#just appreciate that there is a clean slate now

[owlsie-hoot]

... and the relief we feel once we notice our mistake cannot be expressed with words, only with actions.

for @below-average-fangirl

[medicinemane]

So... I hadn't checked for a while cause I knew the government was covering my $0 a month income ass with the SAVE program (which I've since learned republicans have been suing to put a stop to and federal judges have frozen which... thanks guys)

Anyway, before that happened they must have paid off my loans cause... I mean... I cut everything even remotely identifiable out there, but just look... paid in full, $0.00 balance!

So... thank Biden, thanks Harris... you actually did what you said you would

That's a huge weight off me. I mean, I was in forbearance (or whatever the one is where you tell the loan company you've got $0 in income) for a long time (which I learned probably had kind of screwed me over with the old rules) but... this way I don't have to worry that if I ever get on my feet I'll suddenly be slammed by student loans

This means I get to focus on making things better for myself by doing stuff to work on my house so it holds heat better and so my backdoor has a deck instead of a 5 foot dead drop into the basement stairwell

Really fucking wish these student loan repayments wouldn't keep getting blocked by judges, like sorry, now that mine's been paid off I still want the program even though I got mine... I want everyone else to get theirs too

Just... yeah... some good news, some real good news

[dollyyun]

𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥'𝐬 𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬' 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐲 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟕.𝟏

SYNOPSIS: Embarking on a new journey was definitely the best decision you have ever made. Ever since your new life started out on the very place you have ever dreamed of visiting, which has now become your reality, everything works in your favour. But you can't deny the fact that deep down inside, you miss the ones who were a major part of your life. Just like that, the universe seems to favour you as you now find yourself in a predicament involving being chased by the very past you thought you had left for good.

PAIRING: non!idols enha hyung line x fem!reader

GENRE: 18+ (mdni), adulthood, reverse harem, dark themes.

WORD COUNT: 26.9k

WARNINGS: profanities, explicit themes, heavy angst, mention of violence, alcohol consumption, manipulation, corruption, toxicity, smuts.

PLAYLIST: Delicate - Taylor Swift, I Don't Wanna Live Forever - Taylor Swift & Zayn Malik, Reminder - The Weeknd, Party Monster - The Weeknd, Bloodline - Ariana Grande, Touch It - Ariana Grande, run for the hills - Tate McRae, Animals - Maroon 5, Lights Down Low - Maejor (feat. Waka Flocka Flame), Rude Boy - Rihanna, Softcore - The Neighbourhood.

PREV (PART 6.3) | NEXT (PART 7.2) ✘ SERIES MASTERLIST ✘

-smut warnings under cut-

smut warnings: unprotected sex (no!), dom!enha, mild switch!jake, mild switch!reader, name calling, degradation, knife play, manhandling, bondage, blowjobs, throat-fucking, fingering, nipple play, pussy slapping & eating, anal, double penetrations, edging, crying, squirting, creampies, breeding kink, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, threesomes-fivesomes.

After hectic weeks of appeasing clients’ finicky demands and exceeding their expectations, which ensued in you receiving a scant sleep, you are more than deserving to pamper yourself for your competence and industrious work once more. By pampering, it means heading over to the upscale bar downtown to meet up with your best friend whom you haven’t seen in weeks due to respective work and interests.

Besides, what better way to spend your Friday night than to drink to your heart’s content and get wasted with your best friend? Well, maybe not too wasted, considering that your alcohol tolerance has significantly improved over the course of your engagement in spiritious refreshments.

Oh, the lovely irony of how the old you would never have indulged in such indecorous engagement and would totally reprimand the new version of you. Yeah, the old you, as in the saint you once were. Now that you think about it, a lot has changed, including you. 

You hold back a chuckle, your lips pressing together to form a smile that exhibits your amiability towards the refined patrons passing by you, who in return reciprocate the same courtesy to you as you step aside for them to exit the establishment. One of the many things you appreciate here is that the locals are friendly, including your fellow residents in your apartment building. There is never a day where not a smiling face greets you wherever you go.

As soon as you infiltrate further into the establishment that is furnished with lavish decors and embellishments, your keen eyes glide across the throng of patrons luxuriating and mingling with each other before they land on a certain brunette glammed up in voguish-worthy apparel, who is seated by the end of the extensive booth.

With a smile on your tinted lips, you proceed to make your way towards her, your hurried steps displaying your enthusiasm in finally meeting your best friend, who also turns out to be a saviour, or maybe even a guardian angel. Without her, you know that you wouldn’t have survived on your first arrival here a year ago.

Yes, it has been a year since you decided to wipe the slate clean and embarked on your new life in Milan, Italy — the city you’ve always dreamed of travelling to, which has now become your reality, or perhaps even better now that you have decided to live here.

“Y/N!” Yunjin, or rather Jennifer, heartily greets you with a dazzling toothy-smile as soon as she turns around. Initially, it felt weird to call her by her English name since you were more than accustomed to her Korean name throughout the years you have known her, but you decided to comply with her insistence.

“Jen!” You reciprocate the heartfelt greeting, your face beaming with a smile as she latches her arms around you to give you a bear-crushing hug before you exchange cheek kisses with her.

As she examines you, her eyes gleam with approval that aligns with the smile on her lips. “Girl, I swear you look prettier than the last time I saw you. I absolutely adore your dress!”

Warmth tingles in your chest, taking pride in your newfound fashion taste. It really isn’t anything special as you are dolled up in a simple off-shoulder ruffled-waisted black dress that reaches way above your knee length, but to hear a compliment from the very person who has been a tremendous help throughout the beginning of your journey feels rewarding, especially after you took many of her advices to heart.

“Thank you.” Your sincerity shines through your tone and crescent-shaped eyes. “You don’t look bad yourself. Dazzling as ever on this fine evening. Makes me wonder why you didn’t opt to work as a fashion designer instead.” You merely jest, casting her a smirk as you slide over next to her high seat.

Jennifer rolls her eyes. “I love dressing up, not designing. There’s a difference.” She states, to which you brush off since you know your best friend that much, while you flag down the bartender and give her your drink order.

As Jennifer begins the flow of your conversation, your eyes soften as you look at the animated glow in her demeanour. It seems that you’re not the only one who has changed much. The Yunjin you once knew back in Seoul is still there, but there is something different about the Yunjin in front of you. She has this specific glow and in the way she carries herself now that you can’t put into words to describe. It is almost as if back in Seoul, she didn’t have the chance to release her fullest potential, or perhaps the real her.

Of course, she didn’t, especially when you knew that she wasn’t exactly happy back in Seoul as she had to live with her mother and stepfather against her will. As it turned out, her parents got divorced during the period when you lost contact with her in your adolescence years, and initially, she didn’t want to leave Milan, where her father had been a permanent citizen here, but her mother won custody over her. Hence, you two meet again at the start of university.

Now that her mother has long since focused on her stepsiblings, Jennifer used this opportunity to return to her father in Milan. As for her father, you recall the first time you met him just a few days after your arrival here, and you admit how greatly intimidated you were by his imposing figure beneath the thousand-dollar polished suit as well as his steely demeanour when he scanned you from head-to-toe.

But soon enough, after Jennifer formally introduced you to her father, he finally recognised you as his daughter’s childhood best friend, and so his steely demeanour melted, replaced by something so fatherly that he cordially welcomed you with a big smile and a hug.

Aside from her mother’s wealth, it makes sense why your best friend has an abundance of wealth, as her father is an esteemed CEO who oversees all business operations across multiple diversions in the fashion industry in Milan, including organising the semi-annual popular Milan fashion week. Thanks to the powers and connections he wields, he manages to secure a career for his beloved daughter, ensuing her position as an international marketing specialist, to which is her ability to perform remarkably ever since, thanks to her degree in international business.

Whenever you see the sweet, endearing interaction between the father and daughter, a fleeting yet profound sadness hits you, accompanied by envy, as they remind you so much of the dynamic between you and your father. It does make you want to return to Seoul on impulse, but you know you can’t when your resolve to be here is permanent.

Plus, you have a career now, and you owe it all to Jennifer and her father, who helped you from the start after you mapped out your options of which career path you truly desire most. Honestly, there was none, but you obviously couldn’t live here without any income, and you felt awful for having to spend Jennifer and her father’s wealth despite their insistence, as they had pure intentions to help you get on your feet and stabilise yourself.

After much deliberation, you decided to pursue a career that is obviously equivalent in value with your degree in journalism. Hence, you are a freelance writer who is completely diverse and wields prowess in the field that you are specialised in. It was a rocky start, but eventually you gained momentum.

You have grown to love your job because not only do you have flexibility in choosing projects, setting your own schedules, and working from various locations, but this job also allows you to meet new people, aka your clients. Since your line of work involves socialising, you don’t really feel as timid as you were before, and instead, meeting different people elevates your self-confidence. Even more when your clients always seem to leave with satisfactory written all over them as well as in their feedback due to your top-notch professionalism.

You didn’t earn much in the beginning, but now, with your experiences and continuous improvement in your expertise, you earn more than you expected, for which you are thankful as your income keeps you going here, especially when you have every intention to repay Jennifer and her father, although they will always refuse whatever you wish to repay them.

Genuinely, from the bottom of your heart, you will always feel eternally grateful to Jennifer and her father. Without them, you would’ve lived out in the streets instead of the sumptuous three-room apartment, which the father-daughter duo decisively chose for you despite your objection to their generosity once more.

From the moment you first stepped into the vacant apartment and spotted the balcony situated adjacently at the living room, you immediately fell in love with the picturesque metropolitan that looked even more vibrant at night, as it was exactly what you had envisioned of your dream apartment with a stunning view to wake up to. Plus, where you live is a thirty-minute drive away from the renowned Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II.

Although your new residency falls under the deluxe category, you tried your utmost by furnishing and decorating your apartment more homely, albeit there is a discernible emptiness you can’t seem to disregard amidst everything that you have put effort into your new residency, especially when there is an annoying throb in your heart.

Nevertheless, you feel content because you have everything you need now — a job, a place you call your sanctuary, a father figure who cares and loves you like you’re his own daughter, best friends who have been incredibly supportive of you even if two of them are across the globe. Plus, you are independent now, including the fact that your mental health has long since significantly improved thanks to Jennifer’s suggestion to seek therapy from professionals.

No longer are you tormented by the dark, unpleasant memories from your old life in Seoul that used to haunt you every day and night in the rocky start of your new adventure here. No longer are you allowing anyone to trample over you and question your own worth.

Everything in your life right now is simply bliss, never mind the fact that you haven’t had sex ever since them, although there are times where you need to indulge and gratify your unabating libido, to which you brazenly bought a rather special rose vibrator. Sure, you did go to nightclubs, be it alone or with your best friend, and make out with hot strangers, but you didn’t go as far. You knew that no one could ever satisfy you the way you wanted, or maybe a part of you so deep didn’t want to betray them.

Your eyes harden as you place down the glass a little harder on the counter booth, drawing your best friend’s attention. “Hey, are you okay?” Jennifer asks softly, her eyes examining your countenance, which you swiftly mask with a deceptive facade as you cast her a smile.

“Of course. I was just thinking about this one prissy client of mine.” You lie through your teeth, forcing out a chuckle, and thankfully, she seems to buy it before proceeding to continue where she left off.

Ugh, why are you even thinking about them? You are very content with everything you have now, and you have been doing perfectly fine without them for about a year now. 

Before you can get too carried away to delve into it, your attention is drawn to Jennifer, whose eyes light up as she looks over your shoulder with a smile on her countenance, prompting you to look as well, only to be met by two familiar males looming over your figures, each decked out in distinct yet voguish-worthy apparel just the same.

“What a lovely evening coincidence. Are you ladies sure you didn’t stalk us?” One of them teases; his pink plump lips stretch into a charming smile while his eyes dart between you and Jennifer.

Jennifer scoffs with the corner of her lips curving. “It should be the opposite, don’t you think, Wooseok? Seriously, out of all the places.” She shakes her head before flickering her gaze at her cousin. “What are you doing here, Eunwoo? I thought you were flying to Venice.”

The aforementioned raven-haired male adorns a smile on his face, shifting his gaze from your face to Jennifer. “It turns out that I won’t be needing to fly to Venice any time soon.”

“So, mind if we sit with you?” Wooseok inquires, ignoring Jennifer’s disbelieving yet playful glare as he settles next to her while Eunwoo invites himself next to your booth.

Right, you have forgotten to add these two handsome guys that have now become acquaintances in your new life here. Byeon Wooseok and Cha Eunwoo.

Just like any other person, you were quite taken aback by their striking visual when Jennifer introduced you to them. Of course, you felt a tad timorous of being in the presence of two charming men with distinct allures, but as time passed by, you have grown comfortable with them and their wits. Apparently, Eunwoo is Jennifer’s cousin from her father’s side, whereas Wooseok is Eunwoo’s best friend since birth. According to Eunwoo, he and Wooseok come as a package.

You recall when Jennifer attempted to match you with her cousin, resulting in you going for a date with Eunwoo, only because Jennifer was adamant and both you and Eunwoo wanted to get it over with to see if you two were compatible.

It turned out that you were better off friends with him despite the fact that there are times where you do playfully flirt with him and Wooseok, but that’s how the dynamic has always been with them in your friendship circle. Plus, they care for you and see you as their female friend only.

Sure, both Eunwoo and Wooseok are charming gentlemen who also oversee their family business, and they are more than capable of providing for you, but your heart doesn’t beat for any of them the way it did before with certain individuals, not even a fluttery sensation.

Your heart is adamant, and as much as you hate to admit it, no one can come close to and ever be compared to the four individuals who are now in the past that you have long since put behind you, but why are you even thinking about them now after all your efforts to forget them?

You are very content with the present, so why the fuck is there a palpable longing in your once-shattered heart that you had mended yourself? After so long, why now?

Gripping the glass of cocktail, you proceed to down the liquor rather gluttonously, drawing their attention to you by your abrupt vigour as they watch you with quizzical eyes.

“Slow down. You’ll choke yourself. You can always order for more.” Eunwoo’s gentle reprimand does nothing to dispel the ache you can feel in your chest.

Perhaps rather than effacing everything about them, you repressed every feeling, thought, scent, and face of theirs so deep in the trenches that you have grown accustomed to the point where you are in denial.

“Oh, definitely. Bartender!” You flag down for the bartender again to give her the previous order and double them, earning bewildered stares from your friends.

“Someone is eager to get drunk tonight.” Wooseok comments, oblivious to the fact that you are actually drowning out your sorrows as he watches you take a swig in awe.

“Y/N, I think that’s enough.” Eunwoo attempts to snatch away one of the glasses, but you snappily swat his hand away as you shoot him a scowl. He heaves a sigh before catching Jennifer’s gaze and spotting a flicker of understanding in her eyes as she examines you.

Jennifer has an inkling that something must’ve bothered you, and she doesn’t comment on it, knowing that she’ll only worsen things. She catches Eunwoo’s questioning gaze and shakes her head, conveying her disapproval to leave you be.

“Relax. I have high alcohol tolerance, remember?” You tell him, merely casting him a lazy grin that doesn’t reach your eyes before bringing the glass to your lips again.

It isn’t long when Jennifer receives a call that requires her to head back to her office since she left some important documents that she intended to bring back home while Wooseok offers her a ride, to which she gratefully accepts before bidding you a goodbye, now leaving you alone with Eunwoo.

Heck, you even seem to forget that the older male is still seated next to you as you are preoccupied with your disoriented mind while downing glass after glass of Milano Torino uninhibitedly, hoping that the alcohol will dispel the yearning ache in your chest, until he decides to break the ice after observing you.

“You’re obviously not fine.” Eunwoo points out, his eyes meeting yours and noticing how they seem to glisten with inexplicable emotions under this resplendent lighting. “Talk to me. What is bothering you?”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to play therapy with me.” You scoff out, looking away from his intent gaze to finish up your fifth glass. For a moment, there is silence while the background fades into insignificance, only the sound of your heartbeat in your ear as you stare into oblivion with hollow eyes.

Then suddenly, you feel something nudges you into confiding in Eunwoo, or maybe just allows him to gain a miniscule insight into your concealed vulnerability, even though you swore that you would never allow anyone to catch a glimpse of that vulnerability of yours after establishing an adamantine bearing.

Yeah, this has to be the alcohol-thinking that got your mind into a state of chaos. It seems like your high tolerance decides to betray you tonight.

“Have you ever been in love?” The question leaves your lips against your will before you can stop yourself. Oh, who are you kidding? There is no stopping, especially when you can feel the influence of alcohol affecting your whole being.

Eunwoo’s dark eyebrows jump up in surprise at the unexpected question, though he feels a tad amused by it, as evident in the way his lips form into a wistful smile. “I have, but it’s been years since we decided to break off the engagement and parted ways.”

It isn’t entirely surprising to you that Eunwoo had been in a relationship, especially with a divine face card like his. You hum in acknowledgement, languidly bringing another glass of liquor to your lips. “So what caused the rift in your relationship?” You decide to distract yourself by focusing on him instead.

A flicker of sadness is palpable in his eyes amidst the glistening reminiscentness before he looks down at his half-empty whiskey. “She wasn’t ready to be fully committed and didn’t want to move our relationship to the next level because she still wanted to travel and enjoy what the world had to offer.”

You can’t resist rolling your eyes at his statement. “She could’ve still travelled and enjoyed it even after tying the knots with you. It’s definitely her loss, then. You’re a total package. Rich and handsome.” You state rather bluntly.

Eunwoo heaves a sigh, unfazed by your monotonous flattering remarks. “It’s fine. We ended on good terms anyway. Now, your turn. Have you ever been in love?” He bounces the question back to you.

You feign a wince, scrunching your nose lightly while you dismiss the way your heart throbs painfully. “Tricky question. I don’t really know how to answer that.” You say brusquely as you suddenly find your glass rather interesting.

Eunwoo scoffs lightly, his eyes narrowing at you in suspicion. “More like you’re trying to dodge the question. Why are you afraid of answering?”

You can’t help but feel snappy. “I’m not afraid. I just feel like it’s a stupid question.” You tell him with a scowl on your face. “Forget what I asked earlier. Let’s just pretend that this conversation didn’t happen.”

“You’ve been in love before.” It isn’t a question, to which you feel as though his proclamation smacks you in the face, and when your wavering eyes meet his, he knows that he is right.

Despite the fact that Eunwoo manages to break through the equanimity you vehemently try to retain, your demeanour remains one of indifference as you look away from his invasive eyes. “It was a mistake of mine that I don’t intend to make again.” You utter dryly before taking another swig of your liquor.

Eunwoo winces lightly, recognising the fleeting heartbreak in your icy-glimmering eyes. “Was it that bad?”

“It’s complicated. We weren’t exactly in a relationship, but─ “ You grimace, refusing to make a trip down memory lane. “Let’s just say I was the one who removed myself from their lives permanently of my own accord. It was for the best.”

“Them?” Eunwoo raises his eyebrow inquisitively. “So there was more than one person you fell in love with?”

You narrow your eyes at him accusingly. “Is that judgement I sense?”

Eunwoo raises his hands up defensively. “Hey, I was merely curious. Besides, it’s totally normal for you to fall in love with more than one person. You can’t help with who you love.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Your lighthearted chuckles carry an undercurrent of bitterness. “You would’ve seen me differently if you knew of my past, but unfortunately for you, I’m not one to recall what I’ve tried so hard to bury.”

“Trust me, whatever past you had, I would still see you the lovely and elegant Y/N Kang just as you are now.” Eunwoo reassures you, offering you a small smile as he pats your head gently before glancing down at his wristwatch. “I would love to listen to your whole life story, but it’s getting late and I have work the next morning.”

“Boooo. Only fools like you work on a weekend.” You make a face at him, to which he responds with a head shake and a chuckle emitting from him. “Seriously, working on a weekend is too excessive, even for you. How are you even going to date someone if you always spend your days at the office? At this rate, you’ll grow old and wrinkly alone because you’re always busy with work.”

“Thank you for your concern towards my dating life. Unfortunately for you, I don’t intend to date anyone anytime soon.” His amusing tone drips with sarcasm as he gets off his seat, adjusting his coat around his body. “Come on. I’ll send you back to your place.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’d like to stay here a little longer.” You decline, earning yourself a disapproving yet concern frown from him.

“It’s nearly eleven, Y/N. The bar will be closing in a few hours, and it’s dangerous for you to go back alone at night.”

You sigh, getting a tad annoyed. “Eunwoo, I’ve always gone back on my own, and I turned out just fine. Even if someone were to assault me or follow me, I have pepper spray with me, so don't worry.”

Eunwoo hesitates. “But─”

“I also need some time alone to think.” You cut him off, insisting vehemently before softening your tone. “Please.”

Eunwoo eventually concedes, his lips pressing thinly as he stares at you. “Fine. Call me or Wooseok if you detect the slightest danger. I mean it.”

“I will.” You tell him, your tone providing him the assurance he needed before he embraces you with a side hug and proceeds to depart from the establishment, where only a few patrons are left, much to your surprise. Just earlier, there were a throng of them.

You redirect your focus on the two leftover glasses of yours. Pursing your lips, you reach out to grab one before taking leisure sips, and this time, the wave of inebriation hits you harder compared to the previous drinks you had while the liquor sends a burning sensation down your throat that coupled with the emotions you painfully restrain from making any utterance.

Desperate to quell those emotions, you take a last swig of your drink rather aggressively before placing down the glass and wiping the excess moisture from your upper lip. But it doesn’t help. Instead, you feel the restrained emotions breaking into a tumult that racks through your body.

Fuck, you should not have thought about them in the first place, especially when they trigger something in you that feels like a kill switch. Oddly, tears never spring up in your eyes, but rather, you feel wholly numb that even the goosebumps arising on your skin due to the lack of warmth layer clothing to barrier the temperature doesn’t deter you.

Maybe it was a good idea for Eunwoo and the others to leave you, but at the same time, maybe it isn’t a good idea for you to dwell over your past as the wounds slowly reopen. Maybe, just for tonight, you allow your inhibitions to be let loose as you finally come to admit defeat against your tenacity.

“Ugh, who am I kidding?” You mumble to yourself as you rub your forehead, facing down to the counter.

Yes, you admit that despite the fact that your life is going well, the inhibited part of you truly misses them and influences you into thinking that without them is simply just a cruel existence that you chose to feign ignorance to, when in the deepest depths of your heart, all you ever want is to call their names until they come back home to you.

But after what happened in the past, you are often caught up in a dilemma that keeps you up at night sometimes as you reevaluate every of your choices with one thing stuck in your mind — wondering if you dodged the bullets or just lost the loves of your life.

You wonder at times if they care enough to notice your permanent departure from Seoul, and just when disappointment is about to seep through you, you recall that you had deleted your old contact number as well as your phone in any case they decided to track you down, but considering that it’s been a year, it is more than apparent that you won’t be stumbling upon them since they had no idea of where you truly are now.

A drunkard chuckle leaves your lips at the irony of you thinking and missing them when you were the one who resolutely decided to remove your existence from their lives.

Whenever you walk around in a place full of people, and even now as you scan your surroundings for another time, your subconscious always sees them around in all these empty faces, despite the glow in their demeanour.

In the end, the heart will always want what it wants, no matter how much exertion you put into repressing the dangerous emotions in it.

Feeling an incessant pounding by all the pensiveness as well as the amount of glasses you drank, you opt to rest with your head that gradually feels heavy on your folded arms pressing onto the countertop, facing sideways. You close your eyes, hoping to dispel any lingering thoughts about them, but it is futile because, behind your closed lids, you can see their faces.

You snap your eyes open, only staring blankly at the wall while you can hear the sound of your mended heart cracking. Oh, you are most definitely drunk, because how is it possible that your heart has a palpable longing that hurts so much you can physically feel it?

You want to cry, you do. But it is as though you run out of tears after the times you weeped in your sleep at night in the beginning. Instead, your eyelids feel heavier, threatening to close before you finally yield and allow sleep to take over your vulnerable figure seated by the booth alone.

Though sleep has beckoned, you are still faintly conscious enough to feel something so warm and fairly large enveloping your shivering figure, providing a barrier to withstand the cold temperature, and you swear you feel fingertips tracing down your temple so delicately and warm lips pressing on your cheek before sleep eventually engulfs you whole.

Of course, sleep doesn’t last that long as you find yourself being jolted awake naturally, prompting you to flutter your eyelids open and noticing that you are still in the same bar. The nap was so good that you even find yourself being utterly disoriented.

You slowly raise your upper body with the intention to check your surroundings, but you halt at the moment a familiar cologne hits your nostril emanating from the leather jacket hung over your figure, causing you to freeze in your seat and panic because you recognise his cologne so vividly.

No, this couldn’t be his jacket. There is absolutely no way it belongs to him. You turn around to scan your surroundings with attentive eyes, only to spot a couple seated in the centre of the bar. Otherwise, nothing seems out of the ordinary.

“Excuse me.” You call for the bartender again with an entirely different purpose as she approaches you, noticing how panicked you look. “Have you seen anyone giving me this jacket while taking a nap?”

Much to your surprise, the bartender nods her head, kindling a hope in your chest. “A fine gentleman who also paid for your drinks. It’s a shame that you were asleep. You should’ve seen how handsome that man was.” She gushes dreamily whereas you scratch your head, confused yet terrified at the thought that it could be any one of them, but it is impossible for them to find you, let alone to be in the same bar as you are now.

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts ─ that’s what you keep telling yourself while attempting to calm yourself down. Maybe this jacket belongs to a thoughtful stranger, and the familiar smell of his cologne is just a mere coincidence. Maybe you are being paranoid over nothing.

You give yourself a firm head nod. Yeah, you are most definitely paranoid.

Deciding to head back to your apartment, you quickly book an Uber on your phone while you ignore the fact that you are getting comfortable with the leather jacket hugging you. It isn’t long when your Uber ride has arrived, prompting you to make your departure after thanking the bartender for her service. You don’t know why, but the jacket remains in your possession as it hangs around your figure. 

Once you step foot outside of the establishment, you spot the exact plate number as your Uber ride by the curb before you proceed forward. Reaching the black Audi, you are about to open the door to the backseat when you feel a wave of chills through you, and no, it’s not from the breeze.

It is the kind of chill where you feel as though someone is watching you from afar, and you swear you can feel the unknown source of burning gazes that prompt you to look at the car just a few parks away from the pavement curb — a red Lamborghini.

Due to the dim lighting, you squint your eyes in vain as you are unable to make out the person inside the car, but the engine is definitely running. Again, maybe you are being paranoid or just drunk since your head is pounding twice harder now.

You shrug the feeling off before proceeding to enter the black Audi, and you silently thank God that the driver is not the chatty type, allowing yourself to rest comfortably in the backseat and facing the window.

Just as sleep is about to take over you again, you spot something in the rearview mirror. Wait, not something, but the red Lamborghini you saw earlier, revving forward, albeit slowly. Again, you shrug it off, not wanting to freak yourself out over something so trivial, assuring yourself that it is merely a coincidence that the red Lamborghini is heading in the same route as you.

If there is one thing you hate about being able to tolerate any amount of alcoholic consumption is the fact you are not entirely immune to the hangover that strikes you as soon as you groggily wake up.

The pounding headache persists; even after you freshen yourself up as you head to the kitchen, your hair slightly dampens from showering. As you open your fridge to grab a bottle of water, the frown on your lips deepens when the recollection of last night finally hits you.

You clearly remember tossing yourself onto the couch as soon as you entered your apartment, having been enervated from all the drinking and thinking in one night, but when consciousness dawned earlier, you found yourself waking up in your bed and had been neatly tucked under the covers.

Your forehead creases as you think deeply, but your face twists into a grimace when your head throbs again before deciding to cease overanalyzing last night. You shrug your shoulders and close the fridge. Maybe you sleep-walked to your room, which is not surprising considering that last night’s dwelling at the bar was out of your new character as well.

Heaving a sigh, you grab your phone from the kitchen island with the intention to order food after neglecting your grumbling hunger, but the sound of the doorbell chiming sidetracks you. Confusion etches on your face as you make your way to the door, wondering who would pay you a visit at twelve noon.

Definitely not Jennifer, as she would always text you in advance, and definitely not any of your best friends since both are in Seoul, but when you swing the door open, you are proven wrong, standing there with your eyes widened in disbelief at the unexpected yet pleasant surprise.

“Y/N!” Karina heartily greets you, giving you no chance to recover from being greatly stunned by their unanticipated visit in Milan, let alone to be at your apartment, as she lunges for a bear-crushing hug, her arms around you as she squeezes you.

“Girls! What the─” You chuckle in disbelief, your smile stretching wider as Wonyoung joins in the reunion of your much-needed hug from your long-distance best friends. “Not that I’m complaining, but how, why, and what are you doing here? How did you even know my address? I thought you were on your respective business trips.” You inquire, confusion lacing your tone as you recall your conservation last week when you were in a video call with them.

Wonyoung, as elegant as ever, along with her captivating doll-like beauty, beams at you with a smile gracing her cherry-glossed lips. “Well, it’s a lie. Yunjin was the only one who knew about it. Plus, we wanted to surprise you!”

“For your info, she prefers to be called Jennifer now.” You correct her, smiling mirthfully at Wonyoung’s faux annoyance on her countenance.

“Miss Jennifer standing on business as soon as she landed here, huh?” Karina scoffs out playfully before nudging you by the shoulder as the three of you proceed to move further into your apartment. She slings an arm around your shoulder, casting you a grin. “So tell us, what did we miss out on?”

And so you begin to unravel what happened over the course of this week except last night, of course. You don’t want them to worry, and knowing their overprotective nature over you, it is best if some things are kept hidden.

Besides, both of them already have too much on their plates, especially with their respective careers. After graduating with their master’s degrees, they pursued the paths they had created for themselves at the start of university. Wonyoung is now a public relations writer under her grandfather’s company, whereas Karina is a fashion designer under a renowned luxury brand in Seoul.

Having known and seen your best friends thriving in both their lives and careers sends a wave of emotions that render you genuinely proud and elated for them, just as they do to you. No one is happier than your best friends to see the transformative change in you after what happened. To them, you are still the sweet, kind, and compassionate Y/N Kang, but there is a certain ambience of dominance you exude wherever you carry yourself to.

“By the way, we are also here for Milan fashion week.” Karina moves to another topic as the three of you decide to settle by the kitchen island. “Also a surprise since Jen managed to secure invitations for us. You’re coming too, right?” She looks at you with glittering eyes.

“Definitely.” You have long since anticipated attending the famous Milan fashion week, and thanks to Jennifer, you are invited as well as an exclusive VIP guest. The corners of your lips tip up. It is truly a privilege to be associated with someone who has connections to make the nearly impossible happen.

“Where are you girls staying, though?” You inquire, and from the corner of your eyes, you spot Wonyoung ambling towards the living room, probably to admire your apartment, and so you direct your attention to Karina.

“We’re staying at this five-star hotel apartment.” Karina answers, satisfaction emanating from her in the way her face goes animated as she excitedly tells you what has happened. “We’ve only been here for two days, but we can definitely see why you dreamed of travelling to Milan. The food here is amazing, and─”

“Hey, Y/N?” Wonyoung draws your attention, prompting Karina as well to turn around to look at Wonyoung by the living room since the kitchen island is adjacent. “I had no idea you were into flowers.”

“I don’t…” Your utterance wanes as soon as your gaze falls to the bouquet of luscious roses in her grasp, confusion fogging in your head. “Where did you find that?”

“On the coffee table.” Wonyoung’s eyes gleam with fascination as she examines the roses that no doubt are authentic. Even Karina shares the same fascination as Wonyoung, as they immediately gush over how beautiful the roses are. “Judging by the bouquet, it’s obvious that someone must’ve given it to you. So, who is the lucky guy?”

But they are oblivious to the confusion on your countenance that slowly morphs into horror at the vivid recollection of seeing nothing on the coffee table last night before you passed out on the couch. Dread begins to crawl onto your skin, matching the way your stomach churns unpleasantly.

First, it was you waking up in your bed to which you thought you had sleep-walked, then now, the roses that somehow magically appeared on your coffee table? The coincidence is too uncanny, but then the possibility might be true, to which you fear to admit.

No, it can't be that someone has intruded into your apartment when you know it yourself that you had the door locked last night. There was absolutely no way anyone could climb their way up to the highest floor to get to your balcony without falling to their death.

“A friend of mine. Jen’s cousin, actually.” You lie through your teeth steadily, deciding that it’s best if you don’t alarm your best friends. Your eyes narrow at their reactions, already knowing what they are going to say next. “But we aren’t dating or anything like that. Someone gave it to him, and he gave it to me instead since he wasn’t a fan of flowers.”

“Wait, is he the guy we saw once in her background when we were video calling that one time?” Karina’s enthusiastic inquiry is answered by your mere head nod. “Babe, he’s so fucking fine, and I swear he looked straight out of those vogue magazines. You should try dating him.”

“Agreed.” Wonyoung chimes, smiling triumphantly while they remain oblivious to the distress creasing your countenance. “Plus, you’d look good with him.”

A dry chuckle leaves your lips. “Yeah, that’s not happening. He’s a great guy and all, but I’m not interested in him, nor am I interested in dating. I don’t want to risk myself getting another heartbreak after—” 

You bite down your tongue, realising that you are getting too carried away and dwelling over the past once more. Seriously, just what is up with you since last night? You promised yourself that you wouldn’t dwell over your past again.

Upon seeing a certain yet familiar sombre casting shadow over your countenance, Wonyoung and Karina exchange knowing glances before Wonyoung decides to step forth. “We’re sorry. We shouldn’t have brought up anything regarding dating.”

You smile faintly at her, denoting your reassurance. “It’s fine. I know you had good intentions, but I meant what I said. I can’t afford to go through another period of heartbreak.” There is a palpable tremor in your voice that doesn’t go unnoticed by them.

There are a couple beats of silence before Karina initiates, her tone is an unwavering resolve. “You know what would make you feel better? Shopping.”

You chuckle, rolling your eyes playfully. “Please. I’ve had enough of that, thanks to Jen.”

“And I’m not having any of that. You still need to give us a tour around here. Now go on and get changed into something more presentable.” Karina shoots you a coy smile as you reciprocate with a scowl, but nevertheless, you comply.

“Here.” Wonyoung thrusts the bouquet of roses into your hands. “Don’t throw it away. It’s too beautiful to be thrown away. You can place it in a vase or something.”

You sigh softly in response. “Fine. Just wait here and make yourself comfortable like it’s your home.” You tell them before quickly making your way to your room as you grip the bouquet.

You admit that you did have an intention to throw these away, but now that you examine them, these roses indeed look authentically beautiful to be thrown away. Entering your room, you head over to the vanity table while looking down to examine these roses once more.

This time, however, your sharp eyes spot something white hiding amid the roses as you examine closely. Indulging your curiosity, you proceed to grab for it, only for you to hold a mysterious white card.

