#itoshi rin angst

[seichira]

is it just me?

itoshi rin is tormented by the lingering ghosts of your tragic breakup. he is cold and he lives with the burden of missing you. he wonders if you are hurting too, or is it just him?

pairing : itoshi rin x reader

content : hurt and comfort. exes to lovers. messy breakup. accusations of cheating (no actual cheating). insecurities. mentions of alcohol. cursing.

it’s one in the morning and rin is surrounded by his friends and acquaintances but still, he feels cold. even with the alcohol in his system that he drank to purposely warm him, it’s cold.

it has been this way for nearly a year now. eleven months and a couple weeks, if anyone is counting. a few days more and it would be the anniversary of your breakup.

the nearer it gets to twelve months without you, the colder it gets. right now, even with the perfectly working heater in one of his teammate’s penthouse, rin shivers.

it’s cold.

he never thought it could be this cold.

rin knows why he feels like this. he knows exactly why he wakes up and goes to bed alone. the reason why his life is dull and empty is not a secret to him—he just won’t acknowledge it.

he refuses to admit to himself that the reason why he has been suffering for the past eleven months of his life is because you’re not here.

how could he admit it? how could he ever address that your absence it what causes his pitiful state, when he brought it upon himself.

it was his fault that you’re not here. he wanted this. well, he had thought that he wanted this.

there is no way he could welcome the thought that he misses you when he was the one who drove you away, right? there is no use.

it’s too late now. all he could do is go out with his teammates on nights like this and pretend as if he wasn’t freezing from the inside out.

“damn, this is so boring,” seishiro sits down beside him on the sofa and rin tenses at the presence of the white-haired boy.

he does not know what to do because among everyone else in this crowded room, you are most connected to nagi seishiro. your best friend. and he has long been your best friend before you and rin even got together.

how is rin supposed to act around the person who is still in your life while he himself isn’t? this man seated next to him knows where you are right now and what you have been doing, while rin has absolutely no idea how you are.

“didn’t think i’d see you here, itoshi,” nagi speaks again. rin hums in acknowledgment, “thought it wouldn’t be so bad to come.”

there is this unspoken understanding between them, that both of them are thinking about you. after all, aside from soccer, all they have in common is their connection to you.

nagi debates whether he should tell you that he saw rin tonight or keep it to himself so as to not instigate negative feelings from you.

rin wonders if he should start asking about you. he decides against it and pretended to busy himself with his cellphone to avoid further conversation with your best friend.

he convinces himself that he does not care. he acts like he doesn’t want to know how you are. he tries to make himself believe that as long as he can fake it, it will somehow be true.

jokes on him, really.

meguru approaches nagi next to him and rin is planning to ignore him like he usually does, but the words that comes out of meguru’s mouth made that utterly impossible.

“nagi! i saw y/n by the bookstore earlier this afternoon, didn’t you ask her to come? i invited her but she said you didn’t mention anythin’ about a party!”

the mere mention of your name makes rin’s heart stop. it has been a very long time since he heard someone mention your name casually around him. now that your name has been dropped, everything comes crashing down on him, and he cannot breathe.

“oh, damn, i’m sorry—“ bachira seems to notice his mistake upon not seeing rin next to nagi. they know not to carelessly throw your name around because at first, it affected his performance. now, it is apparent that you affect him in and out of the game.

“excuse me.”

rin is cold. it’s like ice is running through his veins as he stands up and rushes to leave the suffocating penthouse.

rin runs out to the street and for the first time since he lost you, he names the sinking feeling in his stomach that won’t go away.

for the first time since you walked out the door of your shared apartment, rin finally admits it.

he misses you.

he is longing for you like how the moon misses the sun but never meets it enough. it burns and it is freezing all at the same time because when you were here, he felt nothing but the assurance of your love.

he runs, and runs, and runs. it’s dark and it’s cold, but he runs. he runs in hopes that he could change the past. he runs with the burning desire to correct his faults and take back all the hurt he inflicted on you.

maybe then, you’d be here.

maybe then, it wouldn’t be so cold.

“are you seriously accusing me of that, rin? are you hearing yourself right now?” the hurt was evident in your tone as you watched the love of your life with all of his guards up.

his glares were accusing as if what he saw was an unforgivable betrayal. he had seen you talking to his brother, sae, and rin was quick to act out of pure rage and jealousy.

“you were flirting with my fucking brother!” he spat out, and he knew it was irrational.

he knew he was wrong about and that you would never be able to do that to him, but his years of pent up frustration and hatred towards his brother made it impossible to remember his trust in you.

“and i already told you i wasn’t, rin. i was talking to him. i bumped into him at the coffee shop while i was getting your usual morning drink when he saw me and i sat down for a little chat! that was all, baby. believe me.”

you deserved an award with how well you held up, with how patient you were with him despite his hurtful accusations towards you.

no one else understood him like you did, and you knew to be more patient with him in times like these. you were aware of how his brother affected him and how he just needed someone to stick with him through it.

“well, fuck that! you shouldn’t have been with him in the first place! sae wants everything that i have and now, he’s tryna get you too!”

it almost made you flinch, with his tone rising and his voice getting louder. he is furious, and you try to disregard the sting of his words now that his fury is directed at you.

“i’m sorry, alright? it wasn’t my intention to hurt you, rin. he’s your brother and i thought it would be nice to ask him how he is and—“

rin cut you off like he couldn’t comprehend a word that you were saying. “that’s bullshit and you know it! just fuckin’ tell me the truth! that like everyone and everything else, you’re gonna leave me for him!”

it frustrated you that he blocked all your explanations out. you were growing weary with the accusations thrown at you, but you continued. you continued to reason with him because you knew him. you knew he needed someone to stay. and above all, you tried further because you were in love with him.

you loved rin three years before you finally got together. your two years together made that five. that was five years of your life being deeply in love with someone whom you thought was going to be your husband and the father of your kids.

that amount of time may not be much when viewed through the generations of people who loved each other, but for the both of you, those five years were enough to build a life and create an ideal future with the other.

so, yeah. it never occurred to you to give up in that argument. there was no chance in hell that you would leave him high and dry.

“it’s not like that, rin. i am never going to leave you for anyone, much less for your brother! i need you to listen to me! we talked! that’s it!”

“you’re lying to me. i know it.”

you shake your head in exhaustion. “i talk, and i talk, and i talk—and you don’t hear a thing.” a lone tear falls from your eye without realizing.

his sharp stare does not falter. all he could see was red. the scene of you and sae together replayed over and over again in his mind.

you, the person he loved most, with the person who took everything away from him. it killed him to imagine a future where it is not you and him, but you and sae.

“i’m in love with you. only you. i cannot see myself with anyone else and i thought you knew that, rin. i get that your brother strikes a vein in you but don’t i at least deserve to be heard? we’re better than this.”

“yeah? and i thought you’d be better than acquainting with sae like that. you knew how i felt about him, and you did this? fuck that.”

rin walked out on you that night without another word. it felt like he also walked out on your relationship because he started training more. this meant leaving before you even woke up and going home when you were fast asleep.

during those weeks when rin avoided you like the plague despite living under one roof, you felt completely alone and isolated. you were lonely. he spoke to you in words, and he treated you as if your encounter with sae was enough for him to give it all up.

until one day, he comes home to a living room full of bags and boxes. you were there, waiting for him with a tired smile on your face.

for the first time, rin realized that the black circles under your eyes have grown where they weren’t before. he noticed that you are all cried out and now, you’ve got no tears to shed as you leave him.

“w-what’s all this?”

“i’m leaving. i’m sorry for not getting out of your hair faster. it was really hard to look for another apartment that was within my budget but don’t worry, i figured it out.”

“leaving? leaving me? leaving… this house?” which one is it? or fuck, is it both?

“mhm. i f-figured it’s not healthy for us to live under the same roof after everything. i wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own space just because i’m here, so…”

did you really think he wanted you to leave? he wanted to explain. he wanted to tell you that he only acted that way because he was hurt and he was guilty! you don’t have to leave!

but he’s frozen from where he stood. the sight of all your stuff packed up and ready to go was a little bit too much for him.

you stood from where you were seated among the bags and boxes, and you stop in front of him. again, you smile gracefully, in contrast to the breaking heart that almost killed you.

“and rin? i’m sorry again for what happened with sae. i should’ve known better than to do that to you, and i understand that you don’t want to do anything with me because of that.”

he shook his head but you missed it because you walked past him with some of your bags in your hand. “y/n, no. i—“

you hear it and for a moment, you delude yourself into thinking that he will ask you to stay. but he doesn’t continue.

he stops because how could he ask you to stay after how he treated you? it was his fault for not listening and in the end, it was you who apologized? in what fucking universe do i deserve this angel, huh?

he doesn’t stop you from leaving because in that very moment, the thought of you finally escaping from him and his hurtful treatment towards you didn’t seem so bad.

“so, i guess… i’ll see you around. nagi will be around to grab my remaining stuff, so try not to kill each other, yeah?” you try to play it off cool, mask the fact that inside, everything is falling apart.

rin nods but he stayed with his back facing you. until the end, he did not have the guts to face you. to face what he had done to you and your relationship.

suddenly, everything grew cold. everything lost their color. the empty corners of where your warmth used to be mocked him.

for nearly a year since then, he has lived and suffered with the mistakes he did. he didn’t know what to tell people when they started asking about you. he didn’t know how to ride the train without holding your hand. he didn’t know how to be soaked in the shower without letting his tears flow freely.

he wondered endlessly as he daydreamed of speaking to you again: are you hurting too, or is it just me?

his endless running brings him to your street where you moved when you left him. his feet takes him farther than he expected because this street is on the opposite part of town from your shared apartment, a telltale sign that you tried to get as far away as possible.

evidently, it is not far enough because on your way home from the convenience store, you run into your ex-boyfriend. rin is first to notice your presence, and instead of freezing up like he did when you left, he walks up to you.

“rin?” you are confused and nervous. after all, the last time you had seen him was almost a year ago. you never tried to see him again.

“it hurts.”

the two words he just confessed are two words that he has never said together in a sentence ever in his life. itoshi rin never admits it when something is hurting him. he never tells anyone when he is in pain.

for him to say that now, it is a cry for you to soothe him in a way that only you could, and you know this because you know him better than the back of your hand.

standing a meter away from you underneath a street lamp, itoshi rin confesses his truth.

“it hurts, y/n. it hurts without you. it feels like i can’t breathe. it is so cold without you. it hurts so badly. i thought i could live with it eventually—but i can’t. it only gets worse.”

rin sees your shoulders shake in your attempt to conceal your sobs but you are failing miserably, and so does he. you don’t say anything and rin figures that’s fair.

you already tried to talk. you already told him everything you needed to hear on the night of the fight that ruined your relationship. it’s his turn to tell you everything you deserve to hear.

but he isn’t as good as you when it comes to words. he thinks about how he accused you of cheating on him. he thinks about how he shut you out and left you feeling lonely. he thinks about every day that he could have chased after you but didn’t. he thinks about all of that and he thinks about how he’s sorry.

and he manages to get that last part out, hoping that you would get it. hoping that the deep-rooted connection between the two of you is enough to let you know what he means.

“i’m sorry.”

you drop your groceries to the ground and you close the meter of distance between the two of you. you welcome him in his arms but he wraps his arms around you tighter than you welcomed him, because he is afraid that if he doesn’t, he will lose you again.

“that is all i needed to hear from you, rin. i never wanted much from you. just you and your love. i just needed to know that you still felt that for me, and when i didn’t… i had no other choice to walk away.”

rin nods against your neck and you feel his tears staining your shoulder. “i’m sorry. forgive me, please. i love you. i love you. and i trust you. more than anyone, baby. i promise.”

“you know i could never hurt you like you thought i did—“ you recalled, but rin cuts you off because he can’t bear another second of you defending yourself when you shouldn’t be.

“i know. i know.”

his embrace around you tightens, and he does not care if anyone could look out from their windows and see the soccer star practically begging for you in the middle of the night. not when he is in your arms again after months of only dreaming about it and wishing for it.

“it hurt too much without you too, rin. i had to remind myself that i can’t run to you for warmth. i took everything in me not to throw away my dignity to beg you to bring me back.”

that answers his question.

in his absence, you were hurting too. your separation killed you just like how it killed him.

“no. no—don’t have to beg for it, baby. i should be on my knees to thank you for even taking me back like this because—shit—i swear that i wouldn’t have lasted another day.”

you run your hands through his hair before briefly pulling away to cup his cheek in your hands, and he fondly leans on your touch.

“for the entire year, i thought it was just me who longed for you, rin.”

you couldn’t be any more wrong.

“i begged the stars and the skies for this very moment. it wasn’t just you.”

