#just let ppl live. lol. i think the most important part is that u eat what YOU want to eat and u eat it at times where u crave it

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi! If u wouldn’t mind helping me out, I’m trying to figure out whether I use Se-Ni or Ne-Si, I’m fairly certain I’m ExTP 3w4. Thought I was ESTP but sensors I’ve met irl tend to be a lot more hands on & in the moment than me. I’m not v in tune to the physical world, ex. the light in my room flickers on/off sometimes & I don’t even notice it, my sister had to point it out to me. I’m terrible at sports/dancing bc I have poor spatial/bodily awareness. Other times certain sensory inputs are (1)

completely overwhelming to me & I’m v dramatic abt them, if something smells bad or I’m cold I have to get away asap or I get moody. Sometimes I put effort into my appearance but usually I don’t, I only want to impress specific ppl. I don’t particularly like being in charge but in group projects I’m always thrust into the decision making role bc no one else wants it & I just want to get it over with. When I’m not breathing down ppl’s necks things just go to shit -_- I avoid working harder (2)

than I have to & chose my major (animation) specifically bc it’s fun/doesn’t feel like work & I wouldn’t have to write long essays/do math. Speaking of math I don’t like when things have 1 definitive answer & I don’t like things I can’t make relevant to myself. I preferred English/phil classes bc u can argue p much anything & I’m an expert bullshitter. Psych was fun until we had to learn actual chemicals/brain parts. I like looking at graphs/statistics & I love making lists. Idk what type my (3)

mom is but she’s constantly irritated by me bc I ask her questions she thinks I should just google, but I don’t rly care abt the answer, I just want to discuss. She also hates tht I talk abt what the world “should” be like, she’s just like “go fix it then” & it drives me crazy bc I wish I COULD but it’s NOT that simple. I procrastinate a lot. I wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist but I’ll work at something until it’s more than decent bc I hate letting people down. I hate when ppl watch me (4)

work, I only want them to see the result. I’m v risk averse (except when it came to my career path lol) & do everything I can to ensure I won’t fail. I compare myself to others to see how I measure up. I’m always trying to improve myself; I think that’s why I dwell on my negative qualities so much & why I feel like I’m not living up to my potential. I’d rather impress ppl than serve ppl to gain their approval. I’ve always wanted to be famous & it shocked me when I found out most ppl don’t.(5)

The thought of having “fans” actually makes me uncomfortable but I want to elevate my social status to spite ppl who used to look down on me. I couldn’t stand just being average, I want to be undeniably important and worthy of love. I don’t rly know what I want in life besides this vague need to succeed. I’d be happy doing a variety of things, but I hate menial labor/repetitive tasks. I need alarms for everything bc I zone out so much; literally as I was writing this I was on a walk & had (6)

to sprint back home bc I forgot I had work until my alarm went off. My living space is a mess, I’m fine w it. I hate accountability (can’t drive, too much responsibility/possible crashing). I can form habits if I see a good reason for them, but consistency is hit or miss (sporadically eating healthy vs 100+ day duolingo streak). I have no respect for authority/tradition & only follow the law to avoid punishment. Ppl say I’m creative/funny but I think I mostly just combine/jump off other (7)

ppl’s ideas & improve them. When I write stories ppl complain there are no sensory details/phys descriptions. Ppl tell me I’m eccentric but I’m just doing my own thang idc abt social norms. Love thinking up unrealistic romantic scenarios, romance is my fave thing to talk about. I feel guilty talking abt my obsessions so much but I GOTTA. I don’t trust myself to judge myself accurately bc I’m always trying on new personas, but the things I talked abt here are all persistent traits (8) 

---------

Hi anon,

So I do think you probably are a high Ne user from this, and 3 is possible, but I think you’re an ENFP - some of the traits, especially surrounding leadership, sound like they’re coming from low Te; your attitude towards math (not that FPs can’t be good at math or TPs all like it, but TPs often do want a single answer and like the consistency of math even if they’re not into it as a specialty) and the attitudes towards eccentricity and new personas seems more like Fi than lower Fe. I’m not totally positive, and your focus for this question was Ne vs. Se so you may have left out things that led you to type as a Ti-aux, but at the very least I’d recommend looking at aux Fi.

I would also look into 3w2 or 2w3 instead of 3w4 - the part about being important and worthy of love makes me think both 2 and 3 are involved in the core.

[idk-my-aesthetic]

a concept

U know how in the comics Aang starts rebuilding the air nation with ppl who are basically converts to their religion? By like teaching them about the air nomad’s ways and stuff?

What if he gave some of them air bending using energy bending? And they could start re-building the air nation and it’s culture by teaching them everything!! They could even start moving back into the temples now that they could fly and rebuilding

They’d even have the bison!! According to the wiki aang found a living herd after the war !!

Idk just. As a Jewish person genocide stories are really really personal to me. And the thought of being the last of my people is terrifying

I just really want the air nation to have a chance to rebuild in a natural way. And I think that like letting ppl choose to convert and gifting them with air bending would probably be the best way

Ik aang’s kids and grandkids have air bending but trying to rebuild an entire nation from one bloodline is.... not the best idea

And I also know that in lok a bunch of ppl are given air bending, but that whole story really rubs me the wrong way (no hate to lok though!! There are parts I like!!)

Under the cut is basically an explanation as to why I take issue w/ it and find it mildly offensive/an essay about cultural appropriation in general lol. but i don’t wanna kill ppl’s dashes so if you wanna see the explanation check there 

but i really think that aang like.... allowing ppl to convert, and teaching them, and gifting them w/ airbending in the most natural/best way for that story to go and i wanted to share that!! :) 

anyway time for a whole essay because i.... apparently need to explain and justify every single one of my opinions. i’ma blame the adhd. 

I have 2 main issues w/ the new air bender plot. a) the air Nomad religion/culture is pretty explicitly seen as a closed one and b) it’s sort of a cop-out.....

so... first:

 Air bending is pretty explicitly a huge part of the air nomad culture and religion and is extremely spiritual. bc of how religious and spiritual it is the idea of ppl just.... randomly being given it really rubs me the wrong way.

It’s really really hard for me to explain this or come up with an irl example, bc these ppl didn’t ask for air bending, or try to gain it in anyway. So it’s not really their fault. But to me it feels almost like accidental cultural appropriation? If that makes sense

Which like. cultural appropriation is obviously bad. Even in the comic I originally referenced (the promise) Aang is initally really really offended by the people practicing the air Nomad religion when he first finds out!!! Which he should be!!!

There’s a difference between cultural appropriation, culture appreciation, and sharing culture. The first is bad, and the second 2 are good when done correctly.

Ima use an irl example w/ Judaism just bc using this personal experiences is apparently the only way my brain knows how to explain things

Scenario 1: Amanda (who is xtian) decides to research the Jewish holiday of Passover and the traditions behind it just bc she’s interested in it

This is cultural appreciation! She’s just learning about smthn she finds interesting. This is generally ok! although in some cultures there is knowledge that you are not supposed to know or discuss if you are not part of that culture and you should 100% respect that if it is the case 

Scenario 2: Amanda learns about the Passover seder and decides to throw one herself

Dont fucking do this omfg. This is cultural appropriation. Passover is a super important and religions holiday! It’s one of the high holy days and celebrating it on her own isn’t ok! 

Scenario 3: Amanda asks her Jewish freind Alex if she can come to his Passover seder

This is cultural appreciation and cultural sharing!! It’s totally valid!! She respectfully asks to join in and be included! 

it’s diffrent from cultural apropriation for one huge reason. she is joining in, rather than celebrating it on her own with no jewish ppl present 

Scenario 4: Amanda eats gefitlefish just bc she likes it 

this is appreciation! even though there are no jewish ppl involved! bc gefiltefish isn’t a holy/religious/spiritual thing. 

different aspects of different cultures have different levels of importance. as a general rule, if smthn is holy/religious, you should not do anything with it, unless invited by someone of that culture. if it’s not then you can generally do it on ur own (though there is some grey area there. ie, moccasins are smthn that aren’t religious to native americans, but if ur not native you shouldn’t be producing and selling them. if you want moccasins by them from actual natives) 

scenario 5: amanda contacts a rabbi and starts the conversion process 

this is...... just conversion lol. when she is finished with the process (which can take months/years) she’ll no longer be xtian and be jewish!! just as much as anyone who was born into judiasm. she’ll be able to host her own seders and any of her children will be jewish as well :) 

sorry for the really long thing!!  but i felt it was necessary to show the difference between some concepts that seem similar but are actually vastly different!! 

anyway, i hope y’all understand the difference between cultural appropriation/appreciation/sharing. if ur asking urself “ok why does it matter tho” friendly reminder that alot of irl ppl have been murdered for trying to peacefully observe their cultures/religions :) 

including the air nomads! (hey segway...) 

they are literally hunted to extension because they are part of one culture/religion. you could argue it’s a racism thing (which it is) but race, culture, ethnicity and religion are all inherently tied. see: almost every non-xtian religion worldwide 

SO. when you consider that a) the nomads were killed for their religion b) airbending was incredibly significant part of that religion, isn’t it weird that random people who have 0 connection or interest in that religion suddenly have airbending?? 

again it becomes like accidental cultural appropriation. which you can’t really blame the characters for in-world

but, these aren’t real ppl. they’re characters in a situation that was written by real ppl, real ppl who can and should be criticized 

not that i’m trying to call the creators bigoted in anyway! this dosn’t seem like anything that was meant to be offensive. and it’s not really that offensive unless you think about it. to me it just seems like a plot point that wasn’t fully thought through. i don’t bring it up to shame the creators, just as a way to show others why it’s smthn not to be repeated 

and, to show a better way to do a similar story 

the reason i went so in depth w/ the explanation of cultural appropriation vs appreciation vs conversion is bc i wanna show why a different way of approaching a similar story would have been better

the reason i think my whole idea (of ppl basically contacting aang or the air nomads, converting to the religion, and then being gifted air bending through energy bending) is better than ppl being randomly gifted it is bc conversion takes work 

to convert to any culture or religion you a) need a connection to someone in that culture (usually made by reaching out to a religious leader) and b) need to actually be accepted by that group in order to be considered one of them. it takes work and dedication. it’s a literal transfer of culture!! it’s just... ack i’m not good at explaining it 

but dosn’t it make so much more sense that ppl who actually worked to integrate themselves into the culture and become one of them are givin airbending? not because it’s a privilege but bc they need to first become part of the culture in order to have any right or claim to it 

but by just giving it to random non-benders it’s basically the reverse!! yes they later learn the culture and religon, but???? thats not how that works??? wtf??? 

i feel like i’ve been talking in circles and i’m sorry if i’ve bored everyone to death but i hope u understand my point. 

anyway! next thing! (i swear this part will be way shorter) 

by just making a bunch of random ppl airbenders it basically retcons one of the longlasting effects of the 100 yr war and almost just... erases the impact of the air nomad’s genocide 

which. is gross and uncomfortable. genocide stories are touchy subjects and smthn that need to be treated with respect 

just giving random ppl airbending it’s almost like the genocide didn’t matter at all. which i take a huge fucking issue w/ ok and i don’t feel like i need to explain why 

instead of a natural rebuilding of the air nomads it’s just fixed with spirit magic. it’s just... an insult to the really compelling and well written genocide story that was in atla and an insult to the irl ppl who related to that story 

so. yeah.... again i’m not trying to call out the creators, i again think this plotline was more accidentally insulting than purposefully 

i already propsed a better way to do it by allowing converts to gain the ability to airbend. (hell it dosn’t even need to come from energy bending or aang. the air nomads were incredibly spiritual, maybe a spirit gifted it to the ppl who earned it instead of random fucking ppl) 

but the other reason that converts instead of just.... random ppl gaining the ability is better is bc there aren’t gonna be that many ppl to convert!! there’s not gonna be some sudden boom in the airbending population!! theres would still be a story of the nation slowly healing and rebuilfing itself instead of the insulting sudden magic fix

oof. sorry for the long freaking thing. i literally went into this just wanting to share an idea and instead spent over an hour analyzing this stuff lol.... 

i hope this was coherent but if anyone’s got questions about anything i said feel free to @ me or shoot me an ask :) as long as ur polite and stuff i’ll answer to the best of my ability 

[thedefinitionofbts]

Error

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Scifi, Angst, Robot Au

Words: 4.5K

Description: As requested by anon: “have u seen Vixx Error MV?? can i request a jungkook robot au based on the MV?? something along the storyline about after ur tragic death he couldnt live on without you so he made a robot that looks exactly like you and programmed all their memories they had together into the robot. but the police (well more those ppl in black from the MV lol) finds out about it and take actions. and so now you and her are trying to escape together.”

A/N: First off, I’m just going to say I love Vixx’s Error, and I’ve been wanting to write a robot au for a long time coming. I hope you don’t mind that I added my own little twist to this. Thank you for the request!

