#james h longmore

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The Surgery

James H Longmore: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of joe's unwanted penis Longmore: it's a darkly humorous and bizarre parody of the bruce jenner story Poe: you mean Caitlyn jenner? Longmore: Longmore: what? Barker: oh yeah this really bodes well

Barker: she changed her name, she's caitlyn now Longmore: really? Barker: you didn't know? Barker: i mean she's in the news all the time for sucking Poe: clive Barker: what? she's not here Barker: i can say it Barker: just absolutely sucking

Longmore: my story is told from the point of view of the penis Longmore: the unwanted penis is mad because its been rejected like it was an ikea lamp Longmore: so making a lot of comments about Joe and his ruined, mutilated, gross, Frankenstein body Franz Kafka:

Franz Kafka: wow, so her own disembodied dick is misgendering her? Kafka: WOW Kafka: that is VERY Kafka: problematic Longmore: well, in the dick's defense, the dick was really mad at Joe! Kafka: and now its DEAD NAMING her!!!

Longmore: anyway Joe gets a vaginaplasty instead of hrt Kafka: "INSTEAD of?" Longmore: yeah Kafka: Kafka: Kafka: "INSTEAD OF???"

Longmore: anyway Joe has a vaginaplasty, during which they remove Joe's dick, balls, and prostate Kafka: THEY DON'T TAKE YOUR PROSTATE OUT DURING A VAGINAPLASTY!! Longmore: Longmore: are you sure about that? Kafka: YES! Kaka: I'VE DONE A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF READING ABOUT THIS!

Barker: wow, franz, you know so much about trans issues Kafka: huh? oh yeah, i guess Kafka: i mean, it's just this thing I've kinda been into lately Kafka: i mean, trans rights are human rights, right?

Kafka: just seems self-evident Barker: oh yeah? you do? any reason why? Barker: for this recent interest hmmm? Poe: clive, leave her alone Poe: i mean leave him alone Poe: jesus christ you have me doing it now

Poe: clive stop harassing franz Poe: clive you know you don't have to be trans to care about trans rights Barker: ah ha oh edgar don't be so naive Poe: yeah you're probably right

Longmore: so the poor penis has been rejected JK Rowling: hello children Poe: oh great look who it is Poe: look who you brought here Poe: this is just great Poe: great

Rowling: ssso i hear the penissss iss ssad? Rowling: sso i hear that a transss perssson issss ressponsssible for thisss? Rowling: just more proof of their natural masssculine criminality Poe: this is stupid Barker: ah ha ha edgar Poe: no Poe: you're right this is stupid

Longmore: so the penis goes on a merry madcap chase to reunite with his former owner Longmore: who has since regretted transition Rowling: yess!! ha ha… YESSS!!

Rowling: there'sss ssssurgical regret too??? Rowling: a transss persssson feeling BAD??? Rowling: thisss ssstory hasss it all! Rowling: the ressst of you should ssstart telling ssstoriesss like thisss Rowling: way better than the usssual ssstuff you guysss tell!

UNRELATED: If you like our jokes, check out our indiegogo! Just added a tier where you can get all 3 volumes of Midnight Pals electronic books for cheap!

[patart-illustrations-stuff]

James Bond After Fleming: The Continuation Novels

By Mark Edlitz

Art by Pat Carbajal, Cover by Sean Longmore

Ian Fleming wrote twelve original James Bond novels and two collections of short stories. Despite the cultural importance of Fleming’s 14 books, they represent just a fraction of the Bond novels. Since Fleming’s death, his estate has authorized the publication of numerous Bond novels and spin-off works.

These continuation novels include scores of books about Bond’s dangerous adventures, movie novelizations, a pseudo-biography, and various spin-off series about the teenage Bond, the Secret Service’s beloved secretary Miss Moneypenny, and the next generation agents in the Double O division.For the first time ever, Mark Edlitz offers a comprehensive overview of every exciting Bond adventure in one illustrated volume. Whether you are fully immersed in Bond’s world or new to the spy game, James Bond After Fleming is an essential reference book that is a must-have for any Bond fan.

