#its such a complex thing too like idk. i wouldn't be able to explain it in a tumblr post either

[old-knightsvow]

this applies to tom meta too. you don't have to change anything in the meme it's just implied. nit even particularly tom gender meta i just think tom in general

[angst-king]

SO because I want to I'm going to go on a lil ramble about why Eijirou Kirishima from MHA is my comfort character while also 'kinning' (idk if that's the right term) Bakugou.....warning goes into detail about bullying, transphobia, and internal issues. Don't like. Don't read

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I got into MHA I believe around early highschool probably, sophomore yr of it (yeah I remember now due to covid). I was going through a rough time in my life where I was dealing with issues at home, doing martial arts, and figuring out who I was as a transman. I knew I wanted to be a boy since I was 9 it was more so 'what type of man'. When I got into MHA and saw Kirishima's backstory when it came to the bullying and not wanting to be weak anymore it was something I could relate to on a personal level. I had been horrifically bullied since I was young and as when during the time I got into the show/series. Not only that but at my martial arts place I wanted to prove I was just as strong as my peers if not stronger, I wanted to be the person my students and their parents could feel safe with. I literally took Kirishima's manliness philosophy and 'live life without regrets' to heart. His character was something that felt so close to human that I would relate to. Even though ya know in canon he's a cis boy, he tries to find out what sort of man and pro-hero he wants to be. And for me I wanted to be a man like him. On the flip side much like Katsuki I have an inferiority and superiority complex due to the harassment and awful things I've been through. One one hand I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough, others didn't see me as good enough or worth their attention or time. So I made it my thing to prove to them that I am. I wanted people to see me I wanted to be known.

The combination of both Bakugou and Eijirou''s canon traits did sink into my personality and it got me through a lot of hard times. Yes, I was caring, compassionate and sweet to children but I wasn't above sending some adult or teen crying either. Eijirou was willing to extend his arms out to those who needed it the most even if they wouldn't ask for it. And I did that too and sometimes it didn't always work out but other times I made some good friends. Having Kirishima as a comfort character & Bakugou as someone i 'kin' (again sorry if that isn't the right term) can be very strange at times but its gotten me through highschool and through getting my second-degree black belt. There were many fears I wouldn't have been able to face if not. Coming out to a martial arts place and using my chosen name in public was one of them....heights was another (I still hate heights man) I sought comfort in the parts I felt the most familiar. I sought comfort In the way he went about things and modeled himself to be.

Again sorry for the long winded, flip floppy ramble. I'm not good at explaining this and tried to not make this an essay. But now I'm curious, who's your comfort character (doesn't have to be MHA) and who do you kin (if you have one).

[halfusek]

Hey, can you please explain to me what exactly NFTS's are? I've been trying to find information about it but all I can find are articles screaming about how horrible you are if you support them, without actually giving me any information about what they are and what the actual harm is. If you could explain or provide me with links about what they are, I'd greatly appreciate it :D

i'm not gonna explain it in professional terms because i'm not gonna pretend i have any sort of expertise in the crypto language area but also i think keeping it symple is better

NFTs are links to digital assets, those digital assets most often are digital artworks hence why you often see those ugly monkey images because the person doing them sells them as NFTs (so they don't really sell the image but the link to that image); but they can also be photos, videos, audio files, screenshots, etc etc

those links aren't like image links you can get from right clicking on a picture, they are unique and encrypted, and their encryption is a very complex process that uses a lot of resources, hence making NFTs results in high emissions

and that's the problem people mostly point out about them, that they ruin the environment, but i feel this argument can be too weak if you don't go deeper into the subject so let's go a little deeper

because this argument has its counterpart that using social medias such as twitter, tumblr, or even real world money also has its emissions

but the thing is *anything* digital uses energy and leaves its carbon footprint because everything uses energy

so we kind of need to consider what things do we want to use and perhaps what we even need to use

think about what social medias are used for, a lot of them are used for connecting people you wouldn't otherwise be able to easily contact, they can be used for spreading social awareness, for organising events, not to mention communication in companies but also other sources of income like artists advertising their commissions and other users being there being potential customers, like it's only a few examples of how it's worth it to have those running that have their own share in emissions

