#just like. annoying like i literally couldnt have made it any better than it was at the time i wrote it and its literally. a great essay im

[sonknuxadow]

sorry mild hater moment incoming but . idk what it is with s/onadow fans (not all of them. just a very loud subsection) specifically and making every little thing shadow does about s/onadow even if its the biggest reach imaginable and immediately going "omg s/onadow" every time hes confirmed to be in some upcoming thing . or being so obsessed with the ship and letting it warp their perceptions of things so much to the point where they act like every little thing is a hint from sega that theyre in love for real. and they cant admit that its not canon or that just because they choose to interpret certain things romantically doesnt mean that thats actually what sega/the writers intended even if theres an obvious non so/nadow explanation for it

before people take this the wrong way i dont hate the ship i dont think that its completely baseless or that everyone who likes it is wrong and annoying or anything . but some of you look like this if im being honest

[krekdon]

hot take but i think if your feedback on an essay is that its 'excellent' but u grade it in the 'very good' band you shld have to explain urself

[miss-ery-3]

ughhhh, i don't want my blog to turn into some kind of relationship-crybaby-blog, but i do have a lot to think about atm

i dont really have anyone to talk with about this. all my friends are in happy relationships and dont really seem to take any other stance than "you cannot break up" and that just really isnt helping me

buuuut, if you aren't interested in my personal (non-ed) issues, just scroll on<333 no hard feelings

so, for now, i'll just type this into space and hopefully get some kind of catharsis i guess

it's currently 1 am and i am in my childhood bedroom and i can't sleep. my head feels like it is fucking spinning. every thought in my head is "why do i feel like this? if i feel this bad should i just stay with him? but do i actually feel in love with him anymore? it's not fair to continue being with him, if i don't actually want to. would i miss him? would i regret it?" and then just in a big ol' loop

mixed with thoughts of my friend i talked to all of friday night. his face has popped up in my head constantly since i went home at 7 am from being with him all night. i feel fucking butterflies in my stomach, and get all giggly, and i want to say his name out loud for some strange reason - until i think about what these fucking butterflies mean and then i feel sick to my stomach and want to throw up. every butterfly i feel is like taking a step away from my bf, and i literally cannot control it

i feel like an absolutely horrible person, fuckk,brnfjkgnkmrf

'cause i also keep thinking about all the things my bf have done that hurt me (i guess, to make myself feel better?? but it makes me feel a whole lot fucking worse. both because i feel like a horrible person, and because he's made me fucking sad a lot of times)

like this summer, i got my bachelors degree (a fucking big thing for me - and he knew that), and he knew that i would have my last exam in, like, the end of june. i gave him the date as soon as i could (maybe two/three weeks ahead) and then like a week before i graduate, he remembers that he has plans with his 5 best friends to go drinking

and guess what

he chooses to go drinking with his friends. he celebrates me for like... 1 hour, 2 hours max. as soon as my friends arrived he was like "oops gotta go drinking with my friends that i can see all the time. no time to celebrate my girlfriend getting her bachelors degree, although she will never ever have a day like this again. no no, gotta go get shitfaced. and i am actually not going to apologize"

also at my last birthday, i celebrated it at my parents house for most of the day, and then went home in the evening (like after dinner) to go get drinks with my friends. we had planned that he would come home to my parents with me the day before, and then we could wake up together on my birthday and he could be with me and celebrate and stuff

3 days before my birthday, he says he doesn't want to go with me to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday, because he has to read for school (it was in a holiday as well, he didn't have school for days). the weekend before my birthday he chose to go drinking with his friends (i was ofc not invited) and couldnt get out of bed for days, but whenever my birthday rolled around he had to be an A fucking student. so he cancels and then we only see each other for the last, like, 4 hours of my birthday, with all of my friends and some family - and then he got annoyed with me for getting sad