Jungkook stares at the humanoid robot positioned in front of him, tracing along every edge and curvature of the android that is an exact replica of the woman he has only able to see in his dreams since the day she left this world. Her eyes remained delicately closed, body rigid and lifeless, but her hair flowed naturally down towards her shoulders, and it reminds him of the exact way it used to flutter in the ocean breeze, the exact way it used to embody the familiar scent of her. He continues to gaze at the rendering machine, eyes flickering with ambiguity and swelling with imminent tears threatening to spill over. He is unsure of himself; uncertain of what he has done, and yet he cannot stop his heart from continuing to call out for someone his mind knows is already gone.

There is a kind of stillness in the room that makes Jungkook wholly hesitate one last time. His head throbs as the tiny voice of reason makes an attempt to crawl forward and awaken him, but he squeezes his skull with his hands, shutting it away before it can convince him to stop while he still can. Part of him knows this is not the answer, but a larger portion of him doesn’t care because he’s too close to stop now. He holds his breath, thrashing in his self-created penitentiary, shaking violently and coercing the voice to go away, and when it finally does, he’s ready to proceed without any more disruptions.

An eerie silence looms as the approaching finale instigates the slow churning rise of apprehension in his chest. He inhales and exhales, gradually calming his stiffened body and proceeds to finish off what he started.

After months of burying himself in the lab--designing, experimenting, and building—driven purely by his grief stricken heart and the determination of a madman, he was finally one step away from completion.

This was it.  

He was one step away from bringing you back.

  …

 9 Months Ago

 Whoever came up with the five stage of loss was spewing bullshit.

Jungkook has been stuck in limbo, slipping between the stratums of earth and hell for weeks, and the fact that his therapist kept telling him that time will heal the deepest of wounds was infuriating and maddening because Jungkook doesn’t buy any of it, especially not when he’s fully convinced that he has the ability to bring you back.

“Jungkook, are you sure about this? You understand that it’s illegal right?”

“No one has to find out. You won’t tell the authorities, will you?” Jungkook looks at him intently, eyes burning and desperate, nonverbally begging the older male to keep this secret, to hide it between the two of them for as long as need be. Of all the people in this world, Jungkook trusted Yoongi, and he knew for a fact that Yoongi would never rat him out.

Yoongi looks at the younger male with pitiful eyes and has no choice but to let out a defeated sigh. He knows Jungkook won’t listen to him anyways because any sort of reasoning just ends up going through one ear and out the other. Jungkook is too stubborn, too hopelessly in love with his dead girlfriend to think straight, to accept any kind of consolation offered in hopes of getting him to move on with his life because he still thinks it’s his fault.

That accident was a tragedy, and no one could’ve predicted that semi-truck would collide with his SUV that day. But he still chooses to imprison himself in guilt because he insists he could’ve prevented the unavoidable. And Yoongi can’t fucking stand to see him in pain, he can’t bear to see the kid continue to live in perpetual torment brought on by something that he had no control over, but the whole idea of creating a conscious robot did not sit well with the older male.

Yoongi looks back up at Jungkook, who was still waiting for an affirmative response. At least Jungkook wasn’t crying until his tears ran dry or showing up with sunken cheeks and bloodshot eyes from not being able to eat or sleep for days. He was maybe doing a tad bit better after the tragedy that happened three months ago, and although Yoongi doesn’t know if it’s because of this crazy idea or if he’s actually just moving to the next emotional stage of loss, he figures it’s much better to be trusted by the younger male than to be seen as an enemy so that way he can at least be of aid if worse comes to worst.

“No. I won’t tell anyone.” Yoongi murmurs, sighing once more.

Jungkook’s lips curve into the faintest of smiles, something Yoongi hasn’t seen the lights of in a long time. “Thanks.”

And then he’s gone, disappearing for the next six months.

  …

  Memory download complete.

Your eyes gently flutter open, squinting as your system adjusted to the artificial lights streaming down from the ceiling. Lost in a confused daze, you take a moment to stabilize, scanning the surrounding area to gain some sort of a footing, so at least you could process how to proceed from here. You don’t really feel anything unbearable, nothing you can’t handle with a bit of buffering from your hard-wired code, that is, until you see him.

Jeon Jungkook

The flood of emotions that washes over you the moment you recognize him instantly is overwhelming, to the point where it’s almost too overpowering to fully comprehend, too much for your system to logically handle, which shouldn’t actually be possible but somehow is. He’s looking at you with anticipation, eyes glittering with the tears he’s trying so hard to hold in.

“Jungkook” You voice, stepping forward and throwing yourself into his arms.

He welcomes your embrace immediately, enveloping you in his arms as securely as he can. Caressing your head as you bury your face into the crook of his neck, like he was afraid you would vanish if he didn’t hold you tightly enough. And it feels familiar; the same way it has felt when he hugged you on multiple occasions in the past, only now, it’s even more desperate, and he’s even more unwilling to let go.

“Y/N” He breathes out in relief and rapture as his tears finally tumble over, streaming down his cheeks and onto your exposed shoulders, and you can feel their warmth, the anguish they carry with them, and you can sense his pain in the most undiluted way. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Jungkook.” You whisper back despite not being able to understand the precise reason for your response, but seeing him quelled a deeply rooted longing that you are just now becoming hyper aware of. You can fully grasp the cause for his unbearable yearning, the origin of why every inch of his body was conveying elation at the sight of you. However, simultaneously, you felt that there was something important missing, something you didn’t have the means to obtain the link for or find a way to trace it back to the source data. 

“You remember me, right?” He pulls away slowly, holding you by the shoulders and searching within your synthetic eyes for that indisputable glint of recognition, the confirmation that his experiment was a success, and he had indeed brought you back. His features are laced with expectancy, and you can tell he’s grappling with the fear that you don’t remember him, and he failed.  

You nod your head deliberately, flashing him an endearing smile. “Of course.”

At the sound of your words, he returns the gesture fondly and exhales deeply. “I can’t believe you’re back.” He breathes out, leading you over to the bench and sitting you down beside him. “How do you feel?”

The question catches you off guard, you don’t know why there’s such an opposing mixture of emotions playing inside of you. “Happy to see you.” You blurt out, despite knowing it was a white lie. It hurts, but for some reason you don’t want to tell him that it does.

He smiles again, and the pain within you subsides momentarily. “Me too.”

“I’m sorry I left” The words come out before you’ve made a prediction about the response they would elicit. You aren’t sure if it will work, but you wanted to get one fact straight right away.  

A shadow hovers over his irises, and the aching inside of you swells once more. “It was my fault. I should’ve reacted faster.” He lowers his gaze even more. “I wish it was me instead of you.”

You close your eyes, replaying that moment of seeing the girl drenched in blood, lying unconscious in a totaled vehicle, and you understand. You know that you are supposed to be the girl he is longing to see. “No, Jungkook. It’s not your fault. It was an accident, no one could’ve predicted those events to happen that day. And please stop wishing you could’ve taken my place.”

He takes your hand in his, rubbing the back with his thumb in the way you’ve always loved most. “You’re right.” He agrees. “But it doesn’t matter now, you’re here and that’s all that matters.” 

His words do not provide you the unadulterated comfort that he intends. They are sincere, but they’re only pieces of the whole that is still broken, and you know it’s only a band aid covering a wound that has not been disinfected. “You’ve been through too much.” You squeeze his hand firmly, leaning your head against his chest just like the way you used.

“Anything for you.” Jungkook doesn’t pay attention to the strange sensation of persuading himself he’s brought you back from the dead. He’s completely fine with allowing his brain to continue tricking himself into thinking you are no different from the girl he lost in that car accident a year ago. 

But you on the other hand, are unable to ignore what you perceive to be a miscalculation.

  …

  “Do you like it?” Jungkook says, walking you into your new bedroom connected to his lab.

You look around at the spacious replica of the old room you shared with him back before you had died, complete with cream colored walls decorated with paintings and photos of the two of you in your happiest moments, a dresser for both of your clothes, your vanity lined with cosmetics and your favorite stuffed animals, his shelf of action figures and comic books, and finally a king-sized bed with white sheets placed directly in the center. It resembled the bedroom from your memories down to the very last detail, and you can’t ignore the bittersweet taste in your heart as you stood there, staring at the visual evidence of Jungkook’s attempt to restore that which cannot be repaired.  “You have a very good memory.” You comment.

He laughs for the first time in 12 months, the sound saturating the room strangely foreign to his own ears, but nevertheless completely genuine. “I scanned it and used 3-D printing technology. Piece of cake.”

You throw him a playful grin. “Boastful now, are we?”

“It’s not bragging if it’s the truth.”

“Never heard of that one.” You cock a brow.

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck, realizing it’s been a year since he’s cracked a joke. “It’s been too long, I’ve lost my touch.”

“Well, let’s bring it back then.” You nudge him in the shoulder, and he responds by reaching over and tickling you until you are both squirming on the floor giggling like the good old days.

When the two of you calm down for your laughing fit, you continue to lie on the floor together as Jungkook takes you in his arms once more. And it’s not that you didn’t enjoy being like this with him more than anything else, but the glaring fault line is there again, and it’s cutting into you like shards of glass gripped in the palms of your hands.  

“And to think I almost listened when they told me to let you go.” He tilts his head down to look at you, expression unreadable, but you can sense his grip on that shard of glass, and you know he thinks ignoring the blood oozing out of his hand will make the stinging go away because that’s what your system wants you to think as well.

But it’s a lie because the wound is growing deeper.

“It would’ve been less painful.” You tell him, almost wanting to be more adamant about the statement.

He shakes his head. “I’ll never be able to.” He whispers.

The look in his eyes is exactly how you feel when he voices those words. A mixture of emotions that are indescribable except through the endless stories built by all the memories the two of you have shared, and the reality of having a future of infinite possibilities taken away, stolen abruptly so that you are only left with fading pages of a lost life.

You scoot in closer to him and hug him snugly. Taking in every piece of sensory information you are provided in that intimate position. You are listening to every vibration of his body, the sound of his heartbeat, and his calming whispers, and in that instant you can feel yourself inching that much closer to the missing source despite knowing you’ll never reach it.

  …

  Over the next few weeks, the error that had made itself known since the moment you opened your eyes for the first time is kept at bay through your interactions with Jungkook. From the moment you wake in the morning until the day comes to its inevitable end, he is with you. He is always with you, and the fact that you would never want to have it any other way, makes you feel selfish because you were fully aware that his love for you is more than you deserve. He’s beautiful just like this world he has gifted you the ability to experience, and everything about the days you are allowed to spend with him leaves you breathless even if those ephemeral emotions are artificial. He’s covering your shared wounds with his undying affection until the surface heals while the infection below is allowed to resume spreading beneath the scars, and even though the pain is reduced to a dull throbbing, it never vanishes completely.

But he does it because he can’t let go of you.  

And it’s not that Jungkook was very good at hiding his own pain or deceiving himself into trusting that everything was perfect. It was the fact that he had literally become immune to his actions, unable to focus on treating the problem rather than the symptoms. But you completely understand him because he made you feel like your life with him was authentic, existent, and tangible. In his embrace, you are able to set your worries aside temporarily. While listening to his voice you can’t help but believe in his words. Seeing his smile you are gifted the hope that everything can potentially work out. But it wasn’t long before the superficiality of the life you have forced yourself to consider valid is actually counterfeit, and you can never run away from such a fundamental issue.

“Y/N, I have good news!”

“What is it Jungkook?” You turn around to face him as he wraps you in his arms in excitement.

“I’ve figured out how to turn myself into a cyborg.” He announces in an utterly delighted tone that sends your system directly into panic mode.

“What?!” You pull away from him, shaking your head and trying to register his words. “No, why would you do that?”

His smile drops when he realizes your reaction was not the one he had expected to witness. “So we can be together. Isn’t that great?” He peers at you hopefully, waiting for a different response.

Together. For some reason, the word hits you suddenly like a harsh gust of wind that snaps a thick branch off of a tree because you are reminded in that instant of realization that being with him was not right. It was never right to begin with, and no matter how expertly you try to hide your mistake, it always comes back to bite. It is then that the cause of the missing source finally revealed itself, and it only took one decision from him for you to locate the reason for why all of this felt so wrong.

You were not who he assumes you to be, and you do not belong with him in such circumstances.

“Yes, it is” Your voice is detached as you force yourself to agree with him, but Jungkook is too enthusiastic to notice your change in demeanor to read in between the lines. “When will you start?” You inquire, hiding the true motive behind your words.

“Tomorrow” He grins, eyes disappearing only to be replaced by smile lines and a pair of bunny teeth that makes your metal ribcage feel warm, even though it’s not and never will be.

  …

  There’s an urgent pounding at the door of Jungkook’s lab the next day, right as he is about to render the machine to undergo the transformation.  

“Who’s that?” He says to no one in particular, thinking that it was maybe Yoongi coming to check up on him.

You stay silent, watching him closely as he walks towards the door. The trepidation sowing within you is beginning to sprout, but all you can do is wait passively.

“Who-“ Jungkook is cut off as the group of men in black suits forcefully barge in unwelcomed. “Hey!” He shouts as they head straight towards you. “What are you-”

“Grab her!” One of them orders as another man behind him walks up to you and binds both of your arms behind your back.