real world money, hate it or love it, we literally could not just pull the plug for it any day without any preparation for it because so much depends on it

now let's take NFTs and what their general use is and honestly crypto in general

until recently it was used as an easy way to get very rich (most times by already rich people) because you didn't have to pay taxes for it, but now everything will need to be reported to the IRS or you will face the consequences and you'd think well that's normal well it was not normal to the cryptobros to which this is a huge L

which is also linked to using crypto for money laundering and shady businesses. not good stuff

another thing is how the process of getting rich with these works... it's not stable in the slightest, and after you buy one you need to find someone to sell it to, but if the price goes down before you do, then you lose money (often a lot of it); which is hard to call anything else than scamming

i've heard that NFTs can be used to support artists which uh. you can just. commission them? or subscribe to their patreon or use any other service like kofi, like this kinda stuff has already been there so i'd kindly wanna ask people who use this argument to fuck off because most artists don't want anything to do with that shit (and if they do they're greedy cock suckers sorry not sorry)

that's not really for NFTs, more for shit like bitcoin but crypto mines are bumping up the prices of graphics cards which Sucks because that's one of the most vitals parts of any computer

and more on crypto in general again, it's like money 2.0, but more useless, less stable, empowering shady rich people, and yeah sure some random "normal" folks get rich thanks to them but you are literally better off investing in some company

then at least you are contributing to something, idk find a nice startup company that you wanna see grow, with those you have more guarantee to get your money back and you don't contribute to a useless nasty fucking scheme that consumes way more energy than it's worth

[ann-stay]

Brown soft light, fighting the dark shadows-Seungmin

Warnings/au: sadness, angst (?), soft, idk I wrote this ages ago but enjoy!

Please Note: this used to be a W**j*n story however due to recent events I no longer support him, if I’ve missed a part in here where I’ve used his name and didn’t change it please let me know.

She pushed herself away from the desk and slide in the chair to the other side of the room. Groaning, she stood and exited the plain room. She headed to the kitchen for something good, something that could ease her frustration.

It had been like this for a few days, her continuously having to leave her laptop out of anger and frustration. She just couldn't write. She wasn't burnt out, no, she'd already recovered from that. She had major writer's block. Every idea that came to her head didn't flow nicely, nor could she put it into words on the screen.

All knowledge of writing had left her the past few days and it annoyed her to the point where she could break down. She was an online author, so updates were vital to her work. Without updates, she couldn't get views, without views, she didn't get paid. She questioned why she chose such a difficult path.

Swinging the fridge open she grabbed the chocolate and slammed the door shut. She hopped onto the kitchen bench and let her legs hang. It was her favourite thing to do, sit there and think. The bench was surprisingly comfortable and bought a warm homey feeling. She'd done this since she was little.

Taking a bite from the chocolate she looked about her apartment. It was a medium-sized apartment that she lived alone in. Although, her boyfriend would sleep over most nights when he was free. Which he wasn't often, but he made the time.

As far as a normal human could see, her life was good. Dream job, good boyfriend, nice apartment. It was perfect. But it wasn't. She struggled much more then anyone would be able to see. She had struggled with her own mind since she was a young girl. It got to the point, she could hide it from everyone-including the people that were closest to her.

Heck-she'd even isolate herself for a bit and people still wouldn't notice. All except one. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, as she would think) she had gotten better hiding it from said person.

It was scary for her to hide it though. The one person willing to help and that notices everything-she shuts out his help. Every moment she does she knows it hurts him. She hates that. She hates hurting him. So, she continues. Continues to cut him out more and more, hoping that he'll leave and find a better person.

But she doesn't want him to leave. She wants to curl up in his arms and stay there forever. She wants that warmth, love, and support. She wants to feel happy and content.

However, every waking happy moment she has it always turns bad. A light shower of rain, enough to even see a rainbow, suddenly turning into a raging storm that could tear lives apart. But she loves the rain.

