#its a giant wall and i cannot go under and i xannot go over and i cannot go through
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pooooo
#i do whatver i want#anyways#today sucks and it just begun#its my bday#and i feel unwanted#ive vented to two people and it made me feel more better each time#and im thankful that i got to do that#and i Know they care about me and love me#but i spent the whole weekend and especially today feeling ao unwanted#so its a little hard to get over#its just a lingering biting feeling#i feel unwanted and undesired#i Know intrinsically there are people who want me around#like ava and allan and brooke and my cousin#but. idk the feeling is still so unmoving so firm#its a giant wall and i cannot go under and i xannot go over and i cannot go through#the worst part is it has eyes that are angry and a mouth that is mean#and despite saying i am unwanted it also ridicules me for being insecure at all#'why wpuld u say that? what the fuck?' 'u know no pne wants u around right'#'whu would u say i dont want to be around u?' 'can u just get over it already?'#and tho i dont say anything theres One (1) guy in my brain fighting for me#its v small and it isnt loud but it echoes somewhat#'do u think anxiety takes off day wall? do u think it gives up around a special time'#'why would i Want to think that? why would i subject myself to that viewpoint if i had the choice?'#but!! honestly that voice is wrong sometimes and is so angry its blinded by hurt#and i have so little strength and confidence at times like these#why do i habe to face this fucking wall??? why is it ao personal???#do we really need to do this??? i just want to be happy and feel loved and wanted#if u cared about me walk ud move out of my way#:((((!!!!!!
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