#jaune will forever be trans in my mind

[fandomhasruinedmylife]

Weird RWBY Headcanons that make no sense pt.2

Note: Still in my happy little land of “Nothing Bad Ever Happened” because I am in denial during hiatuses. This one is kind of long, my bad.

Jaune played softball (yes, softball. no, not baseball.). He was really good at it too. His mom still has pictures of him from every year he was on the team. They’re all on the fridge at his family’s home.

Jaune’s sisters got him into Taylor Swift at a young age, and he still listens to her as a guilty pleasure.

Ruby’s a skater kid. She got rusty when she went to Beacon due to getting swamped down by work, but she used to be “One of the best,” according to Yang at least. She used to scare the hell out of Qrow and Tai, because she would come home covered in scrapes and bruises, but what could they do? Say no to her? To Ruby? Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

Weiss will say some of the most out of pocket stuff without thinking about it and then immediately regret it. The thing is that the severity of the comments are inconsistent.

So sometimes she’ll say the most spoiled rich kid stuff, like, “Why can’t they just buy a new one?” before getting a side eye look from Blake and correcting herself and pointing out how the comment was insensitive.

Other times it’ll just be stuff where you question where it came from, like, there’s dead silence then Weiss just says, “If you think about it, Dante’s Inferno is just Bible fanfic.” And then nobody knows what to do with that, so they just stay silent, which ultimately leads to Weiss quietly apologizing and everyone telling her she doesn’t need to.

Or, she’ll say stuff like, “Yeah, I think my dad hit me once,” then get the saddest looks from Yang, Blake, and Ruby, and follow it up with, “Oh, I said something sad again, didn’t I?” and getting slow, concerned nods in return.

There are a lot of mumbled apologies from Weiss because of this, which means there’s also a lot of Ruby, Blake, and Yang panicking and telling her it’s not necessary.

Similarly, Nora will occasionally just drop the wisest or deepest things anyone’s every heard, just out of nowhere. Like, someone will be talking about life and then Nora will just chime in with, “Yeah, that’s the crazy thing about life. It’s very big and you’re very small, and ultimately when you die the world will continue on without you, but also in a sense, it won’t. There’s a strange beauty to it. A weird mixture of grief and survival,” and everybody will just sit slack-jawed and questioning their perception of her until right after she goes, “Can I just call potatoes pre-fries?”

There’s a running joke about Ren being the best wife/husband (they’re used interchangeably). He’ll make flower crowns, cook breakfast, do household chores, etc. This ends up confusing the hell out of the rest of the school for a moment because RWBY, JNP_, Sun, and Neptune are all calling Ren their husband/wife, and nobody can figure out who’s actually dating Ren.

Adding onto that, it is a known fact around the school that, at this point, nobody asks who’s dating who when it comes to RWBY, JNPR, Sun, and Neptune, they’re all just weirdly close and everyone just accepts it.

One time, Yang made a joke about starting a band with Jaune and Sun and calling it The Blondies 3.0. Then, Jaune asked why 3.0 instead of 2.0, which Sun responded to with “So we can kick one out and then rebrand.” Soon there was a whole plot line on what albums they would make, how the break up would go, who would get kicked out, there was even a plan for a failed comeback. The only that stopped them was Blake and Pyrrha.

Ilia’s an astronomy nerd. I know we know, like, nothing about her parents, but I like to think that’s where it came from. Like, they used to teach her about the stars and the universe, and after they died Ilia just kind of held onto to it, because it was all she had left of her parents. She’s not super into astrology, though she does know the constellations and their stories. (Blake is kind of the astrology to Ilia’s astronomy)

Kids and stray animals love Ilia, and she has no idea why. Like, kids will just kind of follow her around and hug her ankles and ask her to tell them stories about the constellations or the White Fang, and she will. And stray animals will come up and give puppy eyes, then suddenly she’s buying dog treats. The kids and the animals know why they love her, but she’s got no clue.

I like to think Ilia is very similar to Qrow in a couple of aspects, specifically love language type stuff. Like, when you do something stupid, she will call you an idiot for it and she will never let you live it down, but she’ll also check to make sure you’re ok and not physically injured in some way. She’s also a nickname collector, and has one for everybody (except for Penny and a few other because they very seriously requested that she stop, which she respects).

