#it's hard to make sure its both pretty and legible

[baltharino]

Rina Tennoji ~ Tsunagaru Connect

[trillscienceofficer]

lovely metas btw. if you dont mind, do you have thoughts on the differences between Janeway's dynamics with the younger female chars (B'elanna, Seven) and the males ones (Harry, even Tom Paris)?

Thank you, glad you like my thoughts!

As for your question here, I've been giving it some thought since I received this ask and to be perfectly honest with you I'm not sure I can give a definitive answer. Do I think there's a difference between the dynamic Janeway has with Harry and Tom VS the one she has with B'Elanna and Seven? Yes. If you look closely enough they're four different dynamics entirely, and they're influenced by factors that go beyond the characters' genders, I think. Keep in mind thought that it's been a while since I've watched Voyager in its entirety, and my assessment will likely not be very precise.

I think Harry's dynamic with Janeway is the most similar to what B'Elanna (and Seven) also have with the Captain. He starts out as an officer fresh out of the Academy and with bright prospects and Janeway takes him under her wing in order to guide him through his rise in the ranks. Except between hard work that never gets recognized and weirdly invasive and controlling behavior* Harry pretty much remains in her shadow until the end. He isn't even allowed to have the "space for growth" (putting it in quotes because I vehemently disagree with the usage of this trope, I'd like female characters to not be pigeonholed as love interests while calling it character development) that B'Elanna and Seven get by pursuing (long-term) romantic relationships. Of course all this is a symptom of the latent racism in the writing, but it's notable that Janeway oscillates between believing in Harry and trusting him with her life and being thoroughly disappointed by him. It's not clear either, at least it's not to me, how they stand with each other by the end of the show. Is she still mentoring him? What is there left to mentor in someone like Harry, who was Starfleet to the bone from the start, just as Janeway is, and who has spent the last seven years being one of the most effective executors of her orders? There is so much ambiguity here, imho, and that's why I'm reminded of Janeway's way of dealing with B'Elanna, even with differences.

*(the part in "The Disease" where Janeway berates him for not having asked permission to have sex with the aliens is still such a travesty. I know the writing makes it seem like a Starfleet thing but come on! Nowhere else this rule was clearly ever enforced)

Tom, I think, it's the person where the ambiguity wrt Janeway isn't so pronounced compared to the others (which is saying a lot, given "Threshold" lmao). Tom totally wants Janeway's approval as much as he wants his father's and he is a bit her creature as well, since she gave him a second opportunity on Voyager. But imho (and I may misremember, I'm admittedly not Tom's biggest fan) both her trust and her disappointment in him are... structured? Within a clearly established hierarchy? She gives him orders to go undercover (trust), she demotes him and gives him brig time (disappointment), she promotes him back again. Neither Harry, nor B'Elanna, nor Seven have a clear-cut understanding of Janeway's opinion of them in comparison. All three are stuck in a way less legible situation with her.

It's very interesting to think about, although again I have to wonder how much of this murkyness is deliberate characterization and how much is the result of a deadly mix of misogyny and racism in the writing.

[cognitosclowns]

hey this might be a weird request but do you have any headcanons about everyone's handwritings? thanks!!!

OOH THIS WAS SUPER FUN TYSM,

all sfw!! Program used is (here)

OKIE ILL TRY TO KEEP THIS SHORT BC I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOR DECADES BUT :

OKAY on debated giving her,, Super Pristine Writing because she seems to have everything together

BUT

It's implied that she used to be a reporter? SO <333 I WANTED TO GIVE HER SMTH A BIT MORE,, SNAPPY <3.

Quick but legible! She's used to having to write down a lot of info vvvv quickly, so she kinda had to adapt on the go and WHABAM <3

LIKE,,, if she NEEDS to, ofc she can have Really Smooth, Pretty Writing,, but,,,, nah she likes to stick to Old Reliable sndmsnd.

OH and she absolutely knows shorthand. Anything of her's that,, doesn't need to be read by others is gonna be in shorthand <3

OH COME ON <333 THE TRIANGLE A'S I COULDN'T PASS IT UP. Not only efficient but,, On Theme smdsnd

Took reference from ep's 2 and 4 where we got to see her write!! She <33 seems to like Big Clunky Letters

NOT DIRECTLY RELATED BUT,, she types so INTENSELY DEAR GOD. VV fast, VV loud - everyone assumes she’s mad but,, nah she’s just efficient smdns

She much prefers typing bc,,, her handwriting can never keep up with how fast her thoughts are going?

EY SAME N'S AS REAGANS, PICKED THIS MOSTLY BC I LOVED THAT PARALLEL.

He gives me the vibes of smb who,, writes SUPER HARD but also vv fast?? It makes an audible sktch-sktch-sktch and leaves an indent on the page underneath. 

<3333 UNCANNILY clean, to the point that it looks typed out

HE ALSO,, writes like 3d printer?? like he doesn't go letter by letter - to an outside observer, he makes this Very Quick Diagonal Scribble Motion, and somehow it creates Pristine Writing. (absolutely unecessary, but he delights in unnerving ppl)

OH AND DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND that this man wouldn't do,, the most Dramatic, Swoopy handwriting when signing things. Just to be a showoff. Little bastard smdns.

*vague gestures* business

OH but just <33 very loose-wrist handwriting. He signs so many things,, all the time,, oughe he absolutely has a Ganglion cyst or like,, carpel tunnel. By the end of most nights its just an,, Up-Down-Up-Down zig-zag.

he used to have a Super Swirly signature but,, eventually it just became a loose scribble

OH he probably had,, passable handwriting but his coordination is dreadful post-surgery

SMDNS DOESN'T HELP THAT,,, HE ABSOLUTELY SKIPPED MOST OF THE PHYSICAL THERAPY HE SHOULD HAVE DONE.

It isn't that he can't write, it's just difficult to get the letters as precise as he used to and that has a habit of frustrating him? So then he writes even worse and it becomes a kerfuffle

if he's patient tho and gives himself a singular break its pretty clear!!

A hint of Fancy Yancy, but it's loosened up a bit as he's gotten older and distanced from his Private School Years!!

OH he absolutely journals <33 nothing too fancy - a few photos he's printed out, mostly of The Gang, little things around Cognito that he appreciates, etc!!!

Ofc he could do all that online but,,, the act of writing everything out forces him to take his time with it? and really thing through and appreciate the memories he's writing down? eaoughe <3

This font was chosen for the kindness of it's smile and I'm not ashamed to admit it

TENTACLE MAN WOULD HAVE SHIT HANDWRITING. IF HE GAVE HIMSELF HANDS IT'D BE EVEN WORSE.

Truly deeply madly please never ask him to write down anything for you it will only end in pain. 

He both does not listen and does not care about most things that ppl are saying and OOFE THATS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER SMDNSD.

LIKE SURE ITS VAGUELY comprehensible but overall??? no smdnsmd. If he's gotta record smth he's 1000% gonna prefer oral dictation - he can speak a mile a minute when he wants to!

He's on Every Drug All At Once All The Time sdmsnd there's no way he has clean hand writing

I feel like it also,, wobbles a lot?? Full on ~~~~ across the page, and instead of correcting on the NEXT line, he just follows that same curve??

OH and he has a horrible habit of overestimating how much he can cram in the margins. There's never enough space, he's gonna end up overlapping into stuff he's already written and hate himself in the morning when he's gotta re-read it-

DESPITE ALL THIS? He does like writing stuff by hand most of the time - it kinda helps ground him? He has a bad habit of getting,, TOO caught up in his projects. When his hand starts cramping, its usually a good reminder to stop.

The only time he sticks to typing is when his tics are being A Pain In The Ass bc,, he doesn’t want to bother with having to scratch stuff out over and over again lmao

[max1461]

I’m honestly not sure if that guy is exactly a reactionary. I also think things have been getting worse for a while now, but I don’t think a lack of religion caused it, or that bringing religion back is gonna fix it. That said, I think the people who say that life for young people has been getting better overall aren’t paying attention. The internet not existing would’ve improved my teen and college years immensely, for example.

I think this position is... difficult to defend, at best. For one, if it is true, it certainly only applies to wealthy post-industrial economies. Life in most of the world has gotten significantly better over the last thirty years by a wide variety of metrics. Look at China, or much of Africa, or the former Soviet bloc, and it's pretty clear that things are better now than they were in 1991! Going back further gives you different results on some issues (IIRC general prosperity in eastern Europe was higher in the late Soviet period than it is today), but the overall picture of improvement is far starker. We've eliminated smallpox! We've eliminated polio! We've gone over 70 years without a war between major powers! Things are like, pretty good!

Beyond that, well, you say your teen and college years would have been better without the internet—that's fair, but are you considering the existence of people (e.g. me) whose teen and college years were better with the internet? Well, actually, I don't know if they were better because I don't have an alternate scenario to compare them to. But like, insofar as you have a reasonable intuition that the internet made your time worse, I have a similar intuition that it made mine better. To make this argument one way or the other we'd have to actually get some data on... something, I don't know what, and look at that. This is why I say your claim is at best hard to defend.

There are a couple of things that I think the modern world has starkly failed at. The most obvious is dealing with climate change (and, you know, causing climate change in the first place). The second thing is accommodating a diversity of lifestyle preferences, whether those preferences be personally derived or derived from culture or whatever. People who have been quite content living as pastoralists, or hunter-gatherers, or just not having an email address or whatever are required in an ever-greater capacity to make themselves legible to the world of industrial capitalism, and this is reflected in the slow subsumption of most kinds of diversity (linguistic, cultural, etc.) to a small number of hegemons. The rate of language death, for instance, is higher than it's ever been. If there's any criticism of the modern world that's worth levying, I think this is it. But that doesn't have much to do with the internet—if I had to guess I'd say the internet has probably helped.

All that said, the initial tweet in question was, blatantly, reactionary. The sentiment "what's wrong with the world is that people are indulging in too much hedonistic pleasure and thereby public morals have deteriorated" is blatant reactionary nonsense, with both a deeply suspect set of ethical assumptions and no grounding in data whatsoever as regards its fact-claims. It's total bullshit.

[heroloverangel]

A Welcome Distraction

Natsuo always hates the first day of school every year.

Natsuo’s never wanted to be a hero. While he’s proud of his baby brother’s success, he’s too familiar with its darker side to ever be interested. He dreads the start of every school year, when he’s forced to introduce himself to new classmates who inevitably notice how familiar the name Todoroki is. He hates having to nod and give a vague explanation that no, he’s never been close with his father and no, he didn’t inherit Endeavor’s quirk and no, he really doesn’t want to talk more about it.

“So, what’s your power?”

He’d hoped starting at the university would be a welcome change from this script but is annoyed to hear the other students already introducing themselves and asking each other about their quirks. He notices someone tap the shoulder of the girl sitting next to him, and his fingers tighten around his pencil when he overhears the conversation.

“Oh. I don’t have one.” He notices you look down at your lap, almost embarrassed by your answer. “I’m quirkless,” you admit, and the people around you react with awkward sympathy. He watches you from the corner of his eye; clearly he’s not the only one who’s always grown up hating the first day of class. You’re pretty, he thinks, and files this fact away as the professor appears at the front of the room to start the lesson.

He learns soon enough that you’re more than just a pretty face. He catches a glimpse at your notes one day and is shocked how neat and orderly they are compared to his barely-legible scribbles. When you get your first test grades back, it’s not a surprise that you’ve done significantly better than most of your classmates. “If I can’t be strong, I can at least be smart,” you joke, and the smile you flash at him makes a warm feeling bloom in his chest. He finds himself tripping over his words when he asks to study with you, but you agree to meet him at the library despite his fumbling.

It goes better than expected. You have a lot in common; both of you are working towards medical degrees and have plenty to talk about when it comes to your planned careers. It’s not a surprise when one study meetup turns into two, then three, until eventually you drop the excuse and just start dating openly. Natsuo is less experienced than you, he’d never really been comfortable with the thought of bringing someone to his family’s home, but he devours your affection like a man starved and gives back just as much.

You’ve had another fun night out when you invite him back up to your dorm. This isn’t the first time you’ve found yourselves making out on your bed, but he’s never been quite this quick to get your shirt off and have his hands on you. His fingers tickle along your ribs as he moves over your skin and you let out a quiet laugh. “You sure are excited tonight, huh?”

You see the beginning of a blush spread across his cheeks. “Sorry. Is this too fast?”

You shake your head and offer him a warm smile. “No, I like it.” You want him to be comfortable, and you’ve been happy to go at his pace with your relationship, but you can’t deny that you’ve been waiting enthusiastically for more. The two of you haven’t done much more than this yet, Natsuo content to grope you through your bra as you see how far you can get your tongue down his throat. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing,” he says without meeting your eyes. “It’s just...I’m supposed to meet my family for dinner tomorrow. Really, it’s nothing.”

Ah. You don’t know the full details of the Todoroki family’s drama, you haven’t been dating long enough to learn it, but you have a decent idea. If he needs a distraction, something pleasant to take his mind off of things, you’re happy to provide it. You take his face in your smaller hands and pull him in for a deep kiss. “It’s okay, let’s just have some fun.” He nods, letting you pull the shirt over his head to admire his body. He’s in surprisingly great shape for someone who spends so much time studying, and you don’t miss the opportunity to run your hands down his chest and stomach to the trail of white hair above his jeans.

He shivers at your touch and runs his hands up your arms, leaving goosebumps in their path. His temperature is always slightly lower thanks to his quirk, but that’s not why your skin reacts to the slight brush of his fingers as he reaches for the straps of your bra. “This is okay?” He waits for your approval before slipping them down your shoulders and reaching behind you for the hooks. It’s adorable how much he fumbles with the task until you take pity on him and do it yourself. “You’re, um...you’re really pretty,” he mumbles, unable to take his eyes off you.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you joke, and earn a nervous laugh in return. “Come here,” you insist, guiding his hand up to your chest. “You should touch me.” Natsuo moves cautiously, squeezing your breast gently like he’s afraid he’ll break you. His fingers tease against your nipple and you sigh. “I like it, do that again.” He’s eager to please, and before long both your nipples perk up stiff and sensitive from his touch. 

Your kisses have gotten more heated, and with all the distractions he hasn’t noticed your own hands working at his pants until you’re able to get the zipper down and palm him through his underwear. He lets out a choked gasp and you give him an innocent kiss on the cheek. “If you wanna stop, let me know. Alright?”

“I don’t wanna stop,” he blurts out before you can finish the sentence. You can feel him hard and warm through the fabric and he quickly loses his focus he’s had on your chest as you touch him. You look up to his face and enjoy the sight of him, mouth open and a deeper blush on his cheeks, his eyes wide as he stares down at your moving hand. You plant a kiss on his neck, your lips brush over his hammering pulse and you can taste the sweat forming on his skin.

He makes the cutest little groans in the back of his throat as you work, and soon enough you’re impatient for more. Your fingers hook into the waistband of his underwear and tug them down to expose his dick for your attention and his body jolts so hard at the contact that you’re almost thrown off balance. “I’ve got you,” you coo soothingly. “Lemme take care of you, sweetheart.” He swallows hard and nods. He’s bigger than the boyfriends you had in high school; your thighs press together when you imagine how he’ll feel inside you. Your fingers wrap around his shaft and you begin stroking him, relishing the sound of him panting louder as you get to work. 

Natsuo isn’t quiet with his feelings, and you’re flattered to hear how much he loves your attention with every moan and whine from his mouth. “That’s good,” he huffs. “You're, uh. You’re so good, babe.” He ruts into your hand mindlessly, hungrier for this than either of you had expected, and you love every second of it. Your free hand runs through the soft hair at the back of his head and pulls him down to meet your lips again; his noises are muffled but still grow louder as you feel his hips stutter beneath your arm. You look down just in time to watch his cock twitch as he comes over your fingers, and he’s breathing hard when you meet his eyes. You wipe your messy hand off on your own pants and grin.

He clears his throat and tries to speak, but he’s cut off as you practically lunge toward him. “That was...so…fucking...hot,” you gush between kisses, trying to get the rest of your clothes off without pulling away from him. He’s dazed for a minute but his mind recovers when you lay back into your sheets and reach for him to join you. “Sooo…” You can’t help but feel a bit self conscious when he’s gawking at your naked body like that. “You think you might want more?”

He blinks, his frazzled brain needing an extra second to process the question. “Yeah,” he says slowly. He runs a hand up your leg and feels how invitingly warm your bare skin feels against his. “Whatever you want,” he insists, fingers tracing between your thighs almost curiously. “You got really wet,” he notices with surprise, and you almost giggle at his reaction. Didn’t he notice how much you enjoyed giving him that warm up? He prods lightly at your opening then circles your clit. Encouraged by your breathy response, he lets a finger press into your pussy and the way his name leaves your throat makes him thankful for every day of his life that’s lead to meeting you. You don’t need much help from him, another finger is quick to join the first and your voice is too sweet as you plead with him for more, more, more. You’re trying your best to let him have his fun now, but you’ve always been a little greedy.

