#it's literally like those 3+1 fics but in a pic form

[hitorimaron]

bonus:

[vermilionsun]

*Crashes in* Hi there! This is probably the first time I’ve requested something in literal years! But I’m wondering if you can do relationship headcanons with the reader/mc (gn too please 🙏🏼) dating both Kuras and Vere🤭. It can be both sfw and/or nsfw, whatever you like! I just really wanna see what possible messiness that comes of this.

Also thanks for the follow, and glad you enjoyed my lil fics!!🙏🏼☺️🩵🩵🩵

Ahoy! Thank you sm for the req!! Of course, gn! reader + it's extra messy, hehehe

Note 1: There's NSFW under the very obvious line and the the big red letters that read "NSFW" Note 2: The edit of the middle pic is by @todayis-snowy <3

ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ²﹕ ⁱ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰᵒ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᵈⁱᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐⁱᵈᵈˡᵉ ᵖⁱᶜ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵛᵉʳᵉ ﹠ ᵏᵘʳᵃˢ, ⁱᶠ ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ ᵏⁿᵒʷˢ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ ᵐᵉ ˢᵒ ⁱ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵖʳᵒᵖᵉʳˡʸ ᵃˢᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒʷⁿᵉʳ ᶠᵒʳ ᵖᵉʳᵐⁱˢˢⁱᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵘˢᵉ ⁱᵗ/ʳᵉᵐᵒᵛᵉ ⁱᵗ. ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ ✌

➢ You’d most likely be caught in the middle (in… more than one ways), trying to maintain balance.

➢ It's like willingly stepping into a minefield and expecting not to get blown up. A recipe for disaster, cooked and baked at why-did-you-think-it-was-a-good-idea degrees. A thunderstorm of past emotions brewing beneath the surface for centuries, ready to unleash its wrath at any moment. You don't mix fire and ice, especially when they come in the form of two ex-lovers who still hold a spark for each other as well as a history of clashing violently.

➢ Both are unapologetic about everything they do

➢ They constantly push each other's buttons. It's like a deadly game of tug-of-war, with neither willing to give an inch. Trying to navigate a relationship with both of them feels like walking on eggshells, never knowing when one wrong move will set off a chain reaction.

➢ Their… love is a force to be reckoned with, a force that could either consume them whole or set them free. But one thing is for certain: it's something that cannot be ignored, no matter how destructive it may be.

➢ That said, spare yourself the trouble and stay out of their way if you can. Unless you want to get caught in the crossfire. And hell, maybe even get burned. But at the end of the day, why the fuck would you not want to involve yourself in their toxic relationship drama?

➢ e̶s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ i̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶e̶r̶e̶ b̶o̶r̶n̶ c̶u̶r̶s̶e̶d̶, w̶i̶t̶h̶ h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ y̶o̶u̶ k̶e̶e̶p̶ b̶a̶n̶d̶a̶g̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ h̶i̶d̶e̶ a̶ d̶e̶a̶d̶l̶y̶ s̶e̶c̶r̶e̶t̶:̶ a̶ b̶r̶u̶s̶h̶ o̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶ f̶i̶n̶g̶e̶r̶s̶ t̶w̶i̶s̶t̶s̶ t̶h̶e̶ m̶i̶n̶d̶s̶ o̶f̶ a̶n̶y̶ h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶ y̶o̶u̶ t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶. J̶u̶s̶t̶ h̶o̶w̶ f̶a̶r̶—

➢ Those aside, they’d actually be pretty loving towards you.

➢ Kuras is the type to shower you with attention in a rather subtle, detached way. Vere, on the other hand, is the type to show his love through grand gestures and extravagant gifts.

➢ Kuras would be a rather protective partner, and would be wary of Vere due to how antagonistic he is towards both him and you.

➢ Both Kuras and Vere are pretty stubborn, so the arguments are nothing less than legendary.

➢ They could go on for hours, with Kuras using his sharp tongue and quick wit to cut down Vere's fiery temper.

➢ They'd argue over the weirdest things—food choices ( and who's the worst cook), who said what in the heat of the moment—the list goes on, really.

➢ Kuras probably has a few secret places where he goes for some alone-time to cool off,come back after an hour or two and pretend like nothing happened, while Vere would probably still want to continue the argument.

➢ Jealous jealous JEALOUS. 

➢ Knowing Kuras' slightly-more-than-necessary possessive nature, Vere'd definitely go out of his way to make him more jealous.

➢ Anything to make him see red.

➢ Openly flirting, teasing or touching you in front of Kuras, showering you with affection just when Kuras has stepped out of the room or go out of his way to spend time with you, deliberately excluding Kuras from the hangouts. He'd be constantly hovering around you and if Kuras does get a chance to be alone with you, Vere just barges into the room and starts acting particularly familiar and affectionate with you.

➢ Kuras'd be careful to keep his cool—despite seething inside—looking at you two with a smile that's too tight to be completely genuine, eyes narrow and jaw clenched. He’d make sure to shower you with extra attention once Vere’s gone.

➢ He knows Vere's doing everything just to rile him up and he's probably making mental lists of ways to k̶i̶l̶l̶ get back at Vere in the future.

➢ He'd probably get very cold and dismissive with Vere—at least, for as long as he could hold out. Kuras is not very good with self-restraint when he's mad.

➢ Kuras is secretly very clingy in a subtle sort of way. He'd probably try and find ways to physically get closer to you more often—sitting next to you, finding excuses to fix your clothes, and standing closer to you than is strictly necessary. He wouldn't be above sulking if you’re not paying him enough attention, either.

➢ Vere would be a lot more affectionate than Kuras, and definitely shameless when it comes to flaunting his interest in you. He'd find every opportunity to touch you—casually draping an arm over your shoulder or hip, holding your hand, pulling you close to his side—anything to make it clear that he's staking his claim on you. He'd also have a habit of stealing kisses whenever you least expect it.

➢ Kuras'd grumble about it being “impolite” and make a show of how upset it makes him, but in truth, he'd get really, really jealous and he doesn’t know of who.

➢ Truth be told, Kuras might come off as cold and distant sometimes, especially in front of others, but you would quickly learn he's just not used to the whole "relationship" thing. Vere, on the other hand, would be much more open. He'd be more willing to flirt and openly call you any pet name under the sun, no matter how cheesy or embarrassing it may sound.

➢ Watch the shock and horror on the two bitter ex’s faces when Vere calls Kuras with a pet name out of habit, only for Kuras to respond with an equally affectionate nickname in return before they both pause, realizing what they have just done.

➢ Kuras is taken aback at first and coughs away the surprise, but a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he looks at Vere with a newfound warmth in his eyes. Vere, on the other hand, tries to cover up his own shock with a nonchalant shrug and a playful smirk, but his face betrays the tumult of emotions swirling within him.

➢ It will take a while for things start to get better; there would probably be a fair amount of petty back-and-forths before either one ends up actually admitting that they're being an ass, and then they'd be stuck in an awkward limbo where they are technically not fighting, but tneither one knows how to approach the other without starting another disagreement.

➢ They’d still fight and squabble like a married couple on the regular, but they'd also have quiet moments where they tolerate the other's presence, or dare I even say, get along.

➢ *g̶a̶s̶p̶s̶ e̶c̶h̶o̶ f̶r̶o̶m̶ t̶h̶e̶ a̶u̶d̶i̶e̶n̶c̶e̶*

➢ In that case, their banter becomes more lighthearted and their interactions more genuine as they slowly let down their guard around each other. The tension that once hung heavy in the air begins to dissipate, replaced by a growing sense of comfortability and re-building trust.

➢ As time goes on, they end up having fewer and fewer fights a̶n̶d̶ t̶h̶e̶ p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶i̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ t̶o̶ k̶i̶l̶l̶ e̶a̶c̶h̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ g̶o̶e̶s̶ d̶o̶w̶n̶ b̶y̶ a̶ s̶i̶g̶n̶i̶f̶i̶c̶a̶n̶t̶ a̶m̶o̶u̶n̶t̶ though the two of them being as argumentative as they are, there is no way they'd never have a disagreement again—

NSFW

➢ Positions depend on who’s calling the shots… and, my friend, that is a great question.

➢ Vere tends to prefer being on top—and he's not above teasing and provoking you just to see how far he can push you, who is sandwiched in the middle—while Kuras usually ends up on bottom simply because he gets stubborn and doesn't want to give in to Vere's provocativeness.

➢ Kuras would be the more gentle one—he wouldn't rush or be too rough with you, preferring to take things slow and savor the moment, show his affection with every caress, every touch, every kiss…

➢ He’d probably prefer to have you facing him, he'd want to see your expressions; the way your eyes flutter closed when he touches you, the way your lips part when he kisses you etc etc and he’ll most definitely find a way to hold your hands, ‘cause he’s such a romantic at heart and a giant simp.

➢ Vere would be as shameless as possible. His touch would be more demanding and rough, his kisses more urgent and intense.

➢ It'll be no surprise if he ends up having you pinned underneath him with hands on your wrists more than once.

➢ Vere would want to take you from behind; pull you close to him, his arm snaking around your waist to keep you flush against his body, effectively controlling the pace. He'd like to have you straddling his hips so he can hold you in all the right spots and make you shudder and squirm.

➢ A lot more vocal than Kuras—probably a dirty talker, whispering sweet words and praises in your ears, his gaze locking with Kuras' as he explores every inch of your body with his hands and lips, relishing in watching the effect his words have on both of you.

➢ When it comes to the aftercare, both Vere and Kuras are clingy in their own ways.

➢ Vere would pull you into an embrace, tucking your head under his chin as he makes sure to nuzzle you as obnoxiously as possible just to get a rise out of Kuras.

➢ Kuras, on the other hand, would be a bit more subdued, gently wrapping you in his arms, his expression thoughtful and possessive as he pulls you closer to his chest; as if he's worried someone's going to take you away from him.

➢ Vere’s definitely ready for another round shortly after, but thankfully for you, Kuras stops him.

[lietpolski]

0 for Iceland if you're still doing these?

im SADLY still doing uni work so yes i'm still doing these asks to make it more bearable :,) oh oh but i'm excited to talk about iceland thanks for asking about him!! :DD

1) what would their social media page/activity be like: almost none! it just doesn't seem like his kinda thing u know it goes against his old man energy... but he does use social media to talk to people and keep up with what the others r up to, he just doesn't post much! except for nature pics on instagram <- i think that's canon but don't quote me on it

2) what animal they remind me of: puffin is a boring answer so i'll say he gives off cat energy!! not in a catboy way, in the clingy-but-pretending-not-to-be way

3) my thoughts on their design/aesthetic alone: LOVE his design!! i think his outfit is unique and looks so nice (if u forget the shoes). i did kinda prefer him with the blue eyes he had innnn the movie was it?? but purple looks cool! ALSO ashy-haired iceland is the only iceland to me ok!! he and finland look too much alike in the newer seasons >:(

4) physical headcanons: i think he has a rlly good sleep schedule! like we're talking,, 10pm to 6am he's insane like that. i like to think of him as just slightly shorter than nor, and taller than finland! umm this isn't a headcanon it's canon but i feel like it's an unpopular opinion on tumblr :,) but he's 17 to me! he's also on the slender side. he never had to fight the way the other nordics did, so he's a bit twiggy

5) social headcanons: yes ok!! i covered his relationship w/ denmark in that ask so i won't talk about it again. i think it's so sweet how he looks up to sweden in canon, and while i don't think he grew up close enough to him to view him as a father figure, he's kind of a dad friend to him! ice definitely values social connections a lot, but he still struggles with making them, so he pretends not to. it's been better since the internet became a thing! but u have to think about what being a preteen growing up with ur only friends being your brothers does to someone :,) he's still not the best at socializing and making friends. ALSO NOT A HC BUT I LOVE THAT HE HATES ENGLAND ITS VERY FUNNY TO ME i hc he gets all >:/ when norway talks about hanging out with england like eugh. that guy?

6) psychological headcanons: like i said i think loneliness and self-isolation are def things he's struggled with. the other nordics help a lot but ! i think especially when he was growing up he felt insecure about physically growing so much slower than everyone around him, too. he & norway are also super interesting to me! i think his whole not wanting to call him big brother thing would be more than just him wanting to look grown up (but that too!), he feels awkward being emotionally vulnerable with norway, after growing up extremely close to him but then not hearing from him at all during his formative years (when denmark had to step in). they love each other all the same, but the awkwardness in their relationship is more than just him being immature! don't get me wrong they get along though and tease each other and talk on the phone about silly things and i adore them

7) ship(s) with them that I like or at least consider: aah i like hongice a lot !! i've literally only ever found one good fic of them BUT IT WAS SO GOOD that i fell in love with them as a couple!! i also think him and luxembourg or hongice + lux would be fun!

8) made-up connections with other characters that weren't in the canon (friends, enemies, whatever): aah i don't actually think i have any :,) it's not canon anymore because of him making friends with the aseans, but prior to those strips i would've called him the nordic with the least relationships outside of the group. i think he's friendly with the others around his age though! taiwan, seychelles, liechtenstein, lux, latvia! and he likes america, although he overwhelms him

9) Headcanons about their past: hrmrm in the hongice fic i mentioned he stayed in london during ww2 and i think that idea makes a lot of sense & i really like it!! the rest i've pretty much covered. i'll add that in my head he lived with norway growing up (canon is kind of contradictory, but one strip implies he lived in iceland even after he met norway). i just think it makes more sense that they wouldn't leave this kid all alone?? but it does also mean he witnessed a lot of difficult things (sweden & denmark's fights especially) so it wasn't always a happy time

10) content about them I'd like to see more of: him & denmark like i said !! also more nationverse hongice i feel like it's so rare!! and i loooove things going into the complexities of him & norway as siblings. plus anything about his young teens because we only ever see a frame of that in canon i'm p sure!!

[sunfloweradore]

i’m leaving this blog

hi! this post is a bit long but at the end you’ll find prompts and requests that you are free to use if you’re a writing blog :).

hi there!! if you’re reading this, i hope you’re doing well and staying safe. i just wanted to say that i’m leaving this blog and i’m not sure if i’ll ever come back. the years i’ve spent being a harrie have been great and it’s been a crazy amount of time! pretty much since the x factor! however, for a long time it’s also felt like i’ve been forcing myself to be a fan of harry’s. i’ve put so much energy into being a fan of his that it hasn’t been fun for me in a while and neither has writing fanfiction, which is what this blog is mainly for. it’s felt very difficult to sit down and write a fantasy about somebody who i might not even like anymore and in hindsight it seems a little dumb, but i did stress over writing all the time. this isn’t really about anybody i’ve interacted with on tumblr because you’re all lovely but sometimes it feels as though harries don’t treat him like he’s a human being and instead like he’s a god. me, included. even though i know we joke about harry being the only man we’d let degrade us or destroy our lives or whatever, he is still a person at the end of the day! it took me a very long time to realize that and thinking of him as otherworldly or completely perfect was my way of thinking for a while and i think it was pretty damaging. the fact that so many people would literally die for him is sad because unfortunately, none of us are going to be on his “level”, so to speak. we don’t know him personally and chances are we aren’t ever going to. ahhhh please don’t be mad at me for saying this, it’s just something i’ve realized i need to change about myself and i think it’s something we should all consider about everyone we are fans of. 

anyway, the time and energy i’ve spent on something so ridiculous is exponential and i really feel like it’s time to put it in the past. i’m dedicating this year to self-growth and part of that is learning how to be my own person. feeling like i have to be interested in something or someone in order to be normal has been a common theme in my life and harry has been that someone for as long as i can remember. this isn’t his fault of course but i’m getting older and i don’t want to think of this time in my life as the era that i was obsessed with harry styles. instead, i want to form memories and real life experiences instead of using fanfiction as a way to cope with all of the things that i can’t handle in my life. it worked for a while but at this point i’ve been reading it and writing it for so long that it feels like i’m living inside my head, like i’ve become dependent on it (obviously this is very bad lolol). so, long story short, i will be leaving this blog because it just isn’t good for me anymore. thank you to everyone who has requested things for me to write and anyone who has interacted with my writing. sorry i couldn’t get through them :(. i’d also like to thank everyone i met through this blog because you’re all such amazing people and you deserve the world. i will leave my writing up but the sentiment still applies- i’ve worked very hard on everything i’ve written so please don’t repost any of it without crediting me, thank you.

below are requests i couldn’t get to and prompts(?)/works that i never got to finish. feel free to use them if you want and tag me in them bc i’d love to see how you write them :)

1. paperboy harry!

i think the direction i wanted this to go in was kind of like a 40′s au? or just a long long time ago. not sure why i had this started seeing as i already have harry as a paperboy in a story of mine but go off ig

2. vampire harry!

i had a specific plot i wanted where harry was in a car wreck because of a vampire who ended up biting him in like an alleyway. reader saves him and is a vampire herself! she nurses him back to health n teaches him how to be a vamp with various shenanigans along the way

3. hospital au?

this one i’m not too sure about but if you’ve seen the red band society you’d sort of know the direction i was going with this. there’s kind of an in-between for people in the hospital who are fighting death or going into surgery and in that in-between is a boy who has been in a coma for a long time. i pictured this as being angsty and for harry to be the boy who guides people in certain directions but he ends up falling for the reader while she’s there

4. ghost au!

self explanatory but i pictured harry as the ghost who kind of just wants a friend lol

5. tea au?

this would probably be pretty short, i just thought it was cute! reader has different kinds of tea all the time and it’s a surprise each time he kisses her 

6. strawberry farm au?

reader has a strawberry farm LMAO maybe harry buys them from her or it’s another vampire au, who knows!

7. threesome

most likely has been done b4 but a threesome w 2 guys and the reader where the guy is inside harry while he is inside the reader

8. chocolate by the 1975

a fic based on that song! it would probably be from harry’s pov 

9. space au?

hmm i think i probably saw something that inspired this but all it says is “harry sends letters to space” so i’m assuming it’s an au where he just decided to send letters to space out of boredom or something and mayhaps alien reader finds one?

