#iv. thread : constance

[feysversion]

@radiaking

❝ i’m not who you think i am. ❞ - Connie

IT WAS HARD COMING BACK IN HERE. after leaving the commonwealth , there was a part of connie that wasn't sure she ever would. it was like the last time she headed west before the world went to hell ; there were more reasons to stay gone than there were to stay. until she didn't have much of a choice. she had to come back this time because she never really said goodbye.

when she told john where she wanted to go , she was surprised he came along , but she wasn't going to complain. honestly , for all his flaws ( many flaws ) she's meant much worse people out in the wasteland. &. there's something... good there , too. it's strange how quickly their partnership has become comfortable , familiar. not enough that she'd asked him to come down into the vault with her to stare at the cryogenic pod that held her dead husband's body ( or rather it did up until about an hour ago when he was finally buried in the cemetery ) to watch her cry , but here he is.

connie hears him coming first &. only barely bothers to wipe her face but doesn't move from her spot on the floor. when he stops beside her neither of them say anything for a while , but when he finally does she looks away from the pod for the first time , confused.

❝ what are you talking about , john ? ❞ it's not like he's given her all that much about himself so there isn't really a person to assume anything about.

blood &. darkness.

[feysversion]

❝ THEN YOU MUST HANG OUT WITH A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES. ❞ it's not the most elegant comeback she's ever said , but there's not much room for elegance anymore. ❝ i get it , though. just how it is out here. ❞

connie takes in more of their immediate surroundings , not turning her back on him &. still keeping him in the corner of her vision , but taking her eyes mostly off him all the same. they'll need to secure the area before bedding down , find the safest spot in it &. make sure there's no stragglers ready to kill them for a bottle of water.

❝ but it doesn't have to be. sometimes you're tired of looking over your shoulder &. shooting guns at people. ❞ she turns back to him fully with a look creeping into exasperation. ❝ don't you want a break from that for a night ? i know i do. ❞

That could...still be a coincidence, he thinks, though he's more and more sure by the minute it has to be her. It's less that he thinks it can't really be her and more that he just doesn't understand how it can be her. He's not even sure exactly how either not-so-young Henry or Moldaver managed to be alive all these years later. He assumes cryogenics are at play but there are...other possibilities. And until he's sure, he's not prepared to reveal who he is.

"John," he says, shaking her hand, unable to quiet the memory of having done so the first time they ever met. "You can call me John."

He pulls his hand back and surveys her a quiet moment longer. "Now, I ain't sayin' I don't appreciate this little truce we got goin' on here, but you're gonna have to pardon my hesitation. You see, it ain't every day someone like you extends an olive branch to someone like me." Not just because he's a ghoul, but because he's noticeably armed to the teeth.

[mage-laurent]

But that’s mine-

starter for @irroche

Between the days nursing his wounds and driving himself mad over his social service, Laurent was trying to hold to some sense of a normal routine. That usually included trying to find the best place to be alone, keep from the eyes of the people he knew. Gods forbid he shame them more.

He slipped away from persistence of people to one of the balconies surrounding the Cathedral. Wandering without much care, he found himself upon the East side, taken a back by the early morning sun. 

His cynical attitude really took away from the positives of the new land he found himself in. Looking into the distance, Laurent grinned slightly watching the training of early morning pegasus knights backed against the soft blue sky line. 

But, his moment of absent minded peace was interrupted by a woman near wailing. Tucking behind the corner walls, cutting off the whole balcony from sight, a student dressed primly in white was stanced in shock. On all accounts, she seemed distraught and unable to calm herself.

Laurent contemplated it, right now Laurent felt like he couldn’t help anyone. She was so high strung that he would probably be even more upset to be approached. Yet, he couldn’t just leave without worrying more.

“Miss,” he made the corner, approaching cautiously, “are you alright?”

[en-la-casademiamor]

A reprising: A shared sky

I.

His name is fullness. Mine is hunger. He eats, but I find I cannot.

He is as he is, where he is, and speaks to us sharing of an overcast sky: the coldness compressed into white; of the fires below that billow smoke over the tops of roofs.