You scream, but Jungkook is quick to react, sprinting over to your side within a matter of seconds and ripping the suited man off of you.

“We need to get out of here!” He urges, intertwining his hand with yours and making a run for it. You follow as he tugs on your arm, running after him as he keeps your hand gipped firmly within his, and you almost wish you could stay like that forever, that nothing else mattered as long as he was with you.

The two of you run outside, and it’s the first time you feel the warm rays of the sun hit your artificial skin directly. It’s so warm and comforting, a sensation supposedly foreign but so familiar because it’s a physical reminder of all the sunlit days you’ve spent with Jungkook in the past, those from the memories he has gifted you, and it prompts you to momentarily forget that you are running from people who are going to take you away and lock you up because that lovely feeling swelling inside of you is melting everything else away. 

“Where are we going?” You shout, keeping your legs moving at the same pace as Jungkook’s.

“The mountains” He replies between raged breaths. “We can hide up there until I figure out a plan.”

You ignore the feeling of guilt that is beginning to nag at you. You hate yourself for putting him through all of this, for continuing to allow him to believe in what the two of you had even though you knew it was wrong. You had known all along. His misjudgment was understandable, but yours wasn't, because your mind was always clear and you’ve always had the power to make things right. You sensed the error in the beginning, and yet you still chose to live in the lie that continues to eat away at Jungkook.  

“Don’t worry, Y/N. Everything will be ok. I won’t let them take you away.” His reassuring words hit you like a bucket of ice water and the faint smile tugging at his lips as he turns to glance at you with glassy doe-eyes is a bloodstained dagger jabbing into your chest cavity. And that’s when you realized how much you truly loved him and how unconditionally grateful you were to receive his love despite the circumstances for why he loved you and how flawed everything was, and in that moment you make a promise to yourself that you will end everything and put him out of his misery.

The trail up the mountain is steep, but Jungkook is strong and determined to make it to the top. You watch the trees fly by as the two of you raced though the forest, the sent of musky wood and wild grasses filling your senses and throwing you back to when you and Jungkook had gone camping for the very first time, how happy he was on that day and how that memory seems to only cause him pain now. The contrast only strengthens your resolve, and it wasn’t long before the two of you reach the clearing on the edge of the cliff.

“How could they have found out?” Jungkook shakes his head, covering his face with his hands as he stops to catch his breath. It was impossible, he never let any of the information he was using leak out, and the only other person he told about you was Yoongi. It couldn’t have been him could it?

“I contacted them through my system.” You mumur softly, causing him to freeze in place and his eyes to lift up, meeting yours with growing misunderstanding.

“What?” It comes out as a muted whisper. “You did what?” He takes a step closer and you take one back. “Y/N, why? Why would you tell them?” He rushes up and grips you by the shoulders, examining your body to see if any discernible malfunctions were obvious and he had just been stupid enough to miss it.

You shake your head, fighting your internal system that was trying to convince you what you did was a mistake because it wasn’t, and you knew deep down that you had to do it. “I can’t sit back and watch you ruin yourself any longer.” There are dry tears where real ones should belong in your eyes, and although they don’t stream down your cheek the way they are supposed to, the invisible substance is still able to convey the excruciating agony that has planted itself in the core of your metallic heart. You lift an arm to caress his warm cheek, moistened by his own freshly produced human tears, and he feels so familiar and so endearing that you almost feel alive like her, the missing source that you could never be, and in that infinitesimal second you’re almost able to persuade yourself that despite not being her, you are still real and you have the power to release Jungkook from his self made prison.

So you step back. 

Further and further, and it takes all the strength you have to not stop.

“Y/N! NO!!!” He’s screaming, but the world is being drowned out by his desperation. He’s rooted in place, unable to move his numb limbs that are starting to give way. “What are you doing!?” He croaks.

You smile at him one last time before taking the last step towards the edge of the cliff.

 “I’m setting you free.”

  …

  “Listen, Jungkook, I know it’s hard.” Yoongi begins, walking over and settling down on the couch of his apartment next to Jungkook. It had been two weeks since your self-destruction, and Jungkook was finally beginning to wake up.

“I keep making errors” Jungkook shakes his head, balling his hands into fists.

“You’ve only made one error thus far.” The younger male looks up, confused. “Turning her into a robot and thinking that was the equivalent of bringing her back.”

“I thought it worked.” Jungkook’s voice is hollow and empty because he’s not even confident in his own statement.

“I know you programmed her to be identical to Y/N, but she wasn’t Y/N.” Yoongi scoots over quietly and places a tender arm around Jungkook’s shoulder, rubbing his arm calmingly. “You put your memories of her into her, but that’s a completely different standpoint of how Y/N perceived you when she was alive.”

“W-what do you mean? They were memories of us. She knew us. She recognized me.” Jungkook stares off into space, eyebrows furrowing, and head throbbing once more.

“There are two halves of a relationship, two different perspectives that make up the whole.” Yoongi explains. “Those two halves are the same story from opposite points of view. I’m sure she sensed it somewhere along the way, and that’s what made her ultimately destroy herself. She must’ve understood the immense amount of pain you were in and used her artificial intelligence to calculate how to save you.”

“So it would’ve worked if I had somehow used Y/N’s memories instead?”

Yoongi shakes his head sadly. “No matter what you could’ve done, that robot could not have been Y/N. There is only one Y/N in this universe, just like there is only one version of each of us.” Yoongi sighs, pausing to come up with an easier way of looking at the concept. “Look, I don’t want to go into all these theories of what makes us who we are, but I’d like to think there’s much more to us than just flesh, blood, atoms, particles, and even memories. Wouldn’t you also like to think that Y/N was much more than what could be described by ordinary things?”

“Yeah, she was breathtaking and unbelievable in so many ways.” 

Jungkook closes his eyes, picturing the last time you smiled at him in the passenger’s seat, how the appearance of your dimples and sparkling eyes made his heart feel so full and warm, like the rays of sunlight that cascade over flowery meadows in the summer and the diamond-like crystals of dazzling snowflakes in the winter. Then his mind drifts over to the you he created with those same memories, the way your artificial features mimicked almost the exact same gesture, making those emotions manifest into tentative form, close enough to feel under the tips of his fingers. And even though it wasn’t the you he had intended to create, he still loved you almost just as much, in almost the exact same way.

“Do you think she loved me?” He asks after a long moment of silence.

 “I’m certain they both did.” Yoongi answers.

...

[possibilistfanfiction]

hiya! i notice you tag a lot of your posts with 'nora, sloane, etc.' i understand these are characters for a story you're doing. i'm curious: what's the story about?

ok ! well @turnandchasethewind (olivia) & i have been working on the sketches for this show for like. a Long time lmao it has as most projects do grown & changed & become something entirely its own & i think it’s really awesome & lovely & am rly rly jazzed for it to move forward one day

anyway the working title for it is called views, & it basically follows sloane & nora, best friends who live & work in toronto. they met when they were 18/19 at a catering gig (terrible) & theyre the kind of love that is this epic soft quiet fun powerful love between female friends. they’re young & they’re a little lost always, & the world hurts, but like. they’re Good. the current storyline begins when they’re in their early/mid-twenties & nora meets ridley, who becomes her girlfriend. ridley is rly rly lovely & beautiful & whip smart & v kind & sloane hates her which is altogether mostly funny but a little sad

sloane ideally would be played by maia mitchell just for a visual but like. a grungier cooler hot mess version of maia bc like. sloane is a trash kid she’s our absolute fav she has tons of stick n pokes & her hair is a mess or buzzed (or both) & she will wear vans until they r literally falling off. she shops mostly at black market & she got this bike off kijiji that’s like 800% terrifying. she was diagnosed with bipolar I when she was 18 & shes on meds but its obviously still smth she deals with every day. shes from vancouver & she dropped out of mcgill after An Episode but mostly bc she hated it & she moved to toronto a few months after that (which is p much immediately when she met nora). shes like our token white character shes funny everyone drags her constantly abt so many things but they Love sloane. she eats Shit food unless nora’s parents buy her groceries & she drinks a lot & sometimes she has lil spirals but she has a dog named carly rae who helps a lot. she also has a big brother named whit he’s trans & he lives in brooklyn & she Adores him. shes a tremendously talented musician but ofc being a musician is v difficult so she also works a bunch of weird jobs between music gigs. she lives in a funky apartment in kensington w like six rotating roommates. she plays sets at the beaver all the time. if sloane was gonna write a song it would be ‘young’ by vallis alps but if sloane had a themesong its a tie between i wanna get better by bleachers & control by halsey & buzzcut season by lorde & then a rly rly sad cover of i rly like you by carly rae

nora is laura harrier bc like Hot & also biracial so thats dope. shes a baker & she works at a rly cute lil bakery on queen west & she always looks so pretty & put together & she rides this beautiful linus bike everywhere w a fucking basket & everything she wears so much birds of north america & oak + fort & rly just anything from victoire & she has like 12 pairs of blundstones. shes from etobicoke & her parents are both immigrants so nora is first generation canadian shes v v invested in how that all interacts shes a smart cool kid. she’s bisexual she came out when she was 16 bc she Literally got drunk in a closet & she has a history of dating Truly shitty ppl so sloane is like v v Hesitant when she falls for ridley. she has some beautiful tattoos & some silly stick n pokes, mostly w sloane. she has a rly cool little sister named kennedy who goes to ryerson & nora went to george brown. shes rly passionate abt intersectional feminism & she volunteers w a few different organizations around the city that help lgbtq+ youth shes like. a Good person & also sloane ADORES her & nora is in a v real kinda love w sloane theyre the v best pals. also girl can Drink. once a month regardless of how cold it is she & sloane make rly good pot brownies & go to trinity bellwoods & eat them & they end up Laughing a lot. nora also fosters w save our scruff bc she & sloane adopted carly rae together but carly rae is like an emotional support animal for sloane so she spends most of her time at sloane’s apartment so bc of that nora likes to foster dogs its rly cute. she has a beautiful lil tiny studio off euclid & queen. if nora had a themesong its like some dope gay (bi) ass mix of company by tinashe & feelin myself by nicki but then she meets ridley so shes like all night by bey

pls know that nora & sloane sometimes get Rly drunk at the greenroom in the annex mostly bc they love smoking in the lil alleyway its like. their trash special place. & their songs r like. california by grimes & love gang by whethan ft charli xcx & ribs by lorde 

ok in our heads ridley is played by aj but mostly bc its hot & we love her lol, ideally ridley is quebecois metis. she has a degree in physics but her parents just both died so shes kinda taking a break from everything & rn shes a florist in the shop next to noras bakery on queen west. shes from montreal but she went to school in the states & she has a longtime ex named ash. theyre non binary & ridley & ash are still rly good friends which sloane is like Suspicious abt but nora is like sloane jfc. ridley is rly smart she wears a Lot of stay home club & j brands & she & nora have a lot of shoes n boots that look almost identical. shes queer & shes kinda just been queer forever? her parents were scientists so it was always a v inclusive educated lil home she grew up in. she was named after ridley scott & everyone always jokes that she was conceived during alien lol & honestly she probably was. shes rly funny & she has beautiful tattoos & pretty pretty eyes & nora falls for her rly fast. she has a lil quebecois accent & sometimes she forgets words in english when shes drunk or tired. she & nora first kiss outside of the beaver in the snow theyre in the alley behind the gladstone w rly beautiful street art they were smoking cigarettes & its just. soft. so queer. ridleys lil songs r hold by vera blue & 21 moon water by bon iver & Mostly corbeau by coeur de pirate

sloane has a plot twist & falls in love w jack who is half-japanese & hes rly good friends w ridley which is the plot twist part a little but the BIG plot twist part is that she falls in love at all bc she is Convinced no one can handle her & she isnt stable enough for romantic love etc etc. but jack is so good hes so smart & hes a music therapist for kids on the spectrum its like Absurd how good a person he is. hes trans & hes abt to have top surgery like a few months after he meets sloane & she goes for a while & is like blah blah im not in love w him whatever its just sex but then shes So worried abt him being ok during & after surgery & she cares abt him so much & she gets Rly drunk & cries abt it to nora its funny. one day sloane is having a rly rly bad lil depressive episode & nora has been outta town all weekend w her parents & kennedy at their cottage in muskoka & so nora texts jack like. yo sloane has bipolar i she shouldve told u this but like i gotta tell u now bc shes havin a meltdown so pls go over & bring her food from fresh get the falafel tacos & like all the pressed juice ill venmo you & Pls make her shower if she buzzed her hair try to find the scalp treatment i got her from lush its in her dresser top drawer. also shes gonna wanna drink just let her do that & make sure she takes her meds she’ll be ok itll take a day or two & hes like ok. a lot but ok. & he goes & he brings sloane food & a tshirt of his & he gets her into the shower & out to the couch & puts on superstore & she curls up into him on one side & carly rae on the other & she cries a little but honestly its not so bad & like. hes so in love w her its wild she never thought that would happen its a fun plot twist even olivia & i didnt plan on

so anyway the whole show is kinda an ode to toronto & an ode to being young & in love w your friends in a rly profound way & also what its like to fall in love w ppl u might wanna spend ur life with, a kinda love thats v new. its abt queerness & gender & race in a way thats v much present but all of the main characters r rly informed & rly like passionate abt intersectional feminism & thats a cool aspect we r both v excited abt. also sloane deals v realistically w a balance between being stable w bipolar I & also being v creative & v connected to making music which is smth thats v important to me esp. nora was sexually assaulted before she met ridley (HATE!) but we delve into that as well. 

