#of course i need to draw three different versions of the same image

[hitorimaron]

bonus:

[spotaus]

Hi guys. You're never gonna believe it but I ACTUALLY drew New Age Dust his reference sheet! (More info + crops under the cut!)

Sooo Dust and Horror were cursed early on because they were only ever in wip stages (really loose sketches) and so I've been very vague with describing them smh... Dust in particular.

For a close-up, this is his main-story design! (Minus his mask). And the most important bits I've changed since my last two versions are the shoulder-cloak/hood combo, and the silver/steel armor plating. I felt like Dust would want sonething heavier to conseal him than those hoods attached to the shoulder armor (what I initially had) and then the armor is silver rather than gold for stealth purposes! Much less flashy, plus then it draws attention to Nightmare's crest!

^ Images of mind I used as loose refs. Ultimately? He needed less armor and more dark layers that would obscure his shape but not hinder his movement. (Also that Blaster is NOT canon. That man doesn't have the energy for it...) I think my favorite subtle detail is that Dust's og red sketch has feathers attacked to his hood. I retconned that and moved them to his hip!

Then, ofc, the post-story version of Dust's mission outfit! Mostly the same, but he gains a LOT of crystal spells from Geno (the ones on his hip are for the auto-saddle and smth else surely horse-related. The one on his arm is to reinforce the gauntlet.) He also gets a sign of marriage from Reaper and Geno! In Sanctuary it's customary for the proposer to offer a family-based jewelry item, motifs travel through generations. Reaper, as royalty, uses the laurel crowns. But since Dust isn't joining them full time in Sanctuary and is still loyal to serve under Nightmare, Reaper and Geno decide to give him a laurel pin instead! He doesn't wear it out usually on missions, but public events like balls or meetings with other kingdom's rulers he'll bring it out (both to show off his amazing husbands subtly AND to show that there's some sort of alliance between Orchard and Sactuary). And then my final note is the eye marks! Those *usually* only show when one lives in Sanctuary for years. But by being close to Reaper (ruler) the magic kinda takes a liking to Dust and clings to him even after he leaves. Though they do start to fade after a couple of months. Ofc, once the three soul-bond it stays put haha- Eaxh of these elements are added over the course of years, but eventually this is the vibe!

Then off to the far right is a casual fit heavily inspired by Ancha!! In several first Dust has been described as wearing a beanie and I HAD to try sketching him out lol!

Oh and a bonus?

Approximately their actual height difference. Guys when I call Dust small I am NOT kidding. This guy like... his soul literally quit after he hit puberty for the first time and it SHOWS. He's gotten a bit more mature-looking over the years, grown a frw inches, the rough + tumble life hit him hard, but he seems youthful and handsome if you're just catching glimpses 🙏

Tbf though, Geno is unusually tall and Reaper can float so he looks downright miniscule beside them 😅

Aaaaand that's all I've got for now! Just know I think about these guys constantly and Dust will continue to grow on me now that I like his design lol.

[dragon-susceptible]

Underappreciated detail about Bloodmoon Huntress: The background elves all have such neat designs.

cut because long, image-heavy post.

Let's start with these two kids. Look at the little curleque on the one kid's cheek! And then the sharp stripes on the other! The other kid has a ponytail, too.

And then this guy! Who is definitely not Ram. This is Sam. He's entirely too tall to be Ram. Also, his tattoos don't match. The lines on his cheek are too long, and the one on his shoulder is also too big - it looks like it's a circle partially hidden under his sleeve, not the thin slash Ram has where you can see the tip of it in the sleeve window.

This set is also of Sam, with Skor (displaying how much taller Sam is than Skor, which is Not a trait Ram shares) and Callisto.

And then there's the Skywing elves! The first images are washed out because they're from Suroh's memory but look, it's so neat. Two of them have short hair. Vests seem to be a staple in Skywing fashion. Look at the cute bob haircut from the one closer to Suroh and his parents!

And then of course there's Suroh's unnamed parents. Look at them. His dad is so pretty. His mom is doing a fantastic job of looking fierce and disheveled.

And then there's the guards Rayla goes to for help after Runaan and Ethari investigate Suroh's location and find nothing there. Look at this dynamic duo. I need a whole buddy cop five minute episode about these two.

Look the tall one's even got the humor value. And there's so many background elves in this image! Also, none of the stands are manned at any point in this book, so I'm inclined to believe that Moonshadow "market stands" within the forest are basically just. where they drop off community supplies. But also look at this - most Moonshadow adults seem to have long hair, but it looks like most kids have theirs cut short. ALL Moonshadow elves have white hair though, even if their brows are darker.

And here, look, we get another better shot of some of the other kids here. Again, lots of short hair, but they all already have facial tattoos though none seem to have any marks on their hands. One kid has swirls on their shoulders already.

More of the kids! And the one mom we saw in the wide shot a minute ago. She has an upside down version of the curleque we saw on the little girl from earlier, so I bet they're related. All the kids cling to her so readily though, which supports the implication I got from the Mooncubs in season 7 that Moonshadow elflings are raised pretty communally. Also! The boy telling this story has the same facial tattoos as Runaan! No reference is made to them being related though. He's also one of the few kids that has marks on his arms already.

Look I just took pictures of all the unnamed elves in the book, and that included pretty much every shot in existence of the Skywing elves. I love this little detail of Suroh's mom ducking behind his dad in fear, it hurts my heart. Also I love their hair, his ponytail and how hers is as white as a Moonshadow elf.

His dad is just pretty and I love him, okay? Look at that jaw. The purple eyes. The subtle white stripes that draw the eye down his nose and highlight his cheekbones. Also Suroh's tattoos though, also white, highlighting how he's a little darker than his dad, the lines that highlight his cheekbones too but come to geometrical corners.

There's another elf that we never get a name for behind Rayla here too, there was at least three whose faces we never really saw. The one in this shot is dressed differently than the one we saw in Suroh's memories earlier (pale pants where that guy's were dark, and long sleeves where his were short).

Yeah another shot of the assassins, I regret nothing. Sam's tattoos definitely don't match Ram's. That line on his shoulder is too strong.

These last three images are literally just gonna be me droning about Suroh's parents, I regret nothing. The way Suroh's horns don't quite match either of them though. The way his eyes are the same color as his mom's. His skin is darker than his dad's, but not the same as his mom's. He's got his mom's nose, his dad's hair. His mother has dark brows like some of the Moonshadow though, despite her white hair. They both look so worried.

And then there's this one, where you can see how tall his dad is in comparison to his mom, where yes she's kneeling and he's standing but her head is level with his hips still. The way they're both looking almost fierce with how concerned they are, but Suroh just looks stiff and worried, not afraid of them, because they're fussing over him even as they scold him for coming back.

And then there's this shot, where they've clearly parted for a minute (presumably to talk to Runaan and Ethari) and are now reuniting to leave. Suroh's around Rayla's age, based on how they both look, so somewhere between 7 and 9, and he's almost as tall as his mother. She has a lovely waist.

I also thought of something else that I want to point out using a credits sketch from season 5.

Suroh's dad and Callum's wear their hair in a similar way, with the longer ponytail in the back and long bangs in the front.

I just love this book so much, man. And the background characters are so neat. I want to know what happened to Suroh and his family after this. Did they ever find out that Rayla was the Last Dragonguard who saved the world? Will she ever get to see them again and be reminded of the first lives she ever saved? What did Suroh grow up to be like? What do his parents do for a living? What does he do, as an adult? Especially with Kim'dael back, I'd love to know what's going on with them. Did they hear that she'd returned? What was their reaction?

[wild-dagon]

Wild-dragon, some story ideas I'm writing about your au are as follows:

-Zelda will be the one who uses the master sword, because she wants to be the one who wields the weapon with which she kills the demon king, for all the damage he has done to her (destroying her kingdom, killing her people, the champions and her father and forcing his best friend Link to become a dragon), something the others understand. She can wield the sword because in Skyward Sword it is said that the goddess Hylia wielded the heavenly sword, since Zelda is a descendant of the mortal reincarnation of the goddess and her powers flow through her veins and the master sword is the improved heavenly sword, she can use it (plus in both games he has held the sword without any problem)

-When Link in the temple of time gives Zelda her oath (as Zelda did in canon), Zelda gains the ability to see spirits such as koloks, dragons, underground knights who give her weapons, poes, and the spirit. from Sonia who appears before her at that moment to help her control her time management powers.

-The chain can see the spirit dragon due to its connection to it, just like champions.

-Due to Ganondorf's attack in the final fight, Mineru's Golem is destroyed, so Mineru abandons the construction and gives Zelda his secret stone to use.

-Because Link is the spirit dragon, when Rauru, Sonia, and Mineru (who had joined in to help) combine their powers and channel them through Zelda's arm, the dragon causes a spiritual explosion that accidentally brought them back to life. the three of them (dressed of course).

-Link returned, but his body irreversibly changed to that of a dragon, similar to this image of Zelda looking like a dragon but being Link.

Okay first I love everything here.

My spirit dragon au and the Lu au are kinda separate in my head just because I’m trying not to overwhelm my brain with characters.

In the spirit dragon au Zelda is defiantly the one pulling the sword and fighting Ganondorf.

As far as the powers link gives her she can already see the Koroks according to AOC. But I love the idea of the solder spirits being part of the gift. Maybe it allows her to interact with spirits from the past. Maybe she doesn’t hear Sonia’s voice until after Link share his powers with her.

I do like that Sonia would then train her in her time magic so Zelda would still have the recall ability. But maybe Links gift spirit talk allowing her to see different spirits around the world who guided her and that she could call for aid.

Like not only are the soldiers in the depths able to provide her with weapons but they can direct her to places (like asking for hints in the game) or they can join her in her adventure. There cause some damage to enemies but dissipate after a hit or two.

Recall is helpful in both combat and world exploring and I’d want Link’s ability to be the same. This could also mean Zelda would see soldiers who served during the calamity. Which is a whole other level of trauma and closure.

In the LU version I know Twilight won the poll. Someone commented that it was a trick question and all nine hero’s pulled the blade together. But I had another thought about it that I didn’t share. When Twilight rushes up to be with Wild maybe it’s not just the chain that follows him maybe Flora does as well. Maybe she and Twilight draw the sword together. The two people closest to Wild. Maybe Flora just needed the support of someone who lost just as much as she did when learning the Wild became a dragon.

As far as Mineru, Sonia, and Rauru coming back to life. It would be very easy to spin it in the Spirit dragon au. (Honestly I still see Link as the Spirit dragon in both I just would spend less time with the champions in a LU take if that makes sense)

But back to the ancient royals. In the Spirit dragon Au. Maybe after the help Zelda bring Link back by increasing Zelda’s recall ability. After the land, after Link wakes up. Maybe he sense there Spirits near by and reaches out to them. The same way Zelda could reach out to spirit with his power. They think he’s trying to say good by so Rauru grabs his hand, and Link just yanks him back into the world of the living. He then turns away from his startled princess and the ancient king currently laying face down in the grass and hold his hand out with a cheeky smile asking the two ladies which would go next.

As for Link/Wild coming back with dragon autonomy. While the art is beautiful and I love when people talk about it. It’s not my cup of tea. But that’s okay.

Honestly I’m just putting ideas out into the world and I’m so glad people are latching onto them and playing with them.

This is free permission for anyone to take these ideas and run with them. Just let me know what you create so I can enjoy it to!!!

Thank you so much for telling all your ideas they are so fun and wonderful!!

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Crossover: Three Angels & A Detective (2024)

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[Note: When I'm able to I will use this drawing as a Cover for a future Chapter of one of my stories over at Quotev. also only I can use it for both here and for over there, so please respect the whole "do not reblog without permission" tag. also even though the drawing itself isn't mature, but I'm going to put the tag "mature audiences only" just to be safe...]

