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kxxkiecxre · 11 months

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・❥・SHOOT! || JEON JUNGKOOK ・❥・

Pairing: Jungkook x fem!reader.

Series: like a moth to a flame.

Summary: there’s never really a guide book on how to keep two important people in your life happy at the same time. Is there?

Warnings: sad, break ups, disloyalty, cancer diagnosis, idk? Just not a very happy chapter tbh. Stick with me though! Short chapter!

PREVIOUSLY… NEXT…

“I just don’t think the best way to tell her is by throwing her surprise party like she’s finding out the gender of her unborn child.” You sighed, going back to suck on the straw of your empty milkshake.

Jungkook swapped his Oreo milkshake for your empty kinder bueno one. He’s noticed when you’re super stressed or anxious you generally snack away on sugar mindlessly. Not that it’s a bad thing or something, he just finds it endearing.

“Maybe we can just not tell her…” you suggest, gulping down the Oreo milkshake like it’s your mission.

“So she can later bury us alive when she finds out?” He cringes.

Yeji would never. She’s too kind hearted to ever hurt anybody in any type of way and if her emotions do take a toll on her, she’s never the one to not apologise about it if she was in the wrong. Yeji is too smart. Too compassionate and sincere. It’d be silly to think she’d ever dehumanise you for dating her brother.

“Do you think she’ll be disgusted with me for dating her stinky brother?”

“How am I ‘stinky’” he pouts.

“Babe, you leave all your clothes everywhere, whether they’re fresh or not. I keep finding your socks all over my apartment, not to mention you like to just change outfits within seconds. Like I iron your decided outfit and make sure it looks perfect and then you’re all like ‘mmm no, the whites too muted” you rolled your eyes groaning.

His mouth opened in surprise. Doe eyes looking scandalised, “that’s only because you also change your outfit ideas last second! ‘Oh the glitter reflects different in this dress than on my shoes.”

It wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. The fight between Jungkook and Yeji was starting to escalate and you didn’t exactly know how to stop it or help. So you stood in the corner, balling up and trying your hardest not to crumble because you knew. You knew now more than ever. If she doesn’t agree to this, if she finds it weird or odd or whatever. There’s no way you can keep this going. Even if you love him more than yourself. Yeji is your best friend and even if technically you don’t need her blessing to date Jungkook, it’s morally wrong. You’ve sworn to her since childhood that you’d never date her brother.

“Why am I not allowed to be with someone that makes me happy!” Jungkook yelled.

“Because,” she would yell back an octave higher and suddenly it felt like you were a small kid and your parents were arguing all over again “because she is my person. She’s the one I befriended before you. Because she’s the only thing I have aside from you. I can’t let this happen. If you break up and I have to choose sides it’ll be the end for me. I won’t have you, I won’t have her. I won’t have anyone. Jungkook please,” she practically sobbed

“I’ve never said this before because I always hated it, but kook. Please. I have given you everything I had through out our life. I protected you. I loved you. I was there for you when our parents weren’t there for us. I gave you a piece of myself day by day, night by night because you are the only thing I had in life because I love you. I’m younger and I have surrounded my life around you. You were my hero, not dad, not mom, you. You were the man I loved first, ever. You were the man I wrote about in class. The man I imagined had a cape when I was growing up and was my hero,” you stood in the corner, crying silently, head down not able to even glance at yeji.

“Jungkook please.”

It was silent. All the tension, all the life sucking energy was hung in the hair as if it was a hair strand away from breaking into absolute chaos. You’ve realised then, that both of them stared at you. Jungkook had some sort of hope in his eyes, but he looked like he was two seconds away from throwing up too. Yeji was a sobbing mess. And it finally sank in. Nothing would ever go back to anything it ever was before. Ever. Not with yeji, not with Jungkook.

You licked your drying lips and bit onto the lower one, fiddling with the keys in your hands, looking at your feet before you realised it was hopelessly. You’d end up hurting either one of them in the end. The only thing you could do was remove yourself completely. Away from yeji and away from Jungkook. They’re more likely to forgive each other and yeji would definitely find friends. It was a losing fight for you any choice you made and if you knew you could at least give them a shot to fix their relationship, you’d hurt yourself just to keep both of them happy. They’d mend their hurt.

From the beginning this was destined for failure. From the petty fight with Jungkook to the sex to finally falling in love with him. It was all just building up to this. The fights that put a strain on your friendship with yeji, the sneaking around, the dishonesty. There was no going back at this point. You couldn’t fix it anymore. You were being selfish the minute you reciprocated the kiss with Jungkook that very night. It was all just going to go down the drain and you knew it was. That’s the thing. Yet you did because you couldn’t help how amazing it felt. To love Jungkook, to have him with you. Exactly, where it brings you now.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, “I can’t do this.”

You left the apartment in a rush, wiping your tears and hoping this pain would subside. Hoping you’d ever forgive yourself. The way both their faces dropped, the hurt and despair in Jungkooks eyes. Yejis eyes widening and jaw dropping as if someone just stabbed her in the guts. It had you so nausea you were seconds away from throwing up. The second the elevator opened you dashed outside, not so gracefully throwing up beside the door. Not that there’s any graceful way of throwing up.

Walking through the rain had all the memories rushing through you. From the first fight, where you couldn’t even look Jungkook in the eye, to the sex, to the moment you finally felt the love for him, to the fight when you were away to now. It was painful. This walk happened more than you’d ever liked for it to happen. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to choose. You just couldn’t. Because you loved Yeji, from growing up with her and matching outfits to school with little pigtails and matching clips, to starting high school together and walking in with your hands clasped together like two toddlers. To entering college. From heart breaks to success.

But you also loved Jungkook. He was always in the background of whatever you and Yeji did, he was always there to support and lift you when you fell down. He’s always loved you in no way any other man could ever. You knew that. Even when you didn’t pay attention to him. Even when you’d tease and ignore him. He always loved you. He was always there to protect you. It was breaking your heart bit by bit. You knew he was the man you saw a future with. The man you saw buying your first house with and having his kids. He was your universe. Your future. But you couldn’t do this to Yeji.

What is the point of being with him if you’d put a strain between yourself and yeji? If you took away his sister from him. She swore she’d never, ever speak to him again if you did continue dating each other and that was enough to prove to you that you never wanted to hurt any of them the way you knew it would if you decided in the moment that you chose Jungkook. Because even if you fought for both of them, it would have never been the same. At least now, you could still remain at least friendly with both of them without hurting them any further, or more painfully.

You didn’t want to be cruel. And maybe you were by the way you left. But you wouldn’t ever forgive yourself if you sabotaged their relationship for yours. So you decided to screw yourself up.

Sometimes, that just the way life is.

You finally agreed to have coffee with Jungkook. Just a simple coffee and nothing more. Even though it’s been two months, the tension is still high with Yeji. She hasn’t spoken much to Jungkook aside from the odd little conversation. Jungkook would come over plenty of times, to check up on her, and each time he’d come over, she’d be curled up on the couch, with the same dull expression in her face.

“you were the one who screwed this up Jungkook. The second you decided to fuck my best friend.” She’d always remind him.

It was the bitter truth, though. Because he is the reason why Yeji doesn’t smile as often anymore, or isn’t her bubbly self anymore. She always alone, aside from when Jungkook comes to her place and stays with her for a few nights, she has no one else. She always had you and that was enough for her. He’s screwed it up though. Big time. He fell in love with someone who was meant to be off limits. Someone his sister loved even more.

