#just found out an old school friend died a couple of weeks ago

[andreakedavra]

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for threatening to get my best friend sectioned?

This actually happened 2 years ago, but last night he made a joke about it that kind of seemed like he might still be mad at me about it. So. Anyway, ages and all are written as they were at the time.

For context, my (18m) mom took guardianship of my friend (17m), called “J”, after his grandfather passed, a few months before this happened.

Not going into specifics, but J has struggled with OCD and an ED for years, and I suspect when he’s an adult he’ll probably get diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point.

(Update from the Present: no dice… yet.)

A close family friend of his passed away and it caused his mental issues (particularly the ED) to get a lot worse really quickly.

Even thought my mom was technically his guardian, she kind of relied on me to keep tabs on him because he’s usually pretty honest with me compared to other people. Like, if he’s not doing well, I have the best chance of finding that out.

So. His family friend dies, he gets worse, I report all of this back to my mom, who starts trying to get some sort of more intensive treatment lined up for him (difficult and time consuming because of where we lived at the time).

My mom tells me not to tell J, because he “talks a big game” about not wanting treatment or whatever and she firmly believes it’ll be easier if he doesn’t have time to stress himself out about it before it happens. Okay. So I don’t tell J.

Somehow, he finds out anyway, and also finds out that I knew and had chosen not to tell him, but doesn’t tell me that he knows. (Convoluted, I know, sorry.)

I pick J up from an after school thing one night, we end up talking about pretty heavy shit in the car for a /long/ time, and after the conversation died, he put a hand on my shoulder, leaned over, and kissed me. And like not a short kiss either. It was like a 3 to 4 second kiss.

Context again, I realized I was gay and that I liked J in a not particularly friend-like way when I was 13. I never told him and never planned on telling him. I told him a lot of things but I intended on growing old and dying with that one kept nice and secret. Even if he was some form of not-straight, which I was 99.99% sure he wasn’t, I didn’t think it was worth jeopardizing my closest friendship with romantic and/or sexual feelings that could at best confuse him or make him uncomfortable or at worst outright disgust him.

Anyway. We don’t talk about it, I end up going to stay for a few days with a guy (20m but not really relevant) I’d been sort of seeing/sleeping with for a couple months because I literally couldn’t be in the same house as J or I would probably implode.

Fast forward a week, I’m picking J up from a hospital 2 towns over because he ran away (? unclear really, haven’t discussed the particulars w him and I wasn’t staying at home at the time) and ended up having to go to the ER.

In the car (best time to talk to someone because they can’t run away), he apologizes for kissing me. I’m thrown off by that, because he hadn’t said anything up to this point and it honestly wasn’t even in the top 5 things I was thinking about.

I asked him why he did it and he just sighed and explained in this tone of voice that, I don’t know how to explain it, but had just the right lack of empathy or affect that I knew he was being 110% honest.

Condensed version: he found out I was reporting everything he told me to my mom (still don’t know how). He was pissed. He was aware he needed more intensive treatment, and he knew my mom was aware. He did not want treatment. He knew I had liked him for years. He knew that I was relatively fragile about it. He knew that if he did something (like kiss me for example) there was a good chance it would break my brain and I would freak out.

He essentially kissed me to decommission me for a few days so he could formulate a plan to run away.

FINALLY we have arrived at the AITA part.

After hearing all this, I tried very hard to come up with something rational to say, but ended up saying (essentially), “You’re fucking insane, and I’m telling my mother you need to be committed.”

I know I wasn’t wrong to be angry. But I also know from past knowledge and experiences that he had a deep fear of being deemed “insane” or unfixable or whatever, and also that he was really afraid of treatment in general.

Idk. I go back and forth on whether or not I was out of line, or needlessly escalating the situation, by threatening him. It was a much bigger threat in his mind than it was in mine, and so even though I know I said it as a reaction to a fucked up situation, there’s still the idea that I blew it completely out of proportion and weaponized his own mental issues against him.

So AITA for threatening my best friend by telling him I was going to get him committed to a long term psychiatric hospital?

What are these acronyms?

[cateyeswrites]

Stardew (murder) Valley

Summer Year 1 

TW: Wilbur is mentioned but he is not in the story! also mention of cannibalism

This is a small self indulgent Stardew valley AU with a twist of mistery and thriller! So far this is the outline for the story and more of an introduction to the characters and the settings

Quackity and Tilin��

New in isla Quesadilla town 

Quackity inherited the farm from El Quackity who died a couple of weeks ago

Quackity and Wilbur are exes however Quackity never knew that Wilbur was from the small town originally 

Luzu and Quackity broke up because they didn't know if Luzu was Tilin’s father or not 

Quackity ran before Luzu could convince him to do the test, afraid of the result.

Quackity is fascinated by the mines in Isla Quesadilla, a small part of him believes it’s magic while the other just likes the fact that he can get money fast from there. 

Quackity and Tilin arrive at an old house and so much hard work to be done

Tilin is 5 and a half 

Quackity is 23 

Phil and Missa

They have Chayanne and Tallulah under their care

Phil’s wife passed away even tho people claim they still see her walking through the town at times or walking beside the couple and kids 

Phill and Kristen grew up with their three kids in Quesadilla Island, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy. 

When the new scientist, Missa, arrives in town, it is Phill who welcomes him and offers him a room in his house, he quickly falls for the dorky scientist and Kristen takes no more than a day to fall for him too. 

A couple of years later, when their youngest gets sick, Kristin also decides to investigate the magic in the town with Missa. One day Kristin goes alone and gets lost but there she meets a small creature who promises to help her kid if she makes a deal with him and helps him overview the other side. 

That day Kristin went home, played with her kids, and passed away tucked between her two loves 

Lady Death was born that night.

Missa is interested in the cosmic and magical nature of the caverns and lakes of Quesadilla Island usually during his day he will spend the morning with the children and help Phill around the potato farm, during the night he researches the caves and makes tests in the waters of the lakes, with the company of a very sweet lady death.

Tommy moves away after graduating, Techno decides to follow only to give Phill and Missa some sense of peace. 

Sometime after Tommy leaves Missa and Phill decide to Adopt a kid, they have the space, and the parenting experience and they want to help a kid who needs it. 

Chayanne arrives exactly three months later, a spunky 7-year-old who brightens their days 

Two weeks after that a small 5-year-old girl is at their doorsteps; Hey Dad and Missa, this is Tallulah, my daughter. Please take care of her while I am gone. THANKS!

Roier and Jaiden 

Rier runs the tavern in the town 

He and Jaiden have a house where they stay with their son Bobby and Roiers son Pepito.

Jaiden runs an art school in town and does activities for the kids in town 

Jaiden has a daughter she co-parents, Empanada who lives with her other moms Tina and Baggi 

Roier and Jaiden have been friends since college, on their last year they found a baby on the side of their apartment building.  

They decide to keep the baby and formally adopt it as theirs. 

They name him Bobby.

After they graduate they decide to go live in the small town near the City, Isla Quesadilla. A small town where they can raise their child without criticism and peacefully.

Jaden opens her art school and Roier starts working in the tavern after a year of working there, the owner ready to retire gives the reins to Roier.

Roier is currently dating the sheriff who has a boy the same age as Bobby. 

Bobby is 3 and a half years old

Celbit and Pac 

Celbit used to be a big-shot detective alongside his partner Pac. 

There was a serial killer who would murder people, that was their main case at the time.

One night they were patrolling an alley when Pac is taken out with a blow to the head, unfortunately, he isn’t knocked out and he can hear fighting and wrestling, it isn’t until he feels someone take a bit out of his leg that it clicks why they can’t seem to find the dude, since he eat his victims and dispose of the bones that they would find months later.

When Pac wakes up Celbit is right there looking guilty at the side of his bed, he is so wrapped up talking to him that he doesn’t realize something is missing—his leg. 

After the incident, Celbit quits the police force and moves away to Isla Quesadilla where his child Richarlyson is being raised by his friend Mike, Richa’s other dad. 

Mike, Pac, Celbit, and Felps found Richas 4 years ago while working on a case of human trafficking, and when they couldn’t find his family they decided to all five of them to adopt him.

After Felps dies during a case, Mike quits his job and takes Richas with him to a small town that Celbit finds his way to, after Pac’s accident.

Celbit becomes the sheriff of the town and head of the station.

Celbit then meets Roier whom he falls in love embarrassingly quickly. 

Celbit and Richas semi-move in within less than a year but still keep things in the house they shared with Mike.

Roier is the only one ever to learn Celbits dark secret.

Besides Felps.

