#jujutsu kaisen crack

[satoruluvies]

random bf!toge texts

toge is always so unhinged i love making his texts lmaoo

» requested

[koishiro]

nanami :

megumi :

yuji :

=͟͟͞͞ ⌧ : Ik it’s not valentines but let me be delusional 🥹

[justrustandstardust]

how can people say stsg isn’t canon when actual official art shows gojo about to gleefully slap geto’s cheeks so hard he sends him flying into space

[goejoes]

jjk silly tweets

i did this instead of my psych homework enjoy

[saintkaylaa]

hidden inventory gc: let’s hangout…

(ft. satoru, suguru, nanami, shoko, utahime, & haibara)

note: you are suguru’s gf and nanami is secretly in love with you

warnings: cursing, suggestiveness, crack, f!reader

[zairene]

RANDOM TWEETS. jjk characters

* ˚ ✦ genre: smau

* ˚ ✦ author’s note: i’ve been wanting to do a post like this for so long and it’s a new year so here you go!

* ˚ ✦ warnings: a sex joke 😕

(🪭) — JUJUTSU KAISEN TAGLIST // @mypimpademia @vhour @megurulvr @jogeto @jamies-cumslut @edgyficuselastica @goldenglow149 @laylasbunbunny @4kh @stqrriichiigo @sonderessence @jioats

(📝) — TAGLIST FORM :: sign to be apart of the taglist!

[dumbdemonslayertexts]

When Yuta ask the wrong ppl for help

[lalalabelle]

"Marry me, again?

Playing a lyric prank on him and asking him to marry you again 🥺💖

Masterlist-------check out the other stuff

[bleach-your-panties]

Y'all can't tell me Gojo wouldn't be that teacher turning up with the students at the school dance instead of chaperoning.

Nanami and Kusakabe looking so done with life while Gojo getting crunk on the dance floor.

Geto trying to convince the kids to join his cult.

Shoko smoking in the bathroom with some of the deliquents, promising not to tell as long as they keep supplying her with cigarettes.

The principal about to fire everybody because Yuuji just did a swan dive off the stage trying to crowd surf. He needs supervision AT ALL TIMES.

Megumi standing with his face in the corner like Tamaki.

Nobara on the dance floor with Maki getting lit.

Toge rewiring the DJ's laptop to play Nintendo theme music as a prank.

Panda is eating all the snacks off the buffet table.

Yuta sleep on the bleachers.

Good times.

[shiro249]

JJK Filipino Headcanons

I’m going to post headcanons for a meantime since posting my stories might get much longer. -v- English with Tagalog version! Also based on my school and home experiences -v-

- Toji who’s always in the cockfighting but afraid of his wife. Sometimes commanded Megumi to buy him cigarettes or one liter of coke/sprite in the middle of dinner. (Toji yung puros nasa sabungan pero takot sa asawa. Paminsan inuutusan si Megumi pabilhan ng sigarilyo o isang litro ng coke or sprite sa kalagitnaan ng hapunan.) - Gojo the rich kid who’s a savior in group projects for bringing a lot of markers but a show-off. (Si Gojo yung the rich kid na isang tagapagligtas pag may group projects sa pagdadala ng maraming marker pero pabida.) - Nanami is the quiet kid who’s always covering his face with a towel. (Si Nanami yung the quiet kid na tinatakpan ang mukha ng towel.) - Haibara is the friend of the quiet kid and just vibing what’s happening in the classroom even if it’s a fight between the president and the show-off. Especially Shoko. (Si Haibara yung kaibigan ng quiet kid na nag-vivibe lang sa anong nangyayari kahit away sa pabida tsaka president. Especially Shoko.) - Utahime is the president that’s always fighting with Gojo and always listed Gojo first in the NSP in rest period or being ordered by the adviser. (Si Utahime yung president na laging nag-aaway kay Gojo na siya ang mauuna na listahan sa NSP pag rest period or inutusan sa adviser.) - Yaga is the adviser that is already tired with his students' antics that he is always counting down up to five for minus points in grades or slamming the book down on the table or the floor angrily that he rants to his students that they don’t listen and for being stubborn, especially Gojo and Geto. (Si Yaga ay yung adviser na pagod na pagod na sa mga kalokohan ng kanyang mga estudyante na laging na lang nagbibilang ng hanggang lima na nagsasabi na minus points sa grado o kaya'y hinahampas ang libro sa mesa o sa sahig na galit na galit na sinasabi niya sa kanyang mga estudyante na hindi sila makikinig at sa pagiging matigas ang ulo, lalo na sina Gojo at Geto.) - They will only be quiet when the teacher is angry, but at some time they will return to making noise. (Tatahimik lang sila kapag galit ang guro, pero maya-maya ay babalik din sila ng ingay.) - Gojo and Geto who always escape when they are the cleaners when it's dismissal.

