#its been two years and I still haven't recovered

[enhypens-hoe]

milf - jeon jungkook 🍪🍨🤍

(pics. from pinterest but I made the banner myself)

pair: hot neighbor!nonidol Jungkook x female milf reader

genre: smut, one-shot, age gap (32 and 24) hot neighbor

summary: You and your husband Hoseok have a 6 year-old. You want your marriage with Hoseok to work out but he's making it difficult. Even throughout these hard times you would not change your life for the world. Well.. What happens when you find out you have a new neighbor but to your surprise, he was truly the hottest man you have ever seen.

warnings: cursing, cheating, smut, not much aftercare :/ (tbh jk can't really shower her with love because they choose to have sex at the worst times so he just cleans her up quickly sorry), breast play, riding (car sex), ass slapping (light), unprotected sex (please use protection), kind of mean dom! jk, sub!femreader, bj, doggy style (hitting from the back), slightly possessive jk? dirty talk, age gap, breeding, mention of pregnancy (reader does not get pregnant), pet names, hair tugging, use of (slut, whore, etc.)

★ starring: le sserafim's Yun-jin (she's aged up to 32) & BTS J-hope (he’s aged up to 33)

jazi's note: hii thank you for the love on the teaser and I hope this fic lives up to your expectations. I worked really hard on it & this is my first fic I have ever written so please keep that in mind. I hope you guys can stick around to see what other fics I will release. Reposts, likes, comments, & follows are well appreciated. I really hope you guys love it have a great day love you!!🍪🍨🤍

divider creds: @/xhavxv

p.s. permanent taglist is open (for all fics)

"Have you seen him?!" your best friend Yunjin shouts in your ear while pushing her cart. You two were out grocery shopping while the kids were in school. Yunjin decided to join since she was off of work.

Yunjin and you have been best friends from 2nd grade up until college and after that. You guys met your husbands in college, but Yunjin got divorced last year. Yunjin got pregnant around the same time as you and moved next door. You couldn't be happier. Her son and your son are best friends I know it's cliche but whatever. Apparently, we have a new neighbor and according to her he is very attractive. Piercings, tattoos, muscles, he has a motorcycle, can cook, etc. he has it all. She caught a glimpse of him when she came to pick up her son Chul from his playdate with Eun-Woo and she won't stop drooling over him.

"No actually I haven't. I have been so busy with Eun-Woo starting school I haven't even introduced myself." you say scrunching your eyebrows still recovering by Yunjin's shouting. You weren't convinced that your neighbor was as hot as Yunjin was making it seem. "And let me remind you I'm married remember?" you announce as you show her your hand wiggling the finger that the diamond sat on.

Yunjin rolled her eyes lightly smacking your hand away. "Right, I forgot... whatever, this guy has the moms all over him. They are going after him like he's some piece of meat." Yunjin pouts wishing she got some time alone to talk to Jungkook. "And you aren't going after him... for his meat?" She side eyes you while you are looking for cereal. "I'm telling you ___ he's exactly your type and if you don't believe me just introduce yourself besides its the friendly neighbor thing to do." she said as she had a small smile on her face.

"I don't know Yunjin maybe if I get the time I can meet your next husband." you whisper to her as you both laugh.

You get home and place you bags down in the kitchen. You look up and see the time on the stove. 1:00pm... you still had an hour and forty minutes until Eun-Woo got out of school. You hear light talking coming from down the hall so Hoseok must be home in his office. You don't even bother telling him you are home because he hasn't been paying attention to you anyway.

Yunjin was right it wouldn't hurt to greet your new neighbor. The last thing you want is to seem rude and be the only one who has not introduced yourself to him. So, you made chocolate chip cookies since it would be wrong to go empty handed. You walked towards Jungkook's house with the container in your hand slightly nervous.

You lifted your fist to knock but the door swung open before you could. "Hi I'm-oh" Your eyes slightly widened as you looked up at him. He towered over you wearing a white fitted short sleeve shirt which exposed his arm tattoos and muscles. He had black fluffy hair and a lip piercing. You could see the outline of his abs through his shirt and his big doe eyes were so pretty looking down at you.

"Hey..." he spoke with a small smirk plastered on his face. You were not being very discreet when checking him out. It's not like he was hiding the way he was looking at your boobs either. "Oh Hi... I'm sorry I just.. um I wanted to introduce myself I live right across from you I'm ___. I made you these." You say softly while sticking out the container. he smiled at you looking at the container then back at you. His smile is so nice holy fuck. "Thank you so much. My hands are dirty so I can't grab the container. Would you mind coming in?" he asked. You shouldn't, you know you shouldn't go in it's clear that he thinks you're attractive and well you think he is too.. it's just wrong. "Sure."

"Great thank you. You can put cookies on the counter I'm going to wash my hands." he told you letting you walk in first. His place was organized it was way different than you expected. He walked over to his sink and started washing his hands. His hands are even attractive what the fuck.

Yunjin was right... he's exactly your type. shit...

"Why are your hands so dirty." you ask trying to make small talk. He looks up at you for a moment then nods his head to the direction of the window. You see the black motorcycle with his initials written on the side in a small cursive font. "I'm fixing it. Somethings wrong with the pipe." Wiping his hands on a small cloth... he still had something black smeared on his face jaw and a little on his arm, but you didn't say anything. He walked over to you and stood quiet for a bit.

"Are you doing anything today?" He questioned analyzing your face. You tried to look somewhere else. You didn't want to make eye contact with him feeling nervous under his gaze. "I have to pick up my son Eun-Woo from school in forty minutes and cook" you admit. "Oh, you're a mom huh." he's not really asking it's more of a statement. The look on his face shockingly does not show any signs of disappointment. "Do you have a husband? I haven't seen him with you." he pushes.

"Yea I do. We just... we aren't going through the best time right now that's all. It happens to a lot of people though." you tell him trying to reassure yourself realizing you overshared god you hate when you do that. "Hmm... I don't know how he does it I wouldn't be able to stay away from you." he admits playing with a strand of your hair and using his hand to tilt your jaw up. You two look at each other and you know what you are going to do next is wrong, but you can't help it. His lips crash onto yours and you grab at his arm. The kiss turns into a heated make out session running your hands through his hair. You hesitate for a moment wondering if you should take it further. You start unbuckling his belt slightly pulling his pants down.

"Is this, okay?" you ask pulling away from his lips as he tries to lean forward to kiss you again. "Yes, shit" he answers before reattaching his lips to yours as you softly palm him through his boxers. You push his chest slightly and get on your knee's looking up at him through your lashes. He threw his head back mouth slightly open and his eyes closed. His face alone has you wet as you continue to palm him. You pull down his boxers and his cock bounces slightly and hit's his abdomen. You were intimidated by his size, he was so hard precum was leaking from his tip.

You grab his dick and lick the tip. He hisses when you start to suck softly and use your hand to slowly pump up and down his shaft. He puts his hand on the back of your head as you start to bob your head. "Yea just like that.. fuck don't stop." Jungkook mumbles. You look up at him and he pushes your head further. Digging your nails in his thighs as you slightly gag on his length. “What you can’t take it? Come on I know you can do it baby.” Tears stream down your face as you bob your head down his entire length reminding yourself just a little longer. “Oh fuck. I’m gonna cum, are you gonna let me cum in your mouth. Huh slut?” he asks you while tugging on your hair. You slightly nod as he holds your head at the base of his length. He cums down your throat and you swallow as you release his dick licking the remaining cum off his shaft.

He pulls you up from your knees and you catch a glimpse of the time. 2:35 pm… you’re gonna be late if you don’t leave to pick up Eun-Woo right know. “Mmm.. Jungkook, I have to go. Eun-Woo gets out in 5 minutes” you tell him as he’s kissing down your jaw to your neck. He looks at you and pouts guilt hits you realizing you just cheated on Hoseok, you knew you should’ve never gone in his house. You tell Jungkook you guys will continue another day but you’re lying to him and that bothers you even more. You have to avoid him at all costs now. You rush out of his house not letting him respond and quickly get your car keys speeding off to get your son.

It's been two and a half weeks since you talked to Jungkook. Ok yes you guys did more than talking but whatever happened is in the past and it will never happen again. Today Yunjin and you are setting up a party for Eun-Woo and Chul's soccer team because they won a game. You're inside getting tape when you hear Yunjin talking to someone. "Hey, thank you for coming! Sure, can you just hold the ladder while I put this up? Thanks." Who got here already? We told everyone to come at 5:00 it's 4:09. You walk outside and are greeted with Jungkook holding the ladder as Yunjin's laughing at something he said. It gets quiet but you don't realize until Yunjin- "___ PASS THE TAPE MY ARM IS GOING TO FALL OFF IF I HOLD THIS ANY LONGER FUCK" Yunjin yells. You slowly walk over and give her the tape. "Sorry." you mutter "Actually, Yunjin can I talk to you really quick." you ask her while pretending to watch Eun-Woo and his friends playing inside to avoid eye contact with Jungkook. It doesn't help that you've felt his eyes on you since you stepped outside.

She finishes taping the banner, so you drag her inside and you don't waste time asking her. "Did you invite Jungkook-" Yunjin nods "God Yunjin why? He doesn't even have a kid he doesn't need to be here." You say to her as she rolls her eyes. "___ our other friends are coming, and they don't have kids why is he different? Plus, he asked to help, and I was not going to pass up that offer." she says smiling, but her smile drops realizing you're acting weird. She grabs your arm before you walk away. "Why are you acting weird? Did something happen between you two?" she asks gasping waiting for you to tell her what happened. You hate how she knows you so well you can't even lie to her. "It's your fault. You told me to introduce myself to him, so I did, and I ended up sucking his dick there happy?" you admit, and she starts jumping and runs to the kitchen.

You follow her and she's going through your fridge. "Hey, it's not my fault but I can't blame you. How big was it like this? or this? hmm?" she asks you while holding a cucumber in one hand and a banana in the other. You roll your eyes and put the stuff back, grabbing her hand to bring her back outside. "Come on we have to finish setting up." you tell her laughing at how she's whining saying you're "gatekeeping."

Eun-Woo and his soccer team love the party and you even got a "You're the best mom ever" from Eun-woo. Right now, the kids are debating what's the best candy and Yunjin is with Renni and the other moms probably talking about how hot Jungkook is. You realize the lemonade pitcher is empty, so you decide to make more. Jungkook walks in the kitchen not too long after you. "So, you just planned on ignoring me after what happened?" Jungkook asks you looking slightly hurt. You let out a breath and look at him. "What happened was a mistake Jungkook. I'm married you know that." you say sternly. Jungkook walks over and stands right next to you as you finish making more lemonade. "I don't care and if you really cared about jeopardizing your marriage you wouldn't have been on your knees for my dick so quickly." you hear a hint of jealously in his voice and you give him a dirty look. He grabs your arm and takes you to the bathroom slamming the door shut.

You push him against the door kissing him hard. You were so angry because the truth is Jungkook was right, but you didn't want to admit it. He unbuttoned your jeans and slid them down along with your panties. You run your hands through his hair continuing to kiss him roughly as he grabs your ass. He turns you around and you grab the edge of the sink. You look in the mirror and see him taking off his pants god he looks so good. "You're so wet. Have you been thinking about me this whole time?" Jungkook whispers you can teel he's smiling without looking at him. You drop you head lower and gasp when he shoves his dick inside you with no warning.

He starts thrusting hard giving you no time to adjust. The pain starts mixing with pleasure and you're biting you lip trying to hold in your moans. Jungkook grunts in your ear picking up his pace. "Fuck I wish I could be in this pussy forever. You're so good for me." he tells you pulling your hair so you can look in the mirror and watch him fuck you. Your knuckles start turning white from how hard you are holding onto the counter. He's fucking you so good that you can't even try to hold in your moans anymore. "___ are you in there? Are you okay?" Yunjin asks you sounding concerned. Your eyes get wide, but Jungkook continues to fuck you. You try to swallow your moans so you can answer her.

"Yeah.. mm. I'm fine I got a cut when I was cutting up the lemons." you reply whimpering. "Alright well hurry up... I can't deal with Renni alone. I'm suffering." she whispers the last part walking away. The sound of skin slapping and moaning fills up the bathroom it reeks of sex in here. "Maybe I should get you pregnant, I'll know you're walking around your husband full of my baby. hmm would you like that you whore?" Jungkook slaps your ass waiting for a response. "Mm fuck yea. Please fill me up with your babies I need it. Please can I cum.. baby let me cum on your cock please please please." you plead not even think straight. Jungkook let's out a breath feeling you tighten around him. "Yea cum on my cock show me how good I make you feel. Come on." Jungkook's pace is getting sloppy, so you know he's close. You guys cum at the same time moaning loudly. He turns your head towards him so he can kiss you. His pace slows down and he pulls out getting on his knees to watch his cum spill out of you.

"Can't believe you tried ignoring me after sucking my cock. Now you're here begging to cum on it." Jungkook scoffs pulling up his pants and grabbing napkins to clean you up. You scrunch your eyebrows feeling sensitive. "You should go out first, I'll be out in a couple minutes." you tell Jungkook looking at him with the most innocent eyes like he didn't just fuck your brains out. He kisses you one last time and walks out.

