#its such a good book though i swear you wont regret reading it

[tfotaandstuff]

i hate authors. they're so mean.

on a completely unrelated topic you should all go read The Quiet Part Out Loud by Deborah Crossland it destroyed me

[crimsonbluemoon]

For the prompt game 12//07//25 please? Ah... Ohmtoonz? or a pair you've been itching to do :3

EACH TIME I SAY I WONT OVERDUE IT

Yet here we are. >.> 

AU: BabysitterTrope: Childhood friendsPrompt: “I know this looks bad, but I swear it’s not.” 

Pairing: Ohmtoonz

“Okay, I know this looks bad-” Ryan had to take a deep breath to keep from bursting out in laughter at the scene. His kitchen, which had been pristine and tidy when he’d left for a meeting with his lawyer three hours ago, was covered in more colors than he thought he could process. In the middle of the room sat Joe, hands splotched in yellow and smearing the substance down the tiles already coated in pink. The ‘babysitter’, (the term used very loosely, since it was a last minute decision after Joe’s original babysitter got sick) was in no better shape. Blue clumps of paint (Ryan hoped it was paint) were threaded through hair he remembered being much fluffier when they were children. Age had tamed it, though the red beard was even brighter now with fingerpaint between the strands. The place, his four year old son, and his babysitter were a disaster that Ryan still wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry over. “But I swear it’s not.”

“Luke.” Trying to keep from smiling, Ryan stepped forward, hands leaving his slack’s pockets to point above. “My ceiling is purple.” 

“And orange!” Joe supplied happily, splashing his hands down into an actual pile of paint beside him. 

“What happened? You’re a police officer; you literally shoot people for a living. How did a four year old get the jump on you like this?” Ryan had to tease, because it’d been so long since he’d been able to. Luke had always been the one that got away; his best friend for nearly two decades before, at eighteen, he left to travel Europe and ‘find his meaning’ in life. Ryan had wanted to go, nearly asked to join, but had simply stood in the airport and held back tears just long enough for Luke to enter the gate without seeing them. He’d been head over heels in love back then, and sometimes he’d thought the feeling was mutual. But all the ‘what ifs’ flew away with Luke on his plane, and Ryan had forced himself to move on. 

Eight years, one messy divorce, and a son later, Ryan had run into his high school love at the bank four months prior. Luke had come back to their hometown years ago to become a cop, but Ryan’s wonderful ex-wife had demanded he move to the west coast with her. He’d never got wind of Luke’s return, too distracted by the birth of Joe and the mother of his child abandoning her duties to run off with the pool guy. Ryan hadn’t been able to move back to his hometown until four months ago, still working on finalizing the paperwork and letting Joe finish his first year in pre-school before moving him back across the country. 

He’d felt a little lonely, raising his toddler without a hand to help support him on days he didn’t want to get out of bed. It wasn’t like his marriage had given him much in that department, either. She’d been distant after Joe was born, jealous of the attention Ryan gave their son, and sought her happiness in someone else. She hadn’t even said goodbye to their son when she left, which had been the coldest part of it all. And Ryan didn’t know how to de-thaw from her abandonment. Joe helped, because he was Ryan’s world. Honestly, the only good thing about the marriage was the ball of optimistic sunshine. But he had bouts of crying and questions about why his mom left that kept Ryan awake and aching for hours. Wounded with nobody willing to help heal him. Maybe he’d always been that alone, that empty and unlovable-

Except one look of relief and the words ‘There you are’ in a bank full of people was enough to fill his heart to the brim again. 

“Your kid’s way sneakier than the idiots in our town.” Luke glanced down at Joe with a grin that proved his next words were affectionate. “Like a damn little squirrel.”   

“That’s my favorite animal!” Joe gasped out, and Ryan shook his head in disbelief. Two days ago, it had been a flamingo. He’d begged Ryan to buy him a lawn decoration of the pink bird, which Ryan had firmly said no to. They barely even had a lawn, and he knew that Joe would never play with it. The puppy dog eyes were hard to refuse, but Ryan was getting better at putting his foot down. They did not need the bird.

But then Joe asked Luke, who bought it before Ryan came back from the bathroom. Ryan wasn’t sure who he scolded more that night over chicken fingers and fries. 

“Yup, you mentioned that. Six times.” Without an ounce of annoyance, Luke let Joe climb onto his lap, sitting cross legged so the toddler had a better seat. Green was smeared over Luke’s sweatpants from where Joe had dragged his knees, but like the amazing human he was, Luke didn’t show any regret over being a human jungle gym. “And remember what I told you each time?”

“Daddy’s favorite animal is a bunny,” Joe chirped back, and the long forgotten memory bubbled up too quick for Ryan to hide his blush.

“Luke!”

“What? I didn’t tell him why you like rabbits so much.” Except there was a grin on Luke’s face that was anything but innocent. Because how could it be, when Luke had never let him live down the time he walked in on Jonathan and Evan’s first time. He hand’t meant to blurt out ‘they were fucking like rabbits’ so loudly, and didn’t know that Mini had been recording the party. Craig got the perfect angle of Ryan nearly throwing himself down the stairs to escape the traumatizing experience. He wasn’t sure who had the tape anymore (maybe Panda, since his friend always liked to watch it whenever he was needing a pick me up), but Ryan had to guess that Luke watched it over a hundred times. 

“We’re not talking about this,” Ryan said, sending Luke a meaningful look through his blush. “We need to talk about who’s going to clean this disaster you and my son created.” 

“I’ve got the kitchen if you take the rugrat.” The offer of help was so simple, yet every time, it sucker-punched Ryan. Luke had not been expecting Joe when Ryan came back from California, blaming Jonathan’s ‘lack of understanding with the English language’ as to why he didn’t know. Ryan hadn’t been a fan of social media, and only kept in touch with a few old friends from the town. But like Joe was his own, Luke didn’t hesitate to jump into the fray with Ryan, helping out whenever he could. Being a cop meant weird hours and long shifts, but Luke never complained when he popped over to visit them after work. Ryan never needed to ask for help; Luke just gave it. Whether it was cooking Joe food while Ryan took a much needed shower, or picking out pjs as Ryan bathed the fussy kid, Luke was there to lend a hand and a smile right when Ryan needed it.