When Pac hears that there is trouble in Isla quesadilla and people are starting to disappear, the same type of people the Canibal would take in the city, he pacs his things and heads to the small town ready to catch the bastard.

Tubbo 

A 19-year-old college student who is a bit of a genius.

He is doing a project where he helps farmers create a more productive watering system and testing other gadgets to help farming.

He is currently living at Fit’s Inn.

One day he finds a 9-year-old digging through the trash. The only name she gave him was Sunny.

He decides to take care of her and hides her from Fit. 

Fit finds out very quickly about Sunny.

Fit ends up agreeing to Sunny stay and he helps him to take care of her 

Tubbo struggles to understand how children work but at least Fit and Ramon are there 

Fit and pac 

Fit and Ramon are the only people living at the inn except for the tourists and scientists who come once in a while for special events.

Fit is not the type of person who you would imagine owning a cozy Inn but he also during the nights goes to mine alongside Missa and now Quackity as their protection from the bizarre things that are down there.

Fit has the best coffee in town so everyone treats his breakfast hour as a coffee shop and you can find a lot of people just stopping by for a cup of coffee or breakfast with the family. 

Fit was in the army and served a couple of terms before a horrible incident where he was the only survivor after that he left the army, bought the inn, and became content with his mundane life.

Ramon was surprised but one he embraced with a huge smile and open arms, however, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

Ramon is currently 7.

Pac moves into the inn and sets up an office in the room next to his.

Pac is immediately smitten with the cute innkeeper 

Fit can’t understand why he feels the way he does about Pac but he also has panicked flirt with him to distract him when Sunny escapes from Tubbos room 

Ramon demands a second father after the first accidental flirt with Pac

Tina and Bagi 

Tina and Bagi own the convenience store in the town 

Everyone shits on Bagi for being closed on Wednesday but that is obligatory wife-and-daughter time.

Tina has a small tea shop inside the convenience store. 

They both are Empanadas mom’s who co-parent with Jaiden 

Empanada lives with them most of the time but she sees her mom Jaiden all the time and spends weekends with her.

Empanada is 7.

Foolish 

Foolish lives in his home with his daughter Leonarda who is currently 9 years old

He is the builder of the town, do you need something fixed in your house or a new building? He is your guy

He is married to Veguetta who travels a lot 

He is Bobby’s grandad, don’t ask questions about it. 

Everyone loves Foolish but man what a gossip he is.

Bad 

He is the mayor of the town 

He is most definitely seeing someone just that people can’t figure out who it is

He has a son named Dapper who is 9 years old

He kinda also is the go-to babysitter people will just drop the kids at his office or his house and he will be happy to take care of them.

So far this is everything I have on this Au hopefully I will be able to start posting the actual chapter soon but I was so excited to share this with you guys! feel free to contribute to this au with your own writing! I would love to see it!

And thank you to @peninkwrites for literally being the best and the person who I can always turn to when I have insane ideas like this! *mwah*

[writing-fanics]

imagine, Chishiya being in a game with the girl he suddenly developed feelings for in high school. the moment she saw him.

she remembered when some kids would bully him, for being the quite and reserved on and she’d chase them away. by kicking two of them in the balls.

and grabbing the other forcefully by his hair, and kicking him in the nose.

she was somewhat of a delinquent but was very smart in school. She’d occasionally be in and out of detention.

she remembered watching him walk home alone, and decided to walk with him. he was quite but she started talking and asked questions about him.

he stayed quite and didn’t speak much. until eventually she slowly warmed up to her and started answering her questions.

he slowly started to fall in love with her, they’d eat lunch together. on weeks they’d go to Shibuya or Akihabara and play in the arcades

Oh, those were the days until one day. one of the fucking bullies mom decided to tell the school that [y/n] should be expelled. and even though she had straight A’s and was an excellent student, and didn’t cause any trouble in class.

she was expelled, and was transferred to another school on the opposite side of town.

Chishiya was upset now he had no one o eat with. And the bullies became relentless.

She hated her new school and missed, Chishiya. She missed her friends and wanted to go back to her old school. Her grades started to slip and she became unitrested in school.

< present time >

after a couple of days they’re alone on a rooftop and he confesses that back then he had feelings for her and she admits to him that she did as well.

they kiss and maybe a little more 😉

it’s when they’re on the streets of Shibuya in Borderland, Chishiya is talking to Arisu when both Chishiya and Y/n are shot by Niragi.

Y/n in chest she’s literally bleeding out in front of Chishiya. Who’s frantically trying to stop the bleeding. she’s coughing up blood which already is a bad sign.

she smiled placing her blood covered hand on his cheek, he holds it as she smiles her lips covered in blood.

“At least, I got to see you one last time.”

Chishiya couldn’t loose her now he just found her again. After all theses years, and they just confessed their feelings no this couldn’t be happening he can’t lose the love of his life

her hand slips off his cheek and her breathing stops her head lulls to the side

(What hurt more is Chishiya ain’t going to remember that she loved him back)

wait there’s more. her parents give him a letter she wrote years ago

confessing her feelings for him and how much he meant to her

then the memories of borderland came flooding back. His love for y/n, their first kiss, first time, and when she died in his arms.

he just breaks down crying gripping the letter, as tears hit the parchment. As he blamed himself for her death, he started thinking irrationally how if he could’ve stopped the bleeding she’d be okay

how maybe if he hadn’t approached her she’d be alive. how if he pushed her out of the way she’d be safe

[misscrawfords]

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad. Dido is a beauty. Hope things get better for you. Best wishes always.

Thank you! Isn't Dido gorgeous? <3

It's just been a weird couple of weeks. I've been back at Greek Camp after two years off. See the tag for previous updates. Hot Greek Tutor, it turns out, is not just married but has a nine month old kid! Which I only discovered when I was forced to sit next to him at a formal dinner on the middle Saturday after avoiding him all of the first week. Fortunately he was only there for that week and the second week was much better. It's not so much that I have any romantic feelings for him any more but rather yet another sign that in three years he's found a girlfriend, married her and had a kid and nothing has happened in my life. I swear there was not a single single man at that summer school. I think it must be so easy for decent men - there aren't all that many of them so when they decide they like a woman, they just need to ask. But there are so many decent women out there and I just feel so left out. It's the same old story, but when is it going to be my turn? My mum once said years ago that when a man likes a woman he will go for it. I never really thought about how true it is, but I've seen several examples recently of men my age moving very quickly to, like, lock down the woman they want after years of doing nothing. And it just highlights how none of these men have wanted me. They're happy for me to initiate things with them, happy to see my interest and concern and pay me attention but they don't like me enough to ask me out! To see me as a viable romantic prospect. It's so disheartening! One day, HGT introduced me to someone on the course as, "This is Rose, she is THE loveliest person here!" as if he was paying me some massive compliment - which he was - but what is the point of being "THE loveliest person here" if I'm datable? The person I'm in love with now and have been for years just sees me as a good friend and while I'm trying so so hard to be okay with that and I keep repeating to myself the mantra of how platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones, the truth is that I'm not really okay with it and it kills me inside and I keep thinking "But what if he does like me too but just isn't showing it" but then I remember that if men like women they will act on it and I live in daily fear that he'll introduce me to some skinny redhead (apparently he likes redheads and I'm a brunette and I'd look shit as a redhead) and be like "Oh this is Jessica and we met five minutes ago but now I'm getting married because it's all I ever wanted so I don't need you now" and that will be that. Trust me, I know I'm not innocent in all of this. I must be very off-putting in some way and desperation is never an attractive look - trust me, I know. But at the same time, I am so discouraged and sad!

And it was a year since my dad died the same week as all this was going on at Greek Camp!

Anyway, Greek Camp is over, tomorrow I'm seeing a lovely friend from school and the day after I'm going to a quiet hotel in Wales with my mum where we can just read and swim and do nothing. I might even have a total internet detox for a few days. So all of these things are GOOD. I must focus on that.

[reidoulaa]

Everything will be okay

Pairing: dad!reid x daughter!reader

Summary: After Emily died Y/N had a hard time dealing with it. Her behavior had changed so Spencer decided to talk to her to find out why. He never imagined the conversation that followed.

Characters: Spencer Reid, Y/N Reid, mentions of the team, a little JJ, mentions of Emily Prentiss

Warnings: angst, some swearing and fighting,

Author’s note: I wrote this like 3 years ago and I decided to post it because why not:)I have taken I think two phrases from another fanfiction but I really can’t find it. also english isn’t my first language<3

Word count: 1,5K

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“She never made it off the table” JJ said. These seven words were enough to break the team. Morgan had to be strong and hugged Garcia who was crying. Rossi and Seaver couldn’t believe it. Hotch was sad from the decision he had to make which would affect the whole team but it was the right thing to do. JJ was tearing up and Reid tried to walk away.