(Si Gojo at Geto yung kaklase mo na laging tumatakas kapag sila ang cleaners pag dismissal na.) - Gojo is always the one who gets hit by a chalk, sometimes Geto gets also involved. (Si Gojo yung laging mababatuhan ng chalk sa teacher, paminsan nadadamay rin si Geto.) - Sukuna is that one classmate who always orders you to buy what he wants and then threatens you if you refuse. Even during recess, lunch, or outside of school and will get furious when you can’t buy since the canteen’s already closed. (Si Sukuna ay yung isang kaklase mo na palagi kang inuutusan bilhin gusto niya tapos i-threaten ka kung rerefuse. Kahit recess, lunch, o sa labas ng school, magagalit kung hindi makakabili dahil sirado na yung canteen.) - Toji is that one parent who squints his eyes when using the cellphone and sometimes asks Tsumiki or Megumi what to do or if there is a problem with the cellphone. Sometimes many apps are duplicated or installed but don't used it and the brightness is too high. (Si Toji yung nag-ssquint ng mata pag gumagamit ng cellphone, paminsan magtatanong kay Tsumiki o Megumi anong gagawin o may problema sa cellphone. Paminsan rin madaming apps naka duplicate or install na hindi naman nagagamit tsaka malaki masyado ang brightness.) - Geto is the polite and intelligent classmate who helps his classmates in lessons even though he is an annoying friend because of his teasing. (Si Geto yung magalang tsaka matalino na classmate na tinutulungan ang mga classmate sa mga aralin kahit nakakainis siya na kaibigan dahil sa kanyang panunukso.) - Toji who has arthritis and pain in the waist and the back but will still eat cashews. (Si Toji na may arthritis tsaka sakit sa bewang tsaka likod pero kakain pa rin ng kasoy.)

[kissagii]

𝕛𝕦𝕛𝕦𝕥𝕤𝕦 𝕜𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕟 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕥 𝕢𝕦𝕠𝕥𝕖𝕤

also sourced from my family because we're totally sane

Gojo: Bonjour, good day, how is your family? Geto: Bonjour, good day, how is your wife? Gojo: Bonjour, I’m gay, there is no wife

Itadori: Megumi... what are you doing?? Megumi: *lays on floor with phone to ear* I'm on a phone call with depression Itadori: And what is depression saying?? Megumi: Die

Nobara: You guys make me lose braincells. I love you but at the same time I don't.

Panda: *incoherent screaming* Inumaki: *screech* Panda: *incoherent screaming but louder* Inumaki: *screech but higher pitch* Maki: WTF?? Yuuta: Don't mind them... they do this.

Itadori: Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase Nobara: Hakuna matata, ain't no passing craze Itadori: It means no worries, for the rest of your days Nobara: It's our problem free Megumi: CATASTROPHEEEE Nobara: That's not the lyric you idiot

Itadori: *screams at video game* Nobara: *cries over biology homework* Megumi: *lays dead over physics homework* Itadori: ... Let's call Gojo.

Nanami: *chopping up a bell pepper for dinner* Gojo: Wow, truly an artist at work Nanami: Don't be surprised. It's not my fault I'm the only person around here that knows how to cook.

Inumaki: *incoherently mumbling and making silly faces* Maki: *recording the whole thing* Panda: Toge... you do realize you're being recorded Inumaki: *flips off camera* Gojo: No not the sweet innocent child ;-;

as promised, the chaos continues

[sixeyesgojo]

Tengen oppa wishes you a Happy New Year!!

[inmaki]

gojo showing off your back scratches to geto

( cont from this fic! req, visual ) .

contains: sex talk, desc of back scratches, crack, sugu is called daddy once (as a joke.. right..)

everything was relatively peaceful in suguru's apartment. key word: relatively.

a forgettable yet appreciated sunday afternoon, not a cloud in sight despite the weather forecast predicting downpours of rain. either way, the raven-haired man insouciantly rested across his white couch, reaching the conclusion that today would be a day for self-care, relaxing, and perhaps some meditation.

there was only one thing ruining his peace.

all morning, suguru has been forced to try and ignore the stain a certain someone has left on his couch — a pair of unecessarily expensive yet dirty shoes being the culprit.

despite these attempts, every once in a while his gaze can't help but wander over at the mark — as if it'd poof out of existence if he glared hard enough.

