#jung yoonoh x reader

[fullsunalicia]

gif made by @dojaejung ! all credits to @dojaejung !

roses (m.) | jeong jaehyun

“it’s killing me to know there’s someone else out there buying you / roses, roses” OR where jung jaehyun is pathetic enough to be yearning after his beautiful ex-girlfriend, whom he reconnects with after awkwardly crashing her date with a new potential lover.

jeong jaehyun x ex-girlfriend! reader

warnings: some allusions to stalking and online harassment, some make-outage, oral (fem. receiving), some exhibitionism ig?????, some cussing, jaehyun is EXTREMELY down bad (he who yearns is he who earns amirite yall), svt as side characters for my caratzen agenda, also i’m still an awkward writer (in my opinion) so that warrants its own warning

This is why Jaehyun despises leaving his apartment.

For the first time in weeks, Doyoung and Taeyong, in their combined nerdy best friends power, have managed to make him go outside again. Although it’s the middle of the winter, each day inching closer to Christmas day, the bustling city is filled with people enjoying themselves despite the sub-zero temperatures. It makes him sick, really. Not people in general, for sure, but the sight of couples swarming about, their happy faces making sure every single person’s envious gaze is following them until they disappear around the corner.

Winter is sickening. Winter makes people too cozy, too cuddly, too loving. When spring comes, that love melts away, fleeting as it was. It dims out like the warm fire you stoke in the evening as you gather with your loved ones, in the morning long gone and forgotten with the loss of the guests. Jaehyun hates it. His friends knows he hates it.

So did you.

As Doyoung and Taeyong keep him in their middle, holding on to his arm on each sides as if they were old aunts bickering away, he reminisces about your shared hatred of the cold. You had hated snow, most of all, he remembers as he watches the thick, cold flakes swirl around in the air. It leaves a mist on the people passing by him, painting them in the lovely shades of the cold. Rosy cheeks, white smiling teeth, blue fingertips. If he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine it’s you clinging to him again, complaining loudly about the weather, scared of falling to the ground. You had always been incredibly clumsy, and unashamedly loud. Every passerby could not help but smile at your antics, but none smiled wider than the man you had wrapped around your littlest finger; Jaehyun, who had always stared at you instead of ahead. Jaehyun, who in the end always made you guys fall because he wasn’t concentrating on walking, he was concentrating on you.

You, the single star in his solar system he was orbitting around. He had felt himself collapsing, folding around you, as if he could ingrain himself in your existence in the very same manner you had immortalized yourself in his soul. How pathetic you had left him.

“Hey, earth to Jae! You’re not seriously upset we made you leave the house, right?” Taeyong’s hand forces itself into Jaehyun’s periphery as he waves it infront of Jaehyun’s face, trying to gain the man’s attention. Every finger was perfectly manicured, the tell-tale rings that signified Taeyong snapping Jaehyun out of his daydreams. Mentioned friend looks worried, but not regretful. “We were beginning to think you had fallen asleep in there, like some bear. You shouldn’t hibernate.”

“But bears got it so right. It’s so much better to sleep the winter away.” Jaehyun sounds exhausted, almost childish. He knew he was a grown man, not a teenager mooning over his first love. But it certainly felt like he had become the former. That was your effect.

“Dude.” Doyoung grasps his shoulder then, boring his gaze into Jaehyun’s face. He had been dreading that, actually; it’s hard to act like a complaining child when Doyoung makes you face yourself just like that. Almost unconsciously, Jaehyun straightens up. It’s almost like facing your mother, and he’s trying to avoid Doyoung’s fussing. “It’s been almost a year. I hate to be the one to be saying this, but you have to let it go at some point, man.”

You have to let it go at some point. Doyoung’s right, of course, but Jaehyun hasn’t yet reached that point of being reasonable. It’s not like the five stages of grief. Jaehyun is in the awkward process of trying to understand what has actually happened to him; why your relationship came to an end, why you were so kind to him despite it all, how you had finally cut him off. No one really knows why you did it, least of all Jaehyun. As you had broke it off with him after dropping him off at the airport before he flew to the first stop of his current world tour, there wasn’t exactly time to ask questions.

You had given him a letter and apologized (seriously, so not cool to explain in a letter just so you didn’t need to face him), and just as soon as the flight touched down at his destination and his phone had regained connection to his cellular data, you had changed your number, deleted your socials and disappeared from his life.

(Not like he immediately found you again when you re-debuted on social media. Johnny, as a true best friend, has forced him to limit looking at your instagram account to once a week, but how will Johnny know if he does it more? No one needs to know. Jaehyun would lose face if even anyone knew how much he misses you.)

Jaehyun lowers his eyes then, unable to keep looking at Doyoung. “Let go. Yeah.”

Doyoung and Taeyong exchange a worried gaze at that, before nudging him to a new direction. Their footsteps leave soft white traces, disappearing as quickly as they are made as fresh snow falls. “I got just the thing to cheer you up,” Taeyong quips then, and when he smiles at Jaehyun in an attempt to comfort him, Jaehyun finds the strength to smile back. Those are his friends, after all. If he weren’t so detached from his emotions, he’d find himself moved by their sincerity; his silly friends that loved and cared for him despite his habits and his weird coping methods. They didn’t judge when he sent them new song lyrics he had written in the middle of the night because the memory of you is still haunting him, scaring him off sleep because the comfort he gains from dreaming of you is as addicting as chasing liquor. They had let him ruminate in his apartment for as long as possible. It was time to face the world properly now. “Hot cocoa and waffles?”

Jaehyun snorted. “Like children?”

“Like children,” Taeyoung announces, his voice too earnest for the statement. Doyoung laughs, and then it’s difficult to not join in. Taeyong grins, happy to have drawn that reaction out of them. For the moment, Jaehyun feels normal again, and he offers to buy the waffles as Doyoung and Taeyong line up to buy the hot cocoa.

That’s the same moment where Jaehyun immediately regrets having left the house.

The sight of you physically knocks the breath of his lungs. For just a second, just seeing your face erases the feeling of all the pain that had been wrenching at his heartstrings, your beauty so all-encompassing it stuns him into silence. The cold season has kissed your face in the most pretty way - as you throw your head back in laughter, your (incredibly tempting) lips curve into his favorite smile of yours, the smile that has to be stolen out of you, so surprised by something that you laugh involuntarily. Honest. And earnest.

And beautiful.

It’s almost beautiful enough to make him not acknowledge the other man that you are gifting it to.

Jaehyun forces himself not to look, the effort incredible. He does not want to see who you have replaced him with, he really doesn’t, truly not, but then the dizzy envy makes him look so that he can bombard the man with death threats in his mind. Not that it matters. He could have been anyone, anyone at all. What did it matter if that was someone he knew or someone unknown, when the most damning thing about the situation was that it wasn’t him?

When he looks back at you to keep analyzing whether you like this man a lot, Jaehyun has come to the startled realization that you have noticed him, aswell. Your face has dropped, the shock painted over your face like an ill-fitting mask. “Jaehyun?” you say, the sweet voice carried over to him in the wind, and his knees almost buckle. (Jesus Christ, he’s a grown man.) Your partner notices, looking up to see whom you’re addressing, and Jaehyun’s nonchalant reaction to the irrelevance of the man’s identity disappears instantaneously.

Fuck you, he thinks hard at the dude, as if the sheer mental strength of his thoughts could reach him, for actually looking gorgeous. Fucking hell.

“Jeong Jaehyun?” You call again, robbing him off the opportunity to maybe pretend he hadn’t heard you. He forces himself to move forward.

“You know each other?” the guy asks then, and Jaehyun thinks to himself, No, idiot, I am the stalker that’s been breaking into her apartment and leaving her letters. But then he remembers how Johnny has admonished him for doing the social media equivalent and how often he visits your socials just for a glance at you, and the thought almost immediately sobers him up. “Jeong Jaehyun,” he introduces himself then, reaching out his hand to shake the other man’s, even though he’d rather bite it off. “We were…”

“Acquaintances,” you interrupt him almost immediately. The smile you sport now is nervous, to the untrained eye flawless. But Jaehyun knows every inch of your soul, and the look in your eyes pleads him not to acknowledge it. “Jaehyun used to be really close to my brother. You’ve met my brother, right?”

“Oh, Seokmin, right?” The stranger’s eye glint in recognition. “That means you must be cool, man. Anyone who’s in Seokmin’s good cards is good in mine. My name’s Junseo.”

“Nice to meet you, Junseo,” he makes himself speak, although the words taste like coal in his mouth, turning ashy as he pronounces them. He’s never been a good liar, always careful about choosing his words, but then, he’s never been in the situation where had to meet the lover that was going to replace him in your heart. He turns to you, your lovely face ripping into him. You stare back as if you are aware of the effort it takes him to remain friendly. You don’t look like you enjoy inflicting this havoc upon him, but ever since that day, he doesn’t truly know what you are capable of. “It was nice to see you,” he tells you, turning away as soon as the words leave his lips.

He never hears your “Jae”, the sound ripped out of you like an old instinct.

jaehyun

could you maybe at least warn me that your sister is back in town

dk 😁

yo

i didnt even know she was

can you let her know to bring milk to mom’s house we ran out this morning

jaehyun

. . .

no dk i cannot i almost collapsed when i saw her

can you say hello to your mom tho

Jaehyun drops the phone on the couch, the interaction having soured his mood just as much as the meeting with you. Seokmin was cool, and a really good friend, although a bit clueless. He had been firm in his support for Jaehyun, not picking sides, but not abandoning their friendship either, and had been one of the friends who had dragged him out for dinner once a week ever since the break-up to make sure Jaehyun was actually eating. Jaehyun doesn’t even think this happened to your dismay. You were way too nice, and even your fucking break-up letter had been kind, even though it hadn’t been enough to wipe the blank look in his eyes as he had read it.

“Okay, so that may have went worse than we thought,” Taeyong proclaims, the hot cocoa still steaming in his hand. Even though they had technically paid for the cup as a loan, taking it back home felt like stealing. Jaehyun couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was staring at the ceiling, looking at no one. “But hey, at least we found out who the mystery guy on her instagram was!”

Johnny, who had let himself into the apartment while they were gone, perked up at that. Very aware of your instagram due to Jaehyun’s influence, he knew that there had been an odd silhouette in your instagram story the past few weeks, almost a soft-launch and almost not. There had been theories whether the mystery guy had been a new lover. Jaehyun had almost thrown up when Mark had suggested the idea. “You did? She was with a man?”

“Yeah, Junseo what’s-his-name. Didn’t give a last name, though.” Doyoung sounds concentrated, probably too focussed on not breaking Jaehyun’s new coffee machine. “Jaehyun, coffee?”

“No,” Jaehyun deadpans. “I want death.”

The entire room groans at that. “Fresh out of death, dude,” Johnny tells him, bowing over the couch to throw a blanket over where Jaehyun was laying and Mark had fallen asleep. Johnny was his best friend in the entire world, and very used to Jaehyun’s antics. Throughout it all(the acclimatization to the celebrity life, the growing into a fully formed and actualized person in the public eye, the stabbing ache of heartbreak), Johnny had become a brother to him. It was Johnny’s hand pulling him along through life, his ears that were entrusted with every joy and worry in Jaehyun’s mind, his kindness that kept Jaehyun standing sometimes. “It’s coffee or nothing,” he continues after ensuring both men on the couch were covered with the blanket. And then, as he turns back to Doyoung: “Make him some coffee. He hasn’t touched his cocoa.”

The quiet bickering of his friends fade away then, forcing him to come to terms with what has happened. Seeing your face again felt like being struck down by God, to put it in blasphemous terms. You had always been the most beautiful person to him, including both his preference that came from loving you and his attraction to people in general. Jaehyun hadn’t been the kind of man to have an exact type before meeting you, but now he looks for you in every smile, every fluttering lash, in every face he meets. Looking for the traces of where your ancestors had painted their magic, the overarching connection between several generations, the hand reaching across time. Whoever crafted you had taken his time to ensure every single detail, and the love that had flowed into the shaping of you glinted across every feature. Having been starved of seeing you, this interaction had thrown him into cold water face first. Even the memory stung.

You hadn’t looked bothered to see him. If anything, you had been as sweet as always, even though you hadn’t expected to see him. He had thought being gone from your side had hurt, but seeing that Junseo was making him sick to the stomach. It was his job to make you laugh like that. It was his duty to ensure your happiness. To think of that fool doing it in his stead made him spark up with a fury that he had long forgotten, the feeling so unfamiliar it made him reach inside those spaces inside himself that he had abandoned for so long. During the separation every emotion had come to him so dull and muted - happiness, sadness, surprise, anger. But as if they had never left him, Jaehyun recognized that he was jealous.

Awfully jealous.

So that was the next step of Jaehyun’s alternative five stages of grief process. Instead of coming to terms with the ephemeral nature of his relationship with you, he’s pining over the one woman he cannot have. He raises his hands to cover his face, his fingers shaking - it’s crazy, how you unravel him. It’s been eight months and Jaehyun is still willing to go on his knees to beg just to make sure you stop seeing anyone else.

(At that point, he was very unaware of how near in the future that was going to happen.)

“Hey, dude.” Jaehyun is snapped out of his thoughts by the raspy voice of one Mark Lee. He lowers his hands to see Mark peaking his head out of the blanket, hair completely ruined from tossing and turning in his sleep, looking just like the lion that his friends affectionately nickname him as. Their friends are still bickering in the kitchen, arguing about how to handle the coffee machine properly, with Doyoung’s voice cutting through the others. “You alright over there?”

Jaehyun clears his voice. He suddenly feels glad that Mark doesn’t know yet that he’s seen you, as he doesn’t want to burden Mark with his worries. He’s only a little younger, but he’s the closest thing to a younger sibling Jaehyun has, and he treasures him to the point where he often wants to shield him from the shit that Jaehyun has going on. “Yeah, all good. Why did you wake up? Not sleepy anymore?”

“Your phone has been going off like crazy.” Mark points at the aforementioned phone before yawning. As Jaehyun reaches for the device, he sits up and looks into the kitchen from the vantage point he has of the kitchen. The screen lights up after a few quick taps, and Mark asks: “Something important? Sounds like someone’s spamming you.”

dk 😁

not to be the bearer of bad news but mom wants to have you over for dinner on saturday

😭 maybe i shouldnt have delivered your greetings bro

i think my sister has a date on that evening tho so maybe nothing will happen?????

i mean you can say no but you know damn well my mom loves you (because you kiss up to her) so

yeah

i get if you dont want to

Jaehyun blinks. Several times. Then, he drops his face into his hands again, sighing so loudly that even Mark seems astonished.

It seems like you’re not gonna leave his mind anytime soon.

The first time Jaehyun had met you, you had still been a junior in college.

He’s always known you existed, of course - the pretty-faced little sister that was off-limits to anyone, who had the most embarrassing haircut when she was still in middle school, who liked to receive flowers for her birthday instead of gifts. Seokmin doesn’t talk about you often, but when he does, there’s a gentle smile etched on his face that seems like the most jarring contrast to the way he bickers and fights with you in person. Jaehyun couldn’t conjure an image of you, but when he thought of your name, it filled Jaehyun’s mind with a sweet dream. He had been missing you in his heart before he had even met you, the soft tug of a red string around his littlest finger.

The request had been hastily asked and innocent in nature. Pick up my sister, please? An unusual request, as Seokmin never introduced his sister to anyone for your own privacy, but it didn’t bother Jaehyun to do it, especially since DK was a very good friend. You had been incredibly drunk, and uncomfortable at a party, and called for the person you trust most in the world. DK on the other hand, drunk out of his own mind at an entirely different party in his own dorm shared with his bandmates, had called a friend he knew he could entrust with the safety of his littlest sister.

Completely hammered and wobbling on your entirely too high heels, you had gladly clung to Jaehyun’s arm after realizing he had been the savior your brother had sent you. Your introduction came out loud and clear, and you had enunciated every syllable to make sure he heard it. When he correctly repeated the name back to you to ensure he remembered it, a dazzling smile had split across your lips in the cutest way possible. It had made his heart jump in a deliciously agonizing way.

“Can you walk?” he had asked you then, pointing down at your monstrous heels. He had truth be told been incredibly impressed with the way you had managed to leave the front porch of the party house, even though every step enunciated that you were incredibly intoxicated. You had waved off his worry and beamed at him with the innocent happiness only a drunk person could exude, completely free from all wordly burdens. “Don’t worry!” you told him, your voice as melodious as it was pleasing. “I’ve walked in worse heels! And I’m not even that drunk!”

Jaehyun had no intention of questioning you, but the exclamation did make him laugh. He had been awkward about the interaction the entire time he had driven here. Would you be able to even feel comfortable with him? What if you guys didn’t speak about anything? But your behavior had loosened up the tension inside his chest, and he found himself relaxing under your hold, gently guiding you back to his car. Your grip was tight, but not painful, and you had hooked your arm around his to keep close to him in a way that wasn’t entirely unwelcome to him. He had not expected to warm up to you so quickly. “So you’re able to hold your liquor? You must not actually be related to DK then. The guy can’t hold his liquor for shit.”

The joke tugged a surprised laugh out of you. It was a nice sound, the genuineness of it making a smile form around Jaehyun’s lips. So open, so friendly, so extroverted - so incredibly different from him, and yet a simple laugh from you made Jaehyun entranced with the existence of you. He wanted to relish the sound, making him wrap his fingers around the keys in his pockets to ensure they wouldn’t rattle when he pulled them out. “I’m sure he’s got that from mom,” you had explained to him while snickering, momentarily letting go from him as he opened the door for you. After clambering in and pulling the door shut, he had walked around the car to climb in himself. The door clicked shut. “I’m my father’s daughter through and through. We used to place bets at New Year’s parties with the family how much time it would take for mom to crash out after a single bottle of champagne.”

“And?” he asks. The engine of the car sprung to life with a simple press of a button, idling quietly while Jaehyun had put on his seatbelt. “Did you win the bet?”

Your expression in the rearview mirror was smug when Jaehyun checked his surroundings in it, pulling out of the parking space he had found near the house the party was in. “I was fifty bucks richer about half an hour later.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh - at your behavior, your teasing little remarks, the way you hiccuped before laughing because you were a little liar that couldn’t hold their liquor. By the time he had reached DK’s apartment building, where you had requested to be dropped off because you wanted to sleep over at your brother’s, your drunkenness had made you drowsy. Without even thinking about it, you had climbed over the console to envelop Jaehyun in a hug, shocking him to the core. Your floral perfume had been dizzying, but the near proximity of you had almost made him drunk himself. Jaehyun was an idol under the strict gaze of both his employer and his supporters. His resulting touch-starvation had made him grasp your soft waist with both hands, and he closed his eyes to soak in the warmth of your touch. It was startingly intimate. “Thank you for bringing me home,” you had murmured against his shoulder, momentarily resting your head on it, as if it belonged there - as if you had been made to be held by him. You lined up perfectly, like puzzle pieces, and for a moment, Jaehyun had felt complete in a way that made him question himself was my heart always hollow of you?

When you pulled back with your bright smile and your hazy eyes, a pink blush had dusted across Jaehyun’s cheeks that he prayed you hadn’t noticed. “You’re super duper nice,” you proclaimed then, not fully retracting from where you were leaning on his body. Not pushing his hands away, either. “And it’s way more fun to ride in your car than in Jeonghan’s. You drive like a responsible adult.”

“Are you saying Jeonghan doesn’t drive like a responsible adult?”

“I’m not sure he knows what that is.” Giggling, you untangled yourself from him, startling Jaehyun with the immediate ache for you. Get a grip, he thought to himself. Acting like a teenage virgin. “And I should know!” you enunciated. “The idiot tried teaching me how to drive. If DK hadn’t put an end to that, I would have never gotten my driver’s license.”

Jaehyun, still reeling from the affection you had graced him with, smiled shyly at that. “Well, I’m glad to have brought you home safe, like the responsible adult I am. Can you make it up on your own?”

You “mhm”ed loudly, noisily maneuvring yourself out of the car. Jaehyun winced quietly when the heels of your shoes clacked against the pavement harshly, almost sure one had broken. But you had straightened up with a grin, waving stupidly, shouting loud “thank-you”s and “get home safe!”s as he watched you walk into the apartment complex, running into your drunk brother and almost-brothers (as his bandmates liked to title themselves as, loving you like you were one of their own).

He had sat and waited for a long time for his erratic heart to slow down again. You were a miracle he hadn’t been waiting for, like a sudden blessing after a fervent prayer. He went to sleep thinking of your name, finally being able to connect it with a face, the yearning following him into his dreams.

It was that same yearning that woke him up in the middle of the night now, reaching for the empty bedside, remembering where you were.

Remembering that you weren’t reaching for him anymore, no matter how much you had loved him.

Jaehyun cleans up nicely, when he wants to. When he checks his reflection in the camera app one last time before ringing the door, he almost doesn’t recognize himself. Johnny’s girlfriend had helped him put on a little bit of make-up to cover the black shadows under his eyes and wished him luck, although he wasn’t sure what he needed the luck for. To see you? Not to see you? The question had been eating away at him on the way here, making his hands sweat to the point that the driver’s wheel had looked kind of disgusting afterwards. He can’t shake the cold fear that accompanies the thought of you these days. The desire to be in your presence was a knife turning in his guts, so sharp that even the pain seemed more welcome than another day without you. As he closes his eyes, he imagines you opening the door, welcoming him home, kissing all the exhaustion away. But when the door opens up after knocking at it, the sweet face of your mother receives him.

Not that the sight isn’t welcome. Jaehyun sees his mother often enough to not have to miss her, but the need for a motherly presence never truly leaves you, no matter how old you are. There is a part of him that will always be a child, reaching for his parents’ hands, knowing he will be safe there. Your mother fills that space often when his own cannot. “Jaehyunnie! I’m glad you made it, sweetling,” your mother gushes, hurrying to clasp his hands. The sight of her red, marred hands makes his heart hurt - has she been overworking herself? - but the pain is soon replaced with a gentle warmth spreading inside his chest at her motherly clucking. “Hurry inside, we made your favorite! You still like spicy pork, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He removes his shoes before stepping inside, feeling nostalgic. The first time he had met your parents, the house had been newly bought and hardly acquired, with your parents having haggled for an appropriate price for months. Over the years, the building had been renovated, filled with furniture, and changed as more and more memories had been made in this place. To see it now standing proudly and lived in made him happy, but also sad, as he wasn’t fully part of that experience anymore.

“Don’t be silly, boy! You know you call me mom here!”

“Yes, mom.”

“Mom,” rings out the complaining voice of Seokmin then. He’s standing at the foot of the stairs. His voice had been petulant, but there’s a very big grin on his face as Jaehyun approaches him in greeting, and they hug each other without hesitation. DK had seen him go through enough shit to not have to shy back from physical affection. “Don’t nag with Jaehyun before he’s properly inside. How’s it going, J? I heard your new album, it was awesome!”

Your mother nods enthusiastically. “You are hard-working as always, Jaehyunnie! The songs sound beautiful!”

Jaehyun laughs, bashful. He feels awkward and happy at once, to be complimented upon for his talents while simultaneously knowing that most of those songs had been written with you in mind. “Thank you for saying that,” he answers.

“It’s only right,” your mother tuts then. As she turns to walk back in the kitchen, she opens her mouth to say something again, but there’s another knock at the door, startling them all. The three exchange glances, both Seokmin and your mother seeming surprised by the noise. “Are you expecting someone, Seokminnie?” When DK shakes his head no in answer, she walks back to the door, humming to herself in confusion. “Maybe your father? But he’s not supposed to get off work until 8.”

Before your mother even opens the door, the dread of who could possibly be standing in front of that door tells Jaehyun what to expect. And as he turns over that assumption in that mind, the door opens to reveal you, clad in a red dress that hugs your curves and exposes your mid-thigh. “Oh, sweetie!” your mother exclaims. “But what are you doing here? Aren’t you going to dinner with that Junseo-ssi?”

You don’t answer, your eyes locked onto him. He recognizes the sight of slight panic and confusion in your eyes - apparently, DK hadn’t told you that you were visiting in the hopes that you wouldn’t see each other anyways. Although barely a second passes, it feels like eternity as you take each other in.

Fuck, you’re as beautiful as the day he lost you. He doesn’t even register that your mother is still chattering away as he drinks in the sight of you, the sinful silhouette and the angel eyes that have been accentuated by a skilled hand and your favorite eyeliner pen. The blood rushes in his veins, filling his ears with the sound of waves crashing, his desire lapping higher and higher until it makes his chest hurt. “Mom,” you manage to say. “He was called into work at the last minute. It’s pretty awkward to be the only one all dolled up here, so may I go up and change please? And not have to make awkward small talk in the salon?”

“Of course, sweetling, just go up! Seokmin will help me with the last preparations for dinner.” Your mother leaves at that, and the three adults remaining are crushed by the awkward tension in the room. Even more awkward for the third wheel in the room is that neither of both you and Jaehyun have looked away from each other ever since you walked in, and DK takes the chance to quietly slip out of the room to join his mother in the kitchen, leaving Jaehyun to his doom.

(Traitor.)

Jaehyun breathes out, struggling to fill his lungs with the air he needs. “You look stunning,” he says, his voice straining to pronounce the words. It’s pathetic how much he wants to press you against that wall and devour you. Even though his inner adult yells at him that he isn’t yours anymore, the thoughts do not stop coming. Truthfully, there can’t be any scientific explanation for how fast his heart races because of you, but it keeps on beating, jumping out of his chest. Falling to your feet.

You finally step out of the doorframe, into the house itself. The door quietly falls into the lock. You reach down to unclasp your high heels, the movement mechanic. You seem as dazed as he is. He entertains the possibility whether he has the same effect on you as you do on him, but he casts the thought aside immediately. You had left him, after all. “Thank you,” you answer, your voice meek. As if you were to strangers. “Are you … doing well?”

I hope that despite the way I’m ending things, you will be well. I pray that you are healthy, that you are eating enough, that you flourish in your career as you deserve to be. You are outstanding, Jeong Jaehyun, a flaming star lighting up the sky. I pray that you find it in yourself to forgive me.

“Well?” he echoes, as if that word was a joke. And then, almost in disbelief, he asks back, “Are you?”

You lower your gaze then. “I finish my master’s degree this year, so I’m a little stressed. But aside from that, I am fine, thank you for asking.” You straighten up, intending to walk past him. But Jaehyun, as if possessed, grabs your wrist; the touch makes both of you shudder, and you look up to see the absolute yearning in his eyes staring back at you. He doesn’t really know what made him do it, and he seems as shocked as you are; he had been thinking more quickly than he had been moving, and his muscles spasmed from the lack of communication between his nerves and his brain.

It’s written across his face, it must be. The intense wish to bow his head and lean against you, cage you against the railing of the stairs. To make you reach inside his soul and connect the broken pieces there that were the remaining shards of his heart. Jaehyun doesn’t want anyone else in the world to see inside him like that. He wants you, he wants to be your boyfriend. Despite it all. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Are you well? Jaehyun’s hand slips lower, interlocking your fingers, the physical connection there setting fire to the skin. I pray that you are. “Take care of yourself,” he tells you instead of all the words that have been left unsaid ever since you abandoned him, all the tears that he has shed. He wants to tell you how his pride for your success makes him fly higher than any of his own achievements ever would, how soft his heart feels at the fact that you are so close to reaching your goals. How much he wishes to be a part of supporting you towards that. But he doesn’t.

You don’t break free of his hold, but it seems clear that you do not reciprocate the hurricane of emotions he is feeling right now. “You shouldn’t say that,” you tell him, tone polite, but your voice sounds hesitant. He wants to kiss the hesitation out of you, eat your laughter as he tugs at your lower lip. The proximity is driving him crazy. “I mean, I don’t wanna be rude. But I am seeing Junseo. You don’t have to worry about me, Jae. Jaehyun.” You cough awkwardly, as if that can erase the affectionate nickname, as if there isn’t something inside you still calling for him. You step backwards. If hitting the railing is embarrassing to you, you don’t let it show.

He lets go of you and steps back, then silently watches you go up the stairs. Your soft shuffling as you walk back to your room. The decisive shutting of a door.

Silently dreaming of what would happen if you graced him with your attention again.

