#it's okay if not! but like. . .penelope deserves love y'all

[shmaptainwrites]

3 Meals & Dessert [Aaron Hotchner]

Pairings: Aaron Hotchner x fem!Reader

Characters: Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Jack Hotchner

Words: 3.4K

Summary: Hotch loves to cook for you, breakfast, lunch, dinner, or dessert

Warnings: some swearing maybe, allusions to sex

A/N: okay soft!Hotch for y'all because that's what you deserve (and the gif was like the only food related one I could find sjsjsj)

Breakfast

The only thing worse than waking up to an empty bed on weekdays was waking up to one on the weekend.

You groaned turning to your side, seeing the messed up sheets thinking Hotch was called into work until you heard the loud clatter of dishes downstairs followed by an emphatic,

“Shit!”

And you sighed contently, as odd as it was. But if there were dishes clattering and swearing downstairs that meant he was home.

You pushed yourself out of bed with a small grunt, tugging Hotch’s shirt down slightly, grabbing your cell phone and walking downstairs, leaning in the stairwell when you saw him leaning over a recipe book.

“Trying something new?” you asked.

Hotch looked up from the book and sighed shaking his head.

“I’m sorry did I wake you?” he asked while you came over to his side, an arm wrapped around your waist, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

“No, but I thought you got called in, don’t scare me like that,” you chided. slapping his chest.

In return, his hand came behind you and tapped your behind, causing you to frown annoyedly.

“Alright Hotchner, what are you cooking for me?”

“Thought maybe I’d try crêpes, but I’m starting to think that was a mistake,” he rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger.

“You’ll manage,” you grinned, stepping up on the top of your toes and pressing a slow drawn-out kiss to his lips, his hands gripping onto your bare waist, exposed from your shirt riding up from wrapping your arms around his neck. “Can I help?” you asked.

“Well if I could I would just have you for breakfast,” he growled and you laughed.

“Aaron,” you said warningly. “I’m hungry, food now and who knows maybe you’ll get a treat later,”

“Oh I’ll get my treat sweet girl,” he held your chin and pulled you up for one more kiss.

In the meantime you jumped up on the counter and watched him work, cracking the eggs into the batter bowl, before staring back at the recipe and swearing again.

“Are we dropping off extra at the office?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “I put three times the number of eggs I needed to,”

“Alright come on let me help,” you insisted.

“Fine, go cut fruit over there,” he pointed to the counter.

“Why? So you can stare at my ass?”

“Maybe,” he muttered and you rolled your eyes, grabbing some strawberries and other fruits from the fridge.

“Aaron,” you whined after a good two hours. “I’m hungry when the hell is this gonna be done,” you tugged at his quarter-zip sweater, pulling him down for a pleading kiss.

“Almost there sweetheart,” he sighed, wiping the sweat off his brow from the hot stovetop. “Remind me not to do this ever again,”

“What cook for me? Or make crêpes?”

“The crêpes,” he confirmed, motioning to his outfit that he would surely have to change out of after everything that had happened. There were streaks of flour, splotches of batter and berry stains (that one was completely your fault) all over his sweater and it made him wish he had worn an apron.

Ten agonizing minutes later, the food was finally done and he brought a small plate of the French pancakes over to the dining room for the both of you to share.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” you grinned, pulling away from your seat and Hotch gave you a slight frown. He thought he had gotten everything, coffee, tea, maple syrup, whipped cream, fruit, what more could there be?

You came back to the table with a cut lemon and a bowl of… icing sugar?

He watched you carefully as you sprinkled the sugar over your crêpe and then squeezed the lemon juice over it before wrapping it and cutting it in slices, popping a piece in your mouth with a loud sigh.

“These are so-why are you staring at me?” you asked, mouth full of food.

He was looking at you so intently, a small smile tugging at his lips,

“You just, always do the weirdest things with your food,” he noted. “And I love it,”

“I’ll have you know they eat them this way in France,” you got a little defensive despite his second comment. “And I don’t do weird things with my food,” you pouted.

Aaron only chuckled and dipped his finger in the bowl of whipped cream, tapping your nose and letting the small dollop rest there.

You crossed your eyes to look at it, making him laugh even harder when you tried to reach it with your own tongue but failed.

“Come here,” Aaron said, leaning in across the corner of the table. You followed suit and watched as he came closer, carefully pressing a kiss to your nose and taking the whipped cream away with it.

You were about to retort with some comment when you heard the lock click on the door and it was pushed open followed by almost a stampede of people coming into the house.

“Derek? JJ? Penny-guys what the hell are you doing here?” you asked and Hotch looked just as surprised as you.

“You said you had food, you weren’t lying right?” Emily asked.

“We’re starving,” Rossi clarified. “Case just wrapped up and we were all about to go home and make ourselves breakfast but-,”

“You messaged and said you were going to bring extra by the office anyway so we came here,” Garcia finished.

“I knew I shouldn’t have given you that key,” you shook your head at Morgan who only raised his hands in defence and pointed at JJ.

“Don’t look at me, it was her,”

“JJ,” you gasped.

“Sorry, we’re really hungry,” she apologized.

“You gave them keys?” Hotch looked at you curiously, but at the moment everyone was too hungry to pay attention to the unit chief.

“Did you make crêpes?” Reid asked and Hotch nodded his head. “Did you know that crêpes were invented in 13th century Brittany France when a housewife accidentally poured porridge on a hot flat cooktop and back then people wouldn’t waste food no matter what so she ate it and here we are,”

You smiled at that with a small chuckle, looking over at Hotch to see what he thought.

“Alright, pull up some chairs, plates are in that cupboard and forks and knives in that drawer,” he nodded, motioning for them to all come around and join you both.

Garcia was on plates while Emily grabbed extra forks and knives and the rest pulled up chairs tightly around the dining room table.

Food was passed around, dishes clattered and relieved non-work-related chatter filled the room. You glanced over at Hotch, his hand placed on your thigh, a smile adorning your face. He looked over at you and you felt him give your leg a small squeeze, that silent look in his eyes you knew all too well as I love you.

—

Lunch

“God I’m starving,” you let your head fall against your desk. “I’m tired and exhausted and hungry and starving,”

“You just said the same thing twice, and then another thing twice again,” Reid noted.

“It was to accentuate my point,” you rolled your head to the side to look at the young doctor.

“Hotch your girl’s hungry!” Morgan yelled across the office and you slapped him while he walked by.

Hotch came over, some papers and books in his hands as he approached you.

“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked and you thought back to that morning where you were almost late for work.

“No,” you shook your head.

“Had something to drink?”

You shook your head again.

He sighed, putting down his things next to you and resting his hand on your shoulder,

“I’m gonna go make you something to eat quickly,”

“Aaron you have to work-,”

“No it’s fine,” he assured you.

“Thank you,” you settled on, watching as he walked over to the kitchenette to pull something together from what was in the fridge.

“The day I get myself a man like that,” Garcia sighed, watching the events unfold in front of her.

“Yeah he really is a dream,” you nodded, not breaking your glance from him. He had removed his suit jacket and flicked his tie over his shoulder. It was probably a rare sight for the rest of the agents working in the building to see the Unit Chief so casual, cooking even if it was only what looked like a grilled cheese sandwich from where you were sitting.

While you were waiting Morgan had brought you some water and instructed you to drink it, saying it was probably contributing to your headache which contributed to your exhaustion.

You really needed to learn to take care of yourself better, but then again this was coming from the person who faked not being sick so they could go on a case.

Yeah, everyone was mad about that one when they found out.

No more than ten minutes later, Hotch was walking back to your side with a sandwich on a plate placed in front of you.

“That should keep you until dinner,” he said, “We can order before we leave tonight so we don’t have to make anything when we get home,”

“You’re a doll,” you said, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

He pulled up a chair, grabbing the papers he had left by your desk so he could go over them with you, that was his plan initially even though it was stalled to make you a little something to eat.

While he spoke you dug around your desk for a knife and when you finally found one you lined it up over your grilled cheese sandwich and cut it with a large X in the centre. Corner to corner.

You heard Hotch’s voice fade to silence and you sighed.

“What did I do this time?” you asked and he looked like he was trying to hold back a snort. “Aaron,”

“You don’t have to cut it like that you know,” he said motioning to the sandwich with his eyes. “You’re not giving it to Jack,”

“I know that,” you said. “What? Is it a crime to want my grilled cheese cut in triangles?”

“But you’re not a kid,” he poked.