The sound of it hitting the glass window. The cold calm feeling it brings with it. The way she would have to wear a sweater every time it rains so she can be comfy and warm. Drinking hot chocolate and watching the droplets fall.

"I don't deserve it..." she mumbled.

The chocolate fell from her hand onto the bench space beside her. A few tears pricking at her eyes as every dark thought seeped their way into her mind. Lacing her brain with its toxins. The plague of the mind. Except this plague is deadlier. Killing someone with a voice in their head. Killing them slowly as they still live. Yet they don't live. They are alive, but they aren't living. As if death himself inhabited them.

A sob escapes her mouth, getting off the bench, making sure she doesn't fall. Her back sliding down the cupboard doors. She pulls her knees as close to her chest as she can, her chubby body making it hard to hug them comfortably.

More sobs leave her trembling lips. Furiously wiping the bucket loads of tears. The lump in her throat making the crying just the more painful. Though she manages to shut them up, the tears were the only thing to show for her breakdown.

The lump in her throat grows, an empty yet full stomach of emotion. Pain. That's all she feels. She didn't know what pain it was. It was like the world had come crashing down even if it hadn't. A feeling that you'd get when you were having fun and then all that happiness was sucked out of you. Exhaustion. Yet it was way more complex and stronger than those feelings. It was a feeling you'd have to experience to understand but a feeling no one should ever experience or understand.

She wanted to scream.

She wanted it to end.

...

Keys rattled.

...

A door clicked, unlocking.

The girl stood quickly and rushed to the bathroom. Forcing her tears away. Rubbing at her face rapidly. Wash, towel, wash towel-repeat a million times. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"Hey, babe?" Her boyfriend called out.

"In the bathroom! I'll be out in a second!" She shouted back.

She smiled a few times, trying to get her face into a 'normal' position rather than one that looks exhausted and broken. The door opened and she stepped out.

"Where are you?" She asked.

"Just in the kitchen," he replied.

She followed his voice and found him taking a bite of her chocolate that was left on the bench. She smiled. He was too cute.

"Come here~ I missed you so much," he whined.

The girl laughed at him before walking over and getting engulfed in a warm hug.

"I missed you too Bubba~"

The boy chuckled at her, lifting her up onto the bench. He stood between her legs and held her at her waist. Her arms rested around his neck, playing with the back of his hair absentmindedly. Their eyes locked and the once happy smile on his face was replaced by a frown and furrowed brows.

"What's wro-"

"You've been crying."

"No, I haven't."

He looked at her, raising his brow.

"You think I don't notice these things?" he asked.

"Notice what things?" She asked, trying to act innocent.

"Things such as your face being slightly red in parts. When you cry your lips get red in patches. Your nose and cheeks also have red patches. Your eyes are slightly glossed over because you can never get the tears all out. Heck, your eyes don't match your smile...babe, what's wrong?"

She lost it. The tears instantly fell, the same world crashing feeling returned. Her head hit his shoulder/neck area and she sobbed, arms wrapping around him tighter. He was taken back for a split second, quickly recovering and pulling her closer.

He whispered sweet nothings into her ear, rubbing her back to comfort her. Her pain, so strong, it filled the apartment to the point her boyfriend could feel it. Like a dark shadow flowing off her body and covering everything. The homey feeling disappearing, replaced with emptiness.

He hated it. Not what his girlfriend had caused but what she was going through. He knew she was pushing him away. He knew that she knew it hurt him. But he also knew that all she needed was some space. He wasn't new to this.

Her isolating herself. In fact, it was good for her to a certain point. The isolation was her recharge. But at some point, in the recharge she always hits, so to say, a malfunction. A percentage where she was so close to being good yet so far.

In this time, he knew to be there for her. To hug her and support her. Not to ask what's wrong but to be there for her. If she needs to talk about it, she will-after asking if it's okay to talk with him a million times.

The sobbing quietened. Soon it stopped. His shirt drenched, but he could care less. A weight lifted from his shoulder. His eyes met her tired and broken ones. They said something, an apology. An apology from breaking down, for being weak, for possibly ruining his shirt, for the toxicity, ruining their night and so much more.