[noosayog]

003 the grudge

✧ wc: 4.1k

✧ warnings/content: itoshi rin x reader, no gendered pronouns used but lease lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff (hopeful ending), arguments and lots of swearing. another fic where I project bc of messed up things my old romantic partners have said to me, hope y'all enjoy!

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“How come you never ask me how my day is?” you ask. It’s quiet, like you’re scared of how he will respond. But you can’t help it. Every day, when Rin comes home from practice, you’re there to greet him at the door. You always have dinner ready no matter how tired you are. And every day, Rin grunts. On a good day, he gives you a peck on the cheek. On bad days, he throws his gym bag down and heads straight for the bath. Then, he comes to sit at the dinner table and eats silently. 

Just once, you’d like him to ask you how your day was. Maybe come home with flowers or a cake from the neighborhood bakery occasionally. You wouldn’t think it too much to ask, but the years of this routine make your question your every thought. You start to forget that being in a relationship shouldn’t consist of you walking on eggshells every day.

Rin looks up from his meal, swallowing before responding, “because you always tell me whether or not I ask.” 

It’s a reasonable response. But it’s cold and callous. Not the answer you were looking for. 

“But why can’t you just ask?”

He cocks his head. Confused, not annoyed. 

Not yet at least. 

“Why would I? If there’s something you wanna tell me, just say it.” 

“I just want you to want to ask sometimes. Makes me feel less like I’m forcing you to listen to me.” 

“You’re not.”

“I know, but that’s not the point.” 

“So what’s the point then?” 

You recognize the change in his tone. He’s starting to become irritated. 

“The point is that I just want you to show you care sometimes. Without having me to ask you to do it.” 

“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it loud and clear all the same. 

“Is it that unreasonable for me to ask that of you?” 

“Fine. How was your day?” he grits out, forcing a smile that looks more like he’s baring his teeth at you. 

“Rin, this isn’t what I want.” 

He puts his chopsticks down loudly. “You just said that’s what you wanted. So I’m doing it.”

“Not like this, Rin,” you say frustratedly, not sure how else you can communicate. “I just want you to want to be here with me. Act like you’re my boyfriend and that you’re happy to do it.” 

“I wouldn’t be here, living with you, if I didn’t. What else do you want from me?”

It’s condescending and patronizing. It makes you feel like you are being the childish one here. 

“Is it so hard that once in a while, you do something extra to show it?” you ask, voice small. “Like getting me flowers or even surprising me with a treat from the bakery I like?” 

Rin runs a hand down his face, not even bothering to hide how foolish he thinks this conversation is. You feel the sting behind your eyes start to build. 

“If you want flowers and a cake or something, just tell me. I’m not a fucking mind reader. How would I know you want those things unless you tell me?” 

“I’m not saying I want flowers or a cake specifically. But-” 

“Then what do you want!” He's yelling now. “I’m telling you I’ll buy the damn flowers if you ask. You’re always expecting people around you to read your mind. Use your fucking words!” 

At that, you shrink away, closing in around yourself as you recall the phone call between the two of you months ago, having very much the same conversation. 

“You always expect the people around you to read your mind. Why don’t you use your fucking words when you want something?” 

That’s unfair, you think. In every other situation, you would agree. You do have a problem with communicating what you want. You know that. But should you really have to ask to have Rin tell you he loves you once in a while? For him to just show he cares by taking initiative and doing something nice for you? To want him to want to do something for you, even as simple as asking how your day was when he gets home without you having to ask? 

But your insecurities get the best of you and objectively, he’s right. You answer in a small voice, “Sorry, Rin.” 

There’s silence on the other line and for one second, you think that he’s going to apologize too and the floodgates would open and you two would open up and share everything that’s been building up. 

Instead, you hear a click. Rin had cut the line. 

When you have nothing else to say, Rin stands up, storming towards the bedroom, muttering, “Jesus, you’re always like this. Don’t start an argument if you can’t finish it.” 

The bedroom door slams. 

– 

Rin is used to silence, prefers it actually. He gets enough noise from the daily racket the Blue Lock team makes. So at night, when he comes home to you, he appreciates the way you let him be. He’s content to sit there, listening to you talk quietly about your day. Your voice is a soothing one in comparison to the rowdy, grating ones of his teammates. 

So when you ask him to take initiative to start the conversation sometimes, he’s uncomprehending. Your daily routine is fine as is; don’t his nods and noises of acknowledgement show that he’s listening to you? He gets enough nagging from Isagi and Bachira to talk more; he really doesn’t need to hear it at home too. 

He can’t understand what it is you want him to do, because you were the one who strong-armed yourself into his life, persistent in trying to converse with him at the coffee shop you both frequented, until he finally asked you out on a date. You were always the one to initiate conversation. 

So when you propose change to the relationship dynamic, Rin feels like you’re throwing a big wrench in the cogs that seem to be working perfectly fine. 

After a long, hot shower, Rin goes back into the bedroom, expecting to find you curled up in bed. Rin isn’t worried. Regardless of whether you were still sulking or ready to go back to your usual self, he knows from experience that he just needs to reach his arms out and you would be eagerly pushing yourself into his side of the bed to get as close as you possibly can. 

But when he enters the bedroom, the room is empty and the beddoor he slammed shut before remains closed. It’s then that he hears some shuffling in the living room, a couple of muffled sniffles and the quiet click of a door shutting. That wasn’t the sound of the spare bedroom door. That’s the sound of the front door. 

Immediately, Rin bolts out to the kitchen. There, he finds all the dishes cleaned and put away, the dining table wiped down. You are not to be found. 

Waves of frustration wash over him again. If you were going to be so upset about this, why won’t you just come find him and tell him? Rin thinks you could not have proved his point from your earlier argument any better than just up and leaving in a tantrum. 

He should call, he thinks. If it were him, he’d just prefer space, quiet, and some alone time, but knowing you, he thinks you’d appreciate at least a gesture. 

No, he rethinks. Just give them some time to calm down. 

Pushing down the wave of worry, he slumps onto the couch, telling himself you’ll come home soon. The seconds drag by like hours so he puts on game footage to rewatch to pass the time. The seconds do not pass by any quicker as he continues to glance at his phone between plays. 

Finally, he can’t handle it anymore and dials your number. The line rings once, twice, then he hears buzzing from the kitchen. Rin walks towards the source of the sound and finds your phone on the kitchen counter. It sits there, the buzzing continuing, mocking him. 

Rin lets it ring for a couple of moments longer before he grabs a coat and bolts out the door. 

Stupid! Who leaves without their phones? 

It’s well after sunset and dark outside. Even if the two of you live in a nice neighborhood, you should know better than to wander around by yourself after dark. Without your phone no less. 

How long has it been since you’ve left? 

As he runs by all the convenience stores in the area and the minutes go by without being able to find you, his irritation at your irresponsibleness morphs into guilt. He should’ve come out much sooner to find you, shouldn’t have let you cry by yourself. Now you’re out somewhere, crying all alone on the night streets of Tokyo. Irrational panic wells up in his chest at the thought of someone taking advantage of your vulnerable state. 

When he exhausts all of his options, he sighs, knowing the only place left unchecked is one of your friend's places. The same friends who he knows dislike him. The same ones who think you can do better. 

He reluctantly pulls out his phone to give your friends a call; if they pick up, he’ll come get you and the two of you will go home together. But the first thing that greets him is a text saying you’re fine and that you are indeed at a friend’s place to crash for the night. Unsure of where that leaves him, he returns to your shared apartment. 

And as Rin sits with the sterile kitchen and unusual quiet of the space, for the first time ever, he really contemplates the idea of you finding someone better. He dimly remembers a similar conversation the two of you had, perhaps over the phone a while back? Through all the years he has known you, he supposes it is a habit of yours to want things without vocalizing them. Like the times the two of you are watching a movie together and you look between his cup of tea and the kitchen until he gets the hint to go make you a cup. Or when you’re eating together and you stare at his plate until he spoons some of whatever he’s having into your waiting mouth. Rin’s not too sure how those unremarkable situations are different from what happened at dinner tonight. 

And while Rin has never minded taking care of you and learning all the ins and outs of your body language, he’s realizing that these little things that rarely register in his mind may have been snowballing in yours. 

But on days when he comes home, totally spent from practice, he acknowledges that he won’t be able to put the effort into fulfilling your unsaid desires. And that’s almost every day. 

So as he sits on the couch, visualizing a life of yours without him, he thinks it might be for the best. He waits at home for you. When you come home, the two of you can have a mature conversation about a future where you are with someone who can make you happy. 

–

It’s late morning when you return home, unsurprisingly but not unexpectedly finding the apartment empty. Rin has gone to practice. 

You berate yourself for even wishing for one moment that Rin would have skipped practice to wait for you.

You suppose it’s like all your expectations of Rin: things piling up that you wish he would do but you never ask him for. 

You busy yourself cleaning, reading, watching TV, napping. The day passes by painfully slowly. You finally hear the click of the front door right as you finish preparing dinner – an elaborate meal of Rin’s favorites as your way of meeting him in the middle. 

You greet him at the door and after he takes off his shoes and drops his bag, he meets your eyes. There’s no detectable expression; he doesn’t look particularly surprised, upset, nor happy to see you at home waiting for you. 

What he does do, however, is walk up to you and pull you into his arms. 

His gesture overwhelms you. It’s not exactly what you’ve been asking for, but it’s enough. You sniffle lightly into his jacket. He just holds you and you let him – it’s precisely what you want and need. 

After a while of the two of you simply standing together in the entryway, your arms around his waist remain tight as you ask, “what are you thinking about, Rin?” 

He’s silent but squeezes your shoulders. 

A smile overtakes your lips. That’s when you remember you had prepared dinner for him. This seems like an appropriate time to offer it up as an apology, but Rin doesn’t seem to be ready to move. 

You let go, intending to lead him to the dinner table, but even as your arms unwind from around him, his hold remains tight. 

“Rin?” 

“I’m thinking about how I’m going to let you go.” 

You freeze. 

Rin doesn’t say anything more. He lets the words hang in the air and no matter how long the two of you stand there, the words don’t change. 

“I thought you came home to make up with me,” you say. 

Rin still refuses to let go. “I’ve thought about it,” he says quietly, slowly. “I think I finally get what you want from me. But I can’t give you that. I can’t be different and that might mean that I can’t be what you want. At least not in an emotional partner.” 

You shove him away. “You don’t know that! How can you know what I want! I never-” 

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t think I can give you what you want without needing you to ask for it. And I think you deserve someone who can.” 

You shake your head, different tears rearing to make an appearance. “You said it yourself, Rin. You’re not a mind-reader. I know I have to do a better job of telling you when I…” 

He shakes his head too. 

“No, I don’t think you’re asking too much. I think you’re completely right. But I can’t do it. There’s definitely someone else out there who can do it for you.” 

“If it’s not too much to ask, then why can’t you try! Why are you just giving up? You’re so unwilling to try that you’d rather break up?!” 

You’re hysterical at this point. Rin’s calm demeanor just makes it worse. 

“I love you,” Rin says solemnly. “but I can’t keep hurting you like this. Especially when I know I can’t change.” 

Rin says every word deliberately, with finality. Every word drains more and more fight from you. 

“Cant? Or won’t?” 

Rin only meets your gaze steadily. 

There are no more words, no more fight you have left. What more can you do but say okay? 

– 

For Rin, everything has gone exactly as he had expected. He would go even as far as to say that the night the two of you agreed to break up, he slept dreamlessly. He went to practice the following day and performed just as usual. He had dinner alone, but he’s no longer in a position to wonder where you spent dinner and so he cleans up and showers and falls into another fitless sleep. 

It’s only when the weekend comes around that something starts to stir. 

As agreed, you decide to move out despite Rin offering the apartment to you. It was a strange feeling when you had told him the apartment had too many memories for you to remain in it alone. He has never thought of it that way before, associating a tangible thing to an intangible feeling, unless it was a soccer ball flying into a goal. 

Sae had come over to help you move out. 

During your years of dating, Rin was aware that you and his older brother got along well. While your friendship with his brother had never really bothered him, he had also never considered you closer to Sae than he, himself, to Sae. 

So he finds it uncomfortable that Sae is the one helping you leave. 

But despite his initial reservations, the morning goes by uneventfully, the two brothers packing your things away into boxes. 

After lunch, you decide to join Sae to pack your half of the kitchen while Rin takes the bathroom. It takes him less than 30 minutes to separate all your items from his, a variety of colorful bottles and jars that he’s never touched. It takes even less time to pack them away into one single plastic container. 

Something strikes Rin in the gut when he realizes how easy it is to pack years into a single box. Unable to shake the punching feeling in his gut, he picks up a bottle of lotion that has been untouched by either of you for years to ask if you’d like to take it. He could care less about the lotion but he needs to walk away from the unfamiliar sight of the sink now only decorated with a sparse scattering of his grey-tone products. 