Credit for Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss goes to Vivienne “Vivziepop” Medrano

Credit for Undertale goes to Toby Fox

Credit for Lucifer 2016 Tv Series goes to Tom Kapinos & Netflix

Credit for Transformers goes to Hasbro & Takara

Credit for Transformers Animated goes to Sam Register & Matt Youngberg

---------------

I finally got around to drawing Sari Sumdac's Seraphim form again, and ya can see in one of the images of herself she is really mad, showing some fangs and her hair is suppose to be turning into flames.

oh yeah, and a third eye open up in the middle of her forehead.

I also drew Chara who is crying in this but also has puppet strings going from the red heart soul to them...we know that Chara is misunderstood and a scapegoat, plus who's to say that the Good-Frisk isn't someone who can be created through the use of the red soul, and the red soul that is the In-game Player, becomes the New Good Frisk, and keeps the original Frisk locked away so they can do no harm at all...but the more we go down the Geno Route, the more the Original Frisk is let free, and to keep them from hurting anyone, we need to keep the Good-Frisk in full control.

anyway the woman with the green eyes, is suppose to be Detective Chloe Jane Decker from the Lucifer Tv Series...which of course is for Mature Audiences Only...

but this version of Chloe is suppose to be from a Fanon Timeline and AU version of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss.

her hair and eyes are a different color from the Other Chloe.

she might still end up getting involved with Charlie's Dad though, but like unlike the Chloe from the Lucier Tv Series, this version of Chloe does not have a daughter named Trixie, and didn't get romantically involved with that Dan guy.

like the Dan from this version of Chloe's Timeline, just bugged her and she didn't want to get involve with him.

another thing that could be different between the two versions of Chloe, is that they still have the same father, but like two different versions of himself...

but both Chloe's have two different mothers with different names, and it is this version's Mom who Chloe got her hair and eye color from.

well that is the idea I want to go with that has to do with the Chloe in this drawing who is from a type of Crossover Alternate Universe in the Fanon Timeline...

maybe sometime, I can do a better drawing of this Alternate Universe version of Chloe Decker........just not right now of course.

and yeah, in the title of this drawing I'm calling Charlie a "Angel" which in a way she has the heart of a true angel...unlike some Eon-Boomers, but at least some Eon-Boomers might still have good hearts and empathy, at least I can hope.

anyway like I pointed out before, I do plan to use this as a cover for a future chapter on one of my stories over at Quotev.

it might not be right away, but when I'm able to, I will try to find the time to add it as a cover once I get a idea for what to write for the new chapter for one of the stories...

[kalitern]

Celtic Inspired Diviniation

Finally got around to digitising this so I guess I can post it now.

This table basis of my celtic inspired fortune telling system. At the centre of the setting is dualism and that everything has two sides to itself. Nowhere is this more obvious than the nature of trees. Through a series of myths each of the major 15 species of trees have been given definitive sides. From there a divination arose, giving the additional meanings below.

As you can see although the meanings are necessarily direct antagonists they are least pull in different directions. Except Elm. There is a myth around the corruption of Elm and why its standard script from means death.

My script is largely inspired by Ogham and so each tree has a letter associated with it and the name of the letter is the same as the name of the tree. For standard writing you have one version and there is a mirror image of the script. Hence each letter is designed to have no rotational symmetry with its mirror image.

To represent the lack of symmetry in Elm the letter has multiple lines of rotational symmetry with its mirror. To differentiate them in fortune telling some less talented seers mark the mirror side with an extra line. Of course true seers have no need of this.

A divination set is made up of a single flat rod of each species of tree engraved either side.

A typical divination involves drawing three rods and casting them onto the ground and interpreting the results.

Whats next?

I need to solidify the interpretations, very little is set in stone right now.

Well the plan is to produce 15 flat rods that can sit in your hand and be cast. They will be polished and engraved with the correct runes

Although this is going to be used in several systems, my first target is a solo rpg. The intent is that the booklet will be written from the perspective of a previous seer as a sort of guide. I dont know much more than that except that the player will be able to change fate by risking something... The game will probably end when the seer is too disconnected from humanity to care, dead or simply unable to continue. We will see!

Eventually I want to write those myths as a sort of setting but the solo rpg doesnt really need to bound within the setting. You could easily play as an archelogist finding the divination set/book in the modern day, and so that will be on the back burner for now.

[mochikeiji]

Looking Like U Got Me

Request: "Prompt no. 56 and 55 for Gojo ＼(^o^)／"

55. "You look like my husband/wife"

56. "Keep doing that and I'll marry you faster"

↠ Pairing: Gojou Satoru x Reader

↠ Warning: none! Simply fluff

↬ Word Count: 1.7k

↠ a/n: i accidentally mixed up prompts 55 and 57 ;-; but still hoping this turns out good!!

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event!

All he wanted was to wake up in bed, next to you— who would cuddle deeper in his arms even in slumber so he'd smother you with his kisses and tighten his hold around you and drift back to sleep longer, finally free of responsibilities for once and enjoy quality time with his only favorite person. But instead he wakes up with a groan passing through his lips, supporting his back side with his hand while shuffling to his side in a different position as the light sun rays shun through the window blinds, softly fanning his eye and forehead.

Gojo chuckles a bit before wincing. His lower back so tensed that he feels himself get older by the day. Pouting at the empty space next to him, he palms the cold sheet in wonder of where you are. Up so early in the morning when you could've just stayed in for him. How annoying. His eyes shut for moment when the scent coming from outside the room intruded his senses. Ah, you must be cooking breakfast. How sweet of you.

Thank goodness it wasn't another batch of dried crackers or cup of noodles that'll enter his mouth. He was never one to cook meals when he was on solo or when you weren't around. The very thought of not only the meal was awaiting for him outside, but also you excites him that it made him feel tingly inside. Call it dramatic, yeah, but it's not every day someone gets to wake up and immediately feel this full of love in the morning. You were the only and last love he's ever wanted to have in this world. It was so surreal even to him.

Sighing before pushing himself up, Gojo yawns out the remains of drowsiness in his system and stands. He didn't bother wearing a shirt since last night, claiming that he misses how his body rubs off yours in both comforting and suggestive ways. Plus it was just you and him home, he'd rather walk naked than wear the usual long sleeved uniform on a warm day.

The scent of coffee got stronger as he closes in his journey towards the kitchen. There was faint sizzling coming from the pan as you stood there in attendance. Stuck in your own little world, swaying to the sound of the radio playing, U got Me by Yung Heazy. It was one of the few songs that reminded you of Gojo back when you were both high schoolers. The exact song you remembered playing when you both hung out on a small cafe in Tokyo. Where he was so flustered, attempted to hide his blushes with his round glasses. The little things that reminded you of that memory never fails to make your heart race.

Of course Gojo knows this one as well. Because it was on that date as well he had call you, "his" after masking his embarrassment and from obviously checking you out every minute. How could he contain himself? He was a young man who was having trouble in the arts of love. Nevertheless he was glad to have grown up from those years. If his younger self could see him now, he'd be gagging at the sight of a softer version of his older self.

Snaking his arms around your torso carefully to avoid surprising you, he places his chin above your shoulder. Salivating at the sight of thick bacon in deep frying, shamelessly letting you know he was hungry from the sound of his stomach growling. "This is a nice way to greet me." you smile at the man behind you, who had his eyes closed in delight while rubbing his cheek against yours like a cat in need of attention. "Good morning to you as well, sweet cheeks." he says after  pressing a kiss on your skin.

"You got up early." whining softly, his hair and nose tickling the side of your neck and shoulder, "I was hoping to stay longer y'know?" trailing his hands underneath the his shirt you were wearing, mapping out on all the skin he could squish and hold with his large palms. Noticeably pressing himself closer to your body, the much needed space gone but you weren't complaining. After all, this was Gojo, a man who knows no boundaries.

"I wanted to make breakfast for you. We haven't had one together since we're both busy." you say as you grabbed the nearby plate, turning off the stove as the now cooked meal sizzles softly from the pan before sliding down to the porcelain surface. In attempt to lick his lips at the now prepared food, his tongue grazes upon your skin, sending you to jolt a bit, hearing the joyous laughter from him as he places a kiss on the spot as an apology.

"W-why don't you go sit down, there's rice bowls and cooked eggs prepared already." stammering, you quickly excused yourself away from his embrace to clean out the mess from the counter. Gojo sighs out the adoration but obliges to your command. Not long after you had finally settled down in front of him. Seeing him in all smiles as he scarfs down on his food made you smile as well. Thank goodness his blindfold was off, they looked adorable twinkling in happiness.

This felt nice. To have an opportunity to be a normal couple once again. So many times you could only daydream of scenarios like this. He could say the same as now that you were present on the usual spot he'd come home to empty. Often dozing off during meetings thinking of where you were or how you were, the multiple times Megumi has fed up with his whining about how he never gets to see or have more time with you. Nobara even pointed out a fact saying, "You act as if you're both married." and Yuuji, being the happy child of the three had said something that always ponder in his mind, "Why don't you marry each other yet, sensei?"

It was a statement he's been considering for a long time. Marriage. Of course Gojo wanted to marry you after years of torment love. To have his precious students say that you both already looked as if you were married got him all heart racing, and very very happy. He's had vivid images of a life with you. Not far from what it is today, but imagine. Unlimited happiness after so long of fearing it. Perhaps maybe even tiny legs running around, giving him such big love as his grows for the family he's craved, watching you smile beside the doorway and calling them in for a meal.

If marrying you means he can have that every day, then the hell with it.

"You look like my wife."

The spoon drop echoes. Slowly his face erupted into a faint blush while staring back at your widened eyes and opened mouth. "What?" gulping down the stuck food in your throat, Gojo bites his lips watching you maintain your composure. So cute. "Y-you know you say funny stuff when you're out of it. Maybe some daifuku would help? Yeah! Wait a sec." quickly getting up from your seat and rummaging in your fridge, you breathed out the heavy puff of air from your lungs.

He did not just say that so directly towards you. Maybe you were dreaming? You wouldn't be if your heart wasn't practically being forced out. Gojo is always fun and games, right? He doesn't mean that.

Sad to think of it that way.

"Ow!" thumping your head above the fridge as you grabbed some of the take outs of Daifuku you got yesterday, closing the fridge back before returning shortly to Gojo, who seemed as out of it as you were. "You did say your brain functions best when you eat sweets. Luckily for you I bought these yesterday. That's why I cooked earlier now because I wanted to try it out with you!"

Gojo can't tell if he wants to be offended at the fact that you think he was joking or just now, cover his half of his face to hide his laughter and igniting squeals. God he wished he had his phone right now, the moment was just so priceless and precious as you were.

"...ter"

Muffles from behind his hand was heard. Tilting your head to the side, trying to process what he said but no avail. "What was that?" you moved a little closer next to him, tapping his hand away almost eagerly. When he does, you spot that knowing smile present on his lips and the uncharacteristic blush still painted on his cheeks.

"Keep doing that and I'll marry you faster, honey."

You've gotten more shy when his hand held yours in the most loving way while drawing patterns. Searching through his eyes if he was playing around, but you were met with ones you know of when they were full of sincerity. "I-i. You know, they were so cheap anyways and I figured you'd want them." he snorts before leaning his head on your arm and laughs hysterically. It was painfully obvious that you were in state of shock that you couldn't even process his words.

Up until now the effect he has on you was still there like before.

"Sweetie." he turns his body away from the table to face you, pulling you so that you were standing in between his legs looking down shyly on the floor. "I'm serious." his fingers reached for your chin to pull your head up to meet his features. His other hand still holding your smaller one; index finger tracing your ring finger in circular motions as if he was creating a make believe ring.

He should thank himself for falling in love and be trusting once again.

