#its like the shit where ive seen people literally just too afraid of one label for whatever reason so they make up a middle label

[r1ghtwhereyouleftme]

Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse

Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*

[groupie-inspired]

this is the most truthful thing about men i have interacted with.

if you are. a man. read this for the insider hot take !! from my female perspective

(girls may resonate)

like most of my female friends are lesbians or are bi yet choose to only date women and honestly. girl i am ready to follow suit

guys are just. hm.

and the hard part too is like i go for band guys and i want them to not be Awful but unfortunately i end up with emotionally unavailable babies because my father is an emotionally unavailable baby man and that’s probably what it’s about

i want to reform the douche bags but it does not fucking WORK for ME. sometimes they end up a better person but i never get anything from them for that and it’s like

i literally had to be your fucking therapist, your mother, your friend, your whatever and for WHAT

i get sad and i cry about these guys mainly because they won’t cooperate and i mean really at this rate i just feel like guys are fucking vending machines that i try to shake until one (1) emotional validation coin falls out

it’s like i cry because i KNOW im better than this shit and im like. bitch. you are so STUPID and like the guys also know that i am better than this shit a lot of the time aND YET

and there have been situations where these guys have LITERALLY been older than me and yet been less mature than me in so many ways and I’ll be like. he can do better, he’ll do better. but SIKE they will be thinking to themselves “i can do better” but wait fifteen fucking years to do better, and I probably will never even get to see the results of my literal LABOR at this point

like y’all should’ve paid me for showing you the light I never used to feel this way but now. You All Have Changed Me. so good on you

and part of it to is like. have y’all ever seen a nike commercial????

Just Do It

just fucking like. stop thinking about every little thing like what if I won’t work what if this what if I don’t want this and it’s like

you will never even KNOW IF YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME NORMALLY LASHWLGSOWGSOWGWLGEOW

and other than these guys I swear there are LIKE SEVEN GUYS QHO ARE ACTUALLY KIND THAT LIKE ME AT SCHOOL BUT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM BECAUSE I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PROBLEMS AND THEY ARE NOT NY TYPE AND ITS LILE. WHO DID THIS TO ME. and they’re all fucking friends but it’s not a problem between them because they all KNOW that they probably won’t date me and it’s like

what even IS THIS

who do you guys think I AM

like why do you show up only to run away why are you scared of strong women

like you go for a 16 or 17 year old maybe because you think she will take ur shit and also be immature & pliable but then y’all find me and I am not that and you’re like

BRB GOTTA DIP

i am not even your catholic school girl fantasy my school uniform has PANTS. PANTS!!!!!!!!

I just wanna know why so many men go about life acting like other people aren’t even something to truly be concerned with. It’s always like. How could this benefit ME? and it’s like. Other People Exist.

like if I sent you a pic of me in my bra can you maybe pretend to have HALF AN EMOTION FOR ME

because it was fucking YOU WHO STARTED THIS

like why did YOU do this????????

99% of the time i Was Just Minding My Own Business

and it’s like sure man im glad you’re having a good time assessing your options but have you considered the fact that this is not a FUCKING SHELF in the CLEARANCE section at TARGET

it’s not like one of them is gonna be labeled 50% off or something and there will be less risk associated

yet you still are out here acting like each and every “option” is!!! Buy One Get One Free!!!!

and you know what this the TRUTH and I don’t even care if y’all don’t like me anymore!!!!!!!

you act like A FOOL a literal FOOL. send in the CLOWNS my DUDE

and I bet a man won’t even read this far because they usually don’t even have the attention span to say goodbye to me after they get what they Came for if you know what i mean

im tired of being nice because literally. do y’all deserve manners???????? i am from QUEENS so I am a BITCH and yet I try to be the bigger and better person in all these situations.

But I am just ANNOYED

it’s like i will feel strong emotions for a person and their reaction is basically like. hm that’s weird maybe stop that whilst they keep fucking rag dolling me thru drama after drama

i feel like i run some type of bs rehabilitation center. they show up and im like

hey. stop that

omg you’re right I’ll stop that

ok good so you’re gonna be more responsible with other people

yea

*they proceed to fall off the face of the earth*

I have had like multiple different variations of this kind of situation so if you are a Man and you think this is about you. in some way, it is.

i don’t want to hurt anyone yet you will walk around and just do shit because it’s better for YOU and not even prioritizing whether or not your actions hurt people who invested time and emotions into you because they believed you were good and could do better and saw the truth of who you were and didn’t let you hide like a fucking toddler

like I don’t wanna hurt any of these guys feelings but.... :/ I can’t afford to care that much anymore!!

so maybe like think before you get your dick out next time???? that people aren’t just things for you to use when you want or move around like pieces on a chess board to suit your “strategy” or “master life plan” or whatever the fuck

you’re a man so your success and happiness and love and lust is of the UTMOST importance all the time regardless of how anyone is impacted

it’s like have you fully considered that i, too, Have needs and if you can’t meet them??? don’t lie to me and act like you can be a FRIEND to me when you CANT

and then if you’re gonna say that you are different now and shit because of what ive said? maybe thank me properly by informing as to what the fuck is going on? instead of acting like you died or something LMAO

and I have had this happen with friends too where like five or six months after I cut them off they message me like Hey Lena. What Is Going On. like. you are gonna act like what happened didn’t happen? you’re gonna act like you didn’t take from me and lie to my fucking face? at my birthday party? BITCH!!!!

