear. Apprehension. Terror. Dread. Not just that you might die, but that you might in some way lose yourself.

I think another thing I’m skirting around is that they’re genres focused on exploration rather than combat necessarily. Sure, you might slay the werewolf eventually, or shotgun some cultists in the face, but the combat usually isn’t the point. The tragedy of the werewolf is the person who lost their humanity to it. The terror of cosmic horror is that the cosmic entity that spawned said cult is likely fundamentally unbothered by losing it. These are stories with the tangible powers of combat are fundamentally lessened, because the true wonder is exploration and the true terror is something that all the shotguns in the world can’t stop.

I remember leaving a prompt on a comm once, I can’t remember for what, and what I wanted was a low-level ESP-type paranormal story. With psychics sensing things and investigating. What I got was X-men level ‘Professor X fights baddies’. Which is … I feel like a lot of fiction nowadays defaults onto ‘have powers, fight baddies’. Which! There is nothing wrong with! Sometimes I very much want that! But not in that instance. I wanted a lower-key story where people felt things.

(I did thank them anyway, I did enjoy the story, it just … didn’t quite hit what I wanted)

IDK, I just feel like, maybe as a consequence or just co-morbid with the massive rise of things like the superhero genre and the oddly non-conflicting, despite all logic, ‘realism in fantasy’ type debates, a lot of fiction right now is going out of its way to feel a) grounded in physical reality and b) action-oriented. Threats are things you can stab. Horror is man’s general inhumanity to man. Powers are things you can fight with. Your righteousness is shown by who you punch in the face.

I miss the less tangible emotions of fairytales and gothic horror. Those two particularly. The wonder and mystery of magic, the terror and apprehension of the unseen. Where you’re guided by exploration, by feeling, by sensing things. Where the threat is not necessarily to life-and-limb, but to the soul, the humanity, the sanity. Where righteousness is resisting your own corruption, not punishing someone else’s.

(Sidenote here on Dracula: I feel there’s a thing here with Mina Harker vs Lucy Westenra a bit, in that Lucy was unmarried when she died, and fell to corruption, while Mina, the relatively ‘sinful’ woman who had a husband and presumably had relations with him, began to be transformed but spent the whole latter half of the book staunchly resisting it and standing beside Van Helsing – granted, though, there are practical considerations in that no one knew what the fuck was going on with Lucy so they just didn’t know enough to save her in time, while with Mina everyone, including her, knew what was up and what she has to fight – anyway, sidenote ended)

I just want more stories with the more delicate and intangible sorts of feelings, I guess. Wonder. Particularly wonder. Seeing things that are not necessarily useable but still magical. And apprehension. Terror. On the darker end of things. Not just fear for your life or cynicism or despair, but the creeping fear and atmosphere you get when you don’t know what’s happening. Where there are unseen things happening, and you’re worried not for your life but for your sanity and possibly for your humanity. Where you fear not being killed but being changed. (Or, on the flipside, where you hope to be changed, transformed, become the fairy princess you secretly want to be)

I grew up on the likes of The Last Unicorn. The Neverending Story. Dracula. Ghost stories. Fairy stories. Stories where you can just feel something else beyond the bounds of what you know. Where the price of love is regret, where the price of power is humanity, where the cost of evil is haunting and insanity. I grew up into mystery, into cosmic horror, into fantasy. I like the intangible. I like the feeling of things out there that I can feel but not know. I like thrill of fear from a good haunted atmosphere, from the knowledge of threats that I can’t actually touch. I like the vast feeling of cosmic horror, of things out there that are just too big to comprehend, let alone fight. Not because I like despair (I very much do not), but because I like the feeling of exploration, that there is more in the world than we can understand (yet) and that we might still be willing to take the risk to try. (Usually in cosmic horror this results in gibbering, but hey, at least we’re still trying)

I like stories where the solutions are also equally intangible. You learn enough about the ghost to lay them to rest. You investigate the cult and find out how the seal the cosmic gate. You win through exploration, through engagement with the emotions, not always through physical force, even if that does also have its place with, say, staking the vampire through the heart. Stories where victory is resisting corruption, absolving old sins, discovering new worlds, rebuilding new worlds through just your wishes and dreams and willingness to hope (hi, Neverending Story, how are you!)

Also, I love the aesthetic. The atmosphere. The feeling. Wonder and intrigue and apprehension and curiosity. Imagery. The spooky castle on the cliff, the faun leading you down into a world of wonders. The joy of magic, the terror of the unknown.

I don’t know what my point even is here, I’ll be honest. I just want more feelings and less punching, I guess. More engagement, more exploration, more mystery. Less ‘sort out the rules and punch the villain in the face’. Less grimdark, more wonder and terror. More magic. More unknown.

More acknowledgement that … You don’t need to be able to fight everything you come across. Sometimes you just need to experience it.

And survive it, yes, hopefully. But you get what I mean.

Embrace the intangible some more. Ambiguity and intangibility are not crimes. You don’t always need to give the answers, you don’t have to ground everything in a punchable reality, you just need to give people a feeling. An experience. An emotion.

And not even necessarily a good one, though I will say again that grimdark is a bit tired, I feel, probably, go a bit easy on the crushing despair maybe? But that aside.

Magic good. Terror good. Go explore.

(I am aware that there are current examples of all of these, by the by, thank you Guillermo del Toro for always leaning into the spooky and delicate, and I’m happy to take recs. I’m mostly just talking about a general feeling I’m getting about the state of the genre fiction at the minute)

[kitsoa]

The Master’s Figurative Language

A Breakdown of the Flashback in KHUX’s chapter “Cornerstones of Rebirth” 

----

The Keyblade War began when MoM was a child. 

MoM describes the Keyblade Wars of Old as a battle between light and dark. A description that matches the stories of the war in the series proper. But when asked if the forces of light and darkness resemble keyblade and heartless clash from Luxu’s understanding-- MoM’s response is more vague. 

Luxu:“The light? Were there other keyblade wielders besides you, Master?” 

MoM: “Hmm, I guess, but it’s not out of the question for there to be others besides me.”

What a strange answer. ‘Others besides me?’ 

Wait up. MoM created the modern keyblade. He modeled it off of the X-blade. 

Does he mean ‘others who created a keyblade to battle the darkness?’

There being others to have created the keyblade seems both unlikely and entirely impossible to be unsure of. Therefore we are not talking about a standard definition war and most definitely we are not talking about a kh style conflict.

So I’m lead to believe that MoM is referring to the ‘Keyblade’ as a figurative tool. After all, the keyblade has never been a mere object... it’s an extension of the heart. It’s the strength of the heart and the forces wielding the blades are many in that they are worthy to ‘fight with all their hearts’ so to speak. Therefore: ‘other’s like him’, can mean others who ‘wielded their hearts’ against the darkness. 

The Heart turns into the figurative heart. Emotion, passion, the self. 

