#just a lot of thoughs on a lot of versions of my vamp babes

[0nelittlebirdtoldme]

Random question: does it happen to you that you gradually start to see a ship you love with a completely different dynamic?

When I first entertained the thought of Hecula, it was clear in my mind that it was 100% onesided: Dracula is obsessed with Hector, Hector hated those forced attentions and felt like a prisoner. This is how I imagined the Bride AU, as Hector being forced in the role of a "bride" and hating the scorn that came from the rest of the castle. This is also because back then, I believed that Hector canonically didn't think much of his Lord - a superficial reading that missed the small details and the peculiar choice of words in Japanese :P

But then brain started to think "but what if 🥺 what if hector 🥺 loved his lord too 🥺 and he was happy with him 🥺 and he kissed him sometimes 🥺", and then I uhhhhhh never stopped lol. It's still not a cutesy dynamic because it's so unbalanced it's not even funny (jk it is lol), but it comes easier to me now to imagine Hector being satisfied in his role as Dracula's favorite, basking in the love and accepting that they're both special to each other... although canon dictates that it doesn't last forever, which is fine by me :) that's also part of the fun :)

Now, if I ever decide to bring back the old Bride AU, I don't think I'd have it in me to repeat the same angsty dynamic. I think I'd imagine it as I said, as Hector growing accustomed and even fond of his "husband", although always with an undercurrent of bitterness and desire for equality. Which was utterly unthinkable to me a year ago!

Anyway. Question is, has it happened to you? lmao. For example, your Harkula fics seem to explore how their dynamic would shift in a century, from master/angry "child" to proper husbands. Was this always your vision, or did your interpretations of the characters shift with time?

So sorry i came back to this ask so late @beevean - but thank you for sharing your thoughts and asking! I do love every version of hecula that you're writing, these two are just so ughhhh. Love when a master/sire turns more affectionate with time towards the object of their desire (with hecula, harkula, dracfield, you name it)😩❤️‍🔥

To be honest, harkula has been my longest and biggest ship I have ever written for and god how i do love these bastards to death. I did start off writing them with the big bang of my questionable long fic though, and feel like that did hugely influence the way i have written them ever since, with drac being misguided but still deeply loving jonathan in his very own way, and johnny loving him back just as much, if not more. Their drive comes from the elemental feeling of sheer love - no matter how monstrous, self destructing or twisted that love might be. That's just how they always have been. I love to write them as murder husbands or sire/fledgling or sire/human pet, but the very first version of the characters, in which they both care and kill for the other, still remains being one of my favs.

So, if anything, with me it is the other way around than with you - over the course of the last few months/years i have actually started to explore even darker but probably more realistic AUs in which they start openly unhealthy and miserable and remain that way the entire way through (cough, TGN, cough). Codependent. Bound. So. I guess that counts as writing and character development?

[fallingforel]

Could I please get prompt 107 for my ask? I was the one who asked for the angst to fluff with brad. Thanks!!

A/N as always hope you like it and if anybody wants to request something the prompt list and the people I write for is here.

words: 1,822

PROMPT 107:“Regardless of what they think, I know you’re an amazing person.”

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published: monday 9th october, 2017

TROUBLE IN PARADISE? BRAD SIMPSON AND LONG TIME GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N SPLIT?

On Friday, Y/n L/n and Boyfriend lead singer of The vamps, Brad Simpson were seen having a tough conversation in Brad's car, although unsure what about, it could be the fact that the two have split following the fact that on sunday night Y/n L/n appeared to go private on Instagram after removing all loved up pictures with Brad simpson.

It is unclear what sparks this break up as they seemed to be doing perfectly fine last week.

A source close to the couple said "Y/n and Brad have been through a lot more than the public think they have, only time will tell if they are to continue"

further commenting, the source continued to say, "Brad's focusing on making more music with his band and Y/n is focusing on her own line of work"

Another source also commented: "Brad and Y/n went through the ringer in the public eye, we all knew it was coming it was just a matter of when. Y/n and Brad liked to keep everything private so it was no surprise when everything came tumbling down."

The sun have reached out for comments from Brad and Y/n neither have replied.

Brad and Y/n got together shortly after the Brit awards of 2013 or though it is unclear whether they met here or not with Y/n being a manager for other musicians.

The couple have been together for 4 years, could this be the early seven year itch for the two?

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The real reason Brad and I broke up was because of his fans, I was constantly receiving death threats, being rumoured to have cheated on him and I was constantly being called every bad name under the sun at the show. It was putting too much of a strain on our relationship that I had to end it for the sake of my mental health, we had officially split 3 months before the sun article came out they had photographed that way before putting it out, but we asked to hold off so that it wouldn't deflect the attention from day and night release. It would have created tons of bad press for both him and I.

The ringing of my phone interrupts me from my thoughts of Brad and I look down at who's ringing me it's annie,

"Hey babe, whats up?" I ask cause Annie never rings me unless its something she needs immediately from me, knowing that I was the worst at replying to peoples messages so If she needed something from me urgently she would ring me.

