#then again ive been having a lot of urges to buy things recently

[imflyingfish]

Going through another phase of wanting to buy a record player verses being unsure if i should

[gatorbites-imagines]

I recently started reading about werewolf stiles and I was wondering if you could do a werewolf stiles x male reader, please and thank you

Werewolf Stiles Stilinski x male reader

Headcanon

Ive never read too many werewolf Stiles fics, as I mainly read Spark Stiles stuff, but its an interesting idea, so I hope you enjoy this.

It’s been a while since I watched the show, so there might be parts about werewolf culture I forgot.

There are many ways Stiles could have been bitten, but lets assume its later on after everything with the Nogitsune and the chimeras. Its most likely Scott that bites him to save his life or something like that.

Because he killed people as the Nogitsune, and maybe other times I can’t remember, he would have blue eyes instead of yellow. Since he has so much experience with other people being bitten, he’s probably more on top of his own transformation.

If it was in the show, there would probably be a whole plot about Stiles becoming something else when he was bitten, because its Stiles, why wouldn’t he. But let’s just say the transformation went as it was meant to go.

Hes still is loud sassy self, but with a lot more wolf and dog jokes. You have to expect to hear the joke about you putting him in a collar at least once a week, or making him sleep in the doghouse.

Stiles struggles with his new urges and senses for a while, especially how much how loves your scent and can’t seem to get enough of you. Even before his bite, Stiles was a clingy lover, but afterwards it gets even worse.

He doesn’t even seem to notice he does it. Stiles will hang out at your place and splay across your bed, burying his face into your sheets and pillow and roll around. Or you go to his place, where he absentmindedly makes you wear his clothes to get his scent on you.

Stiles notices how he wants you provide for you more, it starts out small like bringing you small snacks or letting you borrow his jacket, but it becomes bringing you a whole ass deer after a full moon, much to the pack’s entertainment.

You are his person, if that makes sense. If he’s losing himself during a shift, he thinks about you to get himself back under control. Just the idea of hurting you makes his entire body and soul ache, and it’s the last thing he would ever want to do.

That might also result in Stiles hiding away from you the days before a full moon, just in case, as his needs and urges get stronger and stronger. Let’s just say he’s had to buy a lot of new pants as his claws keep tearing holes in his usual ones, as he has to grip his thigh from doing anything.

Has caught himself almost biting you on multiple occasions, like if you guys are cuddling or getting a little more intimate and Stiles finds himself scraping his teeth across your neck. His instincts howl for him to bite and mark you, but he’s so terrified of the idea that he almost falls out of the bed.

Stiles being Stiles would bury himself in research to try and understand why his urges are so God damn strong, as other wolves he’s met haven’t been so bad when it comes to their lover.

He ends up having to tuck his tail between his legs and go to other members of the pack with more experience, most likely Derek, or Peter, as his research doesn’t end up with much.

Peter would have a good laugh at his situation, and Derek would just raise a brow with a small “huh, makes sense” much to Stiles’s annoyance.  He ends up getting the werewolf version of the birds and the bees, and the whole talk about true mates, and he ends up sitting in his car just thinking this all sounds like one of those trashy werewolf romance books.

Assuming you are an average human, it would take a bit for Stiles to tell you, and you probably have to force it out of him cuz he’s avoiding you. Stiles again being Stiles, would feel like he doesn’t deserve you or that you can do so much better, so he doesn’t wanna force a bond on you.

He needs reassurance that you still love him, especially after he’s become a werewolf. After a long talk, Stiles returns to his lovable clingy self, but he won’t allow himself to bond you until you guys get older, even though he truly wants too.

I can imagine it gets so bad that he wears something like a tooth guard so he can’t accidentally bite your neck in the heat of the moment, cuz he wants you both to build your careers or educations before you get “wolf married” as he calls it.

During a full moon, he also always finds himself by your place, be it crawling in through your window or just hovering in the shadows nearby. You gets used to the feeling of him watching you when he’s wolfed out, and you’ll easily find his glowing blue eyes when you learn where to look.

Like I said earlier, a scent beast. You’ll cat him snuffling and sniffing you on the regular, and it probably reaches the point he can smell the changes in your hormones, so if you ever feel a little hot under the collar you just know he’s gonna smell it too.

After being bitten he also gets more comfortable with his body and appearance, since running around during the full moon ends with him naked more times than he doesn’t. The bite also made him muscle up, at least somewhat, which he appreciates too.

When his old flannels don’t fit on him anymore cuz of the sudden growth spurt, he gives them all to you to wear or do with as you please. If they fit, that’s the easiest way to make him buckle for you.

All in all, he’s still as much of a sweetheart as if he wasn’t a werewolf, now he just has a lot of new urges and instincts that catch him off guard every now and then. Stiles would always carry some guilt for mixing you deeper into the supernatural world, even if you were already part of it, but he also can’t ever imagine living without you.

So, make sure to reassure him that you love him and will stay by his side. If you end up some kind of supernatural being too, the guilt lessens, but its Stiles were talking about, he’s always got some kind of thing going on.

[quillkiller]

Tell me some of your quillkiller headcanons 🤲

i would love to!!!!

so i’ve talked about some of my hc’s before (while drunk…..) here and kara my beloved talked about her hc’s pretty recently here and i agree on every single thing (obviously) <3

me and kara can go on and on about them……… and if either of us say anything about them it’s pretty much always safe to say we’ve yelled about it in detal in our texts beforehand ahdhjsjdjf

so i’ll try to talk about other ones!!!!

to me, and honestly the main reason i was so drawn to them, they’re both giant man hating dykes. i love a lot of other wlw ships but most of them are always so deeply involved with their male friendships (marauders or skittles) but neither rita or bella have this/are apart of this. they’re both just manhating dykes and don’t understand why anyone would willingly form relationships with men if they don’t have to

which is interesting when it comes to bella, because she’s the one who eventually has to. she marries rodolphus, and she’s always known that even if she is a lesbian it doesn’t matter. she doesn’t have authority over her own life and she’s never even entertained the idea that she would. not even when andy and sirius leave. she just sees that as betrayal and weakness, and thinks her self sacrifice means strength.

however! bella and rita still sleep together after bellatrix gets married. it doesn’t really change anything. bella didn’t marry for love and she’s highly aware that rodolphus didn’t either. i personally don’t even think they slept together since they didn’t have children. rodolphus is just bellatrix’s husband, and in pureblood families that doesn’t necessarily or even usually involve being in love. bella is a lesbian and rita is the love of her life and letting her go simply because she has a ’husband’ genuinely doesn’t make sense to her (if u want hc’s about rodolphus go to @sugarsnappeases ……. ive been eating them up)

rita is unmarried in canon, which to me also solidifes the theory that she’s a dyke. she’s more free than bella, so she just never marries. wouldn’t even touch a man with a gun to her head

rita’s taller than bella!!! bella is the shortest black sister and i hc rita as quite tall. i’d say she’s atleast a head talled than bellatrix

ive said it before and i’ll say it again: rita is the more morally fucked up one when they first meet. bella is a small minded teenage girl with doormant dark urges. she’s always been a follower. rita is manipulative, morally corrupt sneaky, selfish and a cheat. she’ll do almost anything if it gives her what she wants. she’ll spill peoples secrets, stalk people, blackmail, threaten. bella, being a follower, devotes herself to rita like a dark knight, sees a freedom in rita that she’s endlessly drawn to.

they get together in 6th or 7th year and bellatrix is the one to kiss rita first. rita’s been pining for years but was never going to embarrass herself by showing her cards, making herself vulnerable. they’ve been friends since third year and bella sneaks into the ravenclaw common room almost every night

neither of them actually thinks it’s going to last, both painfully aware of their situations. especially bella’s. but they keep whispering empty promises to each other.