The rational part of you vehemently urges you to throw away the card while you feel a sense of dread creeping up on you before you slowly open the card to read the messages written on it in black ink.

But as you read it, your hand trembles, which match the way every fibre of your being goes haywire, while you can feel your heart nearly dropping to the pits of your tummy.

No, this can’t be from any of them. Heck, they don’t even know where you are, so it is nearly damn impossible for them to find you here out of all places when you cut off their contacts and bought yourself a new phone.

You quickly put aside the bouquet on the vanity table before attempting to occupy yourself in choosing your outfit of the day in your walk-in wardrobe, but it becomes futile when your mind drifts off to the seemingly harmless message that has an undercurrent danger.

‘You’re still beautiful as ever, sweet angel. Just a little while more.’

The weekend passes by quicker than you liked when you spend your time with your best friends, bringing them around to the places that you are familiar with, including your favourite ones, and before you know it, the highly anticipated Milan Fashion Week has arrived.

Eventually, whatever happened back then, in regards to the mysterious roses and the leather jacket that remains in your possession, is overlooked, as you have always been preoccupied focusing on what matters in the present, which is exactly what you needed to retain your sanity.

The moment you step foot into the venue, any remnants of worries dissipate from your mind as your eyes twinkle in fascination at the remarkable fashion appeal of the sophistication encompassing the entire event taking place while there is an elegantly unique ambience teeming in the atmosphere. 

Paparazzis as well as reporters can be spotted with their cameras flashing at the exclusive VIP guests, also known as industry insiders — designers from various fashion houses, buyers, fashion writers and editors, gorgeous models, and even celebrities from other countries. Everywhere your eyes sweep over, it is bustling.

Your gaze finally settles on a familiar brunette with her father, mingling with esteemed guests before you nudge Wonyoung and Karina to follow you. Once you reach the father-daughter duo, their attention is immediately shifted to you with the pleasant smiles on their faces stretched wider.

“Y/N!” Jennifer latches her arms around you, giving you a quick squeeze before moving over to enthusiastically greet Wonyoung and Karina while her father steps in to give you a fatherly embrace that you have grown comfortingly accustomed to.

“Hey, sweetie.” Her father greets you softly as soon as he pulls away, and your heart aches once more at how gentle he is, which reminds you of your father. You brush away the melancholy as you give him a smile. “You look outstanding, and I’m sensing my daughter’s touch on your apparel?”

Honestly, you beg to differ from his compliment, not when other guests dressed up to the nines except you. You didn’t want to potentially draw attention to yourself by dressing up too extravagantly, and so with your adamant insistence, Jennifer demurringly chose for you a gorgeous scarlet satin cami dress that accentuated your contours exquisitely, including the fact that you are practically braless underneath, while the colour matches your tinted lips.

You chuckle lightheartedly at the knowingness in his tone. “Of course. My fashion sense is good, but it can’t be compared to Jen’s.” You say, your eyes drifting to your best friends as they are still conversing rather excitedly, considering that the three of them are fashion enthusiasts.

You, on the other hand, are not as passionate as them, but you desire to experience the world-class fashion week that you often see across social media platforms every year. Plus, you’re experiencing this with your best friends, so this is more than you could’ve asked for.

Soon enough, Jennifer’s father withdraws from your mini group to socialise with other businessmen who are most likely his acquaintances, whereas you and your best friend advance forward to finally meet Eunwoo and Wooseok, both of whom had a pleasant dinner with your group yesterday. To say both of them look more charming than they usually do is an understatement, especially when they often draw attention with ogling eyes from the people in your vicinity.

Amidst the overflowing conversation, you take a moment to observe the exuberance in the glow of their countenance, and warmth tingles in your chest at the amiability they exude as they converse with each other. You are more than glad that the two men, despite them being a little older, seem to get along well with the girls.

After posing for some pictures, thanks to one of the cameramen, your group proceeds to head to the main venue, where the fashion runway show will be starting soon. It isn’t long until you and your group have settled in the venue with you seated in between Eunwoo and Wonyoung in the front row, where you are able to view the models in their sophisticated element as they stride on the runway, displaying such professionalism while adorning with unique yet striking apparel.

You most definitely did not expect to be engrossed by the entire runway show, but there is something about these models and the prowess they wield that bewitched you to the point where you don’t seem to notice Wonyoung and Eunwoo conversing with each other closer behind your back for the male to hear her better amidst the background music.

But then goosebumps begin to arise on your skin before you finally sense something, or rather someone’s eyes burning through you. A frown pulls down at your lips as you briefly look over your shoulder, only to see the other guests are occupied with the ongoing runway models.

Your forehead wrinkles in confusion as you decide to redirect your focus to the front. Maybe you are being paranoid, but the sensation of eyes on your figure is unmistakable, prompting you to examine the seated guests across from you.

Yeah, probably nothing, you think. It’s your mind that decides to— 

You force yourself to swallow the gasp that nearly leaves your mouth, and you swear you can feel your heart stop beating momentarily while the time around you seems to slow down. You truly want to believe that what you are seeing is simply an illusion that your mind conjured, but as your eyes continue to lock with his, there is a palpable electrifying sensation just by the connection between you and him that slowly intensifies, bringing dread to settle over your transfixed figure.

The corner of his lips curves up into a devilish smirk while his eyes darken with a cryptic purpose, and the worst part is, he’s not alone. You lock eyes with the familiar face seated next to him, whose lips mirror his best friend’s devilry. No, you must be seeing things, but as you blink your eyes for another time, you have come to a harrowing realisation that they are very much real.

The other two are not anywhere seated in their vicinity, to which you feel weirded out because even you know it yourself that the four of them come in a package and are practically inseparable despite their differences. Still, it doesn’t allay your incessant worries just because there are only two of them here.

Jay and Sunghoon. Although they are seated a few rows to the back from across yours, you can see how a year has changed them, be it for the better or worse, but probably the latter. They look even more mature than the last time you saw them.

Despite your collected demeanour, you are shaken terribly to the core with questions bombarding your head. You don’t wish to assume anything, and maybe their being here is merely a coincidence and that they were invited as well considering they are Chaebols just like your best friends, but the shadows casting over their countenance tell you otherwise.

If what you are thinking is true, then how did they manage to find you, and why now after a year? Were they the ones who may have potentially intruded your apartment and given you the roses while you were rendered unconscious? 

The way they gaze darkly at you is akin to predators finally catching their prey after the long hunt, with the only exception being that they look ravenous despite their steely, collected demeanour that adds more charms to their distinctive dark allures and visuals.

You refuse to allow their insanely handsome faces to dissuade you from taking a particular course that involves you to elude them at all costs, even when your heart has a fervent throb that feels all too familiar. Longing.

Amidst this unforeseen crisis, you try your utmost to defy against your longing for them, but it is gnawing desperately on the walls you built to protect yourselves from any more disappointments and heartbreak, and you fear to admit that you have indeed missed them, more than you should not have.

Hence, you turn away from their eye contact with a heavy heart, and at the same time, the runway event has officially ended, prompting the VIP guests to mingle around to discuss amiably yet professionally, whereas you find yourself being surrounded by your befriends and trying to keep up with their conversation as well as to go with the flow.

When your eyes shift to where you saw Jay and Sunghoon just moments ago, you find them missing from their spots, as if they were never there in the first place. Nevertheless, you uphold your resolve, and that is to stick close to your best friends, whereas Eunwoo and Wooseok have been whisked away by unfamiliar yet esteemed guests, leaving you with your girls to spend the rest of the day sticking to one another.

Throughout the entire event, as you explore the art exhibitions, pop-up stores, and other luxurious sophistication variety they offer with your best friends, you try your utmost to avoid giving away that you are still shaken up by seeing their faces while your inner turmoil feels endless. Every so often, you would check your surroundings for any sight of them.

Eventually, the night has fallen and the afterparty beckons, to which you wholeheartedly decide to join alongside your best friends and some other guests as you need to let loose the exerting tension in you.

The entire reception is bustling with respective pursuits from the guests, but it is the kind of pursuit where the conversations flow much more colloquially amongst each other while at the same time revelling in the piquant cuisines, various beverages, as well as the music that complements with the classy ambience reverberating throughout the resplendent reception.

Withdrawing from your group, you decide to head over to the beverage section, needing another drink to indulge yourself and invigorating your social battery that is ebbing away. A sigh leaves your lips. At least one thing that remains unchanged is the fact that your social battery is just as weak as it was before unless you ingest alcohol.

As your fingers wrap around the stem of the glass, you raise the glass to your lips and take sips of the champagne. A faint pleasurable hum emits from you as you greedily sips for more, feeling the familiar fizzy sensation within you.

Oblivious to your surroundings, you fail to take heed of the fact that your vulnerability as you stand alone by the beverage section is at anyone’s disposal for whatever intention they have towards you at this very moment.

Just as you place down the empty glass on the table, you feel an ominous presence looming from behind you while the backless of your dress allows you to feel their body heat rather intimately, sending an oddly familiar shudder through your transfixed body. Your breath goes hitched in your throat, feeling their warm breath fanning down on the skin of your exposed shoulder.

“I’m surprised to see you here without your boyfriend.” His voice sounds huskier, laden with desire and an undercurrent of ire, sending a dangerous wave of sensation through you, and yet you can’t help but discern how he sounds more callous than you recall, as though he has been through much.

Right, he is most likely referring to Eunwoo, whom he probably saw how intimately you were dancing with earlier, despite both of you knowing that you don’t see each other that way.

Little did you know that it took every ounce of self-control for him to master upon seeing the way Eunwoo’s hands on your hips as you two swayed to the music, and he wants nothing more than to rip off Eunwoo’s limbs for touching you.

You don’t dare to turn around as he continues to speak slowly just for your ears to hear him. “Don’t tell me that he got bored and ditched you?” His tone drips with piercing mockery that has you clenching your fist. “Cat got your tongue, baby? You know I’m right. He probably can’t fuck you better than I do.”

“You don’t know anything.” You retaliate, your voice sounding foreignly cold in your ears. “For the record, you are not the sex God you think you are. He could probably fuck me better than you ever did.”

You know that you are treading dangerously on the razor-sharp blade with the words you speak so disdainfully and the way his fingers tantalisingly caressing your exposed back speak volumes. “You’re right. I don’t know anything, not since after you left, so shouldn’t you be polite and give me a warm welcome?” He tuts disapprovingly.

“I’m not obliged to do so, especially when you’re nothing but a stranger to me.” You say tersely, hating how your heart aches at the words leaving your mouth so coldly detached, but you don’t want him or any of them to ruin the serenity that has been established in your new life here. You don’t need anymore corruption and toxicity.

Mustering courage, you turn around to face him, your steely eyes meeting his amused yet dangerous ones. You take a brief moment and discreetly examine him up-close, bringing more aches to your heart at how devastatingly handsome he looks than the last time you saw him.

His jet-black hair looks shorter with an undercut, and he has it styled impeccably that displays his chiselled forehead, allowing you to see his vertical left eyebrow piercing that accentuates his sharp steely eyes and the familiar noticeable scar on his bottom lip. His strong cologne infiltrating your senses nearly sends you deflating as you recall all the memories you had with him.

“You’re meaner to me than I was to you before.” He scoffs out, oblivious to the fleeting longing you almost exhibited by the look in your eyes. “You’ve changed, baby. Was it him? Is that why you’re looking at me with such disdain?”

“This isn’t about Eunwoo, and stop calling me baby. You have no right to call me any endearing names, Jay.” You seethe out, gritting your teeth. You hate the flicker of disappointment and hurt in his gaze, but then you recall when you were the one who bore the most wounds in the past. “Like I said, we’re strangers, so I don’t know who you are. If you’ll excuse me, I’m heading back to my friends.”

You don’t give him the opportunity to speak as you brush coldly past him, but just as you do, you fail to realise another figure who has been approaching from behind, causing you to halt in your steps when he latches his hand around your elbow.

You look at him in disbelief as he narrows his eyes at you. “Let go of me, Park Sunghoon.” You utter calmly, trying to tame the storms within you. His touch on your skin feels tingling with familiarity, one that is filled with both ecstasy and longing.

Maybe it’s the aftereffect of your departure from their lives, but you swear Sunghoon looks twice as attractive as you recall. His stark raven bangs fall over his eyebrow, doing nothing to obscure his dark eyes from penetrating into your glaring ones. His grip on your elbow is a silent warning, almost as if telling you to comply with him.

“You don’t want to make a scene in front of these people now, so I suggest you come with us obediently, princess.” His deep voice only seems to intensify the butterflies that awakened against your will, as does the endearment that brings back memories. “Let’s talk like civilised people, yeah?”

“We have nothing to talk about.” Surprisingly, you manage to escape from his grasp, and you quickly put some safe distance between you and him. “If I didn’t reiterate this enough, then let me make it simpler for you to understand. Leave me alone, and don’t you dare do anything to hurt Eunwoo or my friends.”

With one last glare at both of them, you immediately blend through the crowd to return to your friends. You don’t realise that you have been holding back your breath and how tense you look until one of them points out, drawing attention to you.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Jennifer inquires, her eyebrows furrowing with concern as she holds your shoulder. “You don’t look well.”

“I’m fine, but I think I’m going to call it a night.” You give her a small reassuring smile, contrasting how your insides are in a tumult upon your encounter with your past that you thought you had left behind. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll text you once I reach my apartment.”

“I’ll drive you.” Eunwoo offers, earning him an appreciative smile from you before the two of you proceed to bid your goodbyes to your friends.

“You looked pale earlier.” Eunwoo murmurs to you as you walk next to him, making your way to the exit. When his eyes meet yours fleetingly, you recognise the knowingness in them. “What happened?”

“I don’t know what happened and how it happened, Eunwoo.” Your voice sounds dejected despite maintaining your steely demeanour. “But I know for a fact that my past is finally catching up to me.”

The journey to your apartment is a silent ride, which you appreciate much since you need silence to ruminate about what still feels surreal to you. You have an inkling that Eunwoo is more than curious to know whatever you meant earlier, as you can see from your peripheral vision how his eyes frequently dart to you, but hesitation holds him back.

Feeling your head pounding, you grimace lightly as you lean your head to the headrest, facing the window. Just as you have every intention to put your fraught nerves to a temporary ease, your sharp eyesight catches a car in the rearview mirror, bringing a frown to your lips.

Initially, you wanted to ignore and dispel any ill-thoughts of the black Ford Mustang that have been driving in the same route as you, but this can’t be a mere coincidence that it is now heading towards the street to your apartment.

You attempt to calm your nerves that are set ablaze once more, not wanting Eunwoo to notice your discomfort. Obviously, when you saw Jay and Sunghoon earlier, they fucked you up in the mind, so it is highly possible that your paranoia right now stems from your previous encounter with them.

“Thank you. I owe you one.” You thank Eunwoo sincerely as soon as you arrive, trying your best to give him a smile while every fibre of your being is urging you to head inside quickly.

Eunwoo casts you a charming grin. “Nah, you don’t owe me anything. We’re friends. By the way, are you sure you don’t need me to accompany you to the lobby?” He asks, his concerned eyes scanning the rather desolate street through the window.

You shake your head at his thoughtful offer and reassure him with a smile. “It’s fine. The street looks creepy at night, but I’m used to it. Thanks again. I’ll see you whenever.” You bid him good night afterwards before exiting from his car.

You watch briefly as Eunwoo speeds off your street before you turn around with the hurried intention to head inside the building, but you stop dead in your tracks when you spot the black Ford Mustang parked by the curb in your street just a few cars down from where you are.

This time, goosebumps arise on your skin, and you have a strong inkling that this is no longer a mere coincidence. Your harrowing interest piques at the moment the both doors of the car push open, prompting you to hold your breath as you await the reveal.

As soon as you manage to catch glimpses of their identity, or more like their identity being obscured with familiar masks, your pulse begins to drum loudly in your ears while your eyes widen in sheer disbelief. Of course, they would follow you all the way here, but you didn’t expect that they really would, as though to chase after you.

Acting upon your fight-or-flight mode, you immediately hasten to head inside the building without looking back. A brief moment of relief washes over you as soon as the elevator opens automatically before you step inside and press the level you intended to go, which is five floors from where your apartment is situated.

You don’t want to take any risk of them finding out which level you live, or maybe they already know since they might also be the ones who gave you those roses. You take this chance to regulate your breathing, physically and mentally preparing yourself for the incoming exertion as you lean your back against the wall. 

Once the elevator chimes as it opens, you walk briskly as you make your way to the door, where the long flight of stairs is by the end of the corridor. You push the door open and waste no time in ascending the stairs. The sound of a door slamming loudly close from below triggers you as it intensifies your perturbation that has your chest tightening.

A growing sense of dread settles over you, bringing forth anxiety that surges through you as it manifests itself in the irregular rise and fall of your chest, while the gradual return of your headache causes an incessant rhythmic pulsating that parallels your pumping heart, nearly impeding you from the pursuit to your newfound sanctuary as you clutch onto the metal railing.

You feel the burning aches in your calves’ muscles as well as your feet, which are adorned in 3-inch stiletto heels, beseeching you for a moment of respite. You come to an abrupt halt just as you finally reach the last flight of stairs, wanting to catch your breath and trying your utmost to silence yourself from making any noise.

It is times like this where you finally question yourself: why on earth did you choose to live at the highest level in the first place?

But then again, you never had anticipated for anything like this to happen. No, you never would have thought that you would be running for your life out of fear again, not since after you departed from your old life and buried the horrible memories where they would never resurface in your mind again.

Despite the persisting fear that grips you, a rousing anger is palpable in you as a muscle pulses in your jaw while your eyes go hardened at the evocative paranoia you thought you had effaced in your mind. Yeah, maybe you are being paranoid. Maybe the car you saw back there was a completely different one than the one following you. Maybe your mind decides to fuck you up again after so long.

Or maybe the influence of alcohol is affecting your sanity, evoking such apprehension that strikes you as paranoid, but if it is, then the reverberating footsteps from below you as they ascend the flights of stairs should not have alarmed you when they probably belong to other residents that live in the same apartment building as you.

You refuse to look down and check their identity, fearing that they would turn out to be the ones you thought you had escaped from. Rallying your erratic nerves, the door just a few metres ahead of you is a beckoning to your pursuit as you set in motion once more, running even when you are still in heels. You push the door open haphazardly, hastening as your feet instinctively guide you to your apartment door by mere muscle memory.

Once you finally reach, you rummage through your purse before grabbing for your key card, but with your trembling fingers, you fumble with it as you attempt to tap your card onto the smart lock. You don’t look back, even when the sound of the exit door where you emerged from is being opened.

As the door chimes familiarly, you expeditiously open the door and shove yourself into your not-so-humble abode before closing the door behind you securely. You dismiss the sound of discernible footsteps from the outside of the door along the corridor, now feeling safe and sound, with a sigh of relief leaving your lips.

Having grown accustomed to the darkness enshrouding your apartment, you resort to normalcy while your rapid heart rate begins to decelerate as you busily store your platform heels in the shoe compartment and place your hand purse on the entryway table before advancing further into your sanctuary.

However, your steps seem to slow down while your stomach begins to churn unpleasantly as you heed to your instinct that vividly senses the eccentric, foreboding atmosphere. Thanks to the broad windows that allow the vibrant cityscape to illuminate your apartment, albeit dim, your eyes adjust to the surroundings as you survey for anything out of the ordinary.

The thought of an intruder in your apartment is simply preposterous when you know it yourself that you had both the door and balcony locked hours ago. Surely, this is your paranoid mind conjuring another ghastly thought that doesn’t help with your perturbation.

But when your gaze finally settles on a manly silhouette against the vibrant cityscape, maybe you were not being so paranoid after all. Still, despite the violent churns in your tummy, you intend to take feeble steps to get a better look at the intruder while your rationality beseeches you to grab something or do anything to defend yourself against the brooding danger.

The intruder is obviously a male, judging by his physique even when he seems to be clad in an all-black ensemble, and from his laid-back stance, he is leaning behind against the balustrade by the balcony with his arms crossed over his chest.

Not even two steps when the intruder decides to intervene as he leans away from the balustrade and saunters forward, allowing you the stark view of his veiled identity beneath the eerily familiar mask he adorns, to which your eyes widen in both sheer disbelief and alarmed. You’d recognise that red mask anywhere.

Your figure is transfixed on the spot while every fibre in your being is screaming at you to elude him, but it is as though his gaze behind the mask penetrates you, and even in the way he is deliberately stalking towards you. You ignore the way he tilts his head to one side that seems adorable.

“Missed me, my love?” His familiar voice sends you a jarring sensation that has your heart lurching in your chest. The pitch of his voice sounds deeper than the last time you heard him, and a sultry rasp is evident that is accompanied by a brewing ire, especially in the way he exudes such disconcerting danger.

You should be matching his ire, and maybe even greater than his since he intruded into your once-tranquil sanctuary, but it is completely absurd how, in the midst of this, you feel a palpable arousing desire that you haven’t felt so profound in a long time. 

This time, you know that it’s the influence of alcohol again. Oh, it is truly sickening, and you feel revolted at yourself, but maybe the wickedness in you has long since desired to be hunted and preyed on once more.

You open your mouth to speak, but it is as though you lost the ability to speak, unable to articulate your thoughts and feelings that are parallel in a torrent. It seems that he doesn’t feel satisfied with your lack of response as you finally take steps back, mapping the ways to elude him.

“I asked you a question, sweetheart.” He nearly growls out, and amidst the fear, your arousal seems to intensify. “Did you not miss me at all? Because I did, and I’ve missed you so dearly. How dare you leave me, my love?”

Instead of answering, you pivot on your heels and bolt for the main door, acting on your instinct, but the second you swing the door open, a startled yet frightful shriek leaves your lips when you come face-to-face with two ominous figures who adorn in familiar yet distinctive masks you dreadfully recognise.

“Where do you think you’re going, princess?” Even his voice behind that silver mask sounds deeper than you recall, and it is as though they’ve been through so much that accentuates in the way they sound and speak.

“Baby girl loves getting chased and tests our patience, like she usually did before.” His chuckles sound cold and harsh behind his black mask as he saunters towards you while you have long since backed away from your old predators, your mind mapping other ways to elude them. “It’s been long overdue, yeah? Let’s have a talk.”

You scoff, mustering the courage to display your long-established steely demeanour. “Oh, yeah. Let’s have a talk once I put all of you behind bars for your intrusion on my property.” Your aggressive retaliation takes them by little surprise, considering that they have been observing you as well as noticing the palpable change in you.

“Princess has gotten feistier.” He chuckles, but even you can discern how his patience is running thin in the way he sounds. He takes you by surprise as he takes a long stride forward in an attempt to reach for you, nearly growling out, “Come here.”

Of course, with your newfound vitality that incites from the adrenaline rush through you, now dashing for your room, completely determined to elude them despite the palpable yearning in your heart that adamantly desires to return to them.

Pushing open the door to your room, you shove yourself inside while your breathing is ragged from all the running ever since. Just before you can lock the door, a shriek leaves your lips when another intruding yet imposing figure towers over you, adorned in a familiar white mask.

You don’t even have the opportunity to recover when he seizes you in his possession, manoeuvring you and pinning you against the wall next to the door. His palm covers your mouth before you can scream, while the other seizes your bound wrists above your head.

“It’s been a long time, my beloved. Oh, how I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He lulls dangerously, tightening his grip on you while your pupils shake in fear as you stare at him with widened eyes, heeding to the ire that belies his longing. “Did you like the roses we bought for you?”

So it was from them. Even though you did like them, you refuse to admit it. You shake your head vehemently in response, earning you a disapproving tut from him. Your heart pumps harder as he closes the proximity between you two, his body heat is now in contact with yours.

“Liar. If you didn’t like them, you would’ve thrown them away, but you kept them instead.” He slowly removes his palm from your mouth, allowing you more capacity to regulate your harsh breathing. “Tell me that you’ve missed us, that you’ve missed me.”

You bite down your tongue, almost letting your true feelings that you thought you had them obliterated. Mustering the iciest glare you can, you penetrate your eyes into the eye sockets of his mask as you harshly utter, “I didn’t. Not one bit. Now leave, Heeseung─”

In a blink of an eye, Heeseung manoeuvres you again, and this time, you find yourself face-landing on the bed. You hear the door open, causing you to scramble on the bed as you finally gain a better view of your now-four predators encompassing your room, hindering you from any form of escape.

Their imposing figures that mingle with the thickening tension in the air suffocate you, and yet you can’t seem to stop your arousal from leaking from your throbbing clothed cunt. The hem of your dress hikes up way above your thighs as you attempt to crawl backwards, but a yelp emits from you when Heeseung grabs you by the ankles and pulls you towards them.

“We were going to play nice with you, but then you just had to be adorable and make things harder for us.” Heeseung’s voice holds dark promises that send you the pleasurable shivers, causing you to discreetly push your legs together in an attempt to stop the arousal, but it is futile.

“Bratty Princess needs to be taught a lesson.” Sunghoon drawls, and this time, your wrath is wholly eclipsed by the avid lust surging through you as you recall the last time you ever defied them.

Despite your steely, scowling demeanour, your heart races in anticipation, and your mind is dizzying from both the alcohol and the incessant need for them to reciprocate your darkest temptation. You squirm lightly under their penetrating gazes behind their masks that ooze with the familiar dark allure which the devilry in you desires most.

Oh, fuck, maybe you did miss them and their cocks.

Still, displaying your defiance towards them sounds as ever thrilling, and just for tonight, you decide to push aside whatever hurt and yearning in you that were caused by them. Tonight, you need to satiate your feverish lust that has long been neglected.

“What do you say, baby girl? Do you still want to play this the hard way, or do you want to talk?” Jay asks, the mockery dripping from his deep voice matches his imposing mask.

Of course, the answer is more than obvious to you. Supporting your upraised body with your elbows on the dipping mattress, a cold smirk plays on your lips while your sultry gaze is a silent yet powering invitation to them, as does your stark, revealing legs.

“You guys reek of desperation.” You scoff, still smirking, while you feign disgust with your eyes that do nothing to dispel the thickening heat in the air. “Seriously, fuck off─”

“So the hard way it is, then.” Heeseung deprives any more provocation from you as he hauls you up by the arm, nearly has you tumbling forward, but he steadies you as he cups your cheeks, forcing you to look into the dark, hollow sockets with widened eyes while you feel arousefully shaken by the depraved mockery by his mask’s visage alone. “Let’s make it a little fun, shall we? You’re going to try to escape from us, but if we catch you, we fuck you.”

With the persisting adrenaline rush in you, of course you are more than glad that things are now exciting in the most depraved way, but you refuse to give away your cooperation. After all, you had missed being a brat.

“No, fuck you! I’m going to report you for your intrusion.” You vehemently emphasise, and for a moment, you nearly deflate when your eyes flicker down at the necklace around his neck with a familiar ring resting on his chest, causing your heart to squeeze, but you quickly compose yourself before shoving him away from you with your every strength. “See your asses in jail.” You manage to splutter before bolting for the door and swinging it open.

It is odd how you hear none of their footsteps behind you when you expect them to chase after you. Nevertheless, you hasten forward, now heading for the door that grants you the freedom you feign seeking, but your rationality is beseeching you to actually escape.

As soon as you reach, your hand latches on the handle to push down and open, but it won’t budge at all. Huffing, you try for another time, only to receive an automated beeping sound from the smart padlock, bringing dread to you. You are locked from the inside out, and you have no idea how when this has never happened.

“My sweetheart can’t open the door?” Jake’s voice is laced with mockery, prompting you to turn around to see him leaning sideways against the wall of the end of the entryway with one hand tucked inside his pocket while the other holding his phone, to which your eyes narrow. Your suspicion is correct when he is the one responsible and manipulates your chance at escape. “I did a little modification on your smart padlock. Hope you don’t mind, lovely.”

Cursing under your breath, you resort to another plan, which is none, but you make a run from your predator anyway. You find yourself in the kitchen, which you actually never planned to, but just when you’re about to make an exit, a small shriek leaves your lips when Jake appears by the entrance of the kitchen, prompting you to back away.

“Do you know how adorable you look like this? Running away from me.” You ignore the fact that Jake’s breathy chuckles resurrect the butterflies in your tummy, your eyes darting to your surroundings while he continues to revel in the way you look so frantic. “Come on, now, sweetheart. Just surrender yourself to me, and we’ll make you feel good all night long.”

When your eyes settle on the kitchen knife, you grab it on instinct and just on time as he swiftly moves closer to you, feeling his body heat oozing to yours. With a cold snarl, you deftly manipulate your moves on him, now finding himself being pinned against the wall by you with your arm pressing on his chest while the other positions the sharp blade to his neck.

“Wow, sweetheart. I always knew you had it in you.” Jake chuckles again, completely undaunted by the fact that you are holding him dangerously at a knifepoint. “That’s why we’re the perfect match. How truly adorable you are, my dearest.”

“Stop talking and undo what you did to my door.” You coldly snarl at him, your eyes glaring heated into the hollow sockets of his mask. Honestly, you don’t have any malicious intent to harm, only wanting to give him a good scare, or at least you attempt to.

“This brings back memories, don’t you think?” Jake simply ignores your demand, his smirk widening behind the mask as he revels in the way you look attractively brazen with a lethal weapon in your grasp. “It would’ve been more perfect if you wore a ghostface mask. You’d look so fucking good─Fuck.” He groans, a sensual growl evident in the rumble of his chest when you intentionally press your thigh against his prominent bulge.

You scoff in disbelief while the corner of your lips twitches to a smirk that you hold back, revelling in the dominance you assert over him. “Are you seriously getting hard over this? You like it when I hold the knife to your neck, knowing that I could easily end you?”

“Fuck yeah.” Jake gasps lightly as he leans his head back against the wall, baring his exposed neck to you with his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down while he slowly grinds his bulge against your thigh, nearly whimpering out. “Please, sweetheart.”

“What are you pleading for? For me to cut your throat slowly while I fuck you?” Mockery drips your tone as he continues to grind on you. A part of you feels wickedly delighted that Jake is at your mercy, especially as he is evidently turned on by your derogatory remarks. “You like the idea, don’t you? Fucking nasty.”

“At least I’ll bleed to death happily with your pussy wrapped around my cock.” Jake chuckles breathily, his lips curving into a smirk at the deleterious yet salacious thought while his mind conjures up the erotic image that goes straight into his borderline-painful erection. 

“You really are pathetic and a psycho, do you know that?” You hiss, pressing the sharp blade into his skin, but careful enough not to tear it. “Even in the face of death, sex is all you can think about.”

“When it comes to you, then yeah. I’m only ever hard for you.” He rasps, his voice sounding deeper while you discern a certain yet palpable shift in the air. Your eyebrows furrow slightly when he halts grinding, followed by a sigh. “Alright, sweetheart, playtime’s over. It’s my turn now.”

Your face contorts into confusion while you unintentionally loosen your grip on the knife. “What─” A startled gasp leaves your lips as soon as he deftly does an uno reverse on the situation, now seizing control over you that prompts him to possess the knife while backing you up swiftly until you hit the countertop behind you.

Your breath hitches in your throat as you feel the sharp blade on the skin of your neck, prompting you to tilt your head up to look at him while your heart pounds harder against your chest. Rather than the expectant fear, the position only intensifies your arousal coupled with the fogging lust in your head.

“What are you waiting for? Do it.” You jab him with provocation, your eyes glinting with challenge as you dare him to tear your skin. He remains silent, but the knife remains on your neck. You decide to provoke him again, leaning your neck to press against the blade while a smirk smears across your lips. “Don’t deny it. Deep down, you know you’ve always wanted to. From that moment you chased after me and fucked me as ghostface.”

“You know me so well, lovely.” Jake hums as he drags the pointed tip down your skin tantalisingly slowly with purpose. You shudder lightly as the tip ghosts across the expanse of your exposed chest. “But as much as I’d love to see you bleed prettily for me, I don’t want your precious skin to scar other than my mark. Now remove your underwear, and don’t make me repeat it.”

Surprisingly, you comply, trying your utmost not to seem eager while he takes one step away to allow you space to remove your underwear before you let it drop to the floor.

“Sit on the counter.” Jake orders sternly again, and heeding obedience, your palms plant on the countertop to assist in pulling up your body weight. “Now spread your legs, baby.”

You bite down your lip as you slowly spread your legs apart while the hem of your dress bunches up, only to be taken by surprise when he stands in between your legs with his thumb stroking along your slick folds until he reaches your clit to rub lazy circles, eliciting a gasp from you.

“It looks like I’m not the only one getting turned on by this.” Jake scoffs lightly, his thumb doesn’t relent from rubbing your clit, stimulating the bundle of nerves while a breathy moan escapes you. “Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?”

“Jaeyun.” A startled gasp leaves your lips while your heart nearly lurches in your chest when he presses the edge of the knife’s handle on your clit that throbs from the solid sensation. He slides down the handle along your slick folds before taking you by surprise when he slowly pushes the handle into your cunt. “J-Jaeyun!” Your hand latches on his shoulder as you feel a spark of fear within you.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? You weren’t so afraid earlier.” Jake teases you, but when his eyes flicker to yours, he halts his movement, with nearly half of the handle disappearing into your wet heat. He cups your cheek with his other palm, using his thumb to gently stroke your skin. “Relax, sweetheart. Don’t tense up. I won’t hurt you, you know that.”

Your heart melts upon hearing his gentle assurance, and you can’t resist falling for his charms as you place your hand on top of his, your eyes staring into the hollow sockets of his mask as you give him a nod that denotes a green light, to which he resumes his ministrations.

“Jae.” You moan, surrendering yourself to the sensation of your cunt being assaulted by the knife handle as you prompt your legs to spread wider for him, displaying your avidity in his hungry eyes as he watches how you’re taking it.

“That’s it, my girl. You’re doing so good.” Jake whispers amourously, bringing his two fingers to your mouth, to which you understand his intent as you open your mouth to stick your tongue out for him to collect your saliva before his slick fingers make their descent to your clit to rub it with skillful precision that has your cunt clenches around the handle. “Feels good?”

“So, so good.” You moan out your response, your hooded eyes fluttering open and close as you tilt your head up while moving your hips in tandem with the handle being thrust into your nearly weeping cunt.

Unbeknownst to you, another masked predator has been watching since the moment Jake fucked you with the knife handle, leaning sideways against the entryway of the kitchen with his arms folded. Behind the mask he adorned, his eyes darken as he drinks in the erotic display of you getting lost in the euphoria with your legs spread wide and your back arched that causes your erected nipples to be visible against the material of your dress.

Feeling a presence from behind him, Jake casts a brief glance over his shoulder to see his best friend without stopping the momentum. A smirk touches his lips, knowing that his best friend desires you vehemently.

“What are you standing there for?” Jake’s question draws your focus, and when you do, your eyes latch on the familiar silver mask as he stands across from you. Your cheeks go warm at the fact that Sunghoon has been watching you being shamelessly fucked by a mere knife handle. “You’re welcome to join. I’m sure our girl would love a set of fingers to stretch her.”