“Spence…” JJ said.

“I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye” he said.

“Come here” And then JJ hugged Spencer who cried in her arms.

Lastly, was Y/N who was trying to process the information. Y/N and Emily were close, really close. Emily was like a mother to Y/N as her mother had died many years ago. She was also her best friend and Y/N trusted her with her life.

Y/N wanted to cry but she wanted her personal space to be vulnerable so she excused herself and went to the bathroom. As soon as she closed the door behind her all the emotions came to the surface. Anger about Doyle, guilt because she wasn’t able to help her, not that she could do anything as she was only 15 years old but still, and lastly pain. Pain was an emotion she had felt many times, when her mother died and every time Spencer was hurt. She fell to the floor with her back at the wall.

She was crying for almost 20 minutes which exhausted her and she didn’t notice that JJ had come in. JJ had to touch her shoulder to draw her attention.

“Shh…come here” JJ said and Y/N obliged. As she hugged her, Y/N started crying even harder to the point she couldn’t catch her breath. JJ was trying to calm her down but didn’t succeed it.

“Please Y/N, breath…you’re hyperventilating right now” JJ panicked.

“I…I can’t, I can’t…” Y/N was ready to pass out so JJ texted Spencer to come and help her.

As soon as Spencer read the text, he went immediately to the bathroom. When he opened the door the scene broke his heart even more. He saw a scared JJ holding a crying Y/N. He ran to JJ and took his daughter and held her in his chest.

“Can you get out please? We’ll be out in a sec” Spencer asked JJ who nodded and got out.

“Please listen to my breathing and feel my heartbeat Y/N. I’m here…Shh…” Y/N tried to match her breathing with his and she tried to focus to his heartbeat.

After 10 minutes her loud sobs became silent tears and her breathing had returned back to normal. That’s when they went back to the waiting room and found the others. Nobody spoke as they didn’t know what to say or how they are going to deal with this. They all returned home and Y/N went straight to her bedroom. She started crying again as soon as her head fell on the pillow. She cried until she fell asleep.

-7 months time skip-

Spencer was really concerned about Y/N as she was acting weird lately. She had some outbursts at school and at home. So he decided to tell her to come to the BAU and talk about it.

And there they were, sitting in the break room waiting for the other to talk. “Are you going to explain why are you acting weird lately?”, Spencer said. Y/N stayed quiet and didn’t make eye contact. Spencer was trying to make her open up but he was failing miserably.

“I know I have been working a lot the last couple of weeks but I don’t think that’s the only reason, right?”. Y/N just crossed her hands and looked at him. “ Please talk to me”, Spencer begged his daughter.

Y/N tried to speak calmly but didn’t succeed it. “I’m literally an open book and you are a fucking profiler and genius so try to figure out what the fuck is wrong”. She was on the verge of tears.

“What are you trying to say? And mind your language!”

“Think why I’m acting weird. What may have happened?”

“I don’t know. Something at school?”, Spencer tried to think as hard as he could.

“Not even close. If you don’t understand it that means you don’t know what the fuck I’m going through”. Y/N finally let some tears fall.

“Come on, drop the attitude and just tell me. You are never like this. You were always sweet and caring”

“Oh really? Do I? And for your information, people change and turn heartless when they once cared too much so yes, I fucking changed!”

After that, they both stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. Spencer was thinking ways to approach her. He was a genius when it came to history, crimes or statistics but he had no idea what to do. On the other hand, Y/N wasn’t trusting her voice anymore so she stayed quiet, taking deep breaths.

“Okay…I know I have been distant lately but since Emily died…”

“I know and that’s the problem, dad. You aren’t the only one who’s grieving Emily’s death. Em and I were close too. She was like my sister and my best friend. Some things I’ve told Emily, I haven’t told them to my best friends from school because I don’t trust them as much as I trusted her. I lost a friend too. The only difference between you and me is that you have the team and I have to deal with it alone and as you can see I’ve failed terribly at doing so”. Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

Spencer couldn’t believe it. He was so into his own grief that he didn’t see that his daughter was struggling and that had a huge effect in her life. Sure the team was devastated but at least they had one another. Y/N was alone and she didn’t say a word.

“Do you want to discuss it? I’m worried about your mental health.”

Y/N decided that it was time to open up and explain what have happened the last 7 months. “When Emily died I was really sad, I think you remember that day…I still am. I can’t focus on something more than twenty minutes without thinking about her. Sometimes at school I had to ask to go to the bathroom because I wanted to cry but soon they stopped letting me go because they said I was going too much so I was staying in class tearing up , saying it was an allergy.”

Y/N stopped to take a deep breath to hold back the more tears that were threating to fall and continue. “Finally, I can’t sleep at night. For the past 7 months I have breakdowns almost every night and I cry myself to sleep. Some of the times I…I almost fainted because I was hyperventilating so bad.” Y/N let all her feelings out and started crying.

Spencer had been speechless and couldn’t understand how he missed the signs. He came closer to Y/N and hugged her. She let herself into her dad’s hug that provided her a sense of comfort.

“I’m sorry for being such a bad dad lately. I’m so so sorry, baby…” Spencer had tears in his eyes as well.

“It…it’s okay. I know that you had your own problems. I…I just miss her so fucking much dad…”

“I know babe…I know. I miss her too.”

That was the last thing Y/N said before having another breakdown in front of her dad but she didn’t care. She knew he was the one person he could probably help her through it.

After almost fifteen minutes Spencer managed to calm her down and they decided to go home. When they got out of the room the whole team was gathered and looked at them worried as they all cared for Y/N as their own child. Spencer made a signal to be quiet and they headed home.

It wasn’t too late but they both were tired, especially Y/N so she went straight to bed. Spencer went to kiss her for good night.

“Tomorrow I’ll stay home and we’ll talk about it, okay?” Y/N nodded. “Everything will be fine. Goodnight, baby, i love you so much.” Spencer said and got out of the room closing the door behind him.

“Goodnight, dad. I love you too” Y/N said before falling asleep.

Spencer smiled and went to his room thinking of ways to make the most important person in his life feel better.

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“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” -John Lennon

Part 2 with Emily’s return?

[amar-bell]

I always come back Chapter 3

“Cassandra, why don’t you sit next to Gregory? There’s an open seat there.” Gregory cursed himself for not putting his bag on that empty seat, and the new girl came and sat down next to him.

Gregory was unsettled throughout the class, he was 100% certain the new girl was staring at him the whole time. It was not fun. 

The class bell rang, and the teacher told them their homework and left. The next teacher would be here in 5 minutes. Gregory could act as if he needed to use the bathroom and avoid talking to the new girl. There was no way she could be his best friend Cassie who died 5 years ago. They had come to the ruins every night for a whole month to search for her and they couldn’t find her.

Freddy and Vanessa gave up after 2 weeks, but Roxy and Gregory kept coming back to look for her, before they finally accepted that she didn’t survive.

How could she have lived?! “My name’s Cassandra, or Cassie.. I didn’t get to introduce myself to you yesterday.” The girl suddenly spoke up, making Gregory jump. “Y-Yeah nice to meet you!” He responded, cursing himself for sounding so terrified, but can you really blame him? He was about 90% sure he was speaking to a dead girl.

“Are you okay? You seem scared.. Did I do something?” The way she spoke seemed awfully robotic, like she was reading the words off of a script that someone had given her.

“Yeah I'm fine, don’t worry about it.” Gregory responded, giving her a polite smile. Cassie looked away, focusing on doing the homework the teacher had given. 

Gregory took this as an opportunity to just take a breather and plan his next move. He could ask her questions, maybe try to figure out and see if she is his Cassie, but that would just come off as annoying, he was practically poking into her past, maybe if he asked a wrong question, it could lead to her pushing him away entirely. He should play the slow game, maybe gain her trust before actually asking her about that.

“I see that you’re the type of person to do homework in school too.” He said in an attempt to make small talk. “I find it far more efficient, I can return home and do something else, like study, or read.” “Oh yeah, same here. You know, at the end of the school day, I usually go and submit the work to the teacher, she doesn’t mind me doing that, you could maybe join me?” Cassie looked up at him with a blank expression, before nodding. “Sure.” 

Soon the next teacher arrived, and things with the both of them were pretty slow. She didn’t seem to talk much, only when absolutely necessary. That wasn’t like his Cassie. She was way too talkative, even worse than him, and that was saying something, because during every parent-teacher meeting, that was the main thing they complained to Vanessa about.

At the end of the day, Gregory waited outside for Cassie, who had been talking to their biology teacher. Finally when she came out, Gregory smiled at her. “Are you ready to go?” He asked her, to which she nodded.