“Natsuuu,” you whine, spreading the lips of your cunt to give him a perfect view of just how patient you/ve been so far. You’re dripping around his hand; when you look at him you can see precum starting to leak from the cock that’s just as excited to continue. “Enough teasing,” you demand. “I want it now.”

“Okay,” he agrees finally, and looks around your room. “Do you, y’know, have any-”

You’ve been waiting for this for weeks. “Yeah, in here!” You cut him off, a little too excited for your own dignity, and flail your arm towards the nearest drawer. You can’t reach into it from your position, but you’re able to scoot it open a few inches for him to blindly feel around and find the pack of condoms.

“Okay,” he says again. You watch him fumble with the box, you think it’s cute, and then he manages to tear the first condom entirely in half in his haste to get it out of the wrapper. “Shit!”

You meet each other’s eyes, and neither of you can keep from laughing at the situation. It eases the tension in your room a bit, you take it from him and get the next one open without issue. He’s only a little clumsy as he puts it on and settles between your legs, lining himself up just outside your waiting body. “Ready?” You nod, and he lets out a deep breath to calm his nerves before his dick pushes inside of you.

You’d be embarrassed at how needy you sound if Natsuo’s moan wasn’t absolutely obscene in comparison. His mouth is wide open gasping for air, face read and eyes screwed shut as he tries hard to control himself while he sinks deeper into your pussy. “Hey, you can move,” you offer and he follows, slipping partially out and thrusting back in a little faster than before. You were plenty ready for him, but there’s still a delicious stretch as he bottoms out inside you. You both need a second to catch your breaths; you to adjust to him filling you this much, him to contain this new, primal instinct to rut into you like a madman while you’re wrapped so perfectly around him. You drape your arms around his shoulders and give them a little squeeze. “It’s alright, Natsu. Go head,” you tell him with a smile.

He knows he’s a lot stronger than you, quirk or not, and still has enough sense to move slow at first. “You’re so warm,” he groans, his face buried in your neck as he gets familiar with your body. “Wanna stay here with you forever,” he mumbles in your ear.

Your hips buck up to meet his. “Me too, honey,” you sigh, running a hand through his tousled white hair. His cock rubs against a sensitive spot inside you and you cry out for him, only spurring him to move faster. “Mmm, Natsu. Don’t stop.”

Are you crazy? He couldn’t make himself stop if his life depended on it. He’d tell you as much, but all that comes out of his mouth are groans, and your name, and a jumble of pretty words complimenting you over and over. It’s sweet, but right now you’d much rather have his lips on you than singing your praises. Your fingers tangle in his hair and yank him back down until you can catch his lips with your own. Your arms tighten around him to bring his sweaty chest flush against yours; you can feel his heart pounding along with yours and run your hands soothingly over his back to ground him. You’re here for him, he remembers, and you’re not going anywhere.

You don’t think either of you expect that he’d last long this first time. He’s holding himself together well enough so far, and then you stretch one leg up over his hip to draw him even deeper into your welcoming cunt. Natsuo’s body shudders on top of you, breaking the kiss as his head snaps back and your name babbles out in so many precious little gasps. His dick throbs hard inside you, and even through the condom you know he’s coming as his thrusts gradually slow to a stop. You stare at each other, your face feeling just as hot as his looks and you grind your pelvis up against his before he loses concentration. “Huh?...Oh!” The lightbulb goes off in his mind. “Sorry, what can I do for you?”

You’re not too far from your own orgasm after helping him with his. “Here, just touch me,” you take his hand in yours and guide it down your stomach to your clit, you trust he can figure things out from here. Natsuo’s happy to provide, fingertips swirling around it with devoted attention and he’s soon rewarded with the feel of your pussy clenching like a vise around his spent cock still buried snugly inside you. “Natsuuuu,” you whimper out, and it’s a surprise that the sound of your voice like this, so breathless and sweet for him, doesn’t instantly get him hard again.

He pulls out of you slowly and tosses the condom in your trash can, then lays back down with his head on your chest. “Can we just stay like this for a while?” You murmur an approval and stroke his hair slowly while the two of you recover, sharing grins and cheerful little laughs whenever you meet each other’s eyes. “You’re really great, y’know that?”

You give him a peck on the cheek. “You too.” Eventually you move, using all your upper body strength to push him up off the bed with you to sit up. “It’s getting kinda late and I still need to shower,” you don’t miss the disappointed look he tries to hide, and wrap your fingers around his own. “Do you wanna stay the night? You don’t have class until 11 tomorrow, right? You’d have plenty of time to get back to your own dorm in the morning.”

You see him perk up immediately at the offer. “That sounds good, we can get coffee or something on the way there. My treat?”

It’s a fair trade, you’re going to insist on one of those fancy pastries with the creme filling for breakfast. Your legs are only slightly wobbly as you stand up to give him one last kiss and look for your towel. “Come shower with me,” you order, and he’s more than happy to obey. There’s such a light, airy feeling in his chest that not even the looming specter of a family dinner can spoil his mood now.

[haikyuuhoo]

Broken Promises

Pairing: Akaashi x Reader

Summary: In which your heart keeps pulling you back to a place you wish you could just forget.

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: ANGST. That’s it. Enjoy :)

A/N: This is kinda like a college!AU? Akaashi and Bokuto are roommates lol. Anyway, here’s me jumping on the bandwagon and writing a fic while listening to Driver’s License. I haven’t stopped playing it all day.

Find Part 2 here!

You know how sometimes you're driving, and you end up not remembering what you did for the last few minutes, then you suddenly come to and you're at a place you don't remember driving to? That must have been how you ended up in front of Akaashi's house, blinking up at it like you were waking from a dream. As soon as you realized where you were you peeled out of the neighborhood, shaking your head and gripping the steering wheel tight.

That can never happen again.

But it did, and it happened nearly every night.

There were times you noticed before you turned onto his street, and you quickly drove past, trying not to sneak a glance down the road to his home. Other nights you didn’t realize until you had been sitting outside for a few minutes. You tried to make it stop, but it was so hard when you lived so far from campus, your evening classes just rendering you so tired. Your mind wandered as you drove, and you knew you should probably make a habit of getting a coffee or something so you wouldn’t be driving in this state, but you avoided it because you wanted to be able to fall right into bed when you got home. You skipped dinner most nights because of how exhausted you were, and you could hear Akaashi’s voice in your head each time.

Akaashi stroked his fingers over your hair, a soft frown forming on his face as he took in the way you pressed your face into the pillows. “You really need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

You knew he was scolding you, but his voice was so soft that it nearly made you melt. “’M tired, ‘Kaashi,” you whined, burrowing yourself further into the blankets.

“I know you are, angel, but you need to eat. I know you barely have any time for lunch. I want to make sure you’re doing okay.”

You huffed, turning to press your cheek against the pillow and look up at him with sleepy eyes. “Will you stay with me?”

He smiled, knuckles grazing across your cheek as he brushed your hair out of your face. “Of course I will. I’ll even fall asleep with you if it’ll make you feel better.”

Nodding, you sat up and managed a tired smile. You always slept so much better with him next to you, especially with how busy you’d been lately. When you were with him you could just relax, forget about everything that was making you stressed. He made you feel safe.

But nowadays you could never bring yourself to pull your body out of your bed after throwing yourself on it once you arrived home, limbs already sinking comfortably into the mattress. You fell asleep, probably missing one too many dinners and crying far too many tears.

And so you always ended up back there, back where your subconscious took you every day. Where your heart pulled you. You knew the turns without even thinking, and you wished you didn’t. You wished you’d never come here at all, not even before you and Aakaashi split. It would make this so much easier.

You were grateful for the days when your friends joined you on your drives. Talking to them kept you conscious enough of your driving that you didn’t even think about going to Akaashi’s. But, well, you didn’t think about that any other day either and you ended up there anyway… They just kept you in the moment, and it prevented your subconscious from taking over and driving you to his house.

This time, when you came to, you were in tears. You were still driving, and you had to pull over due to the tears blurring your vision. You covered your face with your hands and sobbed, a horrible, gut-wrenching sound forcing its way out of you. If anyone had been observant enough to notice your drives, they might think you were stalking him. But you were doing the opposite. All you wanted to do was forget about him, but your mind wouldn’t let you. Your heart wouldn’t let you.

You’d never felt the way you felt about him for anyone else. You’d never loved anyone the way you loved him.

He just didn’t feel that way about you.

You spared a glance over at the driveway, and it only made you cry more. Akaashi’s car was there, but in place of where Bokuto’s car usually sat was a car you didn’t recognize. You knew it wasn’t Kuroo’s—you’d sat in the back seat of it plenty of times on the way to parties—and if he were there then Bokuto would have been anyway. Truth be told, it could have belonged to any of his friends, but you couldn’t help the way your mind drifted and wondered who it was. Was it a new girl? Was she better than you? Was she sitting with him on his couch? Was she eating dinner with him? Was she warming his bed? Was she laying her cheek on the same pillow you used when you stayed at Akaashi’s house?

The thought made you want to throw up, and you rolled down the window to get some fresh air.

Once you’d calmed down a bit, the chill of the night settling inside your car, you pulled down the sun visor in front of you. You surely had mascara under your eyes, and you flipped open the cover to the mirror so you could wipe it away. Your breath caught in your throat as a folded piece of paper fluttered into your lap, its crinkled and worn surface illuminated by the glow of the streetlamp you sat beneath. You picked it up with a shaky hand. You knew what it was. You had half a mind to tear it to shreds, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. So instead you opened it, and you read.

Akaashi had brought you out for a beautiful picnic to celebrate your one-year anniversary. Sakura trees blossomed all around you, petals falling like snow when the gentle spring breeze blew through the park. You were laying on the blanket he’d brought, eyes closed, belly full, and smiling in content as you let the sun warm your face. Akaashi was laying beside you, but he propped himself up on one elbow, smiling as he looked down at you. Gently, he began picking up the small fallen flowers and placing them in your hair. After a few moments you lifted a hand up to shield your vision from the sun, peeking one eye open.

“What are you doing?” you giggled, and you couldn’t help the way your heart leapt at his reaction.

He blushed, freezing and looking down at you like a flustered schoolboy. “Nothing,” he said softly.

You smiled at him. “You’d better be making me look pretty.”

The corner of his mouth tugged upward, and he placed another flower in your hair. “You already look pretty.”

Closing your eyes again, you let out an amused hum and dropped your hand to rest on your stomach.

Akaashi hesitated, moving his arm that was supporting him downward so he could slip his hand into his pocket. He thumbed the corner of a folded piece of paper and bit his lip nervously. Clearing his throat, he sat up fully and looked down at you as he retrieved the paper from his pocket.

You raised your eyebrow and opened your eyes again when you noticed he was now shading you from the sun, and you sat up when you saw him looking at you. He thrust the paper toward you before you could even ask what was wrong.

“I wrote this for you.”

You took it from him, unfolding it and looking at the page. It was a poem. You glanced at him, and he gave you a small nod that encouraged you to begin reading. Your gaze trailed over the page carefully, and tears began forming in your eyes before you knew what was happening. You blinked them away as best you could, a few flowers fluttering back to the ground when you brought a hand up to wipe your eyes. “It’s so beautiful,” you whispered, reading it over and over again before you finally looked up at him. “I-I love it. Thank you, Keiji.”

He gave you a relieved smile, tears of his own brimming in his eyes. “I meant every word of it,” he breathed, leaning close to you and cupping your cheek.

“I love it,” you said again, and when you closed the gap to kiss him you could taste the tears on his lips.

You tasted salt on your tongue and realized you were crying again, both from heartbreak and at the beauty of his words. He’d always been a beautiful writer; you even enjoyed reading his essays over his shoulder when the two of you studied together.

But he couldn’t have meant any of those words. Not when he left you like this. All of his promises of forever, wrapped up in a little piece of paper, they’d all been broken the second he left you on your own. Maybe he did mean what he’d written at some point, but you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that. Not when you were here, heart still aching over the person you’d loved more than anything in the world. No, if he truly meant it he wouldn’t have left you here like this, broken and with no one to put you back together.

Besides, it was easier to accept that he’d never loved you at all than it was to believe he’d simply fallen out of love with you. It hurt less, especially when you still loved him more than your heart could take.

You panicked for a moment when you noticed your tears had fallen on the page, smudging the ink and blurring his beautiful handwriting. The words were barely legible anymore.

But you didn’t need to see them. You knew what it said. You’d read it over and over since the day he gave it to you until it was burned into your memory.

Now it was just another thing you wished you could forget.

You cursed under your breath and reached up to wipe your eyes again when you heard a noise drift in through your open window. A noise that sounded far too much like your name. Your head snapped over to Akaashi’s house, and you saw him. He stood outside of his front door, figure shadowed by the light coming from behind him.

Heart racing, you wiped your cheeks one last time and scrambled to shift your car into drive. But you didn’t move fast enough, and when you looked up Akaashi was standing right in front of your car, hands planted on the hood. Your headlights brightened him, a glow shining up the front of his body and accentuating every curve of his face as he stared at you through the windshield.

“Don’t,” was all he said, and the word had you putting your car back in park.

He moved around to your window and you could hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears. Your head tipped back so you could look at him, and the way he was looking down at you made the shattered pieces of your heart feel like they were crunching under his boot.

You couldn’t see any love in his eyes, no tenderness, simply the same deadpan expression he gave almost everyone.

Everyone except the people he cared about.

He was the one to finally break the silence.

“You can’t keep coming around here.”

And the heel of his boot dug in, grinding the remainder of your heart to dust.

“I know,” you whispered, eyes wide and watery as you looked up at him.

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

You swallowed, shaking your head and wishing you could look away from him. But you couldn’t, his gaze froze you in place. “I don’t know.”

The corners of his lips turned down, barely changing his expression, but it made a pang shoot through your chest.

“I’m sorry. You have to go.”

You nodded, finally able to turn your head away and grip the steering wheel.

He dropped his gaze, and it landed on the paper that sat in your lap. His eyes widened.

“Y/N, I—”

“Bye, Akaashi,” you whispered, and you rolled up the window before he could say anything else. You put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb, leaving behind Akaashi and the crumbled pieces of your heart, taking with you only a shell of yourself and the blurred words of his broken promises of forever.

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME - 4

(minor friendly chapter)

pairing : law student! Reader + yuta

Genre : angst, mafia au/arranged marriage au

Warnings : none.

Words : 5k

Summary:

"life's never fair y/n. Realise it as soon as you can. It is the only secret for living a regretless life."

Or

"curiosity got the cat hitched"

K.m masterlist

A/n : this series is totally minor friendly now. ✨

Previous morning in Taeyong’s office

“What was that for!” taeyong questioned jaehyun, clearly annoyed by his previous hostile mannerisms towards you. Jaehyun was on the receiving end of taeyong’s infuriation immediately after you departed from his office with doyoung.

“What!?” Jaehyun tried to act oblivious to Taeyong's accusations.

“Why were you trying to scare her? Escort ring! For fucks sake Jae, I expected better from you.”

“But it wasn’t a dead loss. And even you went along in the same wagon, so don’t put everything on me alone.” Jaehyun justified himself by shrugging his shoulders lightly. “And admit it! She was giving you a hard time. That bitch was not buying anything!

Taeyong knew jaehyun was right. Your unsatisfied replies and never ending enquiries were exasperating him, but he would rather preserve his precious ego than admitting that to jaehyun.

He ruffled his well-made hair before replying to Jaehyun, who was expecting some gratitude with a smug face.

“I-- just be careful and refrain from doing and saying anything that might put a dent in my plan. It’s a chance Neo would never get again. So be patient and don’t go around opening your mouth about this to anyone.” jaehyun reluctantly nodded,not hearing what he wanted but his affirmation calmed taeyong’s nerves. He couldn’t trust jaehyun entirely but his options were limited.

All the pieces were in the right place, for now. Nothing could go south right!

But jaehyun couldn’t completely understand the rationale behind Taeyong’s design.

and nor could the figure standing outside, completely hidden from the insiders.

The dread of the forthcoming finals substantiated the shortage of vacant seats in the kwanjeong library. You tried your best to arrive as expeditiously as possible for a person who partied, got abducted, arranged her own marriage, and again partied in grief, all in spam of about 34 hours. Finding no available seat, you decided to settle down on the floor. You gulped your cup of Americano in one go and began with the donut. As per a wise saying, Caffeine and sugar were the best combination as a breakfast for someone trying to get through their day with only 4 hours of sleep, the intellect being none other than your own self!