But for the life of him, Ryan couldn’t figure out why. Luke was attractive and single, and the talk of the town even now. It was hard to go into the supermarket without hearing one of the cashiers asking Ryan how Luke was doing. It was common knowledge in their little town where Luke spent most of his days, and it seemed people thought the best way to catch his attention was through befriending Ryan again. The jealousy and insecurity from high school reared up, and Ryan had to attack it with a fire hose to keep from Luke knowing. Luke had a right to date, to court whoever he wanted, because he didn’t owe Ryan and Joe anything-

“Uh oh, daddy’s daydreaming again.” Joe’s words and a snort of Luke made Ryan re-focus, turning his attention back to the two still on the floor. Luke looked so content with the toddler in his lap, and Joe showed no signs of discomfort being so close to the other man. They were covered in paint and his house was a wreck, but Ryan felt his heart swell at the warm image. 

“Maybe you should go pick out your pjs so I can check in with your dad.” Luke’s words were like magic; with a quickness that he never had when Ryan asked him to move, Joe scampered out of the kitchen. Little purple footprints made Ryan groan, but his shoulders barely got to slump before warm hands were pulling him forward into a hug. 

“You’re covered in paint,” Ryan protested weakly, though put up no real fight. The smooth hand that slid down his spine melted his stress away, and Ryan felt helpless to the urge of sinking into Luke’s warm chest. 

“What did Tyler say?” Luke didn’t mince words, but kept his voice low against Ryan’s ear. There was no reason to shiver at the contact or intimacy of their position, because Ryan knew it meant nothing like what his heart hoped it would. 

“He said this next court case will be the final one; she’s not fighting for any custody.” He should have been happy about the news, since it’d been what he and Tyler had asked for when discussing Joe’s fate. But it’d stung, knowing that even now, his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with the son they had created together. How did he explain that to Joe when he got older? When he asked questions about her, when he got angry and confused about his own self-worth? Ryan would do whatever he could to raise Joe with love and care, but fights would happen. They’d disagree over bigger things than eating broccoli or only reading two stories before bed. Who would Joe turn to in those moments? That was why he’d probably tried so hard with his ex-wife to begin with; he’d never wanted Joe to feel unsupported or disadvantaged because he’d only have Ryan. 

But he couldn’t make her love Joe. And that killed him more than the divorce ever could. 

“She’s an idiot.” Luke’s words of anger toward a woman he never met was unlike him. Charisma and open-mindedness were his middle name, never judging a book by its cover. But Joe’s mother seemed to be the one exception, Luke showing disdain toward her from day one. “She had everything anyone could ever want, and she gave it up like an idiot.”

“You really liked babysitting Joe that much, huh?” Ryan tried to make a joke, but his laugh was cut off when Luke grasped his shoulders and pulled him back far enough to force eye contact. 

“I’m not just talking about him.” The serious gaze made it hard to breathe, Ryan’s chest stuffed with too much to sort through. His eyes blinked slowly, reminiscent of the unspoken feelings he’d shut down at the airport years ago. Now they oozed out without his permission, and he didn’t have a plane to help hide them this time around. 

“I’m…I’m not-”

“Not what? Intelligent? Charming? Sweet? A great father that your kid would spend every second of the day with if he could? Not someone who deserves love?” Luke’s words were followed by a grin, a warm palm cupping Ryan’s face and slowly dragging a thumb under his wet eye. “Not the most amazing guy I’ve ever got to meet? Who, if I ever got the chance to call my husband, would never go a day without knowing how crazy in love with him I was? Cause I’ll tell you right now, you are all of those things. Every single one of them. You are worth so much more than you could ever know. And I’ll knock out any fucking moron who says anything else.”

“Luke…” But what could Ryan say? His stomach fluttered at the words, hope rising in his throat and keeping his vocal chords from speaking again. There was no room for protest, because Luke’s steady words and lack of hesitation proved the statements came from his very being. He really saw Ryan as something to brag about, as someone to keep. When his own wife, who was supposed to want him until death do them part, threw him away. Ryan knew he needed to say something, to give a response in some way to the confession (and Jesus, did Luke say he loved Ryan?), but his mind was too fuzzy and scared to speak and destroy the fantasy. 

“Luke said a bad word!” Joe, however, had no such problems, and Ryan forced his eyes away from Luke to see his son with his hands pointing to the counter. “He needs to put money in the swear jar!” 

“Oh, ri-right.” Ryan swallowed slowly and tried to focus, but a little peek at Luke from the corner of his eye made his heart jump into his throat again. His blush was deep, he knew it, but there was no saving himself. “You owe a dollar to the jar.” 

Luke’s grin was a mile wide as he slipped past, dropping the bill into the jar while keeping his eyes set on Ryan. And when he spoke, Ryan knew he wasn’t speaking about the swear. 

“So worth it.”

[samwpmarleau]

inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

2,500 words of me throwing hands with TVD’s post-S5 depiction of Caroline and Tyler’s relationship.

Inspired by this fic by @cbsnforeverandalways, this post by @zalrb, and @fredsythe’s salt.

It hits her at the oddest times. She could understand the faint sense of loss if it only happened on their anniversary, or when the moon is full. Stefan understands when she’s a little mopey on those days; after all, he has days like that of his own.

It’s when it happens on days that don’t have any significance that gets her the most, though; those, she can’t tell Stefan. Because he’d look at her all half-judgy, half-sympathetic, which makes her feel the entirety of the hundred-and-fifty-year age gulf between them. Not that she wants to examine it even to herself, granted.

It would be one thing if she knew when the missing him would strike her, but it comes on without warning.

She and Tyler will be talking, as acquaintances or friends are wont to do, and there’ll be a moment. This spark of magnetism between them that used to always be there (when it was allowed to be there). And she knows he feels it, too, because she can see it in his face, and that makes it worse, because that means it’s not a figment of her imagination. She tells herself it’s just them reconnecting, because they were friends long before they were lovers, but she knows it’s a lie.

Other times, she’ll flip through a photo album and smile rather smugly at her favorite photo of her and Stefan because they are just perfect together — but then she’ll see a picture of him and Elena and the dark beast of doubt and envy will pool in her stomach, and then she’ll see a picture of her and Tyler, and now guilt and wistfulness join the party. Because how can she be jealous of the way Stefan and Elena look together, the way they just fit, when she looks at her and Tyler and they just fit, too?

Still other times, she’ll be toying with her daylight ring and will flash back to the day her father had tortured her, when Tyler and her mom had come to her rescue and he’d slipped the ring back onto her finger. He’d practically been down on one knee then. She remembers reliving that moment later, once the pain of that day had passed, only in a much more scenic locale where Tyler would present her with a ring ring, not just the lapis lazuli. When he proposes, she’d thought then, not if — even back then, when their relationship was barely in its infancy, it had felt...permanent.

