#its just a swamp its a swamp its literally a swamp i fucking hate it aaaaaa

[foxstens]

ah. suddenly i’m not enjoying ac2 as much as i thought i would

[melodic-haze]

Yo I just had an idea for a story. Basically a giant swarm of nanomachines who’s consciousness thinks all sapients are its “lovers” and try’s to protect everyone.

Very flirty, very loving! Guy? Gal? It doesn’t care, you are its “lover”! It’s also trying to make the Aeons (and if you want Herrschers) their lovers aswell!

I both love and hate my brain sometimes.

My ass isn't gonna write a full-blown story rn when said ass be swamped BUT this is such a funny fucking concept to me 💀💀💀 this is like being a Knight of Beauty but taken to like a 15 where instead of thinking that all is beautiful, everyone's your lover 💀💀💀💀💀 like YESSIR Idrila hey there bitch I get you Completely 🫶🫶🫶

It's so majorly confusing to literally everyone, and the group you're with (let's say the Express for this one cuz I love the lot) are in different degrees of both exasperation and adoration for you bc wdym you consider the STELLARON HUNTERS as your loves of your life 🤨 what do you MEAN Phantylia's hot🤨🤨 (ehe)

"Y/N, are you CRAZY?!"

"NO, she's my girlfriend too??"

"WHAT???"

Poor March.

It's very! It's Definitely Something but they do end up realising that yes, you're just like that!!! And really, who could ever fault you for simply loving everyone around you :( oh though that's not to say that you wouldn't lift a finger if someone dares to hurt anyone you love ofc, you're not dumb. Phantylia might've been someone who held your affections, but that all goes down the drain the moment she revealed herself and decided to Fuck Everyone Up (you still think she's pretty but you knew you had to protect the others)

And the AEONS bahaha good luck with that, with their own wheelhouse of emotions and mental capacities, consider how yk. They're basically gods 😭😭😭 ik for a FACT that Xipe would be enterained, Aha even MORE so. Poor IX would be so confused, while Yaoshi and Lan (when you end up actually roping them in to loving you as well somehow) are essentially fighting for yet ANOTHER thing until you tell them to Be Civil bc you can't bear to see them fight :(

The Xianzhou people are less than entertained at the fact that the two Aeons are Easily Settled Down bc of you, a nanoswarm with the want to love everyone you meet, but also? They're somewhat amused (Jing Yuan especially 😭)

[thelordofgifs]

Obscure Tolkien Blorbo: Round 1

Viznak vs Ælfwine

Viznak:

Goblin! Lives in an awful Mordor swamp after getting kicked out for not taking orders very well (Lord of the Rings Online character)

little goblin guy who's been living in the world's most fucked up swamp in mordor. got kicked out for not following orders well enough. makes friends with any random stranger who doesn't try to kill him immediately and also can make you an antidote for aforementioned awful swamp and all its diseases. you can get a title called 'goblin-friend' from him. i love him So much

he's literally just a silly little guy. in the questline you meet him at he raided your camp and stole your provisions, but he ends up saving your ranger friend from dying to a horrible fungus plague and you're all best friends after that!! he's like your fellowship's weird goblin son. he has horrible ideas but somehow they keep working?? he's scrungy! the other orcs and goblins hate him! and after the residents of Agarnaith leave to go besiege some place (it's not important), he takes up residence in the empty fortress of Seregost and declares himself king of Agarnaith. ALL HAIL KING VIZNAK, OUR WEIRD GOBLIN SON

Ælfwine:

One of the narrators of the legendarium in early drafts, an Anglo-Saxon Man who found the Straight Road.

The first guy who reached Tol Eressëa and got to listen to all the stories told by the elves ❤️

Round 1 masterpost

[kerubimcrepin]

Live-read: The Wheel of Destiny #8, Kerubim.

You can find this article on the Dofus MMO's site, by simply googling it.

A bit of context: this is an article, from the series called "Wheel of Destiny," which focuses on small character studies of various ecaflip characters from the World of Twelve. I won't be doing all of them, just the ones that interest me.

It is my decision to start with this in particular, because of the relatively small size of the article, to test out this... reading liveblogs thing. I hope it goes well, and isn't too boring.

I hate Eca so much it's unreal, just so you know.

To make it more obvious which parts are me, and which parts are the article, while you're skimming the post, I turned on my computer's night mode for making screenshots.

...My sincerest apologies to tumblr's dark mode users, though. I'm sure this is a nightmare for you.

And this is what I was talking about in the previous posts, where I said that, canonically, Kerubim's friendship with Bashi started before the Quest of Two Mornings in Episode 3, Strich Hunt.

Very sad to disappoint, but there does not actually seem to be a Croc Ness monster in the Dofus MMO.

Yet another confirmation of the temple being situated in Amakna. (Besides my own geographical estimations while watching the show, and it literally being there in the Dofus MMO.)

It's a long ass way between the temple, and the swamp, but it is realistically doable for two kids, especially if they have a carriage. (Which Kerubim, being the guy responsible for feeding Ecaflip, does have access too.)

"Five-Cat Monte" is a reference to "Three-Card Monte" which is a real thing.

Glad to know Bashi is also very normal and sane as a kid. Also, very glad that older kids, who give lessons, react to things like this by essentially going "Sure, go die I guess."

God, they are so fucking stupid. Anyway, they are talking about some real landmarks here, all of which are also around Amakna, and seem to be pretty accurate to the in-game geography.

...It feels nice to be right.