The Darkness by proxy becomes figurative. Evil, negativity, hatred, violence, destruction. 

I believe MoM is equating the actions and purpose of a keyblade wielder (that Luxu understands) to a more general defiance against evil in his conversation. “I guess” is his casual admission to this. Therefore, the term Keyblade War isn’t defined as a clash between countless keyblades but a catch-all term to describe the universal conflict of good and evil. 

Luxu: “And the darkness? Were there the same monsters as there are now?”

Luxu’s understanding of the ‘monsters of darkness’ are simply the heartless from the books illusions. The heartless are the assumed opponents in the fated Keyblade War so their presumed involvement in this older war is a valid question.

MoM: “Well, if you ask if the darkness they fought was comprised of monsters... maybe so. They looked the same as us, so it’s a bit different from now.”

MoM isn’t saying that the forces of darkness in the ‘old war’ were the heartless. He’s equating them to the heartless. MoM is referring to the darkness not as a tangible force we are familiar with but as a figurative entity. And he’s saying that they are essentially monsters. 

Figurative Monsters. Savage, amoral, heartless. 

And they looked human. Monsters that look human. Again MoM is describing a very... general truth about evil in the world. The evil of our fellow man. The evil that makes them equal to monsters. MoM sticks by his insult though.

MoM: “Nah, I’m not saying they were humans...”

So we have a very... realistic depiction of the battle between light and darkness. MoM’s Keyblade War is not a fantastical battle... at least... it doesn’t have to be fantastical. It’s simply the passionate defenders of good values against a general evil. 

MoM: “Well, ever since they appeared in that form The Keyblade War continued on.”

'Ever since the forces of darkness appeared human’ The Keyblade War continued on. The War is clearly as stand-in for a grander, more universal idea. Now we have to reason that MoM is describing a turning point to a personal philosophy as opposed to an actual event. The ongoing Keyblade War is representative of the human struggle proper. 

And if I could play doctor to baby MoM. I’d say he is referencing the start of his personal, none-stop, ‘Keyblade War’. Perhaps he experienced a betrayal. Darkness in human form that has since sparked the war of what is good and what is bad. 

“The darkness changes forms. That’s why it can hide inside humans. That’s why this Keyblade War has raged endlessly.”

What is evil will destroy everything. What is good will bring it back.

The cycle of death and rebirth.

Which brings us to MoM’s goal to stop this. These ‘wars’ that are actually just battles in the endless war within MoM himself. He describes to Luxu exactly what happens in X. The battle commences. The world is destroyed. The light survives in the heart of children. That’s the light that will revive the world. 

Now, he doesn’t reveal it here, but MoM actually orchestrates the parameters that bring about this battle. He pits his apprentices again a fake a traitor. He plants the seeds of tension and distrust. He assures their destruction. And assures their rebirth through the Dandelions.

“We can’t erase the world and it’s stories that are left in the hearts of children. As long as that is left in their hearts, the world can be reborn. And in the same way we can’t erase darkness. But we CAN take a temporary break.”

I’ve had a long theory explain the figurative use of the lore term Worlds and how that word is synonymous with stories. Here we see that figurative language used in direct force. It’s not the abstract light in the hearts of the children, but the living stories within them that make them immortal. 

But that same immortal story brings with it the same immortal end. And the cycle never ends. 

So MoM’s reference of a ‘temporary break’ is strange as it is not a solution to the endless war but an escape. Flash forward to Union Cross and the Union Leaders have come to the harrowing realization that they are trapped in this digital reality. They have not yet fulfilled the cycle and revived the world from the destruction of X. They are simply trapped, playing house. Taking a break from the war.

“I know I’m tired, I want to rest soon too. From being a bystander at least.”

This line gets me. Bystanders are defined as people who watch. The Master watches when he vanishes and it is assumed that the presence of the gazing eye makes him a bystander to the war. But the rest he references is ‘soon’-- an allusion to his fading? It seems backwards. Unless he is looking farther ahead than his most immediate actions at the time of the flashback. Unless he is looking at a point in time more relevant to us players. The time where the Master stops watching and jumps into actions. An allusion for whats to come. 

MoM wraps up the conversation with a very on the nose and cryptic run down of exactly the Dandelion’s journey.

“Yep, that’s why I told Ava to gather the best of the best. The starting point in X. Their training in Unchained. The real deal in Union Cross. They ought to become very important cornerstones to the rebirth of this world.”

The Dandelion’s start and originate from X. That’s the original run. But in Unchained, as they go through the same events of X they are training. What they are training for isn’t clear but seeing how the ‘real deal’ is the phase where the world breaks away from the original run, we can assume that MoM is preparing them to break the cycle. Unchained has the Dandelion’s guided along their fates and eased them all the way to the big break that was the war itself. Now that the war is avoided, they must resist the war from cropping up again or fail the grand experiment. 

MoM wants the cycle of Darkness and Light to end... or at least he wants to see if it can end. Clearly, the Dandelion’s have a wealth of elements stacked up against them in their temporary break from the cycle. The insistence on Unions. The secret Book of Prophecies. The erased memories and encouragement to turn their blades on the image of their fellows. We can’t say at all that MoM was intending on them being successful.Or maybe there were more phases to this plot than just that of x, Unchained and Ux--

Actually of course there are more phases to his plot. Kingdom Hearts happened.

The conversation finally ends with a little foreshadowing. 

Luxu: “They’ll  be able to return to this world after its rebirth using the world borders, right?”

Luxu brings up what we understand is going to happen in UX. The light from after the war has to return to the ruins according to MoM’s cycle. Their temporary break will have to end. And as Luxu describes they will ‘use the world borders’ to do so. The exact nature and importance of this distinction is one to be contemplated but ultimately the return is nigh. We understand that Scala ad Caelum is built upon the ruins of Daybreak Town. We know the Dandelion’s will escape the program and rebuild the war. And we know they will eventually build the empire that creates Xehanort who will start the cycle anew. 

“Hmmm, Well it’ll be difficult for ALL of them.”

MoM is cryptically referencing that not every Dandelion will return. Some will get left behind. Or perhaps they won’t make it to the correct time (a reference to the time displaced Dandelions). Luxu makes a reference that the Leaders were the ones hatching the escapes which suggests that only the leaders return to the real world... which doesn’t seem accurate to what actually transpires. Grant it. We must consider the following:

The temporary break from the cycle must end.

The Dandelion’s are fighting to defy the fate of the War. 

The War is inevitable. 

So in final, this scene is extremely enlightening toward the Master’s motives and goal and hints to what will ultimately occur in the KHUX storyline. It is important to consider the figurative angle that the Master is potentially going on about. Because as we are consistently reminded, KH is a series that plays on the fact that it’s language has lore implications as well as thematic implications. 

There is a greater message in a ll of this.