it DOES last. even though bella gets married. they’re still seeing each other, neither of them willing to stop. rita even thinks it’s enough. then bella meets voldemort and everything goes downhill from there because rita might be fucked up, but its always been for selfish reasons. for her own gain. she’s not a follower like bella— and even rita can’t follow down this path of genocide and war. she’s actually shocked to realise she has a limit

rita’s a natural redhead but spells her hair blonde. bella is the only one who knows.

bella loves buying rita things. clothes, jewellry, quills, expensive papers. rita loves recieving gifts.

they make each other laugh a lot. i know it’s a popular hc that they’re just miserable and toxic all the time, but that’s not my truth. yeah they’re both morally fucked up, but they’re happy. they make each other happy and they joke, mess around, play fight, do pranks, send each other notes in class. they’re also just teenage girls to me <3 neither of them are evil when they’re at school

their first time is out on the quidditch pitch behind the bleachers on an especially hot summer night right before summer hols. it’s nervous and gentle, trembling hands undressing each other

they’re attached at the hip at school, except for classes when they have to be apart. you almost never see them apart. to me they’ve never been enemies to loves. they’ve always been unlikely friends to lovers

some of my hc’s!!!!!! thank you for this ask i love talking about my girlies <3

[philtstone]

🌷🍌🔥

🌷 favorite sweet quote from a published work sending me this was mean because i have a silly number of published works and like. do i ever write things that are not sweet? no! mean of you. but anyway this is one of the more recent ones and while this excerpt is not necessarily unique the chapter as a whole is one of my favourite pieces ive written.

“And can you kiss me a little bit?” Sarah says.

His expression doesn’t change. “Just a little bit?” It’s just humorous enough that she knows he doesn’t buy it.

She really needs to kiss him. Otherwise she will be overwhelmed by the things in her chest, the vulnerability, the fear of change, the deep and profound affection – the knowledge that she is so earnestly sincerely simply loved again, by this good-hearted, complicated man. One of his arms is wrapped around her back, but the other one smooths forward to cup her chin so she can look at him properly. It is relieving, the hardness of the metal and the tenderness of his touch all in one.

“I’ll kiss you a lot if you tell me what’s going on.”

God, she is going to start crying again. That won’t do at all. Remember how annoying he can be, Sarah tells herself, which only serves to get her laughing in little hysteric huffs, so she rubs her fingers over her face and tries to come up with an articulate sentence.

🍌 favorite funny quote from a wip from my attempt to write a scene from @foolgobi65's incredible and chaotic ponniyin selvan arranged marriage fix it au lol

The little imp. Of course she was sincere. Nandini is always her most convincing when she is being honest. For example, in honesty, she feels a low stirring of disgust that grows with every passing day whenever she must think of or speak to the Pandiyan king. In honesty, she feels fond kinship for the youngest prince, and his gentle quiet clever way, and his continuous offers of friendship – even his disguise is growing on her. In honesty, she still does not much like Kundavai, but she is a poison Nandini is at present willing to bear.

In honesty, she is in love with her husband.

She cannot tell him this, because he will not stay long enough in a room shared with her for the damned words to be uttered from her lips.

It is abysmally frustrating. It is bordering on embarrassing. Nandini would feel the urge to throttle him daily if she were not so pathetically twitterpated.

🔥 wild card: dealer’s choice of quote from a wip a snippet from the next silly installment in my silly modern road trip au! part 1 here and part 2 here

How strange it is! To see your own face so clearly in another. The slope of her nose — the curve of her mouth — the way her hair falls. Nandini wonders if this is what she will look like when she is old. She wonders if she is what her mother looked like when she was young. Surely the answer is yes. They are now inseparable in her mind, she and her mother, and it is overwhelming. She does not even need a father anymore; he has been axed from the equation. She has a mother. She knows her mother! 

But does she?

[throughtheinterstices]

AGAIN IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GETTING THROUGH COLLEGE MY BELOVED SOF IM THROWING YOU A PARTY <3 but also grr i hope youll be able to figure everything out soon <33

oolala stranger things ive never watched it but which ep are you at!! and how are you liking it :o

hdjsjsjs the thought of driving stresses me out it makes me so thankful for the functional public transport system 😭 NOT THE WALKING 2KM JUST TO COOL YOUR HEAD FJSJJS sobs i hope you can maybe find a better instructor and that it gets better soon 🥲

FJDJSJS PLS THE URGE TO BUY NEW BOOKS EVEN WHEN THERE ARE UNREAD ONES ON YOUR SHELF IS TOO REAL but also!! you absolutely deserve a treat (and im an enabler so) and you can never have too many books <3 ANW keep me updated on everything youre watching omg bc im also on break so i currently have lots of free time to watch whatever friends rec to me 😋

and painting!!! omg i hope you have fun painting is so therapeutic i love rewatching my fave movies in the bg while i do it teehee 😋😋

hi ann! first of all, BAD SOF. BAD REPLIER SOF. BOO.

abt stranger things hihihihi, i've finished everything! AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH! i watch it all the time. i got my Dad into watching it too and we just finished s2 last night hihihihihi. 🙆🏻‍♀️

i'm much better in driving nowadays, but my parking needs improvement 😅

and omg, the BOOKS. i bought so many during the break 😂 and i haven't even gotten to reading A LOT of the ones i already have. ughhhhh apparently, overreading does exist, because i seem to have exhausted my reading battery. so now, i just binge watch shows. i've recently finished modern family (so cute and light so yay) and now, i'm starting to watch extraordinary attorney woo, and so far, it's been cute, funny, light, and heartwarming! oh oh! i've been watching the snsd variety show too! hahaha love myself some gg!

with that painting 👀 eep, i still haven't finished it aaaaaa. the details are sooo intricate but it's a good outlet.

eep ilysm ann!!!

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[penguintransporter]

Winning The Game Called Love (Hector Bellerin) PART V

Part V of this little piece that I enjoy writing so much. It is a bit longer, but if you ask me, totally worth your time. The entire story was inspired by the outfit in the picture, so I wanted to post it. Also, I kinda want to dedicate this chapter to one and only @varanest​ because of all the support I got, and of course all you anons that decided to write me - you have no idea how much it means to get encouragement for one’s work. Anyway, this was supposed to be the last part, but I think there will be one more after this because I don’t want to leave you hanging (epilogue maybe?) Let me know what you think...

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

________

Aida wrapped her long coat tighter around her body, trying to stop herself from shivering even if she was well aware that she wasn’t doing so because she was cold.

Her battered Dr. Martens boots echoed as she walked along the edge of the vast parking lot, and except for few expensive-looking cars parked randomly and a very bored security guard, sitting in his small cubicle, watching Fawlty Towers – it was completely empty. 

Aida pulled her phone out, nervously checking the time, but deep down she was just doing it in order to see if there was maybe a text message from Héctor, telling her where to look for him.

What if this is all just a prank?

Was he watching her now, laughing his arse off?

Just as she was about to jump on the train of doubtful thoughts and untrue conclusions, she spotted him – her heartbeat speeding up ever so slightly.

Héctor was leaning on the wall, illuminated by the spotlights surrounding the exit doors – eyes trained on his phone as he lazily moved his thumb across the screen. Aida’s stomach did a quick flip as she stopped for a second, observing him from from afar - letting the familiar rush of excitement run through her, followed by yet another shiver. 

This time she didn’t even try to make herself believe that it was because of the low temperatures.

Deciding that she had been creeping on Héctor for too long – not that she could be blamed in the first place, Aida started walking towards him – her heart beating loudly in her ears, masking the noise that her boots made. Nervously, she smoothed down her clothes, exhaling softly.

