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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go! Spoiler-free again. I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon? Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed. Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post). Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next: Any bonuses? Oh, none! Phew. Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often. :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right. :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me? Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings? As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew. Bracing myself. That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along? Or leave her back there with her meta freakout? Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas. (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing. Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great. I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not. That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade. Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick?? I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands. Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip?? Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness. Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice. And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress. Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings? I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes. PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too. (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock. Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design. --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh. Cool!

Hero outfit, understated... her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases. Works well! (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough. Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys. I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this. (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes. Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here??? No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7. That’s fucking disappointing. How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads? She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2. Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected. This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew. It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk. --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood. Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright. You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed. :(

> ==>

...okay you know what? Never mind. That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much? We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn. :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity? That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks? Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips? And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK. You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave. Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something. Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!?? Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE??? FUCK you. Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I. There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm. Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”. I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right? She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop. I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering? Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah. A little worse than my casual list, huh? Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all. Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C. :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though. I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation. Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

--Oh right. I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you. That’s good to remember. But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years. :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT. I should have read one line further. They DID bring her. Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her. ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of. And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding. Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard. Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8! Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected. Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers #shoutyourporpoise

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heademptyhero · 5 years

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i’ll follow you into the dark

after a long session of training with bakubro and tsuyu- tsu, I mean, we all went back to the dorms to study. bakugou was helping me learn our Italian vocabulary. well, more like help me even focus in the first place. i may have been a little... distracted by a fact midoriya had told me earlier. he had explained to me how the star beetlegeuse would appear extra bright tonight. “im gonna say it one. more. damn. time, shitty hair. if by the end of tonight you don’t know how to say your birthday in Italian , I WILL be the one to swan dive out the fucking window.” he looked at me with his fake angry face. at this point in our friendship, i know ALL his poker faces. this was one of them. he furrowed his eyebrows in an attempt to portray Mr. Tough Guy, but he just looked silly. of course with his massive ego, i would never tell him that. “im sorry, bro! i can’t control the hyper fixation! midoriya told me about a super bright star that’s visible tonight, and i can’t focus clearly.” he just looked at me for a minute, but with an actually genuine emotion this time. but i have no clue what. “tell you what. if you can say your entire birth date and how old you are by 11:00 pm, we will go outside and look at the fucking stars. deal?” “YES! DEAL!!”

shitty hair doesn’t know how to fucking learn. im beginning to be convinced he ACTUALLY has hair for brains. it took him six tries just to say his favorite food. each time he answered with car brands. the only way I could get him to comprehend what I was saying was to literally draw it out as a villain battle. and so as soon as I did that, the dumbass finally got it. “HA! i did it! and it’s only-“ he looked at the clock and unhappily cut his sentence short. “it’s past curfew, dang it! ah well, guess we’ll have to wait til the next astronomical anomaly.” he had a horribly sad face on, and tried to hide it with a toothy smile. i couldn’t stand to look at him like that, so I looked away and spoke without thinking; “we can sneak out...” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, his face lit up. i could tell that kirishima had never been the kind to sneak out and do things slyly. and honestly, neither am I. but I have a reputation to withhold and a dumbass to please.

bakugou grabbed my arm and pulled me out to his deck. “uh, why are we out here? hello? bakugou??? bro????” he stood there with a stupid grin lit up by the lamp next to him. “just... hold on tight.” “dude what are you-“ the blonde moved behind me and stuck his arm around my waist in one swift motion. before i knew it, we were in the air. he had his left arm around me and his right arm being used as a motor wit his quirk, Iron Man style. I turned my head to look at him. His hair was being moved about by the wind, and he had an actual, genuine smile on his face. i may or may not have been staring, and immediately blushed and turned when he looked at me. our faces were inches apart... close enough to- no. stop thinking like that. just enjoy the- “HOLY SHIT! WE’ERE IN THE FUCKIN SKY!” “you just realized that?? right now???” i meant to tell him i was busy thinking about other things, but I ended up bursting his eardrums by letting out an unholy scream. “Calm down, hair for brains! Just a little further” he said, with a scarily calm tone of voice. I couldn’t help but notice he had a slight pink tint to his cheeks.

i could feel his eyes on me, and couldn’t help but turn red as a fucking Apple. as soon as we got near some random grass field, i lowered us down. when we finally hit earth again, shitty hair started laughing. at me. “What’s so fucking funny, shitty hair?” “HA! I’m sorry it’s just- HAHEHDFJCJ your- AA just look PFFGAHAHAHA!!!!” he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera, handing it to me. My hair was fucking fluffed up like a dog. I let out a string of curse words and tried to fix it. I knew I easily could with my quirk, but hair for brains was so,,, entertained. Any decent person wouldn’t want to wipe that dumbass smile off his face, right? right???

After laughing my ass off from bakugous unintentional makeover, we walked over to my favorite spot in the park. ...wait. i showed him a picture of me here as a kid. did he... recognize it? no- no! no way. I’m just overthinking, it’s a coincidence. has to be. I plopped down on the grass and sat with criss-crossed legs. “You look like a fuckin five year old, shitty hair.” He said this in his meanboyvoice, but his slight grin contradicted his words. I like when things I do make him happy. But like- that’s normal. I think. I casually look up at the sky, and I’m instantly captivated. I must have been looking up for a while, because I was weaned back into reality by bakubro half-yelling “sHiTtY hAiR!1!1” “oh sorry, bro! it’s just- the sky is so pretty tonight! Look, that one really bright star is called beetlegeuse! Like that American movie!”

after looking up at the fucking gas balls for a few minutes, shitty hair laid down to avoid craning his neck. He layed down his sweatshirt behind his head to act as a pillow. He put his head close to one side of it, so I took that as an invitation to lay on the other side of the sweatshirt, upside down. I had to admit, to myself at least, that the sky did seem different than usual. Maybe it’s because of the whole “astronomical anomaly” shit. Or maybe because I didn’t have another pair of eyes to guide mine to see the beauty of it.