Because now, staring back at your eyes filled with the same amount of emotions as his. Reciprocating the exact thing he was feeling. Waking up just to start the day already wanting him to be there. Knowing all the littlest things he's shared. Hearing the erratic sound of both of your heart beats.

He knew he's made the right choice.

"You really do look like my wife. My future."

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[maxwell-grant]

Having asked your thoughts on designing Frankenstein's daemon, might I now ask your thoughts on bringing Count Dracula from the written word into illustration? (I'm definitely in favour of the 'Hairy Old Mountain Man of Horror pretending he's people' look from the original novel; one of the small tests too many Draculas fail to pass is an absolutely tragic lack of the Evil Beard and/or Wicked Moustache explicitly described by Mr Stoker).

Unlike with Frankenstein, where I think the design needs to be painstakingly thought out in order to achieve the best balance of the creature's traits for horror and tragedy alike, I think with Dracula you can actually just take an approach of "whatever works". Because as I mentioned before, I think much of the appeal and longevity of Dracula is how the character's both a layered villain as well as a shapeshifting narrative force that can be tailored to whatever you want to do with. Granted, there are bad or dissappointing Dracula designs, of course there are, but in regards to the leeway you get for reinterpretation, you get a lot more of it with Dracula than with other literary icons.

Like with Frankenstein, I'm gonna bring up how I'd tackle a less grim, more comedy-centric Dracula first, one that's less a force of horror and more of a charismatic villain, and I think to that end I definitely agree that people are sleeping a lot on the hairy old man barely-passing-off-as-humanoid of the original story. Despite very much loving these performers, I'm actually not a fan of takes that mold Dracula too closely to people who've portrayed him, like Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee, partially because I think it's a waste of an opportunity to create your own Dracula design. Since I can't draw (yet), I'll do what I usually do and make a board of images to try and convey some of my thoughts on one way I'd design Dracula.

(Pictured: Kiwi's design for Dracula, Hotel Transylvania concept art, Nandor, Castlevania Dracula, Charles Dance in Dracula Untold, Vladislav, a Transylvanian rug)

I used the images in my other Dracula post and I’ll post it here again because I absolutely adore @kiwibyrd's designs for Dracula and it's main heroes, in particular I love the way it strikes a good balance at making sure Dracula looks distinctly separate from the humans, but not too much that he couldn't conceivably operate in society as just a harmless old man. I also adore the mustache and bushy eyebrows and pointy ears and I think these three are wonderful features to keep on any Dracula design. I'm also very partial to the Hotel Transylvania concept art, even if it makes me incredibly depressed to look at all the great designs they had for Dracula that they threw in the trash because they somehow decided making him look like Adam Sandler was the idea to go with.

I deeply adore What We Do In The Shadows, both the movie and the show, and Jemaine Clement's Vladislav is one of my favorite (maybe even my actual favorite) on-screen Draculas. But I also enjoy Nandor just as much, and I think it's really great that as a character he's completely different from Vlad while also being ostensibly a take on Dracula, and in particular I bring up his Jersey look because "Dracula in common clothing" is a criminally underrated concept for a joke.

As a character, I'm very partial to comedy takes on Dracula that play him up as a decadent aristocratic supervillain, the kind that can get away with talking in third person. I also have this idea for a version of Dracula who dresses ostentatiously in finely-broidered Romanian or Transylvanian patterns, maybe even wearing a rug as a cape, claiming that he's carrying the legacy of his people on his back. And of course he's lying, he's not Vlad Tepes and he's not even Romanian, he is just a parasite pretending to have a history to be proud of, but good luck getting him to admit that. And finally, I'd like this version to be played by Charles Dance, and I consider it a tremendous crime against humanity that he has yet to play Dracula proper even despite being in a film with the character's name on the title.

So that's kinda how I would design a take on Dracula for something more comedic or more based around him as this guest character and personality on-set. Now, if we're talking a more serious version, I think the possibilities increase, and I won't be getting into all of them because I may prefer to keep them to myself, but I'll elaborate a few ideas.

For example, the edition of Dracula I personally own comes with these really scratchy, really creepy B&W illustrations related to the story, that I can't find scanned online so I'm uploading them here so you can look at. They don't necessarily depict the scenes but rather some of the story's moments, like Van Helsing staking Lucy, Renfield in a straightjacket, Dracula as a coachman, and they are more focused on conveying the horror of the concepts at play.

Dracula never looks the same way in any of the illustrations, in fact you kinda have to piece him out of them by trying to find teeth or capes or eyes or bat-features to see where he's hiding this time. In the first, it's the half-man half-bat, in the 2nd, he's the shrieking bat silhouette next to Renfield, and in the latter, he's the gaping jaws and eerily humanoid eyes in the wolf. The effect to me almost feels like if you were to look at a bunch of tv static and then see a humanoid shape form for a split second before everything went back to normal, something like you'd get from Slender Man or other modern creepypastas, and I’ve argued before that Dracula’s form of horror is a very modern one. 

In terms of illustrations of Dracula that keep up the original traits while still pulling off horror, I definitely have to hand it to the one at the left of the image above, drawn by regourso on Deviantart (account deleted at present). Going back to Castlevania’s many takes on Dracula, two in particular that stick out to me would be Castlevania: Judgment’s armored dress Dracula, who’s got this great twisted heart/rose motif going on in his outfit, and Dracula’s final form in SOTN where he just sits in his throne and his cape twists into all these monsters, particularly how it’s depicted by witnesstheabsurd’s depiction. 

I’m not particularly a fan of how Dracula’s “final form” in these games is usually just some big demon, and part of what I like about his final form in SOTN instead is that, while it’s not a particularly challenging final boss, I do find it interesting the idea of us never actually getting to see what Dracula’s true final form looks like, only an ever-shifting pitch-black torrent of teeth and claws and bloody veins pouring out because that’s ultimately what Dracula is and brings to the world.

On the flip-side of the rotten old monster, we have the charming seductor Dracula, and while I’m really not a fan of how various adaptations have convinced people that “the point” of Dracula is that he’s a seductive force and an allegory for Victorian xenophobia and I’m reeeally even less of a fan of adaptations that make Dracula some misunderstood tragic hero (and I think I’ve made rather violently clear my feelings on interpretations that play up a romance between him and Mina), that the seductive force part exists is impossible to deny, so conversely, while on one hand we can have Dracula as the gargantuan whirlwind of predatory violence, we can also go for Dracula as the tantalizing lover.

I’ve seen a lot of opinions proclaiming Frank Langella as the best Dracula because he was the best at actually being seductive while still playing Dracula, although I haven’t yet seen his performances. If I had to point at one picture I look at and do buy for a second the idea of Dracula as a romantic character, it would be that particular still of Raul Julia in the left of the above image. And it’s strange for me to think of Raul Julia as attractive because I mainly associate him with his brilliant comedy performance of M.Bison (I know it’s far from the highlight of his career but, look, I grew up with Street Fighter, I can’t help it) but those eyes are definitely looking pretty convincing to me, if nothing else. 

And I’ve included this still of Sebastian Stan in the right because, during a conversation between me, @krinsbez and @jcogginsa about who could be a good fit for Dracula, jcog suggested Sebastian Stan, partially because he’s Romanian, and I’ve learned recently that Stan was actually interested in playing the character in Blumhouse’s upcoming remake. And you’d think I’d hate this idea  considering how much I don’t care for tragic anti-hero Draculas, but who says that’s what he’d have to play? 

Do you have any idea how much actors, who are traditionally known for heroic or supporting roles, usually LOVE it when you give them a chance to cut loose as the main villain?

I’d want Sebastian Stan to put all of his charm, all of his talent, all of his good looks and etc, into playing the absolute most vicious, bloodthirsty and irredeemable Dracula put on screen. Someone who is exceedingly, eerily good at being a lovable protagonist, who’s all smiles and charming eyes and politeness mannerisms and maybe even a funny accent, and then it isn't as funny when he's flying through your window intent on kidnapping babies to feed to his brides, except he may take a moment or two to do so because he's feeling pretty hungry himself right now.

Now, admittedly this is kind of a lot to juggle in regards to a single character, which is why my answer for questions like these inevitably has to be “depends on what I’m going for”. That being said, if I was going to try and cast someone who I think could both look the part of Dracula, as well as respectively, play “cartoon aristocrat” Dracula, “mercurial embodiment of evil” Dracula, as well as realistically be an attractive, even seductive performer who can charm viewers even as the character descends into horrible villainy, and juggle these performances even?

I think I’d have to go with Mads Mikkelsen. Not specifically because of Hannibal (I actually haven’t watched it yet), although it’s definitely a factor, the thing that actually made me pick him specifically is, other than his looks, his voice, his reputation for playing sinister characters, the fact that he loves the role and wants to play it, or how many people are deeply in love with this man, or that people already joke that he looks like a vampire, was watching him in Another Round, and specifically that glorious final scene where he’s just dancing to his heart’s content and just, moving with such spring in his step and such joyful vitality even though he’s past his mid-fifties, and that was the moment where, in regards to how much you all love this man, I went

And now I am going to add “casting Mads Mikkelsen as a dancing Dracula” to The List of Reasons Why I Became a Filmmaker.

[sunscreenstudies]

How to Read a Novel in Your Target Language

Watch the video here!

Or click the ‘keep reading’ button to read a transcript!

Choose Your Book. A lot of people swear by children's books, but honestly, as long as you know you'll enjoy the story, then any book is fine! Preferably it should be a book that you've read before, just so you'll know the context and general story, cause this is super helpful when it comes to learning new words. Choose whatever book you like, whether that is children's books or classics or thrillers. Personally, I like to start with "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, and then move onto the Harry Potter series! If you don't want to buy books or prefer to learn things online, then you can throw a book name followed by 'PDF' into Google, and chances are you'll find it! Websites like Gutenberg are also good places to start!

Find Your Translator. This can be a second version of the book in your native language, a bilingual book, a dictionary, a theasurus, or even Google Translate! For complete beginners, I suggest finding a bilingual book on Amazon or The Book Depository. For upper beginners, having two copies (one in your native, one in your target) is good translation practice. For intermediate/advanced/risk-takers, then getting a book entirely in a foreign language and using an online dictionary is the best option!

Gathering Your Supplies. There are three things that I always have no matter what I'm reading. The book (obv.), a pencil with an eraser, and sticky notes. If you don't want to use pencil, then a pen works just as well, but personally I find pencil a lot cleaner and easier to use (and also cause i make a lot of mistakes and pencil is the quickest to correct). If you don't want to use sticky notes, then you can use paper, your phone, or even just put the  new vocab straight into Quizlet if that's what you prefer!

Reading: Part One: Read the entire page first. Do not stop to look up words, do not stop to underline anything, just open the book and read the first page (or chapter, depending on your language level!). From that you should understand a few words, get the general context, etc. If you don't or you're a beginner, that's perfectly okay too, we're all learning here! Once you've read the page/chapter, try to explain what you just read to yourself. If you're upper beginner and onwards, try to explain what you read in your target language. For example, if you read a complicated sentence in German, try to explain that sentence in simple German. This will quickly let you know what areas of a language/vocab that you are missing. If you're a beginner, then don't stress, just explain it in your native language!

Reading: Part Two: After you've read the entire page, it's time to go through it paragraph by paragraph. Read the first paragraph, again try to explain to yourself what's happening, and then (and only then) do you pick up your pencil/pen/phone and underline the words that you do not know. Read the paragraph a second time. Now it's time to translate.