Héctor looked up at her as she approached – a slow grin appearing across his face as he slid his phone in the pocket of his trousers. Aida smiled back feeling her bile rising as she quickened her pace, and before she could say or do anything, Héctor had already pulled her into one of those hugs that made any other hug she received less important. 

Surprised by the sudden and unexpected contact, Aida wrapped her hands around him awkwardly.

It was a mistake, she knew it, but she couldn’t help herself – inhaling deeply, she let her guard down for just a few seconds, enjoying their closeness. Aida could tell that he recently had his post-match shower, both by his scent and the wet tips of his hair that tickled her face as they hugged.

“Nice to see you,” Héctor spoke, breaking the hug, and Aida, for the lack of better reaction, smiled softly as she took a reluctant step backwards. There was nothing more she wanted than to stay in his embrace for much longer, but she had to maintain healthy distance – after all, they weren’t even – heck, Aida didn’t even know what they were.

Still, that pretend distance that was supposed to keep her feelings in check meant nothing once Héctor gave her a cheeky once-over, grinning like an idiot. Not knowing what to do or say, Aida nervously pulled at the strings of the hoodie she was wearing – suddenly feeling warm throughout her entire body. 

She was blushing.

You’re acting like an idiot, Aida.

Héctor smirked at her – index finger moving closer to her chin only to tug the string out of her grip gently, muttering something in Spanish. 

Or was it English? Catalan?

“I hope you don’t mind me wearing it in public,” Aida muttered, smoothing down the hoodie while avoiding looking at him. When he didn’t say anything, she continued, trying to sound like her normal self that seemed to be lost somewhere between her feelings for the handsome right-back and the intense brown of his eyes, “I really enjoyed the match, thanks for inviting me.”

“All of it? Or just the last fifteen minutes that I was out on the pitch?” Héctor teased, giving her a small wink. Aida felt that familiar warmth wash over her yet again as he pointed at the exit doors behind him. “It’s a good thing that we won, then. That goal was a proper beauty.”

Aida, deciding that her sarcasm might be her best bet, gave him her best fake surprised face as he stepped forward, opening the doors for her and holding them in place. “Wait, what?” she asked, suppressing a smile, “are you trying to tell me that you weren’t the lads in blue?”

Héctor laughed lightly, adjusting the red beanie on his head, and it made Aida stop for a second when she realised how well put together he actually looked – despite playing a major game just an hour before. From the choice of his clothes to the tiny details like his cross earring and few statement rings on his long, tattooed fingers. 

Stop staring.

“You humour me,”  Héctor retorted as Aida she squeezed herself next to him and took a few steps towards the glint of light that was coming from the world outside.

**

“Look, I will stand here and all you have to do is try to kick the ball past me,” Héctor instructed, still crouching in front of her where he was adjusting ‘the ball’.  

She enjoyed the silly competitions - never failing to make a fool out of herself willingly or not, and she had nothing against some football, despite being very, very bad at it, but as Héctor tried to explain the challenge, Aida noted two problems.

First – the ground beneath her boots was slightly muddy, sticking to the soles of her boots, and second – the ball that Héctor was fixing wasn’t actually a ball, but  a pine cone that he kept hitting as they walked through the park since they arrived.

For some reason or another, they ended up in Highbury Fields – taking the empty pathway along the rows of naked trees and wintery bushes, and despite the silence between them, Aida enjoyed their stroll as she stole glances at him every now and then like a lovesick schoolgirl. The park seemed to be very quiet just for them, with only occasional passerby that didn’t even spare a second look at the professional footballer and a petite brunette with rosy cheeks next to him. 

“It’s ridiculous,” she commented, adjusting her hat nervously. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but I have two lefts attached to my body.”

Héctor chuckled at her, glancing quickly at her. “You just have to believe in yourself.”

“Easy for you to say,” Aida huffed, “it’s like competing against, I don’t know—have you seen yourself on the pitch?”

“Few times, but I am glad to find out that you did as well,” Héctor teased as Aida felt her stomach being evaded by thousands of butterflies. “Would it help if I motivated you somehow?”

Aida looked down at him, finding herself both annoyed and turned on with his cheeky smirk. She could sense that he had an idea on his mind, and frankly, she was slightly scared. “Go on, vice-captain…” Aida urged, placing both of her hands on her waist.

“That ball—,”

“—Pine cone, you mean?”

Héctor made a silly face at her, and once again, her stomach made a flip. 

“That pine cone,” he corrected himself, “if you manage to get it past me, I am buying you dinner after this. There’s a great vegan place down the road, and I’ve been peckish for a while now.”

Aida blushed, imagining them sitting at the table together, candle burning in  middle, and his hand slowly touching hers— she stopped herself, shaking her head lightly.

You need to stop watching Hallmark movies.

“And if I don’t?” Aida asked, composing herself.

“I haven’t thought about it,” he spoke as he got up, dusting his hands against his trousers before giving her a look under his eyebrows. “Come on, unicorn. Have faith in yourself because I do.”

**

Not only did she lost the challenge, but she has also managed to fall on her arse and stain her relatively new coat with the wet mud. Despite giving her best, Aida knew that with her two left legs and balance or rather lack of it, she wasn’t going to win this one, no matter how much he tried to make it easy for her.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” she grinned at him like a Cheshire cat, brushing her coat with her hands as he took off his hat for a second, running his fingers through his locks before putting it back in the place.

Héctor stifled a laugh before hitting the unlucky pine cone with a real force, making it fly and land along the bushes, few meters away. “It wasn’t that bad,” he grinned, and Aida rolled her eyes at him. “I’ve seen worse.”

“Who? My granny?” she joked as Héctor took a step closer, only to pull her hat over her eyes, making her gasp and swat his hand away. “I was actually looking forward to that dinner,” Aida added with a sigh.

“It can still happen, y’know?”

“That’s because you’re peckish, innit?” Aida teased back, blushing lightly as Héctor smirked at her.  

Slowly, they made their way down the long stretch of park, towards the exit as Aida tried to come up with something to say. She knew that she had no need to keep talking, but she enjoyed the silly banter with him; it was relaxing her.

Aida looked around the park.

The dusk had already set – the layer of fog forming slowly, and despite the gloominess of the winter, it looked beautiful. She stuck her hands in her pockets as she observed the nature surrounding them.

“I was wondering…” Aida started softly after a while – a thought that has been bouncing around her mind, tickled her curiosity.

“Hmm?” Héctor hummed as Aida glanced up at him – her heart making a dip into her stomach.

Hot. Ridiculously hot.

“Why did you want to meet up after the match?” she asked, making a detour around a small pool of mud in front of her. “And most importantly, how did you get my number?”

Héctor laughed lightly, glancing at her and Aida quickly looked away. “Blimey, are you always this curious?”

“Sometimes,” she teased, but on the inside she was becoming a nervous wreck. Héctor stopped for a second; Aida did the same, feeling of anticipation growing inside of her as she waited for his answer. “Come on, Hec,” she added softly, using his nickname for the first time.

He took a step closer – his face shadowed by something else other than his boyish demeanour; something that Aida couldn’t put her finger on what it was.

“Let’s say that I suddenly got curious about magical creatures,” he finally answered – the corner of his lips moving upwards as he took a step back away, starting to walk again. “Also, you still owe me a sign language tutorial. Don’t think I forgot about that.”

It was Aida’s turn to giggle as she caught up with him. “Hate to say this, but not many birds would appreciate that kind of flirting, Héctor.”

“What about you? Would you appreciate it?” he asked nonchalantly and Aida’s breath hitched in her throat.

How can he say something like that and keep his cool?

For what seemed like ages, Aida tried to make herself breathe again. The only thing she was able to do as she tried to gain back her composure was to open and close her mouth like a fish. It certainly didn’t help that Héctor kept his eyes trained on her, smirking mischievously.