“Greg, wait!” The two of them looked behind them. Allison and Mason ran up to them. “Hey Greg, new girl.” Mason greeted. “Did you both hit it off? Where are you going?” Allison asked. “Oh. Gregory was just about to take me to the teachers to submit our homework.” “Oh?~ Another one who’s like you Greg?” Mason asked teasingly. “Yeah. Someone who finally understands why submitting work early is beneficial. She has some sense, unlike you two.” Cassie’s mouth curved up in an odd little smile, and that made me smile back. “We should probably go. My mother and father will be waiting for me, so I must not be late.” ‘Mother? Father?’ That made Gregory confused. Cassie’s mother had died when the girl had been 6 years old. Cassie’s father disappeared when she was 9. Certainly this can’t be his Cassie? But there was always a chance a couple found her after she escaped the pizza plex.

“Gregory? Shall we leave?” Cassie’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.” After bidding a goodbye to his friends, Gregory left with Cassie.

~

“There’s no way that girl can be Cassie. She’s gone! We searched for her for a month!” We were all gathered on the dining table, Roxy and Freddy were seated together, while Vanessa and I ate our food. Freddy seemed reluctant to believe that Cassie survived. “We can never be sure Freddy. There is a very real chance that she could have escaped without us knowing. But I am skeptical that the kid that Gregory has described is the same Cassie is my little Carrots.”

Gregory gave Roxy a look. “Carrots?” Roxy growled at him. “Freddy has a nickname for you, does he not? I had a nickname for my beloved Cassie too.” Greg simply rolled his eyes in response. “Back to the topic at hand, yeah her attitude was.. Weird to say the least. Nothing like how Cassie was 5 years ago. But we can’t say that it isn’t her because of that. Trauma could be a very good reason for it. She did go through a near death experience, and who knows what else after that.” Gregory says to the group. “He has a point, but what about the topic of her parents?” Vanessa asks. “She could’ve been adopted by someone. It’s as simple as that.” 

Vanessa bites down on her bottom lip as she thinks this situation over in her head. “I say that Gregory should spend more time with this girl.. What was her name Gregory?” “Cassandra Nightingale.” “I think Gregory should spend more time with this Cassandra girl, and find out if she’s actually Cassie. And if she is, then great! She’s alive. If she isn’t, Gregory gets another friend at the end of it, a cute friend.” Vanessa bats her eyelashes at him, and Greg just rolled his eyes. “Stop it mama.” “But you’re so painfully single! You have all the options out there, boys and girls! Come on Greg.” “At least I'm not pining over someone and refusing to tell him about it.” There was utter silence at the table.

“I-i’m going to tell him soon..” Vanessa mumbles with a blush. “You said that last month too.”

-

[themollyzone]

for alan

My friend Alan died about a month ago. He was one of the first friends my then-boyfriend Chris ever introduced me to. I was coming from my friend's apartment in Manhattan and I met Chris, Alan and their other friend Matthew at Beauty Bar in Park Slope. It was a freezing winter, the first one I remember really disseminating the term "polar vortex," and I remember I was wearing snow boots and a big lumpy sweater. Not exactly dressed to impress, but I needn't have been worried about impressing anyone. The conversation flowed easily, and I felt included. I remember thinking, "Wow, Chris has such smart and funny friends." Alan was witty and warm. I was charmed by him immediately. Now Beauty Bar is closed, Chris is my husband, Matthew is my dear friend, and Alan is gone. I'm not sure if I've ever felt so old. There are stamps on the narrative that won't wash off now. It's a moment like this when the outer layer of the universe gets peeled back and you see the grinding gears of loss underneath, powering everything in secret the whole time. Soon after I started dating Chris, Alan moved back to California, where he grew up. We saw each other over the years in New York and in LA, and stayed in touch on Twitter. In some ways, I feel like I knew him better online than off — his writing was where I felt like I really was able to understand him fully. He was a writer and a poet. He had a Substack called Take Surface Streets where he'd write about Los Angeles culture and history through the city's geography. He had the sharpest mind and the most unique way of describing things. Chris was saying how it's wild that people might not even know how influential he was. Secretly influential — that's the power of Alan. He's the reason you all use the term "softboy," and the reason brands try and mostly fail to be funny on social media. He was down with the sacred and the profane: he could bust out the most gorgeous prose about some heady and romantic scenario, and then you'd remember his handle was @iluvbutts247.

He cared about people. He cared about people who everyone else had left behind. He fought for those people, literally. There's no other way to describe it: he was one of one. Like, look at this tweet. He just tweeted this out one night:

We had just been emailing about a project of his. He had been publishing these great little pamphlet zines — one of them made it with me from LA to NYC and back here in a box of books, thank god — and he was going to publish a new one, and asked if I wanted to write about music for it. I responded enthusiastically: yes! Actually I just looked at the email and I wrote "YES!!!" That someone like Alan found my words worth printing on real paper...it made my whole week, honestly. I was going to sit down and bang out out the piece the night I found out he had passed. I was going to write a few short blurbs about different local musicians who I had been randomly meeting out and about, because I thought he'd like that: people meeting people, in person, in Los Angeles, city of dreams, musical and otherwise.

It's weird that I feel like I owe him some copy. I thought about writing what I would have written for his zine, but I didn't want the musicians I'd write about getting unwittingly tied up in grief for someone they didn't know. I thought the best thing to do would be to take surface streets, as his newsletter suggested, so I went on a walk from Highland Park over to Glassell Park. For walking music, I first played Elliott Smith, who he wrote about in his newsletter — songs from Figure 8, the first record he made after moving to Los Angeles and the last record that came out when he was alive. Elliott Smith has always been a favorite of mine because he's totally unstuck from time. He'd already been dead for a year by the time I got my hands on XO my freshman year of high school, and his music sounded like it could have been made at any point in time in the past couple of decades. The arrangement on "Junk Bond Trader" is still one of the coolest things I've ever heard, with its layers of sound gracefully bowing to each other before getting out of the way.

Then I thought I'd be silly and play early Red Hot Chili Peppers, enjoying the juvenile funk of some Cali dirtbags with jester's privilege. It's funny how "Los Angeles music" can mean so many different things. Walter Becker from Steely Dan said that LA had a "laboratory-like sterile atmosphere to work in" — spoken like someone who has spent a lot of time riding around in a car, the ultimate sterile atmosphere. Dry AC, carefully calibrated stereo. Once you start walking, you start catching the real vibe of a place. Alan knew that and he celebrated it.

"Out In L.A" banging in my headphones, I turned around at the Glassell Park recreation center, where teenage boys were running dusty laps, and the pool was subdivided into lanes and sparkled sapphire, looking almost drinkable. I admired the Glassellland sign, a new sight to me. When I went home I looked up its origins: an artist named Justin put up the sign three times without permission, and after three teardowns, it finally stuck, with the help of a little local politicking that shepherded its status from "vandalism" to "public art." Ain't that just the way, I thought, smoking an imaginary cigarette.

It was hot, 85 degrees, with perfunctory sunshine curated by the "Visit California" tourism organization. Cold in New York, hot in LA. We were going to hang out when he came back to the city. "cannot wait for you to return and show us ur fave sights" was what I had emailed him. I'm honestly just lucky that he left a paper trail, and now I can follow it on my own.

When someone dies, especially someone young, you often hear some version of the sentiment of "I wish I had told them I loved them more," or "I wish I had told them what they meant to me." I understand this feeling, of course. It is only natural to want to go back in time and express your adoration to someone who's no longer here, and one of life's silliest jokes on human beings is the essential impossibility of communicating the entirety of your emotions to others: saying exactly what you mean, hoping they precisely understand.

And I can even look at our tweet history and see the times when I did tell him I cared about him, which is a strange gift of modernity: receipts. The nuance and near-misses and unsaid stuff, though — that's the friction that keeps everything humming. That's where the poetry is, painful as it may be. And I believe that when you think of someone after they've left this earth, they can feel it, wherever they are. And I believe that just thinking of them and remembering them will honor them, and will let them know, on some kind of quantum, cosmic-dust level, what you didn't say enough when they were alive. I believe that, because I simply have to. Alan, I'm going to remember you forever, I'm going to be reminded of you forever, I'm going to tell everyone I know about how cool you were for the rest of my life. Every time I see someone post about how sad they are that you are gone, it makes me sad but it makes me happy too, because that's another person on my team: Team Alan. Another person who gets it. I hope you are resting easy now.

