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#just a sit back and let stupid do as stupid does
lee-laurent · 2 days
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T'es ben chix - Luke Hughes
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Summary: Amélie decides Luke Hughes is the cutest boy she's ever seen, but she doesn't know how to tell him.
wc: 7k
content: fluff, a little bit of angst, kissing, panic attacks, anxiety, quick make out session, a couple dirty jokes, long distance relationship (let me know if missed anything!)
notes: don't let the title fool you, this fic is still in english!! i realized the other day while doing schoolwork that i don't have a fic that discusses being french-canadian. so... here we are! this fic was super fun for me to write and i incorporated experiences and challenges i have faced over the last few years. a lot of the mistakes that amélie makes are mistakes that i have made or that other french speakers make when speaking english bc sometimes we try to directly translate things and it just does not work lol i reallly hope you guys enjoy!!! and to any other francophones out there: let's be friends!!
just finished writing and it's about 5k words more than i was planning
Amélie honestly wasn't the biggest fan of going out back home, so going out in a place where she could barely speak the language was even worse. But a few of the girls she'd befriended had convinced her it was a good way to get to know more people and to let loose. She sat with the three other girls at a small table, her fingers drumming against the glass of her cocktail.
"Yeah, what did you think of that guy that presented today, Am?"
"Hm? He did... good."
"No, silly. Did you think he was cute?"
"Oh, um, he's... how do you say... not my type?"
"Not your type? Then what is your type, Am?"
"Probably that guy she's been making googly eyes at all night," one of the others teased.
"Who? The tall, curly haired guy in the corner?"
Amélie blushed, sipping at the alcohol for courage.
"Ooo, she's totally into him!"
"You should go talk to him, Am!"
"No... I tell you... no American boys," she waved them off.
"Well, that's too bad. Cause it looks like he's comin' over here. We'll be at the bar if you need us."
"Guys..."
But it was too late, the other girls were already up and headed towards the bar.
"Calisse," she mumbled, trying to ignore the tall figure approaching her table.
"Mind if I sit?" he asked. She looked up at him, her lips pursed. He had the same curly hair and boyish smile that her friends had been teasing her about. She really hadn't planned on talking to anyone tonight, let alone any boys. The girls knew her rule: no falling for any boys while she was in America.
"Uh... sure," she replied, gesturing to the empty chairs across from her.
He smiled, sitting down casually, rubbing his palms on his pants. "I'm Luke. I, uh, I thought I'd come introduce myslef since we, uh, made eye contact so many times."
Amélie bit her lip, nodding as he spoke. She barely knew enough English to follow what her friends were saying, and now she had to talk to some random guy at this bar she didn't even want to be at. "I, uh, I am Amélie."
"Amélie? That's a really pretty name. Did I, uh, did I say it right? Amélie?"
Her cheeks flushed, her eyes flickering down to her drink. "Yeah... that is right. Thank you." Her fingers tightened around the glass, trying to think of something to say next, but everything just came in French.
Luke could sense her hesitation, suddenly becoming way more nervous about coming over. Maybe it had been stupid. Maybe he was making her feel uncomfortable. "I just thought... I don't know. You seemed nice. Do you, uh, want to talk, or...?"
She met his gaze, taking a deep breath. He was trying and he seemed nice, like he really wanted to talk to her. "I... my English, it is not very good," her accent thickening as she spoke. "It is... hard for me."
Luke nodded, leaning forward slightly. He had teammates that didn't speak English as their first language, so he kind of knew what to expect. "That's fine. I'm sure it's better than my French. That is your first language, right? French? Sorry, I just assumed cause your name-"
"Yes, French," she cut him off, giggling at his rambling.
"I can barely say anything in French, so you've already got me beat."
His attempt to make her feel better worked... a little. "It is easier... to write. But speaking... more pressure, I forget the words lots."
"I get that. But we can just... talk slowly."
She sipped at her drink, waiting for him to continue.
"So, what brings you to Jersey? Not a lot of French people here."
"Exchange... at Rutgers. I am from Québec. Saguenay. But I come here... and I work on my English."
"That's super cool. It's awesome that you're pushing yourself to get better. I, uh, I went to Umich for a bit, but-"
"Umich?"
"Oh, right. University of Michigan. I lived in Michigan before I lived here."
"You move here because..."
"For hockey. I play hockey."
"Oh... that's cool. I like Les Canadiens. You play in the LNH?"
"The NHL? Yeah, I do. You like hockey?"
"Everyone in Québec likes hockey. Very popular."
"But you didn't know who I was," Luke teased.
"Only like Les Canadiens, sorry," she shrugged.
"Well, that's fair, I guess. The Habs are pretty big in Québec, huh?"
"Yes! My family... all big fan." She felt comfortable talking about her family, talking about home, the things she liked. Her dad watched every Habs game on TV and sometimes he'd even drive down to Montréal for a weekend to see them play.
"My family loves hockey too. Everyone plays. My mom, my dad, me, and both my brothers. It's like in our blood... or something."
"They play for... the same team?"
"One of them does. Jack, he plays with me. My other brother, Quinn, he plays in Vancouver," Luke tried to keep it casual, not wanting it to seem like he was bragging.
"Ah! The Canucks!"
"See, you know a bit about other teams," he teased.
"Shhh," she giggled. "Your family... they seem very... what's the word... talented."
"Guess you could say that."
She took another sip of her drink, her mind buzzing with questions to ask, but none of them coming to her in English. She wanted to ask more about his brothers, about how he started playing hockey, but her mouth just couldn't keep up with her brain. She also didn't want to come off as rude or obsessed with him because of his title, so she just nodded.
"You don't have to worry, you know. I'm not judging you," Luke comforted. "So, what do you do when you're learning English or watching the Habs? You got any other hobbies?"
"I like to... read. And bake... when I have time."
"Reading and baking," Luke mused. "What do you bake?"
"Everything," she giggled. "Tarte au sucre is my preferred. My mom... she always bakes with me."
"Tarte au sucre? What's that? Sugar pie?" Luke's eyes lit up. "You'll have to make me that one day. I've never had it."
"Maybe. You will have to see."
"Challenge accepted."
Amélie went to respond, but her phone buzzing stopped her. It was her friends calling, probably ready to head on to another bar. She didn't want her conversation with Luke to end, but she knew she couldn't stay there all night.
"I have to go. My friends... waiting," she sighed.
Luke's face fell a little but he nodded. "Yeah, I get it. But I, uh, this was fun."
"Me too."
There was silence for a little, neither of them wanting to be the first to say goodbye. "You should give me... your phone number. So you can try my tarte au sucre."
"Sounds like a plan," Luke said, handing his phone over for her. She typed in her name and phone number, adding a '<3' next to Amélie.
"Text me," she giggled, waving goodbye as she joined the other girls at the bar. Luke watched as the four of them started talking amongst themselves quickly, giggling as Amélie told them about her conversation with the hockey player.
He finally stood up, making his way back over to the table where his teammates were sat. Curtis raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk plastered on his face.
"Well, how'd it go, Romeo?" He leaned forward, failing to conceal his grin.
Luke rolled his eyes, "Good, actually. Really good."
Nico raised his pint, "Told you. You just had to go for it."
"So... what's next?" Curtis nudged him. "You ask for her number?"
Luke nodded, trying to play it cool. "Yeah, we'll probably meet up again."
"Probably?"
"Okay, fine. Yeah, we'll see each other again. I'm going to try her sugar pie she was talking about."
"Sugar pie? Is that what we're calling it nowadays?" Nico teased, causing the whole table to erupt in laughter.
Luke shook his head, letting the teasing slide. His mind was too focused on the girl with a French accent and promises of baking him pie. He had to see her again.
~~
Luke found texting Amélie way easier than he'd imagined. She wasn't lying when she said her writing was better than her speaking. Her texts barely ever had mistakes, in fact sometimes they were worded better than his.
They texted back and forth constantly, which earned Luke some teasing from his colleagues. In writing, Amélie was much more confident, returning his flirting with practiced ease. Her personality really shone through in a way it hadn't at the bar. She'd occasionally crack jokes, usually about how he didn't know any French and that she'd have to teach him. Their conversations flowed, talking about their days, sharing stories, discussing the schoolwork that Amélie had, and sometimes sharing pictures of their meals. Although Jack did most of Luke's cooking, he'd never admit that to the girl.
You have to come and try my tarte au sucre soon! Only if you're brave enough though ;)
Luke grinned at his phone, his fingers furiously typing back a reply.
Oh, I'm brave enough. Just let me know when, and I'll be there.
I will. Maybe next week? I need to make sure it's perfect first.
Deal.
~~
Amélie paced her apartment, making sure that everything was in order before Luke came over. She was even more nervous than she had been in the bar. She really wanted things to go well. They had decided to label the event as their first date, and although a bit informal, she was still shitting herself.
The pie was sitting on her kitchen island, untouched. She didn't want to eat any of it until Luke was there to eat it with her. She was worried he'd get in trouble because it wasn't part of his meal plan for work, but he had reassured it multiple times that it wasn't a big deal if he had a little pie.
Just as she was about to rearrange her throw pillows for the third time, there was a knock at her door. She froze mid-step, wiping her hands on her jeans as she made her way to the door.
It was just a pie. And it was just Luke. Nothing to be too worried about.
She hesitated for a moment before she pulled the door open, tilting her head back to look up at Luke. He was standing there in a Devils hoodie and some track pants, a baseball cap covering his curls. He looked relaxed, his hands tucked in the pocket of his hoodie. Amélie hated how nonchalant he looked in comparison to her.
"Hey," he greeted. "I brough my appetite, as promised."
"Good. I hope you are ready," she joked, stepping out of the way to let him in. He pulled off his shoes, taking in her cozy apartment. He laughed when his eyes landed on the big Québec flag hung behind her couch.
"I'm sure it'll be amazing. I'm looking forward to it, don't worry."
She nodded, though her nerves didn't disappear. She led him into the kitchen where the pie sat waiting. The smell of it filled the small space, warm and sweet.
"Wow, looks good, Am. Guess you weren't kidding about being a good baker."
"It's like you with hockey. My talent," she giggled, blushing as their eyes met.
"I don't know. Your baking skills may be miles ahead of my hockey skills."
"Don't lie. Let's see if it tastes as good as the smell," she grabbed a knife, finally cutting the pie into pieces. She placed a generous slice in front of Luke, taking in how comfortable he looked in the situation. She really admired how easygoing he was compared to her. It was their first date, but his demeanor made it seem like they'd been seeing each other for months. Meanwhile, her heart hadn't stopped racing since she opened the door minutes before.
Luke picked up his fork, flashing her a grin before taking his first bite. His eyes widened and he let out a pleased hum, "Holy shit, this is so good."
"You like it?"
"Are you kidding? This is like the best dessert I've ever had... don't tell my mom I said that. But really, Amélie, you've ruined all other pies for me. Can I take some home to show Jack?"
"Of course! I'm glad you like it. Is my mom's recipe."
"You should probably teach me how to make this, so I don't have to beg you every time I want some."
"I wouldn't mind," she giggled, taking a bite of her own slice. The taste reminded her of home and she suddenly felt a lot less nervous about messing up her English in front of Luke. They continued to eat their pie as they talked, shifting the conversation to more personal topics, wanting to know everything about each other.
Luke told stories about growing up with his brothers, sharing embarrassing moments from their childhoods and the occasional hockey-related mishap. Amélie found herself laughing more than she had since she'd arrived in America, her body filling with warmth.
"And that's how Jack ended up chipping his tooth. Our mom was furious, but Quinn and I thought it was hilarious," Luke explained, shaking his head at the memory.
She laughed, her shoulders shaking. "You and your brother... troublemakers," she teased, resting her chin on her hand as she listened to him talk. God, she could listen to Luke talk for hours. His accent was the cutest thing she'd ever heard and his smile curved up more on one side than the other, almost like a smirk. He was so perfect.
"Yeah, we were. Still are, I guess. But what about you? You got any fun stories about your family?"
"One time my dad, he take us to Montréal for a Habs game. And my older brother he had... he liked one girl he saw. But she was anglophone, no French. He goes up to her and he tries to talk English. But it was soooo bad. Even worse than me. He only knew maybe like three word. I think he said like 'Hey, you pretty, drink?' and she looked at him like he was... insane! He... he panicked and ran away. We bullied him for years after. Our dad, he will still talk about it at dinner sometime."
"That's brutal," Luke laughed. "Glad our first conversation didn't go like that."
"I am just better than him."
Luke shook his head, flashing his lopsided smile that made Amélie swoon. "Clearly. You've got the charm, no doubt about it."
"Maybe a little. But still I get nervous. When you arrive, I think maybe that I would die."