“Didn’t know princess was into this kind of stuff.” Sunghoon drawls as he saunters forward while you only feel a wave of anticipation for another to ruin you. “Like Jake said, I’m gonna stretch you good for you to take us later.”

A whimper leaves your lips as you feel the loss of the knife handle, causing your cunt to clench at the emptiness, but a gasp tears from your throat at the abrupt intrusion of Sunghoon’s cold, slender fingers plunging into you, replacing what was deprived of you.

“Hoon!” You moan loudly as his fingers thrust into you vigorously, yet it is a familiar momentum you had missed, prompting you to latch your hands onto his broad shoulders with your nails sinking into the material of his jacket.

“You’re soaking wet, princess.” Sunghoon grunts, increasing his pace as he fucks you with his fingers, eliciting a lewd sound from the slicks of your cunt that denotes your arousal. “So tight too. Should’ve fucked you sooner. How are you going to take us?”

But his remarks are drowned out by the sound of your moans that serenade to them, rendering them impatient as their erection is raging beneath the slacks. 

“Sweetheart is dripping.” Jake coos, joining Sunghoon as he decides to set the bundle of nerves aflame with his thumb rubbing your clit. The dual sensation from the two best friends sends you to the teetering edge of ecstasy.

“Fuck. Hoonie! Jae!” You whine, planting your palms beside you on the countertop as you move your hips sensually yet at the same tandem as their fingers. You can feel yourself on the brink of the need to release, your body tauts with tension alongside the knot coiling in your tummy, getting ready to hurtle yourself to the climax.

“I’m going to cum!” Just as you announce, they cruelly deprive you of the orgasm that is slowly ebbing away as they pull away from your throbbing cunt, eliciting a sob from you while tears prickle in your eyes.

“You didn’t think that we’d give you to cum so easily after abandoning us, did you?” Sunghoon scoffs, leaning forward to cradle your face to wipe a single tear running down your cheek. His palm rubs your thigh soothingly before grabbing it. “Wrap your legs around me, princess.” He murmurs, and you do so obediently with your arms hooking around his neck on instinct.

Sunghoon proceeds to carry you back to your room with his hands supporting your buttocks. You indulge your body that has been craving this intimacy with him as you hug him tighter and bury your face in the junction of his shoulder and neck. His familiar cologne is a soothing balm to your nerves.

As soon as Sunghoon enters your room, he sets you down on the bed, prompting you to unwrap yourself from him. With the streaks of moonlight filtering into your window, your eyes spot the shade of Heeseung’s hair that looks lighter, unlike his best friends.

Your attention is pulled by Sunghoon as you look at his imposing figure looming over yours by the edge of the bed. “Strip for us, princess.”

Overcome by a surge of defiance, you scoff, rolling your eyes at him as you remain unmoving from the bed. “No.”

“I said fucking strip. Don’t make me repeat it for another time unless you want a good spanking.” Sunghoon's assertive dominance sends an intoxicating wave to you that nearly suffocates you.

Feigning reluctance, you huff lightly, your fingers curling at the hem of your dress that is bunched up to your hips before you pull it up purposefully slowly, as though to taunt them. All the while, their eyes are in a hypnotic trance at every perfect contour of your nudity despite the lack of light in the room, feeling borderline ravenous as you finally toss aside your dress without breaking eye contact with them.

Then palpable tension in the air feels electrifying that mingles with your anticipation, garnering their attention to your spellbinding lascivious gaze that melds with the hatred while your futile effort to discreetly squeeze your thighs together to repress the incessant arousal in your wet core amuses them.

“Tie her.” Heeseung’s command staggers you, and every bit of your provocation towards them dissipates.

“Wait, what?” But your reaction delays as Sunghoon hovers on top of you, catching you off guard when he curls his fingers around your neck to pin you firmly to the mattress. “Sunghoon!” You gasp in disbelief, your hands latching on his arm to claw at him, but Jay manages to seize them and locks them in place above your head, only for you to feel him tying your wrists together.

As you continue to squirm underneath them with strings of curses leaving your lips, Sunghoon asserts his dominance again to tame you, his fingers around your neck tightening that elicits a strangled gasp from you, prompting you to look at him with widened eyes.

“Behave, princess.” Sunghoon nearly growls out, but instead of intimidation, you feel sensually aroused by his familiar rough treatment. “You’re already in deep trouble for daring to abandon us for a whole damn year.”

You don’t make any retort, having a keen sense that what you did have aggrieved them, and now what’s awaiting you is their depravity that is practically ravenous to devour you in any moment from now.

“What, no comebacks now?” Sunghoon asks mockingly, tilting his head in amused curiosity, whereas you merely glare at him despite his mask feeling imposing on your vulnerable figure, as do his fingers around your neck. “What happened to the bratty princess with a foul mouth?”

Before you can even retaliate, Jay’s voice cuts through the air. “Hoon, move.” He commands coldly, and Sunghoon reluctantly gets off from you, now leaving you entirely exposed under their ravenous gaze with your stark nudity on display.

“Care to tell us what’s this?” Jay inquires as he raises an alarmingly familiar pink equipment, or rather, rose vibrator, in his grasp, causing your cheeks to feel warmer in utter embarrassment.

“You snooped around my room!” You decide to mask your embarrassment by the sheer anger in your voice. “God! Don’t any of you have any decorum?!”

“Says the girl who owns a vibrator.” Jay retorts calmly, and you can sense the annoying smirk on his charming face. “So you didn’t manage to find anyone to fuck you good throughout the year, baby?”

You ignore the endearment again, scoffing. “I have needs, just like you guys do when you beat your meat, and who says I didn’t manage to find someone?”

It looks like none of them is obviously appreciative of your statement, even though you are merely taunting them, as evident in the way the tension becomes unbearably hot. The next thing you know, Jay brings down the functioning vibrator to your clit, sending you jolting shockwaves of pleasurable sensation through your body.

“Ungh! Fuck!” You moan loudly, your eyes rolling to the back with your neck arching, and your legs threatening to close due to the overpowering sensation from the vibrator as he set it on the highest level, but Jake and Sunghoon pin your legs on each side, preventing them from closing. “Please! It’s too much!”

“Too much? I recall a certain slutty princess wanting to cum earlier.” Sunghoon smirks, revelling in the way you are borderline ruined just by your own vibrator, to which Jay presses deeply onto your clit that is going ablaze. “So you’re going to cum for as many times as we want you too.”

It feels tortuous despite the persisting pleasure that derives from your clit area, which is nearly sensitive. With your binded wrists, you can only afford to squirm under their hold. A series of moans and cries leave your lips while your hips move with little resistance in an attempt to feel the vibrator deeply.

It isn’t long until you can feel it as your impending orgasm that is teetering at the precipice finally crashes down like tidal waves, releasing fluids as they gush out from your pulsating cunt that is ready to be stuffed full by their cocks.

“So fucking messy,” Jay tuts, deciding to show you a little mercy as he removes the vibrator from your now-sensitive clit, but he lands a slap on your slick folds before repeating for a few times, causing your hips to jolt up involuntarily at the impact. “And that’s only the first orgasm.”

As soon as Jake and Sunghoon unpin your legs, you close them instinctively and turn to one side as you bring your tied wrists to your chest, your mind fuzzing from the aftermath of that intense orgasm. You hear shuffles from them, probably clothes discarding, and the next thing you know, hands seize your legs to pull you down towards them, eliciting a yelp from you before they haul you up.

Your heart flutters at the close proximity between you and Jay as he holds you close to him, his fingers caressing your cheek tenderly feels deceptive, but nevertheless, you savour whatever bits of affection he gives before you feel a hand tugging you and beckoning you to him.

“Come here, sweetheart.” Jake’s voice sounds huskier than usual as he pulls you down with him, settling you on top of him and aiming his erection towards your cunt before he forces you to sink down on him.

Since it has been a year since you had proper sex, your cunt is forced to get accustomed to the sheer girth of his cock, your walls welcoming him tight while you moan brokenly by the remnants of resistance.

“Jaeyun.” You whimper as he grips your hips to move you in a bouncing motion for good measure before his arms envelope your body to pull you down with him as he lays on his back. You whine, imploring him to resume his thrust, but he remains unmoving until you feel another presence looming over your docile figure with his hand spreading your supple butt.

You nearly jolt at the abrupt sensation of the heavy girth of his cock smacking your ass repeatedly. “We’re going to fuck your holes at the same time, baby.” Jay says, his tone sounding smug, whereas you begin to panic as you recall the blistering pain the last time they fucked you in the ass.

“W-Wait! I don’t know if it’ll fit!” But your protest goes unheard as Jay slides his cock into your tight hole, tearing a broken gasp from you at the familiar sensation. Both Jy and Jake waste no time in thrusting their cocks into your holes, setting a pace that sends you reeling in both pain and pleasure that slowly surges through your body.

“Fuck, baby.” Jay groans, his head tilting up as he stands by the edge of the bed while gripping your hips for leverage, working in tandem with Jake with the sound of your skins slapping against each other due to the borderline vigorous pace they set in motion.

“Sweetheart’s still so tight even after all this while.” Jake rasps, lifting his head to press a kiss on your shoulder with his masked lips while he holds you by the plumpness of your butt cheeks as he thrusts into you. “Don’t worry. We’re always going to keep you full with our cocks.”

“That’s fucking right.” Jay grunts from behind you, delivering a brutal yet deliberate thrust that has your body jolting forward and staying completely still as he buries his cock deeply and dumps his cum into your anal. “You’re not going to leave us like that again.”

Their promises go unheard by you as you are too caught up in the delirium. “P-Please, more!” You plead in a sob, desperately moving your hips to meet Jake’s thrust while Jay remains buried in your anal.

“Greedy baby.” Jay coos, brushing your hair away from sticking to your face before tangling his fingers in your hair to grab it in a makeshift ponytail as you are forced to form an arched body. “Baby girl wants more, so fuck her harder, Jake.”

Jake complies, increasing the pace that elicits lewd sounds from your slicks of arousal. His once slow, deliberate thrust changes into one that has your eyes going white and mouth parted open with silent moans.

With Jake’s loose arms falling from your body, Jay grasps the opportunity to haul your body up before he deftly binds your arms together with the tie from behind you while Jake remains seizing control over your hips to meet his thrust, causing you to bounce on his cock.

“Jay.” You moan out as Jay amplifies your heightened pleasure with his fingers tweaking and pinching your sensitive nipples, occasionally palming your tits. With Jake’s thrust going relentlessly frenzied, your climax looming with an intensity that feels familiar, causing your cunt to clench and unclench around him.

“I’m going to cum inside you, sweetheart. Fill you full of my babies.” Jake’s voice is laden with lust and a hint of longing, while the pitch of your moans goes higher as he fucks you harder. “Yeah, you’d like that, don’t you? Our babies will look so beautiful.”

With one last thrust, you tumble over the edge of ecstasy with white-hot pleasure surges through you as you cream all over his now-lathered cock while he buries himself to the hilt, filling your womb with his babies just as he promised.

A weak moan leaves your lips, feeling the tantalising drag of Jake’s cock along your white-painted walls as Jay slowly lifts you up from him before he settles you on the bed, facing the ceiling. Your eyelids feel heavier as you grapple to bask in the aftermath of your second orgasm of the night.

But of course, your masked predators never finish with you. “Don’t lose yourself to sleep now, princess. We haven’t had our turns yet.” Sunghoon’s cocky voice diminishes the slumber that beckons you. “You haven’t even had your punishment yet.”

As soon as those words leave his lips, a painful smack on your smeared-cum folds causes you to jolt from the impact, eliciting more sobs from you as Sunghoon and Heeseung work in tandem to deliver your punishment. One slapping your nearly-reddened cunt while the other rubbing your sensitive clit with torturous precision.

“You dared to leave us when you promised to stay by our side.” Heeseung’s deep, sombre voice that carries an undercurrent of laden lust overpowers the sound of your sobs and moans, aligning the way he delivers wet slaps to your cunt. “A year without you─ Fuck,” He lands another slap that punctuates his deep ire while tears stream down your cheeks. “You were so cruel to abandon us, beloved.”

Your heart clenches at the noticeable crack in his tone. This time, you release a raw sob that unveils your poignancy, which you have kept hidden with other sentiments you repressed yourself for a year. But you remain silent, refusing to apologise when you know you did what you had to, despite the regret.

After what it feels like forever, your punishment ends with Heeseung soothing your abused folds with the gentle padding of his fingers while your breaths become laboured from the crying. You thought they would be gentle with you after the intense punishment, but Sunghoon proves you wrong when he hovers on top of you and slaps down his weighty cock on your wet folds before plunging into your cunt with one swift thrust.

“Hoon!” You gasp out, his hips pistoning harder and faster as he fucks into you with reckless abandon. Just like that, your arousal returns to your heated core. Your glazed eyes stare at him, hating how you can’t see the contortion in his charming face and his upper body still clad with the layers of his clothes, just like the others.

“Wrap your legs around me, princess.” Sunghoon grunts, halting his thrust while you take this signal to wrap your legs around his waist with his arms securing around your body. As he holds you in the air, you try your utmost not to bounce on his cock, even though you are tempted too.

“We’re going to fuck your sweet cunt at the same time, princess.” Sunghoon tells you as he slowly settles you back on the bed, only for you to feel a warm body in contact with you from behind. “Fuck you full however long we want to.”

Your moans go straight to Jay and Jake’s twitching cocks as they watch you in fascination, their eyes transfixing on your pussy that is welcoming Heeseung while Sunghoon remains buried in you.

“Hee, Hoonie.” You whimper, needing them to fuck you into oblivion. “More, harder.” It is as though coherency leaves you from the moment they start to thrust into you potently, working well in tandem with one push and the other pulls before they exchange and repeat the motion.

“You were made for this, princess. Made to take our cocks.” Sunghoon growls, sending shivers down your spine while you feel helpless with tied arms behind you pressing against Heeseung’s stomach. “Everything about you is made for us.”

“Yes.” You moan out, your walls clenching around them elicits collective groans and moans from them before their thrusts become more fervent and punishing, bullying their cocks into your abused cunt, and yet you feel such longing in the way they hold you close.

“Never going to let you slip from my fingers again.” Heeseung says in between bated breaths next to your ear, his fingers descending to rub your clit and adding more to your building pleasure. “Gonna breed you until we’re satisfied.”

“Fucking breed you so you can’t escape from us.” Sunghoon mutters harshly, using his other hand to grab you by the neck, enough to apply pressure that accentuates his promises. “If you think you can run away with our babies in you, then you have another thing coming, princess.”

You moan weakly in response, focusing on the white-hot pleasure surges through your body while your impending climax is teetering once more. You can feel their cocks swelling in you, amplifying your overall pleasure.

“Yeah, baby, cum for us.” On Heeseung’s command, your cunt releases the gush of fluids as you squirt messily everywhere, causing your beeding to be completely drenched, with their cocks still thrusting into you while your body convulses between them.

“We got you, my love.” Heeseung’s voice is a velvet stroke in your ear, calming you down from your high that is accompanied by his hand stroking your bulging abdomen from their girth, their thrust unrelenting.

“Give us one more, princess. You can do it.” Sunghoon’s tone is akin to Heeseung, albeit stern but with a tinge of palpable gentleness that has you mewling, feeling moved by their words that have reignited your arousal tenfold and caused you to arch into their scorching touch while your cunt pulsates with each precise thrust that hurls you into a new height of ecstasy.

Getting lost in the heady mix of lust, moans, and sweats amidst your entwined body, you can feel your pleasure building to an unbearable crescendo that mingles with theirs, eliciting moans and grunts from the three of you, and the sensation getting more intense.

Finally, the knot in your tummy snaps as you surrender yourself to the pull of ecstasy, fluids gushing out for the third time as you squirt uncontrollably for them before they follow suit with primal roars as they bury their cocks to the hilt of your womb, keeping their words true as they seal you with their fate for the better or worse.

Following the aftermath of your fiery yet passionate encounter, you go slump on top of Heeseung while Sunghoon slowly withdraws his cock from your spent cunt with a sigh. After contemplating, Heeseung removes himself from you, eliciting a whimper from you at the sheer sensitivity.

You flutter your eyes close, resting momentarily while you slowly wrap your head around about what the fuck happened in just one night, and the night isn’t even over, especially for you. You feel full with their cum they had fiercely dumped into your womb, causing it to leak from your gaping cunt. You feel hands untying your restraint from behind, granting your aching arms the freedom they were deprived of as you rub them with a wince, leaving your lips.

When your eyes flicker to your masked men who are surrounding the bed, tension eventually brews, bringing the familiar wave of heat to you as you notice the way they seem to be focused on your cum-smeared cunt leaking down.

“Fuck me again, please.” You blurt out in a plea before you can stop yourself. With your hooded lustful eyes, you gaze at them sensually as you bite down your lip, your fingers finding their way to your cunt before you rub your sticky clit, enticing them in the way you arch in your own touch with your legs spread lewdly. “I want you. All of you.”

“You heard our girl. She wants all of us.” Heeseung tells his best friends, a soft smirk unfurling on his lips as he looks at them. “Let’s give her what she wants, and maybe even more.”

Things escalated more heatedly from that moment forth, your heightened libido matching theirs that you even cooperate well with them, despite the painful nostalgia it brings you back to the past, and it is absurd to you how the orgy that taints your once tranquil night feels natural. Of course it is. You have always fantasised for them to fuck you just exactly like this with their masks on.

“Fuck off, dude. You already dicked it in her. It’s my turn now.” Jay snarls at Jake, and you can only imagine the scowl on his face behind the mask. Yes, they are still wearing their mask, and miraculously, they are able to withstand the heat. You feel Jay’s possessive grip on the flesh of your bum, causing you to roll your eyes at their banter. “I’m not about to fuck her with your dick in her again.”

“Why? Afraid that you’ll get turned on by my dick instead of her pussy?” Jake retorts, grabbing his shaft to point aim at your anal that has been prepped by Sunghoon. “Nothing wrong with some bromance.”

“Either the two of you stop arguing and start fucking her, or I’ll do it instead.” Sunghoon voices out his annoyance that is accompanied by your whine of agreement. “Be grateful that you got both her pussy and ass. I got her mouth.”

“Better than nothing.” Heeseung sighs, watching as you unhinge your jaw for Sunghoon and welcome him when he slides his cock into your mouth. He can see the way your throat bulges each time Sunghoon fucks his cock deeper, eliciting gurgled and choked sounds from you in between moans from being fucked by Jay underneath you, whereas Jake uses your anal hole to fuck you fervently.

Feeling a little neglected, Heeseung steps forward and grabs your hand, to which you seem to understand his need, prompting your hand to latch on his cock that is completely erected before you finally fist him. Thankfully, with the strength of Jay and Jake supporting your body, you are able to satisfy Heeseung with how dexterous you are with your hand.

With the four men being occupied by your every hole and touch, there is a twisted symphony of dominance and submission that mingles with their carnal lust. Their affectionate praise and derogatory enunciating to you intensifies your heightened libido, while your depravity desires for them to corrupt you with their intoxication it had dearly missed.

“Fuck, baby, you’re squeezing me. You’re going to cum, yeah?” Jay rasps, gripping the flesh of your bum with his nails, causing indents to your skin as he presses them, his thrusts remaining vigorous as though he intends to obliterate you. “You always get so fucking wet. Squirt for me again.”

And you do, your screams and moans being muffled by Sunghoon’s shaft as he fucks you deeply until he reaches your throat, using you like his fleshlight. Your orgasm crashes down on you for the ninth time, your cunt spasming around Jay as you squirt profusely, while at the same time, Heeseung’s cock is spurting with his cum, making a mess all over your hand.

Jake, who has been trying to attain his orgasm, feels frustrated by the fact that your anal hole does nothing to help him, and so he withdraws from your now-gaping hole, only to shove his thick girth into your cunt that remains squirting.

“Dude!” Jay groans, throwing his head to the back in frustration while you gasp at the abrupt intrusion that sends your already-stretched cunt a blistering pain. “I just told you─”

“Shut up. Either her pussy or your virgin hole.” Jake snaps at him, groaning at the sensation of your walls vacuuming him. “Don’t fucking test me.”

“Damn. Are you sure you’re not gay?” Sunghoon manages to make a wit despite approaching his climax as he uses your mouth like the way he uses your pussy, causing you to roll your eyes to the back. 

Jake scoffs, unfazed by the question, before he rams his cock into you harder while you feel him hitting your cervix deliciously, which sends you into a new blissful euphoria. “I don’t fucking care. As long as there’s a hole, I’ll fuck into it.”

It isn’t long until Sunghoon has finally dumped his cum into your throat, forcing you to swallow every drop before he withdraws from you. Your breathing is ragged, with your chest heaving up and down from every exertion. A breathy moan escapes you as Jay and Jake get frenzied in the way they fuck your weeping cunt.

“Can we─” You pause as soon as Heeseung replaces Sunghoon, standing in front of you with his cock going erect once more. You whine as he teases you with the head of his cock, giving you a light slap on the corner of your lips. “Can we take a break after this?”

“My beloved, I don’t think you understand what you’ve just started.” Heeseung says softly, his fingers brushing away your strands from your sticky face, and his gesture is a deception you recognise. “We’re going all the way, no stopping. It’s what you get after leaving us.”

Before the daybreak dawns, you have already expeditiously prepared for your departure once more, albeit it isn’t permanent as your purpose is solely to avoid them for as long as you can, especially after what happened a few hours ago before all of you finally passed out in your room.

Hence, the reason why they wake up to find you nowhere in your own apartment, having been aroused by an odd feeling of stark coldness before realising that it derives from your sudden absence. Instinctively, they panic at the thought of you abandoning them once more, and their devastation returns when one of them spots a pink sticky note on the coffee table.

‘Surely, you guys know the way out the same way you got in without invitation. Since you got what you wanted last night, stay away from me this time, and I mean it.’

The devastation is eclipsed by resentment, wondering what went wrong when last night was nothing but pure bliss with you, which they haven’t felt in a long time, so they can’t understand why and how your mind that is filled with such complexity works.

“We should stay until she gets back.” Jake suggests, his eyes glinting with hope as he stares at his gloomy best friends. “She can’t stay outside all day till night time.”

“She’s changed, Jake, so yes, she can. We can’t underestimate her.” Heeseung heaves a sigh, masking his disappointment as he doesn’t wish for them to see his weak moment. “We should leave, and Jake, undo the hack shit you did to her door.”

“Let’s give her some time to think.” Jay voices out his opinion despite feeling displeased with himself. “We’ll come back for her in a few days or so. She can’t avoid us forever.”

“I don’t want her to hate us anymore.” Sunghoon murmurs, his demeanour turning crestfallen, a rare display. “I can’t afford to lose her—Ah, fuck it. I’m not going to lose her. I’ll lock her up somewhere if I have to.”

“We all can’t afford to lose her, Hoon.” Heeseung says, wearing a grim countenance. “We’ll be damned if we ever do, which is why we must fix what we broke properly this time.”

Despite their differences, their unwavering devotion to you is something that they have in common, which derives from the feelings they have always harboured for you, even after you departed from their lives. Feelings that are beyond platonic as well as the affection that is only reserved for you, and no matter their prominent Casanova reputation in the past, no one has ever made them feel so deeply until you.

Sure, it started out as infatuation that stemmed from their preying on you in order to corrupt you, but eventually that infatuation turns something so profound and darker that passed beyond the borderline of obsession, and unbeknownst to you, you made them far more dangerous than they originally were before.

They would have killed for you if you had asked them to. They would have done anything for you, anything, no matter the price. All they wanted was for you to stay by their side until the end. Hence, after learning of your departure, it drove them to the brink of their sanity, just stark madness.

It was even worse when they didn’t find out directly from you but from their trusted apprentices, also known as the now-leaders of Devil’s Knights. It was indeed an upheaval night of rage and betrayal.

--------

“Jungwon, you might want to rethink this. It isn’t too late to back out.” Riki murmured lowly to his best friend, whose eyes hardened with such resolve as they stared straight ahead at specific individuals. “This is definitely a bad idea.”

It had been only a day since you left, but Jungwon felt terribly awful for the now-ex leaders upon seeing how the long distance they forced themselves to establish in order to give you space disheartened their spirits and the fact that they had no knowledge of your planned departure. Jungwon felt that it wasn’t right to keep them in the dark any longer, and he doubted that they wouldn’t ever find out about you.

“If they ever plan to kill us after this, trust me when I say that I’ll be doing them a favour by killing you first instead.” Sunoo whispered hotly to Jungwon, his foxy-like eyes glaring into Jungwon’s face, seeming to amuse two of the leaders ahead while the other two maintained austere demeanours. Sunoo continued to express his annoyance to his best friend. “Seriously, do you even realise that you’re asking for a death wish by coming here?”

Jungwon only grimaced in response, but he did reevaluate on this matter several times for the past days, and he came to a conclusion that they must be alerted about this matter post haste, never mind the fact that he might be skinned alive. Sunoo and Riki had implored him even before they came to the palace, and both of them vehemently intended to keep their words, which they had promised you. They might be as detrimental as the leaders, but they were a man of their words.

“You said you got news to tell us, so don’t keep us waiting.” The three of them flinched at the Sunghoon’s flinty tone, prompting them to cease whatever they were doing as they diverted their attention to him.

Jungwon discreetly clenched his fist, swallowing down a lump in his throat while mentally preparing himself, his sharp eyes betraying none of the turmoil within. “It’s about Y/N.” He starts off, his voice coming out strong. “We came over to her place and told her everything.”

“What was her response? Has she decided to forgive and return to us?” Heeseung raised his eyebrow inquisitively, his stance displaying an avid interest while his eyes flickered with longing that made the Jungwon inwardly wince.

“Not exactly, but we brought Beomgyu to her, and as expected, the bastard didn’t apologise to her.” Sunoo answered for Jungwon, masking his nervousness with his usual quirk, his lips forming a crooked smile. “She punched him after he insulted her.”

“That’s our girl.” Sunghoon’s tone was filled with such pride and affection for you, his lips curving into a smirk as he imagined how good you punched Beomgyu.

Jay, who had been silently studying their body language and examining the contortion in their faces with penetrating eyes, was acutely aware that the three of them were hiding something from them, especially after knowing them for years. 

“You’re hiding something.” Jay’s stern statement seemed to intensify the foreboding atmosphere in the living room. His dour countenance shaken them inwardly. “Fess up, or you won’t be allowed to leave.”

Sunoo and Riki exchanged wary glances before they looked at Jungwon, whose demeanour remained unchanged, and they knew that there was no changing his mind.

“Y/N isn’t here anymore. She left Seoul yesterday.” Jungwon finally revealed the truth, his eyes carefully examining the expressions plastered on their faces. “

“What do you mean she left Seoul?” Heeseung re-emphasised the question rather slowly, but they could sense the danger lurking beneath his treading words.

“I meant, she left Seoul permanently. She won’t be coming back.” Jungwon elaborated, nearly rambling as the tension was palpable. “I just thought of telling you this before any of you decided to go over to her house─”

“And you thought it was a good fucking idea to tell us now?!” The three of them were caught off guard by Jake’s raging outburst, and they knew that they were fucked up because Jake had never shown and directed his wrath towards them for as long as they could recall.

“Wait! We can explain!” Just as Sunoo intended to plead, Jake marches over in an attempt to lunge for Jungwon and give him a good punch in the face, but Jay immediately stepped forward and grabbed Jake before things could turn into a nasty brawl.

Despite brimming the same ire, Jay remained composed, a muscle pulsing in his jaw as he held Jake back while the latter was seeing red. “Calm down! Punching Jungwon or any of them isn’t going to do anything, let alone bring her back!” Jay barked at Jake, who easily broke free from his deadly clutch.

“But they kept this from us when they should’ve told us straight away! And now she’s gone!” Jake was practically seething, veins protruding in his neck and eyes glaring heatedly that could probably make anyone outside of their circle wet their pants. His knuckles were painted white by how tight he clenched his fist, mastering self-control when he catches Heeseung’s stern eyes, a silent message for him to restrain himself.

“I agree with Jake.” Sunghoon added in, his tone remaining impassive, but the emotions in his eyes were storming with both anger and devastation at the revelation. His eyes hardened. “The three of you already know how important she is to us, and yet you didn’t bother to let us know earlier. You fucking idiots.”

“In our defence, we were simply respecting Y/N’s wish! We even gave our word to her!” Sunoo retorted, his once-witty disposition molten by vehemence defensiveness, subtly moving forward to embody a barrier between Jake and Jungwon. “She even pleaded with us, as she didn’t want any of you to know.”

“She knew that you wouldn’t allow her to leave.” Riki added, his dark eyes conveying a knowingness to them. He clenched his jaw, feeling a surge of protectiveness to defend in your honour. “I respect you as my leaders and friends, but don’t you dare blame her for her decision to leave. She deserved better after what happened.”

“You damn right, we wouldn’t have allowed her to leave.” Jake snarled coldly at them, his eyes blazing with intense conviction. “Now tell us. Where did she go?”

“We can’t tell you.” Sunoo’s answer only seemed to fuel Jake’s rage, prompting Jay to curb the latter as he embodied a barrier between them.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?!” Jake gritted his teeth, his outburst earning him a brief glare from Jay, which he merely ignored.

“We can’t tell you, because we genuinely have no idea where she decided to go.” Riki said, his tone sounding eerily calm, as does his demeanour, while his eyes displaying stark sincerity. “Again, she knew that if she had told us, you would force the answer out of us.”

Jungwon heaved a sigh as he stepped out of Sunoo’s shadow, having had enough of this prolonged confrontation and tantrum. “But she did mention that it was where she had always dreamed of travelling to.”

“As if that information would help us.” Jake scoffed, and despite his rage, they could see the devastation racking through him from the devastating revelation of your departure. “You know what? Fuck this, and fuck you. I’ll just find her myself.”

“Jake, wait─” Heeseung called out for Jake, but the latter was too caught up with the tempestuous emotions within him as he grabbed his coat from the armchair before storming his way out of the living room.

“The three of you could’ve tried stopping her.” Sunghoon uttered, a sombre casting shadow across his features. “Then maybe she would’ve changed her mind about leaving.”

“I don’t think it would make any difference.” Sunoo shook his head, his lips pressing together thinly while a fleeting melancholy flickered in his gaze. “Even if she already knew the truth from us, there was nothing that could change her mind about leaving.”

“I’m sorry.” Jungwon muttered, his eyes turning crestfallen as he looked at the three now-ex leaders before locking eyes with Jay, whose eyes hardened with emotions he couldn’t fathom. “We’re sorry for not trying harder to convince her to stay.”

Jay looked away from them with a clenched jaw. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.”

--------

From that moment forth, things were never the same. Living in the palace felt daunting to them without your presence that used to enliven the dull, imposing palace. Their once-unbreakable comradeship between each other had palpable tension, and there were moments where they blamed each other for your departure, pointing blame at one another’s flaws they made towards you in all of the times they had treated you.

But at the end of the day, they knew their own selves were to blame. After the revelation from the three new leaders, days bled into agonising weeks, and before they knew it, two months had passed and they knew that life must go on, even without you by their side.

Despite being utterly devastated by your departure, to which each of them struggled and coped differently, they decided to push aside their ego and cooperate with one another to devise a plan, which was to learn of your current location first before proceeding to another stage.

A sense of normalcy befell the four best friends as they tried everything in their power to find you, and even Jake tried to track you down by recalling the tracker he actually had chipped in your phone, but his hope was crushed when he couldn’t detect your location as you had changed your phone and contact.

They did have some thoughts about going over to your parents and asking about you, but they couldn’t face your mother after her infidelity involving their fathers, so they held some grudges against her. Hence, they coerced Sunoo, Jungwon, and Riki to ask your parents instead, to which they, of course, begrudgingly did, only to receive disappointment by the fact that your parents had no idea either.

It hurt them as you seemed to have carefully planned this that not even your parents knew about which state you went to, because did you hate them that much?

Afterwards, their motivation deteriorated, and they proceeded on with their lives as they also needed to focus on their careers in respective fields in relation to their degrees.

Seven long months have passed, but their longing for you only intensified in the most excruciating way, and it was killing them more than it should despite their miraculous ability to simulate a coequal facade that displayed their cold detachment in front of the others except towards each other.

There were moments when they wanted to give up and cease mapping possibilities of where you might be, until their hope rekindled.

--------

“Hold the fuck up. You mean to tell us that after seven months, you finally remembered the one crucial detail of her that we could’ve used to our advantage back then?” Jake nearly growled out, his dark eyes glaring into Sunghoon's, whereas the male was completely undeterred by the fact that he could be in the path of his best friend’s wrath.

“Don’t put the blame on me. I had many things going on in my mind back then.” Sunghoon defended himself, shooting him a scowl as he remained leisurely seated on the couch. “Besides, it’s only a maybe. We’re not even sure if she really went to Milan, so we can’t make any rash decisions right now.”

“Sunghoon’s right.” Heeseung concurred, earning him a glare of disbelief from Jake, to which Heeseung reciprocated with a pointed look. “As much as I want her back, we need to think rationally, Jake. We have already established our careers here, and we can’t toss all of our hard work away just like that.”

“We can just utilise our annual leaves or even unpaid leaves, I don’t care. I’d rather take the risk than to wait around here any longer,” Jake retorted vehemently, his resolution blazing in his eyes. “This is our Y/N we’re talking about. She’s the─” He paused, nearly whimpering as he looked away from their eyes. “She’s the love of my life.”

There was a shift in the air, evoking such poignancy from them as they went silent for a brief moment. Jay eyed his best friends, hating how uncharacteristically dejected they looked once again, and so he knew what he must do, thanks to Sunghoon.

“Who are you texting?” Heeseung inquired, watching Jay with calculated eyes as the latter was focused on his phone.

“My cousin. He lives in Milan. Thanks to Sunghoon, we have a lead, and at least it’s better than nothing.” Jay said while his fingers were working their way on the phone screen as he got immersed in texting his cousin from his father’s side. “He’s online, by the way. Since he has resources and connections, he is more than willing to help us out, so all we have to do now is wait.”

“Wait?” Jake scoffed in disbelief, his patience running dangerously thinly, as evident in his countenance. “There is no more waiting! Tell your cousin to speed up, or is he too incompetent─”

“Jake.” Heeseung snapped coldly, his tone reverberating throughout the living room, and they knew that he meant business. “Enough of your shit. You need to blow off some steam.”

“I second that.” Sunghoon feigned coughing, to which Jake cast a withering glare before he finally took off with Heeseung’s advice.

Not even moments later when Jay’s phone rang, garnering their attention to him as he quickly answered an incoming call from a certain cousin. Jay raised his finger at them, pressing his phone against his ear as he moved away from them while they resumed minding their business in the living room, assuming that Jay was on a call with someone else.