You sit across him with an odd expression. He has always been able to at least guess what you were thinking, today however, he can’t. Your eyes looked stoic. Empty. You showed no form of emotion on your face. You just sat with your legs crossed over the other and your hands mimicked your legs, loosely hanging of the edges. You were dressed smart, white dress pants and a white jacket with gold little buttons, a white button up underneath and white pumps. You were practically like a statue in front of him, a gorgeous one though.

Even in the state that you were, pale, dark circles under your eyes and void of any kind of emotion, you still managed to be the most beautiful woman in the room.

He swallow rather uncomfortably, his Adam’s apple bopping with the action. He looked nervous, his leg kept bouncing and his eyes were were everywhere but you. He’d look at you for a split second and then focus his gaze elsewhere. It wasn’t fun watching struggle like this.

He didn’t look bad. His skin was tanned and glowing, he must of gotten a haircut recently, perhaps an undercut? He was dressed like the usual him, baggy clothes. Comfortable. He still managed to look mesmerising and you were kicking yourself for even thinking like that, for letting your heart skip a beat any time you’d catch his gaze. For letting your skin form goosebumps every time you’d get a whiff of his scent reminding you of where you felt the safest. Most of all hating yourself because you came here to ask about Yeji. Not simp over the man that never leaves your head. The one singular man that has your heart breaking every day even more.

It was sick. What love can do to someone. It can test every single nerve in one’s body, it can fuck with your brain and make you into a robot rather than a human. It was nauseating what love can do to a human body. Sure it feels nice in the moment, but once that breaking point comes, your body crashes. It hates the pain, despises the feeling of your chest crushing and squeezing your heart like it was a poor man who owed money to the mafia. Like it was the victim of the school bullies, kicked and beaten for what? For a few moments of happiness?

Yet if you had the option to click a magic button and let yourself relive the happy moments, you would. You’d abuse it. Because the euphoric feeling was addicting. It felt better than sex, it felt better than a cup of hot chocolate during a winter storm, better than any sort of reward. It was essentially like crack. It’d slowly take every ounce of the best of you, and turn everything you once adored into pain.

“How are you?” His voice was small, like a scared child testing the waters.

You blinked, your expressionless face never broke character.

“I’m okay,” you replied in a more confident voice, “how are you?”

Jungkook looked down at the table, picking at the skin around his nails. His hand brushed around the nape of his neck, awkwardly.

“I’m,” his tongue poked his cheek, “I’m trying my best.”

“How’s yej-“

“I’m worried about yeji”

Your eyebrows shot up. Everything around you seemed to freeze in place and finally, the heart you have been protecting so much from breaking any further shattered all over again. You kept calm despite the fact that tears sprung to your eyes almost immediately. It was single handedly the worst thing he could have told you. It was something you thought you prepared yourself for, but nothing can ever prepare you for the pain of your loved ones suffering.

“She doesn’t have anyone other than me. Even then she doesn’t talk to me aside asking me what I’d like to eat or drink. She has no friends. She hasn’t smiled ever since that day, she’s lost a lot of weight too. I don’t know.. I don’t know how to help her Y/N.” His voice began breaking and your heart was ready to make its way out your throat and runaway on tiny little legs screaming for a break.

“Please help her.”

You closed your eyes, looking away from him.

“Okay.”

The look in her eyes had you terrified. She looked as if she was just one step away from breaking or perhaps shooting you. She stood across the room from you with the angriest and sharpest look you have ever seen on her. She was like a lioness ready to pounce to protect her cubs and it scared you to death.

More than anything, she looked so fragile. So poorly. As if she was sick and it was making you anxious. Even weeks before the fight, she started looking sickly. She was a lot more tired than before, and coughing almost all the time. It made you wonder, if maybe she was, sick?

“Yeji?” You asked gently, “can I talk to you please?”

There was a beat of silence, “now? After you left me when I need you most? Now?” She yelled.

You bit onto your inner cheek, hanging your head in shame, “I still care about you. I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I regret ever leaving you. But I need you to talk to me.”

She began crying and it had you rushing to her, practically breaking your ankles as your grabbed her delicate body to yours, hugging her as tightly as you could. As if you could just put her in your heart and keep her forever safe. She gripped onto your jacket, sobbing into your shoulder as you ran your hand through her head. Hugging her closer to your body.

Her entire body was shaking as you held her, your heart was aching as you sat on the couch. Jungkook stood at the kitchen island, biting his lips as he watched the two of you. Hating himself for doing all this to both of you because he was so selfish about you.

“Don’t freak out please,” she began, licking her chapped lips, “I have cancer,”

Jungkook stilled, his body raised in goosebumps everything he’s ever loved, everything he’s ever protected her from, all of the worrying about her, the one thing no one can protect another from, happened. And it was like someone pulled the rug beneath his legs. He could barely breathe.

“I- I had cancer?,” she questioned, “I, um, I had surgery, a small one, to remove the tumour, it was the mole on my back, they removed it successfully. I just need a few rounds of chemo to make sure the cells are all gone and have my bloods done every couple weeks to check my marks.”

“Yeji…” your bottom lip trembled, “why didn’t you tell me before?.”

She sighed, sniffling, picking at the pillow between both of you, “because,” she shrugged, “you weren’t here much. You were away for Jungkook’s fight, and the surgery date was set on the day. I thought I could tell you when you’d come back. But then all that happened.”

“That doesn’t matter, Yeji. You are the most important to me. I would’ve dropped everything for you.”

“That’s exactly why,” she smiled sadly, “I didn’t want to stop anyone’s life for me. After all I’m fine. It wasn’t anything serious.”

You held her hand, kissing it as you leaned her into your chest. Holding her, “you’re so strong yeji. You’re the strongest woman I know.”

Jungkook sat on the other side of his sister, leaning onto her and holding her just as tightly as you held her, “I’m so sorry.”

“Guys I’m okay I promise.”

No matter what she’d tell you. You’d forever blame yourself for leaving her lonely during all this. The fact she had to be alone during the hardest days of her life was unfair. You were truly a bad friend and you wish you could go back and look at the signs. They were all there. Yet you didn’t even pay enough attention to realise it.

“I still can’t believe you touched my brother.” She fake gagged, making you chuckle.

“He’s not all that anyway.”

A/N: sorry?

MASTERLIST

any copying of my work is strictly prohibited. E.G : recreational work, translation or copying.

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sweethartlullaby · 3 months

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through a thousand lives for you

word count: 10548 genre/theme: angst, historical warnings: death, suicide, self harm for readers that would like to skip the self-harm portion, please stop reading at the "***" and continue once it appears again as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“You’re not going home?” You look up to see your colleague leaning on the door frame, bag strapped across his chest.

“I just have a few more things to do then I’ll be on my way.” You smile back and he nods before waving goodbye. “Just beware of hiddens, you know they love vulnerable youngsters after hours.”

“Then close the door!” You call out and he does.

This is the best part of your day.

Besides the minimal risk of a hidden intruding the office, the serenity is incomparable to any other pleasure in life. It has only happened once before and it was a decade ago. Plus, with new enforcement, you were certain that hiddens no longer existed.

You slave away on the papers in front of you for a few more hours and when you realise the sun has long gone, you finally file everything away and take your bag.

Just as you pack your final things up, the door bursts open and a man stumbles in.

Blood streaks down the side of his forehead and his red handprint is clear against the wooden door. It seems to take everything in him to approach you, only steps away from where he came in from.

His free hand clutches the side of his chest and the blood drips down onto the floor. You are frozen. You clutch onto your bag tightly, praying that your peaceful land will not be the reason for your death.

