#ive known for a while that this isn't good but now that I'm really trying to focus on my health. jesus

[autistic-shaiapouf]

I think. my next doc appt will not be with the ehler danlos clinic but rather my primary care so I can finally see someone about my GI issues

[giamee]

𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝟐 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄!

୨♡୧ pairings :: blade x reader ; sampo x reader ; gepard x reader ; dan heng x reader ; jing yuan x reader ; luocha x reader

୨♡୧ gia's notes :: writing this as a quick lil thing because i just finished school and i want to like,,, pay homage to the crushes ive had on my classmates LMAO this is so self indulgent i'm delulu... gonna miss seeing them in the hallways ,,, this one kinda mid i wrote it on my phone while half asleep AND ITS EXAM SEASON RAHHHHHH

୨♡୧ contains: modern!school!au, fem!reader sorry, most definitely ooc because these are based off of real people oops, just cute lil crushes man feel free to judge my taste in men !

𓆩♡𓆪 BLADE

-he's in your biology class, but not close enough to really get to talk to him

-you're not sure what to make of him, but you see him in the gym a few times when you're there as well

-his stony exterior, however, is shattered in your eyes when you enter the gym one day to find it empty other than just him in there, blasting his playlist out loud

-out of all of the possible genres he could he listening to, you weren't expecting a drill remix of anime osts

-you can't help the giggle that escapes your lips from what you're witnessing, and blade freezes upon hearing it before whipping his head round to face you like a deer in headlights

-he scrambles to turn it off as you set up at a squat rack, and it's almost endearing to see such a stoic classmate look so flustered

-you almost felt bad for the guy, and you hesitated before asking blade if he could spot for you

-and just like that, the ice was officially broken

-the two of you talked more frequently now, even becoming sort of friends through your shared class and the gym

-more frequent talks gave way to the more intimate aspects of blade's personality- as it turned out, he was quite touchy

-lingering touches when spotting you in the gym turned to his leg pressed against yours when you sit next to each other- leaning into your personal space a little too close to call it casual, and the bastard enjoyed the way you got flustered when his face got near to yours and the way that people looked at the pair of you and whispers, rumours, started to fly

-"if you keep sitting that close to me, people are going to think that we're dating," you huffed at him

-blade didn't even glance up from his phone that he was scrolling through with one hand, the other resting against the back of your chair

-"good." you were glad that he didn't look up to see the way that your eyes widened and you turned your head to the side to hide the giddy smile that was creeping onto your face

-and despite you enabling this, all the harmless flirting, there was some unquellable part of you that screamed to be set free and hoped for something more. that when he made you look him in the eyes with a finger under your chin, he wasn't just doing it to tease you

-there was undeniably something going on between the two of you, but there was also the unspoken mutual decision to not mention it

-and so you resigned your self to the realm of just friends. it would be easier this way, to move on without any ties before uni

-yet on the last day, you found him scrawling his phone number in your yearbook with a demand to stay in touch, and it left you looking down at the inked digits with the thing in your chest set free, telling you that your feelings might just be reciprocated

𓆩♡𓆪 SAMPO

-your deskmate in chemistry because of a stupid seating plan that didn't change the entire year

-you've never really spoken before, but he's well-known for being rowdy

-his friends sit nearby, and most of his conversations consisted of talking to them loudly while leaning across your desk, while you try to balance your chemical equations

-other than that, you keep to yourselves mostly

-it isn't until your chemistry teacher is going on a tiresome rant about the bohr effect that you shift your attention away from the board, your eyes instead focusing on sampo and the pen in his hands as he twirled it through his fingers effortlessly

-you nudged him slightly, pointing to his hand and mouthing at him "how do you do that?"

-sampo smirks, leaning in closer to you and keeping his voice at a low whisper to avoid alerting your chemistry teacher

-"so you hold the end like this..." sampo whispers to you, demonstrating with the end of his pen. you nod and try not to think about how small the pen looks compared to his fingers, fixing your grip

-"and then you hold it loose, and flick it around your thumb" sampo demonstrates it effortlessly, catching the pen in his hand and smiling at you

-you concentrate on your own, feeling his gaze against the side of your face instilling slight tremors in your hand

-you attempt the spin, watching as the pen teeters before falling and landing on your desk with a clatter

-you hear sampo snort beside you, and your teacher whips his head around and fixes the pair of you with a glare

-"am i interrupting something?" you and sampo both snapped your attention back towards your teacher as he looked at you both pointedly before continuing with his lecture

-you braved a peek at your deskmate, seeing the way his eyes were stubbornly facing forwards while a slight smirk adorned his face

-it became almost a ritual for you to attempt sampo's stupid pen trick each lesson

-it looked so simple, you didn't get how you were still struggling to do it, and your focus was pretty much anywhere except on the lesson

-sampo watched on in idle amusement at your frustration, sometimes demonstrating it to you again just to rub it in before getting elbowed by you

-besides him poking fun at you, there was also a sweeter side to sampo

-there was a day where you had forgotten to wear your contacts, and were effectively blind the entire day

-despite being nearer to the front, you couldn't even read the board when you squinted

-you ended up asking sampo to read what was on the board to you, and with an exaggerated sigh he did so, whispering the words to you in the same low voice that had the hairs on the back of your neck standing up

-"you owe me, you know," he told you jokingly, pointing at your homework

-you rolled your eyes, sliding it over to him

-"i don't know why you think that the answers will be right, but sure"

-"hey, at least you did the homework"

-uhhhh idrk how to end this SORRY

-you guys got along well and then the year finished and you weren't in the same class any more

-whenever you see him in the corridors you smile at each other though

𓆩♡𓆪 GEPARD

-he sits in the seat opposite from you in your english class

-you can't help zoning out when the lesson gets boring, and more often than not that results in you inadvertedly staring at gepard until you snap back to reality and realise that you've locked eyes with him, resulting in both of you hastily looking away with pink dusting both of your cheeks

-it's hard not to look at his handsome face, and your wandering eyes often get drawn to him against your will

-the sun hits his hair just right from the window behind him, and he looks like an angel with a halo when he's concentrating with a furrowed brow and taking notes about chaucer

-he's not too bad of a person to be sat across, in short

-you see gepard from time to time in the library, and by luck's draw, one of the only free seats in a particularly busy hour ends up being next to him

-he glances up when you place your books down, shooting you a quick smile before turning back to his own work

-you're about to put on your headphones and start revising, but you catch the faint melody of an ice spice song blasting from gepard, oblivious to the world

-it takes a lot of self control to not burst out laughing in the middle of the library, but you text this information to your friend instead while biting back a smile

-she responds after a few seconds with a link to gepard's spotify account, telling you to take a look through his playlists

-risking a glance at gepard, still heavily focusing on his work, you click on the link and begin to scroll through his account

-you find yourself growing more and more blown away by his music choice

-someone who was so serious and stoic didn't seem like the type to have one of the most insane tastes in music you've ever seen, but you liked it

-it offered you a more human side to his aloof self

-when you saw him start to subconsciously mouth the words in time with ice spice, though, that's when you snorted a little

-and when gepard looked up at you in confusion, you waved him off

-maybe you would try talk to him after class more

𓆩♡𓆪 DAN HENG

-although he doesn't share a lesson with you, dan heng actually takes the same bus to get home from school

-you have a tendency to oversleep in the mornings, so you've never had the opportunity to realise this as the buses you take arrive at school minutes before the bell

-and after school, you can leave as soon as lessons finish, and your differing timetables kept you apart as well

-but after a day at the library in school, you ended up getting a bus nearer to the end of the day rather than your usual time

-because of this, you found that most of the other students at your school were getting this first bus back, and a lot less of the seats were available

-you scanned the seats, searching for an empty spot when you got on, and you saw dan heng sat on his own, looking out the window with his earphones in

-you recognised him as a guy in your year and headed to where he sat, gripping your bag tighter for emotional support

-"could i sit here?" you spoke before realising that he probably couldn't hear you over the sound of his music, and you hesitated before tapping him on the shoulder

-his attention snapped to you before he shuffled slightly, leaving you with ample space to take a seat

-you didn't talk much, feeling self conscious of your feed as you scrolled through your phone next to dan heng, waiting for the stop where you would get your second bus

-you were lucky that you were sat closer to the aisle, and didn't have to make things more awkward by asking him to get up too

-you pressed the button to stop the bus, picking up your bag and getting off

-but to your surprise, as you looked behind you to check if it was clear to cross the road, you saw that dan heng had gotten off of the bus as well

-which wasn't too weird, really. there were plenty of other buses to take from here

-yet your suspicions were confirmed as you realised that you and dan heng were headed for the same bus, stopping in the same queue with him just behind you

-normally you would keep to yourself, but you must have been feeling extra talkative that day because you decide to strike up a conversation with him

-"so you take this bus as well?"

-dan heng nodded, taking out an earphone to better hear you as you both waited for the bus

-"yeah, in the morning too"

-"i'm guessing the early one? i always miss it because i sleep in"

-dan heng smiles and shrugs

-"maybe you should go to sleep earlier, then"

-"yeah, maybe"

-the pair of you talk a bit, and despite his appearance dan heng is actually quite fun to talk to, though he moreso tends to listen to you rant and occasionally provides some input, which seems to suit you both just fine

-come next morning, you found yourself waking up a little easier than usual, getting ready and leaving your house earlier than usual

-and as a result, you managed to catch the early bus

-you spotted his cropped dark hair almost as soon as you got on, and decided to sidle up to him again

-dan heng spotted you this time, though, and even offered you a smile as he pulled put his earphones as youvsat down next to him

-"so i'm guessing that you slept earlier, huh?"