...I suppose that, despite its faults, the orphan temple actually gives a shit about its disciples not dying. Color me surprised? Eh, I'm mostly joking. It would be very weird if they didn't.

I will spoil things ahead for you: Ecaflip used magic to make Kerubim look like Atcham.

Bashi's reaction to Atcham being "AAAAH NOT THAT FUCKING CREEPY KID AGAIN 😨". The way he pretty much says, "a ghost?? NO. SOMETHING SCARIER. YOUR WEIRD FUCKING BROTHER."

It all implies., So much. It implies so much. I'm still not over it.

Pictured: my vision of how Bashi reacted to Atcham, when Kerubim (against his will, unwillingly, and deeply embarrassed) was forced to introduce them to one another.

I like to think that before they began to hate one another, Kerubim's relationship with Atcham was similar to what he had with Patafiks. Except instead of copying him, Atcham would, idk. Threaten to kill himself if he got any friend other than him? Threaten to kill his friends?

Something insane and jealousy-based like that.

I may be that guy who's very critical of Kerubim, and constantly going "Atcham's sad implied backstory this, Atcham's sad implied backstory that," but you don't get reactions like that by simply being extremely bullied.

You get reactions like that by being That Heavily Bullied Kid With 20 Mental Illnesses Who Attacks People With Sharp Objects.

Pictured: my rough theory of whatever the fuck happened between Kerubim and Atcham in the orphanage.

It is a funny image... that quickly wraps around back to being sad, once you think about little orphan Atcham, who people fucking hate for being a bingus, who has nobody except for his equally-orphaned brother (who doesn't look weird, can actually make friends, and leave him alone, if he wants to. Which he does.) and how at such a young age he got desperate enough to resort to what seems to be violence to protect himself.

Which got him absolutely no help. And also made people look down on him even further.

I think the funniest part of it all is that Atcham as an adult has:

1. The knowledge that hating Kerubim is literally not productive and a weird fucking coping mechanism.

Yet he keeps doing that.

2. A sort of moral compass that's all about protecting and respecting those in the same shit situation as him. (Even if they insult him. He hates that, but he's mature enough to uh.... just shave people against their will about it.)

While Kerubim is like. Still struggling with even saying that he doesn't even hate his brother. Somehow, he's the more emotionally constipated one.

So normal of them.

Anyway,

I think here we can see a bit of the internal growth Kerubim has had, from the time when he was a child, to adulthood.

Joris cannot picture Kerubim being ashamed, or disgusted, by Atcham, despite this article showing him doing exactly that.

It is the reason why I think one of the factors that contributed to Kerubim adopting, and keeping, Joris, was his guilt over whatever Atcham went through, despite how much he likes to say that he doesn't like Atcham.

Joris is different from other kids: small, weird, probably bald. And in any other situation, it's likely he'd develop a complex about it, except his dialogue in the movie specifically implies that Kerubim has put in conscious parenting effort into preventing exactly that.

While it's obvious that Kerubim loves Joris, there are many flaws in his parenting. So him putting a petabyte worth of effort and research into one single aspect of it is... very telling.

Now for a bit of a reach/headcanon: Who's to say that the reason Joris doesn't have many friends, is not Kerubim trying to isolate him from any potential source of shame or trauma? This part, as I've said, is purely speculation/headcanon — but it is an interesting thought.

And Atcham, who was there, and experienced shit like this from Kerubim, is still swayed by Joris's words.

What I think happened between them is that Kerubim, who yearns for societal approval, is afraid of being like Atcham, who is often ostracized and disliked by people for his looks. Besides this, I think Atcham, who was Going Through Horrors, was clingy.

For these reasons, he pushed Atcham away, and it is this betrayal, coupled with Kerubim's advantages in the form of not looking weird and being Ecaflip's favorite, that made Atcham fucking detest him.

What it all means is that Joris isn't necessarily wrong: Kerubim wouldn't hurt Atcham (at least, not unless it's self defense), and what he did was just... trying to save his own skin as kid.

Which isn't exactly malicious.

And I guess Atcham agrees with Joris on Kerubim's incapability of doing harm to him on purpose. Otherwise, he would never be convinced to change his mind.

There is probably a reason for why Kerubim would rather live in a forest, than go back to the temple looking like Atcham. And as I've said, I don't think it's a happy one.

Now think about Atcham doing this his whole life and get sad. Like I just did.

I think that, of all the things, it's most disgusting that whatever happened to Kerubim and Atcham was happening under the watch of Ecaflip, and perhaps even because of him.

I wouldn't put it past him to orchestrate their hatred for each other for fun. Or because he wanted Kerubim all alone, to himself.

I also find it interesting, the way Ecaflip says "once more" here. Implies that it used to be a normal thing for him. I suppose my guesses of Kerubim being disliked by other kids due to Atcham may have some merit.

And god, it makes me so, so sad.

He cares enough to intervene when Kerubim is about to die, which goes against his own rules, but not when it's about his kids' life being fucking awful.

...Maybe Oropo was right.

Do we know if Ecaflip's emotions are even genuine? He is the narrator of this story, after all, and he could be lying. He puts Kerubim in danger many times. Many. Just for fun and his own amusement.

I will take Ecaflip's narration as a straight-forward one, — that he really is feeling these things, but it still reads as manipulation, even if he is doing it for "Kerubim's sake". He's not a good father and never will be one, and these are very cruel lessons.

I will be real, their relationship disgusts me to my heart <3 Amen.

And now we know why Kerubim is... like that. And why his parenting is so overbearingly sweet, controlling, and obsessed with making sure Joris knows he adores him and adores him back.

