#its just like so much of his conversation on reclamation fits the whole

[maxellminidisc]

There this one artist I see pretty often amongst gay Mexicans that makes my eye twitch cause so much of his content raises red flags for me of being one of those mixed Mexicans that "reclaims" indigenaity (if you know what I'm talking about, you know, its hard to explain) but I am reluctant to say much cause I do not have the patience to be dealing with the inevitable bitching that would come from it cause I absolutely know how stupid mixed Mexicans can be when you tell them to use their fucking brains and quit being racist LMAO

[queerofcups]

hi dann, you're under no obligation to answer this & this isn't dnp related- I just have a question- what are your opinions on the usage of the word queer? is it a slur? because that's what I identify myself as because everyone made me feel uncomfortable when I fit in with the pansexual label & I feel like queer fits, and I need an opinion from someone who identifies as queer as well. I've been having an identity crisis for a while and yeah. ty btw, ily and I hope you're having a great day💘🌈

lol y’all are so sweet, don’t worry, I don’t answer things I don’t want to answer. 

i think queer is a reclaimed slur. which means that it has been used violently towards large groups of LGBTQ+ folks in the past and is still used violently toward some LGBTQ+ people currently. I think that its an individual’s right to ask people not identify them that way. People still get verbally and physically abused for being LGBTQ and absolutely still get called queer while that happens. I get annoyed with people who identify as queer or hate the whole q-slur thing because they tend to erase that experience, and that’s bullshit.

Now what an individual doesn’t get to do is dictate the way you identify or, in my opinion, the way you identify people like you. Hence, reclamation. Now, I personally subscribe to the “if you wouldn’t be called it, don’t use it” school of thought around reclaimed slurs, (hence why I, a pansexual or bisexual, feel just fine using the word dyke, because no one’s going to ask about me or my spouse’s gender identity before spewing shit at us, y’know?) so I get squirrelly around straight people using the term queer all willynilly (though that’s apparently also a regional thing). 

Tbh, I also think that the whole discourse around the word queer is just like, us language policing ourselves out of any sort of radicalness. Like yes, queer meant bad and wrong and not straight and not cis and sexual in the wrong way (as if all of those things are synonymous) and that’s why...it is powerful to reclaim it? Like for a long time a lot of the queer community reveled in being counter hegemonic ideals of “normalcy” coming from straight people. And now its like “gasp you’re calling yourself a slur you’re letting them wiiiiiiin”, like no. Yes, I’m queer and yes, I fuck in a way that makes you uncomfortable and yes, I pick and choose what social gender markers I’m interested in and yes, you probably hate me for all. And I’m proud of all of it. Because despite all of that hate for all of the ways I live my life, like bitch I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it. 

there’s also a whole other arm here about how the people railing against people calling themselves queer are also the people who are like omggggg you can only use femme if you’re a lesbian because the 50s!!!, like a large fraction of the people we called lesbian historically weren’t id’ing as some kind of bi or pansexual at some point. when will we acknowledge that both history and identity shirk rigidity like no one’s business. 

and tbh, shout out to the people that actively identify as f*gs and dykes and tr**ny as well who are probably so fucking sick of this conversation too because its so fucking boring and old and erases so much of our culture in the name of.......honestly I’m not sure what the point of the whole q-slur thing is. 

tll;dr, i’m queer, i think the q-slur shit is silly 95% of the time, identify how you like (within reason, don’t be that white person that’s like ~*i’m two-spirit*~) and go outside and experience life outside of tumblr where i swear to you people aren’t examining your identity calling card with a magnifying glass.

[recentanimenews]

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun – 02 – Boosting Social XP

With Fumiya’s goals laid out, it’s time to grind! Talking to three different girls is a steep task for someone who virtually never speaks to any, but Aoi has a detailed plan for  him. First, she’s already chosen to whom he should speak from her circle of friends—a measure of quality control. But she notably doesn’t hold his hand the whole way. He has to get out there and execute on his own.

