#its consuming my brain ok like i STILL WANNA RAMBLE

[todayisafridaynight]

i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

[dragmiire]

man i can’t find if i ever talked about this before, but it wouldn’t surprise me if tumblr is simply just failing me in my searches, but ANYWAYS---

i mentioned in an earlier post that i’m watching a playthrough of oot (because i’m too lazy to play/exhausted from work), and boy, i keep thinking about the respect of power / arrogance of his own power that plays with g-anondorf and link’s relationship. it is g-anondorf’s own hubris which keeps him from ending the game outright by killing link and carrying on, but likewise, he respects link’s bravery and willingness to put himself in the line of danger for his beliefs.

that’s guts, and something g-anondorf values enough in his own life that he’s willing to risk constant, perpetual defeat just to provide link a warrior’s honor. link infuriates him, and in many ways, he hates him---but he isn’t the sort to lie about the respect he’s earned.

g-anondorf has displayed the willingness to do what it takes to get what he wants. referencing oot, since i got it on the brain, he works his way into hyrule’s court, coerces the king into trusting him, and then kills him to effectively seize power---before using some good-hearted kids’ well intentions to access the holy sacred realm. that’s some next level kudos link has going for him if this man is willing to provide him the room to flourish and achieve his full potential before engaging with him. g-anondorf will seize the power he believes is meant to be his, but link is apart of the challenge to surmount, and to defeat the closest thing to his equal he’s ever experienced in life (and later, in multiple lives) is the greatest sign of his worthiness he could achieve.

like i could go on forever about this. it’s fun talking about how much they just hate each other but like can we also talk about the greater depth of how link and g-anondorf serve as the other’s foil and fill a crucial point in the other’s life??

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[gureishi]

Hi hello hi.

I’ve got a bunch of wonderful prompts sitting in my inbox but I was feeling anxious af yesterday and today I had to go to a freakin Zoom funeral and my anxiety brain instead spewed out...this.

I was watching a playthrough of the Forgive ending to try and sort out the timeline for the Jihyun request I’m writing (which I should be posting tomorrow~ <3) and then I started thinking about the disturbing little hints that are in there about depressed Saeyoung and alcohol, and then my anxiety said I needed to write about it. So I transposed that thought into another timeline so my boy could have an mc cause god knows otherwise it would get way worse.

I know alcohol is a really sensitive topic when it pertains to the Choi twins because of their trauma relating specifically to alcohol and alcoholism. To be super super clear, drinking can be fine and okay and not harmful for lots of people, but that’s not the type of drinking I’m portraying here. 

YEESH, I’ll stop rambling. Cw for alcohol abuse; if Saeyoung drinking alcohol is gonna be triggering for you please skip this one. Take care of yourself I love you <3

wanna be ok

The bunker is dark when you get home, and that is your first sign that something is wrong. 

You’re off work a little early, and you fully expected to find the house bright and full of energy. Usually at this time, there would be at least one brother in the living room. There’d be a half-built robot croaking gibberish in a corner or an inexplicable mess from some overly enthusiastic project in the hall.

But when the door slides open (greeting you by name, of course), you’re met with darkness and a startling, eerie quiet. Could they both have fallen asleep…? You check your watch. It’s just after nine.

“Saeyoung…?” You slip off your shoes, calling quietly in case he really is asleep. He hasn’t been sleeping much since his father’s investigation began, waking up at night and pacing the house. Sometimes he does fall asleep at the computer, even these days…

No answer. You peek into the darkened living room. Nothing. No light from his office or the bedroom, either.

You hear a noise and spin, senses on high alert. All your instincts telling you that something is certainly off, you peer warily around the corner.

He’s in the kitchen.

“Babe?”

He’s perched precariously on one of the tall stools at the kitchen island. His arms are everywhere, splayed over the scrubbed wood; he’s slumped over, head in the crook of his elbow. His hair is mussed as though he’s been running his hands through it.

None of this surprises you too much—it’s much a difficult few days. But what does startle you is the stale, harsh smell in the air. There’s a bottle on the counter that looks suspiciously like…

Dread settles in your stomach like hot lead.

You call his name again, some foolishly optimistic part of your mind hopeful that this is an off-color prank. But this isn’t the kind of thing he jokes about.

At the sound of his name, he stirs, lifts his head. As he does, he slips to the side, almost falling off the stool—catching himself at the last minute on the island.

He blinks at you blearily, as if he’s trying to get you into focus, and you know in that moment that he’s not messing with you.

“Hiii, babe,” he slurs, his voice thick. He tries to say your name, stumbles over it. Laughs at himself.

“Honey.” You approach him cautiously. Closer up, the smell is unmistakable—it’s whiskey, mingling with his natural spicy-sweet scent in a way that you find particularly unsettling. “What did you do?”

He tries to spin around in the stool to face you and nearly falls again—you have to reach out an arm to grab him. He gazes at you dizzily, his eyes glazed over.

“Wha’ d’you mean?” he mumbles, his words running together. He sways dangerously on the stool and you put a hand on his shoulder, bracing him. Out of the corner of your eye, you peer at the bottle beside him—it’s one you’d gotten as a gift ages ago and put away in a closet. It’s more than half empty.

“Baby, why did you drink that?” You shift, taking his face in both your hands; he’s unstable again without your hand on his shoulder. You turn him, make him look you in the eye—and he tries, he tries, but his gaze slides over your face as though he can’t quite focus on it.

“You’re pretty,” he sings, and he leans forward as if to kiss you—and misses, his head falling onto your shoulder. “Missed,” he says, giggling. His hands reach clumsily for your waist.

It would be almost cute, you think, under other circumstances. If it weren’t Saeyoung, who doesn’t drink alcohol. Who’s promised himself never to drink alcohol—and for good reason.

He presses his lips against your neck, tilting sideways as he does so. Okay. Okay. One thing at a time. You know how to deal with drunk people, under normal circumstances. Just pretend it’s not Saeyoung. Just for now.

“Come with me, baby,” you say, expertly evading his grasp and offering him both your hands. “Let’s go sit somewhere a little more comfy, okay?”

“Don’wanna,” he mumbles, titling to the right. “Comfy here.”

“You’ll be comfier on the couch, I promise.” You keep your voice light. Taking both his hands, you give a gentle tug, and he obliges you, sliding off the stool without any of his usual grace or agility. He sways as he lands on his feet and you brace him with both hands again, waiting till his gaze clears. 

You lead him to the living room and he comes obediently, albeit stumblingly.

“…m’too drunk for this,” he mutters, laughing at himself as he narrowly avoids running face-first into the door frame.

“Too drunk to walk to the living room?” You guide him more carefully now. Most people would be well and truly messed up from the amount that he drank—based on your cursory assessment of the kitchen, anyway. For him—someone who has, to your knowledge, quite literally never consumed alcohol before—it’s astonishing he’s even still conscious.

You steer him to the couch. He hesitates and you turn to him—his face has gone pale, and he claps a hand over his mouth.

“M’gonna…never mind.” He shuts his eyes.

With some difficulty, you get him onto the couch. He slides sideways immediately and you slip a pillow under his head. He smiles a sloppy, lopsided grin.

“…galaxy,” he murmurs, sinking heavily into the pillow. You don’t question it.

Confident that he’s not going anywhere, you make your way back to the kitchen, fill a big glass with water. Now that you’re alone, your hands are shaking.

It’s not the end of the world to get drunk, but it’s certainly less than great to do it alone. It’s worse, though, so much worse, because it’s him—because of the promise he made to himself, because of the memories of his mother’s violence, because of the fear you know he has of those same genes manifesting in him.

You know that the last few days have been difficult, that the trial’s brought up memories he’d long repressed. But you wouldn’t ever have anticipated…this.

What could possibly have happened?

You take in the havoc in the kitchen: in addition to the whiskey bottle, there’s a glass knocked over on its side as well as the usual debris from chips and other junk food. One of the stools is on the ground.

And where, you think suddenly, is Saeran?

You take a deep, steadying breath—care now, you remind yourself. Figure out the rest later.

When you return to the living room with the water, he’s crying. 

His eyes are shut tight and he’s wrapped both arms around the pillow; there are tear tracks on his cheeks and as you approach he lets out a quiet, pitiful sob.

“Sweetheart…” You kneel beside him and he wriggles toward you like a wounded animal. You bring a hand to his face and wipe away the tears and he clumsily throws out one arm and dangles it over your body.

“Drink a little bit of this, please, love.” You tilt the cup toward his mouth and he opens his lips the tiniest bit. You get a little water in him; most of it ends up on the couch.

“…still hates me,” he mutters, pushing aside the cup, nuzzling his face into your chest. You stroke his messy, tangled hair with your free hand, pulling it off his forehead.

“Who does, baby?” 

“Saeran…does.”

You run your fingers over his feverish skin; his cheeks are flushed and his forehead is warm to the touch.

“Saeran doesn’t hate you, honey. I promise he doesn’t.” You try again with the water. It’s a little more successful this time.

“Does. We hadda…fight,” he slurs. “Gotta…find’m.” Defying all logic, he tries to sit up again, using your shoulders for leverage. Even in this state, he’s stubborn as hell.

“Where is he?” you ask, not sure if Saeyoung will even be able to tell you. You help him wriggle into a sitting position, thinking it’s perhaps safer than lying down after all.