To close out, I'm reprinting a bit of a post he wrote on Take Surface Streets back in February of this year about addiction, and deaths by overdose. It seems right to repeat what he wrote as I'm writing about his own passing, and if you read this, I hope you take his words with you — like everything else he wrote, they are true, and they are on fire.

When we lose a brother or sister in this community it is so often silent and secret. The cause of death isn’t mentioned right away, not in the news or the Instagram post captions. There is an ask of respect for the family’s grief. Of course! And then later we find out. Like it was some dark shame that should be hidden and snuffed out from community knowledge. But part of harm reduction is destigmatization. Not bullshit platitudes like “check in on your friends,” but screaming out loud: if you are a drug user, if you are shutting down your depression with opiates or anything else, I will help you. I will accept you and love you. Carry Narcan and carry hope. I don’t mean to sound like a sappy son-of-a-bitch, but we will hold each other when no one else will. The silence we seek in quieting our awful thoughts is the only silence that should be struck out when one of us dies. None of us are alone—and the culture of cutting out this part of our lives abandons those in need.

I won't be a party to it.

[melanielocke]

I see emojis omg /j

📚 - Do you have any mystery book recommendations? Specifically murder mystery? Preferably female protagonist? It's okay if they're male though 🤗 (just because there aren't many good ones with female leads).

This request turned out to be a bit of a problem, because it turns out I don't really read mysteries. So instead, I gathered book that are murder mystery adjacent enough that I hope you might like them.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw is a horror YA

It is set in a small coastal town in Oregon where two centuries ago, three sisters were accused of witchcraft and thrown into the harbor with rocks tied to their ankles. Now, every year the sisters return, possess the bodies of three girls from town and each drown a boy in the harbor.

Penny, like most people in the village, accepted their town's fate. But then just before the drowning season starts, a mysterious boy called Bo shows up, unaware of the danger he's just stumbled into, and Penny does not quite know if she can trust him.

This book is not exactly the classic murder mystery, but it does have the kind of huge twist you'd expect from one. It is very atmospheric, and I think that's where this author excels.

Winterwood is the second book by Shea Ernshaw

It is set somewhere different in Oregon (pretty sure that's where the author lives), and follows Nora Walker, a girl who lives in a very isolated mountain village, near the mysterious and potentially deadly Wicker Woods. Rumored to be a witch, only Nora knows the truth about the Wicker Woods. She and the women in her family have a special connection to the place, and one night during a full moon she finds Oliver, a boy who disappeared several weeks ago from the Camp for Wayward Boys and has no memory of what happened.

Nora comes to care for Oliver, but has no choice but to find out what really happened the night he went missing and how he could still be alive. Because Oliver is not the only boy who went missing that night.

Like the Wicked Deep, this more horror than mystery but it has a strong mystery element in it, with another twist suiting a mystery. Like the Wicked Deep, it is also very atmospheric.

There's someone inside your house by Stephanie Perkins

This is a slasher book, but it's also quite heavy on the romance. It's been a while since I read it, and I think there's also a movie of it on Netflix and I think they have a very different ending and a different killer so I'm not sure which happens in which anymore. I think the movie did better in regards of suspense and tension than the book so maybe I'd recommend the movie first? They have some of the same characters and are both slasher/serial killer stories but I think in the movie the deaths were more impactful and the reveal was more exciting.

The story follow Makani, who moved to the town from Hawaii after an incident there, which is hinted at and revealed later on (but I kind of found it underwhelming and weird), and then she makes a couple friends and meets Ollie and teens at her school start dying.

A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee is not exactly mystery, but it does have murder in it

It is a dark academia set on a very fancy boarding school, and Felicity returns there for her last year after staying away for some time after her first girlfriend had died. Here, she meets new student Ellis, a teen writing prodigy with her first book out, who calls herself a method writer and is now researching an old story about witches that are said to have lived and died on the school grounds. It is part romance between the two girls, but the whole story is pretty dark and messed up and Felicity is at times convinced that these witches might be real and responsible for her girlfriend's death. This is not an easy book to explain but it really was quite good.

The Dead and the Dark is a paranormal/horror mystery set in a small town in Oregon. Because apparently Oregon is where all the spooky paranormal mystery things happen? I don't know, it seems to be a popular location

Logan's two dads host a ghost hunting show together, and have traveled to this town, which is also their hometown, for the new season. But teenagers are disappearing and there might be something really spooky going on here, and Logan has the feeling her dads are keeping secrets from her.

Ashley is a girl who has lived in this town her entire life, and her boyfriend was the first to go missing. Now, Logan is her only hope to find him.

This is a sapphic story as well as a paranormal mystery, but the emphasis is more on the mystery, I think. There are ghosts in here and a pretty sinister and quite creative explanation for what is happening in this town and why.

Last on the list is Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

More fantasy than murder mystery, but the main premise is that a boy dies and the main character, Yadriel, accidently summons his ghost. Yadriel is a brujo, and in his community brujo's can speak with ghosts, but his family was hesitant to let him use his powers because he's transgender and they're not sure if he can be a brujo or would wield female powers instead. When he summons Julian, Julian wants Yadriel to find out who killed him, and the two go on an investigation. But the longer they are together, the more Yadriel wants Julian to stay with him.

[skippyv20]

Our Prayer List 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s godmother age 95 who is not feeling well.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s dear and much loved brother who is having major surgery for peripheral arterial disease next Tuesday. The surgery is very complex as he has many other medical conditions.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friends who are mourning the loss of their 30 yr old son, who died by suicide.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is struggling, and feeling alone and not heard. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother who is ill and they don’t know why at this time.

Prayers and good thoughts for recruits who have passed away and the many injured in traffic accident.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is going to see a surgeon, and has fears of cancer as it runs in her family.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s niece, she found a cyst on her breast. Dr exam found 2 more tiny cysts …1 is questionable. Dr doesn’t think it’s cancer but because of the breast cancer history of her mother & aunt’s history, they are doing a biopsy.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend.  Our friend’s husband of 28 years of marriage has left our friend who is disabled.

Prayers and good thoughts for dear Millie’s family who are mourning her loss.  Millie was 10 yrs old, after having a pacemaker out in, she got an infection and passed away.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend Yvonne,  Yvonne is now getting her 6th round of chemo.

Prayers and good thoughts for Susan who has ulcerative colitis, the doctor is going to do a biopsy and she is very worried. I tried to calm her and told her that many times these are negative but she is a worrier. Pls pray that the biopsy is negative. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose daughter’s bar was robbed two weeks ago.  It’s a very dangerous situation and asking for prayers for her daughter’s safety and that she is kept safe.  She is being intimidated, and she is very scared.  As is our friend.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend and her daughter who are struggling right now.  

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose family member has just been diagnosed with cancer. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s sister who is having bone marrow test in a couple of weeks.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is settling into her new home.  Also prayers for her daughter.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is seeking employment as a staff writer, and a new home as she has to move out of apt she shares with her mother and sister.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who wants to conceive.

Prayers and good thought for our friend’s husband.  A deck collapsed on him.  He is in much pain, and has a long road ahead of recovery.  Also, they now have to find  new home within weeks.  They are very overwhelmed.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is facing many trials, and has now for quite some time.  Also, for her daughter that struggles.  

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother Rob a hard worker who was hurt while working and had to have surgery on his knee.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend, she has 2 things she is facing.  One is called fibromuscular dysplasia. Basically, her arteries are twisting instead of being nice and smooth like normal ones. Number two is vasculitis.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother Stoppa (Chris). He’s just joined a clinical trial but his cancer is spreading. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having family issues, and it is affecting her marriage.  

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s 23 yo granddaughter who has legal guardianship of her 2 younger siblings, along with her own little family, 5 fur babies, full time university studies &  part time job.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s daughter who was a whistleblower at school.  Praying for Justice.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is feeling very overwhelmed.  She is in pain because of her father has passed away, and his wife filled our friend’s mind with hateful and hurtful words.  She is seeking peace and comfort.  Also, her dear fur baby has bladder cancer and has had a bad reaction to treatment.  Our friend is very sad, very anxious, and having  difficult time holding her life together.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s (in the UK) dear sister in Australia who is very poorly with heart issues, and nothing more can be done for her.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose husband has left her.  She is starting over and is losing hope.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who is going for chemo.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having dealing with challenging pain in both hips and walking is difficult.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is very worried about her senior aged parents.  The relationship between her and her parents is somewhat distant.  She has been praying for them to all be closer.

——-Little Babies Heart Club (thank you for the name @sandiedog3——-

Prayers and good thoughts for our Novenas Baby James,  James is doing very well.  Starting to talk and walk.  He does have surgeries and tests coming up.