“Aaron can I eat my tiny grilled cheese triangles you so lovingly made me in peace?!” you exclaimed with a chuckle, not sure where the heck all of this was coming from. “Seriously, do you not cut your grilled cheese when you eat it?”

Hotch shook his head and you looked desperately over to Reid who did the same, then Morgan.

“Sorry baby girl, you’re on your own,”

“Okay fine I’m the weird one, happy?” you huffed, eating the small piece of your sandwich with a huff. “But you can’t tell me it isn’t more enjoyable eating it this way. You guys are just too busy being adults to let your kid-side show every once in a while. At least I know how to have a little fun,”

Hotch smiled at that, leaning in towards you, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before whispering,

“And that’s why I love you, my sweet girl,”

And well, you didn’t want to admit it, but after that, you could look past a little teasing.

—

Dinner

“(N/N) this is supposed to be my gift to you, I can’t very well make you dinner if you keep trying to pull me away,” Aaron stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I understand that, but it’s our anniversary,” you said. “Just one dance? The music is already playing, the food is simmering on the stove, just one three minute song,”

He sighed and nodded, taking off his apron, still in his work clothes (jacket and tie discarded somewhere most likely) and coming over to the living room where you had already moved the coffee table to create some room for you to be able to dance together.

His arms wrapped themselves around your waist while yours found their favourite spot around his neck, laying your head to rest against his chest as you swayed from side to side listening to the slow jazz music playing from the stereo. Aaron said it gave the house a nice ambiance, but you knew deep down he just liked to listen to music while he was cooking.

“You steal a recipe from Dave?” you asked.

“Of course I did,” he nodded like there was no question about it. “That’s why it’s going so smoothly his instructions leave no margin for error,”

“Good then it’ll be perfect,” you teased. “Now as long as I’m sure not to message anyone that we have food here we should be able to eat in peace,”

“That we should,” he nodded and your quiet dancing was interrupted by the sound of the oven beeping and with a sad sigh from you and an apologetic kiss from Aaron he broke away from you to grab the garlic bread from the oven and take the pasta sauce off the heat.

“Alright, let me just bring this all over and we should be ready to dig in,” he grinned, wiping hands on the dishtowel.

“Aaron honey I think I have a better idea,”

Even though he had prepared a very nice romantic table setting for the two of you he had to admit he did like your idea much better.

You fixed up one large plate of food and took it upstairs grabbing the remote for the TV while Aaron fixed up the pillows.

You curled up next to him while he had the small TV dinner table set up in front of you with the plate of food and some cutlery.

“Shoot I forgot another fork and spoon,” he sighed, about to stand to grab it and you shook your head, pushing him back down.

“One is more than enough, we can share,” you chuckled and he smiled. “And you can pick what we watch, that’s my gift to you,” you joked.

“Oh Liverpool is playing Manchester City right now,” he quickly switched the channels and tossed the remote to the side of the bed while you started to eat the food.

“What colour are we cheering for?” you asked.

“White jerseys,” he instructed and you nodded, seeing how intensely he was staring at the screen. It was almost cute.

You could see in his eyes he was trying to tone down his movements and cursing, otherwise, the spaghetti would be all over the bed.

“Aaron, you haven’t taken a bite yet, try your own food,” you placed a forkful against his mouth and he chuckled, opening up so he could eat the food.

“Thank you, Dave,” he said quietly with his mouth full and you chuckled.

“Yes, we’ll have to thank him when we’re back at work,” you nodded. “More?’ you asked, now shoving some garlic bread into his mouth.

“(Y/N)-,” his voice was muffled and you tried to stifle a laugh, but the sight of Unit Chief Hotchner with garlic bread sticking out of his mouth like an oversized cigar.

You couldn’t help but snort, tucking your face into his shoulder, hiding your laughter terribly as he could feel it vibrate off you while he shook his head, biting the bread and taking the remainder out of his mouth and putting it on the plate and wiping his face with one of the napkins.

“You sure this was the kind of anniversary dinner you wanted?” he asked and you nodded your head emphatically.

“Any day I get to see goofy Aaron is a good day,”

“Really?” he asked, the soccer game completely forgotten at this point.

You nodded and watched as he removed the small table from the bed and placed himself on top of you, his fingers finding the sensitive part of your waist and tickling you.

“Aaron!” you gasped, squirming under his touch while he bent his head down to press small nipping kisses against your neck, making you laugh even louder, almost gasping for air.

He stopped and your body stopped moving, finally relaxing and your breathing heavy.

“You’re going to pay for that one,” you pointed up to his face that had a cheeky smirk.

“Really my sweet girl? I thought you loved goofy Aaron though,”

“Not at that expense,” you gave him a breathy chuckle, food long forgotten.

“Well then, maybe we can try something a little different for dessert,” he winked and you grinned, pulling him in for a quick kiss so abruptly that he fell right on top of you. But when he laid there in your arms, the sweet sound of his laughter ringing in your ears everything felt right.

—

Dessert

“Alright Jack so you have the icing ready?” you asked and turned to look at the boy with his father only to see little bits of blue frosting around the young boy’s mouth and a hasty Aaron trying to hide the evidence. “Not so fast there Hotchner,” you ran over to the two of them quickly. “Jack open up,” you gave him a look and he did, showing his blue-dyed tongue.

Aaron was about to walk away but you stopped him.

“You too, open up,” you pointed to his mouth.

He sighed and stuck out his tongue, revealing some of the blue dye that had been left there from trying the icing.

“I thought I taught you both better,” you shook your head and sighed.

“You think if we give her a kiss she might forget about it?” he whispered not so discreetly to his son.

“(N/N)!” Jack said loudly, holding his arms out to be picked up and you obliged, his arms wrapped around your neck and legs around your waist.

“Yes Jack?” you asked with a grin.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and pressed a smacking kiss to your cheek.

“Me too sweet girl,” Aaron said, now wrapping his arms around you both so Jack was sandwiched in between you two and ducked down so his dad could give you a sweet kiss.

“Oh alright, I guess all is forgiven,” you sighed. “Come on, the cupcakes are ready for the frosting now,” you said and Aaron grabbed the bowl while you brought Jack with you to the counter, placing him on a stool and handing him a plastic knife so he could decorate the cupcakes and pick whatever assortment of sprinkles he wanted.

It seemed he and Aaron had a bit of a system, Jack would frost the cupcakes and Aaron would decorate them, carefully placing sparkles on them, almost as if he was trying to write something out.

“Can I see?’ you asked and he quickly turned away.

“Not until they’re done,” he shook his head. “We’ll be quick, right Jack?”

Jack nodded and you let them do your thing, picking up one of the cupcakes you had decorated and ate it happily.

Now Aaron and Jack were arranging the cupcakes and you could see a large smile on their faces.

“Okay ready,” Aaron said, picking up Jack and moving aside so you could come and see their little masterpiece.

When you glanced down at the words you almost choked on your food. Swallowing quickly you turned around to him, eyes wide.

“Really?” you smiled and he nodded and motioned to Jack with his eyes who was holding a small box to give to you.

You took the box from the small boy’s hands and opened it, seeing the simple sparkling ring inside.

“So that’s why you needed two dozen cupcakes,” you chuckled lightly, wiping the happy tears from your eyes.

“What’s your answer?” Jack asked eagerly, almost looking like he was ready to jump into your arms.

“Yes,” you nodded, placing the ring on your finger. “Yes, yes, yes,” you repeated and the two boys cheered and high-fived and you couldn’t help but laugh at their father-son shenanigans.

“I love you,” you grinned, pressing a kiss to Jack’s forehead then one on your fiance’s lips. “Both of you,”

“We love you too,” Aaron said softly.

“Even though you wouldn’t let us try the icing,” Jack crossed his arms and you shook your head, ruffling his hair.

That was the sweetest dessert of them all.

If you enjoyed this fic please consider reblogging it or commenting! It's the best way to support and keep creators motivated! - mimi

everything:

@wifenumberfour @hotchnerundercover @disgruntledchowchow @itsalonglongwaytobasingse @pachiibatt @calm-thy-breasts @g1nnyslove

aaron hotchner:

@mintpheonix @ssaic-jareau @84hotpockets @pachiibatt @wanniiieeee @enjoymyloves @yoshigguk @kleff03 @witch-with-wifi @justreadingficsdontmindme

[eminems-skittles]

cosplays and crushes [penelope garcia x reader]

penelope garcia x fem!reader warnings: none word count: 2.3k

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

     The hot San Diego sun had started to set on the line full of costume-clad convention goers. Penelope and Spencer, decked out in their Doctor Who and Rose Tyler cosplays, had been camped out since 4 in the afternoon. They just so happened to be in San Diego for a case when Rossi surprised the two nerds with tickets to Comic Con. Hotch had already agreed to giving them the weekend off in order to attend the event, saying they deserved the break and to be around people who understand what they're talking about. After some pushback from Spencer and Penelope, not because they didn't want to go but because they didn't want to be out of state if there was an emergency, they gladly accepted the tickets. The rest of the team, having been aware of the surprise, had already booked hotel rooms at a fancy hotel in San Diego as well. They had all decided that it was time for a well deserved break from their demanding jobs.