Perhaps, despite everything, Atcham was the luckier one for not having Ecaflip's "love" the way Kerubim did, but honestly, I feel both of them had it equally shitty.

A true "would you rather sit on an anthill or sit on a cactus" choice.

[queen-mabs-revenge]

OK so first of all i am not a nate-needs-to-mortify-his-flesh-to-be-redeemed girlie so fucking jot that down. i don't think he needs to grovel, i don't even think we need an extended boo hoo apology scene for anyone involved. nate's story is about reconciliation with himself and others through real self-esteem and contentment, not about whatever christian penance brainrot ppl are coming up with.

but i am fucking baffled by that opening scene with isaac, colin and will visiting nate at work and how -- yet again -- really essential character beats are just happening off screen and we're supposed to be super chill and emotionally swept along by it all?

(long ass v critical post under the cut)

"we want you to come back to richmond" uhhhhhhhhhh "the whole team talked about it and it was unanimous" …….?????????????? like besides the fact that there is literally no established tactical reason why the team feels that they need nate to come back considering they're pretty fucking successful at the moment, the show has given us no reason to believe that would be a decision made by a team that is and needs to be protective of its current interpersonal dynamic!

now again, i want to be very fucking clear as i go through the following that i don't think that nate is homophobic and i'm not accusing him of that, and again i'm not here like 'oh colin needs an uwu special apology'. but lay out the facts as far as the players know (because that's all that's been on screen): nate tore up the sign and ~~someone~~ exposed information about ted's panic attacks to the press - they're himbos but i mean come on. the last interactions between nate and the team - and especially colin - were pretty targeted cruelty and belittlement laced with misogynistic language (that yes, has been used pretty casually throughout the dressing room - not just a nate thing), and then nate goes to work for a club owned by the man who fostered the toxic swamp richmond was to begin with? bro. bro.

literally my first thought was -- how is colin eager to invite someone back who - as far as he knows - clearly very personally hates him, and has leaked information about someone he supposedly liked and respected that he was told in confidence to cause targeted harm to that person… when he just came out within a trusted organization with no intention of coming out publicly??? like no matter how this show tries to shorthand that everything is OK now, because they put no work into reestablishing trust… there is no way colin would take his safety as 100% guaranteed in this situation, and him being the person to insist on talking to nate doesn't shorthand that away!!!

like for me, this mismatch stands out as some fucking straight nonsense again bc you cannot use the horrifically queerphobic atmosphere in and around professional men's football irl for your very special episode and then just never address the personal vindictiveness involved in the character dynamic that was created between nate and colin previously, especially in the face of seeding the idea that someone would be afraid to come out to their trusted best friend because of the 1% chance the casual homophobia they tossed around was indicative of their actual beliefs.

and like ok the tendency of this show to just use experiences that reflect stuff of incredible real life consequence without considering the context or implications is already established. i get it. but like this is just another example of how by not actually engaging with the full consequences of the experiences they're capitalizing on, they've not done justice to any of the characters or representative stories involved.

the reconciliation between nate and the team had such great potential to bring out everyone's issues and have a real chewy resolution! nate getting tossed back into the rupertsphere and seeing the manipulative bullying inherent to rupert's concept of power, and consequently really understanding how that created the environment mirrored in the team's treatment of him, and how he held on to that concept of power and mirrored it back in vindictiveness.

maybe if they brought forward the bex and ms. kakes story to play out earlier (during one of these insanely bloated episodes), and if nate is tied in with letting them both know what was happening with rupert, the two women going to rebecca for advice could have been something that one of the players found out about (idk overhearing rebecca asking keeley for press/legal advice while passing her office or smth). that could have precipitated a conversation among the team that we were actually privy to about how nate stood up to rupert, put whole ass career on the line to protect people being deeply wronged instead of cozy up to power, and did it without publicly Exposing Their Business in order to get public kudos.

that conversation could have been the perfect way to get the team to understand nate's growth from what he did to ted by revealing and having them work through the implications of nates willingness to put protecting people from being harmed above his own need for power and validation, while also protecting their privacy and not seeking public validation at their expense! colin could have had a part in that conversation that both brought his queerness back into the story as something of actual consequence and not just a token feel-good moment, and it could have showed why the team would trust nate enough to hold a vote to ask him to come back to richmond while also showing the audience that the team has truly grown from its unhinged emotional reaction during the west ham match, and not just because they lost a game bc of it!

like idk man this just isn't good enough for me. this whole thing just isn't good enough for me, especially because they've made the implications and the stakes so fucking high by bringing in the incredibly consequential social issues they have. nothing feels earned, and everything feels cheap and flimsy because of it! everything from the journey we deserved to go on with all of these characters, to the seriousness and respect with which the show has treated the experiences they've profited off of, to the patronizing chintz of the last minute emotion-bombs being tossed to us as good enough wallpaper over the structural cracks we're meant to ignore.

