#it's very weird to me because ending up with a blind Xiao XingChen WAS his chance

[parlerenfleurs]

I'm perplexed by people who think Xue Yang could have redeemed himself given the opportunity.... It's a sentiment I see echoed a lot but it has no basis in the text or in simple logic.

The dude had plenty of opportunities to do it on his own before even meeting Xiao XingChen, when he had both a better material situation and protection from powerful sects. But sure, he was protected with the aim of making him do more bad things, and Jin GuangYao is a terrible frequentation to have if you want a chance to turn out better at some point in time, and also yeah, everyone knows emotional connection and genuine love are what truly nourishes the soul, so let's say he's a big brat bastard who needs a little more than that to grow up, and let it slide.

But then he ends up with Xiao XingChen. He ends up with him, the embodiment of pure-heartedness, with a miraculous blank slate because the dude is blind and doesn't have a clue who he is! That's the perfect opportunity to bask in the wonderful feeling of true kindness, and then of true affection, right? And what does he do? Not right away, mind you, no, he had the time to heal from his injury and dilly-dally about what to do next, he had plenty of time to make a different decision, to wait a bit more before making it, to stop being an evil asshole and sit down for five minutes. But no, what he does is, he tricks Xiao XingChen into killing innocent people. And he gets a huge kick out of doing it. AND he does it again, repeatedly, even after years have passed and they have truly bonded.

Like? I don't know what more people think he can get, as second chances go. He's a very fun villain but he is an irredeemable one. Of course, he feels love and care, in his own way, sure, yeah. Cool feelings, still manipulation and murder.

[veliseraptor]

Lise, do you have any thoughts on hair care in the Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen household

I didn’t know that I did but then I started thinking about it and like. The answer is yes which really shouldn’t surprise me because I can have thoughts about anything, like, overthinking things is probably my superpower.

A-Qing and Xue Yang fight over who gets to do Xiao Xingchen’s hair. Xiao Xingchen points out that he can do his hair perfectly fine on his own, actually (and mostly he does! this is not an always thing but a sometimes thing), and is ignored because that is not the point, Daozhang. Xue Yang says a-Qing is going to make him look ugly because she’s blind, how’s she going to know what looks good; a-Qing yells at him about discriminating against blind people and she can so do it, she puts up her own hair, doesn’t she? 

In the interest of household peace they end up taking turns.

A-Qing mostly doesn’t care or pretends not to care about doing anything fancy with herself but every so often will plop herself down in front of Xiao Xingchen and tell him to do her hair. The first couple times she does this he demurs, tells her he doesn’t know how she would want it to look, and she says that she’s sure he can make it look nice. Xue Yang says that it’s not like he could make a-Qing look any worse, which gets him a very severe disapproving frown. 

After a pretty long time - maybe a year or so, and probably only after they start sleeping together, Xiao Xingchen just sort of slides in and starts combing out Xue Yang’s hair for him after he washes it, and Xue Yang’s reaction is initially “what the fuck” but it actually is. Very nice, it turns out. Like, it’s weird, for sure, and he’s sort of tense about it the first time around, but also it’s nice, it feels good in a way he doesn’t really know how to process. 

So he keeps “letting” it happen, and kind of low-key seeking it out while pretending not to do that, and Xiao Xingchen is going to humor him on that not-subtle thing because it’s something he enjoys - a particular kind of intimacy that feels very nice; a kind of closeness it’s been a while, I think, since he’s had.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

modern reincarnated song lan/xiao xingchen first meeting with both their memories back 👀

KIDS IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WROTE A FIC TO PROVE IT (I’mso sorry Les Mis fandom) BUT REINCARNATION FICS ARE STILL MY JAM and oh boy amI ever going to make it the Songxiao fandom’s problem.  It’s also been a while since I postedsomething for that five headcanons meme, but I’m on lockdown and except for goingto the grocery store a week ago I literally haven’t left my apartment in goingon five weeks, so like, I’m officially still doing that meme.  Not QUITE the prompt, but a cousin of theprompt, and it’s 3:18 AM so you’re not my boss.