But in his eyes, they held forgiveness and care. He forgave her for everything she apologised for, whether she should've apologised for it or not. He cared about her more then she knew.

She did know though. She just couldn't understand or accept it fully.

They rested their foreheads together, soft breathes tickling each other's faces.

"The voices returned..." she mumbled, eyes closed.

He studied her now calm features, the way her soft lips moved.

"What were they saying this time?"

"Everything."

She opened her glossy eyes and stared into his. No one said anything. They just stared at each other, holding one another close together.

And soon enough, the warmth returned. Her boyfriend's warmth started radiating onto her and their apartment. A soft brown light battling the dark shadow. A sad smile appeared on the girl's face. Then a happy one on her boyfriends.

"You know, your eyes are really cute. And the small scar on your lips is adorable~" He cooed.

A blush etched its way on her cheeks.

"Oh, shush it."

They both laughed.

"Do you want to know something?" She asked.

"Hm?" he hummed in response.

"You, Mr. Kim Seungmin, are the best boyfriend in the world. My Bubba."

She scrunched her face up and squished his cheeks between her hands. Seungmin laughed widely, finding it cute how her face and nose scrunched.

"And you, Ms. Kim, are the best girlfriend in the world. My adorable koala bear."

He returned the favour and squished her cheeks. The girl flushed red and groaned, pushing his hands away.

"Yah! I'm not Ms. Kim...yet. And I'm not a Koala! What are you doing home anyway? I thought you had a meeting?" She asked.

"Soon you'll be, and I can call you a Koala because you sleep a lot and are from Australia. But anyway, Chan canceled it because half of the boys are sick," Seungmin explained.

He placed his hands back onto her waist but holding her closer still. His girlfriends face turned from happy flushed to concerned.

"Why didn't you text me?! We need to go over there so I can help take care of them! I can't believe you left Chan and the others by themselves-" She jumped off the bench and move around frantically looking for her shoes- "They can barely take care of themselves when they aren't sick! Hurry-"

Seungmin hugged her from behind, stopping her from moving.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no' mister. Your friends are sick and I'm worried!"

"I said no. We are staying here together. If Chan needs help, he'll text me-or you. He always messages you first in an emergency remember?"

The girl groaned and nodded.

"Fine..."

"Yay! Now let's cuddle!"

He picked her up, causing her to squeak, and carried her to their bed. He sat on the bed and moved under the cover, still holding his girlfriend.

"Hey! You can't just-"

Seungmin placed a soft, loving kiss on her lips. She smiled and melted into the kiss. When they pulled apart Seungmin had a smirk on his lips.

"Meanie, you can't just shut me up by kissi-"

He kisses her once again. But this time when they pull back, she rolls her eyes at him and turns to face her back against his chest. She cuddles closer to him, pulling his arms around her more, loving the feeling of the warmth.

He laughed at her, nuzzling his face into her shoulder/neck area. Causing giggles to erupt from her at the tickling feeling. Happiness and warmth filled them both.

The storm that was raging moments ago now calm and showing rainbows. The toxic thoughts and feelings now flew far away, unable to hurt either one of them.

There they cuddled, in the middle of the bed wrapped in blankets. Nothing playing. No music, no talking, no sound. Just their breathing and the small kisses here and there. The room was dim as the light faded and the street outside lit it up. It had started to rain, the droplets hitting the window, creating that amazing sound.

Seungmins arms were wrapped tightly around his girlfriend. Loving her squishy, slightly chubby and small figure. The girl rested her head on his chest, her hands resting on top of his. Focus wandering. She soon drifted into a peaceful, content and happy sleep.

Her boyfriend watched her. He noticed the small things. Like the way she blinks with her eyes closed, an indication she was having a dream. The way she would make some expressions like the ones in her dreams. Or how her jaw had to be clenched shut, a habit she made as a kid out of fear of chomping on her tongue by accident.

He noticed how her cheeks flushed red when her body temperature was too high or when it was way too cold. And he even noticed how, when she has a deep sleep her lips get plumper.