10. assassin au!

harry is an assassin and in my draft it’s super vague? and almost seems like he’s stalking the reader? it could go in any direction really but i’m assuming the reader is dating him and doesn’t know he’s an assassin

11. chapstick

very similar to the tea one! just w the reader wearing diff chapsticks all the time

12. shower

this is inspired by something i read on wattpad a long time ago and i’ve tried finding it but i think it might’ve been deleted. the reader flicks da bean all the time in the shower and is really loud about it, harry is distracted and confronts her

13. dang ANOTHER threesome

but this time harry is on a date with a girl and they’re at a bar- the girl is looking around, sees the reader and thinks she’s gorg and they end up having a threesome

14. photography au!

harry is a photographer who somehow ends up taking pictures of the reader. in my draft the reader asks him to delete the ones that are ugly but he keeps them all hehe

15. scrapbook au

similar to the last one, harry takes pictures of the reader a lot but it’s not bc he’s a photographer, he just thinks she’s pretty n wants to scrapbook. twist is that he has TWO scrapbooks- one of innocent pics and one that’s lustier (consensual ofc)

16. habits of my heart by jaymes young

self explanatory, angsty

17. roommate au?

this is for some reason also an assassin au? but they’re roommates and reader doesn’t know what he does. they’re bffs, mutual pining

18. don’t forget about me by clove

wow another song fic, big surprise

19. puppyy

harry gets a puppy who hates him :( but the puppy loves the reader!

20. mall au

lol this one is kind of dumb idk why i thought of it but harry is one of those kiosk people at the mall who sells perfume! dunno!

21. condoms

reader works at gas station, harry buys huge condoms

22. poetry

either person reads erotic poetry while touching the other

23. magic au

one of them makes a love potion, kind of dark? like making the other fall in love with them idk it could be an accident though

24. private chef

the reader is a private chef! that’s all i’ve got!

25. message board

this is inspired by..... the sims lmaooo you can pin messages to the message board in your apartment building and i thought it’d be cute if the reader and harry lived in the same building and he leaves notes on the board and she doesn’t know they’re for her! she always thinks they’re cute though

26. raisin theory

inspired by new girl! specifically a comment i saw in like a compilation? video of new girl on yt

i thought it’d be cute for harry to be that person

[usagichanp]

lexthan

*rubs hands together* I was hoping someone would ask me that

This is gonna be a long one folks.

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Life long partners, babey.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think they had crushes on each other for a while. They didn't officially say "I love you" till a few months into their relationship, but they thought it sooner.

How was their first kiss? - I wrote a lesbian Lexthan version of their first kiss, though I don't think canon Lexthan's first kiss was like that. I imagine it to be not really planned out; just like they're talking to each other in the car and lock eyes, then slowly lean in and kiss. Since they've had kisses before, it's not a catastrophe, and it's actually fairly soft.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ethan. Wrote a whole ass fic about it.

Who is the best man/men? - I know who the best man is in my fics (it's my man Marsh, for those who have read it), but idk about the canon Ethan's best man. Maybe Danny (the Smoke Club Boy) but I'm not sure if they'd be friends enough to be his best man. He might not have one.

Who is the bride's maid? - Hannah. Duh.

Who did the most planning? - Ethan, but Lex chipped in too. Tom might help as well if asked lol

Who stressed the most? - Ethan. Though their ceremony isn't big, he still wanted it to be a good memory down the road (it was)

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

First they had just a courthouse wedding where they signed the papers, then had a tiny wedding ceremony with only close friends. Even if they could afford a proper wedding (Canon Lexthan prolly couldn't afford it) I don't think they'd want a big affair anyways. It's be exhausting.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lex's mom. Obviously.

Sex:

Now we're getting to the good part lads

Who is on top? - Ethan is a fucking switch. You can't convince me otherwise. He tops maybe like... 60/40 or 65/35. But when Lex tops, she tops bitch.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ethan likes instigating things since he's a horny teenage boy, but it Lex doesn't want to, he stops. Sometimes Lex instigates, but usually when she does she's in the mood to top.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I'd give it a 7.5, depending on the situation. While they try to tone it down around Hannah, when they have alone time they'd totally go for it. Ethan's glovebox in his car has a box of condoms in it at all times. What can I say, as I said before, they're horny teenagers

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

They don't like seeing each other hurt so they wouldn't like BDSM. They're not vanilla but nothing too crazy- blindfolding, light bondage (aka tying hands up with rope or cloth), scratching, light spanking, pegging

How long do they usually last? - It depends on how much time they have to have sex. They've done quickies in bathrooms or whatever before, but if they have all night then they're pretty good at prolonging it.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely. It is said in multiple fics (I think?) of mine that Ethan makes sure Lex has the same amount of orgasms as he does. Always.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

They certainly can have slow, soft, romantic sex, but Ethan is also 100% capable of rocking Lex's world so hard she can't walk right for a week. (That happens in my first fic, Cassieopia, albeit off screen)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

1) I fucking love that metaphor 2) They don't get much physical affection at home, so they fucking love snuggling and cuddling- whether it be after sex or just hanging out. Sometimes they cuddle as a form of stress relief after a shitty day.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 2, maybe 3.

How many children will they adopt? - I think they might prefer to have children naturally, but in my California series they gain custody of Hannah when she's 12. Does that count?

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lex forces Ethan to learn how to change diapers. That being said, Lex isn't half bad at changing them either, since she helped change Hannah's when she was a child.

Who is the stricter parent? - They're not exactly strict parents, but both Lex and Ethan can definitely scold the kid. ("hAnNaH! tHaT bEtTeR bE fUcKiNg fLoSs!!!!!") That being said, both take care to not be abusive to their child, especially Lex. She doesn't want to be like her mom, so she tries to keep her temper in check.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ethan has good reflexes, and has stopped his kids from falling and hitting their chin on a playground structure more than once. (Fun fact! That happened to me when I was 3. I fell from a steel elephant shaped jungle gym at a German zoo, hit my chin on a steel bar, and bit through my lower lip/knocked 3 teeth out. I still have the scar years later lol)

Who remembers to pack their lunches? - Lex. Though the lunches aren't always the healthiest.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they're both loved, but maaaaaybe Ethan a bit more.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Neither would attend PTA meetings out of the goodness of their hearts. If Lex or Ethan would go to a PTA meeting, it'd most likely be because they wanted to yell at a teacher or principal. They might go seperately or together depending on the severity of the issue.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ethan wouldn't admit he cried, but he did. So did Lex.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Oh bitch, Lex and Ethan both said fuck the law. If it was just like, an overnight jail cell for some stupid misdemeanor, they might try to break their kid out. Otherwise, Lex would probably the one paying the bail because Ethan would try to punch the cop in the face if the cop talked shit about Ethan's kid. That reaction is not exclusive to cops.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither of them are exactly 5 star chefs, but they can hold on their own. Lex is better at cooking breakfast and Ethan is better at cooking dinner- but if he's exhuasted from work, Lex can cook dinner for him.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither are picky. Both of them grew up young scrappy and hungry just like their country without really the chance to be picky. They had to take what they could get.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lex. She's good at calculating totals in her head. I wrote that in an unrealeased fic.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rather rarely. Perhaps on special occasions or to bond. Ethan has ruined the kitchen with his kid trying to bake a cake for Lex at least once. Maybe more.

Are they more of a meat lover or salad lover? - Meat lovers, babey. Fuck that fancy plant bullshit.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ethan. I wrote that in the proposal fic.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Depends on what you count as "going out". Lex likes going to McDonalds, but Ethan is the one who suggests eating at actual restaurants.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ethan, but both have had near misses.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both had fairly messy rooms as teenagers so they're not super anal about having sparkling clean rooms. That being said, when someone comes over Lex does try to tidy the place up a bit. At least enough to make it seem like they have their shit together. Ish.

Who is really against chores? - Ethan can be a bit of a lazy bones sometimes, but Lex isn't exactly a huge fan of chores either. However, she is used to doing chores since she practically raised herself and Hannah.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They take turns. Both hate it.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Ethan, because he doesn't want to incur Lex's wrath.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lex. As I said above, she actually actively cleans the house beforehand. Not to the level of that freaking out mom from the comedy video who's name I can't remember tho.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ethan. He has a nack for finding random bits of money. Score.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lex, though both take relatively quick showers to save water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They actually like doing it together. It's nice to get some fresh air, and they enjoy each other's company.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ethan goes over the top, partially to annoy Lex. You know that Christmas tree Chris Pine vine? Yeah, Ethan would fucking do that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Live a better life together than they did in Hatchetfield. White picket fence and California dreams shit.

Who is more likely to sleep till noon? - Ethan, but Lex is known to sleep till 3 in the afternoon if she's really tired.

Who plays the most pranks? - Ethan. That's literally canon.

I can babble about them all day lol

[skia-oura]

Closing Costs

A/N: Just a fun lil fic about the Ben Trio going house hunting :)

ao3

___________________________________________________

CORDALINE GABLES

Senior Sales Associate

hello@cordgab.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Originally from Fairfax, Old Jersey, Cordaline Gables made her home in Norfolk over a decade ago, and has worked in real estate for nineteen years. She double-majored in Business and Transcendence-Age Architecture at the prestigious University of San Antonio. Her expertise is in finding gems hidden in the crooks and corners of suburban Norfolk, but she is additionally skilled at scouting lovely apartments and homes further away from the city center. When she isn’t matching clients to their dream homes, Cordelia enjoys playing recreational badminton with her partner and taking long walks together with their beloved dog, Sniffles. Please place your trust in Cordelia!

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 New Automated Message: New Customer Application Form

NAME: Torako Lam

PARTNER: Yes [2] ; NAME: Bentley Farkas ; NAME: Tyrone Pines

CHILDREN: No

AGE: 27 ; DOB: June 17 3016

PHONE  EMAIL

PRICE RANGE: Up to $350,000  flexible inflexible

LOCATION: Within [75]km from [Niklakka Labs]

SIZE: 450—600 m2

BD: [3+]        

BTH: [1.5+]    

K: [Yes]          

LR: [No]

GRG: [No]

BY/GDN: [Yes]          

à SIZE: 125—175 m2

ADDITIONAL REQUESTS HERE:

--No dimensional subspaces

--Away from magically-charged hotspots

--Customizable Security Systems

--Garden Shed on premises, please

--Large Windows a Plus

Thank you for accommodating us! We look forward to hearing back about the properties under your purview and making our viewing appointments!

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@cordgab.org

SUBJECT: Hello from Homestar Realtors!!

RECEIVED: July 19th, 3042

 Dear Torako Lam,

           It’s a pleasure to make your virtual acquaintance! My name is Cordelia Gables, and I’m your HomeStar Inc. appointed estate agent. I look forward to working with you and fulfilling your needs in this new chapter of your life. I have attached a list of five properties that I think may fit your needs. Please view them with your partners and let me know if there are any that don’t fit your specifications so that we may get them out of the way before viewing the homes in person. I await your reply at your earliest convenience!

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

HomeStar Inc. Realtors

 House Profile 1/5:

1345 16th Avenue

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  529 m2  | $298,000

[49 img]

 A lovely four-bedroom family home, this property includes high-quality faux-wood flooring, recently renovated wallboard, and a lovely spiral staircase straight out of a 2500’s property magazine. The kitchen boasts a brand-new stove and oven set as well as a state of the art StayFridge™ made from the finest recycled materials from North Africa. The front garden is already blooming with the loveliest daphnes, and the entire property is fenced in by rosebushes. The backyard is perfect for the smallest feet, whether those be of children or beloved pets. Don’t forget the stylish and practical EverExpanding Cabinetry installed in every part of the house—you will never run out of storage space! Each bathroom boasts a shower-tub combo, and the upper floor bathroom comes with gorgeous hand-tiled floors.

House Profile 2/5:

195 St. Phillip’s Crtwy.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

3 Beds  | 3 Bath  |  501 m2  |  $311,000

[12 img]

 This three-bedroom, three-story property sits in the center of the city, a mere five-minute’s walk from two elementary schools and ten minutes from the nearest junior high school. While the original structure dates back all the way to 2258, its most recent renovation was completed less than five years ago in 3039. You are certain to love the open kitchen-dining-living room setup that comprises the bottom floor, leaving the remaining three beds and two baths on the upper two floors. Each bedroom has a Magical View Window, with settings that include worldwide destinations as well as the default ‘Real’ setting for those who prefer to stay close to home. Comes with a Laundry Room in an AltBasement. Gardening space and shed included.

 House Profile 3/5:

98 Summer Estates 29¾ th St.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

5 Beds  | 2.5 Bath  |  598 m2  | $253,000

[28 img]

             Don’t let this house’s exterior fool you! This customizable and generous home is sure to make you feel a sense of belonging inside with its cozy ethically-sourced carpets, warm ReelWoodTM paneled walls, and burnished staircase leading to a second floor. This home includes a basement for any storage needs as well as an attic! An antique kitchen with a real non-stasis fridge are sure to fill you with longing for older, simpler times away from the busy heyday of modern life and modern worries. While the garden needs some tender love in the front (perfect for those who love a project!), the back hosts two sheds and plenty of space to grow your own produce!

 House Profile 4/5:

637 S. Felicity Dr.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22982

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  645 m2  | $290,000

[118 img]

             Comfortably situated in the hilly outskirts of Norfolk, this property will let you live out all your rural life fantasies without sacrificing the conveniences of urban living. Located close to a municipal transport station and within a ten minute’s bike ride of a small neighborhood shopping center, this two-story house boasts an expansive front porch and a balcony off the master bedroom. Each bedroom is larger than average, and each bathroom has a shower/tub room separate from the toilet and wash sink. The kitchen is recently renovated with state of the art appliances included in the price of purchase. The grounds around the property are large enough for both a garden and for outdoor activities such as badminton or good old fashioned tag. A basement provides adequate storage space without the hassle of dimensional subspace installment or upkeep.

 House Profile 5/5:

12841 NE 112th Pl.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

3 Beds  | 1.5 Bath  |  398 m2  |  $215,000

[56 img]

             Boasting a reasonably large garden, this cozy home is at the southern end of the city, within convenient distance of a major hospital, a police station, and several schools. Public transportation is not an issue! And neither will be cooking in the quaint kitchenette, set directly across a furnished dining room. One bedroom and half bathroom are on the bottom floor, and the remaining rooms are located on the second floor. Please see the attached images for more information!

 -

 July 19th

KoraTora

I’ve forwarded you the message the realtors sent me. Objections to any of these before I comb through them for my own preferences?

 DipTipTyrone

i still vote we just shack up with the sheep

 KoraTora

Oh my stars dips that’s

we agreed that’s not a possibility

we would literally go insane

 Bentley:

No, we would go mad almost immediately

Yes what Tora said

Um, looking at them, House 1 is out for sure. You sure you specified no extra-dimensional subspaces?

 KoraTora

You know I did

 DipTipTyrone

i got a perfectly good house up there. antique. ud love it. historians dream. excellent neighbors too. dont pry. no drama.

also protip house3 has some srs bad vibes. I think I actually recognize the basement wallpaper, on second thought.

 KoraTora

????

 DipTipTyrone

Yeah, that striping—oh, that was a pretty good one. Didn’t need to answer a call for the following five years.

 Bentley

In that case, I think we’re not going to do house 3, Tora.

 KoraTora

Ohshit

Whaddya mean, Ben?? Don’t want to live there?? It could???? Be fun!!!!

 Bentley

Yeah no

 KoraTora

Roger that, no worries.

So no to 1 and 3, any others problematic?

Oh wait Ben, u might want to take another look at 2 if u haven’t already.

 Bentley

?

What do you mean, it looked fine?

3 stories are good by me

Sure the counters in the kitchen are ugly in the photos but?

 DipTipTyrone

AltBasement and Magic Windows

u wont like them

 Bentley

Oh

Okay, then 1-3 are all out. You good with 4 and 5, Tora? Dip?

 KoraTora

Yeah I hated 2’s counters too

So I’m good with checking 4 and 5 out for now.

We can always see others after this too!!

 DipTipTyrone

youre the ones actually living there

 KoraTora

Don’t u start on that mister

ur living with us, even if you’re not always around

 Bentley

It’s gonna be your home too, you know

Anyways, I can make time for an appointment next week, Tora, so don’t worry about timing on my end too much

They keep trying to send me home early anyways. Keep talking about PTSD and resting and whatever.

 KoraTora

What happened??

I will drag you home

And lay on you

And make you rest

 Bentley

Nothing happened!! They’re just worried

All the time

…Dipper you did not show up at the front desk.

This is not a good place for you

Dipper

 KoraTorako

Dipper yes!!

But also no!!!!!!

 DipTipTyrone

We’ll be home soon.

Love you.

 KoraTorako

<3

But also that was dumb shit you just pulled

 -

Appointment Notice

7/21/42

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

PROPERTIES: House #4428, House #6609

START TIME: 10:30, from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 12:30, SPECIAL ALLOWANCE Late Lunch Hour, Gables, ID 980039385

NOTES:

Will initially view House #4428 before venturing out to the outskirts of Norfolk to view House #6609. Hopefully one suffices; if not, consider suggesting Houses #1103, #4345, and #3327.

Potentially choosy clients.

 -

 Shari Ndadia, 11:28 AM

Cords, I heard you’re back early?

What happened?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:29 AM

My intuition was right, they are uncannily choosy clients

We didn’t even make it into 4428 before one of them stopped still and said ‘No.’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:29 AM

Holy shit

What??

What was it?? It couldn’t have been the exterior. It was so nice in the pics I’ve seen.

You always snatch up the nice ones.

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Apparently

The InvisiFence was too magical

 Shari Ndadia, 11:30 AM

What the?

But, like, almost all the houses in Norfolk proper have InvisiFences?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Exactly

Which is why I thought ‘oh thank God we’ve got 6609, no InvisiFence’

And it went well at first, but then I told them about the security system

And the tall one was like ‘oh no’

And I was also like ‘oh no’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

Wait

Wait

You’re still at square one with these clients?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:32 AM

Yes.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

You? Queen of Sales?

She Who Strikes Yes On At Least One Initial Property?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Like I said: choosy.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:33 AM

What was wrong with the security system?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Not customizable

Though to be fair

They probably were only going to give that house a maybe

They weren’t too thrilled about the stasis fridge

 Shari Ndadia, 11:35 AM

…choosy.

I wish you luck with them. You going to go through our backlog of communal properties yet?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:36 AM

I’m not that desperate yet.

 -

To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax

           I regret to inform you that I have truly exhausted all of our listed properties for Client Lam and her partners. They have refused everything I have offered; I wonder myself if the property they want even exists within Norfolk. Between their confusing and adamant disdain for any kind of dimensional subspace (including things as mundane as storage spaces) and their insistence on customizable security systems, as well as their avoidance and hesitance around any kind of technology that involves stasis in any way, shape, or form, it has been impossible to fulfil their needs with the properties available to us.

           My suggestion moving forward is to either assign them to another Realtor within HomeStar, or to transfer their entire application to another company. If I recall correctly, you are on friendly terms with Lindquist Realtors. Perhaps something in their directory will suffice.

 Sincerely

Cordelia Gables

 To: cogable@homestar.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Cordelia,

           Are you sure there’s nothing? You’ve gone through the communal backlog? I’ve looked over the application and I have some thoughts. What about House #7421? Or #8577? They’re a bit above price range, but I believe they could work.