“Walk,” he murmurs. He’s trying to look at you again, his eyes wandering over your face. “Babe! Your face’s…blurry.”

You sigh. It’s not out of the ordinary Saeyoung to push Saeran too far, or for Saeran to snap at him and go for a walk to clear his head. You wonder if the confluence of circumstances—the trial, both twins’ tensions running extra high, the memories Saeyoung associates with his family and raised voices and a dark, empty house—led to this turn of events.

One of the cameras near the door flickers to life—someone’s coming into the garage. You sit up stick straight. Saeran was just on a walk—he couldn’t have gone far. Which means…

“Baby, I’m so sorry, but I need you to move again.”

He groans and mutters something you don’t understand, but you have no time to waste. Glad you’ve already got him sitting, you slide your hands under both his arms and pull. He sags like a rag doll, but he doesn’t weigh a lot, and you’re strong—you tug him to a standing position and he sways dangerously in place, his face pale again.

“Can’t,” he moans, and you don’t have time to pity him. You simply can’t risk the consequences—for both brothers—of Saeran finding him like this.

“C’mon, sweetheart, please try to walk. For me.” You kiss him firmly on the cheek and he perks up a little, reaching for you. You take both his hands again and walk backwards, guiding him to the bedroom.

“No more…” he moans, but you get him down the hall and into the room, giving the corners a wider berth this time.

Panting, you deposit him on the bed.

“…spinning,” he mutters, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. 

“I swear I will be right back,” you gasp, and you run from the room before he can respond. You sprint to the kitchen, sweep the whiskey bottle into the cabinet under the sink. You dump the glass and throw it under there too for good measure. You right the stool, leaving the chips bags—that’s normal enough. 

But the smell…

You hastily grab your bag, which you’d dropped on the floor earlier when you’d found him here—pull out the little bottle of perfume you carry, spritz it liberally over the kitchen island. You inhale. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing.

You throw open the big window over the sink and, bag under your arm, slink back to your bedroom. As the bedroom door is shutting behind you, you hear the security system beeping, the front door sliding open. Just in time.

You spin around. Now where is…?

A soft moan from the en suite bathroom answers your question. You peer through the dark—sure enough, he’s sprawled on the ground, head bent over the toilet. The fact that he’s managed to drag himself there is impressive. You sigh—this was inevitable and is probably for the best.

You sit with him there for a long time: pressing a cool, wet washcloth to his head, plying him with tiny sips of water when you can. He apologizes to you again and again in a raw, miserable voice; you stroke his hair and rub his back and promise him that he’s going to be okay.

Eventually he slumps into your lap and, almost incoherently, whispers the word “bed.” So you hoist him up again, arms around his torso; he tries valiantly to help you, stumbling through the doorway, over the carpeted floor. You guide him onto the bed and he practically melts into it, his breathing immediately slowing, deepening.

You get him as comfortable as you can—wresting his jeans off and casting them aside, tucking the blankets all the way around him. He murmurs groggily as you press a soft kiss to his forehead and then he’s out, chest moving slowly up and down, face peaceful.

You’d never know, you think.

You retrieve his glasses from the bathroom floor, fold them neatly on the bedside table. And then, steeling yourself, you slip through the bedroom door as quietly as you can, tiptoe down the hall. As you’d suspected, Saeran is still in the living room.

“Hey,” he says, lifting his eyes from the book he’s reading. He’s draped over the couch, white hair tousled. He’s turned on a lamp—the dim light illuminates the red roots that are just starting to grow in.

“Hi,” you say. For something to do, you fetch the cup of water you’d left on the floor earlier. Saeran doesn’t bat an eyelash.

“We had a fight,” he offers, unprompted. He drums his fingers on his book—the same nervous habit his brother has. “Did he tell you?”

“Um…sort of.” You put the cup on a side table. Nervously straighten one of the fluffy throw blankets.

“I was mean,” Saeran says bluntly. “I shouldn’t have been.”

You perch on the arm of the couch. Once, he would have flinched away from you; now, he watches you impassively, green eyes unreadable.

“Was it about the trial?” you ask, with some hesitation.

Saeran shrugs. “I guess. He keeps all the TVs in the house on all day. I can’t stand hearing our father’s voice anymore.”

“Right.” You know this—know that the ongoing trial is wearing on them both, know that they’re coping in their own ways.

“Is he…” Saeran looks down and back up at you; his eyes are bright. “Is he mad?”

You take a shaky breath. “No,” you say honestly. “But he feels bad that you fought.”

“Should I talk to him?”

He is still looking at you. You’re surprised—he’s never asked you for advice before.

“Maybe in the morning,” you say, perhaps a little too firmly—but Saeran is unfazed.

“I get it,” he says. “I’m gonna go back to reading now.”

You smile, grateful as always for Saeran’s manner. There’s no risk of overstaying your welcome, because he’ll always tell you when he’s done.

“Good night,” you say. He looks up at you again, gives you a tiny smile.

“Night.”

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

You wake abruptly the next morning. Through the haze of half-dream, half-wakefulness, you hear an intrusive rustling sound—then clunk. Clunk. Clunk. Your eyes shoot open.

“Saeyoung…?” you murmur, the events of the previous night momentarily evading you. You blink the sleep out of your eyes, see a blur of red hair in your peripheral vision.

He’s…cleaning?

“Oh god.” His golden eyes go huge with panic as he sees that you’re awake. He drops the mop (why was it clunking?) and throws himself onto the bed, kneeling beside you. “Hi. Good morning. Um. I am. So, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. I mean, I—uh. Gah. I practiced this. Hang on—”

“Shhh.” You put a finger to his lips, pushing yourself up in bed. He sits back on his heels like a guilty puppy, eyes huge, waiting for a scolding. “So you remember last night, huh?”

His cheeks match his hair. He lowers his gaze.

“I am so, so, so, so…”

“Hush.” You take his face in both hands again, just as you’d done the night before. Tilt it up, forcing him to meet your eyes. “You don’t need to apologize to me. But I would like to know how it happened.”

He hangs his head, one red curl falling into his eyes. You brush it away.

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “You know I’ve never done that before. Right?”

“Yes, I know.” You slip out of the blankets and sit cross-legged, facing him. “Do you remember why you did it? Why you went looking for the whiskey that I didn’t even think you knew was in the storage closet?”

“I’d known where it was for a while,” he says softly, shamefully. “I found it one day when I was looking for an old hard drive and I guess I thought, wow, glad I know that’s there in case I ever lose my mind.” 

This surprises you. You didn’t know he’d ever give it any thought at all.

“I wasn’t seriously thinking I was gonna drink it!” he says hurriedly, his cheeks growing—if it were possible—redder. “It was like a…weird, bad joke. Like, haha, what a great way to escape my mind if I ever hate myself that much. I…dunno.”

You make yourself take a deep breath. You hate it when he says things like this. “Okay, fine. So why did you…?”

“I fought with Saeran,” he says, still looking down. He twiddles his hands in his lap, fiddles with the blanket. “It was stupid. We were just tense about the trial. And then he left, and it got dark, and I was alone, and I just couldn’t…stop thinking about her.”

“Your mother.”

“Yeah.”

He taps a pattern on his thigh, too fast, too hard. You take his hand, wrapping up his fingers in yours. He shoots you a grateful glance.

“It’s hard to explain,” he mutters. “It was like I was possessed. It was this feeling, like if I could…get inside her head somehow, I’d understand.”

“Understand what?” You realize you’re squeezing his hand too hard and you make a conscious effort to loosen your grip.

“Why she didn’t love us,” he says simply. You look up; there are tears in his eyes again. Automatically you reach for him, catching a tear on your fingertip. You kiss it away.

“Did you?” you ask quietly. Slowly, he shakes his head.

“I don’t think I ever will.”

“Oh, Saeyoung…” You hold open your arms for him and he bows his head, falling into you. You cradle his head against your chest, kiss the tears from his eyelashes.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers.

“You are a wonderful man, and you deserve the world,” you say firmly. You wrap your arms all the way around his waist and squeeze him tight and he exhales, like he’s letting out breath he’s been holding for a long time.

“I’ll never do it again,” he says, his voice muffled by your shirt. “I promise. I mean it.”

You thoughtfully run your fingers through his curls, de-tangling them, pulling them apart one by one. “Can I ask you something I’ve asked you before?” you say tentatively. He nods; you can feel it. “Would it be okay if I just…got some names? My therapist offered to make a list for you before, you know, and you don’t need to commit to anything, but I just—”

“Yes.” He pulls back enough to peer up at you. There are tear tracks on his cheeks again but his expression is sure. “I’d like that.”

His eagerness takes you by surprise. You smile and kiss the tip of his nose.

“Thank you.”

He leans his forehead against yours. “I’m meant to be the one thanking you. You shouldn’t have had to take care of me last night. You should’ve just left me there.”

“Never.” You take a deep breath and he breathes with you, exhaling against your lips, tickling you. “Now would you please explain to me what the hell you were doing that woke me up this morning?”

He giggles, a little guiltily—still, you’re relieved to hear him laugh. “I felt like crap, both physically and emotionally. I thought I could start apologizing by…”

“Slamming the mop against the wall?”

“I don’t…actually know how to use a mop.”

That makes you laugh, and it feels good, like a release. You wrap your arms around his neck and he sighs against you.