When he turns the corner to the kitchen, he sees you sitting on the counter, dictating items for Sae to grab from the cabinets. The domesticity between the two of you in his home makes the punchy feeling he wants to run from punch harder. 

He watches Sae point at a matching set of mugs, ones that Rin remembers easily. He surprises himself with how easily the memory of those mugs resurfaces: a vivid image of the two of you in a home goods store picking your first couple’s mugs. You shake your head and Sae moves to the next items in the cabinet. Rin’s gut wrenches at how easily you make your decision to leave those mugs behind. 

The next items are a set of glasses the two of you had bought as a souvenir on a weekend trip to Osaka. They weren’t matching, one of the glasses littered with various cute images associated with Osaka and the other with only printed lettering of “Osaka” on it. Despite the contrasting designs, he remembers you putting the glasses that each of you individually picked out together and squealing over how they look like a matching set. He didn’t understand then but as he watches you direct Sae to pack the glass with the cute images and leave the glass with the simple lettering, he starts to understand. His glass gets left in the cabinets. 

When the cabinet has been picked and chosen through to your liking, Sae moves over to where you’re sat on the counter and offers his hand to help you off. You take it and hop off. The scene that unfolds next is what finally makes Rin realize that the uncomfortable feeling in his chest is akin to that of a heart attack, no, even more pedestrian – jealousy. 

He watches as your expression crumbles and you bury your face into your hands. It hits him that it’s the first time he has seen you cry after the breakup. And on instinct, he begins to walk to where you are to offer comfort, but it’s Sae who wraps one arm around you and runs his hands up and down your arm. 

It strikes Rin then. 

It's one thing to think about letting you go be with someone who is the partner you deserve. 

It's another to actually do it and see it. It's another thing to go through with it. 

And the most jarring realization today is that maybe Rin is more capable of what he had originally thought. Maybe he can’t read your mind, but the years of being with you, living with you, loving you, has taught him that he can understand you without needing you to say anything. 

Like right now. Sae has one arm around your trembling figure, pulling you into his side, but what you really want is someone who will wrap both arms around your shoulders. You’d push your damp face into the nearest neck or collarbone when one arm comes up to cradle your head. You’d whimper when the one holding your nuzzles their face against your hair. It’s muscle memory. 

For both you and him. 

And just like that, Rin changes his mind. 

He charges onto the scene. 

“I’ll take it from here.” 

– 

“I’ll take it from here.” 

Sae lifts his arm from your shoulder, but by instinct, you cower, stepping behind him, just enough to hide your face. It takes you a few seconds to pull yourself together, school your expression to face Rin. When you look up, you find that the brothers have come to some sort of silent understanding, Sae nodding and patting your head before vacating the apartment, leaving you and Rin and the thick haze of tension. 

Sae forgotten, you swipe messily at your face one last time for stray tears, playing it off as wiping the sweat from your forehead. 

You turn back to the cabinets, busying yourself by reaching up for the remaining mugs. “We almost finished the kitchen. I just need to go through a couple more cupboards and…” 

“Hey.” 

You feel him before you hear him. Rin is all up in your space, one hand resting on the counter to your left, caging you against the counter. 

“Stop,” his commanding voice tells you. 

You turn around. 

“Can I take it back?” he asks. 

You fluster. 

“Oh! Um,” you respond, voice startlingly loud. “The mugs? Which one did you want to keep? I didn’t mean to take-” 

“Not that,” he stops your rambling. “Can I take what I said back? About breaking up. I want to take it all back.” 

He pries the mug from between your fingers and sets it back into its home in the cupboards. 

“What does ‘take it back’ mean?” you squeak out. 

“It means I don’t want to break up anymore.” 

Your mouth moves faster than your brain. 

“You can’t just take a break up back.” 

“So how can I do it then? I’ll do anything.” 

“You can’t!” you raise your voice then. “You just… can’t.” the last word uttered as a whisper. 

“Yes, we can. Tell me what to do. I’m sorry. Sorry. I know you do a lot for me and I thought I couldn’t do that for you. But I know I can. I can do it better than anyone else. So please, let me take it back.” 

“Do you even know what we were arguing about in the first place? Do you remember that one time, so long ago, you said the same thing to me over the phone? To use my fucking words? Well maybe you don’t, but I remember every word.”

“I remember,” he says honestly. “And I’m sorry I said it that way. So much that it hurt you. So much that you still remember the exact words I said to you. But I don’t need to read your mind.

“Though I would like you to tell me explicitly what you like sometimes,” he adds thoughtfully. 

“But, I’ve loved you for long enough now that I don’t need to read your mind to know what you need. Maybe I won’t always know what you want, so I’ll still need you to tell me sometimes, but I always know what you need.” 

A lot of the things Rin says are very matter of fact and this is no different. He knows before you do that you’ll give in. 

He closes the small distance and pulls you into a tight embrace. It’s enough to open the floodgates. 

“Do you even know how many hours I’ve spent practicing arguments against you in my head? In the shower, in the car, when I’m getting ready for bed? You can’t just say a few sorry’s and think it’s enough.” 

“Mhm,” he nods, cradling your head in a way you know he knows makes you the most vulnerable. 

“I make you feel so guilty in my imagination. I don’t want to feel like that anymore,” you sob. 

“Yeah,” he says, continuing to stroke your hair.

“And you can’t talk to me like that anymore.” 

“I won’t,” he promises. 

He lets you soak his shirt with tears and after what feels like hours, you finally bring your hands up to clutch tightly at his shirt. 

“So how was your day?” he asks. 

You pinch his sides. “Not now, idiot.” 

You hear him chuckle a bit, the vibrations against your body comforting. He continues holding you, though, just the way you know he knows you like.

[dreamlessimp]

— poster

itoshi rin x reader | 0.9k

you go to his game, and he gets mad

your notifications for football games had gone from a necessity, to a minor inconvenience. at first, they allowed you to watch many of rin’s games. it was a way to get closer, and worked well enough.

when he left though, the alerts began to sting in a way that was ever so dull.

still, eventually, you were the fortunate receiver of a welcome surprise—rin would be playing near your house.

disappointing as it was that he hadn’t told you, you were already used to it. you’d begun to speak less and less as time quickly passed, so it served no surprise. still, you tried to cling to the hope that you’d grow closer yet again.

not long after receiving the game notice, you decided to make a sign, a poster of sorts. something to cheer his name, and remind him of yours.

after acquiring poster paper, you pulled open a marker and began the meticulous job of outlining his given name.

resisting the urge to add heats, stars, anything to take up space, you elected to simply adorn the still-white paper with words of wished luck and victory.

though, you quickly fell to the urges and the once crisp white paper was turned into a rainbow you weren’t exactly proud of, but were happy to look at.

the day of his game, you happily grabbed your poster and made your way into the stadium. your seat was close enough to the field that you hoped your probably-just-friend would be able to spare you a glance.

the minutes after his game proved a bigger surprise than you could have possibly considered. not only did rin exclusively seek you out—but he was mad. at you.

you blinked back your shock. “what?”

rin’s eyes widened and he scowled. “i asked why the hell you came.” his voice was far too cold for comfort.

“i’ve come to so many of your games rin.” you choked out. 

“so? i’m asking you why.” he spat.

you were dejected. there was no sense or reason in his anger. it was so nonsensical that there was truly no point in clapping back.

“dammit rin.” you spoke quietly before turning around to leave, eyes as blank as rin’s were cold.

on the way back to your home, you throw away the sign. it’s just a coincidence that you chose the garbage bin outside of the home of itoshi rin.

hours later, rin texts you. ‘i’m sorry.’ he says. you’d have been shocked to find how much he meant it.

he hated his performance in the game. sure, he had scored, but it wasn’t the kind of goal that he wanted to score, the conditions were all wrong and it wasn’t right.

though, he despised his stupid anger at you even more. you had attended his game—which he’d never even told you about—with a sign. one that was obviously homemade no less, so clearly made by you and you alone unlike the so many printed signs he’d seen even that game alone.

he was, horribly stupid.

‘i’m sorry.’ you read from your phone. scoffing, you shut off the phone to sit on your bed, once again staring at the ceiling as you’d been doing for who knows how long.

whether you blamed yourself or rin, whether he had the right to be mad or you did, your mind was too thick to determine. what you knew though, was that you missed the rin you used to know so well.

soon, rin had a vague thought that he needed to stop his lonely pity party, and gathered up his garbage to throw away.

he absolutely did not expect to see that damned sign you made inside of his own garbage bin.

at the sight, the outside of his eyes filled with an unexpected liquid prompting him to instinctively reach up to scratch the pointless sensation.

in a haze, he threw in his trash and carefully picked up the largely undamaged sign. with it held carefully in his undeserving hands, he took it home.

rin took it into his room, where he propped it up on his dresser. from his position at his desk, he could just see it fall from the corner of his eye.

he walked back to once again prop it up, and stood as it wavered, and then fell once again. 

realizing it would not stand on his own, with a glance at your large writing proclaiming his own name, he walked over to the side of his bed and propped up your colorful sign with the soft plushie of a character he did not recognize, that you had once given to him.

it truly made sense that the few sources of color in his room came from you. 

allowing himself to dramatically fall back onto his bed, he gazed at his boring ceiling and waited for the minutes to tick by and for the dread to dissipate from his tired body.

you were wondering for possibly the thousandth time whether or not to respond to rin, when, yet again, you received another call.

letting it ring out, you finally decided to turn off your phone.

with your phone off, you missed the text he instantly regretted sending, but was entirely set on carrying out; ‘i’m coming over.’

[ode2rin]

“it is because of your negligence that we're stuck here with each other,” you spat at him, the words laced with a bitter edge, and rin couldn't ignore the way you emphasized each word as if it were a weapon.

and from the way his chest was contracting against his ribcage, maybe they were indeed sharp knives out to get him. 

rin felt the weight of your accusation pressed against his chest, a stark contrast to the sweet nothings the two of you once exchanged beneath the sheets of love, where “i love you's” had been met with smiles, and the world had seemed so full of promise.

but now, things had taken a dark turn, and neither of you could pinpoint when or how it had all gone wrong. you wouldn't tell him– wouldn't let him turn things around.

rin's anger flared, his words escaping through clenched teeth. "my negligence? you're really pinning this on me, again?"

your eyes locked onto his, a warning in their depths. "don't go there."

he pushed on, relentless, “go where? you know i'm right. you always pin things against me.”

you didn’t respond , but you looked at rin in a way that made him want to fall on his knees and beg you — beg you to just tell him what more he can do for you to stop looking at him like this.

only if it was that easy, no — because it was a look of indifference, a look in your eyes that’s telling him none of his words were right anymore, and everything he says had not been good enough to attempt to fix things.

“let's just tell them we're done and leave this shitty reunion,” rin suggested with a note of finality.

“i should have known you'd suggest something as selfish as you,” you countered, shaking your head in disbelief. “this isn't about us. so don't you dare ruin this too, itoshi rin.”

the word ‘too’ hung in the air, a relentless echo that reverberated through the room, each syllable like a blade, cutting into rin's heart. it felt like a never-ending loop, a supercut of all he had lost and ruined - nights filled with piercing arguments, when your voices were raised until your throats ached, and the bed you had once shared had become a cold, lonely expanse. just how much of you had he shattered beyond the point of no return?

the ensuing silence was thick and suffocating, it enveloped the room, creating an atmosphere so tense you could almost hear the creaking of the floorboards under its weight. 

two old friends, once lovers, now trapped in a forced reunion getaway, compelled to act like a couple when their love had long since turned to ashes.

perhaps it was pride that you couldn’t admit it was partly your fault too. you should’ve told your friends about it the moment he took his things out of your shared apartment. there had been numerous chances, yet you clung to false hope, bargaining for a lost cause, and desperately wishing for a change that was never meant to be.

foolish. that's what it felt like - a foolish hope. you knew it was over the moment he couldn't bring himself to respond to your declaration that you were done.

“uhm, guys?”

as if on cue, isagi's head appeared at the slightly ajar door of your designated room,

“is everything fine? the tour guide is already downstairs, so…” he trailed off, his gaze shifting between you and rin, sensing the tension.

“we're—” rin began to say, but you immediately cut him off.

“everything's fine! just one of rin's moods,” you chimed in, forcing a smile as you turned towards isagi. “right, baby?” you said, addressing rin with a strained cheerfulness.

isagi chuckled, seemingly oblivious to the emotional maelstrom in the room. “must be it, then. i don't know how you dealt with that for five years, y/n.”

and there, amidst the oblivious laughter, it struck you. 

five years.