He only says one word.

“Please.”

Then he collapses.

Let his anger be the bars to his prison, and the light to his peace.

They say the library is a sea of information and reading is easy. But the amount of information they have on hiddens was small and useless. And it wouldn’t count at all if he wasn’t one.

It repeated the same things, harmful stereotypes that gave no actual information, things to look for that were general to mankind. Even if you tried to apply it to this stranger, you wouldn’t find your answer.

So, was he a hidden?

Who else would be this injured?

It was too late to call for anyone. Everyone else left the building and patrol wasn’t for another hour. You had placed a cushion under his head and you had also stitched the slash across his ribs.

It was deep and long, and with every moment you wasted, the man was one step closer to the light. That was the first thing you thought of after you moved him.

You were no surgeon. However, you would argue that being a librarian and having the will to stop blood gushing out of this man’s body was good enough this time. So you cleaned and stitched his wound, wincing at the thought of how the alcohol from this forgotten first aid kit would sting him if he was awake.

You had never had so much blood on your hands.

You were wiping his face with your scarf and as you gently dabbed away under his eyes, you couldn’t help but notice how soft his features were. He no longer looked like the scary intruder that threatened your soul to leave your body.

He was just a man.

Once he was clean enough, you stood to toss your scarf away, which was when you noticed his weapon in front of the door. His sword, its handle stained with his blood, lay as still as its owner, waiting to be awoken again. He had nothing else but the small map you noticed peeking out of his pocket.

There was no destination, no X, no mark.

Just a trail that led exactly to where you wanted to go.

You were a light sleeper, so the rustle of him packing his things and the small groans he elicited were more than enough to have you sitting up from your desk.

He didn’t seem to mind you at all.

He kept packing his things while he took in deep, strained breaths. For a moment, you thought he didn’t notice you. But once he was finished packing, he clutched the side of his ribs again and lifted his eyes to yours.

“Thank you.” He sighed and tied his sword to his waist before he began to exit.

“Wait!” You stuttered out, circling outside of your desk and running after him. His laboured breath was enough to tell you he wasn’t fit to leave yet. More importantly…

“Let me go.” He grunted as he dragged himself towards the exit. But you push yourself to run past him. With arms wide open, you blocked his only way out. He looked tired, as if he didn’t want to waste another moment with the person who saved him.

So you said the thing you figured would make him listen.

“I have your locket.” You gasped out.

It was probably your imagination but you might have seen his ears twitch. However, you definitely saw his eyes narrow and he stood taller. You wondered, was this what all his victims saw in their final moments?

“Give it back.” He demanded but you didn’t budge. “I said-”

“You’re going to help me first.” You said, with as much confidence as you could muster, but your head was questioning everything.

Just give him the damn locket, idiot.

“I’m not helping anyone.” He took a step closer and you leaned away from him, back colliding against the wooden door. “Give me back my locket. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“No.” You were trying your best to not cower. He didn’t say anything else. But he took a step towards you and in one swift movement, he spun your body and grabbed your wrists, keeping them locked in his palm.

As he pushed you against the door, he used his other hand to search you.

“I’m…It’s not on me.” The words you said were so different from what you were thinking. You knew this was a bad idea. The array of weapons you found on him told you that he wasn’t someone to test. But your goal was bigger, stronger, it could overpower any fear you felt at this moment.

“Where is it?” He demanded, hands still patting you down.

“I’ll tell you if you help me.”

“I’m sparing you already. Isn’t that enough?” He grunted, finally stopping the swats against your body.

“I think that’s the bare minimum after I saved you.” You breathed out. He might have chuckled when you said that. Maybe it was just your brain trying to block out the fear.

You weren’t sure what was flowing through you at this moment. Was it excitement that he would cave in or nerves from the possibility of dying?

“What do you even need help with?” He didn’t spin you back around.

“To go back home.”

“Patrol helps with that.”

“No, my hometown.” You said, a little quieter. He paused.

“The docks aren’t far from here. Tickets can be bought there too.” He said bluntly.

“Do you think I haven’t tried that?” You tried to spin but he pushed you onto the door again, a little too harshly this time.

“I don’t have to help you.”

“Then I guess you don’t need your locket.”

“I can force it out of you.”

“Isn’t it a hidden code to never hurt women and children?” You blurted out and it took him two beats of silence to answer.

“What makes you think I’m a hidden?”

“Weapons, blood…No one gets hurt this bad as a citizen.” You said. “So, help me and I’ll hide your identity and also give you your locket.”

It had fallen out of his palm when you were cleaning his wound. You cleaned it off his blood and hid it somewhere you knew would be hard to get. You found that there was no picture inside but there was a fragment of a pearl.

“Fair?”

“If you’re smart enough to figure out I’m a hidden then you’re smart enough to know that we don’t travel in groups, especially with clueless and reckless civilians.” He finally spun your body to face him and he stared at you.

“I’m not a burden.”

“Doesn’t count when you’re the one saying it.” You were almost there, you could tell he was close to giving up. You just had to lure him in a little more.

“Just bring me on the ship to my hometown then we can part ways.” You reasoned. “Women can’t get on without an escort.” He kept his gaze fixed on you but you could see the gears spinning in his head.

“Don’t think for a second,” He came closer. “I would save you over myself.” He said through gritted teeth.

You just nodded.

The docks were north of the town. It wouldn’t take long for you to travel with the carriages. But travelling with a hidden meant sticking to paths no one else knew about. It meant weaving through trees in the forest instead of walking in broad daylight.

You weren’t allowed to pack much. You weren’t surprised, but you were hoping you could take more than a flask and scarf. He carried nothing else besides his sword. The snow falling on his head didn’t seem to bother him, but you couldn’t stand the specks of ice wetting your hair.

“What are you going to be doing in my hometown?” You jogged up to walk next to him. He was quite fast.

“I have someone to kill.”

“Oh.” Your mouth had run dry. Of course he did.

“Better not be someone I know.” You tried to joke but he only raised an eyebrow at you.

You cleared your throat. “I’m only poking fun.”

He didn’t say anything.

The both of you walked for a couple more hours and he stopped you when the skies were starting to turn orange.

“We’ll rest here for tonight.” He halted in front of a large tree, its leaves protecting you from the snowfall. “I’ll get us some wood.”

As he searched for fallen bark, you were left behind, staring at your makeshift bed as you waited for him. It was…definitely a bed…you supposed.

It’s just this time. Tomorrow, you’ll find someplace else to sleep.

You sat, leaning on the tree as comfortably as you could. Your hunger wouldn’t let you rest peacefully, so you had no choice but to wait for him to return.

While he was gone, you took the locket and turned it around between your fingers. You couldn’t quite figure out why the fragment of a pearl was so important. It wouldn’t even sell much, with how broken and small it was.

As soon as you heard his soft steps on the snow, you tucked it away.

He brought back a few berries and wood and when he started to light the fire, you could only watch. When the berries were finished and the both of you were leaning on different sides of the tree, you finally broke the silence.

“How’d you become a hidden?” You murmured softly. You thought he wouldn’t answer you.

“I wanted justice.”

“This person you want to kill,” You paused, cautious of your words. “What did they do?”

“He took something from me.”

You thought of the locket and the broken pearl in it.

“Must have been important…” You muttered.

“Yeah, she was.” A lost loved one, you knew you didn’t have to ask more. “Why do you want to go back?” He asked.

“It’s more of a closure thing.” You shrugged.