It's Saturday and even though Eun-Woo saw his friends on Thursday at the party he wanted to invite them over again. So, as they play soccer on the front lawn you made them snacks. Watching how their eyes light up when you put the snacks out brought a smile to your face. "Thank you, Mrs. Jung!!" Chul tells you while munching on chips and gives you a small hug running back to play soccer before you could respond. You lay on the lawn chair and decide to read a book. Letting out a huff you put the book on your lap. You can't stop thinking about Jungkook. What's he doing right now? You wonder if he's thinking about you too. You know you can't ignore him anymore he's ju-

"MOMMMM!!!" Eun-Woo shouts and you jolt up looking at him with confusion on your face. "Eunnie what is it?" you ask him softly walking over to him. "We kicked the ball to rough and it flew into Mr. Jeon's yard. It was only by accident I promise." he tells you pointing at Jungkook's house, and you smile at him. "It's okay Eunnie I'll go get it. Go to the backyard don't go on the sidewalk. If you need anything your dad's inside, okay?" you tell him starting to walk over to Jungkook's house. "Ok!" He says about to walk away. You're at Jungkook's doorstep until you hear Eun-Woo calling you. "Mom!!! We have another ball it's fine." You were about to step away until Eun-Woo yells again "Actually since your there can you get it pleaseeeee" he begs. You roll your eyes and stick your tongue out. Eun-Woo laughs running off to your backyard with his friends.

You knock on Jungkook's door, and he opens it with a towel hugging his waist. Abs on full display water droplets trickling down them. "Hey" you greet him returning the smile he's giving you. He looks so good his hair is damp and you can see his entire sleeve tattoo now. "Eun-Woo and his friends were playing soccer, and they kicked their ball into your backyard. Do you mind if I get it?" you ask him while your eyes flicker between his face and abs. "Not at all. Come in" he tells you opening the door even wider. "You have people over today?" he asks as you step in.

"Yeaa Eunnie wanted to invite some friends over to play." you explain looking back at him while you walk to his back door. You have trouble opening the door, so Jungkook walks over and opens it for you. You give him a small smile and look around his back yard. You spot Eun-Woo's ball and grab it walking back inside Jungkook's house. "Thank you sorry I'll tell them to be more careful next time." You tell him walking to the front door. Jungkook softly grabs your hand and turns you around putting a hand on your cheek. You look up at him and he runs his thumb over your bottom lip sliding it into your mouth. You softly suck on his thumb closing your eyes dropping the soccer ball. "Have you been thinking about me? 'Cause I can't stop thinking about you and your cute little pussy." He admits using his other hand to cup your cunt through your shorts.

You let out a soft moan nodding your head and opening your eyes when he takes his thumb out of your mouth. "I can't stop thinking about you." you tell Jungkook, and he runs his big hands down your back letting out a breath of relief. He uses one hand to grab your ass and kisses you softly. You put both of your hands on his face griding on him. You both pull away foreheads touching looking at each other in comfortable silence. "Jungkook. Please fuck me."

"I never thought you'd ask" he continues kissing you backing you up until you hit the island counter. "We have to be quick though" you tell him not wanting Hoseok to become suspicious. He nods sliding your shorts off but leaving your underwear on. He slowly turns you around and lays the upper half of your body on the counter. Your cheek makes contact with the cold counter, and you inhale sharpy. He drops his towel pushing your underwear to the side and grabbing his dick sliding inside. He puts a hand on your head and starts thrusting slowly. You let out a moan breathing heavy. Jungkook's thrust are slow and hard he starts picking up the pace using his other hand to rub your clit. You arch your back and you're a whimpering moaning mess.

Jungkook looks at your hand laying on the counter and notices your wedding ring shining as the sunlight hits it. He can't help but feel jealousy because he knows you go back to home to Hoseok at the end of the day and Hoseok wakes up next to you. He wants to be the one who wakes up next to you in the morning and he wants to take care of you when you're sick, he wants to be able to say you're his. Jungkook starts thrusting way harder than before not caring that tears are streaming down your face. "Who makes you feel this good? Whose dick has you coming back to them?" When you don't reply he smacks your ass hard. "You Jungkook only you." you scream. He continues to fuck you hard, and you reach behind you putting your hand on his v-line. "Jungkook slow down please 's too much." you tell him sniffling. He smacks you hand away and runs his hand down your spine.

"This is the only pussy I want.. are you gonna let me fuck it whenever I want? I feel you tightening around me. Cum with me baby I'm so close." You nod chanting Jungkook's name as you cum on his cock. He pulls out and turns you around your fucked out face making him reach his climax quicker. You jerk him off with the remaining energy you have left and he cums on your thighs groaning in your ear. You guys are both panting, and you rush cleaning yourself up putting your shorts back on. "Come back please. Don't ignore me we can make this work" Jungkook pleads looking at you with his doe eyes. You kiss him nodding knowing this time you won't ignore him. Grabbing Eun-Woo's ball you walk back to your house feeling sore.

"Mom finally your back. Oh thank you! Guy's she got the ball." Eun-Woo tells his friends grabbing the ball from your hands. They all examine the scratched-up ball with smears of dirt on it. "Where was it Mrs. Jung?" Chul asks you with curious eyes. "It was stuck in a bush, you guys kicked it pretty hard huh?" you tease them, and they all apologize as you laugh and ruffle Chul's hair. "It's okay guys I didn't mind getting the ball for you just be careful next time. Now go change before it gets too dark out, I'll take you guys out to get ice cream." They all yell and jump up and down in excitement running inside to get changed.

You run a hand through your hair looking at the different medications. Debating whether you should get Eun-Woo a stronger medication like his doctor recommended for his fever or just stick to the one he's using. You decide to just get both you'll talk to Hoseok and figure out which one to give him. You also grab a couple instant ttoekbokki packs since you and Eunnie have been craving it. As you walk towards the cash register you noticed a familiar figure in one of the aisles. You walk towards him looking at the ramen. "Too many choices huh?" You ask and Jungkook looks over and sees you. "Aish what are you doing here at this time?" he questions you smiling.

"Eunnie has a fever, so I came to get him extra medication. And we've been craving tteokbokki so I'm buying this too." you tell Jungkook, and you watch his smile turn into a frown hearing your son is sick. "Oh, that sucks. I hope he feels better" Jungkook puts a hand on your shoulder rubbing it softly. You give him a tight-lipped smile and huff. "Why are you here this late? Late night cravings?" it's your turn to ask him. He laughs nodding "I was thinking about my eomma's ramen. I started craving some and now I don't know which one to get." he tells you and you smile at the mention of his mom.

"Just get both" you shrug looking up at him. He repeats your action getting both ramens and you both walk up to the cash register. You guys pay for your stuff and walk out. "Wanna come in my car for a bit? If you don't want to go home right away." Jungkook offers and you look at him and roll your eyes smiling. "Yea and what are we going to do in your car huh?" you ask moving closer to him and he looks at your lips.

"Stop clenching your gonna make me cum already if you keep doing that." Jungkook throws his head back. You bounce on his cock even harder moaning loudly. Jungkook is laying in his driver seat and your legs are sprawled over his lap as you try to get off on his dick. The car rocking back and forth and windows getting foggy. "Fuck baby" you whisper flipping your hair over your shoulder looking down at where you two meet. Jungkook can't take his eyes off your boobs bouncing and he takes your left nipple in his mouth sucking and looking up at your face as you throw your head back keeping your pace. He uses his other hand rolling your right nipple between his fingers.

"Ughh fuck, fuck, fuck mm your dick's so big baby" you lean back putting your hands on Jungkook's knees as you look him in the eye. He switched to your right boob sucking on it using his hand to slap your ass occasionally. He let's go of your boob with a pop. "Mmm, I can fuck you seven days a week." Jungkook tells you and you laugh as that familiar feeling in your stomach comes letting you know you are about to reach your climax.

Well, this fuck-buddy-friendship shit with Jungkook won’t be ending anytime soon that's for sure.

taglist: @namtaeh @ahgasegotarmy116 @diorh0seokie @loveejkk @heeswif3y @sweet-sourhotcoco @hopeonysus @junecat18 @pointofviewyugyeom @ku-ku @mochminnie @coralmusicblaze @ta3bae @cutiethecupcake @chaconnelatte @hellbornsworld @lovingkoalaface @multiasf @jjeonjjk7 @seoulrenebae-blog @asian-with-some-boob @ilikeitlikethatt @kmadelin @kaitieskidmore97 @peterstarkchrishiddleston @heesitation @sweetempathprunetree @eys-loveskoosomuch @prajusstuff @ohsweetmimosa @jeoninkwon @heartjiminie @looneybleus @ash07128 @fairyflorasworld @hyunjinswifeee

@enhypens-hoe 2023 - do not steal, copy, or translate.

[snailsdraw]

[Start ID: 7 pages of HLVRAI narrative doodles following an interaction between a younger Bubby and Dr Coomer about the moon.

It is a late night at the Black Mesa facility in the year 1973. Bubby, now a scientist, is taking a load off outside by the train tracks within the facility, his legs dangling over the edge while his face is tilted to the sky with an unreadable expression. "Ah! There you are, Dr Bubby!" calls Dr Coomer, walking up from behind him. He continues, "May I ask what you're doing out here? Your presence was requested at the High-Energy Particle Labs about an hour ago, or so I've heard." Bubby seems to rub at his eyes before turning his face sideways to throw a glance at the approaching fellow scientist. He smirks: "Oh Harold, when have I ever let those idiots get their way? Besides, I haven't failed to deliver even when 2 hours short. I'd say they're just too intimidated by my Intellectual Prowess to trust me with it." Dr Coomer stoops down to sit down next to him, humming in a humouring manner.

"Bubby, I do recall you only learning how to use the lavatory a month ago-" Dr Coomer begins to say, before Bubby interrupts him. "Look, I was created to be a scientific genius, not a toilet user," Bubby retorts. Not quite paying attention to his response, Dr Coomer hums absentmindedly, gaze turned to the full moon hanging above them. Out here, the dark open sky is speckled with pinprick stars and graced by passing clouds. Dr Coomer comments: "The Moon is quite beautiful tonight, isn't it?" "Well, I'm not surprised. It usually is," replies Bubby. "What would be nice is to see it up close..." Sensing hidden melancholy in his words, Dr Coomer steals a sideways look at him.

Bubby is quiet for a bit, face still turned to the moon. "…I was always going to find a way onto that rocket, you know?" Bubby finally says, quietly. "Leave it to the labcoat bastards to fuck that up…keeping me locked up in that damn tube a year too damn long." Dr Coomer looks away, feeling a smidge guilty at being a "labcoat bastard" himself in Bubby's words. The year is 1973, a year after NASA's last lunar mission.

They sit in silence, until Bubby feels an elbow nudging at him. "Now, now, that's not the Dr Bubby I've come to know," Dr Coomer says encouragingly, having recovered from his momentary guilt, "Look with me, won't you?"

"The Moon is still up there, isn't she? In all her glowing radiant glory," says Dr Coomer, gesturing to the moon with an open palm. Bubby looks at him curiously as the stout man continues: "And as long as she's still up there," - and Dr Coomer punctuates his sentence by poking a finger to Bubby's chest - "I believe you will find a way to meet her."

Dr Coomer retracts his hand, keeping his other palm held open towards the moon. He quirks an eyebrow at Bubby, grinning: "Afterall, would a "scientific genius" be handicapped by the mere discontinuation of the Apollo Project?" Bubby is speechless for a moment, taking in Dr Coomer's words in subtle awe before a smug grin stretches across his cheek. "Oh, of course not!" Bubby says confidently, a glint bouncing off his glasses as he adjusts them smartly, "What do they take me for? A fool?"

Dr Coomer smiles warmly at Bubby in amusement as Bubby continues arrogantly: "I'll be up there in no time! In fact, why stop there? I'll go even further!" "I'll be the first terrestrial being to see the universe in its entirety!" Bubby's words echo in Dr Coomer's mind somewhere in the future, when the elderly scientist floats alone in a dark void of space above everything he had once thought to be real. Looking down on the now small piece of railway area he'd just been standing on with the rest of the Science Team, his doubtless reply to Bubby back in 1973 rings hollowly in his mind. "I'm sure you will, Bubby."

End ID.]

I had to split the Boomer thing into two because the ID would been even longer if not.

Yall have @ves-doodles to thank for introducing me to the Saturn V rocket.

[Link to Part 1.] <<

[cinnamonbunpuff]

how a song changed my year.

achilles, achilles, achilles come down, won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

it's officially been one year since i first heard this song. it's kinda crazy how much can happen in that time, in reality and in mentality.

i still remember stumbling upon it. i'm sure i've seen it on my recommended in the past but this was the first time i really listened to it. it was late and i was sat on my bed, recovering from a cold. stressed over my barely-started application for some of the UC schools i never saw myself going to. i paused to take a little peruse through youtube, where i saw this performance. based on the song of achilles (a familiar name), and choreographed to achilles come down (an unfamiliar title).

i was drawn immediately in. not just by the smooth flow of the dancers portraying their characters, but by the power of the lyrics and how it affected what i was seeing of achilles, patroclus, and briseis.

and so i decided to look up the actual song and its lyrics, to see what they really were. and they were beautiful.

today of all days, see, how the most dangerous thing is to love,

this song, all seven minutes and two seconds of it, has seen me through so many monumental changes in my life. from growing positively mentally, to graduating high school and starting uni, to familial tensions.

how you will heal and you'll rise above, crowned by an overture bold and beyond,

it's honestly a wonder how i haven't grown bored or tired of it yet. and i think that's because every time i sit and really listen to it, there's always something new i'm discovering or interpreting, whether that be compositionally or lyrically.

to start, it was realising that the only instruments are strings - definitely a cello, and in all most likely a string quartet. as a violinist myself, i love hearing any use of strings in modern songs. having a whole song relying on the softness and dynamics of them though? that's gonna get me every time. how almost the entirety of the song is underlaid with the eighth notes of the cello, and throughout the verses the intermittence of the higher strings.

as i grew familiar with achilles come down, i discovered the power that all the lyrics held. there were a select few that drew my attention, from either how poetic they sounded, to how they seemed to mirror an aspect of my life that i didn't know could be put into words.

loathe the way they light candles in rome, but love the sweet air of the votives,

then there were the sections of spoken french. i thought that the addition of a second language in the song really added to it as a whole, but upon looking up (and attempting to translate what i could), i found that they added another level of melancholy. because what better way is there to make the song more emotional than including snippets of french philosophy about the value of life?

qu'on appelle une raison de vivre, est un même temps une excellent raison de mourir

through this year, i've found myself coming up with scenarios in my head, with this song playing in the background. mostly it's been with characters of my current hyperfixations, but i've found myself in these situations as well. it's definitely a reflection of who i see myself to be, but i hope it's also an envisioning to who i hope to be.

thank you to achilles come down for finding its way into my life. thank you for the past year, and i hope the next is just as exciting.

throw yourself into the unknown, with a pace and fury defiant

[inosukenumberonefan]

How to catch Kokushibo's eye

Unlike upper rank 2 and 3 I belive he would go for a demon because they're isn't any circumstances where a human would cross his path and live.