CONCLUSION (most important part i guess)

and anyway the truth is

if i invested in you in these ways that ive discussed, it was because i loved you. and if you aren’t mature enough to comprehend that love is not a scary word then I am not for you. because i try my best to love everyone and everything in this world, provided that they do not harm other people. if i did these things for you, even in my frustration, i probably STILL love you. and im sorry that, you don’t love me back. and you can’t experience the joy that comes with loving me, and the joy, and the loyalty, and the peace—the understanding that all people are connected thru love. i am truly sorry that you are afraid to have that, or don’t understand what that is. but, i won’t stop loving you because im fucking embrassed, or some people who don’t understand my philosophy think im weird. i won’t stop loving you just because some people think it’s “too much”. i am a lover, it is who i am, and i refuse to change myself for anyone— let alone a selfish man who can see nothing farther than his hand in front of him. every single day of my life is a struggle to maintain that love. i have never been shown love in the ways that i deserve, and yet i strive EVERY DAY to extend my love to the people and animals and plants that exist in this world. i have fought practically everyday of my life to love myself enough to keep living. to love those going thru challenges and who disrespect me. so truly!!!

im sorry that you don’t know what love is. yet, i hope one day, that you do.

[nirobiofficial]

2.1 Mind Map - Evaluation

1000 Words of Deconstruction

Contextual Understanding

While unpacking this area I had become aware of my processing. I also started to see my strengths and weaknesses. I have more of an understanding on the areas I need to work on but I genuinely find it difficult to go in depth about myself. Anyway back to context. My music form comes from Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop Culture has influenced me with all of its movement. KRS ONE published a book called The Gospel of Hip-Hop which I read with ore. Within the book he speaks about the roots of Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop is not just a Genre its a way of life. I find that subconsciously I have been living in alignment with Hip-Hop my whole life. I like exploring the unknown. I am a very deep person and you will get that in my music, no doubt. I am not afraid to speak truth in songs. But I advise my listeners that if they want to listen to ratchetness with a melodic tone.  then I am not the one you should listen to!

Lauryn Hills artistry really ignited a flame within me. When I first heard her Unplugged 2.0 album it had me sitting listening with both ears to Freedom Time out like “Yo, this women is saying so much of what I think, not only that, she is doing it unapologetically. Now coming from a Black Women. That is powerful!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kMEGdw_VF8

www.soundcloud.com/nirobi

Image and Identity

Tomboy

Growing up I have had a tomboyish style. I would rather wear trackies then a dress, or skirt. I don’t really show much but not because I am ashamed though its cause I like boyish clothes and plus I wear what I like with no fucks given. The media portrays Women as if we our only good at being sexual objects, like show off your assets then you will get respect from us. But I say fuck off to that! My looks do not define me inside. And respect definitely shouldn’t be judged on how you look! Whether I choose to dress feminine or not, it still does not justify what people’s opinions on having a lack of respect for oneself. It just says a lot about you as people if they choose to base respect on what is seen on the exterior layers.

Creative Output

I currently have a few songs on Soundcloud which to me I find are a bit too old now. However, I have some ingredients boiling away in the pot. I keep noticing that I can get really picky with my art which doesn’t allow me to share as much as I want to. I need to break out of this habit so that I can put out more. I attend Open mics occasionally but not as much as I would like to. Mostly down to the lack of knowledge on bars and nights that are on.

Experience

My years in theatre have played a big part in developing my stage presence. I really enjoy the intimacy of having a live audience. No matter how nervous I get now I can still keep it 100. I believe my character shows this. Seeing the audience reactions, having the view of eyes live on you rather than a Microphone in a sweaty boxed room is what I get the most out of. My most memorable moment on stage is when I was performing at the Royal Albert hall in the upstairs venue about 4 years ago (this was my first big performance) I was performing with a live band. Nerves where bubbling up in all directions, as I was going half way through the song, I whispered to the other vocalist ‘Shit, I forgot my lyrics!”. She whispered back “don’t worry Ive got you”. Then she improvised with some harmonies, at this moment my heart was literally spitting its own bars in my chest!. The audience felt like a court room and I was in the sentencing stage. But eventually after about a minute which felt like life I managed to remember my lyrics and got to the end of the song successfully. Lol I will never forget that!

Products

I have aspirations for creating my own brand & Clothing line. Representing what I stand for. Still on the theme of No box no label. I am aware I don’t have a lot of knowledge on how I can go about doing this, I will have to explore this area much more. But currently it isn’t what I am focused on. But it is in the pipeline of my branding.

Market Awareness

This was the hardest thing to process within my mind map. I noticed that I literally have been neglecting this area because I really dislike marketing, it sounds like jargon to me and  a lot for my brain to get my head around. I think its because of what I stand for so this is where the Red lights alert! lol. Reality shows me that I actually still have to work with it. So I guess I got to put up and step into this very uncomfortable zone so that I can source correctly.

Fanbase/Client Relationships

I need to perform more to create a core fan base. When I perform at open mics I have people coming up to me like ‘Where can I hear your stuff man?”. Im like oh follow me here and there but I don’t really deliver enough material online to have a core fan base. I am excited to experience this though I want to see the type of people that will follow me and my journey.

Industry Awareness

I’m aware of the fxxkeries, and the fakery of the industry. (Excuse my French but it kinda fits with how I see it) But Im also aware of the independent routes that tickle my fancy more. My movement will always stand with everything I do. So yeah. Im just trying to break down barriers and deliver with as much creative freedom possible!