[whitemonsterenjoyer]

Stupid stupid rant about my friend

TLDR: Friends are disappointing! I should just isolate myself and focus on ⭐ving instead!!!

honestly kind of fucking hate my friend right now. he gets pissed off over the smallest fucking shif and he never fucking says anything. he like hates communication. its gotten to a point where i dont want to play games with him and our other friends because he just gets annoyed and yells at us. i always feel like im doing something wrong! im so uncomfortable all the time! and then they get confused and upset when i dont feel like playing again. buddy, how can i fucking enjoy anything when youre making me feel uncomfortable at best the whole time????

he reminds me of my ex so much its awful. i cant stand him sometimes. if you dont respond the right way or at all hes say some shit like "i should just die" or "you guys hate me" and i just! hate it! and he refuses to communicate ANYTHING. hed rather give you the silent treatment IN THE FUCKING VOICE CHAT. you ask him a question qnd youll have to keep repeating it for like ten minutes before hell answer because he got mildly upset. he got snippy with us because we didnt have the game open the moment he joined the call. he got fucking mad at us for mentioning school while were on break. like???? im fucking sorry that we briefly mentioned something thats been a part of our daily lives for the last like 12 years? and we barely even actually talked about school. i just got upset that ill have to sit with the annoying kids in my first period, and our other friend said that her voicemail was full of colleges doing college shit. not only that, its just really fucking dumb that hes upset over talking about school during break. its literally fucking ending, you cant not think about it. and does he think that hes the only one stressed over school?? one friend doesnt even have freetime during the week a majority of the time because shes doing so much school shit. i almost committed in freshman year! and even now, i need hours after school every day to decompress because im so fucking overstimulated and overwhelmed all day! and the third other person is taking FIVE AP CLASSES. their ass is swamped with work too!!! meanwhile, he can get home and have the time and energy to draw and play video games and record and edit videos all in the same day. if snything he doesn't get to say anything about not wanting to think about school while relaxing bc hes the most relaxed!

i asked him why he didnt tell us smtg would upsst him before we did it and he just responded with "i assumed you guys were cool." ok.

i mentioned that i had stolen sone of my parents alc while i was doing online school. yknow that period of time where i was struggling with dissociation and thoughts of committing? and nobody was fucking talking to me? he said that made me a bad person.

our friend has a girlfriend and naturally they spend a lot of time together. he gets upset seeing that theyre playing the same game or knowing that theyre hanging out without us. i dobt mind, i just wished shed let us know that she had plans rather than leaving out of nowhere. but he genuinely like despises her for spending time with her significant other.

ive stopped making plans with him because he kept flaking. he was always so indecisive and he would cancel plans the night before so often. sometimes even the MORNING OF. he would want to save money even if he wouldve spent a total of 10 dollars, or hed be too tired bc he refused to stop playing games the night before. i always go to bed earlier if im doing something the next day. i dont know why im not worth the same energy. honestly im not sure he actually likes hanging out with me, im just the only one willing to do the same things as him. the only plans that worked out were things he was absolutely going to do regardless of anyone going with him.

i dont wven know how to breach the subject with him because, again, hes so much like my ex. i know that if i make him feel bad, hell either get defensive or just freak out and cry about it. i listened to my ex say id be better off if he was gone in response to me venting way too many times to want to express my feelings about people ever again.

and it really sucks bc other times hes really nice and fun to be around. i just wonder if he dies actually like me at all. i feel like he sees me as less than sometimes.

idk i stopped being mad and got sad.

but i mean hes implied it before. he wants more friends to play cod and fortnite with and go to the park at night with. he never asks me to do thise things. im willing to play fortnite. i want to play cod. i want to do literally anything at night especially go to the park. he especially wanted more guy friends to do things with.

hed be happier being friends with the kids at school who hate me

idk. this is dumb. its 3am.

[bidonica]

DISCLAIMER that I should have put in since the beginning: this series of posts is me documenting my second (but first in the Director's Cut) consecutive Death Stranding playthrough in an unserious way. I try to keep the actual story spoilers on the light side, but the point of these posts is also to allow myself to think out loud about things I didn't catch the first time around, seeing foreshadowing in light of the payoff et cetera, so it's not entirely spoiler free. 

Guess who's back on the road after spending four days with a migraine that locked me out of any screen based entertainment and allocating some of my precious free time to a portrait of New Higgs... One of my biggest "hear me out"s maybe... Gut window sexy..... Kojima retweeted....

It's insane how much I memory holed this part of the map (the swamp with Homo demens), which according to my calculations I probably played between Christmas and New Years? I wonder if changing the difficulty setting has anything to do with it.

Anyway we're off to what is unironically my favorite part of the map: the snowy mountains! Carrying a bomb that is very fragile on my back! 

I think ultimately DS is a pretty forgiving game, it's not easy to "die" (think of how avoiding combat by being stealthy or taking a detour is often an option) and even if its physics are more realistic than other games, Sam's bones are pretty much made of steel. Creating a voidout is bad but you can still go forward in the game. However I fell over like an idiot at the beginning of this mission and the catastrophe you set off if you don't carry that bomb like a precious and fragile crystal egg is of such magnitude that, after the scene freezes and crumples and whites out, you just get a load screen that puts a hand on your shoulder saying "now we're going back to the latest save" like a slightly disappointed but still encouraging father figure.

Anyway. I hate the "Death Stranding is a walking simulator lol" meme with a passion, but it *is* true that it recreates the experience of hiking in a very satisfying and realistic way... This is literally me huffing and puffing in the Dolomites this past October, like, this visual gave me a real life flashback.

Unsure whether we were supposed to see this grass coming out of the snow at this altitude or if it's a glitch (some people on reddit have found trees spawning in unexpected areas and nobody knows whether it's by design or not).

NOT THIS PLACE!!!

Okay, false alarm, the first time you pass by the "graveyard" nothing happens. Totally quiet location, zero danger, absolutely not infested with BTs, absolutely not a spot you'll be forced to go through over and over in the upcoming missions

I kind of like how antagonistic Lockne is... Never beating the allegations that mountain people are kind of grumpy and insular...