You'd have to upper rank 2 or 3 because I feel the only way to get to really talk to him would be challenging him to a blood battle or being assigned a mission with him (Or you could harm one of the demons that are above you but he prolly would dislike you for that)

In these two scenarios you'd have to be about the strength of upper 2 or 3 because

In a mission you have to be as close as you could be to be able to keep up with him and not hold him back.

In a blood battle if you were upper 4 5 or 6 he' wipe the floor with you and absorb you for being so naive and stupid and if you somehow managed to beat him and leave him alive bro would never recover and never talk to you again. (Inferioty complex gonna hit hard)

In both of these scenarios you'd have to be have a specific personality for him not to despise you.

His ideal personality:

Queit: Hes not much of a talker but that does not mean he's a listener after about 30 seconds of you raving or talking about someone not "work" related he gets annoyed. (I headcanon him as not liking loud noises either)

Most of your time spent with him will be in comfortable silence and small talk so you need to be down for that

Loyal: This has been established in the manga that he very highly believes in the hierarchy of the demons so he would not like someone who frequently does not listen to Muzan or complains (I belive the reason he let Akaza live was because of his loyalty to Muzan)

Serious: This is pretty self explanatory. Bro does not like goofing around and he takes getting stronger and being a demon VERY serious so someone who doesn't he'll label them as a distraction and annoyance

Calm: He prefers queit and tranquility so someone who doesn't freak out and get hyper or whatever is VERY MUCH preferred. He needs someone who will address him calmly instead of freezing up in fear (still gotta treat him with respect)

Extra points!

Sharing the same ideals as him which is doing anything to get stronger and training very hard.

Being a training buddy (will elaborate more on this later)

Using a katana as a weapon.

Being turned into a demon by Kokushibo

For age you can either be a super old demon 300-500 years (like him) were you've slowly climbed the ranks maybe going up a rank every 50 or so years until finally you challenge him.

Or....

You can be a baby demon 0-50 years. (The younger you are the more impressed he is) it takes a demon roughly 55-100 to devour enough humans to become an upper rank so being able to climb the ranks faster then most, to him that condems respect.

NOW I HAVE A VISION!

Imagine you're a baby demon just recently turned, you were a previous demon slayer a Hashira or Kinoe. Your skills and powers were already great but now they're out of this world. You've climbed the ranks fast and managed to secure a position in the upper ranks.

Now stick with me... Your BDA is related to your swordsmanship (like Kokushibo's 😽) so you seek him out here's the scene.

"Am I right to assume you used to be a demon slayer Kokushibo-sama?" He stands there contemplating his response or whether or not he should respond.

"As were you." You nod.

"Your blood demon art and sword skill truly are something to behold." You compliment and he tenses up at the praise. "Mines actually quite similar-."

"I have important matters to attend to. Please don't waste my time with formalities." He interrupts.

"I was hoping to find a sparring partner." He wasn't very expressive but you could tell he did not want to do that AT ALL. "I understand your reservations but I do belive its been some time since you've gotta a proper fight and not that I don't find you immensely strong but the Hashira's of this era are out of the world especially with them unlocking the mark, it would be a terrible for any of us to die because we haven't gotten proper practice."

It takes him a while but he agrees because you're also fighting with a katana like a demon slayer and you're matching the power of a hashira so it's a good agreement!

[twotitsjohndecaon]

Brighton Rock | Nothing 'Ere Need Come Between Us

Hey besties!!! So sorry I disappeared for like a rlly long time. I got depression and then recovered from depression but we're back and thriving now!!! Here is the last part of the series, long awaited. tbh haven't read this shit in like a year so I hope it's ok but it should be :) Hope y'all enjoy :))

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Filthy smut. Bad. Xtremely dirty. 18+ only, dni in any form if you're under 18 I'm dead serious. Blatant infidelity and cheating, if you're not ok w reading about that this also isn't for you. Some sad/mad emotions for a brief time. Maybe some drinking and swearing, I can't remember for sure. You have been warned.

“Where’ve you been for two hours?” Julie interrogated. You were flustered, not even thinking about the fact they might be back and you were gone longer than you should’ve. 

“I… got the sun cream, tried to walk back, but then I couldn’t find you all, so I looked for you then came back.”

“We were in the same spot!”

“But I wasn’t paying attention on the way there!” Julie rolled her eyes. 

“What’s on your neck?” she said, seeing the marks Brian had left, even though they were small. You hadn’t realized there’d been any. 

“Nothing. My skins just sensitive right now,” you said, your hand flying to your neck and clasping over the side of it. You sighed, changing and taking a quick shower, trying to position your hair to cover your neck. You hadn’t brought anything to cover it either, so you groaned and went back in the room, muttering you were going to take a nap, exhausted after your encounter, understandably. You had to be more careful, but you also didn’t know how else you could see Brian without suspicion. Luckily, Julie was still young enough to not realize a love bite right away, and she was in her “I don’t care” phase anyways so she dropped it pretty easily. But that and with the call earlier and your other disappearing acts, you worried she’d put everything together soon. You sighed as you tried to fall asleep, willing the thought to go away, and for her to be oblivious. You woke up, had dinner, and went to bed early still. Waking up early, you changed silently as Julie slept and snuck out to meet Brian. Luckily the heatwave made it so that the morning wasn’t frigid in any way, and you happened to run into Brian in the foyer as you went to leave.

“Ah, good,” Brain said, seeing you. You smiled at each other, happy to see him again. Time with your family was nice, so was time alone, but something about time with Brian seemed even easier and more enjoyable. “Look at you,” Brian whispered softly, giving you a quick kiss. Your chest fluttered for a moment. You only indulged him for a second before breaking away, fearful of getting caught somehow. 

“Shall we?” You offered. Brian assented and the two of you headed to the beach. “Where should we set up?” You asked, trudging along the beach.

“Over there,” he said, pointing towards a more secluded corner near the wharf, almost obscured into the large posts holding the dock up. You thought it a bit strange, but it was nice still. Besides, you didn’t want this getting out more than he did. The two of you sat down and made yourselves comfortable. “Sorry to wake you up so early.” “It’s alright. I had an early night,” you said.

“Tired from something?”

“I can’t imagine what,” the two of you sneakily smiled to each other and laughed. The sun rose further and its first true rays peaked out from behind the clouds and you sighed happily at the warmth. Brian admired you, and you could see him looking in your peripherals. To tease him further, you took off the light t-shirt you’d been wearing to cover your bikini top and tossed it aside, leaning down. You could hear Brian exhale softly at this, and his next move was scooting forward a bit, lifting your head, and placing it on his lap. 

“This good?” he asked, smiling down at you and brushing your hair away from your face. You smiled.

“Yeah,” you assented softly. You loved the little gestures he was making. In fact, you loved how Brian made you feel most of the time. He made you feel wanted and desired wholly, in softness and in lust. One moment he went from staring at you like he was going to devour you to the next, his gaze shifting, and then looking at you innocently as if you were the sun. You weren’t afraid of these feelings, even if they were rare and hard to shake. You knew this would be over soon, and you decided you might as well let yourself feel everything in your limited time together. Brian looked up, squinting towards the sea and sun. It was so quiet and peaceful, it being so early meaning that no one else had really come out to the beach yet. The only sounds were the waves. He looked thoughtful.

“What’re you thinking about?” you asked softly. He smiled.

“Do you know why the waves push and pull?”

“Because of the moon?”

“Kind of. The moon controls the tide, not the waves. That’s the wind. But do you know why the moon controls the tides?” he asked. You were quiet for a second.

“No, I guess not.” Brian looked down at you excitedly. He pulled your shoulders up and leaned his head down near yours so you were cheek to cheek and could see from his perspective.

“Well, the moon and the Earth are both rotating all of the time, and they’re rotating in the same direction. And the moon and the Earth have a gravitational pull on each other. So when the moon passes over some place on Earth, some place with water, that gravitational pull makes the water bump out towards the moon and on the side of the world directly opposite the moon. That’s what makes high tide. And when the moon isn’t over some place, it’s low tide,” Brian whispered to you, his voice going softly into your ear. “Make sense?” 

“Yeah,” you said, entranced by him. Brian looked at you, still looking out to the sea and decided to continue. 

“But— but the moon and the Earth, since they’re rotating in the same direction, means that it takes a bit for one to catch up to the other. So when there’s high tide, the moon isn’t actually directly over that place yet. The tides a little early,” he finished, hugging you to him.

“Wow. How do you know all of that?” you asked.

“I studied astrophysics in school a while ago,” he finished. 

“Well, that’s really something special,” you said, looking deep into your eyes. Ok. Maybe you did have to be afraid of these feelings. Because they were starting to feel very, very deep and hard to shake.

“I think you’re pretty special,” he said, looking at you deeply before kissing you. You melted into him this time, feeling the sun and joy upon his lips and it all felt like Brian. The two of you sat and talked lazily for a while longer before the mass of people started filing into the beach, and the two of you decided to go and walk down the promenade. The two of you were quiet, knowing that your outing together for the day would have to end soon again, both of you upset at this. You didn’t want to leave Brian, and you nothing seemed as good as being with him. He turned you around, holding your hands. The sun beat down on your backs.

“I’m terribly sorry sweetheart, but I really must go,” Brian said sorrowfully. Your face crumpled, and you nodded.

“I should too,” you said over the loud tourists now, the seagulls squawking, children playing, and people eating and mingling. Brian was about to tear away. “I don’t—“ you started. He turned back towards you and grabbed your hands tighter. “I don’t want you to go,” you said more clearly now. Brian sighed, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. 

“I don’t want to go either. I wish there was a way…” he trailed off, knowing there wasn’t one and he couldn’t finish that sentence.

“Can we find one?” you asked. Brian thought for a moment. 

“Shit,” he whispered for a second, rubbing his forehead with one of his hands, seemingly stressed for a moment before grabbing your hand again. He looked around, like he was fearful of being watched. You supposed you were too. He looked back to you. 

“Yes. I don’t know about finding a way— I can’t think of one right now, but I need to see you again. I— ok, come to the room again. Tonight for dinner.”

“How am I gonna get out of dinner?” You questioned, more to yourself. This seemed to be the only way to see Brian, but you didn’t know how you’d be able to weasel your way out of that one again. 

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry. But it’s the only time— I’ll have to make something up myself,” he finished. You were too preoccupied with your own problem to ask what that meant. “Same room as last time. I’m sorry it’s so difficult, but it’s the only time I can again,” he said, truly looking sorry but desperate to see you. You were a bit desperate too already for the next time you’d see him. This wouldn’t be fun to break once you left Brighton. You nodded.

“I’ll find a way,” you said. Brian and you looked at each other for a moment, not wanting to break away, unable again to do so. 

“Fuck it,” Brian whispered quickly before grabbing you and giving you a deep kiss. Once he pulled away, you had to smile. You couldn’t help it. That did it. 

“See you tonight,” you said, finally able to break away and hurried back to the hotel for breakfast. 

“Hi Julie, just have to change from my run before I head down,” you said, trying to avoid questions from the start as you walked into your room. 

“Whatever,” she said, flopping on her bed for a few moments as she waited for you to change quickly. You did so and headed down to breakfast, no questions asked. You went along with whatever shenanigans your family had planned for the day, and then it was nearly time. 

“Think I’ll sit out this dinner,” you commented just before your aunt and uncle parted ways to freshen up for the meal. Everyone paused, looking at you. 

“Y/N, it’s our last dinner, nonsense!” said your aunt.

“Really, the food’s not sitting with me well. I think it’s from eating out so much during this trip,” you said. Your aunt and uncle looked at you. 

“Well, you don’t have to eat if you don’t feel well, but you’ll at least sit with us. We want your company,” said your uncle. Fuck. It wasn’t working.

“I— really can’t,” you said, clamming up. 

“Why not?” Asked Julie.

“Y/N, what’s the matter?” Your aunt asked.

“You can tell us, is this why you’ve kept disappearing from time to time?” Asked your uncle. You felt terrible for lying, especially when they were being so kind and had been for even taking you on this trip. You had to think of something, right now, right in this moment. 

“I— I’m not alright! I’ve... well, this trip has been very special to me,” you said, calming down. Everyone was focussed straight on you, and all of your anxiety about Brian and everything for this moment gave you a saving grace. Your eyes became watery. You didn’t cry, but were visibly on the verge of it. 

“And, uh, I’m sad about going soon. Very upset. And truth is, I feel like I’ve made a… special connection to Brighton while I’ve been here, and I wanted to take one last walk around in the daylight. Alone. Before tomorrow. Just to connect,” you said. You paused, gauging the reactions. It was some of the greatest bullshit which has ever spewed from your lips, but after a moment:

“Aw, lovely, why didn’t you just say so?” Said your uncle. 

“We’re so glad we were able to give you such a touching experience. And that we’ve been able to spend more time with you,” said your aunt, pulling you into a hug. Somehow, it seemed to have worked.

“Sorry— I would’ve told you. It was just… hard for me to conceptualize,” you said. You felt even worse for lying now that they were being so accepting and caring about your feelings and you were taking advantage of theirs. But what had to be done had to be done. 