he talks over me, he interrupts me and then never asks me what i was saying, he ignores me every time he picks up his phone, he always prioritizes friends, family, work and school over me, he's really good at making me feel small (not in the good way) and stupid. he corrects almost everything i say, also stuff that i dont say, but that he just want to "clear up". he drops plans w me so easily, to be with his friends and he almost never invites me. he insists on touching my belly although i've told him it makes me very uncomfortable, and then gets annoyed when i remove his hand - because 'he likes touching it, and i shouldnt feel bad about my belly'. he often ignores my text messages if he doesnt feel like they matter to him. when i ran my first 10K he ran 11K the next day to show off (he did apologize, but i still cant believe he actually did that shit). whenever ive met his friends and family, they are better at including me in the conversation than he is: he will leave me alone with people i barely know, to go do something else (and he knows that i have some social anxiety). he gets annoyed with me over things that he believes i do on purpose, but i dont (e.g. wake up later than him?? go pee before i make coffee for us?? when i forget socks when i sleep over, and ask to borrow some of his? same w phone charger and other stuff. and he usually ends up with saying "omg its just a joke" but i can feel that it isnt. otherwise he wouldve stopped doing it). sometimes he makes jokes at my expense or is just plain rude, and when i tell him to stop, he will tell me to grow up and accept a joke, and whenever i say he makes me uncomfortable/annoyed he says "i cant take that seriously" or "thats the fun part". he is horrible at picking up after himself, and will get annoyed with me if i do it for him (i cant stand mess, and he knows this.) he wont do the dishes for days on end in HIS OWN apartment, so whenever i come to visit, i usually end up doing them, cause i cant stand mess. and he ALWAYS comes out when theres like 1 spoon left and is like 'oh gosh nooo sweety, you shouldn't have done all that.. awww.. nooo, now i feel bad.. *hug, kiss* oh well' and then go back to laying on the couch).......

ofc he also has good sides, but now that i've mentioned all the crap i have a hard fucking time remembering it. but i know that he does. he gives good hugs, he can give great advice, he usually doesnt judge the stupid things i do. he knows my quirks and he likes cooking me food. he hates rubbing my back, and will get annoyed if i ask him, but he is good at it. he has nice eyes and a cute smile. he knows a lot about the things im interested in (but usually shows off his knowledge in a know-it-all kinda way). hes creative and has good music taste

ugh, i am so sorry for this long ass rant, but i just needed to get this off my chest... if anyone actually read all this, and has some advice or... anything... feel free to send a message or a reply or something idk

i feel horrible

[noctilucous-sunni]

more reversed sagau brainrot!! | a lot more under the cut

- when scara sorta just ✨materializes✨ in your apartment and you’re like excuse me wtf is happening, so u pinch yourself to see if its a dream and its not apparently so you must be going insane BECAUSE WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION WOULD THERE BE FOR ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS EXISTING IN YOUR APARTMENT

- i’d feel like in the sagau or reversed sagau he wouldn’t be too fond of the all-creator bc if thats the all-creator wouldn’t that mean that you’re the one responsible for his existence and his suffering?? but when he just sees you being so genuinely nice and caring and yet strong and doesn’t take his shit he kinda lets down the guard a little

- plus he literally has nowhere else to stay so when you threatened to kick him out he realized it was either live with you or out on the streets. and he kinda hated the streets, so he ended up trying to find your place all dirty and stuff from tripping in way too many godforsaken random holes in the ground. poor gremlin.

- he is just super bratty and still has that air of “i think im better than you” but it never works on you bc you dont take his shit and you make him do half of your chores when your pissed at him (and you make sure there are no complaints)

- he wouldn't call you your grace after a while and just uses your name, you however come up with a million nicknames for him and you think its funny that it annoys him on occasion

- you argue. A lot. like so much that your neighbour and the apartment below you complained several times and also kinda tried to make the landlord kick u out so you made scara apologize to them bc hes mainly the reason its so noisy

- he will actually follow you everywhere, sorta like a guard dog. everyone around you is pretty intimidated by him but they are even more scared of you when they see that you basically keep him in check

- he can’t fucking cook dear lord. you told him to stay in the fucking apartment bc you had an important meeting today and he couldnt come with you and he was like “i didnt want to come anyway” and you just said “fuck you” (affectionate) in return (note: wrote this before his signature dish came out and he’s actually a really good cook don’t judge me ahaha)

- but when you come back your apartment and kitchen especially is a mess. you forgot to teach him how to use online delivery. and hes just like chilling out watching tv with mild interest, acting like half of your apartment isnt covered in eggs and flour and who knows what else