[tipsycad147]

How To Use The Cups Tarot Cards In Magic

SL Bear

Tarot card spells are becoming more popular as time goes on. These cards have transformed from handy divination tool to a means of working magic, from simply a way to discover information about your life to a way of actually impacting it. Having these incredibly specific archetypal energies at our disposal can be empowering but it can also be paralysing.

How do you actually choose which cards to use for your spells? Do you stick to only using the Major Arcana? You can, but then you’re leaving a full 56 cards and all of their power on the table, completely untapped. Today, we’re going to take a look at the ways you can use the Minor Arcana to work magic, specifically focusing on the emotional realm of the cups cards.

(Psst, if you want the FREE expanded reference book of cups card spell uses complete with reversals, stick around until the end of the post!)

King of Cups

This card is about balancing emotions, not suppressing them, about creativity and the mind — a connection between thought and feeling. This is a strong card to use in spells contacting spirits and asking for guidance. It’s also useful for bringing clarity where there is confusion in terms of spirituality. This card is heavily associated with Pisces, and those born under the sign of the fish will find this card unusually helpful.  

Queen of Cups

If you work in a field that focuses on helping others, like nursing for example, the Queen of Cups is your patron and can be carried with you to remind you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others. In spells, the Queen of Cups can be used to summon a nurturing woman into your life when you need it the most, or perhaps rebuild a crumbling relationship with your mother. She can also be used in spells to help take care of your inner child, an energy many of us tend to ignore as we grow older and more consumed with our strenuous day-to-day.

Knight of Cups

This knight is a romantic at heart, and in spellwork, can be used to summon a new lover. If you’re done with all the nonsense and immaturity of other suitors, call on the Knight in a love spell and make sure to add a bit of gold — preferably a ring. As a messenger, the Knight of Cups traditionally represents the arrival of good news, specifically news that will make you very happy, further adding to his association with new love. The Knight represents creativity and can be used in motivational spells when starting a new, heartfelt project — particularly writing. For romance writers, he is an essential companion and brings that special touch to make your readers swoon.

Page of Cups

This is another Cup with a strong link to inspiration, creativity, and new ideas. However, where the Knight is a romantic, the Page is more light-hearted — one who lives in dreams and fairytales. A generous assistant for all fantasy writers and abstract artists. Keep the Page of Cups in your pillowcase and seek out inspiration for projects in your dreams — the playground of your subconscious. Because of this card’s association with fish and happy surprises in general, it can be used in spells directed at women and couples hoping to become pregnant.

Ten of Cups

This is a happy card that symbolises contentment, joy, and wishes coming true. However, this isn’t about material things; this card represents personal fulfilment and feeling at peace with what you already have. This makes it a great card to use in gratitude spells and on your altar as a way to show you are thankful for all you have in life. Brew your favourite coffee or tea or hot chocolate — something warm. With the Ten of Cups close, fill a cup a little each time you think of something you’re grateful for. Once the cup is full, and you have acknowledged all the good in your life, drink the liquid and let the warmth of gratitude wash through your whole being.

Nine of Cups

The wish card. This card represents satisfaction and success after a struggle. In spellwork, this card can be paired with The Star to make wishes come true. Place under your pillow with a little mugwort and pin The Star card above your head wherever you sleep. Before you go to sleep, focus on what you really want. When you wake in the morning, reanalyse your wish and if it has not changed, hold the Nine of Cups and make your wish. This should be the first thing you say that day. Keep an eye out for manifestations of this wish coming true, like seeing the same time whenever you look at the clock, or suddenly hearing people talking about what you want in everyday conversations.

Eight of Cups

This card can represent two things; letting go of the material and moving onto more spiritual aspirations or letting go of something in your life that no longer brings you satisfaction. That makes this card excellent for spellwork focused on yourself.

Gather together symbols of your current life, especially those things that have gotten old or useless to you, like a job or relationship. Tie these symbols together with a cord and hang them over the Eight of Cups. Now it’s time to let go! Cut each one free with a knife until these old symbols are scattered around the Eight of Cups. Now create a new chain of symbols that represent things you want to replace what you’ve just cut free. A new job? Tie on a business card or application. A change of scenery? Add a picture of where you want to travel to the chain. Hang this chain some place you’ll see it every day and keep the Eight of Cups close as a reminder that you must change in order to grow, and let old things go so new, better things can come in to your life!

Seven of Cups

In the Seven of Cups, a dreamer sees seven options and fantasies in front of him — everything from victory and riches, to snakes and monsters representing the dreams we chase, or the demons we let haunt us — constantly living in the clouds instead of reality. Because this card is focused on our thoughts more than reality, you’ll only need to work with mental magic for spellwork with this card. Look at the symbols in each of the seven cups and personalise them. Maybe the castle represents having a space of your own. Maybe the dragon represents a bad memory or fear. Do you want to take the time and finally face the things that bother you? Or maybe it’s time to focus on how to make one of your most sought after dreams a reality. Meditate on this card. Let it speak to you and make sure you listen to your own winding thoughts for the answer. It’s time to focus.

Six of Cups

This card represents family, stability, home, and happiness. It can be used to bring a reunion between old friends or family you’ve grown apart from — or even re-establish a connection with the person you used to be. Gather photographs of an old acquaintance and shuffle them together with the Six of Cups. Light a yellow candle and flip through the photographs. Pick a photo that best represents this person’s true self, and place it on top of the Six of Cups, then add a lodestone on top of the photo. Let the yellow candle burn while you envision different ways this person could re-enter your life. If you can’t think of any available options, ask for new pathways to make this possible during the spell.

Five of Cups

This suit is an emotional one, and the Five of Cups represents our worst feelings of grief, loss and disappointment. In times of strife, it’s hard to remember that we have choices. We can wallow and allow sadness to keep us down, or we can learn and become better.

Four of Cups

Another emotionally heavy card symbolising apathy, depression, and stagnation. This card is useful, though, as a reminder that if we don’t move forward we don’t get anywhere and worse, we may miss opportunities that could truly make us happy. Pair this card with anise and go someplace peaceful. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Vent if you need to, journal, or just sit and reflect on whatever’s causing you pain in this moment. Then return home and put this card away. The goal is not to block out painful things, but to feel them, re-evaluate, and grow more resilient in spite of them.  

Three of Cups

This is a card of celebration, good times with friends, and victory. Use this card in spells when you feel like having fun or want to make a party great — particularly weddings, where many of your family and friends will be in attendance. Light an orange candle and place this card before it. Sprinkle some oregano into the flame and say a date to ensure the party is a blast. Pair with turquoise in spells to bring about a personal victory.  

Two of Cups

This card depicts a ceremony between two people and represents a union or harmony in a partnership. Many see this card as a representation of love, and it certainly can be read that way — used in spells to strengthen marriages or romantic relationships. However, I believe that limits this card’s potential. The Two of Cups is about a strong connection, equality, and mutual respect. So I suggest using this card to strengthen any kind of bond between two people, paired with another card or symbol to clarify your intention. If you’re working a friendship spell, add the Three of Cups. If the spell focuses on a business partnership, pair this card with the Emperor.

