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waiting4inspiration · 3 years

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Hefna XV: Gildi

Summary: You talk to Alke about her being chosen to be an envoy and you can tell that this event has given your people hope. Ivar takes thing a bit too far.

Warnings: angst, strong language, small fluff, mentions of death, mentions of a war, I know that Ivar's not everyone's favorite in this fic but I promise that when I'm done posting this fic we'll move on to something where he's a nice person

Word Count: 2,664

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“Vidar will not give us any longer to recover from the last attack. We must muster up as much strength as we can for the next fight,” Bjorn mentions, glancing around to each person around the war table. He leans forward on his hands, his gaze lingering on Ivar for a while longer to make sure he understands the urgency of his words, only to find him staring at you.

You keep your gaze on your hand entwined with Estadir’s, too scared to make eye contact with Ivar after what happened. You have yet to tell Estadir, but wonder if it is something you best keep to yourself because you are unsure what he would do. You don’t want him killing Ivar.

With Alke now back and a restored faith in your people, the plans for Skapanir went quickly. It’s now only a matter of when the attack will be.

“We must attack when he least expects, when he still thinks we are weak,” Bjorn mentions, earning a nod from Ivar. Bjorn can relax slightly, knowing now that Ivar has his mind focused on this war rather than on something like you.

Ivar shifts in his spot, tears his stare away from you and glances down at the table. “We should attack tomorrow. At dawn,” he states, looking up at Estadir and waiting for a protest or a reason not to attack tomorrow. A reason like the ritual that prevented them from attacking the last time.

Instead, Estadir nods in agreement and looks down to you at his side. You look up at him, bite your lip and nod your head. “We lost the last battle because we underestimated their numbers,” Estadir says, looking back to Ivar and you keep your gaze on him. “We should do the same to them.”

Ivar thinks about it for a moment, licking his lips and agrees to the idea with a nod. “What do you have in mind?” he asks.

Seeing that you are no longer needed here because you know that you won’t be fighting again, you let go of Estadir’s hand and take a step back. “I’m going to check up on Alke,” you whisper, earning a nod from him and a gentle smile.

You make the mistake of looking up to Ivar, catch his gaze for a second before turning to walk away. Estadir turns back to face Ivar, leans forwards with his hands on the table and clears his throat. “If you let me and my men go first, we can set up a distraction so your men can attack when they do not expect it,” Estadir speaks, making Ivar look away from where you had walked out of and back to him.

Walking through the hall where your people have made a temporary residency, seeming the smiles on their faces makes your heart light. And when you see Alke walking among them, speaking to them as you would speak to them as the voice of Virheia.

Something deep inside you tell you that this is good. In this time of strife for your people, they need to hear the voice of Itris and that will come through Alke. They need healing for their broken hearts from the Goddess of Healing.

You pick up a basket of bread that has been given graciously from the local baker to feed your people, walk up to Alke’s side and start handing out loaves to your people. “Is this how it normally feels after being chosen by a God?” she asks in a small voice as she turns her head to you.

As you look up at her, you have to hold back a gasp at the sight of the healed scar across the face. It’s Itris’ doing, you know that. Still, you give her a small smile and turn with her to walk across the room to another group of your people. “That feeling of something else flowing in your veins?” you question, making her chuckle and drop her head between her shoulders as she smiles to herself. “Yes. It always feels that way when a God chooses you,” you mention, gently handing a man a loaf of bread as you pass him, making sure to give him a reassuring smile even though you know he has lost his wife.

“Did you see Virheia when she chose you?” Alke questions, making your head turn to her and you see her staring off into the corner of the Hall.

Placing the basket down, you step in front of the healer and reach out to take her hands, causing her eyes to shift over to you. As you look into her eyes, you see fright. “I did. And Estadir saw Dedon when he was chosen. But, Itris doesn’t use her envoys the way the other Gods do,” you speak, giving her hands a slight squeeze as if to reassure her that things will be okay. “She doesn’t choose her envoys like the other Gods either.”

Those words make her laugh and she steps to your side to start walking toward the door, a hand timidly reaching up to touch the magically healed scar on her face before it drops to her chest. “I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t alive either. And she reminded me of my mother because of how caring, how loving her voice was. How loving her voice is,” she starts, leaning against the door as she folds her arms over her chest. “She told me that we have work to do. And I know, something deep inside me knows, that there’s going to be more death, more healing that needs to be done. And, it scares me,” she confesses, dropping her head to stare at the ground as she bites on her lower lip.

You sigh, stand beside her and look out to the roofs of the houses. “I’m scared too. We’re all scared. But, we also have hope,” you say, her head turning up to you again. And you realize that this healer standing beside you is no longer like a daughter to you as your role of the mother of the tribe. Because she is not an envoy of the Goddess of Healing, she is now like your sister.

“How can you know that there’s hope?” Alke questions, making you smile and move to turn her around to face what remains of your family.

“Because of them and the look on their faces,” you whisper, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder as you gesture out to your family. “Itris choosing you as her envoy, her first in years, has reassured them that the Gods haven’t completely abandoned us,” you add, looking over at her and watching a smile slowly starting to grow on her face.

She’s understanding more now why she was chosen. And just like Estadir was there for you when you were chosen by Virheia, Alke knows she’ll have you to help her out with all this.

In a way, Ivar didn’t want the plans for the next battle to be finalized because he knew that then you and Estadir would go through the same ritual that might ensure you starting a family, therefore taking away his chance of making you see why you should rather be with him.

But, it was all out of his hands.

He can’t stop the temporary move your people make into the woods close to the city - by now Ivar’s learned that any ritual done to your Gods has to be done outside - and he can’t stop this setup for the ritual.