“How mysterious.” He said it with such a monotone voice, you weren’t sure if he was teasing.

“Rich, coming from a hidden.” You joked, hoping he would play along. “What do you do anyway? Just kill people?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty much the job.”

“Well,” You turned on your side, facing his direction. “How do you choose them? Is someone hiring you?”

“What difference does it make?”

“Well, now we know it’s not fully on you.” You were sitting up now, hoping he would tell more. You could see him shaking his head.

“It doesn’t matter whether I do it because someone told me to or it was my own will. Murder is murder.”

“Then why are you going to kill someone? If you know it’s wrong-”

“I never said that affected me.”

“So you don’t think it’s wrong?”

“I never said that either.”

“Then, what are you saying?” You almost groaned the words out.

He turned to face you, leaning his head on the tree trunk. The glow of the fire made him look less frightening. “It is what it is and I’m not trying to justify it. It’s just…” His words trailed off and you noticed his eyes wander behind you.

“What?” You asked, still clueless. “It’s just wh-” Before you could finish, he clasped a hand above your lips, muffling your next words. His other hand held your head, trapping you between his palms.

“Shh, someone’s here.” He motioned for you to stay silent then in one swift move, he pulled you upwards. He was still cautiously watching the space behind you with sharp eyes and a deadly gaze. If he hadn’t scared them off, they must be serious.

“I’m going to give you a lift and you’re going to climb, understand?” He whispered, eyes still not on you. You nodded regardless.

“Okay,” He took his hands off you and clasped them low enough for you to stand on them before he pushed you upwards. You immediately grasped the thickest branch, praying it didn’t break. With all your strength, you pulled yourself upwards with both arms before sitting atop the tree’s arm.

It was only when you were leaning on the tree trunk, catching your breath, that you realised he watched to make sure that you got on safely.

“Don’t move.” He whispered once you noticed him. Before you could respond, a twig snapped to your left, signalling danger.

He didn’t draw his sword immediately. Instead, he waited and only took small, careful steps towards the rest of the forest, something you found strange.

Why would he walk towards danger?

In the blink of an eye, a figure lunged at him. He evaded the attack, quickly swaying to his side to dodge the enemy. Another person ran out of the shadows, raising his sword above to slash him.

But he was quicker.

With a cling and a squelch, he had sliced through the opponent’s stomach. However, he had no time to waste. The other man had picked himself up and he was bigger than his friend. You felt worry rise in your throat.

Nothing changed.

It was magical, watching him fight his enemy with such grace. It was almost as if he was dancing, He moved so easily, you wondered how long he had been doing this.

He was silent too, only small groans knocked out of him in the rare moments he was hit.

The loudest sound he made was just as you formed your thoughts. His enemy had punched him at the side, where his stitches were. Given his condition, it must have caught him off guard. The opponent landed another punch up his jaw, knocking him backwards.

His lean body stumbled backwards and you could see the enemy tower over him. You had to do something.

But what could you do that wasn’t burdensome?

You gave it some thought. You had no weapon, no fighting skills, no strength. But perhaps…

There was no more time. It had to be now.

So, you stood on top of the branch and you jumped, letting your entire weight drag you towards the ground, towards this dangerous man.

And it worked…well, almost…

You let out a grunt as you landed atop his shoulders, barely breaking his posture. However, in the moment you were able to distract him, it was enough for him to grab his blade and slice.

Their blood splattered on your face.

You fell with the man, whose weight would have suffocated you if you were fully underneath him. Your hidden pulled you out and once you were standing in front of him, he held you by the shoulders and quickly scanned you.

“I’m fine.” You exhaled.

“What were you thinking?” He said through gritted teeth but you waved him off. When you tried to move away from him, his grip on you tightened. “That was dangerous! You have no idea what he could have done to you.”

“He would’ve hurt me anyway after he was done with you.” You argued. “We’re alive, I don’t see why you’re angry.” You brushed the snow off your clothes.

“You could have gotten killed.” You didn’t know someone could speak so calmly when they were clearly upset. You were about to say something when you noticed the growing dark red stain on his clothes.

“Your stitches came off.” You reached for him but he shook you off and held you down even harder.

“You can’t do that again. It’ll be dangerous for both of us.” He ordered but your eyes were still on his wound. His grip on your shoulders grew tighter and your concern immediately grew.

“You’re hurt.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “Tell me you won’t do that again.”

“I’m not telling you anything! I don’t have anything with me to fix you up, we need to go back to the town.”

“Tell me,” His breathing was a little too ragged for you to ignore him once again. “Tell me, you won’t put yourself in harm’s way again.” You lifted your eyes to see him pleading.

“Only if you promise we go back to town and find help.”

He hesitated…but he eventually gave in.

“Fine.” He huffed then finally released you.

He wouldn’t lean on you, despite how badly he was limping.

“It’ll just slow us down.” He said. You wished he would just listen to you, but you realised he had probably learned to not trust anyone else but himself.

The sun was about to rise. Night patrol was starting to head back to their homes and shops were beginning to open. You knew you had to move quicker. Once you spotted the familiar bakery, you ran with haste, knowing he could keep up with you.

Once he stood with you by the back door, he finally let out a wince and held his side. The both of you had been walking for about 1 hour to get here. With a rip of your skirt, you were able to wrap something around his wound in the meantime. But you could tell he was getting weaker.

“Where are we?” He breathed out, a cloud pushed past his lips.

“A friend’s. She’ll be able to help.” You knocked on the door three times before you paused then knocked again. She immediately opened the door with her usual unwelcoming face.

“What do you want?” The old lady demanded and you nudged your head towards the injured man. Once she set eyes on him, she reached to close the door, but you held it open.

“You owe me.” It was about time you cashed it in anyway. She took a moment before she finally responded.

“Upstairs and be quiet.” She hissed and you smiled.

“Of course.”

You told him to rest and he didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as you were finished stitching his wound again, he was already asleep. With his dreams clouding his senses, you didn’t need to worry too much about him hearing your conversation.

“Why are you messing with hiddens?” Your friend asked, too much venom in the last word.

“I’m leaving and he’s helping me.” You explained.

“They’re not good companions. He would probably leave you to die.” You thought of the disagreement you had with him earlier. He seemed so worried.

“I just need his help to get on the docks then we go separate ways.”

“You could have asked anyone else.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Are you suggesting my boss or even my colleague would have helped me make the trip?” She only sighed.

“You’re playing a dangerous game.” She whispered and you took a sip of your tea. You knew she was right, but you couldn’t admit it fully yet.

“Thank you for helping us.” You murmured.

“We’re even now.” She stood from her seat and walked to the front of her shop. As she pushed the curtains aside, you went back up. Light was already pouring in from the windows, and the rays glided over his face. You drew the curtains closed so they wouldn’t wake him then sat beside his mat.

Just like before, he didn’t look threatening. And knowing what you knew now, he looked softer. You wouldn’t imagine that someone like him was a killer.

You had to wash his clothes so the only thing covering him was the blanket. His hair had been released from its bun and it now fell across his shoulders. You checked the stitch again, worried it might have broken while he shuffled in his sleep.

As the hours passed by, the sounds of people on the streets could be heard from inside. It was soft and familiar. The muffled murmur made you slide down next to him, falling asleep.

“Hey,” You heard it the first time, but you wanted to stay asleep anyways. “We have to go.” He was gently tapping you when you opened your eyes. His silhouette hovered over you and caught you surprised to learn he didn’t smell like blood.

“You don’t smell sweaty.” You whispered and he laughed a little. Strange, it was so melodic.