Ace of Cups

The Ace in any suit embodies the pure strength of that suit. The Ace of Cups is emotional fulfilment, stability and happiness in its most powerful form. A card to use in spells when you need to find balance, peace or instant joy. This is also the card of intuition and listening to your inner voice. When paired with a water element and labradorite, this card will heighten your intuition and make your divination skills stronger.

Now, when this article was being written we got a little excited and came up with way, WAY more information that we originally intended. There was no way to cram it all in one blog post!

Instead we decided to create a PDF of the expanded version with way more spells, details, and reversals for you to use in your witchcraft. Sound good?

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/how-to-use-the-cups-tarot-cards-in-magic

[elizabethrobertajones]

Whats your take on Cas' arc this season? Cause i don't get it..IMO 1st half was very strong w/ his continued arc about belonging, bonding with Mary etc. But then what happened? Why did his story change to be about religious faith, destiny wanting a world without free will ruled by a supernatural being, why is this this story now when that was relevant for years i mean, we had his FATHER/GOD last season then there was nothing on this theme cause its not his current story so what is this now

I don’t think his overall arc has changed from what it has always been about. He’s always been caught in a balance between Heaven and the Winchesters but “Heaven” is quite an abstract concept for Cas after a while. 

I watched 10x18 last night, and lemme be awful and quote Metatron to start off :P

CASTIELWhat we did back there was unfortunate. No more of our brothers and sisters should die.

METATRONBrothers and sisters? Listen to you. Still spitting out the company line like anyone cares. Like we’re actually a family? When what we really are – are a bunch of glowing lights filled with self-loathing or delusions of grandeur. Or both.

CASTIELYou shut up!

METATRONNo! If I’m gonna die, I want answers. Like, who are you now? Like, you’re obviously not an angel of the Lord. And what about all of this walking the earth like Caine from “Kung Fu” crap? Cleaning up Heaven’s messes. How many more rogue angels are there out there? And, what are you gonna do once you’re done with all that? Go back to Heaven? Please. The angel formerly known as Hannah has restored order up top. Smoothest it’s run since God cut the ribbon on the pearly gates. So tell me, Castiel, truly, what is your mission now?

CASTIELYou shut up and keep looking. [Castiel walks away.]

Essentially, Cas has still been stuck here since 10x07 and Jack’s disrupted him majorly for the first time, but let’s backtrack…

So in season 4, Cas’s conflict is between Heaven and doing what’s he’s told, and listening to Dean and doing what he thinks is right. This conflict is introduced early on with 4x07, where Cas is supposed to follow Dean’s orders by order of Heaven, and Uriel is like fuck that I wanna smite this town just because, but Cas won’t let him. Cas’s conflict with orders turns to be hunted and in the end reprogrammed because he won’t do what he’s supposed to without coercion, showing us that orders (and Heaven) are bad and Cas wanting free will and to do the right thing and align with Dean is right. He does this at the end as his big damn hero moment.

In season 5, Cas’s conflict is more abstract. He wants to go fetch God as a replacement for the vague orders from Heaven which he no longer trusts, and basically the ultimate deferring to a higher power. Dean warily gives him the amulet to start his search, but the end of the search basically results in God telling Cas to naff off and think for himself. Rebuffed from having anyone to take orders from, Cas sulks around the Winchesters for the rest of the season, his faith in everything up to and including Dean shattered. He rebuilds this faith after Dean doesn’t say yes to Michael, and once again follows him to doing the right thing at the end. This whole conflict is overtly about Peace vs Freedom and Cas loses faith in Dean when he picks “Peace” and regains his loyalty to him when he picks “Freedom” - this is how Cas ends the season, pointing out Dean got what he wanted.

In season 6, Cas IS this higher power/Heaven/God/where the orders come from, but he steps into this role because he believes God appointed him the new sheriff in town. Raphael represents the old order/Heaven and wants to be God too. Cas struggles with this power, and maintaining Freedom, and appeals to God at the end when it’s all unravelling into the chaos that Freedom inevitably brings, and his downfall is played as because he doesn’t align with Dean and attempts to be the new order.

In the start of season 7 he acts as God, the higher power order, and eventually basically self-implodes from trying to maintain that. His high-minded ideals to force a sort of peace and happiness on the world are undermined from within by the leviathan, a dark chaotic presence. At the end of the season he falls into denial and running away from his issues, and he and Dean struggle to reconcile, as the main arc which allows the defeating of the leviathan. Heaven barely plays a role but they’re horrified by what he did/became if we take Hester as a representative of how the angels feel in general at their worst opinion of Cas, and he is nostalgically fond of them but doesn’t want anything to do with them and their attempts to restore order.

In season 8 Naomi once again brainwashes him onto their side, using that to get his cooperation to restore order and empower Heaven (and in general I assume she’s been using these tactics to overhaul and repair what she can) and it goes about as well for them as in season 4, when Cas goes chaotic on them, answering to the higher power of the tablet, aka directly from God, before Metatron derails him on the guilt trip to fix Heaven, which is a personal arc for Cas and the remains of his obligation to be an angel/work for Heaven. Once again Dean’s got the sense something is up with Cas all season, and though sometimes misguided about confronting him (grr 8x22) calls him out pretty consistently and generally represents the main character always right about everything pull he’s always done for Cas - Cas’s conflict is finally more obvious about being between Heaven and Dean because even after the crypt scene, he runs away serving the tablet and then is off on his mission with Metatron, giving Dean whiplash on what he’s doing which isn’t just being chill and like 8x08 Cas. (For the most part - 8x08 does have the one private conversation between them reveal Cas’s massive guilt). Edlund hands us back Cas at the end of 8x21 with for the first time since the end of season 6 and lasting until the end of season 12, an un-tampered-with sense of self to have character development and grow and change, in time for him to have things happen like becoming human to REALLY kick off Cas’s self-exploration and personal conflict.

Season 9 manages the conflict more cleanly - Cas is suuuuper guilty about the fall, so his motives are quite plain now. He has to sort out Heaven, struggles with not wanting to be a leader, but the angels all seeing him as a great war hero or important figure or despised but powerful and dangerous enemy, and Cas’s conflict is now getting laid out on screen - human or angel, leader or not… Obligation to repair Heaven and help the angels and his family is a strong motivator, and he does as much as he can for them until it crumbles at the end, and he ends up on a personal mission to save Dean which just follows in the PATH of his angel mission (e.g. he still has to go to Heaven and confront Metatron, but now it’s not because he’s doing it to overthrow him, he’s doing it to help Dean). Cas also is rejected from both angel and human families because of Gadreel asking Cas to leave, and so feeling rejected by Dean, the card is played that Cas falls back on trying to help the angels FIRST and losing out, leaving the Dean card un-played. There’s no peace or freedom imagery really, as it’s all a mad scrabble to sort Heaven out and the angels aren’t paying a great deal of attention to humans and their place in the natural order.