“yeah,” you admitted with a tinge of sadness, “five years of loving him would make you immune to it,” you thought, the words choking in your throat.

isagi, still in the dark, laughed lightly. “i guess so. we'll wait for you downstairs.” and with that, he left you alone with the relentless weight of your unresolved feelings.

for a moment, you and rin remained silent, but when you met his gaze, it was as though he wanted to ask a hundred different questions to comprehend what you meant about being immune to it.

but you beat him to the punch. “we'll tell them on our last day, and then pray to god that we never have to talk to each other again.” with that, you left rin to grapple with his thoughts, leaving the room heavy with the unspoken truth.

and right then and there, it struck him that the answer to when and how things had unraveled for both of you had been staring rin in the face all along. it was just that he wasn't ready to see it.

note. and i offer you: an excerpt from an idea i scraped :D

[yuzurins]

# TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH . . .

an itoshi rin social media au by yuzurins

ღ synopsis — all you wanted was a peaceful and productive uni life, but despite your pleas, your plans start crumbling when the star of the football team, itoshi rin, begins to beat you in every aspect possible. as you confront the inevitable, what happens when you uncover secrets behind an unforgettable event from the past?

pairing ∗ itoshi rin x f!reader (she/they)

genre ∗ social media au, academic rivals to lovers, university au, fluff + contains angst, slow burn, drama, crack disclaimers ∗ timestamps don’t rlly matter (unless stated), crude language, cringe attempt at humour, mentions of alcohol, kms/kys jokes, pictures used in icons and posts are not mine you — light mode ∗ rin — dark mode

status ∗ ongoing (08/20/23) no set schedule

profiles

# our big family ❤️ | # ut football exclusives

chapters (❀ -> written portion)

i. have we met before

∗ 01 — it’s unfair

∗ 02 — why does it matter

∗ 03 — life isn't real

∗ 04 — strangers with memories (❀)

∗ 05 — neighbours?

∗ 06 — worst luck (❀)

∗ 07 — you're being jealous (❀)

∗ 08 — dense

∗ 09 — arts project

∗ 10 — rin (1) has joined!

∗ 11 — a small world, after all

∗ 12 — meeting, number three? (❀)

∗ 13 — favour from a hater

∗ 14 — missing

∗ 15 — meet me at the fair

∗ 16 — a predicament

∗ 17 — unwaivering

∗ 18 — (not) group study sessions

∗ 19 — wingman

∗ 20 — "i don't get sick"

ii. the story of us

∗ 21 — sweethearts

∗ 22 — welcome, manager!

∗ 23 — he's obnoxious

∗ 24 — a flirt?

∗ 25 — skill issue!

∗ 26 — accident

∗ 27 — it's too late

∗ 28 — drifting

∗ 29 — i don't get it

∗ 30 — can we talk

iii. for lovers who hesitate

∗ 31 — aftermath

more chapters tba!

notes ∗ my first smau :0 thank u sm to souta, ei, rika and xue for helping me and making me feel validated when making decisions :’) inspired by @idlerin + @tobiosmilktea !! check them out cuz their smaus are super fun to read <3 updates may be irregular once i get back to school but i’m excited to go on this journey ^_^ thank you for reading !!

taglist ∗ currently open! send an ask or comment below to be added or removed :)

© yuzurins '23-24 ღ do not plagiarize, change, translate or repost my works on any other platform.

[khuzena]

✎Regret, love and death

Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser x g/n!reader

Summary: The bllk boys break up with you not knowing you're terminally ill and they meet you again but this time you're dying right in front of them.

Warning: Angst, no fluff, breakup and breakdown, death, grief

A/n: this is super cliche ik but this has been on my mind for months now, it's time i actually write about it. Listening to ditto while making this. I tried to make it g/n so bear with me

Itoshi Rin

"Stay in the middle, like you a little"

Itoshi Rin who left you months ago after a stupid argument he wishes he could've prevented. He tells himself that he doesn't need you anymore and that he'll never open up his heart again.

Itoshi Rin who gets mad when he sees happy couples, he swears it's anger and jealousy but it's mostly confusion and betrayal. He believed that it was your fault that he became this vulnerable but he willingly gave his heart to you.

Being a professional athlete like Itoshi Rin it's common to regularly get some injuries here and there so he visits the hospital.

He waited patiently right outside his clinic, an earbud in one ear and he listened to the environment around him. Squeaky wheelchairs, cries from a hospital room nearby and patients conversing in daily chit-chat. The line at the clinic was taking too long so he decided he'll go next time; but something caught his eye. The soles of his shoes clack on the marble floor at the empty hallway and the music he's listening to but he hears the faint beating of a heart monitor. Then, he sees your name in one hospital room.

He couldn't believe his eyes. There was a folder attached loosely on the door, your name written in lazy cursive and numerous descriptions he couldn't understand. Rereading and rereading the name on the folder over and over again, his eyes narrowed as he decided to look over to the glass window at the door; he saw you. Rin doesn't understand why you were here and why the folder was marked "terminal— confined" . The writings are too messy for him to understand but his heart beats loudly through his body like a gong.

He tries to convince himself it's probably someone else but he knew you too much to know that the one stuck in that wrinkly hospital bed was you.

He has to go, he has to but he doesn't. He takes a deep breath and opens the door. You open your eyes as you realize your peace was disturbed from the loud creaking of the door. You scrunch your nose and blink your eyes as you take a look at the figure standing at the side of your bed, it was Rin.

"You… why are you here?" He whispered, you could barely hear him but he stared down at you with pity, anger, grief— you don't know.

"I should be the one asking you that." Your voice was muffled by the oxygen mask strapped to your head as you sat yourself up and looked up to him, he tried to avoid your gaze as he looked over to the IVs inserted into your wrists, wires everywhere he was sure he almost stepped on one.

Rin furrowed his brows in irritation, all this pent up anger from the break up bursting all at once, "What the fuck happened to you?"

You gave him a weak smile, "A week before we broke up… I was diagnosed with a heart disease. I couldn't tell you what happened to me, then we fought but I was too scared and stressed I broke things off."

Rin breathes raggedly, fear and guilt flooding his senses; wondering why he was such an idiot to leave you.

"Will you get better?"

You smile again at his stupidity, you know he's seen the document attached at the door saying 'patient in hospice' but Rin wants to hear it from you, he wants you to confirm his thoughts. Maybe even deny it so he'll feel better. You feel tears drip down your arm as you watch him shaken like he's seen a ghost.

"I won't, so go now."

Rin wants to pour out all his emotions, everything welling up inside his heart— the thoughts brewing in the depths of his heart that ate him alive from the time you were seperated but he holds himself back.

His knees buckled and his strength prior to this incident dissipated into nothing as he held onto his remaining resolve. Like the coward he always was, he leaves and never comes back… but he will come back to you eventually; with a chrysanthemum in hand this time and a fresh black suit he picked out.

Itoshi Sae

"Don't want no riddle, Say it, Say it back"

Itoshi Sae who visits Japan for the first time in months, only going back to renew his passport.

It wasn't his intention to pass by your old friend group in public, he eavesdropped on their mindless conversation then they started talking about you.

Itoshi Sae listens to their conversation, getting some details about you. Hearing that you got confined somewhere and that there was no one to take care of you other than the nurses and hospice workers stationed at your room.

Itoshi Sae who tries to keep that newfound information out of his mind but the thought of you being confined in a hospital is making his heart race. Not in love nor from the butterflies he used to get when talking to you— no. He couldn't stop thinking of you. He promised to himself to never interact with you, avoid every single thing that reminded him of you but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

Itoshi Sae who visits the hospital and asks where you are, pretending that he was a visitor to the nurses was easier than he thought.

"Are you asking about that patient?"

He nodded, the nurse was stupid enough to fall for his charms as she sent him the directions to your room. Sae knows what dangerous game he's playing, if he comes back to you again then it defeats the purpose of avoiding you forever like he promised himself but he still goes.

It was a nice afternoon, birds chirping and he saw little children from the nursery running around in the hallways with toys in their hands. He mentally prepared himself for what he was about to see, turning away from your hospital room for a moment before entering.

His eyes softened for a moment when he laid his eyes on you, you were reading a book— an eerie one at that. Sae raised an eyebrow when he noticed that you didn't hear him enter, what if you were deliberately ignoring him? He was sure you were but he didn't catch your attention until he stepped closer to your bed, a shadow looming over you as you slowly looked up to him.

The two of you stare at each other for what it felt like forever, he's still looking at you like that. Love in his irises but there's a tint of melancholy.

You could see Sae saying something to you, you tried to read his lips but his words fell on deaf ears.

Sae was getting irritated on why you didn't respond but you took the white board that was resting on your bedside table. He patiently watched you write something on the board, clack, clack, clack.

'Im deaf. I can't hear you.'

Just months ago you were fine but he gets more ill with worry when his mind starts to drift and wonder what could've happened to you when he left you here all alone.

You erased the writing on the board, giddily like a child as you handed him the board next, signaling him to also write you something.

The athlete hesitated for a moment before grabbing the board off your hands, writing something hastily. He feels like if he wasted any more time he'll lose everything— but he knew that he already did the moment when he called it quits months ago.

'What happened', he wrote on the board, streaks of ink staining his palm but that's the least of his worries.

You sat up in a more comfortable position before opening the drawer, taking a clipboard, medical documents clipped to the board. Sae reads the papers, his throat starts burning and he feels tears building up in his eyes. He flips through the papers, information about your condition printed on the tiny pieces of paper as he reads through everything.

You couldn't understand what he was muttering under his breath but you were sure it was something… the way he bit his lip to hold back the tears and the way his hands got sweaty as he scanned the board.

Sae loved many things, you, soccer, coffee and the beach. There was something about hospitals that made him uneasy. Hospitals correlated to injury and death— a big no no for him. But as an athlete, a pro one at that it's not surprising that he regularly visits the hospital for nutrition advice or medicine. Though… this one was his worst visit yet. He told himself that he won't ever cry or love you again, that's why it's 'Sae loved' but he realizes he still loves you. Even though you're stuck on the hospital bed, sickly and dying, your arms littered with scars from the tubes that go in and out your skin and maybe the way you look so frail and skinny now compared to what you looked like months ago; he still loves you. He realized that in this moment he's always going to be looking for you the way you pathetically looked for him in the hospital, wishing he was there after you two broke up.

At least now the gods were merciful enough to grace you with his presence for the last time, even in this situation you still smiled at him like he deserved to see that again.

Itoshi Sae who visits you again tomorrow before you pull off the plug, Pain plastered on his face as he holds you tightly. He broke his promise.

To you, to never hurt you.

To himself, to never love you again.

Michael Kaiser

"Oh say it ditto, Can't wait till the morning, So say it ditto"

Michael Kaiser pretends he's fine after the break up and to distract himself from the pain, he dates other people— looking for someone who can fill the void you carved in his heart, looking for you.

Michael Kaiser who still wears the cardigan you bought him, giving him solace and comfort when he curls up in his bed alone, wishing you were there with him.

You and Kaiser didn't break up on bad terms, more like a confusing and neutral breakup. He told you he was done and you didn't beg him to stay, after all he neglected you for his selfish desires. He's like an icarus who has flown too close to the sun, his ego representing the melting wax wings of icarus— it burned your skin and melted your patience.

Michael Kaiser still stalks you in his other account you forgot that existed. He wouldn't admit it but he patiently waited for an update on your account.

Michael Kaiser who stalks your account and finally sees something. Your parents' post talking about you being stuck in the hospital.

Michael Kaiser doesn't cry, he can't. Images on the posts ingraining— burning itself in the deepest parts of his brain then it triggers something in him. Confusion.

He doesn't know the exact details of your situation but he's too curious to scroll past the post.

Michael Kaiser who gets a cab and arrives at your hospital, like a man with no shame he looks for your room.

It was nighttime and the hospital was uncannily quiet, he wasn't sure why but the guard was doing a terrible job at guarding the entrance of the hospital. Kaiser walks past the sleepy guard, ignoring the thumping sound of the guard falling on the floor as he makes his way to the lady on the desk.

"What brings you in here, sir?"

He pushes up his glasses, "I'm looking for my lover, [patient name]", he says boldly, lying through his teeth but he knows it's the only way they'll let him in.

"Give me a minute," the nurse starts flipping through the hospital log book, "They're at room 405, third floor."

Kaiser nods, thanking the nurse as he takes the elevator.

'ding' Kaiser enters the elevator, checking his watch while waiting for it to arrive at the third floor. The elevator was dimmed and it looked like a scene straight from horror movies, another old lady in a wheelchair strolls to the elevator.

"What's a handsome young man like you doing in the dead of the night here?" The grandma says in a hoarse voice, grey hairs covering her face as she holds onto both her wheelchair and fruits.

Though Kaiser is an asshole, a liar, he naturally had a soft spot for children and the elderly. "I'm here for my… lover" he doesn't know what gave it away but the older woman noticed the hesitance in his voice.

The grandma nodded at his reply, 'ding!'

"I guess this is my stop." Kaiser stepped out of the elevator, waving goodbye to the elderly woman and ambled in the hallway.