-if it meant getting to talk to him more, you'd be in bed before it even got dark

-but he didn't have to know that

𓆩♡𓆪 JING YUAN

-he's that one guy in the year who's just universally loved, by teachers and students alike

-he's warm, he's studious, he's head boy, and he's practically everyone's friend

-it's not uncommon to see plenty of the girls in your year go up to him to try and flirt, and for others to look on in jealousy at their attempts

-and despite everyone's best efforts, jing yuan remained single

-as much as you didn't want to, you couldn't help but get a crush on him, just like every other girl in the year

-your heart beats out of your chest when you walk past him in the corridor and he gives you a smile and nod

-your knees feel weak when you see him in the library studying, his handsome face scrunched in concentration

-and though you may only be observing from afar, you're completely content with that

𓆩♡𓆪 LUOCHA

-luocha is a friend of yours that you made pretty recently

-there's a quiet charm to him that leaves you feeling at ease, and you've found it incredibly comforting to be in his presence when revising for exams

-even though he's a man of few words, he's managed to keep you as grounded as you can be during the stress of your last days of school before it's over

-it all came to an emotional headway at prom night

-you had been drinking a little, and with the night coming to an end the realisation that you wouldn't be seeing most of the people here again had you feeling teary eyed

-luocha found you on the dancefloor, pulling you towards him without a word and letting you just cling onto his suit as you both swayed in time to the slower song

-you let the soothing scent of him wash over you as you started to wind down at the end of the night, and you felt one of his gentle hands resting on your back as you began to wind your arms around his neck too

-"it was nice to know you," you mumbled to him, voice muffled by the material of his suit

-you felt luocha's grip on you tighten almost imperceptibly, a sign that he had heard you regardless

-"you can still know me" he murmured, and in your hazy state of mind you relaxed into him even further

-"that would be nice"

-as prom came to an end and after you had gotten over the air of finality, the pain from wearing your heels all night was beginning to kick in

-your car was parked a while away and while you did want to just go home, the prospect of taking another step was making you wince

-luocha was quick to notice your hesitance, and before you even said anything he was crouching down in front of you, telling you to "get on" which you gratefully did

-his warm hands wrapped securely around your thighs, supporting your weight as you told luocha where to go

-he made it to your car effortlessly, letting you down carefully and even opening your own car door for you

-you giggled at him being a gentleman as you got behind the wheel, smiling up at him with a bittersweet pang in your heart

-"thanks for everything, luocha"

-the man hesitated for a second, before returning your smile

-"any time"

-he ducked down, leaning in closer to you, and you felt yourself inhale sharply as he wrapped his arms around you, encasing you in a last embrace before you would part ways for the last time

-"keep in touch, okay?"

-"okay"

୨♡୧ honkai star rail masterlist

[vandal-flower]

Chapter 6 - Emperor and Heir

Blue Roses with Gold Lining

With his majesty's goal in mind, you continue to work in the library. However Michael's meeting with her majesty and Aurora intoduces a requirement for both your plans to succeed.

W.C: 3.4 words. (I'm so proud.)

Warnings: Mentions of children, intimacy via touch, stories on infidelity, dialogue, implied kissing.

I.¹ - II.² - III.³- IV.⁴ - V.⁵

"I want you to remain loyal to me Michael."

You gently rub his hand with your own. Silently pleading with him to fulfill your request. Your desire. In exchange of his loyalty, you'll make him an emperor. The mightiest known to man.

Michael's eyes look at you, and he then chuckles to himself. "What ever ploy you are trying to play is good, but not good enough. Consider your script rejected."

For a moment, his words caught you off guard, but you quickly compose yourself to snap back at him.

"Oh, your majesty, this isn't some ploy I'm playing just to get a head start in the competition. I mean it. Honest.", you calmly say, "Also, I don't always follow by a script, I prefer to improvise occasionally."

He gives you a look of uncertainty, unsure if what you are saying is really true.

"Your majesty, if you truly do lack faith in me, then please, do name one time that I, (Name), daughter of one of the Ministers of House Ludwig, has ever deceived you."

"Fair enough.", he replies. You possess a trait that not even his mother's court cannot get their hands on. Convincing. One could say you're manipulative to a degree.

On your first day at the palace, you were able to form a pact with him, and own your own terms and conditions. He will- he must help you in times of need. It's only fair.

You gently take his hand off your face. Had anyone seen you with the prince like this, you'll never hear the end of such gossip. The people residing in this palace have the largest ears and the loudest mouths known to man.

That is not to say that you don't enjoy such gossip while drinking your tea.

You quickly pick up the papers on the floor and hold them tightly to your chest. "Anyways in short, in order for you to become an emperor, you must help me into gaining some power in this place. Fair enough?", You explain.

"Alright then.", he mutters as he rakes his hand through his hair. You smile at how quickly he accepts your proposal, not questioning you or having any suspicions.

"Since you decided to take the initiative to approach 'Little Miss Pinkie' for me, smooth-talk your way into her confessing about her new accessories. Talk to other women too, just in case.", you remind him.

"Just in case of what?"

"Just in case, I don't get into trouble for falsely accusing someone.", you reason.

"I'm the daughter of a minister, not a princess like the others. The chances of me getting punished for minor things is higher compared to anyone in the place."

'Valid points.', he thinks. "Well then, I guess I must get to work then. I ask for a goodluck kiss before I go." , he says, as he points to his lips with his index finger.

The smirk on his face.

"No. It's unnecessary."

"I'm not leaving until you give me what I want."

You sigh in defeat. 'He's awfully stubborn for his age. It's almost concerning.', you think bringing his face closer to yours and gently plant your lips onto his, a peck on the cheek.

"Can I have one more?", he asks with a cheeky smile on his face.

"I recall that you asked for a kiss, not kisses Michael."

"Are harsh words really necessary whenever we converse alone?"

"Yes, now go do smooth talk your wives-to-be."

Before you walk out, he calls out to you. "And where will our secret meetings take place, if you want that plan of yours to succeed?"

"Meet me in the library, before evening. If you're unable to do that, I come see you myself. I hope you don't have any duties to attend at that time."

You walk out of the room and come face-to-face with Alexis. He stares at you for a moment, before giving you a look of distaste, and walking off to enter the room.

"Good afternoon, royal advisor Ness. I believe it is good courtesy to greet, don't you think so?", you turn to face him, just to see him halt his movements.

"You don't need my greetings, you are but filth in my eyes.", he snarls at you. You take notice at how dull his eyes are. You shrug it off, "Very well then. Good to know that is how you view me, dear sir. Anyway, may you enjoy your day."

You continue your way down the halls as he stands there, still in his position. You wonder to yourself if he acts like this to anyone, or just you. Either way, you couldn't care less.

Ness scoffs to himself before entering the room. 'Who does that woman think she is?', he thought to himself. He quickly puts a smile on his face for his majesty. It is protocol for royal advisors to look their best when presenting themselves to their master.

For him, it was his smile.

As soon as he entered, he saw his majesty smiling to himself. Ness wondered why. Was because his great majesty played mind games with you, like the other women or, was it because his majesty merely thinks you are a joke to him?

Michael calms himself as he notices Ness and stops smiling. Ness takes notice of this, but doesn't question it. "Your majesty, the queen has requested your presence at her chambers. She says it is something concerning your interactions with the participants.", he says.

"My interactions with the participants?", Michael questions. "Indeed your majesty.", Ness answers. "Though it is rude of me to make assumptions concerning this matter that does not need my input, however I think...", he takes a pause for a moment.

Michael's face hardens, "You think?". Ness takes a deep breath and looks away, "I think it is about future heirs, your majesty."

Michael's face becomes sour with the thought of future children. He didn't like them, but didn't hate them either. He just thought they were just...there.

It already didn't help that he has to choose a queen- empress suitable for him and his standards. But his mother was just piling more pressure onto him with the thought of children.

Though it is just as assumption made by his advisor, so there could be a chance that it could be false.

He straightens his posture, "Alright then, escort me to her." Ness smiles once again. "Of course your majesty.

"So, my dearest Michael, it seems you have been doing quite well lately. Alexis informed me about your wellbeing before I requested your presence.", the queen says, placing her teacup on the saucer ontop of the table. She then rests her hands on her lap.

"Yes, mother. I hope you are also faring well.", Michael says, drinking his own cup of tea. His mother smiles, the crinckles under eyes show how sincere her emotion is. She really is doing well. "I have, no need to worry about your mother, after all I did want to talk about your interactions with the participants."

His jaw tightens, 'The issue can't be that important.'

"What about them, surely you aren't afraid one of the participants will drop out of the competition due to my 'intolerable behaviour?"

His mother chuckles to herself. "Of course not, it's just that I want to see how you have progressed." Michael raises an eyebrow. "And if you bedded any of the girls."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. 'Damn it, Ness was right.'

He remembers about how Ness would constantly be right on his assumptions. And this one was no different.

"Mother dearest, don't you think that this conversation is too early. We are only a few months in, and here you are talking about heirs already.", Michael explains. His mother gives him a serious look and sighs to herself.

"Michael, it's for the palace's sake. If any of those girls don't produce an heir suitable for the throne, the palace will fall into pieces.", she reasons. "This is the only way for you to become a true king."

"I don't want to become a king, mother.", Michael says.

His mother becomes stunned at his words, before she could say anything, he interrupts her.

"I want to become an emperor, the greatest one known to man."

She looks at him with a puzzled look before smiling. "Very well then, but in order to do that you must listen to what I have to say." She stands up and walks up to the prince.

"I want you to bed one of those fifteen girls. In order for you to become the greatest emperor, you must have a suitable heir."

She takes his hands into hers and gently squeezes them, silently pleading with him to listen to what she has said.

"If you don't know which one you should start with, I'll choose which one is best.", her words stern and her face serious. Michael lowers his head as an attempt to not look at his mother.

"Please my son, I'm only doing this for you. Don't become a disappointment, because I know only you can be the greatest."