ONE

Song Lan remembers the very first time he sees XiaoXingchen.  Xingchen is eighteen, a yearolder than he was when they met before, wearing a white shirt and a messy bun, andSong Lan takes one look at him in a grocery store and almost knocks over adisplay of oranges.  It’s—a lot to takein.  Xingchen looks exactly like himself,like Song Lan remembers him from—from before. He’s talking with a store employee, a basket in one hand and the otherholding up an apple.  He looks apologetic,with the mild smile that he always wore when he felt like he was imposing onsomeone’s time, and he’s saying something about being sorry, but please couldhe have some help choosing.

Song Lan’s ears are still ringing and his chest is still aching andhis hands are still shaking, but his voice is clear and steady when he hearshimself say, “I can give you a hand.”

Xingchen turns toward him, a startled look on his beautifulface, and Song Lan’s throat threatens to close up on him, because Xingchen’seyes are a clear light brown more familiar than anything in the world, and theydo not focus on him.  He has a white canetucked into the corner of his arm—blind, still.

“I couldn’t impose,” Xingchen demurs immediately, and Song Lanshakes his head.

“It’s no imposition.  I—I don’thave anywhere else to be.”  Song Lan castsaround a little desperately for an excuse, a good reason for Xingchen to lethim help, let him stay under the light of that smile, and says, “I’m supposedto be studying for an exam and if I didn’t get out of the apartment I was goingto tear up my textbook.  You’d be savingme three hundred and fifty dollars.”

Xingchen laughs, then, and Song Lan doesn’t know what hisface does, but the employee gives him a mildly pitying glance.

“Well, I suppose I had better, then,” Xingchen says, warm andamused.  “I normally come with one of myroommates, but one of them is sick.”  Heholds up the apple to Song Lan and says, “I’m Xiao Xingchen.”

I know,Song Lan almost says.  He doesn’t.  He takes the apple and says, “This one isbruised.  I’m Song Lan.”

TWO

Xiao Xingchen, for his part, doesn’t remember for three weeks.  It’s a piling up of little things that weardown the wall hiding the past, for him, but the last straw, the crack that bringsthe dam down, is nothing at all: his roommates are usually good about makingsure to keep all the silverware in their assigned places, so that Xingchen canfind them, but that day, one of them, a study-abroad student named Morgan,forgets, and he slices open his palm on a knife.  She’s horrified and sorry and he has to talkher down from calling an ambulance, and she still insists on bandaging his handfor him, which he appreciates.  It hurtsand pulls all evening, and when he goes to sleep, he has a terrible nightmare.

This is nothing new.  XiaoXingchen has had terrible nightmares all his life.  Sometimes he even sees in them, which hewould find academically interesting if it were happening to anyone else—all thecolors are right, every line detailed and familiar.  He can’t read characters, but he knows theengravings on the swords.

It’s not a seeing dream that night.  It’s a dream about darkness and lies anddying, and there’s blood drying sticky and hot on his hand and sleeve when he sobshimself awake, from where his hand is clenched into such a tight fist that itseeped through the bandages.  His handfeels like someone’s laid a match to the cut, and he has a headache likenothing he’s ever felt, a bone-deep spike of pain behind his eyes, and he needs—

His hands shake as he grabs his phone and manages to pull upSong Lan’s number.

THREE

Song Lan has the gift of waking up to a vibrating phone—which isto say, he worked in retail for three years before he got into teaching school,and still has anxiety about it.  Thephone is already at his ear and he’s saying “This is Song Lan” before he’s evenawake.

“Zichen?”

“Xingchen?”  Song Lan issitting up and doesn’t really remember how that happened, and he’s staringwide-eyed at his desk through the dim city-twilight creeping around his darkcurtains, and Xingchen’s voice sounds ravaged on the other end of theline.  “What’s wrong?”

“I—please, Zichen, I—”

“Are you hurt?” Song Lan demands, and he’s already on his feet,the phone pinned between his cheek and his shoulder as he grabs whateverclothes are near at hand.  

“No,” Xingchen says faintly. “Wait—yes.  My hands—no.  Just my right hand.”  He makes a noise that sounds like it might,theoretically, be a laugh, if he stopped crying.  “I cut it on a knife, Zichen.”