 Olive Pinkflax

 To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax,

           With all due respect, I have met with this trio every day for the last week. I dug into the backlog. I have recommended over 50 properties and shown them about a third of those. I was close with #4443, but the damn pet flap and subspace pet room killed it. If I don’t get a break from dealing with these very nice, very terrible clients, I will explode. The brown haired one has taken to very poorly concealed laughter whenever the hoodie-mask one refuses to set foot on the property. I cannot.

           If you have ideas of properties that would suffice, please be my guest. It would be nice to get back into the practical side if things, wouldn’t it?

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

 -                              

 OLIVE PINKFLAX

Senior Realtor

hello@pinkoliv.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Born and raised in Norfolk, Olive Pinkflax hasn’t always wanted to be in the real estate business. They studied History of Architecture and Design in Georgia at the University of Savannah with the intent of pursuing a career in either graphic design or interior decorating. They then went abroad to work at non-profit agencies for a total of five years—in which the job market back home changed, largely at the fault of the Recession of 2978. Due to a lack of job openings, however, they eventually took a secretarial position at UniqNorfolq, a small real-estate business. There, they learned the tools of the trade due to insufficient staffing. By 2995, UniqNorfolq had become HomeStar under Pinkflax’s capable hand. While still small, they have grown the company into a name synonymous with quality, perseverance, and dedication to their clients. When not busy at their company, Pinkflax enjoys painting at home and doting on their pet rat, Squeakums.  

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 Client Transfer Notice, HomeStar Inc. Realtors

7/30/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

ORG SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

NEW SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

REASONING:

Client Lam and her partners have proven to be challenging cases. As this is the case, I have decided that the current best course of action would be to handle their properties personally. Attached to their case file are a list of all the properties that they have been recommended and shown, as well as notes describing their reasons for discontinuing interest. I am open to collaboration and ideas.

Pinkflax

 -

 July 31st

KoraTorako

We’ve been transferred to another Realtor at HomeStar, guys. Apparently it’s the owner of the company.

Bentley

I was afraid this would happen.

We’re being so picky.

DipTipTyrone

Better to be picky now and end up with what we want later!

A quickly made deal is always worse for the receiving party. Better to bide our time.

KoraTorako

Yeah, what Dip said

Also, of course we’re picky??? We’re traumatized.

We’re allowed to be picky, even if they don’t know why.

Bentley

I mean…I could live with a subspace we’d never use, I guess

KoraTorako

No

DipTipTyrone

No

Bentley

Why??

It’s my hangup

KoraTorako

You’re already compromising on stasisware

Bentley

We can always replace that!!

KoraTorako

So?? It still makes you super uncomfortable for completely valid reasons.

I still think we shouldn’t compromise on that.

Bentley

If we didn’t compromise on that

There would be nothing in Norfolk

I’m starting to think there is nothing with our current demands

The house on Clement was cute, wasn’t it? It was nice!

DipTipTyrone

It had the subspace pet flap

Bentley

That we’d never use!!

KoraTorako

You looked ready to start sparking

Or glittering

And also you had that ‘I’m on the edge of reexperiencing all of my recent traumas’ face on

Bentley

If I can deal with everything in daily life

I can deal with a pet flap

KoraTorako

But it’s our home

You shouldn’t have to deal with it at home

This is supposed to be a safe space.

DipTipTyrone

Home isn’t daily—ok Torako got me.

Bentley

It’d be better than the apartment we’re living in right now

Which

If you remember

Is where I got kidnapped from

DipTipTyrone

I do keep mentioning we can live with the Sheep

KoraTorako

You make a fair point, Bentley But also, this is a house we’re going to be in for a long while

Let’s make it worth it, ok?

Bentley

I

Fine, whatever

KoraTorako

I don’t want us to live here either

If we need to we can, I don’t know, AirDrop an apartment for a couple months

Keep our stuff in the apartment so that we don’t have to move it all immediately

We can make this work, Ben. We can have our steak and eat it too.

…

Bentley?

 -

Appointment Notice

8/03/42

SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2

PROPERTIES: House #7421, House #8577, House #2468, House #1697

START TIME: 12:30, departure from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 15:30, departure either from House #1697 or from HomeStar Inc. HQ in best case scenario

Starting with Houses #8577 and #7421 on the very outskirts of Norfolk, we will work our way into the center of town where both House #2468 and #1697 are located. None of the properties have any listed subspace technology integrated into the premises, none of them have magically-powered fences or windows, and only one comes equipped with a stasis fridge. Will make offer to replace fridge with an older but still highly functional device free of charge if the property is accepted.

 -

Client Profile Update

DATE:8/03/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: 64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

 House #1212: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Kitchen Appliances, Cabinetry]

 House #3958: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Alternative Basement, Windows]

 House # 2249: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Basement wallpaper and house history. [detail: 2950’s owners were heavily involved with the Cult of Futures Past, Decorative Preferences]

 House #4428: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances [detail: InvisiFence surrounding property. Client Farkas refused to cross the boundary, saying “No” nearly immediately. Apparently sensitive to magical energy. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #6609: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized. [detail: Client Lam has expressed that a non-customizable security system is out of the question. Furthermore, Client Farkas expressed discomfort with the Stasis Fridge. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #1033: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: shag carpeting, loud wallpaper, windows too small]

 House #3290: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized.

[detail: Client Lam somehow pieced together the security code engraved around all the doors and windows, researched it, and discovered that the code is unalterable without starting over completely from scratch. IE, a warding expert carefully sanding down the inscribed code and then re-installing it to customer specifications. The House Profile has since been updated. Client Lam has since expressed that she would be open to having an initially insecure home to make secure herself. Uncertain if actually qualified to do such work.]

 House #5533: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Household Electrical Wiring is too reliant on MagiTech. [detail: Client Farkas, again, expressed his distaste with the whole affair immediately upon entering the house by saying, “No,” and walking out again. How he noticed the wiring through solid wall is a mystery for the ages. Sensitivity to magic alone cannot explain it.]

 House #7567: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Upon seeing the decoratively engraved floorboards up close, Client Pines recoiled and uttered, verbatim, “The day I spend any significant amount of time in this accursed home is the day I lay waste to the whole of humanity.” Apparently the script contains excerpts from the original Twin Souls literature. Housing detail has been accordingly updated.]

 House #2675: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Apparently, Clients Lam, Farkas, and Pines are not fans of rooster-themed kitchen décor.]

 House #1181: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Basement too reliant on MagiTech and extra-dimensional subspace technology. [detail: The basement was a secret basement. Client Pines stared at the living room floor for an uncomfortably long time before raising his head and telling the SSA, “You might want to be careful opening that.” Property Owner has since been alerted and advised to proceed with caution.]

[UPDATE 7/29: Property has been pulled from the market while police reopen a case and conduct an investigation.]

 House #4482: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Preferences. [detail: 3 bedrooms minimum is non-negotiable and the bathrooms were too cramped]

 House #5319: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: They don’t like the color of the walls. Note to stay away from overly bright greens and yellows in the future.]

 …

[scrolling]

…

 House #5497: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Address. [detail: like many other clients before them, the prospects of living at 6969 Dickinson Straightway appear to have caused the clients to decline this particular property.]

 House #9569: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Building Materials not up to Client Standards. [detail: After showing the clients around the property for fifteen minutes, Client Lam hummed, squinted her eyes at the nearest window, and said, “Does that window look like somebody could break through it to you two?” The next five minutes were spent by Clients Lam and Pines discussing the fragility of triple-reinforced glass against various potential weapons, tools, etc {not limited to but including demonic powers, a bazooka, and a thumbtack} while Client Farkas sat down on the floor, put his gloved hands over his face, and muttered a nearly unintelligible “I’m sorry” to presumably the SSA. These clients are hopeless.]

 House #4443: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Pet Flap and Pet Room are too reliant on extra-dimensional subspaces. [detail: Client Farkas stared at the pet flap, turned around, and put his hand on the SSA’s shoulder before saying, “No,” and walking out. Housing information has since been updated to include the unlisted Pet Room.]

 House #3944: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Unclear. [detail: Client Lam, in the emailed response, simply said, “Look, we’re all tired and this house is too square(?) for {Client Pines}, so we’re just gonna give it a couple days before trying again.”]

[SSA is going to file for a transfer of client.]

 SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

 House #7421: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Distance.

Detail: Too far from nearest transporter station.

SSA Comments: Clients appeared pleased with most aspects of the house. As per SSA Gable’s consultation, Client Lam appears most concerned with matters of household security. Client Farkas is harder to read, due to constantly wearing sunglasses, a hoodie, and a surgical mask despite the weather, but does not hesitate to make his opinions clear. Client Pines is…a mystery.

 House #8577: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor, House Layout, Location.

Detail: Housing does not come with security, but the spackled walls and ceiling are apparently difficult to do the variety of warding Client Lam is used to. Layout is, according to Client Pines, confusing. House 8577 is also apparently on the edge of a minor magical hotspot, as Client Farkas has confirmed.

SSA Comments: The difficulty in getting the clients a suitable home is evident. Client Farkas appears to be the biggest wildcard, despite his consistency in what he refuses. There simply does not seem to be a reliable way to ensure that the properties will not set him against them and are simultaneously up to other standards shared by all three clients.

 House #2468: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: House Size, presence of Extra-Dimensional Subspace, Décor.

Detail: At 780m2, the premises were too large for upkeep. While Client Pines seemed to disagree, offering to do more cleaning in exchange for snacks and ice cream, both Client Lam and Client Farkas weren’t convinced enough to ignore the décor (the elaborate crown molding is too “ostentatious” and “creepy,”) and certainly not when the non-disclosed extra-dimensional subspace was discovered in a false wardrobe.

SSA Comments: After the clients left, I investigated. Inside the subspace, kept pristine likely only by the fact that time does not pass quickly within those places, was an additional bed and a luxurious bathroom. The style of bedsheets and drapes indicates that the subspace was installed nearly a century ago, which seems odd seeing as subspaces in those days were unstable and tended to disintegrate. On a different note, this time it was both Clients Pines and Farkas who balked at the presence of the subspace. Take note to pay more attention to reactions in the future, and to survey properties properly before visitations.

 House #1697: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System.

Detail: Client Lam disagreed with the validity and effectiveness of the existing security system, and upon a close study of it (25 minutes), declared that it would be too difficult to properly alter and that removal would only be slightly easier.

SSA Comments: I would pay for the removal myself if it made these clients buy the house. There were no other issues with it. Upon my making the offer out loud, Client Lam laughed and said, “No, no, that’s all right! I’d rather find something a little more ready first!”

 House #2292: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Layout.

Detail: House is built like a townhome, with a main room and bathroom on each of its 5 levels; Clients professed concern regarding the kitchen being on a separate floor from the living and dining room.

SSA Comments: Unfortunate. The building fit all of their specifications—the security system installed is simple to both customize and remove, there are miraculously no extra dimensional spaces on premises, and the only significant presence of magical technology in the entire property is the mailbox, which can be replaced at a very low cost. We investigated ourselves. Client Lam, their partnership’s point of contact, did say that it was a close call, but that ultimately they would only purchase when completely satisfied.

 House #1357: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor.

Detail: Client Pines felt the colors were too ‘smorple’ and ‘floreen’ and several other descriptors that do not appear in any dictionary. When asked if he had noticed the issues when viewing the profile sent to them, he confessed that the colors simply ‘were different in person.’ Client Lam agreed that she didn’t appreciate the tile flooring in the kitchen. Client Farkas was quiet.  

SSA Comments: I hate to admit it, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Do they even want a house?

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

Attached: ClientRecord64239.qbf

SUBJECT: A Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 7th, 3042

Dearest Qilar,

             I hope that this message finds you well. How is your family doing? I (and Squeakums, for that matter) look forward to our bi-weekly dinner and movie. I know you’ve discussed that the last full moon has left you feeling worn out, and I look forward to relaxing with you for a night.

           I write this message in the hopes that you would be amenable to taking on a client of ours. Unfortunately, we have been incapable of finding a property that would completely satisfy their desires. We have exhausted our listings. I know that you have several properties in Norfolk, and even those close to major terminals outside of Norfolk. I also know that you like a challenge.

           Attached is the client file for your information. Names and personal information have, of course, been redacted. They will be readable upon your agreement to take these clients on. The clients have of course been notified about this possible course of action. Should you decline this case, I would be more than understanding.

 Well wishes to you and yours,

Olive Pinkflax

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: Welcome to your experience at Lindquist Realtors!

RECEIVED: August 10th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello. My name is Qilar Lindquist. You and I have not had the pleasure of meeting, but I am sure that when we do, it will be wonderful. As you may know, my good friend Mx. Pinkflax conveyed to me their concerns that they didn’t have the property best suited to you in their register. However, with access to a larger company such as Lindquist Realtors, they hoped that you would have more success. If you are still obliging, I am more than happy to take you and your partners on as clients of Lindquist Realtors. It would be thrilling to find you the house you and your partners have been dreaming of. Please respond to this message as soon as you are capable, so that we may begin the process.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 QILAR LINDQUIST

Senior Realtor

hello@qilarlind.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             While not born and raised in Norfolk, Qilar Lindquist has been settled in this fine city for the past 20 years. A born werewolf, Qilar has always wanted to follow his parents’ footsteps. He succeeded as well, opening up a new branch of Lindquist Realtors in Norfolk at the tender age of 28. He studied business, architecture, and chemistry at the University of Des Moines. Intelligent, quick-witted, and charming, Qilar Lindquist is dedicated to serving his clients in any way he can. Outside of work, he is involved with the local community theater and can be found volunteering at various non-profit goodwill organizations around the city. His husband often joins him in these endeavors.  

 Back to Realtor Biographies Homepage

 -

 August 13th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

6:36 PM

Thank you for the scones the other day. Hepsa enjoyed them.

So did I.

How is house-hunting going?

6:59 PM

Sorry, still working that Thompson case.

Thanks for working with me on it.

And the house hunting’s not going so great.

7:12 PM

Of course. You’re bright. I like hearing your input.

Just not situated to be a public officer of the law.

What with your friend.

7:13 PM

I know.

7:13 PM

I’m sorry to hear it is not going as well as hoped.

Would you like to talk about it?

7:14 PM

The realtor company you recommended couldn’t find anything for us

So we’ve been transferred to another realtor.

7:15 PM

Nothing? Really?

What realtor?

7:15 PM

Yeah, nothing. Lindquist Realtors.

7:16 PM

Hepsa says they are good. You are in good hands.

7:16 PM

Yeah, we had our first house hunting today.

I’m just worried it’s going to go nowhere here as well.

7:18 PM

Sorry for saying but. I find that hard to believe.

You will find a house.

What are your specifications?

7:19 PM

Ummm 3 BR 2 BTH Defs LDK

450-600 SQM

Garden with like 100-200 SQM?

No Magitech if possible, no exdim subspaces at all

Security system gotta be customizable or not there at all

We can be a little picky with décor sometimes

And house gotta be sturdy

There’s probably something else

7:26 PM

I see.

That would be difficult.

Are you willing to compromise on anything?

7:27 PM

Price. I put down 350k but if it gets me the house I want

Then I’ll pay more.

7:27 PM

Understood.

Where are you staying now?

7:27 PM

Still in the apartment

Got the lease to finish

Hate it but until we have somewhere else

7:29 PM

…how is Bentley?

7:29 PM

He’s stressed.

With the house, and being here

He’s always having nightmares

So tired all the time

Insists on going to work though and I cant talk him out of it

I want to get a house for him

But I don’t want him to have to deal with all the shit he is in the apartment

He doesn’t see himself as important enough to take care of, sometimes

So I have to take that into account

7:32 PM

What exactly is going on, Torako?

How is Bentley not taking care of himself?

7:32 PM

Like, it’s not that I don’t understand where hes coming from

I get that I might be being a bit unreasonable

But he keeps saying ‘oh I can just DEAL with having an exdim subspace in the house’

‘never mind that it’s a huge trigger for all my trauma’

‘and that I sometimes cant stop looking at it just to make sure its still there and im still on the reality side of things’

‘ill just wear my magic-cancelling glasses all the time’

‘and be unable to sleep from the headache’

‘it’s not that big of a deal, torako, let’s have the magitech here that hurts to look at too much’

‘who cares, it’s just a fridge torako!! Not like it was used to TRANSPORT ME to a FOREIGN COUNTRY so that a MADMAN could CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS ON ME to the point that I almost took FATALLY DRASTIC ACTION’

He keeps saying he’ll just put up with his trauma like it’s a minor inconvenience!!

And he shouldn’t have to do that.

Not in a house that’s our own.

7:36 PM

Bentley was what now.

7:36 PM

Oh right

You didn’t know that part

7:36 PM

You went to get him.

7:36 PM

of course

I love him

7:36 PM

Therapy?

7:36 PM

Bentley? Yeah.

Hell of an NDA.

7:37 PM

No, you.

7:37 PM

She’s the only other person who knows everything.

Like, everything everything.

wait what?

7:37 PM

Torako.

I think you’re not doing as well as you think you are.

7:37 PM

Bentley was tortured

I wasnt

7:38 PM

I’ll believe you on that.

But you still devoted yourself to finding him.

And he was tortured, and you have to deal with the consequences of that too.

7:38 PM

???

7:39 PM

You sound stressed, Torako.

And scared.

7:39 PM

Maybe a little

But Bentleys more important rn

7:40 PM

I would say you’re both equally important.

Sorry, Torako, Hepsa is calling me; we’re going to a late night movie.

I’ll keep my eye out for you.

7:40 PM

OK

Thank you

I really appreciate it

 -

 Client Profile Update

DATE:8/15/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: IMP64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

CAUTION: PICKY, SPECIFIC, UNCOMPROMISING

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

LINDQUIST REALTORS PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Lindquist, ID 109A854D

…

…

NEW UPDATES 8/15/42

 HOUSE ID: 798A 209X

ADDRESS: 389 West Hampton Drive

SELLER: Mx. Adelaide Hanson

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Unfortunately, despite attempts to the contrary, the clients were not impressed with the security system. We discussed it at length at Lindquist Realtors and felt it sufficient, but Client Lam insisted quite sternly that she needed to have full control over the system. RapierSolutions is a top of the line system. I tried to convey that to Client Lam, but she refused to hear sense. “I need to be able to alter it,” she said. “If I can’t alter it, it’s a no-go—especially with those weak windows and the shallow hinges on the entryways.” Mx. Pinkflax was not kidding around when they said Client Lam was a bit controlling over safety specifications. Possible paranoia?