Michael raises his head and looks at his mother's pleading eyes. "Yes mother, I hear you. I'll do what you have to say." His mother smiles and gently places a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, my dearest."

Moments later, Michael excused himself to prepare himself to meet with one of the participants. As the door closes, the queen's most trusted servant, a middle-aged woman enters the room quietly.

"Sophia.", the queen called out to her servant. "Yes, your majesty."

"Monitor those girls for me. Bring me the ones that are most beautiful, and most importantly..."

"Suitable enough to produce an heir."

Sophia looked at the queen with surprise, "Your majesty, forgive me for asking but, isn't it too early for such things?"

The queen smiled at her servant, "I'm merely doing it for my son, he wishes to become an emperor. These girls didn't come here to just have the 'princess treatment' for free."

Her smile grew wider, "They have to work for it Sophia, and I'm making them work for it. Even if it means making them drop out of the competition."

Sophia titled her head to the side in confusion. "And what do you mean by that, your majesty?" The queen laughed to herself loudly, catching her servant off guard.

"You ask ridiculous questions, Sophia.", she answers. "I'll simply root them like the flowers in my garden. Once I see any of their petals wilt or slight change in their behaviour, I'll simply get rid of them."

"I only want flowers that are absolutely perfect for my son."

Sophia smiled to herself as she heard the queen's explanation. "Indeed your majesty, only the best is suitable for his majesty."

In the garden, sat Michael and Aurora of the Palace of Cecil, infamous for her lavish lifestyle. She wore jewelry and a tight fitting dress, intended to show her curves as an attempt to seduce the prince.

"Your majesty, it's a great honor to be in your presence once again. I had thought I would never had the opportunity to see you again, but you managed to lift my hopes.", she looked at him with an adoring look. Michael smiled at the praise he was given.

"Of course my dear, I would never leave you all alone by yourself.", Michael starts. "I missed you with all my heart, my dearest.", he gently rubs her cheek, causing her cheeks to become a tint of pink.

She giggles at the attention given to her. "You know how to make a princess swoon for you, your majesty!", she says with excitement. Michael smiles to himself.

Aurora twirls a piece of her hair,"So if I may ask your majesty, where is Alexis? It's strange not seeing him with you.", she looks over to him with a pout. He is surprised but questions her,"Why would you want to know?"

Aurora giggles in response, unaware this irritated the prince. He noticed this was a habit of hers, to annoyingly giggle at an inquiry she wishes not answer.

"Anyways.", the prince starts,"I would like to ask where you get such beautiful dresses and accessories. I believe they greatly suit you."

Michael gives her a gentle smile, waiting for her to answer and potentially give up some information concerning the suspicious increase of taxes.

"Oh these, they're just some gifts my parents sent from home. I hope one of these days we could visit my homeland.", she says. Her smile falters a bit.

He smiles.

"So, if I may ask, what were you doing when I wasn't around?" Aurora giggled nervously, fidgeting with her hands. "I was...well. I was thinking about you, your majesty."

Michael looks at her with disappointment. "Aurora, do you recall the words I told the participants those few months ago?" She hesitantly nods. "You do know I refer to you as well." His tone becoming darker with every word he spoke.

"I instructed you to either show me your affections, or become someone of great use to me. And yet..."

"You decide not to pick any one of the options I gave you. You decided to waste my time."

She stands up in shock at his words, her nails stinging her palm. "How could you think of me that way?!"

She stared at the prince with anger, before realizing what she has done and sitting herself back down. She yelled at the prince. She caused a scene. If anyone were to see what had happened, rumors would spread like wildfire.

Suddenly, she puts a gentle smile on her face. "Forgive me your majesty for my outburst, I didn't know how to react when you said such hurtful words to me." She pouts as a way to soften his heart, but unknowingly fails to do so.

Michael quirks a brow at her act, but decides to brush it off and forgive her, reluctantly. Her pout is replaced with a smile as she fixes her dress and her hair.

With him reaching a near dead end, Michael decides to make a final move.

"Why don't you come to my chambers, alone."

Aurora is shocked at the invitation and deducts that not only could this be a great opportunity to surpass her competitors, but also as a way to gain an advantage of potentially producing an heir before anyone else.

"I would love to, your majesty.", as she reached her hand out for him to escort her, personally.

You awaken from your nap in the library, you then stretch your arms before folding them. Your eyes slowly adjust to your surroundings, looking at the wooden shelves filled with books from top to bottom.

'I've never seen Michael read a book ever since I came here.', you wonder. It's a mystery to you on why this place has a whole library, but you have seen no one enter the place.

Other than the maids coming to dust the area thoroughly, but that doesn't matter. You should focus on more important things. For instance, where is Michael?

You take a look at the sky through the window. It's past evening. The two of you were supposed to meet before then. You blame yourself for dozing off, when trying to learn about the royal etiquette. The book you read was big enough to be used as a murder weapon.

You hastily walk out of the library, to go meet with him. 'He probably did this on purpose, making me work like a mad woman. Though it is my fault for not keeping track of time.'

When you reach the doors to his chambers, you knock on the door to check if he's available.

You hear a few whispers, not audible enough for you to make out what their saying. "Enter.", but you hear someone whisper to someone, to not let you enter.

Taking in a deep breath, you enter.

The scene before you was Michael and Aurora holding each other in their arms. Her palms resting on his chest and his hands on the sides of her hips.

They both look disheveled. You saw smudges of pink lipstick trailing from his lips to his neck and his collar unbuttoned and wrinkled, while her sleeves lower than they were before.

The smile on Michael's face was mocking and the flushed cheeks of Aurora was almost identical to her hair. As well as the pink smudged lipstick on her lips.

To witness such a thing before you. It hurts. You've read stories on women who've caught their husband in the act of an affair, but acted as if it never happened.

You've eavesdropped on your mother and the other ministers' wives conversations a few times before. According to your mother, one woman found her husband in bed with another, but only asked for what he wanted for dinner.

It's quite devastating when you think about it. But that doesn't matter. You're dealing with a prince who's love and affections could be given to all, but is not truly genuine.

You should care less.

"I sincerely apologize for interrupting your time with his majesty, however I am need of his assistance." Aurora gave you look of disdain, upset about how you barged into the room of them cuddling together.

The nonchalance in your voice does not help either.

"What is that you need his majesty's assistance with, you can clearly see that I'm still having my time with him.", she breaks away from his hold and stands in front of you.

"I can understand why you are upset about me barging in, however his majesty has a meeting with me. So, please excuse us."

You gestured to Michael so the both you could go, and he nods.

"Lady (Name) is right, you should get going. You've spent more than enough time with me.", he takes a napkin out of his pocket and wipes his face. "We'll continue this later."

"But your majesty-"

"Get going now, or are you incapable of escorting yourself out?"

With no other option, Aurora leaves, but with a sour look on her face directed to you. You could almost see tears coming from her eyes, you almost felt bad for her.

Key word, almost.

You waited to hear the sound of her footsteps to diminish. You sigh to yourself and look over to Michael. The smile on his face.

"So, did you get anything from her?", you started. He looked at you, fixing his collar and wiping the lipstick stains.

"Why, but of course. At first, she claimed her parents sent her gifts, but with a kiss or two, she confessed to the tax increase."

"Did she ever explain why she did all this?"

He gave you a side eye before continuing , "Apparently to gain more of my attention, it's a habit of hers to seek the attention of every person around her. Friend or foe."

He chuckled at the look on your face. You were...disappointment. The sympathy you had for her died when you heard the reason why of the sudden tax increase.

"How did she manage to do this? Surely, she couldn't have done it by herself.", you questioned.

"She asked her majesty. My mother."

Pardon. He saw how confused you are, with your mouth agape and your brows raised.

"I suspect my mother has given her permission to do whatever she wants in order to get my attention.", he says.

"Wouldn't that be an unfair advantage, what about the rest of participants?", you were confused. Did her majesty really not care of what the public thought of her?

"It would only be unfair if I fell for it, after all I'm not all that interested with anyone at the moment.", he smiled mischievously.

For some odd reason, you were relieved when he said those words. "Why are you so relieved at this fact? I thought you already knew I'm not interested into such women.", he started.

You shot him an irritated look, "Then do explain the lively scene I saw moments before. Was it to rile her on, to play with her, to bed her, your majesty?"

He stated clapping at you, as if saying 'Precisely the point.' To say it felt humiliating would be an understatement. But you didn't know why.

You took a deep breath.

"Would it be wrong for I to assume that her majesty, requested an heir from you?"

His form became still as if he had been turned to stone. "If that is the case then..."

You straightened your posture.

"Would you do the honor, of making me the first woman to carry your child."

In order for Michael Kaiser to become an emperor, he needs to have heir.

Taglist.

@lightoftheamethyst , @kimura-uzuri , @kascar-chronicle , @faaariiii-world , @comet-kun , @nerdiel-has-no-braincells , @ariachaos , @kaisers-wife , @v1viarisu , @sleepyharuu , @izayumi-chan , @tamashiiraiden.

Hi.

[thewertsearch]

TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody EB: daves, plural? TG: yeah

Time sounds like a cool aspect, but Homestuck's time travelers have to contend with some pretty brutal restrictions. Marty McFly had a tough job, trying to fix his timeline - but if you break a timeline in Homestuck, you can't un-doom it. You're screwed.

TG: thats how stable time loops work shit takes a lot of planning and precise choreography TG: ive got some help though EB: help? EB: sounds like you have been talkin' to some trolls! TG: yeah

It could be Terezi, but this isn't her Aspect. Has Aradia finally decided to make a move?

EB: so what is the future like? [...] TG: oh you know TG: noirs outta control TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre TG: well youre you

As expected, Dave is trying to avoid spoilers, and none of this is really new information.

...that said, I'm noting that Dave paused very slightly before mentioning John. We've been worried about Rose and Jade for a while now, but maybe they're not the only ones we need to keep an eye on.