The dinner itself is uneventful. You make polite conversation, thankfully sitting diagonally away from him, wedged in between your mother and your brother, whom Jaehyun sits across. But he sees the blush never truly leaving your face, and the way you throw glances at him when you think he isn’t paying attention. It makes him delusional enough to imagine that maybe, he wasn’t the only one still thinking about their ex.

Jaehyun glances down at his cleared plate, a half smile curling at his lips. Not truly a real smile. But not truly a lie, either.

@leey/n has started following you on Instagram!

@leey/n has liked a post!

The third time your paths cross, you truly think you are about to go crazy.

This is an art gallery, for crying out loud. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jaehyun in a museum. Not that he’s uneducated or disinterested, mind you, but Jaehyun was the kind of guy to take you to places where you could etch your own memories across the place. The arcade in Busan where you won your first ever plushie and promptly gifted it to him, for one; the trip to Jeju where you had almost fainted and scared the shit out of Jaehyun; the high-end restaurant in Gangnam where you both can never let your face be seen again after having been thrown out for laughing too loud. You had spoken about the particular art gallery here once, debating about attending an event that was held in that month, but ultimately had the decision taken out of your hands after you unexpectedly had to go the hospital due to your appendix bursting. But here he was, looking like the most ravishing man alive in that stupid suit.

It should be forbidden to look that good. Genuinely. You think your heart stops momentarily when you see him, and then again when your gaze involuntarily drops to the exposed skin of his chest, displaying the vulnerable area due to the v-cut of his suit jacket. Hell. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was doing this on purpose.

You gather up the train of your dress and hurry over before anyone can recognize either him or you. He looks startled, and then that weird flash of desperation flits across his eyes before he hastily makes himself appear composed. You don’t for the life of you know why exactly his reaction to you is like that, but you suppose the time for complaining was over, since, you know, you broke up with him. You knew it had been a bitch move to write a letter, but you couldn’t exactly tell him the true reason to his face. Hey, I know this sounds stupid, but I’m afraid of ruining your career because netizens keep shit talking our relationship and tainting your reputation, have a nice day though!

No, he’d never understand. This was for the best. He’d been so close to completing his album, so proud of what he had achieved, and the grief of almost taking that away from him made you want to throw up. So you had decided to sacrifice yourself, in an as cowardly manner as possible.

No one would ever know that Jeong Jaehyun made your soul sing in the most exquisite way possible, and that your heart had been filled with so much joy that it almost burst. No one needed to know.

“What are you doing here?” You hiss at him. You turn your head to ensure that no one is actually looking, before tugging him to the side. Almost unconsciously, you take his hand and guide him to a different spot, a quiet corner where only strangers were staring at the art being displayed. Even the music was muted.

“Is this not a public event?” he hisses back, confused by your behavior. But he lets you do as you please, even lowering his head to yours to make sure no one hears. His fingers gently tangle with yours, swiping across your knuckles as he always does - did. It’s like your love runs deeper than human behavior, deeply embedded in your body’s instincts. You see it in the way the caution you display reflects back in his eyes, as if your secrets are still holier to him than his own. Even though he has no idea why you’re being so ominous. It’s one of the qualities you love most about Jaehyun; he never once tries to tell you what to do, always acquiescing your needs, letting you take the lead when necessary. It makes a traitorous happiness bloom inside your chest that he is still the kind of person who would always have your back. “Why exactly wouldn’t I be here? If it’s because you didn’t want to see my face, don’t tell me that. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“Jeong Jaehyun,” you groan, exasperated as you are. You hastily scan the area, always dreading that Junseo is about to turn the corner to catch you both. It had already been a surprise that evening had been made possible, since Junseo was a workaholic. Your friends joked around that he loves his residency at Seoul General Hospital first, and you second. You did not want to squander this opportunity of growing closer to him, a whim based on the fact that he was a pretty face and you desperately needed to move on. You weren’t serious, and you could count the amount of dates you had been on on one hand, but it worked its magic enough. Jaehyun only needed to believe that you were moving on. And Junseo only needed to believe Jaehyun was unimportant. Not like it’s forbidden to speak with an “acquaintance”, even if he did see you both here - but Jeong Jaehyun wasn’t an acquaintance, he was your ex-boyfriend for crying out loud, and if it weren’t for the necessary masquerade to appear as if you were moving on, you wouldn’t even be entertaining Junseo’s presence, no matter how charming he was. It was a stupid plan, concocted by an even more stupid Jeonghan. “Who would’t want to see your face? That’s not what I mean.”

The compliment slips out before you can hold it back. It’s so easy, so habitual to make it, to admire Jeong Jaehyun’s existence. You had never even met a man like him. He was sin made flesh, with his well-formed, strong body, the gorgeous face, the sun-kissed hair that switched colors from comeback to comeback. Jaehyun looks surprised to hear it. The dimples in his cheeks signal the smile that stretches across his lips, sweet and genuine and startled. It makes you sad, that he doesn’t expect those compliments; he is the kindest, sincerest, most attentive man you know.

(And if you were still in a relationship, you would have torn the clothes off of him and jumped him for looking that good in a suit. Not want to see his face my ass - you could stare at Jeong Jaehyun all day.)

“I thought we weren’t supposed to say stuff like that,” he says back, his voice low. It sounds deliciously rough, the way it sometimes sounded when you woke him from his sleep to kiss him, the sleepy yawns turning into soft moans when you rode him, his hands mapping out the space of your skin. You shake your head, as if you can shake off the memory. Your adoration for him went bone-deep. “Whatever,” you say hastily, as if that can erase the obvious pining you are displaying. “I mean, I don’t want Junseo to see us. I know you don’t like to lie, and I’m sorry for introducing you as an acquaintance, but I’d like it to remain that way. For him to believe there was nothing between us, I mean.”

“And is there?” Jaehyun’s voice sounds steady. It kills you to see the hope in his eyes, even now, even after you’ve hurt him after flaunting a new relationship. You remember his beautiful face on that day at the Christmas market, where the agony in his eyes had almost made you weep. You never ever wanted to be responsible for Jaehyun’s grief, not even now. “Nothing between us?”

You falter then, forgetting what you want to say. You can’t tell him the truth, you cannot - the truth being that when you look into Jaehyun’s eyes, your knees go weak and your hands yearn to claw at him and your kisses want to devour him whole, bones and all. You want to crawl inside him and live there forever, like the insane lover you are. You want to kiss him until you forget your own name, until the mornings become routine where you wake up next to him, where the sight of his beautiful face becomes the first thing you see after waking up for the rest of your life. The wish is so fervent it catches you off-guard, and it weakens your resolve. “There’s nothing, Jaehyun,” you say. Even you can hear the uncertainty. The atmosphere is so tense that you didn’t even notice the room has cleared out; the area is curtained off, a special exhibition inside the actual exhibition, for a yet-to-be-discovered artist who gained the space to present their art through chance. The few people who had mingled here had quietly left, identifying the situation as a lover’s spat. Anyone could walk in. Anyone. The realization makes your heart skip a beat. “You understand that, don’t you?”

Your words make sense, yet your actions don’t. You unconsciously inch closer to him. You shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t. “You’re confusing me,” Jaehyun responds, sounding frustrated, but when his hands find your waist, his touch is careful. Gentle. Like a collector in awe of the precious rare item he has found. “I thought you hated my guts. You know, that’s the kind of interpretation a break-up letter entails.”

“Jaehyun,” you whisper. You want to rip his hands off, leave him here to come to terms with the realization that this relationship is over. It had been such a difficult situation, and so painful; to rip the band-aid off in the manner that you did. You hadn’t even told Jeonghan about the reason you broke it off, so afraid of the consequences, yet more afraid of the repercussions of your relationship to Jaehyun’s career. You needed to tell him off now, before you do something you would regret. You do none of these things, however. You let Jeong Jaehyun cradle your face in the middle of the gallery as if nothing has changed and the two of you are eternal and you have never been apart. Something inside of you reaches for his soul, across the gaping abyss that forced mythological Orpheus and Eurydice apart. You let him bring your face close enough that he can press his cheek against yours, mimicking Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss hanging in the hall outside. A sweet irony. It had always been your favorite painting, and you know there was a copy of it hanging in Jaehyun’s living room, bought by you for an anniversary long past. His lips trace the lines of your cheekbones, feeding the selfish ache inside you that is always desperate for Jaehyun. “It doesn’t matter. I’m with a different man.”

The answer makes Jaehyun draw in a sharp breath, but his ministrations continue on; as if his love for you was an instinct he was chasing after unconsciously. His lips trail a burning path across your face, his fingers curling at your nape. Lulling you in. Entrancing you. “At the risk of sounding like an asshole - I don’t care,” he murmurs against your skin, the words reverberating in your blood. “I would give anything for being able to touch you like this. Even if this is the last time.”

You screw your eyes shut. Even if this is the last time. Almost mechanically, you raise your arms to draw him against you, your bodies lining up perfectly; you had always secretly enjoyed how well you guys fit together. A perfect match. When you had dropped him off at that airport, you had been robbed of truly saying goodbye to him. Coming home late, almost oversleeping and missing his flight, riding in separate cars because the staff had piled into the seats of which at least one should have been reserved for you. You couldn’t even kiss him goodbye - you had let go of Jaehyun with a heavy heart, a mind full of anxieties turning over all the threats you had received not only digitally, but now even physically, and with a mouth full of lies. This is the last time. You look up at the same time as Jaehyun decides to throw all caution against the wind, bowing his head to inch closer. “Let me kiss you, please,” he whispers, the desperation in his voice so heady it makes you feel drunk. “May I kiss you?”

You draw in a sharp, shuddering breath, and murmur your assent. As if this had been a decision and not a stabbing, sharp need below your chest. “Yes. Yes, Jaehyun.”

Your lips meet his halfway, although meet is the wrong words. It’s a crash and burn, two stars folding around one another and exploding in a supernova; there is nothing human about the way Jaehyun hungrily devours the surprised gasp you let out. His kiss is all fire and blood and teeth, the messy clacking of two people who had been made to love each other once and then cut apart by fate. Your hastily sucked in breaths keep getting interrupted every time Jaehyun kisses you again, and again, and again. It’s a sweet torture, and a productive one. By the time he has dragged you against a wall you are lightheaded and out of it, your skin prickling with the feeling of Jaehyun mapping out his way. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighs out against your collarbone, his teeth painting markings across your chest. You barely even register him falling to his knees. “I could die tomorrow and be a happy man.”

“What are you doing?” You ask him, dazed. Your hands find his shoulders (has he become even broader? You seriously need to have a talk with Johnny and the gym routine he forces Jaehyun through). Despite your confusion, your body remembers Jaehyun. You barely even think about following his guidance, complying almost immediately when he taps against your waist so that you raise your leg and angle it over his shoulder. The belated realization makes you blush heavily; your addled mind cannot keep up with your body’s compliance. “Jeong Jaehyun! Are you insane?”

You intended to sound fierce and reprimanding, but when you finally look down to meet his gaze, your knees almost buckle. Jaehyun looks like a man starved, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire, the irises blown wide to ensure every detail of you is burned into his recollection. He looks like a worshipper, and his hands move across the supple flesh of your thighs as if in prayer. Blasphemous and heavenly. And incredibly dangerous. You can still hear the loud chatter of the other guests behind the curtain, just across the room. The nervousness makes your veins thrum. “Baby,” he says, sounding genuinely disbelieving. “Do you honestly think I won’t use this chance to taste you one last time? I don’t know what made you tolerate me suddenly, but I am not going to be the idiot that ruins the opportunity. You’ll let me go down on you, won’t you, sweetheart?”

The term of endearment makes you all fuzzy-minded and giddy. “I … yes … But anyone could walk in…” you nervously start, and yet you angle your hips forward so that Jaehyun can tug down your black lace panties, barely noticing that he tucks them inside his suit pockets. “And we’re not supposed to … I mean, I shouldn’t …. Jesus, Jae!”

In the middle of your feeble attempt of climbing back to the moral highground, Jaehyun had positioned himself right at your core; your hands fumble to hold on to his shoulders before he kisses your vulva way too innocently for a man who’s currently going down on you in the middle of a public art gallery. You barely remember to lean back against the wall for support before Jaehyun dives in like you are the last meal he is ever permitted to have on this earth, and he is determined to make it last.

You bite back a cry when Jaehyun finally laps at you, the torturous kitten lick lighting your entire body aflame with want. Although Jaehyun immediately follows it up by generously sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves, you cast aside all pretense of decorum due to your greed and dig your fingers in his hair to direct him closer, much closer, and Jaehyun moans. The sound is so delicious it makes your veins burn with desire, the physical pain of craving him running almost hotter than your need to be pleasured. Keyword almost. You wanted to come all over his mouth just for that delicious fucking noise, but your stomach was tensing up, the quick arousal accomplished by the serious lack of sex and masturbation that the past few months had been for you. Jaehyun’s hands claw at your knees, climbing to your thighs, forcing your legs wide open to welcome his fingers where he drags them across your all-too-welcoming entrance. “So wet,” he groans against your core, and you whimper at the vibration, bucking against his lips. Even though he loves to run his mouth during sex, he gets it to work anyways. Jaehyun laps up your sweetness as it drips down, his thumb flicking at your sensitive spots until he has you keening and tearing at his hair. “God, sweetheart, look at what a mess you’re making. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Jaehyun,” you gasp when he finally dives his tongue into you, the muscle pumping in mock-fashion of what he would love to do to you. The compliments are doing insane things to you and your heart, your poor heart that is going to cling to this moment forever. While Jaehyun’s fingers work their magic, your own begin to spasm, pulling and tearing at him. Submitting to you and your feral hunger he finally adds a finger, his right hand busy with fingering you while his left hands continues to trace circles over your clitoris. The sudden penetration has you remembering that his own digits are way longer than yours, the memory accompanying the sensation of him reaching further and further until he finds the right spot that has you bowing over him with a loud moan. This is what you missed, what you were imagining when you were daydreaming about sex, daydreaming about the godly way Jaehyun pounded you into the mattress. He knows he’s got you now, speeding up his ministrations at every noise you make. You screw your eyes shut with a bone-deep shudder, the sweet tension inside your abdomen pulling tighter and tighter in a familiar tell-tale sign. “Jaehyun, slow down, fuck!”

He’s curling his fingers, eager for your approval, hungry for more noises - through your blurry eyes, you realize he’s watching you through it all, the gaze of a predator. Not once does he look away, continuing his sweet song of praise. “So beautiful,” he coos against your pussy, pressing close so he can speak the words into your skin, your soul. In your state, it almost sounds like Jaehyun is the only thing in your world, and hasn’t it always been? The miracle in your life that you surrendered all your worship to? You lurch forward when he sucks your clit into his mouth, seeing white for a second, the stimulation becoming too much. “Keep looking at me, please. Wanna watch you when you come.”

“I…. can’t!” you manage to babble, realizing you are edging closer to your climax. You’ve never once been this quick, not with anyone but with Jaehyun; the only man in your life that knew every inch of you, the very shape of your soul. Your body is as familiar to him as the back of your hand; more familiar to him than his own self. Jaehyun is too impatient to deal with your arguments, though. “You can,” he hisses against you, dragging his fingers more fervently. Your warm walls tighten around them, hungrily trying to keep them in, to keep going. The sudden clenching around his fingers makes it difficult. “Look at me and cum or you won’t get to cum at all, I swear it.”

That’s all it takes for you to finally let go, almost weeping with the overwhelming pleasure. Your orgasm washes over you almost too violently, forced on by Jaehyun’s overstimulation as he keeps going and going and going, and by the time you push him off your sensitive pussy there are tears falling from your eyes. But you drag him close and kiss him, kiss him so hard you think he’s going to bruise, and Jaehyun lets you; it is much sweeter and patient than the beginning of the altercation, so sweet on your tongue it has you melting against Jaehyun. This is it, that adrenaline you kept chasing; true, painful, but worth it love. You feel too sensitive and too aware and too alight, but you wrap your arms around him all the same, as if you can keep him forever. Your kisses reach inside of him, desperate for connection, heavy with the longing that had accompanied you everywhere ever since you left him. You think you were born to love Jeong Jaehyun, and you kiss him as if you are Eve reaching for the forbidden apple - knowing it’s wrong, wanting it anyway. You want and you want and you want. Your hands are on his soft cheeks, dragging against his shoulders, careless, loving. You love Jeong Jaehyun, love him so much that your very existence is exploding from the inherent triumph that accompanied witnessing him.

You think you would gladly go to hell for tasting divinity on Jaehyun’s lips. You’d rather be a sinner than apart from him for being a saint.

When you finally tear away from him, Jaehyun’s lips are swollen(your heart almost fails at the sheer pleasure that sight gives you). He lets you drag your thumb across the kiss-stained lip, wiping away the lipstick, tracing his jawline. “Such a beautiful face,” you tell him, watching as he preens from the affection. Your heart to yearns to give him more, but you finally force yourself to step away before you die from the overdosis that is Jaehyun. He watches you, completely out of it. “This is the last time,” you remind him. The lie comes so easily now, even though you are trying to memorize his gorgeous face, tattooing it across your mind palace. You will never forget this, no matter what illness or loss comes for you. Not Jeong Jaehyun. “The last time, okay, Jae?”

You place your hand over his heart, and he places his own above it. For a moment, the situation feels eternal. You were in love and you were both idiots, but it was okay because you were handling it together. Because you would face all the challenges together. Because you would work towards a future together. But the spell is broken soon, and you make the first step back, biting your lip at the sadness resurfacing in his eyes. Jaehyun, you think. The only man you’ve ever entrusted your heart with like this.

“Okay,” he finally answers, helpless. He holds on to your hand, though, making the last few steps to follow you before he is forced to let you go. You turn back at the last second before you enter the main hall, just to see if he is looking away, but there he stands, watching you.

His face is forlorn, softened by his quiet sadness, and your heart breaks again. You leave him there before you can do something else you regret.

When Jaehyun had fallen in love you, he knew he was in for some deep shit.

Picking you up had become a natural habit now. You had long since stopped calling your brother and instead resorted to texting Jaehyun first. It felt like an honor, to be entrusted with your care. That you’ve started to know him in a way that makes you rely on him. Picking you up had led to late-night-drives to sober you up, late-night-drives had turned into a shared breakfast the next morning when Jaehyun was worried about you having hangovers, and fussing over you had turn into regular meet-ups because Jaehyun could no longer deny that what he craved was not reassurance of your well-being, but you in person.

He remembered one morning where he had slept over after a particularly nasty crash-out. You had been laughing and weeping incoherently, your friend Karina aiding him with the information that you had failed your exam and drowned yourself in booze. He had texted DK a “FYI, your sister’s puking her guts out in my apartment” after deciding his home was closer than yours and you wouldn’t last long enough to throw up in your own toilet, before he had sat there with you and braided your hair back while you emptied out your entire stomach. The next morning, when he had woken up to you cuddled up to him still on the bathroom floor, he had carried you to his bed, tucked you in and walked into the kitchen to cook hangover soup, something he had mastered by this point due to the amount of times Mark had familiarized himself with that toilet just like you did last night. Having checked his phone, he read your brother’s only response: “LOL. didn’t even realize she left party”

You had wandered in shortly after, sleepy and pale like a ghost. The sound of your footsteps had startled Jaehyun, but his surprise had turned into a sudden happiness at the sight of your eyes lighting up when you saw him. The realization that his presence made you as happy as yours made him was invaluable. He loved the kind of person he was when you guys were together; existing felt like floating, a light cloud of pure contentment.

Even though there hadn’t been a lot of talking, you had both been deeply comfortable. That was the very first time he had kissed you; when you couldn’t stop singing his praises after claiming his soup was too tasty, he had simply leant over and shut you up himself. It was almost funny at how quickly you had dropped that spoon, tugging at his pyjama shirt to pull him closer, damn right pulling him over the counter. Not that he was complaining. He loved the way you made him feel, the way your touch made it feel like there were stars blooming below his skin. It made him feel like the brightest sun in the sky. “Why did you do that?” you had immediately asked when he finally pulled back. Jaehyun had cradled your face, realizing he was holding his entire world in the palm of his hand. “I just suddenly understood that I want to hold your hair back for you for the rest of my life,” he had admitted then, earning himself a slap to the shoulder. But you had laughed, that pure boisterous laugh that sparked with joy, and his heart had pounded in his chest: unable to handle the luck he was experiencing.

The mornings had blurred into days, the days into weeks, finally bleeding into the most happiest months of Jaehyun’s life. He’d never been cautious, but you had certainly made him braver. Sudden shenanigans in public, joking around entirely too loud during important events, having fun everywhere you guys were together. You had made him believe there were no honeymoon phases. Jaehyun woke and rose in the morning, and went to sleep in the dawn obsessed with you. There were rough patches, stressful and grieving periods when your private lives had been rocked particularly hard with a certain event, but he never once stopped adoring you. You were in every waking breath, every racing heartbeat.

Even now, as he wakes the day after your goodbye in the art gallery, he wakes up with the taste of hope in his mouth, of the shape of your heart on the tip of his tongue. He wakes still dreaming, always dreaming of you.

“So what you’re saying,” states Johnny, twirling a biscuit around in his coffee, “is that you had sex with your ex-girlfriend in a public museum, fully knowing she’s dating someone else.”

“Johnny,” comes the muffled response from where Jaehyun hides his face in his hands. It’s too beautiful of a day. It should be raining, to reflect Jaehyun’s mood, to encompass this entirely too awkward feeling of knowing Jaehyun was still in love with his ex. He had spent the entire morning racking his brain for ideas to get rid of the other man, feeling like Lana del Rey in her worst situationships. Jaehyun has reached a very new low, the kind of pathetic that makes him not care that he’s embarrassing himself by still being at your beck-and-call. “It wasn’t sex.”

Johnny waves the retort away. “Oral sex, then. Still sex.” The comment is too loud and earns Johnny some weirded-out looks, but the man looks completely unbothered. He had once watched Johnny talk about different sex positions completely seriously while standing in line for gelato in Little Italy, back when they had visited New York together. Johnny Suh did not know what shame was. “I never even knew you were freaky like that. Little exhibitionist freak. Maybe I underestimated you.”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun deadpanned. “Is this the time to be making jokes? Can we get to the point?”

“What point, dude? You basically went on your knees and asked her to take you back, and she didn’t. I didn’t realize you wanted me to throw salt into the wound.”

Jaehyun lowers his head to the tabletop, resting his too warm face against the metal surface. He doesn’t dare close his eyes, because the image of you is burned into his eyelids. He feels like an addict itching for a quick fix. It had been like this the entire week now. It was one thing to be ghosted by you and forced to move on by the lack of interaction, and another to be making out with you and getting his hopes up despite the fact you told him this was the last time. All it did was make him delusional enough to think he could convince you for it not to be. “She didn’t say no,” he tells Johnny, sounding pitiable even to him. “She just told me this had to be the last time.”

A few seconds pass before Jaehyun finally raises his head due to the lack of answer from his best friend. The look Johnny gives him tells him is answer enough, and Jaehyun pulls a grimace. He hadn’t expected of Johnny to be feeding into his delusions, but there had been some hope. Hope for you to call. Hope for you to come back. Hope for you to still want him.

You hadn’t unfollowed him yet; you hadn’t posted in days; and your brother has kindly snitched to him that you’ve even been blowing off Junseo. He knows you have finals coming up soon, but thinking rationally was something Jaehyun severely lacked at the moment. He had been entertaining the idea that the … meeting, for a lack of better words, in the museum had shaken you up as much as it did him. He kept replaying the memory in his head, the way your plush thighs had trapped him there on his knees, your pretty lips jutted in a pout, the tears falling from your eyes from the way he was making you feel so good … he almost felt himself get hard again, but quickly killed the boner by thinking of something else. “I just wish she’d be more clear,” he sighs out. At the sight of Johnny raising his eyebrows, he clarifies: “I mean that she’s playing hot and cold with me. I’m not stupid enough to not realize she does want to put an end to this. And yet she’s the one that followed me on Instagram, and kissed me, and made me fall all over again for her. I wasn’t doing well before I saw her again, but I was going somewhere.”

“Somewhere,” Johnny repeats, his tone mocking, but then he sets down the biscuit that had come with his coffee. This is what Jaehyun liked about him the most. He considered everything and thought about everything carefully before giving his honest opinion, and even though he sure as hell wasn’t unbiased, he still tried his best to be. “I guess,” Johnny concurs then. “I guess that’s true. I just think there must be a reason to this. I haven’t known her half as long as you do, but we were friends once, and she never once acted as irrationally as she did this past year.”

Jaehyun perked up at that. It was true, at least. In the weeks leading up to your break-up, as well as the months afterwards, you had been acting incredibly off, to the point that even your close ones had been questioning your case. He hadn’t realized how keen Johnny’s observations could be. “So you think she’s going through something that she couldn’t tell me?” he asks, his voice tentative.

Johnny shrugs. “That sounds like the most logical explanation to me. So you either hook up with her again and question her while you’re at it, or you start looking up ways to get rid of Junseo, I guess.” The suggestion makes Johnny’s face light up with excitement. “Dude, I actually always wanted to hire an assassin on the dark web. Do you think we can do that?”

“No, you idiot,” Jaehyun hisses back. But the gears in his head are already turning, chipping away at the past year, at your secret glances and your guilty letter and the sadness in your eyes when you had let him go. He had always thought that even though you had been decisive, you had at least been sad for not being able to love him in the way he deserved to be loved anymore. now he wonders how selfish he has been, and whether he should have been texting his ex all along instead of grieving what was.

Well. Jaehyun thought it couldn’t hurt to try.

Jeonghan sees him before you do.

It’s the way your best friend immediately starts cackling and turns back around to walk back into the library. You halt in your movements, looking at him imploringly. “Your ex, dude,” he tells you, visibly enjoying the way you immediately enter full-panic-mode. “You’re on your own.”

Your panicked “Hannie!” is drowned out by his snickers, and Jeonghan leaves you to your distress to pretend going to the bathroom. You met Jeonghan years ago, and even though he was older than you, you had become such fast friends that DK threatened to beat you guys up for laughing too loud whenever you were over at their dorms. He was your stupid older unnecessary brother that loved you more than anything, but he is also the most brutally honest one out of all of your friends. You do not go to Jeonghan for advice if you aren’t able to handle the truth. He cuts to the chase real quick and will call you out on your bullshit.

It’s also why he immediately told you that your plan wasn’t going to work out. “Let’s not pretend this is the most lovey-dovey you’ve ever been in your life,” Jeonghan had told you with a straight face. You wince at the memory; Jeonghan’s words are able to tear down buildings. “You love-love that man. You’re in deep, deep shit. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell me about, the thing that made you think up this idiotic plan in the first place, it won’t be able to amount to the feelings you have for him.”

Yes, you love-love him; you know just as much, and your heart sings with that knowledge. It pinches and tingles beneath your ribs, calling out a certain name. It rejoices at the sight of Jaehyun out there, in the rain, wearing not even a jacket but instead jeans and a hoodie that looks large even on him, and a bouquet in his hands. But you love him enough not to want to be selfish enough to endanger him.

The messages had blown up your instant message box for weeks then, each threat becoming more explicit. At first, you had resorted to deleting them. They were all the same at their core, anyways, the same hatred being spewed with different names. But then one persistent account had started attaching pictures to their messages, waking you up from the rose-tinted dream that was being in love with Jaehyun. Pictures of him at private events, including the other band members as well, even the youngest ones who were innocent. You hadn’t responded, but the fear had you making hasty plans; setting up everything carefully, writing the letter, while you prepared to leave Jaehyun in the most respectful way you could imagine because that is what you owed him. But then pictures of his own rented studio inside SM building had started popping up, a room you knew no one but Jaehyun and his aides should have access to, one single message with one ominous threat: Leave him or I’ll ruin the both of you. His life’s work being killed will be your fault.

Your lack of answer surely had made them furious.

You didn’t know whether to approach the managers, or even the police. Stalkers weren’t unheard of in the industry, one being caught and sued almost weekly by now, and Jaehyun had cycled through his fair share of them. No one had ever went for you in that way, though. You were certain that this wasn’t a singular threat, certain that this was someone who would pull out all stops to get rid of you. SM Entertainment was more tightly under lock and key than a literal jail. This person knew what they were doing. And so you did what you thought was right, at the cost of your own wellbeing. How much you had sacrificed and cried after distancing yourself from the man you considered your heart.