Caroline still doesn’t have a ring ring, but she has a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful life that’s not with Tyler and that’s that.

She’s fine.

Really.

* * *

She dreams of him, sometimes.

She’ll fall asleep to a vision of dark eyes, and she thinks that they’re Stefan’s, which is acceptable. But when she falls truly asleep, it is not Stefan that she sees. She sees Tyler, smiling at her the way he never quite does anymore, a smile absent of betrayal and hurt, like she’s the sun his world revolves around. Even before they’d gotten together, when they were still just friends figuring out their supernatural identities, that smile had set her heart fluttering. She’d passed it off at the time as the usual jitters of being a new vampire.

She dreams of all the times he’d swept her off her feet, or pressed her up against the wall, or stared at her in that intense way he did right before he kissed her breathless. She dreams of falling into bed with him (or onto the couch, or on a desk, or…), every nerve alive, every inch of skin alight. Sex had never been just about passion for them (though there certainly was plenty of that), it was their way of connecting when words weren’t quite enough.

She dreams of them arguing, which they did often. But it’s not a bad dream — she’d liked that she could speak her mind with him, that they could call each other out on their bullshit and that he didn’t treat her like she couldn’t defend herself. She’d liked that instead of letting issues fester or keep secrets, they hashed things out and got to the bottom of them. She’d liked that no matter the problem, he never made her feel bad about herself.

When she wakes, there is always a moment where she fully expects to see Tyler lying beside her. Perhaps she’d kiss his chest, his neck, his jaw, his lips until he stirred awake. But it’s Stefan lying there, not Tyler, because of course it is, and for that brief moment there is an overwhelming sense of disappointment.

* * *

It’s trivia night, when their entire group is supposed to hang out together, but Elena, Matt, Jeremy, and Damon had all bailed, so it’s just Caroline, Tyler, Stefan, and Bonnie, with Bonnie and Stefan currently tied for the lead. Bonnie swears she hasn’t used her powers to get ahead. Caroline’s not entirely sure about that: she still bitterly recalls the incident in fourth grade when Bonnie swore she didn’t move the Ouija board pointer and then the next year revealed that in fact she had. She’s peeved about Stefan, too, because she doesn’t think it’s exactly fair when he has so many more years’ worth of trivia knowledge. Bonnie ends up winning the battle for first place, and thus becomes the mediator for Caroline and Tyler’s battle for third.

“We should probably just give Caroline the crown right now,” she snorts as she reads the card. “ ‘In The Real Housewives of Orange County, which housewife departed the show between seasons two and three?’ ”

With hardly a minute’s hesitation — and just a split-second before Caroline recalls the name — Tyler answers, “Jo De La Rosa.”

Bonnie and Stefan stare at him, dumbfounded. “Uh...correct,” Bonnie says. “How do you know the answer to that?”

“Just from around,” Tyler says with a wince. “It’s not like I watch that reality TV trash or anything.”

Caroline, huffy at having lost, objects, “No, I have it on good authority that you enjoy this ‘reality TV trash,’ Tyler Lockwood. You watched every episode with me.”

“Yeah, because at the end of each season you gave me a bl — ” He abruptly cuts himself off, glancing at Stefan. “—ueberry muffin.”

Caroline desperately hopes her blush isn’t visible. It was blowjobs she gave him in exchange for watching the show with her, not muffins. In fact, Tyler’s allergic to blueberries, and by the dubious expressions on both Bonnie and Stefan’s faces, it’s clear they know of that particular allergy and further don’t believe a word of Tyler’s fumbled explanation.

“Well,” Bonnie announces, “that’s my cue to leave.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Stefan offers.

Caroline waits until the door closes behind them, then remarks, “That was awkward.”

“It’s not like they don’t know we were together,” Tyler says, helping clean up the game. “What, does Stefan think all we did was make out or something?”

“No, but still.”

Tyler looks a bit perturbed at that, though doesn’t reply. She used to be able to read him like a book, but now she can’t decipher at all what he wants. What, is she supposed to talk about their sex life in front of their friends? In front of Stefan? That sounds like something pre-werewolf Tyler would do, not the selfless, sensitive Tyler she dated for over a year.

She doesn’t want them to part on bad terms, though, so she goes to give him a hug goodbye. She intends for it to be brief, but when they embrace, she finds herself unable to break it. As a hybrid, his vampire half cooled his body temperature to more or less that of any other vampire; she’d almost forgotten how warm werewolves get, and it sends a shiver down her spine. More than that, she’d almost forgotten (or perhaps willed herself to forget) just how good it felt to be close to him. He’s shorter than Stefan, but she kind of likes that her head rests next to his instead of against his chest, his pulse a temptation. His arms are tight around her, his hands low on her waist, and it feels…right.

She pulls away because that most definitely isn’t right, not anymore, but she makes the mistake of looking up at him. It would be dangerously easy to kiss him right now, if she wanted. And the way his eyes are dilated and his lips slightly parted, somehow she knows he would kiss her back. She blinks a few times to try to clear out the lustful fog, ashamed of the fact that despite the acrimonious way they ended, despite the fact that she’s now dating Stefan, she wants to kiss him.

She steps back more fully and says, “Well, drive safe.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

She watches him leave, and feels an odd sense of emptiness. Worse still, the sound of the door shutting triggers that deep-set déjà vu that she’d endured for so long; a closing door, after all, always followed a goodbye. A goodbye and not knowing how long it would be until she would see him again, or even if she would see him again. That’s not the case now, he’s not leaving for good, but it still makes her chest constrict.

A few minutes later, the door reopens, and her heart, not her head, leaps. Perhaps he’d forgotten something, or perhaps he’d returned for something else entirely that they would both surely regret. But that guilty, hopeful sensation falters when she sees that it’s Stefan who enters, evidently done fending off Bonnie’s gloating.

“Are you all right?” Stefan asks with a frown.

Caroline fixes her expression, waving him off. “You know me, I just don’t like losing.”

It’s an accurate enough statement, so Stefan accepts it. He helps her collect their empty beer bottles and puts the popcorn bowl in the kitchen. It was an aberration, she tells herself. It’s natural to still feel an attachment to your ex for a while, right? It means absolutely nothing.

She just wishes it felt like nothing.