We don't yet know his role in the Scratch plan, except that it's a pivotal one. What's he doing on LOHAC, right before the end?

EB: i have a whole boonbuck now. [...] EB: tell me what you want with it! TG: im working the system here TG: using time loops to manipulate the incipispheres financial sector TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohacse EB: lohacse? TG: lohac stock exchange

Oh my god, is this his Quest?

That's too perfect. This sounds like the kind of quest Dave would design himself, if you told him to craft a Time-themed Sburb objective.

EB: your unpleasant face is what kicks ass!

"Your face kicks ass!" - John Egbert, known heterosexual.

TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck

I wonder - does Dave know the meme he stole from Terezi originally came from himself? Even now, he's still inheriting resources from Future Dave.

TG: dont do the vriska thing ok TG: shes messed up we talked about this TG: or will talk

I was initially confused about why Dave would tell John not to do something - after all, if John is going to do it in the Alpha, Dave can't stop him.

But maybe the Alpha required Dave to warn John, knowing he'll be ignored. :(

[anime-grimmy]

Trigun hyperfixation has an iron grip on me and I desperately need to get my head to think of something else. Especially cos I crave so much for good stories but to my suprise, a lot of (vashmeryl) fanfics I read are extremely samey, especially the post-anime ones.

That being said, while reading, I was actually suprised to see a few scenarios or themes never explored? So I thought, since I can't get my brain to focus anyways, might as well drop some vashmerly hcs and prompts.

the one I'm most suprised has not been explored at all is Meryl and Milly trying to teach Vash how to actually talk/flirt with women. I still dunno how Vash came to be known as a womamizer in the og anime cos he is abyssmal when it comes to flirting. So, after an especially embarassing rejection, Meryl picks a fight with Vash as usual and he's all like "yeah, then you show me how it's done." Not one to chicken out on a competition (and with avid encouragement by Milly) they set up a fake date. I can totally see it going really funny, Meryl trying her darn hardest to act like an actually interested date but can't help herself from cringing and and scoffing at how stupid Vash' approaches are. So basically, it would be a mix of silly flirting and a lot of bantering. By the end Meryl admits that he's not half bad if he just turns down the goofiness a bit, mentioning if he just ties up the night nicely he might even score a second date (she means in general, not realizing that it sounds like she's implying a date with her). Cue Vash doing the only smooth move in his life and stealing a goodnight kiss, asking "well, did it work?"

less of a prompt or headcanon, but in all the scar-centric fics Ive read, not once is it mentioned how Vash has a literal cage over his heart? Ive always loved this little design aspect, since it so obviously shows Vash fortifying his heart and keeping everyone out. I can also see Meryl being all smug like "well, im small and nimble, and the spaces between the bars are wide, I can easily slip through"

another funny thought about the metal grids on his body would be them cuddling but Meryl's hair gets caught on the metal and now they have to akwardly maneuver out of this situation

Meryl uses any and all situations to be taller than Vash. Since she is so much smaller than him, she usually stands when he sits, especially when they argue, tries to be just a few stairs above him or walks a few more steps up a slop so she can peer down on him. Not that her presence isn't big enough already, but she for sure tries her hardest to assert dominance.

To her dismay, Vash likes to use this moments to pick her up. I dunno why, but since Meryl is so small I can see Vash just enjoying it to pick her up and twirl her around. Lugging her around like a pretty looking sack of potatoes.

Vash is a human pretzel. He will contort his body in ways to hug as much of Meryl as possible.

Meryl becomes incredibly good at ignoring Vash if she needs to work. She could be sitting at her typewriter, only noticing Vash has her in a vice grip when Milly asks if she isn't distracted.

Despite how spiky it looks, Vash' hair is actually pretty soft and fluffy, and once Meryl finds out she uses any opportunity to run her fingers through it. Vash doesn't mind cos he totally digs the head scratches (humanoid typhoon? more like humanoid doggo)

when traveling together, they usually share a thomas cos Vash can't ride for shit. Vash likes to be dramatic and complain about it (cos he's a big boy thank you very much) but he can't deny that he wholly enjoys being cuddled up behind Meryl for hours on end.

Welp, just some food for thought cos my brain is in Trigun overdrive. These are specifically based on the 98 versions of them but I have a whole lot for Stampede as well haha

[were--ralph]

Isn't it short-sighted to argue "this form of microtransaction is okay, actually?" we've seen historically that the gaming industry will start with more justifiable microtransactions and then begin taking the piss, and by accepting that fast-travel is now a thing which can be incorporated into the sphere of michael transactions it's only a matter of time before they use acceptance of DD2 as justification to crowbar something worse in. Hell, capcom specifically have been known to add more monetisation into their games post-launch (hello Re4r!) and it'd be way easier and less-noticable for them to fuck with drop rates to pressure people invested in the game to pay up than for them to add the monetisation wholecloth! There is a situation here where, even accepting that as-is it's not predatory it can very easily be made predatory for money and capcom has incntives to do so.

To be clear, I'm not asking you to formally denounce the entirety of DD2, I've really enjoyed how much you like it! I think it's good when people enjoy art, I just also think video games are being enshittified and DD2 is very well-placed to both enshittify itself and the industry as a whole; having that conversation while acknowledging it's a good game is useful for everyone.

that's just the argument for anything though? Like. any aspect of a video game can be enticed through microtransactions. fast travel, cosmetics, drop rates, gear. it can all be used as a way to drive more sales via microtransactions, I'm personally saying this is a much more tepid exploration of it. Like. you're not very enticed to pay for these things you obtain regularly but also have no context for early on.

in general I don't like this like "in the future this can be a problem" angle because it serves the same function of saying "if" in a debate; it sets a precedent that is always favored by the person who presented it. its basically saying "well if X happens then Y will happen as a result" where X is a situation presented specifically to make Y the outcome. "if this is successful, then it will prove marketable for the future". like yeah. at the end of the day capcom is a business and their priority is making money, however shitty it may be, and they're going to try to make money however they can without doing something that is an overall detriment to the game, at least in a way that hurts sales.

for a 70 dollar game yeah 15 extra dollars on top of that is like. gross. i get that and i agree with that. but this is hardly the first or last time it will happen and in a like. hardly viable way i feel? like. Microtransactions are just not going anywhere ever. they've been introduced and will stay in the game forever. this just seems like one of the least harmful ways ive seen it utilized.

I have my issues with this game yeah but like. being 35 hours into the game, my perspective is: i was never enticed to buy the dlc because 1 i didn't know what items they were in the early game and 2 once i got far enough into the game to have context for the items i didnt feel it was worth the buy. there will always be people who buy dlc at first jump and that's their prerogative they do what they want. my issue is people treating this like its the most egregious use of microtransactions in the last decade are absurd.

[cum-villain]

it’s me. a hate anon. i’m being incredibly annoying about my take on fictional characters.

anyways who is a*am or whatever i want all the tea

lol oh buddy you have no idea. its been so many years of bullshit and, granted, its been a while since ive been in the trenches, but i have ALL the tea to spill. okay, so,

Sk8 the Infinity was a shounen sports anime that aired in early 2021, January to April. It followed the protagonist Reki Kyan, a 3rd-year in high school who was a skater. But this isn't just an anime about skateboarding. The grand majority of the skating took place at "S", an illegal skating course in an abandoned mine. The important races are "beefs", and there are no rules to beefs; you can injure your opponent in any way, and there's no consequences.

Some other relevant characters are: Langa Hasegawa, nicknamed SNOW, the deuteragonist; Ainosuke Shindo, ADAM, the antagonist; Tadashi Kikuchi, supporting character. Not sure whether to place him as an antagonist or protag, he kinda straddles the line.

The thing about ADAM is that he's the subversion of an all-too well known anime trope: Pedophile villain. See, while he does not in fact have those feelings towards minors in the show, he. Is very complicated. He has a whole thing where he thinks love is a good thing but also pain, because his aunts beat him and said it was because they love him and he believed them. He's also still grappling with the trauma of being "betrayed" by his childhood friend, Tadashi.

He's trying to find the EVE to his ADAM, because he hurts from being betrayed by the person he cares for most, but in reality, what he really wants is Tadashi back. But he's confused, and thinks that wanting to hurt someone means loving them. So he doesn't know what love feels like. If he thinks he "loves" himself, he hates himself and wants to hurt himself. Which. He kinda does try to kill himself sort of in the finale. It's a whole thing.

(Notice how I put "betrayed" in quotes. If you read scum villain, its a similar situation as with QiJiu. One party wanted to protect the other and failed, so they stay silent and do all they can for that person out of guilt. The other thinks the other really did betray them, and is hurt that that person is so much colder now, that the other person doesnt love them anymore.)

So, anyways. Adam is confused about what love is, and his arc in the first season was learning to not "love" people the way he does, and to accept care, even if he doesn't know it's love. When he reconciled with Tadashi in the final episode, he said "You'll be my dog for the rest of our lives", and I and everyone else in the Tadaai fandom understood he said that because 1. kinky fuckers lol 2. more relevantly, saying he loves Tadashi would be a red flag, because his definition of love is completely warped. Regardless of how he said it, the "be mine forever" was the important part. And Tadashi understood.

But most of what I'm referencing happened in the later episodes. Like I said, he was a subversion, which means that first he had to be slotted into the role before undoing it. Now I bring up The Langa Thing.

Langa was half-Canadian, and grew up in Canada. But when his father died, his mother took him back to Japan so she would have family around her in her grief. He ended up in Reki's class, and the two quickly became friends.

Reki taught Langa how to skate, but because Langa snowboarded since he was 2, he picked it up rather quickly, and even showed extreme talent. This extreme talent caught the eye of most of the skaters at S, and he earned the moniker "Snow". It also made the founder of S notice him. And that founder is Ainosuke Shindo, Adam.