An added wrinkle is the the fact girls at their school have a choice of wearing either a bow or necktie, and the custom of only the popular girls wearing the latter. Two of the girls he must speak to are with the “necktie team,” which feels like an added level of difficulty. But in his very first exchange with necktier Izumi Yuzu, simply asking her for a tissue, Fumiya does fine; he even interacts with a second girl in bow-tier Kikuchi Fuuka.

Fumiya hesitates in his next interaction during home ec, with the lively Nanami Minami (AKA Mimimi), because the plan said Aoi would be present to have his back, but this also seems like Aoi putting him on the deeper end of the pool to see what he’s got when faced with the unexpected. He ends up lauding Minami for her “empathy” when she says “I get that”, sounding like an old man and eliciting genuine, non-mocking laughter from her.

So far so good, but what happens when the social situation—or “battle”—is complicated by additional “combatants”? First, Natsubayashi Hanabi (AKA Tama) arrives, adding a completely different vibe to the conversation as Mimimi affectionately gloms onto her and tells her “Fumiya is funny!”

Before Mimimi or Fumiya can explain it to Tama so she doesn’t feel out of the loop, the three main “in-crowd” dudes arrive. They’re led by Nakamura Shuuji, whom we know to still be sore over his TackFam loss to Fumiya. Mimimi explains Fumiya’s “joke”, Shuuji dismisses it as no joke at all, and Mimimi puts it to a vote.

Fumiya notices that Tama doesn’t vote, so he also abstains so as not to keep her feeling left out. Finally, Aoi arrives and votes for Fumiya, giving both him and Tama the cover they needed to vote for him. She even uses the opportunity to bring up the fact Shuuji lost to Fumiya, and how his resultant sour attitude may be why he was dumped.

If all this sounds extremely complex, it’s because we’re watching all of the intricacy that lies behind seemingly mundane or effortless high school social interactions through Fumiya’s eyes: as a novice trying to familiarize himself with the game’s  mechanics and and pitfalls.

In their afterschool debriefing in the sewing room, Aoi explains how she wasted no time broached the topic of Shuuji’s TackFam loss as part of a larger effort to avoid Shuuji—who like her has considerable social clout—from being rude to Fumiya and hurting his progress (since it would give others permission to be rude).

Aoi believes that on balance, Fumiya’s first “field practice” was a huge success. He was a little shaky out there, but the conditions were met without cheating. She also has him rely on his own instincts by garnering comments form him. For instance, he noticed Tama seemed “a bit off”, which Aoi chalks up to Tama’s strong will and hesitance to “go along to get along”

Between the vote and debriefing, Fumiya witnesses the interactions between just the trio of Aoi, Mimimi and Tama, and learns why Hanabi is nicknamed Tama (b/c “hanabi” means fireworks, and you traditionally say “tamaya!” when they explode…pretty clever!) We also learn that Mimimi is not afraid of showing affection for her friends, whether it’s glomming on Tama or tickling Aoi’s navel.

Aoi “returns fire” by going in for a kiss—which seems to thoroughly through Mimimi off balance—only to gently blow on her lips. Both this incident and the fact Aoi being the only one in class with the “guts” to tease Shuuji further reinforce the reality that Aoi is an elite, “utterly terrifying” player of this game. Like Fumiya in TackFam, if you’re coming at Aoi IRL, you best come correct!

Now that Fumiya has familiarized himself with conversation somewhat, the next step is to get better at it by continuing to recognize the reactions of the girls he talks to, the shifts in mood those conversations take, and become comfortable with adjusting on the fly.

Being able to join in conversations with girls multiple times per day (no one-and-dones here) will also help him make progress towards his medium goal of getting a girlfriend, because the more girls he talks to, the more he’ll know who is a better fit for him, thus determining to whom he should be committing more effort. It’s akin to knowing your enemy’s levels before entering battle to ensure victory.