"You hid it well. I didn't even notice. I was the nervous one."
"You? Nervous?" she raised an eyebrow, placing her fork between her lips .
"Yeah, you were... well you are, like the prettiest girl I've ever met," he rubbed the back of his neck. "Didn't want to mess it up."
"Is that a joke? You did not... mess up. I like talking with you."
"I like talking with you too, Amélie"
~~
It was their fourth date and they were back at Amélie's apartment. Luke was sprawled out on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he playfully scrolled through one of Amélie's French-to-English learning apps.
"Come on, give me a word," Luke teased, turning to look at the girl sitting beside him with her legs tucked under her.
"Alright. Alright. Um... try... 'papillon.'"
Luke squinted, trying his hardest to translate it. "Papillon," he reapted slowly. "Uh... sounds like pasta, maybe? Wait, no, wait... um, balloon?"
She let a burst of laughter, learning back against the arm of the couch. "Non! It's butterfly!"
He groaned dramatically, throwing his head back in mock anguish. "Butterfly?! That doesn't even sound like butterfly! What?!"
"You are needing more practice," she giggled, comfortly placing a hand on his thigh.
Luke's eyes widened at her touch, but he couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, clearly I need a lot more practice. You might have to become my full-time tutor."
Amélie smiled, her fingers lingering on his thigh, sending a warmth through both of them. They'd been spending more and more time together, and things were less awkward, but still full of nervousness. The banter between them was easy, but there was an ever-growing tension gnawing at them both.
Luke reached for a throw pillow next to him, lightly tossing it at her. "Give me another one. I swear I'll get it this time."
She swatted the pillow away, but her focus had moved on from French. The space between them had slowly been shrinking and she had just noticed how close they were. She tilted her head, her eyes flickering up to meet Luke's. "I think... maybe you are better at other things than French."
Luke's grin faltered, his breath catching in his throat at her new tone. He glanced down at her hand still resting on his thigh, then back at her face, then back to her hand again. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Like... this."
Before he could question what she meant, she leaned in, her lips brushing his, testing the waters. The kiss was soft, hesitant, but the second their lips connected, everything they'd been holding back snapped into place.
Luke's hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer. The kiss deepened quickly, no longer hesitant, but instead filled with the feelings they'd been dancing around for weeks. Amélie sighed against his mouth, her hands sliding up to his chest, gripping his shirt in his fists. Luke groaned softly, the sound muffled by her lips.
Their kisses turned hungrier, more urgent, as the tension in the room built. Luke shifted, gently pushing Amélie back against the couch as he leaned over her, his body pressing against hers as their kisses grew sloppier. Her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, and Luke's hands slid up to cradle her face, his thumb brushing her cheek as the kiss deepened.
Neither of them wanted to pull away, not wanting to be the first to end the kiss. Luke realized he couldn't hold his breath any longer. He gasped for air before kissing her again, harder this time, his lips moving with more urgency than before. Amélie let out a soft, breathless moan in reponse.
They pulled away again, their foreheads resting against each other as they tried to catch their breath. Luke brushed a strand of her hair, that had gotten stuck between them, out of her face. His eyes were still half-closed as he whispered, "I've wanted to kiss you for so long."
Amélie smiled, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she tried to fill her lungs with air. She looked up at him, her lips still tingling. "Me too. I... I did not expect it to feel... like that."
"Good or bad?"
"Good," she whispered, her fingers tracing the back of his neck before pulling him in again, her lips finding his once more. There was no hesitation this time, just unfiltered desire as they gave in to the kiss.
~~
"Where you goin'?" Jack asked, pausing his video game as he heard Luke head for the door. He turned around, noticing his brother wearing his Michigan backpack. "And why do you have a backpack?"
"Amélie's place. I'm spending the night."
"Damn, Lukey boy's finally getting laid."
"Shut up, Jack... there's no confirmation that that's what happening. She just asked if I wanted to sleep over."
Jack smirked, leaning back on the couch with a knowing look. "Uh-huh, sure. You don't pack a bag just to sleep over, bro."
Luke rolled his eyes, adjusting the straps of his bag. "It's not like that. We're just hanging out, maybe watching a movie or something."
Jack snorted. "Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, lover boy. But just in case, be safe."
"It's not like that," Luke groaned, grabbing his keys off the counter, trying to escape Jack's teasing.
"I'm just saying! Good luck, bud!"
Luke mumbled to himself as he stepped into the hallway, heading for the elevator to the parking garage. His heart was racing more than usual, not just because of Jack's teasing but because tonight did feel different. Spending a night together was a big step in their relationship, especially since they weren't officially official yet.
They hadn't even discussed labels yet, and although they were very close, there was an unspoken worry of figuring out where things were heading. Luke really, really liked her, but he didn't want to rush anything. If Amélie wanted to take things slow, then he would take things slow.
He sat in his car, getting ready to leave when his phone buzzed.
Just picked out a movie. Hope you like rom-coms ;)
Only if we watch it in French so I can practice
Deal.
When he pulled up to her building, he practically leaped out of the car, taking his backpack with him. He knocked on her door, his heart in his throat.
Just go with the flow. No pressure
Amélie giggled when she opened the front door, dressed in one of Luke's Devils hoodies and a pair of shorts he couldn't see from under the large sweatshirt.
"Hey. You look cute," he leaned down to kiss her.
"Hey! Missed you."
"It's only been three days," he laughed, allowing her to wrap her arms around his waist, propping her chin on his chest. "You ready for my horrible French?"
"Ready for anything," she giggled as he ran a hand through her hair.
They stood in the doorway for a few moments more, before she grasped his hand and pulled him into the living room. They settled on the couch, a blanket thrown over their entwined legs.
"Am, I've been thinking..." his thumb brushing lightly against her thigh. "I don't want to overthink it anymore than I already have, but... we've been spending lots of time together. And I really like you."
"I like you too, Luke. A lot."
"Good. Because... I want this to be official. I mean, us. I want us to be official. I don't wanna be just 'hanging out' or 'seeing where things go' anymore. I want you to be my girlfriend." His voice softened at the end, his heart out on a silver platter just for her.
"You really want that?" she gushed.
Luke nodded, "Yeah. I want you. I want... us."
"I want that too," she smiled, shuffling impossibly closer to him, pecking his lips.
Luke pulled her back in for a deeper kiss, relief flooding his body. When they pulled apart, Amélie rested her forehead against his, her fingers gripping the front of his hoodie.
"So, it is official?" she whispered.
"Officially official. You're my girlfriend now."
She kissed him again, laughing into his mouth. "Well... now that we have... figured that out. You have French to practice... boyfriend."
"Let's get started then, girlfriend."
~~
"So... when do I get to meet her?" Jack grinned, knocking Luke's shoulder.
"Oh, um, I can ask her."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You can ask her?" he teased. "What, you haven't mentioned me?"
Luke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I have, Jack. I just... didn't think you'd be so excited."
"Dude, of course I'm excited! My little brother has a girlfriend now! And you know I've gotta approve, see if she's good for you. Duh."
"She's not a test subject, Jack. I'm not bringing her so you can interrogate her."
Jack snickered, loving how flustered his brother was getting. "Relax, I'll be nice. In fact, bring her out with us and the guys this weekend. Some of the other girlfriends will be there."
"I can ask her. Just... don't be weird about it. She get's nervous."
"Me? Weird about it? Never. I'm charming."
"That's what I'm worried about."
"Come on, it'll be fun. She'll get to meet everyone, and you know the guys will love her. Plus, if she can survive a night out with us, she's a keeper."
"Look, I'll ask. But I know she's been busy with schoolwork. I'll ask her tonight. But seriously, Jack, don't freak her out. Please."
"Scout's honour, man. I'll be on my best behaviour."
"You're not a-- never mind. I'll let you know what she says."
~~
Luke laid next to Amélie in her bed, his arm draped over her waist. She was scrolling through TikTok, laughing at French words he didn't know yet. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, peeking at the screen where some girl was speaking rapid French while doing her make up.
"Hey, Am."
"Hmm?"
"So... Jack and some of the guys are going out this weekend, and a few of the girlfriends will be there too," he paused, thinking over his next words. "Jack was, uh, wondering when he could meet you. He kind of suggested you come along."
She blinked, "Meet... all of your friends? This weekend?"
"No pressure! If you're too busy with school, I totally get it. I just thought it might be fun. Only if you want to, of course," Luke quickly added.
She bit her lip, thinking it over, and Luke could tell she was weighing her options. "I'm nervous. I would... like to meet Jack. To be... part of your world."
He pulled her body closer to his, pressing more kisses to her shoulder. "You're already part of my world, Am. And trust me, Jack's been bugging me about meeting you since our first date. He's... well, he's Jack. But he means well."
"Okay. I will come. But if Jack, he makes me feel awkward, you owe me a very good dinner."
Luke laughed, "Deal. And don't worry, I'll be there the whole time. Plus, survivng Jack means you can survive anything."
~~
"C'est très cute, non?" Amélie asked, showing her outfit off to Luke.
"You look like a millon bucks, baby," he replied, leaning down to kiss her.
"What?"
"It's... it's a saying."
She tilted her head slightly, repeating the words back to herself. "A million... bucks."
Luke thought her accent made it all the more adorable. "It means you look beautiful. Like super, super beautiful."
"English says, they are so strange. First you tell me it rains cats and dogs... now I look like I am money. You explain me all of these sometimes, yes?"
"Of course, baby. But I mean it, you looks amazing."
"Thanks, Lu. We should go?"
"If we have to," Luke pouted, leaning down to give her another kiss.
~~
Amélie gripped the straps of her purse so tightly that her knuckles were white. She had never felt so nervous in her life, not even on their first date. She had so many people to impress tonight and probably less than half the words they had in their vocabularies.
Luke was quick to notice her anxiety. She usually walked with so much confidence, but her posture was slumped and her lip was held between her teeth. "Hey, you okay?"
She nodded, but her choked voice betrayed her. "I... I don't know if I can do this."
"You'll be fine, Am," he whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "Jack's going to love you, I can promise you that. And it's just a few of the guys--nothing big. And hey, some of them aren't even native English speakers themselves."
Her eyes were still full of uncertainty, her fingers busying themselves by picking at the skin around her nails. "But maybe I will say something wrong. Or they ask me things, and I do not understand them? Or they will all laugh at me."
"You've been doing so well with your English, love. And if you're ever feeling stuck, just squeeze my hand and I'll come to your rescue."
The bar was pretty empty for the most part, just a few tables of friends talking and sharing drinks. In the back corner, Jack was sitting with a few of the other guys and their better halves.
"There they are!" Jack cheered as soon as he saw them approaching, standing up to greet his brother as if he hadn't seen him in weeks. His tone was loud and confident, and Amélie could feel every set of eyes at the table move towards her and Luke.
Luke gave his brother a quick bro-hug before turning to his girlfriend. "Jack, this is Amélie. Am, this is my brother, Jack."
Amélie felt like all the moisture in her mouth had disappeared, her hand gripping Luke's with a vice-like strength. She opened her mouth to speak, but all her words got stuck. "I, uh, I... hi."
"Nice to meet you, Amélie," Jack said. "Luke's told me loads about you."
She gave him a tight lipped smile, her mind scrambling to find a response, but nothing came. She felt like the weight of everyone's expectations were holding her down. She wanted to wow everyone with perfect English, but all she could do was stand there, frozen.
"She, uh, she's a little nervous," Luke interjected. "Amélie's from Québec, she's here in Jersey to learn English. But her French is like the most impressive shit ever."
"No worries. We're just happy you're here," Nico spoke up.
Amélie forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. She sat down beside Luke, her hand still gripping his with immense force. The conversation around the table picked back up, but she remained quiet.
The guys were easygoing, laughing and joking with each other, and the other girlfriends seemed just as relaxed. The more they spoke though, the harder it became for her to follow. She could pick up on bits and pieces of what was going on, but she couldn't seem to form a complete sentence in her head.
"So, how do you like Jersey so far?" one of the other girlfriends, Lexi, asked with a warm smile.
"It... it's very different. But I... I like it," she replied, her eyes not leaving Luke's hand in her lap.
"She thinks back home is wayyyy prettier. Right, babe?" Luke helped to direct her.
"Yes. Québec is very beautiful."
"So what brought you here?" Jack asked, desperately wanting to know more about the girl that had stolen his brother's heart. "School?"
She bit her lip, trying her best to think of how to reply in English. "Yes... I.... study at Rutgers. Exchange."
"That's awesome. What're you studying?"
Her mind went completely blank. She'd even rehearsed answering that exact question, but now, with everyone looking at her, the words were gone. Her hand tightened around Luke's again, taking a sip of water to clear her throat.