Reading: Part Three: If you have a bilingual book, try and figure out which target-language-words correspond to which native-language-words. If you have a second copy of the novel, then do the same (but remember that font/page size/etc. are going to be different so the paragraph's might be one different pages!). If you don't have the book in your native language, then get the dictionary/theasurus/translating app that you use and look up what the words mean. Once you translate a word, write it's translation down on the side margin of your book. You can write the translation directly above the word if you like, but personally I think this is bad for learning in the long run. The best way to learn is to reread the same book over and over again, and over time you should (hopefully) improve. Unfortunately, however, your brain will still want to take the easy way out, so if you have the translation written above a word, you're automatically going to read it, even if you eventually learn what the word means. Writing the translations in the side margin allows you to read a paragraph entirely in your target language, and if you still don't know what a particular word means, then you can always jump across to the side and see it's translation.

Reading: Part Four: Once you've written the translations of words you don't know on the margin (or wherever you choose), then it's time to write them out again on a sticky note (or paper, or notes app, or Quizlet, etc.). Write a list of words in your target language on the left side of the sticky note, and write the translations on the right side. I prefer using sticky notes, because once a sticky note is full, I can stick it on a blank page at the back of the book, fold it in half, and label what page the vocab came from. It's super helpful to have all the new words in one place! From here, I can all the vocab into Quizlet which is tens times easier than having to reread every single page trying to find all the underlined words and their translations.

Reading: Part Five: (Last step I swear) Once everything's roughly understandable, you're going to read the paragraph one final time. Try to remember the words translations (or if you can't that's fine too!) and glance across at the translations if you don't know! It's super super super important that you don't translate every. single. word. You should understand the general context of the piece before translating anything, and when you do find a word that you have to translate, try to figure out what it means first. For some languages, I know that this isn't possible, but for others, such as German, it's very possible. (e.g. Riesenschlange: Riesen = Large, Schlange = Snake, Riesenschlange = Big Snake (or, a Boa Constrictor)). If you're not learning a logical language, try to guess based on context, based on images/drawings/anything you can use, and only translate as a last resort.

Moving On: Once you've that done, move onto the second paragraph, then the third, fourth, etc. At the end of every chapter I like to quiz myself on vocab, on context, etc. to make sure that I did understand what I just read. But like I said, you don't need to understand every single little word, just as long as you get the general idea, you're doing pretty great! If there are words that you're never going to use (e.g. Riesenschlange) then of course you don't have to learn it; only learn what you feel you need to know! Also, congratulate yourself! You did it! This method might seem time consuming, but it's surprisingly quick once you get into it (and also I've completely overexplained it here) and hopefully it will help you the way that it's helped me!

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #7 - How to draw a face (the basics)

Hi all! 

This week, as part of my Art Advice Tag, I’ll be giving some advice on how to draw faces!

A note is that this is not going to be a tutorial, but instead a guide on how to learn how to draw a face! I personally find that tutorials aren’t super useful, not to mention that there are thousands of tutorials on drawing already out there. So whether you want to be able to design your own characters, ... or just want to give your stick figures faces, I’m hoping this blog post can help you get on your way to drawing faces!

How to draw a face (the basics) ~

Part 1 - Dreaded Proportions 

I think most artists will tell you that proportions are the banes of their existence.

And although I don’t think you necessarily need to stick to them religiously (and it’s important to note that real faces rarely stick to proportions religiously either), I think it is important to have an understanding of them if you want to start drawing faces! 

(this is a very basic sketch I did by the way, a quick google will give you versions of this diagram that are a lot more detailed & accurate lol!)

This image shows the general places on a face where features normally sit. So, eyes halfway down the head, corners of the mouth match up with the pupils when staring straight ahead, five eyes can fit between each side of the head, bottom of the nose lies halfway between the eyes and chin, etc. 

Top tip! Try not to confuse the top of the head to the hairline, as this can often make a face look too long! 

Of course, this becomes more complicated when you want to draw a face from another angle (which I won’t go into for this post). 

Face shape, eye size, nose size, etc, can also affect how you approach these rules. So use these proportions more as a guide than anything to follow religiously!

Part 2 - Face Shape

A lot of artists, myself included, gets caught in the ‘same face’ syndrome. Which is basically when all your characters and people you draw end up looking suspiciously alike. (Don’t feel too bad about this, by the way, since even big companies like Disney suffer from this lol!)

A way to prevent this is to diversify your face shapes. 

These are a few quick examples, and my biggest piece of advice for this is to practise drawing as wide a range of faces as you can! Pick people of various races, sizes, genders, etc! 

This can be as simple as drawing people around you too, friends, family, colleagues, even yourself! 

Part 3 - Eyes

Similar to the last point, practising drawing a wide variety of eyes (differing in shape, colour, size, etc) will help you get a better grasp on how to draw them. 

Some more specific advise for this would be to map out where the actual eyeball is. This way, you’ll be able to figure out more effectively where to put things like the tear duct! 

Another thing to remember is the position of the pupil and iris, which can greatly impact the expression you’re going for. So, exposing more of the whites of the eye will make someone look scared/shocked, whereas less of the iris & pupil visible will look suspicious/shifty.

The image above is a few examples of how to sketch eyes & what to look out for when you’re doing your own drawings!

A final few things I want to comment on here is the position of eyelids, which can also greatly change the overall expression of a character. Eyelids differ from person to person, and can range from double, mono, hooded, deepset, etc. And as with all I’m talking about here, how the eyelid crease looks will change depending on the angle of the face. 

Part 4 - Nose

Noses are pretty confusing, if I’m being honest. 

One thing I remember learning from school was to use three circles to make up a forward facing nose. A bigger circle for the tip of the nose, and the a smaller one either side for the nostrils. This can help you to get an idea of how big you want your nose to be (and to check it fits with the proportions of the rest of the face). 

This method can also help to figure out the specific shape of the nose you want to draw. Placing the central circle lower than the other 2 will give the illusion of a bigger nose, whereas if it’s higher then it would look more like an upturned nose. Just have fun and play around with giving your noses interesting bridges and various sized nostrils, etc!

These are a few examples, but there are honestly endless combinations of noses you can experiment with!

Part 5 - Mouth

The first piece of advice I’d give you for drawing mouths, is to draw them in conjunction with the nose. Use the bit between the nose and mouth (which I just found out is called the philtrum lol) as a guide on how big or what shape to do the cupids bow as. 

I’d also recommend starting with the corners of the mouth, and then connecting them to for the middle of the mouth. This can help you get an understanding of what kind of expression you want (it often only takes a slight curl of the corner of the mouth in order to create some subtle change in feeling of the character). 

And something that I often do, is creating a subtle almost M shape for the centre of the mouth (think almost of a turtles mouth, but less extreme). This can give the lips more of a sense of 3 dimensionality than a simple line. 

These are just some examples of how I draw lips with no references as a guide. Another point I would suggest is to include the shadow of the lips on the chin, which can also help you to map out the size and shape of the chin itself. 

I feel it’s important to note that I’ve only including hints for closed, mostly neutral, expressions. So if you want me to do another blog post talking about expressions (like how to draw smiles, or other open-mouthed expressions) then let me know!

Part 6 - Ears 

I’ll admit that ears are not my strong suit, so there isn’t a tonne of advice I can offer here. (I once had an hour long breakdown over how bad my paintings and drawings of ears are lol... I wish I was kidding but I’m not pfft)...

This is a very... unhelpful image lol...

My main advice is to just... look at ears lol... Hopefully you’ll have better luck with them then me!

~

These were all very basic tips for drawing faces, and there were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to go into here, so if anyone wants me to do a more in-depth look into certain aspects (for example, specific features) then just let me know! 

As always, I really appreciate everyone who reblogs/likes these posts! <3

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Sixteen ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 3021

Warnings: None

A/n Every chapter, you all make me smile so much <3 Thank you!

Haldir leaves and I let out something halfway between an exhale and a groan.

What. Was. That.

My room, which is a very respectable size, felt like a matchbox as the space between Haldir and I minimized. He went from weeks of keeping a consistent physical barrier between us to ghosting his hands over my arms, my hips, my waist…It’s…new.

And when he held me close, his chest so nearly brushing against my back—

I shake my head against the onslaught of scenarios that run through my mind.

I should not be thinking of him this way.

Haldir is a friend, a guide, an instructor, nothing more.

I let out a deep breath and begin to pace, trying to work off this newfound energy. Haldir and I trained for nearly two hours, I should be exhausted. Instead, I feel wide awake, invigorated, jittery, like I couldn’t possibly go to sleep. I groan, taking my hair out of its bun and letting it fall around me. I stop in my tracks, glancing at the spot where Haldir and I stood so close together just moments ago.

I cannot stay here.

I tear through the open door, turning right and taking the staircase that leads to the first floor. I turn left and, before I know it, I’m standing in front of Alex’s closed door.

I knock.

The door creaks open. “Hey,” he greets, opening it wider to allow me in. “What’s up?”

“I uh,” I purse my lips, having not really thought through my plan. I do need a distraction though, and being out of my room is already helping clear the fog from my brain. My eyes catch a pile of books on his nightstand. “I came to help you research, if that’s okay.”

His face lights up. “Yeah! Yeah, of course. I’ve read those three so far,” he gestures to a small stack by the window, “and there’s nothing helpful in them. Everything else in English is fair game. Is there anything specific you want to look into?”

“Fæs.” I’m surprised that the answer comes to me so easily, but as soon I speak the word, I know it’s true — I do want to learn more.

Alex nods slowly. “Yeah, okay, I think I’ve got a couple books on that here. Let me….” He trails off, spinning in a circle as he searches for a specific volume. “Ah.” He squats down and grabs a book near the foot of his bed, reaching it up to me.

An image of Haldir, crouched on the ground, hand warm against my ankle, staring up at me with such intensity, so much confidence—

Alex stands and I look to the ceiling, trying to will away the image and the feelings that come rushing along with it.

“What makes you want to learn about fæs? Isn’t that an elf thing?”

I purse my lips, stalling until the embarrassment fades enough to look Alex in the eye. “Haldir mentioned that humans have their own version of a fæ — a little weaker, a little different, but generally the same concept.” An idea begins to take form, and I roll with it. “I was wondering if—assuming that our fæs remained unchanged between our homeworld and Arda—well, if we could use it somehow, tap into it and reclaim our memories. If anything were to remember, wouldn’t it be our spirits?”

Alex nods slowly, a grin tugging at the edges of his lips. “That’s actually not a bad idea. Great thinking! Let me know if you find anything.”

He settles into the couch, leaving the bed for me. Gratefully, I cozy up against the pillows. I open the book, skimming the introductory chapter, which is basically just a summary of the core concepts Haldir has already explained to me. When I’m on chapter three, the sky passes firmly into night, and even the plethora of candles Alex has lit aren’t enough to keep my eyes from straining.

I pull my knees to my chest and lean forward, glancing over at my friend. His cheeks — which had been gaunt when we first reunited, now take a healthy shape. His shoulders no longer hold vestiges of tension — they lean relaxed, leisurely, against the back of the couch. Even in the limited light, he squints his eyes and continues to read, seeming intent on soaking up as much knowledge as he can.

I rest my chin on my knees. “I need to ask you something.”

He looks up, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. “Okay?”

“Are you alright?”

He sighs, shifting in his seat. “Cosima…”

“No,” I protest. I don’t care if it’s uncomfortable, he needs to talk about things. He’s been bottling it up since he arrived in this world and it hasn’t done anyone any good. “I mean it.”

Alex groans, shaking his head. “Fine, okay. It’s…strange.” He pauses, but I wait, holding out hope that he’ll continue. He does so, slowly. “I’ve…gotten myself to accept that I’m in a different world, but I can’t wrap my mind around the how. That’s stressful. We don’t have a solid plan to return home, nor do we know if we’ll find one. That’s depressing. And, I have flashes and snippets of memories, but otherwise, I feel like I don’t know who I am.”

My heart breaks. Here my friend is, hurting, lost…

And I’ve left him completely alone.