"just wondering if you were coming to the earlish halloween party, I am aware it's a monday so you've got work to go to tommorow, I understand that and wont be completely upset that you chose to not be there" "of course I will Annie, I need a bit of cheering up specially since the article came out today" "oh shit yeah, the article. You know what maybe it's best that you don't come to the party." "why? whats going on?" "Errr nothing oh gosh would you look at the time I've got to go." "ANNIE!" I say raising my voice a bit. "all I'm gonna say is just be prepared tonight, just be prepared okay? And come as the hottest version of yourself okay?" "okay, I still want to know what you've done" "and you'll find out when you arrive, be at mine for half 7" sighing I hang up the phone and start to get ready.

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-BRADS POV-

"okay can we just go over that second chorus again please Brad." I sigh just wanting to be out of here, while Tristan was recording his drums I read the article, I just miss her so much and today was all about that because we are recording missing you, A song I wrote 2 weeks after the break up, when it was still fresh, not that It still wasn't. I miss her so much and it's times like these I still wish I was with her, when I felt overworked and just wanted her there. And maybe I should've just checked on her everyday made sure she was doing alright.

Maybe I should have loved harder Checked if you were alright I know I could have seen things in a better light Now I realise

I've looked for love but there's a space inside my mind Where I keep on missing you I keep on missing you If you've seen enough Know that I'll be right here Not with somebody new I keep on missing you

"perfect, thank you Brad you can go home now" the producer says to me and I'm hugging everyone goodbye. And I'm about to leave when Tristan says "Theres a party at Annies tonight, wanna go?" "err I'm not too sure, wouldn't that be overstepping the line a bit? I mean with Y/n and that?" "No. She said you two can be friends still, so still want to go?" "yeah I suppose" "Perfect, be there for half 7" which Is the last thing I said before heading out the door and back to my house (the Air BnB I've been staying in the past three months because I haven't managed to find a place yet) to get ready for tonight.

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-Y/NS POV-

I arrived at Annies at half 7, the place was already pretty full. And I catch eyes and wave at her which gets her to walk over and give me a hug. "Y/n so glad you're here" "Thanks Annie don't think I've forgotten what you have told me. What was that all about anyway?" "your reason should be here soon, why don't you go and get a drink and mingle for a bit?" "why can't you ever straight up tell me something?" "you know how I grew up, my parents never told me anything straight up, had to find out how not to get UTI's and avoid pregnancy the hard way didn't I? surely you haven't forgotten?"

I hadn't forgotten, I remember that year, that was the great year of sex in 13 , we had both lost our virginities on nights out, I had lost mine with Brad after the brit awards after being invited by my university placement job and she had lost her with a guy I never met because he was a one night stand and she had a pregnancy scare, but nothing came of it other than me teaching her about protection.

"no I haven't forgotten." "right now go mingle and get a drink, you need to perk up missy. Oh and try to get a guy yeah? I don't need you sulking over Brad anymore" I sigh and then say "I'll try my best, but I'm not promising anything" "good, now go on" she says as she moves me in the direction then pats my bum while I'm walking away.

As I'm walking into the kitchen I spot the Aperol and prosecco and make a beeline for it because I needed something to get me drunk fast, and if anything an aperol spritz was it. As I'm making my Aperol spritz I see the front door go and Brad walks in, shit, that's why Annie didn't want me to come, he looks so good as well, I bet he's got a girlfriend. I have got to talk to him.

I make my way to where he's sitting in the lounge in a meaningless conversation with Tristan and Connor. "Y/N!!" Tristan and Connor both spoke at the same time and I sit between the two of them within the space that they created for me. "How have you been, How's work? Going good? How's your bands?"

"I've been good, just trying to focus on work right now, work is good, I'm currently trying to set up studio time for 5sos though and everywhere is backed up for months, and I'm also trying to book a tour for another band for summer 2018, turns out all those venues are booked out for summer, so if you have any tips please let me know, seems like 2018 is going to be the year for music, great for the artists and listeners, me? not so much" I say ending with a chuckle, which is reciprocated by Tristan and Connor.

"Well, You know, we try to get in quite early to the studio, just ask 5sos if they can come in earlier because those tend to be the most available slots, and if not I can always put you on an in with our studio manager, he'll sort it out for you" Tristan says. "Thank you Tris. You always are such a great help." I say putting my hands around Tristan's neck and pulling him in for a hug.

I haven't once made eye contact with Brad while I've been sat with them. I know he's still here because I can feel his eyes on me and I can also hear him say to me "Y/n can we go somewhere quiet please, just for a chat please" which I reply with "yeah, lets go up to Annie's rooftop, come on I'll lead the way"

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We end up on the rooftop and I underestimated how cold the october air was, which causes me to shiver and wrap my hands around myself in an attempt to warm me back up and Brad offers his jacket to me which I kindly accept.