   Currently, Spencer and Penelope were in line for the Doctor Who panel. They were surrounded by people who shared their love of the show. While everyone there were all dressed in cosplays and costumes, one specific person caught Penelope's eye. Well, technically, she noticed the girl as soon as they arrived in line. This particular girl had (Y/H/C) and was dressed as (Y/F/C). She was there, apparently by herself. After two hours of constant chatting with Spencer about what they are looking forward too, their theories of previous cases, and Penelope's not so secretive constant checking to see if maybe the beautiful stranger's friends had finally showed up, Penelope had finally gathered the courage to introduce herself to the lonely girl. Spencer, being the expert profiler he is, had already picked up on Garcia's growing curiosity about the lonesome girl.

   Spencer leaned close to Penelope, to ensure that the girl wouldn't hear him, and whispered, "Just talk to her Pen. She won't bite."

   "Aw but I like it when they bite," Penelope whined jokingly, winking at the now blushing Spencer. She pinched his cheek, "Oh ease up, kiddo. I'm kidding. I would talk to her but what if she shoots me down? She is way out of my league. Besides, what am I supposed to say?"

   "Pen, believe me, she is not out of your league. She's here isn't she? You two are in the same league. Just talk to her." Spencer tried to convince her. If the girl they were talking about wasn't so close, Spencer might have also mentioned that he noticed the girl looking at Penelope also. But for now, he'd keep that too himself.

   Penelope took a deep breath, making eye contact with Spencer, who gave her a small reassuring small, before turning around to face the girl. She waved before introducing herself, "Uh, hi! My name is Penelope and this is my friend Spencer! I really like your costume! (Y/F/C) is one of my favorites!"

   "Oh hi!" she waved at spencer slightly before directing her attention back to Penelope. "My name is Y/N! Thank you so much! It took forever to make. I like yours too! Where are you from?"

   "We're from Virginia, we were out here for work and one of our co-workers surprised us with tickets. How about you? Where are you from?"

   "Oh that's awesome! I'm actually from Virginia also! How funny! I live in Richmond for work but when I'm not working I live in (Y/H/T)." Y/N said, her eyes lighting up when she heard that the pretty girl in front of her lived in the same state as her. "If it's not too much to ask, where do you guys live? I'm not a stalker I swear." She added quickly.

   Spencer and Penelope shared an amused look, before laughing slightly.

   "We live in Quantico. Spence and I work for the FBI." Penelope hoped it was okay that she told this stranger that she was an FBI agent. However, Spencer didn't stop her so she assumed it was okay. "What do you do for work?"

    "Oh well I am an elementary school teacher so when school is session, I live in Richmond but during summer I go back home to help out my family. It's not the best situation but I make it work," She laughed slightly. Penelope decided then and there that she loved Y/N's laugh. "Anyway, what do y'all do for the FBI, that is if you're allowed to say."

   "Well I am a tech analyst for the Behavioral Analyst Unit, or the BAU as we call it. So I basically research suspects, victims, open cases, stuff like that and send it to the team." Penelope explains, being careful not to spill too much about her job.

   "And I'm a profiler for the BAU. So while Penelope is at the office, the other agents and I are in the field, examining crime scenes and catching serial killers and bad guys," Spencer explained.

   "Wow, you guys have such cool and important jobs." Y/N said.

   "Yeah, I guess we do," Penelope said, smiling brightly at Y/N. "So are you here by yourself?"

   "Unfortunately. My girlfriend was supposed to come but uh she broke up with me two weeks ago and it was too late to refund the tickets. I needed time away from there anyway" Y/N looked sad as she explained. Penelope looked at Spencer, her eyes silently pleading with him. Spencer looked at Y/N, then at Penelope, before slightly nodding his head.

   "Oh no! I'm so sorry, hon! If you'd like, you can stick with Spencer and I. We're staying at the main hotel with our coworkers. You are more than welcome to join us!" Penelope said, silently cursing herself for sounding so eager. How she already managed to have feelings for this girl so fast was beyond her. Normally, it took her a few days before developing feelings for someone. Yet here she was, having the most mundane conversation with this random girl.

    Thoughts started zooming around in Penelope's brain. Surely it has to be fate that they were both here. Penelope never planned on going to Comic Con until a few days ago. She didn't even plan on going to this panel because she had thought they missed it. And yet, here she was, talking with the prettiest girl she had ever seen. She almost couldn't form proper sentences. Y/N's smile seemed to cause her brain to short-circuit.

    "Are you sure? I don't want to impose. This is your guys vacation." Y/N hesitantly said.

     "It's fine, really, Y/N. It would be fun. Comic Con isn't a place to be alone at." Spencer cut in, a small smile stretching across his face. This was the first time he had seen Penelope act like this in front of a girl, and with everything that Penelope did for him and the team, he figured it was time he did something for her.

    Y/N contemplated for a second. A very small part of her was saying no, because she had just met these people. But then she reasoned that they are FBI agents so they wouldn't hurt her. She also already had started developing a small crush on Penelope. She knew she shouldn't of been catching feelings so quickly. It had only been two weeks since her ex had broken up with up her. However, in this moment, Y/N could care less. If her ex didn't want to be with her anymore, that was no longer her problem. She couldn't spend the rest of her life being sad about someone who did not care about her anymore.

     "If you're sure about this, then of course! You guys seem really fun and I'd love to hangout!" Y/N agreed.

    Penelope and Y/N shared a smile, getting momentarily lost in each others eyes. They stayed like that until Spencer nudged Penelope with his elbow. Once they were broken out of their trance, Penelope and Y/N had realized that the line had finally started moving. Once they got into the panel, Y/N, Penelope, and Spencer sat down as close to the front as possible. Throughout the panel, Y/N and Penelope silently fangirled as Spencer watched intently, no doubt trying to memorize everything that everyone said. Not that he had to try.

     At the end of the panel, around 9:00 at night, the trio was trying to figure out where to go for dinner. Spencer, who was eager to tell Derek about Penelope's new love interest, excused himself to the hotel for the night, saying he was too tired and to go out without him.

    "Let's go change into normal clothes and meet up in 15 minutes? We can go to the hotel bar or go to a restaurant in town?" Y/N asked, secretly hoping this dinner would turn into a date. The day she had spent with Penelope was one of the best days she had had in a long time. Even when she was with her ex-girlfriend. Penelope agreed before they headed to their respective rooms to change into clothes for the evening.

   After they got ready, they met in the hotel lobby and decided on staying at the hotel restaurant and bar. Penelope decided against going into town because of what she sees everyday in her line of work. Y/N did not mind, she just wanted to spend time with Penelope.

   The two had ended up getting kicked out of the hotel bar, having stayed until 2 in the morning. They had decided to make their way to the pool to just sit and talk.

   "Thank you for the wonderful night, Penny," Y/N said, smiling at the slightly taller girl. Y/N was slightly tipsy, leaning her head against Penelope's shoulder.

   "You know, I think you're one of the first people to call me Penny, doll face," She said giggling a bit harder than she should have. "You're welcome, sweetcheeks. I had an amazing time tonight also."

   Little did the two girls know, the BAU team (with the exception of Hotch, who insisted that he had better things to do than spy on Penelope's first date) were hiding along the row of chairs behind them to get a good look at the scene unfolding in front of them.

  Y/N and Penelope stared at each other for a second before a voice shouted, "JUST KISS ALREADY!" The two of them jumped about five feet in the air before looking back to see JJ and Emily pulling Spencer back to the ground to hide him from the two.

  "Might as well give the people what they want," Penelope said, wiggling her eyebrows. Y/N smiled for what felt like the millionth time that day, before nodding her head.

  The two leaned forward, pausing for a second to look each other in the eyes, before leaning in all the way. Penelope brought her hands up to Y/N's face, one on her cheek, the other on the back of her neck. Y/N put both of her hands on Penelope's cheeks. They stayed like that for a few moments, the soft kiss seemingly having lasted longer than a few seconds. They pulled apart, catching their breaths.