It took Jay awhile before he finally returned to Heeseung and Sunghoon with the look on his face earning inquisitive eyebrows raised from both.

“You look a little too happy. Why? Your daddy finally promoted you to take over his business?” Sunghoon’s tone dripping with mockery went under-appreciated by Jay, as the latter was too preoccupied by the hope that bloomed pleasantly in his chest.

“I was on a call with my cousin.” Jay revealed, which piqued their full interest, leaning their bodies slightly forward. A smirk touched Jay’s lips while his eyes darkened with a familiar danger. “Well, it looks like our angel is right where we thought she would be.”

--------

Frankly, Jay assumed that the chances of his cousin tracking your precise location in Milan were low, but much to his delightful surprise, his cousin turned out to be your acquaintance, and yet the thought of another male, even if he was his cousin, displeased him greatly.

Nevertheless, the universe seemed to be working in their favour at the time, so after settling their respective businesses in regards to their careers, to which they found their solution, they finally embarked on a new journey as well, and their only shared goal is to get you back, no matter what it takes.

Two days granted you less than expected for you to ruminate over the licentious encounter you had with them, the ones you thought you could escape from. The rational part of you has been incessantly rebuking you for betraying your resolution, which you thought was adamantine, but your depravity is satiated with their compulsive intoxication that felt like it breathed you to life.

The erotic recollection precipitously surfaces in your mind, prompting you to drink your smoothie aggressively while warmth weaves across your cheeks. Oh, yeah, you enjoyed it more than you should. You would never admit this to them, but they fucked you better than the last time they did, and you know that it has something to do with one of your twisted fantasies of being fucked by masked men.

Shaking your head at the recollection, you proceed to exit the washroom and head back to your table where your best friends are seated for refreshments in the cafe after an hour or so of you accompanying them to shop.

Although you have regained your full vitality, you occasionally limp whenever you walk—well, more like you feel your knees buckling underneath you before you quickly steady yourself. If your best friends have noticed it, then they are doing a great job at closing both eyes to it.

As you slide over to your seat, you pretend to be engrossed in their conversation while your mind drifts off to them, and questions begin to linger in your head, including their sudden yet mysterious detachment.

Though you are thankful that they weren’t outside and inside of your apartment, you can’t help but be curious, wondering if they finally decided to leave you alone for good after the note you left for them to read or if they are busy with their other pursuits, such as careers. Surely, they should already have landed their respective careers despite wielding immense wealth that could probably last for generations.

You ignore the growing ache in your chest, refusing to acknowledge the familiar longing for them. This is exactly what you wanted — for them to leave you for good, but needles seem to be endlessly piercing through your bleeding heart, and the only way to stop this unabating maelstrom within you is to curb your ego and admit to yourself that you still want them.

You clench your fist that is resting on your thigh, embittered by the fact that you are once again thrown into a dilemma with your emotions tangled in a web. When your eyes shift to your best friends, something pulls at the strings in your heart as you dispiritedly wonder whether or not they will be revolted at you like they once were if you vent out your repressing feelings to them.

“Y/N, a penny for your thoughts?” Jennifer’s voice breaks through the rumination you are in, pulling you back into the bleak reality. Your eyes lock with Jennifer, who is sitting across from you and whose eyes show genuine concern. “You keep spacing out, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so stressed since─” She pauses, grimacing as she doesn’t wish to trigger you. “Well, you know.”

You bite down your lip, your eyes shifting elsewhere other than their curious yet concerned eyes, contemplating whether to let them know, but you trust them and no doubt that they will support you.

A sigh leaves your lips. “Something happened two nights ago.” And so you begin to unravel every piece, not missing out any details while they surprisingly listen without interrupting you, and just as you expect, genuine shock that laces the anger is written across their features, whereas Jennifes doesn’t look as shocked, almost as if she knows something, but you brush it off.

Of course, you also include the fact that you slept with them, but not into depth, and by that, you mean the part where you actually have a twisted fantasy about getting fucked by masked men. You don’t want to potentially aggravate the situation, especially when they look a little less appalled.

As soon as you finish, you clasp your hands together on the table as you look down, unable to muster the courage to look at the possible revulsion on their countenance, just as you feel towards yourself. So much for betraying your own resolve.

“You girls probably hate me for going against my word.” You mutter, your eyes hardening as your mind is once again your enemy, rebuking you incessantly. “I know I can’t blame the alcohol entirely.”

“We don’t hate you, Y/N.” Wonyoung, who has been sitting next to you, reaches out to grab your slightly trembling cold hand in her grasp, prompting you to lift your head up slowly to meet her kind eyes. “If you think that we’re going to condemn and shame you, then you’re wrong. I mean, yes, we’re shocked and in disbelief that they somehow managed to find you here, but honestly, our feelings don’t matter. I think I can say for Karina and Jen that we no longer give a damn about the ex-leaders.”

“Plus, we’ve already known that they were not entirely responsible for what happened a year ago.” Karina seems to be treading with her words carefully as she examines your face. “Wony’s right. Our feelings don’t matter when it comes to this, but what matters most is your feelings. You told us the details, but you never really told us about how you’re feeling.”

You can feel every bit of your once steely resolve crumbling as you so desperately cling onto those bits. “I don’t know what to feel. All my emotions are going haywire.” You tell them sincerely, your eyes turning crestfallen. “I know I said that I wanted to wipe the slate clean and never looked back to my past, but now that they’re here, I don’t know what to do.” You continue to pour out bits of your pent-up emotions, your face appearing in such distress as you run your fingers through your hair. “What if they come back again? Should I pretend to ignore their existence? Should I hurt them with words?”

The three ladies exchange meaningful glances before Jennifer takes initiative as she leans her body forward with heedful attention, her stern yet kind eyes ensnaring you. “We’re in no position to tell you what to do, but we can only advise you to follow your heart’s desires.”

“But I can’t. I don’t want to.” You say, frustration bubbling within you while devastation storms in your gaze. “If I follow what my heart desires, then I’ll be betraying my own promises, and I don’t want any toxicity in my new life here. I’ve had enough of that. I deserve better.”

“Yes, you deserve so much better, but Y/N,” Karina pauses, her hesitation is obvious in the way she looks at you. “Do you still love them?”

The one mistake you make is the fact that you hesitate as soon as the question leaves her lips. After a couple beats of silence, you decide to respond, but the tremor in your voice is palpable. “No, I don’t. I stopped loving them after what happened.”

“A year later, and you still suck at lying.” Jennifer points out rather amusingly. “I love you, but you gotta stop being in denial.”

“I’m not in denial.” You retort vehemently, shooting her a scowl. “I meant what I said. I don’t love them.”

“And I’m getting married, so we’re both liars, then.” Wonyoung remarks, raising an eyebrow at you. “We’re not buying any of your words, Y/N.”

“Come on. Just admit it.” Karina presses, and you can feel the last of your patience stretching so thinly. “Why are you so afraid of admitting it?”

Alas, something inside of you finally snaps, your eyes going ablaze with unrestrained vehemence of ire that blends with the sheer vulnerability, taking them by surprise. “Fine, you want to know why I’m so afraid? It’s because if I admit it, then it’ll be the end of me, and I can’t allow that to happen.” Your voice shakes palpably with a torrent of emotions. “I lost myself once, all because I was so desperate and foolishly hoping for them to reciprocate what I felt for them. I refuse to lose myself for another time.”

Jennifer’s eyes soften. “Y/N─”

You shake your head at her, looking away from them as you quickly blink the accumulating tears that glisten in your eyes. “I don’t want to love again, which is why I’ve told you girls that I had no interest in dating. I’ll only hurt myself by my own expectations.”

“We’re sorry, Y/N.” Karina tells you sincerely, her tone sounding apologetic. “We knew how much they meant to you.”

Wonyoung reaches out to squeeze your shoulder in a comforting support. “We respect your decision in whatever you choose to do. Just do what you think is right and best for you.”

Jennifer offers you a small smile that seems to temporarily ease your nerves. “We’re here to support you, Y/N, even if you choose to return to them.”

“Thank you, girls, really.” You cast them a faint smile, feeling a tad overwhelmed by their reaffirmation support. A sigh leaves your lips before the familiar steel of resolve returns to your demeanour as you finally align with your rationality. “Now I know what to do next.”

Even if it means breaking your own heart that remains beating in a familiar longing cadence for them.

After sending Karina and Wonyoung back to their hotel apartment, Jennifer, who thankfully is the only one in your circle to pass her driver’s license, drives you back to yours, as she has already told you beforehand that she intended to have a sleepover at your crib after so long.

Plus, it is a great opportunity for you to desist from ruminating in your dilemma since Jennifer has generously bought two finest bottles of wine, which you were shocked to learn about the prices, but nevertheless, Jennifer wasn’t deterred in the slightest. Perks of being a nepo baby, you think.

“So, I was thinking that maybe we could watch gossip girls, and yes, I know I’ve watched it before, but you haven’t,” Jennifer continues to blabber, even as you two board the elevator to head to your floor, for which you are grateful as you feel the last of your fraying nerves ebbing away.

It isn’t long when the two of you finally reach the floor of your apartment, but as you are nearing your unit, your steps feel heavier in a trice and dreadful turmoil within you, to which you have no idea why. With your slightly trembling hand, you search for the key card in your purse while Jennifer is in the middle of texting on her phone, completely oblivious to the mounting tension in the air.

You nearly fumble with tapping the key card on the smart lock, earning you an inquisitive eyebrow raised from Jennifer as her attention shifts from her phone, to which you simply ignore as you slowly push down the handle, allowing Jennifer to enter first.

“First things first, I’m feeling hungry, so I’m ordering food.” Jennifer says as she busily removes her heels to place them in the shoe compartment before grabbing for the house shoes, which you bought a few extra in case there are visitors. She casts a questioning look over her shoulder as you switch the buttons on, prompting illumination to cast a glow in your apartment before the two of you advance further. “Do you want any?”

Just as you intend to give her your answer, Jennifer stops dead in her tracks, looking genuinely staggered while her eyes are staring straight ahead, compelling you to shift your attention to the same axis as hers, and just like that, you completely understand why there is a persistent turmoil within you.

Although you feel a tad staggered, annoyance and anger seize over you, as evident in the way your icy eyes are glaring, because in your line of sight are the very individuals whom you thought had departed from your life after not seeing them for two days.

“Oh, um, I’m just gonna─” It painfully astounds you to see Jennifer being out of her assertive element as you hear a distinct crack in her voice and the way she casts you a look with a small smile that looks awful-like a grimace. “I’ll see myself in the guest room while you─er─” She gestures her hand in a moving motion between you and them.

Upon receiving a deadly silence emanating from your brooding figure, Jennifer barrels in the direction of the guest room, her legs a guiding memory, now leaving you alone with them.

As the frigid silence persists that weighs heavily in the air, you take this moment to study their stark appearance under these illuminations, which you didn’t have the chance to two nights ago with the exception of two of them whom you had seen at the Milan fashion week, and as you do, you can feel your heart breaking bit by bit that is taking its splintering effect on your steely resolve. 

Jake, who is nearest to you, captures your initial attention, and in the way his body language seems to insinuate his self-restraint in laying a hold of you since he is just within an arm's reach if he takes another step. His raven locks look trimmed but are still familiarly irresistible, to which your fingers are itching to run through them. You can feel the strings in your heart pulling painfully as you notice how he seems to have lost weight on his face as well as his eyes that were once gleaming with wonted mirth and mischief have lost their sparks.

Sunghoon is standing by the balcony with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans, his posture displaying such nonchalance that parallels his dour countenance, but even you can discern the familiar longing in his eyes amplified at the moment your eyes lock with his, betraying his impassiveness. His raven strands fall over his thick brows, tempting you to brush them away like you once did. As your eyes roam around his features to scrutinise, you wonder when was the last time he ever smiled genuinely.

A few distance away, Jay’s figure seems imposing as he stands directly across from you with his lower back leaning against the couch’s armrest and one hand tucked inside the pocket of his jacket. His sharp flinty eyes compel you, locking you in place with his sharp flinty eyes, but you can see that his wintry facade melts, causing his features to soften with a familiar tenderness reserved only for you. 

When your eyes flicker over to Heeseung, who is leaning behind against the wall next to the balcony with his arms folded across his chest, your heart that has been beating in a familiar cadence seems to amplify. His mere presence is enough to dominate the entire room while his silence is resounding. His hair is in the gorgeous shade of pink, and he looks amazing, tempting you to run your fingers through his locks. Like a siren’s serenade, he easily ensnares you with his eyes that hold unfathomable emotions.

They look devastatingly as handsome as they were, maybe even more, but there is a certain ambience they exude that corresponds to one another.

Sensing a gradual shift in your demeanour, you strengthen the walls you built to protect your mended heart that coarsen a callousness in your facade, refusing for them to allow just the slightest glimpse of your vulnerability that derives from the feelings your weeping heart still harbours.

You adopt an intimidating stance, your arms folded below your chest while your eyes hold a glaring detachment, displaying your unbending resolution, which is to drive them away from your life for good.

“I thought I made it clear in that note when I told you to stay away from me.” You start off, your flinty tone sounds awfully foreign to them, just as you look at them now, and they hate it. “You already got what you wanted two nights ago, so what do you want from me?”

“Don’t you still get it? We want you.” Jay speaks for his best friends, but even the determination coming out strong in the way he enunciates their correlative intention is not resonating enough to coax your tenacity.

You click your tongue in annoyance, your icily glaring eyes are in sheer disbelief. “If that’s what you came here for, then you’ve just wasted your time.”

“Why are you being like this?” Jake voices out, drawing your attention to his eyes that glisten with emotions despite his composure while your heart clenches in return. “Please, sweetheart, we want you to return to us. That’s all we want.”

“Bolt of you to assume that I would return to you.” You scoff, rolling your eyes as you maintain your established resolve that is teetering dangerously. “You can’t just waltz back into my life after what happened.”

“We didn’t stop searching for you after you left, even when we thought there would be no hope.” Heeseung says quietly, but the gravity in his tone resonates with you, prompting you to meet his dark intent eyes. “We went through lengths just to get to where you were. We came to Milan solely for you.”

“Well, that’s on you, then. I didn’t ask for you to do all of that.” There is a certain edge in your tone, adding to the rising tension that is nearly palpable between you and them. “I didn’t even ask for you to search for me when the whole purpose was to get away from the very place that brought me misery.”

“You’re right, but for you, we would do anything. You should’ve known this, princess.” Sunghoon leans away from the balcony to saunter forward as he looks at you sternly. “We would do anything to get you back.”

This time, you fail to restrain your brewing ire, your arms falling to your sides as you clench a fist. “Do I look like I want to return to any of you?” You ask rhetorically with a derisive chuckle leaving your lips. “If you’re here to force me to accept you back, then I suggest you leave now. Don’t─” You pause, swallowing a painful lump in your throat as you muster the courage before forcing your voice with conviction. “Don’t make me hate you more than I already do. So please, leave.”

“I don’t understand you, Y/N.” Sunghoon displays his frustration towards you, his eyes hardening. “A year ago, Sunoo, Jungwon, and Riki already explained to you the truth, so what more do you want in order for you to return─”

Something inside of you finally snaps. “What I want is for you to fucking leave!” You raise your voice, your ire mingling with exasperation releases in a torrent of outburst as you continue. “I want you to leave me alone for good! I’m already happy with my life, and for once, everything that has happened in my life ever since I left Seoul is working out for me!” You refrain the tears that burn the back of your eyes from revealing your vulnerability. “I won’t allow any of you to destroy that─ to destroy me again.”

“Destroy you again?” Jay scoffs in disbelief, leaning away from the sofa. “I don’t understand why you even thought that we destroyed you when all we’ve done was show you that there was more to life than holding yourself back from unleashing what your heart truly desired.”

“Wasn’t that your goal when you decided to prey on me in the first place?” You bite back, your jaw locking while your chin wobbles with anger that overweighs the hurt as you recall. “You weren’t sincere with me and did it for the sake of your twisted tradition. You influenced me to become the worst version of myself when I should’ve been good─”

“But you were. You were always good, even to us, beloved.” Heeseung cuts you off, his mellow tone is so oddly overpowering that even you feel weakened, especially in the way his softened eyes are looking at you. “Forget about the preying. If we weren’t sincere with you, then we wouldn’t fly across the globe to find you.”

“Please, sweetheart.” Jake takes a daring step forward, causing you to back away while you ignore the disappointment flicker in his gaze. “We also came here to ask for your forgiveness, so please give us another chance.”

A shaky breath leaves your lips. “I forgive you.” You declare with the utmost sincerity, sparking hopes in their chest, but your face shows no traces of reconciliation. “Now you got what you came for, so leave me alone.”

“We thought you’d accept us back, and we thought you’d be fine with us now.” Sunghoon’s frustration is more than apparent in the way he speaks to you, reminding you the times when he was insufferable. “Two nights ago, you wanted us, and you let us fuck you. Is this your way to play mind games with us?”

“It’s true I wanted you to fuck me that night, but it was nothing too personal. Can you blame me for not getting someone to fuck me as good as you did?” Piercing mockery laces your tone, aligning with the cruelty that forms a smirk on your tinted lips as you revel in the way they look evidently hurt and angry at the thought of you sleeping with someone else. ”Don’t be mad, now. It was only fair that I do the same thing like you did to me in the past. I mean, you did prey on me to use me and get me to be your personal slut.”

“You’re so cruel, baby.” Jay mutters, his steely demeanour melting into something that displays a rare vulnerability. “You have no idea how miserable we felt after you left. You didn’t even give us some heads up, unlike you did with Sunoo, Jungwon, and Riki.”

“You have no right to feel miserable, especially when you weren’t the ones who received such dehumanising words thrown at you every single day!” You retort vehemently, and this time, tears prickle in your eyes at the recollection. “So now you’re blaming me when you could’ve come and told me the truth yourself about the entire thing instead of them!”

Sunghoon scoffs in disbelief, his chiselled jaw tightening afterwards while his eyes level with your glaring ones. “But would you even have listened to us, let alone seen us?”

“But you could’ve tried! If you wanted me that bad, then you should’ve tried harder!” You hold back a sob, your voice trembling as you pour out the things you held back for a long time. “But no, you didn’t even bother to reach out to me for days when I thought that you were the ones entirely responsible for what happened!”

“We were busy searching for Taehyun when we thought he was the mastermind before we finally found out about Beomgyu.” Heeseung saunters forward in your direction, intending to comfort you as the hurt written all over your face hits him in the gut. Heeseung exchanges glances with his best friends, who give him collective nods. “It’s not only that, but we felt guilty because we didn’t listen to you in the first place to delete them, so we couldn’t face you, and we doubted that you wanted to see our faces.”

You hear him, you hear his reasoning, and a part of you knows that you can’t blame him for their doubts in the first place, as things back then were taut with agonising tension. Your sensibility is convincing you that they were being considerate and didn’t want to aggravate the situation back then. Maybe if communication was anchored between you and them, then you would not have felt as deeply wounded as you were.

The four of them observe you, noticing that you seem to grapple with your emotions and how things got escalated. They wish to comfort you and embrace you like they used to, but they heard you. They heard the clarity in your hatred for them.

You blink your tears away, trying your utmost not to crumble in front of them after all the efforts you built yourself into becoming the better and stronger version of yourself, unlike the old Y/N Kang.

Rallying your frayed nerves, you muster the courage to look at them dead in the eyes, and yet, your eyes are conveying such a plea that renders them devastated once more. “I’m tired, and it’s been a long day. I don’t want to keep arguing with you like this, so please.” Your shaky voice betrays your tenacity. “Please leave.”

Reluctancy holds them back, and they so desperately want to fix everything they have broken, but they know that they can’t do it just overnight. Jake dares himself to try to reach out to you, but the sound of footsteps garners their attention to Jennifer, who, unbeknownst to you, has heard everything, ambling into the living room.

Jennifer’s presence provides you little comfort, but it is enough for you to lean slightly towards her moral support. Her icily glaring eyes as she stares at them convey a silent message to the four to leave, and it is final.

Eventually, they have no choice but to concede, seeing their way out, but as they brush past you, they struggle to fight against their instinctive urges to hold you close. You look away from them while their distinctive cologne infiltrating your senses seems to bring more memories that taunt you in your head.

As soon as the door closes, Jennifer’s austere demeanour melts, replaced by the usual protectiveness and concern for you as she advances towards you. “Y/N─”

“I’m fine, Jen.” You insist strongly, giving her a tight smile before you make your way to the kitchen island. “What I need is that wine you bought.”

It isn’t long until you and Jennifer settle by the kitchen island, silence engulfing both of you that feels painfully foreign, but after what happened just before this, it just doesn’t feel right to resort to normalcy.

As Jennifer places down her empty glass, she bites down her lips, contemplating whether or not to let you know. A sigh leaves her lips as she has decided. “I eavesdropped on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter either.” You state bluntly, while your nonchalance only makes Jennifer feel sceptical. Your hollow eyes are staring into oblivion. “We’re done for good, anyway.”

“I doubt that. As much as I don’t like them, I know that they’ll come back to you again soon.” Jennifer says, treading with her words carefully.

“Please, Jen, let’s not have a conversation about them. We’re here to have fun and drink away our sorrows.” You chuckle dryly before meeting her concerned eyes. You shoot her a lopsided smile, raising the glass of wine leisurely in the air. “Here’s a toast to my past trying to fuck me up again. Besides, there is nothing better than to drown your heartbreak with wine."

But it doesn’t get better, as their stark absence from your apartment only seems to hurt you instead of relieving you.

TAGLIST:

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@strxwbloody @firstclassjaylee @jwnghyuns @deobitifull @loumin908

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@yunhoswrldddd @fuxktaekook @bobaikeu @minjaexvz @heelariously

[ceoofyearning]

All I Want - Cassian

Pairing: Cassian x Bestfriend! Reader Summary: When Nesta Archeron dropped into Cassian’s life with the cataclysmic force of silver wildfire, you took one look at them and knew you missed your chance. There’s no fighting against a mating bond. But that hasn’t stopped the memory of him from haunting you since.  Except there he is, decades later, just across the room, watching you watch him. Rating & Warnings: T/M | Hurt & Comfort, angst to fluff, PAST Nessian, recreational mirthroot use, alcohol, suggestive but nothing explicit (lmk if i miss anything else) Word Count: 4.4k Links: Masterlist

A part of you had always craved to see the rest of the world, and when you got the chance to work in the Day Court three decades ago, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. With how things were, it seemed like the perfect excuse to leave. After all, it’s not as if you had a reason to stay. The mating bond between snapping Nesta and Cassian had made sure of that. 

In many ways, leaving felt like the easier choice - to shed your past and start anew in a court where no one knew you - a clean slate. Mother knows you needed one. 

Your work for Helion involves acquiring ancient texts and artifacts for the One Thousand Libraries of Day. It required you to travel all over Phythian, even as far as the continent to procure these items yourself. You adore your job and enjoy the freedom it affords you, but when you were given the opportunity to go back to Velaris to manage the satellite division connected to the Great Library, a part of you had been reluctant to agree. Coming back meant facing your past. And that, more than anything, was terrifying. 

It has been a few weeks since your return to the City of Stars. Although you didn’t have much time outside of work, you do try to maintain a semblance of a social life. Mor made sure of that. When you first met her a few centuries ago, Mor had taken one look at you, a broken, wingless half-Ilyrian female, and decided that the two of you must become friends. Perhaps she saw a piece of herself in you, in your defiance against a world that was out to get you. 

You had been close friends with Mor in the past, and the moment she heard you were back in town, she reached out to reconnect. You appreciated it immensely, of course. Going back and having to build a life for yourself in Velaris after all these years of being gone seems less daunting with a friend by your side. So when Mor asks you to go out, you try to go whenever you can afford to, desperate to grasp at chances to belong, despite yourself. Tonight, Mor practically dragged you out of your apartment for drinks and to briefly attend a ball in the Moonstone Palace. 

“I don’t understand why Emerie is allowed to pass,” you grumble morosely as you peer up the warmly-lit exterior of Rita’s. 

“Because Em hasn’t been hiding out in the library for the past week,” Mor counters blithely. 

“I was busy,” you retort in vain, knowing full well that all resistance is futile. 

“You’re always busy,” Mor retorts, throwing an arm around your neck. Your friend is clad in her usual skin-tight red dress, exuding self-confidence with each step she takes. You shoot her a look of sheer betrayal, and she laughs, raising her hands in mock surrender. “It’s for your own good. You deserve to have fun too, you know?” Mor says with exaggerated gravity, which has you rolling your eyes. 

You sigh, and pad after her, knowing there is no use trying to argue now that she has already dragged you here. You practically trip over yourself on your borrowed heels, as you try to adjust the straps of the dress Mor had squeezed you into. It’s a resplendent satin dress with a terrifyingly low neckline and an even terrifyingly high slit up your left thigh. To her credit, however, the black dress fits you like a glove, a testament to Mor’s eye for fashion. With much effort, you banish the thoughts of all your responsibilities and deadlines to the void. Fine, you’ll try to have fun tonight, at least. 

You would've been happy enough with a simple dinner, maybe even some wine, but of course, Mor idea of fun rarely coincides with yours. The initial plan is to have just a few drinks at a nice, quiet bar - catch up a bit, and have a good laugh. But as the night progressed, Mor had piled you with more and more alcohol, and you became more amenable to going along with her unhinged plans. 

It starts with you moving to another bar, then another, until you finally find yourselves right in the middle of the overcrowded dance floor in the Moonstone Palace. To call this gathering a ball would be far too generous. Sometime in the night, the party had devolved to the very picture of debauchery. The air was thick with the scent of sweat, spilled liquor, and bad decisions. It’s a good thing you were drunk enough to not mind the overwhelming press of bodies against you. You could even admit that there’s some comfort to be had in being just another face lost in the crowd - free to enjoy the music, to simply be. The beat seems to reverberate throughout the whole room, through your bones, pulling you and everyone else into movement, like a collective heartbeat. Amidst the sea of nameless, gyrating bodies, that’s where you catch a glimpse of him - a slip of darkness, flickering in and out of view as the kaleidoscope of colors shifts overhead. 

Cassian.

Your attention doesn’t go unnoticed for long. His hazel eyes catch yours, and for a moment, the world stops existing. There is only you, and him and the weight of all the love, heartache and desolation between you. A blink, and reality returns to its normal unrelenting pace.

His muscled frame is evident even from a distance, the outline of his strong shoulders and defined arms visible beneath the blank long-sleeved shirt he wore. Intricate tattoos peek through the opened buttons of his shirt, their dark lines running from his neck, chest, down to his forearms. 

You knew Cassian back when you still lived in the Night Court, fancied yourself in love with his charming smile and penchant for mischief. More than anything, you admired him for his kindness. He had been the one to help you escape the camps, even helped set you up here in Velaris. As a half-Ilyrian female with no wings or any significant Ilyrian power, you don’t doubt that staying would have been a death sentence. Or worse. 

Afterward, the two of you had spent the better part of the last two centuries circling one another. You didn’t know the name of what you had with Cassian, but the two of you had preferred it that way, not wanting to risk your friendship. You never had the courage to ask for more, not even when you desperately wanted to. But when Nesta Archeron had dropped into his life with the cataclysmic force of silver wildfire, you took one look at them and knew you missed your chance. There’s no fighting against a mating bond. But that hasn’t stopped the memory of him from haunting you since. 

Except there he is, decades later, just across the room, watching you watch him. 

You heard from the grapevine that, seven years ago, after a failed explosive engagement and years of falling in and out of each other's beds, he and Nesta had finally called it quits. The eldest Archeron sister, Lady Death, had moved to the ruins of Dusk to seek her own destiny, to carve the story of her glory onto the earth. Cassian, on the other hand, had decided to remain here in the Night Court. 

A glint of recognition burns in his hazel eyes. For you, Cassian had always been the one that got away. Despite yourself, you find comfort in the thought that it might not have been easy for him to forget you, too.

You can feel your heart beat violently against your chest, threatening to break free from your ribcage. You can’t tell whether it's from anticipation, or a deep-rooted instinct that this? This is very dangerous territory, not unlike walking back into a battlefield you just managed to escape. Regardless of your better judgment, a smile makes its way to your lips, because, in the end, you’re happy to see him.

And Cassian smiles back. 

Throughout the night, you watch Cassian from the corner of your eye, and you feel his gaze on you in return. Sometime in the evening, you lose Mor in the crowd, covertly swept away by a gorgeous Ilyrian female in black. You, in turn, are left precariously perched on a stool, nursing a glass of water. You swallow your disappointment while contemplating the logistics of winnowing home whilst being utterly tipsy, and conclude that you’re more likely to be spliced across time and space than to reach your destination. 

Instead, you give yourself a few minutes to loiter by one of the palace’s expansive balconies, trying to get sober enough to depart. You’ve lost your shoal sometime during the party, but the crisp night air feels great against your heated skin, helping clear your mind. You recline against the chaise, before crossing your ankles and shutting your eyes. You stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the muted music and the blessed solitude. 

Your peace doesn’t last long, however. You hear a familiar set of footsteps approach, followed by the telltale groan of the chaise beside you. 

“You’re back,” he sounds breathless, disbelieving as though he hasn’t quite figured out if he’s dreaming. You’d know the calming cadence of his voice anywhere, in the dreaming, even in death. 

“Cassian,” you sigh, just as breathless, just as dismantled by his presence. Finally, your eyes flutter open to peer up at him. You swallow the lump in your throat, and he watches the movement, transfixed. 

You drink in the sight of him like you’re lost in a desert, and he’s the only oasis to be found. His long, wavy locks of midnight-black hair cascade over his shoulders, half pulled back into a disheveled bun behind his head. Loose curls frame his rugged features. He looks sharper, hewn from the toughest steel, but there was a familiar warmth in those hazel eyes.

“I thought I saw you,” he smiles, and your mind nearly implodes at the sight of the dimple on his right cheek. Memories flash, and you remember languid afternoons spent pressing kisses over the same dimple, your nose buried in his neck, your hands tracing shapes over his chest. The moment his hand lands on your knee, however, you snap out of it.

“I’m not sleeping with you,” you notify him pointedly because you are done giving pieces of yourself to this man, no matter how charming he can be, not without anything tangible in return.

He raises his hands over his head, as if in surrender, all the while giving you a crooked grin, “Hey, my intentions are pure, Sunshine. I just wanted to catch up.”

And that statement would have been perfectly fine, you think, if he hadn’t just called you that. Sunshine. God, how you used to love every time he said it, how your heart soared every time he spoke those two syllables. It made you feel special, seen. Now, all it leaves is the scent of smoke in your lungs and the taste of devastation in your tongue

“Cassian, Please,” and you hope to The Mother you sound casual, light, sarcastic even; and not like you’re about to swallow your own damn tongue. “Your intentions are as perpetually black as Azriel’s shadows.”

“I resent that,” he huffs petulantly. “I’m perfectly capable of having a chaste conversation.”

“Right.” You laugh, a real one this time, and Cassian holds his chest in feigned offense. “I just got back, and the first thing you do is lie to me? For shame, Cassian, for shame,” you tease, and a lovely shade of pink invades his cheeks, much to his chagrin. 

As you settle further into the cushions, you ask, "What have you been up to? Those Illyrian Warlords still giving you trouble?"

Cassian leans back, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "I hardly involve myself in the military anymore," he admits, his tone tinged with an equal measure of relief and exhaustion. "I'm tired of the battlefields, the bloodshed. I’ve seen enough of it for several lifetimes. I want to build, not to destroy; to something new, something greater than myself."

And that’s when you see it - the weariness from the weight of all that violence, from the stains those lost lives have left on his hands. They may have called him the Lord of Bloodshed, and he may have been good at it even, Cassian - at his core - has always had a kind and tender heart. You don’t blame him for wanting to leave that life. 

You nod in understanding. “What are you going to do?” you ask, curiosity piqued.

A spark lights up in his eyes, and his smile returns, softer this time. “I’m not entirely sure yet,” he confesses. “But I want it to be something that helps people, that brings more good into the world. The Valkyries were a great start, but I want to build a place for people like us, my mother, the outcasts - a safe place for all the females, the children and the bastards brutalized by this world. I want to give them a chance for a kinder life.”

Your chest aches, and you reach out, taking his hand in yours. “That sounds wonderful, Cassian.”

He squeezes your hand gently, his eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you.”

He studies you for another long moment, hazel eyes taking you in like he’s seeing you for the first time, as if you held the answer to a question he’s spent a long, long time asking himself. His gaze softens.

As the evening stretches on, you and Cassian talk about everything and nothing, the conversation flowing effortlessly like the constant ebb and flow of the Sidra. Despite what happened in the past, this thing between you two feels natural, almost as if no time has passed. Sitting there with him, you realize how much you've missed this, missed him. Cassian had been your savior, your family, and your closest friend before everything went wrong, and perhaps, that’s the one thing you mourned the most: his presence in your life, regardless of who he was to you. Reconnecting with him now felt like being ripped apart and remade all in one breath. 

Then, he pulls out a pipe from his pocket, and promptly sticks it in between his teeth. You watch, half mesmerized by the way he lights it before taking a slow, steady drag. He breathes it in with practiced ease, before releasing a truly remarkable cloud of smoke. He must’ve noticed you staring because he looks at you and wordlessly offers you a puff. “Remember this?”

You eye him dubiously, “How could I forget.” It’s the same gem-encrusted pipe you had given him as a joke all those years ago, knowing how much he hated unnecessary finery. He had stared at it in horror when you first presented it to him years ago. That he kept it surprised you. 

Memories of the two of you locked in his room come into mind. Your lips on his, bodies entwined as a bowl of mirthroot burns at the bedside table. 

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t do mirthroot anymore?” He asks, his grin growing wider. “What is it? Forgotten to have fun?”

Refusing to give him the satisfaction, you retort instead, “I haven’t.” 

“Prove it then,” he challenges, as he taps off some of the ash that has accumulated in the mouth of the pipe. 

You shouldn’t, really. But it’s been a shitty night, and an even shittier month. Mor was right. You’ve been running yourself ragged. And, in truth, you just needed a night where you could forget the rest of your life, even if it’s only temporary 

“Well,” you say as you take the pipe from him, “If anyone needs a bit more mirth in their life, it would be me.”

Cassian chuckles, “And me.” The two of you mime clinking glasses as a show of commiseration, before bursting into raucous laughter. 

You toy with the pipe for a few seconds, turning it over your fingers. It may have seemed like reluctance, but in reality, you were trying to remember the last time you allowed yourself to relax. You realize that it has been a very long while. With one deep breath, the earthy smoke fills your lungs, and you let it linger before you breathe it out. Not without being hit by a coughing fit though, much to Cassian’s amusement. 

“Don’t,” you warn him. 

And of course, he doesn’t heed you, and instead says, “You’re adorable.” 