Song Lan thinks about the world-ending feeling of remembering XiaoXingchen, and tries not to love the sound of Xingchen’s voice saying Zichenagain, and that moment, when he’s already dragging on socks with his keys inhis hand, is when he finally, finally catches up.

He stops cold, one shoe on. “Xingchen—do you remember me?”

“Yes,” Xingchen whispers. “I remember everything.”

Song Lan shuts his eyes for a moment and really, really hatesXue Yang.  “I’m coming over.”

FOUR

Xingchen’s roommates are not going to appreciate him having his “weirdfriend with the scary face” show up at three in the morning and waking them upby knocking on the door, but on the other hand, Xingchen knows he probablylooks…bad.  He knows he has blood leakingfrom his hand, and he can feel that the cut is probably worse than he thought,and he can hear one of them make an alarmed sound as he wavers on his feet inhis bedroom door, but then Song Lan stops knocking politely and startshammering on the door with the side of his fist.  Xingchen makes a helpless gesture with his bleedinghand, and hears someone fumble the lock open and immediately scramble back toget out of the way.  They’re scared ofSong Lan for some reason.  

Xingchen can’t imagine being scared of Song Lan.

“Xingchen,” Song Lan says, Zichen says, and Xiao Xingchenknows, like he knows his own name, that Song Lan doesn’t like to be touched,but he can’t stop himself from reaching out. He stops when he can feel the warmth of a body beyond his fingertips anddoesn’t go any further.

“Zichen.”

Song Lan’s hand closes around his bare wrist without hesitation,and he forces Xingchen’s hand palm up, and says, “You’re bleeding.”

“Yes,” Xingchen says, starting to laugh.  He’s not sure why he’s laughing.  He thinks he might still be crying.  But Song Lan is here, touching Xingchen inthe measured, intentional way he always did, and it seems obscurely hilariousthat he expects Xingchen to care about something as petty as bleeding.  “Yes, I am.”

“All right,” Song Lan says softly, like he’s answering aquestion that hasn’t been asked.  “Comeon, Xingchen.  Let’s get a look at yourhand.”

Xingchen hates to be led around by the hand, like a child, buthe goes easily when Song Lan pulls him toward the bathroom.  Song Lan lets him rest his head against SongLan’s hip, while those familiar hands dab blood from his skin and peel away thesoaked bandages, and Xingchen listens to Zichen’s low voice, and tries tobreathe.

FIVE

So, Song Lan isn’t going to class tomorrow.  He send the emails from the emergency roomwaiting area, on his phone, with Xingchen sitting beside him and holding asmall pile of gauze to his palm.  Xingchenhas been quiet since Song Lan announced that they were going to the hospital,but he went without a fight, admitted that the laceration was worse than it hadbeen before—from the clench of his fist in his nightmare, apparently.  His hair is tied back into a braid that curlsover his shoulder, and he forgot his cane, and Song Lan washed the smearedblood from his face and didn’t throw up at the memory of watching Xue Yang dothe same, and—

“I missed you,” Song Lan says quietly, and Xingchen turns towardhim.  All at once, all the things thatSong Lan planned and imagined and dreamed of saying are piled up behind histeeth, trying to force their way out in a rush. “I’m—so sorry, Xingchen. Everything—it was all my fault, I was so cruel to you.”

“Zichen,” Xingchen says, and he sounds so tired.  His head tips toward Song Lan’s shoulder, buthe stops, just like he did before, just like he always has, a little distancefrom touching.  Xingchen always lets SongLan be the one to close that last gap, always lets him choose how and when andwhere he’s willing to be touched.  Hedidn’t need it explained to him when they first met and doesn’t need it thistime.  Song Lan has missed him so much.

“I’m not—I never had your gift with words,” Song Lan goes on, somefeeling rising in his chest that he can’t name, something nearly frantic,because he’s not Xingchen, has never been Xingchen, has never had the rightwords at the right time even when he needed them most desperately.  He wrote so many versions of thisconversation in his head, before, that he can’t pick one now.  “But I—I am so sorry, Xingchen.  I should have done better by you, I was—I wasthoughtless, and you suffered for it--”

“Zichen,” Xingchen says again, weary, and Song Lan shuts up.  “I only regretted being blind when it killedyou,” he says, in a low murmur.  “When itkilled all those—and that—that was not your fault.”