When we get to season 10, it’s a bit more reflective. Cas’s mission with Hannah is now interrupted with trying to save Dean, and there’s finally the reflection on what angels DO and what they’re FOR. Hannah goes back to heaven to preach the original mission, and Cas goes to help Claire after several threads combine to finally get him to remember and care about her. Hannah’s decision emphasises allowing humans free will by not possessing them, and respecting that and leaving them well alone and Heaven begins seriously withdrawing from the narrative. Heaven = meddling with free will, and historically has always wanted peace over freedom, enforcing mind control on it subjects (killing Naomi off, who’d “been in all our heads” was also a start of the angels in general having free will without any compromise so of course they freak out in season 9 :P) Cas is then on two complementary arcs of PERSONAL self-discovery, helping Claire (humanity, freedom, Cas’s guilt focused on a human instead of Heaven) and Dean (Cas’s faith and loyalty and family). He also takes a break to do a me-time episode which is 10x18 where Metatron lays down this challenge about who Cas is, pointing out in case the average viewer didn’t spot it, that Cas is really struggling to have a mission now, because he ALWAYS needs a mission. Being on call to help Sam with Dean or Claire with anything, splits his attention (10x10) but he’s determined to do his best for them (I love him so much). His conflict early in the season was where he wanted to be and what he wanted to be doing, Heaven or Earth, but Heaven tactically retreating (symbolically shown with Hannah, just in general narratively by playing no serious part in the story) but that choice is somewhat made for him by Heaven leaving and Hannah leaving him in the lurch to take Caroline home to her husband, and Cas picking up Earth-based quests to care for important humans. 

His personal story trickles out in season 10 after 10x20 does nice things for the Claire arc and his personal resolution there that he completes his mission in a sense… He spends the rest of the season helping Dean with just a bummer scene in 10x22 to enforce this is the lowest point and he’s being rejected AGAIN from being with Dean, and I would say Rowena’s curse really doesn’t count as interrupting his personhood because in season 11 when he’s not violently attacking, he has a crystal clear sense of who he is, so his conversations with Hannah and the angels in 11x02 and Dean and Sam in 11x03 are still from Cas, just with Rowena’s curse on top. In season 11 they play delay tactics - Cas’s depression is personal and to do with how hurt he’s been in general by everyone, he resolves personal crap with Metatron in 11x06 via punching him so more but doesn’t really have any more answers about who he wants to be and the choices he’s made, and in 11x10 his desire to help and need for a win lead to him being possessed, abruptly ending his role in the season as an active player and therefore giving him no real personal arc to struggle against.

Meanwhile God comes back and Lucifer in Cas gets to swing against the ultimate higher powers. There’s a sense that God can’t intervene because he’s a walking deus ex machina and takes away free will because as the Creator-author, intervening automatically is defining the story… He’s not a powerful ally, it’s literally his whim by which there is and isn’t free will… He told Cas to naff off in 5x16 because if he came to help, it’s no personal victory at all for his creations. (PS: obviously Chuck’s approach is terrible in many ways and the hands off parenting approach is directly paralleled to John, so… Not approving here lol) Amara represents obliteration of the Self, which she offers to Dean and accidentally nearly does to the universe. She treats this as a peace she can offer Dean, so Cas themes are playing out with the other characters and the universe is being re-shuffled a bit. Cas having no freedom turns into Cas being in a “peace” inside his head, watching TV and wanting no part of the fight. He chooses the same thing that in 5x18 he rejected Dean and withdrew his faith and loyalty for - possession by an archangel for the greater good. Yet another lowest point, and yet in 11x23 Dean doesn’t reject Cas for doing it, but says nice things about respecting his decisions etc. Dean firmly establishes that Cas is family to him, leaving it for Cas to accept. And these paragraphs are getting waaay too long as this becomes more relevant, sorry >.>

In season 12, Cas starts off struggling with being accepted into the family. It’s all right there for him to take, but the belonging arc mirrored with Mary, shows he still feels distant from being a part of the family, and that despite Dean’s words, he hasn’t quite had the acceptance he needs, despite all the rejection between him and Heaven one way and the other, and since season 9 his increased dislike and obligation and duty to help them, and their interest in him and activeness in the story dribbling to a stop. Dean has also seemed to reject him, but Cas has never turned away from HIM except reluctantly or being coerced somehow or because he was severely emotionally compromised with guilt or blackmail. When it comes to genuine choices like 8x17 or 9x22 he picks them, but when ASKED about it, can never answer and is interrupted or walks off every time. In this season’s case he has a similar guilt-obligation to season 8, 9, and the first half of 10, about letting Lucifer out, and so he goes to deal with that. Dealing with it leads directly to Sam and Dean being imprisoned, and an abrupt swap to Cas dealing with the family side of things - the obligation Cas feels is no longer strictly between HEAVEN and the Winchesters, but OBLIGATION and GUILT and the Winchesters, his past actions still causing a heaven-level mytharc nonsense but not really being about Heaven wanting him back or him really wanting to be with Heaven. He cuts those ties almost every time he’s confronted. 

So in a way let’s say his distraction to deal with Lucifer leads to Sam and Dean getting locked up and making the deal. He overcompensates to save them, and is thrust into a series of episodes dealing with his position in the family, where he finally gets to see Dean choosing him, and gets to tell them he loves them, and that he truly does consider them a family. In a way he now seems to have achieved something that’s been teased since maybe as far back as season 8 - 8x08 he wanted to join the family business - but definitely became a main conflict for Cas in season 9 (and I think season 12 picked up a LOT of dropped arcs that disappeared with the plot accordion of season 9, Mark of Cain onwards) 

But he still has the guilt-obligation to the Lucifer stuff and even knowing Lucifer is banished safely to the cage, the nephilim is an ongoing part of things Cas is responsible for, and so represents the same place in the narrative as other times Cas has been off doing Heaven things - obligation that takes him away from the family. In 12x19 we literally see that obligation laid out (Cas’s issue going back to 6x20 that he considers himself a guardian angel to the Winchesters, and though he says he’s not doing ANYTHING for Heaven and voices stuff that firmly suggests cut ties emotionally, from Cas’s side, which is HUGE, he will work with them in order to protect the Winchesters - so they don’t have to get involved. Same deal as season 6 - peace or freedom? He picks peace, by going behind the Winchesters’ backs and giving them no choice to help him, shouldering the burden like he’ll be going around behind their backs saving them as necessary, instead of integrating into the family and taking their problems as they come, which is what Dean does all episode. He’s lost the ability to wrangle Cas with loyalty and faith because their relationship is more equal and Cas hasn’t got all his faith invested in Dean, but having this hole in him that faith belongs to is a huge weakness/design flaw in angels, that they need it and go off the rails without it (see also: most angels we encounter after season 5 :P), so Jack, who he ALREADY has an obligation from guilt to deal with, derails Cas yet again BACK onto the obligation train to take him away from the Winchesters, this time using his faith AND his guardian angel need to protect and care for people traits to win over Cas’s absolute loyalty. And to do so, he shows Cas a vision of the Future which is essentially the same wording as the descriptions of paradise the angels fought for and Cas fought against, rejected Dean for accepting, fought again the next year, etc, so Cas’s new lowest point from 11x18 of a PERSONAL surrender to peace over freedom, is an external surrendering to peace over freedom. 