The scent of disinfectant invaded his nostrils, though the smell gets more diverse as he passes by different hospital rooms. He hears people screaming and crying at the room to his left and the other room dead silent, as if a corpse inhabited the room to his right.

Sweat starts trickling down his forehead when he counts the hospital room's numbers and realizes he's getting closer to yours. 'shit, shit, shit' his mind spiralling into madness, anxiety as he braces himself for what he's about to see.

His legs started to feel like jelly as his feet dragged him in front of your hospital room. A feeling of uncertainty, something he never felt again after breaking up with you.

Months ago when you two broke up he wondered if maybe you'd crawl back to him, like a child who ran away but comes home again the day after, but you didn't.

The door pulled open as he made his way inside, the lights were turned off but the sound of humming took him by surprise.

"I can hear you, you know."

Oh, that voice. That voice that could soothe him on days like these, your voice so gentle he thinks it's a sweet melody, a lullaby so sweet it would bring the devil down on his knees begging and repenting for forgiveness if he ever heard your voice.

The German boy doesn't come forward, only staring at your disheveled figure on the bed, waiting for death themselves to take you away from your misery.

"Have you eaten yet?"

Your fingers traced the lamp before finding the switch, making a flick sound as the soft illuminating glow lights up the room. You nod as you sit up, hugging yourself as you find comfort in the bandages that wrapped around your body.

"I'm sorry." It was the first time he's ever said this to you in ages, he wished he said this to you back then, he wishes that he was there for you.

Maybe he was the devil, cruel and mean, strong yet so weak. His knees buckled as he let out a choked sob, his fears that builded up couldn't hold in much longer as tears streamed down his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kaiser says in between his sobs, the prideful man being broken down into a pathetic, crying mess.

Your fingers fiddled together in anxiety, you always had that stupid habit of yours when in distress. As much as you couldn't forgive Kaiser— he's too weak, too vulnerable for you to ignore.

Still Kaiser was shameless but not too shameless to go even a few inches closer to your bed, his mind racing— thinking that everything is all his fault as his heart rate goes up.

"Why should I? We're not even together." His chest tightens, if anyone could see him right now they'd think he's a fucking idiot— crying over the dying lover he left to rot in the hospital? Piece of shit.

"Yeah I know." He tries to calm himself down but he knows it's useless when you pick up on his uneasy behavior.

Kaiser wanted to ask you, 'let's get back together?' or maybe 'please forgive me' because he's a shameless prick but it's the first time he doesn't let his pride take over his senses.

He grieves right in front of you, your eyes never leaving his as his body language is signaling you, begging you to say something but it's better that you didn't.

He has all the time in the world to grieve for you after all, he's a shameless, selfish man… isn't he?

Notes: hell nah i'm sorry if there was so many grammar mistakes and stuff this isn't really proofread and i'm thinking of opening requests so like uh what do you guys think should i open requests

Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡

[rewh0re]

— LOVE, TENDERLY ; ITOSHI RIN

-1.2k, hurt/comfort, fight with parents mentioned, reader wants to pursue a literary career, insecurities and second guessing about choices in life, crying reader and gentle rin

a/n- I saw a reel on insta where the bf was wiping his gf's mascara and it was so cute that I was fuelled to write this. I'm literally writing after 2 months so pls spare me. Also I love rin. REBLOGS + INTERACTIONS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!

you could always count on your lover to support your decisions. Rin was your biggest admirer, he was all you could ask for and more.

When the doorbell of his apartment rang approximately at around 10:41 in the night, Rin scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion.

He was not expecting anyone this late. He looked up at the door in suspicion when the doorbell rang again.

Taking his reading glasses off and putting his book down on the coffee table, he uttered a 'coming' before walking off to open the door.

His eyes widened in shock, concern and a little bit of fear at what he saw.

There you were, standing on the other side, arms wrapped around yourself as you sniffled. You were supposed to be at a family dinner. But you were standing in front of him, mascara and eyeliner running down your very glossy and very red eyes, staining your cheeks black.

The sight in front of him, made Rin's heart drop as a sense of unpleasantness and worry consumed him whole.

"Hi," you croaked out, wiping the fresh tear that streamed down your face which  in turn smudged the black makeup residues.

"I'm sorry, I..I just didn't know where to go. I didn't want to be alone. Can I come in?" Your arms tightened around yourself as you looked at him hopefully.

Your words broke his chain of thoughts as he pulled you inside and locked his door.

He sat you down on the sofa and gave you some water which you gratefully drank. You didn't quite realise how scratchy and dry your throat had been until you drank the water.

"Thank you," you offered him a gentle smile.

"Wait here," with that he seemed to disappear somewhere only coming back with a packet of wet wipes.

He sat down and took your face in his hands, inspecting it thoroughly before taking out a wet wipe.

"Dinner went south? Mhm?" He asked, voice gentle like the cool breeze of an autumn's day. It soothed you a bit.

"Yea..." You replied in a murmur, feeling the damp wipe against your already tear dampened face.

Rin's hands worked skillfully as he gently wiped off the runny mascara from around your eyes and cheeks. There was a shared silence between you two that was comfortable, welcomed even.

"I want you to look up for me," he said and you obliged. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"Got into a fight with my mum. She said stuff about me trying to pursue a literary career," you felt your chest tighten as the earlier fight with your mum, who you thought would support your decisions, replayed in your brain.

Rin only hummed, urging you to continue as he slowly went to wipe the other side of your face.

"She said it's not a promising career, would not sustain my life and who knows if it could work out. She said it's better as a hobby, something that I do in my free time. She's so sure I'll fail Rin, I'm scared," your voice broke as a fresh stream of tears fell down your eyes. You bit your lip to suppress any sound from coming out.

"I was so sure that I wanted to do this and now...now I'm second guessing. I mean, what am I even doing with my life? What if she's correct and nothing works out?" You inhaled, exhaling shakily from your mouth. Your breaths were heavy and Rin was livid that someone could break you this badly.

He remembered all the days and nights you spent working on your unfinished debut novel draft, scraping, editing and doing it all over again till you believed it to be perfect. He was there through your writing blocks and how you felt helpless when it happened. He would read your work for you, smiling at you proudly because that's what he was. He was always so proud of you. He always provided you with comfort whenever you needed it. You need it now more than ever.

He kept the wipe down as he finished removing your makeup and wiped away your tears with his hands. He rested his hand on your cheek then. Calloused as they were due to years of football training, they blossomed in you a feeling of solace. A much needed one. You closed your eyes, leaning into his hands as you took it in.

"I think you are wonderful," he rubbed his thumb against your cheek in a comforting motion.

"I think you're wonderful and absolutely brilliant at what you do. Your writing is splendid y/n and never ever let anyone make you think or feel otherwise," you let out a breathy laugh at his words as you opened your eyes to look at him.

"Oh no no don't laugh. I'm dead serious right now," and he was. He was absolutely focussed on your face and he spoke from his heart, with all his heart.

"You have a way with words and you execute them brilliantly. As far as not knowing if it will work out goes, really, of how many things are we absolutely sure about? Life is unpredictable. What if it does work out? That's a fair possibility isn't it?" He tilted his head as he smiled at you, bringing a small smile to your own lips. You didn't even notice but your sniffling and your tears had stopped.

"I know that but it's just so aggravating you know? She just gave me this reality check. She said everything I sometimes feel so insecure about like I don't know, voicing out my worst fears or something," you sighed as you flopped back on the sofa pillow sighing.

"Tell me about having a shitty family," he pushed back his fringes — which messily fell over his eyes again — as he fell beside you, putting his legs up on the coffee table.

"Tell me something Rin," you rested your head against his shoulder, snuggling against his muscular body, his arms engulfing your figure and bringing you closer.

"How do I know everything will be worth it?"

"You don't and that's the beauty of it," he looked down at your face, placing a kiss on your temple.

"You know I never knew if football would be right for me. I knew I was skilled but there were these thoughts in the crevices of my mind that would crawl up to the surface sometimes and I would worry. It took practice, a whole lot of shaping and belief."

"You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe in your dreams. Keep writing, no matter who says what, no matter what happens. You are skilled, you are smart and you have so much potential. Sometimes the thoughts will crawl up but you've got to push them down okay? And when you're the biggest author out there with bestseller books and millions of fans around the world, remember I was your first fan. Also, always your biggest one," He placed another kiss on your forehead as you were left in awe of the words he spoke. You could only grin at his softly smiling visage.

"What?" He whispered.

"I never knew you had a way with words," you took his face in your hands, looking up at him with adoration and love.

He mimicked the look on your face as he slowly wrapped his hand around your wrist, leaving a chaste kiss on your fingers.

"Eh. I try. Gotta watch out for my love now don't I?"

[biaonww]

"something about you" rin itoshi based • angst based on not-so-bf trope <3

may contain errors, similar content is coincidental.

watching rin itoshi’s match is always mesmerizing. he shines in destroying things that are close to him.

it’s complete monstrosity when he plays, which is the complete opposite of his brother sae’s gameplay. 

a completely calculated person, while rin is a monster. 

but still—

why does rin still shine so much?

why does he stand out the most in your eyes, as if he was a twinkling star in the sky you would wish on?

why is he so captivating, yet always out of your hand?

bothered by your thoughts, rin wins his match. of course, another easy win for him. 

… but its noisy. it hurts your ears. 

announcers announcing his win.. interviewers excitingly waiting for him to get out of the stadium and start asking him questions… the horn sounds and people shrieking….

but everything goes quiet when he manages to find you straight away. 

no matter how many people are in the stalls—

his eyes always seem to capture you.

those beautiful eyes that could even challenge a diamonds beauty.

but there he is again, confusing you. 

he’s looking at you pleadingly, right after he scored the last shot.

shouldn’t he be focused on the crowd, and the way they scream his name in joy?

did he maybe finally realize that he left you mesmerized every single time?

did he maybe finally realize that you were always admiring him from afar?

or will he push you away again when he gives you mixed signals?

you sigh thinking of it, so you stand up, going to the exit of the stadium.

but once you finally reach the corridor, you see rin. 

so you pause from walking, while he jogs towards you.

“you should celebrate your win, itoshi.” you remark. 

“don’t call me itoshi.” he says in a tone that sounds like he’s still trying to catch his breath, while gripping your arm tightly.

(but of course, not in a way that would hurt you. he wouldn’t want that.). 

“i think it is only proper of me to call you itoshi. considering you never let me see what’s under your disguise.”

“i said don’t call me itoshi.”

“fine then.”

“— you know what, rin? i actually think it’s better if you keep pushing me away.”

“i mean i don’t know if you’re just another unreachable dream, or a one-in-a-million person i can achieve.”

“but i also don’t know if you’ll destroy me. which i’m scared of.”

“after all, you said everything that grows close to you soon tears down.”

you look at the floor, eyes slowly but surely becoming watery. 

rin stays quiet, his gaze softening when you immediately look down. 

“… if you’re scared of me destroying you, then i’ll try and treat you like a delicate flower.”

“if you ever get scared, i’ll stay by your side to keep you safe.”

“if you hate the noise, then i’ll cover your ears for you.”

“if i don’t show my true self to you, then i’ll lower my guard for you.”

“just don’t leave like everyone does. not like nii-san.”

“but instead stay. i’m humbly asking you to stay right now.”

“i’m sorry that i give you mixed signals. but give me a chance to prove myself to you, please?”

“i’m not perfect. i’m not the best yet. love is foreign to me. we may have fights and disagreements when we’re together. but for you, i’ll try.”

you finally look up at him, the tears in your eyes spilling out already.

but he wipes them for you, and looks at you so fondly. 

“then why couldn’t you do all this in the first place, you idiot?” you mumble. 

“i’m sorry.”

“but what’s your answer? will you accept me, or not?”

he chuckles softly, slowly letting down his facade for you. and only you. 

“… you know it’s a yes, rin.”

— fin.

now that im rereading this, it actually looks so SHITTY WTF... but i hope its good enough to be posted </3 reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated pls !! (btw, tags kinda foreshadow the fic so hehe)

[kuromochimi]

omg okay i saw ur requests are open so… how would bl boys react if their spouse got pregnant? can u make it angsty if you can plz😝 i like hurting myself

• MINORS DNI • MINORS DNI • MINORS DNI •

oh this plot fits our career driven boys soooo much (reo’s is his gf since I didn’t notice the spouse part from the request while I was writing his part)

Content warnings: angst, talks of pregnancy and abortion, a bit ooc bc these boys are toxic here, characters are aged up! Not proof read

Mikage Reo

Standing in front of reo had never felt as anxiety inducing as it did right now. He was your safe space, someone you’d run to whenever you felt uneasy and for the most part, he never failed to give you the comfort you needed. He was gentle, patient, and reassuring. That was… until you handed him a positive pregnancy test. As shaken as you were, reo’s world was also spiraling as he stared at the two pink lines shown on the test. Positive. He got you pregnant and right as he was at his prime as a new football player.