Prayers and good thoughts for Baby James’ “heart” brother William.  He has had surgery and is now recovering, we pray for him to stay strong. He is doing well. We pray for his family.

Prayers and good thoughts for (baby) James and William’s heart brother Hudson.   Hudson has just had another surgery, praying for no complications and a good prognosis, and a quick recovery.  Prayers for his family too.

———————————————————————————————————

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend and her family.  We pray for her daughter who is an alcoholic.  We pray for her children.  We pray for her oldest son who is trying to get his life back on track.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend and her two cats.  She is very overwhelmed.  Her mother is entering last stage of life’s she is now facing   bankruptcy (daycare and hospital invoices have caused her, since Sept 2021 enormous financial problems) and she is totally alone. Physically and mentally exhausted.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is suffering from heart failure, and feeling so poorly.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who suffers from bouts of depression, and is feeling alone.

Prayers and good thoughts for our little 10 yr old Novenas boy who has had a bone marrow transplant and is in remission.  He is doing well.   He is a fighter, but he and his family could really use prayers to help them through the tougher times.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who had Covid a few weeks ago & haven’t felt right since. Her doctors say she has Long Covid Symptoms! She suffers from anxiety, depression, insomnia and panic

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is estranged from her daughter.  Our friend is overwhelmed with worry.  Praying they will reconcile.  Prayers for her daughter to be safe and kept out of harm’s way. Our friend is going going financial difficulties and is very stressed.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose mother has pancreatic cancer once again.  It is terminal.  Praying for peace, comfort and for all the family to feel God’s loving presence.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband from our Novenas, who is battling pancreatic cancer.  

Prayer and good thoughts for our friend’s friend.  Surgeries for cancer have been successful and she is still undergoing radiotherapy.   She has underlying health conditions and her husband has Alzheimers.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s 5 yr old son who has speech delay/echolalia.  Our friend is quite sure he has ADHD , but am now worried that the echolalia means she needs to consider ASD as well.  Also, please pray for our friend as she is so stressed.

————————————Mourning Loss—————————————

I have moved the mourning to our Group Prayer List.

———————————————————————————————————

If I left anyone out, please let me know…if there are updates or corrections required…please let me know….

God Bless you and thank you for joining us in prayers and good thoughts…🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️

[moollllaaaayyy]

03.25.2023

It’s so weird to me that a woman who can hit her chronically ill, currently sick HUSBAND over the head with a HOT frying pan with grease in it will not pul a 5 year old child’s very loose tooth...

My mother has become someone I don’t know. She has changed so much in the recent and previous years, but this passed 4 months has been... fucking insane. 

She has cheated on my father for the 4/5th time. He is finally, FINALLY done. He has suffered so much mental, physical, and emotional abuse from this woman. The lowest blow? The man she cheated on him with was my older brother and sisters sperm donor. I have said his name more this passed two weeks more than I have ever in my entire life.

She didn’t even think about what her older children would say, or how they would feel? She claims that we hate her. But, we have no idea who this woman is. She has betrayed our entire family so much recently. This woman has become so narcissistic and condescending. 

She is the type of person you can have a lot of normal, funny, “dramatic” conversations with. Something serious comes up and it is fucking game over. 

I’m 26, and I fear telling her about a new job, a new lifestyle. There was a time this past summer I thought I was pregnant, and she found out through word of mouth and made me feel guilty. Like... I am twenty fucking six years old and I have THREE other fucking children. The man I’m with is going to be the man I’m with for the rest of my life. He is the father of my children, and would’ve been the father of that child. 

Someone dies? She wants to know the nitty gritty fucking details, but can’t give someone a hug and console them. My uncle whom I was super close with passed away ten years ago 2023 January, and the first thing this fucking bitch says to me when I walked in the door after my dad told me he died, “Eric would want you to finish your finals. He wanted you to do well in school.” 

I didn’t even say anything. I lost my best friend and THAT is what she says to me??? I will never forget that. I will never forgive her for that. I was a fucking junior in HIGH SCHOOL. 

It is so hard to cut the ties with her, but each day I feel like its more and more forced and it is making me fucking miserable. It’s easy to listen to my dad and let him confide in me - which I am so glad he does, but the more he reveals that I found out she did to him when we were growing up disgusts me. I have no idea who this woman is, and that scares me.

I have so much unresolved trauma from her and her alone that I just.... sit here with it. And I will probably continue to sit with it. 

One time, her and my older sister were arguing and my mother knocked over a tv and dressed out of anger.

She gets so angry sometimes that she takes a knife and stabs the wall or the kitchen counter. 

My dad was sick with this super weird illness he is dealing with and very well managing, and she fucking cooked breakfast for my little brother and sister and they were either talking or arguing or she was just mad because she can’t fucking deal with stress, and she fucking hit him over the head with a hot, greasy frying pan. I don’t know man. I remember being a teenager and getting in between them two during an argument just trying to get her to leave my dad alone and she looks at me and says “what do you think you’re going to do?” For the first time, I stood up to her and said “I don’t think you want to find out.” And that was when she stopped and left him alone.

I hate it. I’m 26 years old and my parents are making me feel like a fucking 10 year old trapped in a loveless, loud, mean marriage. I feel like I need to choose sides, but nobody is making me necessarily feel that way, I just know that I need to. My mom and I haven't been close in recent years, and my dad and I have gotten very close. My car exploded and we worked together and he has been driving me and my kiddos around for the past couple years now. 

I am hurting. I am hurting watching my older brother and sister go through the emotional damage this is causing and having to make decisions to protect themselves and their children. I am hurting for my kids because they don’t know why they can’t go over and see Mimi and Pappy much anymore. I am hurting for my younger siblings that they have to witness the roughest, most dangerous, scary situation. I remember hiding my baby sister in my room during arguments. I remember ripping her from a room so fast.

She already struggles with speaking when she is stressed. She has SEVERE anxiety, and she gets overwhelmed VERY easily. She is traumatized. She witnessed the unfolding of the worst of it a couple weekends ago. My little brother say my dad hit my mom. Saw them hit each other. 

I am their safe space and it breaks my heart. Their PARENTS SHOULD BE THEIR GOD DAMN SAFE SPACE!!!!!

Goodnight. I can’t breathe. 

[moonunbound]

wait is that… CANDICE PATTON ? no, it can’t be, it’s just KEELIN TAYLOR, a 32/67 year old WEREWOLF/VAMPIRE HYBRID . SHE is MARRIED to FREYA MIKAELSON. SHE is UNDERSTANDING AND KIND but can also be STUBBORN AND IMPULSIVE and classifies HERSELF as HOMOSEXUAL . SHE is hiding that SHE WAS HAPPY WHEN THEIR FAMILY LIVED IN ANOTHER CITY FROM THE REST OF THE MIKAELSON'S, SHE IS WORRIED THAT WILL CHANGE, but i wonder how long that will stay hidden in mystic falls and new orleans. 

Before we meet Keelin, she was a normal girl. Keelin Brianna Taylor was raised by older parents. A couple who found her outside the firehouse where her father worked. She doesn’t know her birth parents. Her birth mother a child herself when she dropped Keelin off at the firehouse, not prepared for the future of being a mother. Which protected Keelin from being killed along with the rest of her bloodline. 

Keelin had considered going looking for information in her birth parents till she was 14 when she triggered her werewolf gene when she accidentally killed someone at a halloween party. She handed another child a chocolate bar that had nuts in it and the person has an allergic reaction and died, triggering her werewolf gene. After that she didn’t want to know more about her birth parents. Her adopted parents loved her and they were all she needed. Helping her to rebuild after the trauma. 

She went to college, wanting to do something more with her life, to make up for the life she had taken. She went to college knowing she wanted to be a doctor. It was just as she started med school that her parents died of old age of things that she couldn’t fight and she had to say goodbye to them. She didn’t know her place in the world anymore without their support. But she tried her best to keep going with her dreams. Hoping that she would start to feel whole again.

 That happened when she met Freya. The not so positive start turned into something amazing for them, leading to their beautiful family with the help of their friend Vincent. Keelin and Freya lived in New Orleans in the Compound and welcome their first child into the world before the dead returned. Before the couple relocation to Nashville, Tennessee when Keelin was offered a job there, and due to there being too many people in the Compound with the return of all the Mikaelsons.

The couple have been happily living there (to be updated when we have a freya) in (find headcanon of house) and their children have been either attending a local school in Nashville or the Salvatore Boarding School in Mystic Falls.