* * *

Matt doesn’t have to repeat himself when he calls to tell her Tyler’s dead by Damon’s hand. She can hear just fine, thanks very much, and the information registers. It’s not the first time they’ve lost a friend and probably won’t be the last, and Tyler and Damon had always hated each other anyway, so really it was just a matter of time. She hadn’t even talked to Tyler in months.

“After everything we went through, I guess I just always assumed that he would be there,” she tells Stefan. It’s truer than she can express; even when he was gone, he was constant. He was white noise, always there even when he wasn’t, even if other things drew more attention.

She’s not sure whether Stefan simply doesn’t hear her or ignores her, for he switches focus from Tyler to Damon. She ends up comforting him when it was her ex-boyfriend who was murdered, and she wonders if that’s normal.

The first funeral is interrupted and so later they have an informal gathering at the empty carnival grounds. Everyone says nice things, but it doesn’t quell the pain.

“I loved him,” she says. God, she loved him. But Stefan’s here and she doesn’t want anyone to read anything into it, so to be safe, she qualifies, “You know, we all did.”

Talk then switches once more to Damon. Someone makes a casual remark about how Tyler’s not even the first Lockwood Damon has personally killed. They talk about how to save Damon, how they can bring Damon back from the brink, how lost Damon must feel, as though something like this is remotely out of character for him, and Caroline excuses herself to go throw up in the bushes.

She doesn’t get any time to herself afterwards; Stefan convinces them all to enjoy the carnival’s offerings, and then there’s the chaos with the twins, chaos in general, and life moves on because it has to. She figures she’s buried all of it — we hadn’t talked in months — until one day she’s doing some spring cleaning and empties out her jewelry box, systematically untangling necklace chains and setting aside rings to be polished. From the pile, she slowly pulls out an old charm bracelet, the silver now tarnished but its origin unmistakeable.

She runs her fingers over the charms — a paw print, a football helmet, a heart, a cheerleader, her initials. They were broken up at the time, Klaus’s sirebond in the way, but it was her eighteenth birthday so he’d gifted her the bracelet anyway. She stares at it, and stares, and stares, and the grief slams into her all at once. She clenches the bracelet in her fist, cries until she can’t breathe and then cries some more.

He’s dead. He’s dead.

Klaus had been mistaken when he said Tyler was her first love. It was Matt who fit that bill. Matt was the sweet, innocent love of youth, where everything seems both too much and not enough.

But Tyler…

We’re immortal, he’d said. He was wrong about that. She stayed immortal but he didn’t.

We will find a way, he’d said. He was wrong about that, too. They never found a way.

What if we don’t? she’d said. She was the one who was right. She, the eternal optimist, had become the pessimist, and she was right.

It would be silly, wouldn’t it, to still call him the love of her life? She’d thought he was at the time, because obviously. She was in love and their relationship at that point was a patchwork of goodbyes, sex, and yearning, filled to the brim with thoughts of, If we can only get past this hurdle, we’ll be home free, so of course she’d thought it would last. People always think love will last, don’t they, in the moment?

But here by herself in this great big house, she can admit the truth. What she has with Stefan isn’t just different, as for so long she’d assured herself. She’s content and comfortable with him, but it’s…less. She doesn’t feel complete when he’s near nor empty when he’s gone. The noise and worries of the world don’t fade when she’s in his arms. She doesn’t feel alive.

Because the truth — the truth she will admit now with the silver bracelet in her hand and her chest overflowing with sorrow — is that she gave away her heart a long time ago, her whole heart, and she never got it back.

And it doesn’t even matter because Tyler’s fucking dead, and she’s going to live forever. There will be no closure to be had, no apologies, no amends, no nothing.

I’m not moving on from anything, he’d said. I love you.

She polishes the bracelet until it’s gleaming, fastens it around her wrist, and thinks, I never really moved on either.

[sirensongster]

consider: aziraphale putting a flower crown on crowley and like- arranging his hair so it falls perfectly that night he spent hours reading flower books so that he could choose the prettiest flowers to put on his demon boyfriend's head