Alex tilts his head to the side, contemplating. “But I do feel better than when we arrived, or even just from a few days ago. Having things to do, feeling useful and like I have agency for the first time…it’s really good for me. And, well,” he dips his head then raises it again, leveling his eyes on me. “It’s helped me realize something else — that I owe you an apology.”

I blink in surprise. I’ve been the one that has pretty much abandoned and ignored him. I should be apologizing.

“On the road, I said some pretty mean things, and I isolated you from your friends and tried to take control. I didn’t mean for it to be like that. I was…” he sighs, shaking his head, “scared out of my mind. I already felt like I couldn’t do anything to fix the problem, and then on top of that I felt like you had completely given up and it was my job to save us both. And I know now that’s not the case, but for a while…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re just more adaptable than I am, I guess.”

I push myself off the bed, cross the room, and sit next to him on the small couch. Automatically, he throws an arm over my shoulder, the movement so familiar and easy that he must have done it a thousand times before. I lay my head on his shoulder, the bone there pressing against my ear.

I take a deep breath. “If we had really been kidnapped, or injured, or anything more realistic than what actually happened,” he gives a small, tired laugh, the movement shaking his shoulder, “you would’ve been the one to get us out. I know it. Even now, you’re the one putting in all the hard work to get us home. I’m sorry I’ve pretty much left you to handle it alone.”

He squeezes my upper arm gently. “I appreciate it, but I don’t blame you. I get it.” He shrugs again, a measure of sadness creeping into his voice. “It’s not like you remember anyone enough to miss them. If you have people you like here, of course you’d focus on them.”

I feel my lips pull into a guilty frown. “They like you too, you know. You all just need to spend some more time together—”

“Nah,” he shakes his head, pushing a smile onto his face. “It’s okay, honestly — we just don’t click. But I have you, and Baranor and I get along well, and I have this project to work on. It’s enough for me.”

I sigh, resting my head against his chest. I hope that’s true.

{***}

At breakfast, Lavandil and I make plans to meet at her shop. She gives me directions and I hurry up the stairs to my room, changing out of my tunic and leggings and into something a little more fun for my first day of work. I settle on a dark purple gown, one that billows down my arm in puffy gossamer sleeves and has a slight, sparkly train. I’m probably a bit overdressed, but knowing Lavandil’s extravagant wardrobe, I’ll fit in just fine. I bound down the staircase, eager to discover the market and the shop. I turn left, intent on exiting the building.

And crash into the middle of someone’s chest.

Hands grip my upper arms, steadying me as I stumble back. Once I’m righted, I look up, and my mouth falls open.

“Cosima—”

“Haldir—”

Both of us freeze, having spoken at the same time. I purse my lips, waiting for him to go first. He raises an eyebrow, evidently expecting the same of me.

But I can’t make the words happen. His hands on my arms send my mind right back to the tension of last night, to the room that started light and open and turned more intimate than it should as the night went on.

Haldir’s arms fall to his sides. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you turning the corner. Are you alright?”

I nod, my eyes darting from his chest clothed in a cobalt blue tunic up to his eyes. The intensity from last night is gone, now replaced with a noticeable degree of hesitance.

Interesting.

Did he feel something last night, too? Or does he know I did, and now feels awkward around me?

That last thought sends a wave of stress through me. Was I horribly obvious? Have I messed everything up?

“Are you off to Lavandil’s shop,” he inquires, pulling my mind away from these anxiety-inducing thoughts.

“Yes.”

He quirks a smile. “Then I imagine you will be seeing a lot of my brother today. He has a tendency to hang around there.”

“Probably a result of him being in love with the shop-owner,” I quip, voice going high with nerves.

He raises an eyebrow. “Yes, I suppose that would do it.”

We fall into awkward silence.

Haldir clears his throat. “Well, enjoy your day.”

“You too,” I nod, crossing paths with him to exit the building.

Once outside, I take in a gulping breath.

Did I create all that weirdness? Or is he struggling to figure out how to act around me, too? And why?

Things have never been strained or awkward between myself and Haldir. Once he got over his initial suspicion of me, we got along easily. I feel like he understands me better than the others and, if I had to pick a favorite, as Rumil prompted me not so long ago, it would be, without question, the supposedly-stern Marchwarden leading our company. And, based on the amount of time he spends with me of his own accord, I would say he enjoys my presence, too.

So, that begs the question, what could have happened to turn all that ease on its head and replace it with stilted, awkward, unsure interactions? We were fine until last night—

I suck in a breath.

My brain, apparently useless until I looked the issue straight in the eye, starts piecing together instances of my time with Haldir, forming a terrifying and exhilarating picture.

Sleeping between me and the entrance to our camp so I wouldn’t be frightened. Spending hours alone with me lying on a blanket staring up at the stars. The way he panicked and looked after me when I had my migraine. Big things like that and smaller ones, too — the way he teases me, the way he always makes sure I’m cared for, whether that means sharing from his canteen or sending me with food when I’m likely to miss dinner. The way he’s conscious of my fears—heights, orcs, you name it—and provides support without coddling me, enabling me to handle and face them on my own. The way his arms, so gentle yet so secure, held me close, even for just the smallest of moments.

Could we…have feelings for each other?

Could this rapid and strong attachment to an ellon I met mere weeks ago be something other than friendship?

With a sinking feeling in my gut, the momentary rush of excitement falls into something much more sinister. Something that, in any other world would be a wonderful, thrilling feeling—the one I am developing feelings for maybe, potentially, might see me the same way—is here, horrifying.  

Because elves live forever and love only once.

And a human lifespan is dismally short.

Rumil’s face after our conversation yesterday, crestfallen and saddened, comes to my mind.

If my mere friendship with these ellyn will cause them grief when I’m gone, then even entertaining these thoughts about Haldir….

It’s deplorable.

From the heart of the city, the bell chimes. I’m late to meet Lavandil.

I shove down the ache that makes my lips quiver and hurry down the path that will lead me to the market.

The distraction of working with Lavandil will be my lifeline.

I cannot allow my feelings for Haldir progress any further. So, though I’m not sure how effective I’ll be, I swear not to think about him for the rest of the day.

{***}

“What happened last night between you and Haldir?”

Damn.

I made it two hours.

I swallow, trying to seem busy as I hang a tapestry on a display. “What?”

Lavandil comes up beside me, using her height to hang the art properly. “Rumil told Orophin who told me that Haldir came back from training with you and seemed quite flustered.”

My body runs hot. “Did he?”

“Mhm,” she nods decisively. “Apparently he returned to the room in a rush, wouldn’t say a thing, and then spent over three hours at the training grounds, sparring quite harshly with some of the guard.”

Even though the tapestry is hung, I pretend to fuss with it, not brave enough to meet Lavandil’s eyes. “Nothing happened. Maybe he just wanted a better workout — I can’t imagine I was much of a challenge.” I try for a joke, and mercifully, she gives me a pity laugh.

Her demeanor softens. “Cosima, you know there’s nothing wrong with having an attraction, or even feelings.”

“Of course there’s something wrong with it,” I shriek, much louder than I meant to. I look at her with wide eyes, surprised by my outburst.

Thankfully, no one is in the shop, and Lavandil only regards me with calm eyes, no judgement in them.

“I’m sorry,” I hurry to apologize, sitting myself in a chair at a nearby table. On top of it sits a beautiful garnet tablecloth — Lavandil’s work. She sits across from me.

“It’s alright,” she smiles kindly, resting her elbows on the table to mirror me. “I had a similar disposition when I realized I loved Orophin.”

“I don’t love him,” I correct quickly.

She puts her hands up in the sign for surrender, though her bottom lip pulls like she’s trying not to make a face.

“I don’t,” I insist, putting effort into keeping my tone non-angry. I lower my voice, worried, perhaps irrationally, that Haldir himself will go waltzing by and hear my dreadful confession. “It’s, at most, an interest, and probably not even that. Likely more of a curiosity.”

“Well, interests are nothing to be ashamed of.” Her tone matches my low volume and carries in it a gentleness I could never hope to emulate.

“Yes, they do!” My voice drops to nearly a whisper. “Lavandil, he is an elf. You know I’m human. The two don’t mix well.”

She huffs. “There’s nothing to say that. An elleth here, Arwen—”

“Is walking into a tragedy,” I cut her off.

Lavandil’s eyes narrow. “Too many people see it that way, and it is getting quite old. Do you know what I see? Two souls in love. Though their futures are bleak and incompatible, their presents are filled with joy and love and the connection that can only come from two fæs who want each other so badly finally bonded. They would still face pain if they ignored their love for each other — so why not give themselves what joy they can?”

“But she will die—”

Now it’s Lavandil’s turn to interrupt. “Arwen is fully grown. She is wise, and I trust that she knows herself well enough to make the choices she has. Her life is ultimately her own. She can spend it how she pleases.”

I press my lips together, head falling to stare at the deep red tablecloth. Despite Lavandil’s conviction, her words do nothing to allay my fears.

The only thing that awaits an elf bonded with a human is grief and death.

Arwen may have made her choice, but so have I made mine.

“Rumil said elves can take centuries to fall in love. Is that true?”

Lavandil pauses, caught off guard with my change in topic. “I-in some cases, yes. More that it could potentially take that long for an elf to admit they are in love. Often, even if they are not ready to accept it, their fæs know. And even then, that is the timeline in the most rare of cases. You know, for Orophin and I it only took a matter of—”

I raise my eyes to her, pleading. “Lavandil.”

She sighs, staring at me like she wishes I had asked her something else. “Fine, yes. Elves fall slower than humans.”

I take in a deep breath, nodding.

Good.

Because if I have only just noticed these feelings, chances are, if Haldir were to follow suit, he is way behind. The instance Lavandil described from last night, the other hints that show he might be feeling something…I can end them now.

I have time to stop this.

I have time to save him.

A/n So, funny thing, @errruvande got pretty close to guessing Cosima’s reaction to realizing her feelings for Haldir, so shout out to Liza!!! Seriously though, love her, love her blog, I’d definitely recommend checking her account out! Thank you all for reading! 

|next part|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande 

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff

[killjoyhistoryarchive]

Mike Milligram: The Lost Killjoy

Edit: On July 21st 2020, a Mike Milligram comic by Gerard Way and Shaun Simon was officially announced. However, I’ll leave this post as it is for future reference.

—

In 2009, while My Chemical Romance fans were eagerly awaiting news on their upcoming album, Gerard Way had another surprise in store: the announcement of a new comic series called “Killjoys.”

Co-written by Shaun Simon and illustrated by Becky Cloonan, Gerard told CBR that the series would “deal with much more mature and controversial themes, such as hate crimes and homophobia, the homogenization of American culture and American life.” Unlike “The Umbrella Academy,” which was set in a fantasy world, “Killjoys” was set in modern-day America.

But what nobody realized was that even after an album, two music videos, and a six-issue comic series, Gerard’s original conception would never see the light of day.

In 2008, Gerard Way and Shaun Simon developed the Killjoys universe in a frenzy of inspiration. Gerard’s original sketch features Mike Milligram on the left–named after Gerard’s brother Mikey Way–with a host of other characters that accompanied Mike on his journey. The comic was announced a year later at San Diego Comic Con, with a release planned in 2010.

With My Chemical Romance wrapping up their fourth album, Gerard and Shaun were ready to start writing. Becky Cloonan drew concept art for Mike Milligram, as well as promotional artwork that they planned to use at the Comic Con announcement. However, the Mike Milligram art was scrapped and replaced with a simple image of the Killjoy spider–a move that could later be seen as prophetic.