While becoming more agile in conversation through the accumulation of XP, Fumiya will simultaneously be practicing proper posture. A stronger posture will result in a stronger state of mind, just as confidence can be boosted by drawing on the positive reactions better posture will engender. Aoi clutches Fumiya’s buttock, but not as a flirtation. It’s merely a clinical check to ensure he’s using those muscles properly.

That afternoon, Aoi says she’ll be heading home with two of the three in guys (not Shuuji) and Mimimi, that he’ll be accompanying them, taking mental notes and honing his conversational skills. With Aoi with him this time, she’s able to support him with his “butt exercise” comment, which might’ve clanged to the floor without her seconding its efficacy.

Aoi then throws Fumiya a curveball mid-trip home: he and Mimimi are getting off early, since they live in the same area, so he’ll be interacting one-on-one with her, just like in home ec. Fortunately, Mimimi has no problem with his. On the contrary, she seems eager to help Fumiya come out of his shell even thought she’s unaware of his training, giving him an encouraging pat on the back.

Fumiya and Mimimi casually discuss his glumness and her liveliness, and when he asks if there’s ever times she’s not “all smiling and bubbly”, she says those times are when it’s most important to be that way. He then recalls what Aoi said about the body and mind being liked, and Mimimi can’t help but bring up the fact he and Aoi have been awfully buddy-buddy of late.

Fumiya sidesteps that by declaring Aoi out of his league, but Mimimi maintains he should “let his fun side shine” more often, since he’s shown he’s actually pretty funny when he wants to be. Fumiya explains that fun isn’t the end-all-be-all for him; in TackFam, for instance, he plays because he loves it, and the fun is a bonus.

Mimimi also shows quite a bit of self-reflection when the subject turns to Tama, comparing her “won’t bend or be bent” nature to her “always be bending” attitude. It’s another great success for Fumiya, as he and Mimimi never had so much as an awkward silence while walking together.

As for determining who might be girlfriend material, that remains to be seen, but in their next debriefing Aoi has Fumiya acknowledge that his tendency to speak his mind regardless of the mood of the conversation makes him similar to Tama, who isn’t afraid to speak hers. Aoi believes that’s a strength in both, and Fumiya shouldn’t be afraid to use it.

Like the previous meeting, Aoi asks Fumiya to bring up anything else he learned, and he says he’s become aware that any productive conversation requires specific roles be filled, like different jobs in an RPG party: someone who introduces new topics (like Mimimi) and one who expands on existing ones (like Aoi).

Aoi is glad he’s picked up on this organically, and directs him to practice playing both roles. She expresses her joy with the phrase “HEXactly!”, which she finally explains was the catchphrase of a retro game she loved. She’s so delighted he’s heard of it she breaks out of teaching mode…but only momentarily!

To that end, Aoi has prepared flash cards of conversation topics for Fumiya to practice, and also recorded their meeting so he can listen to the sound of his voice. She also arranges their first Saturday meet-up. The fact she’s spending a day she’s free of club work on Fumiya means Aoi is determined to make her reclamation project a resounding success.

It’s great to see Fumiya not just making steady progress, but for the difficulty level not to be artificially heightened by, say, cartoonishly intractable personalities. At the end of the day these aren’t tough “bosses” Fumiya is being made to fight: Mimimi, Tama, Yuzu, and Fuuka are all nice people who aren’t hard to get along with, and all seem willing in one way or another to give him the benefit of the doubt despite his reputation.

At the same time, I’m thoroughly pleased Fumiya doesn’t need to be dragged kicking and screaming from his morose philosophy. While understandably a bit reticent at times, he’s neither resistant nor stubborn about submitting to Aoi’s prescribed plan. The best way he can show respect to her not inconsiderable efforts is by being a model trainee; a veritable sponge absorbing as much as he can, while not forgetting to have fun. So far, so good!