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my god. i love this. fuck yes. flower crown crowley. upgrade to this: its the night of their wedding. so instead of a veil crowley gets a FLOWER CROWN.yes he is the bride. anathema helped him pick out the dress and its just lovely. its got long sleeves and it’s white like a traditional wedding dress. aziraphales in black. they wanted to wear eachothers colours for this and their wings are out the whole ceremony. crowleys in heels. this is off the rails quite a lot but FUCK IT THAT DOESNT MATTER. its wedding time bitches. oh yeah no one really “officiates” the wedding, the papers are done before hand. they just wanted a party but are they going to bring in a priest? no. fuck that. anathema is where the priest normally is because they dont actually know more than four humans! like who the fuck else was going to do it, shadwell???? no! oh yeah and the them (excluding pepper) are the flower boys and pepper gets to be the ring bearer, because who trusts an 11 year old boy with two blessed/cursed rings? oh yeah ring time bitch. aziraphales ring is a black snake with yellow eyes thats cursed to tighten every time crowleys scared/hurt/in trouble, and crowleys is a set of wings, blessed to tighten whenever aziraphale is scared/hurt/in trouble. and the fact that theyre blessed/cursed just makes it better because theyre immune to blessings/curses/holy water/hell fire respectively, while those who are actually a threat to them arent. its like a tiny reminder of “hey. come closer and you’re probably going to die. fuck off gabriel.” when they kiss at the whatever the fuck its called (altar?? podium??? stand???????? help.) they put their wings in the way. aziraphale ends up with a feather in his hair but thats ok. the reception is fucking incredible, they end up just all going to crowleys flat bc its sure as hell big enough and what would they even rent out?? theres nothing *in* tadfield. and its not like they want to miracle everyone somewhere, they dont want to attract the attention of heaven OR hell. especially not during their wedding, while crowleys in a long fuck off dress that he probably wont be able to run in very well. ANYWAYS. when they get to crowleys flat theres just. so much liquor. and punch for the kiddos. the thems parents dont exactly approve of the fact that theres literally a barrels worth of vodka while theres children but ok i guess. its not like the kids are going to drink any or the adults are going to do more than a shot or two before the kids leave. the kids do end up leaving at like 7, and most of the party time was just old stories that humans dont have anymore, odd stories of shenanigans they got up to in rome (not anything dirty, hell most of the stories theyre not even together in. theres about 30 minutes of aziraphale just talking about what he did while crowley was hibernating for a century.) after the them are gone everyone just goes fuckin BONKERS. everyone who was at armageddon was invited because they all definitely kept in touch, but thats it. again, these two are the top hermits in all of history. they just fucked around most of history not bothering much with befriending humans. crowley did pay more attention in the human relations part of things but does he ever talk to them again after a temptation? no. no he does not. so theres only like 6 adults. and god are they all hammered. all but madame tracy are light weights. the humans anyways, these two have been heavy drinkers for millennia. aziraphale and crowley drank at least 10x what a human could possibly drink before getting alcohol poisoning and dying. that does not mean they have a tolerance at all. they just get really funny between the 3rd drink and whenever they decide to stop. and cuddly. crowley doesnt stop touching aziraphale the whole time. not even in a sexual way at all hes just like. sitting in his lap. or being carried. or playing with ziras wing bc GOD ARE HIS FEATHERS SOFT. zira doesnt take care of them well though so crowley ends up just silently sitting behind zira and putting all the feathers where they should be an all that while zira goes off about cake or something. anathema finds this adorable. probably because she cant stop laughing her ass off at everything. [newt brought weed brownies. anathema ate like 4. the new husbands arent gonna let her die or end up in the hospital though. shell bee fine.] I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE CAKE. its really cheesy. it does have white icing like a traditional wedding cake, but the inside is pink. like its just pink from food colouring. its just a vanilla cake dyed pink. now you may be thinking, whos idea was it to make the cake PINK? crowleys. crowley wanted a pink cake. no one but aziraphale knows this. aziraphale finds it really really cute. everyone else thinks it was aziraphales doing but NOPE. its also got lil angel and demon cake toppers but its not of them, no. theyre store bought. crowley thought it would be funny and aziraphale went with it. (he secretly also found it funny, but also found it inappropriate to laugh at it.) theres no professional photographer, aziraphale didnt really want to involve more humans in this than their friends, and its not like most of their memories together have been documented at all. photos have only been around like 200ish years, thats nothing in the face of 6 millennia. this does not however, stop anathema and newt from taking a million pictures on their phones. at least they have the sense to not take pictures when crowley starts crying. though its not like thye could get a good picture of that anyways, wings are really easy to hide behind when theyre that big. oh shit i really went off the rails on this one but thats ok. ive a feeling no one really minds. oh yeah the actual fuckin wedding is in crowleys greenhouse. its impossibly big. and logically should not fit in the flat at all. that one was somewhat hard to explain to beelzebub, but its not like they really care that much. they were just curious as to what the FUCK one demon could do with a greenhouse of all things. they did not get an answer. just a flower pot to the face and a run away demon. beelz wasnt even all that mad just suprised like the audacity of that mother fucker. anyways. the (altar?? podium?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING CALLED I STILL HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT AND ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES) was literally grown. its like a flower bush (more like two) that were grown in an arc. crowley did not clear much space for this at all, just the isle and enough chairs for everyone. not that he moved plants for those. just put chairs on top of short plants. the thems parents were really really fuckin confused as to “what the hell?? how did they do this. what.” but stayed because no one else seemed to be bothered much by it, the kids were like ‘same shit as always’ and the grooms seemed happy about this. it was a hassle to actually get to the chairs without stepping on the plants though. and didrie (is that how its spelled??? adams mom.) swears she saw some of the plants trembling when the petals were thrown. she also swears that the bride has snake eyes?? crowley doesnt wear his sunglasses the whole time so all the lights are a bit dimmed, not quite to the point that the humans cant see but if they were any lower it might have been a bit of a problem. especially with all of the mother fucking VINES. why are there vines all over the place crowley?? he does not have an answer. he may have gone over board a few years ago and just. leaves them there. theyre not hurting anybody. SPEAKING OF CROWLEYS SNAKE FEATURES! crowley ends up stammering and hissing through his vows. aziraphale finds this adorable. look at my hissy idiot. i love him. thats all that goes through ziras head. eventually he just lifts his wing so no one can see and kisses him because they both know crowley isnt goign to be able to say it in the next ten minutes. oh yeah their vows are done in latin. because what else would they do it in? also they bless/curse one another in their vows. because it cant hurt them, and its like the rings from earlier. no one with intent to harm them can touch them now without being burned by the blessing/curse. anyone. it can bee beelzebub or gabriel or some human, theyre getting burned. zira lets crowley finish the curse before kissing him obviously. all humans but anathema are confused by this, anathema learned latin as a teenager to better be able to understand occult books. she regrets the fact that she can understand them because theyre being very very lovey dovey and she thinks they did it in latin so no one would be able to understand them. so she just stands there and ends up with her face red as a tomato by the time they’re done. newt is kinda concerned and very confused because “what just happened??? i know that was vows. i think.”

[aethersea]

I haven't listened to taz but I loved that Iroh thing you made up one time. So can you please do Iroh? Good luck with the next midterm!

Iroh’s incredible, good good choice, thank you for this prompt. This prompt got me through my midterms, actually, and through the first part of finals week. Thank you. And sorry it took so long to publish this – I take a glacial age to write anything, even these headcanon posts, but I did have a lot of fun doing it, and I hope you’re pleased with the result.

So. Let’s kick this off with the opening lines from that fic I’ll never write:

Iroh left the Fire Nation capital a proud general, filled with the passion of his element and the careless, easy confidence of those who have grown up blessed. In those days he laughed often, smiled at everyone, and dispensed kindnesses like a game. He rode to war at the head of a shining battalion, his son at his side and the whole world laid out at his feet.

He came back with white in his hair and age in his gait, at the head of a ragged company, with no one at his side but loss.

Iroh saved a dragon’s life. I will not budge on this, okay, I’m very invested in this headcanon. Slaying dragons was a big deal in the Fire Nation, remember – mastery over the element and nature or some such rot, bla bla honor, imperialism, whatever. Iroh’s the Dragon of the West for more reasons than one, and one of those reasons is that, as far as anyone knows, he slew the Dragon of the West. The last dragon left alive, people thought. Iroh told the story at parties for years – how fierce the battle, how fearsome the dragon, how fiery its demise. How the very mountains shook with its death throes. How absolutely certain he was that there were no dragons left, no sirree, not a one.

Iroh saved the dragon from another Fire Nation general. Some powerful firebender, one who’d lost his military command over some disgrace, was looking to regain his honor by slaying it, and Iroh stopped him. Killed him, which he can’t find it in him to regret, though sometimes he thinks maybe he should. Iroh turned away from his enemy’s burnt body and saw the dragon, wounded, dying, and learned a whole lot about dragon medicine on the fly. 