Yesterday was a pretty long day. Though you were worn out from the adventures with wonwoo last night, your brain wasn’t exhausted enough to shut down properly when you tried to close your eyes.The flashes of the events had shrouded you with a mixture of regrets and worries. What was the guarantee that you won’t end up dead tomorrow! What if taeyong was lying! But the fact regarding moon industries was absolutely legible. Maybe you should get a restraining order or something! But the existence of a person is necessary for that and yuta was a fucking corporate in the public eye and you were sure taeyong held some powerful position in the rich hierarchy as well, otherwise, covering the shits without revealing their true identities was not the job of some measly gang leader. There was more to taeyong than what someone could perceive just by looking. Will you be considered one of them now! After the little stunt that landed you straight into yuta’s life, you weren’t sure that he’d not strangle you in sleep. And What were you going to say to them? Chelin, yeom, guk, yeong.

and your thoughts spiralled from taeyong,yuta towards chelin and your friends and didn’t rest anytime before 4a.m. Waking up at 8 sharp , you took a shower and made your way towards the library.

And now you were here. 2 students passed your figure indicating that there were 2 vacant seats. Finally, after 15 minutes. They might have been the overnight students, you thought and walked inside before anyone else could claim the treasure. You had to find a new topic of thesis and do some research for an international paper your professor was writing, and you being his designated so-called subordinate had to help him, involuntarily of course. But in this world, the student who could refuse their professor’s demands was yet to be born! Marking the place by placing your bag, you started the search for last month’ law journals and digests. One and a half hours passed, but you couldn’t find anything on the international court of justice i.e. what your professor hadn’t already included. The urge to go out was profusely weighed down by your own sentiment of avoiding your friends. So you decided in favour of swallowing the bitter pill.

5 hours passed. The vibration of the timer in your phone prompted you to run off and get some food. It was already 2:30 and the lack of real food was making the tasks harder than they already were. Stepping outside into fresh air, instant regret of not bringing an umbrella washed over you. The sun was too bright unlike your mood and walking all the way to your favourite canteen would end up in you getting another headache. But you silently wished that every being from yesterday’s party was suffering from the same treatment of the over-the-top optimistic planet. why to suffer alone!

“Shortie” you lifted your head, spotting the combo of buy 1 get 1 free, heading your way.

“Where were you the whole day? And if you aren’t going to pick calls then please do that poor thing a favour and sell it!” yugyeom barked while running his hand through his hair.

You shrugged jungkook’s elbow from your shoulder and replied “I was busy with prof. Joong’s work. And I have to be somewhere after 4 so I was a bit-

“Joong should adopt you already man!” Jungkook interrupted, nudging your sides with his fingers.

“ but I thought he wanted to be her sugar daddy!” At that gyeom gave a serious and stern look to kook, pretending to ponder over his statement for a second and then suddenly they both started laughing, hands hitting you everywhere to support their doubling figures.

“Get away from me, idiots!” you shouted, trying to get away from them. Once they were done with showing their exaggerated emotions, you all giggled together in unison. they were wearing their fundraiser t-shirts, you noticed.

“When is the fundraiser?”

“At 5. But you won’t be there to support us cause you are busy with your daddy!” kook exclaimed while bumping your shoulder with his arm.

“I didn’t say I’m going for Joong’s work and no, he’s not my sugar daddy, doofus. I’m busy with tutoring. I missed someone’s Saturday class so—

“Okay, chill tiger. You need to breathe. It’s a boring event anyway.” gyeom said in a comforting tone, interjecting your rapid fire speech.

“I’m gonna have lunch, are you two going?” you suggested.

“Yeah, it’s our break and Yeong and Minjun have eaten already, so that leaves you!” kook pouted when gyeom mentioned his boyfriend’s name.

“Let’s go! I want my sugar” your dramatic pout made yugyeom pet your hair lovingly and the three of you started walking on a stone pathway on the way to the canteen.

“Where’s your umbrella?” jungkook asked you. He knew how much you hated walking under the sun after the drinking escapades.

“I forgot but let’s not talk about it. it’s making me grumpy.”

“Okay! but why don’t you cover your head with that scarf instead.” he said pointing towards the silky material around your neck.

“Naahh, it ruins my fashion” they gave each other a puzzled look, shrugging their shoulders for they both couldn’t gather the reason for your weird behaviour.

At lunch, you talked to them about the fundraiser and gave your own contribution for the noble cause. The conversation with them progressed too easily and for about an hour you forgot about the turmoil in your life, which was still unknown to them.

After parting away, you went straight to your professor to show him your progress. He took note of the materials you found on recent cases and dismissed you without showing any gratitude. Not even a word of appreciation.

A ping!

Jaemin: noona, doyoung hyung is picking you up at 4 but he won’t enter the campus. Be out at 4!

You let out a frustrated groan at his text. You had only met him once, when he conferred upon you the honour of connecting your phone to his server but that was not the only favour you received! He also saved his contact number with various hearts that you obviously removed after reaching home. you could only pray to heavens that he won’t be there today as well!

You made your way to the library again, this time to work on your thesis. The time passed faster than you thought. The alarm you placed earlier vibrated, indicating it was 4 already! You hastily made your bag and ran out of the library. It took 10 minutes to reach the gates of the campus. When you passed your dorms building, the idea of ditching doyoung and going to bed sounded tempting but as usual, nothing was going your way these days. You felt like the old catch 22 was in action.

You passed through the gates and looked around the road to find doyoung's car but he was nowhere to be seen. While you were scanning the whole area, a low voice called your attention.

“What are you finding, I’m right here under your nose” a voice said through gritted teeth.

Yes, he was indeed sitting in the car right in front of you and the only one you missed apparently. You walked around the car to sit on the passenger seat, the tinted windows hiding you from the outside funfair.

“What took you so long? It's 4:15 already.”

“I don’t have a car like you so I walked myself here and it’s not like I did it purposely anyway.” You contended, the annoyance in your voice matching his own.

“Whatever, we are already late so turn around. Taeyong would be mad.”

“No I’m not turning around. First that cloth bag, then the handkerchief you tied on my eyes yesterday, its painful man. I’ll lose my eyesight this way. And I can navigate the whole city from this place, you can’t hide your dungeon from me now” you reasoned. He didn’t tie your hands yesterday but your eyes were still covered.

“Then give me your scarf. I’ll cover your eyes with your own choice of article. It’s not painful or else you won’t be wearing it right! he said mockingly, pointing towards your neck.

“Umm, this scarf is act-

“Give me that already. I have some other things to handle as well.” assessing your options, you hesitantly removed the scarf, turning around to face the window immediately. Doyoung tied it across your eyes, checking the knot twice and tapped your shoulder. As you turned around, doyoung’s doe eyes widened, if that was even possible. Your collarbone and neck, which was visible through your v neck top, was covered with pretty purplish bruises. You fidgeted with your hands, flustered, feeling his eyes on you. But he remained quiet, focusing on the task at hand.

The whole drive was quiet and though your hands were not tied, you kept them on your backpack, hesitant to start any conversation. The car stopped finally, the mixed feelings coming back. The same process followed. He guided you inside but this time you passed only one door and the walk was quite shorter as well.

As doyoung was about to remove your scarf, a hand stopped him, or that was what you understood from the movements at that time.

“Silky scarf, blindfold and hickies haan! Being kinky doyoungie. She’s your sister-in-law. Show some respect boy!” a voice remarked, the air around your face suddenly filled with chocolate and coffee. You hiccupped all of a sudden, earning a chuckle from the unknown presence.

You tried to reach for the blindfold, but your hands were caught mid-air, the said hands removing it. You blinked your eyes a few times to make out the figure’s face. He was standing, mostly bending to match your stature, face smiling to show all of his teeth.

Yuta.

You, surprised, took a step back but instead bumped into the one behind you.

“I’ll take over from here, doyoung.” but fortunately, he didn’t budge. Your hold on the backpack tightened, your eyes lowered to avoid his gaze. The only thing in your view were his baggy pants and white sports shoes.

But yuta could see only you and nothing else. Taeyong wasn’t the only one awaiting your arrival. Yuta was equally anticipating you. His night was just as sleepless and anxious as you. He was afterall at the other end of the rope.

He raised your head, fingertips lightly grazing your chin. His hooded eyes roamed around your face like he was expecting you to show some contempt , hatred,nervousness! He straightened up abruptly and started tying the silk around your neck. You flinched at his touch but he remained void of any reaction. His half denim jacket and white t-shirt hid you from the surroundings, his arms almost engulfing you. He repositioned himself to match your height again, arms crossing against his chest.

“Looks like someone had a fun night.” and in a second, his honey smile changed into a smirk, letting go of any trace of earlier softer expressions. And the look on his face was enough to scare the shit out of anyone.

“Stop yuta” a taller man you recognised from yesterday as Johnny, pushed yuta aside from your view. It was then you saw that everyone was there. Including the one you were yet to encounter.

Your eyes wandered from one side to the other. Johnny let you inspect.

“Doyoung, what was the need to cover her eyes?” Johnny whispered to doyoung, breaking your trance.

“Why is everyone nagging me so much” he whined in a screeching voice.

“Karma bitch” Johnny pointed his forefinger towards him before giving his attention to you.

“Hey, how are you y/n.” he asked, his cheerful voice totally in contrast with the weather of the room.

“I’m- ummm.” you cleared your throat before continuing. “I’m fine Johnny. As fine I can be.” you mumbled the last part but he surely heard you.

“You remembered my name!” he clapped, his eyes turning into crescents. You gave him a tight lipped smile in return, waiting for some instructions. As if on cue, taeyong’s loud voice graced your ears.

“Come y/n. make yourself comfortable” he indicated towards the couches that were almost already occupied. Johnny gestured to you to proceed, walking with you. You passed yuta who was still smirking and sat on the single seat available next to taeyong. You placed your backpack on the large table in the middle of the room. It looked like a normal living room for guests, just with too many couches to accommodate the gang. You felt like an uninvited because apparently everybody was watching you like a hawk. Their stares changed sight only when yuta came to take a seat on one of the couches, exactly opposite to yours. You met his eyes briefly before turning your face towards your bag again.

Who knew the rusty zips of your bag were so interesting!

“So y/n I thought you should meet everyone. You are going to be part of this family soon. Better get acquainted with all.” taeyong addressed you while he sat on his couch majestically like a king. You heard a dry laugh and if you had to guess it had to be from jaehyun or yuta.

You didn’t understand why he wanted that. You were just a risk till yesterday and now means to discipline yuta.

And why all the formalities if you were gonna leave anyway.

“I’m going to leave anyway, taeyong. So I don’t see a need to do it!

You were too consumed to notice how your sentence turned all the heads around you. Some started giving side eyes to each other. There was something they were all missing.

“I said you could leave. But not without my permission. So, you’d be stuck for now, maybe till months or years.”

You gulped at his words. Taeyong turned your only hope into a distant dream. Maybe you were too foolish to gauge the situation.

“You want something to eat or drink before we continue” he asked in a sincere voice. Shaking your head, you rubbed your eyes with the palms of your hands to stop them from moistening. There was nothing more embarrassing than to cry in front of a bunch of strangers who didn’t give a shit about you.

“No, please continue.” you emphasised again to not draw any more attention to yourself than already was. And you internally thanked Taeyong who continued as if you weren’t just gonna cry!

“You will move in with yuta on Saturday,” it was Monday. “The wedding ceremony would be held in the morning. So you have a few days to prepare, everything from your dress to every other thing you need shall be arranged. Just name it and you’ll have it!”

Wedding ceremony! That was not on the plate!

“I don’t want a cerem-

“Leave the bullshit ta-

You and yuta both cut off each other simultaneously. You glanced at his side, finding him already piercing his gaze into yours.

“There’s no need for it. The paper signing is enough. It’s not like we are in-

You knew taeyong understood what you were trying to say, so you didn’t continue. But you were already having a feeling of superiority over yuta for being the first to offer your opinion. It felt like a payback for flustering you earlier. You refrained from facing him again, your body turned towards taeyong only, but you felt satisfied with the thought of him being riled up.

“Oh, but I want a ceremony taeyong and mark is going to be the best man. He’s so excited. You can’t do that to him!” yuta emphasised through the variation in his voice. You knew he changed his argument purposely , but you maintain your cool, opting to ignore him . bear and forbear.

Taeyong raised his eyebrow at you but you shook your head again.

“I don’t think it’d be a good idea. It’s not a normal one anyway so why pretend!” you held your ground.

“You aren’t getting married to a mannequin.” yuta retracted. “I’m getting married as well and don’t anyone dare say that I made a mistake and blah blah. At last I’ll be hitching so I want a ceremony and Japanese at that!”

Oh yeah, he was Japanese. You have missed that as well.

All the other men in the room, 9 to be exact, were nodding at everything that was being said. They were unable to decide whose argument was worth taking side for. Finally Johnny spoke-

“I think y/n is right” looking at nowhere in particular, he continued. “What’s with pomp and show when it’s nothing more than an agreement”

“But if yuta hyung wants it, then why not. They are going to live together, he should have his say as well.” It was Mark who took yuta’s side. He didn’t know why but watching yuta losing ground urged him to support his brother.

You looked briefly at the boy who just argued with Johnny.

“He’s mark y/n.” taeyong said the answer you were looking for. “And he’s Jungwoo, jeno, doyoung, you have already met him, then jaehyun, johnny, renjunie, hendery. Others are busy so you’ll meet them some other day probably.”

A few waved towards you, including Mark, who shyly withdrew his hand quickly. They all probably hated you as there was no other reaction towards a person who almost put your life in danger!

“Can we get to a middle ground now? I’m already getting tired of this” jaehyun grumbled, leaning into the couch.

“Ok so, he wants a celebration of a lie! What about me then? You are all here but I have no one. I’m alone and probably will be. Because taeyong, you haven’t told me how am I going to reveal this to my friends? I may not have a family, but still there are people close to me. They are my best friends, roommate, and many others who need to know! How am I going to explain to them that their friend who didn’t even have a boyfriend, is getting married suddenly? I don’t even have parents to cover it with an arranged marriage. How to convince them? Give me a way and I’ll agree” you pointed out the very important detail that they were missing. But they needed to know that there was other side of the paper as well and your reasons were not just a cry in the wilderness.

Nobody made a sound. Everything went quite like a dark night until-

“I hope this is not the calm before a storm!” you looked over to see the person who broke the silence. It was another young man coming with a food trolley, probably from the kitchen.

“I thought we have a guest so I prepared some coffee and donuts. I hope you like sweets y/n” the man was smiling ear to ear, seeming too happy with your visit.

“I-

“I’m kun.” he introduced himself and you shook his hand. He seemed too polite for a criminal. “Have this and tell me how it is” he forcibly handed you a dessert plate with a chocolate glazed donut. You took it out of politeness but felt a bit weird to be the only one eating it. You watched him with quizzical eyes as he took one for himself and sat on the arm of your couch. Everyone was now staring at your movements.

“Eat it, eat it. These are for you and me only.” he cajoled.

You decided to take a bite and then place it back just to stop the awkwardness.

As you bit it from one side, your brain short circuited. “Holy shit, bro. What is this sorcery.” your genuine and innocent reaction made Kun laugh loudly, some of the others joined in as well.

“Thank god, you like it! I’m so glad you aren’t one of weight conscious ones, otherwise it’d have been weird.” he started munching on his own piece.

“I’m a sugar bear. I can’t live without sugar. I just had a donut in the morning but it was bleh compared to this. You are a master chef bro.” and for a minute you forgot the previous tense environment. Everyone was glad that Kun came to save the situation and except to you, it was known that obviously he heard everything from the kitchen.

“You ate one in the morning! Then it’s the last one you’re getting. Everyone help yourself. She’s not having any more!” as if they were waiting, everyone except mark and yuta picked them up.

“Mark” Kun motioned towards the tray and he grabbed one as well.

“What if I was allergic to chocolate, kun” you asked him while finishing your treat.

“Oh please! Even ten eats it.” he laughed to himself at his reference, which went over your head.

“Now coming to the point.” Everyone looked at taeyong who was already done with eating. “Y/n doesn’t want anything special so it’ll happen like that. No!yuta, lemma speak. And you y/n, it’s upon you to make your friends believe. Make up a story or do whatever you want. You don’t want to tell them about the wedding. Fine with me but do let them know at least that you have a boyfriend that you are moving in with! It’s on you both to make this arrangement believable.

“okay , sho now I shuggenly hab a voyfiend” you started speaking without even finishing the bite in your mouth. you continued once you chewed it.

“won't they be suspicious. They know exactly what I do and what I don’t. It’s almost impossible to put a façade in front of them.”

“Oh please, don’t tell me they even know from where you got those hickies” jaehyun’s curt statement was a hit below the belt. Kun was about to scold him when you elaborated his statement further to prove that he was doing nothing but burning his own fingers.

“Yes, actually they happen to know. When, where and from whom I got these. Anything else you want to ask?.” he rolled his eyes on your reply, busing himself with the delicacy instead.

“They don’t know yuta. So if you want you can introduce him to your people. He won’t be posing any problem, take my word for it.”

“I’ll go with you if you also accompany me,that I guess would be a problem for you. You don’t want to be seen with a criminal, or do you!” yuta jabbered. He was trying to push your buttons to measure your limit. But little did he know that you were far from being that easy.

“I just said I don’t want a wedding. I’ll agree to anything that is reasonable and is not degrading to me.”