“It’s scary, isn’t it? Knowing there’s an infinite amount of like, stuff. Out there.” I said this after noticing how peaceful bakugou had seemed. It was nice to see him like this for once. “I’m not afraid of anything, dumbass. It’s just some balls of gas and shit.” We were silent for a few minutes after that. It was a comfortable silence, though. Just having eachother there. “Are you like... scared of anything? You always seem so ‘let’s do this’ and ‘let’s try that’. makes me wonder if your brain has a fuckin filter on your actions sometimes.” That remark made me laugh. He was right, I suppose. “I try to do as much as I can while I can. I don’t like to think about it, but living the hero course of life, you never really know what could happen. besides, I’m not some like-fearless god!” This made him laugh. I love his laugh. It’s so full, and you can tell he’s smiling while doing so without even looking at him. “Well then what are you afraid of, smartass?” He says casually, in between laughter. I was quiet for a minute, and he seemed to notice. He turned over on his side to investigate my silence. I assumed that my face was red, because he started to laugh again. “What’s wrong, shitty hair? Embarrassed? Fine. You don’t have to tell me, but be ready for an extra ass kick at training...” “FINE! It’s just.. ha ha ha.” I trailed off into the type of laugh that one does alone. “I’ve always been... scared of like, the dark. I guess.” He stares at me for a few seconds, assuming I was joking. I tried to keep a straight face to show I wasn’t lying, but we both started chuckling at my statement. “It’s called nyctophobia, dumbass. You’re actually afraid of the dark? That’s funny, so is my three year old niece!” This made our chuckles turn into full out hysterics. “That... is not... fair!!!” I managed to say, through my laughter. We sat there, laughing for a while. Eventually I was able to try to get my point across. “I’m not kidding! And it’s not ‘nyctophobia’, either!” “Oh yeah? Then, what is it?” “Well I’m not sure! But phobia means it’s an irrational fear. Being scared of the dark is NOT irrational. Plenty of bad things can happen in the dark.” It seemed as if he was gonna say something, but cut himself off.

His hair was moving around in the wind, slowly losing its gelled up form. “Yeah. Well, a lot of good things can happen in the dark, too.” He turned to me, ready to hit me with a ‘that’s what she said’ joke, wiggling his eyebrows. “Oh come on, that’s not what I meant!” I tried to conceal my laughter with seriousness. But I find that extra hard to do around kirishima. shitty hair, I mean. He’s easier to... this sounds cliche. but it’s easier to break down the wall in my head that I built, the wall that blocks out any vulnerability. So i let myself laugh, and I let myself enjoy this moment. As kirishima says, I deserve it. If he says so, then it must be true. I took a deep breath. In, and out. It was strangely calming, being outside with nature and shit. “I know what you mean, bro. Like the stars! They live in a dark universe, but they’re still pretty fucking cool.” Yeah. pretty fucking cool.

I couldn’t help but notice a star that seemed to have an orange tint to it. “Hey bro, that star looks like you!” I tried pointing at it, but that obviously didn’t work out. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” Without thinking , I took his hand and put my head right next to his, to get an accurate answer for him. I formed his hand with his pointer finger out, and guided it to be directly under the baku-star. “Do you see it?” He nodded, with a serene expression. “It’s orange, like your hero suit!” All of a sudden, he sat up. Did I mess something up? Did that upset him? I didn’t mean to offend him. Great going kirishima, now he’s-

I could tell that he though my sudden movements were out of anger, so I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him into a sitting position, too. “I need to tell you something, kirishima. I- if you tell any of this to the other dufuses, you’re dead. Got it?” He looked at me, puzzled. His eyebrows were furrowed and his head was tilted. His actions like this often reminded me of a puppy. All energetic and shit. “Uh.. sure! Got it.” I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I shouldn’t have started this conversation. But it’s too late now.

he seemed very serious now. what could he want to tell me that he wouldn’t tell the rest of our friends? im nothing special. minas better at advice, sero can pay attention longer, denki- my thoughts were cut off by his words. “that one time when we were attacked, i guess I... didn’t hate fighting the villains with you.” is that... a compliment??? he seemed to be getting upset, and I wanted to see his smile again. hell, I needed to. “there’s been plenty of attacks bro, you’ll have to be specific!” luckily, this made him chuckle. “the USJ incident, dumbass. And you’re like, more tolerable than the others. They all pry to know how I’m feeling, and it gets fucking annoying as hell. But you don’t do that. Because somehow you can tell what I’m feeling, even when I can’t. And that’s, nice. I guess. How do you do that?” “You seem to have yourself... shielded? In a way? But they don’t know you the way I do. Wait! That sounds creepy. It’s just...” i tried thinking of the right way to convey my thoughts. eventually, i figured it out and subconsciously grabbed his hand. “They don’t see how much friend-tential you have!” Bakugou seemed confused by that statement, to say the least. “Friend-tential? The hell is that?” “You really are a good friend, bakubro! The other guys just don’t see that right away. I had to like, convince them so. But now they know! I’ve known all along, though. Katsuki bakugou has a soft spot!” I said that last part in a fake mocking tone, which made him angry yet happy again. “Shut up, shitty hair! But... thanks. Or whatever.” Did he just???? Thank??? Me?????