   "Wow," Y/N breathed out. A smile and blush had forced their way onto her face, as she looked at Penelope.

   "Wow," Penelope repeated, staring into Y/N's eyes.

   "I SHIP!" Spencer shouted from where he, Derek, Emily, JJ, and Rossi were supposed to be hiding. Penelope broke her stare from Y/N, turning to face her not so secretive friends.

   "Ok, who let him drink tonight?" Penelope shout back to her friends.

   "You know, for FBI agents, your friends aren't all that sneaky." Y/N said, smiling slightly before kissing Penelope again. The group of FBI agents all hooted and hollered jokingly at Penelope and Y/N.

    "Alright you idiots, lets all get to bed before we anger Garcia enough to make her hack all of our records," Rossi said to the team, trying to get them to leave. He was met with a few groans and 'okay dad's, but everyone got up and followed him out of the pool area. As soon as they were sure they were by themselves, they pulled apart from the kiss.

   "I know we just met and you're fresh out of a relationship, but Y/N, I uh I really like you. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. I can wait as long as you-" she was interrupted by yet another small kiss.

   "Penny, I like you a lot too. And I want to be with you too. But it's going to take a bit of time before I get into another relationship." Y/N explained.

   "Of course, take all the time you need, sweetie," Penelope said. The two girls cuddled up next to each other for a few minutes before deciding to call it a night. Penelope walked Y/N to her hotel room with promises of an early breakfast the next day.

  "Goodnight Y/N," Penelope said, before kissing Y/N's cheek.

  "Goodnight Penny," Y/N said, kissing Penelope's cheek as well. She unlocked her door and stepped instead, saying goodnight one final time before watching Penelope walk back down the hall to the elevator. Before she got into the elevator, Penelope waved back at Y/N before dramatically blowing a kiss down the hall. Y/N playfully got the kiss and placed her hand on her cheek, waiting for the elevator doors to close, before making her way into her own room. She was unable to stop smiling the whole time she got ready for bed. This was the best day ever.

[avenging-fandoms]

having a secret relationship with reid bc y'all are both working in the same field would be kinda cute not gonna lie

"i hate that we have to keep this relationship a secret" you mumble as spencer pulls into the parking spot. his thumb rubs over the back of your hand, looking at you. you kept your eyes forward, not wanting to look at him because you knew you'd cry. 

"look at me, please" his fingers softly touched your chin and moved your face to look at him, a soft pout on your lips. his thumb touched your lip, leaning forward and holding your face as he kissed you. "i know this is hard. it's so hard for me, i hate lying. and to lie about my girlfriend, who works with me? god, when i get to be alone with you i just want to kiss you for hours" you smile and rub your nose against his. "but it's against the rules that we don't date" you sigh, holding his wrists and looking at him.

"love you" you mumble and he bites his lip, pulling you forward and kissing you hungrily.

"say it again" he whispers and you smile, scratching down his arm. "please"

"i love you, spencer reid" he kissed you again, wanting to pull you on his lap. "spence we're gonna be late.. and we already did this in the shower this morning"

"sorry.. i just love when you tell me you love me" he smiles, kissing you softly. "i love you too" he rubs his nose against yours, making you giggle. "okay really let's go"

you both got out and your hands bumped as you two walked to the elevator, and you fought every urge to grab his hand and slid your fingers between his. you and spencer check in at the front office, spencer hitting the button on the elevator. it dings and you both step on, spencer hitting the BAU floor.

"are there cameras in here?" you ask and spencer nods.

"they don't record sound though. so i can tell you that i really, really love you and i hate that i have to hide it at work" spencer confesses and you smile, looking at him.

"i really, really love-" the elevator dings and rossi smiles at he sees you two. "rossi! good morning"

david stepped on the right of you so you squished between him and spencer. you took this as the opportunity to rub your fingers against spencer's palm, and you spotted his little smile out of the corner of your eye. the elevator dings and david steps off first, spencer softly squeezing your hand before quickly taking it away when david turned around.

"good morning wonderful team" you smile, giving derek a cheek kiss and sitting at your desk.

"do anything this weekend, beautiful?" derek asked and spencer cocked his eyebrows, putting his lips between his teeth as he sat at his desk and tried to ignore derek flirting with you.

"i.. hung out with a friend" you smile and derek smirks, leaning forward and spencer spied out of the corner of his eye.

"you got some this weekend, didn't you?" he teased and you groaned, spencer laughing to himself. "what're you laughing at, pretty boy?"

"uh, just thinking about this book i-i read this weekend" he smiled and you scoff.

"what, the dictionary?" you tease and spencer rolled his eyes, derek laughing.

"ease up on the kid, okay?" derek took a sip of his coffee and you winked at spencer, making him shift in his seat a bit. "so wait, you actually got some this weekend?"

"oh i want to hear this too" emily joined and rolled her chair next to you and derek, spencer leaning in a bit. you laugh and look at your nails, shrugging.

"he's super nice and i just.. i feel like a princess every time i'm with him. the way he holds me.. kisses me" you smile, looking at emily. "and we slow danced in his living room after dinner, and i fell so much more in love with him"

"so he's a boyfriend?! and you didn't tell us? how long have you been seeing this mystery man?" derek smiled and you laughed.

"almost 10 months. and it's been the best, i've never been so happy"

"i noticed you became really happy one day, and i think you really deserve it" spencer chimed in and you smile.

"thanks, nerd" you smile and bite your lip as derek and emily look at spencer. they look back at you and lean forward.

"and the sex..?" emily asked softly and goosebumps rise on your skin as you remember the weekend.

"he's so quiet around people, but when i'm alone with him, god, is he an animal. he's so vocal, so.. dirty. i would have never expected it when i first met him at the coffee shop" emily slapped your arm playfully and you laughed. "and it's anywhere he pleases too. this morning, it was the shower. this weekend, it was-"

"hotch wants us, you guys" spencer interrupted and they both nodded. "i don't think talking about ou- your sex life is very appropriate for the office" spencer said and you scoffed.

"are you jealous i get some and you don't?" you smirk and spencer wrapped an arm around your neck, making you laugh and hold his arm. it was an excuse for you to hold each other, and no one thought anything of it. you two sat next to each other in the room, listening to penelope speak.

your fingers softly touched spencer's under the table, spencer biting back a smile. you asked questions and don't pay any mind to what you were doing to his hand under the table. "alright, wheels up in 30" hotch announced and you all got up, derek wrapping an arm around your neck. 

"so you're gonna sit next to me on the plane, right?" you laugh, wanting to tell him you were going to sit with your boyfriend.

"actually, we were going to sit next to each other. we have a game to finish" spencer stepped in and you smile, derek pulling his arm away and smirking.

"alright, but i'd like to watch that game" derek walked away and you smiled, looking at spencer.

"i'll see you on the plane, pretty boy" you wink and start to walk away, turning back around and mouthing 'love you' before disappearing behind the wall. 

--

"yn, get behind me!" spencer yelled over derek kicking in the door. you pressed yourself close against his body, holding your gun up with your finger on the trigger. the unsub turns the corner and you fire at his leg, taking him down and running past spencer.

you turned the unsub to his stomach but he grabbed you leg, pulling you down and knocking the wind out of you. the team wrestled the unsub while spencer bent down next to you. "i'm okay, spence" you gasp softly and he nods. "just a scratch" he helps you up and you hold onto him as you follow the team out of the door.

spencer takes you to the paramedics and you shake your head. "no, i won't take no for an answer. we're getting you checked for anything just in case" you sat on the back of the ambulance, spencer sitting next to you as he rubbed your back slowly.

the team closed the case, and you plopped down on the airplane seat with a giant sigh. spencer sat next to you, and your eyelids felt heavy. the plane took off and you started to fall asleep, leaning on spencer's shoulder. he softly moved your head to lay on his lap so you were more comfortable, his fingers combing through your hair before he fell asleep too.

derek nudged rossi who texted his daughter. "you think they're together?"

david looked up from his phone for a second, smirking. "i've known they were together since the start. they were just so.. giddy after that one case, where they were together for basically the whole time. plus, this morning, yn was playing with his hand sneakily and he was smirking. i think they're in love"

"they are. yn told us this morning" emily smirked and derek furrowed his eyebrows.

"but she said she has a boyf- ohh" it clicked in derek's brain and the team laughed, spencer biting the inside of his lip to stop himself from smiling.

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 8

So the finale is here.

And baby do we need some resolutions.

This one is titled "After the Rain"

I hope that's a good thing.

Couples montage then lonely Violet. She was blissfully in love with her husband, that's for sure. 8 facking kids worth.