"She's studying communications and media. But the point of her exchange is to work on her English skills."
"That's sick," Jack nodded along.
The conversation around her continued, a few questions being tossed her way but her responses were usually just a few words, the gaps being filled in by Luke. The group eventually moved on to a story that Nico was telling, and Amélie used the shift of attention to shrink into herself further. She let Luke rest his hand on her bouncing knee in an attempt to calm her nerves, but his touch felt foreign in the situation.
After what felt like hours, but had most likely only been half an hour, she leaned close to Luke, whispering in his ear. "Je vais aux toilettes." She stood up before he could respond, scurrying off to the bathroom.
Jack shot Luke a curious glance, but he just shrugged, trying to mask his own worry.
Amélie slipped into the bathroom, pressing her hands against the sink as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She felt like she was suffocating, her eyes burning with unshed tears. She hated feeling like an outsider, not being able to connect with Luke's world outside of her.
She wiped under her eyes, praying that her mascara didn't run. She didn't want anyone to know she'd been crying in the bathroom. She just wanted to be like the other girls at the table--relaxed and confident, going with the flow of the conversation.
With one last deep breath, she made her way back to the table. Luke looked up at her as she approached. He could tell something was off.
"Everything okay?"
She just nodded, falling back into her silence at the table. She laughed when everyone else laughed, smiling politely when someone made a remark towards her. Luke had never seen her so quiet in his life, not even on the first day that they met. By the time everyone had left the bar, her anxiety was so bad she thought she might puke.
Luke opened the car door for her, and she slid in, staring blankly out the window. The silence between them was heavy. Luke could feel it too, his fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel.
"Am, what's wrong? You've been quiet all night. You barely said a thing."
The tears that she had been fighting so hard to keep at bay finally spilled out. "I... I feel so stupid. I-I couldn't even talk to them. I couldn't even... act normal."
He reached out, placing a hand on her thigh. His heart clenched at her words. "You're not stupid, Am. You're doing amazing. You're learning a whole new language, that's huge."
"But I had to have you help on everything. I could... not even answer Jack's questions. They normally think... I'm dumb. Not good for you." She wiped at her eyes, frustrated with herself for crying.
"Amélie, baby. No one thinks you're dumb. And you are more than good enough for me--don't you ever doubt that. Jack loved meeting you. Everyone did. I could tell. They don't care if you need some help speaking English. Hell, some of those guys could use the help speaking English."
"I wanted... to be better. To show I can do this. But I feel...lost."
"You don't have to show anyone that you can do anything. Not to me, not to Jack, not to anyone. I love you for--"
"You love me?"
"Of course I do, Am. I... I didn't want to admit it like this. But... I am so in love with you, Amélie."
"I love you too, Luke. Sorry if I... embarrass you tonight."
"You could never embarrass me, Am. Never ever."
"I-"
"Nope, that's enough out of you. Let's go back to yours and watch that stupid cop show you like."
"Mensonges?"
"If that's what it's called, then yes."
"I love you, Lu."
"I love you too, Am."
~~
"I don't know, Jack. She was so nervous last time..."
"But last time there were other people there too. Just tell her you've got the place to yourself for the night and then I'll walk in a couple hours later and be like 'Oh! Sorry, my plans got cancelled.' And then we can all hangout," Jack suggested.
"I'm not going to lie to her. I'll just ask if she wants to spend the night."
"Come on, Rusty! You know I'm just trying to help her relax around me. You're making it sound like a big deal. It's not! She's your girlfriend, and I want to get to know her. Plus, I'll make it fun! I'm good with people."
"I appreciate the thought, Jack. But I want her to feel comfortable, not tricked. So I'll just ask her if she wants to come over and spend the night. No tricks."
"Fine, fine. Let me know what she says."
"I will. Just... don't be an idiot."
~~
Amélie followed Luke into his apartment, her backpack thrown over his shoulder. She looked around, noticing how painfully obvious it was that two men lived there.
"I'm just gonna put your bag in my room. You wanna go make yourself comfortable on the couch?"
"Sure."
She sat down, curling her legs under herself, glancing around the living room. She picked up the remote off the coffee table, fiddling with while she waited for Luke.
"You good?"
"Yeah. Just... taking in. It is very... you."
"What, you mean messy?"
She giggled, then tension in her shoulders disappearing. "Maybe... un peu."
"Hey, it's organized chaos, baby. I know where everything is. Well... most of the time."
"I like it. Feels... comfortable. Like you."
"That's all I want, babe. For you to be comfortable."
"Where's Jack?"
"Probably in his room. Why? Wanna talk with him?"
Amélie quickly shook her head, her eyes widening. "No, no... just wonder. I don't want to... bother him."
"You're not bothering him. He's probably playing video games or doing some stupid shit. He'll come out here eventually."
The last time she'd been around Jack, she hadn't been able to shake her nerves. Tonight, she was determined to make a better impression, even if she still felt like puking.
Luke gently nudged her with his elbow. "Hey, you're good, Am. Jack's chill. You don't have to be nervous."
"I know... just... want him to like me."
"He already likes you," Luke reassured, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "He wouldn't shut up about how cool you were after the last time."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I wouldn't lie to you, silly."
"Love you, Lu."
"Love you too," he leaned in to kiss her when footsteps pulled them apart.
"Aww, did I interrupt a moment?" Jack's teasing voice came from the doorway.
"Relax, Jack. We were just talking... about you."
"Oh yeah?" Jack pushed himself off the wall, making his way to the couch. "All good things, I hope."
"Duh," Luke squeezed Amélie's hand, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. "Amélie was just asking what you were up to."
"Probably nothing interesting compared to you lovebirds. Was talking to Trevor--can't let Luke get ahead of me in the whole having a life department."
She tried to think of a quick response to his joke, but came up with nothing she deemed funny enough.
"Luke tells me you like studying here cause it's different. How so?"
"Um, everything... is feeling bigger here. The city, the campus. And obviously... English. There is like... zero English in my town. We use some words... but not lots."
"Well, seems like you're doing great. Don't stress it. Plus you've got this guy," he gestured to Luke, "to help you out, right?"
She blushed, "Yes, Lu is... super."
Luke grinned, leaning in and whispering, "Told you he likes you."
~~
"I don't know how I'm gonna survive without you, Am," Luke admitted, wiping the tears from his face. His usually calm, relaxed demeanor was gone, replaced with a raw vulnerability.
Amélie had told herself she wasn't going to cry, but seeing Luke cry made that impossible. Her tears had started as soon as his had. "You will, Lu. You are so strong. And... I will not be gone forever."
He shook his head, intertwining their fingers. "I know, but... shit's gonna feel so different without you here. I'm used to having you here all the time. And now I won't see you until summer. I don't know how to do that."
"You'll have Jack, the guys, your family. I'm just... a plane away. We will FaceTime, and before you know... I am back. And I will meet Quinn... and your parents."
Luke rested his head in her lap, letting her run her fingers through his hair. She could feel his tears soaking the fabric of her jeans. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much, Am."
"I'll miss you too, Lu. So, so much."
They stayed like that for a long time, just wrapped in each other's embraces. Neither of them wanted to let go. Neither of them wanted to admit how hard the next few months would be. They just wanted to stay together... forever.
~~
Amélie was sitting at her desk, her phone propped up against her water bottle as Luke's face filled the screen. His hair was a mess and his eyes drooping. She could tell he had just gotten home from practice.
"Hey, beautiful," he greeted.
"Hey, you," she replied, resting her chin on her hand. "How was practice?"
"Exhausting," he groaned. "But seeing your face makes it better."
Amélie blushed, biting her lip as she smiled. Before she could respond, she heard her brothers' voices coming from down the hall.
"Ah, c'est qui, Amélie?" (who is it, Amélie?)
"Son chum?" the other laughed. (her boyfriend?)
"Ahhh, mais Luke, t'es ben chix." (Ahhh, but Luke, you're so hot.)
"Ferme ta gueule!" Amélie shouted. (Shut your mouth!)
Luke burst out laughing at the look on his girlfriend's face. "What're they saying?"
She huffed, rolling her eyes. "They're being idiots. Teasing me about you."
"Teasing, huh?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "What did they say? Come on, tell me."
She sighed, getting closer to the camera with a small smirk. "They said you're... how would that translate.... that you're 'hot.'"
"Oh, did they know? You must have good pictures of me hanging up then, huh?"
"They're just being annoying. They think it's funny to tease me because I love an American."
"Well, tell them I appreciate the compliment. And tell them I say 'hi'," he teased.
Amélie shook her head but shouted, "Luke dit bonjour!"
From the hallway, her brothers responded with exaggerated greetings in their broken English, making the couple laugh.
"They're something else, huh? I can't wait to meet them one day."
"They'll probably want you to ask Cole for free Habs tickets. But... in a few weeks, I'll be back and I'll get to meet all of your family."
Luke's eye lit up at the thought. "I know! I've been counting down the days, baby. I can't wait for you to be here again!"
"Me neither. Excited to meet Quinn and your parents."
"Yeah, my mom's super excited to meet you!"
"I'm a little nervous though."
"Don't be! They are gonna love you so much, Am!"
"I love you, Lu."
"I love you more, Amélie. Only a few more weeks, then we'll be together again. I can't wait."
"You promise?"
"I promise. And I'm gonna spoil you so much. Just you, me, and the lake."
"Can't wait."
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verstappentime · 2 days
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divorce verse for your wednesday <3 this is from after max & dan break up. (the rest of this verse is here) (the scene previous to this will get finished but this is what i have today <3) The first night Daniel’s gone, Max walks into a fucking wall trying to go to the bathroom.
It’s happened before, because his depth perception is awful and worse in the dark and worse sometimes than others, but usually he hits knee-first or something. Nope, just a wall right to the orbital bone. 
It’s not something Daniel could have saved him from, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. Daniel’s not there to be woken up by his cursing a blue streak and ask if he’s alright, to sit him down and put ice on it and make him feel less pathetic.
His head is throbbing, in a normal person kind of way. He’s going to have a massive goose egg. He finally gets to the light switch, very, very carefully, and tempts himself to go down the hall with the promise of crying about it afterward.
It’s easier, with the bedroom light illuminating the way. He makes it there and back okay. 
He needs to not call Daniel, but he’s groggy and worked up and he gets confused at night and– he’s just going to lose it if he can’t talk to someone. 
Daniel picks up on the first ring. He must still have Max excluded from do not disturb. Must be sleeping with the ringer on.
“I walked into the wall,” he says, before Daniel can get anything out. 
“What?” He can hear Daniel sitting up, sheets rustling. He should be scolding Max for calling in the middle of the night. He doesn’t. “Are you hurt?” 
“I hit my head. Or, like, my face. Both.” Max touches where the bruise is forming on his head. He kind of forgot what hurt that’s not coming from the inside feels like. He pokes it again. He’s lucky he hit on bone, probably, and that it wasn’t a corner and he’s not bleeding. “I don’t know,” he says, voice cracking. 
“Okay.” Daniel’s all calm. This kind of stuff never bothers him. Max wants him to be here. “You sound alright. You weren’t, like, running, right? Do you have a headache?”  “No. I think– I think I am okay.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, just to see how bad it hurts. “This is shit, Daniel.”
“We need to get you some of those lights you can turn on with your voice, yeah? I’ll look in the morning.” We. He’s going to have to stop that. Not right now.
“I can– I’ll do it.” 
“I’ll remind you, then. What do you want to do right now?” 
“I don’t know,” Max says again. “I don’t want to get up again.” He presses his knuckles to his teeth, something awful in his chest. “I feel shit that I called you already.” 
“I don’t care. It’s good you did. I was scared that you wouldn’t. Makes me feel better.” Daniel pauses. “Not that I’m like, glad you walked into a wall.” 
“It sounds very stupid when you say it out loud.” He knows it’s his fault, but he can’t help it: “What am I going to do? Just call you always?” 
“You can, baby.” Daniel never tells him no. Daniel let him leave because he never tells him no. “You have other people, though. They’ll be happy to answer. You can call your mum or Victoria or Charles. But also me, if you want to.” 
Max wants Daniel to tell him that’s unfair. But the idea of being cut off from the only person that really knows what it’s like for him makes him want to throw up. Charles would laugh at him for this one, even though he wouldn’t mean to. Max says, “I think I want to go back to sleep.” 
“Good idea. You want me to stay on?” 
“No. That will be very boring for you.” Max lays down, turning over on his side, his back to where Daniel should be. “Are you sleeping too?” 
“Yeah, Maxy, I’m going to.” 
“Okay. Then we will both go to sleep.” 