He was more than pleased with himself.

“I… I’m, ugh – idiot,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

Héctor chuckled, tugging at her coat sleeve, making her look up at him. “My God, you are unbelievable, but in a good way.”

Aida blushed a further shade of red as she looked at him, wishing she wasn’t because a certain type of tension was growing between them and it made her heartbeat accelerate.

“It’s all your fault,” she blurted out, quickly realising that she actually voiced her thoughts instead of keeping them inside her head. Burned with the realisation that she humiliated herself once again, she took a step back.

“Guilty as charged,” he grinned at her playfully, and all Aida wanted to do was to find a rock and hide underneath it for a while. “Y’know, I wasn’t joking with what I said about the dinner,” Héctor started, switching the subject casually as Aida managed to gain some of her confidence back – her cheeks cooling down ever so slightly, “but you still need to keep the end of your bargain.”

“And here I thought you forgot about it, silly me,” she joked back, trying to sound cool, but on the inside she was feeling the nervousness growing yet again. “What do I have to do?” Aida asked, pretending that she was ready for whatever he had in his mind.

“Kiss me,” Héctor responded nonchalantly as if he was asking her about the time or as if he was wondering if it was raining outside.

Aida swallowed – her eyes going wide for a second as her mind shut itself. She was desperately trying to find the goddamn switch, but it was in vain.

She was not ready for this.

“Fine,” she whispered, nervously sticking her hands in the pockets of her coat. “A kiss,” she repeated and Héctor nodded, looking at her with a small smile dancing on his lips as he waited. She nodded as well, more as an encouragement to herself before taking a step towards him. 

Without wasting a moment, she tiptoed ever so slightly, giving him a peck on the cheek - softness of his skin surprising her for a second. Not pleased with the execution, but glad that she didn’t humiliate herself once again, she smiled, taking a step back and in the direction of the exit gates that were in front of them.

Before she knew what was happening, Héctor’s hand pulled at her arm, and Aida only blinked fast couple of times when she found herself facing him once again. He was gently pulling her closer towards him - one of his eyebrows rising slightly as he locked his eyes with hers. Aida waited for that cocky grin of his to appear on his face, but it didn’t; not this time.

She only saw moments like this in the movies and TV shows, and more than often she wondered if they existed in real life or if they were just a product of creative freedom. Whatever the case was, Aida wasn’t sure what was she supposed to feel because instead of the romantic anticipation she imagined when watching those, all she felt was a turmoil of butterflies in her stomach and a slight wave of panic rising inside of her.

Aida blushed a deep shade of red as Héctor’s arm sneaked around her waist, underneath her open coat, and for a second, she thought that her heart had stopped beating.

“For someone who knows the sign language, you really are very bad at reading them.”

“You didn’t specify— it’s not the same,” she breathed out shakily as Héctor’s other hand went up to her cheek where it settled perfectly against her jawline as he drew her in closer. The rings he wore felt cool against her burning skin as he watched her – eyes searching for a silent encouragement in hers.  “Héctor,” Aida mumbled, heat rising inside of her, “whatever you’re about to do, can you just do it?”

She didn’t expect him to laugh, yet he did – throwing his head back for a second before looking back at her, and just when she was thinking that he was only teasing her, he leaned down, capturing her lips in proper kiss. The moment it happened, her eyelids fluttered close and she felt a tingle ran down her spine – her legs suddenly becoming weak. Quickly, she pulled her hands out of her pockets, sneaking them around his neck for support. 

Maybe that was exactly what he was waiting for because Aida could feel him deepen the kiss, pulling her even closer.

There were moments, many of them, if she was going to be honest, when she wondered how it would feel to have his lips against hers, and now that she finally had the chance, Aida didn’t want to stop, and it scared her. Getting on her tiptoes, she brought herself closer, wanting him to know that she wanted the kiss; that she needed him to kiss her, and just as she started to relax into him, the kiss became just a gentle brush of his full lips against hers.

Much to her dismay, Héctor pulled away, and she suddenly became childishly shy, looking bashfully down at their shoes.

Do I say something now?

Is it wrong that I want to snog him again?

You just kissed Héctor, Aida.

“Much better,” Héctor smirked, giving his bottom lip a small bite as Aida glanced up at him, wondering what was going through his mind. Did he feel the same tingles as she did? Does he want to kiss her again as much as she wants to kiss him? 

“Uhm—,” Aida trailed off, nervously looking away – her arms nervously swaying as Héctor took a step back while running his hand along his jaw. Aida felt a shiver of cold run through her, suddenly missing the the warmth of his hand against her face; his arm around her waist. 

“Hungry?” he suddenly asked, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

Aida didn’t say anything, but nodded confusedly, closing her eyes for a second as they started walking towards the exit gate – a small but timid smile appearing on her lips.

[queenmuzz]

Deep Blue Sea: Chapter IV

The way to a merman’s heart....

For a link to the full story on Ao3, click here

“You gotta be more specific than 'small silvery fish with spots' when describing the type you like, Vergil. That covers dozens of groups, let alone individual types.” You sat, back to the glass, while on your laptop, pulling up picture after picture of similar looking fish. Vergil floated behind your shoulder, steadily dismissing each picture.

“Well, the issue is that you humans seem to have picked a different name for it than we have” he almost seemed faintly amused at your frustration.

“What does the name 'Cordina' mean anyway?” You closed the browser window with the latest batch of rejected pictures. Well, it wasn't herring... what if it was a fish that humans just didn't eat?

“It is just a name in Old Mer. Do your names of your food staples have to mean something?”

He had a point. A cow was just that... a cow. You grumbled, this was going nowhere... You slammed the laptop shut, and spun to face him. He had been a lot closer than you expected, nearly plastered to the glass, and he quickly darted back, as if he had been caught doing something bad. Had there been no glass or water there, you would have been able to feel his breath on the back of your neck.... the thought of that made you feel warm...

“Alright wise guy, tell me something else about the fish, like how it moves, where it lives, any peculiar oddities it doesn't share with any other fish.” He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes looked upward as he recalled the information.

“It prefers cold water, and usually stays in the far south, ” He said, which was no help. Quite a few species were like that. “But...every so often, when the seasons make a full cycle, a current of cold water juts far north, and the Cordina follow it, to forage in the new territory. At the same time, the warmth of the Ringed Sea pushes against it, forcing the fish into a long narrow column, close to the coast. And since the water is shallow, the fish are easy picking for both the birds above and the predators below. And thus, the feeding begins”

Hmmm, that sounded familiar...you wracked your brain, trying to remember where you had heard of that phenomenon. A memory of a professor, showing an image of the east coast of Southern Africa...AHA! You yanked open your laptop again, and typed in words, bringing up the image of a fish that fit the description. Flipping it around, you showed him.

“BEHOLD! The Sardine! Specifically Sardinops sagax, South African Sardine ” You watched as he cautiously approached the glass, peering at the image, scrutinizing it. You felt a sudden nervousness, as if you were waiting for your exam marks to be revealed.

And then he smiled.

It was a small smile, barely visible, but it was genuine, and beautiful. Something you wanted to see all the time.

“You're very knowledgeable about such things, I hadn't thought that you, a human, would know about something so far away, and in the ocean, to boot.”

“Well, it's what I studied in university” you watched the confused look on his face, “That's where some people go to learn things so they can specialize. Some want to learn about computers,” you tapped the laptop, “Some learn to teach children, and some, like me, want to learn and explore the ocean. Migration patterns of Sardines aren't my specialty, but we did learn about them from about a lecturer who had studied it.”

“Not your specialty?” He asked.