"So, How've you been? Truthfully this time Y/n, I know when you're lying" he speaks up after a few moments after silence. "Quite shit without you if I'm honest, where have you been staying?" "I stayed at Tristan's for a few nights and then got an Air BnB which I've been living in for a couple months now, just haven't managed to find a place yet." "I see, I see. How have you been, full truth no lying Brad"

"Shit, I miss you, I wrote a song about you. Recorded it today, want to hear it?" "I'm not so sure Brad." "fine but can I at least show you the lyrics, I've got them in my notes." "yes go on then"

And I read through them, and they are some of the most heart wrenching lyrics I think Brads ever written, when I pass him back his phone he speaks again

"Y/n I want you back, I don't want to live like this anymore, regardless of what my fans think I know you're an amazing person you can keep your Instagram private, Please just come back to me I've missed you"

"I've missed you too Brad, so so much." Is all I say before I'm pulling him in to kiss me and just like that we're back together realising that we're better off with each other than apart.

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The end. hope you liked it :)

[atlasfms]

            um  Hello  ,  i  love  u  guys  ,    &    i’m  so  excited  for  this  re - vamp   &     getting  to  write  with  u  all  again  ❤️  for  u  lovely  new  members  ,  i’m  lina    &    my  schedule  is  a  Mess  rn  so  i’ll  be  in    &    out  on  my  days  off  until  it  hopefully  straightens  out  again  ,    &    this  is  my  babe  atlas    !    for  y’all  who  already  know  him  ,  he’s  a  little  more  messy    &    trashy  than  before  soooo  it’s  gonna  be  fun    !    if  anyone  would  like  2  plot  pls  press that  lil  heart  or  hit  up  my  im’s    !

a NEELS VISSER lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their air jordan 1’s. atlas deniro just had a birthday bash for his twenty-second birthday. he has been living in new york city for twenty years. i hear he tends to be heedless at parties, but also kind of beguiling. ( cismale & he/him )

TRIGGERS  ;  DRUG  OVERDOSE  ,  DEATH    &    CANCER  .

━━━    ›    BASICS    \

NAME  ;  atlas    (    to  carry    )    nathaniel    (    gift  of  god    )    arthur    (    noble    ;    courageous    )    deniro    (    notably  people  with  dark  or  black  hair    )  .

NICKNAMES  ;  ace  ,  atty  ,  pain  in  the  ass  .

AGE  ;  twenty - two  .

BIRTHDAY  ;  december  third  .

ZODIAC  ;  saggitarius  .

GENDER  ;  male  .

PRONOUNS  ;  he    &    him  .

NATIONALITY  ;  american  .

ETHNICITY  ;  english  ,  italian  .

LABEL(S)  ;  the  jocular  ,  the  libertine  ,  the  lothario  .

OCCUPATION  ;  model    &    singer

NETWORTH  ;  25  mill    ?

PROS  ;  athletic  ,  challenging  ,  charming  ,  curious  ,  daring  ,  debonair  ,  faithful  ,  forthright  ,  fun - loving  ,  humourous  ,  invulnerable  ,  passionate  ,  perserverant  ,  playful  ,  protective  ,  sociable  ,  spontaneous  ,  witty  .

CONS  ;  abrasive  ,  arrogant  ,  blunt  ,  careless  ,  clumsy  ,  compulsive  ,  conceited  ,  deceitful  ,  destructive  ,  devious  ,  disobedient  ,  egocentric  ,  greedy  ,  ignorant  ,  meddlesome  ,  narcissistic  ,  obnoxious  ,  provocative  ,  reckless  ,  troublesome  ,  unstable  ,  vindictive  .

━━━    ›    HISTORY    \

            aldo  nathaniel  arthur  deniro  was  destined  for  greatness  .  everyone  knew  it    ;    hell  ,  even  the  biggest  ceo’s  in  new  york  were  shaking  in  their  boots  at  the  thought  of  what  this  young  man  was  capable  of  .  he  was  a  dead - ringer  for  his  father  ,  with  his  light  hair    &    bright  blue  eyes  ,  he  had  looks  ,  charms  ,    &    a  good  head  on  his  shoulders  .    &    like  his  father  ,  he  knew  what  he wanted                the  family  business  .  but  first  ,  he  had  to  go  to  college  .    &    only  ivy  league  would  do  for  the  son  of  one  of  the  world’s  richest  ceo’s  .

            columbia  university  was  highly  prestigious  ,  private  ,    &    the  fifth  chartered  institution  of  higher  learning  in  the  united  states  .  besides  ,  it’s  business  school  was  one  of  the  oldest  in  the  world  ,  so  what  more  could  the  future  owner  of  the  family  company  want    ?    in  this  instance  ,  a  girlfriend  ,  but  he  didn’t  know  it  yet  .  when  nathaniel  met  scarlett  baccouche  ,  daughter  of  two  british  politicians  ,  they  didn’t  exactly  get  off  with  the  best  start                they  hated  each  other  ,  in  fact  .  but  what  was  once  hate  turned  into  an  epic  love  story    &    after  they  graduated  ,  they  got  married  .  not  long  after  that  ,  they  had  their  first  child  .

