#ive been planning to burn somethings onto discs and get a dvd player for a while now

[imflyingfish]

Going through another phase of wanting to buy a record player verses being unsure if i should

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: *puts finger up and opens mouth like I may actually have ANYTHING of importance to say but changes my mind and closes my mouth and puts my finger down because let's face it ... I don't have shit to say that anyone really needs to hear.*

C/W ::: Language, more broken heart stuff, angst? Longing. No smut yet. aged up character. You'll all see my handy dandy 18+ thing when there is. Thank you for reading, I do appreciate it. ❤

WC ::: just about 1,800

Part I

Part II

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part III

You stared at your phone for another few minutes before you turned it off. Sitting it down on the nightstand - your nightstand, you stood up and began looking around to collect some things - your things - from around Katsuki's place.

He hadn't taken down any of the pictures of you guys that were scattered about the space. There were innumerable frames hung on the walls, sitting on the mantel, and end tables. You guys at the fair, at the beach, on vacation. On staycations. There were a few things you hadn't gotten to do yet. But you'd always assumed that what you two hadn't done, you would eventually get around to doing at some point.

You grabbed your favorite photo - the two of you in the middle of the carnival, mid-kiss. It was so rare to see a moment where Bakugo was fully relaxed and happy. The person who took the photo was from out of town. They were 'so captivated by Katsuki's unique looks' they snuck the photo and then approached you to show you what he'd captured in the sweet but unspoken display of true love.

It broke your heart to remember that. Was it supposed to hurt this much? You've been heartbroken before. But this was physically painful. It was like your lungs couldn't take in air. Your stomach churned like you'd just been in a car for 4 hours after eating spoiled food. Your eyes burned from the tears that hadn't stopped and they ached from the tears that already fell.

You were exhausted and you still had to get all of your things together and back to your apartment before Kats got home. For the most part, if you were being totally honest with yourself, you didn't want to see him. It wasn't because you couldn't bear the thought of his face, but because you didn't know if you could keep yourself from falling to your knees in front of him and asking why all of this was happening.

But you know why it's happening. You’re why it's happening. It was hard for you to carry this alone. Somewhere in this mess, you know he was responsible for something. It was just a matter of figuring out what his slice of this shit pie was.

You went to the kitchen and stood at the fridge for a minute before you pulled out a half-empty bottle of white wine and made yourself comfy on the couch and watched whatever movie was left sitting in the DVD player.

It almost made you vomit to see that it was his surprise 25th birthday party you’d planned. You didn’t even know he had all of that stuff put onto a disc.

It was turning out to be from-the-bottle kind of night.

The next thing you know, you were waking up on the couch. Your right hand down your pants, your left hand cradling the empty wine bottle, and Katsuki standing over you. A smirk on his lips and a growl leaving his mouth. “Long night?” He asked, taking the empty bottle from you.

“I - I - when - oh … shit.” Pulling your hand from your pants, you know you turned a red brighter than a sun-ripened strawberry. “Kats it’s …"

He shook his head and calling you a dumbass, he turned and walked into the kitchen to rinse and put the bottle in the recycling bin.

You got up and followed him, standing close to him but not too close that you were invading his space. It was almost like you were sent back in time. You watched him work around the kitchen like it was second nature. Like it was any of the other days you two had been in there.

He had such a strong presence that you had to look away before he caught you staring.

He sucked on his teeth and asked, "It's what, y/n?" His voice soft and gentle. It wasn’t the way he normally spoke. It wasn't like him to sound so quiet and fragile. It was almost like he was trying to break you in a way that wouldn’t cause too much damage.

"It's - it's nothing. I just wanted to know how long you were there." You looked at him, a nervous smile tugging at your lips. You didn’t know where you stood. Was this a joke? Did he know how much you missed him? How much you still loved him?

Katsuki leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. "I got home 3 hou- I mean, a little while ago. Don't worry about it, ok? You're fine. You just looked so cu- uh, so comfortable and I didn't wanna bug ya. Why didn't you sleep in the bed? You could've, you know. Didn't have to sleep on this shitty couch." He laughed quietly.

"Hey! I picked out this couch." You wanted to reach out and squeeze or slap his bicep but fought off the urge.