right after I let those words leave my mouth, I realized the grave mistake I made. He started smiling like an idiot and let out an exaggerated gasp. “No way! Did you really just say that?? To me?? My ears must be deceiving me!!!” He laughed for a few more seconds, then his face turned sincere again. “Well, you’re welcome, bakugo!” He then stood up, putting a hand out to help me up. I ignored his help, of course, and got up on my own. As soon as I did, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight bear hug. I was taken off guard, but eventually, loosely hugged him back. “You know, if you ever get tired of calling me shitty hair 24/7, you can call me eijiro!” This surprised me. I was touched by him saying that, but again, couldn’t let that be known. “I’ll stop calling you shitty hair when you stop building a mountain of hair atop your head!” He pulled away from the hug, laughing. Come back. Hug me again. No. Stop thinking about that, he can’t hug you forever. “If you want, you can call me katsuki. it’s an annoying ass name though, so I would get it if you didn’t want to.” This made his smile somehow even brighter than it was before. “Sure! Let’s see.... how about Kat! Like the candy, Kit Kat’s!” Hm. No one has ever called me that before. “I guess that works. Don’t wear it out though, or I’ll have to kill you.” He started backing up, arms thrown up in the air in a way of celebratory victory. “Oh, really? I’d like to see you try!” In one instance, he was standing in front of me in the grass, and a spilt second later he was darting in the opposite direction. “Get back here, shitty hair!” I screamed, as a started to chase him. The lil fucker was fast! He ran across the field, eventually going in circles. I was able to catch up to him with speed. Enough speed that when I caught up to him, I ended up tackling him to the ground. We layed there for god knows how long, just laughing our asses off. And fucking enjoying life.

after finally recovering from our fierce battle, i realized I had my arm around kats shoulder the whole time.

It’s finally the fucking weekend. The day after shitty hair and my “super adventure star bro time” (take a wild guess at who decided to call if that) we were both unhealthily tired during our classes. kirishima played it off well, as to not reveal we had left after curfew. He still had that bright-as-the-fucking-sun smile plastered on his face, but his eyes seemed groggy and tired. But still, no one noticed. Me on the other hand, was fucking dying. This caused me to accidentally say good morning back to deku. FUCKING. DEKU. he stuttered for a good ten seconds before passing out into half-and-half’s back, who turned around and caught him. even I can see how icyhot talks to deku differently. damn nerd is to oblivious for his own good.

Kat, Mina, sero, denki and i were sitting in the common room playing Mario kart, our usual Saturday activity. Denki was sitting Indian style on the couch, next to sero and I. Mina was laying across all of our laps, and kat was intensely perched on the arm rest. ready to pounce at any moment onto anyone who dared throw a green shell at him. The race ended with much screaming and even more shoving, displaying the score board: 1st: Princess Peach (mina) 2nd: Yoshi (kirishima) 3rd: Waluigi (sero) 4th: Bowser (denki) 5th: Baby Peach (Bakugou)

“HOW??? THE??? FUCK???” HOW DID I LOSE??? EVEN TO FUCKING DUNCE FACE?? “HA! I win again! Take that, you buffoons!” Mina shouted, beaming with annoying pride. I looked over to the three boys sitting on the couch, exchanging a mutual look of determination. All at once, they pushed Bug Eyes off of themselves, leaving her rolling off the couch. Ha. That’s what you get, ya fucking martian.

#kiribaku #bakushima #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #red riot #ground zero #mha #bnha #i love kirishima with my entire being #bakugou is bad at feelings #bakugou is iron man confirmed #guys stop gay panicking #guys seriously #just confess already dumbasses

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oleaspur · 5 years

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ummmwine replied to your post “zenkaiankoku replied to your post “i find it really interesting how...”

oh totally to all of that though, like, yeah i think ppl either smooth him over WAY too much &/or make him like, more stable than evan which is like??? they have Different Problems actually but connor is definitely the least okay / least okay to be around of all of them...but it's also like...clearly just as Off to interpret him as somebody who just acts out completely at random and is just Intensely Angry ALL THE TIIIME instead of yeah, him having this actual internal

OK im replying under the cut because this will be long but tl;dr YOURE RIGHT

process behind the stuff he does which like, from an outside perspective would clearly be unjustified or over the top or irrational etc etc etc...and tbh like interpreting him as like, slow to warm up to ppl and quick to draw back thx to paranoia or potentially actually sort of latching on to ppl too fast but it can also go sour rl quick All Thanks To Splitting is valid af and like!! we don't know cuz canon doesn't say anything about that kind of thing re him. liiiike

i think the difference between having a relationship w someone with something like depression and anxiety and with someone who has a disorder like bpd is that w/ depression and anxiety you can almost always take a step back. its not going to be the case that everything you do impacts them and that their response to your actions is going to be a public thing.. bpd for me at least is very loud. it takes up all the space it can possibly find, so every interaction Means something and every response you have to those interactions needs to serve some kind of a function and it needs to be Known. its why at least for me i tend to suffer more when i have close relationships with people, because youre constantly having that sort of connection. like im not saying its always a bad thing because the good times are! so good! but everything is horrible and intense All the time so it never feels like youre doing something wrong when youre acting out. its more like why DOESNT this matter to everyone else the way it should.