“I rinsed myself outside. Your friend gave us some soap.” As your vision cleared, you noticed he was wearing his loose top, his skin still visible underneath. You wished you could stop staring.

When he noticed what your eyes were on, he cleared his throat and covered himself up.

“Thanks for washing it.” You nodded and turned away, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush on your cheeks.

Once you got up, you gave yourself a quick rinse too. With ice in the air, showering was quicker than ever. He was all dressed when you returned.

“Do you know what time the docks close?” You asked as you shrugged on your thicker layer.

“They usually stop people at sunset. That gives us a few hours.” He was turned towards the window, averting his eyes from you.

“Through the forest or the town?”

“The town.” He said as you tied a knot around your clothes.

“We’ll go through town this time?” You asked.

“If we’re quick enough, there shouldn’t be a problem.” You stayed silent. You knew he was only referring to you. He would probably get there by noon if he was on his own.

“Okay,” You turned around and saw him staring out the window. “I’m all ready.” He pushed himself off the wall and fastened his sword on his waist. Without another word, the two of you left.

You thanked your friend and bid your farewell. You weren’t sure when you would see the old lady again but you silently hoped that you would cross paths again someday. She would probably have wished otherwise.

As the two of you trudged through the snow, you realised he was still trying his best not to wince with every step.

“Are your stitches okay?”

“Yes, it's just…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “It just hurts sometimes.” You weren’t sure how to console him. You brought no food and no medicine. The effects of the salve your friend gave him weren’t going to last long, but you didn’t expect that it had faded by now.

“What about we stop for some food? A warm meal might-”

“No, we’re heading to the docks and…” His breaths were heavier. “We don’t need to stop for anything. I’m fine.”

You stayed silent the rest of the way.

“You’re too shaky,” He said, causing you to stop fidgeting with your fingers. “Relax, they’ll let us in.” He murmured but you couldn’t brush the feeling off. How was he so sure?

“Your pass, sir?” The guard asked and he flashed a wooden card. You held your breath, hoping he would let the both of you go.

The guard narrowed his eyes at you and you tried your hardest not to glare back at him.

“You can go.” He finally said and the both of you walked up the ramp onto the wooden boat. There were enough people to make you nervous, even when you have passed the test. He must have noticed it because he wrapped an arm around your back and pushed you toward the side of the boat, where you had a view of the sea.

It still didn’t stop the shaking.

“Thank you.” You whispered to him. You weren’t sure how you would have gotten here if it weren’t for him. You couldn’t believe you had even made it this far. Whatever possessed you to have asked him must be strong.

The journey wasn’t too long. By nightfall, you could see land.

“That’s your home?” He asked and you sighed.

“Somewhere there.” You said softly. It was time. “Well,” You turned around to face him. “I suppose this is where we part ways. Thank you, for your help all this time.” His lips were pursed and he looked almost…sad.

“Good luck.” He said.

“You too.” You smiled as the boat came to a stop. A line began forming but you hesitated to join it.

“Go, you don’t want to be left behind when it’s getting late.”

You look at the growing crowd for a moment then back at him. “I hope you get your revenge.” You said and his eyes shifted. This was the first time he looked soft while he was awake. “And most of all, I hope you heal from it.”

Without another word, you left to join the line. You didn’t want to waste his time anymore. You’ve taken enough. But for some reason, you felt slight despair at the thought of this being your last moment with him.

Perhaps because he had helped you so much, you thought you owed him more than your thanks and…

His locket!

You stopped in your tracks and turned around to find him again, only to collide with two armed guards, fine swords strapped to their waists. They glared down at you and you felt the tiniest under their piercing gaze.

“Your pass.” They demanded. Your mind was going blank. They were going to catch you. All your lies were here to reveal the truth. They were grabbing you by the hair, pulling your lips apart so that you would-

“Dear, why have you gone so quickly?”

His voice rang with clarity, bouncing off the walls of your skull.

You looked up to your side, stunned that he had appeared out of nowhere to save you. He smiled at you then looked back up at the guards.

“Apologies, my wife…she’s rather nervous.” You swallowed and bowed your head.

“Well, you should learn how to keep her in check.” The guard hissed and you clenched the locket tighter in your hand. “What business do you have here?”

“We are paying a visit to my family.”

“Where?”

“Just north of the fallen village.” The guard asked for a pass and he gave it. You found yourself holding your breath again. Once he took a good look, he gave it back then crouched to whisper in your ear.

“I won’t be so lenient next time.” He threatened and you kept your head low.

“Thank you gentlemen. I hope you have a nice rest of your day.” He said and pulled you towards the line, where you could finally breathe, or rather, pant.

“Why’d you turn back?” He asked as soon as the two of you were off the boat.

“Oh,” In the midst of chaos, you forgot why you were almost in trouble. “Here.” You passed the locket to him as the two of you walked. He stared at it in his palm. You thought he would have been more excited.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat and clasped it around his neck.

The only sounds you could hear were your soft footsteps in the snow. This part of the country was colder. There was not much you remember before you were taken from here, but the icy wind would always be a comfort to you.

As the two of you walked into your quiet village, you noticed how barren it was. There were no more lights, no more life. The only sign of it was far ahead, where you could see the orange glow of a town. However, your own village was empty and quiet, only the wind hissing in your ears.

It felt as if your home was ripped away from you at the same time you were.

As the two of you kept walking, you passed a familiar sight, the prayer board. You changed your direction and walked towards it. It felt as if you were your child self again, running to it to write your wishes down.

You touched the wooden cards. How many of these children’s wishes were unfulfilled? How many children clung onto their hopes when they were attacked? How many people did these boards fail?

Your fingertips hovered over the silent prayers these people had. The ones on the top read prayers of protection, of safety for their family. Wishes for salvation, hope for escape.

It tore at your heart.

Your family were among these people.

“Hey, are you alright?” His voice brought you back and made you realise you were tearing up. You quickly wiped them away.

“Yeah, just cold.” He didn’t seem convinced but that didn’t matter to you. “My home is this way.” You were starting to walk but he stopped you.

“Wait,” You watched him strike one of the good matches against the table and he lit a prayer stick before placing it in the bowl of ash, covered by the snow. Then he put his palms against each other and closed his eyes.

You weren’t sure what to feel. You were angry that these prayers never worked, so why would you do one right now? But watching how at peace he was at praying, it made you want to try again, just one more time.

So you clasped your hands together and you thought of what you wished you could say.

To my family, more than anything I wish that you are at peace.

To my neighbours, I hope that you travelled safely.

To him, I hope that your revenge helps you find yourself again.

Once you were finished, you took a step back and bowed. If they were going to answer any prayers, these should be the ones.

He did the same and the two of you continued walking. You weren’t feeling joyful enough to talk yet and he didn’t seem to push it. Surprisingly, the silent walk wasn’t dreadful.

When you stopped in front of your home, it took everything in you not to turn away. You didn’t understand why you were afraid. There were no more monsters, no more soldiers who would take you away. You had come so far, this was your chance.

You went up the steps slowly and slid open the door. Once you slipped off your shoes, you took soft steps on the wooden floors. The cabinets of the kitchen were open, some destroyed. The window was broken and snow had piled into the room, covering the dried food that was left here for ages. There was barely a smell, with the breeze coming in to whisk it away.

The bedrooms were more intact. Your parents’ mats and blankets were pushed to the wall, undone. The wallpaper was peeling. The window had not been shattered but the mess was an indication that uninvited guests were here. There were bottles of alcohol across the floor and spots of red across the walls.