“You’re gonna be okay?” you whisper. He nods, gazing at you reverently.

“Because of you,” he says. He strokes your hair with his long, thin fingers—cautiously, gently, like he needs reassurance that you’re still there. “I’m gonna be okay.”

[alitheamateur]

The Grind- Chapter 31

A/N: Here we are, my precious jewels. The end of my own little era, but the beginning of a renewed passion. This story brought back a love for story-telling that I had long neglected, and although most don't understand the sentiment, I owe a lot of happiness to these characters. The Grind sprouted during a very dark, confusing, heartbreaking time in my life, and it became such a welcomed distraction from my emotional spiral. This piece of fiction will be held near and dear to my soul for all of eternity, and my heart beats with love for each & every one of you who has shared a kind word. 

One last time, The Grind.

I was grateful that even over all the unsteady commotion, the gravel of his familiar voice busted through to my eardrums. The thud of my pulse hammered, already bringing along the gift of a taxing migraine that would only worsen once a pair of fists lashed into my skull. I was dreading the aching road of recovery before Kat and I had even thrown a punch.

Hers came first though. Quick, and robust it met the girlish roundness of my chin, shaking quivers over every hair on my skin. My footing staggered, and I swear to you my very eyeballs rattled. The early stages of pain I felt didn’t talk long to drag back the memo to my brain to protect my face as much as possible as she obsessively stalked to land an even more brutal hit the next time. I swished the blood laced spit around my jaws to wet my tongue, and settled in for war.

She could tell the blow had combusted an inkling of uncertainty in my spirit, and it only fed her desire for violence. With a random bout of bravery, I pointed an attempted swing for her ribs, connecting successfully to the tight ripples of her abdomen. Seeing as she hadn’t foreseen the body shot, it crippled her standing straight stance, and I was able to rock two more fists to the opposite cage of her ribs. Something felt off for a second when I heard her gasp for a breath when I released the wind from her belly. I felt… bad.

Violent nature was foreign to me, and I let myself feel briefly apologetic on the inside watching her suffer for air. Then, the fighting side of me rose to rule. I lobbed a club-foot kick to her chiseled thigh, victoriously capturing her balance. However, I couldn’t completely escape my often clumsy tactics, and I let my own legs tangle with hers as she dropped buoyantly to the mat.

I scurried with fluster to try and reach my standing position before Bex, but unfortunately her quickness outweighed my own. I brought my forearms to my face, doubling them as a shield of armor for my breakable nose. With her every delivery of a fist, my head bounced like a ball on the soft mat below. I prayed for her to tire, or somehow make a careless mistake and allow my escape. I could already feel the tenderness of plum-shaded bruises forming up and down my arms, and I just wanted to cower in Colton’s arms.

Where was his voice? Why couldn’t I hear the assuring yells of he and Tia?

Just as my arms began to weaken in defeat, the squealing of the timekeeper’s bell halted her strike.

Katrina stood to her feet with ease, running for the cool swig of water waiting in her corner, leaving a shaken and hallucinating swirl of stars swimming like a halo around my skull. I tried to assess myself on the mat, still surveying what damage may have been done. Aside from my fractured pride.

��Baby! Get up, c’mon! Get over here, Liv!”

I frenzied to my feet shakily, remembering the very limited seconds I had to steal a second with my coaches in between rounds. Tia tried to masquerade her reaction of pity, but the squinting sickness of her eyes told all the tale I needed. I didn’t feel much pain, other than a tight pressure settling inside my nostrils, so the unknown markings couldn’t have been of much severity, right?

Suddenly, settling on the 3-legged stool for a ticking minute of a break, I caught glimpse of the very sopped, very stained towel that Colt applied to my stuffy nose. He squeezed gently, and his touch seemed to re-apply sensation to my busted snout. I yelped as his massaged as gingerly as his rocky hands would, and plugged the holes with some sort of swabs to drink up the blood-spill.

“You good, Liv? Hey… Look at me, right now. Look in my eyes. Do you wanna keep going?” Colton shook my shoulders, demanding a surefire answer. Bless his soul, there was nothing but devoted protection and the will to be my strong tower in his silver eyes.

“Have a little faith, remember?”

He rehearsed his best fake smile, and slung the ruined rag over his shoulder to scoop up my cushioned seat when the ref tapped a finger to his imaginary watch hurrying us to pick up the pace.

Besides the whelped imprint of my ankle bone on the upper of her thigh, Bex would enter the second round only rested and ready for more. She would go viciously after my obviously very broken nose, so it was my responsibility to protect it like a mother bird to her helpless young.

Two nippy little jabs, but thankfully she had missed. The dodging alone of her efforted hits made my entire face spasm with pain, and I was already daydreaming about the blue-green blossoms of bruise I would wake up to in the morning. If I even made it that far…

“Go after that leg, Liv! She’s tryin’ to baby it, so get after her!”

With Tia’s help, I did begin to notice the awkward teeter to Katrina’s steps. She was hobbling in the slightest, and her leg carried a barely detectable limp of uneasiness. If I could numb that leg enough, and swipe her footing to crash, I knew I could get her. I needed just a cracked window of opportunity, and I wouldn’t let my submission training go to waste.

I fell into rhythm with bizarre fist fakes, confusing her reflexes when taking shot after shot at her leg. With unyielding focus, I beat the tender skin of her thigh with kicks like a well-oiled meat tenderizer, the stretch of my own groin muscle also suffering.

Dribbles from my nose spilled blood down my chest onto the mat, painting a slickness beneath our feet. The metallic flavored goo gurgled in the back of my throat, and I wanted to spit free my mouthguard and guzzle the strongest proof of some sort of dark alcohol to curb its stain on my tongue. I made a mental note that Colt make a liquor run once I settled into the featherbed in our hotel room.

As Katrina and I tiptoed on light feet ‘round the cage, I’d give side glances to Colt. Once finding his foot standing in the seat of my stool with his elbow resting on a knee, his mouth taut behind the hand his rested over his lips. Assessing. Strategizing. Criticizing?

Another moment his forearms interlocked over his beating chest, toes tapping in a wide stance, and even a barely traceable half-smile sitting across his face. Just knowing he was there, close to me, only a few arms-lengths away should danger really arrive, slowed the pace of my overbeating heart. I’d win this for him. For me, of course. But, it was decided nevertheless that Katrina’s very first loss tonight, would ultimately rally a victory for me, my camp, and my Colton.

As the round ended, Bex felt the buff weight of pressure stalking around her. As I turned, this time much more aware, towards my corner for a rushed break between blows, she smashed both palms to the blades of my shoulder, childishly showing me to the ground. Our ref consumed her with a tight embrace, quite firmly chastising into her ear. Thankfully for the much ,much needed backup, I bounced out of the way for Willow to swallow Tia inside a resisting bearhug, as I attempted to handle Colton’s own bursting of incoherent fury.

“Handle your fuckin’ girl, Tyler! You and I both knew we ain’t here for any shit like that!” My rumbling bear growled across the mat to Kat’s fumbling coach. “I see anything like that again, and me ‘n you may have to borrow this damn cage for a short minute.”

“Hey, hey, hey! Colton, hey. Stop, baby. C’mon! Look at me, I’m good, ok?” I purred and hummed into his hot ear. Hoping some sort of soothing spell would lull some calmness back into his raging eyes.

“COLT, STOP. Shit! Take a deep breath, Colton. Don’t ruin this for me, damn it! I’m fine, babe. I promise.” I was rambling to an empty shell. His spirit was climbing the rafters like a demonic spirt lurking above the darkest shadows. “Please…”

With that simplest plea, the pink of his cheeks reappeared, and his lips relaxed. I think his teeth cracked from the tense of his unbreakable jaws.

He shuddered, as if feeling his spirit mold back into his body, and turned away from Bex and her coach. Placing two firm paws atop my shoulders, he hurried me to a seat, kneeling himself to eye level.

“Beat. Her.” A growl buzzed from the back of his raw throat.

He knew her sideshow had embarrassed me, and if I wouldn’t let him intervene in my honor, I best do it myself.

Colton kissed me. Hard. Teetering the stool on its back legs. And if I couldn’t win this fight with that kind of motivation, I never had a chance to begin with.

The referee had taken some extra moments to scold Katrina for the uncalled for, untimely reaction, and began ushering Tia and Colt towards the cage door.

I hissed an engrossed inhale, focusing best I could to even out the pace of my tottering, rambunctious heart.

But my heart would be the only thing I would slow.

Barely registering the ‘ting’ of our timekeepers bell, I lunged forward sighting in on the nose protruding from the middle of her smug face. The girl hadn’t given a single clear peep at her face the entire match, but it seemed in that moment that fate had tied her hands for the upper hand of my fist.

Her eyes wept instantly at the burn of her nasal bone cracking in half. But that didn’t stop me. My humanity switched long flipped with the scent of a wound, and I was only out for blood no matter the cost. With battered knuckles, and uncontrolled swings, the light of defense dulled behind my opponents’ eyes.

A happen-stance shot deep into the mushy socket of her eye obliterated her focus, and the cage rumbled and rattled when her body fell limber at my feet. Until I was torn from her, and the match was called, I wouldn’t stop the invasive assault and risk any odds of a comeback.