 HOUSE ID: 665D 187L

ADDRESS: 9821 NW 4736 PL

SELLER: Mr. and Ms. Nakatani

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: We combed the premises for subspaces personally. Nevertheless, Client Farkas quietly pointed out that there was a secret bunker hidden under the premises, and that it spanned the entire property. While he hastened to assure us that it wouldn’t be that much of an issue, Client Lam overheard and insisted that they wouldn’t buy any property with extradimensional subspaces. When Client Farkas attempted to tell his partner that they weren’t going to use that garden gate anyways, Client Lam shut him down. Client Pines also wandered over from where he was inspecting the brick wall of the garden, said “This place might be cursed,” and waved his partners cheerily off of the premises.

Upon notifying the authorities as required by law that there may or may not be a curse on the premises, the police shut down the premises. Any attempt to contact Mr. and Mrs. Nakatani beyond alerting them to the existence of the subspace has been unsuccessful.

UPDATE: the extradimensional basement is now the scene of a crime. 665D 187L is now under government jurisdiction.

 HOUSE ID: 278K 396V

ADDRESS: 421 Wildstar Avenue

SELLER: Mr. Fegelhorn and Mr. Gil

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Client Lam, predictably, criticized the ‘astounding lack of security’ in the warding system, the ‘structural instability’ of a perfectly good cellar window, and the presence of a stasis fridge on the premises. Client Farkas was silent. Client Pines said that he ‘liked the staircase’ but that the upstairs bathroom tub was ‘too small for his preferences.’ Naturally, the clients declined the home.

 HOUSE ID: 525P 792S

ADDRESS: 98 Maplefarm S. Street

SELLER: Mrs. Polinski

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: Surprisingly, it was not Client Lam or Client Farkas who had reason to decline the property. This is probably because Client Pines, five steps past the garden gate, hissed and bodily hauled his partners away from the grounds. When asked what the matter was, he snarled out in the most terrifying voice something about unquestionable evil and the screams of the undead. As required by Law, we have notified the authorities.

UPDATE: Property is now under police jurisdiction. Norfolk Government Demonologists and Exorcists evacuated the entire block for a full 48 hours. It seems Mrs. Polinski was being possessed by a terribly old demon, Hyutgen the Voracious and had been for an undetermined amount of time.

What is up with these Clients and finding horrific crime scenes?

-

August 15th, 3042

Chat with Handsome <3 <3 <3

5:28 PM

Darling, what’s up?

You seem to be staying late at the agency today

As of late, really.

Is it The Clients?

5:57 PM

I’m so sorry.

Yes, it is.

This is much more difficult than anticipated.

Olive called it a challenge and I was foolish enough to think I had it in the bag.

The Clients are insatiable.

There’s always something wrong with the properties. Always.

And they keep uncovering properties as crime scenes??

6:03 PM

I’m so sorry darling.

6:03 PM

I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Bayani.

I’m so tired.

I’ve shown them over 30 properties, personally.

6:04 PM

Do you want to talk it out?

I can get your favorite dinner together

We can curl up on the couch

Put on some Strandson

6:05 PM

You know what?

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

I’ll be home in 10 minutes.

6:06 PM

See you soon <3

6:06 PM

<3 <3

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBKECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 16th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           My apologies in advance for the contents of this email, though I hope it finds you well. Unfortunately, due to my position as head of company, I am unable to continue being your Realtor. I have transferred you to the care of one of my very capable senior agents. Mx. Ya-en. I hope that you understand, and that Mx. Ya-en can see to your needs better than I have.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 HARLEY YA-EN

Senior Realtor

hello@harleyyaen.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Harley Ya-en, despite xir elderly age of 84, is one of Lindquist Realtor’s most capable senior Realtors. A psychic who can read auras, Harley Ya-en is capable of anticipating the client’s needs and emotions. This allows Mx. Ya-en practical insight into which properties will suit a buying client’s needs. Xe also has a wealth of knowledge regarding the Norfolk area due to living here for the past 50 years, and is a font of trivia sure to satisfy the most curious of souls. Xe lives with xir husband and wife, and enjoys taking road trips—

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Holy fucking shit you do not pay me enough for this. You have to transfer them. I cannot work with these clients.

Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           What happened?? What did they do??

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           They didn’t do anything in particular. They’re just impossible clients—I’m thinking it’s not even their fault, entirely—and I have read their file. Even with that, I was hesitantly down for the challenge until I saw their auras and interacted with them today. I am Not Doing It. I am too old for this. Give me another assignment.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           I’m sorry, I need more explanation than this to take you off immediately. I handled a week. So can you. You can’t use your age as an excuse all the time.

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Fine: here it is.

           I only got the two Clients. Client Pines was, as they said, out on important business, who knows when he’ll be back. Something was fishy about that but okay, I won’t pry, and these two are setting me off on edge a little as is so maybe it’s just that.

           Then the more I interact with them, the more I realize that Client Farkas’s aura is just fucking weird. Bananapants, CocoNutPuffs, whatever you want to call it. It’s all muddled and patchy and a headache and a half to read. It’s like somebody took his aura, threw out most of it, and stuffed a bunch of excess aura in to fill the gaps. There’s no way he was born like that, and there’s no way whatever happened was pretty (or probably even painless). He’s definitely trying, though, so I figured aight, we’ll see if we can’t compromise with this whippersnapper.

           The problem is Client Lam.

           Client Lam doesn’t want to be pleased. Client Lam, for whatever reason, is terrified. And overprotective of Client Farkas. And she’s absolutely looking for reasons to be disappointed, or she’s at least seeing shadows where there are none. We could present Client Lam with a fortress and she wouldn’t be satisfied. My bet is that whatever happened to Farkas’s aura was traumatizing, and Lam was impacted by that trauma. I showed her two viable properties at excellent prices with wonderful locations and an astounding lack of extradimensional pockets or Magitech gadgets, and she found fault with them. Neither were crime scenes, thankfully.

           You may want to assign them with somebody who has experience—but you could also use this opportunity to show some junior realtors how tough clients can be. Also, the junior realtors might not be so entrenched in the practice, and they could have some excellent ideas.

           Or you could just…send these clients to somebody else. Your choice. I’m just not dealing with it. They’ll drive me into an early grave if I take this too seriously, and you know how I get.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@amarshir.org

SUBJECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 18th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello! What a pleasure it is to meet you. I’m writing to inform you that unfortunately, Mx. Ya-en is unable to continue handling your case. The upside is that I am able to do so in xir stead! My name is Amar Shirvani, and I’m going to be handling your case from now on. I’m excited to work with you and your partners, and hope that you are as excited to work with me! I promise I will do my best to help you achieve your housing dreams!

 Yours,

Amar Shirvani

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 AMAR SHIRVANI

Junior Realtor

hello@amarshir.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Native to Norfolk, Amar Shirvani is the youngest member of Lindquist Realtors at 22 years old. He recently graduated from the Offet University of Business with honors. While not the most experienced, Amar brings exuberance and creative thinking to the team at Lindquist Realtors. He has been involved with volunteer work from early childhood due to his parents—

 -

 TweetyFlaps Trending

#clientwoes

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself

@Silverforks

So I’ve got a kind of sort of customer service job, right. And so far it’s been fine! I’ve had ok clients. And then Bossman slides me a paunchy one cross the table and I start to understand #clientwoes for the first awful real time. 1/ 10:48 AM        23 AUG 3042

______________________________________________________________________

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

2/ i know from the start its gonna be a Ride. Like, chalk and candles intensity. Client file is thicc w/rejected properties (im in housing). But I’m game!! Im always game, you know me haha. Unfortunately… 10:50 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

3/ these are clients from hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually demons in disguise. Here to torture me. For something. I aint actually ever summoned nothing. But like, it’s unreal how BAD this exp has been. 10:51 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

4/ for 1, they all look normal expt one of them. Head to toe, covered. Would think was vampire, but that’s usu specified in reports. Nobody’s seen his skin other than flashes. Aight, tho, I aint prejudiced, i’ll roll with it. 10:53 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

5/ so they super picky clients, right. I thought nah, they cant be that bad!! Just haven’t hooked the right worm yet. So I pick out a coupla worms (houses) that I think they might enjoy and hoo boy was that a chore, but im satisfied! Spoiler: they aint. 10:56 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

6/ they aint never gon be satisfied. #1, not-vampire client mentions v v quietly to me that sorry, theres a thing he cant deal with on premises, but mb they can still keep it in mind?? But (super good hearing???) another client hears and squawks about it. he aint having it, apparently.   10:58 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

7/ and then third client (Harpy) hears bc squawk, and she SUPER aint having it, so we just go to the next house. And the next one. And—u get it already.   10:59 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

8/ and like, im patient. Im pretty lowkey. But today’s house was—perfect?? There was nothing wrong with it. Client Hoodie didn’t say nothing bad. Liked the rooms. Client EllieEars don’t complain bout no weird curses or dead bodies or bad décor. But Client Harpy?? Client Harpy is impossible. 11:02 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

9/ u kno what she said?? She said, and I repeat: the front door is too thin.

The front door. Which is a solid 5 cm of wood (real!! Wood!!). is too thin. It’s “Insecure”. 11:03 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

10/11 I didn’t say it bc im a good worker, but I really wanted to go off on her. She’s impossible. This is the worst assignment ever. Ive worked so hard my soul’s gonna feel it 5 carnations down.   11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

11/11 srsly. 5 cm of solid wood!! Insecure. Unbelievable. #clientwoes 11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 -

 August 23rd  

Bentley

Sally Mihn at work sent me this.

You might want to take a look.

https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

 DipTipTyrone

oh boy

that’s about us alright

 Bentley

Yeah

It is

Torako

We need to have a fucking talk

 KoraTorako

We do need to have a talk with the realtors

That’s unacceptable

 Bentley

What we need to do with the realtors is apologize

What we three need to do is discuss what the fuck we’re doing

 KoraTorako

No, that was completely unprofessional

And what do you mean, what are we doing?? We’re looking for a house.

 DipTipTyrone

I’ll take care of the tweets for a pack of gummies

 Bentley

No, Dipper

Torako

We have been house-hunting for a month

We have looked at over 200 houses by this point

 KoraTorako

Thanks dip but probs not

 Bentley

And you have said no

To all

Of them

We need to fucking compromise

 KoraTorako

Compromise on what?? Our safety?? Our comfort?

 Bentley

No, on your unachievable standards

 DipTipTyrone

Oh

Oh no

 KoraTorako

Who says they unachievable??

 Bentley

The 200+ houses we’ve looked at to dismiss out of hand!

 DipTipTyrone

This is a fight, isn’t it

 KoraTorako

I’m just making sure that whatever we get will be safe!

 Bentley

Most of them HAVE been safe!

You’re just being STUPIDLY overprotective!

 DipTipTyrone

oh no im the

im the middle party aren’t i

 KoraTorako

I am not!

 Bentley

Yes you are! You need to trust me to make choices for myself!!

 KoraTorako

Well, I would if you weren’t so insistent on ignoring your own wellbeing!

 DipTipTyrone

How does one mediate

 Bentley

I’m just trying to find a fucking house! I’m trying to meet them in the middle!

 KoraTorako

Not on that you shouldn’t!

 Bentley

It’s MY choice!

 KoraTorako

And it’s MINE TOO!

You shouldn’t be in an environment that causes you to have so many fucking nightmares!

Like you are NOW

 DipTipTyrone

Uuuhhh shit shit shit um

You’re both right and both wrong?

 Bentley

Love you, but Shut up dip

And maybe I’m having nightmares because we’re still in this fucking apartment

 KoraTorako

I told you we could stay at another Rental until we found a house!

And shut up dip, im the right one here

 Bentley

You’re the right one???

We can’t solve everything with money, Torako!! And at the pace we’re going, we’d be in that rental place until our current lease is up Next January

 DipTipTyrone

…maybe this is an in-person convo?

 KoraTorako

I just want our house to be safe!! What if something happens again?

 Bentley

It won’t fucking happen again! Fantino was a one-off. I haven’t pissed off any other researchers overly invested in their research lately!

 DipTipTyrone

What about that one guy at work?

Wait no ignore that

 KoraTorako

But it MIGHT! We! Don’t! Know for sure!!

 Bentley

We don’t know that it WILL happen, Torako!

You need to just let this stupid fucking paranoia go

 DipTipTyrone

Uh

 KoraTorako

Stupid?? Fucking paranoia??

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley that was not uh

Not good

 KoraTorako

It’s not paranoia if it could happen again. It happened once.

I can’t forget that, Bentley. I can’t forget going to open that door and finding it unlocked. I can’t forget opening the apartment to you being gone, and to the wards being destroyed, and to everything I thought was keeping us safe not actually keeping us safe.

I’m not doing that, Ben.

The house we’re getting?? Is going to be fucking safe, and I am going to make it that way.

 DipTipTyrone

Torako…

 Bentley

Look, I get that

But there were ways of making the houses we looked at safe that you weren’t willing to entertain.

That one, with the green roof and the cute staircase?? That was totally viable. We absolutely could have torn the security system out with no trouble.

We literally have Dipper to do that for us.

But you said no! Like you said no to the one with the nice garden, and the one with the really big open windows.

I just want a house, Torako.

It’s not even like we’re necessarily going to live here forever? So if it’s not perfect, I’m ok. I just want somewhere to live that’s not the apartment.

 KoraTorako

And I just want us to be safe, Bentley.

I cant do this right now.

I have to go.

 DipTipTyrone

Is it over?

…fuck it isn’t, is it.

Fuck.

 -

To: hello@qilarlind.org

From: tora@lam.com

SUBJECT: Important

RECEIVED: August 23rd 3042

 Dear Mr. Lindquist,

           Hello. I’m writing to inform you that one of your employees—I’m assuming our current agent, Mr. Amar Shirvani—vented about my partners and I on a public forum. Here is the link: https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

           While I understand that we have not been very accommodating clients—myself particularly—I don’t believe that this appropriate behavior. Venting is important, but the place where Mr. Shirvani chose to express his frustrations wasn’t the right one. Please convey this to him for me.

           I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s young and hasn’t learned this particular lesson yet. But I also find myself hesitant to keep working with Mr. Shirvani. Would you be willing to either transfer us to another realtor, or recommend us to another company like Mx. Pinkflax did? I would really appreciate it.

 Sincerely,

Torako Lam

Private Investigator

.

-

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: RE: Important

RECEIVED: August 24th 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           I’m very sorry to hear about what Mr. Shirvani did. We’ve discussed the incident and he understands the impropriety of his actions. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

           While I believe that we have exhausted our properties here at Lindquist Realtors, I am happy to recommend you to a few other businesses in the Norfolk Area. They’re smaller, but perhaps they have the specific kind of property that you are looking for. I will do my best to put in a good word for you. Should that fail, I will personally endeavor to find you the house you need.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 August 24th

Chat with Reynash Pines

11:01 AM

Hey Reynash

Can I ask you a question?

11:02 AM

What a surprise to hear from you via text!

Usually you just pop in and scare my soul out of my chest.

But for your question-- please ask

There’s nothing to do at work at the moment.

11:02 AM

Wouldn’t you usually leave?

Or have things changed again without me realizing it?

11:03 AM

Oh no, normally I would

But I have an appointment at 11:45 that I have to stick around for.

What’s your question?

11:04 AM

Torako and Bentley are fighting over housing.

We’ve told you about the house-hunting, right?

11:04 AM

Oh dear. Yes, I know.

Why are they fighting?

11:05 AM

Trauma. I think. They didn’t say themselves.

But I think it’s trauma.

Anyways, that’s not the important part.

What’s important is how do I help them?

11:06 AM

From the incident back around May?

Oh dear.

Are you sure that’s not the important part?

11:06 AM

Mostly.

Anyway. I just need to know how to mediate.

I haven’t mediated in…

In forever?

I can’t remember.

11:07 AM

…why are you even asking me?

11:07 AM

Because not many people know me as me

And you’re one of the only people who has known me as me for a significant amount of time and are also NOT ben or tora

And also you’re pretty calm mostly except when I show up and scare you

11:09 AM

Well

In my defense, I think most people would be scared if you showed up out of thin air and yelled strange things like WHAT YOU CRAVIN or whatever.

11:10 AM

Are you…sassy?

11:10 AM

Possibly

Back to your predicament: mediating

Have Bentley and Torako been able to talk to each other in person about this?

11:11 AM

No :(

They’ve been very quiet around each other at home.

And Bentley’s going on a trip soon.

So they won’t have a chance for a while.

Do they have to??

11:12 AM

It’s just easier to mediate when you’re all there.

Basically

They have to have the conversation, right?

Your job as mediator is to make sure they stay on task

And that no thoughtlessly cruel words are said.

11:12 AM

So they can say mean things

But they can’t mean the mean things?

11:13 AM

Okay, let me rephrase:

They’re mad at each other. They might say mean things that just hurt each other. Words that are meant to hurt each other.

They should not do that.

That does not help the conversation.

11:13 AM

Oh

Hm

So if one says the other is being stupidly paranoid

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:13 AM

Right.

11:14 AM

And if the other says one is being needlessly reckless with his own mental health

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:14 AM

Er

Maybe not, depending

Is he being needlessly reckless with his own mental health?

11:14 AM

I don’t know? Maybe? How do I tell?

11:15 AM

I can’t believe I’m saying this but

We might need to have this conversation face to face.

Please come he0-awekjhwel

11:39 AM

And remember what we discussed

And the pamphlets I sent you

And also please remind Torako and Bentley that Lata would like to see them sometime next month if they’re able to.

11:39 AM

Thanks Ray!

I really appreciate everything

Sorry for making you scream!

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: simonkhoo@khoohootrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

           Thank you very much for the request. I’m honored that you would consider sending us clients that you yourself could not satisfy. It honestly instills an incredible, renewed sense of capability in us here at Khoohoo Realtors.

           Upon viewing the file you sent, however, one of my junior realtors raised concerns that these particular clients may be too difficult for a firm of our moderate size to adequately deal with. Between yourselves and HomeStar Realtors, these three clients weren’t satisfied. That, to us, is a bit of a red flag. We reviewed their specifications in comparison to our own catalogue, but don’t believe we have anything that they would be interested in actually buying. Therefore, in the interest of saving everybody a great deal of time and energy, I must admit that we cannot at this time take on your clients.

 Have an excellent day,

Simon Khoo

Head of Khoohoo Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: lancefraiser@dreamhomerealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

             Thank you very much for this request.

           Unfortunately, we don’t have the time or patience for clients that would require a great deal of energy. From the looks of the file you attached, that seems to be the case with these clients. Therefore, in short, no.

