#ive been wanting to animate since I was thirteen and started taking art as a subject because at that point it really hit me that

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Reviews: Force Sensitivities episode II

I shill for Star Wars hard. I have for years, easily since i was a wee lil Smokey. I say that every time i start one of these essays or reviews because i want to be completely transparent about my bias. Darth Vader is easily one of, if not the, best cinema antagonist, ever, in my opinion. I love this cyborg asshole and everything about him. That first introduction in the beginning of Episode IV was everything. The second James Earl Jones' brilliantly dubbed voice boomed onscreen was it for me. Darth Vader as my dude and my love affair with the franchise began. I say all of this because i am part of the Fandom Menace. Absolutely i am. I cherish Star Wars so watching Kathleen Kennedy decimate my galaxy far, far, away in the name of her own ego, is practically debilitating. And it’s not even like i am averse to the ideas of her changes, you know? I like the idea of Rey. I loved Adam Driver and his Vader-lite, Kylo Ren. I love Oscar Issac so his Han Solo replacement, Po Dameron, already had my heart and Boyega's Finn had all the hallmarks of being something really special. And then Kennedy let Rian Johnson f*ck that sh*t all up.

And then she f*cked up Solo. And then she f*cked up Rise of Skywalker. And then she f*cked up everything else. So little of Star Wars has been good or original on Kennedy’s watch and it’s insane to me people defend this chick because she IS a chick. Bro, she is, objectively, bad at her job. It’s a wonder anything good has come out of Lucasfilm in her tenure. One of those things was Sear Wars Visions. That sh*t slapped hard and, coming off Netflix’s excellent anthology series Love,Death, + Robots, Visions was primed to ravage my senses. And it did. I just found out that the second season dropped to little fanfare, probably because this isn’t really a Kennedy production, much like he first, and her ego refuses to acknowledge anything that doesn’t have her name on it. Anyway, i finally got to check out these brand new takes on an old myth that is struggling to survive.

Sith

What a way to start off your anthology! This one was much stronger than The Duel from last season, in my humble opinion. I loved the use of color and negative space. The combination of such a vibrant palette against those stark whites, or the subtle contrast by those blacks at the climax; Simply brilliant. More than that, the sound design went a long way to setting the tone of this short. It did so much heavy lifting, i was flabbergasted, especially considering how dope the animation turned out. Seriously, Sith is a work of art and masterclass in tension. I was on the edge of my seat with that final duel and it was less than i expected but much more than i needed. El Guiri Studios really gave us something special. Here's hoping Hollywood takes notice and let's these cats really do there thing with a proper budget and creative license.

Screecher's Reach

Another banger right after the first? Yessir! Admittedly, while I like the aesthetic of Screecher's Reach, it was nowhere near as beautiful as The Sith. That said, this one had much, much, more emotional impact. That short, thirteen and change, gave me some of the best character development I've seen out of Disney Star Wars to date! That's not to say the animation and art design wasn't lovely. Cartoon Saloon really brought their A game with this one. The overall short was gorgeous and far more impactful than it had any right to be. Plus, that twist ending! Yo, I don't know who or what that Sith was at the end but I love the look! So deceptive. So insidious. I feel so bad for Daal but so glad I got to see her story.

In the Stars

Not gonna lie, I didn't care for this one. I respect the gumption, for sure, to make a claymation short because they are always so fun to watch but there are several practical limitations to creating animation this way. I'm immediately struck by the lack of color and fluidity in the overall animation. Coming off the first two shorts, this really took away from my viewing experience. On top of that, there is a lot of “Tell, don't show” in this fifteen minutes. Way to much exposition dumped early on. It's like Punkrobot Studios didn't trust the audience to infer all of that from the natural plot progression. It doesn't help that our main protagonist, the one we're supposed to be rooting for, is a reckless ass child. It's such a stark contrast the kids in Screecher's Reach. Yeah, there are merits to In the Stars, they're just not for me. I know this is supposed to be a metaphor of colonialism or whatever but it's just so poorly executed. Plus, I mean, everyone is still dead, the f*ck?

I Am Your Mother

And as if to drive my point home about the claymation thing, I am Your Mother comes along and absolutely puts In The Stars to shame with the same goddamn technique! Aardman really put together something4 special with this short and I mean short. I Am Your Mother is only ten minutes and change but it uses every second of that run time to tell a really heartfelt, coming-of-age, narrative. The overall plot might be a bit derivative but I'm a softy for these types of narratives so I had a great time with it. It's nuts because this is basically the same, overall, plot as In The Stars but Mother does it so much better. More than anything, this feels like Star Wars. You can plop this thing right in with the Prequel era of films and it wouldn't feel out of place at all.

Journey to the Dark Head

So I really, really, liked this on. I think I liked it as much as The Sith and that's saying a lot because that one is probably my favorite of the season. Dark Head is the first traditionally animated short and Studio Mir really put their best foot forward. This f*cking thing was epic! I'm a sucker for anime and, while this technically isn't proper anime, they pay solid homage to that aesthetic. It feels a lot like Avatar in that way and lord knows I love me some Misadventures of Aang and Friends. Probably because Mir is the studio who did Korra. My affection for Korra is much less but I'd be lying if I said that animation wasn't solid. This one was the longest of the lot so far, eighteen minutes, but they used that time to tell a strong story. It's wild to think they'd be able to pack in so much character development, in such a short amount of time, and entire, theatrical length, Star Wars films can't do the same. Rogue One, I'm looking at you.

The Spydancer

Yo, what the f*ck was that?! Holy sh*t, was that solid storytelling! Look, the emotional weight of this sixteen minute was incredible. I mean, of the top, I love the look of the art. The animation was fluid, particular the dancing, and the sound design was everything but the goddamn story, man! How the f*ck did Studio la Cachette do so much, in much little time? Seriously, this was a straight up roller coaster of emotion and I didn't expect that at all. I thought Journey to Dark Head told a complete narrative but The Spydancer does all of that and so much more. Seriously, it's hard not to put this up there with the best of Disney Star Wars and thy did it in sixteen goddamn minutes!