Essentially, 12x19 is fiendishly clever in twisting together every last thing that has defined Cas’s arcs, and mixing them all together. In the first third of the season we see Cas struggle and seemingly overcome one, in the second we see him struggle and seemingly overcome the next, and in the third part because he never truly balanced them, still picked obligation and missions that take him away from home and he’s shouldering a burden to resolve out of guilt that he caused it, or hesitance to join the family unit entirely but carried on treating them as if he was their guardian angel not their close family, these two things plus some other unresolved baggage ALL tie together and pile onto Cas. 

I don’t think it’s really all over the place when the season first established one, then the other, and then used them both to seriously affect Cas’s actions. I don’t think they’ve ever been telling different stories about him, just highlighting different aspects. When he was running off to hunt Lucifer with Crowley, the family stuff still hung around in the background. And when he was dealing with family stuff, he was still hunting the nephilim in the background. And when he was dealing with Heaven it wasn’t because he was mending ties with Heaven, he was protecting his family while dealing with his guilt-caused obligation to the nephilim while exploiting yet rejecting his complicated relationship with Heaven, and it all culminated in him failing a will save against the peace or freedom line that has been the main way to brainwash or control or derail Cas in many instances from Naomi’s forced programming to whatever the tablets did to him, to times like 8x23 where he runs off to fix heaven of his own free will but abandoning Dean in the process, or 10x03 where he walks out on Dean entirely because he’s weighed down with guilt and his fear of belonging. (And it gets more complicated and less epic and black and white each time.)

So, tl;dr I think these are ALL parts of who Cas is and what his conflict is, ALL THE TIME, and have been all the way through - some parts wane while others are waxing depending on the season, but in general they’re still pulling from the same source of character stuff, only with years and years and years of personal development and narrowing down Cas’s choices and trying to point him to what would make him happy and shave off the obligations bit by bit, so that he’s free to choose. And now he keeps ending up in the darkest place, but 12x19 and 12x23 were like a perfect storm of all the WORST bits of Cas’s arc, except that he wasn’t choosing to be an angel, and he did care for his family, just too abstract. And at the end, he died as an angel in a way. I don’t know how he’ll come back but I’m expecting it will not be magically poofing back graced up and a sort of ~regular~ Cas we haven’t seen since season 8, or wingless since 10x18. 

(And of course Metatron was asking that in the context of where Cas gets his grace back and is no longer living day to day about to die but again like at the end of 8x21, is confronted with full freedom and a life to live and choose what to do with it. His response is to go back to the bunker and eat pizza with his family, but that only lasts a day >.> Anyway I assume that’s a moment that’s going to be important when Cas comes back because these choices he’s been looping around were all set out for him more immediately and obviously than ever and all at once as well, so… I think it all works. Since season 9 it’s all essentially been these same challenges to Cas over and over, while Cas does various things that make you yell at the screen that no Cas that’s not what you want, or yelling encouragement that he’s maaaaybe nearly worked it out and is getting so much closer to what he wants. Sort of a game of hot or cold, or something… >.> And when it seems like he’s nearly found it, he veers back into cold territory…)

[faslaidir]

14. "You're a disappointment." Anyone. Thick, angry words. The only catch is: it's a lie in order to push the other person away.

A/N: I stole @gruzinkerlady ‘s beautiful OC Runya for this because she started playing at my behest and then I let her romance Solas, even though I knew it would kill her.

He had walked the halls of Arlathan in the most splendid ages of the world, when knowledge now considered sacred and secret had been splayed out for the convenience of the masses, when sickness and hurt were only distant and abstract concepts, when spirits walked freely among the people and there was no fear of them, when all things had been astoundingly complex and yet existed in a blissful harmony. He had seen all manner of beautiful things, had been awed by the splendor of a hundred thousand sights, had felt his heart pound with desire for divinely crafted figures, and yet somehow this simple Dalish girl who wore a slave’s markings with pride and blissful ignorance, who carried no stirrings of magic within her, and who spoke his own name as a curse had made him feel something.

He had thought little of her the first time they had met. She had been little more than a thin brown body that was overflowing with his magic. He felt the vibrations of his own power pulse beneath her skin, knitting its way into her flesh until he had no choice but to forgo any attempts to retrieve it from her. Saving her life was the only option. He would have tried regardless of the circumstances, for he was no Corypheus, but the fact that she now carried the oldest and most essential part of his old self meant that he threw himself into the task of reviving her with vigor. And when she awoke, when she reached his side on Cassandra’s heels and he had touched her hand and set it to the rift to close it, he felt her rebel a little against him, and he felt his own magic respond to her command. She sealed the rift with a grimace and then shrugged it off with only a little confusion. He gave her his name, and she smiled.

“Andaran atish’an, hahren. I am Runya of Clan Lavellan.”

It was then, not when she sealed the rift, that he felt the world change, though he fought against it. He had seen the world change before, had felt the seismic avenues that lead to new ways of life, order, and culture, and knew that little good could come of them.

But Runya seemed determined to prove him wrong. He had followed her to the Inquisition and accepted her invitation to journey with her to the Hinterlands, expecting only to find ways of defeating Corypheus and restoring his magic. Instead, he found himself witness to the splendor of unfailing generosity, the extraordinary fervor of a young heart desperate to help a suffering world in spite of insurmountable odds. Runya had no magic beyond the Mark, only a small skill with a bow, but she was clever and creative, rebellious and adventurous, and she found ways to ease the suffering of those around her when others might have simply focused on heavier matters. This allowed her to amass a strange and ragtag band of followers, mages and warriors and rogues with little in common except a desire for change.

He had stood on the highest peak of the world and witnessed the ruin of his people, the destruction of all things by his own hand. He had seen the death of his world and all the sights, smells, and sensations that were familiar to him, and he had caused it. He had heard the screams of a hundred thousand trapped souls, lost as the roads collapsed and everything fell into ruin about them as the Veil came crashing down. All this had occurred because the world had changed because powerful people sought to overcome insurmountable odds and rule over all. All that he had done had been done to save the world. He had only succeeded in destroying it. It had to be undone, therefore, and he would have to rebuild. It would be alright. The losses would be acceptable. Humans were brutish and cruel, dwarves were thuggish and angry, Qunari were unfeeling and selfish, and even the elves were mere shades of who they once were, ruined by his own actions.