“But—”

“Enough,” Xingchen says.  “You’reforgiven.  You were always forgiven,Zichen.”  He smiles a little.  “Besides, I should be the one apologizing.”

“I won’t listen,” Song Lan says, trying for humor.  He never did have the talent for being funnywhen he meant to be, but Xingchen smiles a little more.

“I missed you too.  Allthe time.”

Song Lan thinks briefly about kissing him.  Maybe later. Instead he reaches up and tips Xingchen’s head onto his shoulder, andsays, “Keep pressure on your hand.”

“It’s not bleeding anymore.”

“Good.  Keep pressure onit.”

AndXingchen laughs, with his cheek resting on Song Lan’s shoulder, and Song Lansmiles a little himself.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 38 - watching notes

I'm ready for PAIN!!!

*narrator voice* "She was, in fact, not ready."

The bell :'(

Casual sexism aside: I love you, you bitchy asshole :D

Oh! So empathy is basically like legilimency?

Another flashback 😂

Oh she's adorable :)

Oh wow. Even though she just tricked those woman, I can't help but kinda like her :D

Xiao Xingchen looks really creepy with that bloody cloth around his eyes

Also ... why is he blind? 😥

He's also just very kind :')

I have a feeling that he's quite literally too kind for this world. I hate that this show always tells me in advance that things won't end well. Can't you just leave me in blissfull ignorance? :'(

Jing: "you're my dad now", Xiao Xingchen *melts*

Look at them! How can two people be this adorable? 🥺

Oh no ... so let me get this straight. They just picked up Xue Yang and are now going to Ying city ... where we know Xiao Xingchen will die ... anyway I can skip this part and pretend it doesn't happen? :/

I'm really not ready for pain

That's the first time we've seen Xue Yang anything but cocky

But how does Xiao Xingchen not recognize him by voice?

Jing stepped up her blindness game by not flinching at the candy being thrown at her

So ... Xue Yang had a less than great childhood?

Ohhh, he's testing her

And she passed. Smart girl 💚

We've only known her for about an episode, but I'm so fond of her! She's resourceful and shrewd in a way that most people would never expect and she still has an innocents about her. And I feel that she is protecting Xiao Xingchen as much as he does the same for her 💚

It breaks my heart that Xiao Xingchen's seemingly boundless kindness is being taken advantage of :/

I'm honestly not quite sure if Xue Yang doesn't (in some weird way) actually care for Xiao Xingchen? If so, it's twisted and selfish, but ... I'm just not sure rn

They lived together for three whole years?

Song Lan!

The question never came to me before fir some reason, but ... why aren't they travelling together anymore anyway? Didn't they want to form a sect together? 😥

"He looks pretty nice" ohhh, I bet you think that :D

Look at that smile! Knowing that over three years have passed and he and Xiao Xingchen haven't seen each other, I'm wondering, did he look for him? Because he looks so relieved and nervous at the same time here 🥺

What's with this show and *fist clench of reoesserd emotion*? ^^

Oh no, the city looks much less lively than before the three year time skip

They are doing a great job, btw, in giving this whole flashback a really ominous feeling. You know this will end badly. You know the protagonists will be dead in the present day, so you're left always wondering if this is the scene disaster will strike. That feeling is really fraying my nerves right now 😬

Oh no ... this is the scene disaster will strike, right? 😥

What ... no, what's happening?? Why did they skip to song lan being dead already. I want to know what happened!!! 😰

Where did his eyes go???

Okay, we get to know what happened

XIAO XINGCHEN GAVE HIS EYES TO SONG LAN?

First of all: HOW?

Second of all

There are so many parallels and levelse of symbolism here and I know I'm not even noticing half of them right now, much less understanding them fully

Why ... why does this feel so much like a story of doomed lovers?

His blindness ...

This really is a story of doomed lovers, right?

This hurts :'(

Also SYMBOLISM! 😭

Noooo

So ... the reason yi city is so dead and empty is ... because Xiao Xingchen was deceived and killed them all?