“Ok then, nobody would force you to do what you don’t want.” Taeyong decided to take matters into his own hands now. “And we’ll organise a small, very intimate gathering at taeil’s office to celebrate as yuta wants. And you’ll be introduced as Mrs. Nakamoto to our corporate world.” taeyong finished gauging both of your reactions. The surname was foreign and cringing to you. But it was going to be yours, so there was nothing you could do, for now.

“What do you mean ‘our’ corporate world.” you got puzzled at his choice of words.

“You’ll find out soon and it's nothing scary, don’t worry.” Kun responded on behalf of taeyong this time, handing you your cup of coffee. “Tell me if it’s cold, I’ll-

“No it’s totally fine.” you assured him, without even taking a sip. He was being nice enough already.

“If my opinion has no value, then what am I even doing here!” yuta shouted, getting up from the seat.

“yut-

Before Kun could say anything, he stormed off. Mark tried to follow but taeyong stopped him from doing that.

“Don’t mind him. He’s a hot head.” Johnny laughed in between his bites.

You only nodded, sipping your coffee. You were glad he was gone. Sugar has always done wonders for you and it was having the same effects now as well. You were able to think more rationally now.

“One more thing” you furrowed your brows at taeyong. What was left now! “Do you want any specifications in the house? It’s my responsibility. A wedding gift you can say. If you need anything like extra closet, a more spacious kitchen-

“Kitchen?” you let out a brief chuckle at that. Everyone’s eyes were on you now. “It’ll be totally fine if I don’t even get a kitchen. I can’t cook anything besides ramyeon and salads. So I won’t even need that.”

“You are a student. Don’t you know anything basic.” It was Jungwoo who spoke in the sweeter voice than Kun's.

“No. I grew up in an orphanage and they provided us everything. I left when I started law. So all in all, I never had anyone to teach me. That’s why if you want to know best food trucks and restaurants in the city, I’m your best option.but, if that yuta knows how to cook, ask him about the kitchen.” you spoke nonchalantly .But you didn’t realise how uncomfortable the air had become. a heavy silence took over the light atmosphere.

“I’m sorry noona” Jungwoo apologised sheepishly.

“It’s fine. After all there are some things that your hacker can’t find out. only I can tell you those.” saying that, you faced taeyong again. “But if you insist, I can always use a study room.” you tried to enlighten the mood again.,ppp

“Ok. I’ll find something suitable for you both.” you hummed, not knowing what to say anymore.

“Can I go back now?”

“Yes, doyoung will drop you.”

“No, I’ll go with her.” Johnny said, grabbing your attention. He didn’t look sulky like doyoung so, it’d be fine, you guess.

They said you goodbyes. Mark seemed hesitant to even look at you, but you couldn’t care less. He was just a stranger after all.

Yuta couldn’t realise why everyone was trying to be so nice to you. Till yesterday, he was allowed to put a gun on her head but now every being was against him. He didn’t know why he was so furious at Taeyong, to force him to marry you or for dragging Mark into this mess. Taeyong knew how to play dirty, but yuta never thought he’d use his own brother. There was no option for him as well, as taeyong has said. He showed interest in a fucking celebration to contradict you, but you were not backing down and that felt like a punch to his gut.

He drove towards his stress reliever. The infamous Japanese club, the only place where he could drown his sorrows.

The club was packed despite it being Monday. That was one thing he liked about it, you’ll never be disappointed in this place.

“ゆた!” The hostess chimed seeing yuta. “久しぶり” [ long time, no see!]

He signed her to give him 2 shots. She did as told but her gaze was following yuta’s, which rested on her cleavage. He came here only for 2 things after all.

He gulped the drink in a second without blinking an eye.

“バックルーム” [ back room]

She wasn’t someone to be told twice. She handed her hand towel to her co-worker and followed the path. Who was she to reject him after all?

He drove back silently again. The relief he felt was all dissipated now. Instead his mind was already wandering towards you. Your headstrong attitude was troubling him. his plans were all down and out. He hated you , from the moment he laid his eyes on you. You acted like you were invincible but he knew it was just a mask to protect yourself.

He had noticed how you rubbed your eyes to hide your disappointment for you didn’t want to appear weak. All he had to do now was to find a vulnerable part of you, to hit you where it’d hurt the most. It’d be last time he lost to you.

Afterall, beginning is always easy, it is continuing that’s hard!

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[lokidrabbles]

Nightly Memoirs (Loki x Reader Oneshot)

Reader comforts Loki after he wakes up from a nightmare A/N: Oneshot story! I know this is a subject matter that is very popular with Loki fics, but it’s just a very good subject matter to write about, I hope you all enjoy! Warnings: Established relationship, nightmares, angst

Loki’s sudden flinching had woken you up late into the night. Your eyes fluttered open when you began to feel the perturbing shivering radiating from his body. You didn’t take it for much at first and guessed he was adjusting himself to feel a bit more comfortable in your bed. He had his back turned to you, preventing you from observing his facial features. You instinctively scooted closer against his back and allowed your eyes to drop heavily.

Once he let out a distressing sob, your eyes flew wide open. You perked your upper body, fixating your gaze onto him. Was that crying? You hesitated wanting to wake him up, still unfamiliar on how he’d react to it, but you began to notice more worrisome signs. His body began to twitch uncomfortably and you began to hear him murmur something soft between his lips. He remained quiet for a bit, but then let out another sob, this time more pained. His breath became shallow, with short huffs and puffs releasing from his nostrils.

“Loki.” You said, your voice still hoarse. You cleared your throat and attempted to call louder. “Loki. What’s wrong?”

He didn’t respond back and his body continued to shiver relentlessly. You panicked. This was completely unexpected and something you were unwillingly unprepared for. You had never observed Loki in such a vulnerable position. He always presented himself as such a determined, confident individual, even at his most reserved. There was always a bit of intimidation with him, a feature you had slowly melted off once you both grew closer together. But it was still him nonetheless. And now he laid here next to you, possibly in the middle of a horrible nightmare with no escape.

You bit your lip as you reached over to lay your palm on his forearm. You already had the situation played out and prepared yourself to be potentially flung across the room. After all, a defensive person such as Loki would be on high alert, even through this. You mustered your courage and gripped his arm, shaking him gently. He was freezing, startling you a little.

“Loki! Hey, wake up! You’re having a bad dream!” Your voice was much louder, worry covering every word.

Loki jolted upwards, clutching at the air in desperation, completely out of breath. He let out a pained groan as he placed his hand on his chest, taking in as much oxygen as possible. His eyes darted across the room until they finally caught your hand on his forearm. His mouth, still agape from inhaling harshly, trembled. He wasn’t able to make out any legible words. He was still scared, his mind possibly still trapped inside his nightmare. Your grip remained on him and you continued to feel the trail of shivers all over his cold skin.

You gulped. You were very scared and began to brainstorm what you could possibly say or do to ease the tension. He turned to look at you, and even in the soft light of your room, you could see his eyes were still filled with much fright. He appeared like a child, waiting for words or physical contact which could comfort him. The responsibility laid solely on you currently.

“Loki, it’s okay. Um. Were you having a nightmare?” Your voice became softer, with hopes that it would help decrease his trembling.

He remained quiet, his breath finally stabilizing. He placed a hand on top of yours, gripping it tightly. The shakiness remained, and even with him being fully awake, an intuition in you suggested you needed to do a little more for him.

“Hey, its okay.” You whispered, leaning in closer to him. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t real. You’re safe here with me.”

It was painful to see Loki in this state. He appeared even paler than before, his dark locks in a mess of tangles. You always pictured a dynamic where he would be the more protective one from the both of you, and he really was. Now, he was here, firmly holding onto your attention for his own sake. It didn’t depress your involvement with him, but motivated a feeling you could only convey as unconditional regard.

“Loki, come here.” You said and tugged at his forearm closer to you. He resisted at first, still stuck in whatever turmoil his mind had thrown at him. “Loki please. Come here closer to me.”

He let out a long, deep breath, and finally gave in. He allowed you to pull him closer to you and you purposefully lead his head to lay in the crook of your neck. Your arms circled around his neck and over his shoulders, and you pulled him in in a tight embrace. This allowed your hands with the liberty of stroking his head and his back gently, which had always soothed you personally when you experienced something similar.

You knew he wasn’t completely fine with this display and the stiffness all over his body was present. You admitted you were still lost on how to possibly comfort him or ground him back to the present. You simply couldn’t leave him in this state. So you figured whatever you could possibly do or say could work.

“Loki.” You began. “Do you remember the first day when we met?”

Unsurprisingly, he was quiet. You felt his breath warm your skin, motivating you to continue with your recollection of him.

“It was little over a year ago. You and Thor and just landed in from New Asgard. Tony was pretty apprehensive that day, he kept telling everyone he still had a hard time trusting you. I wasn’t really sure what to expect as I had never met you before. I think I was still checking my email or something during the time, but I had heard Thor being loud as ever which made me turn around. You were there with your brother, and my first thought was that you were a really, really tall person.”

You strokes became patterned, smoothing out his hair and gently massaging his back. Loki shifted slightly, bringing his hands up close to his chest. You continued with your story.

“You looked so different from your brother, but you both were surely acting like them. I don’t remember exactly what Thor had told me, but he called me over to introduce me to you. When I got up close to you, you appeared even taller than before. I gotta admit, it was a little scary at first. But once I heard your voice, I felt...calm.”

You giggled to yourself. Traveling back to this moment in time brought back some good feelings, ones you were still to naive about back then.

“And yeah, I thought you were gorgeous. I had never seen a man like you before. I guess I’ve been sort of smitten since the beginning. Everyone at the facility had given me the warnings about you, which did bring up some curiosity. Needless to say, I was surprised with how down-to-earth you presented.”

Your bedroom remained quiet for a minute. Loki’s breathing appeared to have matched yours, giving you an indication that maybe he was feeling a little better. His stiffness had gone away, and his skin felt much warmer than before. You felt this was the right moment to stop at your story, even though there was still much omitted for the sake of the situation. You felt your eyelids become heavy again and you hoped that whatever Loki had fought against had diminished for the rest of the night.

“You were wearing a black coat that day.” Loki’s voice was deep and low and you felt its vibration on the skin of your neck. “You looked very nice.”

Your eyes had closed, but the corners of your lips began to turn upward. “You remember that day?”

“Of course. You were the first person I was introduced to.”

You leaned your face downward to land several soft, tender kisses on his forehead. The unwavering instinct continued to motivate your actions, sending many messages of care to him. You felt Loki slink his arm across your waist, tugging at you to come even closer to him.

“I got you, my prince.”

[gwenbrightly]

Redwall Falls Chapter 2

“He’s looking at me...” Brome heard his sister whisper to herself. She was not so inconspicuously watching Martin, one of the Mystery Shack’s teenaged employees, while she cleaned bobbleheads made in the image of their Great Aunt (or Graunt) Polly. The siblings had been put to work helping out around the tourist trap as soon as they’d had some time to settle in.

“Why don’t you just, I don’t know, talk to him?” he suggested with an eye roll. Rose stared at him.

“After what happened last time?” she cringed. Yesterday, when they’d met him (and the handy-squirrel known as Feldoh), the mouse had introduced himself before saying something about a “rosty nose”, which had taken several minutes to decipher. Brome still wasn’t sure what that was about, but it had definitely been awkward.

“Well, he’s proven that he can speak coherently,” Brome observed, nodding his head at the customer Martin was currently ringing up, “so maybe this time you guys can make it through an entire conversation without crashing.”

“I... Don’t be so pushy, Brome. These things take time. And besides-” Rose’s protests were cut off by Graunt Polly’s appearance from the back room.

“All right, all right, look alive, everybeast. I need someone to go hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest,” the mole announced, displaying several signs that had advertisements with question marks and directions to the Mystery Shack on them. Rose, Brome, Feldoh, and Martin all glanced at each other.

“Not it,” Rose said quickly.

“Not it,” Brome followed suit.

“Also not it. You needed me to switch out the lightbulbs upstairs, remember?” It was Feldoh, this time. Graunt Polly looked annoyed.

“Martin, go hang these signs.” She ordered. “Oh, I would, but it’s so far. And I just realized I never had my lunch break so...”

“I’d fire all of you if I could,” Polly complained, frowning at Martin’s lame excuse. Her statement didn’t seem to have the desired effect, for she looked rather disappointed when no one took the hint and volunteered as tribute.

“Fine, then. Guess we’re gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way,” she said, “let’s make it.. Eanie, meanie, minie… you,” she pointed a paw at Brome. He groaned in dismay.

“What? No. Graunt Polly, there’s something off about these woods… they’re creepy and I always feel like I’m being watched.”

“Noonvale doesn’t have much in the way of real forests, Brome. It’s gonna take some time for you to adjust to, well, the great outdoors,” Polly told him, giving his headfur a ruffle. He looked to Rose for backup, but she didn’t offer anything.

“I’m telling you – there’s something weird going on in this town. Homesickness can’t explain why the mosquito bites on my arm spell out ‘beware’.” Brome pointed out, rolling up his sleeve to show the others. Feldoh made a gagging noise. Rose raised an eyebrow and said,

“It looks more like ‘bewarb’ to me, and that’s really only if you squint.”

“Look, kid, that whole ‘monsters in the woods’ thing is just a local legend drummed up to attract more tourists,” Polly tried to assure him, but Brome wasn’t convinced. He had only been in Gravity falls for a day and he’d already seen bizarre glowing lights, heard strange noises, and been accosted by possibly radioactive mosquitos.

“But...” he protested as Graunt Polly plopped the signs into his reluctantly waiting arms.

“Stop being so paranoid and try to have some fun with this, eh, Brome?”

_______________

“No one believes anything I say,” Brome muttered to himself as he nailed a sign to a tree. It felt like he had been out in the forest for hours. All by himself. With no one to talk (complain) to. Was it even legal to send children out into the forest to perform manual labor without supervision? He’d have to check the local child labor laws once he got access to wifi – yet another thing the Mystery Shack seemed to be lacking in.

“Ugh!” he cried. “Stupid Mystery Shack! Stupid signs!”

Kathunk! Brome kicked the next tree he came to and immediately recoiled. He yelped in pain, then cocked his head. Trees didn’t make weird echoey noises… did they?

“Weird…” he commented, dropping the remaining sign on the ground so he could investigate further. Rapping gently on the tree – he didn’t want to hurt himself – Brome listened to the oddly metallic sound the tree made on impact. Something was definitely off about it. He took the sleeve of his sweatshirt and rubbed away at the trunk. Textured brown paint and a healthy coating of dirt and grime gave way to old metal. Ahah! The entire tree was fake. In full detective mode, now, Brome examined the tree until he spotted a small handle.

With slight apprehension, for there was always a chance his actions would activate an army of laser equipped robots, he grasped the lever with both paws and yanked it down. Nothing happened. No grand reveal. No explosion. Just the sound of birds chirping in the distance.

The young mouse huffed in disappointment and turned to leave, wishing he hadn’t gotten his hopes up. All his Sci-Fi TV shows and books had lied to him. Cool things never happened in real life. The world just didn’t work that way. But then, the creaking of a rusty hatch forcing its way open somewhere nearby caused him to stop in his tracks.

Brome circled the area, searching for the source of the sound. The switch must have done something, after all. He checked every nook and cranny, below each bush and on top of every rock and stump. His query remained elusive. Whatever the lever had opened was clearly well hidden.  Brome took a step backwards, hoping the action would give him a different view of this patch of forest.

In a way, he got exactly what he wanted; the fallen tree he tripped over certainly forced him to see the area from a different angle. But the unexpected fall wasn’t very pleasant and Brome couldn’t help but wonder how badly he’d have to hurt himself before his parents would let him come home. He lay on the ground for a moment, half tempted to sink into the dirt and become one with nature. Thankfully, such drastic actions did not end up being necessary.

It was no wonder Brome hadn’t noticed the bizarre hole the switch had uncovered. Half buried by the log and built from camouflaged materials, he would have missed it completely if not for the fact that he’d practically fallen right on top of it. He sat up, thoughtfully. Whoever had installed this hidden treasure trove obviously hadn’t wanted anyone to find it. How long had it been since someone sat where he now sat? Since somebeast had peered into the hole to examine its secrets? Brome gently removed an object wrapped in old newspapers, bursting into a fit of sneezes at the resulting cloud of dust that had floated into the air.

It was old. Old-old, as in more than just a few years old. The newspapers were from several decades ago. Their edges had curled with age, and some of the lettering was too faded to be legible. Fortunately, Brome had little interest in the newspaper; the item it protected was far more intriguing. A journal. And journals always had juicy secrets written in them – he’d learned that from snooping in Rose’s bedroom (though this journal would inevitably be much more interesting than his sister’s diary).

The journal’s design was simple enough. It was made of thick brown leather with the insignia of a paw print on the front cover. Brome wasn’t sure what kind of creature would have an entire extra toe. He also wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. What if the journal contained something bad? Something he wasn’t supposed to see?