“No” was all he mamaged to say. “No? Reo you- you can’t just say no” you were sobbing, thinking of how you’d have to stop your studies and how you were going to have tell your parents. “I just… yn I can’t handle a baby right now. And my parents. Fuck, my parents are-“ his hands in his hair, tugging lightly in frustration. You wanted to get mad at him and scream and push him but all you could manage to do was look at him in shock. How is he the same person who cuddled you every night and bought your flowers just because. The same person who had you in his future plans and promised to marry you as soon as you both had stable careers. Amidst reo’s sweet reputation in your heart and mind, you often forgot that he was also as career driven as he was in love. Reo had already disappointed his parents once when he chose to play sports instead of working at their family’s company. Now he’s made it to a place where they can at least commend him for his choice. He can’t risk another disappointment. His parents didn’t even know he had a girlfriend.

Finding out you were pregnant, your initial response was fear which later changed to calmness because you were so sure of reo. You were so sure that he wouldn’t leave you hanging. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so hopeful after all.

Itoshi Rin

Your relationship with rin isn’t what people think it is. Sure you were married. Sure lots of his fans adored you as well. But behind the scenes, the marriage was arranged by his parents. That said, rin was never hostile. The relationship was civil, it was peaceful even. He did his thing and you did yours.

Later on in the marriage, you both decided that since you guys were married anyway, it wouldn’t hurt to add a couple more benefits along with having each other’s (quiet and to some extent, comfortable) company. Sleeping together became a regular occurrence and without meaning to, that led to you getting pregnant, something which rin had never planned on and something he definitely won’t be happy about. You weren’t happy about it either. Not when you didn’t exactly have a healthy family to give the baby to be. Acting fast, you scrambled to your laptop to schedule yourself for an appointment to get a check up and most probably to get rid of the pregnancy. Unfortunately, in panic, you left your pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. Something that rin was welcomed with once he got home. It didn’t help that you left your laptop in the bedroom for him to see your scheduled appointments as well.

Thinking you could get by without letting rin know, you decided to act normal upon seeing him enter the kitchen. You were preparing dinner when he walked in. After smiling at him and greeting him to acknowledge his presence, you went back to dinner prep. This confused rin. Were you not going to tell him? Was the test maybe not yours? Were you fucking with him? “Really yn? Don’t you have anything to say?” “hm? what do you mean, rin? Did you want something else for dinner?” He annoyingly nodded “you’re pregnant?” This made you freeze, dropping the knife on the floor, barely missing your foot. For a second, a flash of concern hit rin’s eyes but that might as well have been your imagination. “It’s a yes then” you gave a barely there nod. “Rin I was going to tell you. I also just found out I’m sorry” he nodded again “You were going to tell me? Sure. Not like you already had an appointment with the clinic, no?” Your face lost all its color. You weren’t even sure why he was acting so annoyed. Every time your parents or his parents nudged you two to give them grandchildren, rin would always act annoyed and irritable the moment you get home. He also repeatedly expressed his refusal to have children, especially not when his career was booming. Having a wife was one thing but a child? Entirely different. He didn’t have to invest so much when it came to you. He just has to be respectful, be someone to satisfy your needs sometimes, maybe even go on a few dates here and there. Easy. But he wasn’t a monster so having a child would take up so much of his time, something he couldn’t afford to give. Was what he always said. So why was he so mad at your for just taking one step ahead? “I thought you didn’t want to have a baby, why are you mad?” You semi-shouted. “Maybe I didn’t but you can’t just decide to get rid of it on your own. That’s messed up” “okay but stop raising your voice rin, you’re scaring me. You always tell me you don’t want a baby with me so I just assumed” “Know what? Considering you seem to want to get rid of it so quick, then yeah sure, I don’t want that baby. You have my card, use it for the hospital bill or call me if you need me to be there. You probably won’t though, right?”

a/n: I suck at writing angst but here’s an attempt o(TヘTo)

[sky-casino]

spiderman!rin: weaving through leads to you

hello~ i'm back with my third bllk x spiderman au piece!

to anon, thank you for the request and for waiting patiently! i tried a different storytelling style here, i hope that's okay with you 😊

fanart credit: @shirkori on twitter

rin who has been childhood friends with you. childhood "sweethearts", to be more precise. what's with all your friends, classmates, his teammates, and even some teachers relentlessly teasing the two of you about how good you two look together and how compatible you are with each other.

rin who finally confessed his feelings nonchalantly, and you saying nothing but simply smiling and holding his hand as your response.

rin who loves you, his brother, and soccer.

rin who got bit by a red-and-blue spider during one of his solo practice sessions on the school's soccer field.

rin who didn't mind it until he had to, given all the side effects he rapidly went through that night.

spiderman!rin who kept pacing back and forth in his mind on whether he should tell you about his newfound superpowers or not.

spiderman!rin who chose the former, texting you to meet him on the rooftop one afternoon, once class and club activities are done.

spiderman!rin who came clean to you, asking you what he should do with his new abilities because that's what he always does, seek you for advice and direction. he knew he's basically a lost puppy without you. you who were astounded and yet excited, suggesting to him to use his abilities responsibly for the greater good.

spiderman!rin who always made sure you were there whenever he practiced going up on walls, shooting webs, and using them to maneuver from one place to another.

spiderman!rin who felt warm and giddy all over his chest whenever you praised him and told him how proud you are of him.

spiderman!rin who sends you selfies and landscape views of the city while he's on his daily patrol.

spiderman!rin who taps on your window in the middle of the night so he can snuggle with you for a while as a way to rest and recharge.

spiderman!rin who sweeps you off your feet and swings with you to the building with the best view of the city and the sunset.

spiderman!rin who had to stop being spiderman and had to let go of his superhero suit after vanquishing the enemy who discovered his identity, hence discovering who you are as well, and ultimately threatened your life by abducting you.

rin who is just now simply itoshi rin.

the itoshi rin who chose to go back to his ordinary life.

the itoshi rin who chose you, your safety, and soccer.

the itoshi rin who stubbornly told you that he would always choose you over other people, vehemently stating that he'll never go back to being spiderman because it was the reason your life was put in danger at the first place.

the itoshi rin who has had his fun as your vigilante boyfriend, and just now wants to be your soccer-player boyfriend.

you, who have known rin for many years and is therefore aware of how stubborn he is. you know that once he makes up his mind, there's no changing it. and so you accepted his decision.

the transition back to his ordinary life was mostly smooth, and his alter-ego and superhero days will be the best-kept secret between the two of you.

[noirflms]

୧ ˚₊ HATE YOU — itoshi rin

he doesn’t hate you , he never hated you — for he loves you so much — but you think he does.

“ why do you hate me? ”

and his world comes to a halt , tears prickling down your cheeks as you sob , wiping them away but clearing path for new ones. rin’s world is crumbling before him , he hears it break , turning into ruins as he watches you cry — never in a million years did he think that he’d be the reason you’d cry.

“ tell me itoshi , why do you hate me? ” your words are firm , your throat aches for a heavy lump stays in your throat , heart that aches as it drums inside your chest. his last name that slips past your tongue has him wincing , it aches — pains — him to be called by his last name for all his life with you , he has only been called rin.

his throat feels heavy , but he gulps down the forming lump yet the ache never vanishes. his throat feels dry , and his lungs tighten , he is suffocating for he thinks he has done a crime — and making you cry is the only biggest crime that he’s never thought of doing.

“ i don’t hate you. ” it comes out cold , sounding vapid even , and he winces at the sound of his voice , and he watches as tears trickle down your cheeks , they shine upon your skin and all he feels is like a criminal , a liar , an idiot and in the moment he think maybe his brother leaving him was something good , for no one could ever come to take care of someone like him.

you sob , hand still continue to clean the tears away , but oh god , they do not seem to stop flowing and you hate being so vulnerable in his sight , you hate being so weak in front of him , but you have held too much inside that it has overflowed , pouring through your eyes as tears.

“ i don’t hate you , [name]. i never did. ” his tone is softer than before , his feet move slightly , and he is no more at halt , rushing to reach for you , but he sees you stumble back — away from him — and it shatters his soul , he hears it crumbling and breaking into pieces.

“ then why do you always push me away? why do you always say rude things to me? stupid itoshi— ” and even before you could continue , his arms pull you in , gently they let you in , his hold is firm and you find yourself grounded between his arms and you can’t seem to hold anymore tears back letting them all out.

“ i’m sorry , i’m so sorry. ” he whispers , taking deep breaths in , his heart stammers within his chest. itoshi rin has never felt this way , he has never felt such emotions before and his cold facade comes crumbling before you , the mask falls as he holds you close , he feels your tears turning his school shirt wet , but he lets you for at least he gets to hold you.

itoshi rin never hated you. he has never hold this feeling so cruel for you , yet it seems his actions had put him in the wrong. he could never hate you is all he thinks , for you are the only thing keeping him going , keeping him grounded and away from those shrouded and hateful thoughts of his yet he wonders how it ends with you having the thought of him hating you.

“ i could never hate you , never. ”

and then rin wishes if he could be better , if he could ever learn to show you he loves you so , but until then he’d try , he’d try being better for you and all itoshi rin knows is that , he could never have in his heart to hate you , for you are the only thing he has come to cherish so much again.

um this is impulsive writing at 10pm 🕺🕺

NOIRFLMS 2023 ! all rights reserved - plagiarism is a crime. reblogs are very much appreciated.

[simp4fictionalmenandjesus]

itoshi rin x reader - breaking up with him.

you try your best to salvage your relationship; it doesn’t work.

angst, hurt no comfort, not edited

“you’re mean.” you turn to rin, and surprisingly there’s no teasing smile on your face and following giggle to accompany your words.

rin stares blankly. you’re aware that he’s already grasped the situation, that he had known it was coming.

he had always had an intense gaze, but for some reason it felt more cruel than ever - because an intense gaze from rin had never been perceived as bad by you, for it had usually only held intense feelings of love.

now though, it’s empty. as if someone had drained every feeling for you from his brain and disposed of it down the sewer of things itoshi rin was indifferent too.

indifference was something you had always hated. you’d rather him shout at you and declare an undying hatred for your very existence than be completely indifferent to it.

“my things are packed.” you say, as if he didn’t already know. rin had always been observant, so of course he would notice when your items start disappearing from his apartment. now, every trace of you has been cleansed of and there is only the coldness of rin left.

this moment has been building up for months. an accumulation of his feelings dying out and your resolve weakening had resulted in a clean breakup.

you’re not sure when he had started to fall out of love with you, when the traits he had found endearing started turning into insignificant things.

the moment you had realised that rin started to fall out of love was when you were cuddling in bed and once he fell asleep, his arms loosened and he turned around. a gap left between you and him.

his true feelings has always been the most clear when he was unconscious. rin had never been an outwardly emotional man, but he had always clung onto you in bed with an impossibly tight grip. he liked it most when his head was placed on your chest and he could hear the steady beating of your heart.

once you had found out about his deteriorating love for you, you had decided to try harder to maintain your relationship. surely rin, the boy you had dated since you were 17, couldn’t possible completely let go of you after five years together.

(he had told you that you were his first love, kiss and most importantly, the first person he felt safe with. did he not feel safe with you anymore? what could you have possibly done to cause this?)

you started putting more effort into the meals you would make him, making sure to cook ochazuke with bream - his favourite - at least twice a week. you would fill up his water bottle and clean the house as if you were some sort of housewife and not a woman with a job.

(you used some of your vacation days to go to a cooking camp to improve your skills. on the last day, the instructor had said that any man would fall in love with a good cook like you. that day, you walked home with a large smile and expensive ingredients on hand.)

rin noticed your effort, he had been payed you a few compliments but it seemed that no matter how much work you put into earning back his favour, it just kept decreasing.

so now, here you were. standing in front of the man you couldn’t stop loving who had stopped loving you.

you stand still for another few seconds before turning your back, hoisting a backpack void of the matching keychain you had given him when you confessed in high school. you were flustered when he had taken it and smiled lightly, staring at you with those intense eyes of his.

you walk out slowly, pitifully waiting for him to say something, anything to make you stay. you would if he asked you to, immediately and with no hesitation would you turn around, unpack your bag, clip the keychain back on and fall into his embrace. but he won’t ask. you know he won’t. he knows you want him to.

you don’t say goodbye. you don’t have to, for he had already left long ago and there is no reason to bid adieu to someone who isn’t there.

though, you do say a soft farewell to a piece of your heart that will always be left with him and his intense gaze.

———————————————

a week passes, then a month, and eventually a whole year passes. the seasons had changed quickly, but all of them had felt the same to you.

it’s not as if you only thought of rin. you spent time working hard, socialising with friends and taking care of an italien greyhound you had adopted a day after the break up.

she was cute. you had decided to name her maple. she was smaller than the average italian greyhound but her high-energy made up for it.

you don’t have much time to think of rin. you keep yourself busy, over exerting yourself to ensure you’re knocked out by the time you reach your bedroom so no memories can claw at your mind and pry your heart open, letting a sea of longing bleed out.