Chapter art for John Gardner's FOR SPECIAL SERVICES, Bond with his H&K vp70

[hellboundbooks]

“Think of what late greats James Herbert and Richard Laymon may have given birth to had they ever collaborated” Richard Chizmar

~~~Available Now from James H Longmore & HellBound Books~~~

http://hellboundbookspublishing.com/bloodandkisses.html

[theannypetite]

The Horror Writer

Ever wondered how to write horror? Maybe you're just curious, or you want to pick up the craft. Today's review is exactly that. The craft of The Horror Writer.

“What on earth makes you write such horrible things?”

As an author, don’t you just hate that?

This quote really resonated with me. While I’m not a horror writer per se, I have dark and disturbing themes, and supposed-to-be chilling and at times downright frightening scenes in my stories. Depending on which work you look at I may write about abuse, torture, slavery, horrible deaths, human…

[tanmath3-blog]

Top 10 books of the year

There were so many amazing books I read this year that it was truly difficult to just list 10 of them. So much talent and passions for what you do and I love every second of it. Thank you all for letting me be a small piece of your world.

  1. Flanagan

by: James Longmore-

Chris and Helen Sewell are your typical, all-American couple; happily married for ten years, respected high school teachers.

During their annual Spring Break vacation to recharge their batteries and reconnect with each other after undergoing a gruelling but unsuccessful fertility program, Chris and Helen are waylaid by a perverse gang of misfits in the small, North Texas town of Flanagan.

Taken hostage as the focus of the gang’s twisted games, Chris and Helen are forced to perform increasingly vicious acts of physical, sexual and emotional torture upon each other until events take an unexpected turn and there is an unintentional death. As their circumstance dissolves into chaos, the Sewells find themselves involved in a different situation altogether.

https://www.amazon.com/Flanagan-James-H-Longmore-ebook/dp/B01MSEH3X7

2. Warm Dark Places Are Best

by: Mike Duke

Carl and Jessica are emotionally stretched thin, down on their financial luck and stuck moving into a really nasty apartment complex after Jessica gets laid off and Carl is already on a fixed disability payment.

From day one they see lots of roaches in the hallways but nothing in their own apartment. Hoping their luck will hold, they have no idea just what kind of hell is coming their way or what hideous secrets their apartment, in particular, holds.

Buckle up. Carl and Jessica are in for a nasty ride and so are you.

https://www.amazon.com/Warm-Dark-Places-Are-Best-ebook/dp/B06XWXJ4S2

3. A long December

by: Richard Chizmar

Chizmar assembles thirty-five stories, including a previously-unpublished novella, and presents us with A Long December. This massive new collection features more than 150,000 words of Chizmar’s very best short fiction and includes 8,000 words of autobiographical Story Notes.

  Eerie, suspenseful, poignant, the stories in A Long December range from horror to suspense, crime to dark fantasy, mainstream to mystery.

https://www.amazon.com/Long-December-Richard-Chizmar-ebook/dp/B06WVPGJVK

4. Filthy Movie

by: Wade H. Garrett

Warning: This is a very violent and sadistic story that should only be read by the seasoned extreme-horror reader. This isn’t some bogus disclaimer to draw in readers. I truly don’t want someone to get offended that isn’t familiar with the level of brutality portrayed in this story. Summary: Christie Silvers and Duncan Bradshaw are on a first date and decided to go back to Duncan’s hotel room after dinner. Christie is a beautiful girl with long, blonde hair and emerald green eyes. She is intelligent and full of life. Unbeknownst to her, Duncan is married and has a habit of bending the truth. He’s an average man with red hair, and he suffers from social awkwardness and low self-confidence. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he’d be scoring with such a hot chick. All his lies were paying off, and this was going to be the night of his life… so he thought. Unfortunately for him, the hotel owner, Henry, is a sadistic killer who can’t wait to turn his dream into a hellish nightmare.

https://www.amazon.com/Filthy-Movie-Sadistic-Short-Market/dp/1542579414

  5. Death Bed

by: Jason McIntyre

The Dovetail Cove saga begins here—in July, 1971. Farrah’s on summer break and she’s sure to tell you she’s NOT twelve, she’s TWELVE-AND-A-HALF, thank you very much. The tiny island-town of Dovetail Cove is the only home she’s known. And tonight, she’s sneaking out to visit her Gran and show her a ‘mystery box’ she’s stumbled across at the Main Street Summer Market, dead certain there’s a story hidden within. And she’s right. Events reach back to 1956 and a shadowy ‘incident’ that started the darkness on the island. Only a handful know the true details of the incident. And even fewer have witnessed this new darkness, but Farrah will catch a glimpse of it tonight…at the edge of her Gran’s DEATHBED.

https://www.amazon.com/Deathbed-Dovetail-Cove-1971-ebook/dp/B01N1QQSDJ

  6. The Haunted Halls 

by: Glen Rolfe

The Bruton Inn, located outside of the small Maine city of Hollis Oaks, is home to something sinister. An icy presence has made its way from a dark past to the present day. Cold spots, shadows, and whispers permeate the halls, and guests are beginning to change.

For two front desk employees, the dark rumors are about to come to light. They call upon an urban shaman and his connection with the spirit world to dig up the truth. Will they be able to stand against this malevolent force? Or will they come face to face with something beyond their most frightful dreams.

Welcome to the Bruton Inn. The Ice Queen has arrived.

  https://www.amazon.com/Haunted-Halls-Glenn-Rolfe-ebook/dp/B075QNVNNS

7. Collected Easter Shorts

by: Kevin Kennedy

From the darkest recesses of some of the horror world’s most chilling minds, Kevin J. Kennedy brings back together some of the authors that brought you Collected Christmas Horror Shorts, alongside several new authors, from upcoming indie stars to Amazon top sellers.

Whether you like Easter or not, you’ll certainly have a different view of it after you read the stories contained within these pages.

Grab an Easter egg, dim the lights, get cosy and get ready for some chilling tales by some of the horror world’s finest.

https://www.amazon.com/Collected-Easter-Horror-Shorts-Cross-ebook/dp/B06XSHD8G2

8. State of Decay

by: Matt Hickman and Matt Shaw