By: sesameacrylic

[chorddebtor0-blog]

Michael Kenny’s Offseason Plan, and Plan Tracker

Before I get started with my own plan, I wanted to share the link to the South Side Sox offseason plan tracker spreadsheet, which I’ll be updating as all of your plans roll in. This will give us an idea of which decisions are the most popular, how much everyone is giving up in money and trades, and more.

2018-19 SSS Offseason Plan Tracker

Sorry, White Sox fans, but the window is not opening in 2019.

It could have, had things gone better in 2018. Yoán Moncada could’ve broken out for 4 or 5 WAR instead of backing into 2 and looking like 0. Michael Kopech could’ve stayed healthy and lived up to the hype. Any other prospect could’ve stayed healthy. Seriously, was Dylan Cease the only guy in the whole farm system that didn’t get injured? That’s ironic.

With Moncada providing more questions than answers, Kopech tearing his UCL, Lucas Giolito falling apart, Eloy Jiménez being held back, and a big ol’ pile of injuries in the minors, it’s become clear that 2019 is not the year. The Sox need another season of development to get the answers they currently lack, which makes pushing toward contention this winter a futile exercise.

Any moves the Sox make this offseason need to be with 2020 and 2021 in mind. In 2020, Moncada, Giolito, and Reynaldo López will have one more season under their belts, Jiménez will be settled in, Kopech will return, and the second wave of prospects will arrive in the majors. In 2021, Carlos Rodón and Yolmer Sánchez will reach free agency. Those two seasons represent the convergence of most of the organization’s talent, and hopefully enough players will take steps forward to extend the window well beyond that.

Of course, the two names on everyone’s minds are Bryce Harper and Manny Machado. I’m sure either of those guys would be thrilled to sign with a team that just lost 100 games, and I’m sure the White Sox would offer them enough money to do it, especially since they’re known for giving out blockbuster contracts. There are simply too many teams with too much money, too much existing talent, and too much TWTW for the Sox to even be a footnote in those negotiations.

My goal is to set this team up for future success knowing that the blockbuster is not happening, but hoping that they’ll go all in a year from now, when the time is right. Let’s get to it!

Arbitration-Eligibles

José Abreu – $16 million – TENDER

Avisaíl García – $8 million – TENDER

Yolmer Sánchez – $4.7 million – TENDER

Carlos Rodón – $3.7 million – TENDER

Matt Davidson – $2.4 million – TENDER

Leury García – $1.9 million – TENDER

The first four on this list are easy decisions. I wouldn’t blame you if you non-tendered Leury or Davidson, although I think they can both still be moderately useful players and their salaries won’t break the bank. If either has to be DFA’d midseason to give someone else a chance, so be it, but they stay for now.

Options

You already know how this goes in real life; James Shields’ option was declined, and Nate Jones’s option was picked up. Jones presents a tough decision, but I think that it’s wise to give him one more chance to pitch a full, healthy season. He hasn’t lost any velocity through all of these injuries, so there’s still hope that he can get back to pitching effectively.

Impending Free Agents

Miguel González (2018 salary: $4.75 million) – LET GO

Hector Santiago (2018 salary: $2 million) – LET GO

There are far too many pitchers in this organization to give any more innings to either of these guys.

Free Agent Signings

Sign RHP Nathan Eovaldi to a 3-year, $51 million contract.

After missing all of 2017 following Tommy John surgery, Eovaldi picked up right where he left off with a 3.60 FIP in 111 innings. He’s an above-average starter when healthy, and it’s unfortunate that he had such a great postseason because he’s no longer as under-the-radar as he was a month ago. I’m signing him for three years, although now I’m a bit worried that it will take four to get a deal done, so I’m upping the annual value to compensate.

Eovaldi issued just 20 walks this season, so he’ll be a great addition to a pitching staff that led the majors in free passes (653). He also generates a healthy amount of ground balls (46.8 percent career). Basically, Eovaldi should help to stabilize a highly uncertain 2019 rotation, and if he continues to pitch well, he becomes an asset to the team in 2020-21 or a trade chip to acquire help elsewhere.