            their  daughter  was  a  stunner  ,  like  her  parents  .  the  news  was  celebrated  all  over  the  world  ,    &    when  aldo’s  father  retired  the  company  into  his  hands  ,  things  just  seemed  to  get  better  .  scarlett  had  a  successful  acting  career  ,  starring  in  a  hit  tv  show  that  seemed  to  be  getting  more  recognised  every  day  .  their  lovely  maid  ,  diane  took  care  of  their  daughter  on  the  days  they  could  not  ,    &    everything  was  pretty  much  perfect  .  they  had  a  huge  property  near  the  coast  of  the  hamptons  ,    &    at  some  point  they  were  ready  to  expand  their  family  .  so  in  early  march  ,  tests  comfirmed  the  news                scarlett  was  pregnant  with  twins.  on  the  third  of  december  1997  ,  atlas  nathaniel  arthur  deniro    &    his  twin  sister  were  born  ,  only  5  minutes  apart  .

            everyone  celebrated    ;    the  family  ,  friends  ,  even  supporters  of  the  notorious  family  .  his  hair  was  fair    &    there  were  arguments  over  whether  his  eyes  were  hers  or  his  father’s  .  but  since  he  was  born  ,  the  main  question  was  whether  he’d  follow  in  his  father’s  footsteps  or  his  mother’s  .  would  he  give  the  family  company  a  modern  twist    ?    would  he  be  this  generation’s  brad  pitt    &    be  the  star  of  hit  blockbusters  in  upcoming  years    ?    people  were excited  ,  but  atlas  wasn’t  .  he  was  nowhere  near  it  .

            the  deniro  household  had  it’s  challenges  .  they  seemed  like  the  perfect  family  unit  ,    &    perhaps  they  were  ,  but  aldo    &    scarlett  had  other  ideas  .  they  were  quite  strict  in  raising  their  children  ,  teaching  them  to  never  slouch  ,  to  use  your  manners  ,  to  keep  up  a  perfect  reputation  .  it  wasn’t  the  family  name  that  was  at  stake  ,  but  also  their  future  ,  because  like  everyone  else  in  the  world  expected  ,  they  wanted  their  children  to  grow  up    &    take  over  one  of  their  careers  ,    &    they  groomed  them  to  do  just  that  .  atlas  hated  it  .

            he  hated  the  daily  tutors  supplied  by  his  father  ,  lessons  in  business    &    the  history  of  the  family’s  .  he  despised  the  acting  classes  his  mother  forced  him  to  take  ,  ones  which  he’d  often  skip  out  on  but  then  would  get  into  trouble  once  his  parents  found  out  .  he  felt  trapped    ;   forced  to  do  things  he  grew  to  loathe  .  to  him  ,  it  was  obvious  that  he  could  do  neither  of  the  things  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  .  so  the  more  they  pushed  ,  the  more  he  pulled  away  .  he  started  to  feel  less  like  their  son  but  a  puppet  whose  strings  they  kept  pulling  .

            what  he  didn’t  hate  ,  though  ,  was  the  feeling  if  his  fingers  on  guitar  strings  ,  singing  in  the  shower  because  that  was  the  only  place  he  could  sing  without  his  parents  complaining  about  him  making  a  noise  .  diane  would  often  smile  at  him  after  they  chastise  him    &    quietly  compliment  him  on  his  voice  ,  telling  him  he’d  do  great  things  one  day  .  of  course  ,  he  already  knew  this  .  his  music  teacher  told  him  once  that  he  could  sing  the  birds  to  silence  .

            school  was  enjoyable  ,  as  it  goes  .  all  deniro  children  were  educated  in  a  private  school ,    &    although  he  was  close  to  his  sisters  ,  he  made  friends  easily  .  he  had  a  charming  smile    &    witt  that  only  few  would  understand  ,  he  was  the  sort  of  kid  who  got  along  with  anyone  ,  but  he  couldn’t  consider  any  of  them  to  be  close  friends  .  so  whereas  to  them  he  looked  happy  ,  he  was  quite  the  opposite    ;    atlas  eventually  got  tired  of  his  parents  controlling  his  life  so  instead  of  keeping  up  his  otherwise  impeccable  reputation  ,  he  started  to  rebel  .

            he  didn’t  really  do  a  lot  at  first  .  snuck  out  to  a  few  parties  ,  stayed  out  later  than  his  curfew  allowed  him  to  .  did  the  opposite  of  everything  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  ,  be  that  going  to  the  classes  they  arranged  for  him  or  behave  himself  in  general  .  he  just  wanted  to  live  his  own  life  ,  do  what  he  wanted  .  he  wanted  to  focus  on  his  music    &    follow  a  path  that  he  knew  he  would  enjoy  .  so  he  decided  he’d  do  just  that  ,    &    for  a  while  he  felt  a  little  glimpse  of  what  being  truly  happy  felt  like  .

            however  in  high  school  ,  atlas  got  involved  with  the  wrong  crowd  .  they  introduced  him  to  a  world  he  had  yet  to  really  experience    ;    a  world  full  of  alcohol  ,  sex  ,  drugs  ,    &    general  trouble  .  he  knew  he  shouldn’t  have  stuck  around  it  ,  but  it  was  addicting  .  it  was  so  unlike  the  restrained  life  he  grew  up  with  ,  that  he  jumped  right  into  it    &    found  himself  unable  to  get  out  of  .  there  was  more  to  it  ,  though  .  the  more  he  rebelled  the  more  people  started  to  notice  him  .  how  structured  his  jawline  was  ,  how  illuminated  his  eyes  were  under  any  light  .