the splitting thing just makes so much sense to me because i used to be the kind of person who would say like , really awful things to my family as a result of it. i dont ever want people to think im justifying what connor supposedly did but i think there Should be an explanation beyond hes just ‘a bad person’ or Vaguely troubled. there is a genuine attempt to reach out to evan, however minor, and i think that its way more compelling to treat him as someone who Does crave genuine connection w people and is just unable to approach it in a healthy way than anything else

i don't think that reference to that particular incident with zoe is meant to be like "there's a specific canon answer to what issue made connor act like this" but like i can so see that being more of legit paranoia fueling that problem somehow and just...like hghh again out of all the senior kids he'd definitely have the most work to do before he'd be able to have a good relationship either in terms of on his own end or re the other person's end of it...like obviously

there's the violence which is like. number one Got To Get Rid Of That Asap mostly for other ppl's sakes but then like. figuring out how to deal w the underlying crap would be more for his sake. like god that all of them were in therapy but also connor's problems definitely seem intense enough that he could probably stand to look into being medicated instead of having to self medicate cuz i figure that's what he's trying to do even if its kind of backfiring sometimes...

definitely definitely.. i could say a lot about why i think having connor and evan (or jared i suppose but i havent thought about that so much) bonding initially and then it going downhill because of a lack of an actual understanding of each other’s issues (and then both learning and coping separately IN ORDER to build an actual relationship with each other) is more interesting and genuine feeling than them Immediately helping each other and it actually working. but it would be long..

they all need to See Someone. + obviously medication is never the be-all end-all of any kind of mh treatment but for me personally therapy was never useful UNTIL i was on medication that actually helped regulate my moods first. the sort of things they talked about were never feasible for me because my moods dropped SO fast and because just being told to do things was so infuriating.. and so on. i definitely agree w the self-medication part i usually see that as connor trying to deal as best he can w something that no one else seems to understand or struggle with. sometimes it seems like the best way of coping w things is to try and detach urself from it . obviously that isnt healthy at all but when u dont know how else to deal w ur problems u find your own solutions :(

ANYWAYS the point is that like. first of all projecting shit Is Valid And Who Cares Anyways but in this case its probably also more accurate than what ppl write when they have no experience with such intense and unmanageable things and stuff that you really can't quite imagine accurately unless you know it firsthand already. and godddddd a trope i cannot stand is like, the 'i just need one good relationship and that will fix things / inspire me to choose to be able to

handle this and voila! i am handling it" like!!! i LOVE good relationships being mutually helpful and with this cast it's easy to see how they'd clash cuz they all do in canon!! but it's also ughh so easy to see how they could all understand and help each other even tho their specific problems are different when u zoom in enough. and like it's cool as hell if a relationship helps you / motivates you but it's not gonna fix everything and it shouldn't!! and like yeah with

connor i really see his shit as being involved in / close to the clinical psychotic types of issues. which yknow, people REALLY don't tend to know how to write if they don't have lived experience or really do a lot of good research anyways. like badly written anxiety is still probably gonna be closer to the mark than badly written delusions or smthing, idk. but anyways i am going ON AND ON and the point is. bpd connor is valid as fuck and i love that perspective on him

YEAH i think when i was younger i fell into that kind of writing as a sad sort of wish-fulfilment thing because it makes sense to want things to be that way. but its not helpful to people who relate to those characters, or realistic/healthy to want that sort of solution because it just doesnt exist

i think with personality disorders especially its hard because to a certain extent its like... it inhabits you. i was SO worried that once i started being able to deal w my mental health issues i would stop being a real person because like. it informed Everything in terms of how i approached the world. its hard to write something like that but like.. it all makes sense in your head. you have your own internal justification for everything even if you never reason it out and even if you couldnt possibly explain it in words you KNOW youre feeling this way for a reason and youre justified and should be feeling this way. its weird stuff

ANYWAY ty for this i LOVE talking about this kind of thing and literally everything youve said is so good and real.. connor is important to me even if he has barely any characterisation in canon lol

#ummmwine #jury.txt #response #long post #SORRY this got so long also. no need to reply BTW i just love the excuse to talk about this stuff

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nayeon-sadly-owns-me · 7 years

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So I read chapter two of Gold Dust By Stormymomo and came to an understanding that I have too many thoughts about this fic to let it go to waste. Warning, this will be longer than your average “review” more like analysis and recap split into 3 parts following something about theories if I’m up for it. As someone who will probably be on her way to a master’s degree in Psychology by the time Gold Dust is finished (exaggeration, I fucking hope I swear to-) it’s in my blood to analyze this fic to its core.

I can promise 4 things:

1) There is a 100% chance that my perception of its characters and story will not be accurate due to missing details we won’t know until the future part(s). I say 100% because it will need to be updated. In fact, I could have completely come up reasonings that are completely false all together.

2) There is a 110% chance that I am looking into this story Way Too Deep and someone will have to tell me to stop taking it so seriously. (I already have one person)

3) No really its super long. If no one reads this to completion I will understand 1000%. I wrote this for me and who ever is willing to read it. I tried not to include every scene despite the fact that nearly every scene is important and Stormy just writes so fucking much.