The Bandits of Golak

Another miss for me. Look, I love the Indian inspiration and the CG animation is solid but I don't particular care for the story being told, especially coming off something as emotionally weighty as The Spydancer. Still, 88 Pictures really made the most of their sixteen minutes. I can see why so many people enjoyed this short, even if I, personally, didn't really care for it. That final duel was solid as f*ck, though.

The Pit

Black folks in Star Wars? Let's go! Seriously, there is a distinct lack of color in a galaxy far, far, away so anytime I can get some melanated representation, I'm all in. What do we have so far? Mace, Finn, and Lando? Three prominent black characters over, what is it now? Four goddamn decades? Almost five? Motherf*ckers should be ashamed of themselves. Still, The Pit goes a long way to bridging that gap. Now, I support the f*ck out of D'ART Shtajio but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't the weakest of the shorts in season two. That, and I kind of really hate the Lucasfilm co-sign. None of the other studios needed it. This feels like a Kennedy thing. Gotta take as much credit for the diversity hire as possible, you know? If you didn't now, D'ART Shtajio is the first black owned anime studio. Thy do a lot of support animation for a ton of anime series but this is their first stab at a recognizable franchise like Star Wars where they are allowed to fully do their thing. All that said, The Pit is easily the weakest entry into this season. The narrative is solid and it does a great deal with it's sixteen minutes but this thing doesn't leave nearly the impression of every other short the anthology. Seriously, this thing has a strong message that is kind of undermined by the lack of quality when stood against the rest of the shorts presented.

Aau's Song

Auu's Song closes out this season's entries and, just like the opening, it was a strong choice. Aau's Song feels like a quiet story, intimate and personal, awash in a sea of stars. We  should be fortunate that her tale was told to us with such reverence and respect by Triggering. I was a little suspect at first, being that the two other stop-motion entries were hit-and-miss, but Auu's Song was definitely a hit. I am in love with this aesthetic. It feels like Final Fantasy IX and, if you know me, you know IX is top five for me. I loved the look, but I loved the sound design even more. Auu's song was lovely. Just the vocalizations, alone, were enough to catch my attention but couple that with the underlying tribal drums when sh*t got hairy, and you have a complete story told through your ears. Seriously, you can close your eyes and just listen to this story without missing a narrative beat. I find that absolutely amazing. It's wild to think that Aau's Song can be so god with absolutely no conflict. There are no Sith here, no Empire, no malevolence, just redemption and I kind of love that. The Sith, and to a lesser extent the Empire, were so prominent throughout this season but arguably the second strongest short of the lot, was devoid of anything resembling the dark side, outside of bled Kyber. Absolutely spectacular watch.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Reviews: Force Sensitivities episode II

I shill for Star Wars hard. I have for years, easily since i was a wee lil Smokey. I say that every time i start one of these essays or reviews because i want to be completely transparent about my bias. Darth Vader is easily one of, if not the, best cinema antagonist, ever, in my opinion. I love this cyborg asshole and everything about him. That first introduction in the beginning of Episode IV was everything. The second James Earl Jones' brilliantly dubbed voice boomed onscreen was it for me. Darth Vader as my dude and my love affair with the franchise began. I say all of this because i am part of the Fandom Menace. Absolutely i am. I cherish Star Wars so watching Kathleen Kennedy decimate my galaxy far, far, away in the name of her own ego, is practically debilitating. And it’s not even like i am averse to the ideas of her changes, you know? I like the idea of Rey. I loved Adam Driver and his Vader-lite, Kylo Ren. I love Oscar Issac so his Han Solo replacement, Po Dameron, already had my heart and Boyega's Finn had all the hallmarks of being something really special. And then Kennedy let Rian Johnson f*ck that sh*t all up.

And then she f*cked up Solo. And then she f*cked up Rise of Skywalker. And then she f*cked up everything else. So little of Star Wars has been good or original on Kennedy’s watch and it’s insane to me people defend this chick because she IS a chick. Bro, she is, objectively, bad at her job. It’s a wonder anything good has come out of Lucasfilm in her tenure. One of those things was Sear Wars Visions. That sh*t slapped hard and, coming off Netflix’s excellent anthology series Love,Death, + Robots, Visions was primed to ravage my senses. And it did. I just found out that the second season dropped to little fanfare, probably because this isn’t really a Kennedy production, much like he first, and her ego refuses to acknowledge anything that doesn’t have her name on it. Anyway, i finally got to check out these brand new takes on an old myth that is struggling to survive.

Sith

What a way to start off your anthology! This one was much stronger than The Duel from last season, in my humble opinion. I loved the use of color and negative space. The combination of such a vibrant palette against those stark whites, or the subtle contrast by those blacks at the climax; Simply brilliant. More than that, the sound design went a long way to setting the tone of this short. It did so much heavy lifting, i was flabbergasted, especially considering how dope the animation turned out. Seriously, Sith is a work of art and masterclass in tension. I was on the edge of my seat with that final duel and it was less than i expected but much more than i needed. El Guiri Studios really gave us something special. Here's hoping Hollywood takes notice and let's these cats really do there thing with a proper budget and creative license.

Screecher's Reach

Another banger right after the first? Yessir! Admittedly, while I like the aesthetic of Screecher's Reach, it was nowhere near as beautiful as The Sith. That said, this one had much, much, more emotional impact. That short, thirteen and change, gave me some of the best character development I've seen out of Disney Star Wars to date! That's not to say the animation and art design wasn't lovely. Cartoon Saloon really brought their A game with this one. The overall short was gorgeous and far more impactful than it had any right to be. Plus, that twist ending! Yo, I don't know who or what that Sith was at the end but I love the look! So deceptive. So insidious. I feel so bad for Daal but so glad I got to see her story.