That's a whole new level of darkness even for this show

Holy shit

Wow ... and Xue Yang is beyond cruel. The Wens were power hungry and so are some of the Jins. Wwx can be cruel when he lashes out in fury and grieve, the Lan sect (to an extend) is cruel in their strict adherence to the rules and the punishmentthey inflict, but this guy? He delights in cruelty. He revels in it.

Oh no ... oh fuck

He just..

did to song lan

What he did to those villagers?

Oh no

😱😱😱

Xiao Xingchen just ...

Oh Song lan 💔💔💔

Short break, guys I need a moment

That was devastating

Less than an episode of story for these characters and I'm a sobbing mess ...

Song Lan must have searched for years, wanting to reconcile with Xiao Xingchen and he never even git the chance to say word 😰😰😰

I'm just ...

Why? Because of one man's cruelty?

And all the parallels guys!!! 😭😭😭

aaaaAAAAaaargh

Okay, got a grip again

Back in present day

But how did Xiao Xingchen die??? We didn't see that!

For a second there I thought lwj would manage to slit Xue Yang's throat

That was a weird cut at the end of the episode

It's 1:30 am now and I have a uni course over zoom tomorrow at 8, so I can't watch the next ep now 😔

Remember how I asked for Jing's backstory last ep? I WASN'T PREPARED? 😭

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose and @sxnshot as requested 😊

[13parkfilter]

a wangxian playlist no one asked for

These are track notes for a wangxian playlist no one asked for, because CQL / mdzs fandom ate my life and I somehow needed to make a super dramatic 28 song playlist that follows wangxian’s love in (extremely loose) chronological order, from their first meeting as cute battle teens all the way through the depths of angst and eventually to becoming cultivation partners and (I’m positive) really great co-parenting dads. 

Because I’m like that ™ , you can find notes for each and every song below. Any weird song choices are entirely my fault. Spoiler alert: Frank Ocean.

This is a real long playlist and you could definitely break it into shorter stretches by mood. For the happiest and most in love vibes, hit the first 6 songs and the last 6 songs. Dramatic Burial Mounds vibes are from 7 to 13. It may be very satisfying to go from the depths of sadness and grief (~16) through to the end. 

1.  Don’t Know What to Do | BLACKPINK

Inspired, of course, by WYB and XZ’s demonstrated love of Blackpink in the CQL BTS videos. For a little while Stay was on this list instead, but I kept coming back to this song because to me it gets at that excited “everything is new and I’m young and so in love” feeling. Two people could certainly have a playful duel under the moonlight to this song, if they wished.

2.  A Loving Feeling | Mitski

Something about Mitski’s melancholy, slightly maudlin and self-deprecating vibe in this song is just peak “I wasn’t flirting… unless…?”

3.  Self Control | Frank Ocean

Somehow this playlist ended up structured around two overlapping arcs carried by Frank Ocean and Lykke Li, respectively, which makes no sense in theory but maybe kind of works? Idk, let me know if it works. If it does, maybe it’s because so many Frank Ocean songs are incredibly raw love songs about loss and the work that memory does to keep your love alive, and so many Lykke Li songs are about trying to slog through all the pain and bullshit without losing sight of that kernel of untarnished brightness, whatever it was that made you want to love in the first place.

I love this song for many reasons, but in no small part for the sorry-not-sorry vibe of apologizing for making someone lose their self control.

4.  Look After Me | Cub Sport

This song is real honest and tender about people taking care of each other and it messes me up. 

“There's something in the way you look at me

Like I've never done wrong

There's something in the way you look at me

When I was wrong all along.”

5.  We Could Run | Beth Ditto

Ok, imagine this playing in the background during LWJ and WWX’s first meeting with Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. A good song to play as you run into the sunset holding hands with your cultivation partner, is what I’m saying. 

6.  Unconditional Love | 椎名林檎 (Shiina Ringo)

This is just a super sweet and painfully dramatic love song, the kind of song that plays for a man who makes grand unsung gestures like composing magical love songs and secretly adopting your child after you’ve died. This is before the latter part of that, though.