Multiple guys have tried to trip up Pyrrha when it comes to her mythology knowledge, since a lot of her actions allude to Achilles. They fail miserably every time due to the fact that Pyrrha just genuinely does enjoy fairytales and mythology. Occasionally, RWBY, JNR, Sun, or Neptune will just ask her about it just so she can talk about it because it makes her happy.

A lot of people in the White Fang had little to no education when it came to Grimm, so there are nicknames for different Grimm. (Ex. Beowolves = Hellhounds, Boarbatusk = Demon Hogs, Lancers = Steroid Wasps, Death Stalkers = Big Boy/Ole Crawlers, etc.)

Vacuo is pretty similar due to their isolation. So, Ilia, Blake, and Sun will talk about Grimm using nicknames, and nobody will know what their talking about.

[19-bellwether]

Professor Ruby AU

Consider: An unfortunate AU in which Ozpin doesn’t reincarnate into Oscar, he reincarnates into Ruby.

He awakens in Ruby’s head as team RNJR is on their journey. It takes him all of two seconds to realize where he is and utters a swear in shock, and that’s the first time Ruby hears her headmaster’s voice in over a month. It’s difficult to explain to her what’s happening because she interrupts every few moments to try and “exorcise the spirit.”

Because Ruby is incapable of keeping her mouth shut about this, the rest of team JNR find out by the end of the day. Ruby explains the situation in the worst possible way with choice phrases such as “He’s going to turn me into a gross old man like him!” and “My mind is being wiped by his!” Ozpin chooses not to comment on the insults. Can he blame her for being stressed out? Eventually he grows weary of having to make corrections and takes over for the first time, much to JNR’s surprise. Jaune punches Ruby in the face for what happened to Pyrrha. Ruby says to punch him again. Ren has to get between them.

During the entire Ruby and Qrow vs Tyrian fight, Ruby and Ozpin are doing their best impression of piloting a Jaeger, except they have zero coordination whatsoever. Qrow gets stabbed even sooner. Ozpin is honestly pretty relieved because he knows Qrow would kick his ass for inhabiting his niece, accident or not. He wouldn’t hurt Ruby, but this is Qrow fucking Branwen. He’d find a way to pay Ozpin his dues without harming Ruby.

Lesson learned from last time, Ozpin lets Ruby stay in control during the fight with the knuckleevee. He tells Ruby that’s not how you spell it, but she’s too busy fighting to care. He offers strategic tips when he can as well as a few fun facts. When the beast is slain, he gives Ruby, Nora, and Ren A grades. Jaune gets a B.

By this point, the gang has largely acclimated to Professor Ruby (as Nora has aptly named them). Ren and Nora are pleased to have his guidance and knowledge of what they’re up against. Jaune, however, is less charitable. He’s snappier with Ruby and quick to question her decisions. In the heat of the moment, he spits out that he’s wondering if Ruby’s decisions as a leader are coming from her or Ozpin. Ruby tries to reassure him, but he doesn’t look particularly convinced. Her and Ozpin have a feeling this isn’t the end of it...

It takes longer for Ruby and Ozpin to fall into an agreeable rhythm than it does with Oscar due to their major personality differences and... other differences. In an amused sort of way, Ozpin comments that he has never reincarnated into a woman before. Trans men he has, pre and post-transition, but never a woman. Ruby takes this information and does what she always does when presented with the means of an existential crisis: buries it for future Ruby to deal with.

Ruby and Ozpin can’t hide the truth from Qrow forever, so Oz makes peace with himself and tells Ruby what to say. They approach him in a bar and Ruby awkwardly grabs his attention. She murmurs the words “I’d like my cane back.” There’s silence. Then Qrow slams down his drink and twists over his shoulder with the unbridled rage and disbelief of a witch who’s been told her lover can’t be resurrected. “Are you shitting me, Oz?” he says, to which Professor Ruby shrugs helplessly. Qrow shakes his head, turns back to the bar, and tells the waitress to max out his credit card. He’s going to need it.

End of Volume 4.