In 2009, “Killjoys” was an entirely different concept. There was no Party Poison, no Dr. Death Defying, no Battery City, no girl with special powers. The original comic involved a surreal road trip through America that reunited offbeat characters and confronted harsh realities along the way. In 2013, Shaun Simon offered this description in the introduction to the special hardcover edition of the comics:

The old version of the story focused on Mike Milligram, a late-twenty-something living in a desert trailer park and working a crappy job at a supermarket. Mike’s teenage years were a blur. He couldn’t tell if the things he remembered had actually happened or not. Part of him believed he was part of a gang called the Killjoys who fought fictional things in the real world. The other part of him believed it was all just a dream. Music was the only thing that kept Mike going, so when the music was erased from his Ramones tape, it sent him over the edge. He went out and got his old teenage gang, who were now living normal lives, back together because, yes, it was all real. Other members of his gang included Ani-Max, now a high school history teacher; Code Blue, a rabble-rouser who was a working girl in Vegas; Monster, a new young member they met on the road; and Kyle 100%, who was a B-list actor now. They all had strange powers based on objects. Halloween masks and costume accessories, puffy jackets, toy ray guns. It was a story about a group of old friends getting together and discovering what America really was. Reaching deep inside its pretty facade and pulling out the ugly guts. (It was semiautobiographical. I toured with Gerard and his band for a couple of years before realizing I needed to find my own path.) The gang would have found out that another former gang had now become the largest health care corporation in the country and were hell bent on making the world a safe and clean place by removing all that was dirty, like the Ramones. It would have been a great story, and I’m sure parts will end up in Gerard’s and my’s future work.

Of course, we all know what happened after that announcement. After Gerard took a fateful week-long trip to the desert, MCR decided to scrap “Conventional Weapons” and fueled their energy into writing “Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys.” But even as Gerard delved into this new post-apocalyptic version of the Killjoy universe, the comics remained the same. As late as 2011, Gerard claimed in an interview with Artrocker that the comics hadn’t changed at all:

No, none of the characters, even our characters, are in it. It is a completely separate thing, even almost a separate setting. It shares all the ideals behind the record and the theories and the commentary but it is nothing like the videos you have seen. I think the car is probably the only thing that’s the same!

But as the band took on more responsibilities–filming music videos, promoting the album, going on tour–the comics kept getting pushed back. First the release planned for 2010; then it was pushed back to 2011. And while the era had kicked off without a hitch, MCR eventually hit one of the first of many roadblocks: they didn’t have enough money to film the third video. So as Shaun Simon told CBR, the original story featuring Mike Milligram was scrapped, and replaced with the story of the girl and the Ultra Vs:

[A]fter the record, Gerard had built this whole world around the Killjoys. When it came time for the comic, Gerard called me up and said, “We ran out of money. We wanted to make the third video, but we don’t have the money. So do you want to make the idea for that video into a comic?” We started talking about ideas, and we had so many that it turned into this whole series.

In an interview with Paste (2013), Gerard went into more detail about the process:

The deal is that I had written three videos (“Na Na Na,” “Sing,” and “The Only Hope For Me Is You”), and the third video had never gotten made. By the time we had completed the second video, we just ran out of budget money. At the time, somebody was managing us and not keeping an eye on this stuff. Long story short, there was no budget. So I wrote a video, and of course it ends up being the most expensive one, as the last part would usually be. But we couldn’t make it! Killjoys started its life as a very different comic. It was heavily-rooted in nineties Vertigo post-modernism. There’s a lot of very cool, abstract ideas in it; I wouldn’t even call it a superhero book. That (comic) was a visual and thematic inspiration on what would become the album Danger Days. It was pretty loose, though. This was going to be my interpretation of the story, so there’s way more science fiction involved. And what I need to say to the world needed to be a little more direct, so I boiled it down to something that’s still very smart and challenging, but I thought was definitely easier to understand through song or visual. Then (Killjoys artist) Becky Cloonan drew a 7-inch for “The Only Hope For Me Is You,” which was going to be the last video single. I realized I was out of budget, so I said ‘just make this the girl from the first and second video at 15. And have her shave her head or chop her hair off like in The Legend of Billie Jean, because that’s how the video was supposed to start.’ So (Cloonan) sends this drawing over and I’m on tour with Blink 182 in a hotel on an off day. I get this drawing and I’m so immediately blown away by it. I call Shaun, my co-writer and co-creator, and I say ‘open your email, I’m going to send you something.’ I ask him ‘how does this image make you feel?’ We talked for two hours. By the end of the conversation we both realized that that image was the comic, and the third video was basically the comic. So we figured how we were going to make this interesting and exciting for six issues and complete the story. And that was the final direction. It was pretty obvious to us.

In a way, Mike Milligram’s spirit lived on, as fans noticed the similarities between Mike Milligram and Party Poison. But it’s inaccurate to say that Mike Milligram became Party Poison, though “Party Poison’s real name is Mike Milligram” became a persistent rumor in the fandom. Mike’s story was not Poison’s; he wasn’t a post-apocalyptic rebel, but a teenager searching for his identity in modern America.

Will Mike Milligram’s story ever be told? At this point, it’s not likely. But his tale offers a glimpse into the creative minds of Gerard Way and Shaun Simon, and makes us ponder the fact that with a few changes–the comics being released earlier, for instance, or MCR having the money to fund the third video–the comics could have been entirely different.

[kintatsujo]

LoZ AU- The Courage of Running Away PART FIVE

#AU August

#LoZ AU: The Courage of Running Away

The next few legs of Link's journey (with Marla and Tonbo in tow) I'm gonna summarize a little more broadly, less because this AU is already taking up half of AU August and more because my ideas for this next bit are slightly less nailed down.

One of the major ideas I have for the countries on the western part of the continent is that they don't fully recognize Hylia as a goddess per se, and in Labrynna and Holodrum in particular they talk about the Old Goddesses (Nayru, Din and Farore) pretty much interchangeably with figures resembling the Oracles of the same names, even calling them the Oracles instead of the Three Goddesses.

Termina recognizes the Goddesses but also more prominently talks about the Four Giants and the Moon and the shape-shifting Furious God (kind of treating the events of Majora's Mask loosely like mythology)

(I don’t have art for that yet lol)

And of course, everyone respects the Great Fairies, but HOW varies a bit even from town to town.

[Image description: A painted statue of a blonde fairy in a purple and white dress, with blue, red and green along the hem of the skirt.  Her hands are held in greeting.  End ID.]

And so Link and company are traveling from town to town and kind of keep... Helping people. It's a little bit of a series of accidents at first, being in the right places at the right time, rescuing a lost kid here and fighting a monster there, doing a favor for the Maku Tree (who here lives sort of on the border between Holodrum and Labrynna) which would be a greater magnitude of video game quest than some of the others lol

[Image description: A collection of sketches.  One is of a young woman with long hair and a flowing dress seated atop an hourglass, with a small lyre in her lap.  She is labeled “The Statue of Nayru in Lynna City Square.”  Another two are of Zora with very long head tails and thin fins; one has barbels similar to a catfish.  A note nearby reads “Labrynna Zora draw from river fish and ‘longe’, lol” Another is of a rounded reptilian creature with a large eye and a big toothy grin which is labeled ‘A Tokay.’  The last is of a human with long hair and is labeled “Round eared humans are more common on the Western half of the continent.  End ID.]

[Image Description: Another series of sketches.  One is of a Goron with curly shoulder hair and a curly topknot, beard and mustache.  Even his eyebrows curl at the edges.  He is labeled “Rolling Ridge ‘Wooly’ Gorons.  Another is of a Gerudo woman with a slightly pointed ear smiling and talking to an owlike Rito.  Next to the Gerudo is the note that “Holodrum features some of the largest Gerudo communities outside of Gerudo City” and next to the Rito is the note that “Rito are just everywhere.”  The last is of two Zora with nearly nonexistent headtails and thin fins.  It is noted, “Holodrum and Labrynna’s ‘river’ Zora pull from river fish and ‘short,’ lol- basically the goal is to make them ‘feel’ the most like the OG enemy Zora.”  End ID.]

(Note: I haven’t drawn a map but I’m kind of thinking that Rolling Ridge is enough on the border of Labrynna and Holodrum that there’s some confusion about the actual borders and the Gorons probably ignore them to some degree.  The Gerudo having a notable presence in Holodrum kind of just makes sense.  I’ll talk more about the AU version of the Gerudo in a different post.)

But it feels good, getting praised and thanked for handling it your own way, and sometimes Link doesn't even HAVE to use his sword to do it.

The problem is that when people are telling stories about a young blonde Hylian with a sword that swept in and saved your village or talked down an angry herd of lynels (the lynels in this AU are their own post but think of like how lions and horses have their own social structures)

Well, if there's a wrong person to get wind of you, he will.

It's in Holodrum's capitol city of Horon that Link sees the shadow along the ground and looks up to see Hera, Astramorus's loftwing, soaring over the city's streets. And he pulls his hood over his eyes and says "don't look but that's my father's bird up there."

Marla, obviously, looks.

[image Identification: Tonbo, Marla and Link stand in the middle of a diverse crowd.  Marla and Tonbo are looking up but Marla is tilting her head at Tonbo. She has one arm around Link protectively, while Link has pulled a hood mostly over his face and is looking back at her.  Marla says, “Say Tonbo you were talking about maybe visiting that UNDERGROUND CITY, right?”  End ID.]

So they travel down to Subrosia (I know that in the game you needed portals but we're ignoring that because part of the point of this AU is that you don't NECESSARILY need magic to get most places)

Because if you're hiding from a man on a loftwing going underground isn't the least logical thing you could be doing, right?

Subrosia is populated by the mogmas from Skyward Sword as well as the little jawa-like people from Oracle of Seasons because it seems like as good a place for them to show up as any, don’t you think?

[Image Description: an elderly mogma with glasses and a moustache- a mole or rodentlike creature with long arms and a fat tail that it rests its weight on- is discussing something with two small figures in concealing robes, pointing into a bag one of them is holding up for inspection.  End ID.]

Also if Link fights a classic lava boss in this AU he does it here, lol

Link is actually pretty torn up in himself through the whole stay, though; it's hard to appreciate a tour through even the most amazing of underground vistas when you've realized that your abuser is still after you, and is probably never going to give up, and he says as much to his companions once they've calmed things down.

[Image Description: Link, Tonbo, and Marla are sitting by a fireplace across an old mogma lady holding a mug of something hot.  The mogma asks Link "... Well, he was going to take you to meet the Hyrulean royal family before you left, correct?" Link says "yeah." She reasons, "maybe you should beat him there and tell them all the reasons why you don't want anything to do with him. It seems like your best chance."  Link looks into the fire, his mouth tense.)

And that's why they go back topside to figure out how to get across Gerudo Desert and to Hyrule.

Bonus: Grammamogma’s initial concept sketch

[Image description: the old mogma lady from the previous image.  She is wearing a shawl, tiny glasses and a shirt with poofy sleeves.  She has an enormous bun in her hair and long ratlike ears.  She is sitting on her tail like a pillow.]

[chicoriii]

Season 4, Episode 2 - Mensonge (Lies)

Welcome again. I had been logged out from Tumblr for the whole weekend, because I was afraid of untagged spoilers, as I've seen one screenshot here accidentally, fortunately it wasn't spoilerish. And I've watched the Lies today. Again without reading other's people opinion about the episode, so I probably write things that have been said before.

I enjoyed it more than Truth. But not because it's better written, I think the overall quality of both is similar. Lies is about characters I care about more, so it's natural that the episode is automatically more interesting to me. I dislike both Luka and Jagged (to be fair the only member of the Couffaine family I like is Juleka) and that would be hard to make me caring about them, the best thing I could say about any of those characters is that I tolerate them on screen. Sometimes. Don't get me wrong, Truth was the best episode for Luka and Jagged, but they are still dull and/or annoying to me. Creators need to develop son-father relationship more to make me interested in it, that arc was too shallow in Truth.