But it was hard to look at Runya and see someone who was a shade of anything. In his mind, and in the mind of the people, she was radiant.

He found her in the Fade, walking casually through his dreams without realizing where she was. When she saw him, she greeted him with a luminescent smile, and he could not resist her. Against his better judgment, he walked with her through the dream for a while, talking of things that mattered and yet somehow didn’t, because he would someday destroy it all.

She kissed him, and he, the fool, had kissed her back. Longingly.

He awoke immediately afterward and berated himself. He could not allow such a thing. The world must not change until he had reversed his vile deeds. She must not be allowed in. He had to shut her out, had to keep her at arm’s length even if he wanted nothing more than to wrap those arms around her small body and press her against him and feel every inch of her, real and solid and extraordinary, alive and beautiful, not a shade, not an imperfect version of the elves but the best of all of them.

She was just one. One out of millions. The rest of the world was not like her.

He was Fen’Harel, the trickster god, the betrayer, the liar. He would do what he did best. What her people expected of him if they knew who he was. What the Evanuris had expected of him when they draped the wolf’s mantle about his shoulders. What he had expected of himself when he had imprisoned the Evanuris on the other side of the Veil.

He lied.

“You are a disappointment,” he said to her.

He stood at the edge of the balcony and watched her beautiful face fall, realizing that he was yet again responsible for the destruction of his world.

[phainesthai-aletheia]

Typing Data

I identify fairly strongly with dominant Ni, Ti, and Ne, and judging axis wise, though I identify most with Ti-Fe, I have my doubts. My current contenders are INTP, ENTP and INFJ, though INTJ isn’t entirely off the table.

Before addressing the functions, I understand extroverted functions as the ones dealing with the object, or abstractions about the object (or derived from it), and in the case of judgement, basing it on criteria that can be derived from the object (with the required assumptions in place). Therefore, I take the introverted functions to be those that deal with what’s derived from the collective unconscious, constellated by the object in the individual, or simply not directly abstracted from the object.

For dominant Ti, most of what I consciously do is reason from first principles, consider sub-implications, re-evaluate bedrock epistemological presuppositions, alter the type of formalism I use to govern the internal logic of my thought, or import systems which I temporarily adopt as true in order to test their boundary  conditions, and ultimately rebuild them. Though I’m very sensitive to the limits of human attempts at logical encapsulation (and those that are inherent to linguistic systems, etc), and therefore allow for the presence of temporary paradoxes and leaps as stepping stones, my natural tendency is to build all-encompassing, piecemeal systems. Though I will at times import systems, as mentioned above - and do this extremely frequently for experimentation’s sake -, the ways in which I articulate and flesh out external ideas are, as much as possible, independent. My identity - which is highly mutable in terms of associated content - consists mainly of intellectual iconoclasm, and the active transcendence of local maxima. Most of what’s initially evident to me about a situation, idea, person, etc, has to do with what I mentioned above. My mind races to comprehend the relevant variables at play, and adopt the most well-adapted view of them in order to best map them. Irrationality and short sightedness, as I understand them are some of the qualities that most annoy me. External perceptions of me include an overly formal presence, pretentiousness, a cold presentation and a significant measure of indifference; friends frequently complain that I break most everything down to the point of ruining their experience of it, or that I’m overly logical, and this somehow impedes a pleasant experience.

For dominant Ni, the impetus that drives my mind towards what I mentioned above is my initial perception (most frequently correct) of a whole that I cannot consciously, logically recover from the fragmented data in front of me, that makes “sense�� to me in way that’s initially inexplicable. Perception itself is one of the things I’m most committed to exploring, one of the things I pay most attention to in myself, and care most to understand and modify - reality as it’s creatively constructed in the mind. I pay attention to both the highest order of abstraction, and the way in which it descends to the particular, how contextual embedding can produce a whole beyond the parts, and at times, be the source of most significant data. A lot of my perception is directed towards synthesis, even when a good deal of my process converges, I’m attempting to get at an essential meaning - in the broadest sense. Additionally, my mind automatically distills a definition or pattern down to what presents itself to me as its truest, most basal form (I do something similar with my conscious judgment, but here I’m referring to something which precedes my awareness, the way the data paints a picture). I feel very disconnected from my surroundings (even in the situational sense, disconnected from what  I’m living at any given time in my life), what permates into my consciousness is what it appears to mean with regards to my internal frame, though this isn’t always evident to me. I don’t perceive the current state of almost anything, I perceive ultimate implications and idealized states long before I see that. I grasp trajectory before attempting to account for it, the point of convergence. I get extremely lost when my day-to-day, atomized experiences don’t play into an immanent sense of direction, when I cannot place them on my overarching scheme (and again, some of this I consciously engage with, some I do not), into an ethos, this causes me a great deal of grief. I’m constantly engaged in the construction of a personal vision of life, mostly through playing out what I’ve listed above. The notion that a particular thought process, theory, person, interpretation, conversation, etc, stops short of anything significant, that it is shallow and menial, is one I frequently entertain, and it greatly bothers me. External perceptions of me frequently include pompousness, very reserved, unwilling to engage in “proper” small-talk, too serious, etc; friends frequently complain that I’m too esoteric in my thoughts, that I suck all topics dry by delving into them far too deeply, that I don’t share the stepping stones required to follow my thought process, that I transform all things into metaphysical, or at least philosophical conundrums/matters.

For dominant Ne, I abhor intellectual rigidity and stability, I continually expand my initial data set to entertain more and more possibilities surrounding a given question/matter/idea/etc (or even continue asking associated questions and exploring their possibilities, not settling for an answer when I encounter something that might resemble one, though I am searching for truth). I don’t insist that “truth” be singular - though in some sense, I’m always searching for the most profound nature of that which we call truth -, nor do I insist that it conform to my initial definition of it. I constantly shift lenses, I try to envision things in as many ways as I possibly can - I take the problem of the limitation of motivated perception (and perception in general) to heart. I prefer to under-commit conviction wise. I’m not as attached to specific views as I am to the capacity to shift between them, though this may be locally overwritten at a specific time. I almost never perceive what is actual, I perceive the potential present (if we wish to conceptualize it this way) in an object or an idea, all its implications and latent connections, but very rarely do I perceive the thing itself - I see the manifest state of a thing as just one among many, with the special property of being just that, “actual”. I can often be lost among the plurality of possibilities, and become disenchanted with current projects, as their possibilities appear played out, as I know their final resting place; what made them compelling is no more once I’ve visualized their entirety. Though I don’t need much external stimuli (beyond access to data), I always need a puzzle or cognitive enterprize, or else I feel foggy, unmotivated and be somewhat dysfunctional. I have a distaste for close mindedness, tradition for its own sake, comfort derived from the denial of anomaly, comfort derived from regularity, the inability to expand, and “slow” thinking, for what’s set.  External perception of me often include impractical, physically clumsy, scattered.