In the Stars

Not gonna lie, I didn't care for this one. I respect the gumption, for sure, to make a claymation short because they are always so fun to watch but there are several practical limitations to creating animation this way. I'm immediately struck by the lack of color and fluidity in the overall animation. Coming off the first two shorts, this really took away from my viewing experience. On top of that, there is a lot of “Tell, don't show” in this fifteen minutes. Way to much exposition dumped early on. It's like Punkrobot Studios didn't trust the audience to infer all of that from the natural plot progression. It doesn't help that our main protagonist, the one we're supposed to be rooting for, is a reckless ass child. It's such a stark contrast the kids in Screecher's Reach. Yeah, there are merits to In the Stars, they're just not for me. I know this is supposed to be a metaphor of colonialism or whatever but it's just so poorly executed. Plus, I mean, everyone is still dead, the f*ck?

I Am Your Mother

And as if to drive my point home about the claymation thing, I am Your Mother comes along and absolutely puts In The Stars to shame with the same goddamn technique! Aardman really put together something4 special with this short and I mean short. I Am Your Mother is only ten minutes and change but it uses every second of that run time to tell a really heartfelt, coming-of-age, narrative. The overall plot might be a bit derivative but I'm a softy for these types of narratives so I had a great time with it. It's nuts because this is basically the same, overall, plot as In The Stars but Mother does it so much better. More than anything, this feels like Star Wars. You can plop this thing right in with the Prequel era of films and it wouldn't feel out of place at all.

Journey to the Dark Head

So I really, really, liked this on. I think I liked it as much as The Sith and that's saying a lot because that one is probably my favorite of the season. Dark Head is the first traditionally animated short and Studio Mir really put their best foot forward. This f*cking thing was epic! I'm a sucker for anime and, while this technically isn't proper anime, they pay solid homage to that aesthetic. It feels a lot like Avatar in that way and lord knows I love me some Misadventures of Aang and Friends. Probably because Mir is the studio who did Korra. My affection for Korra is much less but I'd be lying if I said that animation wasn't solid. This one was the longest of the lot so far, eighteen minutes, but they used that time to tell a strong story. It's wild to think they'd be able to pack in so much character development, in such a short amount of time, and entire, theatrical length, Star Wars films can't do the same. Rogue One, I'm looking at you.

The Spydancer

Yo, what the f*ck was that?! Holy sh*t, was that solid storytelling! Look, the emotional weight of this sixteen minute was incredible. I mean, of the top, I love the look of the art. The animation was fluid, particular the dancing, and the sound design was everything but the goddamn story, man! How the f*ck did Studio la Cachette do so much, in much little time? Seriously, this was a straight up roller coaster of emotion and I didn't expect that at all. I thought Journey to Dark Head told a complete narrative but The Spydancer does all of that and so much more. Seriously, it's hard not to put this up there with the best of Disney Star Wars and thy did it in sixteen goddamn minutes!

The Bandits of Golak

Another miss for me. Look, I love the Indian inspiration and the CG animation is solid but I don't particular care for the story being told, especially coming off something as emotionally weighty as The Spydancer. Still, 88 Pictures really made the most of their sixteen minutes. I can see why so many people enjoyed this short, even if I, personally, didn't really care for it. That final duel was solid as f*ck, though.

The Pit

Black folks in Star Wars? Let's go! Seriously, there is a distinct lack of color in a galaxy far, far, away so anytime I can get some melanated representation, I'm all in. What do we have so far? Mace, Finn, and Lando? Three prominent black characters over, what is it now? Four goddamn decades? Almost five? Motherf*ckers should be ashamed of themselves. Still, The Pit goes a long way to bridging that gap. Now, I support the f*ck out of D'ART Shtajio but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't the weakest of the shorts in season two. That, and I kind of really hate the Lucasfilm co-sign. None of the other studios needed it. This feels like a Kennedy thing. Gotta take as much credit for the diversity hire as possible, you know? If you didn't now, D'ART Shtajio is the first black owned anime studio. Thy do a lot of support animation for a ton of anime series but this is their first stab at a recognizable franchise like Star Wars where they are allowed to fully do their thing. All that said, The Pit is easily the weakest entry into this season. The narrative is solid and it does a great deal with it's sixteen minutes but this thing doesn't leave nearly the impression of every other short the anthology. Seriously, this thing has a strong message that is kind of undermined by the lack of quality when stood against the rest of the shorts presented.

Aau's Song

Auu's Song closes out this season's entries and, just like the opening, it was a strong choice. Aau's Song feels like a quiet story, intimate and personal, awash in a sea of stars. We  should be fortunate that her tale was told to us with such reverence and respect by Triggering. I was a little suspect at first, being that the two other stop-motion entries were hit-and-miss, but Auu's Song was definitely a hit. I am in love with this aesthetic. It feels like Final Fantasy IX and, if you know me, you know IX is top five for me. I loved the look, but I loved the sound design even more. Auu's song was lovely. Just the vocalizations, alone, were enough to catch my attention but couple that with the underlying tribal drums when sh*t got hairy, and you have a complete story told through your ears. Seriously, you can close your eyes and just listen to this story without missing a narrative beat. I find that absolutely amazing. It's wild to think that Aau's Song can be so god with absolutely no conflict. There are no Sith here, no Empire, no malevolence, just redemption and I kind of love that. The Sith, and to a lesser extent the Empire, were so prominent throughout this season but arguably the second strongest short of the lot, was devoid of anything resembling the dark side, outside of bled Kyber. Absolutely spectacular watch.

[averlym]

here's an old(?) animatic test thing i drew last year but finally sat down and edited

@the10amongstthese3s thanks duck mum for supporting all my nonsense and encouraging me this one's dedicated to u

[mde1011]

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

[maggotmouth]

        hi i’m nora ( 23. gmt. she/her ) and it turns out i really miss playing bridget ! i wasn’t feeling frida bt i wanted to explore som of her backstory more so ive kind of fused bits of her into bridget..... sue me.... for those of u who didn’t know her before i dropped her, bridget grew up in a trailer park in texas, she’s an angsty socialist leftie who gets fucked at the pub and goes off on one about capitalism.  film nerd. got in on a partially subsidised scholarship and works in a bar and a fast food place to pay for her accomodation. here’s a pinboard !! everythin else is below this cut, like this post n i’ll (probably forget to) smash that im button for plots x

application template.