But the post is about Adrigami episode, not Lukanette one.

I'm surprised that we got only one not very long scene with civilian Marinette. But not surprised that she's still pining over Adrien. Just like Chat is pining over Ladybug. As I'm keeping saying, it's not gonna change. But really, Marinette thinks that Adrien's life is perfect? She should know that tight schedule could be a big problem and has she forgotten what terrible father is Gabriel? Of course she doesn't know details we know, but she should be aware that he isn't as good parent like her own. So probably her enamored brain can't see bad sides of life of her loved one. She still can't think rational when it comes to him. Another reason why she should stop putting him on a pedestal. We need some friendly Adrienette so badly, we need to see Adrien telling her more bad things in his life. He isn't used to complain, but I think he needs to tell someone the truth about his family life. I hope Marinette will be that person.

I had been tired of clown Chat in Truth, but this episode lets us to see the situation from his point of view and now I understand more why he behaves like that. I think that he tries to hide from Ladybug how much he miss spending time with her that way. He is aware that's because of her new responsibility and he doesn't want to make her feel bad for it. Those scenes were so sweet. How much Chat wants an Akuma to appear just to see his lady. Not very noble, but I can't blame him. It only shows that Adrien is a normal human being. We all are selfish from time to time and it's healthy (you only have to find a good balance, being as selfish as Chloé and as selfless as Luka is not good).

Geez, why they can't put the right title of the piece? That's a different composition than that one used back in season 2, but the smartphone's screen says the same. And none of them is actually Raindrop Prelude. This is Raindrop Prelude. They are not even any of Chopin's preludes. I won't be surprised if both are not Fryderyk Chopin's compositions either (although I haven't heard all the solo piano pieces composed by him, so I can't be sure). I love classical music, so I'd love to know what pieces Adrien's playing! By the way, I recommend to listen to all of the 24 preludes, they are usually very short but interesting compositions. If you're too lazy to listen to all, check out number 20 at least, that's a pure, very atmospheric, beauty. One of my favourites melodies ever created.

I have always thought that Adrigami has more chemistry and it's generally more entertaining to watch than Lukanette (sorry stans, but you probably don't even follow me and read my posts,  there's a reason why I'm warning that my blog is not Luka and Lukanette friendly in its description). I feel that in this episode as well. Absolutely it's not a perfect relationship and it can't be, as Adrien is still into Ladybug. It's clear that Kagami is the one who really cares, Adrien is more distant. It seems that he's abashed of Kagami's physical intimacy, like he can't be open to her when he's still in love with Ladybug. That was really sad to hear Kagami's words that she's lying to be more often with him and he lies to not spend time with her. But relationship can't work if only one side is invested in it and they both need to learn it. They have some things in common, I like how they spending time together, so I'm sure they would work much better as friends. I'm sorry for Kagami and I wish her a better boyfriend who would love her truly. In some way it was a repeat of Truth, as we've seen Adrien leaving Kagami all of sudden, because of Akuma's attacks, but this time it's not as heavily portrayed like it's not working only because of superhero responsibility, that I didn't like in the previous episode. Another reason why I liked how Adrigami is shown more.

I really, really loved that we've learnt something new about Kagami and that's amazing it's something I have in common with her. I'm really surprised, since she didn't seem to have an artistic soul before. I also love seeing she likes draw animals, it's like me, I'm trying practise it. I enjoy drawing animals (and creatures like Kwamis or Pokémon) more than humans. But at the same time I feel angry at her mother. How could she dare to say that Kagami isn't good enough? Trying to kill a child's hobby is always unforgivable. She's much better than me (I'm a little jealous, but that's not the first time when a teen has much better skill than me), but my family and some others I know in real life often say that I'm talented and some people try to convince me to take pay commissions. That’s me who knows the best than I'm not skilled enough to take money for my art (they don't know really good artists in person and they don’t draw themselves, so no wonder they are not aware that my works aren't that good they think). Maybe some day, but not now, so I only enjoy drawing gifts for others. I'm also got interested in a real French artist she mentioned - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec and I've seen some of his works. Very good for Miraculous for mentioning artist like him, I have never heard about him before, but maybe French students learn about him in school.

Seeing Adrien making Chat's pose was hilarious. I'm sure it's food for true selves trope supporters, but I also agree with Kagami that both model poses and Chat's poses are not ALL Adrien poses. He's more than that. That seemed like he has problems with being natural when he's on the pressure. He's learned how to make model poses, but I also think that when he is in full clown mode is also an act. But that's a mask which he has putted all by himself. In which he tries to be as much different than his public image as he can. Of course being dorky is also a true Adrien side, but not all the time. Being just a cute and polite boy is also true him. It seems that Adrien is not aware of it.

Marinette's lucky charm bracelet is an akumatised object once more. That and the fact she was asking him what he was doing on the boat tell us that Kagami probably think that Adrien is in love with Marinette (it could make also her wonder what stop them from being together if she knows that Marinette likes him as well).

I also liked her reaction to imminent breaking up more. It's more human reaction in my opinion. Some anger, but not too much. She says she doesn't want to see him for a while and that's completely understandable. Adrien has broken her heart, so she need some time to take care of herself without being interrupted by him. I'm going to say something that could be seen controversial, but in my opinion her attitude is way more healthy than Luka's. He still waits for a girl who clearly likes another boy much, but she's trying to really give up on him. And I would like to see a scene in which she says him that Marinette is not worth his waiting, he should be open for another love instead. Uff, I was really worried that they might kill Adrien and Kagami characters. But nothing really bad happened in the episode between them, everything was in-character. Of course salters will still find reasons to hate Kagami, they can say she's possessive towards him (that's true to some extent, but I think it's not really toxic, as she's still cares about his true feelings).

I need to say that Lies is the worst S4 Akuma design we've seen till now. Riposte and Oni-chan were much better. Also the battle was the worst part of this episode in my opinion. It wasn't completely bad, but it felt somewhat boring to me. I definitely enjoyed fights against Truth and Furious Fu more. The thing about that I liked the most what how they made use of Fang.

So the season 4 version of Chat Noir's transformation theme is exactly the same they used in the Shanghai special. It wasn't obvious, since Ladybug's one is a different one than that in the show. I noticed that that Ladybug's theme feels more like a new composition which only uses parts of an original version, while Chat's is clearly "just" an arrangement of the theme we know since season 1. Maybe that's because it's supposed to symbolise that she has even more responsibility now, as she's the Guardian as well. Chat's role hasn't changed that much as hers. I also think the new arrangement sounds cooler, it's more electric guitar-driven. I can't wait to get any of the episodes in which there's his transformation sequence with 5.1 audio to rip it.

All three released episodes are nice for Ladynoir a lot, their scenes are all sweet and wholesome. It almost feel like Ladynoir is close to happen. But I feel that's just calm before the storm. Marinette hasn't reached to her worst moment yet. I'm sure Ladybug will have more breakdowns like that in the season 3 finale.

Three episodes aired and I'm not amazed by any of them. But I don't want to be salty, I'm not worried about that. That's true for season 3 as well, I enjoy the second part of the season more as well. It's important to save the best episodes for later. And I have never expected that I would love all the S4 episodes, despite of pre-release statements, it's impossible. I'm not disappointed. Yet. Just give me some Adrienette food. Please.

[destiniesfic]

132 Hours, Chapter 8:

“Are you scared of me?”

He lets out a nervous little laugh. “Are you decent?”

Previous

Note: There’s a bit of mature 🔞 content in this chapter. This fic is rated E on AO3 for a reason, so please keep that in mind. Thank you!

Read chapter 8 on AO3, or read below:

Heat steals over me slowly, like fog rolling in from the ocean overnight. I have a hard time falling asleep because it hovers at the edge of my senses; a tension headache pressing at the front of my skull, the flipping of my stomach, all compounded by the aching of my injured leg. I toss and turn a little, but not much, because with Cardan next to me there isn’t much room, and I don’t really want to kick him and alert his attention.

His sleep is also restless. I’ll hear his breathing even out, and then he’ll jerk awake, suddenly, with a little startled sound, his elbow brushing my arm, the mattress shifting under him. I didn’t think someone like him would be prone to nightmares, but I guess our situation would test anyone’s psyche. A couple of days ago I would have asked, resentfully, what Cardan would even have nightmares about, but I am learning that his life is not nearly as charmed as it seems.

We must manage to sleep sometime in the early morning hours, and it is then that my heat breaks. I know it’s begun when I wake up. The room is pregnant with it, in the same way the air grows heavy and humid just before a lightning strike. I am aware of every part of my body in a way I usually try not to be: the muscles of my thighs tensing; the prickly three-day hair growth under my armpits; sweat collecting between my breasts; an urgent cramping in my lower belly that I know—with dismay—is ovarian, not uterine; a desperate, disastrous need layered in with it all.

And I am aware of Cardan.

He is fast asleep. I know that for certain, even without listening to the rhythm of his breathing, because he would never be doing this if he weren’t. He’s wrapped himself around me like a boa constrictor, an arm clamped over my waist, a leg slung over my thigh. His hand rests on the sliver of exposed skin where my tank top has hiked up, and his palm seems to burn cold. His lips press against the crown of my head in the mockery of a kiss, his sleep-breath ruffling my hair.

Part of him, however, is very much awake, unmistakably pressed up against my ass, and although I have never handled one of those on purpose I am not so ignorant or inexperienced as to not know what’s going on.

For a moment I feel as though I have left my body entirely, suspended in a weightless space between desire and panic. After that, his hand slides a little further up under the fabric of my shirt and there is nothing I want more than for him to touch me, to cup my breast, to let his fingers slide under the waistband of my shorts. And I think, Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

And I think, What if we get it over with?

But there is no “getting it over with,” because if we start we won’t stop, not for days, not until my heat runs its course and his rut burns away. And, with a flash of shame, with a clench in my stomach, I remember Valerian trying to pin my arms and his sour breath against my cheek as he asked me the same question. Why not get it over with? “Omegas are good for one thing,” he said. “You don’t seem to have figured that out yet.” My heartbeat rabbiting in my chest as for one terrible second I wondered if he was right.

“Cardan,” I whisper. Yesterday I had kicked him awake, but I am too frozen now even for that.

Cardan groans sleepily into my hair. His grip around my waist tightens and his hips press harder against mine and my mind completely whites out at the deep throb of dreadful want that responds. I take a deep breath, count to three, and force myself to reach back and pinch him.

I feel the moment he wakes, because every part of him stiffens. Well, every part that wasn’t already stiff.

“Shit,” he breathes, and he scrambles off of me and across the room so quickly that I am forced to wonder whether he was even there, even as I feel his invisible handprint on my waist.

I roll onto my back. Cardan is now once again in what I’ve come to think of as “his corner.” Although I try not to look at his groin, my eyes seem drawn there, and his jeans are very tight, but out of embarrassment or shame or something else he has arranged his legs so that I can’t see and tugs his loose shirt down.

“So,” he says. “Uh. Morning.”

I don’t know what to say. My mouth feels like a desert. Images of—of all things—prairies at the height of the Dust Bowl that had been printed in one of my middle school history textbooks flash across my mind. Maybe I am delirious.

“It’s started,” I manage.

“Yeah, I got that.” Cardan gestures vaguely, at himself, at the room. He is in sharp focus for me in a way that nothing else is. A rivulet of sweat trickles down his neck. I want to lick it.

I am astonished that he can just sit there in his corner, although he seems more closed-off than usual. I can vaguely recall my first heat and the urge to act, even if I was too miserable to do much and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Now I know exactly what it is that I want to do. And the pheromones rolling off of me should be sending him into a rut, and alpha ruts are supposed to be a basically unstoppable force. Before suppressants, terrible things would happen if an omega was caught out in an unexpected heat with alphas around. When we woke up I thought his had been triggered, based on the erection and now the sweat. But he’s in his corner, and he isn’t coming closer.