 Yours,

Lance Fraiser

Senior Realtor

DreamHome Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: naitafellen@redfinrealtors.com

Attachment: 2042-PoliceRecoverKidnappedManwithHelpFromCivillian.qbf

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 27th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Long time no talk, friend!! Wow it’s been a while, I guess we’ve both been busy. I know this is a professional request and all, but we should get drinks or something!! I hear there’s a great alfree bar that’s just opened up downtown. Apparently it has killer drinks, and it of course it doesn’t have alcoholic stuff so you’re good to drink whatever.

           I took a look at the client rec you sent me, and hoo boy they’ve sure got a record! RedFin usually takes whatever, and you know that, but I don’t actually think we can get them anything?? I’d feel bad chucking properties at them that I know they won’t like. I think they’ve already checked out like three quarters of Norfolk lol. Talk about trying to summon with a broom and a lighter!

           Also, they really remind me of this one tweety I read recently? Oof, if that was one of your kiddos who posted it, you should really tell them that’s a bad call—both for them and the clients. These clients aren’t going to get anything in Norfolk, not with that popular tweety paired with that record. And if it gets out that your kiddo was the one that posted that??? Aint nobody gonna hire them, not with all this client confidentiality and all at stake. Gotta be careful what you post online, even when it is venting.

           Yo, but hey, hope you find somebody for these clients! They seem like they got some scary baggage. The one who nopes around magitec and exdims reminds me of something I read in the news a while ago—it was an article that was hushed down p quickly out of respect for the victim, but I still got the doc. I’ve attached it if you want to read! It might even help you figure stuff out with your clients, even if they aren’t the same.

 Let’s meet up for drinks sometime!

Naita Fellen

Owner of RedFin Realtors, Norfolk

Senior Realtor

 -

 August 27th

KoraTorako

I just received an email from Qilar that he’s going to continue to handle our case, but that it may take a while to comb through what properties they have left.

I said it was fine because Bentley’s off on a trip.

 DipTipTyrone

Great!!

This seems like a good time to have a heart to heart, don’t you think?

 KoraTorako

I, uh, what?

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley’s doing nothing right now! Bentley, talk

Bentley, talk or I’ll make you talk.

Bentley I know you’re at your hotel.

 Bentley

Oh my stars dip

What??

 DipTipTyrone

You guys argued a lot last time we really had a discussion

And you’re angry

And you need to talk about why you’re angry

So that you have a healthy conclusion to your argument

And so that you understand each other’s viewpoints better.

It’s important!

 KoraTorako

But why…now?

 DipTipTyrone

Because you sent that message

And I’m sure Bentley’s feeling vicious about it

 Bentley

No I’m not!

 DipTipTyrone

Yes you are

I can see your aura, and while it’s difficult to read, you’re very dlskajlkwjelkjewnsd;nlab

Aslkdjgwaelkl;kwa;ljk

Dlkjaw-000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 KoraTorako

What the fuck

 DipTipTyrone

You can’t take my phone away from me!! Ha! I win!

 Bentley

You can’t just half slide through the wall so that I can’t tell you’ve blipped in!

What the hell??

 KoraTorako

Okay okay so youre serious about this

Fine

What do you want us to talk about

 DipTipTyrone

Your feelings, I guess?

Like, Bentley. Tell us how you feel about Torako’s latest message.

 Bentley

You’re not my therapist

 DipTipTyrone

No, but we’re family

Which means communication

So tell us.

 Bentley

Uuuuuggghhh

Fine

Torako, that email proves why it was stupid to just dismiss all the properties as soon as we saw them and I feel vindicated but also tired

 DipTipTyrone

Hey, um, you gotta cut all the negativity against the other person out of your message

Try again!

 Bentley

…

The email proves that it was wrong to dismiss the properties without really thinking further about them. I feel vindicated. I feel tired.

Happy?

 DipTipTyrone

Better!

Torako, your turn!

 KoraTorako

Oh my stars are we really doing this

This is so stupid

 DipTipTyrone

Do it

 Bentley

Yeah tora, do it

If I have to, so do you

 KoraTorako

Fine

I’m just tired, ok?? This has taken so much longer than I thought it would. And I know I’m at fault for some of it!!

But I’m sick of Bentley falling to the pressure of ‘picking’ because it’s what’s expected of us. I don’t want him to feel scared or uncertain or uncomfortable in whatever house we pick, even if we’re only there for a couple years until we can pay off the place.

 DipTipTyrone

Thank you Torako! I don’t see any unnecessarily hostile language in there, so that’s A-OK, you pass. Bentley?

 Bentley

I just feel bad because everybody’s trying so hard

And we’re being so hard on them

And sometimes I just don’t understand why you reject the houses? So what that the security system isn’t perfect. I don’t mind going to the effort of pulling it out and starting it again. Heck, I would pay Dip to do it easy!

 KoraTorako

But that’s not your problem

That’s a me problem

I just…I want it to be good from the beginning. I want it to work from the start so that we don’t have to worry about it.

 Bentley

But that’s not going to happen

Sometimes you have to work to make something work for you

And if we gotta do that

I’m fine with it

 KoraTorako

I…I guess

I’m still not completely comfortable with that

 Bentley

We can work on it together

And hey

If I promise to not say yes to houses that make me uncomfortable will you promise to give things like security systems and house integrity a chance?

Like, not dismiss them immediately?

 KoraTorako

…yeah. I can do that, I think.

 DipTipTyrone

Good!! I’m glad we had this discussion

You know, I’m a pretty great mediator!

 Bentley

Dipper I watched you leaf through those pamphlets during the discussion

But yeah

Thank you, dipper

 KoraTorako

Thank you, dipper <3

 Bentley

He’s blushing!!

Compliment him more

 DipTipTyrone

No!

Stop ganging up on me!

 KoraTorako

You’re so cute, Dips!!

 Bentley

The cutest

Aw, he’s glowing

 DipTipTyrone

I should have let you keep fighting

 -

 August 29th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

4:12 PM

Torako, how are you?

Hepsa says hello

Are you still looking for houses?

4:15 PM

Yeah, we are

Say hello back for me

I’m ok, but a bit tired.

4:15 PM

Excellent

A parent of one of Hepsa’s students mentioned that their mother passed away recently

And that they were willing to sell the property

It seems the mother was afflicted with a curse that prevented her from using most Magitech

And she didn’t trust extra-dimensional spaces

It was a family home, so there are 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a nice garden.

Would you be interested in looking at it?

4:17 PM

Are you fucking serious.

Yes please, a thousand times yes

When can we look?

4:18 PM

Let me ask Hepsa to ask for me.

4:49 PM

Would you be available tomorrow afternoon?

3:30 PM.

 4:51 PM

Oh gosh oh yes

What’s the address?

4:51 PM

Just meet me at our apartment.

We will walk you over.

4:51 PM

Officer you really are a saint

I could kiss you

4:52 PM

Bring some more of those brownies. It’ll be even then.

 -

 “So? What do you think?”

           Torako trailed her fingers across the mantle for the fireplace. It was a real one; apparently, pure electric fireplaces were hell to install and more hell to maintain. There were no runes carved into the rough brick, no faint thrum of magic that Torako could now pick up if she closed her eyes and concentrated really, really hard.

           The whole house had very little by the way of magic.

           “It’s…” Torako looked down at the fireplace proper. It had been cleaned, recently, shiny in the way that old things gleam when properly taken care of. The house had been loved, she was sure of it. “It’s not bad.”

           A touch to her elbow. She looked over at Bentley, whose eyebrows were quirked. “Torako. Please. Be honest.”

           She hummed, turned to lean against the mantle and look out the big windows that provided a view of the garden space. Unmaintained, a little wild. They could put a vegetable patch there, she thought. Maybe a couple fruit trees.

           “I’m not a fan of the front porch steps,” she said, “or the ramp. It’s a bit rickety.”

           “We can fix it up,” Bentley said. He paused, tilted his head, then gave her a sly little grin. “Or at least, we know somebody who works cheap for that kind of thing.”

           “Hey, you can’t let me hear that,” Dipper said from the other room, where he was laying flat on the ground with his ear to the floorboards. “My prices might go up.”

           “Is it all good over there?” Bentley asked in lieu of answering. Torako looked up at the ceiling, where runes or wards or protective magics would be. Magics that would be hers, so they would hurt less to Bentley’s sensitive eye.

           “No creepy basements filled with cadavers or slaughtered cultmembers, if that’s what you’re asking,” Dipper said. Thankfully, Illya had left them to look over her dead mother’s home one last time, so there were no surprised gasps or queer glances. “Though we may want a couple rugs. I think this floor gets cold in the wintertime.”

           “Windowpanes are a little thin,” she muttered to herself. Her fingers tapped against her leg. “Could stand to be a bit more reinforced—though the French doors are probably okay, they seem sturdy enough—”

           “Torako.”

           Bentley’s warm hand slid over the one on her leg. Torako looked at him again. He peered at her over the rims of his oversized sunglasses, golden eye shimmering just a little. “Is there anything seriously wrong with this place? Anything that can’t be fixed?”

           Torako pressed her lips together. The aching anxiety in her chest pressed against her sternum. She tried to ignore it, and the thoughts of shadowy figures cutting through the glass panes, burning through the front door, squeezing through the cracks in the floorboards to steal Bentley away from—

           “Hey,” Bentley said, soft.

           “Hey,” Dipper said, a little brighter and brasher. He took her hand in his human hand. “We’re here, okay?”

           Torako turned her head to Dipper, brown eyes crinkled at the edges (and when had he put wrinkles on?) and grin still just a little too wide for human mouths to stand. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.

           “No,” she said. Bentley inhaled, sharp. “No, not no no! I just meant, ugh, there’s nothing I don’t like about this house that can’t be fixed. That no. Not the ‘let’s not do this’ no.”

           Both of her boys relaxed on either side of her. “Yeah,” Bentley said. “Yeah, I thought this was a good one, too.”

           She twisted her hand in theirs so that she could hold them.

           “Plus, it’s like, dirt cheap,” Dipper said. “Who knew that buying a house without a Realtor handling fee would result in such a bargain?”

           “Okay,” Torako said, a grin starting to pull at the corners of her mouth. The sunlight from the window was warm against her feet, reaching up to soothe the phantom pains in her shins from all those months ago. “Let’s tell Ilya.”

           It would be a good home.

 -

To: olpink@homestar.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: FWD: Thank you for your help

RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

I don’t know whether to be furious or relieved. Mostly I’m just tired.

You up for dinner tonight?

Qilar

 >>To: hello@qilarlind.org

>>From: tora@lam.com

>>Attached: NewHouse+US.png

>>SUBJECT: Thank you for your help

>>RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

>> 

>>Dear Mr. Lindquist,

           >> I email you to thank you so much for all your assistance. I don’t think we would have gotten as far as we did without you. Due to this journey, my partners and I realized some very important things.

           >>As you might have realized based on the name of the attachment, my partners and I have found a house through one of our acquaintances! It was lovely and off-market, and I probably wouldn’t have said no if it weren’t for our experiences with everybody at Lindquist Realtors and HomeStar Realtors. Thank you so much for your time and effort and energy, and I hope that you have a chance to relax now that we’re out of your hair.

>> 

>>Thank you again,

>>Torako Lam

>>Private Investigator

 -

 From: olpink@homestar.com

To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

 Qilar,

           What the fuck, even. Truly. What the fuck.

           I’ll bring the sparkling apple cider.

Olive

[unrivaled-super-hottie]

QZGS Masquerade 2019 Reveals

The guesses are in for Masquerade and now it’s time to reveal everyone! There were 22 guesses (+1 late guess I tossed in for fun), and one author remained unguessed throughout the whole event!

(Please note the collection will be de-anoned by 11/15 at 11:59 pm EST so if you still want to keep your fic on anonymous to the general public who doesn’t know about masquerade, please add it to the general anonymous connection on AO3 in addition to the masquerade collection)

Read below to see results/statistics for all the fics

(later on i realized i forgot to ask for a discord ID/ao3 name on the form but luckily I knew the first place at least)

First off for the guessers:

The one who guessed the most authors correctly: TheDefenestrator [ni(redacted)@gmail.com] with 16/21 correct guesses

Honorable Mention:  Dayadhvam [da(redacted)@gmail.com] with 13/21 correct guesses

The average number of correct guesses was: 4.826086957

Median number of correct guesses: 4

Both of them left cool deductions so please check out the raw spreadsheet at the end of this post!

Now for the fic which will be revealed in order of most to least guessed

disclaimer: In my comments, when I said I guessed someone, I’m referring to my active speculation I made as I read a fic before I checked the form submissions. I did not actually make an official guess that was part of the statistics

Number of Correct Guesses: 9/21 (43%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: Lauchis and eloboosting (2 guesses each)

Correct Author:  Battle_god_Ye_Xiu

Host Comments: Look i guessed this was you almost immediately because  I saw Zheng Xuan tag + the words “soft family” (you like using soft a lot, with ur “uwu soft angst” )

Number of Correct Guesses: 9/22 (41%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: Autumn_Rain, DesertRain, Syncogon (2 guesses each)

Correct Author: desikauwa

Host Comments: Everyone said you have a really distinctive style and I agree, especially the paragraph length + dialogue. I enjoyed the rarer Fang Rui content!

Number of Correct Guesses: 8/22 (36%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  swanfrost (3 guesses)

Correct Author:  Shirou_UOHS

Host Comments: Shirou I think your writing is really distinctive and I guessed you right away because you love sibling stuff and YOU LITERALLY DREW FANART OF THIS AND POSTED IT ON THE SERVER. SO SUSPICIOUS. I think you would have been guessed more, but kiri (desertrain) gave you some cover because both of you use “gege” in your fics and you were guessed a lot for the other fic. 

(Also for the swan as most incorrectly guessed, RNG was 2/3 of those guesses so not as accurate..)

Number of Correct Guesses: 7/21 (33%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  fayah (4 guesses)

Correct Author: sakuchii

Host Comments: So many people guessed me for this one! Probably because Su Muqiu/Ye Xiu, jokes on you all I wouldn’t be that obvious. I didn’t guess this one to be you off the bat but apparently you had something stylistically distinct because a lot of people did correctly guess!

Number of Correct Guesses: 7/21 (33%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  syncogon (4 guesses)

Correct Author: Dayadhvam

Host Comments: Most people concluded that this fic was written by someone familiar with Chinese because of the references so I’m not surprised Synco was the most guessed. This was one of the fics I knew who wrote it almost immediately as I read it because Journey to the West references!! I remember one of the first posts I saw from you in the server was you explaining LJY’s old username. I laughed that your profile pic on discord this whole event was Innocent Eye Fang Rui, I wonder if that helped anyone guess/suspect? 

Also can I say the dialogue for this was great and this was my favorite fic out of the masquerade

Number of Correct Guesses: 6/21 (29%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  Shirou_UOHS (5 guesses)

Correct Author:  DesertRain

Host Comments: So many people guessed this off the usage of “gege” which was why Shirou was guessed so often! (Also Shirou under suspicion for Ye Twin fic I’m guessing) For the first 4 guesses you had a 100% guess rate even by RNG and it made me laugh a lot, congrats on not ending up as most guessed despite your early lead!. Also “no beta we die like su muqiu” is the best tag you win just for that

Number of Correct Guesses: 6/21 (29%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Missing_Ninja_History (4 guesses)

Correct Author:    eloboosting

Host Comments: I think this was one of the easier fics to guess because so few people in the fandom write porn. Gma (Missing_Ninja_History) was probably guessed the most because she recently posted TKA nsfw rare pair fic lmao. Also Tread (havingonlydreams) was guessed twice since she wrote nsfw hanzhang before. Zoe ( Battle_god_Ye_Xiu) tried to convince everyone this was possibly her fic but absolutely no one believed this except 1 random rng guess.

I may or may not have been converted to HanZhang by this fic.

Number of Correct Guesses: 5/21 (24%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  senata_isivelia (3 guesses)

Correct Author:    qyff

Host Comments: I think your style was somewhat distinct but SO MANY people guessed you for another fic! Not one of the ones I was 100% sure of off the bat, but is it weird that I suspected you just for the triple question marks? haha

Number of Correct Guesses: 5/21 (24%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  Dayadhvam,  qyff, and  rimenorreason (2 guesses)

Correct Author:  Swanfrost

Host Comments: I thought your summary style should have given you away so much more! The block quote + one line zinger is so you. Also I was happy to see so many good gen pieces for masquerade! The fluffy feelings here also vaguely reminded me of your other fic, I guessed you pretty much off the bat when entries were coming in

[From this point onward, we’ve reached the top 50% of well-hidden authors!!]

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   DesertRain (4 guesses)

Correct Author:   Missing_Ninja_History

Host Comments: This was another one of those fics I guessed off the bat because of your copious use of dashes and the “Happy birthday, Qiu.” near the end. That last part basically ruled out most of the more Chinese-knowledgeable writers. I also felt under 2k words would be a breeze for you so the early submission just gave me the strongest gut-feeling this was you. Felt so validated when I checked the forms and was correct haha 

This was also a somewhat popular guess for the two authors that didn’t have previous fic history

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%) 

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  qyff (10 guesses)

Correct Author:   qq_riri

Host Comments: So this was THE most successful fake-out fic out of the bunch, because qyff is so well known for liking MF + QYF. I just read from you that you did this on purpose and it worked so, so well /slow clap

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   jellysunfish (4 guesses)

Correct Author:   DancingBloomTKA

Host Comments: The way you formatted BOLDED poetic lines in between your storytelling was really obvious, even if you tried to hide it with adding the spacing lines. I think Jelly was guessed because they also do this, but you do single lines so I immediately suspected you!! I just didn’t expect you would join the event with IRL and stuff keeping you busy, I’m glad you did! 

Also I totally noticed in the server you asked “Who’s the “Time to let my inner demons out” in Dying Flame? Li Xuan?” How shameless, asking about your own fic. I feel this should have made more people suspect you rather than throw them off, but alas I don’t think many people noticed this except me.

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   swanfrost (3 guesses)

Correct Author:   wackernagel

Host Comments: This was a really cool rarepair! Unfortunately it also was one of the things that outed you haha. That and you accidentally kinda said when you finished your fic and your wordcount woes and tried to bluff it off with editting but apparently some people remembered

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:    Missing_Ninja_History (6 guesses)

Correct Author:  Lauchis

Host Comments: This was the third most misdirected fic. Maybe because Gma (Missing_Ninja_history) wrote Wu Xuefeng rarepair before? I like how you stole Tread’s headcannon post but Tread (havingonlydreams) was suspected for so many other fic instead that everyone just chose to blame Gma. Also thank you for using the title I was trying to bait people into using!!  Unfortunately we only fooled one person with this :(

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   senata_isivelia  and DancingBloomTKA (4 guesses)

Correct Author: rimenorreason

Host Comments: Since you and Senata both had no fic history, a lot of people actually did tend to guess which two fics you two wrote but mixed up the correct order haha. I didn’t guess this one right at all tbh :’D

[From this point onward, we have the top 25% most well hidden authors]

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  lauchis (4 guesses)

Correct Author: Fayah

Host Comments: This was mine! I did a few things to throw people off - I never wrote Tang Rou before so I picked her as a subject. I just rushed this in 24 hours and hoped that was enough to make my writing not sound so much like myself. I also never use long (parenthesis) lowercase titles so I hoped that it helped throw some people off too. Vaguely I tried to implicate Syncogon because she wrote WangRou before and the lyrics were from the TKA live action which I haven’t watched but she has posted about listening to the OST repeatedly.