Spokane Valley, Washington – a city once thriving in industry and culture. Its scenic and picturesque landscapes have now been replaced with crumbling infrastructure and urban degeneration. Despite the best efforts from law enforcement, the streets have become a haven for violent crime, drugs and prostitution, as gang culture and criminals have taken control. Jack Scott is a man attempting to come to terms with the recent separation from his wife, whilst continuing to run his successful dentistry practice. As Jack struggles to comprehend the horrific image of his broken, teenage daughter, following a vicious attack on her way home after a party, he vows he will take matters into his own hands to rid the city from filth once and for all….

https://www.amazon.com/State-Decay-extreme-Matt-Shaw-ebook/dp/B01MYDDVG1

9. Between the Walls

by: Lemmy Rushmore and Niall Parkinson

This our blood, our sweat, our tears, a culmination of all our years. We have left no rock unturned, no crevice unexplored. It is our every ache, those unimaginable pains, it is life itself and its endless stains. We have made every effort to spill forth that which resides within us. We have snatched the heart from our chests, our souls from their very confines and displayed them here for all to see. That which follows is a collection of our bits and pieces stretched beyond belief and twisted into unrelenting tales. It is the deep, the dark and the ugly that surrounds us all in every direction, the horrors that confront us daily. It is those things lurking within, those depths we dare explore and the hideous monsters that dwell there. Here we have expounded upon those things most dare not speak of. We have touched on those things most dare not feel. Here we have created for you a darkly vivid world and filled it with unimaginable beasts and unconquerable dilemmas. In the following collective art and poetry have cohesively merged feeding off one another until they became something else entirely, something extraordinary. In our effort to bring you something different, every emotion has been twisted, every feeling heightened, every situation over exaggerated until the pain and suffering will be felt, until you are there with us in utter darkness. So come now if you will and join us as we journey between the walls.

https://www.amazon.com/Between-Walls-James-Ward-Kirk/dp/0692460616

10. People of the sun

by: Jason Parent

All life comes from the sun. Sometimes, death comes with it.

Filled with hope and compelled by fear, four would-be heroes are driven from their home planet in a desperate bid to save their civilization from extinction. But survival takes on a whole new meaning when a malfunction sends their ship plummeting toward Earth.

Surviving the crash is only the first obstacle on their path to salvation. The marooned aliens soon discover that Earth’s beautiful exterior masks an ugly foundation, a place inhabited by a warrior race that’s on a path toward self-destruction.

https://www.amazon.com/People-Sun-Jason-Parent-ebook/dp/B06WWLBJJG

    Honorable Mention

Kin by: Kealan Patrick Burke Mr Robespierre by:  Daniel Marc Chant A different kind of slumber by:  Doug Rinaldi Salvation by: Veronica Smith Gwendy’s Button Box  by: Richard Chizmar and Stephen King Return to hell Texas by: Tim miller Nightly Visits by: Stephen Helms

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TOP 10 BOOKS OF THE YEAR Top 10 books of the year There were so many amazing books I read this year that it was truly difficult to just list 10 of them.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Fat People

James H Longmore: after yesterday's incident, I'd like to offer a full and complete apology to the humorless scolds of the woke mob Franz Kafka: Kafka: well, good Kafka: see that it doesn't happen again!

Longmore: look, this story about joe's unwanted penis is just a light-hearted comedic jaunt! Kafka: booo! Longmore: [wiping sweat from brow] jeez tough crowd Longmore: better switch gears Longmore: hey how about a story about gross fatties?

Longmore: i have another story too Longmore: it's a terrifying descent into the depraved world of feederism Longmore: cuz there's nothing scarier Longmore: than a fat person Longmore: steve knows what i'm talking about Stephen King: he's right!

Poe: wow, these stories are kinda problematic! Poe: you're really kinda othering to trans and fat people Longmore: well, i am originally English Poe: oh yeah ok, that scans

Longmore: there's this guy called… the feeder Longmore: and they call him that because he Longmore: get ready for it Longmore: feeds people King: oh shit! oh wow! that is terrifying! King: i thought i was prepared but i was not prepared

King: i think King: i think i need to sit down for a minute Poe: are you going to be ok, steve? King: yeah, i'm King: yeah King: i just need a minute King: phew King: my heart is racing

Barker: how is this possible? Barker: Stephen king - master of the macabre! - scared of fat people! King: look, it's not that strange King: a lot of people are scared of fat people Barker: Barker: no i don't think that's true Barker: think this is a you thing, steve

King: well, think about it King: if you see a clown walking around outside of a circus, that would be pretty scary right? Barker: ok right King: now imagine if you saw a fat person walking around on the street, like it was normal or something-

King: it's just not healthy, you see King: that's why scientists invented the weight loss pill that makes you shit yourself to death from Meg Elison's story "Please Don't Invent the Weight Loss Pill that Makes You Shit Yourself to Death" Meg Elison: Elison: I am going to murder you

Longmore: so the feeder has a whole facility full of women that he feeds Longmore: until they gain weight Longmore: they're called gainers Longmore: stop me if i'm going too fast for you

Longmore: ok so imagine a fat woman Longmore: just the fattest woman ever Longmore: just so huge beyond belief, absolutely gargantuan Longmore: like the size of the entire planet Longmore: like 464 pounds King: holy shit guys this is the scariest story I've ever heard! King: i am legit shaking!

Longmore: so this guy is feeding a fat woman a stack of pizzas Longmore: and the pizzas are all Longmore: [falsetto voice] heeeey you should eat us! we're delicious! Longmore: [falsetto] we're pizza! look at us! we want to be eaten! Longmore: [falsetto] we're gonna be so sad if you don't eat us Dean Koontz: oh no i hope the pizza gets eaten!

Joe Koch: this sucks Koch: the pizza should speak in an Italian accent Barker: yes Poe: no don't say that joe!! Lovecraft: oh jesus Lovecraft: oh god Lovecraft: [sweats] oh jesus

Koch: the disc of cracked dough, crimson gore as red as god's menstrual flow, hissing fleshy tentacles of mozzarella, pale as the broken spirals of the universe, splayed open in a tattered furl of the anal fistulas of sundried tomatoes Poe: oh max you should like this, you like pizza Max Booth III: why does everyone keep saying that

[hellboundbooks]