Sign LHP Drew Pomeranz to a 1-year, $9 million contract.

The Sox already had one hole to fill in the rotation, but with Michael Kopech down for the count it’s probably a good idea to add another. For that reason, I’m signing both Eovaldi, a pitcher on the rise, and Pomeranz, a reclamation project.

Pomeranz posted back-to-back 3-win seasons before bombing with the Red Sox this year. He spent two months on the disabled list with biceps tendinitis, and the issue sapped both his velocity (90 mph average fastball, down from 92) and control (5.35 BB/9). He got some of his zip back in the second half, but the Red Sox bumped him to the bullpen after they acquired... Nathan Eovaldi.

Eovaldi and Pomeranz fill out the rotation, with Jordan Stephens the next man up out of Charlotte. There’s also a chance that Dylan Cease forces his way into the conversation, but given the nature of pitching there will always be opportunities.

Sign C Jeff Mathis to a 1-year, $2 million contract.

I really don’t know what to do about Omar Narváez. His bat is legit, but his glove does not belong at catcher. Like, at all. A guy who hits .275/.366/.429 shouldn’t feel like a fringe major leaguer, but that’s how much value he gives back with his defense. I gave a lot of thought to just moving Narváez to third base this offseason (hey, it worked for Brandon Inge), but I think the most realistic solution is to make him a part-time catcher, part-time 1B/DH. That will diminish his offensive value, but it will also limit his defensive damage.

Given Narváez’s limitations, Welington Castillo isn’t the right catcher to pair with him. I think keeping Omar as a catcher requires bringing in a defensive specialist as his caddy, and Mathis can be that guy. He’s a banjo hitter, to be sure, but he’s also an excellent defender. There’s a reason he’s continued to find work despite a career 50 wRC+. Oof, did I say 50? Well, ultimately he’s just keeping this spot warm for Seby Zavala.

Trades

Acquire 3B Maikel Franco from the Phillies for OF Blake Rutherford and RHP Jimmy Lambert.

The Phillies are looking to make a huge splash this offseason, and they can’t afford to wait around on Franco to realize his potential when Machado and others are there for the taking. At 26, Franco is still mostly projection because he’s yet to live up to his former elite prospect hype. He showed signs of life this year with a 105 wRC+, but his performance has been uninspiring overall, in part due to some conditioning issues. Give him a change of scenery, get him in the Best Shape of His Life, and maybe he’ll run with the new opportunity.

The Sox have such a ridiculous glut of outfielders and pitchers that they can start dipping into it a bit to diversify their assets and take a risk on a player like Franco, who has three more years of control. Rutherford and Lambert are expendable without putting the depth of the system in jeopardy.

Acquiring an everyday third baseman also allows Yolmer Sánchez to shift into a super-sub role, where I think he can be very valuable on a good team. If Franco flops, Sánchez can just take the hot corner back. This also means saying goodbye to José Rondón, but I don’t really believe his low-average power surge is sustainable.

Acquire RHP Stiward Aquino from the Angels for C Welington Castillo and $3 million.

I really liked the Castillo signing at the time. The only reason I didn’t include him in my plan last year was because I didn’t think the Sox would be able to get him. Of course, a midseason PED suspension is a great way to kill any goodwill with your organization and fanbase.

Moreover, as I said above, Castillo just doesn’t fit on this team anymore. Unfortunately, these factors combined give the Sox about as much leverage on the trade market as they had with Nick Swisher. I suspect some team that really needs help behind the plate will allow Castillo to don the tools of ignorance, but they’ll want to acquire him at a discount and give up little in return.

I imagine the Los Angeles Angels would take on Castillo given that their current catchers are a 29-year old rookie, a 26-year-old rookie, and Kevan Smith. In exchange they’re sending Aquino, a 19-year-old pitcher with a lanky 6-foot-6 frame who lost his 2018 to Tommy John surgery.