And yet here he was.

You shake the umbrella open before stepping out of the library, into the rain. In three quick strides, you’ve reached him. You try to convince yourself you’re just eager to be rid of him, but the corners of your lips quirk up way too happily for your brain to believe that. “Is this your equivalent of a boombox outside my window?” you question.

Jaehyun smiles, and it untangles the heavy knot of dread inside of you. The weather is awful, but you feel warm, spreading inside your chest like the soothing effects of medicine. “It kind of is,” he answers. He sounds like he is carefully weighing his words, but his voice is gentle. “I didn’t know which one your window was. And entering the building to go visit you in your apartment seemed creepy to even me.”

You tentatively reach out, brushing your fingers over the roses. They’re a deep red, plush and freshly bloomed. Expensive. Junseo has never even got you a three-dollar-bundle of flowers from the grocery store. “You know, I already have someone who’s giving me flowers,” you tell him, but the threat is empty. Every inch of you is bursting with happiness. Jaehyun is here, even though it’s the middle of the night and the weather is completely awful, just to give you roses.

(You never even make the connection someone must have told him you’re here. (DK was shitting himself for days in fear of you finding out he was the tattletale.)

Jaehyun hands you the bouquet, his hands covering your own as you grasp it. You watch him as he takes the opportunity to step closer to you, never once reprimanding him. His face is open and trusting, and the force of his loving gaze hits you right in the chest. “I know,” he retorts. “And the thought is killing me. It should be me. And so I will. I will keep buying you roses until you ask me to stop, sweetheart, because I don’t mind if you forget about me, but I was made to adore you. I can’t ignore my instincts.”

The confession does funny things to your heart, in a way that makes you beam at him for the first time in months. You haven’t smiled like this in so long, and your cheeks hurt from the lack of practise. Jaehyun, the damn fool; Jaehyun, the hopeless romantic; Jaehyun, the love of your life. “Killing you,” you muse, entertaining him. You are playing with fire, you realize, but you are coming to the understanding that even though you had made a decision for him in a completely unfair manner, because you felt threatened to do so, Jaehyun still chooses you. And he continues to choose you. He has respected your wishes, has kept his distance despite the grief you have caused him, and has only re-entered your life because you allowed him to do so. It was your own self-doubt about being the one for him that had forced your hand and made you not ask him for help about the threats; and despite the fact Jaehyun never understood why, he had still reassured you.

“Do you honestly mean that?” you ask him, even though you know what his answer will be. Even though your heart has always chosen him, this sweet boy who knew just what to say to cheer you up. Who listened when you talked. Who bought you gifts just because you mentioned liking some trinket in passing. Who remembers to kiss you every morning before you leave the house, even if it means dragging himself out of bed at 5am in the morning just to see you off because he knows he won’t see you the entire day. Who leaves little notes around the house for you to find when he is too busy to be with you. Jaehyun, your Jaehyun.

“I will always, always mean it,” he answers in the most earnest way possible. “I’ve been thinking about you all this time. I know how pathetic this sounds, but all this time, I kept envisioning you, and the thought of you kept me going even though I knew you weren’t a part of my life anymore. I like the person you made me become, sweetheart, and the way you have helped me shape my life into something I can be proud of. I just wish I had realized sooner that there was something bothering you - because there is, right?” His fingers gently squeeze yours in encouragement, and your little nod makes him press on. “I’m sorry,” he says, and surprises you. “I’m sorry for being so in love with your good and pure heart and failing to realize that it burdened you, despite how good and pure it was. You were going through something that you couldn’t handle, and I couldn’t see it, and I’m sorry.”

You tug at Jaehyun’s hands. His instantaneous, responding smile makes your heart skip a beat, and he lets you pull him down until you can press your lips to his soft, dimpled cheek. “You’re such a sore loser, Jeong Jaehyun,” you whisper then, but you loosen a hand from the bouquet and place it against his cheek to keep him there. To treasure him. “And such a sweet little idiot. You don’t have to apologize about a single thing to me.” He smells like home, like the only home you’ve ever known. Jaehyun hums, and nods in assent to the insults, and the agreement makes you laugh. You kiss his cheek again, and again, and again, until Jaehyun’s impatience makes him turn his head and kiss you so urgently that your head feels like it’s spinning. “Jaehyun,” you sigh into the kiss, feeling his teeth nip at your lower lip, feeling his hands close around your heart.

You have never felt so safe.

Jaehyun rests his forehead against yours, the pouring rain cascading around you both. “Does that mean I can kill your little boy toy now?” he asks, but you only smack him and smile shyly, your face radiant with adoration for him. “I am going to resolve some things first,” you tell him. “Until then, no murder.”

“And after that?”

“After that,” you say, “I am going to prove that my heart has always belonged to you, Jeong Jaehyun. Even when I made you doubt that.”

(For your information, Jeonghan has recorded that entire interaction and forwarded it to Johnny without context. Johnny had texted him back almost seconds later, asking, Who’s this and how’d you get my number? Hannie’s response, as you discover after he had confessed his betrayal, was I have my ways.)

Jaehyun,

I realize me writing another letter is cruel and ironic, but hear me out, please.

When I wrote my first letter, it was with the selfish intention of at least something of mine remaining with you. By the time you read this, I’ll hopefully have gathered enough evidence to explain my case to you and maybe have the guts to ask you to accompany me to the police, but what I first want to reiterate is: I love you. I love you the point of self-sacrifice. I love you enough that I turned my back on being selfless anyways and selfishly chose you, because you are the most important person in my heart. You will always come first.

When I wrote that letter to break up with you, I imagined a piece of myself embedding itself in the ink so that at least something could remain forever. In my mind, you were never ephemeral: no matter how many times I changed my paths and adjusted my future, it has always included you. I never once imagined building a life for myself that didn’t have you as its brilliant, shining center piece, the light of my life, my Jaehyun. I’ve always been afraid of falling in love head-first, always afraid of loving more than the other, but you have proven me wrong. And I love being proven wrong by you. I love the fact that you fiercely, sincerely, and lovingly pull me back to reality every time. Reality with you is more perfect than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

Since my first letter was supposed to be a goodbye, I want this letter to be proof that I choose to greet the future with you. I want this letter to be proof that I will never need a letter again. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and telling you about it, and I will reassure you of that always, in the same manner as you have always me reassured me. You told me that my heart was good and pure, but I genuinely believe that I am constantly reflecting back what you give me: your kindness, Jae, your sincerity, your unbelievable humanity.

You are the only man I ever want roses in my life from, and that will never change. :) So if you finish reading this, stop creeping on my Instagram waiting for me to drop the other man and come bring me another bouquet so I can prove to you there has never been another. You are the only one in my heart.

With love,

your sweetheart

[nnon0]

JJH fic recs

other fic rec posts : 1.(active post) 2.

been getting a little hard trying to find long fics to read these days but here are some that i complied in the last month or so :)

(🫀) -personal faves

all these years @domjaehyun

WC: 34.1k

fluff, smut, angst; childhood friends-to-lovers!au, college!au, neighbors!au

Just friends @lonelyharmonies

WC: 22k

Strangers-to-friends- to-lovers!au , college au

what happens when you wake up in someone else’s bed after getting drunk in a party?

(🫀) Only @ppangjae

WC: 21.6k

almost!lovers au

You like to believe crossing paths with Jaehyun after graduation is just pure coincidence. He always comes and goes. But what if he decides to stay? To stick around? To give what was an ‘almost’ a chance?

Romeo roulette @wincore

WC:21.1k

soulmate au, office au, fake dating

if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of Russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

he fell first and he fell harder @taurusdaylight

WC: 18.7k

Basketball captain!jaehyun, childhood-friends-to-lovers

jeong jaehyun really loves basketball. but also, he’s terribly in love with his childhood best friend of seventeen years, you.

(🫀) all i wanted @yutaholic

WC: 17k

heartbreakers, smut

A year has passed since you last saw your best friend, Jaehyun, but the man who returns is not the boy you once knew and loved. Jaehyun will barely speak to you and you don’t know why, but you both may be exactly what the other needs to mend your broken hearts.

(🫀)The Apple of My Eye @sehunniepotwrites

WC: 17k

school! au , teacher!au , Kindergarten teacher!jaehyun

As a young and handsome kindergarten teacher of two years, Jeong Jaehyun was used to receiving presents during Teacher’s Appreciation Week. This, however, was the first year Jaehyun wanted to give a present of appreciation to someone else—his new and ever-so-lovable teacher’s assistant.

(🫀)song for a little sparrow @ppangjae

WC:13.7k

poet!jaehyun x painter!reader , strangers-to-lovers

As a burnt out painter, you packed one suitcase and flew a one-way trip to Paris in hopes of finding your passion again. In the city of love, the last thing you expected was to bump into a man who doesn’t believe in love. But you do, and you find yourself showing him the wonders of love and falling in love. Just don’t fall in love with him.

I like me better (when i’m with you) @tyonfs

WC:11.8k

friends to enemies to lovers, sports au , smut

there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts. 

Someone to Bring Home @rouiyan

WC: 10.2k

Med student!jaehyun, College au, Brothers best friend , home for thanksgiving

synopsis — “if you’ve been waiting for fallin’ in love, babe, you don’t have to wait on me.” (sanctuary - joji)

Boyfriend material @mochidoie

WC: 6.2k

fake dating au, strangers-to-lovers , slight angst

Although you and Jaehyun had never spoken a word to each other before this class project, he asks you to be in a fake relationship in order to prove to his longtime crush that he is boyfriend material.

Back up Valentine @tyonfs

WC: 2.9k

Spiderman!jaehyun

you don’t have any unrealistic expectations for valentine’s day considering your love life has never flourished, but the least your best friend could’ve done was not summon an intergalactic army of an alien species during your first blind date ever.

SERIES

S.C.S; ayakashi @starlightkun

WC:66.2k

heavily based off yet another otome game, ayakashi: romance reborn ; bc of this, all the lore used in here is inspired by/based on/taken from the lore of the game, not the actual lore of traditional ayakashi/yokai stories

[swee7dream]

hiii i saw that request are open for jae ( I CANNOT COPE WITH THE NEWS) so i was thinking if you could write about a fluff kind or drabble?!?! of maybe yn helping jae to cut his hair before enlisting but he has so much hair and like WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LEAVE YOUR FLUFFY BIG HEAD BF BALD but yea kinda like cute couple-y moment?

military wife duties jeong jaehyun x female!reader

genres established relationship , fluff , angst if u squint warnings female reader , mention of enlistment (◞‸◟；) author's note when nahyuck enlist i will genuinely crash out like i will need to be put under watch dpwm . tysm for the request ! i will miss valentine boy so bad , , tag list @aeriaeri @mystarsohee @iwontlettheselittlethingsslip

“How could you do this to me? To us? I… I thought you loved me, Jaehyun. Does all our time together mean nothing to you?”

“Baby…” He holds your wrists, the sensation barely felt. “It’s just hair.”

“It’s not just hair!” you whimper, lip quivering. “Hair holds memories, Jae. You don’t get it.”

“Believe me, I do. I’m not excited to get my hair buzzed either.”

Your tears, hysterical and warm, Jaehyun’s dimples come out at the sight without even thinking about it.

“Please don’t make me do this.” Your lip quivers.

“I’m sorry, darling.” He pouts, but you can tell it’s ingenuine. “But either you do it or Jungwoo does it. And you saw what he did to Taeyong.”

“Can’t I just cut my hand off instead?”

That makes him burst out in laughter.

“No, you can’t. I won’t allow it.” He brings your hand up to kiss the back of it.

“Can I go in your stead?”

“I mean, you can go… but I’d still have to go too.”

“Okay.” Your voice cracks. “I’ll sign up for the military right now. We can go together.”

“No.” He pecks your nose. “You have to stay right here in our cozy home and live your regular-schmegular life from before I left so that when I come back we can pick up right where we left off. Yeah?”

“I’m gonna miss you so much…” you drop the shaver on the bathroom floor and throw your arms around Jaehyun. “Please don’t die. You can’t die. If you die, I’ll kill you. I-”

Your paranoid ramble continues, your voice getting higher and higher until you sound like the loveliest mosquito Jaehyun’s ever heard.

“I won’t.” He pulls back to see your face. “I won’t die, okay? I’ll call you whenever I can, visit as often as possible, it’ll be like I never even left.”

“But you will! You will leave and I’ll be alone and you’ll be bald.” You sob at the last word. “You’ll be bald…”

“…is that what you’ve been focusing on?”

“You look so good with long hair. You’re the handsomest man in the world but when you have your hair long you’re the most handsome guy in all of the galaxies… I’m gonna lose my boyfriend and his hair. Life is so hard.”

“I know,” he pats your head, pressing his back against the toilet for enough space to let you sit on his lap. “Life is so hard, isn’t it?”

“So hard…” You nod, wiping your tears with the back of your hands. “’m sorry, Jae. You’re the one going to the military and here I am, making a new ocean with tears.”

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” He hums. “Think of it as crying for the two of us. I don’t think it’s set in yet that I’ll be away for almost two years—” You let out a small whimper at the reminder. “—but I’m sure I’ll cry just as much when I’m on the way. More probably.”

“I hate this.” You pull him in, digging your nose into his shoulders to take in his smell and try to imprint the moment as a core memory in your mind.

“…I always could go to prison instead.”

You groan.

“No. No prison. Just… bald.” You sigh, looking up at him and digging your fingers through his cloud-like white hair. “Just bald, egg-headed Jaehyun.”

“Hey, calm it before I buzz your head too.” He flicks your forehead with his teeth dug into his lip. “Then it won’t just be me that’s ‘egg-headed’. Honestly. Where do you come up with these things?”

“Twitter.”

“I thought you said you deleted Twitter.”

“…I lied.”

“Of course you did.” Jaehyun takes his turn now to sigh. “What am I going to do with you?”

“You love me.”

“I do.” His gaze softens and disarms you completely.

“I love you too.” You curl yourself back into him.

“I’ll marry you. You know that, right?” He looks at you.

“…yeah. I know.”

It’s not the first time the subject has been brought up. Jaehyun is a traditional romantic, you learned this within the first three months of your relationship.

Candlelit home dinner dates, weekly sent bouquets, random appreciation sonnet-like messages. Jaehyun has always been open about his desire for matching bands and golden anniversaries. And though you might not have always wished for the same thing, as the days passed holding Jaehyun’s hand in your own, how could you not start having similar dreams?

“You can’t die.”

“I told you, baby. I’m not going to die-”

“You have to come home safely so we can get married when you come back.”

Jaehyun’s eyes light up for only a second before he smashes his lips against yours, eager and clumsy at the thought of exchanging rings. It's your first time expressing your desire to walk down the aisle so openly, a day Jaehyun sometimes felt would only happen in his dreams. His mind buzzes with ideas for the venue, his suit, your dress.

“Cut my hair,” he says, and you feel him breathe on your face.

“It’s not gonna make you enlist any faster, you know?”

“I don’t care.” He smiles.

“…alright.” You pick up the shaver off the ground.

“Why do you have so much hair?” You frown, trying to see where his hair ends and his scalp begins. “Are you a man or a beast?”

“Depends on the location. For example, if it's the bedroom-”

Bzzzt!

“Oh...” You purse your lips. “Jae.”

“…what is it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What did you do…?” He whispers.

“You’re handsome enough to pull it off, I promise.”

“Oh my God.”

author's note hi ! another jaehyun request coming soon i'm just terrible at deciding on endings lololol . also, renjun is BACK injeolmis CHEER !!!!! would love to write more for renjun so lmk if that's something that interests u :>

p.s. i made a ko-fi . don't feel obligated to do anything with it, but if u ever win the lottery, like my writing, and don't know what to do with it , well . . . gestures vaguely .

[baobaojng]

Celeste (Jeong Jaehyun) - part one

celeste (jeong jaehyun)

jeong jaehyun (king jaehyun) x (afab! princess) reader

themes: slowburn, angst, fluff, (eventual) smut + fantasy au! + pleeeenty world building as we go along

some notes: reader and jaehyun have a bit of an age gap (jaehyun is older), the timeline is all over the place... please bear with me :)

☼ summary: in the land of Celeste, the King of Sol has waged war to bring back his beloved, war only stops when one day you return— but the secrets only begin to unfold. 

a/n: i do not permit the use of this fic for anything else. this work is mine and mine alone. these premises and characters are entirely fictional and do not intend to paint anyone in a bad light. 

©2025

wordcount: 8,527

part one, part two,

author’s masterlist

The Age of Sol was a time of hunger. 

Though the land of Celeste had been built on countless wars, none had ravaged all the kingdoms quite like this. When the young King of the Kingdom Sol waged war against the Kingdom of Okeanos, chaos ensued. Each kingdom of the land left to declare their alliance to the King of Sol, or join his declared enemy and defy the strength of the sun.

Many had given into their greed, interests benefitting their own domains fueling their thirst to take the opportunity to rise to greater power. These men were not of the ordinary lot, each line of each kingdom blessing them with their own strengths— despite all that power, nothing was quite as strong as the blood of man that flowed through them. 

There was a human hunger to all their cores, wanting to be fed by the glory of their dominance. It was simplistic, and any intelligent lot would have realized the dangers of giving into the contingencies of war, but nothing was quite as tempting than the promise of authority. 

But no hunger was quite as strong as that of the young King, for his hunger was not of putrid anger nor that of the lust of power, but a human longing. A hunger his heart wanted to feed. 

It seemed after six long years of the war, even as he remained so gloriously victorious, his hunger could not be fed. The war would either be stopped by the saving grace of his mercy, or all kingdoms would cease to know completion - only knowing ruin.

the fifth year of the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom of Luna:

In the small Kingdom of Luna, on the fifth year of the Age of Sol, a still body of a woman that had fallen into a deep slumber had finally awaken.

There’s a strange cold sensation at your feet, it seems to be the first thing you feel when light slowly enters your eyes as you begin to wake.

“Heavens! Oh, heavens!” You see an unfamiliar handmaiden who seems to be cleaning at your feet scream, alerting more unfamiliar faces to go into the chambers of your bright white room. 

This was the Kingdom of Luna, no other place could be mistaken for it as its architecture so distinct from the rest. The only Holy kingdom in all of the eleven, said to have been kissed by the moon itself— a kingdom most gently bright. It was the last place you remember journeying to, until you fell into darkness. 

“Where am I?” You ask the still shaking handmaiden, her disbelief utterly visible through her shaking hands. It seems as though she had been flooded with relief. Of course you knew which kingdom this was, but you were silently pleading with her to give you more clarity in that moment.

“You are in your bedchambers, Princess. You have been in slumber for five summers now you see. If I recall correctly you arrived in our kingdom during the last days of spring those five year ago.” She gave you an answer that was more than you had asked.

You had been in a sleep-like state for five years, it was something you could not comprehend— after all, you expected to fall into death’s arms to never wake again.

“I… I do not know what to say…” You are able to speak, sitting up. You expect there to be pain, but none of it comes, you do not feel like you have been gone for five years - your body seems to be working just fine. 

Before the handmaiden can comfort you, Hendery hurriedly enters your chambers, “Princess!” Your Knight has tears streaming down his face, his face flushed with disbelief.

“Hendery?” You ask, “What is happening?” You see your own reflection on his silver armor, he seems to be donning the seal of the Kingdom of Luna instead of your own Kingdon of Gaia, but that is not what continues to occupy your thoughts.

You see only a fraction of your reflection, it seems your once raven hair had turned silver white.

“Hendery? What has happened?” You look down at the long strands, your voice trembling at the sight.

Hendery sighs, “should we take a walk in the temple grounds, Princess?”

the sixth year of the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Sol:

“Are you certain that the Prince of Okeanos will follow through with his word?” Prince Mark of the Kingdom Hermes asked, seated on the right side of the King of Sol, their conversation barely understandable from two arm’s length away. The noise of the banquet hall filling the room as people from all the land arrive.

“He did mention that he’d give the King a good reason to end the war, I don’t take you for a fool dear old pal, but I wouldn’t have agreed to those terms.” Prince Johnny of the Kingdom Tyr commented, seated on the King’s left. Prince Johnny wasn’t afraid to hide his suspicions, coming from the kingdom that thrived on perfecting the art of war. “As impatient you may be at Hermes, Prince Mark, it may not be a question of certainty.” 

The King of Sol laughs, “you two worry so.” He reassures. “We’ve reduced Okeanos to desolation, all their allies have slowly turned their allegiances to my crown. The state of their oceans as barren as deserts.” His expressions turns dark. “If he says he’ll give me a reason to end this war that only left him with the short end of the stick, I’m inclined to believe him.”

Before any of the two can interject, the King of Sol stands from his seat. He raises his chalice to the room, “we make a toast to the Age of the Sun. To the Age of Sol!" 

He is met with the blasting boisterous sounds of laughter and praise, for nine kingdoms have gathered. All but three are not in attendance, and it is their allegiance that remains murky to the crown of Sol.

It takes no longer than a few counts for the trumpets to sound the arrival of a new kingdom in attendance. A herald announces loud and clear, “Prince Muhan of Okeanos has arrived!”

His anticipated guest is here, no air of pride in his stride or the stride of his companions. Though this came to be expected of the prince that ruled the domain of water after his defeat in the war, there was something missing.

“King Jaehyun.” Prince Muhan kneels, much to the shock of everyone in the banquet hall. The war has dragged on for six long years, never did anyone expect that it would end in this way - seemingly peaceful and less climactic.

The formalities do not entertain Jaehyun, he was growing impatient.

“I trust you know I am not much of a patient man, Prince Muhan,” Jaehyun responds.

“Yes, you wiped our domains almost clean in the shortest time any war had ever happened.” Muhan affirms, remaining knelt. It was only out of the respect of war that he recognized defeat. “I am lucky my head is not on a stake as you’d previously preferred.” 

“So… Where is this grand reason you hope I’d finish this war? Surely you are not willing to disappoint a room full of royals from all over all kingdoms of Celeste?” The tension in the room rises, as there is a radiant heat permeating the room, Jaehyun’s emotions akin to the sun’s heat. 

“Not all kingdoms, your highness.” Prince Taeyong of Ashtaroth says, seated next to Prince Mark. The kingdoms Luna and Gaia are not in attendance.

The trumpets sound once more. 

“Delegates from the Kingdom Luna!” The Herald announces once more, filling the room with complete silence.

The people of the Kingdom Luna were left untouched during the war; their holy grounds kept free of any bloodshed through all ages of man. Their land and their people were sacred, kept only to themselves and never elsewhere. 

While other kingdoms had harnessed and boasted the powers from which their kingdoms were named: Sol being of the people of the sun, Hermes the people of communication and journey, Ashtaroth of desire and beauty, Gaia of  life, Tyr of war and strength, Jove of justice, Kronos of harvest, Aether of the sky, and Okeanos of the water. Luna anchored the land to divinity, never blinded to each version of conceit that corrupted the other kingdoms.

There are whispers, wondering what this had meant. Jaehyun had been smart enough to figure out that this was Muhan’s bargaining chip. 

One by one in an organized fashion, more graceful and choreographed than any man lined up on the frontlines of war, the people of Luna enter the room in their whitest silks. 

Six years of war come across as a thought that scrambles through the young king’s mind, six years of almost senseless wrath, and he wonders what the kingdom that did not cross his mind once had that could make up for those six long years.

Was this some cruel joke? One he could not deal with using violence or force? The heavens know that his heart was driven to war because there was no other God to turn to in his time of need. His heart beats significantly faster, much to the disdain of everyone in the hall the heat only gets worse as he cannot control the feeling that bubbles inside of him. 

It’s only when you walk into the room that the heat fades and a lightness replaces it instead. 

It is you, but it appears not, your hair a perfect white glimmering silver— as if now you are the moon herself. So far removed from how he remembers you had looked like. 

Were you a ghost? Perhaps an apparition appearing at this very time of intensity. You don’t seem to be a ghost of his own delusion, as it seems that everyone is as presently shocked as he is to see you. 

You kneel next to Prince Muhan, “my king.” you say, and that’s what it takes to make him know you’re real. 

four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Ashtaroth:

Balls in the Kingdom Ashtaroth were as frequent as they came. 

Beauty was something of an art that they incessantly perfected, but nothing was quite as exciting for them to host grand events to bring out the beauty of other kingdoms. Prince Taeyong and his younger brothers Prince Ten and Price Jaemin had mentioned once that although beauty was something they knew they possessed, nothing was quite so enthralling that marveling at the beauty of others. You do like to believe that they only use that as an excuse to stir up gossip, it seemed those two things worked hand in hand in this kingdom.

No ball was as exciting as this, for this was the first appearance of the Princess of Gaia after coming into her eighteenth year. 

“It seems we are promised with not just life this year.” Prince Ten comments, the three princes of the Kingdom looking down at the courtyard full of guests talking and drinking. The music was still subdued, the dancing reserved for later when the hosts would feel like everybody was appropriately intoxicated. 

“You speak in poems brother, life— Princess Y/N of Gaia will surely be a spectacle.” Prince Jaemin rolls his eyes.

“Lest we forget she has silently been promised to the Prince of Okeanos.” Ten responds, “perhaps eyes of interest are unwelcome to a woman guarding her virtue when it is something of common knowledge that it is promised to another.” 

“Perhaps you have been drinking the wine behind our backs, or maybe the ale you’ve been drinking has come to spoil.” Jaemin shoves his older brother, they both laugh.

Taeyong has been listening to their conversation, “you joke brothers, but no real promises between Muhan and Y/N have been made. Only jokes and pushes about how close the two had seemed when they were younger, being of the same age as well.”

Something catches the eldest prince’s eyes. 

“Where the Princess Y/N’s true heart lies, well, that may be cause for much debate…” Prince Taeyong’s gaze leads to the newly crowned King of Sol, arriving just in time to allow his own conjecture to be made in secret, “or maybe it may be the cause of war.” He whispers to himself, gazing upon your arrival coming soon after the king. 

Below the view of the three princes of Ashtaroth, the young King of Sol’s thoughts are filled with much dismay.

The noise of chatter cannot contest to the noise present in his own mind— for he does not care so much for the ornaments embellishing Ashtaroth in this moment. Much it may come to the dismay of the gracious hosts. He does not care for the mindless conversation, simply excuses to take control over another and rope them into seduction. 

Functions like these serve the more simple-minded, formal gatherings made to feed the desire to gossip, make alliances, and entertain romance. This was not supposed to be his top priority as a newly crowned king, but in the name of alliances - he has come to establish his presence. The propriety of his title meant he had to tolerate the social season.

Though, he cannot say he completely dislikes all these balls, there were a few things that he could tolerate. And there were very few things he was fond of, not that he would say that aloud or tell a soul.

Few of the things he could tolerate, were of course, his friends. 

“Old pal!” Prince Johnny makes his way over to Jaehyun, “or should I be calling you your highness the great young King of Sol?” He jokes, and it earns a laugh from Jaehyun.

“My Overlord would be preferable, but I suppose you cannot do much better than that.” Jaehyun is able to joke and it earns some hearty laughter. 

“Have you seen Mark or Taeyong anywhere in this mess? I cannot understand what this ball is for.” Johnny asks.

Jaehyun tuts, “as if any of these balls are made with much thought or care. You are not meant to understand them.”

“Spoken truly like a king, so unimpressed by it all.” Johnny teases. “Try to enjoy these moments dear friend, you’ll worry more about more important matters when the glue on the crown hardens. Then suddenly menial balls such as these are a distant memory of rest.”

“Easier to say than to put into action.”

“Please don’t be so sour, be a wonderful young king and indulge in the ale and the allure of Ashtaroth! We are in the kingdom of beauty!” Johnny hands him a cup and nearly forces him to drink it all in one go, the two already in a clause to drink themselves over this whole thing.

“Oh! Oh no Prince Johnny please do not consume it all!” A female voice cuts in.

Of course it’s you, Jaehyun hasn’t had the pleasure to speak with you all that long or all that often but he remembers your voice no matter how it has bloomed into maturity. You were the only princess of all kingdoms, always so endorsed to be proposed to as the best possible prospect of a wife. Only daughters of high lords, dukes, earls, and viscounts were eligible - but none compare to the Princess of Gaia. The kingdom of life offering prosperity like none other. 