"fuckin' asshole.." he mutters. it was a wonder his relationship with his best friend managed to stay so promising despite all their differences, yet suguru wouldn't have it any other way, even after situations like this.

right when he grumpily turns back to the tv — which was playing some crappy, low budget rom-com — his apartment door is yanked open and suguru swears he nearly jumps out of his seat.

great, was this it? was he about to get robbed, perhaps evicted? and then probably die? forced into the afterlife knowing gojo's shoe-shit was still on his new couch? no that can't—

"i fucked her!"

suguru whips his head towards the apartment door, announcement being disregarded as he nearly groans in agony. speak of the devil.

big blue eyes peak out from under circular sunglasses, one hand already raised in preparation for a dap up while his stupid, big, dirty shoe pushes the door closed behind him. gojo wears a black compression shirt with grey sweats, marching over to his friend with a ginormous grin across his cheeks.

"take your shoes off, now," suguru snaps, nodding to his friend's feet with a frown.

"yeesh... whatever y'say, daddy," the bastard never loses his smile as his hands raise in surrender, kicking them off by the door smoothly. "what's got your panties in a twist?"

geto pinches his nose bridge. "don't call me that," as he continues the scolding, he points to the living room with his free hand. "you got a mystery stain on my couch, satoru. do you know how many youtube videos i watched trying to get this shit off?"

unphased, gojo takes a look at the strangely colored blob against the armrest's leather material and shrugs. "my bad. did you try febreeze?"

"what— no? dude, febreeze is for.." when suguru looks back up to sourly meet his gaze, he could immediately tell the white-haired man was already drifting back into la-la-land, words going in one ear and out the other. "..nevermind. why're you here?"

at the reminder, satoru seemingly brightens, head shooting back up as if he was just told he'd won the lottery.

"oh god, don't make that stupid face—" he pauses. "the fuck are you doing?" suguru might as well say goodbye to his self-care day, because now gojo was stripping in the middle of his living room, shirt thrown haphazardly onto the still-very-much-stained couch.

"just look!" suguru squints as his friend swivels around to face the wall, pushing his bangs away to get a better view of the— oh shit.

it takes the raven-haired man a second to process what he's seeing before shuffling forward, closely examining the achingly red, bulging scratch marks displayed sexily across the latter's back and shoulders. "no way.."

suguru knows the strongest sorcerer well enough to notice how he purposely didn't use reversed cursed technique on these scratches, just so it'd be obvious to anyone that caught a glimpse of what exactly occured. to his further dismay, he can already picture a smug and sweaty gojo walking around their local gym like this, proud simper on his pretty lips as he easily raises a pair of weights in his veiny hands.

a hiss escapes geto's mouth as he runs his finger down a particularly agitated one, knowing exactly how painful they could be after experiencing many hook-ups of his own. even so, satoru only licks his lips, neck craning to the side so he can pride himself in his friend's gobsmacked expression.

"damn, these are deep. you actually hit it?" suguru confirms, raising a celebratory hand.

turning back around, satoru daps him up, a massive smirk now on both their faces. "hell yeah, it was amazing."

it was impossible to predict what gojo would do next after barging through his front door — especially considering how many times he's done so — but this has to be the last thing suguru ever expected.

not that he was complaining — in fact, all of geto's temper and need for relaxation seemingly flew out the window, the feeling of proudness for his best friend overthrowing anything else.

and even if he hated to admit it, the way gojo was so eager to come over and announce his virginity loss to him was more than a little endearing, and dare he say cute.

"that's great, man. congrats." suguru leads him into the kitchen — still shamelessly shirtless — to grab them both a can of beer in celebration. while the white-haired man usually didn't get involved with any form of alcohol, this occasion was most definitely exception-worthy. "you made y/n cum too, right?"

an offended glare is shot his way. "duh, two times."

"huh. surprised you could last."

as suguru pours their drinks into two fragile cups, gojo exhales, not bothered in the slightest by his jab. "dude, same.." he admits dreamily. "she was so fuckin' tight and warm.. and oh— fuck, her moans? heavenly.. 'can't believe i didn't bust after the first minute.."

geto gulps, trying his best to ignore the mental image his brain was producing from his dirty words. you can't blame him — both of you were smoking hot, and he was a simple man.

even now, he could already imagine what you both looked like; panting and moaning, skin-slapping so loud that it echoed through the whole room, how blissed out you'd look as gojo's cock split you in t—

satoru's playful sigh cuts through the tensing air. "who knows sugs, maybe you'll have another kind of stain to worry about next time we're over~"

he's never snapped out of a daydream so quickly. "don't even joke about that."

over the next hour, the two men sat manspread on the stained couch, taking leisure sips while recalling satoru's final moments as a virgin — suguru giving out his secret tips and tricks along the way.

maybe sometime, suguru could offer some.. hands-on learning instead.

mlist! <- sugu.. how could u think abt ur bestie and his gf like that... tsk tsk tsk (if u enjoyed reblogs/comments r appreciated heheh)

© inmaki on tumblr. all rights reserved. do not cross-post, translate, copy in any way, etc.