Her head bobbled like a bottle cap rolling over the waves of a high tide ocean, and it seemed the way her eyelashes batted in slow motion that they themselves were even too heavy for her to bear. Our official closely observed her behavior, watching for signs of drooping unconsciousness, and any other medical qualifications for calling the match.

With one roll of my knuckles over her chin, her knee buckled at the bend and sent her tumbling. Trying to resist the inevitable admirably, in true fighters’ fashion, Katrina’s feeble, worn down body emptied of any overcoming abilities. Tears began to twine with red leaking down her face when the ring ref signaled to the timekeeper, calling the bout.

TKO.

Colton’s obsessing pride, uncontainable joy, and earnest tears of content dissipated whatever inkling of patience he was born with, and he kicked his lead foot into the cage door, bending loose the hinges to get to me. As my left hand was raised in baffling triumph, he pulled it right back into his own, sliding back into to place the sparkling gemstone on my ring finger.

Colton’s sentimental tears turned loose into an unbroken stream, his chest choking free chuckling sobs as he folded at the knee, and buried his reddening face into the pumping breaths of my belly. I could feel his mumblings vibrate into me, and his mouth movements tickling the bare skin above my waistband. Pulling him free and seeking his face, I combed through his shagged hair with giggling of my own.

“Baby. Hey! What is it, Colt?!”

I adored the way his smile danced with his tears, the odd coupling a beautiful one.

“You are fucking amazing, Liv Elliott! And fuck me for ever thinking you didn’t belong here.”

With an eager, rising fever to kiss his forever gorgeous lips, I cupped his face and willed him into me. His hands wormed under the crook of my arms and suddenly the ground disappeared from beneath my tired feet. No protest present, I hooked the clutches of my legs about his abdomen, and captured him. If I had any breath in me after the battle, he would’ve sucked it clear from my lungs with his smothering display of a kiss. I heard cameras snapping, analysts and fellow writers begging my name for a statement, but all the world might as well have been a foreign, unpopulated wonderland where only my soul and his could survive.

The fusing of his plush-skinned mouth with my own lit my spirit on fire, and I considered dragging him to the courthouse first thing the following day to marry him on the spot, just to be able to pair his own name with the word ‘husband’.

“Do your thing, champ. They wanna hear from you,” Colton plopped me down to meet to ground. “I’ll be right here. Always”

He eased himself backwards, dismissing himself from the sight of cameras and attention, pushing me to bathe in the limelight of the results of my hard work. He may not have been holding my hand in the literal sense, but the glow of his cheery cheeks as he watched me share the rundown from my point-of-view with the newspapers comforted me. I spied Tia even chatting at his side, with some strange sentiment resembling a genuine smile, as my parents weaved through the aisles.

Standing in my own portrayal of center stage, feeling the gratifying weight of his diamond promise on my finger, his last name soon-to-be mine on the wrist of my blood-stained gloves, and the unpredicted win of an MMA bout under my belt, there weren’t enough words in a Webster to define my state. Whether things would never be the same again, I knew all change would be for the better with the treasure of my Colton tucked in my back pocket for cherished keeping. With a determined heart, a driving passion, and maybe a few more callouses on my hands than before, I would strap down and relish in the ride to come. Lots of work, even more play, and back to The Grind.

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935 @mollybegger-blog @littleluna98

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Eurovision 2019 Opinions, Predictions, and Rankings

Whew! Got it done in time to relax for a few days until the show starts!

These posts are always really time-consuming to make, but at the end of the day, I like making them. I honestly don’t care if people read them or not, I just like talking about Eurovision, and that’s all there is to it.

If you do decide to read this: this is another year where a lot of my opinions aren’t exactly popular...I do agree with a lot of the possible winners (so it’s not as bad as two years ago), sure, but a lot of MY favorite songs this year are major underdogs. Yeah, I can’t exactly help it if my taste is weird, but I love my favorites and will defend them as long as I can. And hey, I’m American, so I can’t even vote. =P

I do like how there are no songs I dislike this year. That’s a good thing. There are only a few that I’m indifferent to, and everything else, I either like or love. That’s the sign of a good Eurovision.

Now, with further ado, on to the rambling!

(In alphabetical order by country)

Song: Ktheju tokës   Country: Albania Thoughts: So, as I expected, Albania wasn't able to reach the same level of awesomeness they did last year. Instead, we...still get a pretty interesting song! I enjoy this song quite a bit, even though it's not one of the huge standout songs to me. It's a bit more "standard Albanian entry", but that's not a totally bad thing. I like the beat here. Nothing wrong with heavy drums. I like drums. Prediction: I don't think this'll qualify, sadly. The second semifinal, which it's in, is super strong, and I don't think this song is good enough to stand out amongst the competition.

Song: Walking Out Country: Armenia Thoughts: I'm really starting to get to the point where I should never underestimate Armenia, since I've adored so many of their recent entries - including them being among my favorites in 2014 and 2016 and among my borderline favorites in 2017 - and now we have this song being one of my favorites this year. I normally love happy songs in Eurovision, but what we don't get as often is a good angry song. A song to listen to when you wanna tell someone off but don't have the courage to! That's what this song is. This lady has a really really strong voice, which is the best part, and she sells the emotion this song is going for super well. Overall a great song that doesn't sound like anything else this year, and...yeah, I love it! Prediction: I'm worried about most of my favorites this year...The betters aren't kind to a lot of them, and it's scaring me. This might be my unluckiest year since 2015, but I could also be worrying too much. I think Armenia do have a chance to qualify, having a very strong song and a good record, so I'll predict that this song'll creep up on people and qualify! If it doesn't, however...I won't be super surprised. There are also a few other songs in the second semifinal that I love even MORE than this one, so if one or more of those make it, I'll be fine if this doesn't.

Song: Zero Gravity Country: Australia Thoughts: Australia are still here, and they clearly give no craps! Well, um...this is a thing. That's what it is, all right! A thing! ...And I like it! Yeah, it took a bit for this song to grow on me, but it eventually did. It's still on the lower end for me, but considering that I don't normally gravitate (heehee) towards opera singing, to the point where I was indifferent to even "La Forza", I'm surprised that I ended up liking this one. Especially with how ridiculous it is! Let's be honest, this is a silly silly song! And that's why I like it! It has lyrics that COULD be taken seriously, sure...I actually kinda like the lyrics. They're clever. But...I'm unable to take the whole thing seriously. This is good "turn your brain off and listen" music for me. Yeah, there are many songs I'd rather listen to, but I'm happy this one exists. It wouldn't be Eurovision without stuff like this...Also, the "Nothing holding me down" part toward the end is extremely hard to shake. That too. Prediction: I'm beginning to think that Australia will always qualify. Their last two entries did not do well in the televoting and were carried by the juries. This one seems to be a BIT more popular, so it'll qualify without much problem. Honestly, I'm all for this! More silliness in the final, I say! ...As long as it doesn't place toward the top. It's not THAT good a song, guys...XD

Song: Limits Country: Austria Thoughts: I didn't like this song when I first heard it, not gonna lie. I didn't like the lady's "Love Injected"-esque voice, and I didn't like how it started building only to slow down again immediately afterward. But sure enough, a few more listens later, aaaaand...it grew on me. Not that I don't think it's one of the weakest songs - I'm still not overly crazy about it - but I just like it now. I got used to it, and I like it for what it is. It's harmless. Prediction: I'm really hoping this doesn't qualify due to it being my least-favorite song in the second semifinal. If it somehow qualifies, it'll be at the cost of a song I enjoy more, so it goes without saying, right? And so far, it's looking like it's not gonna happen, so that's good. I don't think I'll need to worry.

Song: Truth Country: Azerbaijan Thoughts: And we come to the first of my "borderline favorites", which are songs I really like and could become favorites in the final after actual favorites fail to qualify. I have a tendency to like Azerbaijan's entries, and this one is no exception! What's interesting about this song for me is that I kinda like the verses more than the chorus....if that makes sense? It's still got a good chorus, but the thing that sticks out to me the most about this song is the lyrics. I find them relatable in some ways, or at the very least, were relatable in the past. It can be HARD to resist a crush, especially when it grows, and when the person you have feelings for is dangerous in one way or another, you gotta tell yourself over and over to stay away, stay away, it's not worth it. Keep cool under pressure. They want to break you. Easier said than done, right? Also, this song gets points from me for being energetic and not angsty and whiny about it. Pretty much my only nitpick with it is that I'm still not 100% sure what the chorus is saying...I've come up with "Shut up and ride it", "Shut up and ride in", and "Shut up, I'm right here", before finally settling on the last one. XD (Last minute edit: Apparently it’s “Shut up about it”? I don’t hear that at all. O.o) Prediction: Should qualify without much problem. I know, I know, I said that last year too and that didn't happen, but this one's more popular! It's gonna qualify, and Azerbaijan will be back in the final! As for how well it'll place, errr...on the left side of the board, at least. Maybe JUST outside the top ten, since that's how their last few entries (before last year) have done.

