#just kvetching you can ignore me lol

[zmwrites]

some of these new tag games take so much effort…. i don’t have the energy to find specific words in my wips using the search function, how am i supposed to pick seven to ten random lines or remember which scenes fit which vibes??? i love y’all’s enthusiasm but have pity for us elderly folks with no energy 😭

[blackberry-gingham]

The Masterplan | Mortimer Toynbee x Fem!Reader

<... Prev | Chpt 3

After a hard falling out, Toad nearly lets his tempter get the better of him during your first meeting. Almost, but... It occurs to him that, despite acting like such a bastard... He's never been treated so well in all his life before. Especially not by a human. Out of curiosity... He's made up his mind to try again with you.

tag list: @samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @mickeyperkins @the-goon-tm @thlix @ohmygillygoshoppler @it-is-i-zim @tolovaj @toynbeees @toadsbitch @lostgirllulu @the-home-kvetch (Toad tag list open to additions or reductions, whichever you prefer lol or follow here on ao3!)

tags: slow burn, some dad bod stuff bc it's me we're talking about and you guys expect it, aged up toad (adult/middle aged (so, dilfy)), mentions/threats of violence

---

By the time he reaches your porch, the sun is on the brink of setting. Toad clears his throat and lifts a knuckle to knock. He pauses.

...It dawns on him that he hasn't got a damn clue what to say.

He drops his hand to his side. Shit. All along that walk, he told himself he'd think of something by the time he got here. Looks like it never came.

Fuck it. He takes a deep breath and knocks politely. He's not talking with you just now... Maybe it'll come yet.

The seconds feel like hours while he waits for any sign of life. He wouldn't blame you for ignoring him completely, after all.

Cautiously, the door creaks open. You peak outside, catch a glimpse of him, and slam it shut.

"I told you to leave!", you shout.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright! I just wanted to-"

"If you think I'm going to give you more food or help, you can save your breath!"

Damn. He was feeling a little hungry after all that walking too.

"That's fine, I just-", Suddenly... Toad freezes up.

Why is he here? He wants to see you. To get in your good graces, just for a little while maybe... He wants to know what's so special about you. Why you're not afraid or revolted at him... What is it that makes you so fascinated. What does he have to do to see that look in your eyes again?

But how the hell is he supposed to put that into words...

"Would you forgive me if I said I lied about the sco- er... Biscuit? I really was quite good actually!", he tries his best to sound convincing. After all, he really does mean it.

You give a humorless laugh, "How stupid do you think I am, huh?"

Toad groans. Shit... This is going nowhere.

He thumps his head against your front door, "No stupider than me, that's for sure", he mutters.

You remain silent on the other side of the door. Mortimer huffs a sigh. He'll give this one last try... Then. Well, he doesn't know.

He picks his forehead up from against the wood, "Look... I know I've been a right bastard to you, and I'm sorry. You don't have to put me up or anything like that, but... C-could I ask for you to finish the sutures, maybe?"

"...Why should I trust you?"

Toad goes silent at that. He thinks hard about it for a moment. You know... It never occurred to him that trust could be a two way street between humans and mutants. He never thought... You might be scared of him... in that way.

Not because he's a mutant... Just a stranger.

"Well... You don't have to, I suppose, but... Maybe at least as much as I'm trusting you, yeah?"

You sigh. It's true, you haven't really run into any mutants in person around here... But that doesn't mean you're ignorant to the rocky relationship they have with humans. He's right... The most you can do is meet each other halfway.

And... You'd be lying if you said you didn't want to at least meet him.

The lock clicks gently. You open the door to just a crack and take a good look at that face. Well... He at least looks sorry.

You sigh, "Alright, come in", you move aside and let him pass.

He stands there awkwardly, and mutters a thanks when you finally turn to face him. You acknowledge his apology at least, but largely wave him off, "Go sit over there, I'll be back with what I need"

Toad looks over towards the couch as you've indicated. There's a little hearth, but it's in shambles. The furniture looks ancient, but at least it's not deteriorating like everything else seems to be. He trudges over and takes a cautious seat.

It gives an annoying squeak beneath his weight, but seems fine otherwise.

Despite how decrepit it is, the furniture is actually quite comfortable. Better then the near nothing he was allowed access to back with the others at least. He leans back with a little sigh.

Finally you make your return, the old wooden stairs heralding your descent.