~~~Brand New Release~~~

The Big Book of Bootleg Horror Vol 3: By Invitation Only http://hellboundbookspublishing.com/charityanthology.html

The third - and incredibly special volume in HellBound Books’ flagship horror anthology - this one bursting at the seams with even more fantastically dark horror from the cream of today’s horror scene, each one of whom was specially invited to contribute and support the fantastic Hilarity for Charity and its fight against Alzheimer’s - proceeds from this mighty tome will be donated accordingly... Featuring: Jack Ketchum, Michael Bray, Jeff Strand, Chad Lutzke, Eddie Generous, Lance Tuck, Wade H. Garrett, Richard Chizmar and Billy Chizmar, James H Longmore, Jaap Boekestein, Iain Rob Wright, Michael McBride, Edward Lee, David Owain Hughes, Ray Garton & Benjamin Blake Twenty-two tales of disturbing terror and nefarious imagination - the perfect antidote to a peaceful night’s sleep!

[tanmath3-blog]

Flanagan by James H. Longmore

This is the first book I have read by James H. Longmore but it will NOT be the last I can promise you this!  This story had me hooked from the first word. It reeled me in like a fish on a line and held me there the entire book! His writing is very smooth like fine chocolate. I love reading books like this and it is a real treat when I fine one that makes me hold my breath and sit on the edge of…

[tanmath3-blog]

James H. Longmore is an amazing guy. I have completely enjoyed getting to know him and have the honor of doing a weekly segment on his podcast. http://www.panicroomradio.com/  If you haven’t had a chance to listen to it make sure you do it is an amazing show and loads of fun. He is super smart and wickedly talented. I recently read my first book of his Flanagan and I can assure you it won’t be the last one I read by him. He has a publishing company called Hellbound Books that you want to make sure you check out and to watch for up coming books by amazing authors. If you haven’t met him yet please do so and send him a friend request. Make sure you get a copy of his latest book and don’t forget to leave a review. You won’t be sorry! Please welcome James H. Longmore to Roadie Notes…..