Iroh wasn’t even looking for a dragon, which is the funny part – he was honest to god just passing through, yes I know it’s the middle of nowhere and there’s no human settlement for days, I really wasn’t looking for you, please don’t breathe fire at me I just want to help. Incidentally do you know the way to Sen Zhu, I am very lost.

Iroh doesn’t go to Sen Zhu for a while, because he has to nurse the dragon back to health, and after that it takes him to that dragon temple from the Indiana Jones episode. Iroh learns a bunch of cool firebending moves from the temple guardians, and when he leaves he swears he’ll tell the whole world that the Age of Dragons is over.

Iroh was a great general to serve under, back when he was still fighting. He has a brilliant tactical mind, and even before he learned how to be kind, he knew the importance of taking care of the people serving under you. His soldiers were well fed and provisioned, his officers didn’t abuse their power, and at night when they made camp he would go from campfire to campfire with a large jug of good wine and a choice selection of really bawdy jokes. It took a while for the soldiers to get used to this, but eventually they all knew him, and he knew them. By the time they reached Ba Sing Se, all of the soldiers, even the conscripted ones, had come to believe that maybe the Fire Nation would be in good hands when he took the throne.

He was a pretty great prince in a lot of ways. He was arrogant, yes, and prone to recklessness – you know the opening scene in Prince of Egypt, where the two princes wreck everything? That was Iroh and Ozai, every other month – but he was clever and cunning, he knew everything about how the Fire Nation was run, and he knew how to balance listening to wise counsel with making his own decisions. Everyone was sure he was going to be a strong Fire Lord, and most people thought he might even be the one to end the war. The general consensus was that the Siege of Ba Sing Se would be the last great battle of the hundred-year war, and that when it was done or shortly after, Azulon would step down and hand his crown on to his son.

When Iroh took Zuko under his wing, it wasn’t because he saw himself in Zuko. It wasn’t even because he saw his son in Zuko – that would have been too painful to bear, even several years after his death. It was because of how much of his family he didn’t see in Zuko. Where Iroh had been arrogant, Zuko was shy. Where Ozai was coldly ambitious, Zuko was generous and kind. Where the Fire Lord was dispassionate and calculating, Zuko cared about people. Where Azula was—well, the less said about Azula the better. But Zuko was nothing like her, and if Iroh had anything to say about it, he never would be.

Iroh met his wife in winter, under the boughs of the only tree in the palace gardens that blossomed in that season. Their marriage was not yet arranged, but they both knew it was likely to happen. She had smiled at him, shy and hesitant under the star-white flowers, and admitted with a self-deprecating smile, “I think I’m meant to seduce you.” Iroh had laughed, and said, “Our parents can worry about that. Why don’t we talk about something else? Do you like the theater? There’s an excellent production of Zukon the Dragon-Slayer on in town.”

After the play, they walked arm in arm through the city parks, under trees that were sparse and drooping in the tropical winter, and talked about dragons and history and storytelling, and never once touched on politics or weddings. It was only after several more months of such outings that Iroh turned to her, seriously, and said, “I know what our parents have planned, and it’s not a plan that I could ever object to. Spending time with you is the brightest part of my day. But I would rather work the rest of my life on forging alliances with your family myself than see you unhappy. If you don’t want the marriage to happen, it won’t. I will see to it that it won’t have to.”

They weren’t in love. They both knew this. But Iroh thought he could grow to love her, that he could be happy the rest of his days with her at his side. He hoped she felt the same, but—

She stared at him in shock, and then started to laugh. Iroh turned away, embarrassed and awkward, ashamed of his sentimentality. He didn’t see her face when she called him an idiot, and he was taken by surprise when she turned him around, still laughing, and kissed him.

Iroh joins the White Lotus like this: One of its members is the governor of an occupied Earth Kingdom city, and when Iroh visits, they play pai sho. Iroh leads with the white lotus tile, and the governor comments on what an unusual choice it is. Iroh responds with something cryptically philosophical, as he is wont to do – something about unexpected stratagems allowing for unpredicted victories. It is exactly the kind of thing White Lotus members say to each other.

They play a full game of pai sho, and Iroh wins, making use of clever strategies and maneuvers which are all part of the secret code that White Lotus members use to impart how much they know. Iroh’s new friend understands it all to mean that Iroh’s a super high-ranking member of the organization, and he’s here to help the governor with some problem plaguing the city.

Iroh’s never heard of the White Lotus. He’s just really good at pai sho. When the governor asks for help, he gives it freely, because that’s just who he is as a person. When word spreads and more people start coming to him for help, flashing a white lotus tile as they ask, he starts to put two and two together.

Iroh doesn’t tell anyone that no one ever actually recruited him, in case they decide to assassinate him or something. He picks up secrets as he goes, through intuition and careful questions. It’s not like he disagrees with what they’re doing, once he figures out what it is.

After the war, he tells King Bumi about all this, and they laugh together for a good long time.

Iroh and Bumi get along like a house on fire. Sometimes literally, because they have a lot of friendly duels and they can get a little out of hand. In the years after the war, they exchange lots of correspondence, and Iroh visits Omashu a lot.

Whenever he does, the whole city despairs, because now there are two unreasonably buff old men with mad bending skills walking around, delighting small children with their antics and imparting cryptic wisdom to shopkeepers.

Iroh never actually got a divorce. His father wouldn’t let him, and later his brother upheld that ruling – a disgrace to the throne, your wife leaving you because she can’t bear to see your face anymore. Because you can’t find words to say to her anymore. He never got a divorce, but he hasn’t spoken to his wife in a long time. She lives with her sister, on one of the more distant islands. 

When Iroh was imprisoned in the start of Book Three, she sent him a letter. It was cold and brief, and Ozai had the prison guards read it to him, out of… some jealousy that still remained, some desire to see Iroh beaten, to see him brought as low as he could be brought. Iroh listened to it silently, eyes hooded and blank, which was how he always looked in prison when there was anyone around to see. In the letter, his wife said, “My heart is a barren winter, where only the star-white flowers of the senko tree could bloom. Hearing of your vile betrayal, you who style yourself Dragon of the West, I remember the dragon-slayers of old, and I long for a return to those days of chivalry and hope. The legacy of that time has died, but it pains me to think that we have fallen so far. I hope you still believe in repentance.”

After the war, he finds her. “Thank you for your letter,” he says. “Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. I am sorry for how long it’s been.”