[nanaslutt]

telling the jjk characters you want to get them pregnant

ʚ incl: gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna, ino, uraume, shoko, higuruma

ʚ cont: suggestiveness, crack, fluff

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

[satoruluvies]

jealousy, jealousy

just you being a little jealous over girls fawning over your too good to be true boyfriend .ᐟ

includes: gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna, yuji, megumi, yuta and toge.

» requested!

lowkey got carried away making this lmaoo

[chuluoyi]

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 03:12 A.M 」

tw: pregnancy. just a little something based on ask~ gojo annoys you on daily basis, so now you return the favor and he can't refuse it bc you're his baby mama😋

a part of gojo's love entries

“satoru— your baby is hungry,” you pouted, poking his cheek repeatedly. “sa-to-ru!!”

it was 3 in the morning, and ideally, you would have been sleeping... only that suddenly you were awoken by rumbles from your growing belly.

yet your husband was still sound asleep without any care in the world, prompting you to poke him until you succeeded in making him hear you out.

satoru begrudgingly cracked his eyes open, still having his face tucked under the blanket and yawning. “ngh, sweets… what is it?”

his sleepy voice was thick, low and raspy. usually you’d swoon and leave a hickey or two on his neck but not now, as the overwhelming hunger made you almost curl.

“baby is craving mochi,” you said, eyes shining up to him ever so innocently. “get it for me, satoruuu.”

“oh?” if he wasn’t awake before, now he was after hearing your nagging tone drawling his name. he faced you and drew you closer. “what do you want again, hmm?”

“ice cream mochi!!”

“oooh that.” satoru scratched his head at the memory of him eating the last of it yesterday. “but we ran out of them, sweetheart… wait till morning, yeah? i’ll go to market to get some.”

“but...”

“can’t baby wait a few more hours, hmm?”

“no! want it— now!”

satoru blinked at your insistence. you looked positively adorable while sulking at him too.

“why mochi all of sudden, huh?” he decided to humor you. “you used to say they taste bland.”

“that’s because of your sperm infecting me,” you sullenly accused. “and don’t pretend you haven’t been feeding me mochi for weeks. baby likes it more than i thought.”

“hey! don’t bash my sperm! they did no wrong and completed the deed splendidly!”

“you’re just a one-time donor, don’t be smug.”

he whined and you huffed, before suddenly your stomach grumbled loudly and you curled up. “mmhm.”

“hey… what’s wrong?” satoru quickly sat up and placed his hand on your baby bump. “really hungry? wait, i’ll get you something to nibble on first.”

he rummaged through his work uniform and found several bite-sized chocolate bars he brought around, and unwrapped the foil. “here.”

you immediately devoured the treat to sate your hunger, but still, your baby longed for more—

“mochi…” you mumbled despondently, your expression turning heartbroken. and one second later satoru realized how much he wanted to squeeze your cheeks, and relented.

“okay, okay, sweets~” he gave your head several comforting pats, making you look up. “i’ll go and get the mochi, yeah? you stay put and wait for me, 'kay?”

“yay.” a little smile bloomed in your face and satoru chuckled, finding you so unbearably endearing.

and so, for you, he ventured out to the closest 24-hour convenience store, picking up some ice cream mochi along with other treats to replenish your stock, before teleporting back home.

he was expecting that you'd still be all sulky while waiting for him, but instead, he found you peacefully asleep, hogging his pillow.

each breath that caused your chest to rise and fall made you appear all the more vulnerable and soft in his eyes.

you looked so irrevocably precious to him. his sweet little wife... in that moment, satoru felt like he was the luckiest man alive, getting to have you as his.

“you naughty girl.” he let out an amused laugh before reclaiming his spot next to you. the hold you had over him— you made him go through the cold night air, and now you were monopolizing his pillow and he had to resume sleeping without one at all.

and yet all he could feel was love. for you and your baby, as he pulled you close to his chest.

“both of you sure love teaming up against me, huh?”