Well, the ocean is vast and for the most part, we don't know what's down there...so a lot of us just focus on one Ocean, one particular ecosystem, hell, sometimes one type of individual fish. I prefer to study the deep ocean, it's a whole new world out there. We know more about the moon-”

“The moon?”

“The thing in the sky, usually you see it at night, cycles between getting bigger and smaller...”

“Ah, the Tidemother....”

It had a nice ring to it, you thought... very romantic, you'd have to ask him more about terms he used. “Anyways, the cutting edge of what we don't understand is the deep ocean, since we can't just... go.. there. Not to mention, it's an entire ecosystem that's not dependent on the sun...the Moon's daytime counterpart.” you clarified.

"Tidefather” he responded, “and no doubt, once you scour the sea floor, you will find a way to exploit it, as humans are wont to do. Never satisfied with their lot in life, they take, and take, and take...” His fists balled up, and even though you were separated by thick glass, you felt the urge to scoot away. The old look of hatred you had first encountered came back with a vengeance.

“What? No!” you responded. “I mean, humanity as a whole has done a lot of damage, I'll admit to that, but we're trying to get better...bit by bit.”

“Fitting words for the daughter of a murderer...” he shot back, an you winced. He had a point. Your father's company (and soon to be yours) harvested thousands and thousands of tonnes of fish each year. But something didn't make sense...

“Not that I'm accusing you or anything, but you've been going after my father's fishing vessels, but I remember that during the Sardine Run, fishermen from the villages on the coast come out in droves to harvest the fish as well, why not attack them?”

A pregnant pause, and you were afraid you had offended him “They merely harvest to feed their families, and their fellow humans, and besides, they are merely one fish in a shoal. I do not feel ill will towards them anymore then I do against any of the other predators.” he calmly explained, before returning to his anger “However, when those ships, with nets that can envelop and harvest countless fish, can scour the oceans clean to feed their hungry maws, that's what I take issue with...”

“Point taken...but if I'm going to get you some of the fish, I'm going to have to buy it from someone who most likely participates in that sort of thing... so it's either kelp, another fish I can get locally, or... this.” He hesitated for moment, before bowing his head in defeat.

“If this is the price for keeping my sanity, so be it”

******

You sat on aquarium platform, with a plate of fresh sardines splayed out in an amateur design, as if it was a plate of hors d'oeuvres at a fancy dinner. Unfortunately, there hadn't been much choice at the market, so you were only able to procure a little over a dozen of the fresh ones (and had managed to finagle a deal with a bemused fishmonger to get a regular supply, citing that you were rehabilitating some sea mammal, it was technically true) but it would take a while to get the supply going. So, you attempted a substitute, which you stacked beside the plate. Cans, and cans, and cans of Sardines. The look the cashier gave you, and the way her eyes darted down to your stomach, to see if you were pregnant, was worth it, even if Vergil ended up hating the stuff.

“So, it doesn't look like sardines are in season, so the ones I got might not be the best condition,” you apologized as you opened one of the sardine cans, one packed in salt water. Perhaps he would like the canned ones that tasted as plain as possible, and then you could try out the more flavourful combinations.

Vergil pulled himself up onto the platform, scaring the bejeesus out of you. “Sheesh, give a gal a warning before you do something like that!”

The merman chuckled...his voice, now 'real' echoed through the room “Apologies, I take it you thought we do not surface.” (you made a mental note to attempt to make him laugh again.)

“Well, it doesn't seem very practical,” you said. “You seem to be specialized for aquatic travel, while being rather clumsy on land. The inverse is true for humans.” You realized how dry and clinical that sounded, how close you were to sounding like Doctor Griffon. Your hands covered your mouth “Oh God, that sounded so bad, I'm really... really sorry!”

Vergil chuckled again (tingles went down your spine, perhaps the tales of the merfolk's alluring voices had a kernel of truth.) “It is forgiven, you cannot help how you think. You seem to be a person who is constantly observing, eager to learn. There is nothing to be ashamed in that, as long as you realize your limitations. Something the 'Good Doctor' could take a lesson on...”

He picked up one of the sardines by his tail, and with a quick motion that surprised you, he swallowed the fish whole, bones and all. At first you thought it was because he was famished, but then one sardine turned into two, then three, then half a dozen were gulped like a baleen whale gulping an entire shoal. You were used to animals eating like that, but the image of someone so humanlike.... well, you excused yourself, and went into the kitchen to get yourself something to eat (and hopefully settle your stomach). You weren't sure what you wanted, but you wanted something quick and easy.... And as you checked your cupboards, you found it... a plastic package. Pulling out a pot and filling it with water, you began to cook.

Five minutes later, you came out with a steaming bowl of ramen in salty broth. And what you saw nearly made you laugh. Vergil had devoured the entire plate of sardines, the opened can of of sardines in salt water, and was attempting to open another can, one with sardines packed in olive oil. He wasn't having much luck with it, frowning intently as he rotated the can, attempting to find out how to open the treasure box. You stood back, allowing him to explore, until he finally figured the pull tab, and with a bit of effort, he ripped open the top. He grinned at his success, but in his attempt to grab the reward within, he gripped the can by the sharp, recently opened edge. The can was dropped onto the platform with a clatter as he hissed in pain. A stream of blood bloomed on his palm. Quickly setting your bowl down, you ran over.

“Oh no, are you alright?” and before he could protest, you grabbed his hand to inspect the damage. Vaguely, you realized this was the first time you had touched him. His hands were remarkably soft, especially considering the salt water that he spent his life in. A thin red line on his palm indicated a pretty nasty cut....Or it would have, if it was not rapidly healing in front of your eyes.

“How in the...”

“We heal fairly rapidly, especially compared to you humans, we're not sure why, but it grants us a resiliency that most creatures in the ocean lack. How you humans survive without that ability, I have no idea” He, huffed, amused as you used your ratty old shirt to wipe the blood away to reveal that, yes the cut had healed within a few moments, leaving not even a scar. “You didn't have to do that, I would have licked it off.”

“You...lick your own blood?” you asked, part appalled, part intrigued.

“The less blood we shed, the less likely predators will be attracted,” he explained, and you realized that was probably the same reason for his super-healing. Or if a shark or something did approach, the merfolk would be healed enough to fight back or flee. You were learning more and more things about these people, and just by having a conversation, and treating him as an equal. The 'Doctor' was an idiot, he could have gained so much more knowledge, but no, he was compelled to be a douchebag.

As Vergil (carefully) opened another can of sardines, this time in tomato sauce, you went back to your bowl, now reasonably cooled off, and began slurping away. You watched as he swallowed the sardine, and resisted the urge to laugh at the face he made.

“Not a fan, eh? Ah well, you can't like everything.”

“Indeed, a bit too...sweet for my taste” He looked at the other cans, his brow furrowed, before he looked at you, no, he was looking at the bowl in your lap. The tip of his tongue stuck out, as if he was attempting to mentally form a sentence.

“Would you like to try some of my ramen? It's very salty, probably right up your alley”

“My alley?”

“It means I think you'll like it”

He hesitated for a second...before he nodded, and twirling your fork, you wound a small sized portion, before handing the fork to him. You'd expected (foolishly, in hindsight) that he'd take the fork from you, but instead, he shimmied a bit towards your direction, and carefully, fed off your fork. You couldn't resist giggling as he politely slurped up the noodles. “So, how is it?”

He didn't answer, his smile did more than words ever could

[foxyotomelady]

It wasn’t supposed to be, Chapter V (JuminxOC/Reader)

Author’s notes:

Wow, this chapter came out quite long :o

The slow burn continues~

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V (You are here) | Chapter VI | Chapter VII |  Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV | Chapter XV | Chapter XVI |

Buy Me A Ko-Fi Have a nice reading!