mostly like. its just ‘we’re never done w killing time/ can i kill it w you/ i’d like it if you stayed’ 

[megades-sweet-darkness-delight]

ECLIPSA IS DISABLED!!!!!! (AND CUTE!!!!! ♠ ♿️💜😈💋♠❤) [EDITED FOR MORE READER ACCESSIBLITY]

I SENT AN ASK TO @breastforce​ A WEEK AGO, HOPING IT WOULD GAIN TRACTION WHILE I DIDN’T HAVE THE ENERGY TO POST MY WANTS AND NEED FOR (more) WHEELCHAIR USER REPRESENTATION  IN THIS SHOW AND FANDOM AND HOW I REALIZED ECLIPSA WOULD BE THE PERFECT CANDIDATE FOR IT, I WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO TAG @breastforce, @marcodiazisatransgirl and @starbutterflyisautistic in my post addressing it to help spread the idea and gain more traction,since I love their ideas and representation they’ve created for themselves within the fandom and this has nothing to to do with anything but like, after ‘Girls Day Out’ I just got really pissed, for all the love these random side characters get, that nobody in general was drawing or even talking about Toby, or how Star vs. The Forces of Evil was the first children’s cartoon in an entire decade to, not only have a wheelchair user in their storyline, but also be the only wheelchair user on a children’s cartoon in an entire decade have their wheelchair users storyline not revolve around educating abled bodied people. While also having that character be BLACK. #DisabilityTooWhite (even in cartoons) 

And afterwords, everyone was just all: Oh. That Episode Was Cute. :) I Guess. :) Nothing to write home about tho. :) Just Cute Fun Filler Fluff! :3  No Big Deal. :))) JUST WISH SOMETHING BESIDES FILLER WOULD HAPPEN FOR ONCE  NEFCY, LOL!!! XD 

MEANWHILE, MY CRIPPLED ASS IS OVER HERE, REWATCHING ALL OF TOBY’S SCENES AND PRAISING MY FAERIE GODMOTHER HAHA TOM I KNOW YOU HATE PHYSICALLY DISABLED PEOPLE BUT I FOR ONE AM HAVING A MOMENT!!!!  (also, can i just kinda.... give bonus for like, having a joke about parking spots but like, later making a point to show the person who actually needs it EXISTING??? Without having them be the butt of that joke because like... good writing???) So, after I’m done crying my happy tears about all this, I start thinking that the only thing that could make this even better is if the show featured another wheelchair user who was a girl... Cause aside from this bitch who’s name I had to look up from The Wild Thronberry’s, all the major wheelchair users have been boys. Then “Into The Wand” came out... and in my obsession with Eclipsa’s Tapestry I had an Epiphany ... THAT ECLIPSA IS THE ONLY QUEEN....

WHO’S  SITTING DOWN.  

AND THEN 

I START THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE. AND MY HEAD CANON MAY NOT BE A “THEORY” (bc in the case of wheelchair users we .... can’t exactly have coding the best we get is a cane your theories are still valid and needed and important an’ I wouldn’t have the courage to post this if it wasn’t for you I love you guys I’m so sorry .... ^ ^; <3 OX)  BUT MY POINT IS 

AFTER TOBY BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR IN CANON..... AND STAR BEING AUTISTIC IN FANON NOBY CAN TELL ME NO ... ;) 

IF A WANTED MY #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESSS  

#STARVSTHEFORCESOFABLEISM #ECLIPSAISDISABLED #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS  #DRAWHERSITTINGDOWN 

(The rest of this post will be put under a “READMORE” and been de- italicized, de-highlighted and de-bolded as above, for reader convenience)

AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DRAW HER FAT TOO SINCE EVERYONE AND THIER 9th GREAT GREAT GRANDMOTHER IS COMPARING HER TO CHERRY WHO IS OBVIOUSLY ECLIPSA’S 9th GREAT GRANDMOTHER 

ALSO DRAW HER WITH HER LOVER WHO’S NAME IS GRIMALKIN AND THEY ARE NON-BINARY AND USE ZE/ZIR PRONOUNS BECAUSE SOMEBODY NEEDS TO CARE ABOUT MY BABIES FOR OTHER THAN HOW OR IF THEY FUCKED, WHO THEY’RE RELATED TO BECAUSE OF THAT, AND AND IF THEY’RE EVIL.   

   🎵 GONNA GET A LIL’ GRIM GONNA GET A LIL’ DARK, DONE LARKING ROUND’ HERE, FLEEING THE MEWMAN  DIMENSION  🎵 See? You know you love #GrimDark, just like you love my #DisabledQueenOfDarkness head-canon and now you have a ship name to post content in so you can stop causally forgetting the big ugly monster when you draw her, and don’t worry about how the  chair effects their relationship, it’s not like Ze wouldn’t need to kneel down to her to get on her level anyway, and in the words of Margo Diaz, the ship name itself is meant to be ironic humor on the shows nature, since I suppose  people want Star Vs. to be more “GRIMDARK”  I mean ...when I realized that short version of Grimalkin would be “GRIM” and Eclipsa is the (DISABLED)Queen of (DARK)NESS  so it’s perfect, no? Move over S/T/A/R/C/O and moontoffee this couple deserved all the attention AGES is ago, and for those of you already comparing the dreaded(CO)Couple to this one since ‘Baby’ I made the the Monster Lover Non-Binary and use ze/zir  pronouns, since Margo is Trans and “Grimalkin” is traditionally the name for an old female cat who is commonly a companion of witches. You’re welcome. 

Also, I’ve decided that Grimalkin is a Cheshire Cat/My Neighbor (Totoro) based Ancient Species called Ches(SIRE) not really sure how to spell this right yet but u know how it’s supposed to to sound in ur head, right? ^^; That basically zir job is Guardian of The Spooky Forbidden Dark Forest Just Outside of Mewni TM and to protect other creatures and Monsters from the Mewmans and Demons who want to kill them; i.e,   Zie hunt and kill the demon who want to kill the unicorn for their blood and demons are actually zir primary food source living in the forest and when you eat a demon you absorb their power (hence zir horns and size) and sometimes, more often than not, zie nurse the creature/monster who was being hunted back to health, should they be hurt (hence the SIRE part) cause like, Totoro, there’s a condition on if you can see them: If your heart is dark. So yeah, Grimalkin The Forest Guardian, feel free to recreate the Totoro poster now bc I just realized Umbrellas

Just make sure to draw Eclipsa in her wheelchair when you do!!!! ^ ^ <3  When I sent this ask to Red however, it was because, with all the bombs coming down after ‘Baby’ it was because I felt as though I was... well running out of time, so to speak .... 

(CLOSE UP)

[CAPTIONED]:

How amazing foreshadowing would it be though after Toby and everything, if Eclipsa were actually a wheelchair user too and all the Past Queens of Mewni had different disabilities? And we had fan content to reflect that too like Autistic Star and Princess Margo? I'm making a post about it but like #DisabledQueenofDarkness & CpunkPastQueensofMewni should be a thing and after todays ep, I wanna get it goin' b4 Eclipsa is probs gonna get revealed to be abled bodied. Post for ppl to reblog?^ ^; ♥

So I asked @breastforce  (Red) to post that specifically so that people (the viewer) [her followers] could do one simple thing 

The ask has  42 notes not excluding my own like, so surely that means at least HALF those people must’ve REBLOGGED IT to spread the word, right? 

Huh ...  I see 38 apples with heart shaped holes 

A cute baby narwhale in the ocean (who still couldn’t be bothered to reblog tho) @natiacollins <3

And only three people who actually care.... 

Why did I ask Red to post this ask again? Oh yeah... 

And WHAT happened today? I HAVE TO DEAL WITH +5 POSTS THAT SHOW ECLIPSA STANDING UPRIGHT PARALYZED IN ICE AND NOT A PARASOL CANE TO STAND ON (she uses her Parasol/Wand for a cane/to push her chair sometimes, like Autistic Star sometimes bites her wand and uses it for other things, you’re welcome <3)

But LIKE

OH YEAH THAT’S FINE  GUYS GIMME A BUNCH OF APPLES WITH HOLES IN THEM AND THEN  RUB IT IN MY FACE CRUMBLE MY CRIPPLE PUNK PAST QUEEN OF MEWNI HEART I’M OKAY WITH THE EVENTS THAT ARE UNFOLDING CURRENTLY ....

HER LEGS ARE STILL SCISSORING THAT MEANS I STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!!!!

OR AT LEAST I STILL GOT A........

 ....GIMP GOAT .......

OKAY NOT TO OFFEND ANYBODY BUT THIS IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.... 

RIVER IS ME, MY CRIPPLED HANDS REACHING FOR CRUMBS WHILE EVERYONE ELSE GET’S TO ENJOY THEIR RICH REPRESENTATION COATED TREATS BECAUSE THIS CUTE COOKIE CAT I PICKED OUT FOR MYSELF.....

MIGHT JUST TURN OUT TO BE AN ABLED-BODIED ICE POP! 

YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M BACK TO BEING A BABY AGAIN BECAUSE THE GOATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. AND IF PEOPLE CAN’T ADAPT THEMSELVES TO DRAWING “ABLE-BODIED” CHARACTERS IN WHEELCHAIRS LET ALONE MAKE ORIGINAL ONES TO BEGIN WITH, THAT’S NOT OUR PROBLEM. 

IS IT, TOBY?

BUT THE GOAT IS GOOD FOR MY NEXT POINT.

 SO FAR IN THIS FANON/FANDOM WE HAVE FOUR AUTISTIC CHARACTERS (STAR AND JANNA AND INGRID AND STARFAN13), TWO TRANS CHARACTER (MARGO AND STARFAN13), A CHARACTER WHO’S AN ACTUAL WHEELCHAIR USER IN CANON (TOBY), AND AS OF TODAY, A GAY DISABLED MONSTER CHARACTER WHO IS CODDLED AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE “TAKEN CARE OF” BY THEIR PRIMARY CARE GIVER S/O ANY LONGER AND IS ABUSED BY THEM BECAUSE OF THAT

WHEN THEY TRY TO BE INDEPENDENT

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR ECLIPSA /NOT/ TO BE A WHEELCHAIR USER AND FOR HER LOVER TO /NOT/ BE NON-BINARY. THIS FANDOM HAS THE MOST DIVERSE FREAKING NICHES I’VE EVER SEEN!!!! HECKAPOO! THERE’S NO REASON FOR STAR BUTTERFLY NOT TO BE IN A WHEELCHAIR /AND/ BE AUTISTIC!!!! “Star On Wheels” Hello?! Back when that episode first came out, I remember someone made this disgusting ablest comment about Star “becoming a Paraplegic lolXD” so please draw her in a wheelchair just to spite them!!!! OX <3 

And also like .... we have all these old cartoon Grannies in wheelchairs. PLEASE LET ECLIPSA BE THE YOUNGEST ONE!!!! PLEASE LET HER AND THE MONSTER STEAL TOBY’S CHAIR FOR HER TO GET ROUND WHEN SHIT GOES DOWN AND LATER SHE FEELS BAD ABOUT IT CAUSE THEY SCARED THE LIL’ GUY GOOD SO THEY DECIDE TO “ADOPT” HIM AND SING THIS TO HIM:    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN-Jl1kFpX0 

FUCK TOM AND TOFFEE LET /TOBY/ BE ECLIPSA’S SON?????? AND IT WOULD BE EXACTLY LIKE THAT ONLY NO ONES TRYING TO KILL HIM GRIMALKIN’S JUST CONFUSED AND HE’S TRYING TO GET THE CHAIR FOR ECLIPSA AND IT’S CUTER <3  

ALSO GRIMALKIN REFERS TO STAR’S PARENTS AS “BULLY AND MOODY” JUST FOR CLARIFICATION YOU KNOW WHY BUT I’M OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES THESE CHARACTERS THIS MUCH BC AS FAR AS I KNOW I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS ABOUT THEM (EQUALLY) AS CHARACTERS AND I’M NOT USING THEM AS A PROP FOR MOONTOFFEE OR THINKING ABOUT WHO CAME OUT OF THEM WHEN THEY FUCKED <3 

BUT YES, LET ECLIPSA BE DISABLED!!!!! DRAW HER AS A WOMEN IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!!! BECAUSE APPARENTLY DESPITE THE CRIPPLING LACK OF REBLOGS ON THAT ASK... ;) THEY’RE ARE PEOPLE WHO STILL FIND MY NEED FOR REPRESENTATION INTERESTING!!!!!! 