“We understand. Go, have your special moment. We’re so grateful you’ve come on our holiday,” said your aunt. They departed, leaving just with Julie. You went into the room, and sat on your bed, willing her not to comment on anything, even though you knew there wasn’t any real hope for that. The door closed, and she looked at you with contempt, hands on her hips, accusatory.

“You expect me to believe that for one second?” she said, voice high. 

“Julie! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you said, done with all of her antics by this point. 

“You might have convinced them, but I know you’re hiding something. You keep appearing, doing strange things, strange calls… tell me right now what’s going on or I’ll tell my parents you’re lying,” said finished. You still felt bad for lying, but played into your part. She didn’t really have anything on you, to your knowledge. 

“There’s nothing to tell, Julie,” you said angrily. “I’m not lying.” Julie glared at you, and changed, now in a mood. The two of you ignored each other, and she left without a word, slamming the door. You should’ve waited longer to be sure they were gone, really, but you couldn’t help yourself, almost immediately jumping up and heading to Brian’s room. You knocked on the door, and no one answered. You groaned frustrated, and already near tears from the confrontations from just earlier. You needed Brian now, needed him to make you feel ok like he always did, and he wasn’t answering. Where was he? You knocked again, and still nothing. Your breathing picked up, and you turned around, crossing your arms. Great. Now he was turning out to be all a lie as well, all of this for nothing. You can’t believe he really was going to ditch you. You were so stupid, believing him, you’d given him what he wanted and he’d left you high and dry, and brought your feelings into it as well. Why did you have to go on and catch feelings for him? Deep feelings, ones that—

“Sorry, I’m so sorry I’m late,” Brian said suddenly, running up to you, and reaching underneath your arm to unlock the door and push you in. You were so baffled, and Brian was so quick in closing the door, you nearly tripped inside, but once you straightened up, Brian tossed the keys down, and looked at you. “What’s the matter?” he asked. Nothing. It was nothing, because he was here and you were fine now. You shook your head, and walked towards the bed. The room looked a bit more lived in now than it had before, but it was still pretty clean, unmussed. Brian grabbed your waist from behind, and leaned down to your ear. “What’s wrong?” but you didn’t answer again, fine that he was here, and grabbed the back of his neck to kiss him. He kissed back, the two of you starting to make out intensely, the kiss deepening and your tongues falling into each others mouth, Brian sighing into your mouth. You kissed until the both of you were out of breath. 

“Want you,” you whimpered softly, trying to convey how much you needed Brian right now, and he needed you just as much. Brian nodded. He turned you around and began slowly undressing the two of you standing as you continued to kiss, the process being deeper than ever but the slowest it had been, not a ravenous hunger this time but an intense process of appreciation. Once Brian had gotten the two of you to your underwear, he sat back against the bed and you came to his lap. Your lips still never parted, both of you moving with each other to get you more and more ready. Eventually, Brian made a beautiful gasp into your lips, and that alit you, kissing down to his neck, to which he sighed, then down his chest to his stomach. You looked to him, grabbing the waistband of his boxers, making direct eye contact. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he cooed in complete appreciation of what you were about to do. You removed his pants, and took him into your mouth slowly. Brian groaned softly, making the most gorgeous noises, and you took your time to taste as much of him as you could. He wove a hand into your hair, guiding you but not forcing you down, moaning softly, until he tugged on your head to bring you up. “Very lovely, darling, but I want to fuck you still,” Brian said. You just brought him in for another kiss, not being able to wait any longer. You needed him inside you, needed to feel how fantastic it was. You removed your final pieces of clothing and sank down onto him, the stretch sending you reeling in the best ways. Just when you felt like you were about to leave the moment, Brian grabbed your upper back, bringing you to his gaze, and encouraging you to move. You moved together, it being wonderful, and you were with him, and it was everything perfect. You looked into his eyes and he into yours the entire time. This was different from the other times, it wasn’t an animalistic fucking for only pleasure as the two of you had in the past, it was a connection this time, a language the two of you were making only between yourselves. Before you knew it, and far too quickly, you were close, and so was he, and the two of you shuddered, falling into each other and into bliss as the two of you finished. You pulled off of him, but stayed in his lap, kissing, and he only held you tighter, as tight as possible as the two of you came down. You couldn’t avoid it forever.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” you blurted out suddenly. Brian pulled back, looking into your eyes, his eyes moving back and forth, seeing you were telling the truth. He was devastated. He didn’t expect to be, and neither did you, but it was the truth.  “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be away from you,” you said. 

“I— I don’t want you to go either,” Brian said in near horror, thinking about the fact that this was the last time he could hold you. “No, there has to be something, has to be a way,” he whispered, looking down, trying to think of something. You both racked your brains. “Stay here, stay a little longer with me, even if your family goes, you can… you can stay in here,” he said. 

“I can’t do that. What will they say? What about my parents back home, when they find out I’ve stayed in Brighton?” 

“Why can’t they know?”

“They… they’ll never approve. They already think I’m some sort of crazed slut, and if they figure out I’ve met someone on holiday, not only will my aunt and uncle who’ve only treated me with kindness and understanding find out I’ve been lying to them, but my parents will… they’ll stop paying for my school. And I can’t afford it on my own, and I don’t know what I’ll do,” you said, panicked.

“Are you sure they wouldn’t?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, nearly beginning to cry. 

“Shit,” Brian said, sweeping his thumb under your eyes to prevent any tears from dripping down. “But you can’t go. I— fuck, I know this sounds crazy, but I suppose I’ll just say it. I know I’ve just met you and I know this is insane, but I think I love you. And you can’t leave, I can’t—,” Brian stopped, almost choking up himself. Your breathing stopped at his admittance, but then everything became more clear and more complicated at once.

“I think I love you too. But I don’t know what to do,” you said, crying more. Brian continued to wipe your tears. You stood up, getting dressed, getting ready to leave, because there was nothing else to do.

“Wait, Y/N, no,” Brian said, getting somewhat redressed himself quickly to stop you.

“Brian, I have to—“

“No, please,” he pleaded, grabbing your arm softly. 

“Brian, I have to!” you exclaimed, this already being too difficult a departure. Going back home would be absolute hell. Everything after this, the memories, everything, would be hell. 

“But why…”

“Because, I—!” you nearly shouted, stopping with a gasp. Brian was just about to ask what you’d stopped for, before he realized himself. His stomach dropped. You’d seen it. On the dresser, you couldn’t believe you hadn’t noticed it before. A wedding ring, a man’s wedding ring, sat there, gleaming in the rising moon. You felt sick. He couldn’t be. But the room changes. And the strange meeting times. The not wanting to be found out. And… everything, which was making sense now. You couldn’t believe it. Sure, he was older, but still, you couldn’t believe any of this had happened, that he’d allowed it, that you’d gone along with it so far, that the two of you had apparently fallen in love despite all of it. 

“Y/N,” he whispered in immense fear of what was going to happen next, how you’d react, and the realization of what he’d done setting in. Your breathing was shaky, and you couldn’t move for a moment before you turned around and faced Brian, the arm holding you falling limp. You looked into his eyes. It was a look of betrayal now, but of things making sense, and the next steps being clear now. You swallowed, and took a deep breath.

“Because,” you restated, in only a whisper now. “Because my family wouldn’t allow it. And I love you, but you’re already for someone else,” you finished. Brian held your hands again. He was quiet, not meeting your gaze, looking absolutely distraught. 

“I do love you,” he said. “I’m not lying.”

“I know. But you, you’re… married,” you choked out. 

“I’ll leave—,” Brian stopped himself, not wanting to make promises. He really did love you. But he had fucked up. You shook your head. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized. You gulped.

“I won’t say anything. But I wouldn’t have if… and, I suppose, it’s beneficial still if we both just forget it happened. Don’t let it get out,” you said. Brian hated this, and so did you. Nothing was right anymore. “Well, that’s all it ever was, wasn’t it? Just a holiday fling? A mindless, holiday fling?” you said.

“It wasn’t,” Brian said, and you both knew he was right. “But that’s what we’ll have to leave it as,” he conceded.

“How the memory will go,” you finished. You squeezed each others hands, took in each other for the last time. Now you both knew, this would never, ever work. It was a true shame.

“Goodbye, Brian,” you said.

“Goodbye, Y/N,” he said slowly after you. You gave one last look into each others eyes. You left, walking back to your room and having a big old cry. Brian wished he hadn’t looked into your eyes that final time. He wanted the gaze of love, so brief, to be the only one in his memory, forever, but now his last glimpse was all of the hurt he created.

The next morning, you were on the train back. You were silent the whole ride, and luckily Julie seemed to have dropped everything from the night before. It’d worked perfectly, you supposed. No one had found out. But nothing was as it should. You went back home, and so did Brian soon after you, and each of you went back to your normal lives, now a bit more broken inside.

*** 

Time, much time, had passed, and many things had changed. You still didn’t feel as alive as you had with Brian since then, and neither did he, but you were beginning to get back into the swing of things. The seasons had changed, it’d grown hot and cold, and you missed him still, even though everything had ended so messily. One day, much after everything, you had managed to stumble upon something on Brian, then taking to a friend finding out where he was last seen, then through a few calls and using your best sleuthing skills, you had seemingly found where you could reach him. You knew you shouldn’t but you couldn’t resist. It didn’t have to mean anything, and besides, what was a letter?

***

Brian, much after, came home at the end of a long day. He opened his letterbox out of habit, sifting through everything quickly and tiredly on his couch, before he sat up, wide eyed. 

“To Brian May, from Y/N L/N,” it read. Brian opened it quickly, reading and smiling at your familiar person, it coming through your writing. He was thrilled to hear from you, and you had included a return address. Brian wasted no time sending a letter back. 

It was all innocent, really. Genuinely. But couldn’t help your excitement as you opened your letter from Brian, before starting to pen another in response back. 

“Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside…” you quoted, starting your correspondence back. 

[silmawensgarden]

Stages of acceptance

Maedhros x reader

Prompt: Hi! I loved your young Maedhros request/fic and I was wondering if I could request Maedhros x reader and they are reunited in Valinor after the destruction of the Ring and Sauron (e.g. reader had remained in Middle Earth and only left with Elrond once the ring was destroyed)? Thank you!

Requested by anonymous

A/n: I know it's taken long for me to get this one out. Though I tried my best to imagine a good scenario for this one so I hope you enjoy it! → It has some hurt/angst in it but its hurt with comfort. I hope the end is sweet enough to make up for it. ❤

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: angst/hallucinations/mentions of death

The time has finally come for you to return to valinor. Three ages have passed and the fourth was about to begin. The reign of the elves has waned into nothing. You are standing at the front of the boat, greeted by the salty air of the sea. This is the last ship to depart from the grey havens. You feel a mixture of joy, anticipation and fear. Your stomach churning uncomfortably from the feelings.

Your arrival in Valinor means that you must face someone you haven't seen since the earliest age. He's bound to be there, watching by the shore like a hawk for a sign of your existence. You don't know if you even want to face him after all these years. His death was like a poorly aimed arrow to the heart; a supposedly fatal blow, but instead turned into a curse you had to live with for the rest of your life. The nightmares made his death seem like it happened yesterday. The hollow look in his eyes as he fell into the flaming inferno remained fresh in your memories. The nightmares have subsided to some degree these days, but occassionaly you would still need the help of Elrond to be grounded into reality. Those days are the worst, in those moments dream and reality fuse together into horrible hallucinations that take days to recover from.

It took some convincing from Elrond to get you aboard the ship. Your hesitance was peculiar to them because you hardly ever divulged any information about your past. From the time you spent fighting in the first two ages of the world to a good while before your impromptu arrival in Imladris. They only know that you are one of the elves who left valinor in the first age. Not exactly an ideal amount of trust you gave them, but at the time it felt like the safest option.

What else could you have done? Tell them you'd been the ever faithful companion to a kinslayer? It would've been a far too harsh pill to swallow for a first meeting. Occasionally your story would fray at the edges, it made you wonder if any of them ever noticed the minor discrepancies between each recollection of the tales you told them.

Now that you thought about it, you haven't been truthful with him either. The one person you felt like running to and from at the same time. Especially now..... the thought of facing him was excruciating. You hadn't bothered to write to him, let alone use osanwe....the spiritual link between your fëar had remained all these years. Yet you refused to participate in the ages long tug-of-war your souls had been playing. Was it better this way?

You felt a firm hand on your shoulder, drawing you out of your spiralling thoughts. "Y/n, what is the matter? You have been completely mentally unavailable during our journey."

It was Elrond. A deep frown etched into his face. You felt a bit guilty about all the silent stewing but you weren't so sure if you should come clean right this instant or not. You were willing to take the bait in the end, after all you'd be spending quite some time together in Valinor. Even more so, Elrond was a trusted friend and companion to you, one you didn't want to lose.

"Elrond....I believe it is time for me to have a lengthy conversation with you. I have not been 100% truthful with you these past years."

You turn around to look at him and see an expression of surprise with thinly veiled concern on his face. Elrond nods and the both of you sit down a little further away from the other elves for privacy. "What is it that you wish to tell me y/n?" He asks.

"I have not told you the full truth of my identity. I believe you are aware of the Fëanorians? Specifically Maedhros...."

After a good hour of talking it had become clear that you had been involved with Maedhros quite closely. In return Elrond had shared with you his own interactions that he and his brother had with the eldest Fëanorians. Fond memories, but also the hardships that came with the turbulent times they had to live through. Elrond was not happy with you keeping the information to yourself all these years, it upset him that you never gave him any insight on your horrible hallucinations. Because now he also knew the reason behind them, had he known sooner he could've helped you earlier and easier.

However despite your silence he was not angry at you. Most of the upset had come from a place of wanting what was best for you, not because he had felt cross about your involvement with Maedhros. In the end you and Elrond remained good friends if not even better friends now that he knew who you were.

It wasn’t long before it was announced that the shores of Aman were in sight. The news made you freeze up. You knew that you would now have to face Maedhros face to face. So you braced yourself for the conversation ahead of you.