“Yeah,” Daniel says, all gentle. “I’m going to text you tomorrow, okay? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me after that. But I’ll remind you about the lights and ask about your face.” 
“That’s fine.” He can’t know if he’ll remember, and he really does not want this to happen again, and– and now he knows for sure he’ll hear from Daniel tomorrow. 
There’s a beat where neither of them know what to say, but Daniel’s the bravest and he says, “I love you. Goodnight.” 
“I– Me too, Daniel.” He can’t lie. Not about that.
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kings-highway · 3 days
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haikyuu ships but its really soft fluffy kiss edition. basically tooth-rottingly sweet ficlets.
daisuga: it is the peak of summer, and theyve been at the beach all day and there's sand everywhere, and they're sunburnt and exhausted. Half the team has gone off to find a place for dinner, the other half is asleep under umbrellas. Suga and Daichi are sitting a ways away, toes in the water, popsicles melting rapidly. Suga has been laying his cheek on Daichi's shoulder for a while - he's sleepy and he never wants this day to end. So he turns his head, lazy and giggly and kisses a soft line across his shoulder, up to his neck. And Daichi smiles and laughs and asks what he's doing but Suga just shrugs and tells him its nothing, he's just really, really happy.
iwaoi: they work really hard and everyone knows it but Oikawa is always going to take losing really hard. Some days harder than others. On a particularly bad day, Oikawa is crying and curled up on his bed and he's been ranting about how mad he is but Iwa knows that anger is mostly directed at himself. So when Oikawa finally takes a breath, and Iwa stands up to go get something for dinner, because he knows Oikawa will forget until real late otherwise, he stops before the door, and turns back, and takes Oikawa's head in his hands, holding him delicately, and leans down to kiss his forehead, letting it linger far longer than he had planned. And Oikawa is still crying but Iwaizumi mumbles that it'll all be okay, and he can't help but nod along with him, and maybe he even starts to believe it.
ushiten: tendou takes pride in his position on the team, and always commits to his blocks, which means during practice it's not uncommon for him to get his fingers jammed trying to block Ushiwaka. It hurts more than usual this time, the nail having torn up a bit at a bad angle. Ushijima feels terrible, and excuses himself to help, apologizing over and over and over again as they sit on the bench, and he helps him wrap the tip of his finger to keep it protected. Then, when he's finished with the tape, holding Tendou's hand oh-so-delicately, he lifts it up to press the softest, most careful kiss to his finger. Tendou absolutely melts, incoherantly stumbling over trying to say he accepts his apology with the most pathetic, lovestruck expression.
arankita: its over spring break, they've been out a lot with the twins and Suna and each other, really making the most of their last year of high school, and they keep promising to make time to just hang out together, and it just does not work, but the spring is so lively and fun they cant be mad. They go with the team to a theme park, and Aran really wants a chance to get Kita alone and maybe tell him how he feels. The whole day passes, though, and they never do, and eventually theyre saying goodbye. And Aran thinks all is lost, but Kita pulls him back, and pulls him down, and kisses him just an inch from his lips, soft and warm and lingering, and he pulls back slowly but keeps a hand on his jacket, and thanks him for always being there. And they definitely shouldnt invite the team next time.
kagehina: they spend their free day out in a grassy field in a park, tossing a volleyball around because neither of them can ever get enough. But they do need to take breaks, to catch their breath and drink water. Kageyama sits down on the grass and sips from his bottle and watches the bugs that are flitting about. One thing turns to another, and what was just a water break turns into a long rest, laying in the sun together and laughing over every stupid thing. When Kageyama catches Hinata staring at him, he tries to act annoyed and wave him off, but Hinata is fast, and leans forward to kiss the tip of Kageyama's nose before laughing and bouncing back to his feet to say that its time to get back to the game. Kageyama turns pink, grabbing at his nose as if offended, but he cannot help but smile back.
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Psycho Husband!Steve Rogers who is a crazed coercive bastard.
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Warning(s): Noncon, misogyny/sexism, depraved housewife kink, head shaving/hair cutting, he's a mental mf who thinks he is only doing what's best for you; cruel punishments are care and better sense according to him, age gap, fear kink, infantilization, humiliation, size kink. MDNI. 
. . .
You meekly sit atop your husband, Steve Rogers' lap as he feeds himself and you the dinner you meticulously prepared for him as he cares greatly for detail and perfection. 
The older man hums with each bite, one large paw caressing your back from over the thin -nearly sheer- material of one of the many dresses that make up the entirety of your wardrobe. 
“Absolutely delicious, baby, good job” he has been praising you with each bite and so you cannot help but smile at the compliments, your smaller body resting against his as you gently comb his hair with your fingers.
This is good.
Him being pleased is good.
“Thank you, my heart” you kiss his cheek that he had shaved just this morning when you were on your knees getting rid of his morning wood. He usually does that at night but you chose to wear a certain dress yesterday that caused for you to remain trapped in bed from the moment he got home till the both of you woke up tangled and sticky.
“See?” Now his fingers silkily glide up the length of your spine, past its dents that appear on your nape and towards your scalp that holds no barriers between your skins. “Wasn't I right?” Steve's fingertips flex all over your shiny head that he keeps empty from any hurdle between yourself and him. “Didn't it make things all better for us, hm?” Your tongue grows heavy and you feel it beginning to swell.
But you must not speak your mind.
For you are not allowed to have one.
“Yes, hubby, you were” you feel him stroke the bald crown of your head and the feeling of his coarse skin rubbing your soft and moisturized one sends shivers down your spine. 
His dark but relaxed blue eyes watch you, outwardly friendly but secretly inspecting you closely for the tiniest slip up. “Just too stupid to see it back then, weren't you?”
You nod nervously, offering him a smile as you avert your gaze from his, choosing to awkwardly play with his dress shirt instead. “Yes, hubby, I was.” Before you look up momentarily. He hates it when you don't look at him while speaking. “Thank you for teaching me better.” 
“And what did I teach you?” You bite your tongue, his words scalding your ears. 
Of course, he wants you to say it.
It is a routine that he likes to do every night. 
“That you are always right because you know better.” You resist the urge to cringe from how he suddenly gives you a burst of praise head rubs. 
It is a trap, meant to set you off.
He knows you don't like his hand rubbing your bald head like you're some kind of an animal and he still does it.
You've made the mistake of fighting back one too many times in the past.
But now you know it never fares well for you.
So better to just obey.
“Yeah?” His eyes begin to dance all over your form in that lewd fashion of theirs. “And how did I teach you that?” This is nothing new, and yet your heart drops.
“You taught me by…” Your face becomes hot from the embarrassment and humiliation. “B- By…” Fuck.
Even after all this time, it's no easier to do it. 
“By?” You can feel his sick arousal poke into the back of your thigh. He shifts to readjust himself. “Know what, honey?” He actually has the gall to sound friendly like he's doing you a favor out of the goodness of his heart. “I'll help your little mind out by giving you a hint.” You cannot hold his gaze anymore. So you drop your eyes and train them on his collars as you whimper into his cheek from how he hugs you closer with the arm he has draped around you. He loves proximity. “It had something to do with a machine and a cute head” his long fingers caress your scalp in circular motions.
Your heart is erratic against his chest. “H–” the whimper you let out is shaky and pathetic. Your expression falters into one of pain but you recover just as fast. At least on the outside. “T- Taught me by shaving my head.”
Steve's smirk is one of pride. “Oh? And what setting did I shave it on? Did I leave anything behind or did you become a complete cueball?” 
Tears sting your eyes from the sensitivity and helplessness as you feel your throat tighten even more. “N- No, hubby. Nothing was left. You shaved it all off…” Closing your eyes momentarily is the only way you can let out your next words. “Until I was a cueball.”
“And why was that, huh, baby?” Now he speaks to you like you're a child. 
He does that when he is horny. 
The realization makes your stomach twist.
“B- Because you warned me many times but—” your voice breaks and you softly sob into his cheek all of a sudden because the memories overwhelm you. “I didn't l- listen and my hair kept getting in the food I would prepare for you.” He somberly cooes and lowers your head forwards in a submissive position to caress the links of your spine.
“Oh, honey. Is that what happened?” Though Steve rests his cheek atop your bald head that he keeps shiny with scented oils and feigns sadness his bulge is too stiff against your tender skin for his little act to hold any weight. 
“Yes, hubby.” Your tears fall on your lap. 
“And how did it happen, huh, darling?” He loves the helplessness of your situation. That has got to be it. “Can you tell me?”
You nod and swallow the bile in your throat. Denial is not an option. “The scary razor went all over my head, hubby” you make yourself sound like a baby because that's what he likes. “Like buzz buzz buzz~” you try to mimic the sound and gesture as you run a pretend trimmer over your naked scalp. 
“Aw, it was scary for your little baby self, was it?” You timidly nod, pouting a little. “That's because you're so small and easily scared, aren't you?” He presses kisses all over your head and pinches your cheek. 
“Yes, hubby.” 
“Aw, my poor girl” he cups your face and lets his thumb trace the shape of your mouth. “I get it, you’re just a baby” he cannot but kiss you deeply before speaking again. 
“But it was necessary, wasn't it? And it worked” it is typical of him to seek validation for his unhinged actions from you, probably helps him sleep easier and pumps his pompousness further. “No more hair in the food.” He smiles and forces you to look at him by tipping your head back.
“No more hair in the food.” You echo him like the hollow doll he has made of you.
“Awww” he chuckles at the dejection in your voice. “Cheer up, silly. You look just as perfect as the first moment I laid my eyes on you” his lips repeatedly peck yours for a few moments. Then he continues. “I am the only one whose opinion matters for you and I think you're the most gorgeous thing alive” he scoops you up in his arms before standing up and you give him a smile like you're supposed to. He leans in to capture it in his own. “The cueball only makes you sexier and more nude for me. So it's a win all around” you whimper into the words he utters against your mouth. “C'mon, hubby will make you feel all better.” He whispers before carrying you to the bedroom. It is impossible not to be aware of your devastation and that is why he offers compensation the way he does. “Yeah?”
All you can do is nod defeatedly.
. . .
If you made it down here, hi you're cool. 
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bri-licious08 · 2 days
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◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ⊹ ࣪ ˖♡The Heart Knows♡⊹ ࣪ ˖
⊹ ࣪ ˖Bakugou x Reader⊹ ࣪ ˖
Contains: Some cursing, aged up characters! 3rd years in U.A. , other than that it’s nothing but fluff :) Happy reading! /^~^/
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◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜
Bakugou Katsuki wondered the halls of U.A. He walked these halls every day during the week. From going to class, the restroom, training grounds, cafeteria, the school’s gym, and the support course class. Not once has these halls ever felt different to him, different in the sense of being bare, empty or dark, scarce or lonely. But things changed, and that scared him. His life was great, he was doing great with being the greatest, but now he felt far from it. This feeling was foreign and new and he hated it. He was frustrated to no end only because he couldn't explain to himself let alone anyone why, how, or what he was feeling. He just didn’t know.
What he did know, was they started because of her. Y/n, L/n. Known for her beauty and wits, strength and grades, personality and skills, quirk and talents, she was well known within U.A. let alone the streets of Japan as an upcoming Hero. He knew that, she knew that, hell everyone knew that. Maybe that's why it made it even more difficult to be around her. The fact that everyone wanted to befriend her, talk to her, and know her. There was something special about you that everyone wanted to see, including him. Of course, he wasn't the only one, and that's what aided in the difficulty of things.
For some odd reason, Bakugou always found you, sought you, heard you. How or why he couldn’t tell, he just did. Oh, the class lost sight of you at the mall, there you were at the pet shop a few stores behind, how did they miss you? In a giant crowd at the ice rink, he peeked over a bunch of heads until he found you rather quickly, zooming through the extras trying to learn or just skating decently. Walking by the common room of the dorms, he heard you gossiping about some character from a stupid romance manga you were gushing about with Mina. Later that day he looked up the character name and found out the name of the manga.
For Christmas he happened to get you for the Secret Santa crap everyone decided to do this year, seeing how you all lived with each other and it was your first Christmas together. Of course, he bought you the new volume that was just released last week. Before he purchased it he made sure you hadn’t bought it yet through Kirishima. He also got you a basket of your favorite snacks, (he asked Kirishima who asked Mina, again) along with a soft cozy blanket with your favorite anime character. He always heard you talking about them. He considered watching that anime, but lately, he’s been too busy with life to sit down and watch it.