It's been several days since Riyu joined RFA. During this time the girl seemed to cheer up somehow, she was not so tense, less often he saw her motionless in deep thought. Something has changed. Like every morning, they ate breakfast together, and the girl pampered Elizabeth the 3rd, giving her scraps of her food. "You seem less stressed lately," Jumin said. Riyu blinked, "And I seemed stressed before?" "Yes." "Maybe it's because I finally have something to do." "Ah, yes, how are you dealing with inviting guests?" "Very efficiently, I've already convinced a few. Others help me a lot, they send me suggestions."

"I see," Jumin took a sip of coffee and tried to focus his eyes on the magazine. Recently, he found himself staring at the girl too often and he trying to fight it. "Besides, everyone is nice to me. And they are funny." "Funny? Yes, I understand why you can see them as funny." "But you rarely log in. Is this my fault?" Jumin raised an eyebrow, refusing to show any emotion, "Why do you think so?" "Because I suspect it must be embarrassing for you. But no one is making fun of our situation since I asked for it." "Believe me, jokes will start as soon as I get back there." Riyu rested her cheek on her hand, with an elbow on the table, with a sigh, "What a pity. Have you even seen my profile?" "I didn't pay attention. Is it important for some reason?" "Do you remember when I told you I once had a dog?" The girl put down her coffee cup, got up from her place, walked along the table and stopped next to him, "I set his photo on the background." Jumin's heart started beating quickly when Riyu leaned close to him, wanting to show him the screen of her phone. He heard her quiet breathing, felt the warmth of her body, the smell of her shampoo fell into his nose. "I thought you might want to see him. I know you love animals like me." "I-I see," He whispered, adjusted his tie, and examined the photo. It was a small dog, a mongrel, with a short mouth, clapped ears and protruding teeth. "What was his name?" "Hige." "That's a weird name." "Not at all!" Riyu was outraged and lightly hit him on the shoulder with an open hand. This gesture completely dazed him. "Have you ever watched Wolf's Rain anime?" "I haven't watched any anime. It's a waste of time." "What? You've got to be kidding me! I have to show you a few, then you'll change your mind. Hige is one of the characters from this anime." "Your favorite, I guess. Oh... your avatar." "Ah, yes. I just wanted to show everyone how lucky I'm to hug this beautiful cat." The girl returned to her place and tapped something on the phone. For some reason, he became interested and worried about who she could write with. "Maybe I'll actually start logging in more often," He wondered aloud. "It would be nice to talk to you there sometimes," Riyu smiled charmingly. Jumin looked away, massaged his temple, "Tell me, do you really care to get along or is it just your game?" The girl's face immediately took on a sharper expression. Her sweet smile disappeared, "Listen, someday, you want it or not, we'll be family in some way. So yes, I care about getting along." "Family..." Jumin frowned. "Are you really ready to marry my father?" The girl apparently swallowed, "Yes." "Why? Do you really want to torment yourself for money?" "I don't care about his money. And no, I don't torment myself." "Do you know that you are really bad at pretending and lying?" "So you should see when I tell the truth. So you should see that I really don't care about money." Yes, that was the strangest thing... He was really starting to believe that money wasn't her goal at all. But he had no idea what could it be. "If you don't do it for money, why?" She did not answer him, so he continued, "Just don't say you actually have any feelings for my father. You despise him. You even loathe talking with him." "That's not true," The girl shook her head. "I like to talk to him." "So why has my father recently complained to me that you rarely pick up calls from him?" "I just rarely have my phone with me." "From what I understood, you like to write on the messenger with others. So you must have your phone in your hand quite often." The girl narrowed her eyes, she was angry, "What is this? An interrogation?" He looked up at her and had to not control his cold eyes, because Riyu backed away, shuddered? Then her phone rang. They both looked at the screen. What timing! His father just called. Riyu stiffened. "Won't you answer?" Jumin asked. The girl looked at him furiously, then grabbed the phone, and when he heard this artificially sweet voice, he immediately regretted that he provoked her to pick up. "Good morning, Mr. Han! Ah, I'm just eating breakfast with your son. How are your business matters?" Jumin barely swallowed bites of food and sips of coffee when he heard her babbling to his father. He felt sick, his throat tightened. Their conversation on the phone lasted about fifteen minutes, so quite a long time for them. As if the girl wanted to prove something to him.

When she finally hung up the phone, she didn't look at him. In silence, she returned to eating her leftover breakfast. Jumin felt uncomfortable... He felt... guilty.

"I'm sorry," He sighed. "You don't have to do this anymore. Don't force yourself to talk to him."

"I don't force myself," She answered gruffly.

"Why can't you be honest with me?"

"I'm honest," Another lie. "I want to marry your father. I may seem uncomfortable with him, but it's because we still have to get used to each other. In time, I will feel at ease with him."

Jumin put down his coffee, put the magazine away, and got up from the table. Riyu eyes followed him, "Won't you finish your breakfast?" "I've lost my appetite." Jumin headed for the exit, but before he left he heard a quiet 'Have a nice day at work' behind him.

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]  Riyu: Seven, the weird hacker you suggested as a guest  Riyu: want my IP -_-  Riyu: I don't think it wise to give it to him 707: Give him my IP  707: I will send it to u thro message  707: if he tries to break into my phone 707: I'll just 707: destroy him 707: 

Riyu: hello, Jumin.  Jumin Han: yes, hello.  707: JuJu!  707: You finally appeared! 707: I missed you! 707: 

Jumin Han: The feeling is not mutual  707: so sharp T-T  Riyu: hehe, don't be sad Seven, he's kidding  Jumin Han: I'm not 707: lolololol Riyu  707: you're acting like a mom  707: oops! it wasn't right  707: since soon you will actually be Jumin's mother 707: lololololol  Jumin Han: 

Jumin Han: you see, Riyu?  Jumin Han: I told you what would start as soon as I came back here Riyu: Seven -_- 707: sorry T-T 707: I couldn't help myself 707: it was stronger than me! 707: this huge urge to make a joke T-T 707: it's just painfull T-T Riyu: you know what else would be painful? Riyu: me smacking you straight in the face 707: Oooh~ 707: I get excited just now~ 707: 

Riyu: sigh... -_-' Jumin Han: 

707: but Riyu I want to ask you something  Riyu: don't 707: you can 707: choose between two rich guys 707: and you decided to 707: go after Mr. Chairman? 707: do you have a thing for older guys? lolololol Riyu: no, I don't and it isn't funny, Seven  707: but when I think about it 707: Jumin is also older than you 707: so why Mr. Chairman? Riyu: seriously Seven, it's not funny Jumin Han: yes, stop this Luciel Jumin Han: don't you see she's uncomfortable? 707: oh, you get so protective over her again lololol 707: but what about u JuJu? 707: aren't u jealous that she prefers your father over you? lol [Riyu has left the chat room] Jumin Han:... 707: oh.... 707: it was too much? 707: I'm so sorry T-T 707: I didn't mean to offend you, Riyu T-T Jumin Han: Seven, Jumin Han: you're supposed to be a genius Jumin Han: so how is it you don't know how to use your brain? [Jumin Han has left the chat room] Jumin regretted that he decided to log in to the chat room. He just wanted to talk to Riyu and from all of people, she was accompanied by Seven. He thought for a long moment, tapping his fingers on the desk surface, and finally dialed the girl's number.  "Yes?" Her voice was washed of emotion when she answered.  Jumin didn't know what to say, "Is everything... Are you all right?"  "Yes."  She was definitely not all right. And Jumin felt a great need to change it somehow, "You said in the morning that you would like to show me some animes."  "Yes, what about this?"  "I think I would like to see some. Maybe at the evening? I'll try to left from work earlier today."