I never expected lauchis (who also ships wangrou) to join the event and give me even MORE cover. Thanks lauchis :)

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Fayah and Autumn_Rain (3 guesses)

Correct Author: Syncogon

Host Comments: This was really obvious to me and I was surprised it wasn’t guessed more because you’ve actually written fem!YX fic?? And talked about this fic in the server. YOU’VE ALSO LITERALLY USED THE “Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex“ TAG BEFORE!!!!!! This guess rate is a true miracle, this wins the “most surprised that it wasn’t guessed more.” Maybe because you have 41 fic and people gave up before going to page 3 and seeing your very first fic that was fem!YX 

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Battle_god_Ye_Xiu, qq_riri, sakuchii  (3 guesses)

Correct Author: senata_isivelia

Host Comments: I figured you would do well since you had no other fic. I also helped secretly beta this fic though I don’t know if that actually would have affected people’s guesses. Not surprised that Zoe (Battle_god_Ye_Xiu) got guessed frequently for this because YuHuang. One of the times you got correctly guessed was from RNG but I’m really surprised someone did guess you accurately!

Number of Correct Guesses: 1/21 (4.8%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: fayah (4 guesses)

Correct Author: havingonlydreams

Host Comments: I’m so surprised everyone thought I wrote Liu Hao fic??? I’m honored because I enjoyed the perspective, but still baffled. Tread, I’m really disappointed you weren’t 2nd place because you really deserve it - you had some Zhang Jiale level luck in this event. The one person who guessed you cited RNG as their reason. 

Number of Correct Guesses: 1/22 (4.5%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   havingonlydreams  (8 guesses)

Correct Author: Autumn_Rain

Host Comments: This is probably the strongest accidental masquerade misdirection that happened because I know you had no clue Tread (havingonlydreams, who is strongly associated with Thunderclap) would participate. I did not expect to see/read this pairing but it was a really fun fic!

Only one person (Fenes/The Defenestrator) guessed correctly and saved my ass from having a two-way tie for first. Congrats on the Zhang Jiale award!  

Number of Correct Guesses: 0/22 

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Autumn_Rain (5 guesses)

Correct Author: jellysunfish

Host Comments: Our masquerade winner! I think your spacing made people think Autumn_Rain. I definitely couldn’t pin you down either, so congrats! I’ll DM you when I start working on the art :)

[Raw Data Spreadsheet + Deductions if guesser chose to include]

[Raffle Ticket List]

And the winner of free Nitro is Syncogon!

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! I hope you had fun. Also feel free to slide me your feedback/suggestions/if you would be interested in doing this again next year :)

[all-hail-the-witcher]

You guys are friendship goals how do you make internet friends saph

okay story time this is the progression of mine and @papesdontsellthemselves friendship (complete with pictures)

so once upon a time (actually it was november of last year) i was a Sad high school senior drowning my sorrows in my tumblr account as newsies royalty while i stressed over my college applications and auditions. most of my pastimes included 1. writing shitty fics 2. reading good fics and 3. listening to bad music from 2012. and i happened to stumble upon some newsies pics as one does by Someone called @papesdontsellthemselves or, as was listed in the bio “Mikey” 

nevertheless i binge read all of them at approximately 2am on a school night and probably fell asleep in ap euro the next morning. i very much liked his fics. they were slappy. and i started to stalk his account, as any normal person would.

and once or twice or several times, as any person who runs out of ideas does, he asked for prompt requests. and me, being a sad fangirl of this poor bois account, decided to send him some. (he still has one that he never answered) and he wrote a few of them. this one was my favorite go read it (i think i inspired this one) 

and then one day i opened my tumblr acc and THIS was waiting for me:

and i think i was like KJHSJHASLHJGDSLKH WH

then you know some time went by as time does and we sort of awkwardly coexisted. i actually was within like 10 minutes of him for a college audition before we knew each other that was pretty wild.

and then

the fateful day

i was sitting in ap stats, bored out of my mind, and decided to ignore the lesson on z scores or whatever it was cause what the fuck else are you supposed to do in ap stats and go on tumblr (seriously do not take ap stats its terrible, its an acid trip, i barely passed that class) and i had a message waiting for me from the one and only @papesdontsellthemselves that said something like:

“lol sorry to bother you chief but how to you put your tag lists on your pics so they dont take forever ooo sorry!!” 

and i was like ssksksksjskskjsk why is tumblr royalty @papesdontsellthemselves talking to me, a lowly peasant, and i may have freaked out for a hot sec but then i responded something like 

��i have it in a google doc and then hit the down arrow and the return key really fast lol”

(only recently he revealed to me that he didnt actually give a shit about my tag list (r00d) and that he just wanted an excuse to talk to me and That was what he came up with and he screamed after he sent the message cause he was so scared. also he was in theater with his weird shoeless teacher not paying attention. we’re good students i promise.)  

and then we got to Talking and we just didnt Stop talking? like i told him about jeff, my shitty english teacher and he told me about his theater teacher who made them do 9/11 shakespeare and we bonded and then we sent each other pictures of our dogs: 

mikeys dog, leela (aka leeks Big Chonk) ^^

my dog, lacey ^^

and we also went through The Awkward Stage

but then

a miracle happened

twas christmas eve, about like idk 3pm and the two of us were Awkwardly Conversing as awkward internet friends do and i was getting changed for christmas eve dinner (cause my family Extra and you have to be Fancy or face the Wrath of the Elders) and I'm digging through my closet looking for something Presentable when discover The Pencil Skirt. 

it twas a rather unsuspecting article, green wool with faint plaid stripes, and hand-me-down from some aunt, and i decided to put it on because i had limited fancy clothes and didnt wanna do a repeat from a previous year. so i added my One White Button Down Shirt and some black dance tights and called it a day. 

so then me, being me, was messaging mikey and said (keep in mind were still practically strangers and had been barely talking for a week):

“wow i actually look kinda hot right now like maybe someone would bang me. like, I'm not into that, but I look good enough that someone might consider it.”

yes

me, an asexual, said that to a total stranger on the internet.

what were you Thinking saph.

truly, i have no idea.

but for some reason, instead of being scared away (like a normal sane person should be) mikey laughed and we began calling each other daddy. i dont know okay, it was a wild experience. I'm not sure if it actually happened.

so, my skirt became The Daddy Skirt, a tragic symbol of our strange friendship, and the two of us exited the Awkward Stage.

truly it was an exciting time:

and then we gave each other nicknames. the sappy kind not the cursed kind. mikey was bean cause he was a coffee bean and cocoa bean addict. and i was originally shrub and then bear and finally peanut. im not sure why. he isn't either.

boi also Literally guessed my real name. like straight up. and i was like “o word.” it was trippy. 

AND THEN twas a cold february day when we decided to exchange faces. i send him a picture of me eating a christmas tree. he sent me a picture of him in his kitchen wearing sun glasses frat boy posing. truly iconic.

we also liked to look up weird things late at night and have revelations about dumb shit, as seen by these Unexplained Screenshots i have on my phone:

yes those are real screenshots

then we decided to finally talk on instagram instead of this hell site and i was exposed to mikeys finsta *shudder*

nothing much else interesting happened until: College *dun dun dunnnnnn* 

(except for that one time i had a mental breakdown at 1am and he drove home form some party to ig call me and tell me about the time his dog ended up in solitary confinement. a true g)

so for Safety Reasons, i finally gave milky my number when i got to school and we started texting and Facetiming which was a Trip.

i also sent him a Box of Cursed Content. he tried to send the box back to me in october and it still hasn't arrived. we think it may be in antarctica.

and then we tried to coordinate to meet up like three (3) separate times before We Got Lucky, the Stars Aligned, and we held hands in the back of an a&f

(we also hugged in a nordstrom in like the Fancy Clothes Section and the lady thought we were definitely dating cause we took pics of us hugging in the fuckin mirror pillar. also i almost lost my wallet but thats another story.)

and next year our wild journey will continue (hopefully) 

in conclusion i love mikey and this has been a sappy post

[famder-news]

More News Monday

Hello, everyone!!! It is, yet again, another Famdom News Update!!! This week I’ll be your host as we walk through a whole bunch of cool stuff!!!

mod: Wheat (@land-of-dragons-and-frogs) date: monday, june 17th, 2019 topic: fandom and thomas updates warnings: discussion of angst

1. Thomas Twitter/General Updates

Alrighty!!! Word has it, based on Thomas’s twitter, that he’s making the next Sanders Sides!!! I’m super excited for it!!! As the resident “Deceit is my son” mod, I can’t wait to see if my Favorite Slimey Boi is there; though, he hasn’t shown up in any of the pictures of the set... Maybe there’s something else afoot!

Since it’s still Pride Month, Thomas has also done a fan compilation of a bunch of pride art done with the boys!!! Check out his twitter if you want to see it; it’s pretty damn great :D

2. Fandom Updates

SO!!! Word has it that there’s SEVERAL people who believe that a new side will be introduced in the upcoming episode, based solely on the fact that Deceit hasn’t appeared in the promo pics and vids he’s put up on his twitter. Not sure how accurate that is, since Dee certianly doesn’t show up in every episode anyways, but I’m always down for a new side to Love and Cherish!!!

On top of this, I’ve started to see a handful of people plotting some Good Omens and Sanders Sides crossover fics on my dashboard. When y’all start that, tag me please!!! I binged it all yesterday!!!

Also, I’ve heard some debate as to the most angst-able character for the sides. Some people say Deceit, others say Patton, others Logan, Roman, or Virgil. I, personally, find it easier to write angst for Dee or Roman. Why not Patton or Virgil? They’re too easy of targets for me, honestly. Patton’s literally the heart and center of morality and emotions, so me writing angst for him feels like kicking a puppy, and writing angst for Virgil feels the same since he’s literally anxiety. I just can’t write Logan, so you people who CAN write Logan have my full support!!! This, of course, doesn’t mean I won’t read and thoroughly enjoy an angst fic centered on Patton or Virgil--I just find it too easy to angst them, which makes it harder to write complex angst for them, which is my personal favorite kind of angst. Then again, it’ll be a challenge to give them some nice angst... Food for thought for me, I suppose!!!

3. Theory Discussion

Today’s theory comes from Virgil’s (@softestvirgil on tumblr, go check them out) post about the newest episode! If you want to read it befor eseeing my discussion on it, please read it HERE!!! Now, I personally find this theory interesting because it doesn’t talk about a new dark side, as many of the others have been. THIS one discusses something else entirely: The fact that this upcoming episode will be the follow-up to Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding.

Now, those of you that know me know that I feel... strongly about the results of the last episode. So, this assuming the upcoming episode is a part two to the Lee and Mary Lee saga fills my little gremlin heart with joy.

Now, Virgil’s theory focus on three statements: A parental advisory, a song, and that Virgil (Henceforth referred to as S!Virgil to clarify between blogger and Canon Virgil) is both anxiety and depression (A theory that will likely be discussed in a later News Monday). It starts by discussing the fact that Joan had hinted that the Lee and Mary Lee saga needed a part two. From here, it goes into the reasoning and tie-ins to lead us from that to this simple fact: S!Virgil is hiding something. We don’t know what it is, but it ties directly to the S!Virgil is also depression theory. Or that a new dark side IS depression.

From here, we discuss why there will probably be a song. That’s simply speculation on our part, but Virgil states that they believe the song will be about depression in some way, shape, or form.

As for how this involves a parental adversary? Well, Virgil doesn’t touch on it too much, but. It’s a wedding. There’s bound to be parents involved, even if it isn’t Thomas’s own parents. I sincerely wouldn’t be surprised.

More Facts:

Virgil refers to a LOT of things Dee says in the episode, a lot of which seem to prove the “S!Virgil is depression / knows the side that IS depression” theory. It’s honestly really compelling, and a take on S!Virgil that I see less of due to people wanting to take him as anxiety + fight-or-flight.

My Opinion:

I, personally, REALLY like this theory. I didn’t like the decision Thomas made in Selfishness Vs. Selflessness especially since for his chosen career, cancelling on an important thing to MASSIVELY further your career is IMPORTANT!!! He TOTALLY could have also let the bride and groom know he’d be arriving to the wedding LATE because of the interview. And honestly? This behavior is incredibly self-destructive, stuff that I see in myself because I’ve got depression. It lends credence to the whole theory--maybe not the S!Virgil is also depression stuff, but definitely the theory that the upcoming episode will be about Thomas’s (possible) depression.

4. Other Things That Happened In The World

Ecuador legalized same-sex marriage this week!!! More importantly, they decided that non-straight marriage should have the same legal value as a  straight marriage!!! Furthermore, Ecuador is one of five countries in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage. This is a massive improvement compared to 2015, where same-sex unions were recognized but not considered as a legal marriage. I personally hope that as policies change in Ecuador and other Latin America countries, that their positive attitudes towards LGBT+ individuals spreads to their neighboring countries.

Congratulations, Ecuadorians!!! Happy Pride!!!

Source: BBC CNN

Leave your opinions and thoughts in the comments!!! Have a Sanders Sides Vid (Fan-made or canon) or a complete fic you want us to review? Leave us an ask or a submission about it!!! I can’t wait to see you all for our next upload!

- Mod Wheat

[sidgenoangstfest]

Prompt Masterlist

Thanks so much to everyone who submitted prompts! We have so many and I hope that one (or more) of them inspire you! Below the cut is a masterlist of all of the prompts from the form/google list. They are separated by AU and Non-AU. The two prompts pertaining to AO3 warning topics are posted separately.

Non-AU Prompts

1. Geno ends up leaving to play in the Olympics, but Sid does the good boy Canadian thing and stays and then Russia wins and Canada not only loses but loses badly and media starts blaming Sid and Geno doesn't know how to make it better

2. Future fic: Sid and Geno had some false starts, could never really get their shit together -- maybe Sid wasn't ready to get married or have kids, maybe Geno really couldn't reconcile living as an out gay man and be committed to his country. Geno retires before Sid, goes back to Russia to raise his family, and try to forget that Sid might have been the love of his life, that he chose country over seeing what could have been. Sid either retires or, for maximum angst, suffers a career-ending injury (not a concussion, maybe, that's even too much for me!), and goes back to Halifax where he continues with his hockey school, get his history degree, billets some kids in the Q, and tries to be okay with being alone. Geno and Anna get divorced but are still close; Sid tries to date some but just can't make a connection. When Nikita is 16, he's drafted to the Halifax Mooseheads of the QMJHL, and Sid volunteers to billet him. He calls Geno to make sure it's okay, it's the first time they've talked in literally years, and it's awkward and terrible and neither one of them know what to say or want to hang up. Nikita says yes and he comes to live with Sid. Cue Sid and Geno dancing around each other from afar, Sid having to see the evidence LIVING IN HIS HOUSE that he couldn't give Geno the thing he wanted, which was a marriage and a good Russian son, and Geno having to get regular updates on the alternate timeline he told himself he didn't think about anymore, Sid and his son under the same roof, puttering around the house and skating on the pond in Sid's backyard, Sid speaking his terrible, flat Russian. Geno comes to visit, uhhhh, I don't know, more emotional shit happens, lots of hurt feelings and UST and then they finally work their shit out and Geno moves back to America and in with Sid and they give it a go and are happy and content but because this is an angst fest the last twist of the knife is that Nikita gets drafted to the Flyers and Sidney is devastated and Geno laughs in his face for five days the end.

3. Sid and Geno as fuckbuddies who are both super emotionally invested and probably in love with each other but both assume the other is just in it for the sex. They break up about 80 times and keep falling back into bed together, each one promising himself THIS TIME would be the last time. They're making themselves miserable along with everyone else who can very clearly see the issue but neither of them can. Lots of sex followed by emotional turmoil rinse repeat

4. I want a good old fashioned Canadian shack fic with a snowed-in plot twist. Maybe during bye week (I think the 2014/15 season would be a good brewing ground for this kind of plot) Sid and Geno rent a cabin somewhere in the Canadian wilderness to decide once and for all where to take their on-again/off-again love affair that spans nearly a decade by now. (Could also be that they've been tip-toeing around their attraction to each other for a decade, unsure whether or not to ever do anything about it.) It's probably not the best time for it. The season isn't going well. They're both worn and exhausted, maybe battling injuries, and predictably they have a fight not long after arriving that ends with Geno (could be Sid) taking off in the middle of a snowstorm. Whoever is left behind has some regrets about what was said when the wind and snow picks up and they're beside themselves, worrying about the one who left. Eventually whoever left comes back, maybe in the car, maybe by foot, and they end up snowed-in together in their Canadian shack. (They're millionaires, it's probably not actually a shack.) Ideally, they resolve their problems (or at least start to work on them) and decide to live happily ever after but I'll leave that up to the writer.

5. Geno's contract is up and Sid doesn't know if he's going to re-sign or go somewhere else (can be future fic or when his bridge contract ended in 13-14)

6. Sid has a big gay crush on Geno and is Not handling it well.

7. Something about Olympics and the political tension.

8. I'd love to see a fic that explores the dynamic of Geno being so emotionally romantic and occasionally dramatic (seriously, he rented an actual tiger for Anna's birthday) and Sid being so stoic and intensely private about his love life. Their differences in personality seems like a great brewing ground for romantic misunderstandings. 9. Ideally features Sid making a grand romantic gesture of some kind.

10. post-loss h/c

11. This isn't really a prompt but PINING. I want all the pining. One of them or both being absolutely convinced there's no way the other could ever love them back. Could be any kind of setting. Fuck buddies. Arranged marriage. Fake dating. Best Friends. ABO.

12. Tournament angst. Olympics for max angst, Worlds for a notch down. Sid and Geno very tentatively start fooling around shortly before said tournament, and Canada’s victory throws a wrench in the emotional works. Lots of sneaking around and feelings.

13. Breakup fic. Geno was ready for kids, and Sid wasn't. Now, Geno's with Anna, she's moved to Pittsburgh, they're both glowing, and Sid's at a low point in his career and is filled with grief and regret. He asks Geno for a second chance, and Geno tells him Anna's pregnant and it's too late. Make me cry.