Prince Johnny of course, was a fool so stubborn so strong so unwavering in all the force of his wrath, but Jaehyun knew that nothing could soften his friend quite like a beautiful woman. And that you were. Jaehyun knew it ever since you were both were very young.

Jaehyun pauses, and Johnny almost positively spits into his cup. 

“Princess, what do we owe the pleasure of your concern.” Johnny stops, the tall man losing composure.

“Prince Ten told me that they positively put aphrodisiacs in the ale, apparently it makes you temporarily… physically infatuated with the person you see right after you consume a glassful.” You explain. “I apologize for the interruption.” 

“See it was more of a warning, Johnny. I’m sure the princess has better cause for concern than two fools like us.” Jaehyun says, and your timid eyes carefully examine him. He feels a nervousness, but he does not make it obvious. 

You however, look shocked that Jaehyun was part of the conversation.

“My king,” she curtseys, “how disrespectful of me.”

“Please.” he feels a flush go straight to his ears— suddenly thankful that his hair was now long enough to cover them, not to give away his obvious feelings. You had called him your king. “Please skip the formalities, Princess.” 

Johnny rolls his eyes, too shallow to notice Jaehyun’s flustered state but oh so heavily offended. “Why is it that when I called you king, you demanded be called Overlord at my expense? If it weren’t our beautiful Princess Gaia, anyone would be met by your awful disposition—“ Johnny clutches a hand to his chest, feigning hurt.

“Yes, the awful disposition of my friendship, Johnny. Do not take offense.” Jaehyun cuts him off. “If anyone deserves respect in this room it is the Princess Gaia.” Jaehyun respectfully points and you stand there, now equally as flustered as he. “Princess, I believe a congratulations is due.” 

“Whatever for?” You wonder.

“A lady’s eighteenth year is quite important in this society I suppose, and an even bigger deal in the shoes you have to fill. I’m congratulating you for all of the things you have accomplished, and the things I know you will.” It’s a reassurance, one he knew you needed. It surely wasn’t easy being the only princess in the entire land of Celeste.

“I do not know what to say. It is an honor to hear such praise, your highness.” You almost complete another curtsey, stopping yourself halfway because you know he’d try to correct you. Suddenly you laugh to yourself and it’s a pleasant sound for Jaehyun to hear.

“It is a pleasure to properly make your acquaintance after all of these years.” He says, and there is a sudden realization that drawls. You’d seen each other as children, though he was five years older than you, but never had you spoken more than a few words of greeting.

“And it has been a pleasure for me to this rather gawky conversation.” Johnny says, obviously entertained. Johnny does not need to say that he understands what is blossoming.

The night goes by, Jaehyun typically brooding from corner to corner - allowing passive conversation. He cannot help but quietly set his gaze toward you the entire night, noticing the hawks that surround you. Everyone taking turns tempting you into conversation, or trying to impress you in the most loutish ways.

Taeyong appears next to him at some point, catching the king stare at you and how you gracefully turn each man down. Jaehyun’s brows furrowing at the sight of you welcoming Muhan’s company.

“Don’t deceive yourself with jealousy, your highness.” Taeyong says.

“You must dissuade yourself from believing I am, dear friend.” Jaehyun coughs, surprised he was caught. “I’ve only ever spoken to her during this night.” 

“Something tells me you’ll speak to her again.”

fourteen days hence, four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Tyr:

Jousts were nothing of a kind sport. Princes, Knights, and Noblemen alike all had even the tiniest pinch of fear when the Kingdom Tyr would host the sport. Of course, the Prince Johnny always elated to participate in his own kingdom’s form of entertainment.

There was already commotion in the field, everything set in place except for the crowd forming outside to get in. Each horse already in their own stables, splinters painted in each participating kingdom’s colors, and all participating riders mingling in the common tent.

One such topic of conversation is on every one of the participants’ lips, one that quietly catches the attention of one such that is the King of Sol. 

“It’s really no question, of course the Princess Gaia will dedicate her kiss to Prince Muhan.”

“Not even her own knights are participating in the joust— is that allowed Prince Johnny?” Prince Doyoung of the Kingdom Jove had asked, turning to get Prince Johnny’s attention.

“Of course it’s allowed, participation is completely voluntary.” Johnny says, and it’s met by a lot of contrary sighs.

“You did almost threaten our lives to participate when you sent our invitations, you know.” Mark says.

“Well, Kingdom Gaia is lucky we exercise favoritism here in Tyr. If it weren’t the only kingdom not harboring a Prince then I would’ve, very softly required a jouster.” 

“Softly.” Mark rolls his eyes.

“Oh Prince Mark we have to get back to a much pressing matter— the Princess Gaia’s kiss!” Prince Ten, although not participating in the joust, has made it a mission to socialize but prod gossip. Though it was simply a kiss on the cheek that was at stake, as a kiss on the lips would certainly tarnish the Princess’ virtue, it meant a lot to all these Princes.

As you have now come of age, some traditions have lightly changed. 

“You aren’t even in the—“ Mark interjects but stops himself by throwing his hands up in the air.

“Yes, her kiss will obviously be dedicated to Prince Muhan.” Prince Doyoung is so keen to continue this conversation, as Prince Muhan is not at an earshot to overhear this conversation. His own group of knights from Okeanos busy in their own bubble.

“Why is that, my ever so just friend?” Ten asks, curious to know if any of Doyoungs special abilities to give justice are of any use to him.

“Princess Gaia never does anything without good and proper reason, and considering the lineup of participants… She would not be keen to dedicate it to the princes she is not close with, which eliminates a handful of us already. She would not be interested to dedicate her kiss of victory to anyone that is not a firstborn Prince, leaving anyone below without a chance. And of course, we have to consider which of these participants have a likely chance to make it to the final round.” His mind wanders.

“So that leaves us with?” Jaehyun asks, not able to hold his curiosity out any longer. Though he was willing to really keep quiet and only listen, something inside him was rather impatient.

“Leaves us with Prince Johnny, Prince Mark, Prince Taeyong, and of course Prince Muhan because they have been linked together since infancy…” Doyoung says, but he looks at Jaehyun that he didn’t realize was part of the conversation and it seems that an idea has hatched, “I suppose you too, King Jaehyun. I would guess that you’re more than decorated to be participating in the joust, though I am not so sure about your closeness, but a king— Prince Johnny!” Doyoung’s curiosity gets the best of him once more. 

“What now?” Johnny sighs, he should’ve known that Doyoung’s thirst for justice meant that he’d be answering more than several questions about the rules.

“Is King Jaehyun allowed to joust? He was recently a prince, he did regularly participate, and I suppose he’s been the most fortunate to win the most jousts of all of us… But he has now since been crowned a King. Should there not be a special box for him to sit instead?” Doyoung looks at Jaehyun and he begins to whisper. “Sorry, old friend, I do not mean to question your capabilities. But I do not believe we have seen a king on the actual field before.”

“The King of Sol is allowed to joust if he decides that he wants to.” Johnny confirms, and shrugs. The rules in the games of Tyr were obviously dependent on the mood of the prince. “And the victory kiss that Princess Y/N will also be of her own choice.” 

~

The first rounds of the joust go by easily. Unfortunately for some of the participating kingdoms, the odds seem to have stayed the same; all remaining participants from the same anticipated kingdoms. Doyoung's predictions correct as always.

“How many splinters have you positively destroyed, dear friend?” Johnny asks with a smile on his face, getting off from the ground after falling from his horse. Jaehyun defeating him during this round.

“Far too many now.” Jaehyun smiles as well, still on his own horse.

“Well, I offer my congratulations. You won this round fair enough. It leaves you and Prince Muhan during the final round.” Johnny shakes his friend’s hand as he walks off gracefully even though he had been covered by the mud and the dust. 

Jaehyun cannot say aloud that he had ulterior interests about winning. One could say he was willing to be so motivated as to make it to the final round of the joust to test out a theory— or defy an expectation. 

The kiss the most noble lady dedicates is one she gives before the final round, a matter of making her best bet to all kingdoms known. It was a tradition of sorts, typically noble ladies would choose the jouster that they fancied or one that was more strategic for their own kingdom. Jaehyun had been kissed on the cheek by many noble ladies - making it to the final round of the joust many times. Though, none of those dedications meant anything more than a flattery for he never entertained their interest.

This would be the first time you would be dedicating a kiss, coming of age and not having been wed yet. 

He is completely aware that if he were to go up against Prince Muhan, who definitely has the most expectations of any soul in this tournament to make it through the final round to save your kiss for his own, then he was clearly not the obvious choice. And it was simply just a kiss on the cheek, it was just a sign of good luck. Besides, he only ever spoke to you during the ball of Ashtaroth not many moons ago. What did he have now that was different from before? Doyoung only confirming his doubts when he had pointed out how barely close you were.

Jaehyun now thought, that maybe if you were to kiss Muhan, his bruised ego would make it even more satisfying to strike the Prince with his splinter and defeat him after. 

But now he would simply have to see.

“Champions,” The King of Tyr says from his box in the stands, “Prince Muhan of Okeanos, and King Jaehyun of Sol,” the old man nods to Jaehyun, a courtesy, “though it may not truly affect your joust, it is of tradition that we allow our fairest maiden the blessing of the kiss of victory of her champion of choice. To bless her chosen champion.” In this case, to seal your engagement to Muhan through this declaration of your own volition. This public display of affection revealing more than just an action at the surface.

You come forward from your own box, dressed in the deep greens of your kingdom, your black raven hair loosely put down in curls with some braids holding them in place. If it were a crime to stare, to place one’s eyes upon the figure of another - to create wanting, longing simply by looking— Jaehyun would have positively been a criminal. For no such moment did he realize how much he wanted that kiss. 

“Princess Y/N of Gaia, please choose your champion.”

Jaehyun does not expect it. He knows he will be greeted by the slow-moving wind, and even all the people in the crowd expect you to make your way to the man on Jaehyun’s left. Prince Muhan’s foot was lightly tapping in anticipation as well as you are escorted down from your box, it seems the prince is impatient for you to make your way toward him.

The wind does not come to Jaehyun, instead it is a warm scent of jasmine and sandalwood. You made your way straight to Jaehyun, with no hesitation or a moment’s pause. 

“King Jaehyun.” You greet him, lightly bowing much to his own dismay, but he is aware that there are plenty eyes watching. Disbelief across the faces of the knights and princes previously taken out of the joust for losing in earlier rounds.

“Princess, I think you’re making the wrong choice.” He says honestly, but he is nervous. His mind goes back to the conversations about this kiss in the tent, what did Doyoung say again? You do not do things without good and proper reason.

“I think I’m making a perfectly good choice, my king.” You say, and there it is again when you call him that, it gets him.

Jaehyun knows his body has stiffened, unsure how he must perform now that he knows that not just everybody is looking— but everyone is now looking with shock or some degree of contempt. 

You speak again, this time clearing your throat and placing a dainty hand on his shoulder. How he wishes his armor were not in the way. 

“I shall kiss you now.” Your whisper is soft and it grazes his ears, he can feel the hairs on his cheek rise.

“There is still time to change your mind, Princess—“ He says, but it is too late. Your lips are placed so softly on the skin of his face, it feels he is unable to move. Unable to think in this searing heat that rises up at his cheeks, the familiar feeling of redness to his ears.

While the crowd roars, signaling the end of the tradition, you seem to quickly whisper something else. “If you wish to speak to me, my king, I will wait in the kingdom’s gardens after the feast. Best of luck.” Before he can tell you that it would be a risk to see each other in secret, you’ve gone back to your box. 

~

You were on borrowed time.

It was sudden, the secrecy of your coming of age ceremony all parallel to the curse that had plagued you: Gaia had long since had a line of only sons, marrying daughters from other kingdoms, creating more sons— more princes, more kings, more princes.

But you were born, a princess no doubt. Your father was truly your own - a King of Gaia, but your mother a lowly born woman your father had met during a long journey to the far lands. No one had questioned her heritage, for her kindness was unmatched and her beauty had been unthinkable. 

It seemed you had not thought to blame your own heritage, but on the eve of your coming of age you had coughed up pools of your own blood. A mix of dark and strange sludges following, flowing out of your body in long painful stages.

The oracle that had been sent to assess you had told you that you were on borrowed time, something about your family’s secrets. Ones you had no answer to, already buried with your mother who could not answer for these untraceable roots. 

Of course you had asked for a different solution, one that was answered in riddles.

Away from where the sun sets, your hands tied to another, where your heart lies the sun rises - for the kiss of death shall only be freed by the wrath of his longing. Answers you must only find by the slumber of the moon, but only through the sacrifice of the water.

Though you had sent all scribes, all possible scholars from Jove upon your secret request to the younger Prince Chenle’s agreement, even all elders from your own court - no one could understand what this meant. You did understand to some degree, but you wanted your suspicions to be proven wrong. You did not want your conjectures to be true.

Your hands tied to another. You knew it meant the budding promise of your union to the Prince of Okeanos, a promise long made only because of the close friendships your fathers had. Only because you were of the same age, and were always made to see each other when time had permitted. 

Muhan was pleasant, he was simple, he did not expect much but had always expressed his desire for a quiet and subservient wife— he could not be so picky as to choose. He held conversation well, or maybe just until necessary. He had the manners expected of a prince, he was not fussy nor was he expressive. There was nothing truly so wrong or right about Muhan, but you never made sense of picturing ruling his kingdom alongside him. No imaginings or desires of fulfilling what he deemed ‘duties of a woman.’ Muhan was a good friend, sure. But he was never anything more than someone so closely placed beside you.

But it was the sun. The sun. The sun. The sun. In your mind you knew the radiant face, always so adored. You had already pictured Jaehyun when the sun had been mentioned, every inkling in your body knew. In your mind there were clear imaginings of his dark thick hair, the imprints of dimples on his cheeks on the rare occasion you caught him smiling, his often misplaced look of surprise. 

He had always grown up to be so… perfect. You remember tiptoeing clumsily around him, always so ashamed to be younger, feeling a blush to your cheek every time you caught a glance - but  he was always so perfect to look your way. 

The riddle had made only a few inklings of sense, and you had considered that maybe death would be easier than confronting a lifetime-long blooming in your chest for somebody who has never expressed much interest in you.

Your father had prayed countless nights to the Gods, hoping you would change your mind about choosing death. For the certainty of your death was not one that was clear; it could come to you at any time. Through pleading, you convinced him to allow you to live normally through the social season. Once it was over, you promised to quietly carry out your days in the Kingdom Luna, where you know that only the holy embrace of the moon would bring solace as your death would approach. 

It was an excuse to savor the last of times you would see the newly crowned King Jaehyun. You anticipated the hurt of knowing he would lead a life where you were a distant stranger, one princess that would disappear into silence. You would never witness to see him grow into a glorious king, though you would know he would be a husband to another - find happiness and satisfaction in those dutiful actions.

You only planned to watch from afar, pretend that nothing changed except that you had come of age.

If not for the warning Prince Ten had given you about the ale in the ball held in Ashtaroth, you did not notice Jaehyun speaking to Prince Johnny in that moment— all you had your focus on was how rowdy Johnny typically got when intoxicated, and a love potion no doubt would be an even larger mess of things.

It’s only when you hear him speak that you realize it is the first words of serious conversation you had been in, and when he spoke about your coming of age and all the good things he expected you to accomplish - you felt an attentiveness you’d never seen in him before. 

You decide to brush it off, coming home to your kingdom that night bleeding out of your nose. The same black substance flowing afterward.

Then there was the matter of the joust, an invitation sent by the Kingdom Tyr to ask for your unwavering support to deliver the kiss of victory as the fairest maiden in the land of Celeste. You could not turn it down. 

The dreaded matter of the kiss would simply be about Muhan’s pride, and the fortitude of managing the expectations of a promise that everyone in the land knew. The kiss was not just about good luck, it was a sign of meaning. It was the only time in the world where a woman could express her desires without being chastised. That you knew. 

You braced yourself for the worst possible outcome, knowing that the final two to make it to the final round of the joust were factors that you could not control. It was a sheer game of strength, where the use of each of the kingdom’s powers was absolutely forbidden. In your own thoughts you carefully deliberated, perhaps if it were Prince Johnny and another prince that was not Muhan to succeed - the kiss would bear no real meaning. Simply a kiss to favor another. 

It was with Hendery that you confided a silly thought, your most trusted knight already knew of your little crush upon the King of Sol. 

“If he will make it through to the final round no matter his opponent, I will choose to kiss him. Loud and clear.” You told him, your knight only smiling in agreement. Hendery knew of your condition, and always encouraged those choices that made you visibly happier.

And the odds were in your court, after countless rounds of painful watching. The sound of splinters crushing into metal and the neighing of horses making your heart race, the fear of injury still lightly bothering you. Round after round that Jaehyun had been present, you saw his unwavering strength. Once he was put up against Johnny and he had swiftly made Johnny fall off his horse - you knew it was finished.

Despite Muhan standing there, and everybody else expectedly waiting for you to kiss him - you walk toward Jaehyun without hesitation.

His helmet removed, revealing his sweaty hair lightly pressed down - the rising of his chest from the adrenaline running through him - the dirt making its way to lightly stain the parts of his cheeks exposed by the opening in his helmet. His armor obviously worn out from the strenuous activity. Jaehyun was positively rugged, but enough so beautifully a man.

He tells you that you aren’t making the correct choice. His words and his body language both tell you he is pleading, but the stammer in his speech tells you otherwise. He tells you again that there is time to change your mind but you do not listen, you could feel the same heat of the sun from his close chest. 

Then you remember how kindly he regarded you in Ashtaroth, how you knew there was an undertone that pleaded for you to speak longer. Heavens forbid that all of this thinking were a product of a mere selfishness in your delusion— but you knew in the growing heat inside you that this was more than that. 

You kissed his cheek, sealing the coffin of the façade you had worked hard to preserve. 

It takes all the courage left in you to tell him to meet you in the gardens of Tyr.

that very same evening, four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Tyr:

“These gardens are surprisingly beautiful aren't they?.” Jaehyun says, distracting you from your mindless staring at the tall hedges that surrounded you. There was a marble bench near the tall shaped hedge, facing a slow moving fountain the middle. You were seated there, just observing the still serene quiet nestled in a rough bustling kingdom like Tyr. It took him some time to get away from the celebration; it was difficult for the winner of the joust to simply disappear from everyone's incessant begging to drink one pint of ale to celebrate his victory.

“I don’t recall these gardens ever being here.” You agree, and he notices that you do not meet his gaze.

“That’s because the gardens are new, my lady.” Jaehyun sits next to you as if it was the most natural thing on earth. “Johnny is promised to a daughter of a Duke in Ashtaroth. When he knew his bride would come from the kingdom of beauty he rushed at the opportunity to build her something beautiful. That way when they will wed, she won’t feel so far away from home.” He tells you and your face brightens at the story.

“I did not take Prince Johnny as a romantic.” You almost laugh.

“Neither did I,” he laughs, “but he coerced all of us to aid him in his time of need.” He remembers setting up quite a few large stones in the garden, making practical suggestions about sunlight and how important it was to the plants. This he had told you too in animated storytelling. 

You listen, and the laughter comes naturally. As if this weren’t the first time you had shared stories together. It’s only when there’s nothing more to say of other people that your smiles settle into awkward stares.

Jaehyun speaks once more, clears his throat, “why did you wait for me here?” He swears he sees you freeze in that moment, but the stiffness in your shoulders dissipate as they sink into a more comfortable posture. 

“I assumed…” You begin. “No, I felt that you had more to say to me earlier. But we both know it couldn’t have been possible with all those prying eyes.” He knows you’re correct. 

“If the prying eyes mattered, why did you choose to kiss me instead of the prince you were promised to?” It’s another question, it leaves his throat as soon as he thought of it. Not afraid that it could imply that he felt strongly against your relationship with Muhan.

“I am not promised to Prince Muhan, if that satisfies your curiosity.” You say so lightly, and he hopes you cannot tell that he’s only a little annoyed that it seems you do not take the question seriously. 

“It does more than satisfy my curiosity.” He’s overflowing with sudden joy is what he wants to say. He inches closer to you, he is determined to know what he wants to. “Why did you choose to kiss me, Princess?” It’s almost a whisper, and he sees that goosebumps form along the expanse of the parts of your arms exposed by your garments. He sees the hairs on your neck stand. 

“Would you have wanted me to kiss him instead?” It frustrates him that you could even suggest that in this moment, faces close to each other and he can feel your hot breath as you whisper to him as well. You are mirroring each other. 

“Of course not.” He’s honest. “But if it weren’t Muhan, if I were up against any other Prince, would you still have chosen me?”

You know what his question is leading to, and you also know that he understands the implications of your kiss. It wasn’t just an expression of defiance— going against everything that has been laid down and built for you and Muhan, but it was a declaration of desire.

So there it was, he was asking you if you were now choosing him. Just him. 

“Yes.” You swallow dryly, and you can almost feel each other’s breathing. Jaehyun’s bare hands touch you, his thumb just barely grazing your chin. 

So, so close now.

But it is Hendery’s calling that cuts the moment short. 

“Princess, we have to go now.” He politely bows to recognize the King of Sol, and you almost immediately follow.

“I will write to you, just remember to let the sunlight in when the rays of light are at their peak.” Jaehyun tells you, as you walk off.

“Ask Prince Ten for the flower of life, I will get back to you.” You call off, hearing the sound of your carriage.

two days hence, four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

Word across all the kingdoms travel far and wide and as quickly as the wind blows in the winds of the north during the winter, only when it is trivial of course. 

It shouldn’t have surprised you to know that your little kiss on the cheek had already reached Gaia before your own horses could gallop out of Tyr, for all manners of communication were excessively being used to tell all the world of the unexpected choice you made. There were flying questions about your relationship, wondering if at any point you had indicated an interest or shown more than a curt nod and stare over any of the social seasons.

You already anticipated the conversation you would have with your father and the other advisors of Gaia - maybe how disgraceful it was to publicly turn down Prince Muhan, and maybe you should act upon painful consideration of the kingdom’s best image and interest. Except you’re sure that they will leave you plenty mercies, maybe your curse had its advantages. 

It surprises you, that instead of a lengthy reprehension, you receive more concern than disappointment. 

“I do not want to question your happiness, child. I cannot take that away from you.” Your father says, and you’re sure that he does not mind for the implications of the action. “I can only fear that he is not worthy of you.”

“Oh but you were very rightfully so vigilant to decide that Prince Muhan was worthy of me instead? Just because of the friendship you had with his father?” You say with a little hint of bitterness.

“That is not what I mean,” he says, “you and the prince were simply an idea. But the King of Sol remains to be different, have we any ties to Sol to know the kind of character he is?” 

“Why does his character matter?”

“That is because he is a king. I have very little to scare him off now that he holds power over his own dominion. You could have made it easier for me if he were still a prince, but he is now a king… and the youngest one at that.” Your father is stressed. “He is quite unorthodox for a ruler of a kingdom as well, and if he reciprocates this longing for you, then he must be exceptional.” 

“That is not necessary, my time is not for long.”

“But that is precisely why he must be.” 

“Allow him to prove himself.” He dismisses you. “No more talk about how much you find him to be fit for your liking, he does not need you to defend him should he be as great as you describe.”

~

It was almost noon when you opened the windows to your bedroom, you understood that much when Jaehyun had instructed you to let the sunlight in. 

You weren’t sure how this would work. Although you did know that every kingdom had their own otherworldly manner of communicating and using their respective powers for their own convenience, you’d never corresponded with anyone from Sol before.

Some doubts creep into your mind, what if he hasn’t written you anything at all? Maybe the heat of the moment was lost and he simply was no longer interested. Perhaps your father was right to be doubtful. As the minutes draw closer to noon it seems you have been waiting for much longer than only the few passing seconds. 

He’s true to his word, it seems from where a clear ray of sun had entered - an envelope had materialized from the bright light. You

approach it to see that the wax seal of his kingdom was stamped on the front, your name written in the back.

The red wax is not that difficult to pry open, and you are not sure if it’s your excitement that makes it so. 

 ‘Princess, I hope this reaches you. I am not entirely sure when I will see you again; perhaps you may not be fond of the far retreats that the Kingdom Hermes hosts. Much to Mark’s behest, I have not seen you often during those excursions. I’ve come to understand that Gaia will not host for the season, your kingdom elusive to my observation. Maybe you can correct me if I am wrong. I have also come to preempt that your father may not take a liking to accepting an invitation from my own, should I request for your private audience.  Should I be thankful that your kiss has allowed me to earn the gift of your attention? Or should we feel a little regretful that it has caused much talks against the idea that we have formed an attachment?  Either way, I will be waiting for your response. Prince Ten gave me the flower as if he were expecting it. Very truly anticipating your correspondence,  Jaehyun.’

~ 

He’s been staring at the little plant for maybe a few hours now, passively going through the things he has to accomplish. Some complaints about the productivity of the kingdom, a few concerns about the armory, and some about having to work together with other kingdoms.

All those things he had dealt with almost immediately, his judgement not clouded at all. Though, it was obvious that he was distracted. Impatient.

He looks at the flower, in all its plenty petals, looking as though it had never once wilted nor changed since Ten had given it to him. The flower of life never requiring any water nor any attention since he acquired it.

It is strange that when a single petal falls, slowly shifting into an envelope, the wax seal of Gaia placed and his name also prettily written behind so as to mimic the same manner he had written to you. 

‘My king, or if this is Prince Ten please do not take it upon yourself to invade the privacy of my correspondence - I will have you whipped for it if I had the power. But if this is the King of Sol to whom I write to, I have received your correspondence. If chance permits, perhaps I will see you sooner than later. While it is true that Gaia has not hosted any events as usually expected, it does not seem to be out of the question for us to welcome guests.  As for my father, whether our circumstances were different or not, he often is peculiarly critical of the male sex. Especially when it relates to his only child, and daughter at that. Unfortunately he is hard to please, and very much skeptical. On the matter of the kiss, if you do not wish it had ever happened - then we should continue talking about it. If you do find satisfaction in it ever happening, then let us lay it to rest. Then maybe I can kiss you elsewhere than your cheek.  Yours, Y/N.’

He rereads the letter thrice over, wondering if he had missed any details - if he had things he needed to decipher. Yours. The kiss. Another kiss. 

His.

He was determined to make something of this attachment. 

end of part one.

next chapter>

[klowiishere]

My Favorite Fanfic List

Just wanted to make a list of my favorite fanfics, so I don't have to bother searching again when I want to reread.

Some may have content that makes you uncomfortable. So please check the warning in the main post. (Only if you happen to find this list, hehe)

I know most of them are Johnny and Jaehyun fanfics. Haha. There will probably be more

Johnny Suh

[8:26 P.M] @whereisten

Baby  @sehunniepotwrites

Claim @smileysuh

forget me too @yutaholic

Homecoming @caiuscassiuss

I’ll Send All My Loving to You @sehunniepotwrites

Kiss me, Kiss me @sehunniepotwrites

Love is A Beauty @peanutpinet

Love Is On Air by @raibebe

Make Me Move @yutaholic

Setup @smileysuh

Sing For Me @whereisten

Take The Leap  @sehunniepotwrites

The Cinderella Search by @sluttyten

Touch @yuta-nakamots

Well Played @caiuscassiuss

Lee Taeyeong

Late Night Adventures with a Green Haired Kingpin (Series-ongoing) @whereisten

Small Doses @yutaholic

The Wedding Singer (Series-ongoing) @whereisten

Nakamoto Yuta

Caught @all-about-kyu

Cologne @jaelvr

Fuchsia-Colored Glasses @whereisten

Nanny Cam by @sluttyten

Otou-Chan by @yutahoes

Sakura Kiss @sehunniepotwrites

Jeong Jaehyun

Arranged @smileysuh

Blind Date by @luvhaos

Boyfriend Material @mochidoie

Don’t Look  @cheolsbitch

For You by @sluttyten

He Fell First And He Fell Harder @taurusdaylight

In The Rain @sehunniepotwrites

It Only Takes One Night @whereisten

King of the Streets @anashins

Love Alarm @aeristudios

Love Song @aeristudios

Marry Me @cbeargyu

My Mister? @mieohmy

Only Fate Can Tell @charmingyong

Ordinary People @ppangjae

PLANET GIRL @ppangjae

Promises @whereisten

Romeo Roulette @wincore

Something Stupid@sehunniepotwrites

Song For A Little Sparrow @ppangjae

Sugar Daddy!Jaehyun [Part 1] – [Part 2] @freakynct

SUN&MOON @ppangjae

Team Captain @smileysuh

Winter Bird @yutaholic

[writemekpop]

Bad Girl | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: Jung Jaehyun is the first guy you’ve ever met who isn’t attracted to you. You’re determined to seduce him. 