Remember how I said he's trying to find his EVE? He thinks he wants an equal in skating, his only escape from his suffocating life, but he really wants Tadashi back. But he sees this genius in skating, and really is excited to skate with someone new. But he doesn't recognize it for just that, he thinks he found his "Eve". There's plenty of things he does, calling Langa "Langa-kun", being very excited to skate with Langa, giving him a bouquet of roses at one point (though one would argue that it's perfectly in line with his dramatics, hes essentially a drag king whose show is skateboarding).

All in all, there's a lot of suggestions he's attracted to Langa, but later episodes disprove that. There were other sketchy things (him saying to a middle schooler "I'll love you when you're older", but this was in reference to skateboarding, and by his definition of love, he means "yea you're too young for me to beat the crap out of you kid". Which is a perfectly normal sentiment, he just has an extremely weird way of saying it.) But... here's the thing.

There were weekly episodes.

Meaning: People pegged him as a "pedophile anime villain" type for months before his true nature was revealed. And when that evidence showed, people weren't inclined to believe it. People also thought he was Tadashi's abuser before the true nature of their relationship was revealed.

So, Adam isn't a pedophile. His relationship with Tadashi is rough, but Tadashi has full autonomy and chooses to be a part of it, and they're getting better. Adam is weird, sure, but he has reason to be that way. But the fandom lacks reading comprehension and hates to be proven wrong. So, people still think of him as a pedophilic abuser.

And like. I harken from ye olden days of Black Butler, okay. I'm not exactly put off by edenshippers (adam x langa). But for gods sake the show disproved it. Why are y'all acting like this.

So. Being known as an Adam fan is a one-way ticket to getting a bunch of harassment. Was back then, apparently still is now. I can't wait for season 2 to prove these assholes wrong.

sorry for the essay sprung on you bestie

[samwearsreebok]

Sam x Leah

Forewarning: I wrote this while drunk and in my feels about Sam and leahs breakup. Its pretty much gibberish

I was still trying to sort out what to do when I heard the most beautiful voice ever, "sir, are you ok?"

I turned around to see my gorgeous girl staring at me with concern in her eyes, as if she'd never seen anyone so torn apart before. She probably hadn't. In fact, I bet no one had ever looked like this to her before. Her long dark hair flowed down past her shoulders and covered half of her face. She was so beautiful. The way the light caught in her locks made them look almost luminescent. She wore a white dress shirt, tie, slacks, and high heels that matched the occasion perfectly. I almost forgot this was my engagement party. Leah could hold a candle to any woman's beauty.

"Hey honey" leah said as she walked over to us.

"Hi" I managed between breaths. I gave her a weak smile.

She smiled back, but it wasn't quite genuine.

"Let me help you up sir," emily but in putting her hand under my arm. "So you must be Sam, leah wasn't exaggeration, you are beutiful!" She enthused.

"Thanks, you're pretty cute yourself," I muttered as I got to my feet. My knees were still shaking from the shock. I took a deep breath and tried to get myself together.

"Are you okay, Sammy?" Leah asked it must be obvious how weird I felt. Like my whole world just turned inside out. I couldn't figure out why.

It was like when I'd first seen Leah and she was dressed up for the prom. Except then I knew her and was interested, or at least attracted to her. But now...now I didn't know what to think anymore. I think this officially made me worse than my father.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, uhm...thanks." I replied nervously. Leah just stared at me, not sure what to say. I'd been acting really strange since i first turned, i knew that much. Becoming a werewolf then keeping it a secret from everyone isn't the easiest thing. Especially not when everyone is watching you, waiting for you to go crazy again and need to be but away. So I could understand her confusion. I hoped emily wouldnynpick up on her confusion.

Emily broke the silence finally, "i hope we can be friends"

"Sure," I replied, trying my best to sound normal. It wasn't easy. "I don't have many friends in this town. I feel kinda left out at the moment."

"That's sad," she said sadly as she looked into my eyes.

I turned and started walking towards the kitchen, hoping they'd make me some food. My stomach was growling loudly. I'd not eaten anything all day. All morning I'd been too nervous, then I'd gotten sick. I wasn't sure I could eat at all right now.

Leah grabbed my arm, stopping me before I got far. "Sam, are you sure you're alright? You seem kind of..." I watched as her words trailed off.

"What?" I asked.

"You know," she said hesitantly, "a little bit, um...well, different."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did i scare you?" I asked outraged.

"No! No, Sam, not at all. It's just...well you know," she stammered.

I sighed, "yes, I do know. I thought we were supposed to be moving on from this." I rushed. "Every time I have to talk about this I go back to square one." I could feel the tears forming. Just talking about it made me want to cry.

"I know, I'm sorry," she said sympathetically. "But it's good to have someone to talk to who knows what you're going through."

"Thanks," I said with a nod. "Sorry I lashed out, it's just,"

"Hard." She finished for me. "We all have to deal with it in our own ways, Sam. If it helps I'll tell you the truth, ive never seen someone phase before, " she paused, "but I wish I had been with you, it would make things easier."

"You know I'm a werewolf?" I couldn't believe she knew. I thought we were talking about my mental health.

"Yes, I've known since last year," she said calmly. "My mother told me about the story's."

"Your mother knew?" I blurted out, shocked.

"Of course she did," she nodded. "It's the tribs history, only a few people go though it. We keep it quiet, we don't want to risk your safety."

"You mean I could have talked to you about it?" I gasped.

"Maybe, if you wanted to," she shrugged. "But I'm not sure you would have."

"True, I might not have," I admitted. "I just didn't know you knew."

"How did you find out?" she asked curiously.

"Only once a changed did I believe it." I answered honestly. "I spent a week in the woods alone after I first became a werewolf. Then I came back and people started treating me differently. I was paranoid, terrified someone would see me change and think I'd lost it like the rest of my family. So I kept it a secret. Obviously the elders knew and told me I had to protect our people. So I did."

"I can understand that," she said sympathetically. "I'm glad my mom told me, it makes everything easier. I feel like less of an outsider knowing I'm part of something bigger. I just hope it doesn't get you in trouble."

"Hopefully not," I agreed. "Do you mind if we keep this between us?"

"Not at all," she smiled reassuringly. "I promise."

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I've been hiding it from everyone."

"Like you said, it's hard for everyone to talk about," she nodded. "But I think it's important to know you're still human."

I sighed, "you might be right."

"So, you've been seeing each other a while now?" Emily asked as she enteredthe room. I was happy to talk about Leah. "I haven't seen her since the prom. Have you been dating long?"

"A couple months," I said with a shrug.

"That's not bad," she said. "You've been through a lot in a short amount of time. I'm glad you've found someone who cares about you. Do you two always stay together during these changes?"

"Most of the time," I said vaguely. I didn't want to get into it. "I'm going to go get some food. See if i can convince my stomach to eat."

"Alright, well, if you need anything let me know," she told me.

"I will," I replied as I headed for the kitchen.

[elio-monroe]

sad

it sucks i dont know when i'll get therapy again so just kinda putting something here so i remember it later i guess. im really struggling right now with writing cherries. and its for a dumb reason. i just can't stop thinking about how im writing all of this, how i've been writing all this for four years. and how im putting all this editing in to it and when im done... thats it. i'll close the document and never look at it again. hardly any of my friends will actually read it, bc its nearly 90k words and im not a published author so they aren't going to want to spend that much time on it. and like thats fine, im not going to throw a fit and force people to do something they don't want to do.

but at the same time how am i suppose to be happy with it when it done. i'll have written this massive thing that i'm so passionate about and well thats it. i keep thinking about how i could say ive finished the edits and its done today. that would be a lie but its the same outcome even if it was true. id say its done and then it would sit and no one would read it or even say a single word about it.

and i guess what im suppose to say is that i'd be happy i wrote something. say that im happy i made art even though no one is looking or paying attention. and im a dick if im upset about the lack of attention.

it just sucks so much. i hate feeling this way. i've worked really really hard to not care if my friends like my drawings or not, i don't care if people don't like my films or want to watch them. but i always get sad about my writing and i hate it because it just makes me a huge dick. like why can't i get over myself? im not even a good writer. im bad at drawing, im bad at filming, and im bad at writing yet i get really really upset at the reality that no one will read my stuff.

i just want this solved. i want my brain to work so that way when i finish cherries and close the tab for the final time i won't be a mess.

and trust me i've tried to stop writing and i just can't. idk if anyone knows how to like force yourself to stop writing my all ears. because honestly its so frustrating to be like this! i'm a nobody!! my life doesn't matter in the slightest and my impact on people's life is equivalent to a fly in their house. i'm so fucking good at being a nobody yet my big ass ego won't let me rest with writing! if i could grind myself down more i would! in fact im trying every day to be less and less!

please brain just give up and let me write in peace. stop tempting me with this idea that "people will really like this one!" no they won't! its pointless to even think about it because you know i'm not making this for an audience. i never wanted to be published. i never want to be known. i just want to make my stuff while no one ever looks at me because if they look at me thats bad. i've done something bad. if anyone even reads cherries that isn't me its because i forced them and thats bad so no one can fucking read it.