Yes Simon and Daphne are a love match....but they are ripping my heart out right now.

Why are they being so cold?!?!

Way to reference the ruse Daphne. Ugh.

I'm glad that King Granville is here.

Yes push those assholes together.

That shoulder touch. See, irresistible. They are all about each other.

The very picture of devotion, indeed.

Benny and Eloise!!!!

She's wearimg that ugly neck thing again.

No Benny, she thinks Delacroix is Whistledown.

What?!?! Francesca is coming back.

Oh Marina you still pregnant.

Now you shipping Penelope and Colin. That's not weird or anything seeing as you were ready to trap his ass.

Something is amiss!

For Violet to be so wise with her sons, she's awfully thick when it comes to Daphne. I just don't understand.

Daphne is done done done with Violets advice.

I ain't mad at her.

Aww Portia is trying to finesse her way back in. Violet can't stand her.....

Okay Daphne! Let's just hand out all kinds of forgiveness today.

Oh shit. Sir Crane!

Daphne and Portia are GONE!

Ooooh her beloved is dead dead dead.

Yeah girllllllll. All that time you thought he abandoned you. And he was at war.....shit.

What a pill.

I'm glad Daphne has some kind of friend.

Daphne and Marinas storylines are kind of bizarrely parallel.

Jesus Eloise, wtf!

Awww she's trying to save her friend.

I don't think Delacroix is Whistledown.

Oh this is so uncomfortable.....Benny on the low shit.

That shoulder shrug was cute.

"Lock. The door "

Where you going Daphne....what you doing?

Your Graces.

Awww Daphne is still trying.

Damn Simon if she deserves it, step up and give it to her.

Will and Alice ❤

Aw shit Will took Featheringtons bait.

This can't be good.

The deed to the crib?!

This man is out of his mf mind.

Stop it with Anthony and Sienna already!

Simon knows Will is up to something..........

Oh shit he's still there.

Marina you better marry him.

You a damn fool.

Good luck.....you're missing tf out I think.

Right, Portia, right.

Oh she definitely still pregnant.

What are you looking for Daphne?

Ooooh she found the letters he wrote to his father.

And she's reading the mfs.

Oh man.

Yeah girl. It's fucking awful.

Here we go again with hoe ass Anthony.

Under the bleachers. Okay you freaks.

And Will throws the fight.

Featherington is so full of shit and those bookies know he played them. That is going to go horribly. I guaranfuckingtee it.

Simon knows whats up....but he's in no position to judge ANYBODY right now.

Daphne getting serious insight.

I appreciate the relationship between Daphne and Lady Danbury.

She needs someone to be straight with her.

She's giving that mother-in-law type advice and I love it.

You really out here judging him Simon.

Will fucked up but he's still right! Worry about your wife and your life! What's this really about?!

Oh Portia...don't get too excited.

That shits coming back around.

Breakfast together. Is this progress?

Daphne has a peace about her.

She ain't giving up on her man.

To Bridgerton House they go to see Dear Francesca.

Simon is so charming. He is duplicitous af!

Suddenly everyone is just cool with everything. Okay.

Must be the edibles.

Yes girl, look at your hot husband. He is impressive.

Um. Eloise. I think you're wrong boo.

Everybody doesn't have the advantages you have homie! I'm glad Penelope checks her when she gets on that high horse.

Simon with the kiddos just laying it on thick for my girl Daph. Teasing the fuck out of her.

Even Anthony looks all proud and shit.

Delacroix still finds away to shade Portia and it's hilarious.

He lost her mf dowry.

Yes Marina. The bun is still in the oven.

Hastings house is lavish af!

Gawd that picture.

This is not the end. No. No. No.

I share in the doctors exasperation.

Idk what the fuck has happened to Anthony to turn him on his head like this.

Ok mf! You know what, take Sienna to the ball.

Finally giving her the love she deserves from you.

Oh look at these assholes looking at themselves.

"You wound me."

She's light roasting him again and it's lovely.

Come on my babies. Get it together. Y'all are precious.

Also if I ever marry, I want a regal ass portrait like that.

She wants to dance with her man. Same, girl. I want to, and I want you to, too.

Oh we have classic bantering Simon and Daphne.

Come. On. Already.

Fix it.

Fuck....the way they look at each other.

Welp. Party time.

Noooo not one LAST dance.

Ok Will flexed for his baby.

Simon still looking all judgy. Man you better get your own house in order.

Eloise is a living doll, but she's not here for the fellas just yet....or maybe ladies. Or maybe nothing at all. We'll see with her. Just not yet.

I appreciate the evolution of her and Daphnes relationship.

Aww Mr. Finch.

Portia flexing. "The Duchess extended an invitation, personally." She made sure they knew how connected she was.

They're still roasting her wack ass husband though. But fuck him.

Yep he's fucked.

Wtf does Benny do at these balls?

Awe Colin and Penelope.

Penelope bout to confess.

Well Colin killed that. Like dead in the water.

Ya boy is going to Greece.

Sorry Pen. The confession must wait.

Shes devastated. Hell nah she ain't dancing.

Oh Eloise...now is not the time.

Eloise got all that tea!!!!

Hold up this footman looks cheeky. More of him maybe.

Anthony bout to scoop his lady......SIKE.

Sienna pitting an end to this shit.

Anthony you've let her down one too many times.

And Sienna apparently has no desire to put on airs.

Are you sorry though?

And wtf do you do now?

Toss the flowers. Check.

Aww she saved Whistledown.

What a peach.

Come on assholes. Look at y'all looking at each other.

And he still plans on leaving.

Lady Danbury out here dropping wisdom. Listen, Simon, listen!

I honestly do think it's different for them. I think it's different for everyone.

Oh Daphne, Violet is dropping hot ones this time.

What a fucking pep talk.

And now they dance!!!!!

Its that slo-mo smoldering stare for me.

More rain?!

Daphne letting that shit wash her worries away. Go girl.

I mean y'all are cute but this is Daphne and Simons moment.

Cheers to the cane of Lady Danbury.

Danbury put everyone out. Her matchmaking and scheming never end.

At least Simon stayed in the rain with her.

Look at them.....

She told him bout the letters!!!!

Idk man. This love confession is on par with "I burn for you."

She wants to stay with you and love you every day. Man you have a rider. Y'all have dragged each other through the shits. Y'all need this rain.

But there's this lovely thing called a choice.

You really just gonna let her walk away this time and NOT follow her?!

Fucking hell.

Meanwhile at Featherington house.

Oh fuck.

Lord Featherington is dead. I knew that shit was going to blow up.

Fuck. Poor Portia.

Daphne just chilling.

Oh. Ok. Here comes the Duke.

Oh come on Simon. Yes you do. You know EXACTLY what to do.

Nothing else matters when y'all tangled up in them sheets.

They are just so tender!

Yes! Take it to the bed.

Daphne kissing on Simons neck and wanting to give him pleasure and affection >>>>>>>>

A million times over. Its fucking hot. Look at her honing her skillset.

Ride the mf girl!

Ok then! Flip that ass!!!

Out here long stroking the fuck out of her. Got dang.

Oh now you bout to hit that ecstacy.

Is a "congratulations" or "good job" in order?

These beautiful assholes!!!!

I just love them.

All this build up for Simon to ejaculate inside Daphne....but so worth it.

Awww poor Penelope.....

Eloise is convinced Whistledown is Delacroix.

I do love Portia.

Her and Marina grew to an understanding I think.

Marina girl, I think you're making a wise choice marrying your baby daddys brother. Just saying.

Who tf inheriting the Featherington Estate? And have we met them?

Hyacinth is forever in my heart.

Simon and Daphne got that glowwwwww.

Awwe Anthony is all broken up over Sienna.

Ahh yes Anthony, a loving union is the problem. I'm ready for your drama Hoe.

Aha! I knew Delacroix wasn't Whistledown.

Ooooh Eloise!

And you saved her ass.

Really?!?! Pen?!

I can see it a bit.

Aww Daphne is having a baby!!! She got her wish!!!

Simon looks equal parts terrified and amazed.

Aw yall keeping the alphabetical name tradition. How fucking cute.

But you know what, I'm here for it and I find myself satisfied.

And also thirsty!

That's why I went right back and started the series right over again. Yes I did. And I'm proud of that.

Now I will start the books and obsess about season 2.

What a beautiful much needled ride during these times. I feel alive again.