Other Moves

Offer OF Eloy Jiménez a 7-year, $50 million extension.

I don’t expect Jiménez to sign an early-career extension the way many young White Sox players have. He’s a star waiting in the wings, and the Sox done him wrong at the end of 2018. That said, a record-shattering deal like this might get his attention given that his amateur signing bonus was a mere $2.8 million. It would also spare both sides the “Work on your defense for two weeks” charade.

In all likelihood, the charade is still on. If it is, Nicky Delmonico breaks camp with the major league team and, barring injury, he’s the odd man out come April 12.

Get Matt Davidson on a mound.

Seriously. I don’t think there’s any reason that a team can’t lean on its backup DH to throw two or three innings in garbage time. In an era where relievers are more important than ever, converting a defensively limited guy into a two-way player and pitching him in low-leverage situations can spare the rest of the bullpen. It may even allow the Sox to forego whatever random junkballer veteran swingman they would need instead. It’s the new market inefficiency!

The Roster

Lineup

2B Yoán Moncada C Omar Narváez 1B José Abreu DH Daniel Palka LF Nicky Delmonico Eloy Jiménez RF Avisaíl García 3B Maikel Franco SS Tim Anderson CF Adam Engel

Bench

C Jeff Mathis UT Yolmer Sánchez OF Leury García 1B/RHP Matt Davidson

Rotation

LHP Carlos Rodón RHP Nathan Eovaldi RHP Reynaldo López LHP Drew Pomeranz RHP Lucas Giolito

Bullpen

RHP Ian Hamilton LHP Jace Fry RHP Zack Burdi RHP José Ruiz RHP Nate Jones RHP Thyago Vieira LHP Caleb Frare (Or swap in Ryan Burr, Carson Fulmer, Aaron Bummer, Juan Minaya, Dylan Covey, etc.)

Summary

You may have noticed that this team is not that good, but it’s a pretty big step forward from 2018. If things break right, they could push into the 75-to-80-win range, and that would set the table for a serious push in 2020.

This team’s payroll is in the neighborhood of $88 million, and only Eovaldi and Tim Anderson (and possibly Jiménez) have guaranteed contracts beyond 2019. That kind of flexibility opens up endless possibilities for next offseason, when the free agent market will be headlined by players like these:

Source: https://www.southsidesox.com/2018/11/1/18038098/michael-kennys-offseason-plan-and-plan-tracker

[aliceviceroy]