SO THAT’S WHY I’M MAKING THIS POST!!!! TO PUT IT OUT THERE WHERE IT WASN’T ORIGINALLY AND START THE TAG. DO IT WITH ME!!!!!  #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS #ECLIPSAISDISABLED #STARVSTHEFORCESOFABLEISM  

AND REBLOG THIS POST!!!! I DON’T WANT YOU TO “LIKE” IT JUST REBLOG IT!!!!!! 

IF YOU WANNA MAKE IT UP TO ME YOU CAN START REBLOGGING MY ORIGINAL ASK HERE:  http://breastforce.tumblr.com/post/156994186895/how-amazing-foreshadowing-would-it-be-though-after BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND GOOD HEAD CANONS PLEASE REBLOG THIS ONE AND HELP GET THE WORD OUT!!!!! SIGNAL BOOST THIS!!!!! NOT ONLY FOR ME BUT FOR OTHER PHYSICALLY DISABLED PEOPLE WHO LOVE STAR VS. TO SEE IT!!!!!! IT’S SUCH A GOOD HEAD CANON AND HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL AND IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT #ECLIPSAISDISABLED AND I HAVE MY #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS AND THAT ALL THE PAST QUEENS OF MEWNI HAVE DIFFERENT DISABILITIES AND I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET TO CONNECT WITH DIFFERENT DISABLED PEOPLE IN ONE OF MY FANDOMS FOR ONCE. I’M GONNA DO A POST WITH ALL THE PAST QUEENS DISABILITIES SOONY BUT I WANTED TO GET THE #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS AND #ECLIPSAISDISABLED AND #STARVSTHEFORCESOFABLEISM  TAGS TRENDING TOO AND WHO KNOWS IF I’LL STILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT TOMORROW.... 

IT’S NOT CRIMINAL TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL, BUT IT’S ALSO NOT CRIMINAL TO BE A CRIPPLE OR #DISABLEDANDINTODARKNESS OR A #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS ETHER AND WE  NEED OUR REPRESENTATION TOO. ;) 

IF YOU REBLOG THIS I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER. IF YOU’RE ONLY GONNA ‘LIKE’ IT YOU CAN 

GET. OUT!!!!!!!!!

AND YOU BETTER REBLOG THIS BECAUSE I WAS UP UNTIL 5:00AM THE OTHER DAY TRYING TO FINISH THIS BECAUSE I FORGOT FRIDAY’S WERE OFF DAYS. NOT GOOD FOR MY SCOLIOSIS. NOT GOOD FOR MY LEGS. PAIN EVERYWHERE. ALL TO EDUCATE YOU. AND I HAD TO CANCEL MY PHYSICAL THERAPY THAT DAY.  

THIS MONDAY I GET MY HAND SPLINT AND BRACES PUT ON SO I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE UNCOMFORTABLE TYPING WILL BE AFTER THAT. THIS MAY BE MY LAST POST FOR A WHILE AND IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. ALSO, WHILE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT ORTHOTICS, WHEELCHAIR USERS, AND DISABILITY; ABLED-BODIED PRIVILEGE IS GROWING UP WHEN THE  ONLY REPRESENTATION FOR CHILDREN WITH “BRACES” WERE THE ONES PINCHING TEENAGERS MOUTHS, ESPECIALLY IF THERE WAS A WHOLE GODDAMN SHOW ABOUT IT 

WHILE YOU WERE SITTING THERE WONDERING WHY YOU AND YOUR BRACED UP, PINCHED UP, BRUISED UP LEGS GOT NOTHING..... 

So before I publish this, I just wanna add in the few things I forgot do to tiredness. 

ECLIPSA IS STILL TOTALLY GOING TO NEED HER CHAIR ONCE SHE GETS UN-CRYSTALIZED. THE WHOLE ENTIRE REASON SHE’S LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE IS BECAUSE THE TIME OUT GUY, BEING THE  JUDGEMENTAL PRICK THAT HE IS, THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS “EVIL” NOT BECAUSE SHE’S THE QUEEN OF DARKNESS, BUT BECAUSE FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW, SHE WAS “FAKING HER DISABILITY” BECAUSE HE SAW HER GET UP ON HER OWN FOR 5 SECONDS AND TOOK THAT AS AN INSULT TO LEKMET, FREEZING HER ONLY TO AVENGE THE GOATS HONOR. NATURALLY, HER LOVER TURNED SIGNIFICANT OTHER WASN’T TOO HAPPY ABOUT THIS AND CAUGHT ON TO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED PRETTY QUICK, SO TIME OUT GUY AND LEKMET USED HER TITLE AND ALL THIER “PAST CRIMES” AS A SCAPEGOAT TO KEEP HER THERE, RATHER THAN UN-FREEZE HER AND FACE THE MUSIC. 

AND AGAIN, I’M NOT TRYING TO OFFEND ANYBODY BECAUSE I KNOW SHE’S PEOPLES DAUGHTER AND TOBY IS MY SON TOO BUT LIKE, IF STAR VS. WERE ONE OF THOSE CARTOONS THAT TRIED TO DO EPISODES ON HOW PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS ARE “JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE” (THANK GOD THEY’RE NOT .... AT LEAST NOT /YET/) MARGO DIAZ WOULD TOTALLY BE THAT ONE OVER PROTECTIVE ASSHOLE WHO TALKS IN A WEIRD BABY VOICE AND SAYS THINGS LIKE “MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT THIS ONE OUT....” AND “IT’S FOR YOUR OWN SAFTY...” AND STAR WOULD (PROBABLY) BE THE ONE TELLING HER TO CHILL AND ACTUALLY TREATING THE WHEELCHAIR USER LIKE A PERSON ...

LIKE WHEN ECLIPSA GET’S UN-CRYSTALIZED, SHE IMMEDIATELY FALLS TO THE GROUND LIKE “IT’S OKAY! KITTY CAT OFFENSE GOT ME COVERED!” AND THEN MARGO’S LIKE “AAAH! STAR! YOUR GRANDMA’S FALLEN AND SHE CAN’T GET UP!”

“BUT SHE LANDED ON HER PAL-”

“SOMEBODY CALL ALIVE ALERT!!!!”

“OH, DON’T WORRY PRECIOUS, I ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE WHO’S ON ALERT FOR /MY LIFE/” *PRESSES THE LIL, CRESCENT MOON PENDANT ON HER CREST AND IT STARTS GLOWING* NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE’S ROLLED OVER ON THE FLOOR....

“OH NO! SHE’S ....! IS SHE HAVING A COUGHING FIT OR A HEART ATTACK? I  CAN’T TELL.” 

“IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A GIGGLE FIT OF OMINOUS SHUOJO LAUGHTER... BUT FOR WHAT I DON’T-- AWHNO!!!” 

“AWH WHA-?” *STAR GRAPS AT HER HOODIE* “MARGO! WE NEED TO GET HER OUTTA’ HERE! SHE CAN’T WALK OR USE MAGIC, AND ALL MY SPELLS ARE AFRAID OF HER! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR DAD!” AND MARGO GET’S OUT HER DS LIKE “OKAY!” AND ONCE SHE’S OUT OF EARSHOT, ECLIPSA SAYS TO STAR IN HER PERFECT COCKNEY ACCENT LIKE “AWWHH, WOTS’A MATTA’, CAKEPOP?! YOU DON’ WONNA STAY’ ER’ AN’ WAIT WIT’ GRANNY TA’ MEET YER’ POPPOP?!

AND STAR’S ALL ANNOYED AN’ GRUMBLY LIKE “/STEP!/ POPPOP! Myevilstep-poppop...” 

And that’s when Eclipsa gets 100% serious and her tone get’s kinda sad and soft like “ So because ze stepped in and zir part demon, zir just evil and an accessory for ‘Bad Girls’? Like those Scissors?” 

And Star’s like “HOW DID YOU-” but then Margo comes back with her mom and dad following and Rafael scoops Eclipsa off the floor and she’s like “Ooooo, Angie! Your husband is so strong ... Wait’ll you meet mine!” And Angie’s like “HAHA THANKS!” *whispers to Margo* “Howdoessheknowournames?”  

Rafs all insecure like “Whoisherhusband?”

“IdontknowMomandDad...I.Dont.Know......” 

Then later, they have her settled on the couch with a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea, Margo realizes Eclipsa has a permeant disability but still doesn’t trust her (thinking she’s faking, putting on some cliche act) so she just drops the bomb of “LOOK .... I know you’re a Granny and all, but ....aren’t you a bit too YOUNG to be disabled?” 

And without missing a beat, right in front of her parents, Eclipsa just grins and goes “Aren’t you a bit too young to have lived 30 years of your life in an alternate dimension and have the mark of Heckapoo,  JENNIFER RINK? ;3 ”  and goes right back to sipping her tea.

“....30 /WHAT/?!”

“....... Mark of /WHO/???!!!”  

“OH!” *ECLIPSA PUTS DOWN HER TEA USING HER SPOON LIKE A WAND IN THE AIR* “IT’S ‘HECK-A-POO’. HECKAPOO!” 

*Raf gets sidetracked seeing her do a lil’ magic with her tea spoon when her eyes start to glow* “I’m sorry if this is invasive to ask, Mrs. Eclipsa, but ... Can you shoot lasers out of your eyes like these puppies?” 

Margo’s still horrified.  “STAR. HOW DOES SHE KNOW THESE THINGS????!!!??” 

Star’s just like “ CAUSE GRANDMA’S KNOW, JENNIFER! Grandma’s know!!!” 

Eclipsa’s like “That’s my girl.” 

“But Queen Eclips- ...GRANNY! You never answered Mr. Diaz’s question!” 

*sips tea* “The answer is that I most certainly can, Star.” 

“AAAWH YIIII-”  

*takes another sip of tea before adding* “But I only use my laser powers in the most EXTREME of emergencies.” 

“Awwh.” 

*Finally finishes tea and there’s a flash of light and Eclipsa appears to be gone before Star feels something warm and fuzzy curled up on her lap * “Unless ... Anyone would like to see what I look like as a laser kitty? :3″ 

“AAAAAAAAAWWHH!!!!” 

CONCEPT:  THE “TIE” AROUND ECLIPSA’S WASTE IS ACTUALLY A FASHIONABLE  BACK BRACE MADE TO LOOK LIKE A PART OF HER DRESS. IT HELPS HER STAND UP BETTER. 

And I WILL make a post for all the Past Queens disabilities, it’s just I came up with a cute little pun for mine and I don’t feel comfortable making Mewni style puns for other peoples disabilities... ^ ^; So when I make that post the disabilities will just be listed as they are on Earth and #STARVSTHEFORCESOFABLEISM seems like a better catch all, since the term “CPunk” was coined by somebody else and means a very specific thing... ^ ^; 

But Eclipsa’s disability is called “Celestial Purrsy” (a play on my own disability, Cerebral Palsy)  and it basically means she has all the advantages/disadvantages of a cat ... ^ ^; It’s taken as a birth defect by the Mewmans because she looks like she has DNA from   different dimension? ^ ^; Like this is gonna sound kinda morbid and dark but they suspect she’s a “changeling” and that the alternative version OF Eclipsa (like the one of Star we see in “MathMagic”) 

Somehow replaced/possessed the “REAL” one at birth because she was born with her little kitty eyes/mouth 

and paws 

Which she’s been made to cover up since birth in order to look more like a “normal” mewman , like think of the old wives tale of cats stealing babies breath and the dreaded dimension of Star vs. where cats  have human faces, on Mewni there’s basically this old wive tale of “Mewmans who have cat faces” and if they’re born that way it’s Bad Luck because they’re “The Cat Who Snatched The Mewmans Body” and that’s what they think happened to Eclipsa. That’s why they call her “Eclipsa” because they think “a dark shadow was cast over their baby” A “Fairy Godmothers curse” (The character of ‘Baby’ is actually described as “Star’s Fairy Godmother”in wikipedia summary. So maybe they think Eclipsa’s cursed with a cat face because the Fairy burped on her or or something AND THAT’S WHY THEY HATE HER SO MUCH OH MY GOSH. GET IT? AN OLD WIVES ABOUT BABIES BREATH? A FAIRY GODMOTHER CAT NAMED ‘BABY’? OH MY GOSH. They blame things like Eclipsa’s size and her love of food on Baby too, but that’s just another part of the stigma Eclipsa faces because her parents are arseholes. 

Eclipsa even went through Mewberty “wrong” because her Mewberty from actually looks a lot like Baby ... And other Mewmans are like “Eeew, what are you? you silly Cat/Bug/Moth thing we’re supposed to be strictly INSECT BASED!!!!” 

And instead of “BOYS” all she wanted to do was play with balls of yarn ...  She hoarded all the yarn, and then she actually CREATED the “Worlds Most Dangerous Creature” we see in ‘Inter-Dimensional Field Trip’ WITH THE YARN...  

For what purpose though, her parents were concerned... 