[sentientgopro]

Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

[auxfem]

ok heres the thing that's driving me a little insane: two of my siblings are firm believers of gender identity ideology and they are both in their mid to late twenties. as if that's not bad enough, my sister has recently said she's nonbinary. this was not a shock to hear because she has a couple things with the nonbinary flag on them that she hasn't bothered to hide; I figured it was only a matter of time before she said something about it. it really irks me though, as anyone on radblr can imagine. ive always been closer with this sister than our other sister, so for her to declare she's nonbinary, it feels like she's trying to erase the bond that we've had as sisters. especially considering how the two of us together contrast with the other women in our family. I'm a lesbian and she's bi; our other sister and our mom is straight, the two of us quit the religion we were raised in; our mom and our sister are still devoted members. it feels like I'm being shunted off into the side of the family that's not progressive. my mom and my oldest sister are the only ones in the family who are still part of the religion we were raised in (there's also my dad, but he is a PIECE OF WORK that I'm not getting into rn). us siblings who have left the church have had extensive discussions amongst ourselves about how fucked up the church is and how much we hate it and we complain quite a bit about our mother's involvement in it. we never really talk about how we feel about our other sister still being involved in it but we all know it's weird she's still part of it too. there's also the different dynamics in that she's our sister and our mother is, well, our mother. so we all know that they are willingly part of this organization that is regressive, and that's... honestly it's fine, our mother is and always will be how she is, and we know our sister has a good heart and tries to be a better kind of Christian. so for a while we had this dynamic of the women in my family: the two youngest daughters who realized for themselves that religion is not for them, in part because of who they can't help but be, and the mom and the oldest daughter who realized for themselves that they want to continue to be mormons, and we know this about each other, and we still love each other. it was equal, two and two. plus another two: my brothers. so if my sister is nonbinary, what does that make it?now the majority of the women are the unprogressive cultists, and on the non-women side, there's the progressives. oh whoops, there's also me, the ONE woman who isn't part of the misogynistic, homophobic, psychologically abusive religious cult. i also suspect that my "nonbinary" sister and older brother are suspicious that I hold "TERFy" beliefs, so can you see how it feels like I'm going to be shunted into the "not progressive/Bad Woman" section of the family? especially since my mom and oldest sister are just going along with how they've been raised and what they've known their whole lives, whereas I should know better because I got out, I see the other side, I know how awful it was is being oppressed as a woman and a lesbian. so then what will they think of me if I tell my sister what I really think of her being "nonbinary" if they believe in the TERF boogeyman?

[hematomes]

Okay, so I need some help... I'm trying to learn how comp works (you know how it be lmao) and I wanna know if I'm correct in what I'm getting at with Haith.

So, using his E makes his attacks Dendro based as long as he has one little mirror. It mentions that this "cannot be overridden" so Benny has merit as a support even at C6. This Dendro damage will scale with EM, so I need to focus on that for Haith, along with the typical. Since his E turns his attacks Dendro, I should also probably focus a bit on ER so I can use it more often? Or is that CD? Also with the typical Crits. Using HoD, I should probably keep Zhongli on here (does his RES shred help with using Haith's attacks as Dendro?). I don't think I can utilize him in a Burgeon or Hyperbloom team since his Dendro mirrors disappear if he's off field. I could potentially use him as the general DPS of a Hyperbloom if I replace my Zhongli with Kokomi and keep Dendro Traveler and Fischl (or switch Fischl for Shinobu).

This comp stuff is hard how do you do it??

HIII i got so excited yesterday bc it's been a while since i talked in-depth abt theorycrafting and im so pumped you're not only looking into it but turning to me for help AVSJZB

anyway let's get into it!!!! just note that since i don't have al-haitham and never intended to pull for him, most of what i know is from some guides i read just now so idk if it'll be 100% accurate

"Benny has merit as a support even at c6" while it's technically true bc as you said al-haitham's infusion cannot be overridden, i would avoid using bennett in most dendro comps (except burgeon, but even then thoma is a better option). burning is a weird reaction zbdjzj but that's mostly personal feelings

"Since his E turns his attacks dendro, I should probably focus a bit on ER" nope!! well, you should still get a little er% for him, but it's unrelated to his elemental skill/E. energy recharge is only for the elemental burst/Q, the E is what allows you to get particles to recharge said Q. like you said, E is only "impacted" by the cooldown/CD and you can't really change that (except with sac sword and anemo resonance but that won't be a thing with al-haitham)

zhongli's shield resistance shred does work! it works on every enemy as far as i know, and with every known element

SO from what ive seen, al-haitham's best teams are hyperbloom, which isn't surprising bc this reaction is honestly cracked. like you mentioned, kuki/kokomi/dmc is probably your best shot at it, and al-haitham is a great enabler so on-field with his dendro normal attacks to apply dendro!!! while the rest apply their elements off-field

however he also works in more classic spread team (im assuming zhongli/fischl/dmc, which is ironically my cyno team). but burgeon is actually also an option, with thoma and kokomi for example!! any bloom-based reaction is good with him

the only thing you need to keep in mind is, depending on the team, you'll need different stats. hyperbloom, bloom and burgeon rely entirely on elemental mastery and al-haitham will be the trigger so that means em/em/em build, while spread dps will need em/dendro/crit build. crit is still good in bloom-based teams bc he still needs to do dmg with his normal attacks etc, but you'll look for it with the weapon & the substats rather than main stats!!!

FINALLY yes the team comp stuff is rly hard and it took me several months to get by, but it's really worth it bc now i can 36* the abyss more or less easily AND i can help other ppl do the same with their roster, even if i don't have the same characters. plus i can infodump abt theorycrafting and team building and artifact farming and that gives me sm serotonin i think it's pathological at this point

[jazzmckay]

today, i finished playing dragon age: origins for the very first time :> it turns out, ive played this series completely in reverse! i did try dao years ago before i picked up dai, but it kept crashing my computer and i gave up. and now, finally... all this time later... i got to play it!

my warden: yenna tabris

she's a rogue, and i did archery more than 2-handed, but dabbled plenty in both. had a good time with the combat style. i romanced zevran. i already loved him based on other game appearances, fanfic etc. but i fell even more in love with him. my main party was alistair, zevran, and wynne, or shale, zevran, and wynne. i really enjoyed getting to know all the companions properly, though, and wish i could have switched it up more. i simply cannot survive without wynne's heals and have a hard time keeping my warriors on their feet, other than shale. ah well

i'm officially on team loghain as a problematic fave. a BUNCH of characters really surprised me with how much i got into them. anora i did expect to enjoy, but not get feral over. i understand morrigan a lot better now. i liked wynne more than i expected to. and oghren stole the damn show. oghren defense squad. this series has so many fascinating, complex characters.

summary of my choices

killed that prick vaughan. city elf origin is brutal and set a whole tone for yenna being perfectly prepared to solve problems with violence when she thinks the situation calls for it

went to redcliffe first, post-lothering. i let jowan use isolde's blood to save connor. if i'd known there wasn't an invisible time limit, i would have gone to the circle so no one had to die, but it seemed like a situation better resolved fast. in my defense, i've played the first two fallout games, which have time-based game overs and i got my whole crew killed in my first mass effect 2 playthrough because i didn't go into the endgame fast enough. i have video game trauma around hidden time limits, okay? that said, i don't regret my choice. i got to play as morrigan confronting the demon in the fade, and it created interesting tension with alistair

circle tower next. sided with the mages, if it can really be called that. it didn't feel like much of a big, dichotomous decision to me, just doing the best that can be done for everyone. zevran's nightmare made me want to hug him. i am one of those weird fade-enjoyers, for the record. i liked it the first time around, as this was the only post-lothering main quest i got to, and i liked it even more on round two

the dalish! very interesting area and storyline. i got lost and confused a lot during this part but i still had a good time, even when it felt like i was running back and forth and in circles sometimes. i got the "best" ending of curse lifted, everyone else alive. it was a really lovely, bittersweet story. the lady of the forest is hot. would

orzammar was also a very cool area. it felt so big. i sided with bhelen while feeling like i didnt know nearly enough about either king candidates to be making such a huge decision. he's a character i expected to not like based on what i've heard though and ended up liking him just fine. we'll see if that changes when i try the dwarf noble origin. i destroyed the anvil of the void. branka is a really fascinating character; i might end up writing meta about her if i can gather the spoons

everything in denerim once you gather for the landsmeet is SO FUN. sometimes fucked up, but that's all good with me. rescue mission for anora while not knowing if she can be trusted yet... getting tossed in a cell with alistair, both of us in only our underwear, smh. zevran and wynne to the rescue! i plan to reload a save and go over more of the combos for who can rescue you, theyre so good. and then everything in the alienage... as if the origin isn't bad enough. when will the denerim alienage catch a damn break? this was one of the points of the game when yenna was at her angriest. her temper has a short fuse normally, and on that day, it had no fuse at all

and the landsmeet. i admit i had to make the choice to reload after my first try. i was trying to make choices my character would make, even if they have consequences, and enjoy whichever story i got, but the first time around, my impulse decision-making led to the worst ending for alistair which i find way too tragic and upsetting. couldn't let that stand. original choices were: yenna 1v1'd loghain -> yenna accepted loghain's surrender and agreed to making him a warden -> alistair, who wasn't hardened, refused to stay with the wardens or marry anora -> yenna chose solo queen anora over solo king alistair -> alistair had to leave. ouch! second time around, i did execute loghain, so alistair and anora married, even if he was Not happy about it

i have soooo many feelings about all the possible outcomes and how it impacts the relationship between the warden, alistair, anora, and loghain. i couldn't go with alistair's life being ruined but so many of the other options are incredibly full of angsty tension and interesting dynamics

i had morrigan and alistair make a god baby. at this point, yenna is feeling pretty fucking bad about asking SO much of alistair

the ending of the game is actually incredible. getting to have pre-battle moments with all the companions, getting at least one section of the WHOLE party fighting side by side, amazing. this is something i find lacking in dai. both dao and da2 reward you for recruiting everyone, keeping everyone, and making additional allies for the final fight, and i adore that. i wish i could have had a full-party moment in dai too. the whole battle was intense and fun, and satisfying. great build up and payoff. its hard to stick a good landing in video games like this, and dao has one of the best, i think! on par with mass effect 2, which i think had the best final fight of that trilogy. oghren's pre-battle "goodbye" made me tear up

alistair made yenna chancellor which i was not expecting! it's fun to imagine her, alistair, and anora trying to get along in discussions :3 ultimately, though, yenna said she would focus on driving the darkspawn back entirely. she didn't choose this life, and didn't appreciate it for a good while, but she managed to do what it takes, and she did not go through all that just for pockets of darkspawn to keep being trouble. but zevran will be with her the whole way :D

i had a rly good time with it! faced some crashes and instability at first, but it seemed to stop entirely after a certain point, possibly when i turned the settings down, so it wasn't too bad. im so happy i got to play this, and im looking forward to the awakening dlc! <3

bonus, from liveblogging to friends on discord, re: oghren:

[utterly-mediocre]

A collection of letters from a lovesick and naive girl

To you, who still manages to capture my heart after all these years,

I’m not even sure if you would ever be able to read this. I’m a coward, as evident by the way I bottled up these emotions and watched you from afar for years rather than actually trying to convey to you how I feel, in real life. So here I am, compiling a collection of my thoughts- most of it coming to me at ungodly hours of the night- and hiding behind a screen. It seems I haven’t matured much at all from that first time I laid my eyes on you.