[fly-flower-fanfics]

You Never Said

Spencer Reid x Male Reader

Warnings: Torture, dysphoria, blood, self harm tendencies, abuse, and rape mentioned, violating a body, deadnaming

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not hearing nothin'!" Jack yelled, twirling his knife around in his hand. He slammed his hands down on the table, making me jump in my chair. "I said, tell me something interesting."

I squeezed my eyes shut, curling my hands into fists. He wanted me to spill my guts out to Spencer, the man he knew I was in love with. Spencer, the man that was currently tied up on a chair in front of me. 

The blade was pressed up against my neck, and I hissed as it bit into my skin.

"Did you fucking hear me?"

This was all apart of the unsub's game. He liked to tease and torture before slowly killing. Unfortunately, Spencer and I had gone in without backup. It was my idea, but we were blindsided because there was a second unsub — another man that was just in charge of taking people. Jack was the brains and power behind it.

"I used to wet the bed up until I was ten," I muttered through gritted teeth as I opened my eyes to face him.

Jack removed the knife and backed away. "Not very interesting, but I'll take it to start."

Jack had a personal vengeance for me. I'd killed his brother because his brother was about to shoot Spencer, and clearly, I wasn't going to let that happen. It was for the case and needed to be done, but Jack never got over the loss of him, of Adam. Now he wanted to make me suffer, and he knew that I'd end up with the case if only he killed enough people in the most sadistic ways he could imagine.

My eyes eventually fell onto Spencer once more. His hands were bound behind his back. His head was bloodied from being knocked out, and his hair was messy and knotted. Deep in my gut, I knew that this would be one of the last times I'd be able to make eye contact with him. Whether it ended in my death or the team saving us, I would never be able to look at Spencer the same way, and I knew he'd never look at me the same.

Jack swung a chair in front of me and sat in it, blocking my view of Spencer. "Now I know Pretty Boy over there ain't know nothin' 'bout you. You're too secretive. Ain't that a problem on your team? Thought y'all knew everything about one another." He glanced over his shoulder and sneered before looking back at me. "Guess he's gonna learn today, ain't he?"

Jack laughed as he got up and tossed the chair off to the side. It took everything I had in me not to curse him out because I knew that whenever I acted out, he would just take it out on Spencer. He had reassured me of that before Spencer had woken up. I dropped my head back down, letting my eyes stare at the buttons of my jeans.

"I'm bored. Tell me somethin' else. Make it better than the last time. Ooo! I know. Tell me about your brother; I wanna hear about that," Jack said, leaning on one of the walls with his knife. "I'm sure PB — can I call him that? — would love to hear about it."

I wasn't sure how he knew all this stuff about me, but it made me extremely uncomfortable.

"My brother's dead," I answered through gritted teeth.

Jack pouted. "Aww, c'mon. Don't be like that. I know your brother's dead. But I wanna hear what he did to you. And I'm sure little Spencey would just love to know, too."

I ground my teeth together and shut my eyes. He wanted to break me mentally. That was his endgame. Did he want me to be crying and pathetic when he killed me so he could make fun of me? I wouldn't give it to him. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let a single tear drop from my eyes.

"He used to play his 'special little game' with me at night when I was six, and he was fifteen. As long as I was good and quiet while taking it, he wouldn't beat me." I raised my head and looked over at Jack. "You wanted me to talk about my brother raping me, that it?"

Jack smirked and twirled his knife. "Keep goin'. What happened after that? After you told your dad?"

I sighed and hung my head again, my eyes trailing over the threading in my pants. "I got the balls to tell him when I was thirteen. Dad just wanted to play the special little game, too."

I wasn't really sure why he wanted me to tell Spencer all of this stuff. Yes, it was humiliating, and I deeply wished it wasn't happening. Then it hit me. Spencer wouldn't forget. He'd never forget these things just like I never would. Though he wouldn't have to live through the experience, he'd have to hold the knowledge because of his damn memory.

Spencer and I were the closest members on the team, rivaling Penelope and Derek's relationship. We all had good laughs about that. So if Jack knew everything about me, he'd know that. He'd know more than just my stupid crush, and he would clearly know about Spencer's special mind. It was clear that Spencer cared a lot for me and forcing me to spill my life story would not only break me, but be permanent in his mind. It was a two-for-one kind of psychological torture.

"And how long did that go on for?" Jack asked, practically skipping over to me. It made me absolutely sick. 

"Until I was eighteen," I replied. This time, I just spat in his face when he bent down to my level.

Jack paused, wiped his face slowly, and a wicked grin grew on his face. "Normally, I would slice open one if Pretty Boy's arms for you doing that. But this is his torture, too." Jack stood straight and walked out of the room. Fuck.

"Are you alright?" Spencer asked me. His voice was soft and filled with concern, and it made me want to cry more. He didn’t deserve this.

Hesitantly, I raised my eyes to his. "Yeah."

Jack entered the room with a little bottle and shook it at me before facing Spencer. "We didn't get to that part in the game, but Mister Secret-Keeper over there was a druggie," Jack said, speaking to Spencer. He pulled out a needle and inserted it into the small bottle before filling the syringe.

I had my run-in with drugs pretty much as soon as I left my house because I just wanted to forget. I did manage to get off of them, but it was still part of me that I wished to forget. It was also a part of me at I knew would always haunt me because addiction always came back stronger than ever.

"Way back when," he continued, kneeling down by the arm of the chair and yanking my arm out. "To...what was it? 'Member what it was called?" Jack tapped my arm until he found a vein and stuck the needle into it, filling my bloodstream with the drug. "Oh, that's right. Dilaudid."

I'd gotten addicted to the pain reliever because it helped my pain for one, and it also made me sleepy and relaxed. I ground my teeth together, wanting to spat more than just spit at him, but I couldn't risk Spencer getting hurt. Nothing in the world would make me forgive myself if Spencer got hurt; he was already in this situation because of me.

I closed my eyes and even though I knew it couldn't have taken effect immediately, I was relieved in some sort of way. Like I was going back to an old friend for a good time. A toxic friend...

"Leave him alone," Spencer blurted out. I opened my eyes to look at him, shocked that he would speak up. “I-I had my own run-in with that,” he continued which only made Jack light up like a damn Christmas tree.

“Oh? Would you like some?”

“No!” I shouted, curling my hands into fists. “No. No, don’t. I-I’ll...I’ll play your game more, just don’t give him the drug.”

Jack smirked before setting the items onto the table. “Okay then. If you’re so willing, then share. Tell me something else.”

“My mom...” I sighed and looked down at my arm. I swore I could physically see the drug filling my veins. “My mom thought I was lying to her. She didn’t want to believe that her husband and precious son could do something so awful. So she would hit me every time I tried to bring something up about it. My family was okay with abusing me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you want to know?!”

Jack hopped up onto the table and sat on it, spinning the knife on the tip of his thumb, completely ignoring my last two sentences. “That where you got all those scars?”

I sighed and shrugged silently. I got these scars from different reason. Reasons that I still preferred Spencer not knowing. I knew he would — there was not enough time for the team to get to us without information like this being spilled. But as long as it was just me, I could keep the attention away from Spencer, and that’s what I cared about.

“No, no. Keep going. Don’t make me do something you’ll regret,” Jack insisted.

I left out a heavy sigh. “Scars came from the raping and beatings as well as my own clumsiness and animals.”

“Aaaannnnd?” I wanted to kill him and his stupid gleeful voice.

“And myself. I scarred myself with knives and lighters. That good? Are we good now? Can we just fucking go away?”

Jack hopped off the table, shaking his head with a tsk. “Temper, temper, my dear.” He walked up to me, curling his fingers under my chin. “We’re not quite yet done.”

I sneered and spat in his face. “You son of a bitch. You absolute son of a bitch.”

Jack wiped his face slowly, glaring down at me with a new evil glinting in his eyes. He pushed the chair back, causing it to tilt over. I slammed against the ground and all the breath left my lungs. Jack hovered over me and spat back in my face. “You have no idea who you’re talking to,” he seethed, grabbing more of the drug and injecting it into me. I cried out as the needle pierced my skin. He hasn’t taken any time to try and find my vein, but I prayed he hit one anyway.

“Jack,” Spencer called out, and it made my blood freeze. “Jack, just-just let him go. Do something to me. Leave him alone.”

“Spencer, I swear to Christ,” I said through gritted teeth. “Jack, you leave him out of this. You know this is between you and I.”

Jack pulled my chair back up and say back on the table, an amused grin on his face. “Well, I can’t believe this.” He laughed, picking his knife back up from the table. “Look how the two of you defend one another. Like an old married couple. No, no, like a brand-new couple that doesn’t know anything about one another. What do they call it?” He turned and looked at Spencer. “Tell me. What is it called?”