( cis-female ) haven’t seen BRIDGET MATUSIAK around in a while. the MARGARET QUALLEY lookalike has been known to be GARRULOUS & CANDID, but SHE can also be FICKLE & ERRATIC. The 21 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FILM. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

aesthetics.

thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, roller blades, grazed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes. piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you.

connection to tatiana & did they choose her name during the watershed?

knew each other from the cheer team in bridgets freshman year and tatiana’s sophomore year. had a competitive friendship to start with but then they got into a discussion about politics at a party one night, and maybe hooked up a few times after tatiana had jst broken up w someone. they were sort of seeing each other very casually for a bit, but…. they came from vastly different circles n it didn’t really work. they were in a bad partch at the time of the reaping so to speak, and bridget picked her name For A Giggle but now regrets it big time obviously

tw drugs, teen pregnancy

BACKSTORY TIME.. her mother was from the wrong side of the tracks, was chucked out of home pretty young after a teenage pregnancy, wanted 2 go to art school and started working as an erotic dancer to pay for college but then jst…. ended up staying there. one of those girls u see in the documentaries who had Big Plans but ultimately never got to pursue them n jst got…. sucked in by the money 

her mom n dad met in high school at a parents evening. alice was fourteen, toby was thirty-one. bridget’s mom alice was a roman catholic – uneducated in matters of safe sex, mother mary around her neck, bras hanging over wooden crucifixes – and willing to give it to the first boy who seemed interested enough, gift-wrapped or not. toby was the father to a girl down the road who alice knew nothing of besides her name and the few encounters in the corridors facing a stoney stare that screamed homewrecker. it only happened once, but once was enough. alice was out of the house as soon as her parents knew a child was growing in her womb.

bridget n her mum alice were more like sisters growing up, probably because of the closeness in age. alice should’ve known that you couldn’t have a thirteen-year-old-daughter at 27 without everyone knowing you’d been one of those girls who gave it away fast as a hot potato, and maybe bridget should have known that she’d inherit more than her mother’s wide eyes, that things have a way of circling back to us --- that at fourteen she too would lose it on the floor of a swimming pool changing room, soggy back, polka-dot nylon of a swimsuit pulled down to her ankles.

she grew up in a trailer park just outside of orlando resort, but she was raised in dressing rooms surrounded by sparkly costumes and nipple pasties and leotards and the like. as a kid she’d try to trot about in her moms heels n yearned for the day she’d be able to be on stage. 

if you’ve seen the florida project its a bit like tht.... just kids left to do their own shit.... mother’s a bit all over the place... made money by stealing wristbands off orlando theme park visitors, and bridget was p much raised by the community, to be honest. most of her youth was spent scurrying about half naked in cowboy boots and glasses too big for her face. a smol feral child

gilly (referred to as junior) was born four years after bridget, the son of a carpenter and sculpture artist named gilbert “gilly” senior, her moms latest squeeze. whenever she wasn’t at school bridget would be in gilly’s workshop doin her homework surrounded by parts of furniture or hanging out with the kids who were visiting disneyland but couldn’t afford the hotels on the resort

like her mother, bridget fell pregnant barely out of her gingham print dresses, hair in two plaits down her back, teddies still lining her bed. unlike her mum, she was not box-shipped out to a home for fallen women but rather booked into a clinic, given a pill, just like taking your vitamins.

her mother flaked out when bridget was around fifteen and junior was eleven. they were in the system for a while, before gilly was finally granted custody as legal guardian. the three of them moved to marfa, texas so that gilly could run classes in sculpture and woodworking at the art institute. they’re not sure where their mother went. some say she rededicated herself as a virgin and joined the convent in penance for her sins. some say she works in a las vegas strip club and sells pills to minors. bridget likes to believe that she’s an actress, her name in newspapers and her face in a star-spangled dressing mirror.

bridget used to do sponsored silences and hunger strikes for kids in developing countries. was that kid in school who was always raising money something. i mean its kinda cute but also she just wanted the acclaim and attention so…. and most of the time it didn’t even make it to the disadvantaged kids she was raising it for cos her mom needed rent money or to buy the kids new shoes n they could barely afford much themselves

she’s a strident feminist, an activist for human rights and animal rights, a vocal vegetarian and an all-round soapbox sadie. catch her in the quad shouting about human rights through a megaphone. will most definitely have quizzed your character on institutionalised racism whilst inhaling nos at a party and snacking on a big bowl of cheesy wotsits

aesthetic: big military or leather jackets over tiny little sundresses. always in docs or creepers and a beret with an anarchist symbol painted on it. wears a long green trench coat covered in badges for alt punk rock bands or a red denim jacket that she hacked into a crop jacket with a pair of kitchen scissors. cuffed jeans, thrifted or stolen. white converse, more grey tbh through years of wear. crop tops and plaid shirts tied round her waist. smudged mascara. glitter smeared over cheekbones from the previous night. cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson.

an aspiring screenwriter. she has a very image-based view of memory and experience. always doing a screenplay or shooting film. her style has a lot of catholic iconography (think virgin suicides style or baz luhrmann’s romeo + juliet if it was done on a super 8 camera) bcos catholicism is one of the few things she remembers about her mother. she’s never actually tried to find her mum / find out about her, jst…. occasionally channels that energy into her work.

struggles with self-image and the need to be Loved By All a lot. uses sex as an affirmation of her worth and also kinda manic-depressive (though not officially diagnosed) bcos her upbringing was a bit unstable, she was a looked after child for a while when the adoption papers were still going through… struggles a lot with feeling unwanted, especially since her grandparents refuse to acknowledge her existence cos she was born outside of marriage….. so she craves feeling wanted,, like despite being a real women’s rights activist and hating objectification, at the same time to bridge there’s nothing better than someone sizing you up with hunger in their eyes

she’s queer, but i guess she favours women, and is incredibly vocal in her support of the lgbt+ movement. often at rallies. has done a face-sitting protest. really is that bitch

there’s a degree of anger for anger’s sake in bridget. she likes passionate, angry music – particularly garage rock, punk and riot grrrl. she loves the slits and skinny girl diet. viv albertine inspired her to take up bass guitar.