You place your things on a side table and pull on some latex gloves, "Alright, take off your shirt"

Toad flushes immediately. He can't say a woman's ever asked him that before. It... Feels a bit more exciting then it should.

You look up, threaded needle in hand, to see he's still frozen in place, "Do you want to do this or not?", you say gruffly.

"Right, right... Sorry, uh", his hands are indecisive, hovering back and forth. Should he unbutton or... Maybe it would be faster to just take it off? But that feels so awkward though... Er, maybe...

You roll your eyes and make the choice for him. With a firm tug, the remaining buttons pop apart all in one go. You tuck the one flap of fabric behind his back and get ready to clean the spot of the open wounds again.

Well if he wasn't blushing before, he certainly is now, "Ahem, that works too..."

Careful not to do more harm then good, you make sure to avoid the cut itself while you clean, "Hmm"

"... Something wrong?"

"These are looking noticeably better since this morning. Strange"

"Oh, I... heal quick", he's not really sure why he's telling you this. Right now he's still trying to pull himself together after... That.

You stop, a tiny trace of that fascinated look back in your eye, "Really? That must be nice", you even give a little smile.

While you finish up cleaning the area for new stitches and checking over the old ones, Mort pulls himself out of his daze only to suddenly find himself feeling a little more... Self conscious, then usual.

In all his life, he's never had an experience like this. Not even close. In a house... On a couch... Pretty lady touching his bare body... It was something he'd never even thought possible to be honest...

Not for a guy like him, anyway.

He's never felt so strange about his body before either.

When he was young, it would've been a different story. He was perfectly thin, wrinkle free, and had about a fraction of the warts he has now. The touch of pink around his abs may have been attractive back then when it at least could highlight them... It was smaller, less noticeable.

Some would almost say cute.

Now, it only better serves to show off his furrowed stretch marks and round belly, like a panel of color on a beachball. Ugh, he winces at the thought.

"Ready?", you hold one of the few remaining cuts closed, surgical needle prepared to pierce.

Mindlessly, he nods then braces himself at the last moment. It... Hurts, but not as bad as he was expecting. Feels more odd than anything.

Toad grits his teeth, looking for any way to distract himself from the procedure, "...Are you a doctor then?"

You chuckle, "No, nothing like that. I'm a... Marine biologist"

"Oh", he makes a face. Whether it's because he finds something unpleasant about your answer, or it's in thanks to the first pierce of the needle, you can't say, "Do a lot of... Mpf- dissections?"

You sew along the gash methodically, going quick. This one is short at least. In, out. In, out. In, out... "A few, back in college. Why?"

"Just want to make sure you know wha-", suddenly, he hisses in discomfort as you pull the thread taut.

"Sorry, sorry...", you cinch it off and cut the line. Just two more to go, not long at all, "You're doing great so far"

At last, he's quiet at that. His heart skips a beat, all a flutter. He feels flushed, and nervous, and very... Like how he used to be. Like a kid with stars in his eyes and waiting waiting waiting.... All just for someone to come along and notice him.

But- He gives his head a little shake, coming back to reality.

That was a long time ago...

You don't look up, but you haven't missed a beat, "Doing alright?"

Toad clears his throat and pretends to not look at you, "Fine"

His eyes flick back and forth, between your hands and your face. A part of him wishes you'd say that again. Or at least... Maybe something like it. Now that he thinks about it... He can't quite recall the last time he's ever been complimented. Let alone told he's done something well.

You stay silent as you continue, but he notices you casting glances around his oblique. The pink is a bit faded out around the edges now, not as sharp of a line as it was when he was young. Perhaps just a sign of aging... Although he can't help but feel that it resembles what you get with a stretched out image or piece of plastic.

Blurry.

Distorted.

"Something wrong?", he bites.

"Hm? Oh sorry... You have very pretty skin, is all. Never seen a toad with colors like these though", you laugh lightly, and pull the thread tight to tie it off. One more to go.

Toad is shocked into silence. There's something he never thought he'd hear before. Him and 'pretty' absolutely have never been in the same sentence together.

You run your thumb down the muddled seam where the green meets the pink, crossing over a few solid stitches as you go.

Mortimer twitches a little, but only because it tickles. You however, find him to be very soft. His skin really is just like velvet...