The moment you stepped onto dry land your soul felt like it was being squeezed tight by something, a tight grip that told you it wouldn’t let go. Within seconds after you felt this feeling you caught a sliver of fiery red hair in the back of the crowd.

Him.

Anxiety pooled into your stomach as you felt yourself being pushed forward by the people behind you. It seemed like every sound around you had become dull, save for your own heartbeat. The fast paced thumping in your ears was the only thing you could hear. You saw Elrond speaking to you for a brief moment, but your mind did not register what he said. You set out towards the last spot you had seen the tiny speck of red hair. Partially hoping for the confrontation.  

When you arrived at the spot there was no-one to greet you. He had apparently already left. The thumping had alleviated some but you were still processing your surroundings as if through a blanket of thick fog. Everything felt slow and dull. Your feet dragged you over towards a pathway that was all too familiar. You followed the road towards a familiar place mindlessly. Your feet stopped short by a riverbank. There he sat on a rock, his copper hair now long and swaying in the wind.

“So you have found it in you to return home, y/n.” He spoke slowly. It was deeper than you remembered and a little bit raspy, as if he had been screaming the night before. You stepped closer to him, now standing right behind him.

“Let me then simply state what is on my mind, why have you never bothered to send me letters y/n? You even refused to use osanwe with me, despite our status…….” He said solemnly. It was clear he was unhappy with your lack of communication.

“Maedhros….. I was so caught up with the destruction of the one ring and finding a way to defeat Sauron that I haven’t paid anything else any thought…..and I was also deeply wounded by your death. I was unable to respond to anything properly since. Including your bids for connection.” You fumbled over your words here and there during your explanation, partially knowing that it was a rather weak excuse that he may not accept. After all he was known to carry on until he could no more.

“Was it worth it?” His words stung like a papercut. You knew by the tone of his voice that it was meant to sound cold and removed, but his true feelings shone through underneath the façade. Saltiness. Maedhros the tall was feeling salty.  You pondered for a moment on what to do, you still loved him dearly and didn’t want to give him up. So you made up your mind.

“Maitimo….I am sorry for my lack of heartfelt response in those times when you reached out to me. I was unable to move past my own issues to reciprocate what you had given me all those years before and I am ashamed of it. I hope that you are perhaps still willing to give this another chance….I would be most grateful, if you’ll have me…” A lone tear slipped from your eye. You felt cross with yourself for your cowardice, maybe even your horrible dreams could’ve been eased if you had leaned into him back then. Unfortunately many things we only realize once we have been pushed onto the end of the road.

Maedhros’ form stiffened up at your confession, slowly turning around to face you. His face was stoic. Forcing yourself to make eye contact with him you saw the slightest flash of a deep heartfelt emotion in his eyes. You were now so close to each other that you could feel his breath on your face. In a moment of madness induced confidence you threw your arms around him into a bone crushing hug, refusing to let go. The lone tear now turned into full fledged waterworks. You felt your body being slowly pulled closer to him, a soft kiss was pressed to your cheek. In that moment your fëar had finally reconnected after two ages of separation.

A relieved smile graced Maedhros’ face as he whispers close to your ear; “Welcome home, melda…”.

[minweber]

Musings on Custodes: Talons Apart

Is there a rift between the Adeptus Custodes and the Sisters of Silence? There must be, right?

If Custodes have not enough lore, then the Anathema Psykana have next to none. They are played up as the almost-as-important-as-Custodes-no-seriously-trust-us in that charming GW way, but most of their lore so far fits on a single codex page.

The second talon of the Emperor, the Pale Scourge, the Null Maidens - they are depicted as ferocious and as loyal to the Emperor as Custodians themselves, but where the latter have their whole "literally built around the Emperor's identity" thing, the Sisterhood somehow arrives to the same level of devotion by more conventional means. And here I would have loved to present my examples of how their brand of fixation on the Emperor differs from that of Custodians or the other all-female warrior sorority... IF I HAD ANY! I'd say their relationship with the Emperor and their duty deserves its own separate post, but that would be straight up just me coming up with headcanons for them (which I might still do). When it comes to any sort of meaningful worldbuilding that is not just rank structure and training regime - yeah, the girls got no lore, or, rather, no theme.

By themselves, that is. As a part of the Talons of the Emperor however...

Well, no, no real thematic depth materializes for them once they are placed next to the golden demigods, but the two factions do make an effective pair - dread and awe, silver and gold, the natural and the artificial evolutions of humanity, psychic and physical armour of the Emperor. Some sources say that the Sisters first appeared at the Emperor's side during the Great Crusade, but others insist that when he made his Custodians ages before, he made them specifically resistant to the powers of the null... So there is chance that the two factions were straight up designed to compliment each other and work together, which they did well... until they didn't.

Because in the current state of the lore, it seems that they haven't actually been working together between the Horus Heresy and the Era Indomitus.

The Anathema Psykana came out of the other end of the Horus Heresy in no better state than Custodes. Once again - all the numbers are very vague and we don't even really know how many of them there were to begin with and yada-yada - what's important is that the end of the Siege of Terra left the Sisterhood in shambles. But unlike Custodes - and here we come to one of the few pieces of interesting worldbuilding that sisters do have - they never had the opportunity to recover. By the time Guilliman rolls up to Terra in "present day" 40k, the Sisterhood is still a shadow of its former self, its members extremely few and scattered.

So what happened? Well, the codex states the following: "Without the Emperor to support them, and with Custodians looking inward after their failure to protect the Master of Mankind, the natural aversion many felt towards Blanks led the Sister's political enemies to drive them out of positions of influence." And isn't that a whole story in disguise? After the Heresy, the Sisters came into conflict with other imperial institutions - a conflict they did not win - and Custodes did nothing to intervene. Surely such a breaking of bonds of fellowship has consequences?

Custodes were obviously deeply affected by the "death" of the Emperor. They blamed themselves for it - hence the black cloaks and ten thousand years of moping around. They blamed the primarchs - Guilliman rises as the last loyal son of the Emperor and receives direct divine guidance from his father, and they still run drills on how to kill him. They blamed the Astartes - the Phalanx, hanging above Terra as its most devout defender, is infested by the Custodians ready to bring it down at the first sign of treachery. Did they blame the Sisters too, then? Did they knowingly abandon their counterparts to the judgment of degrading Imperium, seeing it as a fitting punishment for a failure of duty? Have they preserved this sentiment across the millenia? Or did they come to realize their betrayal for what it was? If so, why have they never sought the remaining Sisters out? Or have they? When they encountered the Brides of the Emperor thousands of years later - did it stir something in them? Was Captain-General reaching out to them not solely about the solution to the Van Dire crisis?

It is specifically pointed out that high Custodes casualties in the battle against Khorne's demons at the Lion's Gate were caused by the absence of the Sisters of Silence at their side. Did they re-embrace the ancient partnership out of purely practical necessity, or was it a true rekindling of bonds? Could it even be such for those custodians who began their vigil after the demigods and the blanks have parted ways?

And what is the Sisters' side of the story? The lore that we have is pretty clear on the fact that, despite being abandoned by their allies and shunned by the Imperium's caracss, they never shirked their duties. Left without any official support and recognition of their status, persecuted and sometimes downright hunted - Space Marine legions have rebelled for less. And yet, as reduced as the Sisterhood became, for ten millenia Black Ships somehow still prowled the stars, and the sacrifices to the Carrion God were still being delivered. Did they feel betrayed? By the Imperium they served and partners they fought alongside? And what carried them through? Was it all solemn duty and grim determination? For how many generations could those last you? And what can motivate an organization for ten thousand years instead?

How strong is their institutional memory? Are the annals of their order's history lost to the Sisters of the Era Indomitus, like it is with so many other - much better supported - imperial institutions? Do they know about the rift between their forebears and the Ten Thousand? Do they carry resentment towards the Custodians? Do they know why?

And now that the Talons bite together again - do they do so earnestly, the synergy woven into the very structure of both orders restored? Or is there an unspoken divide between them still? Was there any sort of official reconciliation? Do either feel a need for one? And after ten thousand years of potential bitterness and resentment - is it even possible?

[pocketjoong]

❥𓂃𓏧THE RING chapter 2! masterlist

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (SYNOPSIS) Five years ago, the seas became unruly; there were waves large enough to drown islands, storms deadly enough to destroy anything, and monsters big enough to swallow ships. Everyone avoided the waters, never daring to stray too far from the shores. People had adapted to this lifestyle, but things changed for the worse. A report of dark mist swallowing islands and killing everything in its path was made. No one knew what it was. Everyone dreaded it, praying that it wouldn’t reach their islands. Around the same time, things changed for your family as well.

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (PAIRING) merman!seonghwa x fem!reader; pirate!hongjoong x fem!reader

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (WARNINGS) violence. swearing. eventual smut. angst.

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (WORD COUNT) 2.7k

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (NOTES) I always enjoy feedback, reviews, and asks so don't hesitate to comment/send an ask! Seonghwa makes an appearance! FINALLY! I had so much fun writing this chapter and I hope you all have fun reading it as well! Anyways, do send an ask to be added to the taglist if you are interested!

“Kang Yeosang, you are going to wear a hole into the floor,” you chide the pink-haired male, stopping him in his tracks. His constant pacing around the meeting room is making you dizzy.

You still haven't recovered from the shock of the news your father's soldiers—well, soldier, since only one returned home—brought with him. Your mind is stuck replaying the events of the last few minutes, wondering if all that had transpired had truly happened or if it is merely a nightmare that you will wake up from.

“What are we going to do?”  His eyes find yours, and he notes that you look as unsettled with the piece of news as him, but you're doing a good job of keeping calm. If all of you were in any other situation, he would smile, marvelling at the fact that you have grown to be a princess that the kingdom can rely on. He knows for a fact that you will easily take over your father’s duties when the time comes.

“Pacing around the room and worrying yourself isn't going to solve anything,” you remind him softly.

“But it is getting worse,” Elena sighs, holding her head in her hands.

You purse your lips, glancing over at your father, who is seated at the head of the table along with Elena’s father. Both of them are conversing with their respective advisors about how to handle this unexpected situation.

After the man with the news about the Mist had washed up in Crestshore, the news spread like wildfire, causing mass panic among the citizens. So, your father had sent out a team to investigate the claims, only for one of the soldiers out of a twenty-person crew to return on a piece of driftwood. He was severely injured, and though you had not been allowed to see the sailor nor step foot into the infirmary in the castle, you had overheard the cooks in the kitchen talking about how the male was hysterical—any mention of the voyage would lead to him screaming about monsters and darkness and horrors that no one had ever heard of. Safe to say, you were terrified, the feeling only amplifying after your father had called in an urgent meeting regarding the situation.

For now, the meeting concluded with the decision that the kingdom would be under a lockdown, and everyone would be evacuated from sea-side towns and cities to the interior part of the continent. Moreover, citizens of Elena's island kingdom would also be brought to Sirelia to keep everyone safe.

“The three of you should return to your rooms for the night.”

You look towards the side and see your father smiling at you. “We will start preparations for our journey tomorrow. It is best if all of you are well-rested.”

You look at your father in disbelief, scrutinising his expression, which seems to fall the longer you look at him. He eventually turns to Elena's father, who avoids your eyes as well.

“What is it?” Flicking your eyes between the two males, you question, tone a tad sharper than you had planned. You feel Yeosang's hand come to rest against your shoulder in slight warning, but you shrug him off. You could not afford half-truths and withholding of information at this crucial moment.

“Father,” you repeat, now standing up from your seat. “What are you hiding?”

Your father sighs, shaking his head, “It's nothing of significance. At least, not right now when we don't know why this is happening or what is behind this Mist, Y/N.”

You sigh when you sense the shift in his tone, which tells you that his patience is wearing thin. So you let it go for now.

“We have no facts to work with right now, and our only informant is not in good shape,” he continues, voice becoming softer with each word. “Get some rest, darling. We will work together to fight this, yes?”

You nod, bowing to your father and turning to bow to Elena's father as well. “Good night, please don't stay up all night. We need both of you in peak health to lead us through this situation.”

A smile graces the face of the two monarchs, and they nod back at you, bidding farewell to you and your friends. But as Yeosang reaches for the door, something causes you to glance back at the males at the head of the table. You are surprised to see Elena's father staring at Yeosang, a deep frown etched on his face. Unsettled, you twist back around and slip away, shaking your head as you follow Yeosang and Elena through the halls of the castle.

You turn back to glance at the castle in the dim light of the early morning hours to ensure that you are not being followed. Once you are sure no one came after you, you walk down the steps carved in the cliff until you reach a hidden footpath that corkscrews down the side, facing away from the main stretch of beach you tend to visit before sunrise sometimes. You descend the path carefully, walking down the track mostly hidden in the overgrowth until you are standing at the mouth of a cave with a small patch of white sand strewn with shells, conches, and corals.

Standing upon a flat stone, you stare out at the sea, watching as the rising sun dyes the waves a dazzling shade of amber. You breathe the salty air, closing your eyes as the breeze moves around you. You take in the sound of the waves lapping against the stone you had perched on. However, unlike the sense of peace that blankets you while you stand by the sea, this time around, the lingering images of the nightmare that had prompted this untimely visit overwhelm you.

All you can hear are screams as a black fog surrounds you. You want to run, to scream, but the tightness in your throat, along with the terror that washes over and around you like a wave, won't allow you to move a muscle. A bead of sweat glides down your spine when the fog finally touches your skin. That is the last thing you see before you are swallowed by it.

Your eyes flow open, and suddenly the warm sea breeze is too cold for you, causing you to shudder. You bite your lip, letting your nails dig deeper into the skin of your palm in an effort to ground yourself.

Letting out a frustrated sigh through your nose, you allow yourself to look around the small cave. It is a dead end, which means that during high tides, the cave and the strip of beach in front of it are both swallowed up by the sea. Not a lot of people know about this place; only your family and Yeosang do. It is the one place where you can shed away the layers that make the princess of Sierlia and be yourself, for no one except Yeosang can find you here now that your father is too old to walk down the steep path without the danger of hurting himself. Well, that is until now.