You didn’t want to see more, but it was as if you could still hear their screams echo.

Finally, you were in your bedroom. The door had been kicked down and all your drawers were emptied, its contents scattered across the floor. You were only a child. The toys were all over the floor and some were broken into pieces.

You bent down to pick some of them up slowly, as if you could break them even more. Your necklaces were all broken, and the beads were dispersed across the floor. Some beads were crushed and others were hidden underneath your mat.

They’ve destroyed everything, including yourself.

Seeing your childhood doll sitting in a corner made you twitch. You loved this little, bear. Its fur was damp and it looked upset, as if it had missed you. You shouldn’t have left it. How would it have protected itself?

The tears started coming and you found yourself clenching your fist around the doll. Your breaths were getting heavier and you could sense the familiar flame of anger rise in you. How could you let this happen to something you love?

You were dizzy with anguish. It was consuming you in ways you didn’t think possible. You had never felt so much fury. You had never felt so much pain swim through your blood. You didn’t know grief could cloud your vision.

How dare you?

How dare you live a life after everything you left behind?

How dare you hold your head up high when your family died for you?

Crash.

The sound snapped you out of your thoughts and you noticed red on your palm. You weren’t sure if it was the tears or the sadness, but either way, you couldn’t see anything nor could you feel anything.

You must be dreaming this. How were you supposed to bleed if you couldn’t feel pain?

Are you…

…okay?

Are…okay?

You didn’t notice he came in. He had you by the shoulders and he was shaking you.

“What’s wrong?” He was looking at you, but his gaze seemed to have shifted to the rest of you. Through blurry eyes, you watched him realise the blood on your palm.

“I…I shouldn’t be here.” You sobbed. What have you done to deserve to breathe? What have you done to be here? Why, you?

You were getting too lightheaded. The air was too thin and you were shaking with every breath. It didn’t take long for the world to turn dark around you.

You woke up to moonlight shining down on you through your windows. You were covered with a blanket and you could feel a soft mat under your back. After looking around for a few seconds, you remembered where you were.

You tried to sit up but as you used your hand to support yourself, you felt a sharp pain shooting up your arm, causing you to wince and pull away.

“You’re still injured, it’s better to not use that for a while.” He came out from the shadows, where your bear doll sat before you passed out. You looked at your palm. He had wrapped it nicely and there was no blood that had seeped through. He must have changed it often while you were asleep.

“Thank you.” You muttered and he just nodded.

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.” He didn’t respond at first. However, he sighed and sat closer to you.

“I won’t question you for doing the things you want to do. It’s not my place.” He said softly. “I know this was important for you.”

You looked down at your palms. You thought this would bring you closure. You thought that seeing your home again would bring you peace. You had hoped it would be a good reminder of your childhood.

But all this has only brought you devastation.

“Thank you.” You murmured as tears slipped out from your eyes.

“We should head back soon.”

“We?” You croaked as you looked back up at him. You had expected that he would desert you by now. He had his locket and nothing left to owe you.

“Yes,” He shifted his eyes to look at you. “We.”

When the two of you stepped out of your house, it felt as if you were breathing new air. He stepped out after you and slid the door closed, as if he was doing a favour to whoever was inside. You had convinced him to go to the nearby town, where you could get some food before your journey back home.

With much hesitation, he finally allowed it. So, here the two of you were, standing before the street lined with food carts and children running to and fro with their new paper crafts. It was a wonder that the village was still bustling at this time. There must have been some important celebration.

As much as this brought light back into your heart, you noticed that he was still cautious. His eyes kept shifting and the grip on his sword was tight. He didn’t seem to be letting his guard down.

“Are you alright?” You asked him as the two of you kept walking. He nodded his head but you weren’t convinced. “What about some food? I think noodles sound like a good idea right now, don’t you think?” He looked at you, as if to question your choices.

You stopped walking and stood in front of him, halting him too. “Hey, I’m okay. This,” You raised your injured hand. “Will go away soon. You don’t have to worry.” You smiled at him and you could see his eyes soften for a moment.

“That’s-”

A loud firework from behind you drowned his voice away. Its loud pop also covered the scream that you let out and let you hide the embarrassment of having jumped from it. You were relieved to find that everyone else had been too distracted by the pretty sparklers for them to notice your embarrassing stunt.

Except the man whose arms you had jumped into. Everyone else except him.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You quickly pulled away from him once you noticed. You kept your face down. It was enough to have him catch you, he didn’t need to see how red you were. As you pretended to brush down your clothes, you wished he would say something to break this tension.

He cleared his throat and you watched his shadow grow over you. Before he could do anything, you quickly spoke.

“I’ll be right back!” You squealed before you ran off into the crowd, hoping the people would allow you to drown your embarrassment within them.

How foolish…

You kept jogging until you slipped between stalls and managed to hide behind a house. Once you were alone, you finally crouched against the wall and drew a deep breath.

You threatened this man, how were you embarrassed over falling into his arms?

You shook your head in disbelief at yourself. That was too embarrassing to live down. As you waited for your heart to stop beating so rapidly, you looked at your wrapped hand. The cloth was thin and you wondered where he must have gotten it. You started to think about what happened. You were too angry to see that you had hurt yourself, too wrecked to understand how broken you actually were.

You wondered what he thought of you. You hoped he had not seen you as the coward that you saw yourself as.

When you heard footsteps coming towards you, you moved to stand. As you took a moment to recollect yourself, you thought about what you should say to him. Another apology wouldn’t make sense. Another lie to cover your embarrassment wouldn’t work either.

“I…” You turned to look at him and your stomach dropped when you noticed it wasn’t him. Two men pointed their spears at you and another walked in between them towards you.

“Who are-”

“Take her.” The man in the middle spoke and before you could reply, the other two were already dragging you away from the village, away from the crowd that would have been safer, away from him.

“I don’t…I don’t have anything! Please, let me go!” They pulled you onto a cart, where they tied your wrists together, all while you were pleading for your life. “Please,” You whimpered. This couldn’t be real. Why were these men taking you away? Why…

“You’re going to tell us everything you know about him right now. And if we don’t get enough answers, it’s your life we take.” One of them threatened but you kept shaking your head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Please, let me go.” You pleaded as they put a sack over your face.

“Where is he? The man you travelled with.”

Oh.

It’s about him.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I came alone.” You lied quieter.

“Tell us the truth. We won’t hurt you if you do.” You shook your head again. They had come to hurt him and they were using you for it.

You could let them. You could lead them to him and have him fight for his life. You could be safe.

But why would you after everything he had done for you? Why would you betray him when he wrapped your wound? Why would you feed him to his enemies when he has shown you so much kindness?

You couldn’t see anything through this bag over your head. It was too dark to make out what was happening.

“I’m going to ask you one more time.” The man speaking was so close to your ear, you felt his breath on your cheek. “Where is he?”

“I’m not telling you.”

Stupid.

An order was given as soon as you finished speaking. You had no time to run. They had started to pull your hair and hit you everywhere, asking again and again the same question.

Where is he?

As you felt pain in all sorts of places and you cried out for them to stop, you wondered where he could be. You wished he would save you.

But you also wished he would run away, so that maybe, he would at least be safe.

As your vision turned dark and you tasted blood on your lips, you whispered his name slowly. Quiet enough so they wouldn’t have caught it and gentle enough so you wouldn’t forget.

How many more times must I go through this?

“You have failed again.”

How many more times must she die for me to finally get it right?