Before you can say anything else, he takes the pipe and squeezes himself beside you onto the scant space left on the chaise. You let him. It is as though the two of you can’t help but gravitate towards each other, twin stars pulled together by the same cosmic force; even after everything, even after years of silence, of insurmountable distance.

The chaise makes an impressive effort to hold the both of you, and it takes some truly impressive maneuvering for the two of you to fit. He’s turned towards you while you lay half-sprawled across his chest, your leg thrown over his thighs to lock around his calf. His wing curls over you, encasing you within his warmth. Your hand is over his chest, and you can feel the steady rhythm of his heart echoing your own. It's comforting to know that, even after all that has happened, the two of you still fit together like long-lost pieces of a single puzzle.

“Here, let me,” he takes another hit, easily inhaling and exhaling the silvery smoke as if that alone is enough instruction. He hands it to you once more.

You give him a withering look, but take it from him anyway. Once more you try your best to take the smoke in, but it elicits another coughing fit when you breathe it out. 

“Mother’s tits,” you mutter between coughs. Meanwhile, Cassian looks far too delighted at watching your miserable attempts to get high. 

“Do you want me to help?” he cryptically proposes with a hopeful look on his face, and you see the question for what it is. “You can say no anytime,” he assures you. 

In lieu of an answer, you inch closer, your face angled to fit with his, and you wonder if this is how a sunflower feels when it turns to face the sun. He only gives you one of his unfairly dashing smiles, before he takes another long drag. But this time, he keeps it in, as he cups your face and presses his thumb down your lower lip to coax your mouth open for him.

“Like this,” he whispers, his lips a mere centimeter away from yours. You’re practically vibrating with want, counting the infinities between seconds before you can taste his lips again. The smoke escapes his lips in languid swirls as you pull him down by the nape into a kiss. 

Cassian smiles against your lips.

The world is gradually shifting around you, like tectonic plates converging to recreate the world anew. The both of you shudder at the contact. This isn’t a cataclysm, not a world-ending explosion, but a realization, an answer to an overdrawn question. Cassian kisses you like he’s got all the time in the world to spare. It’s a languid back and forth of shared breaths and the seamless glide of his chapped lips on yours.

The feel of him is familiar and foreign all at once. The taste of rum lingers on his tongue as he licks into your mouth, swallowing the moan that comes out of you unbidden. You don’t know how long you stay in that hazy bliss, reacquainting yourselves with each other, just breathing the other in. 

But when he pulls away, he tugs on your bottom lip as if to make a final point. And what a totally valid point it is. You are convinced - so convinced, in fact, that you decide you aren’t going to smack him over the head for ruining you completely. The smug smirk on his face, by all means, would normally piss you off, but you find yourself smiling back instead.

“Was that better?” He inquires, batting his doe eyes at you innocently like he hadn’t just obliterated all rational thought in your head with his touch alone. 

“I can’t tell…” you trail off in feigned consideration. “I think you’ll have to do it again, just to be sure.” 

His nose scrunches in the most adorable way as he scoffs. Nonetheless, he humors you, lifting the pipe to his lips and inhaling another long drag.

“This is purely for science,” you inform him, running your thumb tenderly over his cheekbone. 

He nods in mock seriousness, before adding, “An experiment of sorts.” 

“Exactly,” you agree, as you tug on the curls on the back of his head to pull him down for another kiss. 

Cassian offers to fly you home, and you accept despite the both of you knowing that you’re perfectly capable and sober enough to winnow back on your own. Cassian scoops you up in the cradle of his strong arms, and you can’t help but let out a small gasp as the massive shadow of his wings unfurl. With a few beats, you’re in the air, soaring high above the mountainside. You barely have the presence of mind to erect the barrier for the two of you to keep the cold at bay. 

The flight to your apartment takes longer than it should because Cassian can’t keep his damn hands to himself long enough to take seven consecutive wingbeats. You indulge him, of course. With your arms around his neck, his lips find yours time and time again. Below, Velaris is a spread of starlight, like a reflection of the night sky overhead. You’ve got no viable defense for your actions, only that you missed him immensely, and deep in your soul, you know you still want him. You’re afraid that you always will. 

But as you arrive at your apartment, the both of you walk up to the door. Cassian tells you he’ll see you tomorrow and moves to leave you with one final peck on the lips, but you maintain your firm grip on his collar.

“You’re leaving?” You ask, your brows scrunched and your mouth agape. 

He chuckles at your confusion, his lips once again to that signature crooked grin you adore far too much.

“Oh? Did you want me to stay?” he asks, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear with a painfully gentle touch.

You huff out an exasperated breath, giving him a pointed look. “Cassian, if I didn't, you wouldn't even be here,” you retort, trying to mask the warmth his gesture ignited. 

“Why?” He presses further. “What did you have in mind, pretty girl?” 

That truth is this: you don’t think you could bear parting with him again, not when you just got him back. You don’t think that losing Cassian is something your heart can survive twice. 

His hand makes a slow descent from the back of your head, to your cheekbone, then to your jaw before gently tipping your face up to meet his gaze. A shiver runs down your spin at the intensity of his gaze. 

Cassian languidly leads you against the wall, pressing his body against yours. You can feel the evidence of his want against you, while he begins to leave butterfly kisses on your neck.

“Hmm?” He urges again, in between kisses. “C’mon, tell me.” Then, he tugs on your lobe lightly, before whispering against your ear, “Tell me all the lovely thoughts running through your pretty little head.” 

A shuddering breath leaves your lips in response, your body reflexively arching into him. He slots his muscled thigh in between your legs while keeping a firm grip on your hips. Cassian, it seems, is as intent on keeping you as you are him. 

“Cassian,” you plead, “stay.” Your chest feels like a supernova on the verge of extinction. Fear and longing grip you in a hurricane of emotion, threatening to swallow you whole.

For a while, Cassian just watches you, completely laid bare for him, his to keep or his to break. 

“Cassian,” you repeat, the desperation in your tone palpable. 

He raises his hands in mock surrender once more, reminiscent of earlier that night, before saying, “Say please.” 

“I hate you,” you retort, but your body tells a different story. Without your approval, you realize your hands have slipped under his shirt, reflexively exploring the familiar terrain of his skin, while your lips press against the sensitive skin of his neck. 

Cassian sighs, melting beneath your touch, his playfulness giving way to a look of pure adoration. With an expression that leaves no room for doubt, he whispers, “Liar.” 

“Guilty,” you confess. 

He matches it with a confession of his own, “I love you.” Cassian's gaze is unbearably soft, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that makes your breath hitch. His voice is raw with sheer sincerity. "I've never forgotten you, never stopped thinking about you."

The weight of his words hangs in the air, and for a moment, the world pauses, forgets what it is to breathe. You search his face, seeing the truth reflected in forest eyes. A mixture of relief and joy washes over you, like a stream of cool water over scalded skin. Every moment you’ve shared, every glance, every touch, each joy and regret - has led to this moment.

You lean in closer, your forehead resting against his. "I love you too, Cassian,” you whisper, your voice trembling. “I never stopped.”  At that moment, you’re certain that The Cauldron had made a mistake because every part of you is perfectly aligned with his, fitting together in a way that no one else ever could.

“Stay,” you implore him once more, your voice soft but earnest.

“Only if you promise to go on a date with me,” he says against your lips. 

You blink blearily up at him, your mind still lost in the moment. “A date?” you ask, almost in wonder. There was a time when the two of you spent everyday together, back when you were in the purgatory between best friends and something more. But in retrospect, you’ve never gone on an actual date. Despite everything you’ve done so far, the thought of going out with Cassian is what sends your heart racing.

“Okay,” you finally agree, your voice barely above a whisper.

Cassian’s smile is radiant, a bright light in this wretched world. And for the first time in a long while, you look forward to the future. 

Author’s Note: Hello! I’m new to this fandom & I’m so down bad I started writing fics again. I’d love to hear your thoughts 💙

+ This was literally supposed to be just Cassian + shotgunning but now there's plot so here we are.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Winter's King 11

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, cheating, violence, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a maid to the Duke of Debray, a lord of the Summer Kingdom. That is, until the king of Winter appears with his particular air of coldness. (Medieval AU)

Characters: Geralt of Rivia

Note: friday, my day, am i right?

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You turn your legs over the bench, feet dangling over the floor as you look at the king, dumbfounded and dozy. He sits in the chair by the table, toying with a grab between his fingers as he watches you. Your heart hammers behind your ears as your breath licks like flames in your lungs. You daren’t ask it aloud but what is he doing there? 

“I only meant to look in upon you,” King Geralt says as if he can hear your thoughts. “I fathomed the night was long tending to my wife and I would make sure you are well-rested.” 

“Your highness,” you stand and smooth the front of your shift, realising you wear nothing more. No dress, no apron. You feel vulnerable to his golden eyes as they follow your hands. The fabric pulls taut on your chest before you can right yourself. “I... Apologies, I am unkempt.” 

You search around and go to take your cap from where you hung it. You cover your shorn locks and tie it tight above your nape. The king’s eyes narrow at you. 

“What is the purpose of keeping your hair short?” He wonders as he drops the grape back to the plate. 

You look at him, shuddering, “I do not... it is only as I’ve been bid, your highness. In Debray, all the maids do so.” 

“You are not in Debray now,” he muses. 

You’re quiet. You’re not sure how to answer that. You gulp and grab the clean dress from the pile and throw it over your head. It hangs loose, not like Jazlene’s carefully cut and laced gowns. You reach for your apron and the king clears his throat. You stop and look at him. 

“Your highness?” You blink, still dazed by his unexpected appearance. 

“I did go to see the lady of Debray,” he intones, “she was in a poor state. She would not permit me in her chambers for her condition.” 

“Oh my, your highness, I am sorry to hear. Shall I go look in--” 

“She has maids a plenty,” he insists, “I hoped...” he leans forward and reaches to his belt. You notice the top of his slate grey tunic is untied and shows the trim of his chest hair, “to share a pastime with her. I hoped perhaps we might see past our differences at last and start our progress towards the kingdom. Alas, despite my warnings, she overindulged and has left herself incapacitated.” 

You stare at him, clutching the apron. He flicks his fingers dismissively as his other hand brings forth a pouch, “leave that. Come, sit.” 

You can only obey. You put the apron down and cross the chamber. As you near the table, he pushes the tray of dishes out of the way. You lower yourself onto a stool as he opens the mouth of the pouch. He pours out the rattling contents. Carved diced in varying shapes, symbols painted on each side, and man longer pieces that look like bone. 

“It is a game,” he explains as the contents roll out, “I’d like to teach you.” 

You look down as he sorts out the many pieces into sets. He is lithe in his arrangement. When he is down, he presses his hands flat to frame the assortment. 

“You don’t mind?” He wonders, “if you are tired still...” 

“Your highness, I am awake,” you rub your eyes and drop your hands to your lap. “A game? How do you play it?” 

You lean forward and he seems pleased by your intent. He curls his fingers and takes a breath. 

“It is like bartering at a market, or the like,” he begins, “you see how the pieces differ,” he points to the longer ones, “there are tick marks here,” he shows you how one has an ex, another a line this way and the next that way, and a circle in another. “We each have our dice,” he divides those up and pushes a set towards you, “it is a matter of trade and cost.” 

“Hmm,” you push your lip out, concentrating. 

He continues to explain the balancing and leveraging of each roll. How once you have collected all the pieces with a particular mark, you may wield a greater demand. You tilt your head thoughtfully, your own fingers drawing lines in the air as you make sense of his instruction. You think you understand but remain uncertain. 

“We may begin simple,” he intones. 

So suddenly are you swept up in the intricacy of the game, that your shock at his appearance dissipates. You can only think of the pieces as he rolls a die. Then the next. You follow his lead and when at last the first trade comes, you hear his offer but have no response. 

“You have a question?” He prompts. 

“I am thinking, your highness,” you squint as your forehead lines. 

“I can tell,” he says brightly. 

You peer up at him and smooth your expression. His cheek twitches as he leans back. You counter his offer and he clucks. 

“Mm, I see,” he rests his chin on his knuckles. 

He hands over his pieces and you bite the inside of your lip. You gather them to your side of the table and frown. You toy with the dice and wait. 

“Your turn,” he urges, “unless you are not having fun.” 

“It is an interesting game but I don’t want to be let to win,” you mutter. 

“I am not letting you win. It is the first turn and it is a long game,” he chides. 

“Mm, yes,” you pick through the dice, “your highness.” 

He exhales and leans on the armrest, “take your time. I am no hurry to be away.” 

You peer up at him and find his gaze set on you. You return your attention to the dice and toss them. He’s a king, should he have better things to do? 

⚔️

“It appears you have bested me,” King Geralt sighs and puts his dice down, pressing his hand flat over them, “you have the mind of a councilour.” 

“Your highness,” you bring your hands back to wring in your lap.  

“Truly, you’ve taken well to it,” he remarks, “it has been some time since I had harrying competition.” 

You offer a slight curve of your lips and look away. The window is dulled as the sunlight descends. You blanch and slip forward on the chair. 

“Your highness,” you stand, “it is late. I should--” 

“You may remain,” he assures you as he shows his palm kindly, “no hurry, little maid.” 

“But... shouldn’t you--” you keep yourself from asking after his duty. That is not for you to mind, “the queen will need dinner.” 

“As I said before, this place is ripe with servants,” he says coolly, “you should sit and bask in the time you have off your feet.” 

You face him and slowly sit. He drags his fingers along the wooden armrest as his expression tightens. He watches you as his square jaw clenches, “unless you would rather be away from me?” 

You twist around to look at the door, then to him. 

“I will go wherever you command, your highness.” 

“Yes, yes,” his hand balls to a fist, “that is not what I...” he sighs with exasperation, “I want to know what you desire. What do you want? What do you need?” 

There’s a stirring in your chest as he leans slightly forward, his eyes alight. You peer into the golden pools and your lips part. He is a king and yet speaks as if he would serve you. 

“I...” you wisp and clamp your lips tight, measuring your words, “I want to serve you and the queen, your highness. I want to serve the realm.” 

He huffs again and grimaces, “for yourself. Not the queen, not me, not the people.” 

“Hmmm,” you look down and shrug. You shake your head. You can’t think of anything. “I have a new dress and a hot bath and good food. I can think of nothing. What of you, your highness? What do you want?” You lift your chin slowly, “just for you?” 

Your question seems to startle him. He winces and for a moment, seems breathless. He stands suddenly and takes a step forward. He’s close and you think he might lunge at you. You shy away, expecting the same wrath you inspire in the queen. He falters and backs away. 

“I want...” he grits and turns his back to you. 

He walks to the window and looks out onto the lawns. He hangs his head and grips the window’s edge. He lets out a gravelly sigh. 

“I want you...” he utters, “...to come walk with me in the gardens. I would like to do so before we must depart.” 

You rise again, “yes, your highness, I will put my shoes on then.” 

He puffs out into the deepening dusk. You can feel his frustration roiling from his figure. You grab the stockings and the shoes and return to the chair. You roll the stocking onto your foot and pull it up your leg, rumpling up one side of the skirt as you do. As you hike up the next, the king faces you, surprising you before you can drop the fabric back down to your toes. You sheepishly bend to put your shoes on, embarrassed. 

“Thank you, little maid,” he approaches and offers his hand, “for keeping a miserable king company.” 

You look at his hand. It’s big and calloused and lined like a map. The invitation seems overly friendly. You accept it, not so bold as to turn him away. 

“Your highness,” You murmur as he squeezes your hand then lets his arm fall straight, tugging you away from the table. 

Silently, he lets his grip brush from your hand and instead hooks his arm through yours. It is an overly familiar gesture but you allow it. What more can a maid do? As you near the door, he stops and untangles from you completely, stepping away as if struck by the oddity of his actions. He reaches for the door handle and inhales. 

He opens the door and steps into the corridor, you follow him, just a pace back. He looks over his shoulder at you then turns ahead. You scurry to keep up with his long strides. He stops at the end of the hallway and you nearly collide with his elbow. 

“I am not miserable because of you,” he angles his head towards you as he keeps his voice low, “if you worried...” he shakes his head at himself, “come, little maid.” 

You do as he says and trail him through the corridors. It is late and while soldiers remain on watch, most of the lords and ladies have tucked away for their evening meals. The king continues his unstoppable advance with you at his heels. Down a flight of stairs and across the great hall. 

Outside, several soldiers bow their heads at his passing and another nears. He dismisses them without a word. You carry on, sensing how his mood darkens with the sky. You’re uncertain of his demeanour, so suddenly shifting from affable to affronted. You didn’t say what he wanted and now he is unhappy. He can be rather like his wife. 

He stalks onward to the archway that marks the green gardens of the capital castle. He passes between the leafy pillars and stops to look this way then that, then opts to walk along the middle row. You flit between the hedges behind him as the sky ripples with the looming night and a cool breeze stirs around your skirts. 

He is silent as he walks, almost as if he’s forgotten you. You wonder if you fall out of step, if you are lost behind him, would he even notice? Finally, he slows before a pond dug into the center of the gardens, amid lilies and daisies and blue bells. The moon shines down and reflects off the tepid pool. 

He treads around the edge of the pond as you stand by the bushes. He circles around to a wooden bench and sits. His shoulders slouch and he leans his head back. The silver light limns his strong features. When he opens his eyes, they glow as they did in your dream. 

“I have come this far, I have conquered as I vowed to, I have vanquished the old king,” he speaks to the sky, “I have done all I sought to and yet I am wanting.” 

You dip your head, sad for him. You might assume a king would be happy for all his gold and power. That a crown would bring delight as much as glory. All you see is a man in mourning. For all he’s won, he’s lost just as much. Loyal men and many months. 

“I have a wife who is petulant, I have an ally who is cowardice, and I have nothing left here to claim,” he continues, “should I remain any longer, I might give it all up.” 

He hangs his head and leans forward, gripping the edge of the bench. He sits in silence as he watches the water. A frog hops onto a large stone protruding from the shallows and steals your attention. You watch it leap again and again until it meets the other side. 

“Little maid...” the sultry purr crawls over you and you glance over to find the king observing you, “sit with me.” 

You shiver and cautiously make your way around the pond. You near him and sit at the end of the bench opposite him. You fixate on the moonlit water. He leans to grab your wrist and hauls you closer. You sidle down until you are almost against him. He slips his hand around yours, covering it in his grasp. He pulls it onto his thigh and rests it there. 

He clings to you just like that. You feel a pluck in your chest for him. He has a wife who should share in his troubles but she is too buried in the anguish she made for herself. Yet, she is not there, and you are; a paltry substitute for what he truly needs. 

Silence pervades the night but for the chirping of insects and the sweet singing of birds. The king’s grasp on you tightens, then lessens, and tightens again. He eases his hold entirely and pets your hand. 

“Will you play another game with me?” His timbre is silty as he looks over at you. 

“A game, your highness?” You babble. 

He hums and nods, “a child’s game,” he explains, “it is simple.” He sits straight and pushes back his hair, “you will run and I will catch you.” 

Your heart lurches. Your lashes flutter. You played the game before, when you were young, with the queen even. But that was years ago and you were smaller and faster. You look at the king. 

“Your highness,” you utter. 

“It’s my command,” he says, “run.” 

[jji-lee]

the last thing donghyuck expected to see when he arrived at his closed down flower shop was to see it fully renovated. the sunflower chan sign was glowing brightly, softly illuminating the variety of flowers that adorned the outside of the shop. he smiled to himself already knowing what the surprise was. when he stepped inside he flinched at the loud noise,

"SURPRISE!"

the shop was filled with all of his friends and some unfamiliar faces, (he later learned their names were jisung, karina, and chenle) but his eyes immediately landed on you. you seemed to get prettier every time he saw you. he went in to hug you forgetting the rest of the people there.

"thank you for this y/n, really, this means the world"

you wrapped your arms around him, smiling into the hug.

"hellooo what about the rest of us? not only did i work here but i definitely collaborated like 20 bucks for this shop!"

mark and his perfect timing. donghyuck separated from you, keeping his hand on the small of your back.

"thank you to everyone, especially you mark. this shop means so much more now since all of you worked together to get it back."

"well now that we've all been equally appreciated, i have drinks in the back if anyone wants, and music waiting to be played!"

mark directed the small crowd towards the backroom where he kept his secret stash, pulling jisung aside to ask for help on how to connect his phone to the speaker. donghyuck grabbed your hand leading you outside of the shop for some fresh air, aka alone time.

"i really can't believe you did all this, seriously, you're insane."

you giggled at his use of words,

"it's really nothing, this was mainly the donations, i just had to make the gofundme page look cute."

he noticed how you both were still holding hands, the warmth radiating off of your fingers.

"uh-"

"i-"

you both interrupted each other, causing you both the laugh softly. a pause hung in the air after, both of your cheeks glowing pink. donghyuck spoke up,

"you go first, i was gonna make a dumb flower joke"

"uh well, i just wanted to say that this makes us even, i mean, after all that crap we did to each other, so we can start again as friends, have a clean slate."

you still thought of him as a friend? donghyuck tried not to sound too bitter in his response,

"friends? really? after all this?"

your obliviousness made him feel oddly bold. he lifted up your still intertwined fingers, squeezing ur hand softly,

"are you really that dense y/n? i kinda have a huge ass crush on you, was that not obvious?"

your eyes widened at his words, a blush burning your cheeks,

"a crush, how is that obvious? what are you talking about hyuck, that's not funny."

you let out a dry laugh pulling your hand away from his, looking down at your feet.

"i'm not telling you to like me back or anything but- hey look at me please, i'm being serious."

you lifted you gaze to see him smiling down at you. the light from the sign highlighted his features, making him look like he was glowing, maybe it was the hospital lights after all

"look, when i first met you, you were really fucking annoying, i swear i felt my eyes burn for a week straight after you pepper sprayed me. and then i realized that all i ever thought about was you, day after day, i wondered where you were and what you were doing, yes it was in order to plan my next prank, but you somehow squeezed yourself into my life. and then you got sick and, i don't know, i felt like i had seen a whole new side of you, seeing your home, and taking care of you. and then we kinda stopped pranking each other and you became significantly less annoying. but i was dumb and ruined that peace by getting jealous of you and jaemin-"

you chuckled at his confession, biting your lip to hold back your laughter.

"yeah whatever i know, but then when i started acting like a fool you just came up to me and told me how it is, i feel like even after everything you made the effort to come back to me, and i just, well through all this your really pretty face was a bonus, but you're so much more interesting than you let on at first, you even collect weird tiny babies and you're into chemicals and science and shit, ugh this is getting really lame. i just like you okay i can't explain it that well but it's just a feeling you know."

when he finally opened his eyes, when did he start squeezing his eyes shut? he saw you smiling wide at him, teeth on display, you were rocking back and forth on you toes, waiting for him to finish,

"are you done haechannie?"

"yeah just, do you worst, reject me or whatever, but don't blame me when i light myself on fire after."

"gosh, stop being so dramatic, i'm not rejecting you hyuck."

you're not rejecting him?

"actually, for some reason i'm into really cute flower boys who pull stunts on me, but then come to comfort me when they give me the flu, and then slowly work their way into my heart"

he clasped his hands together closing his eyes again,

"please god let me be the only flower boy that has given her the flu"

you reached forward to unclasp his hands, his eyes slowly fluttering open.

"hyuck i've never had time for anything besides studying in my life, so i don't know how to do all this, but you make me worry about things besides school and i think that's a good change of pace for me, if you'll have me, we can try this boyfriend girlfriend thing out, and if you hate it, i can do you the honors of lighting you on fire."

he leaned forward and pulled you into a kiss, hands holding onto your hips, lips pressed firmly against yours, you both smiled into the kiss, teeth clashing.

"oh my god lee haechan what did i tell you about kissing y/n in front of me"

mark lee, what perfect timing indeed.

blooming hearts — 23. there was cake?

previous — masterlist — extra1

notes : this is the end, cry with me pls.

taglist : @nanaxwi , @swee7dream , @mwahaechz , @jenocity23 , @nctrawberries , @seunghancore , @minkyuncutie , @taeeflwrr , @starwonb1n , @mystverse , @jising-jisang-jisung , @beommii , @sunghoonsgfreal , @starfilledgaze , @loveholicness , @theandypark

[chosos-mascara]

sired

𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙞 𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - levi is just a regular at your coffee shop - until you're bleeding out, with no other option than to see the true beast he is.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - vampire levi x reader, reader is turned, reader is attacked (not by levi), blood, biting, general vampire stuff, make-out, sex, cunnilingus, spit swallowing and swapping

4.5k words, yes i am reusing this photo of him cuz he's pretty

In this life, blood had run through vein to be taken from others.

Of course, there had been the weight of guilt to burden the shoulder of those who'd drank the life from another, though within the rise of an undead plague, they had began to drink it without regard of memories, pain or pleasure. 

Levi had done the latter; decades spent underground to prey on those in the shadows, brain riddled with disgusting memories of the past.  Erwin had drawn him from this hole and with that, a new life had been birthed. Though, even with a clean slate, ghosts had still remained. 

These hauntings of the past had brought Levi to a simple life, one with routine, and control. An example of this would be his morning tea, always taken from the same shop, with his arrival and departure time as precise as each day would allow. Unfortunately, with a difference in this very schedule, Levi had been six hours late to his local coffee shop, seeing a shift change and new faces. 

You hadn't met the man before you - you were sure of that. Though, when staring into the grey eyes on the other side of the counter, there had been something so hauntingly familiar - or was he just undeniably mesmerising?  There had been an unforgiving and all-encompassing pull toward the stranger; one that had felt both warm and frightening.

"Are you listening?" His voice pulled you from the depths of your daydreams, his face stern and brow furrowed. You cleared your throat, glancing down to your idle finger hovering over the till.  "I'm sorry, sir." An apology had left your lips before a shaking breath, though his abrasive tone would cast your words aside.  "As I said, an earl grey -" He cut himself short with the shake of his head. "And, for the love of God, make sure the water is boiling."

His narrow lips relaxed into a down-turned expression, eyes mulling you over once, and then twice. 

"Did you get that, or do I need to go elsewhere?" 

You blink, lips parting before nodding a response. "Y-yeah." Now trembling, your fingers wrap around a white cup, the other hand moving to grasp a maker pen, though stopping short of the cardboard.  "What's the name?"  "Levi." 

Levi had walked toward the collection counter, one arm crossing over the other, his sight set on your clumsy handwriting and uneasy grip.  Earl grey, boiling water.  You repeated the order to yourself as if a mantra, a tea bag plucked from box, the cup placed beneath the boiler spout. You checked the temperature dial before pouring, allowing the scolding liquid to fill his cup to almost brim, a plastic lid and cardboard sleeve placed over top.

Within a few moments, the tea had been placed on worktop, a pale hand moving to take the drink to palm. 

He didn't thank you before leaving, though with his previous demeanour, you hadn't expected him to.

When Levi had returned days later with the same request, your heart began to beat slightly faster, excitement in vein. The bell had chimed, your eyes moving from the tray of cakes under glass to greet your new customer - and there he'd stood.

As he made his way toward you, you allowed yourself to wonder if he'd returned due to an appreciation of your brew... though with the same hollow stare and frown over lip, you began to assume this shop was more for convenience than a means for enjoyment. 

Just as before, Levi stood with arms crossed and expression cold, and when you'd pushed the cup toward him, he simply turned on heel and left. A sigh escapes you as the weight on your chest suddenly alleviates.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?" 

Your attempt at small talk felt miserable, and with his grey eyes withdrawing from yours to land over countertop, you had mentally slapped yourself. This would be another memory to plague your mind, with another sorry attempt at talking to an attractive customer. 

His brow furrows as he looks to be in thought, before he finally speaks. 

"I don't like the heat." 

Your jaw slackens. For the first time in the past few weeks, the stranger had not just spoken instruction under a condescending tone, but had instead given a genuine answer to a question you had asked. The corner of Levi's mouth quirked upward at your shocked expression.

Locking up had gone well despite a few customers arriving on the minute of closing, with yourself rushing to clean machine and table. Money was counted, lights switched off, and key placed into lock before you would begin your journey home. 

Street lights illuminated your path, your shadow cast beside you as each begrudgingly slow step brings you closer to your destination. Tinny earphones supply you with a soundtrack while your mind replays the images of you jumping into bed after a long day, sheets pulled to shoulder as you would close your eyes to rest. 

The last stretch of road before your home drew closer, the concrete growing a little less clean and evened out when approaching your neighbourhood. A path you had ventured many times throughout both day and night, one you were sure you could navigate through a blindfold. You glance over the patches of grass among grey pavement, a few trees standing only slightly taller than yourself. In summer, they would bloom green leaves with wild flowers at their root, though on winter nights like this one, they would only shield the unknown.

A shadow slouches parallel to your path on the other side of the road, one with a presence you wouldn't recognise on first glance, though wouldn't yet alarm you. Seeing another at this time of night wasn't particularly unusual; a busy town on a Thursday evening had some form of nightlife, although when seeing the figure's odd gait, your feet did move slightly faster. 

There was a hint of apprehension with your movements, though you had ultimately decided on keeping your gaze straight and arriving home with haste. It wouldn't be too much farther now, though when glancing over shoulder to see the emptiness of the other side of the road, dread filled you to core. 

A sudden weight is born over your shoulder, a sharp pain in neck. Although you begin to thrash, a pair of arms hold you still, the sting of what felt to be a bite allows warmth to seep from your body, exhaustion dousing you. 

At some point, you are freed enough to allow you to stumble forward, slumping toward pavement. Your hand flies to the wound on your neck, alarm rushing through you upon the realisation you were losing a lot of blood, fingers slipping around the puncture holes to be coated in crimson. 

A numbness begins to spread through your body, a coldness enveloping you. 

You lay back to the pavement, head turning to side as you try your best to press into the injury in attempts to stop the bleeding, though with your vision turning blurry, you weren't sure how effective your weakening grasp would be. Focusing your altered vision, you can make out two figures before you, one looking to be the same hooded shadow you'd seen across the road, the second having a recognisable silhouette, though you couldn't quite put your finger on where you'd seen that coat before, and the black slacks, perfectly tailored to meet ankle -

You had blinked only once, you'd felt sure of that. But, it looked as if minutes had passed before you, the two figures now separated, one left to only a heap on the floor. There was a presence beside you, and with racing heart, you turned to meet their view. 

The stranger looks to be Levi, your crush from the shop, and over the ringing of your ears, it'd sounded a lot like him, too. Just as you'd fallen to unconsciousness, you could've sworn his eyes had changed from grey to red, two canines elongated to look much like the fangs of a vampire.

Heavy lids flutter between that of dream and reality as you stir, harsh pavement feeling much softer than you had remembered. Though as you came to, memory foam supporting your body, you were quick to realise that the warmth engulfing your body had not been that of cement floor, but a bed that hadn't felt much like your own.

With the cloud over your eyes fading, you set your sights on the plain ceiling above, with a slow drift down to the thick sheets draped over your person. Your scent had been the second to last sense to return - the smell of cedarwood and pine. 

Your home had been many things, but none of these attributes had felt at all familiar. Not a spec of dust in sight, nor blemish... The only thing that had been certain was your confusion at the current situation, and paired with the jumbled events of the night prior, you had been left to wonder how you had ended up in such room.

And finally, you are graced with the sensation of pain. 

Your neck throbbed, a tingling feeling to flow into vein, and perhaps the beginnings of a fever. There was a reluctance in your movements as your hand had made way to the wound, a withdrawal from the spot much before you'd come to cup it. Would the skin be mauled and tattered? 

Memories flash before you - thick blood pooling over your neck, the sensation of all life leaving your body. You brace yourself as your fingers finally fly to the injury, though you are left to feel dissatisfied by the bandage covering the skin; a barrier to your true condition. Previous events are farthest from vivid, though in the midst of searching your mind, you find a fragment of certainty - the stranger from the coffee shop. Black hair left to fall over brow, concerned grey eyes turning to resemble that of beast with pointed fangs. 

The wound throbbed as you remembered now, that taste of iron within your own mouth. How had that come to be?

As you sit upright, the room spins. Despite this, you allow a single leg to drop to the floor, followed shortly by the other, your weakened arms pushing from mattress to start your investigation. This home's walls had acted as your crutch as you'd moved to leave the bedroom, soon making it through the door, fingers still grazing plaster as you willingly make your way into the unknown. 

The corridor is been clean, walls plain in colour with a few paintings mounted proudly. They look to be expensive, though you don't marvel, instead moving closer to an explanation. 

"You're up." 

The words jolt you to core, eyes widening in both shock and fear as you turn to look over your shoulder, Levi standing a mere few feet from your own trembling body. One glance over his lips cause your throat to constrict, a shallow gasp pushes from chest as you felt to lose your balance, falling down onto the floor. 

You remember now, the fear you'd felt with a figure's teeth far into your throat, and how it had felt to have your very life drained from your soul.  You saw how Levi had torn your attacker from your being, only to seat himself beside you as you'd felt close to taking your last few breaths - how sporadic they'd been. 

He'd taken his own wrist to his mouth, a redness over lips as he'd pulled the appendage away only to force his mouth to yours, a red ambrosia forced over your tongue to douse your throat in burning liquid. You'd screamed against him, you'd thrashed and cried, though within only moments your eyes had felt heavy, the poison suddenly lulling you into security.

Levi despises the look you give him now, the horror and pain twisted in your face. It had been a look he'd seen few times before, though hadn't had to endure in a long while. He hadn't missed the fear he'd caused others.

"I won't hurt you." His arm raises as he takes a step toward your frightened body, voice timid. His hand reaches yours, ice cold skin wrapping over you to offer aid. Calming yourself, you stand.

"You can leave if you want." Your neck thrums as you stare at him, and if not for his sincere expression, you would have tested this offer. He squeezes gently over your fingers, mouth ajar. He knows you remember what he is, and what he'd done. You need an explanation.

"But... shit." Levi's eyes leave yours as he exhales. "There's something you need to know." You raise a brow, chest tightening. "What is it?" Anxiety courses through you as you retract your hand from his, moving it over your bandaged throat. 

"The thing that bit you," There's a waver in his voice, and a change in tone. "He took a lot of blood, and you were close to dying." You nod apprehensively. "I had to feed you my own, but it's been a while so I didn't realise..." His eyes close. "You would have died, if I didn't-" 

"I'm one of you?" Levi shifts uncomfortably before you, head tipping forward. 

"Not just that - tch." He's unable to find another way to put it, but searches his mind in desperation for an answer. The situation pains him in many ways, yet the worst factor had to be the intimacy. Levi had managed to find his way around alone until now, and with this, everything may change. 

"We - our kind... We can create bonds with others. One that can link two souls as one, or at least, sire two souls together. It means you can feel another person's presence at all times." At last, he raises his gaze from the floor, looking into your eyes. "You're now tethered to me." 

The news sinks in slowly, butterflies within your stomach as you sense the connection he speaks of. There had been some hesitance too, but this had stemmed from the limited understanding of what this label would entail, and what this existence would involve. As you stared at him, you grew used to this sensation - the feeling of his soul. It felt cold and somewhat indistinct, but when you focused your mind to it, it was there. 