He does not realize, as he paints winter words an emotive open space that my feet lose their sense of gravity;

that I in turn submit to the sky by laying my body down through its air, suspending at once the ground of its right over my being.

When I give thought to the length of miles I will travel: from one place of existence to another– I think of the serene measure of his poem being tied to a rib that could puncture my lung.

II.

I sense in my transit, snow falling readily over his head and I envision octogonal crystal palace's clinging to the bridge of his nose;

ice bits slipping beneath tufts of hair; the hearing of a bared vulnerability enunciating relief. He has yet to understand, as I have not told him,

how I came to sink in through his lips; how I find passage through a labyrinth of time-space to be inside him.

III.

Where I am, it has not snowed, and I endure its vise-like anticipation intently by means

of practicing at a needful constancy that opens the caskets within.

The measured restriction of air induces my becoming an amalgamation of fire overcoming ice: ice vanishing feely into a rushing deluge of darkest hidden pining.

IV.

Gravity comes to tug at my ankles; eyes reluctantly flutter open– I will tell him some day, I will lay down again over air in this manner before him and show him,

it is the indiscernible haze of blue-grey and our shared of sky that harkens back to the tenor of the room he sleeps in; that I wish to be in.

V.

As I relinquish power back to the laws of gravity, my hands make certain to deftly tie harder the string of his poem to another rib next to the other lung. I will let all of him

consume alive the trembling of my knees and legs. It is only ever upon descension to the center of the earth that it comes to me,

I have not eaten on this journey. A little pleasurable hurt; a thread of binding restraint will do no harm,

when what I desire greatly of is to watch him place his fingertips over his sated mouth, unaware

he has had time to slowly slowly savor first of what I’ve given him.

[constancevonnuvelle]

Placing the back on her hand on her forehead dramatically, Constance let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Oh woe is I! Whatever shall I do? I have been placed in a position where I must make the most difficult of choices. Goddess, give me a sign!” After a moment of complete silence, Constance looked down at the ground. She tried her best to put on a blank expression, or at least one of disappointment, but she wasn’t all that successful in hiding her smile. “The Goddess has abandoned us. Unbelievable.”

Constance sighed again. “Fine. Being the kind and generous friend that I am, I shall allow you to continue to have a social life.” Laughing, she was silently glad she could enjoy this time with her friend. She wouldn’t say it out loud, but she had been a bit disappointed to see they hadn’t been paired up for this event. She didn’t really want to have to meet someone new, but this talk had made her feel a bit better. If Velouria could hang out with friends despite her partner, that should mean she would be allowed too, right? Maybe this wasn’t as strict of an event as the ones she had been to in the past had led her to believe.

“Believe me when I say I will hold you to what you say. There will be no broken promises on my watch. Ahaha!”

constancevonnuvelle​:

Velouria Wants a Dance :(

Velouria beamed back at Constance, hugging the blond girl tightly as she still sat next to her. She probably shouldn’t spend much longer hanging around, as she had to go off and make her next guess soon, but she wasn’t all that eager to leave her dear friend so quickly. Perhaps she would attempt to make some more chatter before she would have to go. She liked Constance a lot, you see. One of her most dear friends and someone she found herself clinging to whenever she got the chance to. Which in her mind, was the greatest form of friendship that she could show to her dear friend. She truly did enjoy spending time with the other girl, they’d had some fun adventures in the past, and she looked forward to more in the future.

“I’m glad! I was worried a bit that I wouldn’t have anyone to dance with at all, but then I remember that I have a lot of dear friends, like you, who would be more than willingly to dance with me!”

Constance froze, stiffening slightly for a moment as her friend hugged her. It only took her a fraction of a second to recover, relaxing and returning the hug as though nothing had happened. She wasn’t used to being hugged. Back at House Nuvelle, hugging in public was seen as extremely improper for someone of her status, even if there was a friend or two that didn’t care much for that rule. After her fall from nobility, those she associated with were rarely friendly, so hugs were practically non-existant in her world. It was what she came to expect, so she was always caught off guard when those that she knows now did. She’s slowly adjusting to being more comfortable with hugs, just as she is with other activities that she was strictly told to avoid by the societal norms she had grown up with. That didn’t stop her from feeling embarrassed when she has reactions like that to what are considered such mundane actions to everyone else. 