7.  Bad Religion | Frank Ocean

This is the first turning point on the list, the fading of youthful optimism and the start of choices that there’s no going back from. This is when you start to realize that you really can’t please everyone, and you can’t do what you believe is right without someone hating you for it. It’s also the point at which your neuroses and blind spots start to go from being quirky and cute to a cage of your own making. You have to deal with the bad shit you inherited from your parents eventually. If you don’t you’ll either make the same mistakes they did or make different mistakes because you’re fighting so hard to keep your head above water. 

I really like the part when Frank Ocean asks his taxi driver to outrun the demons. Feels like something a modern AU WWX might say. 

8.  Silent My Song | Lykke Li

I didn’t want to go full angst here because this playlist is about *cue Westley bellowing in the Princess Bride* TRUE LOVE and so I didn’t go as hard as I could here, but this is the start of the golden core +  first Burial Mounds arc. 

9.  Figure 8 | FKA twigs

I can hear the resentful energy swirling in this one. This is probably the most abstract choice on the list but to me something in it evokes the curdled rage and seething of an unquiet spirit. 

10.  Fantasmas | Ambar Lucid

This is a song about living with ghosts: of a failed relationship, and the mistakes that it took to get there. 

11.  Green Grass | Cibelle

I love this song because it’s a little sweet and a little scary at the same time. It’s gentle and haunting and the lyrics are as unforgettable as poetry. 

Is this a love song that a corpse is singing to someone visiting their grave? I like to think so. 

12.  I Bet on Losing Dogs | Mitski

In spite of the dog reference (lol) this whole song is a super WWX trying to live with the Wens in the Burial Mounds mood in my opinion. It has turnip energy. Trampled yet undefeated lotus energy, if you will.

13.  Godspeed | Frank Ocean

This song is the essence of heartbreak and knowing that you have to finally let go of someone. Am I imagining LWJ and WWX singing this back and forth to each other at the Burial Mounds, depending on which line it is? Am I crying about it a little? Maybe.

“I let go of my claim on you.”

“There will be mountains you can’t move.”

14.  I Know Places | Lykke Li

This is the “Come back to Gusu with me” song, even though it’s coming later in the timeline than it should. (I sort of compressed all the Burial Mounds-set songs together for a better flow). Anyway I feel like this captures all of those unspoken desires, that frustrated feeling of caring about and believing in someone so much without being able to protect them from all the people and powers that want to hurt them. But you have to try.

15.  Deeper Than Love | Antony and the Johnsons

This song is almost. Too dramatic. This is meant to be at Nightless City / WWX’s fall. I originally had 2 completely different songs here but I ended up liking the arc of this song and where it ends up. The two songs I originally had here were a much more bitter feeling, but I like that this song is tragic and painful and is still a kind of love song at the same time. I really wanted this playlist to be all love songs, some very different from each other, some more about pain and loss and regret than the good parts of love, but still love songs.

“And I have tried to shine in the darkness

Entertaining vanities in vain…

Hold on

And hold on

And let go

Let go

And fall deeper

Even than love.”

16.  Days of Candy | Beach House

To me this song is very evocative of the mingled feelings of grief in the immediate aftermath of a loss. Grief is never a pure, singular feeling, but a sticky amalgam of missing and wanting and sweet memories and a deep pit of pain. The sort of slow, half-asleep sadness full of watery light that this song evokes really takes me there, to the place where the grief is real but the loss is still almost unreal, where the feeling of that person still hasn’t left, your senses are still full of them, you just heard their voice yesterday, they might come into the room at any moment. It’s the almost— joyful?? part of grief that you don’t realize has any joy in it yet because you haven’t yet started to forget. You can’t imagine being able to forget, and you have no idea how much worse it will be when you can’t immediately evoke their presence anymore to comfort yourself. When you can’t pretend anymore that you’ll be able to see them again.

17.  Last Song | Gackt

Idk why exactly but Gackt is very yearning LWJ vibes in this song. Is it the earnestness? The intensity? The incredibly romantic lyrics? The deep, smooth voice?.. All of the above?