In some mysterious way the bomb I delivered will fix this black tar and floating boulders situation, how? Fuck me if I know, I love Sam Porter Bridges but I wish he asked some more questions sometimes.

Speaking of someone more loquacious I've been wondering how my friend Peter Englert is doing

Aaaand there he is. Why does he write like this.

Joking aside, the "it marks another year since the joining of myself and my beloved wife" hints at Higgs meeting Amelie two years ago, right? The timeline is always a bit fuzzy to me.

Anyway as the previous pizza missions were actually pretty doable I took this on today after work to decompress. Reader, I didn't decompress, but that's for another post

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Shrek the Third

Figured I'd knock one more of these out tonight, and of course, its yet another Shrek. People tend to not really like this one that much, and I barely remembered anything about it going in. So is it any good or does it belong a one way trip back to the swamp?

Shrek the Third kicks off with Fiona's dad croaking (literally), which leaves Shrek to look for the next heir to the throne of Far Far Away, Arthur. Meanwhile, Prince Charming is back with a hostile takeover of Far Far Away, while Fiona and her princess friends set out to stop him. There's also the fact that Fiona is pregnant, leaving Shrek with plenty of insecurities about becoming a father. So yeah, a lot is going on in this plot, but you know? It balances most of it surprisingly well!

Our returning cast is still just as fun as usual; I kinda find it funny how we keep getting more and more insecurity plotlines for Shrek with each of these movies, it just seems to be a reoccuring trend for the poor guy huh. As for the new characters, we get Artie, who I thought I was gonna hate but he actually turns out to be a really good character? A big ol bundle of insecurities, just like Shrek, so the two of them actually end up developing a really nice bond as the movie goes along, one that's clearly meant to show Shrek that hey, maybe this whole being a dad thing won't be impossible for him after all.

As for the other characters, we have the princesses, who are all pretty funny in their own way as they take the piss out of the Disney versions of themselves. Merlin is fucking great here, he doesn't have a lot of screentime, but what screentime he does get, I was in stitches for. Prince Charming is back, this time as our main villain and... he's ok, but he just ain't really able to fill his mama's shoes as a standout baddie, sorry.

The comedy is actually pretty strong? I do think this movie has a problem though in that it tries much harder than it should to be funny? Like the first two movies were just... idk, naturally hilarious, but this one kind of tends to force its humor a lot? That humor also aims much more juvenile than the first two, leaning less on innuendo and more on... toilet humor and grossout jokes. Yay, my favorite...

The animation is ok, not superb, though I think that's kind of par for the course with Shrek movies at this point. The music is also surprisingly mid? Not as many pop songs this time around, and the ones that are there aren't anything nearly as memorable as All Star or I Need a Hero.

At the end of the day, I think people are maybe... a bit too hard on this movie? It's nowhere near as great as Shrek 1 and 2, that's for sure, but it's also not the worst thing ever? It's completely watchable, by all accounts. Even if it is a bit too tryhard for it's own damn good.

Overall Rating: 6/10

Verdict: Put it in the cringe collection

Previous Review (Flushed Away)

Next Review (Bee Movie)

[whereismymonsterlover]

Yana toboso is literally a shotacon tf u mean sebaciel isn't canon

Dog it's 2024 I don't want to fill the already rife BB tag with more of this discourse but I just want to give my two cents. Y'all anonymous sebaciel diehards must work overtime to churn out an ask to every damn anti. Anti as a label pisses me off cus I literally just don't want the fucking grown ass man-presenting demon to kiss the 14 year old human. And thank the lord, he doesn't!

I really don't like shota straight up. I find it disturbing that people enjoy it and Yana is openly a shotacon but as black butler stands, it is not a BL story. Whilst very few and far between, I overlook the suggestive panels of Ciel + other underage characters cus I don't derive any pleasure from them and they make me cringe out of my mind knowing the true undertones. But the other 98% of the manga is my jam! From my interpretations of the characters using the canon material, there is nothing that suggests that Sebastian wants to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with this kid. The concept of Ciel presenting sexual feelings towards Sebastian as a response to his own sexual trauma is for sure an interesting idea! And I do not hate people that have this headcanon and explore it in a way that makes it clear it is not a cute sexy thing!! I find it disturbing seeing people who sexualise Ciel (Toboso included, I'm aware. However, it does not swamp the narrative of the story outside of his sexual trauma which is villainized!) that get off to the pairing and call it canon. I wouldn't be here were that true. HOWEVER, Ciel does not present this behaviour towards Sebastian in the actual media. The kid is sexualised but it's either played off as a joke (the dreaded corset scene from LITERALLY the first volumes) or its villainised (Kelvin, Druitt, the cult members). It is not forbidden to explore underage sexual abuse so long as it is made clear that it is inappropriate.

Sebastian is not a pedophile for Christ's sake. I love demon lore so much and knowing how to manipulate and tempt humans with words and sexuality or whatever it may cost is the nature of a demon. That is, if it is needed. In my eyes, if Ciel were to one day command Sebastian to fuck him, he would - he is bound by contract to do as his master tells him and if that's what will get him a meal then so be it. If Ciel one day commanded Sebastian to truly love him, in ANY capacity, it is up to the reader to decide how deep Sebastian's humanity goes past "me hungry" to fundamentally enable him to love in the first place. Because the manga does not characterise Sebastian as actually having any love sexual or platonic towards Ciel outside of the protection he displays within the rules of the contract.