"I feel different." The phrase resembled more of a whisper than a clear statement, and Levi had shared this uneasiness within himself, too. It hadn't just been this attachment, but your senses had felt heightened, sounds felt louder and colours felt brighter. As you peered over his face, drifting toward his neck, you could sense where his vein had been most open, where you want so desperately to sink your teeth. 

"I do, too." Levi searches your eyes to find an answer he wasn't sure he'd find, with a step toward you. "I can feel your very being." As he edges closer, his hand outstretched, his fingers brush over your hair, finally skimming over your cheek. 

You stare into him, and for a moment you feel yourself lean forward too, but it's as if reality takes its brittle hold over his heart, and he pulls away.  "You need to eat." The statement weighs on you, and as he strides toward another room, you feel your body ache for his touch. 

You aren't sure whether or not to follow him when he disappears, so you instead await his return, or further instruction. He reemerges not long after, a glass in hand. Only when he's closer do you notice the thickness of the glass, and the distinct red. It had been blood. 

You take a step back, breath in your throat as he pushes the glass toward you. Although you try to fight, he places a hand to the back of your head, rendering you unable to move. The glass rim is forced to your lips, the blood pouring thickly to your tongue, and you have no other choice but to swallow. 

It's bitter, and runs like honey down your throat, thick, and heavy. Despite your mental apprehension, your body reacts, gulping back the fluid with heavy eyes. When it's finished, you feel awfully satisfied. 

"Was it... human?" Although you hadn't wanted to truly know, there was a need to ask. Relief seeped through you when he shook his head, sighing.  "We source animal blood. It gets you through the day, but the hunger isn't satiated for long. You will feel a pull toward humans - you just have to fight the urge." 

"What about other beings like us?" 

Levi stirs, his expression souring. "It wouldn't quench thirst unless they had drank from a human. It's more of a... sexual act than one of hunger." 

The skin of your chest feels hot as you watch his lips form the words, and images of intimacy with Levi plague your mind. You remember the distinctness of the blood he had fed to you fresh from wrist - the twang, and the warmth. 

Moments pass by quickly as you move toward him, body acting much faster than the constraints of your mind. Imagery of his blood pooling over your tongue had flashed before your eyes as your lips met with the thick of his neck, face pulled into the crook and elongated teeth brushing the flesh. 

Levi could have stopped you, your frame much weaker than his, but he'd held back to allow you a taste. He knew the hunger too well, and paired with the guilt he'd felt for turning you, he would allow you to take more than you should.

But, you pull back sooner than he'd anticipated, skin stained crimson with his blood. He couldn't stop himself from connecting himself with you, not when you'd worn his life so beautifully over your lips.

This kiss wasn't much like the last, with your half conscious state and his frantic attempts at saving you, it hadn't felt much of a meaningful moment. Now, here with you, his body connecting with your own and the taste of his own livelihood on your lips, Levi felt freed. Freed of this lonely existence, and free from the sorrow path he'd aligned himself upon. 

His lips were cold, yet soft, slipping between your own to grow closer to you. With the initial movements there had been modesty and restraint, yet as you tasted more of him, passion had ignited. 

Levi presses his tongue to yours, hand snaking to hold the back of your head and tilt you to reach deeper limits. He swiped himself over you, roaming your mouth to try his blood mingling with your taste. 

As Levi found himself losing control against you, he held on tighter and kissed with more force and roughness - fangs clashing over yours when they find their way to scrape your bottom lip. The sensation pulls a timid hum from your chest and Levi groans in response, hardness pressing uncomfortably against his trouser as your own blood trickles into his mouth. 

At some point, you end up against a wall, Levi leaning himself against you with need, unhinged rocks of hip to find friction against your clothed body. Pulling back breathlessly, his hand remains upon your cheek.  "I can't control myself around you." His voice is smooth against your ear, lips grazing the skin of your cheek.  "You don't have to." Your words are quiet but he hears them clearer than day, humming against you. 

He takes a step back to regain composure, and you are left to look to him with doe eyes, a tightness in your chest with burning desire. Silently, Levi takes your hand, leading you back into the room you had awoken in not too long ago, stopping beside the bed. His hand runs from yours to trail over your arm, stopping at your shoulder. 

"At least allow me to take you within a bed - I would have fucked you against that wall if you'd have let me." 

Heat prickles your body at his words, though cool air soon meets warmth as he undresses you, discarding your clothes with his own over the floor before you're on the mattress beneath him. 

Levi found it difficult to restrain himself from marking your skin, instead dragging teeth over neck, or flicking tongue to kiss flesh. Your fingers laced within his hair, gently tugging him back to your lips, kissing him with fervour. Saliva glides from your tongue to his, but he drinks it back as if depraved, intoxicated within your taste. You could feel his frenzied state worsening as he licks and nips over you, a clear need to have you in more ways than one. Blood had been a vampire's hunger, both in ways of food and passion, and you had wanted to play with fire.

"You can..." Your confidence fizzles quickly on tongue as you meet his eye, a new wave of anxiety washing over your body. Red irises stare back at you, though in sensing your unease, they slowly fade back to grey. "You can drink from me." The permission you grant to him is one rooted in edge, your muscles tensing when awaiting his reply. 

A puff of air leaves his nose in what feels to be amusement.  "You don't know what you're offering." There's a seriousness in his voice, led by his own reluctance.  "I know you were thinking about it." A stillness warms the room as the statement leaves you.

He shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss you. This time, the movements are languid, a slow-moving pace to instead take time in roaming the mouth of the other. As fluid had been swapped between each tongue, it grows thicker, and a moan catches within your throat. 

Fingertips had breached the hem of your underwear at a point in time you can't quite pin, but you permit the tugging of fabric to drag past your knee, exposing yourself to the cursed being before you. His gaze drops to the bareness before him, a stripe over folds with his fingers. Levi allows his lips to hover over your flesh before he finally lowers himself between thigh, palms spreading you wider to make room for his face. He delves forward, tongue meeting with hardened bud to swirl circles over you.

His name passes your lips, back arching, and Levi rolls his hips over the comforter for some form of relief. As his tongue flicks over you, you are left to whine beneath his touch, hand entrapping your mouth in an attempt to muffle the mews spewing from you. Fingertips brushed your entrance, ring and middle circling the hole before finally teasing in, and you writhe in his sheets. When you roll yourself over his tongue he groans, fingers curving. 

"Fuck, don't stop." Panting, you beg his mercy, feeling close to falling over the edge. He scissors his fingers slightly, stretching you as he moves them in and out, and with the way his tongue is moving you're unable to restrain from the high you begin to feel. He adds a third, and you scream out in relief, stuttering hips as you come undone beneath him. 

When you come down, he's already on his knees with his cock free, pushing the head against your throbbing clit.  "Ever since I saw you in that shitty shop, I've pictured you beneath me."  His head is rubbing against your slit to gather the juices left, and a shaky breath leaves your lips. Levi places his fingers on your chin to tilt your mouth open, watching your face contort in confusion. 

He spits between your parted lips before closing your lips, edging himself into you while looking within your eye.  "Swallow." The command was impossible to defy, so you do as he requests, watching as his lips quirk into a smirk.

Levi forces his length forward, thickness finally nestled within your walls. He rocks himself gently at first, though soon looses himself within you as your chest rises and falls at rapid pace, body welcoming his every inch. Your gaze drops to his fangs, finger reaching toward them in curiosity, allowing your skin to be pierced by the needle like ends. Blood rushes to the small puncture, only a pinprick, though Levi was quick to respond, his tongue darting from lip to taste the crimson offering.

With one taste, he craved more. After the sire bond, your blood had tasted uniquely different, reflecting more of his own. He's unable to stop himself from biting into your wrist, puncturing vein and wrapping his mouth around the source. He groans deeply, eyes rolling upward as he ruts his hips much harsher than he'd done before, allowing himself to indulge within your taste. 

When he removes himself from your skin, a single droplet rolls from wrist to elbow - but Levi cannot allow the smallest amount of your nectar to waste, his tongue darting along the length to leave not a stain over your arm.

His cock twitches inside you as your head tilts back in pleasure, legs tightening around him. He can feel himself grow closer to release, though has one last offering to you. 

Levi brings his finger to fang, piercing the skin in a similar fashion to your prior display, placing the digit straight to your lip. He smears his blood over your lips, and you too mimic his actions from before, eyes locking with his own as you wrap your lips around his finger, sucking before the pop of your lips releases him.

You pull his face to yours, pushing the mixture of blood and saliva to his mouth. He groans in reply, much deeper than before, thrusts growing messy as he allows your tongue to dance with his. Levi's breaths were sporadic as he came within you, pushing himself as far as he could, squeezing over your flesh as his body ached.

The veil over his eye had began to lift as he laid himself beside you, brain no longer clouded - though he still felt an unusual lull of safety within your presence. He pinned it to the sire bond, soothing him into trusting your soul as it had linked with his own. 

If his heart had still beat, he was sure it would feel differently while in your presence, and for the first time in decades, he allows himself to wonder what life would be like if he was still human. 

"Earlier, when you told me I could leave," The silence was broken with our voice, still hoarse. "I didn't want to." There was a small dip in your words as you fought with your own understanding of the situation. "Why? Why do I feel this way toward you when you're still a stranger?" 

He exhales, staring up at the ceiling. "It's the bond." His words won't offer much insight as he barely understands it himself, though he feels himself needing to comfort you. "I brought you back here to rest, but only when you'd awoken had I realised what had happened." 

"How will this work?" Your words are gentle, but the question hangs stagnant in the air.

"I don't know, this is a first for me."

a/n: for some reason, after a break in writing, staying in present tense felt really hard?? please excuse me if i messed up, i feel like this is so inconsistent

[cyb3rtarot]

 Pick a Pile: Nature Messages

Disclaimer: In this PAP I'm reading my homemade nature-based oracle with tarot and other oracle decks. There’s general messages and advice. Readings are not replacements for professional advice! Take what confirms you and leave what confuses you.

pile 1 ❀.ೃ࿔ pile 2 pile 3 ❀.ೃ࿔ pile 4

ᨒ↟

Pile 1:

Rushing Water

[Healing (King of Emotion), Receptivity (Queen of Emotion), Uncertainty]

Hi pile 1! This pile has gone through a major healing period, or you might be in the tail-end of it. This could have been intense or fast—like a whirlwind of purged emotions and memories. Mental energy that was stagnant for a long time was suddenly swept away, and not painlessly. Now you’re a clean slate. You understood the importance of exfoliating these old mindsets, and there’s an inner child ready to look at everything with wonder again. Roles you have been forced to play dissipate. You can decide who you are instead of only reacting to an idea of yourself. There’s a sense of starting again and freshly taking in the world.

Beauty

[Experiencing, You Can’t Go Back to Yesterday, Ordinariness]

You have opportunities to appreciate the moment. You might be leaving a door open for things from the past, or you feel anxious about where to start with your new self. Be in the present! The beauty of life is coming through the routine and mundane—appreciating existence even when nothing big is happening. Finding joy in just being and the small things can help rebuild yourself. Appreciation will help you feel more connected and aware in the grand scheme of things. But, it’s harder to be open to this beauty if you’re still holding old expectations over yourself. Physical activities rather than mental ones may be especially helpful at this time, such as walking or gardening. 

Cactus

[The Tower rx, Impossible Things rx, Achievement (Sun in Capricorn, 10th house)]

Your defenses are up. Many of you have constant worry as a backdrop to everything. You’re waiting for something big to happen or to blow up in your face. Some are waiting for a dead situation to revive and putting your defenses up to everything else. Part of healing is trusting yourself to manage even when you don’t have all the facts. Waiting for something to happen can function as a way to ignore your present life or procrastinate, and you might end up ignoring lovely things. There’s irony here, having skepticism about good possibilities but not being skeptical about the worst possibilities. Not every day can be a tower moment. Many days are regular and will slip into time, which is why the opportunity to experience and steer it now can be a gift. Remembering this will create a strong foundation for later.

Advice—Bonfire

[Consciousness (Ace of Mind), Nothingness, 7 of cups]

The only mental suit in your reading is in your advice, and it emphasizes not overthinking. Awareness is needed to find yourself underneath your stressors, otherwise you may treat those as inherent parts of your character and life. This awareness can be found in joys of the mundane, letting your inner child out, and celebrating. Do things that bring you out of your head and into the physical. Or, activities that join reflection with sensory experience, such as meditating with candles & incense. Don’t waste your new self seeking those who can only accept past versions of you. If being present means taking more time with just yourself, that’s okay. Purposeful alone time is very helpful right now, especially during night if you can make time. You have a vast abundance of potential in and around you that can sprout anything, but you won’t truly understand or appreciate the extent of this if you don’t live it. Slow down and appreciate the warmth that’s already available. Also, don’t beat yourself up for progressing slower. 

Extra Details: coastal areas (coves or hills, golden sand), the beach at night, yellow stars (star shaped lamp?), working with friends/partner (especially if you left), The Office, gratitude practices (affirmations, journaling, etc), greatly increased intuition, or increased feelings of connection to Source/God/Higher Self/etc—you felt the connection was strained before? There’s awareness of something bigger than yourself, even your emotions or soul. xxxHolic, healing heart & throat energies, blue, water Sun & Moon, water N. Node (especially Cancer), Venus dominant, Venus-Moon natal aspect, heavy Cancer placements, feeling hopeful about career/finances or taking steps in that area (even slowly), trees/tree-hugging, taking care of plants, feeling like you’re given or gifted things & opportunities (but maybe you don’t care for whatever these are lol), shooting stars/meteor showers, comets, making a wish (or you feel very hopeful at this time), starting a new solo project or career, waiting for an ex (partner or friend), deer in headlights, lotus, feeling alone especially at night (you may want to try setting aside peaceful time if you’re usually busy at night or do something to purposefully wind down). If you were already drawn to pile 3 it may resonate

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Pile 2:

Hope

[Innocence, Nothingness, Awareness]

Hello pile 2! There's a very new and wonder-filled energy. An old version of yourself is dying so to speak, and you’re entering a different headspace. You might feel like a kid again, or life is prompting you to give your inner child power. Some of you are worried that means making bad decisions or indulging in things you shouldn’t? But this is about the innocence in your inner child’s perspective—and you still have knowledge and experience to express this part of yourself wisely.

With Nothingness + Awareness, I feel you’re already embodying this, but some of you have anxiety that’s stopping your enjoyment and hope. There may be shame with past relationships. Like how you may have gotten used, or you’re angry at yourself for things you didn’t notice. This is a good time to revisit activities and places you loved in your childhood. They can help integrate the experience you gained with your inner child. Time alone with yourself and nostalgia, becoming reacquainted with yourself & life (finding healthy ways to engage with nostalgia is important for you). Things that were blinding you have passed and you've been made anew. Lay down the last self-judgements so you can be fully aware of life’s present potential. If you already felt drawn to pile one, this “clean-slate” vibe and huge energy of potential is very similar. Or, you might have friends that embody the energy of pile one.

Organization

[Friendliness, Manipulation (Jupiter in Scorpio, 8th house), All in the Golden Afternoon]

In terms of divine timing, there's a time and place for everything. What doesn’t make sense now may be a key piece of a puzzle later or an important shift. Many of you are having a faith or emotional crisis. You may feel strained with the grand scheme of things or a higher power, wondering why things happen the way they do. This is linked to that clean-slate energy, as this transformation of self/beliefs is having a profound impact on your inner world. These strong emotions (especially if you’re angry or indignant) can fuel your investigation of life, your new beliefs, and in creating.

You could be experiencing things emotionally & spiritually you never have before, especially in relation to a major loss in the last 6-9 months. Some of you got some blessing or achievement related to this time and you may feel conflicted about it. Regardless, balancing socializing with alone time is important for you. Interacting with others will help you make sense of the world, can inspire you, and can also help you work through grief both of you may be experiencing. The phrase “checking in” comes to mind; both you and your loved ones can benefit from being more there for each other. This doesn’t extend to people who no longer have a healthy space in your life. Some of you are punishing yourself or caging yourself in loneliness by not seeking healthy social interaction. Intentional alone time is good, but not as a way to punish yourself.

Underwater

[Clinging to the Past, Keep Your Temper, Discovery (Mercury in Sagittarius, 9th house)]

Positive outlets for emotions and restlessness are very important. Strong emotions have come out twice. You may feel like you’re drowning in feelings or confusion. You could have an explosive or blinding temper right now that you’re suppressing. There’s anxiety & fear about how fast or strangely things are moving in your life—especially if any kind of intuition, spiritual practice, or similar things have developed. But the fear you feel is not reflective of your abilities. Loss, change, and learning curves ARE scary. I keep getting this self-punishment or self-“inflammatory” (?) vibe. Like when too much emotion or confusion builds up, you become your own target (especially in anger). Your emotional capacity is not the enemy. Always seek professional emotional help or stress management if you need it; don’t take it out on yourself when life is hard. Your emotions are powerful when directed into something non-destructive. That’s easier said than done, but the bottom row of your reading really emphasizes self-discoveries, creative ideas, and new perspectives your emotions can lead you to. Healthy ways to manage your explosive side will help you tap into this. For example, travel keeps coming up. Going somewhere to clear your head and get away from stifling energy could help, especially if you can travel somewhere special to you. Even going to a new place locally can shift energy. A lot of you are experiencing this because of grief or because rapid changes are pushing you to the familiarity of the past. You may look at past people with rose-tinted glasses or long for innocent times. This can be another form of self-punishment—making yourself obsess over what once was (or never was) instead of loving present you. You are braver than you let yourself feel.

Advice—Decay

[Impulsiveness (Mars in Aries, 1st house), the Lovers rx, Page of Swords rx]

There’s an important ending; this could be part of the grief mentioned if you’re now trying to feel alive again. You’re clinging to something that’s gone or leaving, and this is fanning the flames of emotion. All things naturally reach endings, and there's more on the other side of the transformation. What steps can you take that signify a new mindset? It can be as simple as trying a new activity.

I am picking up a lot about communication with another. Maybe a relationship is coming to a close or not on good terms, or you’ve been thinking about communicating with someone from the past. Maintain a wide and objective perspective; very high emotions may cloud your communication skills. It’s not so much about regret, but you may not be satisfied if you speak while upset. For those that resonated with this, you may also resonate with the message below (I channeled it before I wrote this part).

Specific message: please be careful of overindulging, especially drinking! This message is so important, it came through in my dream before I pulled your cards. Your guides or whatever forces you believe in are really, really wanting me to stress about not overdoing it in this department, especially if you tend to think you’re more sober than you are, or go from 0 to 100? Be very aware of your pacing because there’s something about easily going overboard without realizing, and potential communication in regards to that such as drunk confessions. This is 200% so if you’re hosting or going to a party/get-together, or socially drinking. If you’ve been drinking more this is fueling your past regrets and nostalgia.

Extra Details: restless/excited energy (& anticipation/anxiety), transitory period, anxiety in your chest, blocked heart/throat/third eye energy (may feel an imagination block; journaling can help). Great Red Spot, starfish, suddenly feeling very intuitive, confused about spiritual/religious beliefs, Jupiter as an important natal planet, Sagittarius + Scorpio placements, fire Moon and Mars, water & fire as dominant elements in inner planets & Jupiter, death of someone that changed your life but you weren’t close or on good terms (already happened), rehab, wanting to host a party/get-together, angry or confused with God/universe, putting on an "okay" attitude for others’ sake, nostalgic dreams, feeling stagnant, questioning or leaving a music career (singing, gospel/spiritual music?), veggie tales?, gardening (maybe in childhood), wanting to break no communication or text an ex/new crush, finding online communities, “Are We Moving Too Fast?” by Malibu 92, feeling like you’re in a dream/ infatuated with a dream version of someone, love songs, Kyoukai no Kanata

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Pile 3:

Changing of the Seasons

[The Lovers, Abundance (King of Material), Sharing (Queen of Action)]

Hi pile 3! You guys are embodying a new energy much like the other piles. Your cards show having so much to be shared. With the King of the physical suit, this is likely material blessings. Some of you have been struggling with past regret/vendettas, and deciding to move on has shifted the energy. Or, some of you are starting a new faith? This is a very fulfilling time and it reminds me of Summer, with all the abundance and “sunshine-y” energy (maybe a significant season for you). Wholeheartedly embrace however this manifests; matching the effort from the Universe/higher power/etc will increase your success (I also heard “manifold;” there could be many things happening at once).

Let go of lack, scarcity, and insecure mindsets; there’s enough to go around. This Lovers card speaks of how people mirror each other and how love evolves into compassion. Embracing compassion—and trusting that it’s okay to feel safety and joy—will allow abundance to overflow. This can even just be uplifting yourself and those around you with positivity. This extends into your community, uplifting the “village”. It goes the other way too. If people would like to support you in a healthy way, let them! Don’t be afraid of people expressing their love to you as assistance. Effort from you OR those in union with you will help increase good things that are already going (like how the land grows fruit regardless, but farmers can multiply it drastically). Seasons come and go so make the most of a fruitful one!

If your success/wellbeing is heavily tied to someone close, this could be a great time for both of you. The increases one of you experiences will be very positively mirrored or appreciated by the other, especially for happily married people. You may want to share more, help & be helped more by the other at this time.

Resourcefulness

[Ace of wands, 10 of wands sideways, Publicity (Jupiter in Leo, 5th house)]

Get your hands into the new opportunities life is throwing your way. Have a direct experience with life. This pile might use manifestation methods where you mostly sit back and allow it to come to you. Or there’s a similar approach of watching + waiting, not really getting into things too much as you wait for what’s meant for you to present itself. You might also always keep manifesting something, like even as your manifestations appear, you go after something else instead of interacting with it. You’re highly encouraged to get INTO whatever life has to offer right now, to actively co-create and experience the world. I heard “recognition;” that may be what’s in store if you exert effort. How can you make the most of the present, the fertile ground? Idk why there’s so many farming metaphors but they represent your situation, how the “land”/life is there for you to work and multiply the natural blessings. Even in a shared blessing, you can make it work especially for you—if you’re willing to get your hands dirty (metaphorically, not promoting corruption or shady behavior lol). This could be work but it feels more like creativity, passion, faith.

There’s also something about working too hard with the 10 of wands sideways. Maybe you’re used to working and grinding hard all the time. These opportunities prompt you to view “hard” work more creatively and openly. Especially if you've struggled materially—and maybe that’s why some of you have passive manifesting styles. Adapt—as all nature must to make the most of the situation—don’t bring old approaches forward that don’t serve the present. What helps you survive Winter may not be beneficial in Spring.

Faction

[3 of wands, Justice rx, Belong to Your Own Dream]

This seems like energy from someone around you rather than you. What I’m getting is a group or partnership of people that’s so heavily tied, something happening to one affects all. Someone around you has gone through a transformation that’s changing the dynamic of a group. I heard “undercurrents” and “hidden,” so I think this isn’t apparent yet. Not everybody knows about whatever this is, but it’s a shift that affects you. This could be you too since this is a group reading, but for most here I think not.

What I picked up is someone coming to terms with an identity or self-expression. I also picked up on power dynamic changes, so this could be someone getting materially blessed and it having a ripple effect. Below in the details, I picked up on a baptism which may be related. There’s literal baptisms, but it could also be someone feeling initiated into a new group, organization, or identity. Regardless, being heavily tied to others has responsibilities and consequences beyond our control. We sacrifice some freedom to share our compassion, ups and downs, the blessings too. Some people and blessings will ONLY be in our lives for a season, and some people are only a certain version of themselves for a season. Make the most of the present because the future is changing & moving, and staying in the past sacrifices what you currently have.

Advice—Abundant Harvest

[Power (Moon in Scorpio, 8th house), Impossible Things, Exaltation (Moon in Taurus, 2nd house)]

Idk what to tell you because the whole reading really, really emphasizes that there’s so much good stuff here to “reap the rewards” of 😭. I know we talked about this all along but it came out again. Idk if you guys are very hesitant to accept good things or make the most of them and maybe this is why it’s being emphasized so much lol. I channeled a food forest that feeds the whole community for free, that may describe this energy for you and your people. Or, may describe your role soon. 

There’s a message about having gone through a profound inner transformation, having “repositioned” yourself in the world. For example, some of you always viewed yourself as a servant and now you’ve shed that? You may still do it, but you’re not only this one thing, and it’s in a way that empowers you. There’s something about relating to the world as yourself in a different, unique way, and this having a huge change on power dynamics. You may not outwardly appear this way, maybe others don't understand, but you’ve empowered yourself greatly somehow, & if not this is a change to embody so you can reap the most of the blessings. I keep wanting to say reap—there’s energy of good things already fruited, especially with this Moon exalted in Taurus. So much security + comfort is laid in your path right now, please tune into the version of yourself that can multiply BUT ALSO enjoy this!

Extra Details: nature as significant in your faith, promotion for someone in a duo/close group, forgiveness, homemaking (recently switched to/out of it because of changes in finances or beliefs), worship of a masculine + feminine deity (or recognizing feminine + masculine qualities in a gendered deity, or yourself), Cave In- Owl City, getting into nature + water, caves/coves, orange, beach towns, hopeful, end of a dark night of the soul, weddings/unions, Christianity, finding someone/ community with similar beliefs, baptisms, moving up in an organization, new clothing or style, shift in power/money in relationship, parable of the sower (the actual parable). Scrying, divining signs, charm casting. Coming out, changes to beliefs about gender expression & roles. Healing the relationship with a specific part of yourself. Going back to school or studying a new topic (astrology) (some of you want to go to a religious university?), legal situation ending (divorce, suing, etc). Dragging out your words. No longer thinking you need someone to survive or complete you, Single Ladies- Beyonce, moving on from toxicity into new partnership or friends. If you were already drawn to pile 1 or 4 they may resonate

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Pile 4:

Underground

[6 of cups, The Creator (King of Action), the Hanged Man rx]

Hi pile four! The first thing I heard is “sharing is productive, sharing is compassion.” A lot of you have been doing your own thing, developing yourselves or a project behind the scenes. There’s something about your life or inner landscape others are not privy to. Expressing yourself—or sharing this part of yourself where appropriate—will be “productive,” I hear. You can also be an example of whatever it is. Maybe there’s some knowledge, beliefs, or world perspective that could be a positive influence to those around you? You could feel like you have a mission to bring these ideas or something else to your community, but you’re not sure how to start. Showing people who you are through your self-expression, ideals, words, mannerisms, and how you interact with others can be just as impactful as explaining something. Your style may also have an impact if you’ve changed it recently or if it’s different from those around you. It’s important to do all this from a place of compassion for the best impact (I heard “best outcome” & “best product;” some of you are part of a project or group goal where this is relevant?). You are no longer only preaching at people or trying to get end results when you move with compassion & understanding. It also allows you to remain grounded when disagreements occur. Compassion is the point.

Nurturing

[the Fool sideways, I Want to Be a Queen rx, Judgement]:

You may have transformed very quickly or changed some fundamental beliefs, and now I hear you feel you’re on a different “momentum” and “speed” than those who’ve been in your life, especially those who’ve been around for a long time. Maybe you feel you’re outgrowing them. You could have lost interest in a project or relationship you invested in, or could be moving away. There’s conflicted feelings about a new lifestyle at the cost of the things left behind. This could refer to a childhood/past dream you’re unsure about pursuing.

It’s not about picking the “right” thing, it’s about if you’re willing to nurture the energy and accept those consequences. Staying with the past, doing something new, being in the middle—each has its own set of consequences you must face. There’s an emphasis on that with the judgment card next to the Hanged Man rx—whatever you invest your energy + thoughts in, you’ll experience what follows that choice. Some of you feel like you’re hiding from life by not moving forward or postponing something, but that's also a choice.

Old and new are inherently neither good nor bad; what are you willing and able to do to nurture the life you choose? Can you do this with compassion and discernment? Your life is your choice. That decision is only one part of a much larger picture: the life you continuously create (and what you choose to associate with). When you act with wisdom and discernment, you learn more about yourself, what’s really calling for you and not an illusion. You can be honest with yourself, not only about what you want but what is right and good for you. Compassion allows you to create with love (including self love). It reinforces your ability to live honestly, in the moment—and not only do things for results.

Friends

[Two of wands rx, Going with the Flow (ace of emotions), You Are Rare and Free]

I know “friends” is not necessarily nature-based, but it’s what came out. "Going with the flow” talks about allowing yourself to be moved with life instead of fighting against it or staying stagnant. Again, many of you are holding onto something familiar or ignoring something to avoid change. This card talks about detaching from ego-based ideas and expectations. So many of your cards throughout the reading speak of looking back or nostalgia—6 of cups, 2 of wands rx, Hanged Man rx, even the Fool is not fully upright, but yet you have Judgment too. Judgment is a reminder that reckoning comes for everyone and everything; life continues even when we cling. Contemplate what you want and what action this entails. This pile is taking paths of most resistance; something you’re doing or thinking is making things complicated. It seems related to friends or family. Caring about them a lot is making the decision harder, or you might have some kind of investment/entanglement with them. Remember who YOU are and stick with that. You can enjoy and share with other people without it being at the expense of yourself. You aren’t necessarily a people-pleaser, but you may hold yourself to what old versions of you wanted or thought. It’s okay to change, it’s unavoidable. Fighting a change in yourself may feel easier than dealing with the effects, but is it really? You may avoid facing others, but you’ll always have to face yourself.

You might really try to hold onto control (especially for timing) as a substitute for trusting yourself. Decisions and change feel so monumental because you don’t know if you can make it through what comes afterwards. Build trust in yourself and applaud your skills that help you make it through day to day.

Advice—Practices

[Defense (Mars in Taurus, 2nd house), Follow the White Rabbit rx, the Chariot rx, 8 of swords rx]

Set up little actions and routines that will help you make steps towards what's on your mind. Your cards suggest the goal, move, or decision you’re interested in might not see forward movement right now. You might feel like you meet resistance, but this might just be because you need to build a routine, discipline, or set of steps before you can see progress. This period is needed for the discord to clear in your mind. This’ll be a time of mental transformations more than physical ones, but this is the foundation of the tangible changes later. This doesn’t have to all be boring. I keep hearing “reverence;” blending spirituality with your goals will be very helpful. Or, anything that adds fun & peace to productivity. Example, time in nature (being outside at all) can be uplifting as well as brainstorming time.

Extra Details: freelancer, work that doesn’t feel like a job (because you like it or it’s not traditional), thinking about life goals (large/collective ones like helping humanity), supervisor or manager (or similar group leader role), taking responsibility for power and influence you wield with others, fashion scene or niche artistic local community like DJing, culinary, food service, cooking shows, “the time will pass anyway,” choosing between a childhood dream/community and a new one, unsure about medicine or another lucrative field. Walks or solo activities where you can sort your thoughts are very beneficial. Guilt about an ill/injured loved one (wanting to do something where you won’t be able to see them?), divination routine, There's a lot of emphasis on food as a passion or because you need to eat lots of fruits and veggies, tea (dandelion tea?), Kate Bush. If you already felt drawn to pile 1 it may resonate. If you already felt drawn to pile 3, the resourcefulness and faction sections specifically may resonate.

[garoujo]

hi guys! unfortunately for now, if it wasn’t obvious i have decided to leave garoujo . . i’ve just not been feeling very great here anymore & as much as i have such an attachment to this blog, it’s become not fun again as it’s beginning to affect my mental state. i’m not going to deactivate for now it will be left here as an option & an archive! i may eventually private eventually but until then it’ll stay.

i’ve made a new possible blog that could be an option after a well needed break from here, but i won’t be publishing the url publicly because i feel like i need a proper fresh start and a clean slate if so. mutuals can still dm me to ask for the new url (ive followed a few already but i’ll still be logged in here to make sure i don’t miss anyone if u ask) but its mostly just a personal one for the time being. also if you happen to come across it on your own eventually, please respect my decision to have it remain completely separate from this one.

i appreciate all the kindness & support that’s been shown to me during my time on this blog despite how much it’s been through. i also want to apologise to anyone who’s ever gotten a negative impression from / of me on here or been roped into any drama surrounding me, i hope we can all just continue to enjoy our time here while we indulge in our silly little hobby!

please remember to be kind & thank you for giving me a place.

- emmie ❤︎

return to regular navigation

[cmdrfupa]

Felicity #2

Second chances were for regular people. Fourth chances were designed specifically for Toji. A chance meeting of having the same mark turned into a whirlwind romance and now here he was settled into the calm monotony of fatherhood and marriage. The worst has already happened so it can only go up from here, right?

~~please refer to *this* post for potential content warning~~

SAHD!Toji x fem!reader

wc: 2.2k

“Lady. I have two children with me. Do you have not an ounce of shame?”

“I don’t discriminate. I think it’s hot seeing such an active father.”

Toji sucked his teeth. The baby was strapped to his chest, cooing while Megumi stared at yet another woman hitting on his father.

“Ma’am. I have a stepmom. My dad is trying to be nice.” stepping in front of his father, the tall teen gave a somewhat polite nod before reaching for the box of infant cookies.

“Dad, she’s been eating this brand. Maybe we should get a new flavor.”

The woman stood there, unwilling to accept the truth.

“Stepmother shouldn’t have you here picking up groceries with your father.” She looks back up to Toji, the thinning patience evident in his eyes. “Could always show you what a wife is supposed to do.”

Toji looks at the box Megumi holds before tossing it in the buggy. “Lady. You have 3 seconds to turn around and get out of my face before I call my wife. She will mop the floor with your tears. So, please.”

“Mah!” The baby smiled, grabbing her father’s face as he lowered his brow, gently kissing the infant's palm.

Now concerned, the woman walked past the trio, Megumi shaking his head as he pushed the cart.

“I’m not coming with you next time unless you wear a looser T-shirt. These run-ins are exhausting..”

“I know. But your help is appreciated. Tsumiki used to love coming to the grocery store with me.” Toji proceeded to cross something off the list, walking next to Megumi.

“Yeah, well, she’s off at uni, and I’m tired. So, can we wrap this up soon? I made plans with Itadori.”

Toji smiled, ruffling the boy's hair before throwing more necessities into the buggy.

“Go ahead and grab those ginger cookies you like, and meet me at the register.” Toji watched his look-alike walk off. “I’m gonna crack your big brother’s hard shell one of these days. Isn’t that right, Emiko?” The chubby-faced baby showed her gummy smile, leaning in to gnaw on Toji’s shirt.

Toji took on the role of stay-at-home Dad much easier than you expected. However, it took more time to convince Shiu, a man who wanted no acquaintanceship initially, that it was the right decision.

(almost 2 years ago)

“Fushiguro, what the hell do you mean she wants to expand the family? They haven’t brought it up to me!” Shiu lit another cigarette before finishing the one between his lips. “You can still do that?”