“The honeymoon phase,” Spencer replied softly.

“The honeymoon phase!” Jack spun and looked back towards me. “Oh, you guys are just too cute! Too bad he won’t love you anymore after you tell him.”

I frowned. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was talking about, but I suppose I had some sort of an idea because my stomach sunk.

Jack grabbed the bottom of my shirt and took his knife, slicing up through the whole thing. I squeezed my eyes shut. So that was his final blow. I opened my eyes to stare into Jack’s psychotic ones.

“You got the top done, I see,” Jack pointed out, tracing his knife over the scars on my chest. He wasn’t pressing hard enough to cut the skin, but I knew he would. “Have you got the bottom done?”

He unbottoned my jeans and pulled them open as far as he could. I struggled against him, but Jack pressed the knife against my neck. “You struggle, you die.” I fell still, letting my mind blank like I did when something was too much for me. Jack slipped his fingers into my boxers, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “You haven’t!”

I nearly screamed when he shoved two fingers inside of me, but it was over almost as soon as t started. The tears that had welled up in my eyes were for nothing. Well, not nothing, but not for what I had thought.

“Now go on,” Jack said, backing away from me. “Tell him.”

I glared at Jack as he allowed my line of vision to see Spencer. I refused to look at him, though; I only stared at Jack. “I’m trans. I was born female.”

“You still feel pretty female to me,” Jack answered, and I dropped my eyes from his.

The next word that reached my ears was a word I never wanted anyone to know. My deadname. It hurt worse than any knife Jack could cut me with. He said it again, then again, and again. Spencer would never forget it. He’d always know who I was...

Just then, the rest of the team burst in. There was a lot of shouting going on, but I wasn’t paying attention. I stared at the open button of my pants, grinding my teeth together. The bindings were untied, and I was helped up, but I was just really moving through the motions.

A week later, I was forced to take a mandatory leave. Hotch had noticed how I was and told me that I needed to take a break. I really didn’t want to, but I knew that I needed to. I had avoided Spencer as much as I could, and I hadn’t spoken to anyone since that day.

A knock came at the door, but I only looked towards it. I hadn’t felt a need to leave my house since my leave, either. I knew I should’ve been using this time to seekfir a therapist, but I was just too embarrassed.

“It’s me.”

Spencer... why does it have to be you? I sighed as I got up and walked over to the door. I peered through the peephole even though the voice had already confirmed who I knew it was. I opened the door.

“I-I wanted to visit you,” he said.

I forced a smile, but didn’t offer him to come inside. “You visited.”

“I want to talk.”

Of course there was more.

I side-stepped and let the lanky man inside, peering through the door before closing it.

“You haven’t sought out a therapist.”

“No,” I said in response. “Don’t need to.”

“Yes, you do. I was there; I saw what he did to you. You’re on mandatory leave. You need to talk to someone,” Spencer insisted, fiddling with the strap of his bag.

“I talked to Jack about it.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” I sat down on the couch. “Did Hotch set you up to this? Garcia, maybe? If that’s it, you can go.”

“Actually, I came here of my own accord,” he said.

I gestured to the chair in front of me. “Relax, take a seat.”

He’s here to say something about me being trans. Hotch knew because I talked to him about the leave I needed for top surgery before I got the job. He just waited and hired me after the recovery stage. Other than that, no one knew about me being trans. Except Spencer did now.

Spencer was clearly embarrassed, fumbling over what he had to say. Eventually, he got it out. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee with me.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Like... just for coffee?”

“Well... no. No, I was hoping it would be more like a date.”

I leaned my elbows on my knees, getting a closer look at the profiler. “With me?”

“Who else?” he replied with nervous laughter.

“You know what Jack said...” I ran my hands through my hair, closing my eyes. “You know what I am.”

“A wonderful man that I’m trying to take out on a date. Just because you never said doesn’t make you less of what you are. I-I never said I was bisexual. Doesn’t mean I’m not.”

I opened my eyes and smiled softly. “Thank you,” I breathed out softly. “Still... still want that coffee?”

Spencer smiled and stood up, offering me his hand which I gratefully took. We headed out the door, but I stopped to make sure I had my phone.

“Mind if I make a call in the car?” I asked. It was time I needed to make an appointment with a therapist.

Spencer seemed to realize this in some sort of way. “Not at all.”

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 5

Daphne sneaking in like a thief in the night.

Violet you're just hungover. Raw eggs and garlic Though?

Engaged to a Duke > Engaged to a Prince. That's it. That's Violets only thought.

Daphne you full of shit.

Awe your mama thinks the Duke got in your guts.

Well Violet, if you would actually TALK to your daughters about sex and their bodies. That is truly a tragic flaw.

She is hyped about this wedding though.

Oh Queen...no triumph for your messy ass.

Poor Prince Cormac (I know it's Friedrich).

Oh this is a scandal babe!

Daphne is not here for your childish shit today Eloise.

I kind of really feel bad for the prince and I want him to find a good lady. He's so pure.

Hyacinth little nosey ass.

Really Simon? Late and Drunk? Tear that mf up Lady Danbury. Somebody needs to.

She's trying to be kind....

God the way he looks at her!!! The way his mouth just breaks open is like armor cracking. He loves her truly.....fuckboy just doesn't know how to show it.

Ooooh he pulled his hand away. That hurt.

Fuck you Anthony. Delacroix is intervening now. I love her grifter ass.

Light his ass up, Portia!

Oh Penelope is full of the shade now. Poor girl.

Oh she scheming with her mama. Girl you fucking sneak.

Poor Rose is so confused. I love her though. Wedding planning is HARD!

Oh here comes this bitch Cressida!

She's holding that shit in her pocket for a rainy day. She'll bust their heads about it one day. I'm sure.

The Queen is so about the drama and the prince is just so chill. That bitch up to something.

Simon not accepting a dowry. At least they don't have to pay you to marry her. How romantic.

Oh are y'all buddies again now? Is #teamfuckboy a thing again?

Well your request for an expedited wedding got DENIED in big red letters.

Daphne bout to split a wig.

Violet being oblivious as always and Danbury breaking it all down.

The queen is being petty over her nephew.........just like Danbury says. Give her what she wants. A fucking show.

Heyyyy Benny!

Oh shit you're at the real party now.

Hello Delacroix.

Well fucking A! Get y'all some.

Bisexual Benny? Methinks yes? And I love it.

Wait...... is this an orgy? Go off Benedict.

Drunk ass Simon.....crying because he "trapped" Daphne. Boy. I feel like you're complicating the fuck out of this.

Mondrich is such a real one. This world does not deserve Will Mondrich.

Marina is determined that she's gonna trap Colin with a baby that is not his. He's just so pure that it makes me hope she fails at this. All this fucking reproductive evasion is making me uneasy.

But Portia is along for the ride.

Oh fuck, here's the King.

Its crazy to see real sentiment and love in the queen.

Aw fuck that's so sad. To watch the mind come and go in a loved one.

Daphne your ass needs to quit taking nighttime strolls.

Oh here it is. Daphne thinks he's physically unable to have children and that it's a source of great pain for him. Poor girl.

At least Rose is trying to be comforting.

And to be fair, Daphne, you fucking idiots love each other.

From the mouth of babes.

Get yo shit together Simon.

Alice always spitting hot ones. She's a babe.

Plus she's always looking out for her man's.

Aww look at Simon looking at the kids.

Let yo daddy go!

"With these knees, yes, Your Majesty." Danbury is the goat.

Gawd Daphne you are sinking at pleading to the queen.

Simon out here telling y'alls secrets. This man is wild.

Holy fuck what a love confession. It would nicer if he could SAY IT TO HER! AND LOOK AT HER!

Well the queen is biting.

Looks like someone is getting hitched!

Oooooh that music.

Gawd Simon is fine in black velvet. Fuck me he's fine in everything.

Yes look at her while you take that glove off and put that ring on.

They have completely redefined intimacy. Fuck.

Reception time.

She just wants to talk to her man.

Go away Cressida, damn.

Aww Penelope is trying to get Colin out of Marinas crosshairs.

Marina is heavy plotting.

She's really trying to seduce him and he's too honorable.

She got her proposal though.

Queen, Daphne barely knows about masturbating. She doesn't know dick about a wedding night. Pun intended.

Eloise and the queen my gawd.

Benny said don't ask don't tell.

Anthony's ass was the most against this fucking union, and now everything is kosher. Simon didn't want a dowry and now they get to be buddies again. This mf is a complete tool.

Simon, go get your wife.