“You believe there would be no one who wishes to dance with you? Ahaha! Were it not for my knowing that no one would dare cross the magnificent Constance von Nuvelle, I would fear for being unable to reach you through the adoring crowd!” Constance makes an exaggerated frowning expression to emphasize her joke, forgetting that Velouria likely can’t see her face at the moment. “Clearly, you are far too popular. It makes it far too difficult to spend time together. I command you to have less friends, starting now!”

Velouria laughed, she knew that she was far from popular, but she appreciated Constance’s words anyway. Her dear friend was so over the top that it made her happy to just hear her speak most of the time. She was silly in a way that brought so much joy to Velouria. She clung to the other girl’s arm, reluctant to let go any time soon. It would be nice if she could just stay here forever, in the comfort of a friend’s arms. She snuggled against Constance, leaning into her shoulder.

“But I like having friends! Come on Connie, I promise I’ll save you at least one dance.” She wasn’t very good at dancing, but she liked doing it with her friends anyway. That way it was a little bit more fun than dancing with a stranger and messing up all the time. At least her friends didn’t care if she stepped on their toesies.

[glorywaited]

☽ /  @livelaughmuse​ :  💕           SHIPPING INTEREST CHECK !!   (  accepting -- no need to have interacted prior !!  )

i’ll do it for muses that i’m familiar with / are available or able to ship or whatever -- but kno i’m always open for literally anything with u because i love u n i’d die for u ♡ so if u ever have a muse that is just like /hey i want cass/ like u have permission to throw em at me always i’m stupidly easily enabled into ships i swear

LANCE

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

i tbh love cass n lance a lot but i think u kno that already dahskjm but id love to do anything in any verses we have or ykno im extremely weak for lance / cass / eugene ot3 in any verses -- especially childhood friends verse hdasjkmd but tbh i just...shes the strong scary lady to his beautiful himbo n thats such a good ship dynamic !! oh...another good ot3 with them too i just realise could be that one dark kingdom au we talked about too where cass grows up there as quirin’s kid !! look im just weak for these two n also that ot3 bhdasjkm im sry

ANDREW

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

literally give me all the exes things we’ve talked about n like all the verses tbh ?? also i’ve always wanted to do a verse that was based off a theory going around before s3 n ive talk about it before, but cass originally had saporian parents that were killed && cass finds out about that behind the door, so she ends up getting angry not about her mother but the terrible treatment of her people by corona n it’s still literally her being overshadowed by raps. but she takes the moonstone n actually goes to help the separatists && varian escape && take over corona for their people n i just rly love that ?? but also like going off that n them accidentally getting back together or starting something not based off lies maybe getting to kno him without the cover might be Neat ??

D’ARTAGNAN 

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

i like the princess cass thing we talked briefly about but also i’d be up for any other aus u might wanna do ?? i just love him n i think they’d have a fun dynamic tbh also uhhh they both love horses n i think thats rly great of them they can make fun of the other musketeers about it :’) but also her being there for him when treville dies oop 

CONSTANCE

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

PERHAPS them meeting while she’s a handmaiden n cass is also working as a handmaiden ?? but also my princess verse might be cute with her too ?? cass sneaking away one night for Freedom for a minute because she’s constantly surrounded by guards n ending up running into constance n mayhaps she doesnt find out shes a princess until later :’) but again im literally up for any aus u’d want because i just rly...rly love constance n i think theyd have a fun dynamic they have a lot of similarities 

FITZ

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

i’m weak for cass with huge nerds tbh n i just think theyd have an interesting dynamic if ur interested ?? but im still watching aos n i just absolutely adore him sm ??? but cass as an agent working with him like she’d be interested in the amazing things he does but shed be all ‘...but i dont rly care’ about it because shes stubborn n closed off n doesnt kno a whole lot about all that tech stuffs creation she just uses whats shes given n trained with dhbajkm