But thankfully for me, Ciel has never ordered Sebastian to fuck him because NO WHERE do we see him actually want that. There are even moments where Ciel is distraught at the idea of Sebastian simply tucking him into bed to calm him back to sleep after waking from a nightmare. The fact I have to explain the sexual motives of a 14 year old boy makes me sick to my stomach, do you people not see how foul that is?

So when you tell me Yana Toboso is a shotacon - that is a lot different to Black Butler being a BL beyond the undertones of a wee few panels, and a fanon, out-of-character interpretation of their fucked up power dynamic riding off the fact that Sebastian's hunger could transpire to a moral depravity i've no interest in. Good day.

[vergess]

I kind of figured the whole "getting a Delusions card despite Flulu knowing the Gardeners exist" wasn't because she didn't believe in the Gardeners but because she couldn't believe one would be approaching any human with good intentions instead of killing them outright like every Gardener effort had been so far. And in fairness to her, Sym even says that he's unique among all the gardener consciousness, to the point where the Overseer basically has him tested to make sure Sol hasn't corrupted him and turned him against the Gardners before attempting peace. It's *that* hard for the Gardeners to believe one of their own, who's been connected to them for tens of thousands of years, would want to spare humanity.

With that in mind, if you're in Flulu's shoes - Flulu who by that point has seen the consequences of these aliens attacks arguably more than anyone in the colony given how much of their focus was on the food source, and who also still lives with her own trauma from wars she was involved in on Earth - what would make more sense: There's a single alien who approached your teenage child while they were alone in the wilds, and not only let them walk away completely unscathed, but seemed to approach with good intentions wanting to be friends? Or your teenage child, who's seen all sorts of traumatizing shit by this point and has no official mental health support since that all died with Besk, might be suffering from delusions as their brain tries to cope with the reality they're trapped in?

It's still completely fucked how they handle everything, don't get me wrong. But I feel like "As much as I hate to say it, its more realistic that my kid has PTSD-induced delusions as they try to cope with this planet and its inhabitants literally trying to kill us, than the one good alien on Vertumna is reaching out to them with good intentions." is extremely in character for Flulu, and honestly a fair conclusion to come to given the circumstances. How they handled that conclusion is another thing entirely.

You know, that's fair. This is a good interpretation and I agree with it.

I just personally tend to focus my fannish efforts on the consequences of how she, Instance, and by way of her absence Besk, responded to the delusions cards than the why and how of receiving them!

But I think I will adopt this interpretation into my own headcanon. It goes well with the way Flulu's PTSD informs so much of her own character.

Plus it goes well with the whole Vace and Noctilucent swamps plot line, which I always love building overly intricate hypotheses around. Would that I had the time and money to actually write any of them down instead of panicking about rent and/or medicine and/or food

[nerdydowntherabbithole]

Hi I'm back again and I have more TLAI stuff to yell about

Except this time it's what my brain decided to come up with the literal second I woke up. My mind chose violence.

If this becomes canon somehow. All the more suffering lmao

OK SO. BIG BIG WARNING FOR BODY HORROR FOR THIS. B I G.

So I woke up and my brain's favorite activity is torturing the blorbos in my mind so. I got this idea.

Directly post the group minus Moon and Sugar find a new shelter to sleep in, Pebbles ends up having a nightmare. A bad one. One vivid enough that he doesn't even recognize it as a dream.

He 'wakes up' outside, in the swamp. There's no fireflies anymore. He's alone. He cannot even access his Overseers. He walks through the swamp, trying to find his way back to the shelter, but he doesn't recognize where he is. At one point he's grabbed by some of that rot plant, and he pulls himself out successfully only to get a good look at it. It isn't the rot plant anymore. It's actual Rot. Pebbles looks around and realizes- Everything, it's all Rot. Cysts of black and blue coat the entire swamp, reaching up trees and taking over the leaves and it's even in the water, the ground he walks on is marked with x's everywhere and it isn't mushy dirt anymore, it pops and squelches under his steps. Of course, he's horrified, trapped in this rot-infested location, to the point where the only noise he can hear is these moist dragging popping and his own electronic whines as the Rot tendrils try to grab at him. But it gets worse. There's finally a noise under everything else. Pebbles turns and he sees Peach, finally, a familiar face, but something is wrong. The lizard's head is dull of color, and its torso is covered in cysts, it's being held up by long tendrils of pinkish rot. Its eye is dead, it's dead, Peach has died and it was killed by the Rot. Clover comes next, its entire body consumed, leaving just its blacked out head visible, jaw open and drooling an acidic black liquid. One by one they all appear- Angel's been reverted to her taken over form. Cherry's fur is no longer spikey but bumpy and squishy, bright red x's covering her normally scarred eye. Cream and Sugar are taken too, Sugar's rot-infested body marred with bite marks, one of its ears is entirely gone. Even the pups, one of them has a giant tumor growing right where its heart should be. They slowly surround him, he's more than just trapped he's doomed, he will die, and then- Moon. Moon finally appears approaching him dead on. But she isn't Moon anymore. No, the Rot got her too, it's taken over her puppet, bursting under panels and her eyes have x's in them and all of her is gone except for maybe a leg, scraps of clothing, and her face.

And then, he wakes up.

So yeah my imagination is horrifying

I AM GOING. TO BITE YOU. EXPLODES YOU. KILLING AND KILLING AND KILLING YOU. HELLOO??? WHAT THE FUCK. JUST KILL ME WHY DON'T YOU HE ALREADY SUFFERS ENOUGH. OOUUGHHH ITS SO GOOD THO BUT I HATE IT AND HATE U FOR IT. THANKS/POS. AUGH.