4) There will be grammar mistakes. Im the amateur of all amateurs.

Spoilers beyond here

Chapter 1-

Story

We get the first glimpse at our main protagonist who is more like an Anti-hero through the eyes of Jeongyeon and Jackson. Nayeon is an absolute wreck. She is a train bound for riding off its tracks and off a bridge and she could care less. She rejects all forms of help and shows off how spiteful she is towards the world and I don’t think an introduction could have been written better than this.

Right off the bat we get a clear understanding of how mentally unstable she is. Between her fiery comments towards anyone who comes near her to her fucked up smirk when she lets out a comment meant to tear down Jeongyeon’s soul.

Within the first part, we already come to our first major question- what happened that made Jeongyeon so angry? We know it has to do with Nayeon’s manipulative comment “Maybe it was you” and “what they were- almost were- “but we are left with only our imagination. This ties into why I don’t think a better introduction could have been written. Not only was there physical evidence to Nayeon’s fucked up state with her being high, but also mental/emotional evidence in the form of Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s conversation. It draws you in because it gives you no answers.

Another establishment? She will do anything to escape her own personal hell that she only has herself to blame for. Especially if it means killing her from the inside out, alone.

We begin to see that tiny speck of light in explaining Nayeon’s extremely problematic traits with her conversation with JYP. Nayeon restrains herself when her father is mentioned but loses her composure when her mother is mentioned. A rooted issue that will be brought up later, but was a decent way of slyly introducing a storyline that still has yet to be fleshed out.

If there is one thing about being a good author, it’s that you have to be able to create questions that cannot be answered with a simple sentence. If you can create questions that have no immediate answers then it will leave the reader coming back for more. Stormy nails this aspect whether it was intentional or not (probs was knowing her).

Although its brief, we get a glance that Nayeon feels as broken as she keeps wanting the world to see and feel. Her conversation about how things aren’t getting better and how she had set herself up for disappointment begins a foundation for wanting to understand her more. After an engaging first scene, we are now forced to come to terms with the fact that she is not 100% the spiteful fucked up mess we were initially led to believe.

So begins Nayeon’s therapy trips at the strong encouragement from JYP that Nayeon is too smart (or too prideful) to decline.

I have to applaud Stormy on being able to capture what being a Therapist is all about. It’s not about quick fixes but playing the long game. Each patient requires a different technique that works for them. I found it intriguing to read how small talk is the tactic that is most effective on her, although it is very time consuming in the long run. Both JYP and Seungyeon used it on her with positive results as time passed. It says a lot for a girl who prides herself on being alone and how she doesn’t care about anyone around her. More on this later.

The group therapy sessions are where we meet two subtle characters, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung although its not much.

Then of course we meet Momo and things begin to spiral from there. Nayeon’s established vibe of non-caring is forcefully thrown out the window because now there is someone there who is aware of who she is. This entire section was dedicated to her thinking about how Momo could ruin her reputation. Yet, Nayeon has made every attempt to appear uncaring of those around her and what they think. The first major contradiction of her thought process, and the first real moment you can see how her insecurities make her react.

We are quickly told that Momo is basically a loner with no friends by choice. Interesting how Nayeon, acknowledges this but choices to pry over Momo’s social status instead. It’s a good indication of where her interest lie.

Momo and Nayeons first encounter is intense to say the least. Nayeon expresses her insecurity for Momo to see, the way Momo expresses her “abandonment issues and inferiority complex” by displaying it on her hand for Nayeon to read. When Momo says that Nayeon isn’t there out of insecurity it feels like she’s half right/half wrong. Nayeon isn’t there because she wants help with her insecurities, she’s there BECAUSE of how her insecurities and demons have shaped her.

They described the bare bones of each others demons with ease, and I think that was the spark that grew into the wildfire that is their relationship. You live your life not having anyone care, and then suddenly someone is there to describe you in 5-10 seconds. It no doubt created a shift in both their lives.

Nayeon’s initial physical attraction to Momo could be seen a mile away. Leave it to Sana to be a form of catalyst to bring that aspect to light. Nayeon goes from thinking she has a pretty smirk to thinking she was attractive in .02 seconds. The first signs that she has claimed Momo starts and relatively speaking ends with Sana being involved.

If there is one thing I want, Momo storytelling wise, it’s to find out her relationship with Chaeyoung/Tzuyu. She is on good enough terms to even have a nickname with Chaeyoung and even communicate with Tzuyu in a way she will understand. For any other character, this would be silly to think about. They go to group therapy together, maybe for months/years? Of course they would find something to bond over. But this is Momo. The girl who is doesn’t want friends because they always leave. Here is Chaeyoung in a sense, leaving, even if she is coming back for sessions. Momo comforts Tzuyu on the matter pretty well despite having abandonment issues that plague her.

It’s hard to come up with the right words to explain why this scene bothered me. Momo has her own habits to combat her demons, but she isn’t good about explaining it. We don’t learn much about her reasoning behind them or even what they’re from. All we know is that she has embraced the fact that she is unable to be loved, cared for, and worthy of peoples time. These are irrational thoughts that have made it hard to swallow her relationship with these two. 2 things are established: Momo always leaves first from the meetings, and Momo doesn’t allow people to get too close to her. So, when did she get time to establish such a relationship and what made her want to?