His spending wasn’t in vain as he watched your smile brighten to something he could only describe as bright, causing his pupils to dilate as he watched you smile. Ironically it was Christmas which supposedly made everything about the holiday “Merry and Bright”. But it was odd. Odd how his face heated so much and he wasn’t even close to the heater. His whole body went hot as his back straightened quickly. His palms grew sweatier than normal as sweat dripped down his forehead. A lump suddenly formed in his throat as he watched you jump excitedly around the room, holding the basket he gifted close to your chest. Oggling it with stars in your eyes as you squealed in absolute glee.
He looked down at you as you expressed your absolute glee about his gift and he couldn’t help but smile at you. Not smirk, smile with his dilated pupils and a faint blush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He believed that that moment, the way you looked up at him after jumping around happily, wide-eyed and lips slightly parted, doe innocent e/c eyes staring up at him, long curled lashes batting slowly at him, pink lips parted for a second before widening into the widest, brightest, happiest smile he’d ever seen, he believes that that moment, that exact moment was when his views of you changed. 
At first, you were a nobody, a classmate, then an acquaintance, then somewhat of a friend, and now, his gift for a long holiday during the winter seemed to have sparked something between you two, but what was the cherry on top was your gift to him. A black scarf with two orange stripes crossing into an X as it started from the top and ended at the bottom, along with a rare limited edition golden All-might figure, and two small black beads? Yeah, beads. He looked at you confused as he took the beads out of their small case, which was velvet black and had an orange X on it too.
He peered down at you puzzled, but your warm smile, made him nod his head in thanks. Your small hand carefully grasped his, as your other grabbed the case and opened it revealing the beads once again, carefully taking them out and putting them in your palm. You then looked into his eyes making him hold his breath. What were you doing? Were you going to knee his face? Slap him? What? He then realized you had put the beads in his ear as he heard a slight ringing sound that made him hiss. 
“Sorry! Wrong button!” You apologized as you tapped one of the beads in his ear and all went silent, but not too silent. This noise sounded different.
“These are special kinds of hearing aids. I had Mae Hatsume help me develop them. I had originally asked her to make grenade silencers for your grenade gauntlets, but it was taking much longer to make than we realized, Kirishima had told me that you mentioned your ears ringing sometimes during training or a fight or class and I'm guessing it was because of your explosions, so I wanted to help you with that. Your silencers are still being made, but Hatsume and I made these hearing aids for you, for the meantime. Well she made them I just designed it. They work to block out loud noises but still allow you to hear anything and everything else. They just reduce the loud noise of explosions and such. I-I umm, hope I didn’t offend you with these gifts. I just thought, that maybe, they would help, and you would appreciate them... I don’t know what you like, but, I feel like you would have liked to receive something useful rather than something that would collect dust, I just bought the Allmight figure as a failed backup... Oh! And I made the scarf myself! My grandmother helped me sew it. I-I hope you like them Bakugou! Merry Christmas!” 
That moment was the moment that changed forever. Since then he has followed you around like a lost puppy. You guys hung out 24/7. Like peas in a pod. You both became known as best friends to your classmates and the school. You were always seen together. Never one of you was ever without the other, and he’d grown very used to that. Did you want to go to 7/11? Okay, let's go. Want to try a new restaurant that opened up downtown? Let him grab the scarf you made him, it's a little cold out. Going to a family barbeque, he was invited without hesitation.
Although he was nervous about meeting your family, it ended up being a success. (meaning him beating all your little cousins in Mario Kart and your father and uncles in pool). He had to attend one of his parents' god-awful fashion shows, you're coming with him. You always had to be there, and he was okay with that. Your time together ended up being a normal thing, it was weird when you guys weren’t together. For the both of you.
At first, he just thought that the both of you spending time alone in each other's dorms playing video games or watching shows on Netflix was just a friend thing, you guys were just friends. He said it over and over and over. 
“ Heyyyy kachannnn, you and Y/n huh? Somethin’ special goin’ on there? Huh? Huhhhhh?” Denki nudged Bakugou, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Of course not you dunce, she’s just a friend you moron,”
He convinced everyone including himself you were just a friend. And of course, you were. Everything you guys do is something all friends do! Nothing special about it. That was until he experienced firsthand and realized that you’re both High School students, attending school, training to be heroes, but you attend a HIGH SCHOOL. Teenagers in school, of course, guys were going to be after you. So why was it a shocker when some stupid extra tried to fucking confess in front of him?!
Okay, maybe not in front of him, but in the empty hallway after school hours? Didn’t this moron know you both walk together? Doesn’t this fucking idiot know he doesn’t have a slight chance with you? This guy’s probably 5,5, he’s got black hair that has a lot of dandruff, which makes it look like he has lice, but it's probably from all that gel he has on. He’s got pimples on his forehead and one of his ears looks bigger than the other.
Okay, Bakugou isn’t normally that much of an asshole but come on! This guy’s arms aren’t even close to the size of Bakugou’s waist, and his waist is TINY! He couldn’t help but wait back in class 1-A and overhear what you were going to respond with.
“Huh? You- like me? I’m sorry but I don’t even know you?” You said innocently but truthfully. You were right, you didn’t know this moron, but common, couldn't you just reject his sorry ass already?
“What if you get to know me?” Is he serious? Like hell, Bakugou would let tha-
“Hmm. I’m sorry but I don’t think so. I don’t have time to go on dates right now. I also would have to turn down your offer because I don’t feel like I’d reciprocate your feelings even if we did get to know each other, have a good rest of your day though!” 
“B-But, please! Tell me this, does your heart already belong to someone?” 
Uh oh, now his heart was racing, much more with fear than curiosity.
“That’s my secret to hold and to keep, sorry. Bakugou, you can come on out now!”
“W-What?” He breathed a mere whisper out in shock and surprise.
“Hey Bakugou!” The girl smiled brightly at him. The kind of smile that would make any man or woman swoon over. 
“H-Hey, umm, how did you-” 
“I just knew, plus your massive arms and shoulders were peeking out from behind the trash can Bakugou, you’re not exactly a small person,” You giggled, placing your delicate hand over your mouth as you giggled.
You looked absolutely beautiful. Bakugou’s only wish now is to continue to make you laugh and stifle your giggles for the rest of your lives. Bakugou blushed at your comment. 
“A-anyways, let’s get a move on. 'M starving,” He grumbled as he began to walk past you.
Catching up with him you began conversing with him on the walk to the dorms. The two of you entered and headed to the kitchen where he began to cook food for the two of you. It’s been a normal thing that began after Christmas. The two of you then ate a wonderfully delicious meal. After eating and cleaning up you both headed up to your dorm to study per usual. Once you both entered you flopped onto your bed as Katsuki took a seat on your desk chair and turned it to face your bed instead of the desk, as you both always do. You started up another conversation but after a while noticed that your blonde-headed friend was quiet. To quiet.
Your brow quirked up in interest and confusion as you studied him. His brows furrowed, and his lips formed a small pout as his hands gripped his notebook and pencil tighter than usual. You observed him closely, noticing the difference in his usual expression most would see as his normal cranky self. But to you, you knew something was bothering him. 
“Bakugou,” You called his name softly, catching his attention.
“Hmph.” He grumbled as his eyes glared at his empty notebook paper.
Your brows furrowed more as your concern for your blonde friend grew. 
“Katsuki.” His ears perked at your call of his name.
You could swear you saw them twitch like a dog when called on. He visibly stiffened at your call of his first name as he gulped, causing his Adam's apple to move beautifully. His red ruby eyes stilled as they stayed locked onto the notebook in his hands. His body felt hot and cold at the same time. Nervous. He was nervous and he couldn’t understand why. Katsuki Bakugou was no coward. No pussy. Not one to succumb to fear or nerves but with you, sweet and wonderful you, seem to be the only thing that can make him freeze with just a call of his name. 
“Hmm,” He responded, choosing to hum rather than to speak knowing his voice would fail him. Why was he so, why was he acting like such a moron. He’s always been fine before. Able to pull his shit together around you. When did this happen? When did he become such a loser around you? He had a guess...
“Are…Are you okay?” Your soft voice asked, he swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes flickered up to the bottom half of your seated body and retreated back to his empty notebook, afraid to make eye contact with you.
“ ‘M fine.” 
“Are you?”
“Why you naggin’ me,” He growled as his eyes snapped up to meet yours.
Your beautiful e/c ones. He inaudibly gulped as his sudden annoyed confidence faded under your gaze. Your concerned and saddened eyes broke his stern and aggressive wall. His lips parted to say something but his voice failed to word anything. To be fair he didn’t even know what he wanted to say. What to say?
“L/n-”
“Are you upset with me?”
“Huh-what-?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“What? No, why would you-”
“Then do you hate me? Did I annoy you?”
“What?! Of course not- No you didn’t-” “Then what did I do? You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. You can leave you don’t have to stay with me,”
“L/n hold on-”
“I’m sorry if I annoy you by dragging you to study with me,”
“L/n easy- just let me talk-”
“I’ll stop bugging you if you want. I won’t talk anymore,”
“Y/n!” He called your name firmly with a louder tone. His hand had flown to your face as it covered your mouth.
His face was close to yours as his eyes honed into yours. Soft pools of ruby waters danced in his irises under the dim lights of your desk lamp and fairy lights around your room. You swallowed the lump of nerves caught in your throat as your eyes widened at his action. The space between the both of you was small, your bodies so close you could feel his body heat. His firm yet soft gaze sent shivers down your spine and throughout your body.The sound of his throat clearing was loud within the quiet room causing you to snap out of your little daze.
“Why’d you freak out on me huh?” He asked softly as he removed his hand from your mouth slowly.
He moved to sit down on your bed comfortably. His feet planted on the floor as he hunched his body and titled his head slightly as he looked to his right side at you. With your legs crossed and a hunched back, you turned your head to the left to speak to him.
“I-I don’t know. You’ve just been acting weird today. You’ve been quiet. It worried me.” You answered in a hushed tone. Your eyes were looking down to avoid eye contact. 
You heard him scoff a slight chuckle as your eyes flickered up to see his small smile and his eyes dimmed to a soft gaze. Your head perked up slowly at this newfound expression with curiosity. 
“You’re an even bigger idiot than I thought you were.”
“H-Hey!”
“Y/n, how could I ever hate you?” 
“Oh, I-I don’t know…”
“It’s not possible. You annoying me or upsetting me is most definitely possible-”
“Hey! Asshole-”
“But- hating you can never happen you dummy.” He smiled softly.
Your heart began to beat faster than it ever had before, and you’ve been through multiple wars against villains, and even then your heart had never beat as quickly and harshly as it was now. 
“Never?”
“Tch. Ya heard me the first time nerd.” He smirked. His response caused you to giggle airily. 
“Well, if that wasn’t the problem, then what is it that’s made you act so, weird?”
“So bein’ quiet is weird?”
“Noo but you being quiet is.”
“Well, it’s gonna stay that way.”
“Aren’t I your best friend?” you smiled like a Cheshire cat.
“Yeah, but that’s the-” Before he could finish his sentence a knock was heard at your door causing you both to look towards the noise. 
“What bad timing,” You murmured as you hopped off your bed to go and answer the knock.
“Wait- just let it-”
Before Bakugou could finish his sentence you opened your door to reveal a tall redheaded male smiling down at you nervously.
“Hey L/n, you got a minute?” Kirishima Eijiro. His strong tone was undoubtedly recognizable.
It caused Katsuki to stiffen at the sound as he hid behind your closet wall, blocking his view of the two of you and vice versa. 
“Uhh,” You started as you turned to see Bakugou missing before turning back to Kirishima. 
“Y-Yeah sure,” You stuttered as you stepped out of your room to speak to the male properly, closing your door softly behind you.
Katsuki quickly yet quietly moved to the door as he pressed his ear against it, trying to eavesdrop on you and the redhead's conversation. 
“What’s up?” You asked.
“Uhh, man I don’t know how to ask this… Would you like to go out with me?” Kirishima muttered before he spat quickly. Shutting his eyes as his shoulders stiffened nervously. 
“Oh, is the Baku-Squad hanging out?” You asked innocently and obliviously, not understanding what he was asking. 
“Huh? O-Oh! No, no I mean. Uhh- I would like to take you out…Just us…Like- like a date..” The redhead blushed as his hand scratched the back of his nape nervously.
At the realization, your eyes widened. All thoughts and concerns of Bakugou left as red alarms blared off inside your head. What.Was.Happening. After what felt like forever you closed your opened mouth to salivate the dryness of your throat and lips before opening it again to respond to your close friend before the sound of your door clicking and swinging open interrupted you. 
“She’s busy,” A gruff voice bellowed as a hand grabbed your arm and swung you back into your room. The red-headed male blinked rapidly a few times in confusion at what just happened. 