It must have been hidden for a reason, after all. The young mouse sat for a moment, pondering his options. He could, of course, bury the journal and get back to work hanging Graunt Polly’s signs. He could also take his chances and open the book regardless of ancient curses or government Intel. It was a difficult choice.

“Alright, mystery beast. Let’s see what you’ve been hiding,” Brome muttered when his curiosity finally got the better of him. He hummed thoughtfully and flipped through the first few pages. They were covered with sketches of creatures he had never seen before. Detailed notes and memos accompanied many of the sketches.

“It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls,” he read aloud from the page that had the most writing. Six years was a long time to be stuck in this place. The author must have had an awful lot of spare time on their paws to create such an elaborate journal. Flipping through the journal some more, Brome found himself growing more intrigued with each page he read.

Eventually, the writing and sketches grew increasingly erratic and less caretakingly organized. Notes that made no sense lined the margins in some places. One page in particular had the words Trust No One scrawled across its top in large lettering. Brome read the rest of the entry with bated breath, “Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust." He paused, confused. That seemed… harsh. But if Gravity Falls really did have a dark side-

“Watcha doin?” someone said, sending Brome into a frenzied attempt to hide the journal behind his back. He groaned when he realized who it was. His sister gave him an awkward wave.

“Rose! Thanks for that. I really needed a heart attack today,” he stated flatly.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Rose told him, sitting down on the fallen tree, “Graunt Polly sent me to check on you.”

“Oh,” he said. He felt a little foolish for being so easily shaken. The journal’s tone was clearly getting to him.

“So… what were you reading that you didn’t notice me coming your way?” she asked.

“It’s nothing,” Brome said quickly. Rose hummed in response, clearly skeptical.

“Seems like pretty interesting nothingness. You were really invested in it.”

“Well… it’s not nothing nothing,” he admitted, “Just not something I should show you out here where anyone could happen to walk by. Let’s go somewhere more… private.”

“Alright. But now I’m curious. This better not be evidence of aliens, or I’m going to be very insulted that you didn’t show me right away,” Rose teased, ruffling his head fur. Brome winked at her and stood up. He waved the journal at her before taking off in the direction of the Mystery Shack as he said,

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

After all, surely the book journal hadn’t meant sisters when it said trust no one… right?

[arknights-imagines]

Exusiai for the Christmas letter and gift prompt with a Male Sarkaz Operator S/O who is a part of Penguin Logistics and acts as her weapon smith making sure her gun is working properly and that she has plenty of ammo when she goes out on Operations. Thank you for answering my request.

From, Exusiai

Christmas Letter and Gift event

Satisfied with your work, Emperor gives you the rest of the day off after you deliver to him your report of weapon and cargo records for the month. The Penguin Logistics base is quiet as you head back to your workshop for the night.

You flick the lights on with a yawn, but your eyes do a double take when they fall to your workbench. There, amongst your tools and papers is a red envelope sealed with a cute cartoonish sticker, sat next to a cute gift bag of the same colour.

Your gaze stares the items down, the glint in your eyes curious; a gift perhaps? It is the Holiday season, but who would be sending you something at such an odd time? Though you feel a little bit cautious, you sit yourself down at your workbench, taking the envelope and turning it in your hands carefully.

The words on the back of the envelope reveal the identity of your sender immediately - in bold, messy handwriting is ‘To my baby, from your Exu! A very Merry Christmas!’ surrounded by playfully drawn hearts and stars.

Exusiai - you told her that you didn't need anything for Christmas, but you aren't surprised that she got you something regardless. You open the letter carefully, pulling from inside the envelope a sheet of Penguin Logistics stationary paper, that smells faintly of apple pie. Even though Exusiai’s hand penmanship is barely legible, from the very first words of the letter, a smile comes to your face.

--------------------

Yo, hi [name]~! I hope my favourite cutie is feeling good today.

I’m not much of a writer, but the boss sent me out on a mission I’m not sure when I’ll be back from, and I wanted to give you your gift ASAP. Don’t worry about me! I’ll be back faster than you can say ‘apple pie’~.

What's up with this letter and gift? Well, it’s Christmas season! That means lots of parties with me and the other girls - Ehehe, I hope you're ready for a Holiday party the Penguin Logistics way. You know, you really do need a break baby~. All that tinkering with weapons all the time looks like it would really poop me out. But I guess that's why we all have our roles, right? Without you, I’m not sure what the other girls and I would do.

Christmas is a big deal pretty much everywhere - from Lungmen to Rhodes Island, everyone celebrates the Holidays.

When it comes to Christmas, I only like the fun parts - that's probably why I like celebrating it my own way, different from how other Sankta do it. Most Lateranos celebrate Christmas seriously, with all these intricate traditions and whatnot. Me? I just like the gifts, the smiles, the lights and the food! And baby, if you ask me, as long as you're having fun, Christmas can be spent anyway you like~. The Holidays came so fast this year! I guess time really does fly when you're having fun~.

Do the Sarkaz celebrate Christmas? Ehehe, sorry, maybe that question is a little too personal. Don't worry baby, now that we’re together, we can celebrate the Holidays together however we want.

That reminds me - what do you want to do for Christmas this year? We’ll have a party with the girls, obviously, but we will need to make plans just for us. We can hang around the base and I can make us apple pie, then we can cuddle or watch a movie. Or if you're feeling adventurous, we can go out into whatever city we’re in by the time Christmas rolls around and see where fate takes us. Ehehe, think about it, okay?

[Name], we’ve run into all types of things, but honestly? I wouldn't really have it any other way. If I had never met you, I don't think waking up for the day would bring me half as much excitement as it does now. Knowing I get to get up in the morning and see you working when I pass by your workshop really makes me smile. Ehehe, is that too cheesy? I’m sorry cutie, my insides really do get all mushy when I think about you.

Y’know...people like to call the Sarkaz ‘devils’, but [name], you're not a devil at all. You protect me by keeping my gun and I in shape and if anything jams, we can trust you to fix it. I might be the one with the wings and halo, but you're the real angel - my guardian angel. The boss and the other girls ought to be super grateful for you~.

Baby, I feel like I really need to repay you for everything you’ve done for me. I know you repair my gun and help the girls and I on missions sometimes, but it’s more than that. You gave me a real shelter, a place where I feel safe and can be myself. I don't really fit in with the other Sankta back at Laterano, Rhodes Island and Penguin Logistics are nice but the people there are my friends and colleagues - not my lover. The one I love, the one I know I can rely on no matter what, is you.

My cutie, my baby, my [name] - what I’m trying to say is that my home is with you. I want to be with you forever.

I wanna do so many things together; eheh, where do I start? I want us to go to Siesta for their Obsidian Festival, I want us to go to Lungmen again so we can properly celebrate the Sauin festival, I even want to bring you to Laterano, my hometown, just to show you where I grew up.

Is this warmth inside my heart the Christmas Spirit everyone keeps talking about? Ehehe, I’m just kidding. Only you have this kind of effect on me, [name]. I wonder - when you think of me, does your stomach do the same summersaults mine does when I think of you~?

But seriously - baby, I love you. So much that I’m basically oozing with affections for you, but that's probably obvious. Someday, I’ll find some better way to say thanks, but for now, take this letter and gift I got for you. Also, it’s Christmastime! Hold your head up and smile big for me~.

Ehehe, boss is gonna start yelling at me if I take too long, so that's all for now! Keep up the hard work [name]! Ehehe, maybe the boss will give us a nice long break for the holiday season if we all blow him away with our amazingness~. Right, Exu out!

--------------------

Exusiai and her antics never fail to make you smile; this time was no different. A small chuckle leaves you and your lips upturn into a warm grin as you read the conclusion to her letter. Exusiai really does mean as much to you as you meant to her - you remind yourself to tell her that when she comes back from her mission.

Your gaze returns to your workbench, more specifically, to the gift bag. Its colour reminds you a little of Exusiai’s hair, and sticking out the top of the bag is tissue paper of all different colours. Your brow lifts as you pick it up; the bag is light, what kind of gift did she get you? You shrug to yourself slightly, ‘Only one way to find out’, and so, you open the little bag up.

Inside of the bag, underneath all that colourful tissue paper is a cute keychain with two chibi figures and a tag with your name hanging off it. You immediately recognize one of the little figurines as Exusiai - the cheeky grin and halo are both pretty unmistakable - and the other figure; confusion paints your face for a few moments as your try and rack your brain for who it might be, and then it dawns you. You almost facepalm; it's clear from the Sarkaz horns that the other chibi is you. Another smile is brought out of you and a light laugh follows. The gift is lighthearted and playful, and at the end of the day, it's just a keychain; but paired with Exusiai’s letter and the thoughts she conveyed with it, to you, it's so much more.

Your eyes go back to the gift bag, and you this time notice the tag hanging off its handle. Gaze curious, you take the tag between your fingers and see that Exusiai’s handwriting is squished onto the little blank space it provides, ‘Merry Christmas cutie! I promise I’ll be home for the holidays, but for now, check out this keychain! It’s mini versions of you and I, pretty cool right? Shoutout to the super awesome craftsman I met during my Operation in Lungmen who made them for us!’ Your heart goes mushy - she had been thinking of spending Christmas with you even during her missions? You can tell you’ll always be in her heart, and you can't wait to tell her that she’ll always be in yours, ‘[Name], carry the keychain around with you everywhere you go - that way, we’ll always be together~.’

[koeyohte]

It’s Tuesday and we’re nearing the first exam for most of our classes. I glance nervously toward the atrium as I sit on the floor outside the classroom, pouring over my notes. The professor threatened us with an impromptu exam last Thursday. The young man who usually sits near me wasn’t there to hear about it.

He arrives a bit later than usual, but still early enough that it’s just us left in the hallway. He comes quickly to stand across from me and sighs a bit loudly as he sinks back against the wall. His eyes are dark and he’s hunched over. He raises his phone to his face but his eyes don’t move. He looks exhausted. The dark circles beneath his eyes are purple.

“Missed you last week,” I blurt, purposefully leaving out the word “I.”

“...Oh,” he says, eyebrows raising slightly. “I, uh, my car… starter’s been going for a while and it finally decided Thursday was the day.”

“Ah. Your car decided it’d had enough, huh?”

A small, sideways smirk flashes across his face. Something clenches tightly in my chest and I feel both hot and cold at once. He lowers his phone from his face. “S’pose it did.”

I cast him a sympathetic smile. Growing up with unreliable vehicles, I know how frustrating it is to be caught stranded when you need to be somewhere - more often than I care to define.

“Sorry that happened,” I say. I tilt my head up at him. “Where do you live?”

His curious expression shatters and becomes guarded.

“Why?”

“I just… if you ever need a ride….” I pause, unsure of how to proceed. It’s a genuine offer but I realize a little too late that I’m not thinking with my head. I’ve never offered to pick up someone I don’t know before; and I hardly know him.

I stand, deciding that he’ll just turn my offer down if I’m too cavalier about it. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable by my proposition, but he doesn’t seem to want to answer me, either. I tear off a piece of paper from my notebook and write my number as neatly as possible across the corner.

“Here - if you ever need help, need to be picked up or something -” I hand him the piece of paper. He looks stunned.

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Slowly, he takes the paper, eyes studying it like it’s going to be on the exam.

Then, his lips form my name. Softly, he says it.

“Matilda?” He asks, looking up at me. I know I wrote it perfectly legibly. I nod, smiling at hearing him say it. He hesitates, then holds out his right hand and steps closer.

“Castor.”

His hand is surprisingly warm. I’ve never been good with handshakes - they’re not something most people in my circle really do. His grip is firm and tighter than I expected. I get a selfish thrill from the contact of his skin against mine.

I fight the flushing in my face as I look up at him. Castor. His name suits him.

He’s looking back at me with a soft expression I’ve not yet seen him wear. He looks calm, relaxed even. I step back to my spot against the opposite wall, feeling relieved. I’m about to return to my notes when Castor leaves his refuge and instead comes to stand beside me.

“So… is that how you ask all the guys you give your number out to...?”

I immediately feel a swell of irritability at his comment. When I look up at him, his subtle grin falters.

“I don’t do that,” I say simply. I can feel tension in my forehead and my voice sounds sharp and unamused - a little more than I meant for it to.

“Sorry,” Castor says, and looks down at the space between us. I see his eyes glance at my ring and he backs up a step. “I didn’t mean it like that - it made more sense in my head.” He rubs his face, hiding from view. I can see his shoulders are stiff and he’s leaning back from me again like he’s afraid I’ll do something to him.

“What did you mean?” I ask cautiously. I start to wonder if he really is just that awful at socializing. He did warn me last time.

“I - uhh - it was just… it’s nothing. Forget it.” He leans off from the wall and begins to walk back across the hallway, but I reach to touch his arm.

“Wait. I thought you were trying to suggest something - I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

He freezes when I touch him. There’s a bewildered look in his eyes and he’s staring at me with an air of unease. He looks frightened. I pull my hand back from him and though he returns to my side, he rubs his sleeve where I touched him.

“I deserved it,” Castor mutters after a moment. He’s holding his arm now, like he’s wounded. “I shouldn’t have said that. I meant it to be humorous, but I didn’t mean to insinuate anything, I swear.” He’s looking up at me from under his bangs. He looks anguished. “I meant it when I said socializing isn’t something I’m any good at. I should’ve just kept it to myself. It won’t happen again.”

I feel pity for him and my anger subsides. I’m also impressed with his apology.

“It’s okay,” I say, hoping he’ll believe me. “I shouldn’t have jumped on you… I just….” I glance away and forget not to sigh loudly when I think of all the times people have tried to get me to “just give them a chance.” I trace the ring on my finger.

I look back at Castor. He’s waiting patiently for me to elaborate. I raise my hand to show him the silver band.

“I’ve had a lot of people try and get me to give them my attention. But I don’t want to do that with anybody I can’t be serious with and who won’t treat me that way as well. I don’t do casual relationships, it’s just never felt right. I know it’s weird, but… it’s just what I feel,” I finish with a shrug. Sun always gave me a hard time about it back when we were just talking over our computers. Castor’s looking at me like I’ve said something touching.

“I understand,” he says. His voice is low and soft. “It sounds nice. Knowing what you want and expect in return.”

“I think so.” I’m glad he’s not still upset. I no longer feel angry or belittled. Instead, I feel myself smiling, glad for his company again.

“So,” Castor says, shuffling closer again, “I saw the announcement about the exam online… do you know if she’s planning it for today, or…?”

“I’m sorry. All she said was…. Sometime.”

“Helpful.”

I laugh. “I’ve been up for days trying to study… hardly slept at all last night. I have a hard time remembering what people performed which deeds and when they wrote what papers. Or died.”

“You look tired,” Castor says. A moment later, he glances away and crosses his arms more tightly across his chest. “I just meant… you seem dedicated is all.”

“I’m trying.” I’m not sure how he thinks I look tired when he looks like he’s in physical pain most of the time, but I decide not to bother him about it. Instead, now that he’s this close, I find myself tracing the yellow in his eyes. When he turns to look at me, I allow my gaze to linger just for a moment. His eyes are beautiful.

“So,” I mutter, glancing down at the small space between us, “you have any study tips? So I won’t always look this tired?” I tease him, but when I look up again, he appears embarrassed.

“I… I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean -”

“It’s okay,” I laugh. “I’m kidding. But really, this doesn’t come easily to me at all. I have to spend a lot of time studying. Got anything?”

“Yeah, actually,” Castor says, straightening himself up. “I could… if - if you want… could meet up sometime.” He sets his hand at the back of his neck, nervously dropping his gaze. I wonder as I watch his movements if my interest in him isn’t entirely one sided. I don’t know if realizing that makes it all better or more terrifying.

“I’d like that.” I could use the help. Plus, if it gives me more time to meet with him, I can’t find a reason to say no. It’s a purely selfish motive, but I can’t help it - there’s something about him that draws me to him and makes me excited to see him again. “I’m sure my mom won’t mind - if you’re okay coming there.”

Castor looks surprised that I’d suggest it. “You sure? I could never invite anyone to where we live.” He makes an odd strangled noise that’s sort of like a laugh and sort of like a tired groan. “I just assumed we could meet up at the park or… something.”

The way his face reddens makes me forget that we were talking about finding a place to study. I tilt my head at him.

“The park sounds nice.”

“Hmm,” Castor hums, setting his hand at the back of his neck again. He doesn’t meet my eyes. More students are arriving now but we stand close in silence. I lean against the wall and he stands there with his hand at his neck. My heart is throbbing in my chest.

“You have my number,” I remind him. I see his hand holding the paper reflexively rubbing it as if to remind himself it’s there. “Just let me know when and where.”

Castor seems unable to speak. He’s biting his lip and nods at me, finally making eye contact before he leans away and picks up his bag from the floor. If we were alone, I’d remark on his lighter situation from last week, but decide against it. I get to the door first, once the professor arrives and unlocks it, and hold it for him. He looks as though he’s never seen an ounce of kindness in his life when I beckon him through.