Nope, just Violet with some more vague bullshit.

You call that a sex talk.

Its natural like rain. Then puppies. Bassett puppies.

Poor Daphne.

Her mom won't tell her shit about sex and her husband won't look at or speak to her.

Bitch gonna be rubbing it out on her wedding night. Poor babe.

Aww now it's time leave your childhood home. Not bittersweet or anything.

Damn he really didn't even tell her they'd be staying at an inn in their wedding night. Simon! Start telling your wife THINGS!

She took that shit right on the chin.

This mf really got separate rooms. She's pissed!

Aw...pacing together but in their separate rooms.

And she goes to the door.....he's at the door, on the other side.

Really Simon?!? DINNER?!?!

Now we're getting somewhere.

Here he goes with the kid lies again.....not feeling that shit Simon.

But fuck.

Fuck me. This love confession. If it ain't this, I don't want it.

The way he growls when he burns. My ovaries are exploding.

Yes! You burn for each other now fucking kiss!

Aw. And you're married now so you don't have to stop.

Oh my gawd. Oh my gawd. Yes. Show her more!

I just want somebody to spin me around and kiss up the side of my neck. Fuck. This shit is hot.

The artistry of that man. Yes girl yes. The touch of the chest, arms and shoulders.

Oh we throwing dirty talk in here too!

Hell yeah she touched herself. Tf you thought.

Oh my God. His face when he takes her hand. That man is God's Gift.

Her face when he took them pants off......fuck. I'm over here wishing this was Starz and we'd get some full frontal. Idc idc idc. I am horny for the Duke in every way.

They definitely romanticized what it's like to lose your virginity. It's never like that.

That fucking stroke on him though.

Daphne you new to this, but telling him you masturbated to him is a quick way to make him uhhhh....reach his pinnacle. The way he sped up when she said that shit. I was like okay now, das pretty realistic.

Ahhh the pullout method. Works every time.

And poor Daphne doesn't even know wtf a pull out is.

Well either way.

The duke makes me want to be seduced. Not just fucked. SEDUCED!

Well its only a matter of time before truth bombs get dropped, so I'm just gonna enjoy the view until we get there.

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 2

Childbirth scenes are always fun right?

I'm guessing this is the Dukes mother.

Oh he's one of those 'give me a son' types.

Yep they the Dukes parents.

Lady Danbury laying down the law wherever she goes....y'all gonna let her see her friend!

His mother died in childbirth.....fucking hell.

At least he got a son, I guess.

Simon ......... Bassett

Sad, pensive Simon....still hot.

The queen needs all the tea!

Who's that your Grace? Tis not Daphne. You better go promenade mf!

Violet and Danbury still plotting.....

"Only five minutes alone with you in a drawing room...." Jesus! Honey she felt that....and he knew he flexed a lil too hard on that one. But fuck me, it was hot!

Yes Eloise, you're a Jo March. We fucking get it. Womaning is hard and societal expectations are bullshit. They really laid it on thick with her and I hope she becomes a bit more multidimensional.

Hold up. These poor girls don't even know where babies come from. Oh the chastity of it all.

Not that Penelope out here telling Marinas business low key.

Damn....her non-hoe brothers are lightweight roasting her. Ya sis is a baddie! Get with it.

They really don't tell these women shit about sex. Lil brother out here trying to spill the tea though. VIOLET! TALK! TO! YOUR! DAUGHTERS!

Awe shit. Daphne got fans again.......oh and here comes creepy fucking Berbrooke.

Damn Anthony you really calling her disrespectful while you out here trying to sell her like cattle to Berbrooke. Fuck. Off.

Oh it's definitely immaturity. I can't keep on with Anthony's ass. Something has got to shake.

Oh, Violet....you want it to be the Duke.

Shirtless Duke! Yes, please.

"A great deal goes on in a mind as quick as mine." Gawd help me. Kick his ass Simon! Protect your situationship partner!

Poor baby Simon can't speak so well......oh and his daddy is EVIL evil.

Penelope trying to be friendly with the expectant. She needs answers. But DAMN! Even Marina won't explain sex. Somebody help these women. Love does not impregnate. I fucking can't.

The queen of shade appears bored by a lack of new tea.

Get your eggs Daphne!

Violet gets to have tea with the queen....so that means Daphne wears diamonds to tonight's ball. Okay.

Ok Queen Danbury. Get the Duke in line.

Aww Lady Danbury and little Simon! She's here to give that boy the love he deserves. Look at this Queen Fairy GODMOTHER! I just adore her. She really is the queen to me.

Danbury blocking Anthony's attempts at cockblocking is big energy. I want Ratafia now. Let me go Google what in the hell that is and where to find it.

I feel like that lil spin Simon did was a bit of improv, but I liked it.....and you can't tell me they weren't having a real life ball dancing together in that scene. That was legit laughter between friends. I'm here for it. They brought the energy in that dance.

Here goes Anthony's ass trying to fuck it up again. This time he wants middle brothers help. Middle brother just wants to chill, not dance with his sister, bro. I like middle brother. Yes I know his name is Benedict.

Simon shading Berbrooke is gold. Calling him the fuck out was even better.

Oh Anthony....took you long enough.

Daphne is not here to have her honor protected by ANY MAN. I love this bitch. Simon was just trying to help though.

Danbury planting her lil seeds. This is her world. We just wish we lived in it.

Simons going to take the air....ah walk home. Because nothing bad ever happens on a dark walk home.

This mf Berbrooke just will not stop. He gets more disgusting with each interaction, I swear. But what you're not gonna do, is keep disrespecting Daphne. The Duke out here growling at this mf.

Ooooh I love a good head butt!

I stan a fake couple who beat up the same perv.

Oh now this EVIL mf.

You trying to prove yourself. Poor baby.

Old dogs. New tricks. We all know the saying. That mf man is awful. I see some daddy issues coming to the story. That's probably why he stopped himself from completely pulverizing Berbrooke. He doesn't want to be cruel like his father.

Sad reflective Simon.....hiding his pain literally and figuratively.

Damn, Whistledown, Daphne does not want Berbrooke. Everybody knows that. Stop trying to make it a thing.

"It does not matter what the Duke thinks, Rose." Sure, Jan.

I'm sick of this basket weave haired bitch.

Oh Portia.

Penelope and Eloise still knowing nothing about sex is depressing.

Fuck off Anthony. Daphne is done with your fuckery...and she's calling you tf out. I'll say it again, Daphne is my bitch.

Heyyyyy Simon!

Oooof Daphne sees that bruised up hand. You really gonna lie and say boxing. Boy bye.

Oooooh the cuff-buttoning and banter with instense eye contact. KEEP FEEDING ME!

Oh here comes this mf Berbrooke. Duke, you're busted. Simon ready to throw hands again. This hoe ass mf is really trying to force a wedding.

Daphne really just gonna give up. Aw naw.

Violet, God bless you, but your vague ass speech does not help.

Ooooh smoking Eloise. I love a good vice.....oh and sibling bonding. This is nice.

I think Simon likes getting knocked around. There's something very masochistic about the way he seems to enjoy it. He's sad about Daphne having to marry Berbrooke and can't express that in the way he should or would like to....More on this later, I'm sure.

Violet and the queen.....and the queen likes nose play. Okay then.

Ohhhh the queen is basically telling Violet that Daphne better get things rolling with the Duke for the notoriety and popularity it would provide her family.

So why tf are you inviting Berbrookes raggedy ass mama over for tea? This bitch. You can definitely see why her son is so fucked up.

Kippers on Rye. No ma'am.

Ahhhh Violet was fishing for a scandal to stop the Berbrooke marriage. Makes sense.

Well, mission accomplished. No thanks to Anthony.

Violet stays at his neck though.

I really don't like Marina being all confined.

Sisterly bonding maybe? Daphne dropping knowledge and optimism on Eloise.

Well shit, deflate that balloon.

*In My Blood (Instrumental) plays*

Aaaand she's back on the arm of the Duke.

Their chemistry is mind blowing. Like they could melt my screen just looking at each other.

"Call me by my name" because 'Call me by your Name' could never.

Gawd the way he says her name. That's it. I want Daphne to be my name now.

The intimacy of that bruised hand on her bare shoulder - ICONIC.

Lady Danbury knows all and jealous Simon has entered the room.

Not his evil ass daddy again.

Oh fuck Simon. Why would you make a promise like that?! Thats OBVIOUSLY coming back around on you. Who tf are you really hurting in avowing never to marry or have children?!

But the "Speak, you fucking monster," was everything. Full circle.