“Ow, you dick, that hurt!” You shouted as you stumbled to the floor of your room from the sheer force Bakugou threw you in with. The blonde brute just rolled his eyes as he leaned against the wall of your room, crossing his arms over his chiseled pecs. 
“You can’t date him Y/n,” He muttered. His blonde spiky locks cascaded his eyes as he looked towards the ground, avoiding eye contact.
“W-What?” You asked because you missed what he said. 
“You can’t date him…”
“O-Oh, you mean Kirishima?” He didn’t respond, just barely nodded his head once, still avoiding eye contact.
You then got yourself up and off the ground as you slowly and carefully pulled your desk chair to face you as you sat down on it. Your eyebrows creased as you noticed Bakugou’s avoidance of eye contact. 
“And why can’t I?” You asked meekly with slight confusion in your tone. You watched as he gulped and his body stiffened. He’s been doing that a lot tonight, something he never does. 
“Alright, I’m tired of this. If you’re just gonna play dumb every time I ask you something but tell me what I can and can’t do you can just leave Bakugou,” You asserted, arms crossed over your chest and your face held a stern expression. 
At this Katsuki lifted his head quickly to meet your gaze. His mouth parted as his eyebrows creased more with worry in his eyes. What was he doing? You were right. He had no right to prevent your happiness with other males, so why was he doing this? You are his best friend and so is Kirishima.
You both are amazing people and truthfully, you both would make such a great couple. Your chemistry on the battlefield would be incredible let alone your relationship. You both would set the couple standard and he could already picture the billboards of Japan plastering your bodies hugging lovingly with a giant “Japan’s Perfect Hero Couple” printed above your heads. The thought made his head dizzy and his heart constrict painfully.
He was finally understanding that he didn’t want you to have that with Kirishima or anyone but with him. He wanted to be the one jumping from building to building by your side while out on patrols. He wanted to be saving people with you as a perfect duo. He wanted to watch movies in private with a tub of your favorite ice cream to share. He wanted to get you your dream dog and cat for your birthday. He wanted to share his dreams with you as soon as he wakes up and vice versa. He wants to share every Christmas with you and be each others personal Secret Santa for the rest of his days. He wanted this feeling of loneliness when he's not with you to go away and be filled with just you. He doesn’t want these stupid extras to share any of this with you because he-
His eyes widened. His heart stopped for a second as he finally came to a realization. You’re not just a friend. You never were just a friend. Katsuki Bakugou had been in love with you for two Christmases. Two whole years. He followed you around because he loved you. He made mental notes of your favorite things because he loved you. He treasured the scarf you hand-made him because he loved you. He kept his lock screen that you jokingly changed to the both of you posing up as a badass hero duo that you both took in professional side kick photo shoots because he loved you.
Katsuki fucking Bakugou had been in love with you for years and he never realized it until some boys started to try and take you away from him. He needs to make a reminder to smack himself later for realizing so late like a dumbass, but for now, he needs to tell you before he ruins his friendship with you. 
“I’m in love with you,” He voiced.
Your heart stopped. Your body felt like it was on fire and your eyes widened larger than they ever had before. Your skin tingled and your face grew hot. What? What did he say?
“What?” You asked in a hushed tone, not quite sure if what you heard was correct.
“I love you,” He repeated softly, his gaze as soft as when he sleeps. The tips of his lips creak into a smile barely visible.
If anyone were to see him they’d see him loom calm for once, but you, you could see it clear as day, and that ever-so-tiny smile was just about one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. He looked absolutely divine. Your dim room lighting aids in his godlike features.
This boy whom you’ve know for a few years became your everything in mere seconds, and I’m not just talking about this second. Since before your first Christmas together, this boy had been a stranger, then a friend, then a crush, then a crush within a best friend, and now, he’ll be your everything if you let him, because he so desperately wants to be.
“Don’t play with me Bakugou,”
“I’m not. ‘Dya really think I’d just go up to anyone spoutin’ this shit? I’m not a sappy guy everyone in this god damn world knows that, but fuck Y/n, you make me unable to think properly when I’m around you,”
“Is that why you think you’re in love with me?”
“No. I know. I’ve been knowing. Just been an idiot not realizing it sooner,” He muttered the last bit lowly yet still audibly. 
“ ‘M sorry…” He murmured as his hand slowly and carefully not to startle you, came up to gently clasp your hand in his.
His carmine-colored eyes gazed at your hands joined together. His fingers imprinting the feel of yours and engraving into his mind for if you reject him and his feelings, at least he’ll have this in his mind for the rest of his lonely days. You wouldn’t allow that.
The sound of your sniffles causes his head and eyes to snap back up to meet your precious e/c ones. He immediately took notice of your teared-up eyes as he visibly grew stressed.
“Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Why’re you crying?” He tried comforting you gently as he spoke ever so softly.
His rough palms met your pillowy cheeks as his thumbs reached to rub at your bottom eye socket, trying his best to soothe you.
“ ‘M not crying,” You murmured as you placed your hands on top of his that cradled your face.
Your eyes gazed up into his. The silence was so loud yet quiet. The atmosphere was no longer anxious but tranquil. Finally, finally you had this boy who held your heart all this time. 
“I’m in love with you too…Dummy,” You smiled softly at him.
He scoffed playfully as he inched his forehead to meet yours. He gazed into your eyes and just felt a spark. He leaned forward to get a better angle to press his lips onto yours. His heart and head were no longer in a battle with each other, cuz from the start his heart knew. It was always you…
“Aaaaand with that, my job here is done,” the manly red-headed male grinned as he backed away from your dorm room door. Humming a happy tune as he placed his hands behind his head and walked triumphantly down the hall…
◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞
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I hope y'all liked this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you liked this one you also might like another story of mine called “The Dare”. It can be found on my master list! Thank you for reading my story and if you liked it please let me know! I love feedback and it’s what motivates me to write more stories for y'all to enjoy! If any of y'all would like to see me write a specific kind of trope and story line please give me your ideas of what you’d want to read! Thank you and please come again! /^~^/
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44 notes · View notes
k-aalia · 2 days
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Breathtaking
Joey knows it's bad manners and probably distasteful. Really, he does.
Despite what others may think, he really is a gentleman. Tries his best to be, at least.
Unfortunately, his mouth has always run quicker than his brain. Usually it just gets him into a bit of trouble he can't talk his way out of, but every now and then it just leaves him embarrassed and humiliated in front of pretty people.
He will not let this be a repeat of that situation though. Not when the girl who's grabbed his heart is the most gorgeous, ethereal woman that he has ever had the privilege to lay eyes upon.
Especially not when she's Seto Kaiba's fuckin' personal assistant.
It's not often Joey comes to KaibaCorp -- okay, he never comes to KaibaCorp -- but Yugi had invited him along for one of his weekly matches with the man himself.
And for the first time in his life, Joey just cannot focus on the game playing out in front of him.
Not that seeing Yugi and Kaiba duel isn't always some sort of spectacle -- and these days, filled with so much innuendos and flirting it's like watching a particularly captivating trashy TV show -- but no matter the dramatics or the plot twists, Joey's attention is firmly held by the pretty woman sitting next to him in the spectator stands.
Kisara, Joey knows her name is after hearing Kaiba bark commands at her. Silky white hair flowing over her shoulders and curling round her pale face. Her eyes are a beautiful sparkling blue, intensely focussed on the laptop sitting on her knees.
"Hey, how's it going?" Joey says to her and fights the urge to wince.
Really? That's the best he can do?
Kisara blinks and turns her head to face him, concentration broken as she looks at Joey like she's only just realised he's there.
"Oh, hi. I'm just working," she tells him with a quick smile and fuck is it breathtaking.
She turns back to her laptop and Joey curses silently as he realises he'd missed the opportunity to say anything more, too captivated by her stupid pretty smile and now if he tries again it's gonna be awkward and god, what if he makes her uncomfortable?
Kaiba and Yugi's duel finishes soon after and Joey practically runs up to Yugi to try and escape his spiralling thoughts. The two of them are halfway to the door when Kaiba grabs his arm and pulls him back.
Joey whirls around, a taunt on the tip of his tongue. What's wrong, rich boy, want me to beat your ass too?
But he stops when he sees Kaiba's sneer.
"Don't hit on my assistant." He warns "Kisara is too good for a mutt like you."
Joey feels himself flush, pulling his arm out of Kaiba's grip.
"Fuck off man, I was just being polite!" He snaps back.
Seto's sneer falters slightly as he narrows his eyes, looking Joey over like he's some fun new puzzle to solve.
"At least wait until she's off the clock. I can't have you distracting her."
Seto stalks off before Joey can get another word in, Kisara at her bosses side in an instant. Despite recieving Kaiba's blessing -- which he didn't want or need, by the way -- Joey is almost certain it's not gonna do him any good anyway. Kisara is way out of his league, as usual, and totally not interested in him. As usual.
Joey suspects he has a type.
But just when he thinks he's done for, Kisara looks over his shoulder to shoot him a wink and a smile.
Oh. Joey thinks, heart beating so fast it could burst from his chest. I'm totally in love.
38 notes · View notes
talenlee · 23 hours
Text
Game Pile: Kentucky Route 0, One of Three Games About America
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Kentucky Route Zero is a magical realist point and click game of what I’d normally call Narrative Adventure, which came to kickstarter in 2011, then came out in 2013, 2014, 2016, and 2020, because you can’t have nothing for free, even things you pay for. The game is a text-driven game without any of the trappings of your typical point-and-clicker where you jam a ladder in your pants and try to work out why you want to put green dye in the water fountain. Instead it follows the haunted mind of Conway, a trucky driver and his interactions with small handful of people on a part of the Kentucky Interstate, while he to find the place he needs to do his delivery, despite being utterly lost.
I enjoyed what of Kentucky Route Zero I played, but the thing that stands out to me in hindsight is its sound design. It’s a beautifully defined game, audio-wise, with all sorts of thoughtful foley for its environments, and the way that even the pieces of the interface that Conway interacts with have their own sort of specific authentic sounds, chonks and thunks and ch-zzzzses.
It’s also visually splendid, beautiful in what it tries to represent in the heightened reality of its setting but also the format of a videogame. These places look good from the angle that’s chosen, creating lines of artwork and bars of cages, depending on what you’re focusing on, and by being a fixed-camera story of its type, Kentucky Route Zero takes on traits of theatre, with blocking and careful positioning and timing all making up part of how the story unfolds.
A story I haven’t finished.
See, I don’t feel like playing Kentucky Route Zero Act V.
Sit down, traveller. Let me tell you a story.
There’s a chance you’ve heard this story before. I’ve anonymised it here, not because I think you shouldn’t be able to work out who it is, but because the idea of focusing on the who runs the risk of ignoring the what. Plus, I don’t want to direct anyone to a person who said something stupid and encourage fights. That’s not the important issue.
This is the story of when someone perfectly represented something, and probably never realised it.
You will sometimes hear me talk about the take that ‘there are three games about America,’ with a tone of utter revulsion and derision. This is from an incident back in 2020, when a game developer and advocate for inclusive games, had an opinion, on the internet. This advocate is well-established and has a big audience, but also, he’s crucially, not a white guy, not a Christian guy, and not an American guy. These are factors that play into what he said, which was, in summary, that while Kentucky Route 0 was no doubt phenomenal, he wasn’t interested in playing it right now.
To this, an actual adult responded with:
This is legitimately the worst take you’ve ever had. There are only about three games that are actually American, and this is one of them. Everything else is designed for export. Kr0 is a precious and valuable thing. It is of immense and intense personal importance.
Now, resisting the urge to argue with a tweet, which is just generally a bad practice that leads to doing things like wanting to be on twitter, and setting aside this tweet conflating ‘this is of personal importance to me’ and ‘this should be of importance to you,’ this position describes the idea that there are only three games that are ‘actually American.’
What does it mean to be ‘actually American?’
America is a pretty pervasive presence, if you’re not aware of it. Most people in the world have to know about what’s going on in America. We know about your Presidents and your Senators and your Constitution, to the point where people can be more aware of how your country’s laws work than their own country’s laws. I’ve often seen it held up as an example of how poorly educated people in say, Canada and Australia are that we believe we have, say, a ‘first amendment right,’ but the thing is you have to ask why there is that.
We watch so much American TV.
We listen to American music.
We try to make our news broadcasts look like yours, because that’s what real and legitimate news looks like. We try to retell your stories in our local languages because that’s what real media looks like. Our children sing songs in your accents because that’s the culture that a multi-trillion dollar economy has pumped into the whole world.
America demands we attend their wars and surrender our living to become their dead and when we are done America sells the survivors a cheeseburger.