back at lockwood she was working two jobs to pay for uni !! at the bowling alley polishing the shoes and fixing the bowling lanes, and also as a burger flipper at mcdonalds. in amsterdam she’s managed to secure a part-time bar job at one of the hendrix university bars

massive film buff. is majoring in film at uni also spends a lot of time at the movie theatre n probably has like a season ticket. is one of those pretentious film nerds who’re like “what do u think of goddard’s work?” but also just really into shitty horror movies

she spends her evenings in downtown bars willing away her boredom, trying to find something that’ll jerk her out of apathetic lethargy. she toys with the idea of becoming a stripper — it certainly pays better than flipping burgers — but she lacks the energy to dance for several hours a night.

she loves b movies and slasher flicks. at parties, she’ll occasionally try to make a horror of her own, on a super 8 camera in someone’s basement, very paranormal activity, but she’ll inevitably get bored, or too drunk and give up, like she does with most things in her life. she lacks drive and motivation. she’s bright but there’s no hunger in her.

she’s fickle and enigmatic. one moment she could be your best friend, the next, she’ll behave like a total stranger. bridget’s unpredictable because she’s still unsure of her own identity, frequently flitting between different characters, like snake skins, before she grows bored of being bubbly and eager and becomes spiteful again. her core personality traits are probably forthright, impulsive, restless, thrill-seeking, selfish, gregarious, easily bored, childish.

SOME ?MILDLY AMUSING? FACTS

writes shitty poems on the back of napkins and quotes dead philosophers she’s never read. romanticises herself a lot. like will be standing there in a ripped t-shirt and her undies smoking a cig like “hmmm… i bet someone is falling in love with me right now”

is vegetarian for environmental reasons but snorts coke at parties like that isn’t shit for the environment ?? sis, it don’t add up

loves dirt. ate a worm once because someone dared her too. shamelessly disgusting.

she’s slightly obsessed with true crime, up late watching documentaries on the manson family murders.

favourite drink is cherry coke

a lot of her time is spent in the record store, plugged into a set of headphones, head-banging in the corner to a scratched record. music, for birdie, is a form of escapism. that and dropping acid in parking lots lmao.

sells nudes on twitter. whenever she gets low on cash she contacts one of the seedy old men who used to visit her mom’s club to venmo her $500 in return for pictures

that girl who’s always harping on about body positivity on instagram while wearing cute underwear and looking absolutely bomb

really good at rodeo bull riding. the club in marfa had one so as a youth she got really good at it bcos she was constantly tryin to outdo her friends on who could stay on for the longest. a video of her staying on one for like 4 minutes after downing several jager bombs went viral once.

micro-doses acid for mild depression bcos she didn’t believe in “that CBT bullshit”, thought that therapists, like her, were jst con artists so always a bit spaced out

volunteers at one of the local galleries but mostly just rants to old white dutch men about how cis white men have dominated art for years :/ is one of those SJW-types , like.... have a day off, jameela jamil......

has a pet rat called popeye

takes photographs of dead animals to use in her art and often posts them side-by-side with stills of women in porn to show the shelf-life of female sex workers in a patriarchal-dominated industry or some bullshit idk

big into spoken word poetry, even if its shit. likes savage depictions of femininity

wrote a thesis on art as an act of masturbation that got published

this bitch HATES capitalism and LOVES karl marx

time isn’t real. nothing exists. the self is a social construct. finger guns.

an awful person, really

plots i want that i mostly stole from the tags

muse a tries to stand up for muse b in a bar but unfortunately cannot fight for shit.

muse a (prob bridget cos works in a bar) works somewhere that’s open late and muse b comes in to take shelter from the storm.

‘I got in my car and you were sleeping in the backseat who the hell are you and how did you get into my car’ 

 umm a wlw plot isnpired by san junipero ! esp this post. could have been a former fling that ended sourly !! cos i dont like ship forcing but still?? give me wlw stuff

 “i just decked you in the face because i’m drunk and you were pissing me off but ow my hand really fucking hurts i think i might have broke it and oh look your nose is bleeding and now we’re both sitting awkwardly in the hospital while i glare at you from across the room. but wait are you giving me sex eyes?? stop that i’m supposed to mad at you??”

“platonically sharing a bed until i wake up and you’re curled round me and my nose is buried in your hair so i’ll pretend to stay asleep to keep this for a little while longer” plots

 “highkey want a ‘someone wrote your phone number on the wall of a bathroom in my dorm with ‘call for a good time’ and i just texted you to let you know that i scribbled it out and oh wait you’re actually funny and easy to talk to and now we’re talking every day and i might have a tiny little crush on you even tho  i don’t even know your name’ plot”

 goddamn its another shippy wlw plot apparently that’s all my tag is but this post

“known for being rebels without cause, MUSE A and MUSE B are synonymous to their fast cars, nights out beneath the stars, empty bottles of alcohol, and loud music. they meet by chance one night and immediately click, and embark on a careless adventure after it despite not knowing each other. it’s them against the world: after all, what could go wrong ?”

any of these sad sour unrequited love plots

‘we take the same elevator every day and due to a misunderstanding I assumed you didn’t speak english and I’ve been talking to my friend about how hot you are for three weeks and apparently my friend has known from the start but you agreed not to tell me bc you both think its hilarious what the fuck’ au

‘I accidentally dropped you while you were crowd surfing and you broke your ankle and now I feel responsible so I’m carrying you out of the moshpit’ au

walked in on my roommate and you screwing except i know you from class and i freaked out a little

i was hustling you in pool for money but you were hustling me for free drinks so who’s the real winner here?

bridgot goes to strip clubs n peep shows like every day, cos she’s writing about the history of pornographic film n its basically research for her, so if ur characters would be into strip clubs they might see her there

i feel like she’d be on student council if they had one of those. shes that kind of bitch, turning up like elle woods with a big feather pen or a light-up heart marker, slamming down some truths before upping and leaving to go for her 11am chai latte break

som1 who attended the art institute in marfa for a summer n maybe knew her when she was a bit younger ??? idk

drama. angst. horror. also nice bike rides in amsterdam please

feel free to im me if u wanna plot, or, like this post and i’ll hit u with a message!