“Ouch, Kong. I thought we were friends.” Toji sat back on the leather couch, smiling as the new contract envelope sat on the table before him. “Megumi has brought up wanting a sibling. And the missus isn't against it. We've been together for 6 years, and I’m not getting younger.”

“Toji, I can't lose both my top hirelings because you fell in love and now trying to populate the city with a litter of kids. Just get this last one under your belt, and I’ll make sure to wipe your slate clean. Nothing leading back to you or your past, I promise.”

Curious, Toji opened the envelope, reading over the contents until something specifically grabbed his attention. “Haru Zenin? Shiu, what the hell is this.”

“They want to hire you. Simple.” The death stare Toji gave him pushed him to say more. “Not you in particular. They don't know it's you. They just want the best, so they came to me, not knowing that one of the best is their blood. Wild coincidence, right?”

He read the contract. The rival family attacked the child of Haru Zenin, who was his cousin. They wanted to retaliate. In reality, they just wanted to end the issue if they went the route of an assassin.

“I'm not doing it. I've got way too much to lose now. Especially with having Megumi back home full-time with us. Give it to my wife.”

“That's not how this works. You won't be compromised and there isn't a time frame-”

Toji hugged Shiu, holding his shoulders and proceeding to flick the cigarette from his mouth.

“I'm cooking smoked duck curry and cheese tteokbokki tonight. Megs has been asking about his uncle, and we'd love to have you there, yeah?”

Toji sat with a face of defeat, Emiko wailing in her high chair after tossing another spoonful of mashed cauliflower on the floor.

“Oh, sweetpea. Come on. Just one little spoon for Dada? See how tasty it is to me?” Reluctantly, Toji put the now cold mush in his mouth, fighting off the immediate recoil of disgust. “Mmm… so so good,” he coughed down a gag, shivering after he swallowed. Emiko laughed. The sound of her sweet giggle helped ease the tension on his shoulders. “Okay, sweet girl. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Gentleness wasn't lost on Toji. Years of killing didn't make him an insensitive monster. But being here every moment with his baby girl was altering his brain. He was actively involved in how she was being raised, choosing outfits, handling every diaper, and even implementing tummy time with the sensory toys he found, thanks to Pinterest. He was fully embracing this new chapter. However, the chapter included being a father to a teen who spoke 13 words maximum. Toji was willing to work with it.

Megumi would die if his dad knew he appreciated the effort he'd been putting in. Making sure Megumi had his own room for when he was home, letting him be a big brother, and doing family things together. Toji had become the father Megumi both wanted and needed, even before baby Emiko. He knew you were a big part of the dramatic change and it meant he should probably try to show his appreciation outwardly. So he offered to help Toji while he was home from school.

“Want me to clean the kitchen?” Megumi stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

“Yea, that’d be great. Thanks, Megs.”

“K.” Toji watched as Megumi walked back to the kitchen before turning his attention back to the infant.

“I told Mama about these long trips. We miss her a lot, don't we.” he began to tenderly bathe the baby. The shallow water swayed over her chubby legs. “But Mama is tough and so are you. She'll be home soon. Til then, you've got the old man and big brother.” the burbly infant smiled as the soapy suds disappeared from her hands.

Wasn't long before Megumi was done. The dishes dried and put away, the floor was spotless and the baby's highchair was disassembled, disinfected, and put back together. He mosied back to his room but stopped at the sound of a familiar snore. “Old man. ‘Tch” Toji sat snoring with the baby on his chest in the rocking chair. The baby wasn't sleeping, just accepting her fate as her father at least got her dressed for bed.

“Oi. Come on Emi. Lets get you a bottle.” Megumi gently cradled the baby to his chest, walking with a bounce as he grabbed a bottle from the fridge and sat it in the bottle warner.

“You know, Dad's doing his best.” he held the nipple of the warm bottle of milk to the baby's mouth before she took it immediately. “He is trying and even Uncle Gojo is shocked. Mom.. she's gonna be back to us soon.”

The curly dark hair of the baby brought a fond smile to Megumi’s face. “You look like me when I was a baby. Minus the curls. And the smile.” her lids began to slowly close as her grip on the bottle loosened.

Megumi had seen you burp the baby and figured that would be the next step. “Okay. I've seen mom do this. Uh. So I'll just sit you here, hold you up here, aaaaand” After a few moments of light back pats, 2 healthy belches come out. “Nice.” Emiko clings back to Megumi, holding onto the neck of his shirt as she closes her eyes.

Toji watched from the doorway, watching his only son display the most emotion he'd ever seen him exhibit. This was your doing. Making him an in-shape father. Fit for trying and doing. ’Did he just call you Mom? Oh fuck.’

“You alright kid? Want me to get her to bed?” Megumi looked over as Toji approached.

“It's cool, I can lay her down.” He stood carefully, holding the baby’s head and back as he rose. “And you were sleeping. Figured I could feed her seeing how tired you were.”

“Megs. Thank you.”

“You already said that.”

“Yeah but, not just just helping with the baby. But for um, everything..”

Megumi sucked in a breath. “I know. And thank-you. For everything.”

“Of course. Anytime. Anything.”

“Cool.”

Megumi walked past Toji to the baby's room, lying her down and turning on the night light before heading back to the living room.

“Dad. Can we talk?”

Toji walked to the kitchen, baby bottle in hand as he went to clean it in the sink.

“Yea. Everything good? What's up?”

“How can you tell if someone likes you?”

Baffled, Toji grabbed the scrub daddy and cleaned the few dishes in the sink. “Like… Likes you like you?”

“What the hell do two likes mean?” jumping up, Megumi sat on the counter. “I guess yes. Likes me likes me. We’re always hanging out and doing stuff together… But the vibe feels different than just friends.”

Internally, Toji was having the freakout every mother would have about their baby growing up. His only son, came to him, about dating and girls. *‘I'm definitely rubbing this in Satoru's face’*

“Whose the person? Is it the Kugisaki girl? She's always around you and that Itadori kid.” Toji leaned up against the island counter.

Megumi cleared his throat before shaking his head. “No… not her.”

“Well you only hangout with those two so if it isn't her then is there another girl-” drying his hands, he glances at his long haired double. A gentle smile found itself sprouting on his face. “Do you like him back?”

There was a hesitant, gentle nod from Megumi that gave Toji his answer. A moment of silence fell over the kitchen as Toji tried to give Megumi space to do this how he wanted.

“Is that okay? To like him like this?”

“Of course. I want you to be happy. And if the pink haired kid who eats all the Taiyaki when he's over is who you have interest in.. I'm all for it.” He went to stand next to his son, throwing the dish rag over his shoulder. “Now. I think you should invite him over for dinner sometime.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can grill em. Gotta make sure he's good enough for my kid. I’ll race him then we can have a strong man challenge.”

With a heavy sigh and roll of the eyes, Megumi hopped off the counter mumbling as he made his way to his room.

“Love you too Megs!”

Reunited At Last

You'd finally returned from your mission after three weeks of travel and minimal contact home.

After a week back of catching up and enjoying time with the kids, date night rolled around. Gojo graciously took Emiko while you and Toji spent time in one of Gojos’ penthouses.

“So you mean to tell me, I missed all of that?” A small bit of fomo settled as Toji shared the big and small strides made in your absence. But you relished knowing how amazingly your partner handled everything. “You weren't too much with Megs, were you? Coming out can be profound, even for someone so reserved.”

“Mama. Of course not. It just felt really good to have him trust me in that way.” Toji laid his head on your chest, his large frame providing a blanket of comfort as you ran your fingers through his silky hair.

“You’ve been doing remarkable as a dad. Megumi sees the effort and I think you should be proud of yourself.”

Years of not-so-great fatherly actions would beg to differ, and those moments crept back. Toji sat up on his elbow, the silk sheet shifting, now bunching up over his waist as he looked down at your face.

As the moonlight filters into the bedroom, it casts a soft, silvery glow over the room. The curtains softly dance in the gentle breeze, sheets tousled and wrinkled, a testament to the intimacy shared just a few moments prior. Your angelic face brought him out of the doubt that attempted to take over a sweet moment. You were his saving grace.

“I wouldn't be this remarkable without you.”

“‘Tch. I just added a little refinement. You were getting your shit together when we met.”

“Barely. I got it all the way together when you told me you'd walk away from me after backsliding and seeing how pissed megs was when you went back to your place for a week.”

“I don't know. Sounds like you're whipped to me.”

“Yeah. No shit baby.” Sliding his arms around you, Toji pulled you on top of him, skimming his fingers over the curvature of your dimpled hips as you settled into his embrace. “Im a fucking simp.”

“Oh my God. Simp?? You are too old to say that shit old man.”

“You're literally only 4 years younger than me. Shut the hell up, respectfully.”

Tired giggles filled the room as you nestled into his familiar embrace. Another night of rest and contentment.

Life gave another chance.

Thank you @/saradika-graphics for the lovely dividers!

thank you for reading <3

[comphy-and-cozy]

the guy on the team - jt compher

Pairing: JT Compher x Reader (f) - A Dream Come True universe

Word Count: 4.2K

Author’s Note: rediscovered the three paragraphs of filth i wrote after seeing this dude play (and score) in his first ever home game as a detroit red wing, then went buck wild writing about it. that's all you really need to know. 🎶 karma is the guy on the wings coming straight home to me... 🎶

Warnings: Smut (18+ ONLY). Unprotected sex, oral sex (f + m receiving), fingering (f receiving), brief masturbation (f), very minor spanking, creampie, me being a huge fucking simp series masterlist

October 2024

The goal horn—restored from the glory days at Joe Louis Arena, reminiscent of legends and lore and well-decorated history—blares through the arena, the sound nearly swallowed by the roar of the crowd. Don’t Stop Believing plays over the speakers, the “born and raised in South Detroit” chant almost deafening as 19,000 of Hockeytown’s finest pay a proud homage to the city.

The energy is palpable, infectious, and your eyes fall to the sea of red jerseys at center ice, sticks raised in appreciation and celebration of their first win and first home game of the season. They’re smiling, a few of them clapping each other on the back or tapping padded knees with their stick, circling around as they soak in the joy and promises of a strong season.

The 37 on his back stands out proudly, the bright white stark against the rich red. He offered to get you a jersey, identical to the one he’s wearing right now, but you’d declined and opted for an old sweatshirt from 2002; wearing his name still felt a little too cheeky. Your eyes follow his movements, almost subconsciously, and your gaze slides to the winged wheel embroidered on his chest when he circles around.

There’s a burn in your cheeks as you shamelessly check him out, anonymous in the sea of fans who are starting to make their way out of the arena. No one there knows you from any other admirer, that you know what he looks like beneath his pads and his gear, underneath the delicious slate gray suit that the Red Wings’ socials posted. 

You’ve barely made it to your front door when the text buzzes your phone in your pocket. 

[JT:] You free tonight? [JT:] Feel like celebrating [You:] Why, did something happen?

You don’t have to see his face to know he’s smirking at your comment. The text bubble pops back up, and you do your best to summon the chill, cool girl and not squeal when you see the response.

[JT:] You want to come over later?

Despite the effort, you can’t help the smile that emerges on your face. His next text informs you that he’s out getting post-game drinks and dinner with his family who came to town to see his debut in Detroit. You’re not offended that you didn’t receive an invite—just excited to have received a text. The status of your relationship is still up in the air, floating somewhere between casually dating and something with benefits. Meeting his family is far from your bucket list. At this point, anyway.

Though your makeup was already done for the game, you decide to reset in the shower. You exfoliate, shave, and take your time moisturizing until you’re squeaky clean and your skin is smooth. Your pre-dick appointment ritual is practiced, having perfected it in the last six weeks that you’ve been involved with JT Compher. He doesn’t expect perfection, has told you on multiple occasions in so many words, but the routine makes you feel like you’re worth his time, his affection, his attention—that’s something you’ll deal with in therapy, though. 

After the body prep comes a quick blow dry, a light layer of fresh makeup (you learned your lesson with too much makeup after JT made sure that the entire sultry eye you’d worked so hard on ended up smeared all over the sheets), and then the undergarment selection. By no means do you have an expansive luxury lingerie collection, but you’ve found yourself glancing at the intimate wear section when you’re out, anticipating the reaction of a certain redhead as you run your fingers over the various pieces on display. 

Tonight does feel special, you admit, with plenty to celebrate: a debut, a win, and two points for JT. The lacy red bralette feels fitting, perfect for a little ‘wow’ factor without feeling like you’re trying too hard—and, of course, a nod to his (and your) team. Cheeky red panties finish your look, hidden by a pair of yoga pants and a cropped zip-up hoodie: the quintessential dick appointment outfit.

By the time you’re spritzing on your perfume, the come over text comes through. Slinging a small overnight bag over your shoulder with a few essentials, you lock up your apartment and head on your way. Nerves flutter in your chest the way they always do, anticipation building as you pull into the parking lot of his apartment complex.

JT hasn’t changed out of his pregame suit, the takeout box sitting on the counter an indicator he hasn’t been home for long. Your heart flutters at the realization that he must’ve texted you before he’d even left dinner, that he was thinking of you even while sitting and celebrating with his family. 

After closing the door behind you, he moves in to greet you with a kiss, and once his lips touch yours, it’s like the floodgates of desire have opened up and you lose all self control. Without warning, your hands tug at his neck to kiss him fervently, quickly pressing your body against his and sighing at the warmth. 

He groans, returning the kiss with equal ardor as his hands find their home on your hips. As you’re turning your attention to his belt, pulling your lips away from him for a moment, he murmurs, “Not that I’m not really, really appreciating this welcome home, but is there a reason for the extra enthusiasm?”

Clink. The belt’s hit the floor, and you waste no time getting your mouth back on his. Your hand slinks up his thigh, palming the half-hard appendage in his slacks eagerly. Involuntarily, you feel a needy throb between your thighs, the low thrum in his chest adding fuel to the fire.

“Really liked you in that jersey,” you purr. 

“Oh yeah?”

Your bottom lip slips between your teeth and you nod, glancing up at him. “Yeah.”

JT smirks, allowing his ego to inflate just a bit. He doesn’t say it, but you know it drives him wild how much of an impact he has on you. How little he has to work to have you desperate for him. “Anything else?”

“I really liked it when you scored,” you say, wistfully recalling the way it sounded hearing his name announced over the loudspeaker at Little Caesars Arena. “You should do that some more.”

“How much did you like it?” 

With just one sentence, he’s managed to increase the temperature in the room by at least 20 degrees; the words themselves are innocent, but the rumble behind them offers a filthy, sinful promise. His gaze is hot, predatory even, following the movement of your hand as you unzip your hoodie in response to his question. You don’t miss the way his breath hitches at the peek of red lace, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat when you shrug off the fleece.

Tension is thick in the air as you stand before him, heart pulsing in your throat. With a blink, he seemingly regains his composure, though his eyes linger on your cleavage between the lace cups. “That much, huh?”

Another nod, shivering under the heated way he watches you sink to your knees in front of him. Breaking eye contact with him is difficult, but you’re met with an equally pleasing view of his firm length pressed against the rich material of his dress pants. 

Your hand works at the zipper of his slacks, the other slipping between the metal teeth to press your palm against him. He’s throbbing under your touch, growing more and more solid as your hand strokes him through his boxer briefs. 

Words aren’t necessary—or capable, for that matter—once you finally fish out his length and lap at the tip. The only thing exiting his mouth are strangled curses mingled with the sigh of your name, hand slipping into your hair when he slides further into the hot cavern of your mouth. He’s fully hard now, resting heavy on your tongue as you trace the vein that throbs on the underside of his shaft.

JT grunts, tilting his head down to watch the way his cock slides between your lips. Your hands hold yourself steady against his strong, muscular thighs—one of the more underrated parts of his body, in your opinion—as you bob your head back and forth, wetting every inch of him with your mouth. You wrap your fingers around the base, twisting and setting a cruel rhythm that earns a loud whine from his throat, followed quickly by a long, “Fuuuuuuuck.”

Nails scratch lightly at your scalp, like maybe he’s searching for purchase, his chest starting to heave a little more frantically the more you work him to a state of dizzy bliss. It’s the least you can do, you think, to congratulate him on his first ever home game in Detroit. And, maybe, there’s a little piece of you that wants to reward him, because you still haven’t quite thanked him thoroughly enough for selecting your city as his final destination in free agency. For coming home to you.

A wet, frothy mixture of spit and precum coats your chin when he finally tugs you back with a groan. His eyes are dark pools of umber, arousal seeping out of them as he drinks in the sight of you on your knees, lips shining with the lewd evidence of your worship.

“Bedroom,” he husks, helping you onto your feet and pressing his groin against the swell of your ass as he gently nudges you down the hall toward his room. 

Falling forward onto the mattress, you glance at him over your shoulder and catch him admiring the view before his fingers are digging into the hem of your pants and tugging down. The sharp intake of breath tells you he likes your choice of panties, left as a sneaky surprise for him to unwrap as his reward. “Oh, she really likes it when I score goals.”

A wiggle of your hips earns a slap to your ass. Soon enough, you’re flipped onto your back, feeling the weight of him settled between your legs and his mouth slotting over yours. His lips are sure, certain, plush against yours, lazily commandeering control. Kissing him never gets old, not even when his erection is bumping against your lace-shrouded pelvis, silently begging for entry. 

One of his hands runs over your neck, down your chest, palming your breast through the bralette. He toys with the scalloped hem, admiring the feel of it beneath his fingers. The low rumble of his hum vibrates against the spot on your jaw that he’s paused to mouth at while his hands explore, hot breath cascading down the sensitive skin of your neck. “Y’look so pretty, I almost don’t want to take it off.”

“You like me in red, too, hm?” 

“I like you in anything,” he muses, allowing his tongue to trail along the thin strap that rests on your collarbone. It’s a sweet comment that you don’t have time to dwell on when his attention moves to the swell of your breast, then flicks at your taut nipple through the lace. “But red definitely suits you.”

JT punctuates his statement with a gentle nibble, tracing the floral pattern with the tip of his tongue until the fabric is damp with his saliva and your back is arched off of his sheets. Your fingers are threaded through his hair, knees pressed into his sides when your hips start to roll against his thigh that’s slotted between your legs. 

“Can’t decide if I want to taste you or fuck you first,” he murmurs against your breast. A hand slinks down your body, eventually settling on the fabric between your thighs; a pleased hum leaves his throat, presumably at the moisture he finds there. The breath in your throat catches when he brings two fingers to his lips. “A taste can’t hurt, right?”

The sight of JT Compher gazing lustfully at you from between your legs is one you’ll never take for granted, nor is the feeling of his hot breath against the inside of your thighs. Even better than that is the sound of his groan when he tugs the lace panties down your legs, eyes never leaving the dripping heat in front of him.

His hand draws to the apex of your thighs, and you brace yourself to feel a finger slipping past your lips; instead, you only receive the ghost of his touch, drawing up the slick that’s dribbled out of you.

“J,” you whine, hips bucking impatiently. You’re not sure you’ll survive his teasing antics—not tonight.

“Jus’ wanna enjoy my treat,” he says, cheeky, popping the finger in his mouth with a groan. “I love when your pussy drools like this.”

Soft, pillowy lips press against your core, and you aren’t sure who moans louder: you, from the feeling of his mouth finally touching you where you need, or him, at the taste of you on his tongue. He sets to work, devouring your cunt with his usual practiced precision; long laves of his tongue paired perfectly with gentle sucking of your clit. It isn’t until he pauses for just a moment to wrap your legs around his head that you realize he’s grinding himself against the mattress.

“JT, let me—”

“No, baby,” he pants, barely parting his mouth from you, his voice muffled by your skin. “Y’taste way too fucking good.”

You’re in the process of wondering what you did to deserve a man who enjoys eating your pussy more than you do when his hand slips between your legs, joining his tongue to aid in his quest to bring you to climax. He alternates between dipping his finger into your heat and using it to circle your clit while his mouth continues its sinful magic. 

“Fuck,” you gasp, spine peeling off the mattress when he curls his finger, striking at the spongy spot inside of you. The pleasure is blinding, radiating from the place where he strokes diligently. “Don’t stop.”

For being a man, JT is good at following instructions, especially when it comes to making you come. It doesn’t take long for your legs to quiver and a loud moan to rip from your throat; he hums in encouragement, fingers pumping relentlessly until you’re spent, slumped back against his pillow. You’re pretty sure your bones have disappeared and your body is now just a floating, ethereal being. You know, status quo with him.

“One for the assist,” he murmurs, pressing a wet kiss to the inside of your thigh. His lips are glistening with your slick and his spit, coating the auburn whiskers of his beard, and you draw him up to taste it.

His contented hum that vibrates against your lips when you kiss him makes your heart warm, like he could kiss you all day and not get sick of it. The feeling is mutual, you think, savoring the way his mouth fits perfectly against yours along with the heady taste of you on his tongue. His hand moves to cup your jaw, thumb rubbing gently as he swallows your sighs and comedown whimpers eagerly.

“You gonna fuck me now?” you ask into his mouth, once you regain the ability to speak. Sometimes, he has a habit of kissing the thoughts straight out of your brain. You love it more each time.

JT’s smile curls up against your lips. “Greedy girl, aren’t you?”

The sense of satisfaction watching his smile falter when your hand reaches between your bodies to stroke his erection is unmatched. Anything to render him speechless, too; the guttural moan is just a bonus. “Been waiting for this since warmups, when I saw you skating around in the winged wheel.”

“That’s a long time,” he says smugly, sitting up with a grunt and urging you to follow. When you turn your back to him, he pushes you down onto your elbows playfully, then offers a slap on your ass. “Your poor, poor pussy. So deprived.”

Turning your head, you watch him discard the rest of his clothes before his fist wraps around his cock, dragging up and down a few times. It’s a struggle to resist the whimper that threatens to bubble up in your throat. He runs the tip through your folds, coating it in your slick with a tsk. “So pretty. Should I give her what she wants?”

Instead of giving in, begging him the way you know he wants you to, you lean forward, ensuring he has an even better view of everything you have to offer. Your hand slithers between your thighs, fingers flattening as they rub at your clit. You part your folds before allowing your finger to dip into your entrance. 

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, voice dripping with a mixture of desire and awe. You swear you can feel the heat from where his eyes are burning a hole in you, staring at the way you touch yourself. “You’re so fuckin’ hot.”

Preening under his praise, your marriage joins your middle finger, moaning loudly when the two plunge into your heat. The sound of your slick is audible, harmonizing with your soft sighs and his deep, ragged breathing behind you. You muse, “I’ve always wanted to fuck a Red Wing. Doesn’t really matter who. Just want to say I did, you know?”

JT’s dark chuckle behind you sends shivers down your spine. He probes the head of his dick—still positioned at your entrance, waiting patiently for its turn—against your fingers, teasing you before nudging your hand out of the way. It falls to the mattress, and you return to leaning on both elbows. “You know how much I like making your dreams come true.”

The huffed laughter that falls out of your mouth is quickly usurped by a gasp when he pushes his hips forward. Pausing halfway, he hums at the way you squeeze him tightly before he sheaths himself completely. It’s a feeling you’re not sure you’ll ever get used to; so perfect and satisfying and full. Just the touch of his skin to yours is enough to ignite a flame deeper than you’ve ever experienced with anyone else—the intimate feeling of him inside of you is nothing short of euphoric. 

You push yourself back onto him, body acting on its own and greedily taking what it wants. He makes a sound behind you, somewhere between a laugh and a grunt; whatever it is, it’s followed by a firm slap against your ass that has you moaning.

“That’s it, baby,” he murmurs, voice low and raspy. “Fuck yourself on it.”

As if to accentuate his point, his fingertips trail up your spine before his hand fists into the lace strings displayed on your back. Once his hold is firm, he uses the material to drag you back against him and set a rhythmic slapping of your ass against his hips. 

JT fucks you until you’re a babbling, sweating mess, only capable of incoherent whimpers and crying out a semblance of his name. He’s steady and consistent, confidence rolling off of him even despite the way his voice falters when he’s murmuring filth in your ear, using your bralette to tug you backwards against his chest.

“You gonna come for me, pretty girl?” he whispers, beard scratching deliciously against the curve of your jaw. You nod, desperate, even your thoughts echoing the rhythm of his length driving in and out of you.

Teeth sink into the meat of your shoulder at the same time the universe explodes. Eyes squeezed shut, legs clenched tight, the air wrenched from your lungs as your body goes rigid in his arms. He hums lowly, working you through it, soft praises whispered against your skin.

“One for the goal,” he says, cheeky. You don’t have the brainpower to even roll your eyes at his hubris. Given the way your legs are still shaking, you’d say he has a right to be cocky.

Strong arms help you back down to your stomach, and you’re thankful for the soft mattress beneath you, no longer needing to hold yourself up; you’re not sure your limbs have the strength to. JT’s hands gently pull your hips back, lifting them up slightly to slide a pillow beneath them before he’s diving in face first with a groan. “Fucking love the way your cunt tastes after it’s been fucked.”

His tongue laps at you, and you squirm under his attention. Grabbing at your ass with both hands, he kneads the globes and offers a hearty smack that earns a squeal from you. “JT!”

“Sorry, baby,” he says, but the nip on your ass tells you he isn’t. You feel him shift before he’s helping to flip you over onto your back, and the sight of him smiling down at you makes your heart flutter. “Can’t help it.”

Something you’ve learned over the last few weeks with JT is that he is a thorough, meticulous lover. He worships at your altar until he’s completely absolved and your thoughts are wiped clean, pulling prayers from your throat with easy, intentional thrusts. With your legs resting in the crook of his elbows, he drives into you, solid, steady, watching the union of your bodies with a hunger that might intimidate you if it wasn’t the same one consuming you entirely.

“Look so good like this,” he murmurs, eyes roving over your body, admiring each curve as if he sculpted them himself. His gaze holds the sway of your breasts, testing the way you respond to different pulses of his hips. “Y’take dick like a fuckin’ pro, sweetheart. You know that?”

You hope the question is rhetorical, for when you go to attempt an answer, all that comes out is a garbled whimper. The praise makes your skin hot, heightens the flutter in your belly, and when he tells you to touch yourself, you blink dumbly at him. It garners a smile on his pretty lips—so fucking handsome—perhaps pleased with the way he’s fucked you stupid on his cock.

“Won’t last much longer,” he purrs. He swallows thickly, and if your brain wasn’t complete mush, you’d be very satisfied that he’s losing control, too. “Make yourself come for me. Jus’ one more, baby, please.”

And when he asks so nicely, how can you disobey?

Your hand snakes its way between your legs, rubbing at your tender clit; the action enhances the delicious, soul-altering feeling of JT’s dick delivering pleasure and promise. His eyes are glued to your movements, but your eyes are watching him.

JT Compher has always been beautiful. Handsome. Exquisite, even. But the sight of him, eyes shut, lashes kissing the tops of his cheeks, mouth open as his head falls back in ecstasy? No words. Truly, indescribable. 

It’s enough that you try to stave off your own orgasm just to prolong your view—that is, until the force of it absorbs you and then shatters you, seizing every last cell and filling them with euphoria. When the fuzziness fades from your eyes, JT’s panting body is on top of you, planting kisses along your collarbone. “And finally, one for the win.”

A dreamy smile slides onto your face. Weakly, your arms wrap around him, grazing the skin on his back lightly. He feels good in your arms. Safe. Comfortable. Natural. 

“Can I take you to breakfast tomorrow?” 

There’s a pause as you try to process what he said, sure that he fucked you so good, your hearing’s gone out, too. He nudges your jaw with his nose.

“B–breakfast?” Your voice comes out way shakier than you intended. You feel the short exhale from his huffed laugh against your skin.

“Don’t want you to think you’re just a booty call,” he says, like it’s obvious, like he’s not still half-hard buried inside of you, his cum seeping out onto the wrinkled sheets beneath you.

“That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

“Can’t think about anything else about you or I’ll get hard again,” he admits wryly. The confession strokes your ego, something he manages to do without even trying. As you debate if you should, in fact, rouse a round two, your pussy flutters weakly in protest—dick too good. Need break.

JT’s hands never leave your body as he helps you walk to the bathroom, laughing at the way you waddle to avoid spilling cum all over his floor. Once you’re cleaned up, you slip on the t-shirt you packed, joining him at the sink to brush your teeth. He bumps your hip affectionately with his, and the domesticity of it all contrasted with the filthy aura from 5 minutes prior is astonishing—in a good way.

Back in his room, he eyes the bag that you place on the floor. “You can keep some things here, you know. I cleared out a drawer.”

It’s a simple statement, but one that strikes you hard; symbolic and heavy in its meaning: a place carved out for you in his home. 

In his life. 

JT sees you standing, gaping at him, and closes the gap between you before he’s tilting your jaw upward to look at him. His lips hover over yours, the ghost of his touch lingering in a way that makes your heart stop.

His voice is low, almost a whisper, like he doesn’t want to burst the bubble surrounding you. “If I’m coming on too strong, let me know.”

“You aren’t,” you breathe, surprised that your voice even works. His lips curl into a smile against yours before he presses forward to kiss you. It’s slow, ardent, sweet. Dizzying.

“Let’s go to bed. You can fill the drawer tomorrow.”

Tag list: @somuchf4rstardust @tpwkstiles @smileysvech @senditcolton @robindrake13 @laurenairay

[turtleduckscribbles]

Close to Home

“No matter where I go to offer aid, Link remains at my side…”

~A brief exploration of Zelda’s personal journey toward home, and how she finds it in Link.

Read on AO3 or continue below.

<< Chap 3 <<

~o~o~o~o~o~

PART TWO

Chapter 4: "A Clean Slate"

Zelda woke to silence.

At first, she didn’t recognize where she was. Time and space seemed indistinct and fuzzy, as if she were back in that century-long imprisoning cocoon. An immaterial void. There was something, though… Just outside her consciousness, something hazy floated out of reach. Something vaguely familiar. Something sad. For a while, she lay there, half awake and yearning, reaching out to it in her mind, only to have it slip through her fingers. But once she blinked away the sleep and saw the Sheikah Slate slide into focus on the bedside table, the previous night came rushing back.

Slowly, she sat up, wincing at the stiffness in her neck. How long had she been out? She looked around. The light seeping from the window by the foot of the bed was muted and gray, and the house was unlit. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a full night’s sleep; probably literal ages ago. With all the traveling she and Link had been doing lately, it had become routine for her to be up at the crack of dawn, mapping out their next destination. Between that and their vigorous hikes across the countryside, the added rest was admittedly appreciated.

She tugged at the silk sleeves of her nightgown. How dreadful she must have looked. Her hair was in a right state—a complete cucco’s nest by the looks of her tangled ends—and she hadn’t cleaned up since getting caught in yesterday’s downpour. The thought of having soiled Link’s bed sent shame curling through her, what with her grubby skin… but for now, there was nothing to be done for it. First, she’d clean up. Then she’d find a way to wash his sheets. Make it up to him.

Yes. She’d make this up to him.

With renewed conviction, Zelda tossed back the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Gingerly, she tested her weight, wobbling slightly, then gave a good stretch, savoring the pleasant pull in her muscles. She smoothed out her gown, and, with a resolved breath and eyes resolutely avoiding the wall, she descended the stairs, the cold floorboards squeaking beneath her bare feet.

Barring the gloomy fireplace, the downstairs was left untouched from the night before. The chairs were vacant and the kitchen was lifeless. Timidly, she peeked behind the railing at the bottom of the staircase. Except for the wooden crates tucked away in back, the storeroom too was empty. Not a bed nor blanket to be found. 

Disappointment crept into her chest. Shivering, Zelda wrapped her arms around her middle. She was about to head to the window when a flash of green caught her eye. Suddenly, before she could adequately prepare herself, Urbosa’s shield was staring her in the face.

Zelda gaped at it. Round and rimmed in vivid emerald, it hung there on the wall, the golden Gerudo emblem shining like a talisman in the gloom. Proud and radiant, just like its owner. She’d lost track of how many times she’d seen it over the course of her life, perched on its owner’s back. Daybreaker.

Had it always been here?

Baffled, Zelda cast her gaze round about, the measure of her folly beginning to sink in. Sure enough, she saw them: the Champions’ weapons, in all their burnished glory. Every single one, on the walls, in plain sight. She took an involuntary step toward them, as if drawn by a magnet. Along with Urbosa’s sword and shield was Daruk’s weighty two-hander… Mipha’s trident… Revali’s bow—

The door banged open, and Zelda jumped a foot in the air. Link came crashing inside, his dusty hair sticking up every which way, panting considerably more than what was usual for him. His Champion’s tunic was gone, replaced by a long-sleeved cream undershirt, smudged from whatever heavy labor he’d indulged in that morning. In his arms were two large baskets, stuffed with an assortment of edible provisions. His darting eyes found her instantly, intense and a little bit wild.

“Sorry,” he gasped. For a moment, he stood transfixed, until a jerk of his head had him shuffling toward the kitchen. The baskets hit the countertops, and Zelda watched with bemusement as he selected eggs and mushrooms from their insides. As he lit the cooking fire, the puzzle pieces began sliding into place in her mind, and she rushed forward.

“Link! Are you—? Did you run to the markets this morning?”

Link nodded as he cracked an egg into a bowl. Suddenly, he froze halfway into cracking the second, a startled expression crossing his face. He dropped the uncracked egg into the bowl and zipped past her to the storeroom where, just like the night before, he fetched some towels—but upon presenting them to her, he saw her look of bewilderment, and he flushed a sheepish shade of pink.

“Sorry,” he said again. “I heated some water out back, if you wanted to wash up. Or would you rather eat first?”

Zelda gawked at him. She took in the state of his rumpled clothes, his disheveled hair poking out of its tie, the sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. From all appearances, it seemed Link had been hard at work for hours, slogging away to ensure everything was in order. For her. He must have risen early, running errands left and right—all whilst she slept on. Guilt stabbed her like a hot poker.

“Oh, Link… you didn’t need to go to all this trouble for me. You’ve done enough. But if… well, if it’s alright, a wash does sound lovely… if it’s not a bother…”

Link shook his head fervently, setting the towels into her hands. Then, he paused, his eyes averted from her.

Zelda stared at him before glancing down. Her stomach dropped. She’d forgotten about her unkempt hair, the sheerness of her gown. She clutched the towels close, willing the heat in her face to recede. 

“Omelet okay, Princess?”

She quickly swallowed back her discomposure. “Oh, er… yes, please. That sounds wonderful.”

Link nodded, still not looking at her. He began to retreat, backing toward the kitchen, when Zelda interrupted.

“Thank you, Link. For everything.”

His eyes found her again. A small, sincere smile lit up his face, and Zelda returned it, relishing the warmth from its glow.

Outside, a chilly wind beat the weeds and knocked the boughs of the overhead branches together, but inside the back shed, the air was thick with a lulling heat. Zelda set her towels and fresh change of clothes by the washbasin, letting the humidity wash over her like a cleansing balm. A small hand mirror rested on a nearby shelf, and she picked it up, giving the splotchy glass a tentative glance.