Maybe there is something he can do, he thinks to himself as the sun starts to set, darkening the sky. He still has your pendant of Yggdrasil from that time in Nork. And maybe, he should tell you how he truly feels about you.

With the thought that he might be able to change your mind, he walks into the tent that was set up for you a bit away from where the ritual will take place.

There’s a certain smell in the tent, one that Ivar’s never come by. It’s sweet and soft. Rich smelling, but it has a calming effect on Ivar making him take a deep breath and holding it for a while before he breathes it out. Then he looks for you.

You stand in one corner of the tent, your back facing Ivar as you whisper foreign words in the language of what Ivar’s come to know is that of your Gods. In your hands, you hold something that he’s only seen when he’s in the Seer’s tent - a bundle of herbs he has never seen, smoldering at the end and filling the air with smoke and the distinct scent.

When you turn around when your white owl screeches and see Ivar, a gasp catches in the back of your throat and you lower the smudge stick slightly. He stares at the pain on your face. Is it possible for you to seem more fierce with it on now than when he first met you?

“What are you doing here, Ivar?” you ask in a small voice, gently placing the herbs on the table beside you but never taking your eyes off him.

He starts to walk towards you, keeping his crutch close to his body. “I need to talk to you,” he says, just as soft as you have spoken before, walking closer and closer to you.

You breathe out a deep sigh and drop your head between your shoulders. “Now is not a good time for that-”

“I think it is the perfect time,” he cuts you off, standing in front of you and reaching up to take your chin between his thumb and index finger to lift your gaze up to him again. “If I do not say it now, I will lose you forever,” he whispers, holding your face so you don’t look away from him as a shadow passes outside.

“I am in love with you.” You shake your head at his word, try to stop him but he doesn’t allow you to. “I want you to be mine instead of his. I can give you everything you want, take you across the sea to the lands you wish to explore. Those places on those maps you have, I can take you there. I can make you a queen.”

And then, he presses his lips to yours, kissing you gently and moving his hand to cup the side of your face.

It’s at that moment that Estadir walks into your tent, a smile on his face because of the smell that hit him the moment he pushes the flap aside. But that smile falls the moment he sees what’s before him. You, the love of his life, kissing the man he’s been wary of from the moment he came into his camp. And instead of rushing forward to pull the King away from you and losing his temper, he steps back out of the tent and seethes in wrath outside. It’s a pity he doesn’t have a weapon on him…

Then he hears you speak.

“No,” you say, quite loudly as you push away from Ivar. “You do not love me, Ivar. You barely know me compared to how Estadir knows me. You’re just...infatuated with me.” Ivar shakes his head, trying to fight back but you hold up a hand to stop him and make him listen to you as you carry on. “I could never love anyone else the way I love Estadir. It took our whole lives for our love to grow to where it is now. And I hope, one day you find someone who you love as Estadir loves me, and who loves you the way I love him. But that person is not me.”

Ivar stands, baffled at your words and with his eyes still staring at you. “We’re from two completely different worlds. And when we part ways, in time, you will forget about me,” you mention, turning and walking away from him towards the exit of the tent.

“I will never forget you,” he says to you over his shoulder, making you stop in your tracks and stand silent for a while.

You take a deep breath through your nose, close your eyes when you hear the drums starting to beat in a steady beat outside, and then turn your gaze back to Ivar. “Then you will grow to be bitter and watch the life you could have had fade away from you.” You turn to face him again, your eyes slightly narrow as you fold your arms over your chest. “You have someone who would give anything for you to just notice her, pay her the attention that’s wasted on me, and your obsession with me has made you blind to it,” you say, making him frown at your words and shift on his feet to turn around. “And now, you might have lost the chance to win Alke’s heart.”

With that, he doesn’t say anything. He’s still trying to comprehend your words and mention of Alke possibly feeling something for him and he hadn’t noticed. You’ve never spoken like this to him, never shown him this resentful side to you. After a moment of staring at him, you take a turn back around and leave him alone in your tent.

The moment you step outside, you stand in front of Estadir who lowers his gaze from the flap of your tent to you. And you realize that he had been listening to your conversation with Ivar but don’t know whether or not he knows that he tried to kiss you. “You heard it all?” you ask, standing up tall and straight, hands clenched at your sides as you silently pray that this hasn’t ruined the night and the ritual.

Estadir nods his head. You try to find a sign of anger in his facial expression, but there is none there. It makes you tilt your head and give him a perplexed look. “I told you from the beginning that I did not like him here. Did I not say that he was trying to take you from me?” There’s a kind of cocky tone in his voice and a teasing smirk on his face as he steps beside you and places a hand on your back to lead you forward to the fireplace and the heart of the ceremony.

You roll your eyes, relax when you realize that he’s trying to make a point and that he heard everything right with what you said to Ivar. “Please, don’t tell me you told me so tonight. Did I not profess my love for you to him and say that I’ll never love anyone the way I love you?”

He chuckles, turns toward you, and glances down at you and he places his hands either side of your face. Then, he leans down and presses his forehead to you making your eyes flutter shut and a smile grows on your face.

Alke waits for you and Estadir by the fire, a smile on her face when she sees the loving interaction between you two. She knows that everyone is in high hopes that tonight the Gods will bless you and the war will be won tomorrow. Itris gives her hope too.

Seeing Ivar walk out of your tent, Alke’s smile drops and she goes stiff in her place. Especially when his eyes fall on her. He stares at her, making her heart race in her chest and a breath falls from her lips.

But Alke turns her gaze away from him and walks into the circle of the people starting the ritual, banging on drums and singing verses to the Gods. You had said that she would have to choose between Ivar and her family. And now that she is the voice of Itris, she is proud to choose her family.

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