She was basically treated as more of a prized house pet than a mewman, a Familiar meant to serve rather than the Queen she was met to be, and, like Star, she didn’t know basic magic ... As Queen of Mewni, she was a Familiar/Figure head, an “inspiration” to the kingdom more than anything and her husband at the time, a boarder-line powerless Mewman who never left his mewberty form by choice,  King Lunar (LOO-NAR) used her for her magic, she was barely allowed to use her wand and the parasol was always opened up and propped on her wheelchair behind her where she couldn’t  reach it in order to “shield her from the elements”, as Lunar put it. 

They married because he took her out to The Bloodmoon Ball on a pity date, dancing was required according to their parents, and their souls “accidentally” bonded.  Just as they intended.  

SO you all know cerebral palsy is a muscle thing, right? Well with Eclipsa, her “Celestial Purrsy” is A BIT more exaggerated like someone (Glossaryck) will sneak up on her and she’ll have a muscle spasm, even if she’s prepared for it, but if she’s not wearing her seat belt, she’ll do that kitty thing where she’ll end up clinging to the ceiling, cat noises and everything, and she has those weird ticks that I have where she’ll get a twitch through her body like .... 

It’s less pleasant than Jiji’s in the context of that gif, but t that’s the  only way I know how to to describe it ... And then Glossaryck tries to get her to relax and “dip down” to try to get her off the ceiling but she just ... can’t do it... not because she’s afraid (it’s just an INVOLUNTARY REFLEX, EVERYONE CALLS HER A “SCAREDY CAT” OR APOLOGIZES AND NOBODY GETS  IT...) but because her purrsy effected muscles are so tense and she can’t unclench them cause ...her body is afraid it’ll hurt? ^ ^; So Glossaryck will have to call Lunar to help get her down and he’s part moth, so he’ll like make a big show of like, crawling up the ceiling to get her and he’ll do it extra slow just to freak her out more because he knows that she hates it when she touches her but she can’t show it cause he’s her care giver and her husband and she feels guilty for doubting his love and daring to think he makes her uncomfortable on purpose... yeah marriage problems ... ^ ^;  Sorry for creepy imagery ... ^ ^; 

Glossaryck tries to talk to Lunar about it and suggests that MAYBE she’ll be more comfortable around him if he actually lets her USE HER WAND... since she hasn’t  touched it since she was a teenager and WHO KNOWS HOW HER PERSONALITY HAS CHANGED SINCE THEN ... So Lunar’s like “FINE!!! HERE ECLIPSA!” (he can hand here the wand without effect on him since he doesn’t actually have hands to hold it with... he has feelers and mewberty goop... so everything just kinda... latches on to him all sticky ..... yeah, sorry for nightmare fuel again) Aaaaaaanndd we get our first glimpse of our Queen of Darkness then, wardrobe change and everything (the thorn crown doesn’t come in until she spends more time with Grimalkin and more specifically, when she’s evaluated by Baby and grows her apple tree later, when she’s been living with her Lover, they ask the Fairy Godmother to marry them right there), everyone is surprised by the transformation expect  for Glossaryck, who’s like  “Somebody’s been suppressing a lot of ANGER ....” *Looks over at Lunar* “Wonder what could be the cause* And then Lunar looks over at Eclipsa who looks about ready to KILL HIM an’ he snatches the wand away as quickly as she had it via his gross Mewberty goop and he’s like “SEE?! All that power is far too dangerous for someone so small look at what just happened! You just turned yourself into a monster when your supposed to be my sweet little muffin!”

 Now we get to Toffee’s relation to Eclipsa.... after the whole wand thing happened he was actually (supposed to be) her aid. Cause King Lunar become paranoid of his wife becoming “out of control” and needed someone to “control” her when he wasn’t there because                   “ (ableism) I’m too busy to be scrapping you off the ceiling every time you have one of your episodes!!!! (ableism)” So .... he tries some of the Mewman staff at  first ... But they’re all ether too condescending or just plain afraid of her and don’t even wanna touch her ... and Eclipsa knows this and plays it up to her advantage... So Lunar finally get’s this idea ... And he picks who he deems the most “intelligent” in the ... lizard prison... tells them that they’re going to “Keep an eye on the Queen”, takes them to Eclipsa’s room and Lunar’s like “Okay LIZARD I’m gonna show you what you’re working with here” And it’s just Eclipsa, alone, by herself, eating this big bowl of candy with her gloves off and pawing at the wrappers... 

And the lizards like “She looks SLIGHTLY less bored than I am...” 

“She’s hysterical ...” 

*mumbles* “ComingfromLunarTheLoon....” 

“What was that, REPTILE...?” 

“Nothing...! Yourbugeyedbenevolence...” 

“If you’re so keen on insulting someone today, just make sure you speak to HER in the slowest, weirdest voice possible!” 

“....OKIEDOKIEHOPEYOUCHOKIE!!!” 

Then the door slams and it’s perpetual “SURPRISE!!!!” voice until Eclipsa goes “Oi Lizzie! You like some tea from all that Buff- frog in ya throat?!” 

And then Liz drops the act like “Oh, I don’t eat garbage...” 

“Well, had me confused, you are what you eat...” 

“And you’re hysterical...” 

“Mm. So I’ve heard. But I’m sure the Buff-frogs don’t like hearing their fellow monsters think they’re ‘garbage’. That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, is it? Even if it is used as an excuse not to eat them.” 

“I suppose that’s true... Are you going to strike me now?” 

“Why would I strike the hand that feeds me?” 

“On days like this, I can think of many reasons, especially if you’re hungry.”

*She edges the bowl of candy over to him* “Please. :3″ 

“...Thank you....” *Being the ... picky eater that he is, (or making certain it’s not poison) she notices him carefully searching for his favorite candy and laughs when he gathers a handful of it* 

“There you go!” 

*Mouth already full of Saltwater Toffee* “Whut ...?!”

”I think your name is Toffee! What would you say about that?” 

*he looks guilty for all the candy pieces he’s holding in his hands* I’d say that it would suit me, Queen Eclipsa, Thank you!”  

“Your very welcome, Toffee! Also, that reminds me, we need to buy you a suit, it’ll look more official when you help me boot out my bugger of a husband! *ironic ship teasing/future ex girlfriend reference bc she later falls for someone who wears no suits at all, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT* 

Toffee can’t help but find this amusing and smilies “You want me to... AIDE you in starting a rebellion against your husband?” 

*Eclipsa borrows a piece of his toffee, pops it in her mouth, and grins* “Now look who’s hysterical...” 

The very next day, Toffee returns to Eclipsa all beaten and bloodied up. His tail is missing and , he’s pretty much dying. Eclipsa is freaking out...realizing her wand is gone too, doesn’t know what’s going on but has a pretty good inkling of who’s behind it. Next thing you know Lunar comes in all like “Hm. That’s two things that don’t belong to me now, or is it three? You’ll never get your kingdom back.”

 And Eclipsa is tears “I don’t care about the kingdom! What did you do to to Toffee?!” 

And Lunar throws the tail and the and the wand back to their rightful owners and says “What I could never do to my bugger of a bride!” before slamming the door on them again. 

The second he leaves, Eclipsa drops herself out of her chair unto to the floor, crawls over to Toffee, asks him to tell her what she can do to to help him, and he tells her  weakly that he’s heard of an ancient being in the dark forest who supposed to heal monsters, Eclipsa’s like “Alright, we’ll go there. Right now.” Takes off her hat and props it under his head, then goes over to her bed to get some pillows, where her book is laying. 

Glossaryck pops out and is like “What are you doing?” 

“You heard what just went on.” 

“You’re going to The Dark Forest to seek Grimalkin.” 

“ Gesundheit.” 

“No no. Grimalkin is the name of the HEALER. Trust me, if I  sneezed, you’d know it.” 

“Get away.” 

“Eclipsa, I’m you’re teacher and YOU NEED ME.” 

“No I don’t.” 

“Fine. Be that as it may, I will accompany you on your journey.” 

“Why?” 

“SATISFACTION BROUGHT IT BACK!” 

“...Whatever. Help me pad my chair with these pillows while I lift Toffee up, and hurry.” 

“...Maybe if  you cast  ‘LEVITATO’-” 

“I KNOW!!!!” 

Toffee protests to taking Eclipsa’s chair but Eclipsa says that right now, he needs it more than she does. “Besides, I have my Gait Trainer, silly Gator!”  They secure some rope they got from Eclipsa’s curtains to the chair and Toffee’s under the impression that Eclipsa’s going to tie the other end around her waist and pull him herself, so he objects to that too. He earns some perfect shoujo laughter and a “Don’t be ridiculous, Toffee!” Before giving a sharp whistle and a small usher of rats scurry out from under the bed “I mean, I would if I had to, but there’s no need. Follow Mummy babies!” and just like that they grab a hold of Toffee’s rope and follow her out every door, with to rats stationed in front of her to help open them.

 One of the servants asks if they should do something, watching her head towards the dark forest from the window, to which Lunar responds “Nah, curiosity killed the cat.” And the rest is history. Basically because Toffee made her PROMISE to come back and visit him every day because he heard what Lunar had said to her before and was afraid for her at that point. Which Grimalkin allows because he BEGS xem and the Guardian sees how this monster cares for HER. Plus she looks too exhausted to do any real harm at the moment.  

Eclipsa promises Toffee that she’ll come back, and she’ll start working on her spells for self defense. 

When Eclipsa asks Grimalkin tells her that Toffee’s tail can’t be re-attached, and it could take a while for the other lizard monsters who to live there to teach him how to regenerate, maybe even generations but zie CAN preserve his life. Maybe even raise a new life from the old tail.

 When she hears this, and she’s letting it sink in that Toffee almost died,  Eclipsa considers making up an immortality spell so she’ll never have to worry about the scare of losing him ever again. Then Eclipsa tells the guardian about the prison and zie promise to see what can be done. Also this happen at some point, after they’re at least on a more friendly/flirty basis ...

“You’re a healer, right?” 

“You know what I am.”

”Yeah, well...How come other people don’t know I can’t be cured?” 

“Dunno.” 

“I mean I know I KNOW...and YOU KNOW, so how come THEY dunno? YA KNOW?!”

”The answer is as mysterious as my origins, Purple One.” 

“YOU’RE A PURPLE ONE! Also, your stripes are really pretty!” 

“So are your paws.” 

“May I feel your pretty stripes with my pretty paws? :3″ 

“You are MARRIED! Also, I am not purple, I am  Magenta.” 

“ And I’m Sorry I Asked! ;W;” 

Toffee is watching them like “Pfft ... FURRIES!” 

When things start getting more intense between them (Grimalkin & Eclipsa) later, Eclipsa tells Lunar over dinner that she wants to  make other living arrangements, of course, the tyrannical King laughs in her face. THIS is what leads the Lovers to make arrangements of their own behind the King of Mewni’s back, at least until they can get away, they’re hoping ...  

That’s pretty much it, sorry for going into a bit a mini fic mode, I just really wanted to sell the idea of Eclipsa... being a disabled person so that people would actually, you know... want to draw her as such. ^ ^; Since I don’t think it’ll happen at all in the show, twice, although it would be a freaking miracle if it did ... ^ ^; 

I’m also sorry for the snobby way that I think some of this post is worded? ^ ^; I’m not trying to play the oppression game with anyone here .... ^ ^; It’s just, people see a character and they think of ways to see themselves.... and anyone can draw a missing eye, limb, or cane as a cool character trait or accessory but absolutely NOBODY (as far as I know)  sees a character and thinks “I’m going to draw that “abled-bodied” character in a wheelchair, so people who maybe don’t have the physical ability to create sometimes can see themselves too”. Which is why I think starting a movement along the lines of #DRAWHERSITTINGDOWN, or more inclusively #DRAWTHEMSITTINGDOWN would be SUPER IMPORTANT. 

I mean, at least it’s better than saying “cripple the bitch”. Which in retrospect I’m surprised hasn’t been turned into some kind of revolutionary artistic  renaissance or reclamation movement made exclusively for disabled artists to draw what disabilities they’ve envisioned for the abled-bodied characters that they adore already (in a way that’s not the result of villainous violence or results in vendetta, unless of of course they’re a villain or simply have a vendetta against our abled-bodied overlords whom  oppress us so, that would be an excellent excuse to have those elements included in the explanation of how their disability effects them, like I just did with Eclipsa ).      

Because I feel bad and embarrassed because every time I want to see an “abled-bodied” character in a wheelchair, I think of the phrase “cripple the bitch” and then my internalized ablism thinks up some horrible accident they were in order to “make them that way”.  Because nobody draws an “abled bodied” character in a wheelchair just because. Unless it’s the disability sign. And we need to start.  