I’m both pleased and touched when, rather than sit two chairs away, Castor takes the one right next to me. We once again manage to escape being called on in class. Castor sits with rapt attention like he always does, and scribbles down copious notes. His handwriting is tiny, cramped, yet incredibly organized. It’s pretty to look at. I hide mine from him as best I can. Mine is… sloppy.

Throughout class time, I find myself studying his hands as he writes. They’re square and rough, with little nicks and scars laced across the backs and wrists. There’s no way to notice them without looking closely, but now that I see them, I realize how many he has. I wonder what kind of work he does. He said he worked for a metal shop, but I wonder where the scars are really from. He always wears long sleeved shirts, but when he writes, he impatiently yanks them up and out of the way, exposing more of his wrists. Thick blue veins cross their backs, and the inside of his arms are not much paler than the rest of his skin. I glance from my own to his. I notice how his skin is golden, and much darker than mine, now that we’re so close.

When class ends and we stand to leave, I don’t pretend to be on my phone while waiting for him. He gathers his things and walks to the door, much less anxious than he seemed last time. I give him a mock bow when he holds the door open and I’m amused by the scowl he gives back.

Outside, I’m again waiting for my mother. I see Castor digging around for something but whatever it is, he keeps hidden in his hand.

“Your mother coming to get you?” he asks, tapping his hand against his thigh.

“Yes.”

“Alright.” He’s grinding his teeth and shifting his weight but he keeps whatever’s in his hand hidden from me. I give him a look and he avoids me.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

“I may be sheltered, but I know that’s not nothing.”

Castor gives me a calculating glance, then slowly opens his hand to reveal what he’s hiding. It looks like a cigarette but from the subtle scent, I recognize what it really is.

“That’s it?” I ask, quirking a brow at him. It’s his turn to look surprised.

“You… know what it is?” At my expression of amusement, he tucks it back into his palm and holds it stiffly at his side. “Just thought… you seem so….”

I set my hands on my hips, tilting my head sideways. “Yes?”

He shakes his head. “Just didn’t think you were into that.”

“I haven’t tried it myself. I have friends who do, though.”

Castor seems both intrigued and disappointed by this. When I ask him why, he frowns.

“I wish I didn’t need it. Wish I didn’t need anything, but… some days….” He looks up over my head at something distant. “They can be unbearable. It’s difficult to explain.”

I’m not even thinking. I reach out to touch his arm. “You don’t have to explain it to me.”

There’s something credulous in his features as he looks at me, but despite it, he pulls his arm away from my touch.

“I hope you don’t ever have to experience what this feels like,” he mutters. I’m disappointed when he moves a step away. I begin to apologize but I see my mother’s car turning into the drive.

“I hope things will get better for you,” I say as the car comes to a stop in front of us. Castor isn’t looking at me. When he’s silent, I move a step closer so he’ll look at me. “I’m sorry if I pushed you. It won’t happen again.”

I leave him there, sliding into my mother’s car, hoping that I didn’t do something uncalled for. To me, it was a simple gesture of friendship, but maybe to him, touch was something less genuine and more destructive. I had read things written by people who hated physical touch of any kind. There were dozens of reasons why someone would hate to be touched. I grimace when I realize that there was no way to tell what he was okay with, and I had allowed my own desire to get ahead of me. I apologize to him silently, in my head. I don’t have a way to contact him until he reaches out to me. It’s likely he never will, now.

Part 3 (next):

Part 1 ^^^

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here and not at all sorry about yesterday (your reaction was *chef's kiss*), its in the SaL bestie handbook "must bring maximum possible feels each day". But today i'm rolling up with 20 pillows, hot cocoa, and a hug in the form of Dear True Love. I love the setup of this song, with the singer reflecting in his missing pieces when his love is absent (where we get some really good Malex lines) but promising to keep them close in the chorus. It's time Malex gets to have the chorus S3!!

oooooh Nonnie, this is one of my comfort songs and I’m so excited to talk about it!! The chorus makes it clear that these lyrics are a proposal/wedding vows and I am manifesting this energy for future Malex! I love how soft and delicate the verses are and then the swell in the chorus. And the way the lyrics are all about missing pieces just hits right in the Malex feels! 

Doing a breakdown of this song was hard and I approached it a couple different ways before deciding to just to some little notes between each set of lines about how Michael and Alex connect. I also loooove that 

dear true love, i’m a writer without any words, i’m a story that nobody heard when i’m without you.

Alex being a songwriter and Michael having a story he can’t tell anyone about

i am a voice, i am a voice without any sound. i’m a treasure map that nobody found when i’m without you.

Alex being a musician and singer and Michael having all these secrets that Alex is uncovering

dear true love, i'm a lantern without any light, i’m a boxer much too afraid to fight when i’m without you.

Michael being so bright and smart and full of love and learning to hide it all away and Alex wanting to spend his life making music but being sent off to war 

so with this ring may you always know one thing: what little that i have to give, i will give it all to you. you’re my one true love.

😭😭😭 just thinking about Michael being concerned that he doesn’t have a big home or property or lots of money to throw around but still being willing to share what he does have.

i am a memory, i'm a memory bent out of shape, a childhood already bruised with age when i’m without you.

Thinking about Michael missing his memories of home, of Alex’s memories being distorted by abuse and abandonment, and thinking about both of them having to grow up too soon.

dear true love, i’m an artist without any paint, i’m the deal that everyone breaks when i’m without you.

Thinking about Michael and all those drawings and plans in his bunker and he’s probably a pretty good artist with impeccable handwriting (my dad did drafting work for a company that installed fire protection systems and his handwriting is so crisp and clear. I just know Michael’s is the same especially with calculations and stuff. He has notebooks full of perfectly legible calculations and sketches, you can’t change my mind. Also, how is each verse giving me more and more feels?!), and thinking about Alex and the lost decade and every time he left and all the heartache that caused for both of them.

so with this ring may you always know one thing: what little that i have to give, i will give it all to you. you’re my one true love.

Thinking about Alex this time and him being concerned that he is broken, that he can’t love correctly because he isn’t one for big speeches, he just has this little bit of a heart left after all the trauma of his childhood and war, but he’s willing to give all of it to Michael.

i am a whisper, i’m a secret that nobody keeps. i'm a dreamer of someone else's dreams when i’m without you.

Thinking about Alex and his coming out experience (small town are rumor mills for sure) and thinking about Michael dreaming about building a family and a band and a life with Alex.

dear true love, i'm a farewell that came all too soon. i’m a hand-me-down that dreams of being new when i’m without you.

Thinking about Teen Malex, and the Lost Decade, and the two of them spending ten years saying goodbye over and over (and also the handprint healing I KNOW we are going to get a some point! All the angst of someone dying without them actually dying?! *grabby hands*), and thinking about them trying now to build something new out of the ashes of all that time and heartbreak.

Oof oof oof. This one is supposed to be happy, I know but looking at each bit individually gave me a lot of sad Malex feels 😭😭😭 But listening to the song as a whole, it really is a hopeful song about all the ways the two of them fit into each other’s lives and how they feel bereft without each other. Because they are each other’s True Love and I am manifesting that energy for season 3 in this Chili’s tonight!

[hqprotectionsquad]

Dear Chikara (Ennoshita x Reader)

Title: Dear Chikara Pairing: Ennoshita x Reader Word Count: 2416 A/N: Definitely a self-indulgent piece, but hey, it’s for Ennoshita. He always deserves my self-indulgent ideas.

“You’re really still trying to find a pen pal, (Y/N)?” Atsumu asks when he peers over your shoulder. “Doesn’t that kind of stuff get a little old?” He clicks his tongue. From the corner of your eye, you see that he settles into the seat next to you, munching on a piece of onigiri. It’s lunchtime at Inarizaki and all the students are out and about the building and courtyards, but all you’re focused on is this piece of mail that you received in the morning. This is the first chance you had and you’re ready to slide a finger underneath the adhesive and open this bad boy up.

“Yes, really,” you reply pointedly. “You know I’ve wanted one since, like, middle school.” Pulling the prized letter of its sheath, you unfold the paper, pressing it hard against the desk to squash the creases.

“Can I see too?” Atsumu presses his shoulder against yours and it takes both of your hands to get him off you.

“You’re still going to look, so why do you ask?”

“I dunno. Don’t you think it’s nice of me to ask anyway?”

Hi (Y/N),

My name is Ennoshita Chikara. I’m a second year at Karasuno High School in the Miyagi Prefecture—

Your perfect letter reading is disturbed by Atsumu making noises next to you. “He’s from Karasuno! I’m just wondering if he knows anything about the volleyball team. Ya know,” he wags his finger. “Karasuno’s been building up steam. We’re gonna have to watch them, so if you could just gather some tapes on—”

“Atsumu, you’re the one interrupting my lunch, not the other way around.”

“Okay, sure you can say that, but you haven’t even touched your lunch, (Y/N). So can I have—”

“Shh!” You hold up a hand and when you don’t hear another word from him, your eyes are brought back to the paper.

I’m a second year at Karasuno High School in the Miyagi Prefecture. I am in one of the college preparatory classes for my year. They’re hard, but I work harder. I really enjoy my anatomy class and I also like to make short films with my friends. After school, I go to volleyball practice. I’m a wing spiker, but I’m not on the court often—

“Psst. Atsumu.” When he doesn’t look up from his phone, you tap repeatedly on his shoulder. “Hey, it says my pen pal is on the volleyball team.”

“How cute. Hey! Maybe you two can be star-crossed lovers or something like that if our teams ever face each other.”

“Shut up, Atsumu. Don’t make me tell you — again — that your brother is the better twin.”

"Oi, Ennoshita! Watch this!" Nishinoya calls out to his teammate. The hour hand on the clock will be hitting 3 soon, when practice begins for the afternoon.

Ennoshita's sitting with his back to the wall and his eyes peer up from the words he's reading. He can never trust Nishinoya and Tanaka to do something together at the same time because they'll get someone hurt — that or they'll praise Kiyoko as a goddess.

Nishinoya runs to jump onto Tanaka's back, and in the split second that Ennoshita looks back down, they fall like bowling pins and crash to the ground.

"Nishinoya, Tanaka, what are you doing?" He abandons the letter, placing it to the side, before standing up to scold these two teenagers that act like children.

Nishinoya and Tanaka shake Ennoshita as they laugh at his stern eyebrows and his hands on his hips. Out of the corner of his eye, Nishinoya looks at the place his friend just sat and walks over.

"Hey, what's this?" Nishinoya asks as he picks up the paper. It bounces as he raises it up, with the tri-fold creases flowing up and down. His question is purely innocent, but it’s easily turned into a teasing nature when he sees the weight it holds in Ennoshita’s life.

"Wait, don't look!" Ennoshita rushes with his hand outstretched.

"'Dear Chikara, my name is (Y/N). I’m also your age. I live in the Hyogo Prefecture,'" Nishinoya announces to the world and when Ennoshita grabs for it, Tanaka takes the hint and gets to the letter first.

"What kind of letter is this?" Tanaka laughs while running across the gym. The baldie has always been ahead of Ennoshita in athletics, and even more so in pranks. "Is this a sexy letter? Chikara, I didn't know you were into that!" Their chuckles resound throughout the gym and now that the two knuckleheads are involved, the third years are trying to settle them down.

Finally, Daichi gets a hold of the letter and all Ennoshita wants is to run to the storage room with his letter and just sit there, recovering from his overworked heart. “Get ready. Ukai’s coming soon and he’ll make us run more if he sees you going around like that.” Sure enough, the captain’s words make them shudder from the chills and they stop moving so much. “Here, you should probably put that away before they rip it.”

“Thank you.” With a shy grin, Ennoshita takes one last look at it before putting it with his water bottle and towel.

I’m really glad you sent me a letter, so I’ll continue to send one as long as you do. I’m from Inarizaki High. According to one of the boys on the volleyball team that I manage, we might see you at some point. Maybe if you reach Nationals.

Sure, it’s only your first letters to each other, but Ennoshita wants to do anything in his power so that he will be able to see you in person.

And so it goes. You chase the mailman on weekends to see if the mail came in, but not just any mail — a specific cream-colored envelope written to you with the return address starting with the name Ennoshita Chikara. You hear from Ennoshita that he waits for his dad to come home from work with the letters from the mailbox. He laughs because you say all you have at home are pink envelopes, but he’ll snatch it right away to run up the stairs to his bedroom. He’ll cherish the first time he reads the letter, because he says it will ever be new again except for the first time. He can read it again to reference things for the next time he writes to you, but “it’s just not the same.”

You learn tiny things about him. Tiny things that make it easy to want to get to know him better, and those tiny things would probably make you fall in love with him if you knew him in person. But it’s different, isn’t it? Shouldn’t you be learning how he likes his ramen or curry on a date together?

Still, you’ve learned that being pen pals with him is better than not knowing him at all.

Chikara, are you afraid of something? I think what I’ve learned over the years is that I can’t afford to be afraid when I’m going to die one day. There’s no point in being scared someone might not like my company or avoiding an activity because I might not be good at it. I might as well try, right?

Thank you for your letter before. I think what you said cheered me up. I’m glad you enjoy keeping your teammates straight as much as I do with the boys on the Inarizaki team. Listen, since I’m learning how to be fearless, here is my number. When you read this part for the first time. Call me, I want to hear your voice.

He does call you. He doesn’t bother thinking of drafting another letter or how to respond to your question about fearing the world.

As he sits on the edge of his bed, Ennoshita taps in the digits you provided at the end of the letter. Even your numbers are a combination of neat and messy, but it’s all legible. After pressing call, it rings and rings and rings, up until the point he’s afraid you’re not available. But he wants to stay true to what you wrote and what you wrote is to call you when you see the letter.

It goes through and he’s bold enough to offer a hello but he’s met with silence. You’re probably there, so he says it again and even adds, “It’s me, Chikara.” Finally, you aren’t answering back, so Ennoshita finishes by telling you, “I know you’re there, (Y/N), but it’s okay if you won’t talk to me. I’ll trust that you’ll come to me in your own time.” Reluctantly, he hits the end call button.

You want to scream. Shout. Open your window and expel expletives into the neighborhood, not caring about who bothers to hear. Literally do anything you can because you’re a complete idiot. You’re the one who gave him your phone number, yet you don’t even respond? What kind of loser are you to do that?

From your bed, you rise to your feet and start to pace the length of your room for what seems like hours, but in reality was just a few minutes. You realize the root problem is that you’re scared of him judging you. You don’t know him outside all of the detailed and wonderful notes he mails you every week or so, but who knows if he’s completely different than the person he presents on paper?

But...if you don’t call him back now, will you ever grow the courage to do it again?

After all, you’re an Inarizaki student. You might not always need reminders of the past, but as for the future, you’re always up for a new challenge, even if it scares you because you’ve embarrassed yourself.

Maybe he felt this way when you didn’t say anything when he was on the line, but that doesn’t mean you should just leave it at that. You don’t take anything else for chance and just go for it.

You’re back to pacing your room, but at least now you’re dialing the digits of his phone number. “Hey Chikara, I know you’re probably there since you picked up, but I just want to say I’m a total idiot for picking up earlier and not saying anything. I’m pretty embarrassed about it and I’m sorry for all of that. Like come on, I was the one who sent you my number, but—”

You pause in your steps, hearing something unfamiliar, something that isn’t just you rambling your head off. “Chikara, is that you? Did you just laugh?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, so you were listening this whole time?”

Another laugh comes and it flows out like smooth butter dissolving into a searing pan, or like wind on the perfect summer day, or really anything that is smooth. It’s perfect. It’s him.

“Yeah, I was. Sorry for not responding right away. I just wanted to hear what your voice sounded like.” When you hear this, you’re not only flattered, but you also are forced to take a look at yourself. Was this part of the reason why you didn’t want to take a step forward and speak back to him during his first call?

There’s an awkward silence and you’re wondering if he’s still on the line because he’s bored and has nothing else to do except to talk to a pen pal who’s on the other side of the nation.

“I—”

“I—”

“Sorry, you first.”

“Oh, I was just going to say that I really like your voice.” Your confession brings about a red color to dust over your cheeks and you can’t even deny the way you feel when you hear his calm voice flickering out from your speaker.

As if your face couldn’t get any more colorful, Chikara quips back, “I could say the same about yours.” You slap a hand over your mouth and then your other for reinforcement as you mutter incoherent things into your flesh. You roll your lips into your mouth to help you stop smiling, but you can’t. If you were to live in a particular moment forever, you’d choose this one.

Now, you can’t stop laughing. Between the jokes he lands, and the descriptions of his own volleyball team, it’s finally nice to get to know someone who isn’t trying to be your friend as a way to get to Atsumu, or trying to get your math homework—not that it’s any good, anyway.

What you don’t notice outside of your bubble of this phone call is that the sun outside your bedroom window has begun to set and descend farther into the horizon. You don’t notice that your room has become exponentially dimmer without the warmth of the sun; your desk lamp is no match for the glowing star.