LUCIFER

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

idk i love lucifer hdajkmd i tbh think he’d be interesting with cass like just...those personalities im dhbajskd i also have a bunch of verses where she’s an immortal / goddess so theres that but also her main modern verse would work cause thats just....her being a detective so... ykno like canon i... but her working as a bodyguard there for him could be Interesting too

CHIDI

Have we discussed shipping before?: yes || no || sorta

My interest level overall: I’ve wanted this for so long || can’t wait || I think it’ll be fun || kinda feeling it || maybe with a lot of plotting || I need to think about it || not interested, sorry

How we should do this: jump right in || slow burn || pre-established || build up to it in a thread || anything goes

Dynamics I want to try out with our ship: friends to lovers || rivals to lovers || enemies to lovers || mutual pining || battle couple || childhood friends || high school sweethearts || star crossed lovers || long time lovers || old married couple || newlyweds || sickeningly sweet couple || secret lovers || fake dating/marriage || best friends hiding their feelings || arranged marriage || soulmates || other

like i said i just am weak for cass with huge nerds dbhasjkdm hed probably annoy her at first with his problems with making decisions but also like ?? hed grow on her a lot hes so sweet n caring n someone she’d need in her life ?? n when she opens up she’d be there for him, figure out those moments he’s overthinking or panicking n be there to calm him down. n it can be any au or verse u’d be up for or i can tbh make a verse for the goo.d pl.ace cause cass rly isn’t perfect n even before series n during series ends up putting herself n her own goals before others idk i think theyd balance each other pretty well n be able to teach each other some things ??

-- 

n tbh i’d be open for ur galav.ant ladies but it’s been forever since i watched it n hbadsjkdm but im open !! i love them...

[theseustempel]

Zettel’s Traum und Theseus’ Tempel

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Zettel’s Traum (Arno Schmidt, IV.1) und Theseus’ Tempel (Sigmund Freud, V.1) – Bottom’s Dream & fine frenzy rolling – #Notizen

Es geht um Nick Bottom, a Weaver – »Niklas Zettel, ein Weber« – denn natürlich ist es ein Weber, damit wir Textil und Textur feingewoben & -gestrickt beisammen haben. In IV.1 erwacht Bottom/Zettel aus einem Sommernachtstraum … und in V.1 wird Theseus in seinem Palast, sozusagen einer Tempelanlage mit vielen Räumen, sich (gegenüber Hippolyta) überaus abgeklärt über derartige Methoden und verzettelte Handlungsgespinste – als wäre Literatur eine Geistererscheinungsbedürfnisanlage – auslassen. Und doch beginnt es mit Shakespeare und seinem aus einem Traum erwachenden und dies mehrschichtig komponiert formulierenden Weber Zettel/Bottom:

BOTTOM [Awaking] […] I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was: man is but an ass, if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was--there is no man can tell what. Methought I was,--and methought I had,--but man is but a patched fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of this dream: it shall be called Bottom's Dream, because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the latter end of a play, before the duke: peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall sing it at her death.

Mit Wieland beginnend (und dann Schlegel et cetera …) lautet die Übersetzung von »Bottom’s Dream« stets »Zettels Traum« und erst 1970 wird mit Arno Schmidt einer kommen, der deutlicher das zurückbindet und ins Traumgespinst zu St. Johannis mit Majuskeln und einem Apostroph hineinschreibt: »ZETTEL’S TRAUM« – 1963–1969 schrieb er daran und erst auf »-zettel 1330-« [recte 1334 DIN-A3-Seiten] angekommen hörte er auf; dabei zehntausende Karteikärtchen seines Zettelkastens abarbeitend. Somit folgt Schmidt zunächst scheinbar ergeben der Wielandschen Umbenennung »Zettel« und weiß zugleich dass »Bottom« auch der Boden des Fasses ohne demselben ist – wie der Hintern, der ein Po ist, denn damit kriegt er den Poe hinein, den er für »Zettels Traum« braucht, für seine eigene POEtik und die Poes (dabei ist der andere Held James Joyce hier einmal außen vorzulassen – der wird a.a.O. hereingenommen). Folglich bricht seine Übersetzung, sein Motto, am Beginn von »Zettel’s Traum« an entscheidender Stelle ab:

»Ich hab’ ein äußerst rares Gesicht gehabt ! Ich hatt’ nen Traum – ’s geht über Menschenwitz, zu sagen, was es für ein Traum war. Der Mensch ist nur ein Esel, wenn er sich einfallen läßt, diesen Traum auszulegen. Mir war, als wär’ ich – kein Menschenskind kann sagen, was. Mir war, als wär’ ich, und mir war, als hätt’ ich – aber der Mensch ist nur ein lumpiger Hanswurst, wenn er sich unterfängt, zu sagen, was mir war, als hätt’ ich’s : des Menschen Auge hat’s nicht gehört, des Menschen Ohr hat’s nicht gesehen, des Menschen Hand kann’s nicht schmecken, seine Zunge kann’s nicht begreifen, und sein Herz nicht wieder sagen, was mein Traum war. –«

Denn auch darum geht es: wenns ins Bodenlose ginge, ginge es ins Verzetteln (Erich Fried ahnt das und in seiner Übersetzung wird dann nochmals alles verschwurbelt sein, wenn er für den Wagenbach-Verlag »Es soll Zettels Traum genannt werden, damit es im Gedächtnis bleibt und nicht verzettelt wird«, kurios genug, Shakespeare zurechttippt – Wieland hatte es von vornherein unterlassen, »because it hath no bottom;« zu übersetzen und überging diese Sequenz), das aber kann es nicht sein. Hier ist der Boden des Knäuels (der ›bottom of thread‹ [in Zeiten der elektronischen Kommunikations-Threads setzt man besser gleich ein sic!], der Unterfaden ist aufzulesen und an ihm entlang lässt sich alles entwickeln. Es sind die Zettel und es sind die Zusammenhänge aufzuzeigen. Nebenbei mag es nicht von ungefähr wie ein Fass ohne Boden aussehen, was da aufgemacht wird. Aber man muss es selbst lesen, etwa in der von Friedrich Forssman gesetzten Fassung:

/ : »Ich stelle nie Theorien auf : ich probiere Arbeitshypothesen, & wie weit dieselben tragen. Auch im vorliegenden Fall POE sehe ich ein Textgewebe – die ›Kette‹, (engl. bottom) aus Worten; im ›Schuß‹ Etyms –« /

(Und wer wissen will, wie intensiv Schmidt hier nach dem Tippen auf der Maschine von Hand eingriff, sehe sich »- zettel 26 -« im Faksimile an.) Faden, Kette, Schuss. Wieder und wieder und es ist ein Gewebe. (Und zumindest in Klammern sei verwiesen auf die enorme Bedeutung der Decken und des Gewebes in einem anderen derart großen weißen Wal wie »Zettel’s Traum«, in Melvilles »Moby-Dick« – dazu a.a.O.). Der rote Faden ist hier die Psychogrammatik der POEtik (vielleicht auch das Schiff, das hier durchgeschossen wird), sie gerät Schmidt zur breiten Mittelspalte, die Explikationen, Ober- und Unterfäden begleiten diese bis in schwarze Rechtecke und weiter. Durchschossen. Verwoben.