Anyway, on the incredibly rare occasion that I do somehow figure out a way to deliver this to you, I hope you take the time out of your day to read this. I’ve come to terms that I would never be anything special to you, but that still doesn’t mean that I’m not absolutely smitten over you. I’m not expecting anything to come out of this, honestly, I just want this out of my system. So don’t worry about reciprocating my feelings or anything like that, I’m perfectly fine with how things are as is.

This, I guess you could call it a letter?, would contain a little section of mini letters and each mini letter will be numbered according to a playlist. Most of the songs listed are actually what I was listening to while I was writing whatever I was thinking. You might think this is too much hassle for someone trying- emphasis on trying- to let go of their feelings and to be honest, you’re right. I’m just over dramatic. Nevertheless, I do hope you somehow are able to read this, someday.

--

;golden hour

I Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift

II Risk It All - Yuna

III I've Never Been In Love Before - Laufey

IV Love Letter From The Sea To The Shore - Delaney Bailey

VI Sunlight - Hozier

--

I Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift

“All I know is a simple name /

And everything has changed”

I don't actually remember the specifics of when I had truly fallen for you. You had crept so slowly into my heart and the depths of my mind that eventually I found that you were all that I could think of.

I used to jokingly say it was love at first sight but that isn't really true. It was more like gradually getting pulled towards you, and a sense of familiarity that I can’t quite put my finger on took root in the crevices of my soul, it’s tendril wrapped tightly around my heart. It felt as though my soul had known you before and now that I've met you again, a desperation to get close to you makes itself known with every time our eyes meet. I could feel the centre of my universe shifting slowly towards you the very moment my eyes laid on you.

I keep thinking of that one time my hand had brushed against yours and almost every night since then, I wonder what it would be like if I held your hand in mine. Would it fit perfectly? Would it feel as warm as I imagined? I find myself yearning for your presence, and my eyes would always subconsciously search for you.

It was a new and scary feeling, but it felt so, so good.

--

II Risk It All - Yuna

“I would risk it all, just to feel your touch /

I just want it all, if it ain't too much”

I've always been scared of authority figures ever since I was a young child, and I carried that throughout my life. And so, I've decided early on to not tell you my feelings. I took one look at it, and with shaking hands, I buried it to the back of my mind. Because I was so scared of the consequences. I was so scared of that omnipotent God I spent my whole life fearing. And to be completely honest, I still feel that paralyzing fear sinking deep into my bones sometimes. My heart is bursting at the seams and each time I see you around I feel like screaming out how much I wanted to be yours but I’d find that the words just wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

I tried everything to lose these feelings and to pretend that I'm a good, pious child. Frustratingly, nothing ever seemed to work. The more I tried to push the thoughts of you away, the more my heart craves you. It was a new sensation, and it probably is the worst pain I had ever experienced. It was as though someone had ripped my heart out, replaced it with pebbles and forced me to live normally. But it’s impossible to do so, everything reminds me of you. I couldn’t help but imagine a world where I could freely love you without any reservations. A different world where I either could be yours or find a healthier way to move on instead of mulling over what could've been if I wasn't such a spineless fool.

And yet, now I feel as though I would be able to break free from all the restrictions if it meant that I could be by your side. For you, I would gladly break the stifling rules of my religion. What’s heaven got that I can’t find by being with you anyway? I’d much rather endure the fiery pits of hell with your hand held firmly in mine.

--

III I've Never Been In Love Before - Laufey

“So please forgive this helpless haze I'm in /

I've really never been /

In love before"

Try as I might, I would never be able to fully express how deeply my feelings for you run. I could try to compare you to the stars, the ocean, the flowers, the galaxies; all of the world's wonders. I could try to compare you to a million different things but the language runs dry. Everything pales in comparison to you.

I work hard to be poetic in expressing my feelings for you anyway, but it's all too overwhelming and passionate and it's overflowing out of my chest. Not just in love but completely submerged in it, permeated by it, to the point that I find the words that I try to string together no longer make sense. You've truly enchanted me and now I'm rendered a mess.

You might find it weird. I get it. I’ll admit that it is. I don’t truly know you, only the fragments of yourself that you decide to show others. But I cling to those pieces anyway and try my best to store it in my memories, as though it would ever be of use. Because it wouldn't. I would never be yours.

--

IV Love Letter From The Sea To The Shore - Delaney Bailey

“Like the tourist comes back to the beach /

I come back to you for more and more and more”

Did you know that humans are made of stardust? Well, not quite, but it's been said that the very elements that exist in our body came from exploded stars. Which means that the atoms of my left hand may come from a different star from my right, and maybe some of the atoms that were meant to be in my body had ended up in yours.

Because, even if I somehow find it in myself to not think of you anymore and so much time has passed, a part of me will forever be yours. At this point in time, I have no true desire to pursue you since I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m just not meant to be yours a long time ago. However, I still find that my mind keeps coming back to you. Every train of thought that I have, even if it initially didn’t have anything to do with you, would inevitably lead me to think of you. Everything that I know about you (though it's not much, I'd admit that) is carved into my brain and I have no way of getting it out. I think of you so endlessly that I feel as though the last star in the universe might fizzle out and die before I can even begin to try to forget you. It’s honestly corny but it’s true. You will forever be in the forefront of my mind.

--

V Sunlight - Hozier

“Know that I would gladly be /

The Icarus to your certainty /

Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

Once, on a particularly lazy afternoon, my mother showed me a video completely unprompted. We were laying on the living room rug then, and I was about to doze off while watching the television but instead she thrusted her phone into my face, playing a video of a couple getting whipped and punished and I could feel myself freeze. I was laying so close to her then, our shoulders almost touching. I remember the disgust, both for myself and for the policemen punishing them, coiling tighter and tighter in my stomach that I could barely hold myself together. I waited a few hours until my mother decided to take her nap before running and emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.

I do wonder, though. Would God really have condemned those who commit sodomy if he were put in my shoes and saw just how divine you looked with the sunlight perfectly framing your silhouette, forming an almost golden halo above your head with your smile as blinding as the sun? Would he not understand at that very moment why I had spent so many years adoring you in secret when the thought of actually accepting that part of myself made me feel nauseated? But even if he didn't, does it matter? Heaven and hell are mere words to me now. If I wanted to find something to devote my faith to, shouldn't I devote it to you instead? It feels more religious, rather than devoting myself to a God who had claimed to create me, all the while condemning me for something I can no more control than I can control my heartbeat.

--

[t0shii]

hq boys when you're feeling anxious or stressed

suna rintaro, hinata shoyo, oikawa toru x gn!r

!warnings! mentions of anxiety, reader comparing themselves to others, mentions of food & hunger, driving. this is like all fluff no angst rlly tbh.

SUNA RINTARO.

he could tell something was up but conviced himself he shouldnt pry as he had already asked you twice if you were feeling alright, to which you reasurred him with a "yep" both times, it was suspicious but he thought maybe you just wanted to be left alone. meanwhile you weren't sure why you lied him, you obviously were not doing okay at the moment. currently he was driving you home and your anxiety was going absolutely crazy from the amount of school work that was piling up on you, it's unfair you thought to yourself, looking out the window. not only were you stressed from work but trying to keep up with your friend was hard, to say the least. they were phenomenal students, straight As in their transcript and though your grades were just fine, you couldn't help but feel inferior and insecure. it's unfair how effortlessly smart they are and how i'll never be able to catch up.... oh boy if your thoughts weren't running wild before they definitely were now, you hadn't even realized your boyfriend pulling into your driveway until he slightly tapped your shoulder. "are you sure you're alright? i don't wanna pressure you ofcourse but, you know you can tell me anything right?" ... and there were the water works! the little string holding you together had snapped just like that. you sat there in the passengers seat sobbing into your hands and suna rintaro hadn't a clue what to do in the moment.

"give me just a sec" you heard him mumble but not before he gave you a kiss as light as a feather on the top of your head. somehow you didn't notice him exit the car and rush to your side until he opened your door and hugged you so tight you honestly couldn't breathe. after a few seconds your boyfriend let go of the embrace which, to his dismay, only made you cry even harder. now, he knew he was known for being quite... stoic but he was definitely panicking on the inside and it was really difficult to remain calm on the outside. your boyfriend carefully reached over you to unbuckle the seatbelt that you had yet to unclasp. "lets go inside baby." his voice was so gentle it would've taken you by surprise had you not still been crying. you nodded in response and he helped you carefully out of the car, holding your hand all the way to the door, "d'ya have your key?" you nodded trying your best to unlock the door, after a few struggled and shakey attempts you finally had your door unlocked but not without rins help because he couldn't bare to watch you struggle any longer.

stepping inside rin helped you take your shoes off, removing his own after, "bedroom?" having calmed down a little you whispered "yes," with a small nod. he nodded with you in response and took you to your bedroom. after helping you change into comfy clothes he helped you into bed, crawling in right behind you. your back was snug against his chest and he held you super tightly, it was silent for a few minutes until finally he spoke up, "please tell me how i can help" you could feel your lip quiver. "well... you don't have to say anything right now, you know i can wait. i'll even leave if you want, i just wanted you to know that you can tell me whenever you're ready and that i'll listen." neither of you were sure when you'd be ready to admit what had gotten you so upset but you felt comfortable knowing suna rintaro would be there whenever you were ready, whether it be minutes from now or even months.