[jenroseyokel]

Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read. 

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone 

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;) 

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

[thelostgirlwrites]

I Was Gonna Be That One In A Million // Dominique Weasley

Ravenclaw | Sixth Year | Prefect | Chaser | Junior International Quidditch League

I. Traits:

+ ambitious, driven, studious, self-disciplined Minnie wants to succeed and she thinks knows the best way to go about that is to study. She came to Hogwarts prepared to throw herself into her work the same way that she always did at home. From her first year, if anyone was looking for Minnie, they first needed to check the library, then the common room. And if she was in neither of those places, Minnie could be found in an empty classroom, practicing the hands-on aspect of magic. She never needed someone to tell her to do the work; Minnie’s drive came from within and she was her own impetus. Her marks were always high - perhaps not the top of her classes, but very close to that, and she was proud of herself for it. Minnie has accomplished almost everything she wanted to in her life as well; good marks, a spot on the Quidditch team, perfecting her macarons.

- reserved, stubborn, proud, cavalier Her need for success and her self-discipline has a negative side as well, however. Minnie doesn’t need other people and she knows it. Company is not something that she ever found herself overtly concerned with - whether it’s her cousins or her friends, Minnie simply doesn’t feel the urge to spend time with other people. She likes to chalk it up to her introverted nature, but that’s not the whole truth. When she’s feeling particularly honest, Minnie will admit that she just prefers her own company and that other people tend to slow her down and distract her. She can be careless, not in the ways that one usually considers it - she’s very meticulous with her belongings and in her work. When it comes to the feelings of those around her, however, Minnie rarely stops to consider how her words and actions will impact anything aside from herself. Once she sets her mind to something, it’s nearly impossible to make her change it.

II. Family 

(tw: parental death mention)

If you ask Minnie who she is, the answer comes very quickly: “Minnie Weasley.” She might elaborate after that - “Minnie is short for Dominique. My parents are Bill and Fleur.” And then one more clarification - “No, I’m not part Veela. I’m adopted.” 

Her feelings regarding her family are complicated (a theme which runs throughout all her relationships). She is a Weasley, there’s no doubt about that; the nurture was stronger than her nature in this case. She considers herself a Weasley through-and-through despite her differences from her cousins. Bill and Fleur are the only parents she’s ever known, Victoire and Louis are her siblings, and she has more cousins than she can easily list off. The fact that she doesn’t share their blood doesn’t make a difference.

But it does, at the same time. There are moments when Minnie is acutely aware of how different she is from the other Weasleys, She has moments where she longs to know the woman who gave birth to her - there’s a small photo album displayed in her bedroom, filled with pictures of her two mothers: Jocelyn, the one who bore her, and Fleur, the one who raised her. They were friends, and Fleur was always willing to tell Minnie about their escapades at Beauxbatons, and Jocelyn’s worried letters when Fleur joined the Order, and their short-lived reunion just before Minnie’s birth. Not long after Minnie’s birth, Jocelyn died; Fleur was Minnie’s godmother and it was never an option for her to go anywhere but Shell Cottage.

Minnie knows nothing of her birth father; Jocelyn didn’t mention him to Fleur, and Minnie doesn’t care anyway. While she wishes she knew Jocelyn, Bill has always been the only dad she ever wanted or needed.

So yes, she is a Weasley, but there are moments where a little traitorous voice whispers that maybe she isn’t, and Minnie isn’t sure how she feels about that.

III. Quidditch

Growing up in the family that she did, it was impossible for Minnie not to know about Quidditch. As a child, she didn’t see the appeal of the sport; she wasn’t overly fond of heights, and her coordination on a broom wasn’t the best so throwing balls or hitting bludgers were beyond her skills. However after her arrival at Hogwarts, things changed; Minnie knew several of her housemates who tracked Quidditch stats, which was far more appealing. Once she began that, and started to understand the game better, she wanted to try it for herself. 

The summer before her third year, Minnie spent all day, every day on her broom, honing her skills. It was the same single-minded determination that she applied to her studies, and it paid off; she earned a spot on the team when she returned to Hogwarts. Her schedule shifted to allow regular practice, on top of the team practices, but she has always balanced it well. At the moment, her goal is to pursue Quidditch professionally; she’s good and it would be an interesting career. Her options are still open, of course, but it’s the current ambition.

IV. Sexuality

Minnie has a complicated relationship with relationships. She’s not good at them, to start with, and doesn’t really see the need for people to be around. Despite all that, she has a deep-seated longing for the sort of love that she sees around her, in her parents and aunts and uncles. The sort of love that looks beyond flaws and offers comfort and support. She knows it’s real and exists, and has hopes that she’ll find it someday.

Minnie is demisexual panromantic. Her sexual attraction doesn’t come until she has a strong connection with someone, but she experiences romantic attraction more frequently, and with anyone.

V. Miscellany

Birthday: January 1, 2007 - Minnie’s sign is Capricorn and it describes her perfectly.

Height: 5′4″

Weight: 120 lbs.

Scars: Minnie was a bit clumsy when she was younger, and has several small scars on her arms and legs. The most noticeable of these are the long scar tracing up her left forearm, where she fell off her broom when she was thirteen and gashed herself on a piece of glass that had been unseen prior to that; and the scar curving around her right ankle, from getting her leg caught on something (to this day, she isn’t sure what) while swimming. In addition to those, she has a few burn scars on her hands, from her baking attempts, and callouses from Quidditch that have yet to go away.

Wand: Ivy and dragon heartstring, ten inches, springy. Her wand is a bit on the small side, simply due to the difficulty of harvesting ivy wood, but both the wood and the core lend to a great deal of strength. When wielding her wand, Minnie tends to have rather dramatic gestures, although she’s been attempting to reign herself in as she feels it makes her look silly. (Information found here and here.)

Patronus: The Jaguar - a solitary cat, this reflects Minnie’s self-reliance and isolation very well. 