All I wanted was justice. All I wanted was the satisfaction of his blood on my hands.

It was never supposed to be her. It was never supposed to be anyone else but him.

I am tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to see her suffer because of me again. I just…

I want to rest.

There’s that blinding light again.

“Go.”

If I stay here forever, she will live.

I don’t care what happens to me. I just want her to be alright.

“Go.”

Must I really?

“Save her and you shall get the vengeance you seek.”

There’s a future, a time, a round, when she finally doesn’t end up dying. There will be an end to this game, this torment, this cycle.

There’s that light again.

I can only hope it is different this time.

He found himself in front of the library again, where he knew he would find you. Your coworker had left, at the same time he always did. The glowing light coming from inside belonged to you, as always.

He would walk in with this wound and he would let you treat him. Then you would steal from him and he would need to take you to your hometown. You would get hurt and he would treat you. You would insist on going to the village and you would get taken.

Then you would be killed.

He would find your body and realise he had failed again. He would know, by seeing the blood seeping from your skull that he wasn’t able to protect you, that he had done something wrong again.

He had been here so many times. He had tried so many things to keep you safe and all his attempts had been futile. He didn’t remember the first time anymore, it was all such a blur to him. They, whoever had trapped him here, said something about anger being his burden.

He found it ridiculous. His burden was this, needing to save you to quench his thirst for revenge. He was no hidden. He was simply a murderer that existed alongside them.

Everytime he begged you when he burst through the doors, he was hoping you would leave him alone. He was hoping you would turn him away and he would be free from this fate. But you, your kind heart and intelligent self, you always took him in.

He had memorised your face. He had seen you so many times and yet something was always different.

You always cared for him, even when he didn’t deserve it. He always wondered, would you be any different if you knew your fate?

Would you have turned away if you knew getting intertwined with him meant death?

Regardless of the answer, he himself had no choice. He always had to fight for you, almost as if he was born to protect you and the heavens wouldn’t let him rest until he did.

You were humming when you treated him. Your touch was gentle and you winced even though he was the one having alcohol poured onto his flesh. He thought it might have been strange for him to think of you as anything more than just another passerby in his life.

But repeating the same scenes with you hundreds of times had made something different for him.

He learned to actually care for you and he began to want to protect you. It was no longer just about his revenge. He wanted to make sure you could get out of this hell unscathed, well, mostly.

When the two of you arrived at your hometown and he stopped you to pray, he had hoped it would give you something to believe in again. Every time you saw your village again, he watched it shatter you to pieces, and it silently broke him too.

He, too, said a prayer.

In one instance, you had actually asked him what he prayed for but he didn’t dare say. He was afraid you would run off.

All his prayers were the same. He didn’t think it possible to ever want anything else.

In all the times you passed your bedroom, you hurt yourself and passed out. In all those times, he had to treat you and plead it was the last time. In the latter half of those times, he would step out and do everything he could to not end his life, to not blame himself once again, to not leave you alone.

And even though you had jumped in his arms so many times, his heart still beat rapidly, as if it was the first time all over again.

He had watched you die too many times. Hearing their kicks against your face and body along with your yelps of pain haunted him. He still had trouble sleeping until now.

You had never fully survived your kidnapping. There were a few times that you had managed to hang on, but the loss of memories was too severe for you to live on. He remembered the first time you survived, vividly.

He brought you back to your home, where he drew a warm bath for you and he gathered all the medicine he could. When he realized that you were coming up with a fever and he had found nothing within your own cabinets, he let you fall asleep and then he returned to the village for supplies.

When he came back to you, the house was a mess. You were flinging things onto walls when he came into your room. You looked crazed, crying and bleeding all at once. And when his eyes locked with yours, he knew he was a stranger.

“Hey,” He gently placed his sword and supplies on the wooden floor before he took careful steps to you.

You screamed and threw a jewellery box at him, which he was able to avoid with ease. But his worry did not disappear, for the sight of you like this broke him all the same.

“Please,” He took another step toward you, reaching out for the person inside you that knew him. But it was no use pleading with a stranger.

“You did this! You took me away!” You sobbed and threw another toy at him, which he blocked with his forearms. He thought you had mistook him for a soldier.

“No,” He shook his head slowly and held his palms out in surrender. “I’m not one of them.” All while walking slowly to get closer. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He whispered.

You looked terrified. He would never be able to erase that look on your face. You looked at him with such disgust, it was a wonder you once cared about his stitches.

***

“Please, let me help you.” His eyes shifted to your palms, where the wrap was gone and blood dripped down your fingers. There were scratch marks everywhere he could see, on your neck and shoulder, red, fresh stripes. “You’re bleeding and you’re not feeling well.” He said slowly. With every breath he took, he took another step towards you.

“I…I don’t know where I am.” You whimpered and he could see you opening up to him. “W-Who are you?” You gasped through tears.

The man that held his hand out for you was no longer someone you had built a relationship with. He was a ghost to you.

“I…” He couldn’t find himself finishing the words. As he looked at the state of you, he felt this sharp pain in his chest. It didn’t matter who he was. You had lost your mind and you were afraid.

Of the world, of him, and most importantly, yourself.

“I don’t understand anything.” You cried. “I don’t…I don’t know who…” You were breathing so hard, your body collapsed. He quickly ducked and took you in his arms, for the second time that day.

You were murmuring something that he couldn’t make out. Regardless, his attention was elsewhere. Besides the scratches and bleeding palm, he noticed the cuts you had everywhere.

Foolish boy…

He should have never left you alone.

“Please…” You exhaled and he felt warmth rising in his face. “Please make it stop.” He looked at you, growing limp in his arms and your body bleeding out.

“I’ll get some medicine, just hang on.” He said but you started whimpering in his embrace. You continued to scratch yourself and he watched helplessly as your nails dug into your skin.

“Don’t do that, please.” He tried to stop you but you hit him. You slapped his chest and screamed for you to let go of you. That’s when he had that inkling feeling of doom.

***

He wished you knew that it wasn’t because it hurt. He was stronger than that. He also wanted you to know that it wasn’t because he couldn’t bear the burden of a screaming woman.

Regardless, he realised that his reason was selfish anyways. He didn’t want to watch you in pain anymore. So he took you in his arms and he shushed you gently, whispering to you.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. I promise.”

It took you a while but once you were no longer pushing him away, he whispered a goodbye. Then very quickly, he broke his heart and snapped your neck.

He would never call himself a hero. Not after everything he had done. Seeing your face again after his murder almost made him burst into tears. You were still so kind, protected from the truth of what he had done to you before.

Killing you made him lose faith.

He screamed at the skies, cursing the deities that placed him in this cycle for their sick lesson.

“How many?” He yelled. “How many more times until you let me go?” He was furious and the tears wouldn’t stop.

“How many more times does she die? How many more times do I hurt her?” He pleaded on his knees as he screamed the words into the endless night. The stars didn’t answer, as much as he wished they would.

He tried everything to end his life, jumping off houses, slicing his wrists, surrendering himself. It was as if it was a game and the only way to complete this was to achieve his mission of revenge, which could only come after saving you.

Time and time again, he watched the same scenes pass by him as if they were seasons. He wanted to break free. He wanted this to end.

So now, as he stood before you in this village once again, having travelled the same route as the two of you had before, he silently hoped that this time, it would be different.

When you ran away, he made sure to follow you. He knew that you needed some air after what you would call an embarrassing moment, which he respectfully disagreed with. But after all the times he had watched you die, he had learned that he needed to stay close to you.