STAR VS. THE FORCES OF EVIL IS THE /ONLY SHOW/ WHERE I FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH STARTING IT! AND I /STILL/ FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN /WHY/ I NEED THIS HEADCANON RATHER THAN JUST SAY BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE OR CODING TO HELP ME. AND I’M AFRAID PEOPLE WILL ETHER HUMOR ME ONCE OR WON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT BECAUSE THEY’RE ABLED BODIED. AND WHERE IS TOBY?! IS MY SON STILL IN DETENTION?! I DON’T MEAN TO DISOWN HIM BUT I DESERVE BETTER THAN AN ACTUAL HUMAN SIDE CHARACTER WHO ONLY SHOWED UP ONCE, A GOAT, A WEIRD WEREWOLF GUY, AND  

I’m sorry that I feel like I’m playing the oppression olympics right now, like I’m wheeling over eggshells with every word that I type, but I know I deserve better, I really do! I deserve my Disabled Queen of Darkness, Eclipsa. And she and her wheels deserve a spot on Daron Necfy’s Diverse (and I’m not being ironic because I LOVE YOU FAERIE GOD MOM <3) wall of art, along with an actual (and still autistic)  Star on Wheels . And so do Eclipsa’s husband and their son, Toby. Like all four in the same picture; a family portrait. That Would Be AMAZING!!! Especially if “Grimalkin” was like, like both Eclipsa AND Toby up on each arm IN THIER WHEELCHAIRS like they were lifting weights like in a “strong man” pose cause they’re arms are definitely big enough to support two manual wheelchairs that weigh virtually nothing them cause they’re so strong and they just ... can. 

And Star is parked on the floor in front in her power chair ... with “The Gang” (Trans Marco, Jackie,  Tom, Janna and Starfan13) all gathered around her and they’re all just being happy an goofy and Janna’s in Star’s lap, probably. Starfan13 didn’t have enough room so she’s like, squishing Star’s face with her’s in a hug, you know that cute squishy hug face? 

Ingrid’s in the picture too, sitting in the monsters arms at Toby’s side holding his hand cause he’s a little nervous that he’ll fall. She wanted to be in the photo too and Grimalkin understood her cause they also speak German and they asked her if she could keep Toby company so he wouldn’t be scared. She said okay, but she’s not giving up her comfort item for nothin’, also it will cost The Queen her guillotine. 

Eclipsa’s over on the other arm just lookin’ as chill as ever. Cause she knows that her Lovie would never let her roll off. 

That would look PERFECT on Daron’s wall! Hopefully #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS becomes as popular as other fanon so we can make that happen! Feel to use any of the tags I’ve created to start posting!!! Maybe even said some Disabled Queen of Darkness to Daron!!! (And me of course, if I’ve convinced you that Eclipsa Is Disabled and you want to actively draw her and write her as such please send all your content to me!!! I’d love to see it!!!! <3)    

I have other thoughts on the monster themselves, their love for Eclipsa, it’s importance to the entire freaking plot of the series, and the way they’ve been treated in favor of Toffee and Eclipsa herself, like that line about treating the monster lover as an accessory was there for a reason and I’m pissed, but I’ll write up why later because YOU KNOW WHY... and I wanna go ahead and get this posted before the final airs.  

I encourage everyone who sees this to reblog this even if they’re not in the Star vs. fandom! Like you can consider this a one fandom/character/headcanon/masterpost thing but I feel like it’s a great way to get the general tags of #DRAWHERSITTINGDOWN and #DRAWTHEMSITTINGDOWN started!  Also, REMEMBER: DO /NOT/ USE THE WORD “CRIPPLE” IF YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY DISABLED!!!!! 

I know using “if” in an apology is wrong but I don’t know how else to word this so ... I’m genuinely sorry if any other physically disabled people reading this are uncomfortable with my usage of the word in this post? ^ ^; It’s just it’s used as a catchall by other people in our community and after finding cpunk, I recently started identifying with the word to help me find other people ... ^ ^; <3 OX 

Also  people, when you reblog this, please clarify whether or not you physically disabled in the tags in order to help me find other people...  ^ ^; <3 OX I’ve never done this before, so words of encouragement and feed back would also be appreciated, and if you said something ... vaguely kind or encouraging before? ^ ^; <3 Know they still are (just now is your chance to reblog ^ ^; <3 OX)  

I really would appreciate it if @starbutterflyisautistic     and @marcodiazisatransgirl would reblog this too since *themorrison’svoice* YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL!!!!!  ❤ 

And SPEAKING of cool criminal individuals I just want to thank Red for publishing my ask in the first place. She’s helped and inspired so many with the Trans Marco theory and she’s the one who helped me realize I had a basis for my Disabled Queen of Darkness too. Also, she’s the one who inspired the idea of Eclipsa’s husband being some weird bug thing who preferred to stay in their  Mewberty stage, “like an invading body snatcher virus took over.” Because it shows some real contrast between some monsters and the mewmans I think, rather than just being some humanoid oppressors afraid of the scary monsters because they “don’t understand”. Because they had this “mewberty” thing happen to them, where they ether “wouldn’t be back to normal”, or they made the conscious decision to stay in or out of it, good or bad, and if they understood exactly what they were doing to the other monsters and enjoyed it because they considered THEMSELVES the“ideal” of what a monster should look like. And then that bad history was erased through centuries of .... literal humanization I just think there’s a bit more to explore through that narrative then having Eclipsa’s former husband be some cliche Gaston stereotype, or even the “well meaning Nice Guy TM who lets the girl go” trope. 

And I know that making the Mewman King Eclipsa was married to a tyrant is a bit of a cliche as well, but striping Eclipsa of the powers she’s supposed have because of that, giving Eclipsa a physical disability and have her be oppressed because of that, like Star would be with the autism headcanon... It would kinda level the playing flied between Eclipsa and the Monster a bit because THEY’RE BOTH MINORITIES!!! THEY’RE BOTH OPPRESSED!!!!  The Monster a bit more than Eclipsa but still ... the thing common helps them understand each other a bit more and helps this become much more than “ I married my oppressor because I changed them and they changed me” “love” story, because c’mon, so far, the basis for these two finding a connection in these fandom has been “You’re not bad for a ______” AND WE ARE SO NOT DOING THAT WITH WHAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE AN ALLEGORY FOR AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP C’MON .... 

And I wouldn’t have thought any of this if it weren’t for Red, she’s our rebel princess, she’s the best, loves the wayward sister in the purple dress, she’s given me the courage to fight, for Heckapoo On Wheels, Disabled Dark Queens and Butterfly’s ....and TOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! 

Okay so I hope that wasn’t too corny but like, seriously, I love you Red!! You are ROCK and are (truly) an inspiring beautiful person who’s fun to be around and I hope this isn’t embarrassing or too much because I know we only ever had contact from that ask, but I owe you so much credit for inspiring me to claim Queen Eclipsa for myself as well as the other Past Queens of Mewni for other people with disabilities because it’s amazing that you and Daron have made me feel comfortable in my own skin enough to do that! I love this show and this little niche fandom of Wayward Princesses SO MUCH and it all means so much to me you have no idea and I am SO GLAD you’re a part of it!!! I’m worried that some of this post as well as that ask was worded with some twinges of jealously ... and maybe that’s why it wasn’t originally reblogged .... because I sounded so ...impatient? But I want you to know that I mean this, un-ironically, from bottom of my heart and I’m not just saying for notes or popularity: You are important. You are loved. You have done so much for the community and so much for me and so many other great things and more than enough things for me to thank you for so you don’t need to feel pressured to reblog this, Red! Just know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart and you’ll continue to do even more, I wouldn’t have known there was an interest in Eclipsa being disabled or have the courage to write this if it weren’t for you!! So Thank You!!! OX ❤

If it’s okay, I just want to link everyone to Red’s Princess Marco and Star vs. Trailer’s since they’re Hecka magical and wonderful, haven’t gotten comments in a while and all you Poo heads should leave some more love for them!!!!!   ;)  ❤ 

Princess Marco Trailer: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4pYrOO68ys

Star Vs. Trailer:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qkjUFB-NcA  

Congrats on Trans Marco being canon, everyone! ;) ❤ OX 

Well, here I am, 12:50 AM, Monday. The night before they air the final. About to get my hand brace in the morning. About to finally post something that’s been  in my drafts for a week, with spelling errors and other things I can’t be bothered to fix, with this post being the best post about Eclipsa that you will ever read. With Eclipsa (probably) about to be confirmed to be the abled-bodied ice pop I was worried about. FANON DON’T FAIL ME NOW!!!!!!! ❤ OX  

(Get it...? Cause the saying is? And I’m? Yeah ....Side note about the goat and my sense of humor earlier DO NOT USE THE WORD “GIMP” IF YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY DISABLED ETHER, NOT EVEN IF YOU’RE USING THE BADLY NAMED ART PROGRAM TO DRAW ECLIPSA, THANK YOU!)  

 ♠💜😈💋♠ ❤ ALL LOVE ECLIPSA, DISABLED QUEEN OF DARKNESS!!!!!! ♠💜😈💋♠❤

   ♠💜😈💋♠❤AND MAY YOU ALL .... DRAW HER SITTING DOWN... ♠💜😈💋♠❤

 #ECLIPSAISDISABLED #DISABLEDQUEENOFDARKNESS #DRAWHERSITTINGDOWN #STARVSTHEFORCESOFABLIESM #DRAWTHEMSITTINGDOWN

[a-memoir-of-me-blog]

or is he just a reflection of us? vice versa?

i remember talking to my first love about this....trump is a catalyst and the people KNOW culture needs to change and we need to take action and responsibility in our hands instead of solely relying on the government. the government wants you to use it....just know how to be resourceful

Trump woke lol.

His smokescreens are genius.

He aggravating ppl because he's just making them reflect on themselves. And make them wanna educate themselves more when he says "I know this more than u". He understands humans. And as humans. We don't want someone to be better than us. So it forces us to look at the important stuff and rlly learn about it and how the system fucked us.

Trump is making everything ride up so then he can flip it and change it.

He's cutting off the hurtful parts. So we can focus on ourselves. And improve. And when we improve. We have more. We have more educated ppl. We have more innovators. We have more value that can be offered to places outside of us after we internally improve. And then ppl come here and realize. This is our true value. Humans in our country. Our potential. And how the potential here is so high. That places where it's low and they wanna seek it come to us and we balance out.

Example. Diffusion in cells

He's making America more self reliant.

I think that the most value is life itself. And that's why he's keeping it here. And why he wants to make more American things. Instead of outsourcing. Because if we outsource. We're cheating ourselves. Are we really owners of what we have? They own us. The ones who give us the things we want. Because of media. We are wasting!!!! We need to change the American mentality. Become more self reliant. Improve ourselves. Before we help anyone else. Because if we're low on life supply. Then why would we help other places that only suck out life we have here that we're already low on?

Trump is making the oppressed mad. So they can educate themselves and get to the same level. Realize things. And change the system that they're in. And we can't do that because we're stuck in the established. We're stuck in the capitalist mindset.

Trump is using his "money credibility" as a force to lure ppl out of the darkness.

He's putting on a show to get people involved and wake up.

Media is feeding us false value. False ideas. Encouraging us to spend money for what? Clothes? That were made as a profit maker for us? Kill someone else on the other side of the world? For what? To "look cool"? To feed our ego that was made by media?

My philosophy is this. And history and philosophy and books about humanities and our conditions as humans. Hamlet. Walden. Icarus. Etc.

We need to be more self reliant. We need to build an abundance of valuable producers. Not consumers. We need to build ourselves first. And THEN we can help others out.

We are our own ecosystem and economy and business. We must feed ourselves. We must be healthy. We must have life for ourselves and sustain it and not rely on anyone outside of us. Because. The food we eat. GMO's etc. not good for health. And what? So we can feed back into the healthcare system? That Monopoly money feeding industry off of the sick ppl of our own country? Again. Media attracts u to that shit.

And guess what. We're gonna die because of that. We're gonna die because imagine. One day. We have no access to water because someone is hogging it and then selling it. For what? What will that dollar do? Can they eat it? Oh. So they can buy some shit that is unnecessary. Literally just to feed their ego because "oh. This latest car or fashion will make *media washed ppl* praise me". How sad does that sound? You're just as washed as them.

But u know who has the true value? Someone who knows the value of life alone. Who sees the potential. There's so much potential in that one little garden. That one garden to feed yourself. That one garden that will sustain your basic necessities. Without the need for money. Money has no intrinsic value. Money cannot be eaten. Money cannot be drank. Money cannot sustain life. It can feed an ego that was created because we're brainwashed by media tho. And I guess that comes into play because as humans we love to have attention. We love to be seen as more than the next person. We love the praise. But you're getting the praise by killing one off? So what...you're gonna kill the world you're in. Kill the people you are living in the world with?

And guess what. Sooner or later. YOUR future. YOUR actions that trickle down to next generations after the other. Will have a bad affect because of ur mindset and actions today.

Sooner or later the world will be dead and we killed it. Sooner or later, the ppl we once wanted to get praise from can no longer praise u because they're dying. The ppl u once wanted to trade GOODS with can no longer supply u anymore because WE took it all out by money. So guess what? Now you're dying. Now you're alone. And now you, the one who relied on everyone else to support YOUR HEARTBEAT, will die because you don't know how to keep ur water clean. U don't know how to feed yourself by having your own garden. You don't know how to travel anymore from place to place because u relied on someone else.