I must really repulse him if he can resist it like that. Normally, this would just irritate me. Now, I want to yell. I want to cry.

“I...” I begin, but then I am hit with another cramp and a chill settles under my skin. Evolutionarily speaking, the purpose of heat is to mate, and there’s logic to making my life unpleasant if I don’t do that, to ensure survival of the species. Everything goes slightly sideways and makes me a little cold-blooded; if an alpha were here to help me regulate my temperature, I would be fine. But my body has caught onto the fact that Cardan is across the room instead of pressed up against me and it says Hey, no, that’s what we want, as if it can decide those things unilaterally. And its main method of protest is to set everything on fire.

I can relate.

As the fever blooms, so does the sensitivity in my every nerve. I feel the underwire of my bra digging into my ribs, the stiffness of my denim shorts and the tickling of stray threads where they have been intentionally distressed. With an urgent gasp, I unzip my sweatshirt and pull it off before reaching up under the back of my tank.

“What are you doing?” Cardan asks, panicked.

I struggle with the clasp of my bra for another second before unhooking it and slipping my arms out of the straps. I pull it out from under my tank top and fling it across the room like it might bite me. “It fucking hurts,” I say between clenched teeth. I start on the button of my shorts.

Cardan covers his face with one large hand. “These are really mixed signals you’re giving off, um, right now. Are you getting naked? Please don’t be naked. I don’t know what’ll happen.”

There’s a waver in his voice that keeps him from sounding aloof and sarcastic. I sit up to slide my shorts down my legs and toss them beside my bra, then put my sweatshirt back on and pull the blanket back up. It’s scratchy, but I have to get warm. “Not naked.” I pause. “Are you scared of me?”

He lets out a nervous little laugh. “Are you decent?”

“Yeah.”

But I am watching his fingers closely as he lowers them from his face. My tongue wets my dry lips, and I wish they were his. Then there’s another cramp, and I feel—oh no. I feel the worst thing of all, because it feels like I’ve wet myself, when really it’s an entirely different category of bodily fluid. My underwear is soaked.

I’m glad I took off my shorts, I think deliriously. It would be such a pain to get this out of denim.

In this terrible moment, I am unable to believe that I have ever hated Cardan. Just looking at him is an experience as visceral as being punched in the gut. I look at his mouth and my lips tingle with the thrill of imagining how a kiss would feel. I look at his long fingers and press my thighs together to stop phantom versions of them from slipping inside of me. I am incoherent with want, absolutely stupid with it, and the last remaining shred of my sanity is the only thing keeping me from crawling over to him and stripping off his shirt.

That and the absolute mortification, because it feels like my entire body clenches again and another rush of fluid follows. I let out an involuntary whimper; my face burns hot with shame. At least he can’t see what’s going on down there with my legs under the blanket. I don’t know what he can smell.

“I’m gonna—” Cardan begins, his eyes darting around the room for some kind of solution to our problem. “I’m— I can’t stay in here.”

I make myself nod. Of course he can’t. As much as I am slowly being consumed by base instincts, I am still here, and the part of me that is me understands that. He can’t stay in here, because something will happen, and he doesn’t want—neither of us want—anything to happen. Of course.

“But we can’t let them in here,” he says, under his breath. “I can’t let them get you. So. Okay.” He nods. “Right. Okay. I’m gonna come over there for like two seconds. Don’t move or do anything or— okay?”

“Okay,” I say. I don’t even think about what it means that I’m going along with what he says. I’m just glad one of us has a plan.

Cardan draws a breath, steeling himself, and crawls over to me. It isn’t very far. I make myself look up at the ceiling so I can’t check whether he’s still hard and pretend to ignore him, even though I can’t not be hyper aware of his presence. He pauses at the side of the mattress and takes another breath.

“Right,” he says. “Sit up for a second.”

I do. To my surprise, he adjusts my pillow, then reaches beyond it to get the one he’d slept on. He moves to put it under my head, then says, “Oh, shit, wait, your leg,” and changes his mind, moving down the mattress to prop my left foot up on it. Then he asks me to lie back down and begins tucking both blankets around me, fitting them tightly to my body.

“We have to like, smother it, right?” he says. There’s a manic quality to his voice, like he’s on the verge of babbling. “We can’t let them smell you. So if we trap the smell in the blankets, maybe…”

“That’s smart,” I say.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Although I’m afraid it’s also useless at this point. The stale air in here is already saturated with both of our scents. Cardan’s is muskier than usual today, cocoa and earth and… I break out in a fresh round of sweat, but my body also calms down a little at having him nearer, at the possibility that something might happen.

He pauses when he tucks the blankets around my shoulders, his eyes, dark as black coffee, finding mine. If I look closely enough, I can tell where his irises end and his pupils begin. They’re blown wide, although that could just be because it’s so dark in here. Still, I am captivated by the arc of his eyelashes when his eyes flick toward my lips.

“Jude,” he says quietly. The sweat is making his hair curl even more than usual. I want to mess it up so badly. I want to be kissed. I have never wanted anything more. Valedictorian, college acceptances, acknowledgment of my accomplishments, all of those wants vanish in the face of Cardan and his perfect Cupid’s bow, his full lower lips.

For one long, tense minute, we are not moving, breathing the same air. Then there is a quiet knock at the door, an almost fluttery beat, like that of a hummingbird’s wings. It’s the Bomb’s knock.

Cardan jerks back from me like he’s been hit with a sudden electric shock. “Okay,” he says, reassuring himself. “You’re as far away from the door as you can be. It’ll have to be enough. I just— won’t let them in. Yeah.”

He stands, looking down at me one more time, and then turns away. I see him subtly adjust himself before moving to stand in front of the door, blocking the entrance.

“Jude’s sick,” he calls.

The door swings open immediately.

Cardan doesn’t move. I peer at the doorway. Behind the Bomb’s slight form, I can make out the Roach, halfway to standing from his chair at the table.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asks.

“Fever,” Cardan lies.

“I should get the Ghost,” the Bomb says. I guess it’s a credit to how scared they are of Madoc that she sounds properly worried. “If her wound’s infected—”

“Then he fucked up. That’s exactly why you shouldn’t get him.” Cardan sounds properly commanding and haughty, an alpha born. You would never know he is actually nervous. I’m not sure whether I should be impressed or afraid that he’s such a good liar.

Because, of course, the reason not to get the Ghost is that he’s a likelier alpha than the Bomb. Because Cardan has made the same calculation I have: that the Bomb, a petite woman, is probably not a threat to me.

The Bomb frowns. “Did you check her leg?”

“Well, no…”

“Might as well, before we bother him,” says the Roach. “You know how he likes it up there in his perch.”

I send up a silent thank you to whoever might be listening. Cardan moves aside to let the Bomb enter, turning to watch her approach. When the Roach comes to the doorway, Cardan subtly shifts his weight to block half the entrance with his shoulder. If the Roach notices, he doesn’t remark on it.

“Jude,” says the Bomb, crouching down at my side in the space that Cardan had just occupied. “You okay?”

I blink and wrench my gaze over to her. I try to think of what I would normally say. After all, one time I went to school with a one hundred and two degree fever so as not to miss a history test. I only got sent home because I nearly fainted in gym. Our kidnappers wouldn’t know that, but they do know I downplayed being shot. That’s enough.

“I’m fine,” I grit out. “He’s exaggerating.”

Cardan rolls his eyes. The Bomb frowns. I am relieved that even this close, her scent does absolutely nothing for me, but maybe that’s because Cardan’s still lingers in the air. “Well, you don’t look fine.” She puts a hand to my forehead and the frown deepens. “Yeah, definitely warm. I’m going to take a look at your leg.”

I nod, although I don’t particularly want anyone crawling around anywhere near my lower body. Luckily, when she pulls the blankets aside, it’s only to my knee. “Hmm,” she says. “Nothing’s bleeding through. I don’t see anything weird.” She glances back at the door, and a look passes between her and the Roach that I don’t understand. “I’m going to unwrap it for a sec.”

“Fine,” I repeat.

Even though I do try to keep still while she does it, I can’t help but glance down. The wound looks okay. It’s scabbed over, and the skin is raw and pink at the borders, but it’s clearly healing normally. The Bomb rewraps my leg with steady hands, although not as well as the Ghost had.

“Well?” Cardan asks. Impatient, irritated. He wants everyone out of the room. “How is she?”

“Her leg’s okay,” the Bomb reports. Does anybody else realize the way they’re responding to him? Answering his questions, responding to physical cues? The chemical signals he’s sending out might not be driving anybody else here crazy, but they’re certainly having some effect, and nobody seems to know but me.

“Maybe a virus,” the Roach suggests. “Something you guys brought in with you.”

Cardan forces his face into a grimace. “I probably shouldn’t be locked in a tiny cell with her, then.”

“You might already have it, kid.”

“I feel fine.”

The Bomb and the Roach exchange another glance.

“C’mon,” Cardan presses. “I’ll be good. Plus, I kind of want to learn how to shuffle cards like you do. I’ve never seen anybody’s hands move that fast.”

I am forced to give Cardan a little credit here. I had noticed the Roach playing Solitaire, but I hadn’t really paid attention to anything else he did with the cards. And flattery is definitely a tool I haven’t mastered.

The Roach considers this, pressing his lips together. “All right,” he says at last. “You can sit across from me while the Bomb picks up some medicine for her. But so much as one sneeze and you’re back in the room.”

“Deal,” says Cardan, who glances at me. I try to force my face to remain neutral, even though, now that he’s on the verge of leaving, everything in me is screaming for him to stay. But it’s the right thing for him to go. He doesn’t want me, I don’t know what I want, and if he stays the decision will be made for us. I still ache at the idea of him leaving. Or maybe that’s just the fever.

So Cardan, and the Roach, and the Bomb all go, and I am alone. I don’t even hear anyone secure the deadbolt. I must look really wretched if they think I won’t try to escape again.

They’re right.

I turn back onto my side, wrapping the blankets tighter around me. I don’t know how much time I have before the Bomb returns, but it has to be more time than I need for this. I shove my right hand into my underwear, which is already soaked, as I know the blankets probably are and the mattress is. I should probably treat my own body with a little more care, but I can’t exactly light candles or run a warm bath, and it’s not like I ever go easy on myself.

At first I just try to look at the wall as I work, try to concentrate on the building of sensation between my thighs, but my mind keeps skipping like an old record, and every skip reminds me of the way Cardan’s dick felt against my ass. Which does arouse me more, but also makes me nervous. Alphas are supposed to be well-endowed, but I can’t imagine it fitting. I know there is a hole in me, but it’s metaphorical—the gaping maw that feeds on my accumulated trauma so I don’t have to deal with it—and while I also know biology facts like “the vaginal canal lengthens during arousal” it just doesn’t seem plausible. And anyway, none of this is sexy.

So I end up thinking about his fingers instead, even though I don’t want to think about any part of him at all. His long fingers, which are always moving, drumming on his knee, scratching at the wall, running through his hair. I think about how he said he knew his way around sex things and wonder if he could do a better job than I am doing right now. Would he be rough with me, like alphas are known to be? Or would he be gentle, with the same odd tenderness he’d shown when he tucked my hair behind my ear?

I don’t know why I break on that thought—I will never have that, he doesn’t want to give it to me, I will never know—but I do. Climax feels like shattering into a million tiny pieces. I muffle myself with the pillow, tasting dry cotton.

My face is wet, but not with sweat. I am crying. And because no one is here, I let myself cry, pretending that it’s just another symptom. That it can’t be helped. I let the tears come until they’re out of my system and my well of despair has run dry.

Then I settle in for a long and terrible day.

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