Boggart: A dragon. Minnie will tell anyone who asks that she doesn’t know why it’s a dragon, but that would be a lie. She’s been frightened of dragons since she was four, after a trip to visit Uncle Charlie in Romania. Nothing specific happened, but the animals were so big and frightening to her that it left a mark.

Class list: Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Herbology, History of Magic, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Muggle Studies, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes (She took all Es and Os in her OWLs). She chose not to take Care of Magical Creatures or Divination, despite her interest in both subjects, simply because she had to draw the line somewhere. COMC sounded like it could get messy, and Minnie doesn’t like messes; while she believes in Divination, she isn’t interested in doing it herself and so that was an easy class to pass over.

[todokori-kun]

Ack

 that sounds horrible, getting sick is the worst ;-; get as much rest as you can! I really hope you get better soon<3

(omg the pics are GORGEOUS. Like, Wow. Once I’m done writing this message I’m probably going to go back to stare at them for like an hour and silently scream over how awesome everything looks)

Don’t worry about it, I admit that Stoki is pretty much a crack ship ^^;;

And, well, the redemption fic I mentioned helped me fall deeper into Stoki hell, but I shipped it even before that XD I think part of it is just because I think they could have a really interesting dynamic- they’re just so different, complete opposites. Steve would confuse Loki so much tbh

Also, I just think that Steve (or at least, post-CW Steve) might be one of the avengers most willing to at least try to understand Loki. Partly because Steve’s just a nice guy, and then because of his relationship with Bucky- ‘cause Steve-Bucky and Thor-Loki are really, really similar and I think Steve would realize that.

And then like I said, Steve cares a lot about other people. If Thor ever told him about everything that happened between him and Loki Steve probably wouldn’t have too much difficulty in starting to see Loki as a human(?) being instead of some one-dimensional fairy tale villain.

Lastly, I feel like Steve is just the best person to handle Loki’s issues. He may not be able to personally relate to a lot of it (Tony, Bruce, maybe Natasha would be better for that) but he can take a step back and think rationally about the situation, help convince Loki that just because the rest of the world sees him as a monster, doesn’t mean he has to be one.

Hopefully this made sense? lol)

yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about it too. It was just so freaking frustrating OTL

(And yes that letter destoyed my feelings too)

btw, can I ask what you think about T'challa? He doesn’t seem to have that many fans yet but I think he’s really cool and possibly one of the more sensible people in the CW movie (once he stops being furious at Bucky). Also the trailer for his new movie is epic and I can’t wait to see his sister…

Hisoillu is bizarre (sadistic murdery Clown with no sense of fashion + sadistic murdery needle guy with dead fish eyes) but also makes a lot of sense at the same time? Like, Hisoka got away with joking about killing Killua in front of Illumi, so…yeah. They’ve got something special LOL

omg imagine.

‘Satisfied but when you fantasize at night it’s Illumi’s eyes’

'Helpless but look into Illumi’s eyes and the sky’s the limit’

'History has its Eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’

Why do I want these memes to be a thing

With the new revelation about who Touka was visiting at the hospital, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how this will end…maybe they might actually both survive for now???

But I’m a bit miserable rn because if one of them has to die I’d rather keep Juuzou too but it seems much more likely for Touka to survive. She’s like the main female lead, plus she has Kaneki’s baby…

R.I.P Naki, the sweetest cinnamon roll who just wanted to see his big bro again ;-;

(Also: Wow, way to go Kaneki, you finally started acting like an actual leader (in a way)! But can I just say, what absolutely perfect timing)

WTH I had no idea Soul Eater’s art style developed that much???!!! That’s actually pretty amazing! (And yeah, I know that SE has some pretty complex characters and interesting stories in it :D it’s just still a lot lighter and has different themes from the mangas I usually enjoy ^^ I might try it out though!)

Death The Kid seems really cool! (does he really have OCD in canon, though? Like, I’ve seen a lot of Soul Eater fans talking like he does but idk if it’s actually a thing? Maybe I sound weird but it just seems insensitive to say characters like DTK and Levi have 'OCD’ and talking about it jokingly when it’s actually incredibly difficult and stressful for people who actully have OCD, so I’m not sure how to feel about those fans)

Yay! Gotta go and try to find that fight scene now…

Join me in my suffering. I loved L so much ;-;

(But hey, don’t be too sad (what’s this? Is Evans actually COMFORTING Queen Luna for once instead of rubbing salt in the wound?!)! There’s always the book Death Note: Another Note (The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)- it’s a prequel to the Death Note manga/anime with L chasing a murderer known as Beyond Birthday (…no comment on that alias). It also shows how he met Naomi Misora which is awesome if you like Naomi (I did, and kinda screamed when Light kiled her))

Eh, I think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t mind it being set in America because what’s the point of making an American adaptation if it’s going to be set in Japan anyway? I also don’t really have a problem with 'white-washing’ for this same reason (though I am disappointed because being Japanese-American would have added an interesting layer to Light’s character; despite fighting for justice, in canon, LIght’s never actually been victimized or discriminated against. He’s a handsome, intelligent young man who appears to be cisgender and heterosexual (even if it’s never confirmed) and is Japanese, just like everyone else around him. Japanese-American Light, on the other hand, would have really experienced how the 'rotten’ world could hurt people, so his acts as Kira might have more personal emotion in them)…like, it’s possible to cast a white actor as Light without it being white-washing, and since they changed the entire setting I think it’s fine to change other things too. Just, I’m cool with anything as long as they portrayed Light’s character properly…BUT THEY DIDN’T SO

I’m really just disappointed that they botched the characters and all the themes of the original Death Note story so badly. Sure, change the setting, change the circumstances, change the plot, changehe designs, but why did you have to take Death Note’s philosophy away?

But, because I might have been a bit too mean:

I will say that the movie LOOKS really good. The visuals are great. The soundtrack seems decent too. Also, though Ryuk’s motivations/role also weren’t done very well, Ryuk’s actor did an amazing job…and while I’m not happy with how L was portrayed in this movie, I do think that the actor they cast for him could have been a good L if not for the bad writing.

Well…from what I know, Light Turner ends up in a hospital at the end of the movie with his One True Love Mia(Misa) dead, so nah. The Keikaku failed.