You get another line of thread ready and run it through your needle, "Have you always had it?", you gesture to his pink patch, then gather up his skin to finish sewing.

"Mpf- Yeah... I was born like this, if that's what you mean"

"Really?", you sound genuinely intrigued, "I thought mutations didn't show up until adolescence or about that"

"Hmp, not when you're mutated this badl- Christ!", he seethes, "Could you at least try and be gentle?"

This last cut is right around his ribs. An awful spot for a needle and no drugs. You apologize but have no choice really, other then to tell him the truth about the situation, "You've been doing great so far... I promise I'll be as quick as I can, alright?"

He's none too happy to hear it, but... He can suffer a lot in exchange for a even just little praise like that.

As expected, he's not quite up for talking while you work through the sensitive area, but you're true to your word and done quickly. You tie it off and pat his side warmly. The skin of his fleshy side bounces a touch in response to your thumps.

"There, you're all done...", you get up and give his mop of hair a playful ruffle, "Door's that way", you point over your shoulder.

Toad stops mid motion, "What, that's it? You're going to tear my shirt off, then throw me out?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just a joke! Just a joke...", he puts up his hands defensively then starts to button the shirt closed again. Toad clears his throat and stands up with you, "I um... I don't suppose there's anything I could do to convince you to let me stay a bit?"

Your face crinkles in a way that immediately tells him the answer is no. A justified no after all... Especially considering he told you he had no expectations of being put up here for the night.

He cuts you off before you can give a definitive answer, "Maybe- Maybe some help around the house? I can do most anything you want, you know! I know it's a little... rough in here, after all"

At that suggestion, your face relaxes a bit with intrigue more then anything. Close... Maybe he can sweeten the deal.

"Or! I... I could let you study my healing maybe? You like froggy things, yeah? Besides...", he turns around and works the back of the shirt off his shoulders, revealing his stitches from the previous day, "Look at that! Already healing and all, right?"

He does have a point... You are quite interested in him and his... particular mutant biology. The slashes along his back are puckered up around the sutures, a good sign of being well on their way to healing. They're a bit crusted with pus though and could use a cleaning.

You take the fallen collar of his shirt and pull it back up to sit on his neck, "And... you expect me to believe you wouldn't mind that?", you ask doubtfully.

Well... Under normal circumstances, you're right and he damn well would, to be honest with you. He's been stared at and mocked and scrutinized by humans all his life. He couldn't imagine subjecting himself to being the science experiment of one.

But then...

He never expected to be treated so... well under such a condition. Over and over in the back of his head, he can still hear your voice clear as when you said it.

'You're doing well'

'Good job'

He's never heard those words in all his life...

"No, not a problem at all", he actually gives a little smile as he turns around to face you, "I don't mind, just don't cut me open, yeah?", he chuckles.

You smile a little too. Strange... His personality has completely changed since last you saw him. Hmp, maybe he realized how screwed he is if he keeps sleeping out in the bayou, you joke to yourself. Whatever the case, you suppose he seems harmless enough.

He's got a short fuse and a hot temper, but... Harmless. All bark and no bite, as it were.

"...Fine", you brush a bit of his hair out of his eyes. They're speckled and flecked with metallic colors, all around those fascinating oblong pupils at the centers. Quite beautiful, you think, "It's a deal then"

[palmett-hoes]

how do you feel about jerejean?

okay im kinda gonna assume this was prompted by my post saying i don't like renison, which is honestly valid to question bc there's definitely a big problem of ppl dismissing wlw ships for "not having chemistry" and then turning around a going in depth shipping two dudes who have like 1 line of dialogue and never even meet in canon, which is pretty sus

but don't worry anon i'm at least consistent here bc i don't like jerejean either. in fact i dislike jerejean a lot more than i dislike renison. i didn't rlly wanna say anything bc i don't like criticising things publically unless i actually have something useful and constructive to say. i keep my kvetching between my friends

but yea if i'm gonna be criticizing the fandom's top wlw ship i should also clarify that i don't give a shit about jerejean lol. u might be able to tell bc i don't ever rb any jerejean content and if i do it's either really old or like just mentioned in a larger post. but also what i rb can only get you a pretty vague indication of my thoughts bc i rb plenty of stuff i don't agree with 100%