Genre: Enemies to lovers AU

Word Count: 1.5k

As you walked into the first play rehearsal, you felt your heart stutter. 

A painfully hot guy was standing by the cast-only coffee table. He was tall, statuesque, in a long black coat and glasses. His chest strained at the fabric of his white shirt, as if his stiff body couldn’t be contained.   

"Hey, you must be Jung Jaehyun," you said, looking up at him through your lashes. Now, you just had to wait for him to start drooling - guys couldn't resist you. 

"Afternoon," Jaehyun said. He barely glanced at you. Was he gay or something? "Thank goodness you're here, we're out of tea." 

You blinked. "Sorry…I’m your co-lead? I play Margot Warner, your character's wife?" 

He stretched out his hand to shake yours, stiffly. "Apologies - I thought you were the coffee girl." 

Damn it, even his cold stare of indifference was sexy.  

"Let’s start with the argument scene," the director said. 

You and Jaehyun took centre stage. "Does my gaze make you feel nothing?" you breathed, looking into his eyes. "My touch?" You twined your fingers in his heavenly soft hair. "My kiss?" 

Standing on your tiptoes, you squeezed a kiss to his lips. They were cool as marble. 

Jaehyun stared into your eyes. Now, overcome with desire, his character was meant to tear the buttons off your shirt and pull you close, just as the lights dimmed. 

But Jaehyun stepped away from you. "Time out!" He sighed. "I just cannot understand what my character sees in hers. Why does he suddenly give in?" 

The director nodded. "He’s right. We need some chemistry here, guys! This is… PG-13 at best.” 

Jaehyun looked at you. "Listen, you may have never seduced a man, but you are going to have to pretend. That is of course, what actors do." 

You could just strangle him. Never seduced a man?  Jaehyun thought he was so much better than you, with his stupid little theatre degree from Harvard. 

You didn’t need a fancy degree to be a good actor. Plus, you could eat Harvard boys for breakfast - and you had. You’d tasted half the football team, in fact. 

Four hours later, you still hadn’t got the scene. 

The director looked like he'd had enough. "Sort out the chemistry by tomorrow, or I’m firing one of you. Which one do you think I should fire?" 

"Him!" you said, at the same time as Jaehyun snapped, 'Her!" 

You stormed up the stairs of the auditorium to get your bag from one the seats. Chemistry problem. Bullshit. That was like saying Albert Einstein had an intelligence problem. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Jaehyun said. 

A tiny shiver ran down your spine. 

"Are you really going to give up on the scene that easily?" Jaehyun taunted. "I've seen chihuahas with longer attention spans." 

"It’s tough acting against a brick wall," you shot back. 

Jaehyun shuddered. "If I have to teach you how to act, I will. Come here."

You walked over to him. 

"Margot is trying to seduce her husband. Your acting is too unidimensional!" 

"Uni-what?" you said. 

"Obvious! You're playing it too obvious," Jaehyun said. "I can see why that would be a problem for you. The whole Barbie thing usually does the trick with men, doesn't it? With your tight dresses and your… long legs. " He glanced at your body, and quickly looked away. But you’d noticed.   

You smirked. "So you think I'm hot." 

Jaehyun scoffed. "What I'm saying is, you need to play the role with your whole body. Subtle - yet hair-raising." He grabbed your script. "I'll try Margot. Watch and learn." 

Jaehyun stepped towards you. 

On the surface, nothing had changed. But Jaehyun was a different man. His face was flushed, his breaths shaky. His eyes kept flashing to your lips, like it took everything in him not to kiss you. 

"Does my gaze make you feel nothing?" he said quietly, his black eyes searching yours. "My touch?" He twined his fingers in your hair, and you couldn't hide the sound of your breath catching.

Every inch of your skin was alive.

"My kiss?" 

Jaehyun kissed you. His lips were so much gentler than you'd expected. You knew it was just acting, but Jaehyun seemed so into you it made him nervous. His whole body trembled with desire. 

You pulled back, struggling to catch your breath. That kiss was hair-raising.  

Something told you Jaehyun wasn't that good an actor. 

Jaehyun pulled back, his face flushed, a pink cloud of lipstick rimming his mouth. He was biting his plump lips, almost as if he was fighting a smile. "Clear?" 

You smiled. "You've forgotten the end of the scene."

An unreadable expression flashed over Jaehyun’s face. 

“How did it end again?” he murmured, his eyes fixed on yours. 

Your eyes fell to Jaehyun’s lips. “Margot and Lewis find the time to… reconnect.” Your fingers found the opening of Jaehyun’s shirt. “To get to know each other again.” 

Jaehyun gulped. “I thought they hated each other.” You started unbuttoning Jaehyun’s shirt, one button at a time. He shivered under your touch. “Hate and love aren’t as different as you think,” you said. 

You abandoned Jaehyun’s shirt on the seats. His body belonged in an art gallery, a sculptor’s impression of the perfect man. Only, Jaehyun was not still and cold anymore. His chest was rising and falling, his flesh hot. 

“This doesn’t mean I’m giving in,” Jaehyun said. “I still abhor you.” 

“And I still don’t give a damn what abhor means,” you said, smirking. Jaehyun hoisted your leg up against his hip. His lips met yours now, hungrily, no script to lead the way. 

On the couch in Jaehyun's big New York apartment, you smirked down at him, stroking his chest. "How was that for seducing a man?" 

"Excellent work," Jaehyun said in mock-seriousness, trying not to look ridiculous despite still panting. "Highly commendable." 

“You know…” you said, nuzzling into his chest, “if you were so into me, why did you act like a jerk?” “I’m married,” he said.

 You felt a pang of disappointment.   

“Divorced, to be precise,” Jaehyun continued. “Eight years. She was my… my first.” He spoke into your hair now. “I didn’t know what to do with the way I felt about you. I know I’m just a fling to you, but-“ “You’re not,” you said, moving to meet his eyes. He was gnawing at his plump lip, and you smoothed your finger over it, stopping him. “The way I felt last night… let’s just say I don’t get that a lot.” Your voice dropped. “Or ever.” “Are you saying I’m the best you’ve ever had?” Jaehyun said, turning you around so he was hovering over you, wearing a smug smirk.

“You’re gonna have to work a lot harder to earn that title…” you said, fixing your fingers in his hair. 

-- 

The next day, when you returned to rehearsal, something had changed. “You- um, you first,” Jaehyun said, gesturing to the coffee pot. 

“No, really, you,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck. You had no idea how to act professionally now. Should you touch Jaehyun? Smile at him? Ignore him completely?  

You both broke out into laughter.  

When it came to that scene, however, you and Jaehyun fought the urge to rush to the end.  

"Does my gaze make you feel nothing - my touch - my kiss, blah blah blah..." you mumbled, then pulled Jaehyun towards you in a kiss that made you weak in the knees. 

A lot of the director’s throat-clearing later, Jaehyun finally prised you off him, and you stood next to each other. The spotlights were a little blurry – or was that your eyes?  

The director started a slow clap, his mouth ajar. 

"Will these two set the house on fire? I think so!" He walked towards you, lowering his voice. "But really, how did you do it? What's the secret?"

You grinned at Jaehyun. "We were just acting. That is, of course, what actors do." 

—     

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

[sunshyni]

wanna be mine

notinha da Sun: eu tava escutando “Can We Go Back” do Dojaejung, inventei na cabeça que é uma história complementar a “Roses” do Jaehyun, e ai lembrei de “Lost” também KKKKK Então como eu já tinha um pedido envolvendo “término”, resolvi desenvolver essa aqui!!

w.c: 1k

avisos: tá triste, mas provavelmente já li coisas mais tristes ainda, vindo da @dreamwithlost então, vish, nem se fala KKKKK

Jaehyun havia se tornado o homem mais amargurado que conhecia. Ele mesmo havia desistido das redes sociais, sem saber se isso fazia bem para sua mente ou se só o tornava um senhor carrancudo. Mal saía de casa, exceto para o escritório onde trabalhava como arquiteto. Sua mobília havia adquirido um estilo frio, que jamais imaginara escolher. Antes, debochava de magnatas que optavam por preto, cinza e branco. Sempre incluía alguma cor em seus projetos para iluminar os ambientes, mas agora não mais. Sua casa tinha a aparência de um magnata arrogante; tudo era cinza, tudo era triste. Não havia fotos, não havia lembranças. Ele não queria mais pensar em você. Já fazia um ano desde o término, e ele ainda tinha a aparência pálida.

Jaehyun raramente sorria. Seus sorrisos eram tão bonitos e sinceros quando estava com você. Ele gostava de provocá-la em público, de sussurrar ao seu ouvido o que queria fazer quando estivessem sozinhos, e adorava ver seu sorriso contido, suas bochechas corando enquanto comia sua sobremesa preferida de morango. Ele nunca fora fã de doces, então sempre a observava, vendo-a fechar os olhos de prazer. Parecia que suas células eram formiguinhas de tanto amor ao açúcar.

Agora, porém, ele não podia mais te contemplar, não podia te ver, e isso o fez perder o interesse em ver outras pessoas. Não encontrava seus amigos mais próximos havia muito tempo. Quando eles marcavam algo, ele sempre inventava uma desculpa. Preferia o silêncio de seu apartamento, sozinho, acompanhado de um vinho e algum filme estrangeiro. Quando seus amigos o arrastavam para algum bar e seus lamentos já não tinham efeito, ele socializava minimamente, sorria pouco e se concentrava nos petiscos da mesa, na cerveja gelada. Morria de medo de te encontrar por acaso e que você percebesse que ele não estava bem, enquanto você, provavelmente, já havia seguido em frente há muito tempo.

Ele sabia disso, porque você detestava ficar sozinha. Amava a companhia, o toque, e Jaehyun sabia disso melhor que ninguém. Detestava sonhar com você. Eram nesses dias que ele acordava suado, com a respiração acelerada e o coração descontrolado. Definitivamente, não havia te superado. Não conseguia entender como vocês desmoronaram tão rapidamente, como de um casal amoroso, tornaram-se um casal que vivia discutindo, sem chegar a um consenso sobre nada. Jaehyun vivia preso em um ciclo louco de raiva e desejo.

Você o acendia como um cigarro, e ele queria tanto ser tragado de novo que doía.

O aniversário de Doyoung, um de seus melhores amigos, chegou naquele fim de semana. Eles reservaram uma mesa para três em um restaurante cinco estrelas, o preferido do aniversariante.

— Que bom que não deu bolo na gente hoje — comentou Jungwoo, enquanto Jaehyun segurava a taça elegantemente, balançando o vinho suavemente.

— Desta vez, não encontrei uma desculpa convincente. Afinal, é seu aniversário de quase três décadas — Doyoung lançou um olhar irritado, e Jaehyun sorriu de canto, gostando de provocá-lo.

— Para de me envelhecer, ainda falta um ano — resmungou Doyoung. Jaehyun desviou o olhar para além de Jungwoo, observando o ambiente. Notou quando Johnny, um colega de trabalho de Doyoung, entrou no local acompanhado de uma garota. Era claro que Johnny não estava ali para o aniversário, já que o plano era apenas para vocês três. No entanto, Jaehyun não conseguia parar de observar a garota que sorria brilhantemente para o homem alto. Quando seus olhares se cruzaram, ele teve certeza de que a mulher em questão era você, o fantasma que jamais deixaria sua mente e seu coração.

Você disse algo com um sorriso forçado para Johnny, mas ele obviamente não sabia de nada. Não sabia que estava no mesmo local que o cara que costumava te fazer se sentir tão bem, tão completa, tão real. Jaehyun definitivamente não queria parecer um perseguidor, mas te seguiu quando você desapareceu em um corredor que levava aos toaletes.

— Você sabia que Johnny é amigo do Doyoung, né? Podia escolher outra pessoa que não fosse do meu círculo para ficar se esfregando — ele disse, frio como nunca antes. Você o olhou com raiva, o mesmo sentimento que sentia em todas as brigas, pouco antes do relacionamento acabar. Ele conseguia ser tão egoísta, parecia que tudo girava em torno dele.

— Você continua o mesmo, né, Jaehyun? — Você sorriu sem humor, mas o encarou. Ele parecia mais magro desde a última vez que se viram, mas ainda estava lindo em sua roupa elegante, que te remetia aos velhos tempos, quando você tinha vontade de beijá-lo o tempo todo. — Eu não sabia disso. Não estou saindo com Johnny para te provocar, você sabe que não sou assim.

— Gosta dele? — Você o encarou, sentindo seu coração acelerar. Não sabia o que dizer. Não admitiria que sentia falta até das suas discussões. Não era de seu feitio, mas também não podia dizer que se sentia nas nuvens quando Johnny te beijava. Era vazio, frio, sem sentimento. Mas você odiava tanto se sentir sozinha que aceitava qualquer coisa para não ter que lidar com a falta do carinho de Jaehyun, do carinho que ele costumava ter por você.

— Pra que você quer saber? — Você perguntou, e Jaehyun se aproximou devagar. Seu olhar percorreu o rosto dele, seus lábios, os olhos que transmitiam saudade. Queria tanto beijá-lo, mas sabia que aquilo doeria. Agora poderia ser delicioso ceder à vontade, mas depois você choraria, e não estava pronta para encarar a dor da separação outra vez, com a mesma pessoa. Se tinha acabado uma vez, não havia motivo para voltar atrás.

Ele acariciou seu rosto e você quase choramingou, querendo mais, desejando-o de uma forma tão verdadeira que parecia proibido. Era como se ele fosse um ser celestial, intocável. Aquilo te destruía.

— Você não quer ser dele — ele murmurou, encostando a testa na sua. Ambos fecharam os olhos, entregues ao momento, ao sentimento proibido. Você estava comprometida. Jaehyun não deveria estar fazendo aquilo, te desejando com tanto ardor, querendo te ver nua novamente. Não apenas por desejo, mas porque ele queria te ver por completo, corpo e alma, mesmo sabendo que foi ele quem estragou tudo. — Você quer ser minha.

— Jaehyun, eu já fui sua — você sussurrou, o coração acelerado, a respiração descompassada. Ele segurou seu rosto, e você envolveu seus antebraços com as mãos, segurando-se para não chorar. Beijou-o tão delicadamente que Jaehyun se assustou com a possibilidade de você ser uma miragem, de não ser real, de que o calor que emanava de você fosse uma ilusão criada por sua mente saudosa para mantê-lo minimamente são.

— Mas você me perdeu.

[jaelaxies]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

fluff; wc: 814.

Jung Jaehyun x fem reader!; fluff fluff; established relationship and skinship; tw: none.

Song recommendation: Perfume — Nct DoJaeJung (Perfume)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

—You’re definitely not being sneaky about this babe… — You said as you delicately caressed Jaehyun’s face; whose body was hugging you from behind, arms firmly wrapped around your waist while his pouty face decided to stay on your shoulder; pressing feather like kisses every now and then because your dress exposed the area but mostly, because it was a signal that he wanted to leave, now.

It was his own exhibition and he wanted to leave, but deep down, you understood why. No one was really interested in Jaehyun’s effort in creating these beautiful scents and compiling them into a collection of perfumes; everyone was just gossiping about his fortune, his family and now, you. Of course, if this was any other person, you would be annoyed; upset, almost. But these were the strangers that your fiancée had to face everyday and if you wanted to be by his side, even in the worst times, words that seeped poison never got through you.  

—Did you know… —Jaehyun whispered in your ear, your touch was magical to his demeanor, even he got surprised every time about how at peace it made him feel. But there was something in his tone, that playfulness and intimacy that sent an electric shock through your veins and made your cheeks feel hotter. — that his hotel has an indoor pool, love?

—A p-pool? — You stuttered when you met his eyes; your faces were inches apart and you could feel his hot breath every single time he pronounced a word and then, there was that smile.

His eyes forming crescent moons and his dimples displaying themselves only for you, whenever he did that, he knew he had won you over. And this time, it was no different. As neither of you excused yourselves and just started to wander around the luxurious hotel, hand in hand; heels abandoned somewhere and tuxedo too. Laughter filled the air again as you started to compare your hand sizes, winner got a granted wish and that winner was obviously Jaehyun; who started stealing pecks every time you wanted to talk back and then had the nerve to act innocently. But it was moments like these where the world was just the two of you, where you could fight for whatever together and win. It was moments like these that made you fall in love even more with him, if that was possible.

—We’re here!

Somehow, you two really wandered into a beautiful indoor pool, even thought the lights were turned off; the pool was lit from within, almost inviting you to jump right in. The sight was magical: Ypu, Jaehyun and no formalities to act to, so you nodded softly and before you could even respond, he carried you, bridal style; like it was nothing, as your gazes locked with each other, you finally smiled in rendition and you both jumped into the pool. Warmth water receiving both of your still intertwined bodies and when you got to the surface, you saw that genuine grin again. Jaehyun was radiating with happiness as he started to talk about new projects with you and how many dogs would you have, spinning both of your bodies like you were dancing in an imaginary ballroom. You wish more people could see these side of him, but people only let themselves see what they truly want to see. As you bantered for a bit between 4 or 2 dogs, Jaehyun halted his speech and stared at you for a moment. — I really can’t wait to spend forever with you.

—Me too…— You pecked his nose, earning a huff from him and he took action immediately, cradling your face and kissing you, taking his time and savoring your strawberry scented lip gloss while ruining at the same time; it was a kiss full of love and care, there was no rush, no clashing; just your lips dancing at a slow pace that you both enjoyed. Then, when both of your bodies pleaded for some air, the two of you separated with flushed faces and racing heartbeats, still, when looking at each other, you shared a shy giggle before returning to each other’s arms. Him swaying your bodies in the water slowly, as you rested your head on his shoulder and he adjusted his on top of yours, whispering a soft melody that only the two of you knew.

There was nothing in the world, that felt more like home, that being in each other’s embrace. No matter if you were talking about how many starts there were in the sky or which color your house will be, as long as you two could feel each other’s warmth seeping through your arms and hands, longing to be together; your hearts remained the same as they fell in love for the first time, and that thought, was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever known.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

Ah coming back and to write about my bias ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊˚

I know this one probably fell on the shorter side but believe me when I say I'm so happy to just be back and writing again that my i almost filled a whole notebook with ideas-

Thank you for all the love on my recent works and all the sweet comments, likes and reblogs! It makes me really happy and motivated to create even greater fics ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚♡

Again, with all the love in the world,

ੈ✩‧₊˚✧˖°࿐ Stella!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

[prodbymaui]

Breaking The Norm — 정재현.

just come into my arms, destroy me if you want

PAIRING: jeong jaehyun x reader

GENRE: the bad boy's good girl

WORD COUNT: 1.9k+ words

WARNINGS: brief deep throat, brief overstimulation, dirty talks, pet names, mentioned illegal racing

SYNOPSIS: Who would've thought a man so tough like Jaehyun has a thing for girls who's fond of cringy and cliché dramas?

A/N: Cross is mentioned but this one's more of domestic than Cross' fic, no gores and can be a stand-alone fic. With that being said, please enjoy Uno's fic!

A scowl leaves a print on your face. ''What the– she's walking out just like that?! They haven't even talked about it yet! She should've waited for his reason!''

Yoojin, the main character, refuses to listen as to why Haeso left her in the midst of her early pregnancy and only coming back 5 years later. Believing that he abandoned her, the pent up anger and grudge will probably cause them another 3-4 more episodes before straightening the curve and reconciling. What'll happen to their daughter along the way, that you're curious about.

Frustrated by how things ended in this episode, you turn off the tv and stomps your way out of the room, heading towards the kitchen where your boyfriend's in the middle of cooking a dish, probably your dinner.

''Learn to clean up your own mess.'' Jaehyun shakes his head before clicking his tongue and placing his phone on the counter beside the stove in a decent gap. It seems like he was on a call prior to your arrival. Wrapping your arms around him, you plant a kiss on his cheek, eliciting a chuckle.

''So you're out of your den, huh? Got sick of watching that cliché drama?'' He earns a smack. His arm is so full of muscles that it didn't do much than make him laugh again. Those tattoos covering the vastness of his skin are hard to ignore.

Jaehyun's right though, it is cliché. That doesn't change the fact that he watches it with you in spite of hating the plot and the actors' acting. You love that about him.

 ''Who was that earlier?''

''Hmm?'' Jaehyun glances where you're looking. ''Ah, Cross. He wanted me to help Jungwon.''

Cross, a friend of his that you're familiar with yet haven't gotten the chance to actually meet him properly. Jaehyun says he's a busy man.

''About what?''

''Just a mess he made.'' You remember his last line when you arrived at the kitchen. ''That fucker won't stop bothering the youngsters, really.''

Giggling, you pepper his shoulder with kisses. ''Why are you so mad? I'm sure Jungwon can do it with just a few instructions from you.''

Finding nothing right to respond to you, Jaehyun smiles and focuses on cooking. The food looks and smells delicious, but you crave for something else. Something that involves a certain tattooed man who has his hair tied in a man bun.

Jaehyun sighs. ''You know I can ruin our food if you're distracting me, right?''

''Don't care. I'll just eat you instead.''

Jaehyun smirks, lowering the heat before facing you. ''You've got a dirt mouth on you, sweetheart.''

''Uh-huh, wonder where I got it from.'' Your arms circle his neck.

''Right, I wonder..''

Lips curving upwards, you are filled with a giddy feeling as Jaehyun connects with yours, caressing your waist while his other hand settles on the back of your neck to press into you deeper.

Sooner than later, it escalates to more, courtesy of Jaehyun's failed resistance over your body covered merely by his wrinkled dress shirt. A squeak escapes you, tightening your hold on him as he carries you without struggles and transfers you to the countertop usually used for eating breakfast. Your legs welcome him in between like an old friend.

Palm coming in contact with your inner thighs, Jaehyun hums. ''Of course, prancing around this apartment with no panties. What else can be expected from you? Always so eager to have my cock inside that tight little pussy of yours.''

You mewls. God, that deep fucking voice and the lack of filters on Jaehyun's words are enough to cause a pool on your core. ''T-touch me, please.''

And touch, he did. Two fingers plunge inside you, indifferent if you're unprepared for the sudden stretch. Jaehyun curls them, mouth sucking the area where your collarbone lies, groaning as his clothed crotch brushes against your knees. His arm that is on your waist grips you, closer to him and keeps you still.

''Ah, ah.'' Your head lolls to the back, hands placed behind you to support your weight. ''Your fingers feels so good– fuck– more. I want more please. Haah, so good!''

Two becomes three, pads prodding at your spot. The electrifying feeling is too much, you lose control of your own body. Your hips start to buck, meeting the vigorous thrusts of Jaehyun's hands as your own flies to hold onto Jaehyun's arm, gripping and moaning as you feel the muscle flex underneath your palm.

With the signs of your climax showing themselves to Jaehyun, he immediately pulls out his fingers, leaving you feeling empty and whining at the loss of pleasure. Grinding your pussy against the cold marble countertop to make up for the digits that left you unattended, you watch through your hazy vision how Jaehyun licks and sucks the said digits as if it's some sweet candy.

When your slick on his fingers runs out, Jaehyun nudges your legs wider, feet planted on the same marble top. Your eyes lowered to his boxers, his tip peeking out of the hem.

''Fuck.. you're too big a boxer couldn't even accomodate your size?''

Jaehyun kisses your throat, licking your nipples through the shirt. ''That's why you're here, darling. None of these clothes can keep my cock warm. My pretty cocksleeve.. you'll do that instead, don't you?''

Nodding, you press your body against him, hands feeling Jaehyun's abs and chest. Your eyes shoot wide and a gasp resonates around the kitchen when Jaehyun's tip breaches past your pussy lips, invading your hole as his veins rub the velvet and warm walls. When he's buried deep inside, Jaehyun starts thrusting with an unforgiving pace. There's not even a build up.

''Oooh– yes, yes, yes! Fuck my pussy! You reach so deep– oh, God– you reach so deep inside me, I can feel you in my belly. Jaehyun, you're so big! Too big!''

You feel so full. The impressive girth of your boyfriend might be monstrous but somehow your walls willingly stretches to its limit to accommodate it. As if your pussy was made exclusively for Jaehyun's dick.

''Motherfu–... You're fucking chocking me, sweetheart. I feel like I might come soon,'' Jaehyun chuckles. ''You're the only one who can make me cum in a span of minutes. You're the only one who can take my fucking cock like a fucking champ.''

''Yes! I'll make you feel– ah!-- feel good. You should fuck me everyday– haah– every morning and every night– Oh so good! Don't go to work just– fuuuck!-- just fuck me the whole day. Don't care if I tear apart.''

Even though his bar can function without physically being there, Jaehyun knows he won't do that. He won't get rich. But Jaehyun gets harder nonetheless.

''Or– or if not, you can bring me there and fuck me on the counter too while mixing and making drinks for your customers. I'm sure– ah shit– I'm sure they'll like the show. It's like hitting two birds with– oooh– one stone, right?''

Jaehyun growls at your ear. ''Fucking..''

You yelp as you get manhandled, your back now facing Jaehyun's chest as you stand before Jaehyun. A high-pitched moan rings across the apartment when Jaehyun thrusts into you faster, deeper, and harder. Your legs buckle and your arms fly out everywhere, desperate for something to hold on. 

Tears streaming down your face, Jaehyun decides to help his poor girlfriend by grabbing each of your arms on the area of your elbow, steadying you so he could plow and jab at your prostate without you moving much.

''You fucking slut. And here I thought I house an innocent one. Although maybe you were once like that– I made you like this. God, I made a monster, didn't I? A fucking vixen.''

Your knees face each other, folding a bit. They would've given up on you if not for Jaehyun. Head bowing down, you meet the view of your belly and the bump appearing with every snap of Jaehyun's hips. You are reduced to a whimpering mess.

Jaehyun laughs when he notices where you are looking at. ''See that? If you're not on pills, your belly would be round and plump. You will be carrying my child, showing everyone who fucking owns you.''

The words seem to be stuck on your throat, clogging the passage where you can get air as breathing through your nose isn't enough. Eyelids flickering, you could barely get the words out.

''What was that, darling?'' Jaehyun presses his cheek against yours, sucking the skin of your shoulder.

''Come– come..''

''Come?'' Jaehyun smiles, an arm caging you in his embrace as the other encloses on your throat again. ''Go on. You're my good girl, right? Come for Jaehyun, darling.''

You thrashes, legs shaking violently, tears rolling down your cheeks. Finally finding your voice, you scream as your release takes over your body, sending you into a bliss of pleasure.

''Beautiful.'' Jaehyun groans.

It's too much– the overstimulation, the drag of his thick cock along your walls. Instead of slowing down, Jaehyun quickens his pace, pinching your nipple between his middle and forefinger.

''Too much– I can't! Jaehyun, it's too much, please! Slow– fuck– slow down please!''

''No. You're gonna fucking take all of me. Isn't this what you want, sweetheart?''

''Just–...''

As his cock starts to twitch inside you, Jaehyun pulls out, pushing you down to your knees and as soon as your mouth is open for him, Jaehyun wastes no time in burying his cock deep in your throat. All it takes him is a few thrusts and he's coming, hot cum spilling past your tongue and straight to your throat, forcing you to gulp everything and not miss even a drop.

''Yeah, that's right.'' He rubs his tip on your tongue before pulling out.

''Uno, are you not really coming? I heard the prize is big tonight.''

Jaehyun casts a brief glance at your sleeping figure beside him, your arm hugging his waist. He ponders a bit. Aside from handling his own bar, Jaehyun also does illegal racing. Earning him the name of Uno as he always placed first in every rave he participates in.

Jaehyun doesn't want to miss the opportunity of earning a large amount of money in an easy way. But as you snuggle up on his side, scooting closer to him as you mumble incoherently about something– Jaehyun sighs.

''Nah, boyfriend duties.''

Red's– or by his real name, Eunwoo's– sound of disgust penetrates his ears. ''You're so fucking whipped it's disgusting.''