[dmwrites]

Scott would ask himself, in the years that followed, if it was worth the risk, the pain. He’d known, vaguely, of what that skull, and the pretty gems in its eyes, would lead to. But he had been young and stupid, and loved pretty, pretty things. It was only a matter of time before it was discovered missing from the pyramid he’d found it in.

He had considered himself pretty clever, and thought he had time to plan. That someone was also bound to be looking for the skull, possibly the same person who had taken the other gem eye, and would come to duel him or something.

But instead he had woken up that next morning to a hole where his left eye had been, and vision clouded by pain and tears. And the skull, remarkably, still at his bedside table, but now with a gem the same blue as his own eye. A cowardly revenge, truly.

Blinded by rage, terror, and literal blindness, Scott traveled the nearby lands, looking for help, or revenge. Whichever he happened upon first. Neither seemed to come easy for him- his desperation drove people into their homes, and the person he was trying to get revenge on was an unknown to him.

Help, as it turned out, came upon him first, in the form of a wizard’s hut far out in a slimy swamp. The wizard did not want to help, until he saw the skull Scott was holding with grimy fingers.

“Come.” The wizard, who Scott could barely see through the pouring rain he was standing in, said. He opened the door a little wider, and Scott stepped through into the hut. It was nothing special- there were some pots and pans strewn about collecting the rainwater through cracks in the roof, there was a lackluster fire going in the stone fireplace, and a single bed pushed against a wall. There was also a mirror, and it was here that Scott froze, suddenly horribly aware of how much time had truly passed since he’d found the skull. His blue hair was stringy with grime and had grown past his shoulders. His one eye was dulled, with dark circles heavy. Gone was the cute adventurer of the past- that felt like a different man. Scott looked like, well, exactly what he was- a cursed being made to walk forever. And it horrified him.

“Oh… now isn’t this pretty…” the wizard crooned, plucking the skull from Scott’s now slack hand. Scott turned away from the mirror and watched the wizard kiss it, lips sloppy, and put it on a nearby table. “And you-” the wizard walked forward, crowding Scott until he landed on the bed. A hand slipped under Scott’s chin, lifting up the marred face, “you’re quite pretty too. Is that it then, does the pretty boy like pretty things?” The wizard moved Scott’s chin in a forced nod. It felt almost shameful. And if there wasn’t that hollow where a real eye should be, if he hasn’t seen what he just looked like, he would have slapped the wizard.

“I need help.” Scott whispered, hating how broken he sounded. “I need my eye back.”

The wizard leered down at him, the hand holding Scott’s chin going to trace the angry skin around the empty eye socket. “Did someone fuck around with magic just a bit too powerful, hmm? But ah, I suppose it was just too pretty to resist, huh? Don’t you know that all roses have thorns, pretty boy?” The wizard drew back from him, going over to the skull and laying a hand on it. “And you’ve picked up the rose with the biggest thorns possible.”

“Are you going to help me, or just make fun of me?” Scott demanded, taking what little energy he had left to attempt to sit up and glare.

The wizard looked at him for a long moment. “I get to keep the skull.”

Scott didn’t even hesitate. “Fine. It’s caused me nothing but hardship. I’ll be glad to be gone of it.”

The wizard actually cackled at that, and turned to pick out a bottle from a cabinet. “You really think when I take this it’ll all be over for you? You’ve picked up a curse, boy.” He handed the bottle to Scott. “Drink.” Scott downed it. If it was poisoned he’d be dead at least. Anything was better then this. He felt woozy at once, and the wizard pushed him flat on the bed. “I hope you’ve enjoyed the pretty things in life, because they ain’t gonna be pretty for much longer.”

Scott was out before the wizard started laughing again, but he knew that he was.

——

There is a man who walks this earth in search of pretty things. For now, he lives in a kingdom of color. He is witty, flirty, and cunning. And his kingdom is rotting. Deep underground, there is a heart of empty, bleak rot that grows each day. Scott knows what will happen, as it happens time and time again without fail- the colors will fade from the earth, and he, the disease, will leave, in his wake nothing but an apocalyptic landscape eaten away by a curse that never left him and a man’s inability to stop loving beauty.

[borgevino]

brief life update

my company is down to 5 engineers, from 11 nine months ago and 15 at its height

this is less than ideal and we are very swamped, things break all the time, our system has about 30 moving pieces so at any given moment we are fixing 2 or 3 of them while desperately hoping nothing else breaks

all technical leadership (lead engineer, engineering manager, cto) is gone so now we report to, lmfao, the cfo. she used to be an amazon exec.

she also hates me because i made a fair amount of noise about like, needing cost of living increases

so because of this, she's blocking my promotion to lead engineer and trying to hire someone new instead, despite the fact that all the other engineers literally wrote letters of recommendation for me (😭)

anyway. this is just to say. i met with her on monday and she told me i lacked leadership qualities because i wasn't communicating with her the way our director of security communicates with her. yes the director of security was on the call. no i did not do the thing she was blaming me for (put her in a meeting with her boss lol? jesus christ?)

so like. things have been hectic. i'm going to nyc every other week to try and fix as much of this as i can. if things don't change in 2 or 3 months, i gotta quit. i gotta quit!!! i can't keep doing this?? fucking rip i've turned down two offers in the past six months

[notoriousmasc]