            atlas  hadn’t  really  had  an  interest  in  social  media  before  .  of  course  ,  he  had  an  instagram  account  that  he  barely  used  ,    &    didn’t  really  start  using  until  someone  mentioned  he  should  start  modelling  .  sure  ,  they  were  joking  but  atlas  actually  considered  it    &    started  posting  pictures  of  himself  .  his  following  plummeted  ,    &    in  the  november  of  his  sophomore  year  he  was  scouted  a  modeling  agency    &    became  one  of  vogue’s  most  promising  talents  .

            his  career  exploded  from  then  on  ,    &    so  did  his  popularity  .  he  met  people  he  would  never  have  had  the  chance  to  meet  otherwise  ,  more  specifically  someone  called  jason  .  the  pair  quickly  became  good  friends  ,  they  went  to  the  same  school  so  it  was  convenient  .  jason  acted  as  a  good  influence  on  atlas  but  atlas  acted  like  a  bad  influence  on  him  ,  dragging  him  into  the  world  he  found  himself  stuck  in  which  is  when  things  started  going  downhill  .  jason  grew  a  little  too  accustomed  to  narcotics  ,  but  at  first  atlas  didn’t  notice  .  he  wasn’t  really  one  to  talk  ,  anyway  .

            one  night  the  boys  headed  to  los  angeles  to  celebrate  their  upcoming  graduation  ,    &    before  going  for  a  night  out  they  decided  to  have  pre - drinks  in  their  hotel  room    &    started  popping  pills  .  atlas  didn’t  really  see  how  many  jason  took  ,  but  before  he  could  warn  him  it  was  already  too  late  .  everything  else  from  that  night  was  a  blur  of  blue  flashing  lights    &    a  lot  of  strangers  shouting  out  medical  terms  he  didn’t  understand  .  the  only  thing  he  really  remembered  from  that  night  were  the  words  ‘ he’s  dead ’  .    &    an  overwhelming  feeling  that  it  was  his  fault  .

            the  tragedy  of  jason’s  death  left  atlas  in  a  state  of  seclusion  .  he  spent  three  solid  months  alone  in  his  room  ,  blaming  himself  for  what  happened  ,  but  he  didn’t  stop  the  drugs  .  if  anything  ,  he  used  them  as  an  escapism  ,    &    when  his  parents  gave  him  an  ultimatum    :    rehab  or  college  ,  he  chose  the  latter  .  he  enrolled  in  columbia    &    took  up  the  same  business  course  his  father  did  .  for  the  first  month  ,  he  was  bitter  ,  cold  to  everyone  ,  would  barely  talk  if  he  could  help  it  .

            but  some  of  his  old  school  friends  went  to  the  same  college  as  him  ,    &    atlas  started  to feel  more  like  himself  again    (    or  a  version  of  himself  that  felt  similar  to  what  he  was  before    )    &    tried  to  forget  jason    &    everything  that  happened  .  his  parents  has  covered  up  the  death  so  atlas  wasn’t  related  to  it  ,  a  cleverly  articulated  plan  to  keep  it  out  of  the  papers  .  but  that  didn’t  stop  the  questions  ,  which  atlas  would  quickly  divert  in  order  to  forget  .  he  had  to  forget  .

            he  didn’t  .  jason  was  his  friend  ,    &    one  of  the  few  people  who  truly  understood  him  .  jason  always  believed  in  atlas’s  music  ,  so  it  only  felt  right  that  he  returned  to  him  .  if  not  for  himself  ,  then  for  the  memory  of  his  late  friend  .  so  he  dropped  out  of  college  ,  found  himself  a  management    &    started  writing  songs  ,  composing  music  .  at  first  it  was  difficult    ;    every  time  he  sang  a  song  or  played  a  tune  ,  he’d  remember  jason  .  but  after  time  he  eased  into  it  ,  dropped  out  of  college  ,    &    has  been  working  on  his  first  album  ever  since  .

            atlas  became  an  all  together  different  person  .  he  became  manipulative  ,  deceitful  ,  partying  every  night  to  erase  the  memory  of  that  night  like  it  would  somehow  go  away  ,  but  it  didn’t  .  every  time  he’d  close  his  eyes  ,  he’d  see  his  lifeless  friend  ,  so  he’d  stop  closing  them  . he’d  spend  nights  in  a  stranger’s  bed  ,  only  to  leave  in  the  middle  of  the  night  .  he’d  drink  away  the  pain    &    swallow  down  the  guilt  that  was  threatening  to  swallow  him  alive  .

            what  atlas  doesn’t  know  ,  though  ,  is  a  secret  his  parents  are  keeping  from  him  .  in  early january  this  year  ,  his  father  was  diagnosed  with  localised  prostate  .  after  the  loss  of  jason  ,  atlas  became  distant  from  his  parents    &    they  didn’t  want  to  burden  him  with  the  news  due  to  him  only  just  getting  back  to  his  normal  self  after  the  trauma  of  losing  his  best  friend  .

