#jeisenberg

[beforethepoison]

Jesse Eisenberg | OCD and What I Would Tell My Younger Self | Child Mind Institute

[livepoultryfreshkilled]

from the asuncion bootleg btw. he does this.

[phasmotid]

sagar radia understudied for and then took over the co-lead role in the spoils. Which is something that matters to a very specific kind of guy. who is me (your jeisenberg historian oomf) (industry syndrome oomf)

[gazellefamily]

SOLITARY MAN (2009) “Reviewed this at dawn of Gazelle Netflix Reviews but rewatch last night was revelatory. Now having seen the majority of Dougie’s filmography I declare it the most concentrated essential oil of Dougie. He doesn’t just make dizz mistakes: he’s a straight-up sex-addict scumbag pathetically macking on every young bird he sees at college keg parties. Even the 18-year old daughter (Clownface Poots) of his already younger girlfriend (MarLouPar). And more top birds Gill Jacobs, Thirlby, Sizzlin’ Sarandon, Office Pam are all here. And bonus trope: he teaches virgin Jeisenberg how to get laid (natch). It’s dark Dougie. The graying of the embodiment of the American Male Phallus and all that entails.” -Sonny Gazelle

[birdbrainless]

there are only three men i think are capable, and about the right age, to play rorschach should someone decide to remake a film of the original comics.

thank you.

[philosopherjesse]

◙ INSTAGRAM: jeisenberg uploaded a new photo:

i fucking love you.

tagged: @kstew-booknerd

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[mancandykings]

Jesse Eisenberg at his "Rio 2" Press Conference - March 23 2014

[gazellefamily]

FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE (TV, 2022)

“First off: lame poster art, right? Moving on: this is as close to modern-day Xillenial Alan Alda / M’Zursk ‘Vorce saga and I’m bout it. Jeisenberg went straight from losing virginity roles to dad-vorce. ClareD’s cryface is a literal warning sign, like that Mr. Yuk sticker they use for poison control. Like in nature how deadly toxic plants and animals have spots or stripes or whatever? STAY AWAY. LizKap, too cool and sessy to be believable as sad suburban mom. Love all the easter eggs for the Jews of my generation, such as a Ween T-shirt. Truly feels like a niche demo being represented.” -Sonny Gazelle

[birdbrainless]

jeisenberg scholars what are your thoughts on the now you see me franchise

[missglumcakes]

Some Boys Don't Leave

This is a short film starring Jesse Eisenberg, and when I say short, I mean literally only 16 minutes. It's so heartwrenchingly beautiful. I cried. I chuckled. I giggled. He's just so perfect in it. It's only $1 to rent on iTunes, yes that's also the price of one teeny song. I honestly suggest that you, especially if you are a Jeisenberg fan, rent and watch this short. It's absolutely fantastic.

[gazellefamily]

THE FIRST TIME (TV, 1982) “JJL was the female Jeisenberg of her day; losing her virginity in every movie (ok, maybe just this and FAST TIMES). Here she plays a girl who loses her virginity.  Alex Rocco getting sessually frustrated by SAnspach’s single mom iciness. Somehow story moves the characters from Ohio to the militaristic San Diego of TOP GUN and the ladies end up romcomming out with Navy boys. I wasn’t paying too much attention. But I did catch some Hamlisch.ttf in the opening credits. Hints of toffee.” -Sonny Gazelle

[gazellefamily]

ADVENTURELAND (2009)

“Def should have gotten a whatevs Summer job after I graduated college. Maybe coulda met a KStew-esque foxy neurotic Hüsker fan and spent the summer frenching in my car and setting off fireworks. Instead I drank alone in my basement and occasionally substitute-taught Catholic elementary school. No KStew in sight - just a waitress at Box Seats and a clerk at Borders that I stalked from afar and never talked to aside from business transactions. Grim. As Sonny pointed out in his review of RODGER DODGER, Jeisenberg is the patron saint of losing your virginity. Major plot point of all of his films. Is he a method actor? Actively resisting sess so it doesn’t affect his ability to get into character?” -Tommy Gazelle

“Love this flick. Rush references. K.Stew the Boomtube dream chick, but then that other chick Lisa is like the Ka-Boomtube dream-on chick. But then Jeisenberg pulls it off with both somehow even though he still got V-card? Due to some new found confidence? And then that makes his even more nerdy friend hate him? And he gotta try to compete with RyRen anyway. It’s all feels so real. But actually my summer jobs were too physically demanding or too solitary to have that kinda fun. Bakery, house-painting, delivery dry cleaning? No opportunity for joints or flirting. Tiring work and boring nights of driving around dark forest roads aimlessly with bros. More like DINER” -Sonny Gazelle

[gazellefamily]

THE SQUID AND THE WHALE (2005)

“Divorce lords eternal! Sonny and I are never going to run out of divorce movies to review. This one’s good! Baumbach sort of made the same movie years later with older characters with MEYEROWITZ, but that’s fine. I liked that too. I think that a brown corduroy blazer should be mandatory for any male over 30 in the arts - it broadcasts to the world that you’re pretentious but not successful and that your best days are behind you. It’s actually the perfect divorce uniform. ‘I quit. I’ve got a tennis shirt with a brown corduroy blazer on and it’s the only one I own.’ Bill Baldwin really seems like a cool chill guy in this and I’m not sure if we were supposed to dislike him but I did not. I rooted for his success with comely Laura Linney.” -Tommy Gazelle

“Not much can be added to this discussion from me. It really captures the way living near 7th Ave is dope, and when you have to move to Church Ave (2 miles away as the crow flies) your life seems to go to shit. I need a fucking brown courdouroy blazer that fits STAT. I’m old enough. Being a pompous Lit professor seems like a bore now that the society’s made it so clear that sleeping with your graduate students is out. 30% drop in job applications to be Lit professor. Seemed like that was kind of the point. J.Daniels just WENT for it in this one... and it was kinda creepy, bro. Jeisenberg forced to lose virginity so many times on film that he now seems to be overcompensating as badass. Its called The Bonaduce Effect. Just own it, kid. That’s you forevs” -Sonnie Gazelle