Song: Like It Country: Belarus Thoughts: Something I'm gonna be doing a lot of in this post is talking about lyrics. It's true that good and/or relatable lyrics can make a song better for me, plus in Eurovision, stuff like that is completely optional, so it's a treat when we get it. Songs that tell a story are especially likely to win points from me...and then there's stuff like this that has none of that, and yet I absolutely love it anyway. Yeah...as this song shows, the most important part of music is the music. You can have a song that's basically about nothing and I'll be unable to get enough of it if it has a good beat to it, like this does! This song is sooooooo catchy!! I can't understate that! I felt like it had ingrained itself in my mind after only three or four listens! I feel like I'm almost addicted to this song! So, while lyrics I like can help my opinion of a song, what REALLY makes or breaks a song for me is how it sounds, and this one right here is one of my favorites this year just because I have SO much fun listening to it. That's all there is to it, really! Prediction: Barely any of my favorite songs are especially popular, as I've learned...but at least with this one, I can kiiiiiinda understand why it won't be everyone's cup of tea? I'm still obviously rooting for it, and I'll likely freak out if it manages to qualify, but I won't be holding my breath for it. I just wanna have my happy catchy song in the final, OK? XD I don't predict it'll have much of a chance, though...

Song: Wake Up Country: Belgium Thoughts: I didn't have a big reaction to this song when I first heard it, but I had the sneaking suspicion that it'd end up growing on me...and I was right! It's still not a standout, but I enjoy listening to it whenever it comes on. It has a good chorus, nice lyrics, and uh, yeah! Not much to say here, I just like it! Prediction: I'm not sure about this one...I guess I'll say it'll qualify? It's in the weaker semifinal, in my opinion, so it has a chance! It just needs to stand out a bit more...Maybe the staging will help it?

Song: The Dream Country: Croatia Thoughts: ...I wanna make fun of this song so much, but I know I'd just be lying to myself...Yes, this song is incredibly cheesy. A song about how you "dream of love" is way up there on the cheese meter, and this song is taking itself way too seriously....but GOSHDANG IT I like this flipping song! I can't help it! This is Eurovision, I've heard MUCH worse than this (looking at you, "Our Choice")! And the man can sing, OK? Those high notes, just...so good! He's giving it everything he has, to the point where he seems 100% sincere. Like this IS his dream, and he's gonna belt it out to the world to hear! I can't be annoyed at a song that sounds this good, no matter the subject matter... This might not be one of my favorites, but it's definitely my number one guilty pleasure this year. Prediction: Pffffttt, like this song has any chance in such a strong semifinal. XD

Song: Replay Country: Cyprus Thoughts: If I could sum up this song in one sentence it'd be this: Its title fits it. Why? Because it's just "Fuego" again. I'm not kidding, it's literally just "Fuego" with a different melody and a worse instrumental. Now, I don't think it was intentional - I'm not outright accusing Tamta of ripping off Eleni, that'd be dumb. But it still SOUNDS like a ripoff, is my point. It's not a good look. I really loved "Fuego", so having this the very next year, I couldn't help but be slightly disappointed...not that I dislike this song, I don't! I like it just fine! It's fun and upbeat, and I find myself getting into it sometimes! But the point still stands. I would like this song a LOT more if I had just heard it on its own and had never heard "Fuego" before. That's how it is, sorry...It's still a fun song, I'm not gonna deny that! Prediction: This song is currently pretty popular despite those things about it, so yeah, this is gonna qualify. I kinda don't want it to do THAT well in the final, but I can easily see this cracking the top ten.

Song: Friend Of A Friend Country: Czech Republic Thoughts: Eh, there's not really a lot to say about this one. It's...it's fine. I don't really find it that memorable, though. In fact, I might call this the most forgettable song this year, even though it’s still kinda fun. Because at least the songs I like less than it stand out to me by being the worst songs in my opinon. This one's just kinda there, like a song that exists just to fill time. If you like this song, that's fine! It's not bad! It's just...not that good, either. But maybe that's just me. I don't relate to the lyrics at all, so...eh.  XD Prediction: I really hope this doesn't qualify...there are so many better songs that deserve it more, even in the weaker semifinal...But as for an actual prediction, I honestly have no idea. A lot more people are paying attention to it than I thought, so maybe I'm just an idiot! Umm...I'll say that...it'll qualify, just by virtue of nothing else really sounding like it (See, I can be nice to songs I'm indifferent to!) Maybe it'll stand out more than I give it credit for. It won't be a big favorite, though, and especially won't be as big a hit as last year's Czech entry was.

Song: Love Is Forever Country: Denmark Thoughts: This is a cute song! Sometimes, that's all I need to like a song, but my favorite thing about this song is that there's MORE to it than just being cute. It also pushes a positive message! So, I could call it preachy for that, but I just can't. You can if you want, but I've heard a LOT worse than this. All this song is saying is that love is for everyone, and that's all! Don't think too hard about it! The lyric that makes this song for me is actually "Don't get too political" - it's quick, but it gets everything across perfectly. Because of that line, I know that this isn't a song trying to push some sort of agenda on you, and is actually discouraging getting up in arms over politics about something as simple as love. And then there's the last bit, where she switches between four different languages to get the point across, and it sounds really seamless! Overall, this is a really sweet song, but it didn't get as big a reaction outta me as the last few Danish entries have gotten. That's a really high standard, though. Oh no, Denmark aren't in my top 7 for the fourth year in a row? What a travesty! XD Prediction: Hmmm...I'm thinking this'll qualify. It isn't a front-runner by any means, but I think people will resonate with it. Sadly, this'll probably be at the cost of another song I like, but so be it. In the final, I don't think it'll stand out as much, probably placing around the middle of the board.

Song: Storm Country: Estonia Thoughts: Ooh, this is a really good one! Part of me wishes I could rank this song higher, but I can't due to how much I love all my favorites and borderline favorites. Still, this is a solid hit from Estonia. Great Aviici-like vibe, nice uplifting lyrics, and a great, energetic chorus...what's not to like? This is the type of song I listen to when I'm in a rut and need something to assure me that I'll be safe and sound. Oddly enough, there was a song called "Storm" last year that was about kinda the same thing...I liked that one, but this one is way better. Prediction: Obviously, I want this to qualify. And I do think it has a chance to! I won't be GUTTED if it doesn't, since it's not an absolute favorite of mine (and it's in the same semifinal as my number one favorite, so that's gonna be my priority mostly XD), but I'd appreciate if it did. More people need to hear this song. And Estonia have a good track record (when they're not being outright robbed *cough*2017*cough), so I'll be optimistic and say this'll qualify. I don't think they'll top how good they did last year, though. But speaking of my number one favorite...

Song: Look Away Country: Finland Thoughts: There's something you should know...and it's YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH FINLAND!! WooooooOOOOOO!! I can't believe they topped last year, but they DID!! This song is so good it amazes me! ...Yeah, if it wasn't obvious, this is my favorite song of the bunch. This song is just.....WOW. It brings on an emotion that no other song this years brings, and it does it SO well. Darude makes dance music, and you even get some of that here. Never before has fear and desperation sounded so fun, without sounding happy! Lemme say that again: It's not a happy song at all, but it's FUN to listen to! It's like a grander version of the standard "morbid party song", and to get that from a guy who's mainly known as a meme nowadays!? This almost makes me feel bad for that...If he can make music like this, he deserves to be known for more. Actually, the fact that this song has been overshadowed by the Darude memes kinda bums me out...This is a song that SHOULD NOT be slept on. It's amazing in every way...even more once you listen to the studio version, which is even better. I say that because the official video is a live performance. Listen to the studio version. It's a lot clearer. Finland seriously knocked it outta the park with this one, I stand by that! Prediction: Ugh....once again, my favorite song isn't getting nearly enough attention...It happened last year with "Stones", another awesome song that I felt deserved more, but ended up not qualifying. That better not happen to this song! PLEASE NO! It's even in the weaker semifinal! It can do it! I believe! I belieeeeeve!! Just.....sound good live then as it does in the music video...or even better! I swear, if this song doesn't qualify, I'm gonna chalk it up to "lol it's Finland" and "lol it's Darude" and nothing else. Put Finland in the final, I'm BEGGING, Europe...even if they don't do well in the final, which they DESERVE to, but even if they don't....at least they'll be there. ...Oh yeah, prediction. Well, obviously, I'm biased! Screw it, I'm predicting it'll qualify! The betters have gotten a lot wrong! They underestimated Eugent Bushpepa, and they're underestimating this!

Song: Roi Country: France Thoughts: Ooooh boy, this song. This was, hands down, the biggest grower for me this year. When I first heard it, my reaction was "It sounds fine, but it doesn't stand out all that much"...well, that opinion lasted a couple days at BEST. Because, while reading YouTube comments, I found out exactly what this song was about, and I was won over. For those who don't know, the singer is gay, and the song is about how he loves this about himself, and how he doesn't care what people think. Because he's a king. "Roi" means "king" in French. Once I learned this, my opinion of this song skyrocketed, as I realized how much this song's message will mean to so many people who watch Eurovision, and how many will relate to it. "You put me in a box, want me to be like you"...It's arguably the most meaningful song this year, so..."Doesn't stand out all the much" my hind end, am I right? XD After that, the more I listened to it, the more I liked it. I like how seamlessly it switches between French and English, and overall, it just sounds good. That's true even disregarding the lyrics and the message. This song may not be one of my favorites, but it's in my top ten, and is my favorite entry from France for a long long time. Prediction: Unsurprisingly, this song has become quite popular, and I'm glad it has! I wouldn't be surprised if France places high! Top ten, maybe? I think the televoters will adore this song. Not sure about the juries, though.