that sounds a little harsh. yes jerejean annoys me personally because it got so popular in the fandom despite absolutely no basis in canon, and often times it's the secondary ship in fics that get the most attention and development long before any of the upperclassmen and their relationships. HOWEVER i also understand where jerejean comes from so i don't really want to harsh too badly on people that like it

in summary, the jerejean dynamic is one that's appeared over and over again to the point where they have established personalities and interests and tropes associated with them that ppl recognize immediately and thus don't even have to think about. they're easy to write because they have in essence already been written. the structure to their story has been built wholesale by dozens and dozens of writers before in dozens of other fandoms, and all you have to do is find two characters to put in the right places and you essentially have a ready-made ship. jerejean is familiar to ppl because it's not original, it didn't come from aftg and it isn't even really based in aftg. it's its own thing that exists repeatedly across fandom

and i wanna be clear i'm not the one came up with this analysis. it comes from this post, what i call the Fandom Ghost Meta, and what i consider to be one of the best and most important fandom analyses i've ever read. i really encourage everyone to read it. it's several years old now so some of the ships it references are a little dated, and i think the tropes and dynamics have changed and evolved a little with time, but i still consider it an invaluable jumping-off point into being able to see and think critically about large-scale trends and movements within Fandom as a whole

this was the meta that encouraged me to look more critically at jerejean and to decide that i didn't want to get into it and i've essentially ignored it since then. but it's also what got me questioning a lot of things about the media i consume and the way i interact with fandom. it got me away from a lot of fandoms where i felt people had taken the ships so far away from canon that they essentially feel separate. it happens a lot in queerbait media and i get the urge to want something you like to be better than it is, but i found that analyzing and acknowledging my feelings towards the ships in relation to my feelings towards the show helped me sort through a lot of my motivations and desires for what i was looking for out of my media and what i was looking for out of fandom and it helped me choose when was the right time to move on from certain things rather than hang on in denial. and then it helped me focus and redirect my energy into exploring new things

[psychoticenjolras]

Okay sorry this is random but I just read your post from 2019 about the way fandom writes Enjolras and it is honestly such a relief to see someone articulate these issues so clearly. I'm not really in fandom space on tumblr just on Ao3 and I've wondered is it really just me that is totally bewildered by this R as victim narrative? Feel free not to publish these; i don't want to stir up drama for you but there were 3 points in particular that I was just like hallelujah someone has said it! (1/3)

(1) The way victim!R affects the way ppl write E's friendship w the rest of the Amis. When even Courf and Ferre aren't on his side. Also this point omg, "why is every positive post about enjolras about how much he loves his friends but never about how his friends love him?" (2) the way this dynamic is so deeply unromantic bc E is supposedly constantly hurting R. Not to mention fic where R says/does hurtful things himself that go totally unacknowledged by other characters or in the narrative arc.

(3) The very weird, occasionally right-wing politics this narrative ends up endorsing. Or acting like R, who supposedly isn't invested in these topics somehow knows more than anyone else. Or that E, despite being the leader, is uniquely ignorant compared to R and the Amis. And I just hate that the narrative climax in so many fic is E being humbled, apologizing, admitting he's wrong. Those aren't bad things but it's his primary character arc/character growth in fandom and he deserves more! (3/3)

Also this is a really good point: "i don’t see grantaire’s love interest being vilified the same way when they aren’t enjolras." As someone who occasionally reads Combeferre/R and Jehan/R, I can attest that they are never put down so that R can shine in the same way. Often E is still a very hurtful/ignorant/somehow always wrong character in those fics too. Okay lol sorry I swear that's it but I just really vibed with your post and it was so gratifying to see laid it out like that.

oof my god i loved getting this and i also loved having that absolute dumpster fire of a textwall be referred to as "clear" AHA but for real, while i dont really engage with fan content anymore, whenever i do (by choice or because tumblr mobile recommendations exist to hurt me) i still consistently get the same i-am-cocking-my-eyebrow feeling from basically everything. there was and continues to be an underlying "i do not like, respect, understand, or care about enjolras as a character or even as just, like, a dude" in what is basically not even an exaggeration to say all written fan content that includes him even in passing. even when he's not an outright abusive monster (or the narrative just treats him as one even though he's being totally normal) he is never really written like the character actually is.

and as a side kvetch there was a whole thing about people writing fic from the perspective of a musical fan and not a brick fan but, like, ok, then where are u getting this grantaire characterization and why do the other amis have personalities but that's unrelated