"Yeah," he snorted. "And? I thought that was mutually understood that you pick out shitty furniture." His smile was so warm. You felt the overwhelming desire to kiss him. To touch him. Anywhere. You wanted to brush the hair from his face. To smooth down the perpetually creased skin between his eyes. Something.

Dear God. Anything to feel his warm skin.

But you couldn’t. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

"Ok, well, I should get going. I didn't get a chance to get all of my stuff out of here. I don't know what I left. I'll buy you a new bottle of wine," you said as you picked it up to look at the label. "Huh. Never heard of this one before. It was really good. Thanks. And uh, well, sorry. I hope it wasn't anything special. Jus' throw my shit out, I guess. If I -"

He moved and stood in front of you, one hand on the bottle, the other in his pocket. "I'm not going to throw your stuff out, y/n. Don't be so damn dramatic about it. Jesus."

"Eh, if I didn't already miss it, I don't think there's much of a point in me having it back." You felt stupid as soon as you said it. It hadn't been years since you had last seen it. Maybe weeks, and even that was being generous. Katsuki was right. You were being dramatic about it.

You were both standing there, each of you had a hand on the empty wine bottle. Both of you were waiting for the other to say something but neither of you had any idea what to say or do with yourselves.

Moving first, you let go of the bottle and reached into the pocket of his sweats you wore to retrieve the key to his apartment. "I uh," you tapped it on the marble counter as tears burned your eyes again. "Heh," you said, choking on the lump in your throat. "... fuck. Kats ..."

His face fell when you said his name. And it wasn't too much longer before his arms were wrapped around your waist and his face was in your neck. "God fuckin’ damn it, y/n." Katsuki held you tighter than he ever had before. His grip was vice-like and you knew that you couldn't go anywhere without a struggle. So you gave in.

You held him back and tried to steady your breathing. It was hard to believe that the last time you two were in this position was less than 2 weeks ago. "I know, Katsuki. I know. I ... miss you so much." You couldn't hold it back any longer. The tears began to stream down your face, soaking the collar of his shirt and the hair that poked out from behind his ear.

You wanted to kiss him. To pull his face to yours and breathe in the scent of his skin. To feel his breath on your lips.

But you couldn't. Not like this. Not when you both were still so lost and confused about what had happened.

It took you several minutes to pull away from him. Your body didn't want to let go of him. Your soul didn’t want to let go of him. You needed the physical comfort that his embrace provided. It was a home that you couldn't find anywhere else.

You pulled back and wiped your face with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I'm sorry, Kats. I'm so sorry. I have to go. I have to finish getting my shit out of here. Please, can you just let me get my things another time? And I'll be gone." You choked back a sob and turned away from him, not wanting him to see your face anymore.

He reached out for your hand and took a deep breath. "Y/n, stop. Just ... just wait, ok? It's fine. You can take whatever you want. I don’t give a shit. Take the bed. The couch. The tv. I really don’t care. But you gotta … Just stop this shit. Stop runnin’ away ... stop fuckin' runnin' from me. Don't leave like this. Don't make me live without you completely. I don't -" He pulled you back and looked at you, his eyes red. "I can't ... don't want to lose you. You're ... you're the ... Fuck. Please, just don't make me lose you." His voice cracked and he leaned his forehead against yours. "I'll fix whatever it is I did wrong."

Your heart sank. You didn't know what to say. He hadn't done anything wrong. It was your fault. Your issues. Your baggage.

"No, Kats. You haven't done anything wrong. It's not you. It's … ugh fuck. I have to fix some things. And I have to deal with the fact that we can't fix this. At least, not - not right now. Please, let me get my things when you're not here and that'll be that. OK?" You started to cry again as you pushed the key to him again. "I love you, Katsuki. I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It hurt a little when you gave in to the comfort that you had been going without. But it would have hurt more to not reach for him. Even though it had been a short while, you couldn't believe how much you missed his touch. His smell. His warmth. It was like he was a drug that you couldn't live without. And while you knew that it wasn't healthy to depend on someone like that, you couldn't help but want to give in to the temptation. You were weak and would give into him. No questions asked.

Just one ... last ... time.

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