You know you’re a good author when THIS is my only nitpick. It’s question that I’ve seen barely any indication of an answer and it is by far my most anxious one. I have full faith that Stormy can answer it to satisfaction though.

Moving on. Still with me?

Momo is a tricky character to understand without context. First she avoids everyone for years and then suddenly she’s fixated on Im Nayeon. It’s too the point that she casually strolls up to her because she wants to walk with her to their group session. Momo is seeking out her company. Recall back to the scene when they were playing the ‘Guess my baggage in 5 seconds’ game. Nayeon actually took her seriously, she gave her a straight answer. Maybe the first genuine interaction Momo has had outside of the Therapist office/Group Session area in years. Momo stayed behind because she was curious about what Nayeon’s deal was, but Nayeon’s answer was what really brought out this stubborn need to know more.

Nayeon could have laughed in her face and called her a freak (She has the attitude to say worst honestly). She didn’t. In that moment, I think Momo saw Nayeon in a different light, even if for a moment.

So the school scene makes sense. Nayeon’s reaction makes sense. Because Momo was in fact half-wrong about her previous statement. Nayeon does have insecurities. She just hides them by creating dominance and showing “strength” by belittling others. It doesn’t work on Momo though. She pushes her up against the vending machine 3 times, and doesn’t get the response she wants each time. For someone who is a manipulative bitch, this eats away at her. It is easy to understand why she becomes so fixated on Momo. What works on everyone else, is apparently ineffective with her. In other words, she has lost control between them and the Im Nayeon in this fic can’t emotionally handle that.

Im appalled at myself for not being able to come up with a decent idea as to why Nayeon follows her home. She just does. Maybe she wants to grasp onto some sort of advantage that can be used later on? I thought that my first read through, I was surprised that it never came. In fact, Nayeon pretends all together that this event didn’t happen when she takes Momo home. Just goes to show that Nayeon is unpredictable.

The fact that Momo doesn’t acknowledge her really hits home that Nayeon has lost control over the situation. It’s an oddly pleasant moment to watch her struggle against not being acknowledged by Momo. Remember when she boasted to herself about not needing anyone nor caring about anyone? And then took it back by caring about her reputation, then taking that back and caring about whether or not she cares more about Momo annoying her or avoiding her? Yeah same. Nayeon’s got issues that are unfolding one after another because her sense of balance has been shifted.

We get a nice reminder that Momo is just as deep as Nayeon though when she gives her her jacket of course. Can’t have Nayeon getting sick of course.

Nayeon goes out of her way to find her. To question her on her kindness because to Im Nayeon there has to be a reason. She has (rightfully) forgotten what it feels like to have someone be kind to her. Stormy has made it very clear that Momo does in fact care if she leaves. Recalling the vending machine scene, Nayeon makes a comment about throwing her off a roof. While Momo doesn’t see it as an actual threat, she does see it as a way of Nayeon saying she doesn’t care about her. This leads to Momo trying to convince herself that she means nothing to her, leading to avoiding and yada yada.

It's so fascinating to realize that almost everything makes perfect sense when you piece it all together.

Momo’s resolve quickly dies when Nayeon needs help no matter the circumstance.

Nayeon’s calm collected appearance is shattered when she isn’t able to know for sure the person she cares about is okay. (This is something I didn’t realize would become just so important for next chapter)

We know that Nayeon has self-destructing habits, adding self-inflecting injuries becomes oddly the biggest alarm to me. Theres a real sense of panic when you realize that Nayeon will settle for inflicting pain on herself and destruction on anything she sees in order to get die down her overwhelming emotions. I felt that panic and it made me realized that somewhere along the way I started to truly care about her well-being. She’s so deeply flawed and we haven’t even gotten to her good traits yet.

If Momo’s way of showing that she doesn’t care by helping her get her phone back and saying “I’ll do anything” she has a funny way of showing it. First the jacket, then Momo coming to her rescue with her phone. Keep all this in mind.

Now we get to one of the, if not, THE biggest mystery of the story. Nayeon’s flashback/involuntary recurrent memory of drowning in water. Because of the severity of it, it is amazing that she is able to remind herself that it is not real. People who suffers from this form of trauma are often not able to focus on anything else because of survival instincts. I rationalized it as something that has occurred enough times that Nayeon has been able to adapt. It wasn’t a cheap way of creating drama down the road, and that’s why this is another part of the story that im so keen on learning about. It was excellently done.

It’s nice to get backstory before Nayeon became who she is, to remember that she wasn’t always so cold and off-putting. We are now starting to see that earlier sign of her when she offers Momo food. It’s such a simple request and yet, its monumental for her to do.

It wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world to know that Momo eats fast because she doesn’t get the privilege of eating fries very often. Hit home with me in a way that I don’t think I could speak bad about Momo even if I wanted to.

Remember when Nayeon showed Momo a bit of kindness (subtle kindness. Extremely) and then Momo wanted to walk her to the group session? Now it has become a reoccurrence. Exchanging kindness for wanting more of her company. Why? Because she just doesn’t know. It is a plausible answer. Except it does become obvious when Momo asks the golden question on if they should go back to how it use to be. Maybe her walking her home was her way of extending spending time with her one last time (for the moment).

When Nayeon says that’s what she wants, Momo accepts it for all its worth and walks away. Because Momo only wants what Nayeon wants at this point. She casted her feelings aside a long time ago.