Just then, a rustle is heard and Cross' voice replaces Red's. ''Get your ass over here, I don't fucking want to see TY winning that race.''

''Guess what?'' Jaehyun says.

''What?''

''I don't care about what you want.''

Jaehyun chuckles as he ends the call, interrupting Cross' rants abruptly. He tosses the phone to the bedside and wraps his arms around you as well.

TY and his gang can fucking win that game for all they want. Jaehyun doesn't give a flying fuck. He can win that money back in a single raise, the prizes get higher whenever he races anyway. For now, Jaehyun will uncharacteristically enjoy the domestic atmosphere surrounding your shared bedroom and vask in the warmth of your love.

How cringy. But just like how he watched that drama with you– Jaehyun couldn't care less as long as it's with you.

Read Cross' fic here! Share your thoughts?

[vex91]

NCT Masterlist

(f) - fluff, (a) - angst, (af) - angst + fluff, (s) - smut

John Junsuh:

Nothing yet...

Lee Taeyong:

Nothing yet...

Nakamoto Yuta:

Nothing yet...

Qian Kun:

Nothing yet...

Kim Dongyoung:

Nothing yet...

Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul:

Nothing yet...

Jeong Yoonoh:

Nothing yet...

Dong Sicheng:

Nothing yet...

Kim Jungwoo:

Nothing yet...

Huang Xuxi:

Nothing yet...

Mark Lee:

Nothing yet...

Xiao Dejun:

Nothing yet...

Wong Kunhang:

Nothing yet...

Huang Renjun:

Nothing yet...

Lee Jeno:

Nothing yet...

Lee Donghyuck:

Nothing yet...

Na Jaemin:

Nothing yet...

Liu YangYang:

Nothing yet...

Osaki Shotaro:

Nothing yet...

Jung Sungchan:

Nothing yet...

Zhong Chenle:

Nothing yet...

Park Jisung:

Nothing yet...

OT23:

Nothing yet...

[nnon0]

JJH fic recs #3

previous fic recs : 1. 2.

note: hey yall ik it’s been a while ive been busy with life and truth be told, it’s been getting pretty hard to find good fics to recommend cuz i feel like ive read them all 😭😭😭 anyway jaehyun’s SOLO REVIVED ME SO IM BACK 😜 but this post is going to be an active post meaning ill keep adding fics so there will be more everytime. happy reading!

(🫀) - personal faves

(🫀) TRY AGAIN @kaleidohscopic

WC:32.4k

exes to lovers, coworkers! au

if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side.

summer of seven years @lebrookestore

WC:30k

summer!au writer!jaehyun

Coming back home was hard for both you and Jaehyun, but when you realize both of you are back in the same place again, feelings from three years ago rise to the surface, and you start to realize that the things you thought you knew when you were younger never quite played out.

(🫀)His love, Her force @anashins

WC:28k

Undercover detective!jaehyun x ballerina!reader , fake marriage au, slow burn

Fleeing from a ruthless stalker, you are forced to participate in a witness protection program at the other side of the world, pretending to be the wife of a taciturn undercover detective from now on. Despite all differences, you slowly start to settle with your new life as a married couple - until your newfound happiness is stripped away from you all over again.

TOO YOUNG TO MARRY @anashins

WC:24k

Lawyer!jaehyun x divorcee reader

Jaehyun has a ruthless, cruel and not so legal way of getting his clients everything they want out of their divorce. After all, to do the job right, a lawyer like him is not supposed to believe something like 'love' exists in the first place. That is until he meets his next client who also has a not so legal way of creeping right into his heart and make him question all his morals

(🫀) BAD HABITS @jaedore

WC:21k

Boxer!jaehyun

You were never really good at saying ‘no’ to people, always a people pleaser, listening to your teachers, parents, to authority. Jung Jaehyun is a professional boxer attempting to make it to the top with the help of your father, who used to be a well known boxer. Being in a friends with benefits relationship with Jaehyun would be the last thing you’d find yourself in-you’re always focused on finishing college, studying hard, and sticking to yourself. With you pushing your feelings down for him and him focused on other things, you’re already in too deep to pull out of this complication. When will it be too much? When is your breaking point?

(🫀) cynosure - a focal point of admiration @drquinzelharleen

WC:20.4k

surgeon!jaehyun , enemies-to-lovers

When the young hot shot doctor, Jung Jaehyun, has been solicited to your hospital. He is to become the new Chief of Surgery. Your excitement and curiosity are soon to be washed away by his cocky disposition.

no guidance @yutaholic

WC:20k

knocked up, smut, pregnancy au

You insist on keeping things casual with Jaehyun, even though he wants something more serious, but then you miss a period and in an instant, your lives are turned completely upside down.

happy now? @hwaflms

wc: 19.9k

ex!jaehyun, fake dating au

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

The Cat Burgler’s Heist @vnti-vnxiety-recs

WC:19.6k

ceo!jaehyun x cat burgler!reader

When you attempt to rob a wealthy businessman, things don't go as planned. Instead of calling the police, he offers you a job. Now, you're left uncertain about whether you can truly start anew or if your past will come back to haunt you.

(🫀) ordinary people @ppangjae

WC: 18.3k

friends-to-lovers, fake dating!au, ceo!jaehyun

Jaehyun’s parents are coming home for Christmas and he may have made the biggest mistake of telling them he has a ‘girlfriend’. Insert you, his best friend, who so happens to be the only girl he knows and trusts. You, on the other hand, would have never expected Jaehyun to show up at your door at two in the morning with nothing but a proposition; to be his fake girlfriend. And man, are you in big trouble.

(🫀)ethereal @celestialmark

WC: 16.7k

fluff, life lessons

(note: shed a tear reading this it was so beautiful i highly highly recommend)

Jaehyun was indeed way more than his good looks. Jaehyun was gentle, honest and sincere, you felt it all in the way he smiled, the way he talked and in the way he kissed you. He was the living definition of ethereal, and his beauty shone the most on the inside

(🫀)SUN&MOON @ppangjae

WC:14.6k

enemies-to-lovers, fake dating

Asking Jeong Jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week Christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. One can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

(🫀) chasing stars, losing you @prodbymaui

WC: 14k

exes to lovers, ceo!jaehyun x model!reader

When your relationship got announced, it made noises louder that anyone could've imagined. Of course it will, a pair containing a supermodel and a CEO of one of the most successful enterprise that made a name in both the fashion and business industry. But soon enough, everyone witnessed how the perfect relationship they had been envying crumbled down into tiny pieces until there's nothing left to pick up.

(🫀) if we were a movie @sehunniepotwrites

WC:14k

childhood friends to lovers!au , college au , theatre/drama au

For someone who was always the understudy and never the lead, scoring this role was huge for you. All you had to do was pretend to be in love with your best friend. No big deal, right? Wrong. It was the biggest deal because, for the past four years, you had been hiding your feelings for Jung Jaehyun.

If this were a movie, he would be your perfect match and the story would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

model cowboy @smileysuh

WC:13.2k

actor!jaehyun x singer!reader, enemies to lovers, fake dating

You maintain eye contact until the moment your lips meet, and then, you do your best to just relax, to forget about the cameras pointed at you. You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, following Jaehyun's motions, following the gentle notes that soon become more heated. His tongue swipes against your bottom lip, and on instinct, you open your mouth for him, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer.  You try to convince yourself that you’re leaning into this for the sake of the scene, that you’re just being good actors together, but there’s something underneath it all. There’s a desperation. You can almost taste it below the spearmint on his tongue. 

oops, baby (i love you) @prodbymaui

WC:12.5k+

modern royalty au, arranged marriage

you had been living your life as a rebellious and controversial crown princess, now you must face the consequence of purifying your tainted image; marrying the gentle and infamous crown prince of South Korea.

deadly kiss @slightlymore

WC: 12k+

chief architect jaehyun x chief engineer fem reader

office au, enemies? to lovers, dom x dom and trying to force each other to sub, romance, smut, fluff

(🫀) FEELINGS @ppangjae

WC:11.6k

f2l!au, fake dating! au

After many failed first dates, Jaehyun decides to take matters into his own hands and teach you how they work and what you should do to guarantee yourself a second date. But of course, this is just a plan that’s set up for failure.

in your court @boymeetsweevil

WC:10.8k

basketball player!jaehyun , bff!haechan

Two idiots in love, oc is scary when mad, hyuck is crafty always, jae is a bit intense but he’s just trying his best, gratuitous descriptions of dimples, a kiss!!! sfw!

coparenting @eleganzadellarosa

wc: 10.3k

angst, fluff smut

babydaddy!Jaehyun x fem!reader

(🫀)SEVEN LETTERS @ppangjae

WC: 10.1k+

soulmate!au , childhood friends-to-lovers , slight fake dating

On a camping trip, you find a message in a bottle that’s been washed up the shore, only to find out that it’s a message from you in the future. Your message tells you three things:

1. You must make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because,

2. He’s your soulmate and

3. Because of your future self’s mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

the wedding @jae-canikeepyou

WC:9.5k

rivals!jaehyun fluff-crackish

jeong jaehyun’s your long-time friend, and as far as one could remember, every single and little thing you both do ends to a competition; it turned into a permanent kind of relationship you have for over a decade now. no one expects that it would ever change, not until a childhood friend of yours from high school decides to make you two as his singers for his upcoming wedding.

one more time @moondustis

WC:9.4k

smut, friends to lovers

Maybe this right here is a story about growing up and finding yourself, or about finding love and being vulnerable. But it definitely is a story about friendship, skating, pancakes and Jung Jaehyun learning how to deal with his feelings.

(🫀) rose bud @hazyhae

WC:9.2k

stoner!fuckboy!jaehyun , smut

friday nights are party nights, and it's here that your feet always seem to lead you to your favorite stoner. you know the sweet words that leave jaehyun's mouth don't belong just to you, but something about him leaves you wanting more.

baby @moonctzeny

wc:9.1k

college au, fake dating!au

When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

when fratboy falls @gyeomsweetgyeom

WC: 8.9k

fratboy!jaehyun x tutor!reader

Jaehyun is a fratboy with a notorious reputation for being a playboy, you have never heard of him. surely, he can use tutoring as an excuse to get close to you, right?

hello again, my sunshine @alluringjae

WC:8.5k

high school reunion!au, business lawyer!jaehyun, fashion designer!reader, high school best friends to strangers to lovers!au

there’s no more running away when you’re thriving in the fashion industry, yet it’s exactly what you want to do when you encounter your first love after a decade in your high school reunion.

(🫀) The lies of apollo @jaevie

WC:8k

Spy!jaehyun x spy!reader , forbidden love , smut , enemies to lovers

As powerful corporations seek to sun privatization, two spies find themselves falling in love and discovering the wonders of physical affection.

Head over Broomsticks @sehunniepotwrites

WC: 3.5k

Hogwarts!au Sports!au Quidditch!au Gryffindor!jaehyun

When your friends are tired of watching you and your crush go around in circles, they take matters into their own hands. Putting their Advanced Potions skills to the test, Donghyuck and Chenle conjure up a powerful truth serum and slip it in your drink right before a Quidditch game, which leads to a few inappropriate comments about No. 77, Jeong Jaehyun, of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team. This would’ve been fine if you were just a regular spectator but you are much more than that--you’re the Announcer and everyone is subjected to hear your unfiltered thoughts. Just great.

SERIES

(🫀) when icarus falls @baobaojng

college athlete!au , crush!au

(note: this series genuinely brought me to tears btw I HIGHLY RECOMMEND )

some tragic story of you sharing one class with your long time college crush jaehyun who never notices you until he accidentally reads your work and he gets curious— oh, and he uses lame excuses to get to talk to you.

[swee7dream]

hi very late but may I request a cute cg!jaehyun taking care of a VERY fussy little!reader hehehehehhehehehehheheh cant wait to see what u write :)) (saying this bc I was very late but I saw you saying like a week or 2 after u saying u wanted to write jaehyun fics..)

no ! ( but okay ) caregiver ! jeong yoonoh x age regressor ! reader

genres age regression content , fluff warnings reader has hair long enough to put behind the ears dni nsfw / kink author's note FAV MOOT . i will go to war for you . as someone who is extremely fussy when small , you and i are cut from the same cloth . hope u like it ! tag list restarting ! lmk if you would like to be added .

“No, no, no…”

“Come on, Honey.”

“Not finish yet.” You ignore Jaehyun’s gentle hand pushing the hair behind your ear, scribbling your crayon furiously to the paper on the floor like a painter struck with genius inspiration.

“Can we finish this later? Tomorrow, maybe?”

“No, no, no, no, no…”

Jaehyun’s eyes flutter shut. You’ve entered your ‘no’ phase all of a sudden and it has been carving at his patience. It’s not that he never wants you to say no, but when it comes to eating your lunch or cleaning up your toys or changing out of your outside clothes for comfy, clean inside clothes, he can’t deny it’s frustrating. He just wants the best for his baby, why can’t you see that?

“Baby.” He looks down at the phone in your other hand, currently shining a terrifying (in Jaehyun’s opinion) four-finned shark-dinosaur-thing. Papers surround your curled-up ball self on the floor, each one detailing a different kind of dinosaur. “The dinos need to sleep too, baby. We need to start getting ready now so you don’t forget to brush your teeth ‘cause you’re just so sleepy.”

“Nuh-uh. Dinos can’t sleep. They’re dead.”

His shoulders slump in his crisscrossed sitting position in front of you. It’s difficult to keep up with the canonical and non-canonical existences of your baby world.

“Okay… maybe. But when they were alive, they had to sleep.”

“…maybe.” You throw him a bone! Finally, it only took an hour.

“Yeah?” He places a hand over the screen. “There are those pretty eyes. Hi Honey.”

“Hi, Hyunnie.” You frown. “Hyunnie let go.”

“The phone told me he’s very tired and would like to go to bed now. Sorry, baby.”

“Not true, phones don’t talk.”

“Mine does.” He gives you a look that says ‘so embarrassing for you…’

You squint at him, unamused.

“Hyunnie let go.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. My hand fell asleep. Right here.” He shines his dimples at you innocently.

“Let go!” Your blue crayon is left forgotten to roll under the couch as you pull and pull on Jaehyun’s arm.

“No!” He sings, finally taking matters into his own hands, quite literally, by pulling you onto his lap. “Bed time. Bed time for my baby.”

He rocks you side to side, cheek resting on the top of your head as he confines you in between his arms.

“No!” You squirm around but to no avail. “No bedtime. No tired!”

“Mmm, yes!” You feel his lips press to your head. “Bedtime, bedtime. Time for jammies and teeth brushing and stories. Doesn’t that sound fun, baby?”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No-o-o-o-o-o!” Your voice shakes as Jaehyun’s soft rocking turns more into a shake one would give only to a potato sack.

“Ye-e-e-e-e-es!” He smiles down at you as he finishes his best imitation of your little tantrum.

“No.” You frown up at him, but his eyes catch the quirks at the end of your lips that you fail to push down.

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes!” He attacks your cheek with a kiss, littering your face with them as he continues. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!”

“But why?” You give in, allowing yourself to go limp in Jaehyun’s hold.

“Because,” He mocks your whiny tone. “It’s late. It’s late and you get really mean when you don’t sleep enough.”

“That’s not true!”

“Hey.” He pinches your nose. “Why are you fighting me so much lately? It absolutely is true and you know it. Do you want Hyunnie to be all sad and weepy tomorrow? I’ll cry. You know I will. Wanna see? W-”

“No!” You giggle, putting both your hands up to cover his face. “Don’t wanna see Hyunnie sad. But am just no tired, Hyunnie.”

Another kiss to your palms lets Jaehyun see your face again.

“But I am. Can’t you just get ready for bed with me? It’s so scary to be alone.” He pulls you into his chest, squeezing but never too tight. “So scary! I need my Honey to help me!”

“Not scary, Hyunnie.” You giggle. “But okay. Honey help!”

“Really?” He pulls you away to meet your eyes and bumps your foreheads together. “Really really? For reals? How many reals are you talking?”

“All the reals!” You beam.

“Oh, thank you, baby. You sure are doing Hyunnie a solid.”

—

You didn’t realize how cold you were until you put your pajamas on, soft and warm, still smelling of laundry detergent. It’s like wearing a blanket and you rub the fabric against your arms to warm yourself up some more.

Your socks slide against the wooden floor as you hear Jaehyun take his turn to brush his teeth in the bathroom. You left a total mess! Your artwork is all over the floor, what if you lost one?

Not feeling like wanting to clean up at the moment, you put your crayon box on the coffee table to put it in its proper place tomorrow.

Wait.

You’re missing one!

Where did it go?

You hum to yourself as you gather all your drawings in a neat pile, making a mental note to yourself to date them all in the morning. You search under the table and behind pillows and blankets. Where is your green crayon?

“Ah-hah!” Jaehyun spots you back in the living room, face to the floor.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“Found my crayon, Hyunnie. Thought I lost it.” You lift yourself up, pulling your hand out from under the couch to show it to Jaehyun proudly.

“I’m glad you didn’t lose it, Honey.” He smiles. “But you didn’t have to get on the floor for that. You’re gonna get your jammies dirty.”

“’s okay! Needed my crayon.” You kneel over to slide the crayon back amongst its brethren in the paper box.

“Don’t you have a lot of other ones?” He helps you up by the hand.

“Not the same. Different shade o’ green.”

“Mmm, makes sense.” Jaehyun notices the pile of paper on your arm. “You’re taking your drawings to bed?”

“Yeah. Not tired so Honey’s gonna do storytime today.”

“Oh, really? Thank you, baby. You’re gonna teach me about dinosaurs?”

“Yeah.” You flop onto the bed. “Dinosaurs are super cool.”

“But aren’t they scary?” Jaehyun flicks off the light in the middle of the ceiling, warm soft light from your nightstands keeping the room from complete darkness.

“No. ‘cause they’re dead,” You explain simply.

“..right. I forgot that for a second.” He lifts the covers and slides inside the bed, shivering at the still-cold sheets. “Your drawings are just so good, baby, I thought they were pictures.”

“I get that a lot,” You say, rubbing your head against his arm. “You ready?”

“Ready Freddy.”

“Who’s Freddy?”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun pauses to think. “Someone who’s ready, I guess. Go on, baby. Show me your dinos.”

“Okay!” You go through your pile of drawings and end up deciding on your most recent creation. “This one’s not finished, but it’s called a Liopleurodon. It existed in the Jurassic period. It was an apex predator—that means that no one could fight it and win! It just went chomp chomp and everybody died.”

“Oh, I see. It’s kind of like you, in a way.”

“What?!”

author's note ( pt 2 ) sorry for taking so long ! i have no excuse , just trying to deny the reality of valentine boy being gone . haven't been keeping up w nct lately bc of irl stuff + the boycott so if anyone has a google drive or anything like that for sm artists , pls lmk ! and as always , comments and constructive criticism are accepted and encouraged . just be nice or i will be finding your loved ones ' contact information and telling them you're CYBER BULLYING . hope everyone is having a good day and if not i hope it gets better !!

[baobaojng]

Celeste (Jeong Jaehyun) - part two

celeste (jeong jaehyun)

jeong jaehyun (king jaehyun) x (afab! princess) reader

themes: slowburn, angst, fluff, (eventual) smut + fantasy au! + pleeeenty world building as we go along

some notes on this chapter: reader is kind of a martyr, jaehyun's sexual history is mentioned... lots of longing and disappearing (my favorite trope haha)

☼ summary: in the land of Celeste, the King of Sol has waged war to bring back his beloved, war only stops when one day you return— but the secrets only begin to unfold. 

a/n: i do not permit the use of this fic for anything else. this work is mine and mine alone. these premises and characters are entirely fictional and do not intend to paint anyone in a bad light. 

©2025

wordcount: 12,113

part one, part two,

author's masterlist

one month into the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

Jaehyun did not want to do this.

This was the last place he wanted to lay siege, the gates of your kingdom already affected by the gloom of decay. The war happened so fast, and it was burning through every kingdom even faster. 

It was to his curiosity that he made sure Gaia was left untouched since the first month of the war, but it looked like war had already paid it a visit.  The cobblestone they were passing through already full of grime where it was once pristine and polished— only signs of wilted plants scattered around where the landscapes were typically so beautiful. The kingdom of life once boasting everything of the word now the complete opposite. 

He despised this feeling. 

Every decayed turn and step toward the castle, held now seemingly distant memories of you guiding him through your kingdom when you wanted to whisk him away from the palace and into town amongst the common people. The two of you hiding in ridiculously large caped outfits, the hoods somewhat effectively disguising your identities.

Now he could only imagine your laughter, the sway of your hair as cascaded through waves that snaked to your hips. It seemed that he would no longer be able to smell jasmine and sandalwood, not in this Gaia. Not anymore.

“You understand why I have to be here?” Is the first thing Jaehyun asks when he sees your father. Both of them disheveled, looking up at each other like broken men.

“I don’t suppose you expect me to give up the autonomy of my men to join your campaign in war.” Your father says to him, and it ignites only a little bit of anger in Jaehyun.

“I don’t suppose you are much so interested to get your daughter back—“

“If she has gone I am not kneeling to your crown because I know this is not what she would want!” Your father finally breaks his composure. 

“Do you not wish to see her again?” 

“Of course I wish to see her again! Do you think that I am no father? Every day I think about seeing her again, even her mother. I’ve suffered more loses than you think.” 

“Then you must understand that I only waged this war against Okeanos because Muhan was the last person seen with her.” Jaehyun pleads, but your father seems to have his own resolve.

The older man sighs, “No. I cannot join you, my son.” 

Jaehyun does not respond at the mention of the endearment, instead he leaves your father to continue.

“I simply cannot. I love my daughter too much to allow something I know she would have not wanted. Truthfully, I see myself in you– so dangerously consumed by love - but it is the flame and the light in you that burns differently. When her mother died, Heavens know how much I wanted to avenge her, how much I wanted to take it out on any man or royal that questioned the depth of my grief.” He pauses, looks at Jaehyun.

“You know the one thing that stopped me? It was seeing the fear in Y/N’s eyes, knowing I was so willing to take life to answer to the loss I was facing.”

Jaehyun imagines you, a motherless child - the only pillar of hope left for your father.

“My son, believe me when I tell you, she would not have wanted any of this. There are reasons things have happened the way they did, and you have to trust that she will make her way back to you when the time is right. But please, allow me the peace of not being part of this war.”

Jaehyun leaves Gaia, not a soldier added. When he looked back at the kingdom, it all suddenly decayed as if centuries have rapidly aged it, he knew your father had been behind it.

The Kingdom Gaia lay into a hibernate state, life is stagnate akin to a seed waiting for water to spring back into life. In one swift transition, Gaia then ceases to exist for the rest of the Age of Sol. 

And now, the King of Sol was left with more questions than answers.

four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

“Should there be any more… concerns about our correspondence with the Kingdom Luna?” You ask your father, who has sent a materialized message to the said kingdom.

“Not so much is cause for concern with Luna, it is the process that irks me. It is too tedious.” He says, closing his eyes with two fingers pressed into his temple. It was true, because Luna was not considered much an actively participating kingdom in Celeste - it meant that being able to communicate with them was a bit of a hassle.

Before much else can be said, your Knight Hendery of oh-so perfect timing chimes into the study. “You have a,” Hendery begins, not sure how he will explain, “there is a, delivery? Yes, a delivery of sorts.”

“Sorry, am I to hear you correctly?” Your father asks Hendery who seems just as confused.

“Yes, from the Kingdom Sol.” 

Your father looks over to you, not having to know  more to imagine that it was King Jaehyun who had sent you something over. He did not have to know that your little attachment was turning into something, this he knew for certain. 

“Then it’s for you.” Your father then says flatly, but then it is your turn to be confused. Sure you and Jaehyun had been going back and forth sending letters to each other, but never did he mention anything about sending anything.

Hendery then perks up, the poor knight subject to the awkwardness. “It is actually for you, your royal highness— I mean, both of you are royal highnesses, but it is for you, King.” 

“Bring it in then.” Your father says and it takes Hendery’s signal for footmen to enter, carrying a large golden cage with an ever so peculiar creature inside.

It was its peculiar squawk that drew your father’s attention, the reds and oranges of the birds so majestically capturing. 

“Are you certain this is for me?” The King of Gaia asks Hendery who only nods.

“A phoenix,” you say, not believing what was delivered to your father’s study, “is that… real?” The bird coos at your voice, obviously favoring your presence. 

“It seems just about real.” Your father observes that even Jaehyun’s gift for him had a fondness for you.

This is what happens over the next two weeks, everyday a new gift arriving from Sol right into your father’s chambers. A new rare relic, a large almost impossible to carry weapon forged from the sun, an elixir that supposedly slows down aging (that you caught your father drink almost immediately), new furs for his closet, and countless other things you did not even bother to look at. All of them arriving day by day without fail. Jaehyun still never mentioning or explaining the sudden influx of gifts.

Throughout this time you notice that your father and the phoenix form an insufferable attachment, the animal following him throughout the entire day. It seems they even have silent conversations as your father goes around the kingdom to observe in his limited times of silence. 

The last thing delivered, an envelope on a golden plate. No more did your father want you in the same room when he realized it was a letter from Jaehyun directed to him. 

That was the only gift he kept to himself.

-

“You must rise and make haste.” You wake up the following day from the booming voice of your father who forced your curtains open, revealing the early bright rays of sun into your room and directly onto your face.

“Whatever for?” You complain, rubbing the sleep off your eyes.

“Prince Mark had sent you an invitation to one of their getaways to set up camp and enjoy the terrain of the mountains, did he not? I believe the dreadful event begins in a day, and traveling to those awful mountains takes just about that time.” 

“But I thought you did not want me to go, you never usually entertain the idea of Prince Mark’s part in the social season because you say their choice of area is always so grim to travel to.” You say, it’s always been the reason why you never really travelled to the Kingdom Hermes. 

“Well this time is a different time we live in,” you only now notice that the bird sits on his shoulders, but it has less feathers than you grew accustomed to and it seemed a little sickly, “maybe I am putting faith into this year’s trip.” He simply says.

“And you want me to be in attendance?” You make sure you’re understanding the situation correctly. There’s something about your father’s calm demeanor that scares you; he’s usually a worrywart about these things. Especially after you had fallen ill.

“Precisely.” He says. “Now please get ready before I change my mind.” 

You sit up abruptly only to ask him one thing before he leaves. “Is the bird alright?”

He looks at you, and it seems the bird is doing the same.

“Yes, you do know these beautiful things go back into ash. Suppose think of it as a long slumber, until life comes to wake it again until life rises from the ashes. It is a young bird the King of Sol had gifted me, it will go through this process regularly until it matures into a fine phoenix.” The bird cranes itself closer to your father as though it understands the affection.

“A good metaphor it is.” He says to himself, but you do not hear it as he had already left.

You wonder what it was that made your father change his mind.

a day hence, four years before the age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes: 

You had only gone to one of these once in your life, and it had been when you were only thirteen - erasing the horrible memory of the grueling hills and mountains you had to pass through to get to the camping grounds where Hermes hosted these short-lived dwellings. 

The roads were narrow and winding, each rock an obstacle for the wheels of your carriage— encountering a stop or two now and then when your horses had to be checked up on. Why did the Kingdom of travel and communication choose to make roads these precocious? Something you would never understand.

There were no other travelers on your way to Hermes’ camping grounds, for you were the last to go. Your presence not at all anticipated on these roads.

Thick dense forests surround the serene sight of the camping grounds. It is a full of small well-distanced cabins, some smaller pitched tents and a large common tent pitched in the middle, a lake shining at the very end of the clearing. Not at all like how you remember it, perhaps it had improved over the years you hadn’t gone.

Giving your own ensemble of knights and footmen the rest they deserve, you inform them that they are allowed to spend the rest of the evening looking for their designated cabins and to mingle as they please. It takes some convincing for Hendery to follow suit but you manage to convince him that you needed this time by yourself to properly assimilate for once. You were hyperaware that you were always so, literally, guarded. This made you feel like you were always so alienated and distanced from everybody else, an obvious bubble hiding you away from everything.

You already see people scattered everywhere when you arrive: some men drinking off to their own heart’s desire, some roasting food over the fires they have built for their own cabins, some simply enjoying the comfort of the outdoors. A few groups of ladies you noted were flocking to their own tents, obviously put up to gossip.