———————————————

you stumbled upon an article today. you think google must be playing some cruel prank on you when the headline ‘star player itoshi rin’s new girlfriend.’ you shouldn’t click on it. you really shouldn’t.

you open the article and the first thing that captures your eyes is rin’s face. the picture screams romance, his arm around the girls waist as she’s wearing a hoodie that’s clearly too big to be hers. there’s a cheeky grin on her face as her slender finger lightly points rin’s cheek.

he’s smiling. that stupid soft smile that he used to send you. his ears are pink as he looks down at the girl with that fucking intense gaze.

it hurts to see rin happy. it hurts more to realise that you’re still in love with him too much, an insufferable amount of love that won’t even allow you to be happy for him.

the girl is pretty. she looks kind. she hasn’t done anything wrong. so why do you feel such an ugly resentment towards her?

fuck her, fuck rin and fuck you for not being able to look away from that gaze of his.

that night, you set up an appointment with a therapist.

———————————————

y/n gets therapy (real) ‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈😈😈‼️😈😈😈‼️‼️😈‼️‼️😈‼️

I WROTE THIS AT LIKE 2AM IM SORRY IF ITS MESSY 😰😰😰😰

[perfluorononanoic-acid]

Oooh I have a request! The youngest Itoshi f!sibling neglected over many years after both brothers prioritse football. Has a moment of realisation and decides to put herself first and move on. Stops messaging in family chats, calling, birthday wishes, festive greetings etc. Moving on and finding better for oneself ~~!

Synopsis: Itoshi Y/N was never the first priority when it came to her parents and her two older brothers that were pursuing football. She has a moment of realization that no matter what she does she will never be any of their top priorities, and so she decides to cut off contact with her family and pursue her own passion of sport.

Content Warnings: angst, u realize ur self-worth, neglect, platonic!Rin Itoshi x reader, platonic!Sae Itoshi x reader, good ending

Word Count: 788

Author’s Note: I tried to fill in the blanks for some of this, I hope it’s to your liking, dearest!Tysm for the request! Requests are still open!

_______________________________

There was another family-friend reunion of sorts happening and Y/N had to sit at the far side of the table as she constantly heard her parents boast of her brothers’ accomplishments. She sighed and just stared at her plate aimlessly toying with her food as nobody spared a single glance her way, until one random adult spoke up,

“And what does your nice daughter over here do?”

She quickly perked her head up with slight excitement from the attention and said,

“Oh well I do [insert sport]!”

The adult politely smiled at her comment and was about to respond until her brother, Sae, finally walked into the room and everyone directed their attention towards him leaving Y/N forgotten once more. With some disappointment in her eyes she just turned back to her plate and continued to silently stare while listening to everything around her. Everyone was congratulating Sae on his triumphs and his becoming of an international star, he simply nodded not really showing much care as he was only visiting Japan for a few days before leaving again. Rin was brought up into the conversation too, being praised for becoming another upcoming star, Rin followed his brother’s actions in nodding and mainly staying silent. Hunched over in her chair, Y/N slowly turned her head to her brothers’ direction, watching as they were showered in compliments and praise while she was just the only person sitting at the table now. Rin looked in her direction and saw her staring, but acted as if it was nothing and directed his attention to the adults praising him as if he were a god of sorts. She decided to stop her staring and focused on her plate once more while thinking,

I’m tired.

I want to go to my room and sleep.

I wonder how [friend’s name] is doing at [insert sport].

I want to go to the [insert sport] meeting.

Nobody would notice if I leave anyways, I’m kind of worthless staying here.

Why do I even bother trying to be part of this family?

As her mind continued to wander, she quietly got up and walked out. Nobody even noticed she left. Her mother didn’t notice, her father didn’t notice, Rin didn’t notice, and Sae most certainly did not notice nor cared to. Y/N called her friend to ask if the [insert sport] meeting was still going on, and thankfully it was as she rushed to the train station to get there. Once she had arrived she swore she would no longer affiliate herself with her family due to the countless years of neglect and missed opportunities her family caused for her. She also swore she would practice [insert sport] extremely hard and become even more known than her brothers.

As time passed she kept to her oath and did not communicate with her family at all, not even sending any holiday messages and such. She still missed her brothers very much as she remembered them trying to teach her how to kick a ball into a goal when she was very little. She grew sad at the thought, but remembered she was no longer going to try and be the initiator to try and get their attention. If her brothers wished to speak to her, then they must do so themselves. She slowly but surely made her way to the top of [insert sport] and became internationally known just like her brothers. As she was about to get up from her seat, she heard her phone buzz and saw it was from an old group-chat that consisted of her, Sae, and Rin. There was 5 minutes until she had to go out, but she opened the message which read from Rin,

“Good luck we’re out here if you need anything”

She took a slight peek and scanned the crowds until she spotted Sae and Rin sitting amongst the crowd with both their arms crossed. She smiled to herself; she finally was able to be seen by her brothers once more.

________________________________

[ode2rin]

You watched the rain lash out its fury against the window. At an extent, it felt almost like looking at a mirror — from how an inner turmoil brewed inside of you reflected a rhythmic counterpoint to the storm outside. 

Nature sure does have impeccable timing, and the worst sense of humor — or could it be a cruel, mocking sympathy? You don’t know anymore, you have never been good at knowing intentions, after all.

But you had it coming, you admit.

You knew this day would come. Yet, the thing about anticipating the worst before it knocks on your door, is that it will never truly prepare you for what's waiting on the other side of that door. It never eases the dread, nor does it make fear felt less at the expense of gradual awareness. If anything, it made you restlessly on edge.

Thoughts of anguish and gloom halt at a key rattling in the lock. The door creaked open, and even with your back turned away, you knew there was only one living soul who had the rights to your home and, dare you say, your heart.

And there he was— Itoshi Rin stood there, like a ghost in his own town. He looked like a stranger in a familiar place. How could someone who lived in this place feel so foreign and appear so out of place?

You didn’t turn to greet him like you always do. The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, making you clench your jaw. You heard him call you, but his words drifted across the room— lost at the deafening simmer of your anger.

He called your name once more. This time, you turned your rigid back to the kitchen, ignoring his calls. You busied yourself at the abandoned dinner at the table, poking at the now-cold food with a detached air. Physically, the clinking of silverware was the only sound besides the belligerent drumming of rain. Internally, your shattering heart was louder than the two combined. 

The clinking grew frantic as Rin approached you, each chime a hammer blow to your heart.

He stopped beside the table you aimlessly fiddled. He was so close you had a whiff of his perfume– the warm scent of wood and spices serving you a bittersweet reminder of happier evenings.

“Y/N,” he snapped, his voice sharp. Marching forward, he reached for your wrist. His grip tight, halting your movement.

The clinking stopped. Slowly, you turned to look at him by the eye. Rin almost lost his facade of indifference at the sight. Your face was a mask of controlled anger, but the storm in your eyes mirrored the one outside.

“Let go of me,” you commanded, your voice low yet firm. 

Immediately, he paid heed to your request. The hand formerly holding your wrist found its place in his hair, aggressively combing it out of frustration.

“Look,” he starts, “I said I’m sorry. What more do you want from me?”

“For you to fucking care!”

A beat of silence follows your outburst. You felt your throat burning at the whirlwind of suppressed emotions that revealed itself. You were trembling— may it be from hurt or anger, you didn’t care. At that moment, you were immersed in his insolent audacity.

More?  How dare he say more? 

“You’re sorry? That’s it? We haven’t had a decent conversation in weeks, Rin. And this,” you gestured at the table with a bitter laugh, “I spent all afternoon making it. Because today was…” you choked on the word, your voice cracking and rogue tears finally falling.

“Our anniversary,” he whispered in response, finishing your sentence.

More tears welled in your eyes, blurring the image of the colorful icing of the cake you ceased to dispose of. 

He knew what day it was. He remembered. He damn remembered. 

And yet… Oh, dear god, how could your love be so cruelly disregarded?

He had no excuse, had no shame. The abandoned dinner, the cake, it was all for him. And he’d trampled all over it. 

“I don’t want another sorry, Rin. I don’t want anything more,” you hung your head low, “All I want is my Rin. Give him back to me, please.”

Breathing heavily, you closed the distance between you two. You reached for his cheek, carefully and slowly, letting your longing take its final time. Your gaze wandered across his face — from his forehead, down to his nose, to his lips, and back to his teal orbs — you tried to search for the man who once loved you as warm and golden as the sun.

But the spark you were searching for, the warmth that once ignited in his eyes, remained absent.

You knew it then. You really had it coming. But denial was just as comfortable as your well-worn sweater. It’s warm and familiar, even if it’s riddled with holes.

But that sweater— it was time to throw it out.

And it was already time to go.

Because when you pulled him tighter, he kept drifting away; and when you whispered confessions of love, all you heard was a hollow silence.

And that’s enough to know that the love you once had— the laughter and shared dreams, were now ashes in the grave of a cold frozen wasteland.

“I love you, Rin. I love you so so much,” you whispered between his lips, a tear trailing down your cheek, “It’s ruining my life.”

note. filed under the unfinished business files xD btw, it's ttpd listening party!

[tteokdoroki]

Vampire shidou and/or rin hcs 🤲🏾?

૮ ͈>◡< ͈ა warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, suggestive, angst, fluff, vampires, blood loss, blood drinking, dry humping, self-hatred, fledgling!vampire rin itoshi, fem!reader.

vampire!rin doesn’t easily admit to his emotions.

even before he was turned by his sire (isagi, unfortunately), rin could never find it in him to say what he truly wanted or truly felt. it was like some kind of physical block, in his throat and hanging over his mind like a thick, grey cloud ready to thunder. he processes deeply, but expresses little to none.

that is why vampire!rin hardly reacts when his sire brings you home as nothing but a mere pet, a blood bank for the entire family. at least outwardly. he’s against it, not that he would say, to bring a human around a band of blood thirsty, vile blood suckers — to say rin hated his kind would be treason, to say that he missed the beat of his own heart and the warmth to his flesh would be a disrespect to the head of the clan and while he enjoys clashing with isagi…rin needs this clan to stay alive.

turning off every human instinct he ever had in turn for living and instead of death — vampire!rin had no choice but to rely on those before him for his survival, no matter how much he resented it.

“rinnie,” he hears you before he sees you. thanks to his new and improved senses, vampire!rin can’t mistake the steady beat of your heart from through the walls. “yoichi said you haven’t been feeding.”

your words are soft, cooed to him gently as you push into the fledgling’s quarters. another thing that rin doesn’t understand, especially when vampires have no desire to sleep. “you’re calling him by his first name.” vampire!rin observes, though he doesn’t speak unkindly nor with any malice directed at you. he can’t tell if it’s jealousy that spikes at his heart or wanton

logic cannot explain you either — a sweet human who does what she can for men who may tear her apart at a moment’s notice. you’re too good for any of them, a delicate flower struggling to bloom in a garden of thorns and rin is but one of them digging into your supple sides and drawing fresh blood. vampire!rin refuses to be like them, like the rest who see you as nothing but a meal.

you are precious to him.

“i know that you don’t like to listen to him, rin,” you continue and step into the room carefully, as though not to spook him. “but you need to drink,” the scent of your blood, more valuable than any gem, flickers through the air and starts a war with rin’s natural instincts. he grips at the sheets he lays on, covers his mouth with a free hand, throat bobbing and eyes wide. he cannot take from you. from what little humanity you have left. “if you fight it, you might die. i don’t want that to happen to you, rinnie.”

when he looks up, eyes flickering between an ocean’s shade of aquamarine and the daunting red that you’re so used to (a sign of rin being a freshly turned vampire), he sees the trickle of crimson drip down from where you’ve pricked yourself on the finger. you stand by vampire!rin’s bedside now, your face kind — worrisome.

vampire!rin doesn’t want to lose that one last part of him. if he drinks from you, you’re no longer the same — rin is no longer human and you no longer have a companion in this mad house.

“you need to,” your voice wavers, as if you might cry — and if rin could draw a breath, he’s sure it’d hitch. “it doesn’t make you like them, doesn’t make you evil. you need my blood to survive and i need you to stay alive. so please rin, just drink from me. for me.”

and like he wasn’t holding back at all, rin launches himself onto you with his entire body weight — his quick reflexes allowing him to cradle the back of your head before the both of you collide with the floor. vampire!rin’s mouth is cool around the tip of your finger as he gives into his instincts and laps at your finger until the blood flow has stopped. he doesn’t, however, dragging his tongue up the length of your arm and over your shoulder — slobbering wet and cool.