As he waited for his enemies to come, he watched how nervous you were, squatting down and murmuring to yourself about how foolish you were to jump in his arms. If the circumstances weren’t so dire, he may allow himself to swoon.

He was hiding underneath the shadow of a rooftop, where he watched and waited for his time to strike and to hopefully, save you. He had to get it right this time. He couldn’t possibly live with the terror forever.

There was no other option.

“Take her.” The familiar order of the armed men pushed him to act.

He immediately jumped down in between you and the armed men, running the risk of being pierced as he fell from the sky. He heard you stutter his name as he fend the two of you off from danger.

“Cut off his head.” The middle man hissed and at once, the other two lunged forward to attack him. Without a second thought, he pushed you aside and yelled at you to hide.

As he fought the two men, he hoped that you had found a safer place. As soon as you were out of sight, he didn’t have to hold back.

There were only three bodies, the biggest being the one in the middle. As one of them wrestled him, the other tried to reach for his legs to trip him. But he was faster and he was able to throw the man on top of him to the ground.

As that one struggled to get up, the other pounced on him, throwing him off his balance. Their two bodies toppled onto the floor, where his enemy straddled him and began punching his face. After a few hits, he began to taste blood.

Knowing he wouldn’t last long enough, he reached for a stone and smashed it against the man’s skull. He heard a wet sound then a thud. But this didn’t faze him as he stood and faced the two other men.

The one he threw off himself had gotten up and he was obviously starting to be tired. His breathing was ragged and he had drawn a spear to protect himself.

He took a deep breath and drew his sword.

Give me the strength to complete my duty.

In one swift move, he chopped the spear off then proceeded to stab the man holding it. The tip of his sword glimmered underneath the moonlight, and blood dropped from its metal shine. There was no noise from him when he pulled the blade back, just the sound of his insides being passed.

When he lifted his eyes to the largest man, he gripped onto his sword again, steadying it in front of him.

“Take me to him, your master.” He exhaled but the soldier didn’t budge. Instead he brought out a hammer and charged at him.

He ducked underneath his arms and managed to escape onto the other side, where he regained his posture. The large man turned and yelled before he brought his hammer down again. His size made him slower, an advantage he wasn’t afraid to take.

He jumped up onto his shoulders, where he took the man’s head in his hands and pulled at it. His fingers dug into his cheeks and eyes and his enemy’s cries of pain told him it was working.

Even though he was slower, he was stronger.

With a fling, he had taken him off his shoulders and thrown him onto the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of his lungs and he was struggling to climb back up.

As the large man towered over him, he saw the blood streaming down his eye sockets and he thought about his next move.

He had to survive this. He was so close.

He looked for his sword and noticed the familiar glimmer not too far away. He pulled himself to his feet and scurried to his weapon, grabbing it before he was attacked again. Once it was back in his hands, he took a deep breath and ran towards the giant, with his blade raised high.

Zing.

He sliced through the man’s neck, his blood splattered all over himself. He felt the droplets on his face and smelled it in the air.

It was over.

He had saved you.

The wind tonight soothed his wounds and the silence gave him a moment of peace before he looked for you. He found you hiding between the walls of two houses with your knees up to your chest. You were shaking when he approached you.

“Hey,” He breathed out and the sight of him seemed to have startled you. That’s when he realised all the blood he was covered in. “Sorry.” He murmured as he covered himself with his sleeve.

But you only cried and threw your arms around him.

“I was so scared.” You whispered.

“It’s okay.” He placed his sword on the ground and took a breath, taking a breath of your hair. “You’re safe now.”

Hearing you cry made his own heart bubble. He had fought so hard for this moment.

It was over.

You finally lived.

He helped you return to town and that was where he parted ways before he was finally able to return to his journey. He didn’t want to make you sad, he had enough of that.

“Stay safe.” He said before he parted ways with you. As he walked away, he fought every fiber in him to turn back. He wanted to reach his destiny, kill him, and finally earn the revenge he fought tooth and nail for.

It was pleasant to see the look of surprise on the master’s face when he burst through the doors. Even more so, it was satisfying to see how helpless he was. With no men to guard him, no swords to fight for him.

This ‘king’ was afraid of him, the man with a sword, the man he spat on and underestimated, the man he decided to take from.

“Please…I beg you.” The sight of him shivering made him want to laugh. He did not endure a hundred days of suffering for him to give up.

This was what he came for. This was the job he was going to finish.

“This is mercy.” He said.

As he raised his sword in the air, he whispered his lost loved one’s name.

Then he sliced the king’s head off.

As he walked outside into the forest again, having rained terror on his enemy’s home, he felt as if he could finally breathe again. His knees buckled onto the snow, creating deep, bloody, indents on white. The cold numbed his wounds and he found himself thinking about you.

Perhaps you were at the library again, dreaming of this other life that you had a few days ago. Perhaps he could go see you.

Perhaps, the two of you could start over. He could be normal and his sword would hang as memory. He would walk you to your job at the library and he would help out at a local printing store. Maybe he could learn to trust and love again.

Let me see her.

If it weren’t for the dark edges of his vision growing and the heavy pain growing from his stomach, perhaps he could have mustered enough strength to find you again. But he was only able to lay there, staring at the branches that carried piles of snow.

You had better be safe. This weight was too heavy for him to carry again.

It might have been the snow that numbed his fingertips, but it could have also easily been the thousand cuts from guards he passed. Regardless, it didn’t matter.

You were safe.

You were home.

You were free.

He could only think of his prayer as he let it take over.

I pray that this is the last time we will be each others’ undoing.

epilogue.

A second chance, as they say.

“This is where most of us usually are. So, if you ever need help, this is where you can find us.” She pointed towards the kitchen, where a few of her colleagues were chatting.

“And this is where you are.” The tour guide said before stopping by a room. “Your partner should be here soon, if not yet inside. You’ll be working closely together so make sure you get to know her.”

He nodded then went inside.

It was a small workstation, with one oval-shaped table in the middle and about four seats in total. A whiteboard was hoisted on the right wall and he could see that scribbles were recently erased.

There were no paintings or posters but shelves of history books decorated the small space they had. He set his things down by one of the chairs and he waited for his partner. People always said he was an expert at hiding nerves. But he knew they just didn’t notice the tiny flinches he made or the rapid bouncing of his legs.

A knock on the door woke him from his self-made trance.

“Excuse me?”

He cleared his throat and stood from his seat to greet her. She stumbled in with a stack of books and a cup of coffee on top of her laptop. He immediately went to help her keep the door open as she tried her best to carefully place her things on the desk. Once she was done organising her things, she finally looked up at him, wide smile and all.

“Thank you.” She breathed out.

He nodded. Just as he was about to turn back to his desk, she reached her hand out.

“Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m…” He slid his hand in hers and shook it firmly.

“Nice to…”

As if there was a string all along…

She let out a small chuckle, eyebrows furrowed as if she was confused. “Have we met before?” She asked.

We intertwine again.

a/n: ho ho ho! a 10k story?!?! i had been wanting to do a time travel fic for a bit and i finally found the way to do it. i tried my best to make this angsty and sad but i am not sure how sad it turned out to be but i do hope it is to some degree, devastating. one thing i did want to sort of do was i made the first part present tense because i figured the reader could have lost most of her memories but because she held on so tightly to his name, she managed to remember that first time they met, which she will ofc always hold dear to her heart. anyways, i hope you enjoyed and i will try my best to get things out but i've been so busy! trying to get back on that angst grind. thank you for reading and i appreciate each one of you <3

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