This is not a remarkable or controversial statement. You must know, this is not even vaguely challenging to know about. Everywhere in the world is replicating parts of the American empire, because America exports and enforces the vision of the American empire. McDonalds may sell curry in India, but it’s very important that the curry being sold is McDonalds curry because that is how you know it’s an American style curry.
What this means is when someone tries to assert there are only really three games about America, that’s a kind of specialised brain rot that requires you to consider games that are very much about America as not being really about America. And thus we see the other thing about America, which is it’s not enough for America to be the most important place in the world that everyone else in the world needs to recognise, but also, most of America is inadequately America for this vision of America. You saw this in the wake of 9/11, and the election of Barack Obama: huge amounts of American media resurged in extolling the values of ‘real’ America, as opposed to the parts of America where the vast majority of Americans lived, which just so happened to paint a lot of marginalised people living in the cities as ‘fake Americans.’
I am not bringing you unique information. This is just obviously true things if you don’t live within the boundaries of an environment that flatters you as the most normal thing in the world. The vast majority of the world is not America. There are eight billion people in the world, more or less, meaning that America is about 4% of the world, and yet, it is catastrophically, overwhelmingly, deleritously the common touchstone for how things are ‘supposed’ to work. This is through media imperialism, which is mostly supported by American companies exporting all their media to foreign markets extremely cheaply.
‘about three games that are actually American.’
This fascinating piece of doofusry still, even now leaves me agog. ‘Actually American.’ Kentucky Route 0 is actually American, you see, as opposed to… what? Is America’s Army one of them? You know, the game financed by the American Army? What about Call of Duty, a franchise that is in part subsidised by American military complex manufacturers? What about Grand Theft Auto, a videogame that tells the rags-to-riches story of American excess in criminality, setting aside the way it’s made by a Scottish company. Actually American, because American doesn’t mean America, it means one tiny little pool of ‘America’ where the speaker can imagine there’s a realness and an authenticity to the America-ness that doesn’t involve all the messy realities of what it is to be America. It’s the towns of hard-working people, that suffer under your particular description of oppression, whether that’s cities full of nonwhite people or corporations bleeding the country dry, always eliding the social cruelties and terribleness of these places, as if giving people money stops them from being bigoted (for example).
This is then used to recruit these poor, superior Americans, the you know, America Americans, whose sufferings are noble and whose authenticity cannot be impeached and they are then used as a defense against criticism of, you know, America. It’s the same speech Charlie Daniels gave about how foreigners may think they could push around Barack Obama (a dude who bombed a lot of shepherds with the most elaborate and brutal military ordinance in the world) but they were going to have a harder time taking on Americans who wrestled alligators, who at this point have exactly zero recorded drone strike kills.
This is because America America isn’t real.
‘Real’ America is a nebulous nothing that you can project whatever you want onto, and which is also not responsible for anything terrible that America does. It’s not the American Empire, it’s not the exporter of culture, it’s somehow purer, better, a sort of individualised folk who are to be protected and extolled, shriven of all the things about America that make it anything but its perfect idealised form of America.
I could go on.
I really could.
This is something that defines the world I have to live in. I speak English. I’m white. I’m from a coloniser state. I should be able to integrate easily and smoothly into the white supremacist capitalist hierarchy of American culture, but we are told, that no, we are not acceptable. We are only valid as long as our differences are invisible. We, a real people, do not get to have opinions on America, because we do not know True America. When you spell colour wrong in a chat message, when your accent isn’t quite right, when you don’t know the difference between junior and sophomore year of high school, then you are shown, you are evinced, and you are made very aware that you are other, you are outside, you are wrong.
And really, there’s no good reason for it. We send our soldiers to America’s wars, we buy America’s submarines, and we sing your songs. Our currency mimics America’s, our culture permeats with America’s, we even have such a crushing inferiority complex about the empire that there’s an academic term for what we feel about our own media compared to the media of the truer, proper empire to which we are vassal.
The term is ‘cultural cringe,’ and it was coined by Henry Lawson, who you, odds on, have never heard of. In 1894, he wrote:
The Australian writer, until he gets a “London hearing,” is only accepted as an imitator of some recognized English or American author; and, as soon as he shows signs of coming to the front, he is labelled “The Australian Southey,” “The Australian Burns,” or “The Australian Bret Harte,” and lately, “The Australian Kipling.” Thus no matter how original he may be, he is branded, at the very start, as a plagiarist, and by his own country, which thinks, no doubt, that it is paying him a compliment and encouraging him, while it is really doing him a cruel and an almost irreparable injury. But mark! As soon as the Southern writer goes “home” and gets some recognition in England, he is “So-and-So, the well-known Australian author whose work has attracted so much attention in London lately”; and we first hear of him by cable, even though he might have been writing at his best for ten years in Australia.
This is imperialism. This is a way in which we have been induced and brought by the empires around us to accept their ways as correct, as the normal, as default. And that is the mindset you must have if you want to look at the breadth of videogames, with their American ideas like health insurance, readily available guns, the importance of freedom, the ubiquity of air travel, the branding and iconography of types of food and the sports metaphors and then say ‘yeah, this doesn’t have anything to do with America, not really.’
Anyway, this thread, this incident, was a big deal at the time, in that there were a lot of people from within the community of game developers and journalists who seemed very happy to line up and get mad at a brown foreigner for being inadequately enthusiastic about the possibility of playing a videogame. But don’t worry, after a day or two, an apology was forthcoming for all of this fracas, by which I mean, the original developer apologised for being so thoughtless as to, again, express honest lack of enthusiasm in a videogame.
For me, this was a kind of break point, where I started just blocking indie devs on sight. I don’t want to know what they’re involved in, I don’t want to promote their work, and I will hold tiny grudges against them that I do not seek to transfer or encourage in others. This was one silly incident in which a lot of people said something silly because they don’t know better, or they’re arseholes.
None of this is fair to Kentucky Route 0. It’s a game with its own intentions and its own perspective. It’s not trying to make this conversation happen. Kentucky Route 0 has been choked and gripped by this position around it, where to talk about an American game, someone put a cross on it that made it the avatar for All Things America. The wild thing to me is that I had, prior to this point, played two episodes of Kentucky Route 0. I thought it was pretty good, and I liked what it did with the negative space of dialogue options – when a character you’re controlling makes excuses, the excuses you choose show you other things you could be making excuses about that you, the player, didn’t know beforehand. That’s some good Narrative Storytelling Design, I like that a lot. But now I can’t really engage with Kentucky Route Zero because the main thing it makes me think about is how this final chapter, meant to round out the game’s story and present a conclusion and a point, became this flashpoint for a lot of people to be very casually racist.
Which kinda poisons the whole thing for me. It’s an authentic thing, I’m sure, it’s a thoughtful thing, too, but the people stepping up to say I should care about it did so in a way that made me hate them.
Any time you see me say ‘three games about America’ I’m talking about this, and the attitude of a particular kind of American that America is, as always, exceptional. It’s real easy to not realise when you’re just voicing your self-centeredness and how easy that is to ignore the opinions of people around you and what they’re saying. This is what I’m talking about when I mention ‘the three games about America.’
[fade for credit text]
By the way, the three games about America are Crash Bandicoot, Sam & Max Hit The Road, and Bust A Move.
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steddiebang2024 · 3 days
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how to wake a dead boy. | M |  33.7k
Author: @punkslovepoints
Artist: @bleedingoptimism
Beta Reader: 100_Thrown_Out_Speeches (AO3)
[Link to fic] | [Link to art]
Pairings: Stever Harrington/Eddie Munson
Characters: Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Dustin Henderson, Robin Buckley, Nancy Wheeler
Tags: Childhood Sweethearts, Childhood Friends, Time Jump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Apocalypse, Steve Harrington Has Powers, Alternate Universe - Pushing Daisies Fusion, Inspired by Pushing Daisies, Necromancy  
Trigger Warnings: Parental Death, Child abuse, Neglect, Some horror elements, Blood, Mild Gore, Some lingering Stancy
↳ Keep reading below for a summary!
They pull up outside the funeral home. An austere building masquerading as homely, it reminds Steve of his own house. Dustin looks nervous as Steve turns off the engine, sits with his hands on the wheel, just waiting.
Dustin has removed his hat and is tracing his fingers along the words, muttering to himself as he does.
“You don't have to go in, you know.”
Dustin snorts in response.
“I mean it.” Steve leans towards him, forces Dustin to look at him. “I know it may feel like giving up to not go in now, but it's not. We can do something else, throw a party in his memory or something. You don't have to punish yourself.”
Dustin continues to trace the outline on his hat. “No. I want to.” He looks up then, makes eye contact. “If you're given a chance to say goodbye, a real goodbye, you've got to take it right?”
Steve stares at him in shock, Dustin’s words forming an idea in his mind. A very, very stupid idea. Dustin continues to talk, explaining that this'll be his last chance to see Eddie. That he needs to do it, for closure.
“Wait here.”
“What?”
“Just,” Steve opens the car door, steps out and leans in, “I need to let them know we're here, there'll probably be paperwork. I'll come back and get you when they're ready.”
He closes the door before Dustin has a chance to respond. Walks the short distance from the sidewalk to the driveway as if his heart hasn’t started to pound and his legs don't feel like jelly.
He hasn't used his power in years. After working out the rules, he’d gotten good at hiding it, thinking of it as more than a curse than a power. And on the odd occasion he’d been forced to touch something dead, he'd perfected the old double tap method. Even Dustin hadn't noticed the split second of alive-again-dead-again back when they'd stuffed the demodog into Joyce Byers fridge.
By the time he reaches the entrance, he's made up his mind. He’s going to wake Eddie.
One minute.
A chance to say goodbye.
Properly this time.
The funeral director gives Steve a look of annoyance when he steps through the door, refuses to shake his hand, and just grunts a curt, “This way,” as he leads him through the building. Steve has gotten used to it over the past week, those who believed the stories, who see Eddie as nothing more than the murderer the press make him out to be. Steve tries not to care, just lets the guy lead him through to the back, thanks him as he waves a dismissive hand towards the door and returns to the desk mumbling that he doesn’t understand why they didn’t let Eddie rot in the hell he created.
Steve watches him go, steps into the room, closing the door behind him. It’s quiet. Steve doesn’t know why he expects anything else, just knows it feels strange to be in a room with Eddie and it be silent, not when Eddie himself was so loud. 
The room isn’t large, just a table with a vase on it that should contain flowers but doesn’t. The casket is sitting closed on a raised platform. Steve steps closer, his heart hammering in his chest, he’s muttering to himself how this is a bad idea, a bad idea, a bad idea.
Still, he opens the lid of the casket and there he is.
Eddie.
He’s paler than he’s ever looked before, make-up smeared across the worst of his facial wounds, but done without care or precision. He’s glad that Dustin isn't seeing him like this, he looks barely better than the day he died, although at least the shirt he’s wearing isn’t covered in blood.
He gives himself a moment. Steadies his breathing before reaching out and with a delicate touch, places a finger on Eddie’s cheek.
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harksness · 1 day
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Agatha Reader Insert Blurb (SFW)
Ok idk how many ppl are gonna read this but pls I would love for this to be a bit of a discussion for how people would apply this to themselves/their little pleasures.
Agatha is really good at staying up to date with things as the times change. She needs to make sure she fits in so she doesn't rouse any suspicion, right? So she has to, for survival. Fashion trends, politics, current events, and so on she's on top of.. But she's not good at staying up to date with music. She's horrible about it. You needed to explain everyone from Nirvana to Britney Spears to Billie Eilish to her.
When the 70s hit, she fell in love with that era and hasn't left it. The Cure, Elton John, David Bowie, Fleetwood Mac, (heavy on Fleetwood Mac), and she just hasn't really kept up since. She's listened to Rumors on repeat since it was released. (Just from vibes alone I feel like she'd love Dreams and probably crushed on Stevie Nicks.)
When you two start dating and you realize this, you think it's so cute. You listen to all of her favorite albums and songs, and love to listen to her stories from the concerts she's gone to. She ends up being a bit of a music dork, she loved going to concerts back in the day but as her favorite artists grew older and slowed down with touring she stopped going to shows.
So you introduce her to more music to bring that love back out of her. (Going off of my favorite musicians) she loves Weezer (Only in Dreams!!), Green Day (LAST NIGHT ON EARTH??), Bastille (Icarus, The Anchor, Warmth??) Chappell Roan, and unexpectedly, Britney Spears!! Also specifically Dragula by Rob Zombie. ("Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches" it should be her badass theme song lmao) (Feel free to add on in the comments w your favorite artists + songs you think she'd like!!)
She'll always go back to her old music taste, but you do notice her peppering in some songs you introduced to her and humming Pink Pony Club to herself.