Jaehee was not happy that he had left work earlier because he had left her extra paperwork, but for some reason he wanted to fulfill the promise he made to Riyu. When he returned to the building and entered the apartment, he felt a strange smell. Did Riyu order dinner for them? But she wasn't in the kitchen and the food wasn't waiting for him on the table.  "Riyu?"  "I'm here," Her voice came from the living room.  So he headed there and before his eyes, an unusual view appeared. Riyu had already prepared several DVDs, probably with those animes that she wanted to show him. A blanket lay on the floor in front of the sofa. A box of pizza next to it - the strange smell coming from it. "I'm ready for our movie night," She said with a smile and sat back comfortably on the blanket, "If you need to refresh yourself after work, I'll give you only a moment. Be brief while the pizza is still warm."  Jumin was completely stunned, "Shouldn't we have dinner first?"  "This is our dinner!"  "Pizza? It's rather unhealthy." Riyu rolled her eyes, "Once in a while you can let yourself eat junk food. Come on, hurry up, or I'll start without you." So he went to refresh himself quickly and allowed himself to take off his jacket and stay in his shirt, he also took off his tie. When he returned to the living room, Riyu was already turning on the movie, "Hurry up, it's starting!"  A little hesitantly he sat down next to her, on a blanket and leaned his back on the sofa behind him, "Why are we sitting on the blanket?"  "It's better this way."  Jumin raised an eyebrow, "Is it? It's not good for your spine."  "Seriously, Jumin?"  "You also forgot to prepare plates and cutlery." "We don't need them for pizza!"  "So how are we supposed to eat?"  "Using our hands?" The girl reached for a piece of pizza into the box, dipped its tip in the sauce, then tilted her head back and directed the piece of pizza to her mouth. She bit off a fragment and began to chew it.  "It doesn't look very elegant," He stated at this view but couldn't help smiling. In fact, it didn't look elegant. It looked cute. The girl handed him a piece of pizza, "Eat, watch and relax. Apparently, you need it more than I do."  "Do you think that I don't take time to relax? That's not true, I think that relaxation is a very important part of life and work. When I need to relax, I go to a grape farm."  "It must be a very pleasant way to relax, but I promise you that the ways of the commoners also have their charm." So for the next hour, they watched anime, ate pizza and sat on a blanket. For Jumin, it was a completely new and unexpectedly pleasant experience. He actually felt relaxed. He stretched one leg forward, the other bent at the knee and put his elbow on it. The girl was sitting cross-legged next to him. They watched intently, sometimes exchanging comments. When they watched a few episodes and took a short break before the next, Jumin felt the need to say something. "I don't understand why this Hige is your favorite character. He is clumsy, irresponsible and only thinks about food and women."  Riyu chuckled and then shrugged, "When I was younger I thought he was cute." "Do you still think so?"  "Hmm. I still appreciate him because when he fell in love, he remained loyal to one woman for the rest of his life."  "If you really want to marry my father, you must be ready that he is not like that. He is not loyal. He has problems remaining faithful." The girl looked away, "You don't have a good opinion about your father." "On the contrary. I value him very much. But I know how he is when it comes to women."  Suddenly, Riyu's phone rang. The girl twitched, suddenly turned pale, but reached for her cell phone.  "You don't have to pick up if-"  "It's Seven. Ha! Let's see what he has to say." Riyu picked up a call in hands-free mode. "Riyu~ You picked up! I'm so happy~!" "What do you want, Seven? I'm busy watching anime and eating pizza."  "Whaaa? Do you value pizza and anime more than me?"  "It depends how sorry you are for your jokes."  "I'm terribly sorry, I am begging you on my knees for forgiveness!"  "I think you should also apologize to Jumin. That matter concerns him as much as me."  "I will certainly apologize to him!"  "You can do it now. He's here with me and you're on a speaker." Jumin barely suppressed a laugh. This girl... She was really something.  "Whaaa? Jumin is there with you watching anime and eating pizza? I can't believe it! You have to take a picture!"  "Where is your apology, Seven?"  "Huh?"  "I'm counting to five. If you don't apologize at that time, I'll hang up and never forgive you. Five... Four..." "Wait!"  "Three... Two..."  "JuJu, I'm so sorry! I'm on my knees now! I swear!"  Riyu burst out laughing and this time he couldn't stand it either. Agitated by her good mood, he laughed softly.  "Did Jumin Han just laugh ?! What a pity I'm not recording this because nobody will believe me!"  "Jumin," Riyu turned to him. "Do you think we can accept such an apology?"  "I think so, exceptionally."  "You're in luck today, Seven. Bye ~!" "I think he got his lesson, but since it's Seven, I doubt he'll ever stop fooling around," Jumin concluded.  Riyu sighed, "I know."  Suddenly something white flashed past them. The girl looked at the pizza box, "Oh no!" Then she jumped to her feet and ran somewhere, "Elizabeth, you can't eat that!"  Jumin got up quickly and hurried after the girl, "Did she steal a piece of pizza?"  Riyu just squatted and picked up a piece of pizza from the floor. She breathed a sigh of relief, "She must have dropped it along the way."  "She hid under the furniture. Your scream must have scared her."  "Most importantly, she didn't eat that." Suddenly Elizabeth ran out from under the furniture and fell straight into Riyu's legs. The girl stepped back so as not to stop on the cat, as a result of which she tripped over its small figure or maybe over her own legs.  Jumin reacted faster than he could think about it. He reached out one arm and the girl fell on it with her back. His fingers reflexively pressed around her waist. Riyu looked up at his face, slightly dazed. Her skin was soft, her eyes deep, her lips slightly parted. Jumin felt he was getting hot, and a strange thought flashed through his head... but he quickly chased it away.  He helped the girl stand straight on the floor and took his hand away. "Um... Thank you," She said, apparently embarrassed. He wasn't looking at her, "No problem. It wouldn't be good if you'd break your arm or something like that." "Yes, your father would not be pleased." "I wouldn't be pleased either." The girl was silent for a moment, then snorted softly, "Is this your way of saying that you care about me?" "I never said I don't care about you," He slowly turned to face her again and it was a big mistake. Now he could see that she was blushing and it make his heart race once more. "Will we go back to watching..?" Riyu suggested shyly.  Jumin nodded stiffly. He didn't even think about checking if Elizabeth the 3rd had been hurt. They just came back in front of the TV, sat down on the blanket and Riyu turned on another episode. At first it was awkward between them, but eventually, they both relaxed again. They watched anime till late at night. The ending was surprisingly brutal and sad.  Jumin noticed Riyu's lips tightening and her eyes sparkling. Was she stopping herself from crying?  "Are you all right?" He asked.  She sniffed loudly and rubbed her eyes, "Yes, yes. I just feel sad..."  Jumin raised his eyebrows, "Because of the movie?"  She nodded.  Cute. Incredibly cute.  "You shouldn't worry about it. It didn't really happen."  "I know, I know... But it's stronger than me." Jumin looked at his watch and only then realized how late it really was, "Ah, I should go to sleep now."  "I hope you won't be late for work tomorrow because of our movie night."  "Today, actually. It's past midnight. But don't worry about it. That was a surprisingly nice experience. I think I would like to repeat that sometime."  "All right, but next time you choose a movie."  Jumin nodded and rose from the blanket. The girl followed in his footsteps and started cleaning up, but he stopped her immediately, "Leave it. The Maid will take care of it."  "Ah, yes," She replied and straightened up. "I'm still not used to it."  They stood silently facing each other for a moment. Finally, Jumin broke the silence, "I have to admit I was wrong about you."  "What?"  "Someone like you - loving animals and crying at movies - cannot be a crafty gold-digger. Even if you can be quite bold and fierce at times as well."  "Uh... thank you?"  "Riyu... If you don't care about my father's money... Why are you doing this? You can be honest with me."  The girl's face narrowed instantly. She looked at her feet, "I'm honest. I just want to be with him." After these words, mumbled faintly, she moved towards the guest room. As she was passing him, he grabbed her wrist and stopped her. Why? Why did he do that?  "J-Jumin?" Her voice shook slightly.  "I'm sorry," Jumin released her hand or rather force himself to release her. "You should go to sleep now as well. Goodnight."