It is something you do not mean to do when you overhear the exchange happening between noble ladies from all over Celeste, none of them you were strangers to but none too close for you to be explicitly invited to join them either.

“So, the Princes of Ashtaroth are obviously the most handsome.” One says, it’s as if it’s a proposal on the list of things they were to pick on.

“They simply do not count, it’s unfair to count them in. They are literally the princes of the kingdom of beauty, that is ridiculous.” 

“Prince Doyoung is unbelievably handsome is he not?” One of the girls squeals.

“To you he is the most gorgeous man to walk the planet, but only because you harbor a little crush on the prince. And no, his wit does not count.” Another answers.

“Well if we were talking more about your fancy, it would definitely be the Princes of Tyr.” 

“Oh please Prince Johnny is engaged now to one of the more timid flowers of Ashtaroth too, and Prince Jeno is far too young for an old wench like you!” 

They laugh, and when the laughter subsides somebody else speaks up. It seems a cycle.

“If we were to talk about engaged men, Prince Muhan is a sight for sore eyes.” You almost scoff when you hear this, but you manage to stay quiet so that they won’t notice your snooping.

“Also engaged.”

“Or so we thought he was; it seems that all of Celeste was wrong about him and Princess Y/N. Maybe their friendship was lasting, perhaps they are just close and truly friendly.” 

“Except she’s now clearly attached to the most handsome man of all the land.” It’s a bitter tone that comes from the voice of whoever is speaking, but you hold in your own feelings because you know where this conversation leads.

“Oh the King of Sol.” It’s almost in unison that all these ladies sigh, their voices laced with desire. This is when you start to critically listen. 

“How could we forget to mention?”

“It’s because King Jaehyun of a different calibre.” 

“Often so unattached because he’s simply above all of us. Any and all of us.” 

“Well he is in some sort of attachment now, Princess Y/N must know some conjuring spells they keep secret in Gaia for him to be infatuated with her.”

It’s honestly a little insulting to hear that, especially when all of them laugh after it is said. 

“Oh come on ladies, we speak like he is no man at all. He’s had his… conquests before.” One speaks up again, and you don’t think that you much appreciate where their conversation leads and you are half tempted to walk away and forget you ever even stumbled upon their privacy— but another part of you wants to know more.

“Like I believe he could ever break free from his cloak of honor, why don’t you tell all of us about these conquests?” 

“You are in for a world of surprise when I tell you that the King of Sol was once a Prince of Sol who did not shy away from acting like such a breeding horse.” She snickers.

“Just ask Lady Kim, Lady Cho, and Lady Hwang about his… vigor. Those three are ever so willing to indulge anyone who will ask about their magical encounters with King Jaehyun during his run as a prince. Others don’t want to speak, but you can tell they must have had such a great time lying in his bed.”

Your skin crawls, and it’s not because you do not expect that Jaehyun had done those things. It was the Kingdom of Life you had come from: sex was something so normally regarded that you are sure that if it were anyone’s own relationship to sex being scrutinized you would’ve not been so reactive about it. It’s something you understand happens, but you’re sure what you’re feeling about Jaehyun in this exact moment is not particularly normal.  

Imaginings of all those ladies you were vaguely familiar with immediately crossed your mind, sudden flashes of their love affairs with Jaehyun already filling the vast space of your once quiet thoughts. If you could try to dig deeper into your brain for any of your earlier memories of Jaehyun when he was once a prince, maybe you could recall a handful of times that he did graciously come escorting some noble ladies to some events in the social season - and now you wonder what the extent of their relationships were.

Was it jealousy? Was it a deep insecurity of understanding that maybe you could not live up to lovers he might have had?

You weren’t sure, but your fists are curled into balls that flex into frustration. Perhaps it was the idea that you did not like to imagine things you did not know of Jaehyun, maybe you know so little of him that your acquaintance would never reach that level of honesty. Whatever this was, it bothered you beyond normal reason.

It was not a good idea to have listened for as long as you did, and you were too preoccupied eavesdropping to have noticed Jaehyun only a short distance away from you. Jaehyun also listening to a conversation not meant for him to hear, and noticing the way you stiff up in what he presumes to be disappointment as you listen and walk away.

-

He wanted to surprise you, the moment he saw you wandering alone in the vast camping grounds. 

Though he did not count on his letter to your father affecting his decision to allow you to go to this gathering in Hermes, he had a little spark of hope that his weeks of trying to earn your father’s favor would work. 

It started with the phoenix, which was not an easy feat to get his hands on. Then many other material things of priceless value followed after, but he did not take your father for a fool. Material things could be worn out and thrown away, but the words of an earnest man held value to a much higher degree— especially to a royal man like your father. 

A proper way to speak to a king from another.

Jaehyun’s letter detailed how he recognized how the gifts would give off the assumption that he could give his way into the warmth of your father’s approval, but he could only hope that your father could understand that he was willing to do more for you. The rest were desperate vulnerable writings about how he cannot handle being apart from you much longer, but he will respect the reservations your father may have about meeting alone in private.

So he asked, or more so begged, that he allow you take part in the regular social event Hermes held. Promising that he would not be ludicrous enough to try anything stupid because there were positively eyes everywhere that would keep him in check.

Now it was to his surprise that you were here in the forest, journeying your way through the rocky cliffs of the mountains. 

You were here. In the flesh. How excited he was to see you in person after only depended on your written words to fuel the longing he held for you, but it was not enough.

He wanted to gently lay a hand on your shoulder, or try to hop out in front of you to get your attention - but you were so focused on standing outside a group of noble ladies’ tent that he couldn’t help but wonder why your eyebrows were furrowed.

It started out a normal conversation when Jaehyun listens in, talking about handsome royal men like these flock of women typically do. He cannot say he did not find it insulting that they question your relationship; there was absolutely nothing unbelievable with being absolutely entranced by you. 

Nothing could have prepared him for where the conversation was headed. When they open the topic of his conquests, he half expects you to walk away— but he isn’t so surprised when you decide to stay. You expression an unreadable combination of surprise and frustration. 

Was he to feel shame? He could not deny he made some rather… unsavory decisions to indulge in his primal urges in the past. He could neither feel like the manner in which he was spoken about was degrading for far worse things could have been said. 

But then names come up, none of them are untrue. Jaehyun did have several sexual partners, and recalling them all now don’t make them any much important. They were part of things that have happened in the past, and they were far too distant to hold much value or interest anymore.

Jaehyun sees your hands ball into fists: perhaps the most expressive he’s seen you, and then you still manage to gracefully stomp off.

only an hour hence, four years before the age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes: 

You find a quiet corner nearing the mouth of the lake, you can see less of the crowd and notice the twinkling of the waves of water against the bright moonlight. 

Was it wrong of you to be so affected by this?

Surely it was normal for you to feel, it was not very much the characteristic of a Princess to feel so outwardly emotional but you were trying your best to be calm about the surge of emotions you were feeling.

In a matter of perfect timing, you hear someone speak, a little startling because you did not have any inkling that anybody was near.

“I apologize if I startled you,” Jaehyun holds both his hands to his chest level, palms facing you, “I just noticed Hendery with the other knights and I went out to seek you.” He’s not telling you the whole truth but you do not know that.

You have not seen each other in weeks, and the atmosphere was strange and it was awkward. It almost feels like the first time you’re speaking to each other again. Was this how it was going to be?

“Oh, I just wanted to acclimate on my own. I’m not used to these mountains and this… forest.” Was probably the most believable thing you could think of saying, and Jaehyun only partially believes you because he knew what you just heard. And he knew it affected you somehow.

“I did not expect you to be here.” 

He lowers both hands, slowly walking to be closer to you. Just enough for the moonlight to illuminate his face, just enough for you to know he is truly in front of you. 

You laugh, “What? In the forest?” 

“I meant here, in Hermes. I did mention it in our first correspondence that I noticed you were not the biggest fan of these camping excursions, so I did not hold much expectation.” 

You could have very well expected other ladies to arrive, eager to please his every desire. You think only to yourself. 

Maybe this was jealousy. And you did not like the way it tasted on your tongue.

He’s smiling at you now, you’re earning those two wells dotting his cheeks without even trying to be nice or kind about finally being together after weeks of anticipation. You wanted this moment to be a grand reuniting, where you could feel colors burst out from your chest the moment you would lay eyes on him. 

Instead you were now so preoccupied about the figurative distance between you. How you’d only become friends now. How you felt a generation away because he was older. How you honestly felt like a pathetic child waiting around a corner to understand the implications of the situation.

But then you had to keep yourself in your place, maybe you were assuming this relationship meant much more than it was. Perhaps you had only decided to kiss him, you were entertaining an idea. 

Maybe he did not feel the same.

“I did not think I would be here either.” You answer, holding yourself back from speaking with annoyance or anger. He thankfully does not notice.

Jaehyun moves toward you much closer now and suddenly you become too aware of your own being. Your hands feel clammy, and you wonder if he will scrutinize your figure even with all the layers of cotton and fur you had on to protect yourself from the cold. You wonder if maybe you should have let your handmaiden apply more rouge, maybe you did not look as beautiful as those other girls who would go out of their way to polish every single surface for him.

“Did your father allow you?” He asks.

“It wasn’t a matter of him allowing me,” you say, pressing both of your palms together, “he persuaded me told me go.” 

“I expected more from him you know.” Jaehyun admits, he places a hand on your shoulder. “It took so much convincing, it made me believe that he wouldn’t have allowed you to come here knowing I would be in the same place. I even wrote him that letter to explain to him that I would do everything to make our meetings of honor and of virtue.” 

Of honor and of virtue. You do not know if it is a compliment or an insult that he regards you as if you were made of porcelain and not of skin. Were you not desirable that not even his carnality must peak through?

You roll your eyes, and you know that he feels the shift in your demeanor, but his hand does not falter where it is planted on your shoulder. You can feel is emanating warmth.

“Am I to understand that ‘tis the sole reason that you’ve done so much as to impress my father?” In that slip of the tongue, you cannot help but make your words come out much sharper than intended. By the way Jaehyun looks at you, you can tell he is a little stunned by your tone.

“Of course I wanted you to be here.” He admits, and even if you do not want to feel the warmth that blossoms from your own chest - you cannot help it.

“Two weeks of gifts from Sol, only for me to make the journey to this crowded clearing.” You say, and his other hand makes its way to your empty shoulder.

“I did not mean that I wanted only for you to be here,” he pulls you closer, now one hand cautiously on your back, “I meant that I would have been on my knees mercilessly if need be at your father’s doorstep if it meant that I would only catch a glimpse of you.” 

“You do not mean that.” You whisper.

“If it takes for me to bring down the sun to make you believe my sincerity, I’m willing to do that for you.” He says, the distance between your chests so much less than a world apart.

Jaehyun speaks up again, “and I’m to believe, if you are sincere, that you owe me my kiss.” 

“If you take me nothing more than a pastime, you can take your kiss up on any other noble lady here.” 

“I cannot deny what you heard.” He says, looking into your eyes, and you immediately understand that he knows what you did hear.

“So you’ve been following me?” You point.

“I would not say that, I did notice your arrival and I wanted to surprise you. It lead to me being somewhere where I was not supposed to be, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you stop me when you knew what I was starting to hear?”

“And save you from what? The truth of who I was back then?” 

You only blink at him.

“I cannot change those choices, they are a part of me now as much as they’ll ever be— I cannot change the past even if I wanted to. I’ll admit I was foolish, I did a great deal of messing around, but I am no longer that way.” He says, and it sounds like he’s trying his best to convince you.

“What do you want me to believe of you?” Your voice is much quieter, because you know that there is truth in which he speaks.

“I want you to believe that I do not want to use you and discard you, I admit that when I was a little younger I let the promiscuity get into my head. Princess, I understand that you are younger than I and I do not want you to think I’m taking advantage of you because you’re more malleable in that stage—“

“You do not have to consider me in that light.” You cut his rambling off.

“I just, I do not want you to believe what other people may say. If there is truth to it or not, I believe we must tread through this together— without the outside noise.” He sighs, hoping he made enough sense for there to be resolve.

You close the distance between you by taking him in for an embrace, this gesture startling him but you immediately feel how he softens. Your face buried in his chest, and only then you realize just how tall he is.

“I apologize, I just felt so overwhelmed with the idea that other people knowing these things about you presented the possibility that our attachment was disingenuous.” You admit.

“I’ll tell you every single detail if need be.” He laughs, and you feel the earthy tone of his bellowing voice when he does - the vibration traveling to where your head was placed.

“To what value should I hold that?” Looking up at him, only to find him looking at you.

“To every single aspect of the matter.” Jaehyun says with certainty.

“And which matter is that?” You raise an eyebrow.

“To every matter of this relationship.”

“You know, you must be very particular about these things, you would not want a lady to assume an attachment be worth something it really isn’t.” 

He can only laugh again, “I do not mean to rush you. It is a waste of your youth for me to maintain a pace that I want, and that is unfair.”

“So you want me to wait?”

"Perhaps."

You laugh, "do you not find me desirable?"

He stiffens only a little, "believe me when I tell you that it is taking every single fibre of my being to maintain self-control when I only get so little as a glance of your shadow and a whiff of your scent."

"So is it appropriate for me to want to rush you?"

“No. I want you to breathe in the air of your youth, the same wind does not come across for you twice.”

Then the realization returns to you. Your borrowed time. 

“Alright,” your voice goes quiet again, “thank you for considering that of me, my king.” 

You savor the embrace, lulling yourselves into the peaceful quiet of each other’s arms as everything in the background fades past you. Except your impending doom is weighing on your mind.

~

You’ve come to treasure early mornings, when the sunlight just comes to a hilt - and the cold evening still lingers as you begin to smell the morning dew evaporate from the blades of grass and the margins of the leaves. Ever since you’ve become ill, you tried your best to get up early at times to admire morning spilling into the night sky. 

It seems you’re earlier than most, not feeling or seeing a single soul awake as you stroll around the camping grounds. 

After your brief moment with the King of Sol last night, you excused yourself - feeling a familiar build up of sick black wanting to leave your body. You thought it only a little cruel that he dismissed you without question, probably assuming you were still upset about what happened overhearing the ladies in the tent.

But it was much better that he blamed something else than find out about your condition. 

You were being selfish, playing so closely with both your feelings knowing that you had no idea how to keep yourself safe and alive for much longer.

Finding yourself entering the trees, you notice a different quiet. The songs of birds seem much different here, you imagine this to be the sound of the birds in Kingdom Aether - maybe close to the bird calls you had heard Prince Sicheng make during one occasion. The breeze is different, passing through each tall oak and pine, scents wafting through the air.

Time seems to be lost when you see the rays of sunlight come through, illuminating each shadowed branch. You do not realize how deep you’ve gone, and how far long you’ve walked.

It is something you are not prepared to see, something you thought only started to manifest in your own kingdom. 

The tinges of blacks and sludges of green were familiar, it had been happening in Gaia irregularly ever since you became sick. Some lakes turning a deep black, fish floating dead and atop the surface of the water - flowers wilting in large patches, harvest of grain reduced to half, some horses and cattle found lifeless in the mornings— seeming to have decomposed for months but have passed for only a few hours.

Life was being taken, with no real way to comprehend how that came to be. A decay was spreading, patches of land - the sky - the water - they were all experiencing the same illness you were. 

This was a plague on life. On everything you stood for.

Right here, in the forests of Hermes, the decay was beginning in a few old trees. Their once sturdy trunks, now an almost melted mess of the same dark hues you had coughed up. An elk, however so beautiful its antlers, lay lifeless in the middle. You can see the expose of its ribs, viscera mangled and splayed across the dark ground. No sign of other animals or insects, only the worms and the centipedes avoiding the grueling scene. 

You approach it, even when the hesitation in the stiffness of your steps oppose the almost voluntary way your feet move forward. 

Months of torture knowing you were ill, and all these weeks of knowing that life all around was diseased with the same fate. This was the only time you found whatever courage it was to seek it out yourself. With all the power you have been reserving, you hover a hand over the dead patch of land, trying to command anything you had. Anything to bring it back to life. 

To your dismay, nothing at all happens. Where typically flowers would bloom upon the command of your hands, or the wounded would heal, there was nothing your will could do at this moment. 

Instead, a sharp pain ricochets into your palm, a seething burn that stings through as if cut by a blade. No visible force is doing this, but it’s as though you are wounded. 

You gaze upon your palm, surprised to see that you are truly bleeding and you have been cut open.

Before you can process how that came to be, a drop of your own crimson blood lands onto the patch of dead grass— and suddenly, life is willed as you intended. It is almost so immediate, how the trees seem to stand tall once again - the timber stalks boasting in height. An elk so gloriously beautiful in how it stands, how it looks at you. Everything so alive, so starkly different from what you’ve seen.

An unpleasant feeling in your stomach churns, for blood magic has been known to have died so many years ago. It seemed only a dark, shunned myth. 

Until now that you have seen it with your own eyes. And it makes you absolutely repulsed, it makes you sick.

You turn back, the blood curling from within your body. None of your worst nightmares could fare the fear that ran through your body. 

Running back into the camp, you do not notice Jaehyun standing around outside your lodgings when you near the curtained entrance.

“Y/N?” He asks, seeing you visibly in distress, you do not like how he is concerned. He should not be. It was already so unfair that you were taking advantage of his kindness like this, it would hurt him to know the truth that you were hiding. And you knew it would destroy both of you to pretend that your curse would not affect this attachment.

You had to end this now before it could do him any more harm to know— to be any closer to the truth.

“If you know what is good for you my king, we shall stop this.” You say with conviction, and it kills you to see the hurt that wells up in his eyes. 

“Y/N? What is this about? I had thought that we had talked and—“

“Please,” you say, “please,” you beg in a whisper, “this must end.” 

Before you can shed tears over the lump that seems to be blocking your airways, you leave him behind to enter your lodgings. 

You do not hear him walk away. You know that he waits, even if you do not come back out that day.

three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Ashtaroth:

“Has much so changed in a year, dear brother?” Prince Johnny nudges at Jaehyun, who has drifted away in thought - staring at the new sort of display for the ball. Perhaps Jaehyun was not the best to understand art of the underlying messages of its beauty, or perhaps Ten and Taeyong have properly lost their minds to come up with a cohesive idea.

“Maybe.” He takes a while to answer.

But he knows the answer is yes, much and very little can change in a year. That he knows to be true.

“Wasn’t it almost exactly a year ago here in Ashtaroth? We accidentally drank those aphrodisiac-laced drinks, thankfully Princess Y/N was there to—“ Johnny stops himself, aware of now how even more disconnected Jaehyun looked. He shouldn’t have mentioned you at all. 

It was still a sensitive subject.

“Well, I suppose Prince Taeyong, Ten, and Jaemin always do manage to surprise us with… decorative arrangements. Maybe nothing much has changed.” Johnny says instead, trying to save himself the embarrassment of forgetting the one thing that he knew bothered Jaehyun.

“Yes maybe some things do not change.” Jaehyun nods, pretending he wasn’t affected by just the mention of your name. Like you hadn’t been the one occupying each thought he had for the better part of a year now.

After you told him to end things in Hermes the previous year, you suddenly left without telling a soul. The entire delegation from Gaia just deciding to leave the excursion, leaving everyone in different curious whispers. A message flew in for Prince Mark in his domain that there were urgent matters in Gaia that needed you to be summoned back, and there were no more questions after that.

He tried writing to you at first, but he knew you never kept your windows open - never waiting at noon to let the sunlight in. His letters piling up unsent in the corner of his study, where he altogether just stopped sending any.

You hadn’t been present in any more social events, no one left with a clue about your absence. Except an overheard comment from Prince Muhan once, saying you were preoccupied arranging things in Gaia. 

Something that bothered Jaehyun - because it meant that Muhan was still close enough to you to know what was going on at least. Slowly, people began to forget that you two ever had an attachment as well. 

He had thought of reaching out to your father, but he could not conspire something he knew you would be against; you had told him to stop, you’d even pleaded with him.

In the year that followed, he adjusted quite well into his position. Many heard of the well boosted prosperity of Sol, and though Jaehyun’s emotions were entirely elsewhere— he poured himself into his kingdom. It was a very welcome distraction, realizing he needed to pay attention to other things of importance to keep his heart stalled.

An unwelcome distraction however, came in the form of his political advisors and his own set of knights— bothering him of the same ordeal over the past few months.

“You need a wife.” Was a constant phrase he’d heard. Something Sol did not demand of him when he was still their crown prince was an engagement; marriage was not something of importance at the time. He’d grown to prove himself in wit, in strength, and in the use of his power during those years. Romance was simply an accessory, and his people agreed that he would have no problem finding a partner when the time came. And now was the time that it was required of him, to keep up with appearances - to set a precedent for a matriarchal figure of the kingdom.

If the issue on finding a wife came anywhere sooner than when you first spoke at the ball in Ashtaroth a year ago, he would have had no qualms saying yes to the next random well-bred noble lady. 

Except now, all he could think of was you. It was you he pictured next to him, even if the possibility seemed close to none again. 

As if he’d never came close to being your king in the first place.

“There you are.” It’s perfect timing when Lady Cho snakes her arm, linking it into Jaehyun’s. The unwelcome distraction.

She was, it seemed, the main contender to become his possible fiancé. She was highborn of a noble family in Ashtaroth, she was easy on the eyes, and they did share a rather interesting history. In fact, he was certain she was one of the names mentioned when you overheard those ladies in Hermes.

Johnny is now aware he’s found himself in a very interestingly uncomfortable situation. It had not been five minutes since your name had been mentioned, and here was Lady Cho giving Jaehyun the most lovesick look. Jaehyun looking uninterested, maybe even intent to get away from Lady Cho.

“Anything worthwhile here, Lady Cho?” Johnny asks, just so the atmosphere would seem less dull.

She actually squeals in delight at the prospect of sharing information, “I did see Prince Muhan arrive, with a lady no doubt!” 

Jaehyun could be interested, but he does not make it a point to express it. Not when her grip on his arm was getting tighter with each word she enunciated.

“Whoever could that be?” Johnny asks again.

“I did not get the pleasure of having a good look at her, but she did have regally long dark hair. Maybe it would be worth mentioning that she had a good figure to her as well. I bet she’s beautiful.” 

It does not ring any bells, Jaehyun still imagines you the way he last remembers you. Medium length hair only a little past your shoulders— and your body although perfect in his eyes, still a developing shell shedding slowly of youth.

“Good for him.” Jaehyun comments, perhaps hoping Muhan had found himself a match. He could say, Muhan was rather busy this year - many campaigns throughout Celeste. Not an area experiencing drought. Jaehyun recalls Muhan traveling into Sol to deliver supplies of water for the people of the kingdom.

It was by all means very good, but he still held his reservations for the Prince of Okeanos. There was a sour spot planted in him, especially when he remembered how Muhan was linked to you. Maybe Jaehyun was bitter that you had severed ties with everyone, except for Muhan.

Laughter gets thrown into the air, Jaehyun does not realize how crowded the hall had become. There was a sudden surge of people, where he swore that there was enough room to breathe only moments ago.

He sees the long dark hair first, waves past hips - the unmistakeable curves of a woman. It’s only fitting then, that the twinge of attraction he feels gets validated when he finally sees the woman draped into Muhan’s arms. 

It’s you, smiling effortlessly at a joke someone had probably said. 

The hollow in Jaehyun’s chest begins to feel so sensitive, when he tries his best to be here in this moment. It feels that all the hall’s only a background, and all he can focus on is finally seeing you.

Have you been eating well? Although he can see you look like you’re blossoming into a woman now, he notices the frailness of your wrists when you make motions with your hands - and the indents of your collarbones more prominent than he remembers. You look tired, although there might be little indication for him to go by, he just knows that you do not seem so yourself.

Are you happier? There's a smile on your face but a tiredness at the wrinkles curling up in your eyes.

Did the silence give you enough peace? Was the smile on your face so genuine, did it feel like you could finally breathe now that you made the choice to end it? He wants to know if the year has been kind to you in any way at all, because it had not been that way for him.

“Oh, it is the Princess.” Lady Cho notices Jaehyun’s gaze so focused on you.

Johnny scrambles to finish his drink, calling Mark over for another full glass.

~

In the year that passed, you were busy.

Scrambling back into Gaia to tell your father of what had happened in the forest, you mapped out all the plagued areas in your kingdom. Your blood put into a small vial, and you had gone in secret to test whether they could be revived with a drop.

And they did. 

Suddenly death was wiped off, temporarily keeping things at bay. 

Though it left you with three problems.

First, you knew the illness was spreading in other kingdoms. It would mean you had to employ the help of others to keep this secret. It only took a message to Prince Sicheng of the Kingdom Aether, asking him to scope the skies for anything that was reminiscent of the scenes you described. It was to your advantage that Sicheng had been a rather quiet man, discerning in his own political choices and well understanding of the matter at hand. After you had identified those areas, you needed to speak to Prince Muhan. 

But the closeness of your families warranted an explanation, one he took quite well. One secret he promised to keep to the grave, even if it seemed your engagement no longer held true. 

He agreed to be the one to hold campaigns around Celeste, mixing only a drop of your blood into the water he would cast upon the places Sicheng had mentioned.

Second, the matter of your blood. 

Blood magic was something no one had quite been familiar with, the only clues you had were the scribes of the Kingdom Luna - some passages in books of your old library had mentioned something of the Moon Kingdom. You had to start there.

In the meantime you had to bleed, and it drained a lot of life out of you. If there was anything about it, you experienced just how much it took a toll on your physical state - more so on your magic. The more blood you gave, the less you had the capacity to do much. You could not even make the flowers bloom around your gardens. Recovering after long periods of bleeding meant that you had to stay away from leaving Gaia, there was barely a chance for you to see more than the borders of your kingdom.

It frustrated you, but you had to keep it secret. Now only a select few Gaia, Okeanos, Aether, and Luna knew. 

Third, your heart.

Though there were moments that you had to take your responsibility as Princess, and now a not so certain herald of blood magic - you found yourself thinking about Jaehyun often. Even if you were so ridden with guilt about how you spoke to him last, you knew in your heart that it was the best way to keep him out of the burden of knowing.

At the rate of how things were unfolding, it seemed the threat of your death was not as terrible as it initially was, and it ached to know that you could not spend these days without even a word from Jaehyun. You had meant to write, but you knew you hurt him, and you did not want to be more selfish than you already had been. 

“You have to leave this castle.” Your father mentions once, your moping had come to be quite stressful for him. The bird on his shoulder looked a bit more aged now, its feathers thicker and richer in vibrant color.

It was not nice being bothered by the presence of a bird, but it reminded you so much of Jaehyun.

“And accomplish what exactly?” You ask.

“Well, you could do me the favor of giving me peace.” He says, “and perhaps it’s time to find a partner.” He suggests; he’s been the most enthusiastic that you made it through the winter. 

“The last thing we need—“

“You are the most unenthusiastic about your own life. Have a little faith that we can find a solution, perhaps life is more bountiful for you.” He ushers you out the door of his study, ordering Hendery to gather all your maids to prepare you for the upcoming ball in Ashtaroth.

~

“I heard a rumor.” Prince Muhan whispers to you, you sent a letter asking him to accompany you to the ball in Ashtaroth, knowing his presence typically hindered much attention. He kept to himself a lot, only really mingling with his own traveling audience from Okeanos. 

You were currently in a carriage together on the way to Ashtaroth, so conversation was good enough to distract you from the travel. “And what did that entail?” You wonder.

“Well, they were rumors. Plural.” He settled on agreeing with himself. “The first about, your blood magic.” 

“As if there wasn’t enough bad news already.” 

“Some scribes in my own kingdom came to find a piece of history in writing, and it wasn’t particularly mum. A little gruesome actually.” Muhan states. “The last royal who dabbled in the art, well, all kingdoms agreed to have her head on a stick - there was half a treaty left good enough to read.” 

It doesn’t surprise you, instead you ask, “and where might the other half be?”

“You have to hear the rest first. The document was signed mainly by one olden king from a certain kingdom.” 

“Well, the effort must have come somewhere.” You affirm.

“Yes, something about blood magic not bidding well with their people or something of such effect.”

“So are you going to tell me?” 

“The document was scorched.” 

And that was all you needed to hear.

What did Sol have against this magic?

“Oh.” You say, processing. “You said rumors, plural.”

