#joe eszterhas

[90smovies]

[fitsofgloom]

A goddess on a mountaintop

Was burning like a silver flame

The summit of beauty and love

And Venus was her name

[80smovies]

[theoscarsproject]

Flashdance (1983). A Pittsburgh woman with two jobs as a welder and an exotic dancer wants to get into ballet school.

More music video than movie, this feels like a late night special on VH1. It does make me wish Jennifer Beals had a better career, but we'll always have The L Word. 4/10.

[laserpinksteam]

Film after film: Showgirls (dir. Paul Verhoeven, 1995)

I don't get this midnight-movie classic label that this piece of shit of a movie received over the years after its hard-flopping premiere. The point is that it's neither: it's not an entertaining pulpy watch (not only because of the totally plot-unnecessary horrifying rape scene in its third act), nor is it secretly sophisticated: there's a level of excess that Verhoeven could have got inspired by watching Italian giallo films or French thrillers. It's just boring and empty, which is the biggest surprise that I got out of finally watching this film, having avoided it somehow for the past 28 years.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Nowhere to Run (1993)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Wait. Jean-Claude Van Damme's fans say that Nowhere to Run is one of the man's better films? Well. That certainly doesn’t bode well for his filmography.

After escaping from prison, Sam Gillen (Van Damme) goes on the run. While searching for a place to camp, he befriends Clydie Anderson (Rosanna Arquette) and her two children, Mike (Kieran Culkin) and Bree (Tiffany Taubman). When Sam learns corrupt developer Franklin Hale (Joss Ackland) is strongarming the family into selling their land to him, the escaped convict decides to intervene.

This movie could’ve been good if it were just a little better. The villains are sufficiently despicable for you to want them beaten up, maimed, or dead. Picking on poor, sexy, Rosanna Arquette and her two over-trusting children. How could they? “Nowhere to Run” also manages to insert some decent chase and action scenes in what should really be a drama/thriller. The choreography isn’t 100% convincing at points but for the most part, it manages to give you the excitement you crave out of a movie like this.

Here’s where some improvements could’ve been made. Firstly, the romance that develops between Sam and Clydie is as believable as a $3 bill. He first spots her as she’s about to jump in the tub (a little creepy). She randomly sees him while he's in the shower. They’re both lonely. I’d buy that as enough fuel to get a fire going in their pants but come on. They’ve known each other for a grand total of a week - at best - before they profess their love to each other.

The character motivations and reactions are where the film is at its weakest. Considering Clydie’s had her cattle slaughtered, her vehicle vandalized and her property destroyed, you’d think she’d either be much tougher or more high-strung than she is. No, she still lets her kids wander wherever they want to go - obviously, so they can be threatened and/or captured by one of Hale’s cronies at some point. She’s close/dating(?) the Sheriff (Edward Blatchford) but he’s… corrupt? Kind of? He’s looking the other way as Hale just does whatever he wants to whoever he wants but has reservations about just kicking Clydie off her land. This is what I mean by the characters’ driving forces being vague. Why isn’t Clydie selling again?

Then, there are points where the movie just forgets about previous scenes. Sam beats up three men - one of which is armed with a meat hook. Once they run away, they’re just gone. Same thing for some guys who trail gasoline behind bulldozers (presumably) to torch Clydie’s entire herd of cattle. Sam beats them up and then… nothing. They’re like enemies in a video game; once defeated they disappear. Them, and their high-powered machinery.

The one-liners are embarrassing, and the fights are only okay. Van Damme does fine in the role - I suppose. There’s not much for anyone who chooses to watch Nowhere to Run. The only thing you MIGHT remember about this 1993 action film is the surprising amount of times the muscles from Brussels is either naked or has someone else comment on his naked body. I’m not sure how much fans of the former 80/90s action star will appreciate this… but then again, I don't really see his appeal for any reason, so who knows. (On VHS, May 6, 2021)

[spryfilm]

Blu-ray review: “Music Box” (1989)

[redlettermediathings]

That wasn't the first time Jay talked about Showgirls...

[lizardsfromspace]

"This summer...all you wanted was to buy a book..."

*ringing bell* "I'm here for the latest Calvino."

"...but you found something much bigger..."

*sinister music* "It says they met in a train station. It says it's outside of Malbork. It says they lost a suitcase."

"...and one woman had the secret to everything..."

*alluring music* "What's your name?" "Ludmilla. I must warn you. You're leaning from a steep slope to see gathering shadows, you best not be afraid, Mr...?" "I'm da one reading this, sweetheart. And I ain't got vertigo." *part of the soundtrack to Backdraft plays* "What if I told you you couldn't trust anything you read? What if I told you that a former book translator named Ermes Marana is plotting something - a deal with terrorists from the former Cimbrian People's Republic?"

"Now, you will experience action - suspense - thrills! From Joe Eszterhas - writer of Basic Instinct -"

*screeching tires* *Uzi fire* *taxi horn blares* "Yeah, welcome to Ataguitania, pal!" *bazooka fires* "CENSOR THIS!"

" - If On A Winter's Night A Traveler."

"It's not a matter of if on a winter's night a traveler." *cocks shotgun* "It's a matter of when on a winter's night a traveler."

"Coming this summer."

[scumgristle]

HBO’s The Idol

answers the question; “what if Joe Eszterhas researched pop music by polling a bunch of bitter nu-metal dads?” 

been holding a torch for a new era of softcore cable pohrne. guess that monkey’s paw got me again. 

[shpadoinkle-day]

[90smovies]

[80smovies]

[keresztyandras]

Érik az újabb botrány

Lázár György >Joe Eszterhas az ismert amerikai író, nem is olyan régen, még Orbán Viktor híve volt. Fiatalemberként megdöbbenve konstatálta, hogy bevándorló édesapja egész életében hazudott múltjáról. Hollywood Animal című memoárjában hosszasan ír arról, hogy Clevelandben magyar nyilas és horthysta bevándorlók között nőtt fel, és csak akkor érzékelte hogy valami nagy baj van, amikor az…

[gazellefamily]

TELLING LIES IN AMERICA (1997) "Never would have guessed Joe Eszterhas and my Dad had much in common but both were nerdy Hungarian immigrant kids growing up in Midwestern cities who were really into doo-wop music. I suppose the similarities ended there. Calista Flockheart... eh? Hmmmm. Maybs" -Sonny Gazelle