“r-rin!” you stutter out, neither in fear or in pain — but instead with need, rocking your hips up into the fledgling’s as his mouth finds your own and you can taste your metallic flavour against the ice sheet plains of his tongue.

either he doesn’t hear you, or vampire!rin knows to give you more. he lets you work your tongue between his lips and press against the blinding white of his newborn fangs, then his kisses turn uncoordinated, sloppy as they trail from your bitten lips to the expanse of your neck. life pulses beneath your flesh, hunger drives vampire!rin to pierce the skin with pointed teeth — his eyes rolling back into his skull and the ache for a meal subduing.

vampire!rin can’t help it, to melt into you as you mewl and his venom sinks into your blood stream — calming you, filling you with pleasure. shivers run down your spine but you’re not sure if it’s because of how cold rin is or because of how good him just drinking your blood feels. your hand comes up to twirl in his forest green locks, soothing him and whatever disgust he might have for himself as a vampire.

“don’t worry rinnie,” you offer your reassurances, dreamily. “take all that you need.”

vampire!rin may hate himself for it later once he fully transforms and the man he was before is a distant memory compared to the one aired by isagi yoichi. however, for now he’ll let himself be swept up in everything that is you. your taste, your scent, your whines and moans. and let you guide him through the insanity that is his eternity.

[khuzena]

Take my heart with you

Kaiser x fem!reader♡

Summary: you're the itoshi brothers' little sister, what could go wrong if you secretly dated kaiser?

Warning: the itoshi brothers hate each other but if anyone hit on their sister they team up rq, fluff to Angst. Kaiser being a sweetheart. Rin being the better brother🔥🙌. I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER AT THE END plS I SWEAR. Kaiser professing his love for reader in the most poetic way possible 🙌 possibly OOC but we dc

A/n: this is so stupid. Let's pretend they actually understand each other 💀💀💀. I swear I tried and I really love those old Rin, Sae and reader sibling hcs or chat fics i used to see on tumblr and i was like how about i add my own twist but reader dating kaiser.

You sneaked out of the house to go on a date with Kaiser. What could go wrong?

Answer: Everything.

You arrive at the restaurant, patiently waiting for Kaiser until you feel a hand on your shoulder, flinching by surprise.

"Shall we?"

"Y-yeah…"

Michael Kaiser who treats you like a gentleman for the entire night and spoils you, getting you anything you wanted in the restaurant.

"I kinda want macaroons but it's kinda expensive—", you say, complaining to Kaiser about the prices but a waitress walks to your table and you hear him whispering something to the waiter.

"Yes, madam we'll order some macaroons"

"What."

Michael Kaiser who surprises you with a Birkin bag for your 1 year anniversary, you're still surprised Sae and Rin haven't found out about the relationship.

"I— how am I supposed to explain to my brothers I randomly got a Birkin???"

"Easy, just tell them we're dating, it's not like anything bad is going to happen" Kaiser rolls his eyes thinking what could go wrong if your two brothers found out you're dating their rival.

Michael Kaiser who wears an awkward disguise but it surprisingly works well. Though you can't help but stare at him, his eye glasses accentuate his already good looks.

"Staring at me, schatz?" He teases, intertwining both your hands as you two enjoy the scenery in front of you.

You'd be lying if you said he didn't look good in those glasses, "W-well… the glasses suit you." Shyly looking away. The two of you have been dating for a year now but you still stutter and stumble when you're caught by surprise by him again and again.

"I know" he says confidently while pushing away your bangs to place a chaste kiss on your forehead.

Michael Kaiser who takes off his disguise and leads you two in a quiet area with no other person other than you two.

"You know if I had the chance to turn back time to fix my past I wouldn't change a single thing." He chuckles before pulling you closer to him by the waist.

You raise an eyebrow, not knowing what he meant. "Huh?" He leaned down to your level, holding you close and lips inches apart from each other.

"Because if I changed something then there's a chance I wouldn't be able to meet you, I'd rather go through that pain as a young footballer rather than live my life not meeting you." He whispered, smirking at your reaction. How could he say that so casually and expect you to act normal.

Michael Kaiser who takes you shopping and promises to take you out on another date like this.

"Kaiser, I don't wanna go home yet" you muttered quietly, hugging him as he patted your back.

Kaiser smiles at you, pulling away so he can cup your face with both his hands. "I know." He pulled you into a deep kiss before your phone rang and interrupted your moment.

Your eyes widen at the contact number.

"Oh shit it's my brothers… should I check the message?"

"Its okay go ahead"

Kaiser reads the chats with you, absolutely baffled by the brothers' efforts to stalk you.

"What the fuck." You both hear behind you, it was Sae's voice.

"I swear I can explain!" Yelling at the two but it's no use when they glared daggers at you and Kaiser.

Sae forced the two of you to ride back home, talking sternly to Kaiser while driving; Rin is still mad at the betrayal but he won't admit it.

"How long have you been seeing my sister?" Sae demanded an answer, still pissed for 3 reasons.

1. Not telling Sae you're seeing someone (he just wants to keep you safe)

2. You dating Kaiser (Sae and Rin absolutely do not trust that man)

3. The traffic

Kaiser gulps, looking back at you and looking back at Sae, never had he imagined meeting your brothers face to face again like this.

"Since last year"

…

"What." Rin felt his eye twitch, his nerves popping out of anger and confusion.

You hold your boyfriend's hand nervously, the atmosphere is so dreary it feels like your skin is getting grated every second from the anxiety prickling at your skin.

"You're gonna fucking use my sister and leave her crying like shit after you're done with her? The fuck do you want with her?"

"R-rin— that's enough…"

"I'm not done yet."

Kaiser entered the Itoshi household, he knew if he chickened out or shit the brothers would never approve of him. He took his shoes off and wore the slippers you offered him, you and Kaiser sit down at the couch and it's already making you uncomfortable.

"Listen here you German shit." Sae snarls at him, Kaiser has met Sae and Rin before and used to piss the two daily at blue lock, now he regrets ever doing it because it ruined his chances of getting along with his future brother-in-laws.

Anyone could tell Sae was pissed as hell, venom seethed from his throat and he swears if he could just smash the living shit out of Kaiser he would.

On the other hand though, Rin is absolutely avoiding your gaze. He's madder than Sae because he feels like he failed as your brother. That he wasn't good enough for you to share your secret with him.

"If you break my sister's heart I'll break your limbs at the next world cup. You hear me?" The eldest brother glaring down at Kaiser, if looks could kill Kaiser would've already been dead.

"And you." Gulping as you stare at the ground when Sae mentions you, hoping that this'll all end.

"Why the fuck did you think it's a good idea to hide a relationship like this for so long?"

"Because I knew you'd blow up like this— you're always so overprotective yet you were never here with me and Rin!" The two of you went at it, insults and insults, uneasiness filling the gaps of each corner. "What the fuck do you mean never here? I was working my ass off in spain to chase my dreams- to make you and Rin's life fucking easier!"

"I never asked you to do that for me! You're the worst person ever, I wish you weren't my brother." It accidentally slips out and Sae's eyes widen. When you look back at him you could see his breathing become uneven— that look in his eyes. The look of betrayal and guilt. He was taken aback at your reply.

You burst into tears before taking Kaiser's hand, pulling him out of the Living room and going outside.

"Michael lets go." You mumbled, it was freezing but none of it mattered. Tying your shoes before taking your shit with you.

Kaiser feels like needles were stabbing his chest, it felt like it was his fault that your relationship with your brothers strained even further— if it ever existed in the first place.

He says nothing as he watches you pathetically cry and run away from the household, catching up to you while pulling you closer to him.

"Shhh it's okay, breathe."

Kaiser rubbed circles on your back as you hyperventilated; tears streaming down your cheeks as you hugged him, looking for the comfort you could never find in anyone else but him.

"I-it's all my fault— I'm sorry for dragging you into this.."

"Breathe," he raised your chin, making you stare at him. It pained him to see you breaking down in his arms like this, "Breathe in and out, it's gonna be okay."

The two of you walk to a nearby playground, hand in hand as you two sit on the swings. Kaiser looks over to you… confusion, pity and sadness coming to him all at once. Maybe it was right that he should've left you alone when you first mentioned that you were an Itoshi.

"I'm sorry… I didn't expect it to go this way— I really am sorry." Sobbing as you hugged your legs together and cried onto your knees.

Kaiser only stares at you. His mouth goes dry as his mouth was left agape, his mind racing and he wants to say something but he doesn't know the right words that he should say. He could make you feel much worse and he didn't want to add to your stress so he kept quiet.

You two stay at the playground for hours until you hear footsteps slowly coming closer.

"Go home now, please."

Your eyes were dead, tugging onto your shirt as you shivered in both anxiety and from the cold weather. "R-rin?"

Rin looks over to you then Kaiser, feeling guilt. He should've said something earlier but he's always been a coward, always been a bad brother.

"Let's go home and eat dinner. You're hungry and you Kaiser… let's talk privately later." Rin's voice was hoarse, you could tell he's been crying. You nod and stand up, walking back home with Rin as Kaiser follows behind you two.

You three entered the house quietly, making sure to not disturb Sae. Rin looks down at the cold soup he made earlier, picking it up and reheating it while you and Kaiser wait at the dining table.

"Here… beef stew." Rin places the bowl down, preparing the dinner table. You watch Rin do all the work, you tried to help him but he refused. You could tell he was trying to ease the atmosphere. "So… when did you meet my sister.?" He asked, Rin was too ashamed to look any of you in the eye.

"I met her at the Blue Lock party a year ago then…" Kaiser pauses, looking over to you for affirmation as you nod at him, "We hit it off and she was nice, we exchanged numbers and we went on a date. She mentioned she was an Itoshi and I got nervous." He continued before taking a bite of the beef.

"Oh." Rin replied, it was awkward for everyone at the dining table. Just the clanking of the utensils against their own plates and whirring sound of the electric fan can be heard. But it's better than the deafening noise of continuous fighting with Sae.

"I know we fought a lot at the world cup and Blue lock but I'm willing to put that aside for my sister." Rin trails off. Rin was never good with words but he knew if he can't make amends with your lover then he'd hurt you in the process.

Kaiser takes a deep breath, his hands still clammy and sweaty. "I— me too."

You only watch the awkward interaction between the two, you were glad they were slowly starting to get along.

"Kaiser." Rin looks over to Kaiser and they stare at each other, but it wasn't hatred in their eyes, just regret.

"Promise me you won't break my sister's heart?" Your brother asked with desperation in his voice, you're the only one he had left and he couldn't and wouldn't bear to see you heartbroken. The first he's ever seen you heartbroken was when Sae came back from spain and abandoned you two. He doesn't want to see you break down over anything— anyone, ever again.

"I would never. I've known her all my life." The two Itoshis raised an eyebrow at his bold declaration.

"When I was a child I would pick flowers off the neighbor's lawn and imagine myself giving it to the girl I would love. When I grew older I would take pictures of breathtaking sceneries and hope that maybe I could bring my soon to be lover to those places again. When I got my first check I saved enough because I hoped to god I could meet the love of my life and spoil them with everything I have." Kaiser stares down at his plate, trying to avoid their gazes but he then looks Rin straight in the eye, his eyes brimming with a fiery determination Rin swore he only ever saw from other football players when their vision narrows on the ball, like an adrenaline rush.

"And I'm sure I've known her all my life and I'll spend my life meeting and learning to love her over and over again— so please. Let me be with her. I won't ever hurt her, if I ever did I would stop playing football because I dedicated my goals just for her. If I kicked and rolled the ball without meaning I'd rather not play it at all."

Rin's always loathed Bastard München's ace, Kaiser. But he feels his heart soften at his persistence to be with his sister. Never in his life has he seen a man so dedicated to ever go after his sister. Rin hates Kaiser for sure but he promised to put their past behind just for her.

"Alright… I'll let you have my sister but… keep your promise. She's the only one I have."

Your eyes soften at the scene unfolding Infront of you, happy that the two most important people in your life are getting along but there's one person left, Sae.

You all finish eating then helping Rin clean up the table. In the corners of your eye you noticed Kaiser wiping the table. "K-kaiser you dont have to!"

"It's nothing."

"W-well… I'm gonna go upstairs and uh get my stuff…" you gave a weak smile to the two, slowly walking up the stairs to talk to Sae.

The lights were dimmed and Sae wasn't in his room. Almost stepping on a sock you looked over to Sae, he was sitting down on the staircase; his hair messy and his eyes puffy.

"What do you want?" Aggression and hostility in his voice, he looked up to you. A few hours ago at the fight, Sae was beyond pissed at you but now… he looked broken, as if he realized something.

Note: sorry if the intro was so bad i dont know how to write anymore im cryigngggg. I mean i know how to but i def downgraded compared to my past fics istg. Sorry if there are too many mistakes, I'll try my best to satisfy my readers in the next part of the fic. 🙇‍♀️ Hope you enjoyed!

Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