He loved her with his whole heart and soul. He noticed all the details and little things. He loved how happy she'd look and feel when he pointed them out as well. It showed her that he cared a lot about her.

He smiled happily, lifting one of his hands up to play with some of her curls that had fallen free from her bun. He chuckled, watching it bounce back into place. He removed her hair tie carefully. Massaging her scalp and playing with her hair.

Soon enough, Seungmin found himself falling into a deep sleep as well.

[hybrid-lion]

Lion Daydreams Journal

2-3-21 / 2-5-21

OR

Succulent witch jokes and DnD cheatcodes

Musing on perpetual journey and points of processing certain themes..

Four days prior exiting Hedgewitch Hollow (more on that later) from my abusor(s), at @ the hospital and other musings

 Curbside outside familiar building, looking something like a cross between between the rite aid/CVS in West Emoryville I saw in 2011 this one time and and outside heron pond plaza from tripjoy advantage in New Hampshire.

 Present was a Sedan with big extra Star Wars wrap all over it- specifically Rebel Alliance logo on hood.

 Don't fall for the nurse; they're always immensely humane and kind and working; not to be your fixation (I've gathered this for a while too, though as the derivative term goes, "What a Catch.."

  Anyway Fallout girl/nursing tech (With the magnificent taste in communication skills and tattooage whom was without a doubt better at putting up with my roundabout chittering than I even am (which states a bountiful amount of patience in her own rights and also that I need to work on alloying others more time to have the proverbial talking stick in dialogues), whom I had chatted with the day prior for a while regarding the matter of the vibrational level on this conscious and graceful hostess; (That's the planet we are graced with being able to provide for in turn), with with the rose and sun moon tatts, was present in this dream sequence, as short lived as the scene was. 

 Clearly taking a journey. Capable technical reasoner boi was there as well who cannot even understand where that's at at all definetly was also present in this one.

Clearly journey symbolism, as I was approaching the vehicle in question. 

2-5-21

 "WHY IS THERE BRINE IN THE ORANGE JUICE"

Walking around downtown burning time between returning from securing a temporary order/petition to court and grabbing dinner, I was between looking at the lines in leaves and patterns in the puddles near an underpass when it occured to me regarding my subjectiviteas this far:

   Almost anybody would be able to tell you that there's more than one way to skin a cat as well as probably one of the worst things you can do is box with an apex creature, specifically one that most dungeon Masters wod probably have on the back burner as a sort of endgame accomplishment that would either make or break the parties resolve to complete that leg of their long arduous campaign; or correctly enough the kind of boss fight that one would face in an old RPG that then unlocks a potential ally to the party whom would essentially have the capacity to either RUIN EVERYTHING, knock something off a really high shelf at the appropriate time, or just absolutely love you to death in the dirt merely depending on the way you decided to associate prior and subsequently accounted for).

   This I would assume so boldly is primarily due to the nature of such back burner endgame beings, as well as with all things considered that it is most likely cognitive of it's own journey as well to some extent and that it has retained all the EXP of both that, along with some of the experiences said party would have had by that point, again considering stuff and things.

--

I digress from the point- but we're getting there.

--

So 'boxing'; i.e. showboating or perhaps just putting up and making the most of the situation pertaining to that proverbial beastie the DMs sent around the way-- 

Noting that at that point to some fair extent isn't quite OP persay, but had maintained a good enough vantage for some time that it had or has more than enough capacity for adapting, recanting it's own skills based in experience as it do/what have you, as well as subsequently recognizing that somewhere along the way said party or perhaps their questgivers or guild leads decided to not entirely tell said prior and then the party at hand- what have you- 

  they would then be either in the same raid/map/party/team as it already, but still decided it would mostly likely do well to or behoove them to, and said prior backburner beastie to just go proverbially or metaphorically corner it; and subsequently snare or root or web or whatever their skillset would do; then dragged it off to have a dialogue with it about or pertaining to..

..something sort of akin to poking it awake with a slow burning brand, 

 But only after years of putting it on display without its consent or knowledge.