When Queerness Is Cultural Capital, Lesbians Go Broke. June 27, 2017 There’s a video going around social media this Pride month: the ABCs of the LGBTQA. It says “those six letters will never be enough…” while smoke in every color of the rainbow swirls around a multicultural dance troupe. The video, produced by an expensive gym franchise, is further proof that Pride has been fully co-opted by identity capitalism. A is for ally, aka a straight person who identifies as woke. E is for exhibitionist. H is for heteroflexible. K is for kink. What I learned from this abecedarian of narcissism is that LGBT didn’t include enough people, so we added literally everyone else. We are witnessing an interesting cultural trend of inclusion so radical that it demands a catchall (I know I don’t have time to list out those 26-to-infinity letters): queer. What this viral Pride season commercial illustrates is that queer identity is about more than who you love or fuck. There’s no requirement to be homosexual, just to be open-minded. This whole thing is less about “labels” and more about the lifestyle attached to sticking a “Love is love” sign in your front yard. How did we get here? How did queer go from a slur, to a political slogan, to an identity, to this purposefully impossible to define denotation of the in-crowd? This marketing campaign? And where do lesbians fit? Do we get to sit at the cool kids table? Or should we return to our camper vans where we won’t inconvenience anybody with our folk music and our boring monosexuality? Cara, the former etymologist at Autostraddle, writes that queer comes to us from Old Scots, and its first recorded use was in an insult competition. Before 1508, its Old High German antecedents referred to strangeness or eccentricity. She writes, “According to the OED, “queer” first showed up on paper in 1508, in a transcription of “The Flyting of Dumbar and Kennedie.” Flyting, very popular in early 16th-century Scotland, was a public entertainment in which bards “would engage in verbal contests of provocative, often sexual and scatological but highly poetic abuse.” Whether as an insult or a synonym for not-normal, queer was only ever used to cast out those people deemed freaks, to bully anyone gender non-conforming, to rally the mob for a game of smear the queer. When the queer reclamation project began in the bullhorns and on the picket signs of gay liberationists, the purpose was to strike back against heteronormativity. “We’re here, we’re not like you, and we don’t want to be.” Or how about, “We’re here, we are what we are, and you don’t get to define normal anymore.” Judging by the mainstreaming of the term, queer is hardly considered derogatory to many in the LGBT family. Reclamation projects are not always so swiftly accepted. Women who’ve tried to reclaim “slut” (eg Slut Walk, slutshaming) have not successfully ended rape culture or the virgin/whore dichotomy. The difference between unsuccessful reclamation projects like “slut,” and wildly popular projects like “queer” is the degree to which not only the word can be normalized, but also the people who it is used to describe. It reminds me of that Weezer song, “everyone’s a little queer…” See “queer” as a term has become an umbrella that accommodates not only the type of sex you have and with whom, but also how you identify the sex you have, how you identify your personality, your aura, the ineffable je ne sais queer that may or may not be related in any way to your sexuality, or even the way you present yourself to the world, but simply some deeply held, internal feeling. You don’t actually need to share a common oppression or a common romantic or sexual behavior. You don’t need to share the common experience of gay bashing, having your Christian parents disown you, or any kind of homophobia. You also don’t need to share the experience of getting sweaty palms and weak knees when Rachel Maddow is on TV, or when K. Stew shows up in your Instagram feed. You don’t need to weep all through Carol because it’s the first time anyone made a mainstream movie about lesbians where nobody died in the end. That’s cool; I mean there is no homogenous experience of being gay, and not every lesbian shares with me those experiences I just described, so why should I mind that I have literally nothing in common with the genderfluid individual marching next to me at Dyke March, other than we both have short hair and only wear eyeliner when the mood strikes? The reason I mind is because queer, in functioning as a catchall, serves to obscure what it is about my life, my community, my partners, that I needed to learn to be proud of in the first place. Because for me and all the other lesbians I know, figuring out your sexuality is hard enough, but the real work is in accepting yourself, demanding acceptance from others, being willing to walk away when that acceptance is denied. Lesbians are women, and women are taught that we’re supposed to be sexually available objects of public consumption. So we spend a lot of time saying “No.” No, we won’t fuck or partner with men; no, we won’t change our minds about this; no, this body is a no-man’s land. Lesbian, straight or bi, women are punished whenever we try to assert a boundary. Queer as a catchall term makes it really hard for lesbians to assert and maintain this boundary, because it makes it impossible to name this boundary. The inherent boundary-less nature of queer as its meaning has morphed from an insult to an identity has not necessarily made more spaces for gay and lesbian people so much as moved the furniture around. I’ll give you an example. I