Die Oberflächen derartiger Geschichten brauchen ihre Ränder, wie alle erzählten Träume geht es von den Spuren der Oberfläche, den erzählten und geschriebenen, erst in die Tiefe anhand von Auffälligkeiten, Indizien. Das ist dann nicht nur die Vorgabe für DetektivInnen, ForensikerInnen, WissenschafterInnen und Schreibende, sondern auch der Bereich der Traumdeutenden und Psychoanalytiker, aber gerade weil sie das scheinbar Unerklärliche der Abgründe für ergründenswert erachten, müssen sie sich selbst nicht allzu nahe wagen und ihre Wissenschaft als unbefangen deklarieren. In der Literatur mag das ja alles funktionieren (bis hin zum tagträumenden und dabei Fälle lösenden Sherlock Holmes, den der Mediziner Arthur Conan Doyle erschrieb, den der Mediziner Sigmund Freud las, was uns wiederum dessen Tochter und der »Wolfsmann« [und er selbst fast irrtümlich] berichteten … hieraus ließe sich Stoff für mehr spinnen, as if »it hath no bottom;«), aber Freud darf sich nicht so darauf einlassen, auch wenn er ebenso textet, auf Sprache und Erzählung angewiesen ist. Denn er muss den Text zu Papier bringen und den Urtext rekonstruieren – nicht umgekehrt sich den Vorgaben unterwerfen. Die Analyse gelingt im Ordnungmachen (auch schon des Niederschreibens), im Schritt zurück, im unbeobachteten Sitzen hinter dem Kopfende der Couch; von hier aus lässt sich alles so (frei-)legen, dass der Weg zurück deutlich wird, auf dem Analyse und Heilung möglich erscheinen. Und also schreibt Freud schon sehr früh, am 31. Mai 1897, an Wilhelm Fließ zum Thema »Dichtung und fine frenzy«:

»Der Mechanismus der Dichtung ist derselbe wie der [der] hysterischen Phantasien. Goethe vereinigt zum Werther etwas Erlebtes, seine Liebe zu Lotte Kästner, und etwas Gehörtes, das Schicksal des jungen Jerusalem, der durch Selbstmord endigt. Er spielt wahrscheinlich mit dem Vorsatz, sich zu töten, findet darin den Berührungspunkt und identifiziert sich mit Jerusalem, dem er seine Motive aus der Liebesgeschichte leiht. Mittelst dieser Phantasie schützt er sich gegen die Wirkung seines Erlebnisses. So behält Shakespeares Zusammenstellung von Dichtung und Wahn recht (fine frenzy).«

Michael Rohrwasser hat darauf aufmerksam gemacht, dass Freud sich im Gegensatz zu Schmidt eben gerade nicht an Zettels Traum aus IV.1, sondern an der Nüchternheit des Theseus bedient (»Freuds Lektüren« aus 2005 ist nichts weniger als das bis dato immer noch bei weitem klügste Buch zu Sigmund Freud). Konkret liest sich das im Sommernachtstraum V.1, im ›Dialog‹ mit Hippolyta, so:

HIPPOLYTA 'Tis strange my Theseus, that these lovers speak of. THESEUS More strange than true: I never may believe These antique fables, nor these fairy toys. Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend More than cool reason ever comprehends. The lunatic, the lover and the poet Are of imagination all compact: One sees more devils than vast hell can hold, That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic, Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt: The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling, Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven; And as imagination bodies forth The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name. Such tricks hath strong imagination, That if it would but apprehend some joy, It comprehends some bringer of that joy; Or in the night, imagining some fear, How easy is a bush supposed a bear! HIPPOLYTA But all the story of the night told over, And all their minds transfigured so together, More witnesseth than fancy's images And grows to something of great constancy; But, howsoever, strange and admirable.

Mondsüchtige, Liebende und Schreibende: Narren, die Gespinste sehen; in die Realität Züge hineinbringen, die da aus guten, vernünftigen Gründen nicht sind. Freud, der das alles sieht, will sich das zueigen machen. Und nimmt ausgerechnet eine Stelle aus der Literatur (als hörte er Stimmen, diesfalls die Shakespeares als er Goethe liest – und dabei könnte man nun sehr fein Freuds Sentenz von Dichtung und Wahn, in diesem Brief an Fließ, derart à rebours lesen, dass da nichts mehr überblieb von der vorgestellten Nüchternheit…), um sich mit Fließ darüber zu verständigen. Dem Dichterauge das »fine frenzy rolling« attestierenden Theseus repliziert im Komödientext aber eine Frauenfigur, dass es eben doch mehr als Hirngespinste seien. Schmidt nimmt die in all dem begriffene Herausforderung ungleich offensiver an, greift nur wenige Zeilen vor den von Freud bezeichneten Urteilen des Theseus bis auf den Boden, die Zettel. Iin IV.1 geht es um Schreiben und Spielen als ginge es ums Leben: sich erstechen, um den Traum wahrhaftiger, wirksamer, vorzutragen. (Und es wird ein Schmidtscher Pagenstecher sein, der dann in den Herzinfarkt eingeht.) Die Psychoanalyse, den Poe, die Etyme à la Joyce und ein paar andere Kleinigkeiten steckt Schmidt wie en passant in dieses Fass (lassen wir ihn dies angenommen haben), das ein Zettelkasten ist, für ein Leben und Schreiben auf den Tod hin.