Song: Keep On Going Country: Georgia Thoughts: What's the opposite of "growing on you"? Would that be, uh..."shrinking"? This song right here shrunk on me, as stupid as that sounds. I kinda liked it at first - good voice, could tell it was emotional - but it wore thin on me suuuuper quickly...I'm sorry to the people who like it, but I could care less about it now. Normally, I like a good emotional ballad as long as it's interesting, but this one...it just stagnated. It feels longer than it does. AND there are better ballads this year. The vocals are the only thing keeping this from being my least-favorite. And again, I don't dislike this song, I'm just indifferent to it. Prediction: At least I don't have to worry about this somehow making it to the final! Hahahaha no. It won't. XD

Song: Sister Country: Germany Thoughts: Yet another song that's carried by its lyrics! Yeah, music-wise, this isn't anything special. The harmonies are great, but other than that, yeah. But the lyrics...the story this song tells is really heartwarming. Two sisters (or possibly just friends) admitting to each other that they're tired of fighting and wanna make peace...it hits me pretty hard. Not to say I'm brought to tears over it - that was LAST year's German entry - but it still touches me, as someone who grew up constantly at odds with my own sister. We're very...VERY different people, but we care about each other...that's what I get from this song. And there are some very good lyrics in here. "You were walking right beside me,but I left no room for you", "Calling you my enemy, when my enemy's right here", stuff like that. Even if there are a lot of better songs, I like this song because it feels REAL. And it's not boring, either, so that's good! Prediction: Oof...I don't think Germany are gonna do that well this time. If you don't relate to this song like I do, it doesn't stand out very well...I'm thinking this'll place towards the bottom. Sorry...I wanted them to keep doing well after last year! But I got a bad feeling about this one.

Song: Better Love Country: Greece Thoughts: Greece stepped up their game this year! This is a darn good song. It grew on me in a big way. I love how unique the voice is here, it really helps it stand out. I like her voice a lot! And you gotta love a good bridge! That's probably the best part of the song! This isn't one of my favorites, but I can easily hear the appeal here, and I'm happy that it's popular. Prediction: I wanna say this'll qualify, but that's what I said about "Oniro Mou" too, which seemed to be a shoo-in as well, but...eh, I'm gonna count on that not happening two years in a row. I think this is a better song than that was, anyway. So...gonna expect Greece back in the final this year! Heck, maybe this song will end up doing better than we think it will...

Song: Az én apám Country: Hungary Thoughts: ...Why have there been so many dad songs in Eurovision lately? ...OK, so two last year and one this year doesn't really count as "so many", I know. It's just an interesting trend I've noticed. XD Nothing wrong with wanting to appreciate your dads, though! I'm here for the music! But anyway, Joci, Hungary's representative from 2017, is back! I didn't even realize this at first, but now I can pretty safely say that I like the guy. I liked "Origo", thought it was a really cool and unique song. This one, while I don't think it's as good, is also really nice to listen to. His voice makes this song for me, I like it a LOT. And I like how different it is from his last entry. It proves that he can do different things and he's not trying to make "Origo Part 2". I remember saying something similar about Alexander Rybak last year.  Instead of a song that's half rap, we got a slower, more acoustic song that still has a beat to it. I love the last bit especially. It's a great "clap along" moment. Of course, I've listened to it with English subtitles now, and I think the lyrics are pretty touching, so that's a bonus. Prediction: I think this'll qualify. Hungary have been pretty consistent the past few years, and this song isn't nearly forgettable enough to stop that momentum. I don't think it's a front-runner by any means, but it'll at least make it to the final.

Song: Hatrið mun sigra Country: Iceland Thoughts: Well, this is certainly something different for Eurovision! Gotta say, I think I respect this song more than I LIKE it. Screaming has never been my thing, ever. I can tolerate it in small doses, but when a song is MOSTLY screaming, I usually won't like it. So, I thought that'd be the case here. But luckily it did grow on me a bit! It started when I noticed how good the instrumentation was, and started getting used to the screaming instead of cringing at it. It's FAR from my favorite, but that's all genre preference stuff and nothing against it. And c'mon, it's INTERESTING! If you ask me, one of the best things about it is how NOT Eurovision it is! Not just in a musical sense, but even the subject matter - I looked up the translation and hoo boy, did I never expect a song about hatred prevailing and destroying Europe to be in this cheery song contest. And I can't call it a downer because it's sooooo over-the-top with it! I feel like there's so much to dislike about this song, but I can't find it in me to do so! Like I said, it's interesting. (And it's certainly miles above Iceland's entry last year, which I didn't like at all) Prediction: And apparently Europe thinks it's interesting too, because this screamo song is currently in the top 10 picks for the winner in the betting odds. That completely baffles me...But at least I can safely say that it'll qualify for the final due to all the attention it's getting? Not sure if all of it's positive, though...However, songs with vocals like this often sound WORSE live, so either this song'll crash and burn badly, or it'll give Iceland their best showing since 2013, either or!

Song: 22 Country: Ireland Thoughts: This is yet another grower that I've taken to so much that I wish I could rank it higher! It's a really solid song that not only tells a story about trying to move on, but has an upbeat tone that contrasts with that in JUST the right way! It's decently catchy, too! I'm happy that I can enjoy an Irish entry this much, since I haven't in a couple years. Prediction: When I first heard this song, my first thought was "Wow, Ireland are actually trying this year! I think this might actually qualify! They did last year with a boring song that was carried by its staging, so qualifying with this should be easy!" ...buuuuut then I heard the rest of the songs and...yeah, I WISH this had a chance, but the competition is SO strong, especially in its semifinal. It'll be only the second song performed, too...I'd love to hear this in the final, but I won't be hurting too bad if it doesn't make the cut. It's not one of my favorites, I just like it a lot.

Song: Home Country: Israel Thoughts: I find that ballads tend to be growers for me when they don't leave a big first impression. If a ballad has good vocals, and it builds, it can win me over. Like this song! This song is not one of the more notable growers this year, but it's still a grower nonetheless. It's one of the slowest songs of the bunch, but it manages to not be boring, which is something I always like saying. Slow songs ARE NOT always boring. I love this man's voice a LOT. The second verse in particular is where it picks up for me. It sounds like something out of a musical...um, not that I'm normally a musical fan, it's just an observation. It's understandable that Israel wouldn't wanna win two years in a row, so sending a nice ballad like this was a good move. Something good, but not crazy unique...yeah, that probably wasn't intentional, whatever. XD Prediction: I have no idea how this song will do...I can see it being seen as forgettable, but since there aren't many songs like this this year, will that mean it'll technically stand out MORE...? Hmmm...Whatever the case, I can't see this on the top half of the scoreboard, especially with its competition.  

Song: Soldi Country: Italy Thoughts: If there's one thing I've learned from the last few years, it's that Italy REALLY wanna win this dang contest. Their entries have been consistently awesome (well, ALMOST consistently, I remember one misstep), and they STILL haven't done it! Makes me feel kinda bad, especially considering they really should've had it two years ago...but eh, I've complained about that one enough. The point is, the Italians keep on trying, and here they are at it again with this song right here! This isn't one of my favorites, but I can definitely hear the appeal here, although I'm not quite sure what it's about, even after looking up the translation...I think it's about people who pretend to care about you, but only want your money, which...yeah, I could see people relating to that. Still, it's fun and catchy, and I could totally try to sing along to this if I knew Italian. I think there are more fun songs this year, but I still like it! Prediction: Once again, the Italian entry is one of the betters' favorites, and I can see this doing pretty well in the final. I don't think this'll be the winner, but that might just be me comparing it to past Italian entries I liked more, hmmm...I wouldn't be opposed to it, though...? It'll at least be in the top ten, I feel.

Song: That Night Country: Latvia Thoughts: This is one of those songs that isn't even close to being a favorite, but still gets lodged in my head despite that! Last year, that happened with "Light me up, light me up, now baby", and this year, we got this song. This downbeat, simple song still manages to have a catchy chorus! It's weird, but true! I would NOT call this the catchiest song in the contest, not when the Belarusian, Polish, and Swiss entries exist, and really, it's only that one part in the chorus. But dang, I've caught myself singing "Lo-o-o-o-ove, where are you? Lo-o-o-o-ove, I need you" many times over the past month. XD But as a whole, this song's pretty sweet and kinda relaxing in a way, but nothing spectacular. Prediction: *ahem* No-o-o-o-o~! ...Sorry, I had to. Um, yeah, this song's not qualifying. Latvia's last entry was a lot better, and that one didn't do it, so this one's not gonna do it, either.

Song: Run With The Lions Country: Lithuania Thoughts: This song's pretty decent, but nothing special. I'm all for happy songs, but I feel like this one doesn't have as much energy as it should...Eh, maybe that's just me. I still like the lyrics, and the beat is fine. I like the little drumrolls during the chorus. It's just not too much of a standout for me....In that regard, it's a typical Lithuanian entry that I like, but don't love. Prediction: I wouldn't really count on this qualifying...It's in the (in my opinion) stronger semifinal, and could easily end up forgotten. But Lithuania have surprised me before, so maybe that'll happen again...? If they do end up qualifying, they will NOT do as well as they did last year, though. Not even close.