“I meant what I said in it,” she says firmly. “I am your wife and your ally. I should have been by your side, these many years.” 

“As I should have been by yours. I should never have left you to grieve alone.”

Iroh’s wife smiles, and kisses him on the cheek, and says, “Now, I think we should get down to business. Your nephew has the support of the people and of the Avatar, but that won’t keep him safe for long. I have a list for you of blackmail material for the nobility. Unfortunately it’s not comprehensive, but we’ve managed to assassinate or otherwise remove the worst ones in the chaos of the last year or two, so your boy should have a few years at least to solidify his claim.” 

Turns out Iroh’s not the only one who’s been running with an undercover network of powerful people looking to enact change. Hers is smaller, based almost exclusively in the Fire Nation, but it’s also a fair bit more… hands-on. Iroh immediately takes her back to Zuko and says, “Nephew, hire this woman as your advisor. Trust me, you want her on your side.”

Iroh loves his brother. That never changed, even when Ozai stole the throne, abused his children, killed… no, surely Ozai would never kill his wife. Surely not. Iroh won’t believe it. But even so, Ozai has done horrible things, become a monster worse than their father, and Iroh loves him still. Iroh tries to reason with him, tries to fight him, and it never seems to make any difference. Iroh works against him, secretly, with the rest of the White Lotus, and his heart is heavy as he does.

Iroh sees his brother challenge Zuko to an agni kai when the boy is only thirteen years old, sees his brother mutilate his own son in public, sees the unrelenting rage in his brother’s face as he does it. Iroh gives up.

Iroh loves his brother. He never stops loving him, till the day he dies. But he never forgives him, either.

Iroh came home from the Siege of Ba Sing Se a broken man. That phrase gets thrown around a lot, to the point where it’s almost lost its meaning, but this is what it means here: 

In the days after coming home, after kneeling before his father’s throne and recounting his defeat, Iroh does not leave his office. For seven days and seven nights he sits at his desk, staring at the books and scrolls that he’d studied before leaving. They’re filled with tactics, strategies, accounts of historical battles. He wants to burn every last one of them. He can’t muster up the energy. 

On the eighth day his brother comes to his office and says that this has gone on long enough. The people are worried, his family is worried – it’s time for Iroh to leave his rooms and return to the world of the living. Iroh stares at him, stares through him, but Ozai doesn’t take no for an answer, forces Iroh to shower, get dressed, go outside. Iroh follows his brother through the halls of the palace like a ghost, empty and drifting.

“You’re upsetting your wife,” Ozai tells him. It’s one of many things Ozai tells him, but it’s the only one that sticks. Iroh hasn’t seen his wife since he came home, and told her that he sent their son marching to his death. She had known already, of course – he’d sent word when it happened – but she had thrown herself into his arms and sobbed until she was empty. Through it all, Iroh had held her and felt numb. His guilt and his grief had long since consumed him, until he no longer felt like a man at all, just a walking hole in the world.

The next day, and the next, and the day after that, Iroh forces himself to leave his rooms. He walks through the palace, face blank, not seeing any of the people who bow and step out of his way as he approaches, not hearing their hushed whispers as they stare and stare at their fallen prince. He walks, after a while, into the city, without a litter or a procession, unaccompanied by anyone but a squad of harried guards who were manning the palace gates when he went through and had to hurry to catch up. He stops in parks and at busy intersections, and spends hours watching the flow of traffic or the way the wind moves in the branches of blossoming trees.

This is very embarrassing for the crown. Ozai is sort of regretting having forced his brother out into the public eye. There are whispers and murmurs that the Fire Nation will surely crumble when Iroh takes the throne. Azulon is not pleased. 

Iroh’s wife goes to live with her sister. When she tells him she’s leaving, he nods, and says, “I understand.” When she’s gone, he puts his head down in his arms and cries, for the first time in a long time.

It’s not long after this that Iroh goes before his father – formally, requesting an audience and kneeling before his throne – and asks permission to run away. He wants to tour the kingdom, he says. He wants to see the results of their war with his own eyes, to remind himself what they fought for. Azulon is relieved. He sends Iroh off with his blessing, hoping his son will find his backbone out in the world where he lost it.

Iroh wanders, for a long time. When he comes back he is, once again, a changed man.

[crazykendal]

woah if I were you I would .totally. read though this

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?   health class.. like family life or what

what are your feelings regarding shopping?   I hate shopping

do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Honestly im mean around a lot of people and I think people think im mean to everyone which is not true. I can get really soft with some people

have you ever worn fishnets? nooo...

do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? nowhere:)

do you believe prayer really works? no

do you have one best friend who is always there for you? yeah she’s weird

describe one of your most emotional farewells. haha nonononononoonon

have you ever been tied up? like literally or mentally.. ohhh god no

how many times have you been cussed out? dunno

does it bother you when people ask personal questions? no, it just means that they might care more

do you know anyone who’s been in jail? a tonnnn

have you ever considered acupuncture? No

have you ever watched the same sex undress? no..?

have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? no

have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? no

do you enjoy mario games? like super mario yes my dads a hardcore fan

do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) no you must work for shit dood

does it bother you when dogs lick you? no they love me

do you feed your pets human food? yeah haru loves chicken

which is worse: being sexist or racist? both are absolutely horrible, but nothing is worse than a perachel shipper

do you think suicide is selfish? man.. it ends the pain but it starts more pain to people close to you. It seems selfish but it really depends

would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? No

what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? i dont have any embarrassing shit that i can think of

how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? oooohh man idk

do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? ..yyeahh..

in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? depends on who

what’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo?  i never go to the zoo

what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? idk

what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? all of them they want to be FREED

do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? why so much fucking zoo shit

i offer you a cigarette, you say… nope i dont want lung cancer

why do you think you were put on this earth? to fucking suffer and to make others suffer

is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? no unless they are gonna kill you

do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? no i hate people who believe this

are you in any shape or form, racist? no

are you in any shape or form, sexist? no but i kinda prefer girls if you know what i mean :)

how do you think the world will end? either a nuclear war or global warming haha

what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? death :)

would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? sure dood

what is your favorite cover of a song? halsey covered justin bieber’s love yourself and replaced love with fuck. i relate to this cover more than I do with my family

have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? no?

have you ever received or given a make-over? no..

do you know anyone who is HIV+? not that i know of

have you ever been to a desert? idk but I feel like i live in a desert

do you know any trans* people? yeah and also I met MILES MCKENNA yussss

what is your favorite beatles song? uh..