Anyway, if the previous song was nonverbal grief, this song is the start of the solidifying of grief, moving past rage and disbelief and self-destructive denial and gradually into a crystallization, a narrative of what the loss meant. Instead of a great crushing thing that blots out the sky and swallows your entire life, the grief becomes just another part of you��� a defining part, maybe, but still part of a greater whole. And you move on. Or you try to. 

18.  Sleeping Alone | Lykke Li

This is 13 years of going where the chaos is, searching and playing Inquiry and never giving up, resigned to sleeping alone in strange places but still just never ever giving up. 

“Now was not our time, no, I let you down. 

Someday, somehow, somewhere down the line… we’ll meet again.”

19.  Busby Berkeley Dreams | The Magnetic Fields

Does every deep-voiced man singing a dramatic love song remind me of LWJ now? Maybe. At least I refrained from filling the entire playlist with Stephin Merritt songs. 

“I should have forgotten you long ago, but you’re in every song I know” is just… the most Wangxian sentiment. 

This is a bit of a modern AU LWJ, one who would definitely cry into his True Romance magazines. I do still think that this song very much captures how he must have felt hearing the song he wrote played on a terrible flute after 13 years, though. It definitely doesn’t have a flute solo in it, either.

20.  Ivy | Frank Ocean

This song is peak WWX in a mask, trying to hide from LWJ and his own emotions at the same time. But also, maybe, the start of some emotional awareness and genuine communication. Thanks to Frank Ocean for this entire playlist, practically.

21.  Fireworks | Mitski

Another song about memories and dealing with the past even when it comes back to stab you in the side. (s/o to Jin Ling, low key my favorite character, never afraid to cry in any situation) 

“I will be married to silence

The gentleman won't say a word

But you know, oh you know in the quiet he holds

Runs a river that'll never find home.”

22.  Hell | Waxahatchee

This is a song about apologizing to someone for putting them through hell. To me it’s a very adults-in-love song, and there’s a sort of gentleness to acknowledging the pain and mistakes of the past while still having hope that maybe love is really worth it after all— especially if you’re “one of those who canonize a love so true it never dies.”

23.  A letter to my younger self | Ambar Lucid

I have to admit that the title of this song makes me think of yiqie’s truly excellent time travel fic that is very heartbreaking and very beautiful. I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t read it (go read it), but it’s safe to tell you that it grapples with and transcends all the reasons I usually avoid time travel fics, like the idea of helplessness in the face of fate, and how much control we really have over our own decisions, and what it means to let people make their own mistakes. 

24.  Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits | The Magnetic Fields

This one really speaks for itself. 

Besides, “Let’s pretend we’re bunny rabbits until we pass away” is just a cuter way of saying “Everyday,” right?

25.  ”愛してる”からはじめよう  (“Let’s start from ‘I love you’”) | Miyavi

I personally feel that Miyavi has big sunshine WWX energy. This is just. A very cute and soft love song. Feels like napping in some tall grass in the summertime. Waking up next to your lifelong crush and remembering how lucky you are. Wandering from town to town with your true love and your donkey. That type of energy.

26.  Angels | The xx

The last three songs on this list never fail to give me Big Dramatic Feelings. 

I think what this song captures well is the feeling of just drifting along, lost in your thoughts, showing up somewhere— and suddenly seeing the person you know to be the love of your life at an unexpected time or place, and being struck all over again with… all of it. Your heart stutters, everything slows down, and for a second you forget to breathe. Like: Oh yeah. Oh shit. I remember why I love you. I remember how it felt when I was first falling in love with you. And I never want it to stop. 

“And with words unspoken, a silent devotion. I know you know what I mean.”

27.  Love Me Like I’m Not Made of Stone | Lykke Li

I think of this as the quintessential WWX love song, from the title to the sentiment of the lyrics to the moody burning joy of the sound of it. It’s demanding and soft and confident and raw all at once. 

Props to Lykke Li for the redemption arc of this playlist.

28.  Good to Love | FKA twigs

MAKE MY BODY COME ALIVE. This is the song that really says the most to me about the pain and beauty and the vulnerability and intimacy of being in love. What I love about all of FKA twigs’ music is how beautifully she merges and intertwines the messy physical and spiritual aspects of love. Her music is a sexy secular prayer to Eros imo and I’m here for it.