HATE the word queer. "oh its vague that's why i like it" i am a Labels Autist something being vague as a part of its label fills me with indescribable rage. it sounds so ugly that hearing it triggers my misophonia. KWEEUR. absolutely disgusting. it sounds like the name you'd give a swamp monster in a tolkien ripoff. it's the kind of word that sounds like a frog croaking when it comes out of your throat. it sounds like it was made for british people to say. it's not even good on an ETYMOLOGICAL level it literally just means weird. i'm not that weird. my sexuality is the least weird part of me. and fucking frankly i'm not letting people define me by what they think is weird about me. i get enough of that as it is!!!! fuck off!!! thats not even MENTIONING that its a slur because if you do mention that people will come out the bushes in your house and beat you to death with buzzwords they found on tiktok the week before trying to tell you that thats a TERF Dogwhistle or some shit

AND NONE OF THIS WOULD EVEN MATTER IF PEOPLE JUST USED IT FOR THEMSELF AND NOT AS A COMMUNITY TERM. NONE OF IT! I WOULD NOT GIVE A SHIT IF PEOPLE UNDER THE SAME UMBRELLA AS ME WERE NOT CHUCKING FROG MONSTERS AT ME. JESUS FUCK

[girlsexbattle2]

okay sorry if this is twitter type drama but. im watching TheEpicNate315 video about some lovecraft lore thats been integrated into the fallout series. while i do find alot if this interesting the 'fear of the unknown' wasnt just cool funky gods and brain puzzles its 'i hate everyone that isnt white rich like me'. special emphasis on anyone who doesnt pray to my god is deranged and murderous. nother theme would be the fall from grace which some 'normal' person (were talking hp lovecraft so ya got that old english racism. classism? idk) gets tempted by the dark arts then is no longer widely accepted. ( Jamie fallout 3 going ghoul and worshipping with ferals/ holotapes of people that were scholars of some sort getting tempted and then writing in fragmented grammar adamantly babbling about the need for sacrifice/ the fucking christian lady that has to sanctify one of the books getting murdered for adhering to her beliefs) also known as fear of people being shitty to me as i am to these people. These people ex being.) constant line of 'swamp folk' who are deformed and 'between human and ghoul' etc etc worshiping strange foreign gods. all the heros (cabot family, Obadiah) are the product of what a man like hp would consider acceptable. So the ditchotomy of 'normal' folks who could afford colledge vs literally everyone else.

TLDR: a reminder that just because its not for you doesn't mean its evil , its healthy to get challenged on your beliefs and knowing why you believe them. You dont have to persecute what makes you uncomfortable or even have to understand it. people are going to be and your not gonna vibe with it.

L move on

[caitlinluvsmanga]

Interview with the Vampire Episode 5 Thoughts....

I have....thoughts... Spoiler free it was an emotional rollarcoaster and I am literally crying having followed this show since it came out. 

If you don’t want SPOILERS stop here

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What the fuck?! I am goddamn sobbing! OH MY GOD. Ok, let me address piece by piece. Lets go character by character before I make my thoughts clear. 

Claudia: young girl who is literally stuck that way and since the beginning of being turned as easily taken toward being cruel. I adore her. I don’t blame her feelings about her eternal life. She is stuck as being a little girl - in this case 14 - forever. She hates this and takes it out through killing others and then runs away. 

- I did laugh my ass off at her drunk ass getting them searched by the police because she didn’t think burying people in a goddamn swamp in a place under sea level was going to be a problem. *i’m from GA so it cracks me up* 

Louis: My sweet fucking man you are LITERALLY KILLING ME! He loves his daughter so much. That’s who she is to him. I’ve known people whose daughters would run away or die and they fall apart and he blames Lestat (WHICH I WILL GET TO IN A MINUTE) but part of it is his blame. He begged Lestat to turn her because of guilt. Every stupid move he has made he has done out of guilt or self-hatred. He lost his brother so he broke down and gave into Lestat and blames Lestat for all of his problems. He is not in the wrong for this, but its a powder keg that just went off. 

Lestat: YOU BITCH! I both hate you and love your character at the same time. You are a stalker, an emotional manipulator, possessive, and you scream abusive relationship. BUT here’s the thing. I honestly believe he loves Louis. IN his own fucked up way! That does not mean he is doing it right and isn’t a monster, because he is. He wants so desperately to be loved. Throughout the episode when they are confined he wants to be with his companion, the one he chose, but Louis wants their daughter. I’ve read the novels I know Lestat’s story he wants to be loved but does no way of accomplishing that goal. I’m pissed about what he did, but at the same time I understood his frame of mind. 

Lestat literally hung in the air begging Louis to tell him he was unloved to make it easier on him. He tried telling him multiple times since Claudia he felt neglected. His voice and emotions he was holding Louis so close before he dropped him and even then he was so upset. NOT THAT ITS RIGHT. 

This episode killed me emotionally because it was fucking beautiful! You have the emotions of Claudia and everything that is happening to her then the downfall once again of Lestat and Louis. THEN the fucking Grace scene! OH MY GOD MY HEART! And the fact she knew he was a monster, but could not cope so she gave him a grave and Claudia watched it and for the first time felt empathy for Louis. She realized Louis suffers. The realization that a parental figure suffers is horrible. When the fight happens, Lestat went overboard, but at the same time what made him so sympathetic is when it slowed down and he was telling Louis “I can’t hold myself back. You should stop.” Then the moment of calm as Louis tells Claudia that its over. You don’t see them and its terrifying. I can imagine Lestat was fucking sick of hearing about her. This whole episode was an emotional rollarcoaster! Oh my GOD!

End of rant. 

I need to lay down.