14. "There have been a lot of changes to the team this summer and the Pens core is never going to be the same and gosh, we're thirty and I'm afraid our best days are behind us" Sid/Geno style. Semi-realist angst. Bonus (but unnecessary) "you're the only constant in a sea of change" type resolution.

15. Lockout separation!! G going back to Russia, and Sid staying in Pittsburgh to mediate, long distance relationship angst!

16. Retirement, "we went our separate ways without telling each other how we feel"--type stuff

17. “I thought things were going great.”

18. Better late than never

19. Sid visits Geno in Russia for the first time since they started getting together, and Geno's awkward about it because internalized homophobia and also Russia's homophobia, and it strains their relationship.

20. in the midst of a great season (and great for him personally), sid vanishes. after the season is done, geno receives his call, and goes to find out what happened.

21. cheating. Just--cheating.

22. One thinks the other is cheating/one thinks the other wants to break up, so they decide to bite the bullet and break up first. authors choice whether or not the communication happens during the break up or days/weeks/months/YEARS after.

23. amnesia fic!

24. Sid overhears a phone call and mistakenly thinks Geno is moving back to Russia/KHL/whatever you want. So he starts to pull away and be cold and distant and this upsets Geno a LOT. And Sid obviously. And generally everyone is sad... until it gets sorted after the team throws him a going away party and then afterwards everyone is happy and S/G fall in love. (I'm thinking they weren't together at first but honestly if anyone wants to write this... they could maybe be a couple. Makes it more angsty!)

25. Geno wants to come out. Sid doesn't.

26. a story about outing, and maybe with some time travel?

27. Pet death.... :( hurt/comfort. Maybe later on, adopting something small and fluffy together.

28. Russia recalls its players, forcing them to choose between leaving the NHL or giving up Russian citizenship.

29. Post-retirement, they meet again at the Olympics, Sid coaching team Canada and Geno on team Russia's staff. They haven't spoken in almost a decade.

30. Unrequited? Sid has a girlfriend that he's talking about marriage with. Seems like it's time for Geno to move on.

31. They've been fuck buddies for a while now, but Sid can't take it any more. Geno makes one joke too many about his booty call and Sid calls it all off.

32. Where they've been broken up for a while and maybe one of them has juuuust started to move on and then they start spending a bunch of time together again for reasons and see all those things in each other that they loved and miss. Just so much sadness and bittersweetness and nostalgia. Doesn't have to end up with them back together necessarily.

33. something to do with Sid having anxiety? I feel like a lot of his rituals and stuff could really be seen as coping mechanisms, and it's be interesting to see if maybe that impacts his relationship with Geno, or if Sid's afraid of it impacting his relationship with Geno.

34. One of them confesses feelings for the other. The feelings aren't mutual.

35. You know that pic from worlds 2015, where Sid is sitting in the locker room and looking (really beautiful and) like he's holding back tears? What is an angstfest-appropriate backstory to that? Is it maybe linked to Sid's not-so-stellar start to the 2015-2016 season too? (Initially I thought about this from Sid's POV, but Geno's could also work really well!) [NOTE FROM MOD: https://sidsass.tumblr.com/post/163755745701]

36. G gets engaged. Sid goes off the deep end.

37. Citing his wish to avoid permanent damage following repeat concussions, Sid "quietly" retires at the beginning of the '17-'18 season on the condition that G gets the C. The reality is that his exhausted from harboring his unrequited feelings AND from G not getting the recognition he deserves. He officially passes the baton but otherwise avoids seeing or talking to Geno and gradually disappears. Years down the line, G finds out the truth.

38. Sid starts exhibiting psychological/behavioral symptoms of post-concussion syndrome. This puts a strain on his and Geno's relationship.

39. Forced outing (of either of them or both) leads to homophobia from both fans and teammates and potentially disastrous consequences

40. One of them wakes up in 2012 again

41. Sid and Geno are fuck-buddies until one of them is outed. The other has to choose - come out or don't come out. And figure out their feelings about each other (can they weather this storm or is this the end of their friendship too?)

42. Geno is forced to go back to Russia for Secret Angsty Reasons. He tries to keep in contact with the team, but eventually they grow further apart until the only contact they have is through social media. Fast forward 10 years, Sid is retired and goes on holiday to [place], where he finds Geno, and Secret Angsty Reasons become not-so-secret.

43. One of them is injured in a potentially career-ending way

44. One of them is outed by a teammate

45. Internalised homophobia

46. Fake relationship where one of them is in love but the other isn't

47. Sid finally makes it to Russia with Geno...for Geno's wedding ceremony.

48. Sid gets a concussion and seems like he's recovering well...except he doesn't remember his relationship with Geno. They had just gotten together, everything still really new, and they hadn't told anyone because Sid insisted they wait until after the season. So Geno has no one to turn to, has to act like everything is fine, even though his heart is breaking because Sid is treating him like nothing more than a friend. More angst potential: Sid dates around! Someone on the team definitely had figured it out and now Geno's wishing for when he was dealing with it alone because the pity is even worse! Geno slowly realizing that maybe Sid did this to himself because he didn't want to ever come out and his brain took the opportunity to erase their relationship before he was in too deep! Just put Geno through absolute emotional hell.

49. Destined to kill each other and there is no love will redeem the other option here.

50. The fallout of their divorce. What now?

51. sid learning how to be less than perfect

52. set before and during the 2023-24 season. sid and geno aren't together but both are privately thinking they should finally make a move. then over the summer geno (who signed a contract the year before that ends at the same point as sid's, so they can retire together) is traded to a team the pens only play once or twice a year because the pens have salary cap/roster problems (I know he has a no movement clause, let's say they didn't put it in the new one for some reason). cue a LOT of pining and separation-induced sadness. angst and stress. pretending not to be as cut up about it as they are. etc etc. maybe they have an emotional/dramatic reunion on ice, maybe one of them is injured and the other is horrified but can't do anything, maybe both... basically how sad can you make pining while still making a happy ending, or at least a hopeful ending

53. Everyone always says how good Geno is at not being bothered by Sid getting all the accolades. How chill he is. How content to be out of the spotlight. How secure. That's... really not how he feels, and there's a point where it gets to be too much.

54. They do the coming out thing so they can be together properly, after keeping it secret from pretty much everyone for years, and the irony is that *this* is the thing that finally fucks up their relationship.

55. Geno never returns from his summer in Russia. Everyone becomes frantic looking for him but he’s not found. It remains a mystery and life goes on. Time passes, Sid still plays and the team still wins games but even after the grief has subsided, there is an ache deep in his chest that won’t go away. Sid *misses* Geno, doesn’t think he’ll stop missing him, doesn’t really understand why he hurts this bad. One day, Geno returns [insert random hockey magic here], Sid is an emotional mess dealing with it.

56. Hotels as liminal spaces. Sid's been hooking up with Geno in hotels in various cities where they play. But it doesn't feel real, so it's not real...right?

57. Reunion fic after a bad breakup (that was due to legit conflict that was both people's faults).

58. Dubcon ritual sex for the good of the team. Maybe Sid and Geno weren't together before this?

59. Professional hockey is indentured servitude, basically slavery. Sexual relationships between teammates aren't allowed, but that doesn't always stop them from happening. At first Sid and Geno are just finding relief in each other from all the pressure, but it turns into more.

60. Unrequited love, written from the POV of the one not pining.

61. AU-canon divergence: Sid put love and dating on hold to focus on hockey. He meets a cute guy while out to team dinner. They get dessert. Geno gets a little jealous.

62. Geno had asked Sid to wait for him to be ready. Not while he was so new to the team, he said. Not while the team was so unstable. Not while they were on the brink of a Cup win. And then he met Anna, and things happened. Geno moved to Russia when he retired, and he and Sid only saw each other at the draft, the World Cup, and now, the Olympics.

63. During the lockout, Sid followed Geno to the KHL. He hadn't thought having to hide their relationship would be so hard.

64. Ovie invites Sid to his wedding. Sid goes stag. Geno pines from afar.

65. canon divergence: the concussion specialists told Sid he'd need at least a year to recover. He goes home to Cole Harbour. The team struggles without him.

66. As much as I love homophobia free!NHL or a NHL with minimal homophobia, the reality is probably a lot less sunny. So, both Sid and Geno aren't out (except maybe to close friends), they're both very careful, and they know to never, ever get caught. Except, after the SCF, they're high on their win and get drunk and kiss each other, and somehow there are photos and somehow the photos are leaked. A shitstorm ensues.

67. one of them is battling an addiction to painkillers as a side effect of so many chronic injuries, and it's affecting both hockey and relationship.

68. Sidney and Geno are happily married and looking to start a family. They decide to foster a little boy (or girl, whichever) they meet at the little penguins hockey program (he's like seven or so) after finding out that his foster family is physically and emotionally abusing him. They do their best to try and help him, but things get overwhelming when trying to balance their careers and raising a child who has faced so much psychological trauma already. Then things get worse when the child's father is released from jail and fights Sid and Geno for custody of his kid. ((preferably nothing super explicit trauma wise, but i would like for there to be heavy emotional moments because the kid has been through so much and is a little intimidated by two very big and very strong pro hockey players. and sidney and geno love kids and don't want to fail this sweet child that is under their care. and i would like for the ending to be happy if the author is ok with it.))

69. sid and geno are in a friends with benefit situation where geno thinks theyre dating but sid just thinks theyre friends with benefits

70. Sidney gets another concussion, but it knocks him out cold on the ice, and he wakes up blind and with amnesia. Geno is shattered because hasn't Sidney been through enough? Geno offers to take care of him, but their relationship is so rocky now, and he was ready to propose to Sid when he got his concussion. Preferably a happy ending, but whatever floats the author's boat is fine with me.

71. Around the time Sid and Geno retire, Geno divorces his wife. He and Sid finally get together after all these years, but haven't really told anyone yet - in particular, not Geno's near-grow kids, because the relationship is new and Geno doesn't know how they'll take it. And then Geno gets pregnant.

72. Sid really IS a baby-snatcher/kidnapper, and Geno finds out. Ideas may include how Sid came to be like this, how he did it, how often (was it just once, multiple times), did he get caught by people other than Geno, what were the consequences (is Geno okay/not okay with this, does Sid do something to protect "his" child, does law enforcement get involved, etc.). Also for consideration: what about the child's/children's perspective(s)?

73. Sid and Geno have been fuckbuddies for over a year, except Geno thinks that they are in a relationship. Geno has spent the last month planning the perfect proposal only to find out on the big day that Sid is dating someone and wants to end their arrangement. Maybe Sid realizes his mistake and fixes it or maybe it's just too late for Sid and Geno.

74. "Hey, G, this is Chris", Sid says, and the man whose back Sid's palm is resting on reaches out for a handshake. He's almost Geno's height, with sandy hair, blue eyes and a warm smile. Geno's stomach does something it's never done before. He doesn't want to shake this guy's hand; he wants to tackle him to the ground and punch his lights out. Or: Geno, has a Revelation about his feelings for his captain. (G's relationship status can be anywhere from single to married with children depending on the level of angst/conflict/potential resolution)

75. Sid loves wearing makeup and girl's clothing/dresses. However he's scared of telling Geno, afraid that he might call him a freak or break up with him. When he does eventually tell him, Geno tries to be supportive but feels a little off about it. However during one particular game during the Flyers, Giroux or Simmonds says something incredibly offensive about Sid and it makes him feel extreme insecure about himself. After the game he's completely shut down and won't talk to anybody and actually starts throwing away his feminine clothing and makeup. Would Geno be able to push away his own feelings about it and tell his boyfriend he's beautiful no matter what, or would he just let Sid to whatever he wants and not let himself be who he is?

76. Sid and Geno have sex once when they're both really young and Sid isn't being dramatic when he says it's the best sex of his life. He figures the feeling was mutual and that at the very least him and Geno could continue to hook up. But afterwards Geno avoids him Anne is super distant and when Sid finally tries to talk to him Geno says "was bad sex don't want to think about it. Nothing else to say" and Sid is kind of devastated because that means HE Was so terrible in bed that Geno feels awkward about it. Cut to years later when it drunkenly happens again and Sid has been practicing for years to make sure he's perfect for Geno. Geno brushes it off again and Sid is like, no no no I know I'm good in bed why do you keep lying. And then Geno confesses that he wasn't ready to be in a mlm relationship when they first had sex and he's still unsure but he loves Sid and doesn't know what to do. Cut to feelings and getting together

77. One of them - let's face it probably Geno - does the grand public romantic gesture thing to woo Sid and, because RL appropriate behaviour is different from the stalker-level shit that gets romanticised by pop-culture, Sid is actually kind of unnerved and pressured and maybe even a little humiliated by how public it was and pretty unhappy about it. Basically they are in different genres, e.g. Geno is in a hollywood romcom and Sid is in an indie drama or psychological thriller :p ;).

78. Sid and Geno make a sex tape that ends up getting leaked. It doesn't show their faces and people don't really know it's them but the shock is enough to send Sid into a spiral of fear that people know that he's gay and that gen bottoms and basiclly internalized homophobia. G tries to comfort him but sid lashes out and they break up. Yadda yadda yadda hurt comfort no more sex tapes

79. Sid has to retire from hockey because of an injury and geno comforts him when he's crying about it. Super angsty and fluffy

80. Sid and Geno have a friends with benefits situation, but Sid, who was in love with Geno for a long time before they started hooking up, thinks they're getting serious. He doesn't know it but Geno is seeing Anna at this time, so when Geno mentions the 'person he's dating' to the team he's talking about her but Sid thinks he means him. He overhears Geno talking to someone like "do you think I should propose?" and gets very excited — until Geno introduces Anna to the team as his fiancee. He thinks he's been dumped but then Geno still approaches him for sex and Sid doesn't know how to say no. So Sid has an internal crisis because he's helping Geno cheat (if you want it can be revealed that Geno and Anna had an open relationship and Geno's just very bad at communicating that to Sid). But a part of him also wants Anna to find out, because then maybe she would break it off with Geno…

81. One of them was previously in an abusive relationship with another man, which the other doesn't know about because they were closeted at that time. They get triggered by something seemingly innocuous the other does, leading to explanations & hurt/comfort.

82. Anything following Sid's POV as Geno gets married and has kids.

83. Pining where they don't say anything because they both think the other is straight, and then a different guy on the team comes out (just to the room or publicly — your choice) and one of them winds up having sex with him, which the team finds out about. (Thin hotel walls?) So the other now knows he's not straight, but thinks he's in a relationship with the third person.

84. You don't stop loving something just because it's hard, Sid said. Well - what happens when it doesn't love you back?

85. One of the reason's Geno has been able to - sooner or later - shrug off those international losses and refocus, while playing on the same team as the avatar of Canada's success over Russia, has been his unshakeable belief always in next time, next time. With NHL players now firmly closed out of the Olympics, and Geno on the other side of 30, he's looking at that "next time" quite possibly being "never", and it's a hell of a hard hit.

86. Geno didn't actually want to leave Metallurg for the NHL; the bribe is Sid, in some kind of arranged-marriage/bond/etc situation. Perhaps Geno doesn't - ever? - know Sid's only in it out of obligation/responsibility.

87. Geno gets mugged, and it rocks his identity/self-image.

88. It turns out that while Sid's a good friend and a great captain, he's a terrible boyfriend. Geno worked so hard to get them here, and now he doesn't know what to do.

89. Their problems in the bedroom aren't staying there.

90. Pictures of Geno kissing a man in a gay bar are leaked somehow. It goes badly with both Russia and the Pens.

91. You know how there are the fics where one person has this kink they're all ashamed of, and then the other person helps them feel okay about it? I love those, a lot, but what if the reveal just didn't go well at ALL? Like, daddy-kink slips out and the reaction is flat-out shock, or they like a little feminisation or lacy knickers and their partner is just uncomfortable and embarrassed about it?

92. Insomnia as a concussion side-effect; they're hardly sharing a bed any more because of the restlessness.

93. One of them is having a hard time getting/keeping it up, or has a much-diminished sex drive (could even be set a few years in the future so it's an aging thing) and they have to figure out how important regular good sex is to the relationship. Maybe one of them decides it's not gonna work anymore.

94. Sid becomes paralyzed from the waist down in a bat hit gone wrong (the hit can be from the Flyers, Capitals, or whoever you want) and it shatters Sid completely, thinking he's never going to play hockey ever again. He starts to become severly depressed and starts lashing out at everybody, especially Geno, who's trying his hardest to be there for Sid. Both of them start to slowly become distant and they separate for a while, but Sid's depression gets worse and Geno is incredibly worried that Sid might do something to himself so he comes back. Cue to support from the Pens/NHL, angst and fluff, Sid and Geno getting back together and (hopefully?) Sid being able to start playing hockey again.

95. Sid and Geno are drafted by different teams (one is still a Penguin though, obviously). They first meet at World Juniors and realize they are "hockey perfect" late one night when they can't sleep and find each other practicing on the ice. Sid jokes that maybe they'll be together in the NHL but the draft doesn't work out. Geno comes over the same time as real life, and they meet again at the ASG in 2007 (get together then too). But it's Actually Serious that they're together. It's totally forbidden and both teammates/orgs/their families would be outraged. It's basically jeopardizing their careers bc they compete against each other, and it's Not Cool. Basically, Sid feels a ton of pressure to be the best, and Geno brings out his best on and off ice, but they can't be together. Obviously they sneak around when their teams meet and it's pretty reckless, but they are overwhelmed by each other. I just want forbidden love and Sid feeling pretty isolated/under a lot of pressure. Also, the Olympics is pretty much the best time of their lives, and there's a lot of sex bc of course.

96. they lose a child (can be their only child or not)

97. sid's pov with supercut by lorde (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL0MtGXNFIk) as the jumping off point - maybe it's during their relationship, maybe it's after. up to you if they get a happy ending or not (and if that happy ending includes them together or not)

98. Person X is invited into Sid and Geno's recently-opened relationship, possibly with a view to them being more involved with one than the other. They're maybe younger, a little naive, but definitely super into the whole concept. Until they realise that actually, Geno and Sid are not the good stable relationship they thought, that they're kind of a hot mess, and that they're in danger of being turned into someone's emotional escape route.

99. Geno never left Russia, Sid comes over after the Pens fail to win a cup

100. Sid/Geno accidentally get outed

101. Sid is asexual (but not aromantic). He's in a relationship with Geno and Geno finds out after they've had copious amounts of sex. He's pissed Sid hadn't told him. Sid tries to explain that he doesn't particularly like sex but he doesn't mind doing it. Geno is not in any way mollified. Sid tells Geno he can sleep with other people if he wants to. Up to you where it goes from there.