Soon enough, with your ear pressed against your phone and your head on your pillow, everything feels right. Maybe this is dream land, or as close to it as you can get.

“Knock, knock” is what your dad says before coming into your room. It’s annoying, but at least he doesn’t barge into your room like Atsumu and Osamu would when your parents let them into the house. “You have to get off your phone now; it’s nearly one in the morning and you still have school tomorrow.”

“Okay, dad. Thanks.” You can tell he wants to ask who you’ve been laughing with on the phone, but maybe he’ll avoid asking you the question. The last thing he wants to know is that his daughter’s interested in another person. The last thing you want him to know is that this person has been sending you letters for the past three months. 

The door is closed softly, and you chuckle. There’s a shakiness to your laughter that hurts your soul. “You heard my dad.”

“I know. It was really wonderful talking to you, (Y/N).” Before you can put in a word, he continues, “I want to talk to you more, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s okay. That’s more than okay.” You’re truly privileged to have found your perfect pen pal. You want to start spewing goodbye’s because otherwise, you’ll never find the heart to hit the end call button. “Hey, Chikara?”

“Yeah?” He responds almost too quickly and this brings about another laugh for you both.

“Make sure you work really hard, okay? I want to see you at Nationals.”

“I want to see you too. We’ll be there.”

general haikyuu tag list: @dorkyama​ @kingkags​ @clowninfortodoroki​​ @ykchaos​​ @kingkagss​​ @alienvarmint​​ @gogohaikyuu​

special tag for @hunntea​ <3

please let me know if you’d like to be removed from the tag list via ask!

navi! | master list | tag list form

[sly-merlin]

Killing Me - 4 | n.y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au , smut

warnings : curse words, mention of murder, guns, knives, smut!

words : 5.4k

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”

                                         or

                  “  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: (not tagging the old ones because they have read it already bt if u want , lemme know! )  @yiyi4657​​​ @sorrywonwoo​​​ @sillywinnergladiator​​​  @suhweo​​​ @exfolitae​​ @minejungwoo​​

K.M masterlist

k.m 3    k.m 5 

Previous morning in Taeyong’s office

“What was that for!” taeyong questioned jaehyun, clearly annoyed by his previous hostile mannerisms towards you. Jaehyun was on the receiving end of taeyong’s infuriation immediately after you departed from his office with doyoung.

“What!?” jaehyun tried to act oblivious at taeyong’s accusations.

“Why were you trying to scare her? Escort ring! For fucks sake Jae, I expected better from you.”

“But it wasn’t a dead loss. And even you went along in the same wagon, so don’t put everything on me alone.” jaehyun justified himself shrugging his shoulders lightly. “And admit it! She was giving you a hard time. That bitch was not buying anything!

Taeyong knew jaehyun was right. Your unsatisfied replies and never ending enquiries were exasperating him, but he would rather preserve his precious ego than admitting that to jaehyun.

He ruffled his well-made hair before replying to jaehyun, who was expecting some gratitude with a smug face.

“I-- just be careful and refrain from doing and saying anything that might put a dent in my plan. It’s a chance neo would never get again. So be patient and don’t go around opening your mouth about this to anyone.” jaehyun reluctantly nodded,not hearing what he wanted but his affirmation calmed taeyong’s nerves. He couldn’t trust jaehyun entirely but his options were limited.

All the pieces were in right place, for now. Nothing could go south right!

But jaehyun couldn’t completely understand the rationale behind Taeyong’s design.

and nor could the figure standing outside, completely hidden from the insiders.

The dread of the forthcoming finals substantiated the shortage of vacant seats in the kwanjeong library. You tried your best to arrive as expeditiously as possible for a person who partied, got abducted, arranged her own marriage, and again partied in grief, all in spam of about 34 hours. Finding no available seat, you decided to settle down on the floor. You gulped your cup of Americano in one go and began with the donut. As per a wise saying, Caffeine and sugar were the best combination as a breakfast for someone trying to get through their day with only 4 hours of sleep, the intellect being none other than your own self!

Yesterday was pretty long day. Though you were worn out from the adventures with wonwoo last night, your brain wasn’t exhausted enough to shut down properly when you tried to close your eyes.The flashes of the events had shrouded you with mixture of regrets and worries. What was the guarantee that you won’t end up dead tomorrow! What if taeyong was lying! But the fact regarding moon industries was absolutely legible. Maybe you should get a restraining order or something! But the existence of a person is necessary for that and yuta was a fucking corporate in the public eye and you were sure taeyong held some powerful position in the rich hierarchy as well, otherwise, covering the shits without revealing their true identities was not the job of some measly gang leader. There was more to taeyong than what someone could perceive just by looking. Will you be considered one of them now! After the little stunt that landed you straight into yuta’s life, you weren’t sure that he’d not strangle you in sleep. And What were you going to say to them? Chelin, yeom, guk, yeong.

and your thoughts spiralled from taeyong,yuta towards chelin and your friends and didn’t rest anytime before 4a.m. Waking up at 8 sharp , you took a shower and made your way towards the library.

And now you were here. 2 students passed your figure indicating that there were 2 vacant seats. Finally, after 15 minutes. They might have been the overnight students, you thought and walked inside before anyone else could claim the treasure. You had to find a new topic of thesis and do some research for international paper your professor was writing, and you being his designated so-called subordinate had to help him, involuntarily of course. But in this world, the student who could refuse their professor’s demands was yet to be born! Marking the place by placing your bag, you started the search for last month’ law journals and digests. One and a half hour passed, but you couldn’t find anything on international court of justice i.e. what your professor hadn’t already included. The urge to go out was profusely weighed down by your own sentiment of avoiding your friends. So you decided in favour of swallowing the bitter pill.

5 hours passed. The vibration of the timer in your phone prompted you to run off and get some food. It was already 2:30 and the lack of real food was making the tasks harder than they already were. Stepping outside into fresh air, instant regret of not bringing an umbrella washed over you. The sun was too bright unlike your mood and walking all the way to your favourite canteen would end up in you getting another headache. But you silently wished that every being from yesterday’s party was suffering from the same treatment of the over-the-top optimistic planet. why to suffer alone!

“Shortie” you lifted your head, spotting the combo of buy 1 get 1 free, heading your way.

“Where were you whole day? And if you aren’t going to pick calls then please do that poor thing a favour and sell it!” yugyeom barked while running his hand through his hair.

You shrugged jungkook’s elbow from your shoulder and replied “I was busy with prof. Joong’s work. And I have to be somewhere after 4 so I was a bit-

“Joong should adopt you already man!” Jungkook interrupted, nudging your sides with his fingers.

“ but I thought he wanted to be her sugar daddy!”  at that gyeom gave a serious and stern look to kook, pretending to ponder over his statement for a second and then suddenly they both starting laughing, hands hitting you everywhere to support their doubling figures.

“Get away from me, idiots!” you shouted, trying to get away from them. Once they were done with showing their exaggerated emotions, you all giggled together in unison. they were wearing their fundraiser t-shirts, you noticed.

“When is the fundraiser?”

“At 5. But you won’t be there to support us cause you are busy with your daddy!” kook exclaimed while bumping your shoulder with his arm.

“I didn’t say I’m going for Joong’s work and no, he’s not my sugar daddy, doofus. I’m busy with tutoring. I missed someone’s Saturday class so—

“Okay, chill tiger. You need to breathe. It’s a boring event anyway.” gyeom said in a comforting tone, interjecting your rapid fire speech.

“I’m gonna have lunch, are you two going?” you suggested.

“Yeah, it’s our break and yeong and minjun have eaten already, so that left you!” kook pouted when gyeom mentioned his boyfriend’s name.

“Let’s go! I want my sugar” your dramatic pout made yugyeom pet your hair lovingly and the three of you started walking on stone pathway on the way to the canteen.

“Where’s your umbrella?” jungkook asked you. He knew how much you hated walking under sun after the drinking escapades.

“I forgot but let’s not talk about it. it’s making me grumpy.”

“Okay! but why don’t you cover your head with that scarf instead.” he said pointing towards the silky material around your neck.

“Naahh, it ruins my fashion” they gave each other a puzzled look, shrugging their shoulders for they both couldn’t gather the reason of your weird behaviour.

At lunch, you talked to them about the fundraiser and gave your own contribution for the noble cause. The conversation with them progressed too easily and for about an hour you forgot about the turmoil in your life, which was still unknown to them.

After parting away, you went straight to your professor to show him your progress. He took note of the materials you found on recent cases and dismissed you without showing any gratitude. Not even a word of appreciation.

A ping!

Jaemin: noona, doyoung hyung is picking you up at 4 but he won’t enter the campus. Be out at 4!

You let out a frustrated groan at his text. You had only met him once, when he conferred upon you the honour of connecting your phone to his server but that was not the only favour you received! He also saved his contact number with various hearts that you obviously removed after reaching home. you could only pray to heavens that he won’t be there today as well!

You made your way to the library again, this time to work on your thesis. The time passed quickly than you thought. The alarm you placed earlier vibrated, indicating it was 4 already! You hastily made your bag and ran out of the library. It took 10 minutes to reach the gates of the campus. When you passed your dorms building, the idea of ditching doyoung and going to bed sounded tempting but as usual, nothing was going your way these days. You felt like the old catch 22 was in action.

You passed through the gates and looked around the road to find doyoung’s car but he was nowhere to be seen. While you were scanning the whole area, a low voice called your attention.

“What are you finding, I’m right here under your nose” a voice said through gritted teeth.

Yes, he was indeed sitting in the car right in front of you and the only one you missed apparently. You walked around the car to sit on the passenger seat, the tinted windows hiding you from the outside funfair.

“What took you so long? Its 4:15 already.”

“I don’t have a car like you so I walked myself here and it’s not like I did it purposely anyway.” You contended, the annoyance in your voice matching his own.

“Whatever, we are already late so turn around. Taeyong would be mad.”

“No I’m not turning around. First that cloth bag, then the handkerchief you tied on my eyes yesterday, its painful man. I’ll lose my eyesight this way. And I can navigate whole city from this place, you can’t hide your dungeon from me now” you reasoned. He didn’t tie your hands yesterday but your eyes were still covered.

“Then give me your scarf. I’ll cover your eyes with your own choice of article. It’s not painful or else you won’t be wearing it right! he said mockingly, pointing towards your neck.

“Umm, this scarf is act-

“Give me that already. I have some other things to handle as well.” assessing your options, you hesitantly removed the scarf, turning around to face the window immediately. Doyoung tied it across your eyes, checking the knot twice and tapped your shoulder. As you turned around, doyoung’s doe eyes widened, if that was even possible. Your collarbone and neck, which was visible through your v neck top, was covered with pretty purplish bruises. You fidgeted with your hands, flustered, feeling his eyes on you. But he remained quiet, focusing on the task at hand.

The whole drive was quiet and though your hands were not tied, you kept them on your backpack, hesitant to start any conversation. The car stopped finally, the mixed feelings coming back. The same process followed. He guided you inside but this time you passed only one door and the walk was quite shorter as well.

As doyoung was about to remove your scarf, a hand stopped him, or that was what you understood from the movements at that time.

“Silky scarf, blindfold and hickies hmm! Being kinky doyoungie. She’s your sister-in-law. Show some respect boy!” a voice remarked, the air around your face suddenly filled with chocolate and coffee. You hiccupped all of a sudden, earning a chuckle from the unknown presence.

You tried to reach for the blindfold, but your hands were caught mid-air, the said hands removing it. You blinked your eyes a few times to make out the figure’s face. He was standing, mostly bending to match your stature, face smiling to show all of his teeth.

Yuta.

You, surprised, took a step back but instead bumped into the one behind you.

“I’ll take over from here, doyoung.” but fortunately, he didn’t budge, fortunately. Your hold on backpack tightened, your eyes lowered to avoid his gaze. The only thing in your view were his baggy pants and white sports shoes.

But yuta could see only you and nothing else. Taeyong wasn’t the only one awaiting your arrival. Yuta was equally anticipating you.  His night was just as sleepless and anxious as you. He was afterall at the other end of the rope.

He raised your head, fingertips lightly grazing your chin. His hooded eyes roamed around your face like he was expecting you show some contempt , hatred,nervousness! He straightened up abruptly and started tying the silk around your neck. You flinched at his touch but he remained void of any reaction. His half denim jacket and white t-shirt hid you from the surroundings, his arms almost engulfing you. He repositioned himself to match you height again, arms crossing against his chest.

“Looks like someone had a fun night.” and in a second, his honey smile changed into a smirk, letting go of any trace of earlier softer expressions. And the look on his face was enough to scare the shit out of anyone.

“Stop yuta” a taller man you recognised from yesterday as Johnny, pushed yuta aside from your view. It was then you saw that everyone was there. Including the one you were yet to encounter.

Your eyes wandered from one side to other of the room. Johnny let you inspect.

“Doyoung, what was the need to cover her eyes?” Johnny whispered to doyoung, breaking your trance.

“Why is everyone nagging me so much” he whined in a screeching voice.

“Karma bitch” Johnny pointed his forefinger towards him before giving his attention to you.

“Hey, how are you y/n.” he asked, his cheerful voice totally in contrast with the weather of the room.

“I’m- ummm.” you cleared your throat before continuing. “I’m fine Johnny. As fine I can be.” you mumbled the last part but he surely heard you.

“You remembered my name!” he clapped, his eyes turning into crescents. You gave him a tight lipped smile in return, waiting for some instructions. As if on cue, taeyong’s loud voice graced your ears.

“Come y/n. make yourself comfortable” he indicated towards the couches that were almost already occupied. Johnny gestured you to proceed, walking with you. You passed yuta who was still smirking and sat on the single seat available next to taeyong. You placed your backpack on the large table in the middle of the room. It looked like a normal living room for guests, just with too many couches to accommodate the gang. You felt like an uninvited because apparently everybody was watching you like a hawk. Their stares changed sight only when yuta came to take a seat on one of the couch, exactly opposite to yours. You met his eyes briefly before turning your face towards your bag again.

Who knew the rusty zips of your bag were so interesting!

“So y/n I thought you should meet everyone. You are going to be part of this family soon. Better get acquainted with all.” taeyong addressed you while he sat on his couch majestically like a king. You heard a dry laugh and if you had to guess it had to be from jaehyun or yuta.

You didn’t understand why he wanted that. You were just a risk till yesterday and now means to discipline yuta.

And why all the formalities if you were gonna leave anyway.

“I’m going to leave anyway, taeyong. So I don’t see a need to do it!”

You were too consumed to notice how your sentence turned all the heads around you. Some started giving side eyes to each other. There was something they were all missing.

“I said you could leave. But not without my permission. So, you’d be stuck for now, maybe till months or years.”

You gulped at his words. Taeyong turned your only hope into a distant dream. Maybe you were too foolish to gauge the situation.

“You want something to eat or drink before we continue” he asked in a sincere voice. Shaking your head, you rubbed your eyes with the palms of your hands to stop them from moistening. There was nothing more embarrassing than to cry in front of a bunch of strangers who didn’t give a shit about you.

“No, please continue.” you emphasised again to not draw any more attention to yourself than already was. And you internally thanked to taeyong who continued as if you weren’t just gonna cry!

“You will move in with yuta on Saturday,” it was Monday. “The wedding ceremony would be held in the morning. So you have few days to prepare, everything from your dress to every other thing you need shall be arranged. Just name it and you’ll have it!”

Wedding ceremony! That was not on the plate!

“I don’t want a cerem-

“Leave the bullshit ta-

You and yuta both cut off each other simultaneously. You glanced at his side, finding him already piercing his gaze into yours.

“There’s no need for it. The paper signing is enough. It’s not like we are in-

You knew taeyong understood what you were trying to say, so you didn’t continue. But you were already having a feeling of superiority over yuta for being the first to offer your opinion. It felt like a payback for flustering you earlier. You refrained from facing him again, your body turned towards taeyong only, but you felt satisfied with the thought of him being riled up.

“Oh, but I want a ceremony taeyong and mark is going to be the best man. He’s so excited. You can’t do that to him!” yuta emphasised through the variation in his voice. You knew he changed his argument purposely , but you maintained your cool, opting to ignore him . bear and forbear.

Taeyong raised his eyebrow at you but you shook your head again.

“I don’t think it’d be a good idea. It’s not a normal one anyway so why pretend!” you held your ground.

“You aren’t getting married to a mannequin.” yuta retracted. “I’m getting married as well and don’t anyone dare say that I made a mistake and blah blah. At last I’ll be hitching so I want a ceremony and Japanese at that!”

Oh yeah, he was Japanese. You has missed that as well.

All the other men in the room, 9 to be exact, were nodding at everything that was being said. They were unable to decide whose argument was worth taking side for. Finally Johnny spoke-

“I think y/n is right” looking at nowhere particular, he continued. “What’s with pomp and show when it’s nothing more than an agreement”

“But if yuta hyung wants it, then why not. They are going to live together, he should have his say as well.” it was mark who took yuta’s side. He didn’t know why but watching yuta losing ground urged him to support his brother.