If it isn’t clear by now, Nayeon does not have a strong grip on what she really believes and what she says. Especially when she stares at Momo nonstop and neglects her cheerleading duties only to be called out by Sana. Oh Sana. The gift that keeps on giving in this fic. By that I mean, the real reason jealous Nayeon is such a Thing.

We get to watch Momo dive into her bad habit as she runs herself exhausted because of a missed goal. Irrational thinking that leads to her thinking she messed up and needed to punish herself in some way. It’s not any better when Nayeon comes in to confuse her. An important piece of dialogue Nayeon says “In case you weren’t aware by now, I scarcely mean the things I say.” I didn’t take note of this until several read throughs later when I realized that this line is the reason Momo can’t trust anything that Nayeon says. Because Momo takes words at face value and not what they might be actually be intended as.

We now get to see Nayeon start to leave her friends in favor of Momo. Not only that, but Nayeon rids herself of her cigarette despite the fact that she was previously trying to light it as quickly as she could. It’s not just because of Momo’s off handed comment about how it doesn’t suit her (or that it makes her look like a tool) but because her alternative coping mechanism is her. Kind of a bad way to put it, but it’s the truth at least to Nayeon. From being scared of her ruining her fragile reputation to her needing Momo just to feel calm. Character development-ish.

I say ish because it goes out the window the next scene. Oh Nayeon, so careless with your words.

And then it comes back the next.

If there is something to point out about Stormy’s writing style- it’s that they thrive on repetition specifically what is important and why, so that you never forget it. Not only that, but also the push and pull game. It’s a tricky thing to write because it can become predictable and tiresome. However, if it is written correctly, it can be the most rewarding style of writing because it makes you understand the story and its characters so much more. So, this is another praise because here I am, still burning with questions on how it will end and how much I still have to look forward to.

I would also like to point out the similarities between Nayeon’s underwater flashbacks and Momo’s dream about Nayeon with everything in flames. I don’t know enough concrete evidence to back it up, just food for thought for the moment.

Nayeon has always been determined to ruin good things in her life. Taking pills just helps her do that job a little easier. Of course now, it just leads her to Momo and passing out when she gets to her. It’s hard to tell if it was for the best that Nayeon can’t recall Momo’s comment about how she isn’t waiting for anyone anymore and their discussion on how they aren’t normal.

Without a doubt the most impactful lines of this chapter are “Because she’s not you” “None of them are you.” Because it shows just how deeply Momo has fallen for Nayeon. There was enough build up for these words to hold impact and that’s what made them stand out.

I think all I can say about Jeongyeon is that there is something going on. Without context from chapter 2, it looks like Jeongyeon is just trying to look out for Momo. Granted it might just be because she thinks Momo will be magically back to normal with Nayeon gone. Putting a championship ahead of Momo’s feelings is another way of putting it. (Or maybe she doesn’t want to watch the same thing happen to her as it did Jeongyeon. Although we as the reader know that’s not the case, she doesn’t.)

Despite the repetition of: Nayeon overreacts, Momo defends, Nayeon says/does something stupid, Momo walks away- This scene of their last confrontation of the chapter still holds one of the most powerful moments of the chapter. This is the turning point of Nayeon discovering that Momo isn’t fine. That she is as messed up as she is because she doesn’t have the ability to consider herself worthy of Nayeon. A dangerous flaw because of the ticking time bomb that is Nayeon herself.

With Momo, words hold the highest power over physical touch. It’s easy to understand why Nayeon immediately turns to initiating physical proof of what can be viewed as real. However, Momo wants to hear Nayeon say what she is thinking. So when she breaks away, it makes complete sense. Because Nayeon wants to prove herself physically while Momo doesn’t view it as a good enough answer. Because physical affection can last a moment, but words stay forever when it comes to Momo. She isn’t stupid though. She realizes that Nayeon was trying to say that she wanted her. Of course she has trained herself to believe she was unlovable so well that she truly believes it now.

It’s this scene that both the main characters finally see the people that the readers have gotten to see. It is both heartbreaking and exciting. Nayeon finally realizes why Momo is who she is and its gut-wrenching to watch her come to terms with what that means.

If anything brought out Nayeon’s humane side, its her scene with her dad. It’s lighthearted, a word that hasn’t come to describe this fic yet because of the heavy tones. To watch Nayeon simply let go of her anger and spite and just talk with her dad was a moment that made the journey worth it. A writer can create a hero with flaws, a great writer can bring out the good in their character while not ignoring the bad.

The Im Nayeon that is running towards Momo in the freezing rain, is not the same Im Nayeon that got shit faced at a party. This is now a character that will do whatever is necessary to make sure her idiot is safe. The best part about this, is that it didn’t feel rushed. It all happened naturally and step-by-step.

I could write more on the shower and car scene, but that is for next part.

#namo #im serious you don't have to read this

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

Text

Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds�� No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!!

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed.

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :)

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 )

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns!

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts!

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :)

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST!

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!!

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :)

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord. All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3 Tada, guess thats enough for today!

xox

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incoherentlynonexistent-blog · 5 years

Text

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....