3 weeks ago, on a normal afternoon with some family were over (including Hope) Keelin cut herself in the garden and Hope gave her, her blood to heal her, so that she could go to work without a problem. However at work, Keelin was attacked and killed by an out of control patient in the ER. Keelin woke up in transition, became a hybrid. She has gone on leave from work and her and Freya have traveled to see family (coming to mystic falls to see their son, Finn Taylor who is 7 years old and at the salvatore school), as she works out how to handle being a hybrid.

give this a like and i’ll send you a message and we can plot!  given keelin is adopted, she would love adopted kids but also open bio kids for her and freya as well - current suggests are freya or keelin as bio mother with vincent as donor (like in canon) or currently approved for finn to be donor with keelin as bio mother. would love all her and freya's kids either way ; suggested names list if you want it - just from my own personal headcanons

[alanaisalive]

I hear other people of my generation talk about Kurt Cobain's death and how their schools brought in counsellors and let them out of class because the grief hit so many so hard.

My school was too numb to care. I personally didn't process much about Kurt Cobain until about 5 years later. To us at the time, he felt like one more body on an ever growing pile.

In March of 1994, I was in 11th grade. A kid from my class had recently transferred to the next district over, and on his way to school one morning, a friend of his family had a heart attack behind the wheel, swerved into his lane and hit him head on, killing him instantly. He was 17.

Only a few days later, a girl who had graduated from our school the previous year (the older sister of well loved twin seniors) was hit head on and killed by someone committing suicide by driving the wrong way up a freeway off ramp.

Then on March 28th, a senior from my school went to a party and killed 3 people. They brought in counsellors. His little sister was in my German class. She had to clear out his locker.

(His first parole board hearing was just a couple months ago. He's 48 years old and he's been in prison since he was a stupid 18 year old kid. Parole was denied.)

Kurt Cobain died a little over a week after the shooting. Life went on as what passed for normal at my school. I guess they had already spent all the grief counsellor money.

Kurt Cobain means a lot to me personally. Nirvana played music that really spoke to me. Music that screamed in pain. In college, Nirvana was my main autistic hyperfixation for a long time. They're the reason I first learned guitar and the reason I never did learn to give a shit about fitting in or being normal.

Once I started playing music, I found that my own musical voice didn't sound like Kurt. I found a few other bands that suited my playing style a bit more, and a lot of them were from Seattle too. My favorite, because I was still a Christian at the time, was Poor Old Lu.

In my senior year at the University of Minnesota, Duluth, I was accepted to a graduate program in public history in Milwaukee, but I wasn't good enough to qualify for the copious scholarships that had gotten me through undergrad. So rather than work full time while paying for grad school, I moved to Seattle to just work full time.

The only person I knew in Seattle was Scott Hunter, the then former lead singer of Poor Old Lu. They had broken up amicably in 1996. I went to his church and that's where I met a lot of people in the Seattle music scene. The two who have their own Wikipedia pages were Aaron Sprinkle (also of Poor Old Lu) who has been a solo musician and producer for decades, and Damien Jurado, another prolific solo musician. Damien and I bonded over being on the same antidepressants. He had been signed to Sub Pop records a while after Nirvana, but knew them socially from industry stuff. The way he talked about Kurt, I could tell he felt grief tinged with regret.

Eventually I left the church, and then Christianity altogether. I moved back to Minnesota for a year to get my shit together and then moved to Scotland. I never really unpacked my guitars.

My grief right now 30 years after Kurt's death is a mixture of grief related to him and his family and friends and also grief related to myself and all the versions of me who have lived and died in the past 30 years.

But as Kurt said: oh well, whatever, nevermind.

[purplesurveys]

1787

Do you think you could handle a job in the medical field? Why or why not? I considered it once mainly because learning about the human body was always fascinating to me, but I realized that was all there is it - I just like reading about it. Emergency situations are 100% going to send me into a panic, and I'm not so much a fan of the hours either.

Would you rather edit photos on your phone or computer? Phone because there are loads of apps that can hand-hold your way through editing. I tried Photoshop on my laptop for a few months as a teenager but we just don't make a good pair.

What is one electronic device you own that you have not used in a long time? The very first iPad. It's actually my mom's, but my siblings and I ended up using it the most. I brought it back to life briefly in college when my old phone died on me and we couldn't really allot some money yet to get me a new one.

What is one thing you are currently behind on? Cleaning out my bag.

When was the last time you wore a dress or a skirt? I wore my flowy white dress for work a few weeks ago.

When was the last time you had a migraine? Same, it was a couple of weeks ago I think. I was coming back to work after a long weekend and I guess my head hadn't fully adjusted yet that day. I was fully nauseated by like 2 PM and had to power through for the rest of the afternoon.

What is your favorite thing about Instagram? The reels, which is also how I know I'm getting older what with the younger crowds preferring Tiktok LOL. I like how the interface for reels is able to account for all my interests, so I can get a wrestling video first then have it be a BTS video next. With Tiktok you only get one feed and it's always a mix of your algorithm plus whatever Tiktok wants to show you, so I always find myself ending up scrolling through and ignoring everything and just closing the app altogether.

When was the last time you wore a flower in your hair? Maybe in like 2016 when flower crowns were in?

List three words to describe yourself using the first letter of your middle name. Inquisitive, impatient, (sometimes) indifferent.

Have you ever had a friend with the same middle name as you? No, not with a friend; but in general I've noticed it's a lot more common as a first name. I don't get to meet a lot of people with Isabelle as a second name, and especially with the same spelling.

What color was your locker in high school? It was blue for a couple of years but I also remember having gray and white ones.

How many framed pictures of you and a family member or friend can you see from where you're sitting right now? No, I don't keep any in my room.

What is the first thing you think of when you see the rainbow emoji? 🌈? Either simply the rainbow, or the LGBT flag.

When was the last time you got a new pair of glasses? My birthday. I needed to get a new prescription anyway but because it was my birthday I went for the eyeglasses that would be double the price because it was an official BT21 collaboration/endorsement, lol.

Do you prefer to play chess or checkers? Checkers. I have a vague understanding of the game. I never learned how to play chess, no matter how often I've asked my cousins to help me.

What color was your first cell phone? I think the phone itself was gray, but it came in a red Winnie the Pooh case from the moment I received it s I've always known it to be red.

Do you remember when smartphones were a new thing that had just come out, and only rich people had them? Kind of. I was around 9 when the first iPhone came out and didn't care for gadgets for the most part, until I saw a schoolmate whip out hers and people were fawning over it and that's when I realized it was apparently a big deal. I found it bizarre because it wasn't even just an everyday rich kid thing, it was a completely filthy filthy 1% rich spoiled kid thing since even after months, it was still only a handful of people who had it at the time.

If you could choose to have been born in a different month, which month would you choose to be born in, and why? I'm perfectly fine with April. Based from the people I know, it's a relatively uncommon month for birthdays, and I like that.

….and which month were you actually born in? I was born in April.

Does your first name rhyme with anything? (If so, what?) Noggin? Hahaha.

Have you ever met anyone who didn't like the color blue? Not that I know of.

What color was the last pill you took? A lighter shade of lime.

How often do you use emojis? Pretty often. I tend to use them when I'm being super expressive or emotional in a post or message.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Friday.

How many E's are in your full name? Three.

What is the first letter of the name of the street you grew up on? Nope.

Which decade were you born in? Towards the end of the 90s. Late enough that I have virtually no memories of the decade.

Who was the last friend of yours to have a birthday? It was Jaynie's birthday yesterday.

Are you looking forward to your next birthday? Why or why not? 🥳 I'm always excited for and make a big deal out of my birthdays. Idk, it's the one time in the year I get to have things my way so I like celebrating it. That, and because growing up my birthdays were for the most part just an ordinary day and I'm desperately trying to make up for those years.

When was the last time you blew up a balloon? October 2022. I bought balloons for when I went all out for my watch party of BTS' Busan concert and had friends over.

If you had to go an entire week without using any technology, what do you think you would spend most of your time doing instead? Go back to painting and coloring and trying new, farther-away restaurants. Restyling my room doesn't sound like a bad idea too.

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word "mast"? Boats.

Where is the weirdest place you've ever slept? At the Metrowalk parking lot.

Would you rather travel to Asia or France? There are still so many places in Asia I'd love to visit.

What is something new that you've learned recently, that you didn't know before? My dad taught me how to start my car if it refuses to.

[drinkitfrommymouthsuou]

( @ghostboy-291 ) ->

He has no clue how he got here. Not really - probably another accidental slip into some realm or... something. But this place isn't the ghost realm. It's a school.

Not a school an eleven-year-old should be attending, judging by how much taller the students here seem to be...

Either way, he doesn't want to talk to them. He wants to hide. He wants to find some quiet spot to take a nap and then get on his way back home.