It's so ironic. We will kill ppl slowly by exploiting them and making them do stuff. So we can (example), get the labor from them and use it (cotton for example) and sell it for a profit....to get what??? There is no value in that shirt u sold. But there's a life on there that was taken because u were brainwashed into this society and think that money is better than life.

I want to make community gardens. Build wells in communities. Educate ppl on this. Have a better electricity system. Take the talents of others and give them something in return that will help them prosper in life. Ex: a house builder and a person who makes clothing. The house builder has a house. He's good. So what he'll do. Start making a house for the one making clothes (that cloth maker will make clothes for him) and then show the cloth maker how to continue it. And vice versa.

I want to show the world that money has no power over us. Media and the globalization that England started can end today!

We can live a prosperous life.

But as good things start to rise. We get greedy. Aka. Icarus. And we fall. And we die. We want more and more and more. And then we create our own downfall.

Watch. If we start being self reliant. If we start making community gardens. We will be told it's illegal. Soon we will be told that seeds are illegal. CHERISH the seeds. Because seeds grow into hope. Water the brain. Water the heart. Give life and life will give to u. Soon we will discover that the greedy one who doesn't want to change the world and improve it will get upset and scared because he's losing power. He will poison the soil. But guess what? Now you're gonna get ppl mad and they're gonna look at the person who u killed and look at their motives and analyze it. And be like "oh wow. They just killed someone who was trying to improve the world....". Then guess what? Now they're going to be attacked and killed and guess what? Now they have no power. Power over who? U killed everyone! And you're gonna soon die because u just let money buy everything for u and never learned to be self reliant. And now guess what. You're dead. We're all dead.

So what I wanna do. Teach the community to come together. Share the talent. Create things in collaboration. Not in exploration. Not for the sake of capitalism. Create so u can give back to the world and let life live on. If one can grow a tree, one can build a house. If one can grow a garden, one can sustain the health. If one can think up of ways to better electricity, then one can live in light. If one in the light can study in there, then one can think more and more and more. If one can make clothing, then one can be warm and survive and give back life.

Think about how you can give, so then you can continue this legacy. This heaven that was put on earth. Wake up the god in u. Wake up the good. Act in goodness. Let god work thru u. Think ahead of yourself. Think more for yourself. Think for others because that person will offer u more ok return.

Also I rlly agree with trumps policy to lower business taxes. Because it encourages more ppl with great ideas to do them because it's not so much and it's less risk. And it'll encourage ppl to invest more. So again. Production. Innovation. I want these businesses to not be for corporations. But more public projects. Like better electricity. Better agriculture. Better water technology. Etc

And raising taxes on stupid shit. Like clothes. Etc. will discourage ppl to buy them and be more conservative with their money and invest in more long term things. But that's the capitalist part of him. Other than that. From everything that I said above. Will happen when we stop buying so much shit like clothes and shoes and cars and unnecessary things. Creating less value. And ofc, in comparison of the dollar we have, we'll eventually run them out and it'll change society. And with the public projects and the less companies that feed the ego of humans, then our mindset will change and we will make America great again. But. I need to do more behavioral research. Will ppl addicted to smoking or addicted to having their ego stroked rlly be able to react in that way? Will they actually stop putting value into those things? "Value". A dollar with no intrinsic value. But then again it's cotton that's made by exploited ppl. So the money supply and circulation can def have an affect. So this rlly says. Do we have so much value in this dollar that we don't value our health (the buying of the cigs, etc) and our ego is so big we don't even care that we're killing our selves and someone else?

Life gives life to give life.

[seme-aru]

This is gonna be a long post so read it or don't So during my spring break I went to canada with 2 of my "friends" from hs and it was a good trip for the most part until haha I got injured. So I was staying in vancouver but on the last full day of my trip we went to Victoria. So victoria is about 5 hours from where I was staying, 2 hours to the ferry, 2 hours on the ferry, and then another hour to Victoria Anyway skipping to the actual part of the story. While I was in victoria I fell on an escalator and the sharp edge of the escalator ripped through my skin. When this happened I rushed to a restroom as fast as I could and gave friend 1 my stuff to hold. So in the restroom I was trying to get the blood to stop and it wouldn't so I asked some woman to help me. She ended up getting first aid for me and later asked if I was with anyone. I told her I was and gave her the description of my friend She comes back and GUESS WHO WASN'T THERE. NOT MY FRIEND BECAUSE SHE FUCKING LEFT. So I'm there in the restroom getting first aid and crying because looking at the injury literally made me burst into tears. But the first aid guy told me "I think I did a good job cleaning it up so when u go back to America u should go to the hospital if u think you're gonna get an infection" oh btw that was some shit advice, just go to the hospital Anyway after about 20min in the restroom I leave and find that friend one isn't fucking there but friend 2 is. So when I see him I ask where the fk she was, and you know what he tells me??? That she went to the fucking RESTROOM AND WHEN SHE HEARD SOMEONE WAS GETTING FIRST AID SHE DECIDED TO GO TO ANOTHER RESTROOM BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE REALLY HAD TO PEE. And I was pissed off and told him "You know I WAS THE ONE GETTING FIRST AID" he says "yea I guessed but she said she really needed to use the restroom" So yea i was fucking pissed off but then omg it gets better, for some fucking reason they decided to sit on high chairs when I literally can't even bend my knee or let it relax without wanting to cry. Anyway so friend 2 asks if I'm hungry and tells me I should eat something. As if I DIDN'T JUST HAVE A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. Anyway I'm just so annoyed that I decide to sit at a different table so I can actually let my leg lay on something instead of hanging in air. And he later comes over to ask if I want him to sit with me and I say no. Later I hear shuffling around me but no one speaks to me. I find out that one of them PUT MY STUFF NEXT TO ME. I'M LITERALLY CRYING TO MYSELF AND FOR SOME REASON THEY THINK THE BEST THING THEY SHOULD DO IS LEAVE MY STUFF NEXT TO ME WHEN THEY COULD EASILY HAVE HELD ON TO IT. anyway so we have to get back to vancouver so we had to take the bus to the ferry, ferry to vancouver, then a bus to the train, another bus after the train and then walk up a 10min hill While on the bus for some reason friend 1 thinks that EVERY FUCKING STOP IS OUR STOP. OUR STOP IS LITERALLY THE LAST STOP AND THE LAST STOP IS A FUCKING FERRY PORT AKA THERE'S A FUCKING BOAT THERE. And her excuse was that "it's dark I can't see" Anyway while on the ferry I'm using a wheel chair because I just can't fucking walk. Anyway while on the ferry friend 2 asks if I want anything from the cafe and I pause to think about it and before I even say anything friend 1 says "I'd be down for a coffee" like ???????? And friend 2 just says "u know I was asking her (aka me)" AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE FUCKING SAYS??? "I mean I knew u were asking her but she didn't answer and I'm down for a coffee" But wow it still gets better. While on the ferry my gauze starts bleeding through so im certain it's a lot more serious than what the first aid guy told me. So I go to the first aid on the ferry BY MYSELF because the friend 2 is in the restroom and friend 1 has to watch our stuff. However I do tell them to come find me (haha guess who never fking came) Anyway the first aid office was a fucking horrible experience. The guy didn't try to help me at all and the only thing he did do was give me a lecture on the importance of travel insurance and essentially told me I was stupid for not getting it. Anyway I have to go back to my friends but they aren't whee I thought they were and I started wheeling myself around the ferry. After awhile friend 1 finally finds me and tells me I should've checked my phone BECAUSE THEY MOVED. AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY MOVED? BECAUSE FRIEND 2 WANTED TO TAKE A FUCKING NAP so anyway after we get off the ferry we had to get to the train and we had to take the elevator up to the platform and they have the fucking audacity to tell me "at least we get to ride an elevator cause your injured" LIKE WHAY THE ACTUAL FUCK???????? okay so next part we get off the train and we have to find the bus stop. But guess what it's 2 blocks away and they can't fucking navigate. Anyway so we finally get to the bus stop and I just can't. If we take the bus we have to walk up a hill and I just can't do that so I want to take a taxi. But u know what the bitch says??? I CAN GIVE YOU A PIGGY BACK RIDE I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT OR ANYTHING BUT IT MIGHT MAKE UR KNEE WORSE. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??? Anyway I'm fucking adamant about getting a taxi but there weren't many stopping on the street we were on. So I told them to ask a person and guess what, they literally argue who should be the one to ask. Him: but you're a white girl, u seem less threatening (btw this kid is a little Mexican boy like u are not threatening) her: yea but I'm so awkward LIKE IF IT WAS EITHER ONE OF THEM WHO WAS INJURED I WOULD TALK TO SOMEONE IN A FUCKING INSTANT NO FUCKING DEBATING LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. anyway so friend 2 ends up asking the guy but it was useless cause the taxi service wasn't answering. Anyway I see a taxi stopping and ppl leaving so I tell her to go tell the taxi driver to come...however she tells him the wrong street and we have to walk 2 blocks oh and btw the taxi isn't even there and she says "omg I feel so bad for the taxi driver cause he's losing business" and I'm literally limping to get to this taxi that's not even there and she doesn't even ask if I'm okay. Anyway once in a taxi (I found another taxi because those two are fucking useless) she tells the driver the wrong address. THE WRONG ADDRESS. Ok so once back at the bnb the place is a mess but I just can't, I want to pack my stuff and go to sleep because I just fucking can't deal with them. Oh but guess who makes me clean up the next morning??? Yea, them. Anyway so im just going to fast forward to the airport. While I'm at the airport the gauze is bleeding through again and it's been about 15 hours so I know it's definitely a lot more serious than I originally thought if the bleeding isn't stopping this many hours in. So I get paramedics and they tell me I should go to a hospital in canada but it's also going to be 800 JUST TO SEE A DOCTOR and an additional couple hundred for the actual medical help, the taxi to and from the hospital, and the hotel I would have to book so I decided to just go home Anyway in the actual airport the guy asks me to buy his breakfast (and everything else for that matter because he lost his wallet and had no money) and then tells me "I'm so hungry cause I didn't eat breakfast " guess what. I asked him to make breakfast but he said he didn't want one cause he didn't want to do dishes (Oh btw I had to do their dishes when I woke up) Anyway so the girl was flying out to somewhere else so she left first. And she was snapchatting me COMPLAINING ABOUT HER DAY. and when I told her I had to go to the hospital she responds "That sucks. " Anyway once i landed I check my phone and GUESS WHO TOLD ME SHE WAS HAVING THE WORST TRAVEL DAY OF HER LIFE BECAUSE SHE HAD TO WAIT IN A LONG LINE??? THE STUPID BITCH so anyway I was pissed off and it took me 2 hours to even get home and once I was home my parents took me to the hospital (while also telling me that the reason I fell with because I'm fat and that my fatness caused me to be unbalanced) So continuing with the story I go to the hospital and I got staples in my knee to keep my wound from opening up again. After I go to the pharmacy and I'm home friend 2 messages me asking if I'm okay and how my hospital visit was But guess who doesn't even try to contact me or ask me how I'm doing? You guessed it. So I'm just mad and really unhappy so I decide to mute my notifications on my hs group chat so I just don't have to see her or talk to her. Oh but guess what she emails me telling me how shes coming down to where I live and that she wants to hang out. And I don't respond and after 2 weeks of me ignoring her she messages me saying "wya" In a span of 2 weeks she hasn't once asked me how I was doing Anyway I get fed up with her and her complete disregard for my wellbeing AT ALL so I unfriend her on fb and untagged myself from all the canada posts she's making. Guess what she does? SHE REFRIENDED ME AND POSTED NEW PICTURES OF ME, OBVIOUSLY NOT GETTING THE POINT so I don't accept it and a couple of days later I decide to just leave the gc because I muted it anyway so what's the point of staying in it when I dont want to associate myself with her at all anymore Guess what? She messages me the next day harassing me saying she deserves an explanation. And I just don't respond because there's nothing to say. She doesn't even realize what she did wrong and I just can't with her. If you don't understand what you did wrong u never deserved my friendship in the first place. But lol IT STILL GETS BETTER. the next day she messages me telling me that it's unfair for me to be excluded in the group chat and that I shouldn't lose my hs friends because of it. Like what?? I don't understand how she thinks my friendship with them is over because I left a group chat. Additionally she tells me that we should behave like mature adults and not fight in the group chat. Guess what? I did not once bring it up to the group. Even when they asked I didn't say why because I honestly don't care if they want to be friends with her. Because I'm actually a mature adult. If she starts talking shit about me to the group I really don't care. If they really don't understand that I have my reasons and take her side then we shouldn't be friends at all either. She also sends an additional msg telling me that she's sorry that I think she's a bad friend and that she doesn't understand why I think that way. In that message there was no "I'm sorry I was a bad friend" it was a "idk what your problem is because I'm a good friend" additionally, she isn't reflecting at all and can't even fathom the possibility that she did something wrong. So yea but haven't responded and I won't respond because I don't need that in my life. This was a really long post started crying again and I'm tired so im going to sleep. Good night