102. After years of dancing around each other, they finally get together and it turns out they're sexually incompatible. One wants to compromise, the other doesn't see any viable option other than going their separate ways.

103. They get together. It doesn't work out. Now they have to work together every day and be on a team together and do promotions together and try not to leak feelings all over everyone in the immediate area. Spoiler: they do and it's ugly.

104. AU where something happens that leads to one of them getting traded

105. Post breakup fic- maybe they get back together? Maybe they just have sex and then realize it still can't work

AU Prompts

1. Sid and Taylor are orphans, they live with Mario after Sid was drafted. Cue Geno and his family trying to be a surrogate family to Sid & Taylor

2. One is a hockey star, the other is a reporter. The reporter spends a lot of time digging around, getting little details of the hockey star, writing a massive indepth story along the way and ends up falling a little bit in love. The hockey star resents the reporters invasion into his life and definitely does not feel the same.

3. AU where Sid and Ovechkin are royalty and betrothed in a purely political marriage, and while they are friend they’re not romantically interested in each other, and both alphas so no progeny will come from their union. As part of the arrangement, as their countries need an alliance, they’re gifted with an omega - Evgeni Malkin. Noble enough to be socialized as a gentlemen, but not high ranking enough to marry a prince himself, and as he’s Russian it’s determined that Sid should be the other father, to mix the bloodlines properly. However, at first Sid didn’t want a concubine, was fine in his loveless marriage with Ovechkin, at least until he saw Geno. So there is MAJOR MISCOMMUNICATION, where Geno thinks Sid is just doing this out of duty and not love and Sid thinks Geno doesn’t like him, even hates him.Geno goes into his first heat and is worried because the contraceptives he is secretly taking don’t work during heat and Sid can tell something is up so he doesn’t knot Geno and as a result Geno thinks he isn’t even worthy of Sid’s knot and MORE miscommunication and angst. And then there’s gossip about Geno’s lack of fertility, and oh no is it Sid? Which Geno can’t stand for, so he decides that he’ll get pregnant even though it’ll mean Sid never touches him again. And eventually he gets pregnant and then more stuff happens and then happy ending.(Feel free to change this and make it your own, obviously)

4. Age difference AU. Preferably with Geno being older and Sid being younger.

5. Apocalypse wow! When the world ends Sid is in Canada and Geno is in Russia but Sid isn't going to go out before he does the thing he's been psyching himself up to do for literally years, so he packs a bag and decides he's going to walk to Geno if he has to. I don't know what kind of apocalypse it is, maybe it's a super virus or a zombie kind. Either way, it's terrifying and sad and we follow Sid as he realizes not only might he never make it, but he might die alone and/or horribly, but also most of his friends are already dead, and he has way too much time to reflect on his life and what he did and didn't get to do. Bonus if it's open-ended, him trudging through snow, at the end of the road in Moscow, half-dead on his feet, gets to Geno's apartment, lifts a hand to knock, but we don't get to see the door open. We never see him die, either, but we can't know WE JUST CAN'T KNOW. (The emotional resolution is that he's come to terms with himself, just to be ultra lit-class about it)

6. Noir sidgeno au where sid is a hard boiled detective and geno is the femme fatale

7. Cold war spies.

8. A becomes a vampire and B has to console them because all A ever wanted was to have their own kids, but now that has all be ripped away from them, so B stays with them and holds them in their arms as A cries

9. period/fantasy au - sidney is royalty, and geno is not (or vice versa!)... after years of slowly falling in love with the castle's stablehand (aka geno), sidney's parents force him into a political/arranged marriage. sidney and geno still see each other, but when they are caught, because of laws or anything else hand-wavy, geno is meant to be executed.

10. One of them is haunted by the ghost of the other. Ending options: the ghost passes on after they resolve whatever it is they stayed around for, or they other figures out how to bring him back (cup magic could be useful here!)

11. Romeo and Juliet au - I guess it could be a flyers au, but I'd love to see a historical setting.

12. a bowerbird au where Sid collects all his trophies to seduce people with them. he doesn't actually care about winning just seduction. winning just happens to be the easiest way to seduce people, so he works it. Sid doesn't have time for losers, only winners, but his obsession with winners comes back to bite him. he's so focused on winning/seduction, that he doesn't realize it's destroying his relationships with those around him.

13. Sid and Geno are both omegas. They're only playing in the NHL because they're as good as they are. Falling in love with each other is a complication they don't need and also against all social mores.

14. Sid is an alpha and Geno is an omega. They both want each other, but Geno is already under intense scrutiny as the only omega (or one of the only omegas, if you'd prefer) in the NHL, and he doesn't want to get involved with an alpha. Angst ensues.

15. A wishbaby AU where wishbabies come from the Faerie realm, and you can only keep them for seven years. After the seven years are up, the child goes back to Faerie. But this is Sid and Geno, so they go into Faerie to find their child. They're successful, but it's the Faerie realm, and a price has to be paid. One of them has to stay behind for seven years to pay the debt. Twist: time moves differently in Faerie, and when the seven years are up, he comes home to find out that in the human world, seven times seven years have passed. Extra twist: once you've spent significant time in Faerie, you don't age the same way you normally would.

16. Either Sid or Geno wakes up as a girl one morning. This is a very unpleasant experience.

17. Sid and Geno have sex, and Geno gets pregnant. Geno is in love with Sid; Sid likes Geno but isn't in love with him. Geno wants to get rid of the baby (or adopt it out), but Sid wants to keep it, because he's always wanted kids, and even if he isn't in love with Geno, he's still going to be a father. (Sid falls for Geno too, eventually.)

18. Star Wars AU where Sid is a Senator and Geno is a Jedi around the fall of the Republic.

19. The one where their kid's swapped for a changeling

20. Time-travel trope, feel free to reverse the parties: a younger version of e.g. Geno shows up, and there is infidelity with older Sid. Older Geno does not take it well. Which maybe finally explains to Sid why, sometimes, Geno has seemed to get angry at Sid for no apparent reason, because he absolutely remembers this happening, and resents himself for not thinking it was a problem (because they're together in the future, right? so young, so stupid) and Sid for cheating on him, and himself for staying when he knows this is going to happen. Does he hope it won't? Does he just love Sid too much to not take every moment he can? Maybe they fix it with threesomes. Maybe they do not fix it.

21. One of them's infertile, and nothing available in the fertility industry does a damn thing to fix it.

22. Look, Cup magic isn't all it's cracked up to be, okay. Things can get... unpredictable. Unpleasant. Sid and Geno get off scott free the first two Cups, but it turns out all that wild magic was just biding its time until they won their third.

23. Geno grew up being bullied for being a werebear, and it's made him a defensive asshole about that part of his identity - very Do not Handle, Do not Touch. It takes him a long time to let Sid in.

24. girlSid didn't really have body issues (it was just a body, what mattered was what it could do) until Geno started dating Anna

25. Accidental pregnancy; whoever is pregnant eventually gets an abortion.

26. lady with the pet dog au! geno and sidney are both married and meet while away on vacation without their spouses. what begins is a passionate affair that starts as sex and infatuation but ends with a deeply rooted love. they both return to their homes only to find that they both live in the same city and must brave facing each other in their social circles without exposing their affair. bonus points if it's a period piece and if Geno feels the same guilt Dmitri felt at the end of the story.

27. GOT-esque AU. Geno is a bear-lord from the Kontinental kingdom of Drachma & Sid is a powerful mage from the North eastern part of Drachma, as well as Geno's most trusted advisor since they were teenagers. Geno became infertile (male speaking) after a witch cursed him for trying to bring both a dead child back to life using blood magic. He was severly devastated and has nightmares about deformed, monster-like children in place of the innocent ones he'll never have. He also takes his frustrations out on Sid, cruelly saying slurs about mages/witches whenever he tries to talk to him. Sid is hurt by these comments, but takes them in stride, knowing Geno is just upset. Years later, when they are in a relationship, they try for children and no infertility spells work, until Sid reveals that he himself was working on for years and they can finally have children to be the heir to Geno's kingdom. (Please let Sid be the pregnant one!)

28. Royalty AU. Sid is taking Geno to visit Sid's family and gifts him with jewels and other trinkets for him to wear. To Sid, these jewels represent not just their class system but are a sign showing extreme love and gratitude to consorts. However, to Geno, where he comes from, this is a sign of being something like that of a prostitute. So the more jewelry Sid decorates Geno with, the more Geno believes that Sid is just using him to be a bedwarmer. Geno becomes colder and more distant towards Sid, dressing himself up and acts like he IS a prostitute to Sid and his family's confusion. Sid snaps and finally confronts Geno about his feelings. SO MUCH MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND MISCOMMUNICATION!!!

29. Sid is so wrapped up in the hockey life that he never has time for dating, and when he does, it usually never works out well. So Flower, Tanger and Duper hire an escort who goes by the name of Zhenya as a "surprise" for Sid. Zhenya, whose real name is Evgeni "Geno" Malkin, escaped from Russia in search of a better life in America, but things didn't go through all that well. When he arrives at Sid's doorstep, Sid is of course angry but slowly gets over it once he sees how cute Zhenya is. A single one-night stand turns into more than what Sid bargains for. Zhenya is falling in love with Sid and sees him as more than a client, but Sid doesn't want to get attached for fear of getting hurt and distracted from hockey. Cue tons of angst, miscommunications, and (hopefully?) a happy ending.

30. College AU where they meet their sophomore year. Geno has a somewhat serious girlfriend but doesn't tell Sidney. Sidney finds out that he's "the other women" and confronts Geno about his cheating by breaking up with him. Sid ends up giving Geno the cold shoulder for months until finally Geno corners him after class and confesses to Sid that he had tried to breakup with the gf before but she wouldn't let him, he met Sid and instantly in love so he didn't even think of the girl he no longer like, he also broke up with the gf after Sid left him and has been trying to get back with Sid ever since

31. Both alphas. They have to find alternative partners during their rut/heat, because when they try with each other, violence overtakes sex - the first time it was pretty bad; the second time they tried to maul each other (they'd taken precautions e.g. back-ups who could separate them); they're not risking a third time. Coming back to your partner after marathon sex with someone else, knowing you can't ever have that with them.

32. Zombie apocalypse. Sid's been bitten, and he hides it just long enough to make sure Geno gets to safety.

33. Always a girl AU where they're playing in the NWHL or the CWHL, and they're on different teams.

34. Geno is cursed by a witch so he can get pregnant, but doesn't know it until he and Sid have sex. He always wanted kids, but not like this.

35. royalty/arranged marriage. modern or historical.

36. Sid is pregnant with Geno's baby, but manegment doesn't take it well

37. Teen pregnancy au

38. They get telepathically bonded for hockey. And end up hating each other.

39. their soulbond has broken - writer's choice as to why (suggestions: too many injuries, they have a fight and one of them has it broken intentionally, they spend too long too far apart)

40. Geno is an omega and the usual omega angst that goes with that ~

41. One of them from our universe falls into an a/b/o universe and doesn't get back, or vice versa. Maybe omega!Geno falls into our world, but is still an omega (which means he has to try to hide his heats with no medical support), or maybe he falls into our world but isn't an omega anymore. Body horror, xeno-type scenarios, mpreg... :D

42. The hockey gods require a lot of sacrifice to get to the level Sid and Geno are at; now they're asking either Sid or Geno for more than he's willing to give.

43. Soulmates in a doomed reincarnation cycle

44. Time loops

45. Geno is stuck in a time loop from the beginning of his career to the end. Think Magical Girl Madoka, Homura specifically.

46. One of them is deeply closeted falls into an AU where they got together sometime back. Twist: he never gets back to his own time, and meanwhile the other party figures it out and is mourning his "real" boyfriend.

47. Cup Magic happens after Sids day with the cup after winning back to back. Sid gets sent to Mario's house but in 1992. People are shocked at how this guy is built and how fast he is on the ice and how he won't shut up about hockey when Mario brings him to practice one day. Neither of them know why Sid was sent to the past and can't figure out what the lesson is but snippets of scenes between Sid and Geno show so much UST and hesitation. Sid seems to retreat even more because locker room talk is even more brutal (why are you so good? Steroids?? )and homophobic than it is now. Sid starts to become miserable and lonely and does confess to Mario about his feelings for Geno and Mario is shocked but kinda figures the way Sid talked about Geno and asks how gay people are treated in Sids time. After a while he realizes he could have Geno in his life if only he was a little braver. And he's so heartbroken he might have missed his chance and he does come back to his time. He talks to geno about what happened to him and Geno is so upset Sid has to go through all that alone. they do eventually live happily (please) ever after.

[nochuie]

(p1) i feel like it's too much to be getting on users who repost gifs in like moodboard/appreciation post form, especially since they aren't explicitly claiming every image/gif as their own. when you post something on the interwebs it's very difficult to track where it ends up, and many times people will 1. save pics/gifs without remembering where they saved it from or 2. save it from somewhere that isn’t even the original source.

(p2) most people make those boards, aesthetics, whatever for fun and if they get some notes off it great but they aren’t gaining any money or anything so i really don’t see why it’s such a big deal. but just a suggestion if you don't want your gifs to be reposted maybe u should put it in the caption of every gif you make like how it says do not edit on fantaken photos.

I can understand why you think most of this but it’s also kind of round about logic.

1. This is fine for personal use w/e, I’m not telling someone they cant save gifs

2. Also fine if it’s just personal use

3. If you’re saving for the purpose of reposting and you are claiming some sort of creative standing over it (moodboard/aesthetic w/e) that’s not okay. I honestly can’t stop reposting because people arent listening to it anyway, all I ask is that please credit me. How hard can it be? I literally watermark all my gifs now. tbh people who repost gifs aren’t going to be stopped with a simple “do not edit” if they’re already doing it without permission anyway.

Like I said before gif’s are taken for granted and kind of seen as lesser than other original content. I don’t see anyone mentioning that you shouldn't be stealing their fics etc but I don’t think people realise how much effort it takes to make nice gifs. The arguement that it’s “easy to make” is moot, because if it’s so easy just make it yourself and stop stealing?

[eldritchsurveys]

631.

1. What are you doing at this exact moment? (I want details, people!) >> Drinking a bit, compulsively checking Discord even though no one’s ever online at this time of day (but there are several discussions I want to have so I’m... waiting), and intermittently thinking about/talking to Can Calah about weird multiplicity things. Also, this survey.

2. The one song you will never get sick of? Additionally, any song recommendations? >> I don’t know what song I will never get sick of. I’m sure I’m capable of getting sick of any song if I hear it too much (what “too much” is, exactly, varies by the song, I guess).

3. Name everything you have ever wanted to be (occupations and random things, like animals!) >> Meh.

4. What is the best fanfic you have ever read (lmao) >> My own, because they were the ones written specifically about things and characters that I care about. I can’t count on that from anyone else (although sometimes I get lucky and I do appreciate those writers), so of course my own will be my favourite.

5. Name every fandom you have ever been in! >> The franchises for which I’ve actively written (whether through roleplay or fic) are Axis Powers Hetalia, Homestuck, Dragon Age, Fable, The Elder Scrolls, Marvel, Person of Interest, Kingdoms of Amalur, and Pillars of Eternity. I think that’s all of them. Oh, and Carnivale.

6. What is the saddest movie you have ever watched? Additionally, movie recommendations? >> I don’t know, most movies that are intentionally written to be sad don’t do it for me, because they’re about things I either don’t care enough about or don’t relate to.

7. If you could direct your own TV show/movie, what would it be like? >> I really have no interest in doing anything like that, so I couldn’t tell you.

8. The cringiest account/fan account you’ve ever made? (oh god) >> I don’t think I’ve ever made anything I’d call “cringy”. I’ve made stuff when I was a teenager that I obviously wouldn’t dream of doing now, but that’s because I was a fucking teenager. I’m not going to be contemptuous of young!Mordred for being young and a little silly, and that’s that on that.

9. What is your aesthetic? Describe it to us in list form. >> I don’t know what my aesthetic is. Black holes and shit. Tentacles. Ram horns. Slapping skulls on everything. I don’t know.

10. What is one thing that has been bugging you recently that you just need to talk about? >> Mostly just multiplicity and stuff related to, you know, being a fictional character. Not anything I expect anyone in the survey community to grok, so I’ll keep it to my personal tumblr, Dreamwidth, and the one Discord server.

11. One thing you’ve always wished you could do / be good at? >> I wish I cared more about writing, but I think that was more the province of... well, anyway. Moving on.

12. Put a picture of your best (or your worst!) fanart/drawing ever! >> I mean, none of my art is worth showing anyone right now because it’s all... practicing. Me trying to find my footing.

13. The best book you have ever read? Additionally, any book recommendations? >> There is no “best book ever”. I don’t recommend books willy-nilly, I have to know something about the specific person and their tastes and what they’re looking for.

14. Most exotic food you’ve ever had? >> I don’t know.

15. Post a picture of the weirdest/funniest text conversation you’ve ever had! >> All my text conversations would seem weird because Sparrow and I have a funny kind of shorthand that would be tricky to explain (which mostly involves knife and gun emoji and sometimes a turtle).

16. Random fun fact about you! >> In one lifetime, I had four parents and they all sucked. Well, Mia was all right, I guess. But the rest of them sucked.

17. What do you think of me? Ahh! >> I don’t know you.

18. Do you have any fake names? Pseudonyms? Idk, stage names, street names? If not, what would it be? >> I have several names, but I don’t think any of them are fake (nor are they performance names or anything like that). They’re just... other names. It’s like how Odin has eight billion fucking titles and names. It just be like that sometimes.

19. What is your idea of a perfect life? >> I don’t care about perfection.

20. Finish the sentence: “Oh, to be a _____” >> spider on the wall.

21. Is there a stranger you would like to meet again? >> I mean, probably, but I can’t remember one off the top of my head. 22. Post a picture of you/someone you know doing something weird. Do it, you won’t. Coward. (Obviously the pic doesn’t have to have a face in it) >> I won’t because I don’t feel like taking those extra steps right now. Also, like, yawn.

23. Is there a place you feel homesick for even though you’ve never been there? >> Yeah, because as a person who is distinctly aware that its existence is spread across time and space, having impressions of loss about things the body has never experienced or places it’s never been is... pretty par for the course.

24. Basic, but what’s your sign? >> Gemini Sun.

25. What sign do you act like? What sign do you wish you were? >> The Scorpio influence is very heavy (it’s my Ascendant and dominant sign). My chart makes sense the way it is, so it’s pointless to wish it was arranged differently -- unless I literally wanted to be a different person.

26. What is one unusual thing you do? >> This survey is littered with unusual things, pick one.

27. Tell us in the 3rd person who you probably were in your past life. >> Ha... well, “past life” would be kind of... reductive, I guess, because it assumes that time is linear-- you know what, never mind--