━━━    ›    PERSONALITY    \

            outwardly  ,  atlas  appears  to  be  quite  content  .  he  can  start  a  conversation  with  anyone  ,  act  like  he’s  interested  but  then  three  minutes  later  he’ll  get  bored    &    move  onto  the  next  thing that  interests  him  .  he  likes  staying  busy    &    preoccupied  ,  thinking  that  if  he  keeps  his  mind  busy  ,  he  won’t  think  about  the  past  .  it’s  for  that  reason  that  it’s  hard  to  tell  what  he’s  actually  thinking  ,  unless  you  know  him  really  well  or  are  good  at  reading  people  .

            he  can  be  very  cynical  ,  a  trait  that  he’s  carried  since  he  was  young  but  he  was  better  at hiding  it  then  ,  now  he  really  does  not  care  .  at  first  it  mattered  to  him  what  people  thought  ,  now  he  couldn’t  care  less  .  he  does  what  he  wants  when  he  wants  ,  often  not  thinking  about  the  consequences  of  his  actions    &    then  dealing  with  them  later  .  it’s  for  this  reason  that  he  can  be  quite  manipulative  ,  using  his  charms  to  get  what  he  wants    (    or  who  he  wants    )    to  serve  as  a  distraction  .

            he  can  be  quite  brutal  abiut  his  opinions  ,  learning  a  long  time  ago  that  holding  your  tongue  won’t  benefit  you  at  all  so  he  basically  just  says  what  he  wants  .  but  ,  he  doesn’t  really  answer  questions  directly  ,  especially  if  they’re  personal  .  he’ll  more  likely  change  the  subject  or  divert  the  question  to  someone  else    &    act  like  he  was  the  one  who  asked  the  question  in  the  first  place  .

        atlas  is  very  reckless    &    will  literally  do  anything  for  a  good  time  ,  be  that  getting  so  drunk his  face  hits  the  floor  ,  or  so  high  he  forgets  his  own  name  ,  or  to  even  cliff  diving  so  he  can  get  some  form  a  thrill  .  if  someone  tells  him  he  can’t  do  something  ,  he’ll  go  out  of  his  way  to  prove  them  wrong  .  he’s  incredibly  stubborn    &    has  a  tendency  to  let  people’s  words  go  through  one  ear    &    out  of  the  other  .

━━━    ›    FUN  FACTS    \

he’s  honestly  such  a  lil  shit  tbh    ??    idk  how  else  to  describe  him

he’s  a  vegetarian    &    has  been  since  he  was  eight  bc  he  watched  this  documentary  once    &    was  Distraught

his  vc  is  bazzi  bc  if  u  don’t  know  how  much  i  lov  him  r  we  even  friends

he  has  a  dog  called  bloomer    &    he’s  his  literal  son  ,  like  his  actual  child

he  still  lives  in  his  huge  ass  penthouse  so  if  anyone  wants  2  be  his  roommate  that’s  a  plot  for  u

atlas  is  literally    ??    such  a  fuckboy    ??    but  he  denies  it    &    says  he’s  just  charming  ,  when  rly  he’s  a  lil  bitch

a  dramatic  hoe  who  lives  for  drama  but  is  100%  the  sort  who  will  run  away  if  it  gets  too  much  bc  he’s  a  mess

when  he’s  dedicated  to  something  ,  be  it  a  subject  or  a  relationship  ,  he’s  completely  faithful  which  is  v  surprising

adores  his  fans    &    will  actually  do  anything  for  them  ,  has  been  known  to  punch  out  a  security  guard  or  two  so  he  can  get  to  them

fun  fact  once  he  got  arrested  for  racing  on  private  property

another  fun  fact  is  he  loves  cars  so  pls  do  not  touch  his  bbies  thank  u

he  might  seem  all  fine    &    dandy  but  he’s  on  the  verge  of  a  mental  breakdown  but  won’t  admit  it

gets  drunk  ,  high  ,    &    hooks  up  with  strangers  on  the  regular

he’s  fluent  in  italian    &    has  a  HUGE  italian  family

atlas  can  come  across  as  being  ignorant    &    self - absorbed  ,  but  he’s  actually  really  observant    &    notices  everything

is  100%  the  sort  of  ‘ fall  in  love  with  the  moment    &    think  you’re  in  love  with  the  girl ’  type  of  guy  but  it  lasts  for  like  2  seconds  bc  he’s  fickle

speaking  of  fickle  ,  he’s  had  many  relationships  that  haven’t  lasted  that  long  bc  he  can’t  decide  what  he  wants  from  one  minute  to  the  next

[oh-ishouldnt]

Night series: Stay

Stay | Conor Maynard | imagine Night series are a little thing I’ll be doing today because of The Vamps’ new album, Night & Day. It will be 7 imagines, one new song for each Buttercream boy, and you can check them here. A/N: I really like to do the most emotional imagines with Conor, probably because This Is My Version sounds so heartbreaking for me, so I knew he would get one of the sentimental songs. Stay is particularly emotional to me, I loved it since I heard this and I always said I missed the Meet The Vamps’ vibes, something that I think it’s back on the third album with the new arrangement of Stay. Quite attached to Stay, hopefully I did a good job.