Song: Chameleon Country: Malta Thoughts: The pre-chorus of this song is sooooooo good! When life briiiiings you trouble, this I know~ We'll never walk away,nana~ Walk away, nana~ We are TEEEECHNICOLOR, watch us go~ Seriously, if the entire song was as good as that part, this could've been one of my favorites! And as it is, I still really like it. I love the concept of comparing "I can adapt to whatever you throw at me" to chameleons, I think that's really clever! I love stuff like that. It's true that I wish it had a stronger chorus than just "Chama-chameleon" a few times (which I can't help but mishear as "Karma Chameleon", shut up I like my 80s music), but that's only a nitpick. It's a strong entry, and good to see Malta still sending their best after getting robbed last year. Prediction: OK, THIS time, Malta will qualify! This has been rising in the betting odds a bit recently, and I'm happy it's gaining momentum! It's not one of MY favorites, but I still like it, and will look forward to it being in the final! As for how it'll do once it's there...I think it'll probably do pretty well?

Song: Stay Country: Moldova Thoughts: When you say something is your "second-favorite", it's sometimes not taken as a compliment, because it comes off as "Good, but not AS good as this other thing"! Well, here, it's completely the opposite. I LOVE this song so so so so so SOOOOO much, to the point where part of me wishes I COULD call it my favorite. Whenever it comes on, it FEELS like my favorite! This song leaves such an impression on me, and I can't really put into words why...It's just...everything works! I feel a lot of the same emotions from this as from my second-favorite last year, "Mall", in that there's so much raw emotion in the way it's sung, and that just elevates it to a whole new level to me...It sounds weird, but its true: The vocals are incredible here. But my favorite thing about this song is that it BUILDS. HOLY CRAAAAAP DOES IT BUILD. It gets bigger and bigger with each part, and it's soooo effective! And it all caps off with this SUPER AMAZING part with the drums, before the key change kicks in, just, MMMMMMMM, good flipping stuff!! Again, putting my love of this song into words is really difficult, just like it was with "Mall", so I guess the short version is: It gives me feels. And if a song gives me good feels, I'll love it. Prediction: As much as I wanna say the same thing as I did with Finland's entry here, I really can't. I COULD call this song underrated, but this might also be a case of knowing that it's...just me. Moldova are known for sending over-the-top, silly stuff, which this song is far from. And emotional powerbombs like this song aren't as popular, though they CAN be....I dunno, I WANNA be optimistic here, and say it'll qualify, but looking at how overlooked it is, I just can't do it....The second semifinal is chalk full of strong songs, so the chances of this one making it...I'll just have to pray that it's staged beautifully, or else...As it is, it's not looking so good. How I react depends on how Finland does in the first semifinal. But right now, I've mostly accepted the fact that my opinion of this song is in the minority, and that it...p-probably...won't...qualify...But at least I'll keep loving it.

Song: Heaven Country: Montenegro Thoughts: Guess what? Yet another unpopular opinion! I personally really like this song, and don't understand why a lot of people don't care for it. I have no problem with it! I like happy songs, and this one's got a unique sound to it that makes it stand out. Not to mention, I adore the vocals here! Especially the female vocals, I think those voices are gorgeous. I mean, I GUESS it's a little repetitive? But the repetition doesn't bother me one bit, especially compared to stuff like "Do It For Your Lover". Like I said waaaaayyy up there about Belarus' entry, lyrics aren't everything in a song. Sometimes all it takes is sounding good, and that's true here. I dare say this is one of my favorite songs from Montenegro for quite a few years! Prediction: Dead last in the betting odds, a country that doesn't have a good record with qualifying...Yeah, this song's probably doomed. I'd be pleasantly surprised if it qualified, though!

Song: Arcade Country: The Netherlands Thoughts: Well, I wasn't as surprised at this year's pre-contest favorite as much as last year's, that's for sure! This is a good darn song. My favorite thing about it is definitely its lyrics. Comparing a hopeless love to an arcade of all things? That's something I've never thought of before, and it flipping WORKS! It's crazy! Maybe it just works for ME since I'm a gamer with a crush, but  still! "Loving you is a losing game" is one of the best lyrics in the contest this year, I stand by that. XD Sure, the song starts off slow, but the chorus is worth the buildup. Especially the final chorus!  It took a few listens for me to take notice of the brilliance here, and I still wouldn't call it one of the standout songs for me personally, but I totally understand this song's popularity. Prediction: I could very well see this being our winner, unless some other song ends up usurping it live. Since it's not one of my favorites, I can't really say I'm rooting for it (of the top-ranked songs, I'm definitely team Sweden, and even prefer Switzerland too), but I certainly wouldn't mind it! The Netherlands haven't won in a suuuuuuuper long time! I still wouldn't put all my coins in this slot though (heehee), since things could always change...for now, all I'm predicting is that this song will qualify for the final, and place in the top ten.

Song: Proud Country: North Macedonia Thoughts: This is a pretty good ballad. I like it. It's not outstanding, but I don't think it's trying to be. It's going for the "simple yet effective" approach. Like any good ballad, it has strong vocals, and its message is pretty good too, letting you know that being proud and standing up for yourself is a-OK! Despite those praises however, I can't say it stands out all the much...I mean, I GUESS it's one of only a few ballads this year, but still...It kinda gets lost in the shuffle to me, which has sadly been a trend with the Macedonian entries the past few years... Prediction: This song is more popular than I thought it'd be, but Macedonia have suuuuuch bad luck at Eurovision that I STILL can't be positive this'll qualify. Especially since it's in the second semifinal - in my opinion, the stronger one. If it does qualify, good for them, but...I kiiiiinda hope it won't? I mean, I like it, but the second semifinal has such good stuff in there that this qualifying could come at the price of a song I like more....but eh, it's still a good enough song. If it does make it to the final, I don't see it placing that highly, though. This won't be another "Crno I Belo", is what I'm getting at.

Song: Spirit In The Sky Country: Norway Thoughts: One of my favorites! This is a song that I thought was cool the first listen, and amazingly awesome now. The best way I can describe it is...it's to this year what "Higher Ground" was last year - it has that atmosphere to it that just gives you chills, and I LOVE songs that can do that! Granted, I don't think this song is QUITE as effective as "Higher Ground" was, and there are definitely differences in that this song is more poppy than that was, but it's still an achievement! A song that has a magical quality to it while also having a boppin' beat! Oh, and the vocals on this are excellent, too. And the "joiking" is super cool, and...everything here comes together perfectly! This is one of the best songs this year, and I will go down defending it! Prediction: This is thankfully one of my two favorites I won't have to worry about in the semis (the other being Sweden). This song's getting a lot of attention, for good reason, and even though it's fallen a BIT in the betting odds when I last checked it, I'm still not worried about it in the slightest. Norway's good to go this year! I'll even predict a top ten finish here because I'm just that optimistic!

Song: Fire Of Love (Pali się) Country: Poland Thoughts: So, you know how I feel about scream-singing.....how about yell-singing? That's a unique thing that we don't get often, although it's tradition in a lot of places I understand...This is the kind of thing that not everyone's gonna like, but...I really like this song. It's one of my borderline favorites. It just sounds so goshdang happy, and that beat is infectious! This is one of the catchiest songs this year, right up there with Belarus' song. The unique vocals really add to it, too - I feel that if it was sung normally, I wouldn't like it as much. Stuff like this can be hit or miss with me, so I'm happy this one's a hit. Poland's taking a risk this year, and I hope it works out for them! Prediction: Hoo boy, this song's gonna be devisive...It's currently pretty low in the betting odds, so I'm honestly not expecting it to qualify. It all hinges on how it sounds live, I guess...as a fan, I really hope I'm proved wrong, but I wouldn't mind losing this one if my two favorites in the first semifinal make it through and it doesn't.

Song: Telemóveis Country: Portugal Thoughts: Like the Australian entry, this song confused me when I first heard it...even moreso since I didn't understand the lyrics. XD But it interested me, with its unique instrumentation, and after looking up the translation, I like it more now! I like the story it tells! Even beyond that, I think it sounds pretty good. I normally don't gravitate towards this kind of music, so coming across something like this and enjoying it was something I didn't expect at all. The downside of this song is that it wears on me if I listen to it too much, however, so it's not toward the top of my list...But still, good work Portugal, this is yet another entry from you I like! Keep it up! Prediction: I'm predicting that Portugal will qualify this year. Like I said before, nothing else sounds like it, and not in a bad way, so I can see it leaving a reasonable impact. The betting odds agree with me on this one. Not sure how well it'll do once it's in the final, though...

Song: On A Sunday Country: Romania Thoughts: This is a song that I know by heart, despite it not being a favorite. It's got a mesmerizing beat that makes me wanna sway along every single time, what can I say? I like how it slowly builds, but I also like how it sounded at the beginning with the guitar. The lyrics are great, too. It's about being unable to move on from a past love. This song won't be for everyone, but I think it's a good one. Prediction: Now that we know that it IS in fact possible for Romania to not qualify, I'm....honestly not sure about their chances. I believe that their last entry was a better song, and that just BARELY didn't make it...plus, it's in a very solid semifinal. Hmmm...I'll say that...it sadly won't qualify. Going off the betting odds for this one, since I have no idea otherwise. I can see people thinking it's a bit too plain of a song...Maybe Moldova will help, maybe it won't be enough...If it does qualify, I'll be pretty happy, though!