(which just proves that Light Turner really is nothing like Light Yagami, because Light Yagami’s keikakus never fail.

Until the end of the Death note manga/anime, that is.)

Yeah, I know about SU’s terrible fandom, so I’m not going to actively participate in writing fanfic, drawing fan art or making HCs/theories with other people…I’m just gonna watch the show with my sister and look at pretty fanart XD

Tysm tho!

(Question: Which character do you think you are? And what kind of gem do you think you’d be?)

Aww, I’m so happy my awkward rambling actually made you feel better??? Like. Come on. You have no idea how much our convos helped me with anxiety and stress, so I have to thank you for that too <333

(And seriously, Queen Luna is amazing.)

For most people, they start going to elementary at seven (in international age) as far as I know, and then go to middle school at around thirteen. Then high school at…um…sixteen? Maybe? I’ve never really gone to school here so I might not be 100% correct but it’s something like that ^^;;

I really wanna try Mystic Messenger but since my phone is an old flip phone…I like my phone but sometimes this can be inconvenient LOL

(I’m totally fine with messaging here, but are you really ok with it? 'Cause if you’re not, we can try to work something else out!)

hi im luna and i wanna die.

HNNNNNNNNGH have i ever told you how much i hate school?  because i freaking hate school from the bottom of my heart i can’t feel my neck anymore from the amount of studying ive been doing that’s depressing.

anyway. heartfelt advice: do not fuck your stomach up in any way, because you will suffer if you do. take it from me, i’ve managed to develop this amazing thing called Gastritis and now i cant eat anything without getting the feeling that im gonna throw it back out which is absolutely wonderful. thankfully, i don’t throw up, but it’s freaking annoying and ive lost waay too much weight already. best part? the whole reason why i have it is apparently purely psychological,  too much stress. i got it in the middle of july. HOW my mom is also being INCREDIBLY helpful by basically telling me to ‘get over it’ like i can just snap my fingers and tell myself ‘oh yeah this is only in my head’ and it’ll all pass over. cause that’s how it works.  so is my sister by always laughing at me

oook moving on.

yep, school started and i am suffering. ive already gone through 4 tests and a bunch of oral quizzes. yay. thanks teachers for totally not putting horrible pressure on us from the start.  i stg, one of my most common thoughts these days is ‘see, this is exactly why i have a psychosomatic sickness.’ they’re sending my to a psychologist to see if i can let everything out and maybe get some advice on how to handle things better. i will laugh my ass off if i get diagnosed with a mental disorder. that’d be absolutely hilarious (I am in no way trying to make fun of people with a mental disorder, I’m just saying I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if they said something like Burnout Syndrome or Depression (im not even joking when I say that I’ve been sleeping pretty much all afternoon + night these days, cry way too often, feel no motivation for anything, feel worthless, no apetite and also occasional suicidal thoughts which is oh so fun (ok but in my defence, the thoughts are really rare, probably caused by the fact that I feel nauseous like 90% of the time, and I would never ever do it, mostly because some people would miss me (I hope). there are moments when I go ‘wouldn’t it be easier to disappear?’ tho))

sorry about that rant

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THEMES (and proper writing):

Yeah, Norway was truly gorgeous ^^ I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than then. I fell asleep in the car at one point while watching the scenery outside, and it was one of the best sleeps in my life, despite being in the car. I’m glad you enjoyed them ^^ If you want, I can upload random pics like that every once in a whole.

Aaah, that’s pretty good reasoning! It makes a lot more sense now, thanks for explaining! 

Yeah, I kinda see why you’d ship it. Steve is a pretty understanding person and, like you said, would probably understand Loki the best ^^ Recommend me some fics and I might even start shipping it myself ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE T’CHALLA THANK YOU FOR ASKING YES.  I mean, he angery™, but also freaking cool! Not to mention crazily powerful *^* I’m pretty excited for his movie, cause more badassery from him!

Wow those sound like genuine memes. Seriously why can’t i draw XD

Also HIstory has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi will give me nightmares.

GODAMNIT I JUST WANT JUUZOU TO BE HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? (apparently yes)

Yep, since I have all the volumes, I like to flip through them sometimes and I’m blown away every time by the development.  I also cosplayed the main character a while ago, so it holds a high sentimental value to me. But it is a lot lighter than your usual reads, true...

Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain? I mean, DTK is obsessed with symmetry and will go to crazy lengths to preserve it, get mad if someone disturbs it, will jeopardise missions if he’s not sure if he left something perfectly symmetrically at home etc, but it’s not so much as a mental illness as it is a consequence of who he is (part of the Grim Reaper)? Like i said, it’s really had to explain.

Did you manage to find the fight scene?

My reaction to Death Note in general:  FUCK YOU LIGHT YAGAMI. oooh, I’ll search that manga up!

Well, I’m not so much upset about the whitewashing, more about the fact that I feel like the japanese general ideology plays a big role in why light decided to start killing bad people? Idk how to explain it... 

Oh, Japanese-American Kira would’ve been a really interesting thing to see!

Yay, at least you found some good things? Well, it’s nice that you managed that ^^

Damnit, so it didn’t go according to Keikaku! It’s all because they didn’t include the potato chip scene.

Uuh, i don’t exactly remember much of SU, but I guess I’m most similar to Pearl? I didn’t really sympathise with any characters that much tbh. As for gem. Uuuuuh *quickly googles gem meanings* ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.  I like Zircon because of the colour and alexandrite because it changes colour which is incredibly cool!

Your rambling always makes me feel better tbh. It gives me a looong message from a friend I appreciate incredibly much so, yeah, I always smile when I see a message from you (even though my replies are so slooooooooow)

Aaah, I see! That’s pretty interesting ^^ Quite different from our system.

Ah, shame, you would’ve liked the most recent route, there is so so so much suffering.

Yeah, I am 100% fine!! Don’t worry about it! The reason why I suggested something else is because on sites w an instant messaging system, my replies would probably be a lot quicker,

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE AESTETHICS, ESPECIALLY LIZZY, THAT IS GOALS

and the drawings are adorable ^^ Hide tho ;-;