⇢ Buttercream masterlist can be found here

Conor stood in the middle of the living room, hearing all the hangers being taken and thrown; the way you tried to control the cry, your air tricking you and making you hiccup; the drawers being messed, you searching for lost items you didn’t know you needed.

He was trying so damn hard to think in something he could say, but there wasn’t nothing left. You knew his arguments by heart, he knew your answers as well. All the words that had to been said, they were. It was nothing left. Nothing.

Nothing but the feeling.

Conor knew that, if it hurt so much like that, you were wrong. You were wrong. It was something. Between you two would always be something. You were Y/N and Conor, the couple who survived more crazy stories than any couple on Earth. Some of those were funny, others... Not so much. Anyway, you two survived each one of them, you two couldn’t fall apart just because he was in LA.

Actually, the big problem wasn’t him being in LA, it was him not being in London. You two thought you could work things out, after all, a few kilometers wouldn’t be as insane as those years you spent together already. You and Conor were bulletproof, you and Conor were fireproof, on the other hand, distance wasn’t something that attacked, it was something that drift away.

The spaces between the two of you weren’t rivers that you could build bridges and passed through anymore, they were oceans now. London was a long way from the West Coast.

On the first month, you would call each other everyday, by the third it was about once a week and now... You didn’t even know the frequency. And you missed him as hell. What could you do? Call him and tell about a boring day of work? He wouldn’t want to know that, you didn’t want even to have that day in your life. And you enjoyed his stories in America, but Conor thought it wasn’t fair to share them with you, thinking you would get tired of listening that. Every time he got came back home, you would  promise each other to spend more time on the phone. Clearly didn’t complete that mission.

He was months away, then he spent a few days in England and went back to US. He always wanted to visit his family (it was only fair) and you couldn’t join him every time due to your work. And even if he was in the house, you needed to spend a lot of the time out since you had to do your university stuff as well. You missed Con and you couldn’t handle yourself doing other things knowing he was at home waiting.

His part of the rent was being paid every month, but what was that for if he was in the apartment for only a couple days? You were sick with it. And since the missing feeling became bigger and bigger, you two spent more time arguing about he not being in there than actually enjoying your time together.

“Time to go now.” You informed, emerging in the living room with your suitcase. “There’re a few things I need to take still, but I guess this is it.”

Conor starred you. As soon as his eyes captured that scene, he knew it would be in his memory for the rest of his days.

“Y/N...” He sighed.

Your eyes swollen from the tears already, nevertheless seemed that you had more tears inside yourself, because you started crying again. You were tying to hold it back, it wasn’t working out.

“I’m sorry.” You said. “I know I shouldn’t be doing it right now, but it wouldn’t be fair you come to an empty house. If I’m doing this, I need to be strong enough to see your face while I’m doing it. Otherwise it would be cowardice.”

“If you don’t want to be cowardice, be brave enough to stay.” He asked.

“Con...” You sighed. “You know I can’t.”

“Do I? Really? Because, in my head, I know that you can. I know we both can.”

“We discussed this.”

“No, we discussed me being away. We never spoke about you leaving.”

“Don’t say I’m living.” You requested in a whisper. “Sounds horrible.”

“And it is.” Conor pointed out. “It is what you’re doing and it is horrible.”

“We will be fine, Con.”

“We might be, but will we be happy?”

Your air faded as you looked into that crystal clear eyes. This was one answer you didn’t respond yet.

“Eventually, yes.” You affirmed, although your voice trembled.

“Really?” Conor stepped further at you.

You kept quiet. No, not really. You weren’t sure of this. Conor saw your uncertainty and gave you a hug.

“C’mon, Y/N. Say that you believe in that with all of your heart and I’ll let you go.” He promised in your ear.

“It’s the only thing left to do, Conor. We need to have our rights of trying moving on at least. We can’t mourn about our failed relationship for the rest of our lives.”

“But I don’t want to move on, Y/N/N.”

You supported your head in his chest. “Neither do I.”

“So don’t.”

You stepped back. “We can’t be like this forever, honey. I’m sorry. It is not fair with me, it is not fair with you. I love myself, Con, and I know that it seems that this is the reason why I’m doing this, but it’s because I love you more that I need to do this. I can’t hold you back like that.”

“Y/N, please...” He reached your hand.

“That’s fine, Maynard.” You gave him a soft smile, putting his hand in your cheek.

“No, it is not.” He grumbled.

“What you want me to do then?” You saw him open his mouth to answer and you quickly completed: “I will do anything if you say something I didn’t hear before.”

“I will move back to London.” He announced, you were surprise.

“Conor! You can’t!” You exclaimed, tearing up only by the thought that he could really do that for you, even if he couldn’t.

“Why not?” He held you close.

“You are so damn happy in Los Angeles!”