Song: Scream Country: Russia Thoughts: Last year, Russia failed to qualify for the final for the first time ever. THIS year, they're not playing around. They brought back the guy who won the televote in 2016, Sergey Lazarev! Naturally, I was excited about this, since at this point, I think I can safely call "You Are The Only One" one of my favorite Eurovision entries EVER. It's up there, at least! This song, however, isn't as good, but only due to the bar being set too high. XD This is a great song! It's very hard-hitting and emotional, with great lyrics about fighting inner demons...I mean, c'mon, after loving the heck outta "Monsters" last year, it should be obvious right now that I like songs about that, right? However, even with all the praise I can sing about this song, it's not one of my favorites. Only due to competition, though! Prediction: This is easy!  This is one of the favorites to win! It's currently up there with the Netherlands! I have a hard time deciding which of those two I like more...I think this one? But I'd be fine with either or. But the point is, it's gonna qualify and do really well in the final. This is a top ten song! ...I say top ten to be safe. I've been doing that after what happened two years ago. XD I could very well see this winning if it's performed well, though! And I'd be fine with it!

Song: Say Na Na Na Country: San Marino Thoughts: This song is SOOOO much fun, oh my god! It's amazing just how much better this is than the last time Serhat was in Eurovision! "I Didn't Know" was a song I could only like ironically, and now he gives the world THIS! You can still easily tell it's him - his voice is distinct - it's just that now he's not trying to be smooth, he's trying to have fun. And oh boy does it work! What's funny is that this is yet another "Let's cut loose and have a good time" song, and I like it SO much more than Lithuania's entry in that regard. It's  more upbeat, and it's got so much more going for it! Yes, it's goofy, and yes, it's not deep at all, but it's not trying to be. Just listen to Serhat's ridiculous voice and have a good time. If this were a weaker year, this could've been a borderline favorite for me, but since there are quite a few songs I happen to like more, I can't rank it any higher. Prediction: Yeeeeaaaahhh....no. From what I've seen, the people who like this song REALLY love it, but it won't be enough to get San Marino in the final. I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong, but I don't think that's gonna happen unless something really crazy happens. I'll be perfectly fine with seeing it once live, but it's not final material for sure.

Song: Kruna Country: Serbia Thoughts: Oh my god, the pipes on this lady! What a voice! What an amazing voice! And the way the song builds after the first chorus, mmmm, good stuff! Yeah, this is another song that I wish I could rank higher. I'm always so focused on my favorites, and whenever this song comes on I think "Oh yeah, this song exists and is really really good!" I get that reaction from a few songs, but this is definitely one of the bigger examples of that. I really do adore this one. I love the lyrics, too. It's just a declaration of love and devotion, simple as that, and daaaaang does she sell it! Prediction: This is pretty low in the betting odds, but I honestly still think it has a fair chance of qualifying. Serbia have a pretty good track record, and this is a solid entry from them. This song could end up creeping up on people and winning them over like it did me!

Song: Sebi Country: Slovenia Thoughts: And we come to my least-favorite song this year...Gotta put the mandatory "sorry if you like it" comment here before saying that...this just isn't my thing. I obviously do have the ability to like downbeat stuff, but this just doesn't do it for me. The singer sounds half-asleep, and if the singer doesn't sound interested in what she's singing, why should I be? I know there are people out there who like that type of vocal (my dad does, off the top of my head), but I'm not one of those people. This gets absolutely no reaction out of me whatsoever. Maybe I'd like it more if I could understand the lyrics? ...But on the other hand, the fact that it's in Slovene is arguably the most interesting thing here, so I dunno about that. And y'know what? I'll say this: If this is the worst Eurovision 2019 has to offer, than that's a pretty good thing! Because this is FAR from the most boring song to come out of this contest. Heck, this isn't even the worst Slovenian entry I've ever heard, either. There ARE times where it feels like I could almost come close to liking it, mainly due to the instrumentation, and that's more that I could say about my least-favorites from previous years. The last three years there's been one That One Song that I can't stand, and this doesn't even come close to that. I'll take indifference to that any day. Prediction: I wish I could say this has no chance of qualifying, but I think it does...Seeing it getting more attention from the betters than the songs from the first semifinal that I actually love is mildly upsetting. But since I don't feel anything either way for it, I guess it being in the final would be...fine. As long as I get stuff I like alongside it.

Song: La Venda Country: Spain Thoughts: FUN! I like fun songs! And I like how many fun songs there are this year! Dang, this is a good one...just a solid burst of energy, the kind of music you listen to for a good pick-me-up. When I hear this song, I don't hear someone trying to win a competition, I hear someone just wanting to party! There's not really much else to say, because I think that about sums it up. It's a lot of fun and makes me smile! Eurovision in a nutshell, really. Spain's entry last year didn't leave much of an impression on me (to the point where it took me a couple moments to remember what it was), but I have a feeling that won't be the case this year. Prediction: Like I said, this is just a happy feel-good song, not winner material, but I really do think Spain could got outta their bad streak with this. It's been getting a fair amount of attention, and it definitely stands out! This is the most solid Spanish entry for quite a while, and I think many people agree with me on that.

Song: Too Late For Love Country: Sweden Thoughts: Feels great to have Sweden back in my top 5, since the last time that happened was with "Heroes"! Their entries can be flipping incredible, and this song is just THAT! HOOOOOLY CRAP this song is SOOOO GOOD! Like with Moldova above, I can't even articulate everything I like about this song! I'll try though...*ahem* Good singer! Great lyrics! The way the song comes alive at the chorus JUST as the lyrics get the most uplifting! Not to mention those two simple words, "HEAR ME!" carrying so much weight...And the flipping CHOIR, my god, it fits in perfectly and adds so much! It's SUCH a big song, such a grand declaration of love, and I'm a sucker for everything in it! What's more to say? I love this song! It's very solidly my third favorite in the contest, and, no joke, my favorite Swedish entry since the famous "Euphoria". Not sure how many people will agree with me on that. XD Prediction: It should come as no surprise that out of the betters' favorites, this one is my favorite, though being ranked fifth doesn't mean it's an absolute front-runner once the contest starts...Still, I'm team Sweden all the way! I'm not expecting this to be the winner, but anything less than the top five doesn't do this song justice. And, well, at least I won't have to worry about this one not qualifying, unlike my top two!

Song: She Got Me Country: Switzerland Thoughts: And we come to the last of the big favorites! The one that nearly EVERYONE on YouTube has in their top five, and honestly...I can see why! This song is a ton of fun, simply put. It's catchy and has great instrumentals that make you wanna dance along! But, uh...I can't be the only one who liked Switzerland's last entry better, right...? They actually sent my favorite song last year...So there was no way this song was gonna live up to that for me. XD I loved "Stones", and it didn't make it to the final. The fact that this one is getting so much attention COULD bother me for that reason, but it doesn't. I can recognize a really fun song when I hear one, and this is just that. Not only that, but with how Switzerland's record is, ANY entry of theirs getting this popular is a treat! It could've been overlooked, but it hasn't, because it's just that good! Prediction: This song would have to sound REALLY bad live in order to not qualify. XD And I'm not counting on that to happen! Welcome back to the final, Switzerland! In fact...I hope I don't eat my words for this, but...This might end up being their most successful showing of the 2010s...There's not much competition for that, mind you, so I'm pretty much just saying "They'll do better than they did in 2014". Yeah. XD

Song: Bigger Than Us Country: United Kingdom Thoughts: And we finally come to the last song...and daaaaang is it a good one! Yeah, believe it or not, the UK's entry is one of my favorites this year! I LOVE this song! It takes the sincere cheesiness of Croatia's entry and pumps it full of everything I love about Sweden's entry, if that makes sense - the vocals on this are incredible, and the buildup is one of the best! This song gets bigger and bigger as it goes, until it reaches the point where it doesn't JUST feel like love is the thing that's bigger than us, but also this song. Whenever I listen to this song, I feel nothing but joy. Complete and utter joy. Maybe this song isn't as technically impressive as, say, "Never Give Up On You", but for me, this is the absolute biggest reaction I've gotten out of one of the UK's entries since 2014. Good. Flipping. Stuff. Prediction: Sadly, I feel like this song's not gonna do as well as it deserves...The UK have struck out with the televoters the past couple years and it's really brought them down. I hope this'll be the year that trend is broken, but given how strong the competition is....eeeehhh...Maybe they'll do better than last year? But any more than that, I dunno...It's sad, since this is one of my favorites, but at least I won't be surprised....unless it does unexpectedly well! In that case, sure, I wouldn't mind being surprised! ^^

And that's all of 'em! Are you still here? Did you read all of that? If you did, good work, I applaud you. XD I'm definitely a rambler. But here's the part that really matters: my ranking!

Favorites:

1. Finland 2. Moldova 3. Sweden 4. Norway 5. UK 6. Belarus 7. Armenia

Borderline Favorites:

8. Poland 9. Azerbaijan 10. France 11. Estonia

Like:

12. Switzerland 13. Serbia 14. San Marino 15. Croatia 16. Ireland 17. Russia 18. Malta 19. Spain 20. Netherlands 21. Montenegro 22. Romania 23. Hungary 24. Italy 25. Belgium 26. Greece 27. Cyprus 28. Denmark 29. Albania 30. Germany 31. Israel 32. Iceland 33. Lithuania 34. Latvia 35. Portugal 36. North Macedonia 37. Australia 38. Austria

Indifferent:

39. Czech Republic 40. Georgia 41. Slovenia