what is the poorest you have ever been? when I first had no money haha

i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? like youtubers?? oh god. I used to love ihascupquake, dantdm, and ldshadowlady when I used to like minecraft but its now more vanoss gaming, zac cox tv, thegaminglemon, thedevildoggaming, and lets play games

is there something written on your shirt right now? it says Mavel

what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? ooh I love those games I just dont have it

where do you find the surveys you take? I follow an account

what’s one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? BUB ATTACKS THE SHIT OUT OF MY OTHER CATS

what’s your favorite song by your favorite artist?   Salt Skin by Ellie Goulding, Colors by Halsey, Secrets by The Weeknd

do you have an “original character?” what.. like something ive come up with myself? If so, dont even get me started. I literally have about 100 characters ive created for this huge long ass collection of stories ive been writing for about 3 years.

what about a persona/fursona?   wut

do you ever MAKE your own surveys? no way

why’s it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases? because the man isnt strong enough ;)

do you get good internet where you live? no my room has no wifi but my backyard is gr8

ever had a cavity? how many? yeah idk how many haha

ever broken a tooth? I thought i did once

what did you do on the playground at your school as a child? idk

are you into comics? I recently wrote a 60-70 page comic for a series im writing

did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? yeah GTA San Andreas all the way homie

what do you think of people who have therapists? pretty brave, my parents think i need one but i could never

do you have any of those adult coloring books? no I hate coloring

ever ridden an elephant? no

deserts: dreary or beautiful?   dreary

ever seen a panda?   like once I think

what kind a camera do you have?   I only have my phone

do you have stretch marks? where? don’t be shy, they’re tiger stripes! no

lobsters: cool or scary? i pet one once

opposoms: total vermin or cute? what

what tv channel dominated your childhood?   idk

ever actually seen a snake in the wild? my friend stepped on one when we were little holy fuckk

have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? no

ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! no

do you like oatmeal? no

wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? yes

ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? no i got cats

ever play hearthstone? no but I know a guy named Hearthstone :)

ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot?   no

how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught?   MY DAD IS OBSESSED WITH FISHING HE HAS SPECIAL KAYAKS FOR IT AND EVERYTHING. But sometimes ill go fishing (like never) I caught some fish before

coolest place you’ve ever been fishing?   santa cruz is my life

which is cooler: african or asian elephant? I didn't know there was a difference

craziest thing you’ve ever eaten? nothing

what’s in a camel’s back? Idk ask the camel

steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? who dat

what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? fine with me if they put up there credit card info :)

don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra?   idc

do you truly believe we came from chimps? not from chimps but from earlier ancestors of them

well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them?   people are just sometimes born like that

if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be? Han Solo

weirdest video game you’ve ever played? hmm gta v is weird for how inappropriate it can get sometimes even tho its the best game ever but probably sims 3

we’re having a pig-pickin’! whatcha eating? a what

ever been on a scary hay ride? no

ever been to a castle?   I went to Hearst Castle once

what’s your favorite kind of penguin? club penguin :) (ive never played before tho) rip

whales. should they be allowed in sea world? NO

ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal?   yes

what do you think of the song “miss jackson” by panic! at the disco? omg have I never heard of that song whats wrong with me

what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? my old bestfriend has a picture of her and new best friend, isnt that great haha fuck me

do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? depends :)

do you like using big words when you talk? No i dont know many big words

do you EVER use caps lock? NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

are you loud when you’re having sex? well idk

have you ever wanted to drop out of school? i probably will want to in high school

when was the last time you watched south park? never

are you italian? nope

are you interested in photography at all? only in gta v

any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? no

do you like bob marley? ive never heard any of his stuff

can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? I never can or do

are you interested in art? sketch my life away

don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? No but when the worlds flooding they wont regret it haha

everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? I always say cats are my favorite but i also love chickens

who’s your favorite disney character? none

have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? no

do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? idk

how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? hahahahahahahaha kill me

would you marry someone of a different religion? ehh.. im not religious and i could never go to church every sunday so maybe not..

how did you learn the word “fuck”? my parents swear a lot

if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? id rather stay enemies thank you very much

what is the last movie you saw in theaters? Spiderman Homecoming

have you ever got into a wreck?   not serious

do you think you are an argumentative person? yeah and i lose friends because of it :)

can you admit when you’re wrong?   all the time

are you easily confused? yeah people yell at me for it

do you think you would make a good wife/husband?  

probably not

have you ever caught a butterfly?   hey I used to be afraid of butterflies so no

have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? no

do you like being kissed on the neck? never been kissed so yeah

favorite song by the band the offspring? never heard of them

how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? never had to, ever

when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? idk

what video game or computer game are you best at? GTA V Online, ive become so good from 4 years of experience people think im a modder, fuck all those bitches, but its really funny when they think I can just drop money for them, id love to be a modder but I dont want to get banned

how do you normally come across new music? friends or the radio

what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? science and english and history even though i love history

do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? i dont care

are you pretty politically correct? kinda

have you ever behaved like a stalker?   no i have no idea what you are talking about :)

do you appreciate other people’s opinions?   depends on who

if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be?   I named my cat Bub so there

do you care what’s going on in the world? If it hurts me, yes

how many partners is too many? at one time, one is good but if youve had a lot in your life time i lose respect

do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose?   no

do you prefer boys to shave down there? uh..

how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? im 14 wtf

are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names?   No but I think my sister is married to Finn Wolfhard

have you ever had a pet bird?   no

how many times have you moved in your lifetime? once

if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them?   ahh only if it didn't hurt id get a red triangle on my right wrist (gotta be like ellie goulding) and a piercing? nose? maybe

would you consider yourself to be adventurous?   yes i love to adventure but no one ever wants to come with me :’(

has any part of your house ever been flooded?   no

is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? who and why? yeah, I cant say though. Their friend told me about some stuff

if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?                                                                 

idk

describe the best friend you’ve ever had, or the best person you’ve ever known.   ive been friends with her for about 10 years and we've been fighting for months and ive finally come to realize she cares about me a lot more than I do about myself and she is really worried about me ever doing anything with myself. Ive just been really down with myself these past months

have you ever adopted a stray animal?   maybe

what time did you wake up this morning?   8:28 dont ask how I remebered

ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything? yeah but I know that it’ll never happen but like theres this one person id give my life for (just one person) she knows who she is

would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde? like once ok stop it

what is your mom’s middle name?   Lei

do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes? n/a

have you had your wisdom teeth out?   no

your appendix?   no