   This is probably one of the worst things you can do for either yourself or anybody else, regardless of the lens of which it exists in, without having prior and then post poking explaining it.

  Especially considering the nature of some endgame beasties and the capacity for critical analysis.

  If you had a support tank, that didn't know it was a support tank, and you left it out in the rain for like, ever, do you think a little K, Y Jelly and some WD40z to Freedom would constitute a thoroughly squeezed explanation of this scenario to that support tank?

 Depends on the tank and some stuff and things probably.

~~~

  All things considered…

I take it back the brine is fine but the synaptic firings of my brain giving me a first class ticket to Stockholm's I could do with more of for sure, but I'd rather just hang in the Catskillz and make art about 

===

This lens of comprehension on dealing with what to not allow to occur to a raid party would have been monumentally helpful for me subsequently years ago years ago.

   This would been subsequently helpful for me in decision-making, free will, yes, and choice-based processes of course as humans go.

   And if in when the case arose that I had to tell my younger self, "Hey don't put yourself on display or get worked up, but hang in and also read this book in full before walking out to the tarmac or at least in between flights to and from, don't act the fool for the sake of a fool, unless you need to act to fool forreal forreal. Just leave that shit in the sand, dig a foxhole for it if you have to, or bring it sooner maybe?

 

 

  Don't let other people harsh thine proverbial mellow and as it would only fuel their trashcan fire of excusable accounts as to why they allotted a random roaming low level beastie to accumulate that much of an exp grind crunching on bones and jellies and some mimics that don't even, without alluding thoroughly so that they wouldn't act a fool at the loss or sacrifice of someone else's journey as well as their own. 

 At that point, you should have just pulled the support tank aside and been like-

*Mumbles*  

 listen, "you are our favorite dumb dumb juice supersoaker palindrone cat, just saiyan"...

we just want/wanted to sap and then sac your last floating stackable 💕 for the raid that pulled it along on a chain that long for display and experience just to see how it would go like, IDK it'll work out either way but like we could probably use a dumpster fire and we hear you're full of shit, but also the ship is intact and just needs a happy tree friend sometimes so like, knowing the support tank is going to anyway because of its back story… 

~^•=•^

Uhm.

 *TAKES DEEP BREATH*

~=^•Î||I•^=~. •°•°{"UNACCEPTABLE CONDITIONS" 

*TAKES DEEP BREATH*

~^•=•^~

 "we deserve better and also some stuff you left in my backpack over here oh wait what's that accounted for oh okay here a random distracting smoke grenade quick make your escape.*

 🍊  🍃

---

In retrospect-- this would have been monumentally helpful years ago, as would have keeping the deck of playing cards I received years ago with me, my towel, journal and probably better time management skills and also understanding the concepts of the journey of oneself as both the lessons of our priors on the road and with us as we continue.

  I will continue to explain why this could have to explain this to myself in dreaded prose. 

Preferably after I come to terms with the huntresses and chieftainesses and the shield maidens who keep attempting to bait and no scope my ass when they can't even decide if they want to be a volva a shield maiden again or a valkyrie or a witch of the wild blue yonder or all like 20 at the same time; but are getting fond of kiting me around with salt rounds and rubber bullets and genuine uncondition positive regard despite both of our sanity and interests even though it ain't nobody's goddamn business how baby treat me.

 Anyway if you see a random roving ** monster on the map assume it has your best interest at heart or if it's in your teahouse just do yew fam, most likely it's just stopping in for coffee or orange juice or the finest proverbial trashcan fires to warm up aside this side of the milky way.

 Also try not to forget to set a reminder to wake up at an appropriate time, and don't forget to to carry on and through and keep up with your affirmations and random google searches for sigils you have no understanding of and show love to all your complex houseplants and rock's needs balanced with your own.

 Also don't worry about eating carbs late at night before bed. We can burn them off when we're running through each other's minds. 

More in all that later though in detail.

 

*Switches to sleepytime mode, proceeds to cleans whiskers and thanks you for coming to it's shed talk.*