“Yes, rumors, plural.” He sing songs, “since we’re at the topic of kings from Sol, the other is about your beloved.”

Muhan had surprisingly been accepting about severing your engagement, even more so receptive about your entanglement with Jaehyun during the previous year’s social season. He said that the kiss was all he needed to see to know that you were finally sticking true to your own heart, which he knew he could have never won over anyway.

But he remained now a good friend, and an even better ally.

“What about him?” It pains you to ask, but your curiosity overpowers it.

“Apparently, he’s been in search for a wife - and his current candidate… You’ll have to see for yourself.” 

You make your way into the ball, trying to slip in unnoticed - choosing a rather late time to arrive as you only expect there to be alcohol and endless conversation. But you underestimate the crowd that gathers when you do start to socialize, something you did not typically do before. It’s strange being cautious, anticipating Jaehyun’s presence - and yet being unsure if he was here.

Half of you wanted him to be too busy ruling a kingdom to show up, and half of you wanted to catch even the smallest glimpse of him if you could. 

“You look different.” Prince Ten comments, ever so observant, and it makes you a bit self-conscious because you’re aware of how different you do appear.

“I can only hope you mean well when you say that.” You respond.

“Even if you arrived in nothing but rags, I’m sure you’d still be the most beautiful here.” He says and you laugh.

In the middle of your laughter, your eyes seem to quickly drift off to where you feel like you’re being watched. It is then that you lock eyes with Jaehyun, seeing Lady Cho link her arm around his own. She’s telling him something, and you only notice Prince Johnny looking like he wants to detach himself from whatever the conversation was. 

But Jaehyun only looks at you. A stare so passive that you cannot place it as anger or sadness, you hope it’s either - you just want him to still care. 

Because you still care.

Even if you were sure that Lady Cho was the candidate Muhan mentioned, irking you to know that it is the same high born that was mentioned to have slept with him before. Maybe there was comfort in a familiar body, and you hoped Jaehyun chose right. She was beautiful, and you could not contest.

She would make a great queen.

All you can do now is look away the entire evening, pretending you don’t feel his gaze linger on you.

three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Tyr:

It so goes that the social season follows a regular pattern, a grand ball in Ashtaroth, a joust and a feast in Tyr, the excursions up to Hermes, and whichever kingdom is open to hosting anything for the flock that would not refuse at the chance of being amongst other people.

Another joust was set to happen, you were now sat at a designated box, all decorated in the deep greens of your kingdom.

This year, you refused Johnny’s request at the kiss of luck. He had come to you in hopes that you would be willing to place the gift again, but you very politely declined - mentioning a handful of single noble women who would be happy to oblige. 

You were nothing more than a spectator this time, watching a sport you did not very much enjoy.

A lineup of all the princes and knight participating parades across the field before the joust officially starts, and you cannot help but try to count. Everybody you knew would participate would be there and young noblemen who’d never had the chance to joust before, but there were no forerunners from Sol. 

Your eyes are fixed to see the boxes across from yours, a space of field in the middle, you hadn’t noticed it empty - but you could now notice it being filled up with people in flags of a golden sun. 

“The King of Sol decided not to be part of the joust, if you were wondering.” Hendery discretely speaks next to you as you do notice Jaehyun settle down at the same level of seats as you. It was awkward having to face him directly, but you were left the comfort of distance. Lady Cho still by his side but she seemed uninterested at the joust, more so trying to get his attention.

The joust goes by quickly, the breaking of splinters and noblemen falling of horses a cackle of sound you never grew so used to. It’s Jaehyun’s hard gaze that you have to avoid, and it felt like you were unwillingly gluing your eyes on the field to avoid having to look up at his face. It already hurt you to know he was a proximity away, so close enough to see but still far away.

“Champions,” the King of Tyr announces in perfect fashion when the last two contenders are narrowed down, “it is time for the kiss of victory. The Lady Kim will give her blessing to her champion of choice, between the Knight Hyunjin from Ashtaroth and Prince Jeno of Tyr.”

There was an obvious choice for Lady Kim; everyone knew that between the two contenders, she had already been promised to the Knight Hyunjin. 

It’s almost riveting, when she steps down, and you notice that she does not even look at the knight’s way. Instead she goes straight for Prince Jeno, who seems so flustered. Everybody in the stands all curios and mildly appalled that she did not choose the man she was supposed to. 

She whispers something to him, and he guides a hand to her shoulders - and you know well enough to read his lips. He’s telling her not to worry. It is made obvious that there was something going on between the two.

Then she places a kiss on his cheeks, and you feel yourself all flushed with a familiar feeling.

That had been you and Jaehyun not long ago, in the same predicament. 

You can only look up from the field to see Jaehyun looking at you still, despite the lady at his side. It’s the first time you can clearly tell what he feels in the way he looks at you. It is a feeling of sadness. 

You and him both know you are witnessing reflections of yourselves. 

~

It is an uncomfortable thing to be stuck in the middle of rowdy feasts. Every joust in Tyr entailed a long session of bards singing their tales, banging on hard wood tables cut from large trees, and ale and wine being spilt more than it was drunk. You never really lasted more than twenty minutes of formalities during this part of the function, zooming out to leave early. In last year’s case you made your way to the garden.

You were lucky that Johnny’s wife was next to you, she was just as well-adjusted to these festivities in Tyr as you— which was barely adjusted at all. There was a silent agreement between the two of you, to simply be receptive around the long table of royals overlooking all that was happening. It seemed you found a friend in her gentle character, recalling the story about the gardens in the kingdom that Johnny had made for her. They were a beautiful contrast. You were happy that you had company.

Still, you cannot help but notice Jaehyun in your periphery. Feeling helpless that Muhan and Sicheng were sat way at the far end of the table, and Hendery was in one of the knight’s tables away from guarding you. 

It’s a surprise when your father arrives late into the function, he was never so fond of going to these types of events and left you in his stead on behalf of Gaia. Once upon a time, your father and Johnny’s had been quite close. Gaia and Tyr were somewhat allies in times of disagreement among kingdoms, and they had lead their troops into battle together. So your father being accommodated a seat next to the King of Tyr was expected.

What wasn’t expected however, was your father calling the entire dinner hall’s attention for a toast.

“I hope I do not come to this feast unwelcome,” He starts off, met with the silence of willing ears, “nor do I want to come off as rude to bid the attention to something completely irrelevant to something such like a joust.” 

You want to be swallowed by the velvet of the seat you were restrained to, feeling secondhand embarrassment if it were such a thing.

“I must take advantage of the attendance of all important representatives of each kingdom in this very hall, and the kindness of my old friend who permitted me to make such an announcement.” Your father continues, and you hope that he just gets to the point. 

He clears his throat, taking a good eye around the room where every soul had been earnestly listening. Even all the royals and high borns wondering whatever it could be he wanted to say.

“This is the season that I announce, on behalf of the kingdom Gaia, that our Crown Princess finds a husband. Or rather, a time where we welcome suitors for the princess.” 

A pin could drop, and perhaps everyone would hear it. The air feels sucked out of the room, and you cannot believe your own ears. You should have seen this coming, after all the faux optimism your father had been disillusioned with. 

Johnny’s wife lays her hand on your lap very gently, finding your hand to squeeze. It is a gesture of comfort, one you need at the moment. You close your eyes for a few seconds, before finding composure in your own body.

“A toast, to the Princess Gaia. A toast to finding love that is true.” The King of Tyr raises his chalice, and everybody erupts in a cheer.

Everyone except you, Johnny’s wife, and Jaehyun.

a few weeks hence, three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes:

This was the last place you wanted to be, but you were here nonetheless, surrounded by trees again in the middle of the mountainous forests.

After your father’s announcement, you could no longer count even with three sets of hands the amount of suitors that came to visit your kingdom. An absolutely horrific experience to entertain all guests for a sit down in your drawing room, you’d grown weary of pretending to be present during small talk.

Every nobleman and royal came with particular reasons for you to consider their engagement, and each reason proved to be selfish or absurd. Or perhaps you had your reservations because you could not find it in yourself to be interested in any of them.

To your dismay, this also meant that your quest to figure out your cursed blood magic was halted— making conversation with Sicheng and Muhan all the more difficult. On a few occasions Muhan had to pretend he was a suitor, cutting in line of whoever was interested to hold you hostage in another elaborate attempt to woo you. 

There was some commotion about this, suddenly it became a fast spreading rumor that Muhan was trying to mend back an old engagement. Denying this would have meant you had to admit to your secret, which was much more dangerous. So you find yourself once again associated with the Prince of Okeanos, but maybe now to your advantage.

Even so, it makes you wonder if Jaehyun ever considered expressing any interest in the matter of you. No men from Sol ever entered Gaia, none ever expressing a desire to wed the only princess in Celeste. You wonder if he had heard the rumors at least, of you and Muhan - how that would seem in his judgement. 

But it was so rich of you to assume that he would still care after you pushed him away. Maybe you would see him here in this retreat in the forest, and you condition yourself to be satisfied if you could only see the outline of shadow. That would be enough.

Your lodgings in Hermes are not as peaceful as you remember. Though everything was kept the same way it was before, it’s hard to ignore that you were now always bothered by suitors.

“May we please… promenade?” Prince Muhan struggles as he spent a good few minutes pushing through the men crowded outside your door, appearing before you in the small common area of the cabin designated to you.

“Is it important?” You wonder if he had any new news.

“No, but I suppose you want to not feel like a prisoner here. It’s stuffy always being inside and well, I think I do just the trick to keep all these admirers of yours away.”

“Yes, dear friend, you have that effect.” You say, dusting yourself off to find a good overcoat to wear.

“Did my father put you up to this?” You ask him once you’ve gone out to walk, your gloved hands carefully gripping his forearm. A great discovery to ward off any attempts to get near you. 

“Put me up to what?”

“Babysitting me as if you were my wet nurse.” 

“Well, your father did cause all this unwarranted attention now that you’re so available in the marriage market.” He rolls his eyes, he was also obviously annoyed having to always get past men to have to speak to you.

“Why are you looking out for me so much then?” 

“Because we are good friends now, are we not? I made a vow to protect you with all of this… curse. And I know the social season is hard on you especially after the previous one.” He tries to explain, and you know where he’s leading at. Especially now that you notice you’ve been promenading in circles - repeatedly passing by a tent occupied by Prince Johnny, Prince Mark, and Jaehyun. 

“What made you believe that?”

“I don’t believe it, I know it to be true princess.” Muhan sighs, “I’m trying to weaponize myself and my knowledge on a man’s ego to prove you are being stupid about this.”

Stupid. He’s never been so forward with you before, maybe that was the beauty in no longer being set-up to marry him was that he could be honest and have a sense of humor. Maybe he was a good friend now indeed.

“Stupid about what?”

“You’ll see what another stupid man sedated with misconstrued jealousy can conjure in his mind. Maybe I can spread a few rumors that I am intent on rekindling our old engagement, only for the sole purpose of entertainment of course.” He comments, walking off now to finally finish the loop you’ve been going around in.

You see this excursion to Hermes up to its very end, with only a few stolen glances of Jaehyun. Your eyes meeting once in a while on accident, and your heart hurting every time they do.

a month hence, three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

Among the many things your father had done out of sheer absurdity, this one takes the biggest slice of cake.

Gaia was to host a ball for the social season, this being quite rare in itself. All because your father was interested in making such a big deal of your formal welcoming into society— something about the formality of welcoming marriage.

While the rest of your kingdom was scrambling to do their tasks to accommodate the behemoth-amount of guests that Gaia was not used to, all you really had to do was stay put and put on your best gown. Your face already worn out from practicing a forced smile.

What this ball was for, you didn’t quite understand, but you were meant to be a spectacle than a host.

You sit next to the throne your father was designated, a makeshift hall made in your vast gardens - everything crafted with the trees and ornamental flowers. It was almost like a building of its barebones, as though a greenhouse without glass in the middle of the nature your kingdom boasted - though the greens were guided to create a roof-like structure. 

If Gaia were to host balls, they hosted very few but very grand ones. Taking advantage of the magic of life— influencing the movement of wildlife and greenery. 

The effect of awe is evident with every guest that arrives, and in your thoughts you can quietly count off each kingdom that does come into your gardens. You’d heard from Hendery that your father took the liberty of inviting every kingdom, and that meant invitations had been sent to Sol.

And you found yourself waiting on the young king, even if you had no right to.

With each noblemen who had the intention of declaring their interest in your hand, they presented elaborate gifts or even their own talents in poetry, perhaps in wielding a sword, or even a song or two. Prince Muhan even asked for your hand in friendship, earning a comical smile from you - leaving everybody else confused at your inside joke. It all conspired throughout the course of the morning up until the courses of lunch were served and eaten.

You were bored out of your mind, the smile on your face betraying your true feelings. Even your father seemed to be less and less enthusiastic about the entire ordeal. 

It was his fault, really.

The long line of suitors seemed to have been done saying their piece, everybody retreating to a table to find their own company. The ending should have been a relief, but you can’t help but feel disappointed at the few empty seats where Prince Johnny sat— knowing very well that it would be Jaehyun occupying at least one of them. 

The simultaneous chatter serves as background noise as you try to imagine his presence, and it’s the bright rays of the sun rising at high noon that break your thoughts.

It all happens quickly, motions of people arriving. The swarm of familiar whites and golds, it seemed delegates from Sol came out of nowhere. 

Jaehyun walks in, behind a few of his knights, and he holds a rather determined look to his face. 

“The King of Sol.” One of the heralds of Gaia announce, as they make their way to the very front of the hall to your table. The stones of the garden floor rustling in the organized manner that Jaehyun arrives in.

“To what do we owe the presence of a king?” Your father’s voice bellows across, as if Jaehyun was a stranger to him. Like the little phoenix wasn’t perched up along the vines near behind your father, Jaehyun’s gift still kept so dear.

“I intend to express something I regret not being able to much sooner, to everybody in Celeste at least,” Jaehyun looks around, and it’s the first time you hear his voice after one year - an unmistakable confidence there, “I know plenty men here have done their due diligence to express their interest in the princess, and it is quite rude of me to express myself much later than all the others.”

Your father leaves room for Jaehyun to continue, but the King of Sol cannot look at you.

“It is in all my desire to marry the Princess Gaia.” He says, and all princes and noblemen alike look floored. “My intentions and my feelings have not changed from the year before, and it is in my shortcomings that I did not stay true to my words and my own heart. I find that I cannot stay away from her much longer.”

You can only stare onto the ground in which he steps, hoping his feet will spare you from having to look at his face. 

“I hope you understand as the king of your own domain that I took the time to think over my choice to come to you now— as you know I am in search of my own wife, and now the princess seeks a husband. No union will ever be as strong as such.” Jaehyun speaks directly to your father.

Then, in an act so demeaning, Jaehyun kneels in front of your father - in front now of all of Celeste to see. “Even if I shall beg for this honor.” You suddenly recall your conversation in Hermes - how he did say that he would do this for you, and now he really was.

The bird squawks, breaking the silence that follows, and your father clasps his hands together and stands up from his seat.

“Very well then, King of Sol. If you insist on proving yourself, I shall give you one year. But I shall now announce to all people of the land that this engagement is final, and will forevermore be.”

All eyes then turn to you, now stunned. 

end of part two.

< previous chapter , next chapter >

[map0fthes0ul7]

THAT WAS SO FUCKING HOT OH MY GOD.

holy fuck | j.jh

“imagine what your dear father would say if he sees me fucking her precious little daughter?”

SYNOPSIS; being a pastor’s daughter was difficult. putting up an innocent and holy figure in front of his members; and discarding the fact that one of his loyalest members, Jung Jaehyun was hot as hell.

PAIRINGS; jung jaehyun x fem!reader

GENRE; smut

INCLUDES; swearing , age gap (12 years) , (tiny) mentions of religion , cock riding , orgasm denial , oral (male receiving) , public sex , dilf!jaehyun , pastor’s daughter!reader

WORD COUNT; 4.8k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE; PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK !!! this feels like it’s straight from pornhub ;—;

BEING THE PASTOR’S DAUGHTER, YOU’RE FULLY AWARE OF THE MANY PEOPLE YOUR FATHER HAS HELPED; BUT HE CAN NEVER HELP YOU WITH YOUR OBSESSION OVER JUNG JAEHYUN.

Keep reading

[writemekpop]

Lost Cause | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: You decide to give your ex Jaehyun a second chance. Is there time to rescue your relationship?

Genre: Angst, ex boyfriend AU

Word Count: 1k

As soon as you walked into the little Italian place, you spotted Jaehyun. 

He was stunning in his simple black suit, shadows falling under his glorious cheekbones. A flood of emotions – desire, hurt, anxiety – rushed through you when you saw him. 

“Uh… hi,” you said, sitting opposite to him. 

Jaehyun held out a glass. “Bailey’s still your favourite?”

To be honest, you’d stopped drinking Bailey’s two years ago – after you broke up with Jaehyun. 

“Sure,” you shrugged. 

Jaehyun tried to hand you the drink, but his hand shook so much it spilled on his sleeve. 

“Damn it,” he cursed. “Honestly, I’m… super nervous. It’s not every day you go on a first date with your ex.” 

“I’m nervous too,” you said, and you both chuckled, relaxing a little. 

Jaehyun grinned. “Why don’t we just pretend it really is a first date?” He held out his hand. “Hi. I’m Jaehyun. Nice to meet you.” “Hi, Jaebeom, is it?” you said, making Jaehyun laugh. “You look great.” 

“You too,” Jaehyun said, taking your hand in his and tracing your palm lines with his finger. Your heart began to race at the touch, familiar yet unfamiliar.  

“You know, I’m a model.” Jaehyun said. “We have this saying that the perfect face doesn’t exist. But, uh, clearly, the people who came up with that have never met you.” You fought a smile. “Well, I am a biology lecturer,” you added. “And evolutionarily speaking, we are hardwired to desire taller and stronger people. So, the girls must be all over you.” Jaehyun grinned. “Although, you know, evolution is only one theory. I think we have to consider creation, too.”

You snorted. 

“What?” Jaehyun said, removing his hand from yours.  

“Nothing,” you said, smoothing your dress. “I just forgot that you believe in wacko theories like that.” 

Jaehyun stared at you. “Excuse me?” 

You sighed. “No, look, I don’t have a problem with it. It’s cute.” 

“Oh, please,” Jaehyun said. “By cute, you mean that your boyfriend is dumb, but you don’t care because I’m pretty?” 

“I never said you were dumb!” you exclaimed. 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “I know why you didn’t invite me to those conferences. You didn’t want your fancy university friends to realise you had a stupid boyfriend.” He sniffed. “Well, you should feel lucky to get a guy like me.”

You rolled your eyes, lying back in your chair. “This again! You think I’m some ugly nerd who doesn’t deserve a boyfriend as gorgeous as you.” Jaehyun frowned. “That’s not fair.”

You shook your head. “You know what I always thought? If there are so many girls throwing themselves at you, why don’t you just sleep with one of them?” You laughed. “Oh wait. You did. You slept with your agent, for crying out loud.” Jaehyun pushed out his chair. “What was I meant to do? I had a girlfriend who was so busy with work I knew her Whatsapp profile picture better than her!”  

“At least I have a career!” you huffed. “All your little ‘modelling’ gigs got us was red letters from the bank!” 

Jaehyun rubbed his eyes. “What is happening to us?” You fell into your chair. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun. It was stupid of me to think that we could get back together.”

You sat in exhausted silence until the next round of drinks came.

“It wasn’t stupid.” Jaehyun said, taking your hand. “You were the love of my life.” You felt a twinge in your chest, pain or love or both. “You were mine, too,” you admitted.

You leaned forward and kissed Jaehyun, your hand gripping his hair, throwing yourself into it completely. 

The kiss wasn’t bad. It was gentle. Jaehyun’s lips were soft. But something, some spark was missing. It was like both of you were playing along without really feeling anything. You slowly pulled away. 

“That was…” Jaehyun started. 

“Awful,” you finished, cracking a smile. 

“Terrible,” Jaehyun agreed, with a chuckle. “Maybe it’s too late for us to start again. We’re… ancient history.” 

Although his words hurt, you knew they were true. “Well, will you share this drink with an old friend?” you asked, lifting your glass. 

Jaehyun raised his glass as well. “To old friends.”

“To old friends,” you said.   

—

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[sunshyni]

be (mine) forever only

notinhas da sun: esse texto é muuuito antigo!! Muito mesmo!! Mas eu amo ele 🥰 Talvez vocês estranhem um pouco porque ele tá em primeira pessoa (sem preconceito, hien 🤨 Juro que tá bom). Fun fact: escrevi quando percebi que gostava do meu amigo, isso sempre me arranca uma risada sincera KKKKK

w.c: 1.2k

avisos: me inspirei em “forever only” do Jae e em “be mine” do Junji do OnlyOneOf (um gostoso 🫦).

boa leitura, docinhos!! 🌹

As pessoas costumam dizer que o amor chega quando menos esperamos, ele aparece inesperadamente, como um penetra inconveniente que faz tanta algazarra no salão do seu coração que você não vê outra escolha a não ser deixá-lo ficar, daí você percebe o quão entusiasmante o enxerido é, e no final das contas o até então “importuno” se torna a parte crucial da sua festa, isso faz o amor entrar numa arte tridimensional, na qual a personificação desse é, sem sombras de dúvida, um doido varrido. De fato, a primeira afirmação não diz respeito aos equívocos do senso comum, e condiz com a realidade, aprendi isso com minha exasperada busca por você, apenas você.

“Eu sinto você tão perto, mas eu nunca tenho você”.

Eu me enganei pensando ter te encontrado em bilhetes acidentalmente enviados, num par de fones de ouvido compartilhados, numa coleção de regatas alheias surradas, numa variedade de tipos de cabelo, fossem eles cacheados, ondulados, lisos ou coloridos, eu tinha essa ideia embaraçosa de que você vivia estupidamente perto de mim, e eu tinha um medo irracional de você se esvair por entre meus dedos sem eu me dar conta, um temor insano de perder algo que eu nunca provei. Constantemente eu sonho com você, assumindo formas familiares, mas que definitivamente não são você, você formou esse cenário edênico na minha cabeça, memorável nos seus tons de azul e laranja, cores vívidas que se fundem nos seus olhos feito aquarela. Mas porque você sempre desaparece feito fumaça quando abro meus olhos vagarosamente? Talvez essa seja a origem do meu medo, afinal.

“Onde você esteve durante toda a minha vida?”.

Jaehyun irrompeu em minha vida como uma corrida desenfreada pela praia, jogando areia em todas as direções, me cegando com seu sorriso estonteante, e fazendo minhas pernas vacilarem diante ao seu cenho franzido de preocupação, que definitivamente não deveria ter um efeito embriagante sobre mim.

Naquele momento, eu não tinha certeza se meus joelhos estavam estáveis por sua causa ou pelo choque que você me fez passar.

— Tá tudo bem? Eu te machuquei? — Você tocou meus cotovelos, e eu me firmei nos seus antebraços, mesmo que o que me fizesse perder o equilíbrio estivesse exclusivamente contido em você. Seus olhos meio perturbados pelo incidente procuravam por qualquer ínfimo arranhão que sua moto poderia ter causado no meu corpo, e eu me beneficiava do seu cuidado, praticamente idolatrando seu rosto, transitando com dedos imaginários a ponte do seu nariz, o arco do lábio superior, e por fim a linha do maxilar. Eu estava tão vidrada fitando-o que não me dei conta quando você se agachou, tocando com gentileza uma parte da minha perna direita que ardia um bocado.

Eu imediatamente reagi exprimindo um “Ai” baixinho, e você elevou o rosto contra o sol escaldante, apertando os olhos para poder me enxergar melhor, não sei se você sentiu meu sobressalto ao ver aqueles olhos que derretiam feito duas velas coloridas toda vez que encontravam os meus, uma delas me fazia lembrar do mar silencioso e solitário que você me fazia encarar todas as madrugadas, enquanto a outra, nas suas nuances alaranjadas me deixa dolorida com memórias não vivenciadas em que você pressiona os lábios contra os meus numa cálida despedida. Você continua com os joelhos no asfalto quente, preso naquela aura somente nossa, “Você também pensa em mim?” Eu quis perguntar, quis mesmo! Mas se você se assustasse e desaparecesse de novo, eu jamais me perdoaria por isso, então eu me limitei em te ajudar a levantar, sentindo correntes elétricas se alastrarem pelo meu corpo cada vez que sua pele entrava ocasionalmente em contato com a minha.

Você insistiu em querer colocar um band-aid no meu “ferimento monstruoso” que media aproximadamente 2 centímetros de largura, “Pra você não mudar de ideia e fazer um boletim de ocorrência.” Você brincou, o que me fez sentir vontade de dizer que se alguma vez você fosse preso, não seria por um “acidente” de trânsito envolvendo uma pessoa aérea como eu, o que poderia facilmente te condenar era o sorriso suave que você com frequência esboçava.

— Trabalha aqui? — Você perguntou ao adentrarmos o restaurante à beira-mar parcialmente vazio naquele horário.

— Sim, eu tava dando um tempo até quase ser atropelada — Ele riu e eu sorri, me sentindo triunfante por ter sido o motivo do seu divertimento.

Novamente, você se ajoelhou na minha frente, limpando com um pano úmido umas migalhas de sangue seco perto do meu arranhão antes de aplicar o curativo.

— Ainda corro o risco de parar na delegacia mais próxima? — Você se colocou de pé, me oferecendo uma mão para me levantar, deixei a cadeira tão rápido que ela deslizou para trás, e caiu, para minha completa vergonha.

— Talvez eu mude de ideia — Sorrindo, você ergueu as sobrancelhas — Tô começando a achar que você é meu ímã para desastres.

Nossas mãos ainda estavam unidas quando você resolveu traçar as linhas da minha palma com um toque demasiado leve, tão tênue que eu sentia cócegas, mas o frenesi que seu toque estimulava no meu corpo inteiro era superior, e portanto mais poderoso que qualquer sistema de autodefesa corporal. Seus olhos, que agora transmitiam imagens de pores do sol incandescentes, e fogueiras inflamadas que davam a impressão de que arderiam para sempre, não deixaram meu rosto em momento algum, disparando alucinados para prever cada expressão minha.

Dei um pulo para trás, quase tropeçando na cadeira no chão com o aviso abrupto do chefe da cozinha dizendo que eu tinha que voltar ao trabalho, sem dar a mínima para o meu coração que batia descompassado dentro do meu peito, e tampouco para minha garganta seca responsável pela gaguejada resposta que eu prontamente emiti.

“Meu coração está tão perdido e sozinho”.

— Vou ficar aqui, te esperando — Eu também, todos os dias, contanto que no final você seja meu para sempre.

Você pediu Coca-Cola com sorvete de baunilha, desenhando e preenchendo círculos aleatórios num guardanapo feito uma criança hiperativa. Eu me certificava de voltar para você sempre que o varal de pedidos acima do balcão principal estava vazio, e nós conversávamos incansavelmente sobre trivialidades, eventualmente meus olhos se detinham nos dois botões fora de suas casas da sua camisa, e no colar provavelmente artesanal que fazia as pontas dos meus dedos arderem de curiosidade para tocá-lo, tanto o pingente escondido do acessório quanto sua pele oculta pelo tecido sóbrio.

— Onde você tava esse tempo todo? — Eu só queria pular para esse instante, em que você faria a mesma pergunta que eu fiz durante tempo incerto, eu só queria pular para o átimo em que sua boca encontra a minha com uma urgência assustadora que faz nossos dentes se baterem de ansiedade, eu só queria que você me abraçasse do mesmo jeito que acontece no meu inconsciente, em que suas palmas quentes acariciam suavemente minhas costas, dizendo, sem a necessidade de palavras, que eu não era o único oceano noturno incompreendido.

Mesmo que você fosse embora no amanhecer do dia seguinte, eu jamais esqueceria do seu rosto parcialmente iluminado pela luz do luar, da melodia que você entoava baixinho feito uma súplica enquanto seus braços me envolviam com força, você segredava inúmeras vezes “Seja minha”, “Seja minha”, “Seja minha” exasperado, como se eu fosse escapar por entre seus dedos e você necessitasse de uma resposta antes da última badalada, quando sabíamos que perderíamos um ao outro novamente.

@ sunshyni. Todos os direitos reservados.