“You know, it's rude to watch people without them knowing,” you say softly, not looking away from the waves that lap at your feet.

“I didn't mean to be rude,” a deep voice says from behind you, filling the silence of the cave. The unexpected velvety texture makes you turn around, and you lay eyes on one of the most beautiful men you've ever come across.

His silver-grey eyes shine in the light of the sun, the rays creating pinpricks of reflections in his eyes that mimic stars which dot the dark skies during the darkest of nights. His dark hair is a stark contrast to his high cheekbones and full lips, giving him an alluring look.

A gasp leaves your lips when your eyes move downwards towards his neck, and the sunlight catches on what you assume are scales. They're almost invisible, and it's only because of the angle of sunlight which caused them to gleam that allowed you to see them.

“How did you know I was here?” The stranger asks, cocking his head to the side as he moves closer. You note that he still keeps his distance, he's close enough for him to come across as intimidating but far enough for him to back away in case of an attack.

You shrug, “Intuition.”

“...and training.” The male continues, lifting one of his hands to brush away the hair from his eyes. The movement allows you to see what you assume is a tattoo on the inner side of his arm. From your distance, you cannot see all the details, but you do manage to catch a trident and what you assume is a compass around which multiple runes have been etched into his skin.

Your expression finally cracks, and your lips quirk up in a smirk, “And training, yes.”

“I don't mean any harm,” he says quietly, answering the unasked question that hovers between the two of you. “I was caught up in a storm a few miles off the coast. It was much too strong for me to handle, and before I knew it, I ended up stranded on the patch of sand in front of this cave. I assumed that since this cave is quite hidden from both land-dwellers and any people who sail out into the sea, I could stay hidden until I'm fully healed. It shouldn't take more than a day. I'll be out of here before you know it.”

“I won't turn you in,” you shake your head, returning your gaze back to the horizon where the sun has now risen fully. “But I do need to know why exactly you are so far out from Atlantis.”

“How did you…”

“I have my sources,” you reply curtly. “Especially with the threat of the Mist hanging over our heads, it becomes necessary as I want to ensure the safety of my people.”

“Mist?” The surprise tainting his voice catches you off guard, and you look at him, your stomach tightening at his shocked expression.

“You don't know?”

The stranger shakes his head, “I have been away from home for months now, my lady. I haven't had any sort of contact with anyone in very long. You're the first person I have talked to in a while.”

You look at him in surprise, raising an eyebrow at him as you echo the title he had tacked on while speaking to you, “My lady?”

To your surprise, the male smiles, “I had an inkling when you arrived here. Moreover, you knew I come from Atlantis, and then you said, 'my people.' Doesn't take a genius to figure out that you are the princess of this kingdom after that.”

Despite yourself, a ghost of a smile makes its way to your lips. But it wipes off when you realise you have to inform him about the Mist, so with a grim voice, you recount the happenings of the last few days, starting with the tempest and the arrival of the survivor from the island. The more you talk, the paler he gets, his golden skin tone fading into a pallid one as the blood drains from his face. Your heart breaks for the male when you catch the turmoil in his eyes, along with fear.

“It is worse than I thought,” the male sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.

Your gaze turns sharp at his words, and you narrow your eyes at him, “What do you mean?”

“Five years ago, the current ruler of the oceans overthrew the previous king,” as he speaks, his irises tremble with rage and despair. “I don't know much of the details that led him to do so. All I know is that he wiped out the entire royal family and took the throne. Since then, both merpeople and the land dwellers have lived in fear of the seas. Everything you see, the violent nature of the oceans, the sudden increase in sea monsters, the unchecked terror of the sirens, it has all been caused by—”

“Seonghwa?”

The two of you freeze and turn around sharply, only to see Yeosang standing at the entrance of the cave. His eyes are wide and his face is devoid of any colour, he looks like he’s seen a ghost. He barely seems to register your presence, eyes fixed on the male—Seonghwa—who stands next to you. Your friend looks shocked and angry but, at the same time, wary, causing you to take a step closer to him, for if his demeanour is anything to go by, at any moment, he can and would launch into battle.

“Yeosang...” You breathe, and the pink-haired male seems to jolt out of his daze. Before you know it, he is standing in front of you as if shielding you from the merman you had been conversing with.

“What are you doing here?” Yeosang's tone is accusatory as he addresses the other male in the cave.

“Your Highness I—”

“Don't,” Yeosang cuts off Seonghwa sharply. “I am no longer a royal, and it would be rather problematic if anyone else knew who I am.”

You almost laugh at the situation you have found yourself in. You had always assumed that Yeosang was a prince or of noble descent, but you never thought you’d end up saving the prince of Atlantis.

“I thought you were...”

“Dead?” Yeosang scoffs, finishing the other male's sentence. “I would have been if not for Y/N,” you smile when Yeosang’s tone turns softer as he talks about you. “So, what brings you here?”

“Like I told Her Highness, I am not here to stir up trouble or to harm anyone. I’ve been travelling the seas to find a way to stop your step-brother from destroying our worlds.”

You watch as Yeosang finally sighs, causing the tension in his body to leave. In two strides, he has covered the distance between himself and Seonghwa and is hugging the taller male. “I missed you, hyung.”

A smile tucks its way onto your face when Seonghwa allows his arms to wind around your friend. You feel a strange stirring inside of you as you watch Seonghwa almost cradle Yeosang in his arms. As if aware of your gaze, the former’s eyes find yours, and he bows his head as if thanking you for saving Yeosang. You hold the taller male’s gaze for a moment, feeling your cheeks heating up as Seonghwa doesn’t let up his dark gaze on you.

Only when Yeosang steps out of the embrace do you look away, clapping your hands together. “Yeosang, were you looking for me?”

“Ah,” he stutters as if remembering the reason he came looking for you in the first place. “The healer’s apprentice came knocking at my door when he couldn’t find you in your room. You could have told me you were going for a stroll, by the way,” Yeosang adds, worry seeping through his words as he shakes his head at you. “He informed me that you could talk to the soldier who returned from the voyage to the island.”

You blink, remembering that you had asked for an audience with the soldier before retiring to bed last night. Your eyes rest upon Seonghwa once again before flicking to Yeosang, who is looking at you hesitantly, and back to the dark-haired male. “I assume you know a way to get the ruler of the oceans to stop this madness?”

“It’s not a foolproof plan, but it is all we have,” Seonghwa chewed on his lip nervously. You look at him, waiting for him to add something, but he doesn’t elaborate.

“‘Sang, get your friend a room in the Orivia Inn. Tell Hyo that he is my guest and that he must be treated as such. Then come back to the castle promptly, we have a soldier to talk to.” You grin when Yeosang looks at you hopefully, “Why are you looking at me like that? Prince of Atlantis or not, you’re still my partner in crime, you fool.”

ꕥ𓂃𓏧 (Taglist) open, send an ask: @moonis-world @moonm1st @lelaleleb @toxic-babexe @itsokaytobedumb00 @kyume02 @starillusion13 @taeriffic @sunnyhokyu

[enhypens-hoe]

milf (teaser!!) - Jeon Jungkook

🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨

🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪

(pics. from pinterest but I made the banner myself)

pairing: hot neighbor!nonidol Jungkook x female milf reader

genre: smut, one-shot, age gap (32 and 24) hot neighbor

summary: You and your husband Hoseok have a 6 year-old. You want your marriage with Hoseok to work out but he’s making it difficult. Even throughout these hard times you would not change your life for the world. Well.. what happens when you find out you have a new neighbor but to your surprise he was truly the hottest man you have ever seen.

warnings: cursing, cheating, smut, not much aftercare :/ (tbh jk can’t rlly shower her with love because they choose to have sex at the worst times so he just cleans her quickly sorryyy), breast play, riding (car sex), ass slapping (light), unprotected sex (please use protection), kind of mean dom! jk, sub!reader, bj, doggy style (hitting from the back), slightly possessive jk? dirty talk, age gap, breeding, mention of pregnancy (reader does not get pregnant), pet names, hair tugging, use of (slut, whore, etc.)

ft: le sserafim's Yun-jin (she's aged up to 32) & BTS J-hope (he’s aged up to 33)

Milf -Jjk

🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨

“Have you seen him?!” your best friend Yunjin shouts in your ear while pushing her cart. You two were out grocery shopping while the kids were in school. Yunjin decided to join since she was off of work.

Yunjin and you have been best friends from 2nd grade up until college and after that. You guys met your husbands in college, but Yunjin got divorced last year. Yunjin got pregnant around the same time as you and moved next door. You couldn’t be happier. Her son and your son are best friends I know it’s cliche but whatever. Apparently, we have a new neighbor and according to her he is very attractive. Piercings, tattoos, muscles, he has a motorcycle, can cook, etc. he has it all. She caught a glimpse of him when she came to pick up her son Chul from his playdate with Eun-Woo and she won’t stop drooling over him.

"No actually I haven't. I have been so busy with Eun-Woo starting school I haven't even introduced myself." you say scrunching your eyebrows still recovering by Yunjin's shouting. You weren't very convinced that your new neighbor was as hot as Yunjin was making it seem. "And let me remind you I'm married remember?" you announce as you show her your hand wiggling the finger that the diamond sat on.

Yunjin rolled her eyes lightly smacking your hand away. "Right, I forgot... whatever, this guy has the moms all over him. They are going after him like he's some piece of meat." Yunjin pouts wishing she got some time alone to talk to Jungkook. "And you aren't going after him... for his meat?" She side eyes you while you're looking for cereal. "I'm telling you ___ he's exactly your type and if you don't believe me just introduce yourself besides its the friendly neighbor thing to do." she said as she had a small smile on her face.

"I don't know Yunjin maybe if I get the time I can meet your next husband" you whisper to her as you both laugh.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You get home and place your bags down in the kitchen. You look up and see the time on the stove. 1:00pm… you still had an hour and forty minutes until Eun-Woo got out of school. You hear light talking coming from down the hall so Hoseok must be home in his office. You don't even bother telling him you are home because he hasn't been paying attention to you anyway.

Yunjin was right it wouldn't hurt to greet your new neighbor. The last thing you want is to seem rude and be the only one who has not introduced yourself to him. So, you made chocolate chip cookies since it would be wrong to go empty handed. You walked towards Jungkook’s house with the container in your hand slightly nervous.

You lifted your fist ready to knock but the door swung open before you could. "Hi l'm-oh" Your eyes slightly widened as you looked up at him. He towered over you wearing a white fitted short sleeve shirt which exposed his arm tattoos and muscles. He had black fluffy hair and a lip piercing. You could see the outline of his abs through the shirt and his big doe eyes were so pretty looking down at you.

“Hey…” he spoke with a small smirk plastered on his face. You were not being very discreet when checking him out. It’s not like he was hiding the way he was looking at your boobs either. “Oh Hi... I’m sorry I just.. um I wanted to introduce myself I live right across from you I’m ___. I made you these.” You say softly while sticking out the container. He smiled at you looking at the container then back at you. His smile is so nice holy fuck. “Thank you so much. My hands are dirty so I can't grab the container. Would you mind coming in?” he asked. You shouldn’t, you know you shouldn't go in it's clear that he thinks you're attractive and well you think he is too.. it's just wrong. “Sure.”

“Great thank you. You can put the cookies on the counter I’m going to wash my hands.” he told you letting you walk in first. His place was organized it was way different than you expected. He walked over to his sink and started washing his hands. His hands are even attractive what the fuck.

Yunjin was right... he's exactly your type. shit…

“Why are your hands so dirty.” you ask trying to make small talk. He looks up at you for a moment then nods his head to the direction of the window. You see the black motorcycle with his initials written on the side in a small cursive font. “I’m fixing it. Somethings wrong with the pipe.” Wiping his hands on a small cloth... he still had something black smeared on his jaw and a little on his arm, but you didn't say anything. He walked over to you and stood quiet for a bit.

“Are you doing anything today?” He questioned analyzing your face. You tried to look somewhere else. You didn’t want to make eye contact with him feeling nervous under his gaze. “I have to pick up my son Eun-Woo from school in forty minutes and cook” you admit.

“Oh, you’re a mom huh.” he’s not really asking its more of a statement. The look on his face shockingly does not show any signs of disappointment. “Do you have a husband? I haven’t seen him with you.” he pushes.

“Yea I do. We just… we aren’t going through the best time right now that's all. It happens to a lot of people though.” you tell him trying to reassure yourself realizing you overshared god you hate when you do that. “Hmm… I don’t know how he does it I wouldn’t be able to stay away from you.” he admits playing with a strand of your hair and using his hand to tilt your jaw up. You two look at each other and you know what you are going to do next is wrong, but you can’t help it. His lips crash onto yours and you grab at his arm. The kiss turns into a heated make out session running your hands through his hair. You hesitate for a moment wondering if you should take it further. You start unbuckling his belt slightly pulling his pants down.

"Is this, okay?" you ask pulling away from his lips as he tries leaning forward to kiss you again. "Yes, shit" he answers before reattaching his lips to yours as you softly palm him through his boxers. You push his chest slightly and get on your knee's looking up at him through your lashes. He threw his head back mouth slightly open and his eyes closed. His face alone has you wet.

🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪🍨🍪

jazi’s note: hii omg I’m so excited to release this fic I’ve had the idea for a while, but I recently realized that I want to put it out. Sorry, if it is not the best it is my first time writing a fic so, please be patient with my writing journey. I hope to put out more fics and I want them to get better as I go. Reposts, likes, comments, & follows are well appreciated love you all hope you have an amazing day!! :)

(Also, I can start a taglist if anyone is interested?! If you would like to be tagged, send an ask and lmk!! & if anyone decides to use the banner, please give me credit!!🤍)

taglist for ‘Milf’ is closed

[persnicketypansy]

this morning i made myself a peanut butter banana smoothie for the calories and licked peanut butter off the spoon. i've never liked peanut butter in my life but it worms its way into my mouth like a habit and suddenly instead of tasting bad, it just tastes like breakfast. i quit drinking dr pepper a year ago, and when i drank one again two weeks ago it still tasted the same but i no longer savored it. all the same flavors but none of the comfort.

my grandma's bread is still the best i've ever had, even though i haven't eaten it in years.

i have been trying to write about what it feels like to recover from depression; the long thaw, the bursting through the surface of the cold lake. the warm patch on the kitchen floor, where the sunlight has rested too long.

i have to listen to a song three times before i actually know whether it's good or not. i eat the same breakfast every morning. i wear the same shoes. last week i switched perfumes and i am trying to keep that from meaning that i am a different person now. it took me two years to get used to being hugged. it took me a month to get used to mayo on my sandwiches. I am not good at telling the difference between good and bad. I reach for what i like but it's only what's familiar to me.

so the kitchen warms up. i drink tea because i taught myself to, and listen to music i've never heard before, and life is good. and happiness is an acquired taste. and recovery is not a sudden break through ice, it is a dr pepper in the fridge that i no longer really want to finish.

[sorrow-and-bliss]

Sirius Black x Crookshanks!Reader

Sirius Black x Reader!Animagus!Crookshanks

(For these purposes, Crookshanks is female.)

Warnings: None, I think? Mostly crack - which was not intended, lol.

Reader is a year or two younger than the Marauders and Snape. She and Sirius always got along well and even liked each other but both thought it was one sided, so they did nothing about it.

Reblogs are fine.

Masterlist

~

In the shrieking shack, pure chaos had erupted.

"Crookshanks stop! No, you mustn't kill it. Crookshanks give it here! No!" 

Hermione screamed as you (Crookshanks) darted under the broken furniture, refusing to give up the rat you had just caught in your mouth.

"Get it, Crookshanks, you brilliant cat. Kill it!" Roared Sirius.

"She's gonna bloody kill my rat! I always knew it'd be your cat!" Ron yelled at Hermione.

You hissed (as well as you could) when you were backed into a corner.

"I'm going to kill your bloody cat, 'Mione!" Ron screamed.

Your death was indeed looking imminent. The Weasley boy was incredibly distraught at the possible loss of his pet. Finally the moment had come, and you morphed out of your animagus form. Hermione shrieked as her pet turned into a human.

Sirius did a double take. It had been years. You seemed a bit grimmer and a bit ashen. But you still had your signature feistiness. There was fire in your eyes and unruliness in your hair. Just the way it'd always been.

"Y/n," he gasped.

You were still holding the rat (who was Pettigrew) in your mouth.

"Um, love, you might want to drop that, it's probably not sanitary." Sirius advised.

"Ober my ged vody," you answered through stuffed teeth.

Sirius was practically laughing to the point of tears, the sight before him was just so refreshing and so typical of you.

The children, who had sufficiently recovered, were already firing spells at you which you deftly dodged until you managed to get your wand out.

"Protego!" You shouted, a large shield appearing in front of you and Sirius, just as Remus Lupin darted in yelling "Stupify!"

Thankfully your shield absorbed it.

"Y/n!" He exclaimed.

"Thiriously, if eberybone woold jutht cawlm doawn fuur a momnt id be fine." Your speech once again muffled by a rat barring your mouth.

Remus calmed, and the children seeing this, followed suit.

"Exactly what is going on?" Harry asked, perplexed.

You went to speak again but were once again cut off by Severus barging in. "Expelliarmus!"

"Everyone shut up!" You bellowed, finally spitting the rat out of your mouth, as your shield once again absorbed the spell.

"Y/n?" Severus muttered in shock. "I thought you were dead."

"'Course not," you spat, disgustedly, holding the rat in a choke hold between your fingers.

"But how - " he began,

"Shut UP I said!" You yelled.

An unearthly silence filled the air.

"Alright. First things first. Sirius isn't guilty, Peter Pettigrew is - Yes he's alive! Pay attention to my tenses, Severus. Yes I'm sure, Remus. No I haven't gone to the wrong side, either of you. I've been hiding, trying to crack this mystery for years. Ronald Weasley, don't you dare interrupt me. Your pet rat is neither a pet nor a rat, he's an animagus who happened to kill your best friend's parents. Instead of your best friend's dogfather - fogdather - GODFATHER! here, as everyone thought. So put a lid on it." You finished, breathlessly.

Ron's mouth shut. Severus lowered his wand. And Remus looked lost in fond memories.

"Oh," Harry breathed, once his brain had caught up with all the information.

"That makes much more sense, my old friend," remarked Remus who embraced Padfoot.

"Still," Severus began to hedge, hoping his old enemy was still guilty.

"Shut up, Severus," you yelled for the third time this evening.

"Alright everybody, wands at the ready," you warned, pointing your own at the rat.

Everyone dutifully complied. "Demorphmagus!"

Then the bloated rat did indeed take its even uglier form of Pettigrew. Harry had executed Incarcerous just as Peter made a futile attempt to escape.

"Well done, Harry. Severus, do you happen to have any Veritaserum with you?"

"For another purpose..." He lamented. And handed over the tiny vial.

Wormtail began struggling. "Peter, if you don't cooperate, I'll use the killing curse right here and now," you promised.

"But little, sweet, kind, y/n wouldn't do that to her old friend, Peter," he tried dredging up old memories.

"Is that a challenge?" you threatened.

The man gave into blubbering and shivers, as you put one single drop into his mouth.

"That's sufficient, right Sev'?" You looked up at the Potion's Master. He gave a curt nod but you swore you saw his eyes soften at the use of his old nickname. He hadn't been all bad to you at school even taking it upon himself to help you with potions back then. You exclusively had called him Sev'.

Turning back to Pettigrew, the interrogation began.

"Peter Pettigrew, were you an ally of Lord Voldemort?"

"Yes, I was, and a very good one at that - " the man began rambling

"Were you Lily and James' Potter's secret keeper?"

"Yes, indeed I was! You see - "

"Did you turn Lily and James Potter over to Voldemort?"

"Well, yes, you see - "

"You did this knowing full well that they would be killed?"

"Yes."

You screamed in rage, bringing an infuriated fist down upon his nose.

There was a loud crack and the man howled in pain, but you were distraught and unknowingly crying.

"Y/n, now y/n, everything's alright now," Sirius put a comforting arm around you, as you sobbed into his shoulder.

Peter attempted to get free again, but Hermione was having none of it and shot him with a stunning spell.

"Remus, what's wrong?" You asked as he looked in alarm through the window.

"I've forgotten..." he trailed off.

"The moon!" You gasped.

"Quickly, y/n! You must take my memories to prove Sirius' innocence. I must leave - children get back!" He ordered with fear. Severus rapidly handed over an empty vial, with a distinct sourness. Then herded the children into the corner where he shielded them.

When you'd acquired the silver thread, Remus started running, making it almost to the end of the tunnel before his transformation began.

"I'll go after him, y/n, take the children back to the castle," begged Sirius.

"People think I'm dead! And you're too weak, it has to be Severus to take them back. I'll go after Lupin." You objected.

"I believe it will take all of us," Snape strained out. "Lupin has already left, Pettigrew is our immediate threat, and no one knows that either of you two are alive!"

There was silence. "You make fair points, my friend," you muttered.

Severus relaxed slightly.

"Alright, Sev, why don't you take the lead levitating Pettigrew in the front. You being near the front will dampen the shock of Pettigrew and me being alive, as well as Sirius being innocent. The children next - Harry, Hermione, support Ron between yourselves - "

"- And you will come next, while Black brings up the rear to protect us should his wolfish friend return." Snape carped tersely.

More silence...

"Fine." You spat apathetically.

"I'm sure you had other purposes in mind, putting me at the back - incidentally the most vulnerable position of our group - nevertheless I concur for entirely different reasons. I won't allow y/n to take the dangerous position of rear guard." Sirius said with grim amusement.

"Believe me, y/n's safety was among my highest priorities." Snape answered with scorn.

This was the best course of action, so that: Pettigrew wouldn't be able to escape, especially under Snape's pure hatred; Snape could plead everyone's case and apparent aliveness; and you would be an easy warm up shock for everyone before they saw Sirius.

"On second thought. Sirius, you should be a dog, so the Dementors don't try to suck your soul out."

Snape looked disappointed but Sirius assented.

"Alright. Have we got everyone? Wormtail up front." But the villain in question began to rouse again. "Hey Ron, give him a stunner for us since you lost your pet tonight."

"Gladly," said the Weasley boy, knocking his 'pet' out again.

"The traitor is in the front, I am coming next, Potter and Granger are to support Weasley behind me, and you are to come as second to last, with the animagus version of Black behind you." Severus summed up your thoughts.

"Thank you"

Sirius reluctantly morphed and nudged your leg to tell you he was ready. Then the procession started.

"Hermione, I do sincerely apologize for this. I needed to get here in order to unravel the loose threads pertaining to the mystery of the Potter's death and you were my best bet. Ronald -"

"I understand," young mister Weasley shook his head. "I've no desire to keep a murderer as a pet."

Hermione seconded that she understood. As you neared the Hogwarts doors, Sirius growled.

"Behind you," Hermione screeched.

You were just in time to deter werewolf Lupin with a stinging jinx, as Sirius charged forward hackles raised.

The werewolf swiftly decided it'd had enough for the evening and ran whimpering off into the forest.

"Thank goodness,"

"A little help ahead?" called Snape, nearing the Dementors. Harry had started to sweat.

"Expecto Patronum!" Your patronus - a swan - took full form and charged ahead driving away the dementors long enough for everyone to slip inside.

Thankfully the corridors were empty and soon everyone was tripping into Dumbledore's Study.

"Good evening, Severus, with the suspiciously well preserved remains of the formerly incinerated Peter Pettigrew.’

"And hello Harry, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger. And welcome apparently alive y/n with a dog. I believe I'm about to hear a most unique tale." Mused the headmaster, rounding his desk with alacrity to inspect the stunned Pettigrew.

He adjusted his spectacles, "Hmm, very interesting. If I'm not mistaken he's very much alive and not at all incinerated. What is equally curious is that y/n is alive and well. Welcome back, friend and former student. Most of us thought you were dead, but I was less certain."

You felt a bit flustered before the ever-calm Headmaster.

"Yes, Professor, sir, I went into hiding shortly after the Potters..."

He held up a hand, "I understand completely. Now what is the mystery before us?"

You took a deep breath, "Pettigrew is guilty, not Sirius Black."

You told the whole story beginning to end, as the headmaster gave very little response other than kind attentiveness.

"Well, I have no reason to doubt you, especially if Severus concurs."

Snape muttered something like begrudged agreement.

"I also have Lupin's memories of this afternoon and evening's events." You held up the vial.

"Excellent. Well done everyone. Now, I believe this dog here is in fact Sirius Black, am I correct?"

"Quite correct, sir." You answered.

"Very well, I believe it would be safest if y/n and Black retreated to a safer location while I sort this mess out. Mr. Black I'm very glad to see you escaped and well. I think you should keep to this form while actually at Hogwarts so the dementors don't sense anything. But if you and y/n hole up at the Shrieking Shack you will be safe to resume your human form."

You nodded.

"I shall put in a good word for all of you, including Remus, to the Ministry. 100 points to Gryffindor and off to bed with you younger three," the children beamed and left murmuring thank yous. Harry paused at Sirius, and hugged him. The dog nuzzled back, and watched the retreating figure of his dogson.

Y/n and Sirius left for the Shrieking Shack after Dumbledore promised to send food and blankets.

Severus stayed behind to assist Dumbledore.

“You know, Severus,” mused the headmaster, “I always thought something was amiss with the story of the Potters’ deaths, but could never put my finger on it. Then I always had a feeling that y/n was not dead but was still alive and well somewhere. I could just never conclude as to how or where. I should have known the two scenarios were interconnected.’

“Lemon drop?” He offered, but Severus was already drowning himself in firewhisky.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

5, 7, 8, and 13 for the WIP ask game! 😁

JESSICA!!!!! HIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

5. What fic surprised you with how much interaction it got this past year?

I know I mentioned Wishing it Wasn't when Hazel asked, but I also want to give honorable mention to This is (Kinda) The Way. I'd hoped it would do well, but was blown away by not only the lovely comments and kudos on ao3, but also all the interaction it got on tumblr. It was at the top of the sabezra and ezrabine tags for a couple days (and if you've blocked as many tags as I have you'd've seen it at the top of the sabine wren tag too,) which was such a huge encouragement to me as I recovered from my unfortunate accident 😅

7. Share a line/paragraph/snippet that you were especially proud of from a work this year!

I'm gonna go with this section from As The Sun Rose and Seasons Changed, because I waited almost a decade to see these two idiots from The Shuttle get engaged and am very glad to have been the one to do it:

 "There's a reason I brought you out here today, Betty," he smiled, "you've always been clever, so I know you know what I'm going to ask you, but I'm going to ask it anyways, and it's going to be the most terrifying moment of my life."  "You've no reason to be afraid, James." She rarely called him by his first name rather than his title, but now it felt proper to do so.  "You've no idea what I fear to lose, Miss Vanderpoel," he said, "I know of your love for Dunstanwolde, and your disdain for its condition– and of my love for it as well. If all I were offering was my land and my title, to watch from the sides as you touch all around me with your life, I'd give even that. But what I ask is something deeper. I do not ask you to love a sullied name or a crumbled ruin. I ask you to love the man who holds nothing besides them," and here he took her hand and said, "I'm asking you to love me."  Still holding her hand, he knelt before her, one knee supporting him on the damp earth his ancestors had killed for and died on. Out of his pocket he pulled a ring, and held it before her.  "Bettina Vanderpoel," he asked, "will you marry me?"  He wasn't the first man who'd proposed to her– but somehow she'd hoped all along that he would be the last.