You looked briefly at the boy who just argued with Johnny.

“He’s mark y/n.” taeyong said the answer you were looking for. “And he’s Jungwoo, jeno, doyoung, you have already met him, then jaehyun, johnny, renjunie, hendery. Others are busy so you’ll meet them some other day probably.”

A few waved towards you, including mark, who shyly withdrew his hand quickly. They all probably hated you as there was no other reaction towards a person who almost put your life in danger!

“Can we get to a middle ground now? I’m already getting tired of this” jaehyun grumbled, leaning into the couch.

“Ok so, he wants a celebration of a lie! What about me then. You are all here but I have no one. I’m alone and probably will be. Because taeyong, you haven’t told me how am I going to reveal this to my friends? I may not have a family, but still there are people close to me. they are my best friends, roommate, and many others who need to know! How am I going to explain them that their friend who didn’t even have a boyfriend, is getting married suddenly? I don’t even have parents to cover it with an arranged marriage. How to convince them? give me a way and I’ll agree” you pointed out the very important detail that they were missing. But they needed to know that there was other side of the paper as well and your reasons were not just a cry in the wilderness.

Nobody made a sound. Everything went quite like a dark night until-

“I hope this is not the calm before a storm!” you looked over to see the person who broke the silence. It was another young man coming with a food trolley, probably from the kitchen.

“I thought we have a guest so I prepared some coffee and donuts. I hope you like sweets y/n” the man was smiling ear to ear, seeming too happy with your visit.

“I-

“I’m kun.” he introduced himself and you shook his hand. He seemed too polite for a criminal. “Have this and tell me how it is” he forcibly handed you a dessert plate with a chocolate glanced donut. You took it out of politeness but felt a bit weird to be the only one eating it. You watched him with quizzical eyes as he took one for himself and sat on the arm of your couch. Everyone was now staring at your movements.

“Eat it, eat it. These are for you and me only.” he cajoled.

You decided to take a bite and then place it back just to stop the awkwardness.

As you bit it from one side, your brain short circuited. “Holy shit, bro. what is this sorcery.” your genuine and innocent reaction made Kun laugh loudly, some of the others joined in as well.

“Thank god, you like it! I’m so glad you aren’t one of weight conscious ones, otherwise it’d have been weird.” he starting munching on his own piece.

“I’m a sugar bear. I can’t live without sugar. I just had a donut in the morning but it was bleh comparing to this. You are a master chef bro.” and for a minute you forgot the previous tense environment. Everyone was glad that Kun came to save the situation and except to you, it was known that obviously he heard everything from the kitchen.

“You ate one in the morning! Then it’s the last one you’re getting. Everyone help yourself. She’s not having anymore!” as if they were waiting, everyone except mark and yuta picked them up.

“Mark” Kun motioned towards the tray and he grabbed one as well.

“What if I was allergic to chocolate, kun” you asked him while finishing your treat.

“Oh please! Even ten eats it.” he laughed to himself at his reference, which went over your head.

“Now coming to the point.” Everyone looked at taeyong who was already done with eating. “Y/n doesn’t want anything special so it’ll happen like that. No!yuta, lemma speak. And you y/n, it’s upon you to make your friends believe. Make up a story or do whatever you want. You don’t want to tell them about the wedding. Fine with me but do let them know at least that you have a boyfriend that you are moving in with! It’s on you both to make this arrangement believable.

“okay , sho now I shuggenly hab a voyfiend” you started speaking without even finishing the bite in your mouth. you continued once you chewed it.

“wont they be suspicious. They know exactly what I do and what I don’t. It’s almost impossible to put a façade in front of them.”

“Oh please, don’t tell me they even know from where you got those hickies” jaehyun’s curt statement was a hit below the belt. Kun was about to scold him when you elaborated his statement further to prove that he was doing nothing but burning his own fingers.

“Yes, actually they happen to know. When, where and from whom I got these. Anything else you want to ask?.” he rolled his eyes on your reply, busing himself with the delicacy instead.

“They don’t know yuta. So if you want you can introduce him to your people. He won’t be posing any problem, take my word for it.”

“I’ll go with you if you also accompany me,that I guess would be a problem for you. You don’t want to be seen with a criminal, or do you!” yuta jabbered. He was trying to push your buttons to measure your limit. But little did he know that you were far from being that easy.

“I just said I don’t want a wedding. I’ll agree to anything that is reasonable and is not degrading to me.”

“Ok then, nobody would force you to do what you don’t want.” taeyong decided to took matter in his own hands now. “And we’ll organise a small, very intimate gathering at taeil’s office to celebrate as yuta wants. And you’ll be introduced as Mrs. Nakamoto to our corporate world.” taeyong finished gauging both of your reactions. The surname was foreign and cringing to you. But it was going to be yours, so there was nothing you could do, for now.

“What do you mean ‘our’ corporate world.” you got puzzled at his choice of words.

“You’ll find out soon and its nothing scary, don’t worry.” Kun responded on behalf of taeyong this time, handing you your cup of coffee. “Tell me if it’s cold, I’ll-

“No it’s totally fine.” you assured him, without even taking a sip. He was being nice enough already.

“If my opinion has no value, then what am I even doing here!” yuta shouted, getting up from the seat.

“yut-

Before Kun could say anything, he stormed off. Mark tried to follow but taeyong stopped him from doing that.

“Don’t mind him. He’s a hot head.” Johnny laughed in between his bites.

You only nodded, sipping your coffee. You were glad he was gone. Sugar has always done wonders for you and it was having same effects now as well. You were able to think more rationally now.

“One more thing” you furrowed your brows at taeyong. What was left now!  “Do you want any specifications in the house? It’s my responsibility. A wedding gift you can say. If you need anything like extra closet, a more spacious kitchen-

“Kitchen?” you let out a brief chuckle at that. Everyone’s eyes were on you now. “It’ll be totally fine if I don’t even get a kitchen. I can’t cook anything besides ramyeon and salads. So I won’t even need that.”

“You are a student. Don’t you know anything basic.” it was Jungwoo who spoke in the voice sweeter than even Kun’s.

“No. I grew up in an orphanage and they provided us everything. I left when I started law. So all in all, I never had anyone to teach me. That’s why if you want to know best food trucks and restaurants in the city, I’m your best option.but, if that yuta knows how to cook, ask him about the kitchen.” you spoke non chalantly .But you didn’t realise how uncomfortable the air had become. a heavy silence took over the light atmosphere.

“I’m sorry noona” Jungwoo apologised sheepishly.

“It’s fine. After all there are some things that your hacker can’t find out. only I can tell you those.” saying that, you faced taeyong again. “But if you insist, I can always use a study room.” you tried to enlighten the mood again.

“Ok. I’ll find something suitable for you both.” you hummed, not knowing what to say anymore.

“Can I go back now?”

“Yes, doyoung will drop you.”

“No, I’ll go with her.” Johnny said, grabbing your attention. He didn’t look sulky like doyoung so, it’d be fine, you guess.

They said you goodbyes. Mark seemed hesitant to even look at you, but you couldn’t care less. He was just a stranger after all.

Yuta couldn’t realise why everyone was trying to be so nice to you. Till yesterday, he was allowed to put a gun on her head but now every being was against him. He didn’t know why he was so furious at taeyong, to forcing him to marry you or from dragging mark into this mess. Taeyong knew how to play dirty, but yuta never thought he’d use his own brother. There was no option for him as well, as taeyong has said. He showed interest in a fucking celebration to contradict you, but you were not backing down and that felt like a punch to his gut.

He drove towards his stress reliever. The infamous Japanese club. Only place where he could drown his sorrows.

The club was packed despite it being Monday. That was one thing he liked about it, you’ll never be disappointed in this place.

“ゆた!” The hostess chimed seeing yuta. “久しぶり” [ long time, no see!]

He signed her to give him 2 shots. She did as told but her gaze was following yuta’s, which rested on her cleavage. He came here only for 2 things after all.

He gulped the drink in a second without blinking an eye.

“バックルーム” [ back room]

She wasn’t someone to be told twice. She handed her hand towel to her co-worker and followed the path. Who was she to reject him after all?

As she opened the door, yuta pressed her against the door, shutting it with a thud, His tongue directly fighting with hers. Sinful sounds escaped her throat as yuta’s hand started working on the skimpy fabric she wore to cover herself. She moaned loudly as yuta pinched her nipples hard, his groans matching her loud ones. His eagerness always started a fire in her body, with intensity too much to handle. Her hands undid his pants, dropping them on the floor. They have done it so many times that the whole process imprinted in their minds by now.

without breaking the kiss,she changed their positions making yuta’s back hitting  the door . With a loud smooch, his lips parted hers, to let her function pn her own.

She got to her knees while he got rid of his shoes to remove the boxers. She gave a few pumps before giving kitten licks to the tip while her gaze was fixed on his face.

“Hisoka, I’m in a hurry” he warned her. Smirking, she took him in her mouth, going up and down as head bobbed with the motion. Yuta fisted her hair, roughly stroking himself inside of her. She whimpered on the action and hit his balls with her other hand, earning a chuckle from him. Yuta knew how much she hated when he took charge. Yuta’s head hit the door as she sped up, the grip on her hair tightening and with a few deep throats, he was done. Yuta looked at her fucked up eyes, chin dripping with his seed. He picked her up with her elbow, his mouth latching towards her breast as soon as her back hit the same spot again. she moaned in pleasure as her shorts were removed hastily by him. Yuta merely smirked at her lack of panties.

“You knew I was coming hmm!” he growled sensually in her ear. Her body almost crumbled on the floor at his voice. “Let’s do it then!” he exclaimed, slipping himself into her. Her one leg that was wrapped around his waist provided him a perfect angle to stroke while his hand perfectly trapped her against the door. his mindless thrusts made her breasts to bounce with the same pace. “Faster”  her  moans were muffled from the outside world due to the high bass music that was playing in the club , providing them the coverage from any 

“もっと”[ more!] Yuta asked her while giving a final hit to her insides, her body losing all the strength as she released her love juices. She slumped towards his chest as yuta let himself undone. As they rode their highs, yuta kissed her neck from behind, leaving her body in shivers for the next few minutes.

He drove back silently again. The relieve he felt was all dissipated now. Instead his mind was already wandering towards you. Your headstrong attitude was troubling him more than he anticipated! his plans were all down and out. He hated you , from the moment he laid his eyes on you. You acted like you were invincible but he knew it was just a mask to protect yourself.

He had noticed how you had rubbed your eyes to hide your disappointment for you didn’t want to appear weak. All he had to do now was to find a vulnerable part of you, to hit you where it’d hurt the most. It’d be last time he lost to you. from now on, you won’t be able to keep up with him.

Afterall, beginning is always easy, it is continuing that’s hard!

[darling-i-read-it]

Hardworking and Tired

Sonny Carisi x reader

Word Count:1.4k

Warnings: brief talk about cases and rape

Author’s Note: I freaking love Sonny and I didn’t have any requests when I started this so I decided to be self indulgent and write this because he is my BABY

Summary: Sonny has been working way to hard and the reader takes him back home

Genre: FLUFF

(not my gif)

Sonny looked more tired than you had seen him in a while. You stood in Olivia’s office, across from her. You had been working for Olivia longer than anyone else in now, including Fin. You were friends more than coworkers at this point but while you were at work it was usually about work. Today was an exception. You and Oliva were at lunch together and you were going to tell her about you and Sonny when a girl came crashing into the diner, screaming about the man that was following her and that she had been raped. It cuts your lunch short and you hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her about Sonny but now you were sitting in your office, talking about the high level case and about your lunch as best as you could remember it, getting the paperwork down and tight.

The suspect was a celebrity and you wanted to make sure that everything was airtight for Rafael to try. But you were distracted, walking around Olivia’s office and seeing Sonny outside the walls, talking to Amanda, bags under his eyes. You and him were working the case hard as partners but he was also trying to get things together and help with a case that Amanda was working on with Fin.

“Y/N do you need to do something or can we finish this up?” Liv asked. You turned back to her and noticed you were biting your thumb nail from nerves at watching your boyfriend.

“I’m here. Sorry, where were we?” Olivia put her pen down carefully and shut the case file carefully. You stared at her as she did it, waiting for her to tell you where you had dozed off.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked. It was getting late. You ran a hand through your hair and glanced back at out the window.

“We have to finish this Liv.”

“No, I finished it while you were staring out the window at Carisi and Rollins.” You sighed and sat in the chair across from her.

“It’s late Olivia.”

“We’ve been friends for 16 years and I’m your sergeant. You have to tell me if you’re dating someone from the squad,” she said carefully. You nodded and took a deep shaky breath.

“It’s Amanda. I know, I know-” You could only hold it together for a moment before you both laughed a bit, breaking the ice.

“How long have you and Sonny been together?” she asked. You let out a breath and glanced back.

“He’s stressed Liv. Can I just take him home? I’ll do it discreetly, he’ll leave first, I’ll wait 5 minutes!” She gave you a look. “Four months.” She nodded.

“Fin said it was 5. You just got me twenty bucks.” You raised an eyebrow.

“You’re betting now? We don’t have a good track record with that here in SVU,” you told her, trying to ignore the blush creeping on your face. Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Take him home. We’ll see about this tomorrow okay but right now I’m pretty sure he’s going to collapse any second. Rollins can finish this case with Fin. Make him his ma’s spaghetti or something,” she told you. You stood up and gave her a small smile.

“Thank you. I’ll bring you some spaghetti tomorrow.”

“You better.”

You walked out of her office, walking over to where Sonny was scribbling something down over his paperwork. You sat on his desk, looking over his messy handwriting.

“Is that even legible?” you asked, grabbing his jacket from the back of his seat. He laughed shakily, not even looking up at you until he finished his sentence on paper. He threw his pen down and a hand went through his hair.

“Doesn’t have to be, no one reads the paper work anyway.” He took a deep breath and studied you. “Why are you holding my jacket? I’m pulling an all nighter, I’ve gotta help Rollins-”

“Liv has ordered me to take you home. Fin’s gonna take over the case and Olivia and I finally finished up the paperwork.” He raised an eyebrow.

“You told her?”

“She and Fin were betting on how many months we’ve been together. Come on.” You threw him the jacket and stood up. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and followed you as you walked out the door.

You got a cab back to his place and when you got there he nearly fell over from how tired he was. He fell onto the couch.

“I wanna pass out but I also just want to eat,” he muttered. You were already in the kitchen. Rollins case had been with a little girl and you knew how hard your boyfriend took those kind of cases. You grabbed out his cookbook. It was almost ten at night but you knew he was not going to sleep before he ate something. It wouldn’t take you more than 30 minutes to make something he’d enjoy.’

“Go take a shower Carisi,” you called and he let out a sigh before standing. He had been on his feet for a very long time and took your advice, telling you he was going to and then you heard the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on.

He got out around the same time you finished up your spaghetti. You took Olivia’s words to heart. You let down your hair as you saw Sonny walked over in sweats and a t-shirt, looking much better than he had before. You knew he was going to relax after a shower.

“That smells amazing,” he whispered, sticking his finger in the sauce. You hit his arm gently.

“Its from your ma’s cookbook. It won’t taste the same but I tried. I know you’ve been doing a lot lately,” you told him softly, dishing up two plates. You gave him one and hopped on the counter, taking a bite. He gave you a soft look.

“God I love you,” he whispered, taking a bite of the food. You smiled. He hadn’t said that before. You should have known it would be over the spaghetti.

“I love you too Carisi,” you muttered, watching him devour the dish. He didn’t even notice for a moment, so taken over by the food and his exhaustion. His chewing slowed and he stopped.

“Really?” he whispered. You rolled your eyes and put down your plate. He put down his as well and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Mmhm. Let’s get you to bed,” you whispered. He let out a content sigh and moved forward, burying his face in your neck and hugging your waist.

“You stayin’ doll?” he whispered. You rubbed his back softly.

“Let me change clothes and I’ll be right in.” He nodded but didn’t let you go. You smiled, laughing softly. “Sonny you’ve gotta let me go so we can go to sleep.” He moaned.

“You’re warm.”

You were about to speak again when your phone rang. You let out a sigh and saw Olivia’s number. You knew you had to take it and he moved away, just enough to see who was calling.

“Hey Liv,” you muttered and he sighed, stepping away.

“This is a reminder to save me spaghetti,” she said. You laughed and Sonny raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah okay.”

“How’s Sonny?”

“He’s okay. About to head to bed,” you said with a pointed look and he raised his hands in innocence and walked to the bedroom.

“Good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“See you then Livy.” You slid off the counter and walked to the bedroom, stripping out of your clothes and walking to grab one of Sonny’s shirts. You settled for a hoodie on the dresser and walked to the bed.

He was already half asleep but he grabbed your waist and pulled you toward him, putting his head on your chest and nuzzling into your side. You smiled contently and brushed his hair with your fingers until you both fell into a content and deep sleep.