recently moved to a new city and was hoping to start a group house to save on rent. I joined a Facebook group called Queer Housing. I made an ad looking for queer roommates, and what I got was a whole lot of messages like “I’m a cis guy and my nonbinary femme girlfriend and I are looking for a house where we can enjoy watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race with other queers.” OK. I was kind of hoping for a house that looks more like the group house in Dykes to Watch Out For than the episodes of the Real World where the token bisexual makes out with a heteroflexible girl while the guys egg them on. One where we have a common culture, common interests, and common cause politically. Meanwhile, lesbians (people who are, legal or not, discriminated against in housing, suffer with fewer job prospects and tend to make less money than straight men, will have one less cheap housing option because the str8s are in here taking up space. Oh but A is for Ally in Queer Land, right?). Yet again, space created by and for people marginalized by their sexuality is colonized by people who enjoy all of the benefits of heterosexual privilege. It’s really hard to talk about privilege — who has it and who doesn’t — in the paradigm of queer theory, because one’s self-perception is the basis of one’s standpoint, rather than one’s membership in a broader social class like man, woman, gay or straight. I witnessed a woman in a heated Facebook argument weaponizing her queer identity as the standpoint for why her word on queerness and queer rights should be the last. A gay man asked “does your queer identity include sleeping with someone of the same sex?” She responded angrily that her queerness was spiritual and deeply personal, and that she didn’t need to share the many ways in which she was queer. That’s fine, although no one asked you for a play by play of how you reach orgasm. While my lesbianism is also deeply personal and spiritual, it’s impossible for me to hide behind “well I don’t need to tell you in what ways I’m a lesbian.” I can’t walk down the street without some man telling me that I look unfuckable. I can’t hold my sweetie’s hand in public without some man yelling “Why don’t you let a real man try? I could fuck you straight, girl.” It was a choice to come out, but I come out again every day. I could pass for straight if I would let my hair grow a little longer and stop wearing such practical shoes, but as soon as people see the way I interact with the women in my life, they know. I don’t want to indulge in “binary thinking,” in setting up a dichotomy between homos and heteros. Of course I know for some people, sexuality is fluid, and for others, it is very fixed throughout their lives. Many straight people have confusing crushes or days of experimentation, just like gay people do. Lots of people find themselves all sorts of places on the Kinsey scale. Goddess knows I was all over the place before pitching my tent in Dykesville. Yet, queer is not exact enough for me. Maybe there have been parts of me that dabbled in polyamory and BDSM, but those parts are subcategories of my specifically lesbian experience. So who cares if every letter of the alphabet is celebrated during Pride? What do I lose when lesbian is lumped in with queer? Well, for starters, political cogency. Last I checked it wasn’t the kink bars or the swingers parties that the cops raided in the 1950s, it was the gay bars, and anyone caught there could be roughed up, thrown in jail, raped or molested by cops and guards with total impunity. When Mike Pence advocated for conversion therapy as a Congressman, he wasn’t targeting those people who like to be ball-gagged or beaten during sex. He and his cronies are coming for those of us who want to live that gay lifestyle (with and without ball gags). Theresa Butz didn’t get to explain the infinitesimal nuance of her identity to the man who raped and murdered her for having the audacity to live with her girlfriend. The violence that lesbians experience is specific to being lesbian, and the culture that lesbians enjoy is specific to being lesbian. Both ends of this, the good and the bad, are the stuff a movement is based on. Queer identity and queer culture both stop short of speaking to this lesbian experience. These days when I hear someone call themselves queer, I just assume that their sexuality is too complicated to understand without a liberal arts degree. Honestly, I don’t care. I only need to know what labels you use if we’ve both swiped right, or when I’m sending out the invites to the potluck where we plot the overthrow of the heteropatriarchy. It does annoy me though, that everyone who has ever watched “lesbian” porn, or had an asymmetrical haircut, or read The Ethical Slut is demanding a rainbow participation badge. It means the market for selling not-normal, edgy, cool-ness is bigger and more profitable to lifestyle brands. It means anyone who is not-normal, edgy or cool has something to sell. It’s actually OK to let your freak flag fly without calling yourself queer or joining our parade. You can be proud of the fact that you’re not the kind of person who would slur a homo in public, the kind of person who wouldn’t bat an eyelash when you see Abby Wambach kiss her girlfriend in the stands. Ally, exhibitionist, heteroflexible, kinkster, and so on, your pride is not the same as my pride. It’s OK that I’m different from you. It’s OK that you have more in common with straight people than with LGBT people. Then again, I probably just don’t understand the personal and spiritual aura of queerness you carry deep down."