8. What's your favorite work you posted this past year?

if you think I'm gonna say the same thing I told Hazel and Iris, you are dead wrong.

Even though it's not perfect by any stretch of the word, I'm gonna say How We Rewrote the Stars. I intended it to just be a oneshot and posted it as such for sabezra week, but added more chapters after the fact. It was my first time posting an uncompleted work, which has always worried me because what if I wanted to change something? What if I messed something up in the first chapter? However, I took a leap of faith {which, fun fact, is the name I would've posted it under had I left it as a oneshot} and tried it out like that, and I'm proud of that!

13. What fic are you most excited to post in the upcoming year?

I'm very much hoping to finish the Gamergirl Sabezra AU by the end of the year, and can't wait to share it with you guys. I'm also working on a Captain Swan fic I've lovingly nicknamed the "romeo & juliet & boybands au." I haven't posted anything for Captain Swan since June, and that's the CS fic I have the most motivation to write, so it'll be lovely to post for such a lovely fandom again!

thanks so much for the ask!

📝 send me some asks from my ao3 writers ask game!

[fullcry]

Update (sort of)

I WILL get around to posting a proper update schedule soon. I'm in the process of trying to get my Patreon page up and running, so hopefully I'll be able to get those two things going concurrently.

Tentatively, updates will probably be in this order: Truth of Memory, Ch 4 (final chapter) > Either "Jacket Fic" longshot or untitled NSFW multichap Ch 1/4 > Love and Peace and Gunsmoke, Ch 2

A note about my Love and Peace and Gunsmoke: part of why an update may be a ways off is... I lost chapter five. 5k words of the hardest stuff to write: difficult conversations, character development, action scenes, multiple locations... I still haven't recovered. The prospect of rewriting it all is DAUNTING. And I need to finish it before I can go back and edit chapters 2-4, since it's the end of the first arc and needs to align properly for the next. So... thank you for your patience while I'm on the struggle bus.

Speaking of the untitled NSFW multichap, please have a WIP sneak peek because I'm hopeless and need to vent excitement. Be sure to subscribe to my AO3 pseud for updates! (because there will be a lot this year, RIP my free time)

UNTITLED NSFW VASH/MERYL WIP EXCERPT (below the cut!)

She had spent the long hours in that room thinking and preparing herself for the eventuality—told herself it was just sex, just a bodily function (albeit an intimate one). She’d spent long enough keeping her feelings for him hidden, and this was just an extension of that. It didn’t need to mean anything more and didn’t need to change their relationship. And at the end… she’d still felt that way. She’d been ready to move on, keep laughing, keep smiling, put the incident in a box and continue being just friends.

She hadn’t been prepared for this, though—this cold shoulder, this painful distance—and she feels unconscionably foolish for not having considered his feelings, for not having considered that just because it needed to happen didn’t mean he was prepared.

Though she isn’t quite sure what specifically his feelings on the matter are since he hasn’t said a word about what happened and pointedly ignored her attempts to do so.

She sighs and trails dutifully behind him. They’ve long since left the dormitories behind, for which she is thankful, and he leads her through a series of dark maintenance tunnels. Like the main hallways these too are lit by emergency lights but given the narrowness of the tunnels and the array of pipes and wires and panels along the wall hiding the light strip from view, it’s significantly dimmer. They move single file and her hands trail along walls on either side for support—the grate upon which they walk is uneven in places, seeming to have bent with the force of the crash.

She can see the brighter light of a hallway ahead and sighs in relief, matching Vash’s quickening pace. But before they get out, her hand snags on something sharp and she jerks it back, hissing. She can feel blood seeping into her glove, trailing down her wrist. Pain pulses sharply along her index finger, and she knows its a deep cut.

“Are you alright?”

Now he talks to her. She refrains from saying something snappy and unkind, and instead says, “Yeah—just a cut. Can you grab some gauze from my pack?”

She turns around to give him access to the bag strapped to her back and holds her finger tightly to stem some of the blood flow. She hears the zipper and can feel him rummaging around, and a moment later he taps her shoulder. She turns back around and pulls her hand away from her finger to take the roll of gauze but he ignores her, reaching for her hand instead. She lets him, holding her breath and watching with surprise as gently disinfects the wound and holds her by the palm as he wraps three layers around the cut, tying it off gently. He still doesn’t look at her.

“Vash—“ she begins, more insistent this time.

“Not… not here,” he says, and she can hear in his voice that just saying those words is an emotional effort. It’s clear he knows what she wants to bring up, and she feels some relief that he has finally acknowledged what happened, even if indirectly.

“When we get back to ship three?” she asks, or rather, requests. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, gently releasing her hand as he tucks the roll of gauze into a jacket pocket. Then, he nods, and turns back around, heading for the hallway.

[ghostlycorvid]

2023 Introspective

This year started with cutting off a toxic person who had already shut me out of mutual friend spaces but kept stringing me along with "maybe in a few more months I'll let you back in". 2022 was rough on its own, especially pre-antidepressants, but a huge part of it was stuff involving this person. Blocking them and finally accepting that it was not worth trying to repair what little relationship was left was the most freeing thing I've ever done and helped me to continue that with any other rude unpleasant individual I've had to share spaces with. It's been genuinely wonderful to realize I don't have to sit there and listen to bad takes or people who are needlessly mean, so I'm glad something came out of that friendship nightmare scenario.

It still took a lot of time to not sit there in anger and frustration spirals over the way things ended up, but in February I got permission from my bosses to bring my dog Chili to work with me due to needing to keep him and our other dog from playing while she was recovering from her spay. I ended up realizing that even though Chili is a huge anxiety baby, having him with me legitimately was helping distract me from negative thoughts spirals and gave me something positive to focus on when I was getting frustrated by work-related stuff in the moment. He ended up helping a couple coworkers come down from panic attacks later in the year too. My boss likes how "calm" he is enough that he gave me permission to bring Chili to work all the time (within reason), so he's come with me on most non-event days. His progress has been slow, but he's also been improving from the regular socialization!

I finally started to really focus on my own art and developing my own products and designs, both for my personal shop and for the shop at work. I've come out the other side of this year with 9 new enamel pin designs between the two! (A couple I haven't shared yet! ;D)

I was finally given an Adderall prescription which magically solved my problem where I couldn't stay awake during the day no matter how much sleep I'd gotten! And also it started helping me focus a little better too, but genuinely the non-sleepy thing was the most lifechanging part of the medication for me. The pit in my stomach when I was told that person felt like I was stalking and surveilling them if I was quiet in a call or stream despite years of me communicating that I was constantly struggling to even stay conscious was... HOO BOY. After years of fighting for my life to stay awake in college and sometimes even while DRIVING TO AND FROM WORK,,,,,,,, I really thought something was seriously wrong with me (besides the ADHD since I didn't realize it was a symptom of that)

With toxic people removed from my social spaces and general perception, I've finally started to join group calls with my friends again without anxiety or fear of not being welcome. It's helped me start to get back into playing games again, and I've been able to get into a few that either have built in accessibility features to avoid hand strain, or I've been able to modify my hardware setup to help with issues I was running into before. I've finally managed to pick up Warframe again, and I'm bouncing between that and Path of Titans without being hopelessly deep in a hyperfocus.

I officially got promoted at my job to Retail & Visitor Services manager (and got a $3 raise in Nov!!). While I'm struggling with finding help to ease my increased workload, I'm definitely way better off than before we hired on extra staff. It's given me a lot of networking opportunities (and excuses to go on field trips on the clock for ~*networking*~) and I've been juuuust starting to poke my head into local groups. One is a monthly artists crafting meetup right by work that starts right when I clock out! :D

I had the energy and free time to start branching out and trying other arts and crafts hobbies that had been interesting me! Ended up getting a serger machine to help really tidy up clothes that I make! I got into linocut & block printing, and have been having a lot of fun working on designs for that kind of printing. I even made a few printed shirts! And of course there was Andromeda, the first puppet I've ever made, and pretty much my proudest achievement in all my years of art so far.

I've honestly been spending less time on social media proper, usually forgetting to check tumblr for days or weeks at a time. Which has been good and bad, but overall better for me to stop feeling like I HAVE to fully backlog everything ever.

I got my first tattoo this year after wanting one for years and years! And that opened up a whole new can of worms and now I'm ending the year with 5 tattoos and 2 more scheduled in the next couple months oops! My first tattoo was Joltik, with my first ever pet spide!

I started keeping spiders this year after years of being too concerned about keeping pets that required live feeding! That also was a slippery slope. I picked up Indrid my red-backed jumper and Autumn my pumpkin patch t at the end of January, and now I have them, a regal jumper, a red-knee t, and a togo starburst t. You'd never guess that less than a decade ago I was scared shitless of all spiders. :> Especially now that I will occasionally free-handle wild spiders that need relocation to someplace safer. (Mostly still just jumpers tho)

Things aren't perfect by any means and I still have a lot of areas I want to personally improve myself in, but I feel like overall this has been a really really good year for me and I want to keep that momentum going into 2024! More art! More projects just for me! More time with friends! More enjoying games! More tidying my space literally and metaphorically!

[quietbluejay]

Angel Exterminatus 2

so the purplish prose continues but i'm finding it's not getting in the way as much

like yeah it's there but we're not slowing down the pacing and at least its not "sapphire orbs" no i am NEVER going to let that one go McNeill, you put that in a published novel

rip Kroeger he's still in shock

you guys have been in the business of war for two hundred years

but in this case, it feels like they're meant to be acting immaturely these guys also seem to have more slave labour on display, or at least be a) more honest about calling them slaves and b) more brutal towards them "oops maybe we shouldn't have done a genocide" thought no iron warrior ever note from future bluejay: hehehehehe the closest is forrix thinking "we haven't recovered from genociding perturabo's homeworld" and yes the actual word "genocide" is used i am not working off of implications

i wonder if we're ever going to get it explained why perturabo picked Kroeger

okay so, perturabo lives in a literal labyrinth designed by leonardo da vinci absolutely normal behaviour here

man lives in a video game dungeon is there any wonder he acts the way he does

at least get some sunlamps in there

actual kind of smile! is that....an actual possible friendship i espy? of course he's friends with McNeill's blorbo lol perturabo: there's another labyrinth i built. it's on a ship. don't ask why. it's for a special prisoner. this is normal.

I wonder if the other labyrinth is a surprise tool that will help us later

I had some Magnus slander here but I shall refrain from posting it because I think it might be unnecessarily mean.

oh. ugh. apparently some architect dude cried when he saw perturabo's drawings and asked if he could build them. Groan.

he can do real smiles???

charming fellow

"don't call them loyalists, because that means we're traitors!!!"

oh time for Fabulous Bill who will be playing the role of Dr Frankenstein tonight

Fabius: whatever mystery voice: i always hated you anyways oh okay so he's working on this guy's body and his head is sitting on the other side of the lab complaining about it taking so long there's the dark chaos funnies I've been waiting for

Forrix:

Ending this here because I really want to start the next post with the next bit

[borgevino]

so, since last june i've been having about as stressful a time as it's possible to have in an office job. luckily this era is over (i'm still in the same job but now working 10h/wk) and i'm starting to recover.

it's hard to identify burnout / extreme stress while you're going through it (although maybe i'm speaking for myself here). here are some things i've noticed.

major stress symptom i've observed in myself and others: the narrowing of appetite until you're essentially only eating 3 or 4 "safe" things while everything else, even if you have enjoyed it in the past, sounds nauseating. for months, i could only eat taco bell and pizza. this has dramatically improved since i reduced my hours

various life skills i've developed simply vanished. i could not put together a grocery list at all -- i couldn't think ahead to what i would do with ingredients i bought. i also could not handle cooking -- I could barely make rice in the rice cooker. it was like i'd forgotten how. (this is back i'm happy to say! i did have to go "well let me shop like i'm 23 again" to get it but i made two home cooked meals this week)

i also lost a lot of coping mechanisms. all of my bad old protestant thought patterns came back with a vengeance. for example, i was taught growing up that complaining was A Sin -- i've unlearned this but found myself putting "cw complaining" on various tweets (this also is better now)

it became much harder to connect with my friends or my partner. luckily my wife (he/him) and i have done a bunch of work on communication already, but it became harder for me to spend time with him, simply because so much of my energy was spent on work (also improving!)

while i was in the high stress state i tried various remedies:

being comfortable physically and grounded somatically was essential. taking baths with lavender in them, petting the cats (and being sat on by them), taking deep breaths: small things, but incredibly helpful.

weed seriously helped. it affects everyone differently: for me it quiets all the anxiety alarm bells and gives me a 30,000 foot view of the situation. putting things in perspective was often humbling and reassuring at the same time. (i did not try alcohol because of the hangover factor)

there were a couple times when i took a week or two off to try and get some rest. these actually did NOT help; mostly they made things worse. i'd relax a little and then five things would go wrong in my body at once (presumably because i wasn't producing as much cortisol)

notes on recovering:

i'm taking a college class and that little bit of structure on my week is very helpful. also it gets me out of the house -- i've been WFH since the start of the pandemic, and i've gotten out of the habit. days i leave the apartment and do something besides just go for a walk or shop tend to be good ones

i've been sleeping a ton -- 12-14 hours a day, long naps. i'm lucky i can just let it happen -- i'm letting my body's instincts take the lead. if we need to sleep until 1pm occasionally, sure.

in the same vein, i'm not pushing myself. could i have made cornbread or corn waffles with tonight's chili? sure! a year ago i would have. but that sounded tiring, so i didn't. etc etc. i haven't started on the monumental task of getting the apartment to its pre-stress uncluttered state yet, because that would be too big a push for right now. "i will be compassionate with myself" is something i've been telling myself over & over.

it's surprising and encouraging how much things have changed for the better in the course of the past three weeks.