He ends up waiting inside a janitor closet for the school day to end, too scared of being found to sleep. Once the sound of students in the halls dies down, he shuffles down the hall. There's got to be an empty room somewhere around here, right?

The door he chooses at random to push open reveals the smell of roses and bright lights - definitely not empty.

It's too late to run, isn't it? He'll try anyway. His back turns before whoever is in this room can greet him. He breaks into the best sprint he can with tears already pricking at the edges of glowing violet eyes.

꧁⁕༻♕༺⁕꧂ The Ouran Host Club was opened for business.  A dull hum from the chattering of patrons and hosts alike filled the once abandoned third music room. The bright lights did little to dilute the radiance of the King of Hosts. 

Tamaki was holding court again. A long leg crossed over the other as Tamaki leaned back comfortably on the couch. His skills as a host were barely challenged as he entertained two beautiful guests who sat on either side of him.

“Tamaki, why are your eyes so pretty?” One of his guests asked with her hands clasped together; her tone bordered on awestruck. It didn’t take long for Tamaki to turn his attention to her: he gently grabbed her chin and tilted her head up so their eyes could meet. 

“Why, to be able to capture your attention, my darling.  Like a moth to a flame, I hope to draw you ever closer.  Let my gaze spark that flame of desire inside you, my princess.  Then I shall never remember the loneliness that comes from not being by your side.”

“Oh, Tamaki…” Her wobbling body suggested she was close to fainting right there in his arms. Giving the girl a chance to recover, Tamaki turned his attention to his second guest.  However, something else piqued his interest.  By now, Tamaki was an expert when it came down to hearing when someone entered his host club.  It was paramount that he knew when, or if, he needed to greet a familiar guest, or welcome a new face. 

Something peered inside.  Tamaki froze and his face grew pale. “Whaugh…Whoa!! What is that?!”  He cried out and his guest jumped, slightly taken aback by his sudden outburst. “Tamaki...?! What do you mea—?”

Tamaki shot to his feet and rushed to the front doors of the host club.  He peered down the hall and caught a glimpse of whatever it was. 

“Tamaki, it looks as though you’ve seen a ghost.”  He heard his best friend speak up and the voice of the Shadow King startled Tamaki away from his racing thoughts.  No doubt Kyoya had come over to remind Tamaki about the rules and etiquette of the host club—the very rules the blond created when they first started the host club.  The Frenchman grabbed his friend’s shoulders and fixed Kyoya with a wild stare. 

“Kyoya, I saw something.”  He gulped.  Maybe it was a kid who forgot that Halloween was a couple of weeks ago.  Maybe…but the blond could have sworn he saw glowing eyes.  That wasn’t normal! “I am sure you’re just seeing things.” Kyoya pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose; against his better judgement, he decided to give his friend the benefit of the doubt. “Go.  If you want to go chasing figments of your imagination, then who am I to stop you?” 

What?! Tamaki bristled before nervously peering down the hall.  Why was he the only one who noticed? While Tamaki knew he saw something, perhaps it wasn’t a ghost after all. But if it was a kid, and if they were lost, Tamaki felt obligated to help. The blond followed in the direction of the boy, and decided to give chase. “Hey!!! Wait!! I—I won’t hurt you! I want to help!”

[desertdaddypsp]

What do you see in Bisuit's eyes?

I'll tell you what I see, but you have to understand that my interpretation of her gaze mirrors what is going on in my head right now.

Biscuit's blank stare says, "Really? Am I really important? I know that people feed me and pet me and take me for walks, but do they really love me? Is any of this real?

That has been my life over the last few weeks. Lost. Confused. Alone. Numb.

I've realized that over the last couple of days, I've been walking around in a fog...kind a dissociative state. I can't really describe it, but I feel fuzzy. Not the good "warm and fuzzy" kind of fuzzy, but the "I truly can't feel anything because there is this fuzz that envelopes me.

People touch me, but it doesn't feel genuine. I hear words, but they just sound like the teacher in the Peanut's cartoons. My affect is non-existent. I should be crying or depressed, but mostly I just feel nothing. I'm simply going through the motions.

I forget things. I'm clumbsy. I'm irritable and at the same time on the verge of tears for apparently no reason. At times, I feel like I'm outside myself, watching me do things but not really participating in my life. Maybe my life is just to hard in which to participate right now. Maybe I've simply checked out. In fact, that's exactly what I've done. Rick is gone.

Taylor Swift has a song a year or so ago called, "Look What You Made Me Do!" In it, she tells a caller that she can't talk to the old Taylor. The caller asks why. "Oh! Because....she'd dead!" That's the way I feel.

What's the genesis of some of this stuff? I think I have a clue. Sobriety and the rooms, money, and self-medication.

How about we talk about the 12-Step rooms first, shall we? First off, we're all addicts and were all fucked up to one degree or another. Some of us have it better together than others, but were all fucked up. We're not always nice to each other. We gossip. We break anonymity. Friendships come and go like water down the drain. Make a friend one day and the next, they don't even know your name or bother to greet you. Then, when you point it out, it's all MY fault and I get the, "I dont' want to be friends with you anymore!" Jeeze. Shades of the elementary school playground.

Now, at the risk of painting the entire room with one large brush, no every one is like that. The are those who are friendly on a consistent basis. The greet you with a smile and a hug no matter what. I wish I could concentrate on those people. But in my try co-dependent fashion, I tend to concentrate on what's wrong instead of what's right. Maybe someday I'll learn. Stick close to that Higher Power, Rick!

When I first came to the rooms, I got all kinds of business cards and offers to call people no matter what time, day or not, if I was tempted to use. Then two weeks later, those same people didn't even remember me. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that they were all high when the passed me those business cards. Needless to say in the seven months in the rooms, my initial circle of friends is nowhere to be found. Othere have come to fill their places, but for the most part, they have moved on, or relapased, or decided that they wanted friends with "more sobriety" than I had...or they died. Yeah. That happened too.

Do I have a part in this. But, of course I do. I took a friend out to dinner who was just back from a relapse and the shared with me that his sponsor told him that while he like me, he, "Didn't trust me!" That didn't sit well because I knew the person who supposedly said it.

Now a couple of things crossed my mine: 1) the person telling me about the gossip about me was coming from a man who had recently relapsed. His brain probably wasn't firing on my chambers, so I should have taken his words with a grain of salt. (2) I knew that person who hade supposedly said that he didn't trust me and his behavior torward me would have given me no inclination that he distrusted me. I tried to chalk it up to, "What other people think of me is none of my buisness!" but that didn't work. It made me made.

When I get mad, I take action. So, even thougnh I vowed I wouldn't, I texted the violater and asked him if he had said that he didn't trust me. He said that he had no idea what I was talking about, but he knew who shared that Information with me and he was upset. The person who share it with me became upset with me and refuses to talk to me despite my making a sincere amends. Oh, well. Saying you're sorry doesn't always bring forgiveness, but I did the right things.

Now, the recovered relapser says that he won't go back to meetings befause he doesn't want to face his former sponsor. I hate to sound hard-hearted, but that's not my problem. If he deicdes to stay away out of guilt, no matter how much he blames me, he has to take responsibility for that decision to not go back to the rooms.

I'm not proud of myself in the slightest. I'm disappointed that I let my anger get the best of me and ruin a good friendship.

Anger.

Boy, I'm filled with it. Everyday, I become aware of the seething rage that is just below the surface of my smile when I have one. At a moment's notice, I'm ready to take off someone's head in the parking lot of Ralph's or make snide comments when the lady won't move her damned cart from the middle of the aisle as if she's the only one in the store.

How do I cope? Several ways. I've stopped going to meetings and probably won't go back anytime soon. I'm not sure if my sponsor will continue to work with me if I refuse to go to meetings. If I do, I'll seek out meetings where I'm a loner. I'll attend, sit there and keep my mouth shut, and leave. Get the input and run.

I told my sponsor that since working with him, I have seem glimpses of what a happy life can be and I'm not ready to walk away from that. After all, walk away from what toward what? Oblivion? Drinking? Sex? Relapsing? Not such good choices in my estimation and I'm the one making the decision.

But how do I cope? Not in good ways. In my zombie-like state, I have put the gay sex apps back on my phone and I'm a busy little beaver hunting down twinks, and otters, and bears, oh my! I've gone off the deep end with sex. Often it is with different partners sometime 3 times a day.

Why?

Self-medication. If I can get some guy to get me naked and have his way with me, then I get to feel wanted and valued for those few minutes. But, as the door closes, more often than not, I sob. I know that isn't what I want and yet it is compulsive. Take tonight for example.

I started the day of with a little sexual trick with an old friend. It was fun. I like him. But did that satisfy my needs? Hell no