In terms of auxiliary Ti/Ne, the issue is precisely understanding the hierarchy, so I don’t believe it would be useful to write that down. What I can’t tell is just what is at the top of the hierarchy, which of these functions would I repress, were they in conflict with each other.

For auxiliary Fe, many of the ways in which I acquire new ideas are related to people, to social environment, and the attribution of value to a given person. A lot of my intellectual experimentation involves (to borrow from Eric Weinstein) running minds in emulation, both to access their full frame of reference, and to understand how ideas and experiences impact a given person, and their mind. Many of my intellectual interests and concerns are ethical in nature - I don’t believe ethics inhabit a domain entirely separate from that of logic, at least as far as humans are concerned. I search for “phenomenological truths” about value and meaning, I take the wellbeing of conscious creatures to be of paramount importance; I care very profoundly about questions of meaning and the construction of value. I have a fairly intuitive feel for emotional atmosphere, and find understanding people’s experience, motives, internal systems, aspirations, etc, to be fairly easy, and frequently rewarding. I don’t consider progress in a given field to constitute “progress” in relation to humans unless it serves them, so in that sense, the ethical consideration reigns supreme. I have frequently ended up in the role of the mediator or therapist due to my capacity to be a warm, yet distant participant, empathizing in the sense of understanding,but not directly experiencing other’s pain, aligning myself instead with the ideal we’ve negotiated for the purposes of that interaction. Interpersonal relationships greatly matter to me, and I require emotional depth to feel satisfied.

For tertiary Si, I systematize and archive data with a focus on continuity, I relate facts, ideas, thoughts, etc, with my impressions of them, providing them with an experiential tint once stored. My sense perceptions don’t depend as much on the intensity of the stimulus as they do on the overlay I apply to them; I often feel as though I’m embedded in a dream world, the sense is that what’s in front of me is playing out in my mind. I attempt to reconcile past impressions and thoughts with present one’s and this process can at times be gradual, and rather meticulous, I maintain a sense of psychological interconnectedness. I value incremental progression, but don’t frequently engage in it, meaning it is not a general approach. I have at times, when rather unhealthy, closed myself off from most everything, seeking comfort in nostalgia, reaffirmation of past-established truths, and aesthetics (also in this fashion).

For tertiary Fe, a good deal of my insecurity stems from social approval, or the lack thereof, as it relates to my self-image as an intelligent, competent, profound and creative thinker (although the majority comes from my own thoughts on the matter); I therefore seek validation of this nature when feeling particularly unsure of myself. At times when I was particularly mentally unhealthy, I have treated all social interaction as a game of sorts, a set of rules one must entertain in order to gain mastery, seeing people as sets of causal repercussions. I have at times felt an unusual sense of despair at a lack of intrinsic value, both in myself, and structurally, occasionally seeking it in others dysfunctionally. I have at times taken joy in being socially disruptive, validating myself through opposition. Most frequently however, I have a sort of stoic composure, and a good diplomatic handle on most situations, meaning I package ideas for optimal reception, and attend to social harmony.

For tertiary Ti, I have at times had extremely poor awareness of my own well-being and emotional state, social circumstances, and things of this nature, my responde being a defence made-up of faulty logic, and an untruthful exaggeration of what I’d describe as my calculating nature. Most of my denial has consisted of just this, more or less thinly veiled emotional turmoil covered by categorical rationalization, a lack of empathy accompanied by an arrogant affirmation of intellectual or moral high-ground, and self-isolation. As for the positive aspects, the proper usage, I stated most of it in the dominant Ti section, including great analytic capacity with a focus on breaking everything down to its constituent elements, or basal assumptions, proper management of emotions due to a capacity to dissociate the experiential elements of a given thing from its qualities as viewed from a third-person stance, etc.

For inferior Fe, my tendency is to detach from emotion, analysing even perceptions of value from a relatively distantanced standpoint, always afraid to taint them with humanity; this goes for interpersonal relationships as well, which I’ve very often struggled to experience as significant due to the mechanistic approach I favor (often very useful to the person on the other end), and the way it combines with the cold-yet-warm sympathy I described earlier. Stubbornly irrational thought is one of the few things that can arouse annoyance in me with some ease, I’m often appalled by it, and can lose social tact in the face of it. At my very worst, I feel foggy, I lose the ability to think or understand myself clearly , I feel limited in my understanding of myself and others, and often develop an irrational fear of rejection or an inferiority complex associated with cognitive prowess. It can feel as though I’m taking action without knowing why, perceiving the action as stupid from the offset, yet engaging in it anyway, something extremely uncharacteristic of me. I can become needlessly confrontative and be easily provoked, something which again, is really a rarity.

For inferior Si, at my worst, I can feel overwhelmed by a fear of never embodying my potential, never amounting to anything, never having a truly revolutionary or transdisciplinary contribution to give. I often dwell on regrets, regrets I don’t even experience as a general rule, let alone spend a significant portion of time on. I can display hypochondriacal tendencies, very poor awareness of my physical well-being, and a have a great deal of trouble focusing on anything. It can feel as though all that’s ahead is eternal recurrence, like I cannot visualize any form of transcendence, like I’ve exhausted myself and all possibilities. I feel as though I’ve wasted time, but continue to do so, progressively distancing myself from vision and action both. I become rather pessimistic and feel unable to connect to external happenings. One of my demons is certainly the construction of mental “castles” at the expense of expansion, and the capacity to leap forth, I fear this greatly.

For inferior Se, I can become uncharacteristically unreceptive to new data, preferring to mull-over already present theories for their elegance, and perceived truth. I have, in extreme situations, taken the form of a hedonist of sorts, engaging in substance abuse, neglecting my desires for meaningful engagement, favoring instead short-sighted nihilistic impulsivity. I can start to feel as though my life is a homogenous blob, each moment, day, week, merely passing by me, tiring me, leaving me with a sense of emptiness; in the face of this, I’m frequently clueless as to the way in which I should proceed, but even when I’m not, I seem unable to take action. I feel extremely disconnected from the physical world, and even my own body, feeling as though I’m ten feet above the ground, bumping into things and injuring myself with some frequency. External disturbances, specifically of the sensory variety can be unbearable, taking on far more color than they normally would, bothering me to an unreasonable extent. At times like this I feel a need to immerse myself in a physical task, tire myself through sheer brute force, though this fails to do anything but momentarily relieve me of my frustration, it can give me room to think. I feel apathetic, unable to live, or become involved in my experience.

As I'm sure you can tell, my main issue is identifying my main approach, I'm hoping that in making a case for each function, and displaying my thought process, you'll be able to discern something I myself have not seen. If this data doesn't suffice, or is in some way inadequate, let me know. Either way, thank you