It was only to be expected, frankly. Her reflection stared wanly back at her, all pale and bedraggled, a jarring blend of soft curves and sunken valleys. A squirmy feeling unraveled somewhere near her navel. What an eyesore…

Grimacing, she cast about for a rag, intent on sponging herself down, when a glaring detail had her pulling up short.

A giant tub was filled to the brim with piping hot water.

Zelda hesitated before stepping closer. She dipped her hand into the water, skimming the steamy surface. Her heart squeezed. When Link had mentioned heating water for her, she’d envisioned a bucket, a simple washbowl—not an entire bathtub. What time this must have taken him to fill…

Goddess bless him.

With a final check that the door was latched, she cracked open the ventilation window, shimmied out of her gown, and stepped into the tub.

Water sloshed over the edge as she lowered herself down. With a contented sigh, she sunk up to her shoulders, the warmth enfolding her. How long it had been since she’d had a proper bath. Since returning from the castle, her rinses had been just that: quick, hurried rinses. Nothing like this soothing, leisurely soak. Basking in the water, her head fell back to rest against the rim, inhaling the swirling eddies of heat.

For all the downsides that having a mortal body entailed, there was something to be said for moments such as these. The heat seeped all the way into her bones, allaying her body as much as it did her spirit. She’d tried a bath like this back in Kakariko—heaven knew she’d needed one terribly after where she’d been—but whether it was nerves or overstimulation, Zelda didn’t know, only that it was a rushed, discomforting experience. Now, however, was altogether much more pleasant. Her eyelids grew heavy, her mind wandering to recent events.

Already the shock of seeing her departed friends’ effects on the walls of Link’s home was waning, replaced instead by confusion over how she hadn’t noticed them on arrival. True, the previous night was a tiring, surreal blur… but the fact that Link would choose to exhibit such sentimental artifacts in his house, even with his lapse in memory, was a wonder to her.

She could ask him about it. She’d asked about his memory before, albeit unsuccessfully… Truthfully, the thought of asking him again made her shrink. With a pang, she recalled her first words to him upon their reunion, which had ultimately been fruitless: Do you really remember me? She readjusted in the water, watching a bubble bob on the surface.

Link lived by action, a language entirely its own. Given his laconic nature, she knew he took communication slower than most—and that was just fine with her. She could go slow with him. The last thing she wanted to do was to push him too hard, too fast; at least not so soon. Not after she’d just gotten him back. It would crush her to shift the status quo between them in the wrong direction—whatever that was. Whatever details he remembered about their past, they would come in time. She could wait.

It was strange. What she couldn’t wrap her mind around was that their positions were now the inverse of one another. Where once Link was an occupant of her home in the castle, employed in the services of Hyrule, now she was a guest in his. She thought of the selfless efforts he took that morning to fill a heated bath for her, of his incessant apologies over his tardiness, despite all he’d done to prepare her a nice breakfast…

How could she have ever resented him?

Shutting her eyes, Zelda slumped in the tub, the water rising to her ears. What kindness, what charity, her dear friend possessed. No matter his personal trials, no matter the horrors that plagued him, Link never failed to go out of his way to help another. It was his nature, an inextricable virtue woven into his soul. Truly, he was a man devoid of guile.

And even with his memory loss, he still chose Zelda every day.

With a prickle of affection, she thought back to that silly frog encounter a few days prior. Evidently, even after a span of endless years and wayward memories, Link did still remember her—remembered their shared history together. She knew he had, at least in part; ever since he’d woken from the Shrine of Resurrection, she had watched him tirelessly pursue the images she’d left for him on the Slate, had witnessed him break and reforge time and time again. All for her. But she couldn’t deny her fears. While she’d never lost faith in him, an irksome part of her mind clung fast to her worry that he was only going through the motions, that they would amicably part ways once their duties were fulfilled. That he had grown indifferent toward her. A terrifying thought. After they’d driven back the Calamity, that was when she had asked him point-blank, unable to bear it, desperate to quash these needling worries. Do you really remember me? But that was as far as she’d gotten, for no sooner had the words left her lips than she had fainted, collapsing onto him. All this time, she’d been left in suspense, dangling from the thread of this unanswered question—until the frog. Hearing her fears finally put to rest from his own mouth, in his own way… It was like nothing she’d ever known.

A euphoric smile broke out on Zelda’s face. Even if Link’s memory wasn’t fully restored, he was still the same devoted person she’d always known. He was still her Link. He was a defender. A protector. Her most ardent, fervent supporter. He was always, always, attentive to her needs.

Zelda eyed her bright long hair, fanned out around her like a fiery halo. How grateful, how beyond blessed she was, to still have him in her life. The whitewater course of their relationship had been rocky, but she was proud of the progress they’d made, of everything they’d held onto, even through the rapids of amnesia. She’d been relearning him over these past several weeks, noting the contrast between his past and present selves. Clearly, there were differences… but mostly he was the same. The same warrior, the same gifted chef. The same beautiful soul who had captivated her from the beginning.

Oh, had he captivated her.

From the way he tied back his golden hair, to the finesse of his fingers as he strung a bow… the muscle definition across his back…

A wave of steam seemed to rise from the bath in that instant, hitting Zelda square in the face. She sucked in a sharp breath and sat up, the water cascading in rivulets down her shoulders. Right. Time to wash up.

As she took the bar of soap and began the painstaking process of scouring herself down, she allowed her thoughts to drift to the future, making way for blind optimism. She was here; he was here. They were here together. And whatever next came their way, she trusted they’d see it through. Just as they always had. The both of them.

Together.

~o~o~o~o~o~

>> Chap 5 >>

[sillydumbdoll]

The theme of your last few posts is clear, dolls need to be used. Rank these uses from most to least exciting with a little explanation for your favourites:

Ornamentation - dolls can be used just by being dressed up and left in the corner of the room. A pretty doll in a cute outfit makes people smile.

Sadism - dolls can be decorated with marks too, whether it's a bruised cheek, cuts from removing clothing with a knife, or cane marks running down the back of the thighs. A well trained doll can take anything with barely a sound.

Gratification - dolls are always eager to please, and a good doll can be altered to fit any fantasy an owner likes. A shy schoolgirl, an eager kitty, or the helpless captive that weakly tries to resist.

Training - the act of training a doll can be rewarding in and of itself, dolls are blank slates that can be built upon and wiped clean over and over.

Breaking - turning a captive into a good doll can be more work than simply training an already-eager plaything, but can also be even more rewarding. Depriving a captive of privacy, dignity, and comfory before reintroducing them as rewards for good behaviour can be wonderful when results begin to show.

Entertainment - what good is a doll that's kept shut away where nobody can appreciate it? Dolls can be a prized possession to show off to friends or made into a centrepiece at a party.

Alteration - what makes a doll different from a submissive? You can't take a submissive to a tattoo parlour on a whim and get "Fucktoy" in pretty cursive letters across the back of their thigh. If you want your doll to have bigger breasts, softer lips, or be unable to ever speak again, those are all options!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I WANT AN OWNER WHO WILL DO ALL OF THIS TO ME!!! I wanna be a good dolly like this!!!

1. Gratification !!! It’s no surprise that I like to be a moldable dolly that is able to be dressed and used however in whatever scenario or role my owner wants me in!! I like to be the ultimate fantasy, the perfect doll can be put in any situation and play the role perfectly🩷

2. Entertainment — I’m an attention whore!! I think we all know that by now :) Being the center of attention at a party is a dream of mine🩷 I want to be good enough to show off! That will be my reward for being such a good dolly!!

3. Breaking !!! While I like to think of myself as an obedient doll, I sometimes get in moods where I don’t even like being a doll :( I wouldn’t say I’m bratty, just a little resistant to the idea of having to submit all the time, it’s the switch in me🤭 But if I was broken, I would be able to enjoy being a good doll all the time!! 🩷

4. Ornamentation🩷 I want to be shown off just because I’m pretty, untouched and shown off like a pretty prized possession, an expensive pretty decoration to be admired :)

5. Training 🩷🩷 I would love doll training! I’d like to think I’d be a good doll, but I know how resistant I get and how hard it is to get me in the headspace…I need to be better but I have no self discipline

6. Sadism — I love this one, but it can be scary! It’s one of my main fantasies for someone to be sadistic with me BUT it’s so scary because I’m an easily scared sensitive sweet girl 😖 That also means I cry easily….if ur into that 😘

7. Alteration — I think abt this one SOMETIMES when I’m in a rare mood but I’m still into it… it’s just newer for me and also scariest!!! 😣

[devilfic]

#✦✎: dc.

disclaimer: I do not consent to reposting of my work, credit given or not. if you’d like to share my work, please share direct links from my tumblr or my AO3. thank you!

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! ♡

✦: batman | battinson!bruce wayne

✎: series

where two are joined, relentlessly [completed] ↳ gotham city’s bound to discover it’s got a prized bachelor on its hands. selina kyle got it, you got it, and you’d quite like if it stopped there, thanks.

I. go, go, loverboy II. best-kept memories III. sick day IV. nameless V. ballroom blitz VI. favors for a friend VII. clean slate VIII. happy birthday, mr. wayne IX. from now on

right place, right time [ongoing] ↳ you took the hippocratic oath. you swore to help those in need. you didn’t sign up for a man crawling through your apartment window bleeding to death, but you’ve unfortunately seen worse.

I. right place, right time II. of niceties and awkward second meetings III. the tower IV. the hierophant V. curiosity killed the cat VI. do you trust me? VII. twenty-one questions VIII. whatever keeps you around vignette. strawberry candies IX. I'm the well they're gonna drag you down X. we don't fight fair

honeymoon [ongoing] ↳ in a gamble to retake his place as ceo of wayne enterprises, bruce wayne is strong-armed into an arranged marriage with you.

you finding out his secret identity is only one of his problems at the moment.

I. honeymoon II. marriage bed III. on the clock IV. sugar-coating V. sins of the mother

✎: one shots

got you ↳ the wayne family has a special kind of love language.

at the front steps ↳ eventually, the well will dry up. eventually, your patience will wear thin. eventually, you will leave him. of few things he was more certain. unfortunately, how much you loved him wasn’t one of them.

ghosts ↳ there’s a split second between dreaming and waking where the dream exists in the real world: the tender loss of a dream unrealized, and the relief of a nightmare severed. your nightmare is still clinging to you.

good grief ↳ you and batman have something special going on. obviously, people notice.

hard-knock life ↳ even with the riddler locked away in arkham, his followers manage to haunt bruce to this day. thankfully, you’re more than willing to help your fiancé tie up all his loose ends… even if they are a bit ridiculous. or four times the riddler’s followers make a threat on bruce’s life and the one time alfred shoots them for it.

nocturnal animal ↳ okay, maybe the caped crusader is a vampire. and maybe you just want to know what it would feel like for him to sink his teeth into you. it’s not weird.

✎: headcanons

bruce and reader’s mother/misc. headcanons [where two are joined, relentlessly universe]

love languages

bruce making a playlist for his partner

bruce with a gothic s/o

wedding headcanons with bruce wayne

sleeping headcanons with bruce wayne

✎: drabbles

bruce’s first family christmas with you and dick

reader with a villain mbti

dick finds out bruce is batman

bruce's diary [right place, right time]

bruce is a little stalker

✦: catwoman | selina kyle

✎: headcanons

jealous!selina kyle

✎: drabbles

secret admirer and roommate!selina

✦: the riddler | edward nashton

✎: series

boogeyman [hiatus] ↳ he is your shadow as much as you are his. one person, one reflection. you made a deal with the devil and this is the price you pay for redemption.

I. boogeyman II. no god in gotham

✎: one shots

first snow ↳ life wasn’t all pain, there was you. there was you.

✎: headcanons

young!edward nashton headcanons

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A Guiding Hand 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, parental neglect, depression, inference of self harm, violence, abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: your online academics are affected by your personal struggles but your professor won’t let you give up so easy.

Characters: Raymond Smith, Lee Bodecker in the background

Note: you all are beautiful.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The professor’s shadow looms over you in your dim room. Now you have a face for your disappointment. The thought of his staunch expression fills you with dread and somewhat motivation. So it is that you at least try. Just try. Simple as that. Try. 

After your meeting, you spend the day cleaning your room, hoping for a clean slate to start over. You spend a bit too long contemplating useless possessions as if putting off the inevitable. Eventually you have to sit down and do the real work. Once you do that, you will be forced to face reality. This is the flip of the coin; success or failure. 

The next morning you turn on the overhead light, casting the space in a brighter tint than usual. You aren’t used to the clarity or the tidiness. You can see the floor. There isn’t clutter on the desk or the bookshelf and it just feels easier. 

Anxious to begin, you sit down and boot up your laptop. You open your notebook and find your place. The course book takes some time to load as you yawn and rub your forehead. You need coffee before you begin. That’s it. No other distractions after that. 

You get up and cross the room, a needling above your left eyebrow. Yes, coffee is a must. You come out into the hall and listen to the silence of the apartment. It’s early and you know your mother had a late night. You woke up several times to inexplicable thumps. 

You shuffle into the kitchen and wash out the dregs of yesterday’s coffee from the pot. You empty the filter and put in a new one; measuring the grounds particularly. Everything you do is deliberate now, it has to be. You pour water in the tank and pop the lid down, hitting brew to cap off the process. 

You lean on the counter and yawn again. You hang your head as your eyelids grow heavy. You can’t be sleepy all day. You need your energy. The equations will certainly do little for your pulsing head. 

You hear your mom’s bedroom door and you shift over towards the sink. A figure appears at the edge of your vision but you don’t look over. You assume it’s her until the deep rumble rises from the man’s throat. Lee nears and before you can sidle further, he’s behind you. 

“Mm, coffee smells good,” he rasps as he pens you in, reaching over your head to open the cupboard. His stomach presses to your back as you stare down at the sink, “scuse me.” He takes down a cup, lingering a moment before he backs away and sets the cup down with a loud clink, “you’re up early.” 

Him too. You keep the thought sewn up behind your lips. You shrug. 

“Heard you last night too. Skittering around in your room.” 

Your blink at him. He wears only a pair of white underwear, his belly pudgy but his arms firmly muscled. He hardly seems bothered by his bareness. He takes the pot off the burner mid-brew and fills his cup, emptying what’s there before he places it back. You tuck your lower lip under your teeth and cross your arms. 

“Night owl, huh,” he comments as he pulls the sugar dish away from the wall. He takes the lid off and sprinkles the sugar into his coffee without a spoon. You stand and watch him dumbly. 

He swirls the mug and takes a sip. He lets out a satisfied sigh, “mm, you make good coffee.” 

You bite into your lip before you let it free, “thanks, sir.” 

He scoffs, “sir? Ain’t got my badge on right now.” 

You nod and cross your arms. 

“How old’re ya?” he turns to lean on the counter, slurping loudly. 

You’re put off by his curiosity. Your run-ins are few and far between. That’s on purpose. You avoid your mother’s men and often, the do the same with you. You answer him and he hums, eyes slitting as he thinks. 

“And you’re still living here with ma?” He wonders, “old enough to be out on your own, ain’t ya?” 

“I guess,” you lock your arms tightly, your shoulders hurting from the tension. 

“Mmm,” he takes another gulp, his eyes still on you. “Ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all. Bet lots of men wouldn’t mind.” 

“What?” You shift back on your heel. 

“Yeah, not too bad on the eyes, are ya? I mean, ladies are all the same when you get em naked,” he chortles and stands straight.  

“Sir, I... I got... I got homework,” you turn, swaying awkwardly as you drop your arms and march away. 

“Ah, smarty pants, huh? Men like that too,” he taunts after you. “Don’t matter much when they young like you.” 

You’re brittle, about to break. You don’t need another reminder of how much of a loser you are. Even when you try, it’s just not enough.  

You don’t look back, your skin crawling as he belches and you hear the carafe hit the top of the machine as he lifts it again. You close yourself in your room and frown at the wall. You didn’t even get coffee for all that. 

You pout and drag your feet to the desk. You sit down and brace your head in your hands. You’ll try to wait him out. He’ll have to leave eventually. Coffee doesn’t matter. You got to get through this course book. You promised you would. 

📓

It takes two days to finish the coursebook, faster than expected. A gleam of pride flashes through your mind but quickly fizzles out as you attach your work to an email. It might be done but it matters more that it's done correctly.  

You don't know much of Professor Smith or truly of people in general, but he seems to be very precise. Forgiving in moments but given his feedback on previous submissions, he is strict about the numbers themselves. You make yourself hit send. 

You could take the afternoon on some self-congratulatory celebration, but you still have work to do. You open up coursework five and wait for the case studies to load. The most difficult part for you are the spreadsheets. There's so much data to sift through though applying the formulas and balancing them are easy enough. 

After a few problems, you stretch your fingers and lean your head on the heels of your hands. You yawn at the desk and roll your shoulders as you sit up. If you can get through just one course, you might just be able to do this. 

It's a bit ridiculous. The smallest of things are so big to you. The simple are overly complicated by your self-doubt and yet too often those doubts have proven true.  

You shake off the wave of grimness and stand up. You stop halfway, hovering between the seat and your feet, as an email chimes in. It's Professor Smith. You sit and blink at the laptop. 

'Thank you. I will have a look over and return with feedback. Hope you are keeping well. Good job on the speedy work. 

Best, 

Raymond' 

Your cheeks pinch as a smile threatens. He hasn't said whether you've done well or not but the acknowledgement feels like sunshine on your skin. It makes you want to keep going. 

You forget about the whim to have a cup of tea and settle back in to work at the next problem. If you get through the first section of the coursework, you might just be able to sleep. 

📓

Groggy, you rub your eyes and grumble. You lean forward on the toilet and let the trickle out. You woke up with a horrible fullness and it hurts to let it out. You sigh as you stand and pull up your sweatpants. 

As you crank on the sink, you hear a groaning hinge that mirrors the noise. There's staggering and the shatter of glass. A body hits the wall just outside the bathroom door. You turn off the faucet and face the commotion.  

Your heart races as your mother cries out and there's the crack of flesh. Your reticence has you cowering as fire speckles over you. It's not just fear, it's anger, the frustration you tamp down each time you hear her bawling. 

"No good lousy bitch," Lee snarls as there's another slap. This time he grunts, "what the hell do ya think ya doin'?" 

You near the door and slowly turn the knob. You inch it open and see your mother crawling away from the man. The scent of vodka permeates the air and a broken bottle litters the carpet around her. 

Lee boots her rear and sends her to her stomach. She yelps as he steps over her, dropping down to straddle her between his knees. She's wearing one of her tattered night shirts and nothing else, one sleeve down her shoulder. 

"Now, I waa being nice and you just had to go and yip like a spoilt bitch," he grabs her hair and forces her head up as she whines. The thrashes out, the glass cutting into her arms and legs, as he shifts his weight and the elastic of his briefs tautens as he tugs at it. "Lemme show ya what you're worth--" 

Your heart races and your throat lumps. Your chest tightens and your adrenaline wakes you completely. You don't know what to do. Do what you always do; hide. 

You push the door towards the frame and your mother sobs again. You close your eyes and stop. You don't know what you're doing. Why you're doing it. It never helps. It never works. Not since that little girl ended up at the bottom of the stairs all those years ago. When she learned to keep out of the way. 

Those memories fade and you swing the door inward. Your feet stomp out across the floor and you leap onto Lee's back as he bares his ass. You hook your arms around his thick neck and he falls backwards as your mom yelps again. 

“Huh, oh,” she wriggles and drags herself from under you and Lee as you wrestle on the floor, “sweetie, no--” 

She reaches for you and Lee kicks her again. She falls back and you squeeze him tighter, as hard as you can, ignore the bite of the glass as it pierces through your shirt. He elbows your side and you gasp, the pain ringing through your ribs.

Still, you don’t let go. You don’t know why. Maybe because if you do, you lose. 

“What’re ya—dumb little brat—just like your ma,” he snarls as his weight crushes you and he tries to peel your fingers from around your forearm. “I’m gonna teach you--” 

“Don’t hurt her!” You mother jumps on him, further adding to the pile. You can’t breathe as you’re flattened beneath them. “That’s my daughter! My daughter...” 

Her words slur drunkenly as she cries and lays her fists weakly into the man atop you. He shoves her off of him easily but she doesn’t relent. She lands on her ass between his legs and yours. You barely keep hold of him as you head begins to thrum. 

“Hold him, baby,” she orders as you can only see the top of her head over the chaos. She jerks and the man atop you grunts and shrivels his hands flying down to cup below his waist. “God--- Irene. The—fuck.” 

“Baby, let him go,” your mother huffs and heaves as she struggles to her feet. 

She pulls on your arm, tugging you out from under him as he rolls onto his sides, his hand between his legs. She must have got a good shot in. She stumbles and sways as she pulls you up, hanging onto you as she almost topples again. She’s drunk. Very drunk. 

“Go to your room, sweetie,” she brings a hand to your cheek. “Please--” 

“But...” you trail off and look down at the man as he puffs out through gritted teeth, “make him go, mom. Please. He’s going to hurt you.” 

“It’s alright,” she coos and pets your face, “it doesn’t hurt so much.” 

“Wh-why?” You sputter. 

“You gotta go, baby,” she coaxes, “let me take care of him.” 

“Mom, please,” you beg her, eyes glazing with tears. “We can call the cops--” 

“He is the cops, baby,” she lets you go and turns to him, falling over him as she rubs his arm, “Lee, honey, I’m sorry. I was just scared--” 

“I oughta--” he chokes out, “that damn daughter of yours...” 

“Shush, honey,” she comforts him and bends to whisper in his ear. 

You stare down at them, mortified. All that effort and for what? She just folds for these men. Goes right back to taking the abuse. Over and over again. They don’t even treat her nice. 

She looks up again, her eyes glistening, “go. Lock your door.” 

Her hiss nips at you and has you scrambling to your room. There’s nothing you can do. You don’t know why you thought for that instant that you could. You don’t know why you think there’s anything you can do right. It all just ends the same. 

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 19: Prepare For Battle

Every day I am exposed to sin and misdeeds. Sometimes I wonder if the slate can be cleaned.

Lord your blessings are so blindly insulted, ignored by the naïve who assume freedom. Will the thickened plot improve, or are we all close to impending doom?

“Don’t go. You can’t go.”

“I need to, Finn.” My breathing jumps. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” The young Shelby refuses. “You’re not a spy. I’ll talk to Tommy-!”

“It doesn’t matter. He won’t trust me.”

We hear the door open and Arthur steps in, his face blank and cold. He slumps onto the couch and stares at the floor.

“Where were you, Arthur?”

My words do little to stir him. “Tried to hang myself. The rope snapped.”

Suicide. “God’s plan for you is not finished, Arthur Shelby.”

He grunts. Does that mean he agrees or is just in shock?

“Polly mentioned you were leaving?”

“Yes.”

“I first thought you were a spy,” Arthur begins and shifts in his seat. “But you ain’t. You’re too nice.”

“I thought the same way about Grace,” I mutter darkly under my breath. “Look how that ended.”

Polly walks in and sees I’m still packing. “There’s nothing we can do to convince you to stay?”

More tears pool in my eyes but I press on. “I can’t keep this up, Polly. Being pulled by both sides, being accused of being a spy.”

“We don’t think that. Tommy does.”

I open my mouth to respond but I’m interrupted when the door opens again. I already know it’s Thomas by his footsteps. Quickly I head down the hall to my room and shut the door. I have no want to speak with him now. When he gets to the living room his relatives begin arguing about his conviction of me.

“She knows things, Pol. How do we know she’s not a spy?”

“I wasn’t educated properly either!” Polly justifies. “You do not need a school to teach you, Tommy! How can you do that to her? After all the help she’s done?”

“She can’t go!” Finn whines.

“Where is she?” I hear Thomas ask gruffly.

“Shut up in her room. She doesn’t want to see you and I can't blame her.”

“I need to talk to her.”

No no no! If he comes in here my temper will snap and someone will get hurt. Or something gets broken. 

Knock knock.

No. No!

Not a sound. I make no move to open the door- But he opens it anyway and walks right in. I can tell he slept with her. It’s all over his dumbass face. After all he accused me of, I'm appalled how he can even have the nerve to face me.

“You’re still here?”

Cigarette smoke hangs in a halo over his devilish face. Do I try reasoning or do I let my Irish side flare out?

“I’m here for everyone but you, Mr. Shelby,” I reply stiffly. “Unlike you, every other member of your family seems to appreciate my help and not accuse me of being a spy.”

He walks further into the room and sits down on my bed. “You can’t blame me, love. Times have been hard.”

Love. The pet name sends my blood boiling. “I can be harder. If my trust is so worthless now then it’s a miracle I’m still here.”

“You really are leaving?” 

Why does he have to ask so casually? Would he even hate to see me go?

“Yes. I have resources elsewhere that can get me home.” I’ve been meaning to visit Uncle Colon anyway.

“At least come out and visit before you do,” Thomas asks. “They’ll miss you.”

They will. Not him. Why should I care? Jesus Thomas, what are you doing to me?

Without a word I stand up from the floor and defiantly walk past him into the hall, back to the living room. I will spend whatever hours I have left for their sake, not his. Finn looks up from his book and glares at Thomas.

“This is your fault.”

His older brother says nothing and looks over at Arthur, who’s still shaken up.

“So Polly told ya?” he grunts.

“Yep.” Thomas keeps his eyes away from Finn’s glare as he pours some tea. “You should have used a gun.”

My jaw drops. Is he serious?

“Are you laughing at me, Tom?” Arthur asks.

“Yeah. Just when things are starting to go right, Arthur, you do this.”

I can’t even stand to hear the rest. I grab my book and head for the kitchen, hearing bits and pieces about shareholders and more business talk. Whatever Thomas says must be good news to Arthur because I hear him chuckle.

“Our boys at the station tell me the copper’s headed out of town. We’re in the clear.”

No you’re not, Thomas. Far from it. If Grace is still around then no one can be trusted. 

An hour goes by and the chatting dies down. Eventually Arthur walks in and when he sees me he gives a deep sigh.

“I know you’re one for all that religious stuff. Think God will forgive me?”

“For suicide, or the killings?” I drone.

“Fair point.” He walks over and picks out a bottle of whiskey. “When will you go?”

I take a deep breath and close my book. “Despite my deep disliking for Thomas right now, those plans have been postponed. You lot have enough of a mess to go over so I’ve taken it upon myself to help Polly keep house since Ada’s been away.”

He doesn’t smile or burst into happy chants. Arthur simply pours a small glass and slides it to me. “That’s very noble of you, Steenstra. I guess we’re both stuck somewhere we don’t wanna be.”

“I guess we are.”

For the rest of the night I stay secluded in my room. Arthur must have told Polly and Finn I’m staying because they both come to say goodnight instead of goodbye. Thomas must still be in the dark, either that or he doesn’t care that I’m staying. 

Now it’s morning. Thank God he’s not here.

“Esme, why are men so stupid sometimes?” I wonder out loud as we fold laundry.

The new member of the Shelby family thinks for a moment. “They’re headstrong, which is why they need women like us to tame them.”

I rub my temples. “Yes. And what are we supposed to do when we’re too stubborn to put up with men?”

“Does this have to do with Thomas?”

This is why John was quick to love her so much. Esme is not stupid, far from it. She doesn’t beat around the bush and grabs the bull by the horns. Maybe she can join me and Ada’s new girl group.

“I know I should be happy for him. He’s my boss. His profit and good well-being affects my job. But then why does my chest still hurt when he mentions Grace?” I sigh deeply and lower my head to stare sadly at the floor. “I see it in his eyes, Esme. He loves her. Why am I so upset about something I should have no business in?”

The Gypsy woman sits next to me and hugs my shoulders. “Because you love him too. The way I see it is that you’re being the better woman and letting go of your feelings to give him happiness, and that is something I deeply admire about you.”

A loud snore comes from the living room and interrupts the touching moment. Arthur must have drank himself to sleep last night. 

Thud!

Rushed footsteps echo down the hall and an out-of-breath Ada stands in the doorway, holding a sleeping Karl.

“Don’t leave!” She gasps.

Esme presses her lips together and hurries down the hall to John’s room. She also knows when to keep to herself.

“Ada, calm down. I’m not leaving.” I put a hand on her shoulder and usher her to sit down. “You came back?”

“I had to! I’m not going to let Thomas drive away any friend of mine!” She huffs and rocks Karl in her arms. “Yesterday Polly stopped by and said he yelled at you. That you were going back to America. Please don’t!”

“I’m not, I’m not,” I assure her. “There’s far too much chaos going on here for me to leave yet.”

Just then Thomas speeds past where Ada and I are sitting, ignoring us completely. The gangster walks over to Arthur and shakes him awake.

“Arthur, go home. Get bathed, check your kit, check your weapons.”

Arthur groans and rubs his eyes. “Why? What’s going on?”

“We’re doing it today.”

He finally sees us and gives a quick wave.

“Care to tell me what ‘it’ is?” I raise a brow.

“Details to follow.” He pats my shoulder and goes the same route Esme took.

“Where are you off to now?”

“Off to round up John. No doubt he’s getting familiar with Esme.”

Must be another thing John fell in love with. She’s just as horny as he is. So if the Blinders are carrying out the rumble with Kimber today, what are us girls supposed to do? I should ask Polly.

Setting the basket aside, I get up and pass through the wooden doors to the bullring.

Polly stands off to the side holding her cross. “Dear Lord, make this day pass well. Let none get hurt and make them that do not Shelbys. Watch John because he has so many depending on him. Watch Arthur because he’s as likely to hurt himself as anyone else. Watch Thomas. I know how he is, but he does what he does for us. I think. Amen.”

I’ve kept silent to give her privacy and I hear Thomas come up from behind. Polly sees both of us and tries to show a stern face.

“Used to do that everyday during the war. I’d hoped I’d done it for the last time.”

“Today will be the last time, Pol,” Thomas promises. “After today there will be no more need for prayers.”

The Romanian woman doesn’t say more as she passes past us back to the kitchen, only stopping to give my shoulder a squeeze. I’m glad I’m choosing to stay because if things go south today she’s going to need all the support she can get.

“You better mean that, Thomas,” I warn. “Polly can’t afford any more stress over what might happen to you and your brothers. And for the record, there is always a need for prayer.”

Thomas stays quiet and begins polishing his pistol. What is it with this family? The only time anyone talks is to reprimand or discuss murder!

I walk back into the living room to find Polly and Ada fussing over little Karl, but there’s a clouded look on Polly’s face.

“They took my children from me. And they never told me where they took them. And they did it because they could and I was weak.” She points a finger at Ada. “But they will never take your baby away from you. Do you know why? Because Tommy won’t let them. Because Tommy won’t let them walk all over us. He has brought strength and power to this family, because he knows you have to be as bad and powerful as them in order to survive.”

The Shelby sister looks between Polly and me with conflicted eyes. I understand why she’s torn. We both know Thomas’ intentions are for the good of the family but sometimes he can be too rash with his thinking.

“I’m telling you this because I want you to forgive him,” Polly says. “You too, Verena.”

“How can I? How can I when Freddie is rotting in jail because of him?”

“Yeah, Polly. Even if Thomas didn’t tattle about Freddie it’s this business with the guns that led Campbell here to begin with. Why should I forget that he threw away my integrity for a lying barmaid?”

Polly stands up and holds her arms out to gather us into a huddle. “There’s something about today you need to know. Both of you girls need to know. You’ll find out soon enough at the meeting.”

Ada and I exchange looks. “What meeting? When is it?”

Just then the door opens and John sticks his head in. “They’re here.”

Polly nods to me. “Right now.”

Back inside the bullring, all the Shelbys and Peaky Blinders have gathered to discuss today’s mysterious event. Polly instructs us to keep hidden behind the door. Thomas stands at the front, as if he were a general addressing his army.

“Right. I’ve brought you all here today because this is the day we replace Billy Kimber. This is the day we become respectable, the day we join the official National Association of Race Course Bookmakers. But first, we do the dirty work. We’ve all known this day’s been coming. I just haven’t told anyone the date.”

He pauses to let the words sink in. Of course there’s a catch to Thomas going legally straight. 

“We’re going to the Worcester races. Track opens at one, we get there at two. Thanks to the efforts of John and his lovely new wife Esme, the Lees are now our kin. I can assure you John is making great sacrifices for our condition of peace.”

Snickers and muffled laughs echo throughout the room and John rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

Very mature, Thomas. Joke about the relations between a man and wife.

“So it’s us and the Lees against Kimber. I expect a swift victory that will reach all the way to London to let them know that we believe in letting business run peacefully.” Thomas pauses again and makes his next words very clear. “I will deal with Kimber. Any questions?”

A few seconds go by and Polly speaks up. “Yes. Does anyone mind if I invite a newcomer to the meeting?” 

No one objects and Ada steps out from behind the door, holding her new child close. Thomas immediately smiles at the arrival of his sister. She’s home.

“I’d like to introduce the newest member of the Shelby clan,” Thomas says proudly.

For a while there’s an awkward silence. But it’s soon interrupted by a thunderous applause to the wide-eyed babe. 

“Welcome home, Ada,” Thomas greets softly.

“Let me look at ‘im!” Arthur smiles proudly at the new Shelby. “He’s a strong lad, he is! He’s a Shelby.”

Thomas walks up to her and I see her scan his face for sincerity. “Ada? Am I forgiven?”

Ada nods. “If what Aunt Polly says is true, yeah.”

“It’s true.”

Ada smiles and they embrace in a long-awaited hug. It warms my heart to see siblings together again. Someday I’ll get home and be able to see my own brothers again. Conor and Liam will probably scold me for not writing. Eoin and Abel will want to see me fire a gun. Nicolaas and his wife will want me to have lunch with them.

Arthur points to where I’m hiding and pulls me out. “You’ll be guarding the house, Steenstra.”

“Finn’s going too, I imagine? Off to learn the family business of violence, hm?”

“Absolutely,” Thomas walks up. “Unfortunately you ladies will be staying behind.”

My face falls. I’m stuck here? “Why can’t I-?”

“Because there’s no one else I trust more than you to guard my sister and her child. If things go wrong I want you with them.”

Oh. Does he trust me? I’ve been accepted as an accomplice to the Peaky Blinders but now I’ve been given the honor of protecting a predecessor. Thomas seems to have completely forgotten about thinking I could be a spy. Careful, Verena. You’re letting your heart get crushed by a man who knows no love.

“We’re stopping by the Garrison for a drink before we go,” Thomas mentions to John.

So he’ll see Grace again. I can already tell what he’s thinking. After seeing John so happy with Esme there’s no doubt he’s thinking about marriage. If not already it’ll be in his head soon.

Before he marches out with the other Shelby brothers I stop him. “God be with you, Thomas. Send my hopes to the others as well.”

His battle-ready gaze softens. “Thanks for being here, Verena. It means a lot. Especially to Ada.”

It’s not exactly an apology but I’ll take it. I just hope today isn’t blotched with any unwanted death.