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shinozaki-ayumi · 7 years

Note

Please answer all the things from the ask thing I can't decide what I want to know most :'''(

omg thats ok!! this’ll be a long one then lol

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

its my boyfriend, so i’d probably be just like… “oh hey, that’s cool”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

he’s my boyfriend lol

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

yeah mostly because i don’t want to associate myself with it and i’d also just be really concerned about their health too? like weed isn’t bad but anything else is a no

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope. exactly 6

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober bc i don’t drink lol

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

the only person i’ve ever had a crush on is my current and only boyfriend so no

7. What does your last received text say?

“pack up your stuff”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

too many times over the past three years to even begin to count

9. Where was your last kiss at?

about 20 mins ago at my boyfriend’s front door

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i don’t have a sister, but i have a brother and i saw him 2 minutes ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

tea or milk

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my own bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not really because if you are really meant to be with someone you both will put in the effort to make sure you are respectful of each other. i do think it’s probably difficult to find a partner though, especially in high school bc those almost never last.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

not really honestly lol. this year has been pretty decent.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

nope. it would prooobably be pretty awesome actually

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy! i love rain so much. it’s so relaxing to listen to and watch.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no. my middle name is Jean, so i don’t know many people with that as a middle name. i don’t think it’s very popular.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

pajama pants :D

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hell yes. my boyfriend and i have been together for three years already and are more stable and loving than we ever have.

20. Does anyone like you?

not at the moment i don’t think, but i have known about several guys who have liked me. aside from the current bf, they were all… gross….

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

my boyfriend’s name is Stefan lol

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

nope, he’s straight as can be

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

SO MANY. SO SO MANY.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

absolutely! i want something simple (like a triforce or something) on my wrist or ankle.

25. In the past week have you cried?

this morning lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

mutt/mix/hunting dog thing. idk what she is. her name is hazel and she is my boyfriend’s dog.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

mix of both? lol

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no none of the football players at my school are even remotely attractive to me

29. Do you think you’re old?

…im 16, so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

it’s ok. but honestly, in comparison to the past few years, i just prefer talking in person or on skype

31. What type of day are you having?

GARBAGE but its ok because its getting better as it goes :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

no… the only piercings i want are more ear piercings.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold. like, mid fall weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i would literally die to save my boyfriend from suffering

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship; flings/one-time things are not appealing to me. i like friendship and emotional bonding.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

complicated, but i don’t think anyone is really “simple.”

37. What song are you listening to?

none, my computer just decided to turn volume up to 100% for some reason without me pressing the buttons and now my ears are ringing. nice.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

depends who i’m talking to and whether or not they deserve it39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

a girl? ya, but only one. i only have a few female friends. most of my friends are boys lol40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

i had a dream that they were sleeping in my room and the next day at school i almost threw up when i saw them. good times.41. When did you last receive a text message?

about an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

TOO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

she’s my mom, so pretty well i think lol44. Does anyone disgust you?

a variety of people. pro-life people especially disgust me. also any religious zealots and closed-minded people in general. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no, way too dedicated to my actual boyfriend.46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i’ve been better but my current mood is far better than my mood yesterday/this morning!!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my mom48. What color shirt are you wearing?

black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah… it’s pretty personal though. not gonna talk about it.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not currently but in the past year or two, many people51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

not in the slightest

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

not sure if this means in a relationship or not but platonically yes. that friendship ended in far shittier ways though, so sometimes i sort of regret it. don’t think it could’ve ended any other way though.53. Do you like rain?

I LOVE RAIN 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

yeah because if they are a huge party animal who wants to drink all the time and loves being drunk all the time i am NOT compatible with them. casually drinking once in a while would probably be fine though.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

the only person i’ve ever liked is fully aware that i like him lol56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES. SO MUCH. I LIVE ON CUDDLES.57. Are you shy?

yeah but i’m growing out of it a bit!!!58. Do you get along with girls?

not really59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

currently dating60. What do you carry with you at all times?

phone, pencils, sketchbook61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

I’D DO IT FOR FREE 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

it’s been three years in my current one, so yes lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

you all know the answer to this64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yes i love when he does this. its gentle and reassuring65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

idk. not cute, but i had some nice moments with my bf. mostly just laying on my bed and talking about “deep” stuff while playing fire emblem

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

theres only been one and he’s 17

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

do them myself but i haven’t done my nails in years 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

can i say neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

i dont have a car but my family does not70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

….can i say neither? 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?

iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

ages ago because my town’s only Pizza Hut closed years ago 73. Do you like diet soda?

no those cancer-inducing chemicals can stay 5000000 miles away from my body74. What color are the walls in your room?

dark yellow-y tan 75. Are you 16 or older?

i’m 1676. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

no, tried, not a fan 77. Do you have a job?

no and i am dreading it. i’d like to take commissions instead lol

78. What are your initials?

EJC 79. Did you ever have braces?

yes and they are long gone. i am grateful80. Are you from the south?

nope, upstate New York! best state

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

i don’t use facebook82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

lol 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

neither 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

i genuinely do not remember. i think Rogue One 86. Do you smoke?

HELL no 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?

yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

pool 92. Have you ever made out in a car?

yes93. …Had sex in a car?

no lol 94. Are you single or in a relationship?

in a relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

sleeping

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

fourth of july on Saratoga Lake 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

its much better than my last one, but still not the best. i have a 5s 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

nope 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

never drank 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

not on facebook, but on instagram yes 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

yes even though it was 99.9% irrational. i’m tokophobic lol. thank god for the pill 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

i cant even name one 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

HAHAHAHAHAHA i’m of british and german descent (aka about as white as they can come) so my skin burns, never tans 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

absolutely not

#oof that took a while lol #sorry if im boring but thanks for the ask!#emma talks #Anonymous

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