      1. How old were you when you first wrote your first story? I’d say around 6/7 – I’ve always been making things up and spinning tales, I’ve wanted to be a writer pretty much since I learned to read ;-)

2. How many books have you written? Including those in my younger years that will never see the light of day? Too many to count! Published, I currently have four novels, one novella – and a spanking brand new novel – ‘Flanagan’ – due on the 18th February 2017. I have another novel under consideration with Sinister Grin Press, two halfway finished, my anthology (editing!) and a bunch of short stories scattered here and there!

3. Anything you won’t write about? Can’t think of any particular subject – nothing is taboo for me! On the other side of the coin, I won’t write about something that doesn’t hold my interest – otherwise I would quickly grow bored with it and that would show in my work.

4. Tell me about you. Age (if you don’t mind answering), married, kids, do you have another job etc… Of course I don’t mind! I’m (an incredibly youthful and handsome) 52, married, 5 kids in total (24, 21, 21, 14, 7) and this is my job. In my previous career I was in Sales & Marketing for some seriously big companies!

5. What’s your favorite book you have written? That accolade has to go to ‘Flanagan’! It’s ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’ meets ‘Straw Dogs’ – a fantastic psychological/psychosexual horror about a seemingly average, everyday couple… It hits the shelves (virtual and paper) on the 18th Feb 2017 – it will take your breath away and has a twist that I defy anyone spotting till it hits them!

6. Who or what inspired you to write? Generally speaking, I always had a headful of ideas that needed to come out. My early influences were James Herbert, Stephen King, Clive Barker, John Wyndham, HG Wells, Guy N Smith…the list is practically endless!

7. What do you like to do for fun? I love the movies, hanging with the kids, family stuff – we have a house full of animals (kids not included!) and I spend an inordinate amount of time mucking them out ;-)

8. Any traditions you do when you finish a book? Yep – I crack on with the next one!

9. Where do you write? Quiet or music? I have an office at home, and I must have quiet because I am so verily easily distracted…

10. Anything you would change about your writing? Nope, I have grown into my style now. Having said that, I am constantly learning and adapting, so I guess you could say my writing evolves each time I hit the keyboard.

11. What is your dream? Famous writer? Not so bothered about the fame, it’s the money I dream about – yep, the money…

12. Where do you live? Houston, TX

13. Pets? Yep! 4 dogs (actually 3 and a bit – the Chihuahua doesn’t really count as a full dog), 3 snakes, 3 lizards, a tortoise, turtle, hermit crabs, Guinea pig, one of those pygmy hedgehog things and a handful of fish.

14. What’s your favorite thing about writing? Being able to lose myself in alternate realities, plus exorcising some of the stuff out of my head and down on paper.

15. What is coming next for you? I’m working hard on the launch of ‘Flanagan’ (buy a copy!!!) of course – and hoping that my next novel ‘Tenebrion’ (an intense, claustrophobic demon story) will be picked up very soon. I’m planning to get my anthology ‘Blood and Kisses’ out later in the year, whilst finishing my latest novels; ‘Possum’s Walk’ and ‘The Resurrected’. Watch this space!

I was (just) accepted as an Affiliate Member of the Horror Writer’s Association – a proud moment for me! As well as novels and short stories, I write screenplays – I’ve been commissioned to write full-length features, anything from family animation to a biopic of Bob Marley! I’ve also written and directed a bunch of short films – and won a few awards too!

You can connect with James H. Longmore here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MSEH3X7/ref=sr_1_2?tag=geolinker-20&s=books (Kindle preorder page) http://www.jameslongmore.com (my website – has info on all of my books, short movies, screenplays – and even a little of my stand-up!) https://www.amazon.com/James-H.-Longmore/e/B01H0Q04AC/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1468103679&sr=8-1 (Amazon Author Page)

    As well as amazing writing James H. Longmore also makes short films this is one you will love! 

https://vimeo.com/100708649

  Some of James H. Longmore’s books:

Getting personal with James H. Longmore James H. Longmore is an amazing guy. I have completely enjoyed getting to know him and have the honor of doing a weekly segment on his podcast. 

[tanmath3-blog]

Flanagan by James H. Longmore

Flanagan by James H. Longmore

This is the first book I have read by James H. Longmore but it will NOT be the last I can promise you this!  This story had me hooked from the first word. It reeled me in like a fish on a line and held me there the entire book! His writing is very smooth like fine chocolate. I love reading books like this and it is a real treat when I fine one that makes me hold my breath and sit on the edge of…