You bought general admissions tickets to see your favorite artist and surprised her with them. And she's so excited, a wide smile on her face and eyes scrunched up in the cutest way. She looks up the set list to make sure she knows every song.
Because even though she's really good at staying up to date with most things, some stuff slips through the cracks. Or she doesn't have time for all of it. But it's easy for you to see just how much she enjoys discovering things she's missed out on, curiosity seeping through her voice as her wondering eyes light up with interest and it just really tugs on your heart. So you're always trying to find little things she doesn't know about yet.
Poptarts? She's like tf are those let me try them now. She loves the cookies and cream flavor but can only eat one because she thinks they're too sugary. You show her your old DS from when you were young? She gets addicted to Animal Crossing, Agnes is her favorite villager and she loves having you sit and watch her play. Tik Tok? She gets weirdly into Reddit stories. She tries to deny it and calls them stupid while she goes to find part two. Then continues to gossip about the story with you. Then points out everything that makes it obviously fake. (Add any more in the comments that relate to you or you'd just see from her!)
I just feel like Agatha has devoted over three hundred years to magic and big, huge things and adventures that she never gets to really indulge in the little pleasures in life. She has a lot of them to catch up on. While she tries to deny having any interest in it, she really does love when you show her the fun, pointless little things she's missed out on and just a sweet way the two of you really bond.
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emilsgrippers · 1 day
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I’m in a sprout x cosmo era since I’m back into Dandy’s world so guys ……….
FRUITCAKE HC!!!!!! let’s do this ..
So
—Cosmo is pretty chubby, and sprout is super just thin. Like if you blew on him he’d just go with the wind
—While cosmo was always kinda chubby, he gained some noticeable weight after meeting and becoming acquainted with sprout because sprout is always baking treats and yummy goodies for him and cosmo doesn’t have the heart to turn him down
(I love characters who gain weight happily)
—Sprout uses comically large oven mitts to get the food out of the oven while they cook, and cosmo just laughs at him because they look so stupid
—They both have little tails—Sprouts is just a large wispy leafy tail, while Cosmo’s is bigger and it looks like a cinnamon roll
(only it’s not but like…yk what I mean? Think of a Pomeranians tail but made out of the same chocolate Cosmo is made of.)
—Sprout is super forgetful when he’s not in the kitchen so Cosmo tells him something like “hey sprout can you grab some ___ for me later..?” And sprouts like “yes I can!!” he never does and he lets cosmo down
—they watch movies every weekend and they make special little pastries and junk to eat while they watch said movie. Cosmo always falls asleep on a full stomach wayyy before the movie finishes, so sprout just cuddles him until he falls asleep himself.
—they’re both idiots . Like Cosmo grabs the oven rack while it’s hot to pull it out with no mittens or anything… “ow I burnt myself..!” sprout turns without his own mitts on. “Here, let me try!” …. “Ow I burnt myself”
—Sprout doesn’t like cinnamon and he just crinkles up and writhes on the floor when fed cinnamon. Cosmo LOVES cinnamon so guess who gets all the yummy cinnamon flavored treats. More for him I guess
—Cosmo has the attention span of a fruit fly. Sprouts talking to him one second and the next cosmos’s like “eeuuuuuuyyghhhhhhhhhh” just zones out.
—Sometimes sprout tries to bring someone else in the kitchen to help them make bigger/more complicated things , but Cosmo gets an anxious because he’s so used to it just being him and sprout ..
—Cosmo is also very prone to colds and stuff…(if a chocolate cream roll can even get sick.) Sprout brings him all kinds of treats as a get well gift—like warm cookies…fresh and warm crossaints.. you know.
—Sprout has a much bigger appetite than Cosmo does, and sprout could probably eat about six times of whatever Cosmo does. If Cosmo tries to eat more than he can then he just makes himself sick (wow shocker)
—They also have a big big BIG thick and heavy recipe book. They decorated the cover and the book themselves, and they’re always adding new recipes into it. It sits on a high shelf that neither of them can reach though so it’s always a struggle to get it down.
Yayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some sprout main come carry me in the hit Roblox game dandy’s world please
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Note
could you write your dating shauna hc please? i love your writing btw ❤️😭
Dating Shauna Shipman Headcanons
YAY A REQUEST FOR MY BBG SHAUNA YIPPEE
Ty anon <3
Implied fem reader, could probs be gender neutral, used she/her pronouns like once
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Pre-dating/how you got together
The two of you started talking/hanging out because you were paired up for a project
At first you thought she hated you because she was always very quiet around you, like barely speaking to you even when you speak to her
Turns out she just had no idea how to make a conversation with you. That is, until she came over to work on a project and saw that you had a few of her favorite books. All of a sudden, she's very talkative. At least Shauna levels of very talkative
She starts hanging around you more, not really saying anything but if she sees you in the library, she'll come sit down next to you
After this happens for like the fifth time in a week, you ask her if she wants to maybe go get a coffee and study together
Shauna looks so shocked for a moment, and you wonder if you've misread the entire situation
Then she does her embarrassed little smile and is all "that sounds nice"
Two days later you're meeting her at a coffee shop and you have like the time of your life, she's so incredibly smart, but also so funny
You two start hanging out at least once a week, and sometimes you'll sit with her and the Yellowjackets at lunch
This goes on for a few months, both of you obviously having feelings for each other but neither of you saying anything
Until one day you think "fuck it" at the end of one of your study sessions, and kiss her when you leave. Just like a quick kiss on the cheek and you're out the door
She calls Jackie that night completely losing her mind, asking what to do
Jackie's all "Shauna she likes you. You idiot. Call her." But Shauna can't bring herself to call you
You're wondering if you fucked up the friendship until she's completely normal the next day at school
Nothing changes for like a week until she gets absolutely wasted at a party that you're both at
She comes to find you and she's so drunk that you're like "okay we're leaving." And you drive her back to her house
When you get there, she asks you to stay the night with her, and who are you to say no when she's this drunk?
You stay the night and she confesses she just didn't know what to do when you kissed her, and she didn't know if it was just friendly/that was how you showed affection
But she "has feelings for you or whatever and she knows they're probably stupid"
You're giggling and she's all pouty until you tell her that "obviously you have a crush on her you idiot"
OKAY now to when y'all are actually together!!
She leaves little notes for you in your bags/locker/ your room. They're mostly things she doesn't want to say out loud or reminders of things she wants to talk about
Loves to trade books with you and annotate them. Sticky notes galore. Some are like actual annotations and some are just "reminded me of you/us :)"
JEALOUS SHAUNA mmm... glaring when you dance with someone else at a party, even if it's literally Jackie or Taissa. She doesn't care, you're supposed to be hers.
Making you wear her flannels out... especially if she isn't going to be there with you (also loves to leave lipstick marks/hickeys)
Gets VERY touchy when she's drunk. Arm around your waist, head on your shoulder. Kissing you any second she can
Less touchy sober, but still likes to be touching you, things like holding hands or just sitting next to each other
When you're alone, though, she will not let you go. She's def a cuddler
Double dates with Jackie and Jeff 😭😭😭 they're hella awkward because half the time it's just Shauna and Jackie talking and you and Jeff sitting in silence. Not your fave date nights
Shauna is a clothes stealer. You have any flannels? They're hers now. Sweaters? Great. You've been dating for like two months when you realize half your wardrobe is gone
In her defense, though, she likes it when you take her clothes, too.
You're constantly hearing shit about Jackie and all the other Yellowjackets. Like "Taissa and Van are hooking up, I think" and "Jackie won't shut the hell up about states" you honestly feel like part of the team
Eventual double dates with Tai and Van that are 10x better than the Jackie/Jeff ones. You actually feel like you can talk
Shauna is constantly giving you new book recommendations and you're like "how do you read so much you're always so busy" and she just shrugs
Modern! Shauna that hates TikTok but whenever you show her a cute couple trend she gives in and does it with you
Modern! Shauna who never responds to texts/dms. Even from you. If you have something you really need to ask her, you have to call
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bigautomaton · 5 months
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Seeing as I kinda sort of hate writing, I made a playlist for Rainer's "backstory". I might elaborate on the selections at some point, but really all I got to say on it is everything would be from their point of view EXCEPT Oblivions. Oh and the playlist is chronological.
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crybaby-bkg · 2 years
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broke and busted boyfriend Dabi that bugs you so he can come to your lash, hair, and nail appointments only to sit there on his phone and complain about how long the process is. the only thing he pays for are snacks when you get annoyed with his complaints, and conveniently disappears when it’s time to pay for the actual service. he does buy you your favorite candy bar tho so it balances out
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milo-is-rambling · 9 months
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Me vs outlining a perfect plan for my day in my head which I can be the only one allowed to change the schedule vs my mom asking me to do 2 simple tasks
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#she was like hey can you take the trash out I was like ughhhh okay yeah give me a min (I was still ordering weed)#my mom less than a minute later : hey if you want to break down all the cardboard out there I’d appreciate it Me: actually I’d rather not I#was about to shower right after I put this weed order in#then she gets all pissed at me bc I never do what she asks and blah blah blah blah blah#like. girl. I know she can’t see in my brain but I was not awake last night watching cleaning videos and psyching myself up for a day full#of cleaning my room and showering and doing laundry and cleaning funks cage and doobs cage and making my bed and dusting my ceiling fan and#taking apart my box fan to clean it and cleaning the water pitcher in the fridge and deep cleaning#like GAH I HAVE SO MANY PLANS TODAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DO NOTHING AND JUST SIT ON MY ASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#ripping my hair out and screaming banging my fists on the floor#I literally was like yeah I’ll take the trash out no I will not break down boxes right now and she went off on a whole fucking thing like#just shut up.#I hate it. why do I make plans in my head of the exact order I have to do things and if one person suggest doing anything differently or#pushing my schedule back further than I wanted to myself I get so annoyed I explode into a ball of flames#I wanted to shower dry off pick up weed let out funk refill the humidifier clean the bathroom mirrors throw sort and clean the bathroom#shelves sweep start a load of laundry clean off my desk which means cleaning and organizing my closet or my desk dresser thing to fit the#crap on my desk and I have to clean and reorganize the space next to my desk so I can fit my boombox there bc the humidifier took its place#next to funk and like I want to just cry why does everything have to be so fucking difficult for me why is everything simple for everyone#else and for me every simple task is composed of one million baby tasks that I have to do in the correct order forever or everyone around m#will think I’m stupid and dumb forever like WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DO THING#IN WHATEVER ORDER AND IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT DO YOU MEAN A 20 MINUTE SETBACK DOESNT COMPLETELY RUIN YOUR DAY#AHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT#BUT INSTEAD. I WILL GO TAKE THE TRASH OUT. AND NOT BREAK DOWN THE CARDBOARD BC THAT MEANS GETTING MY KNIFE AND MY HEADPHONES AND PUTTING MO#CLOTHES ON WHICH IS COUNTERINTUITIVE#TO THE WHOLE ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOWER THING#UGHHHHHHH#I am the worst human on the planet and I deserve infinite suffering#fuck this whole thing I’m pissed I’m gonna listen to music and rage clean after I pick up weed and shower
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raeathnos · 1 year
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#oh I am straight up not having a good time rn#long story short I got in a big ducking fight with my mom yesterday over something dumb#it’s complicated and I don’t want to talk about it#but it was my fault and I did apologize#there’s some shit she did in the past that’s related that I know I’m never getting a fucking apology for but whatever#but I can tell she’s pissed and my apology wasn’t enough#and I know her well enough to know that she’s going to let it sit and stew#and in sometime in the near future when we’re both alone she’s gonna explode at me#very much not in a good mental place for that and not looking forward to it#in the mean time I feel like I gotta walk on eggshells and my anxiety is fucked cause I’m just waiting to be exploded at#I’m disappointed in myself because I feel like I acted like she does which is something I try very hard not to do#but also like I did apologize which is something she never does#which also has me upset#this was over something small and stupid and she’ll turn it into the biggest shit and how I’m a terrible daughter and all that#meanwhile I went through so much shit from her as a kid included getting disowned multiple times#for really stupid reasons (didn’t like that I was a tomboy - was personally insulted that I was depressed)#and Ive never gotten an apology for any of those and know I never will#and additionally know not to talk about them because she’ll just twist things and play the victim#so I guess the gist of it is I’m mad at her and I’m mad at myself for how I acted but also that this is#bringing back a lot of bad memories I’d rather not remember right now#also it was inventory today so I had to be up at 2am and I only got like an hour and a half of sleep#so I’m dying physically mentally and emotionally atm#I am straight up having a bad time#it’s the not knowing when I’m going to get screamed at that’s getting to me rn#my anxiety is so bad#I need to get out of here
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brainrotdotorg · 2 years
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