[feysversion]

@radiaking

i didn't think you remembered that. -Connie

❝ WELL IT HASN'T BEEN 200 YEARS FOR ME , SO I'M NOT SURE IT'S THAT IMPRESSIVE , ❞ she says with a chuckle. ❝ i try to collect books that are mostly undamaged where i can anyway because... i don't think we were really prepared to lose so much ? like in world war ii , right , there was a whole part of the army dedicated to getting back stolen art &. important cultural artifacts. this time we were all gearing up for it but i don't know how much was actually protected so... ❞

connie shakes her head &. laughs again. ❝ sorry , rambling. but yeah , i thought you'd like it. even if some of the paintings in that book are gone forever , we still have this. glad i remembered right. ❞

mockingjay.

[feysversion]

tag drop pt. 9

iv. thread : ada

iv. thread : charles

iv. thread : crowley

iv. thread : arthur

iv. thread : cornelius

iv. thread : luca

iv. thread : astarion

iv. thread : constance

iv. thread : herakles

iv. thread : lucanis

[feysversion]

HER EYEBROWS DRAW TOGETHER IMMEDIATELY , GRIEF FORGOTTEN. at least one of her griefs. about a million thoughts run through her mind as her body slowly rises involuntarily. soft glances , shared cigarettes , laughter in a quiet corner , a california sunrise on the beach. she tries to superimpose the image of cooper howard onto his features but she can't. he's dead. he's gone. just like everyone else she ever loved. that was something she thought she made her peace with but who is she kidding. the painstakingly maintained poster she scrounged from a well — kept basement storage in some poor soul's house is more than just a memory preserved.

❝ that's not funny , ❞ she manages , unaware until this moment that she's starting to cry all over again , that her voice sounds raw. ❝ it's not funny because i knew him too , actually. he was my friend. he was... he was a good man. &. unlike nate he didn't get the luxury of being one of vault — tec's experiments &. dying where someone could bury his body. &. today isn't a fucking good day to joke about that. ❞

even as connie says it , she thinks about some of the ghouls she's met who were alive before the bombs dropped. it's possible , she knows it is , her brain just can't accept it. she's never considered herself a cynic but the idea that there is just one piece of her life she can get back , one person she hasn't lost is almost too much hope to bear.

❝ just because you wear a cowboy hat &. shoot a fucking gun doesn't make you him so — so prove it ! prove to me you're — ❞ she chokes on the name &. embarrassment crawls into her throat , constricting it until the rest of the sentence comes out in a pained whisper accompanied by an even more pained , wavering grimaced smile. ❝ that you're him. ❞

If he's being honest, this is the last thing he wants to be doing. It's been over 220 years since he's been in a vault, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of them. Afraid if he went into one, he might not make it back out. That somehow Vault-Tec would seal him in...as if they even care about Cooper Howard anymore. He's barely more than a nameless ghoul at this point.

Except he isn't that at all either. The man he once was may be dead and buried, or as good as, but he still holds his memories. His thoughts and many of his feelings. Particularly about her. Their relationship, friendship before the bombs had been interesting. He cared about her.

And now, watching her face this alone doesn't sit right with him. Maybe she doesn't see John as a source of comfort, but she might see Cooper Howard as such. Maybe right now, it doesn't matter so much if he's not really that man anymore. He remembers her, remembers the life she lived before this, remembers her husband. He might be the only connection to that life that exists anymore. It doesn't seem right to keep that knowledge from her now, at a time like this.

"My name's not John." His accent slips away a little, letting the ghoul fall away. "It's Cooper..." He pauses briefly, wincing. "Howard."