[chimcharstar]

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

G!

awe; how old are you?

21

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais?? 

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

[bjornartesttest]

May 2017

So its now been around two months since last post. There has been some changes, but no major changes I would say. Lets see

Work:

I helped Agatha  with her school project, a relatively quick project that went pretty smooth. I cant say I had too much of a say in it though, as she had a very clear idea about how she wanted to go through with it. We had a launch at the top of The Thief with loads of readings and performances. Fun, but also a bit exhausting. I did it for free, on a very short notice as a friend. Ive been doing that quite a lot for her. Its still mainly fun, but I am also a bit unsure about her processes sometimes. 

I also made a catalogue for Vårutstillingen that went pretty well recently, so they already hired me to do a project for them in August. Other then that I helped Trollkrem with a little floor text for their exhibition at HaIK, and I am still working with Tableau on their website. She keeps on changing stuff witch is kind of frustrating (Tove), but Im just going with the flow and helping her when she needs me. Easier that way, + we need to keep a good tone. Hopefully we are soon done!

Me and Morri are also working together on a project atm for Stavanger Kunstsenter, together with Geir Haraldseth. Its been quite nice I must say - we have a quite nice tone and inspire each other I think. We have been thinking about doing more work together in the future and I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I am thinking about doing a career change next winter, and I think if I have people like him to work with that would make a change like that quite fruitful. I am also potentially working with this other guy, Alex on a small project but we keep on extending the deadline and now he is considering moving to England, so lets see..

Basically what I need to do it to sit down properly and think though things. Step by step, and gradually make the rigght moves. It would be great to go into the summer having thought properly about this so I can spend some time to digest and take it in. I need to head full on this fall if I am going to make it work, and I need to make a proper busines plan and some savings. Ideally I need to save up money to cover my basics for about 6 months. Thats about 70.000 NOK. Can I save up 70.000 next fall?? Next week me, Harald and Saga will have a study group about a book Harald recomended. I will buy the book today. 

At Bleed Ive been working a lot with Visit Norway and a project for them regarding safety in nature. Ive been given a lot of responisibility, and its been quite fun. I went to Preiestolen for a week f.ex to Art Direct 5 movies. Now Im finalizing the project and am hoping that it will end up smooth. 

Im also the leader of Grafill Grafisk design, and would really like to make a bit more out if it. I dont think I am goving it the attention it needs atm, so I will talk more with Sara about this today. How can we make the most out of this??

Relations:

Me and Ingemar still hang out a lot as friends and that’s working out relatively fine. Hes still a bit much to handle sometimes though. Last week he started dating someone new. A 22 year old, super sweet and stunning guy from Rogaland. At first I was weirdened out by it and not quite sure how I felt. Was I jealous? Did I feel old? What was I supposed to feel? Everyone also got quite drunk and they started kissing very openly in the middle of the room, in fornt of everyone. I think my reaction was that I just got a bit numb and not sure how to focus my thoughts. I ended up sitting down with them and talking with the new guy and I really liked his personality.  I think he is good for Ingemar, and I think I can get used to seeing more of him, and also letting my friendship with ingemar more normalized. It feels kind of like he is a younger brother, or something a long those lines.

After the last time I wrote, I asked Germain what he wanted, and he was honest and straight forward about him not being in the right space to move forward with me. He got in touch agin a few weeks ago and we met. We tried to have sex, and the chemistry was gone. I think I got a bit overwhelmed by it all. It has felt like so many failures and rejections in the love-sector lately and I think it definitely put me a bit down mentally. I had a long break from both seeing and meeting up for hookups with boys, with was really good for me. A slow build up that made things more calm and made me stronger and more focused mentally. Having that said I recently had a setback. After easter holiday I sort of went all overboard and digged bit too deep into things - meaning sex. It was soooo nice to have sex, feel passion, skin and lust again after such a long break that I sort of just lost myself a bit into it again. During the past of 4 weeks Ive probably had 15 sex partners, at the most seeing 3 boys in one day. Why? And should I feel bad a bout it? A lot of it is really hot, but I often end up feeling broken in the aftermath. Like I give a little bit of myself each time, and then I loose grip on myself a bit and get this feeling of not begin in control anymore. Its like just urging for more more more more and then then more you get you get this bad tasting sauce. For instance, I met up with a two different guys the to days prior to my lat meeting with Germain. How could I possibly find more room for him from a passionate point of view after that? I could hardly even get it up.. Also, because Im on PreP Ive had more unprotected sex. This again has lead to me now having a STD (not sure which one yet), with is also extremely downgrading, as its only about a month since I tested myself the last time. I am working as a voluntair - testing people for STDs for goods sake. I should be able to have a more grounded relation to sex myself too then no? I think maybe the goal here needs to be that I can see guys for sex, but that I need to cut down on my availability again, as it gets a bit too much into my head. Once every now and then is OK, but not more then once per week. You can do that. Other boys.. Ive met a few great guys here and there, but I am not in a place where I am ready to chase any one right now. Why can’t someone chase me for a change? Lets see what time brings. Vegard and Sigbjørn has a very cute friend called Ole. He added me on both instagram and Facebook so maybe thats good for something. Max is also in town now for a few weeks. Maybe Ill send him a text and checks out if he wants to meet up for a bottle of wine some day next week. Caution though: Max really got to my feelings the last time. Better safe then sorry?

Roger texted me yesterday, like he usually does every 3 - 4 months. Sweet messages. Hes thinking about looking for a new job. Exciting and scary for him I guess. Im missing his lust for me a bit still. 

Friends

I have been hanging out a lot with some new friends of mine quite a lot lately - Vegard and Sigbjørn (a couple). We have met almost every week, and have been on holiday trips together as well as going out quite a lot - also togehter rwith Ingemar actually. Sort of a new unit. Its been really nice to bring in some new perspectives and positive people in my life. I feel I can be 100% myself, and talk about the good and the bad, and they generally make me feel very secure and rooted. We are also heading to Tel Aviv this summer - looking forward.

Life

Someone read my tarrot card last week. It said I had 3 previous love interests that all were differetn and very important for my past developemnt. Duh: Roger, Antti and Tim. It also said that I was in a good place professionally, that I was a good leader, a high performer and ambitioius. For the future it said I would go though a huge change thatwould be really challenging and make me see life in a different way. I could expereince health issues, so I should look after myself. Im thinking this change might be 2018. Lets make the change as proactive and challenging in the rigth ways so I can land safely on the other side...

Other:

Im going for a weeding to Deepti my first girlfriend this week in Kristinasand. Indina/Norwegain wedding with loads of lovely old friends. I actulaly think it will be really nice

The week after Im heading to Lisboa for a weeked to viit a guy I met in Kirgizistan last summer. He is tiny, has a big dick, and a scooter. lol.. I think it will be a fun weekend. 

Im going to Tel Aviv this summer with Benni, Vik, Kris, Vegard and Sigbjørn. Were watching Britney.. hehe. wil be fun. 10 days in a huge appartment. After that Im heading to Kenya to hang with Carmen. Were doing safari, beach and some mountain hiking. Ending it all off in Berlin. Probably broke as hell...

Ok thats it for today!

To do:

- Make 6 month plans

- Talk further with Morri

- Plan Grafill more in depth

- One boy a week

- Book last plane trip in Kenya

- Make a updated better list.....