“No, I’m not.” He argued. “You are not there.”

“Babe, you love being in LA. I know you do, you know that too. You might not be fully happy, but your music is being made there, not here.”

“I don’t care, Y/N.”

“But I do, silly.” You gave him a small laugh. “Thanks for offering though.”

“I’m not happy in LA, you aren’t there...” He said again, trying to convince both of you. Suddenly, he stepped back. You saw he had a huge smile on his face. “You are not in there!”

“What?” You asked confused.

He looked right into your eyes, his smiling cheeks making his eyes smaller. “The problem isn’t me not being in LA or me not being in London, Y/N. The problem isn’t you being in Europe while I’m in America. The problem is both of us not staying together.”

“Wait... Am I understanding right?” You started realizing what he meant.

“Yes.” Conor took a deep breath. “Y/N, how do you feel about staying with me in LA?”

[ynpodcast-blog]

A Personal Note to Shawn Mendes

I can’t remember if I said that I was going to post my little tribute to Shawn Mendes that I read aloud in the podcast, but I’m doing it anyways! (Even if it makes me hella anxious and embarrassed but whatever) Enjoy!

During a reading spree in April 2019, I re-read Rock Prodigy by Jules130 on Wattpad. This story is about a piano prodigy who becomes a rockstar with fellow bandmate and absolute babe Mac. After reading it, I desperately wanted to play guitar and messaged my dad about an acoustic guitar so I could learn. He said I could have his and I was officially like "Okay I am learning guitar. There's Nothing Holding Me Back." So I started learning guitar and wanted to write songs again when this concept of a boy loving a girl who can't be fixed came into my head. I was thinking "Hold On. I’m a total nerd so let’s tie in a science aspect and call it The Alchemist." Around this time I was listening to The Vamps' first album which featured Oh Cecelia (Breaking My Heart) ft. Shawn Mendes. I had listened to some of his stuff like his popular stuff and Roses, but this made me realize that Shawn Mendes could be Something Big. I had been jamming to If I Can't Have You because it's a fucking banger and when the music video came out I was in Stitches. I started listening to all of his music on, watching a couple of interviews here and there, watched a couple of Q&A videos, and read a lot of fan fiction. If I'm being Honest, this was probably the most fun part of me liking him and his music. Anywho, I found this one Q&A video where he talks about the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and I was like, "Woah. This is A Little Too Much." I'm a big believer of signs and shit like that, so I was like "What the hell? This is Crazy, so why not read it?" So I did and this book is all about signs and good omens and finding your path in life, which, in combination with Shawn being super successful at a young age, set me into quarter life crisis about my career and whether I wanted to pursue music or science. This is when I knew I wanted to see him live as a graduation present for myself but I didn't know which tickets to get: 2 4th row tickets or 1 VIP ticket a little further back. I was losing my Patience and was like "Don't Be A Fool. Which ticket will Treat You Better?" So I went with the VIP ticket and was metaphorically standing in front of Shawn Mendes going "You are going to Ruin me. I don't Understand, but let's see where this goes." This was going down in about mid to early June, so now we jump to early July. Think July 4th or around the time Senorita was released. I was pretty deep in the Shawnblr (Shawn Mendes tumblr fandom) so once all the Camila Cabello shit came up I was like, "Oh no. Honey." There's a lot going on with this that I'll get into later, but I'd finished The Alchemist and was realizing that maybe I needed to stumble upon Shawn Mendes to have this quarter life crisis and realize that you don't know what it's like to be a celebrity and celebrities don't know what it's Like to Be You (ft. Julia Michaels). I realized just how much I had idealized being a celebrity and being famous and now the very idea of having no privacy and having so many Strings attached to my relationships makes me queasy. So. There's that. Now flash forward to the week of the concert. This concert was happening about two weeks before I was moving 700 miles away from my family for the first time. I hadn't really grappled with it, but one day when I was driving to therapy I was listening to the playlist and the live version of Never Be Alone came on and I started bawling like a baby on the highway. I knew that those weren't Three Empty Words and started believing that maybe Shawn entered my life for a bigger thing than just showing me how much I do not want to be famous. Okay so going to the actual day of the concert, I was super Nervous because I was going alone and have mild/severe social anxiety and was thinking that I wasn't going to make friends or that I was going to ask a bad question at the Q&A if I even got called on or I was going to do something stupid, you know basic anxious thoughts like that. Well, my anxiety can go get Lost in Japan because not only did I end up becoming friends with strangers at this concert, I also got to ask Shawn a question at the Q&A and 100% didn't fuck it up. I went to my therapist about this and she was so proud of me and said something along the lines of "Queen. Was it even better than it played out in your Imagination?" And I probably responded with something like "I was the Life of the Party. It normally isn't In My Blood to do something like this, but I was able to do it Because I Had You." And I guess I can only end this by saying that even though Shawn Mendes might have kind of a Bad Reputation in the music industry right now because of the Camila thing, I'm still just acting like a Kid in Love even though he might look at me and say "I Don't Even Know Your Name." Well, Shawn, I'm just a regular old Senorita but you have helped me more than you could ever know.