HINATA SHOYO.

your silence on the walk home was starting to concern him.. maybe im just talking too much... he thought, "hey... im sorry if im talking your ear off.. how was your day angel?" to say he was disappointed with your response would be an understatement. not thar you HAD to talk but usually you were talkative with him and the worry in his tummy was only growing more. a simple, "oh.. my day was alright sho," simply woundn't cut it! "hey, are you feeling okay?" it was silent for a few seconds before you answered a mumbled "i think so, are you feeling alright, sho?" he simply nodded with a "mhm" and you told him to continue on with his story from earlier.

he complied but only to fill the silence. hinata decided to trust you when you said you were okay because you know your own feelings and he knows for a fact he's made it clear before that you could and should let him know if something was bothering you. though you enjoyed listening to hinata's stories you only found yourself getting lost in your own mind whilst he rambled on.you could tell he was suspicious of your behavior but was grateful he had left his curiosity behind because you were sure you would snap if he had asked you if you were okay again, you really didn't want to cry in front of him. truth is, your thoughts were running wild, stressing over the smallest things; assignments due at the end of the week, what you were gonna get your boyfriend for your anniversary, how you were gonna make time for your friends surprise birthday party and helping sho with his studied all the while trying to take care of your own self and keep your own grades afloat. "y/n..? we're at your house.. are you sure your alright? you look a little pale, are you ill?" crap! how had you not noticed you were approaching your own driveway you wanted to slap yourself for being so clueless. you couldn't help but feel horrible for not listening to your boyfriends story also.

"yes sho i'm fine really, i just didn't have time to eat lunch today but i have food inside so don't worry m'may?" he looked at you suspiciously and you knew he was onto you, "y'know y/n, i'm not gonna force you to tell me what's going on but just know i'll always be here for you, okay?" he gave you a small smile before engulfing you into a tight hug, it honestly melted your heart. surprisingly, you didn't start crying on the spot. "y'know, i wanted to trust you when you said you were okay but now i'm not so sure if you were telling the truth," he mumbled into your shoulder. you sighed, giving up the facade. "sho.... i just don't know what to do honestly, i have alot on my plate right now and i'm really stressed with all the responsibilities ive piled onto myself," you admitted. he nodded lifting his head from your shoulder, giving you the brightest smile, "well, i can always help out! i might not be the mooost helpful person ever but i'll try my best, and if anything i'm good moral support!" you giggled at that but suddenly you felt your lip quiver from the sudden guilt you feeling, "i'm sorry for lying to you sho-", "hey! its alright! you dont need to apologize. especially dont need you crying on me now!" he smiled cupping your face in his hands, wiping away a few stray tears of whom managed to escape.

OIKAWA TORU.

you smile back at him and thought of how silly it was that you tried keeping your feelings a secret from your boyfriend of two years, hinata shoyo, feeling glad that you confided in him. he knew you were upset as soon as he saw you that very morning, he could read you like and open book and you knew that fact very well. still though, you tried your best to hide yourself from him, though it was hard considering you sitting right next to him in the passenger seat of his car. finally after a whole day of being worried sick, he was tired of leaving things left unsaid "babyyyy," he sang for you from the kitchen, "please come here a sec!" he yelled for you louder. soon you came trudging down the hallway, blanket wrapped around your body, he couldn't help but smile at how adorable his s/o looked.

"c'mere quickly," he said will a grin, opening his arms for a hug, which you gladly accept, wrapping your arms around his waist tightly. "now, i know you know that i know that you're not feeling well, so please tell me what's got my angel so upset?" he said softly rubbing his hand lightly over your back, his voice a little muffled from his cheek being squished against the top of your head. you let out a breath you hadn't even realized you were holding, "'m sorry tooru, i don't know what's wrong with me today.... just not feeling well." you felt him nod against your head in response, "well good thing your amazing boyfriend is here to make you feel all better huh?" you let a out small giggle at that. "you know you can tell me when you're feeling down right? you shouldn't keep things bottled up inside", "i know tooru... im sorry, i just dont really know wbat i'm feeling so down about though," you admitted shyly. "hey that's okay! there absolutely no need to apologize for that, here, look at me, angel," he tilts your face so you're looking up at him, his big soft hands holding your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks lightly, "i'm here whenever you figure it out, hell, even if you dont figure it out or there just isn't any reason at all. you know i'm always, always, always here. i promise you that, m'kay?" he finishes his little speech with a smile, smothering your face in kisses. you could only feel relieved, thankful and loved. because you knew that you would always have your soulmate, oikawa toru by your side.

( a/n ; ahh so im sorry if this has any spelling or grammatical errors it's sort of late as i'm writing this! and im too lazy to proof read.... also it might just all be word vomit and if it is im so sorry 😩 ++ i'm positive ive kept the reader gn throughout the whole thing but if there are slip-ups i promise i'll do better next time! i rlly wanted to write some hq boys when ur feeling anxious and beyond stressed because i have been MEGA struggling with my own anxiety lately, especially bc of school so i just needed to let my feelings go! anywhooo i hope everyone who reads this has an amazing day or night! ) p.s. im new to writing so be nice 2 me or whatever 😩🙄😌👍🏻

[kantostarter]

i am only noticing now how insanely long the ask was IM SORRY BC I MIGHT SEND LONGER LMAO anyways idol content is everywhere! i also talked intensely abt my genshin idol au in my blog if u wanna check it out ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ ALSO SAY HI TO MIR FOR ME AND I'D LOVE TO TALK ABT HYPMIC!! the bois give me many amounts of joy and i like watching the anime sometimes too despite the backlash it got KFHFJHF enstars is super fun!! i miss playing it but if i download even a single rhythm game i will download all of them and thus my peace and quiet will end once again SOB im glad u like the ones i listed!! there r probably a shit ton more bc the virtual idol community is just. MASSIVE???

LASTLY I SAW YOU WERE INTERESTED IN HONEYWORKS! im worried i'll hit the character limit for asks but i'll try to give a brief summary of honeyworks itself! hnw is a japanese music group that started out with producing vocaloid songs! if you're familiar with vFlower (the vocal synth), hnw also produces him! anyway, their core members are Gom and shito, who compose the music, and yamako and mogelatte as their illustrators. they started with vocaloid songs but eventually branched out to human singers, and they're also well-known for collaborating with the singer CHiCO! and in 2014, they made a professional debut as an independent music circle with their third album and the beginning of Kokuhaku Jikkou Iinkai (Confession Executive Committee) or otherwise known as Confession Series as a multi-media franchise!

Now, Confession Executive Committee, which is too long for my own sanity so we call it CEC, is divided into two series, Love Series and Idol Series. they share some characters and character relationships (such as the shibasaki brothers and the narumi sisters) and exist in the same universe. most of everything happens in sakuragaoka high school, and love series takes place here almost entirely. i'm unsure if you wanna learn more about love series, but a brief cut on it is it's about three different classes (which are referred to by the fandom as generation 1-3) and their very fluffy high school romances. pls lmk if you wanna know more bc im gonna focus on the idols!

idol series is the one i've probably talked about too much, but of course it generally centers around idols such as lipxlip's shibasaki aizou and someya yuujirou, minami, mona, and full throttle4's rio, megu, dai, yui, and iv! romance in the idol series is never fully fleshed out yet also incredibly heavily referenced and expressed, as it focuses on the struggles and experiences of idols before, during, and after their debut into the idol industry! i've already talked an incredulous amount abt lipxlip but i also have more to say, most of their songs and MVs are hard to understand on the surface bc most of them exist as in-universe music videos (for example, if you watch the romeo MV of lipxlip you might think these two dumbasses are trying to woo princess sena, when in fact this is?? acting?? it's hard to explain but they're not really princes and the events of romeo as well as a good number of other MVs are entirely fictional, both in-universe and out. sena, my beloved, is featured in the love series and has a canon love interest! so she only views lipxlip professionally. and also aizou and yuujirou are. themselves.) part of lipxlip's stories is also suzumi hiyori! while she isn't an idol herself, she serves as lipxlip's manager in training and is constantly being tormented by these two fuckers. but they care about her a lot i swear. they're just like that™. there's a currently airing anime that centers on her story, it's titled heroine tarumono! kiraware heroine to naisho no oshigoto (heroines run the show! the unpopular girl and the secret task). she's listed as part of the love series but ⚫👄⚫ i pretend i do not see /j

there's sm more i can talk about (IM SO SORRY HNW HAS BEEN TORMENTING ME FOR. SO LONG. I NEED PPL TO INFECT IT WITH FJFHJD) so pls lmk if u wanna hear more abt the singing pretty pixel people bc this ask is already too long to be normal. ALSO I WILL TAKE U UP ON THE REQS PREPARE TO SEE A TON OF IDOL MEDIA

doesn’t tumblr have a character limit for asks..!? i’m honestly shocked that you were able to type this much! anyway. i’ve Filed all the knowledge about honeyworks into the little filing cabinets in my singular brain cell. thank you again, ess!! i mean, like. feel free to share more about hnw because i am Quite intrigued?? actually, there’s this other like. ig you could call it idol media? called dear vocalist that i know a few of my alters are familiar with, but. i’d have to let them talk about it since my brain cell is filled with things like this video now. -w-” 

ALSO, WHEN I SAW YOUR REQS?? I WAS LIKE. TY ESS FOR ENABLING ME!! i will be very powerful this short king spring <3