“scara what the fuck happened here”

“the stupid stove of yours doesnt work and neither does that beeping machine”

“clean it up”

“no”

“well i guess we wont have any food today or tomorrow, until you clean. it. UP." *glare*

he then leaves it but by the next afternoon he's actually getting hungry and grumpy and eventually starts cleaning it up the next day when he can't take it anymore and you finally come home to a clean kitchen bc thank god, you didn't know how much longer you could live on your co-worker's lunches

- you're both just so stubborn. he's stubborn and so are you and that leaves the apartment just with a tense silence AND when someone sees u at that time they feel so uncomfortable bc the atmosphere is just so tense between the two of you since neither of you agree

- silent treatment happens a lot and its really fucking stupid bc you both wanna talk to each other after like a few days but neither of you want to be the first one to admit that

- omg you absolutely hate having guests now BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU MEANT TO EXPLAIN HIM??? also he has to have normal clothes now and he looked at all your clothing choices in disgust

- everyone thinks he's just a friend until they realize he actually lives with you and then they're like "oohhhh are you together??" and think that he's your boyfriend/partner. and honestly you dont even deny it bc there is no feasible way to explain who he really is (without sounding crazy) + you get your parents off your back abt getting a boyfriend bc they kept trying to make you go on blind dates and now you're free from that phew

- but some of your friends/co-workers are all like "really? this lil guy? and they often say this around him and it just annoys and offends him to no end. but also you're surprisingly defensive of him, like yes he's a bitchy emo gremlin but he's your bitchy emo gremlin

[nolsaesthetic]

More Espresso Less Depresso

Chapter Two: Wilting Dreams

Nina's flat was oddly homey compared to how Crowley pictured it. 

She lived about a five minute drive from her coffee shop on the 3rd story of an apartment building. The apartment wasn't too small, but it was by no means big. It had two bedrooms, a bathroom, amongst all the normal home necessities.

After getting his plants set up in the guest bedroom Nina was previously using as a storage space, Crowley fell back onto his bed. It was not the most comfortable mattress, but at this point anything was better than sleeping in his car. 

In a perfect world, this would be the point that exhaustion hit Crowley, and he could finally sink into the void of unconsciousness. But, unfortunately, this is not a perfect world but, in fact, a world that hates any form of joy that could possibly bring the demon peace. Or at least, that's what Crowley thought - rather dramatically.

In a last ditch effort, he shut his eyes. The room was already dim to begin with, so with his eyes closed there was no light to be seen.  It was, in a way, comforting. The simple nothingness of it reminded him of before the universe existed, when all he had to worry about was if he thought the stars he was making were pretty enough. 

He remembers meeting Aziraphale for the first time. When no other angels would help him no matter how much he called out. When he first got to see his creation, the thing he had worked so hard to make, come into fruition. 

He remembers holding his wing over Aziraphale's head to make sure he didn't get injured. 

He remembers the pure joy he felt.

He remembers...

-----

Fumbling around with the scroll wasn't working, and Crowley was just about to give up on calling for other angels to help.

It was a very important job, he was supposed to start the universe. It astonished him that no one would want to assist him with it, it would be a great honor... maybe it had something to do with him?

He had built up quite the reputation amongst the other angels. According to them, he was always too curious, to amazed with the beauty in every little thing, too passionate about his work, and extremely annoying. 

At this point, Crowley had no doubts in his mind about God. Why would he? So what if the other angels were a bit rude to him?  Thats hardley God's fault. But something, something deep inside of him, knew it was wrong. 

That within the systematic gears of heaven there was turmoil. That the joyful existence everyone there pretends to have is tainted. 

He just couldn't place what it was.

Crowley decided to give one last shout for someone's help, one last attempt.

To his suprise, less than a minute went by before someone was in front of him. 

Aziraphale he called himself, oddly enough, Crowley already knew his name.

The conversation, starting the universe, and the rest if it felt.. hazzy?

Its not like he couldnt remember what was going on at the time, the pure emotion of it felt so much stronger than the actual memory.

His stars.. his precious stars, the things he spent all of his existence thus far creating. Sure, others had helped him, but no one else felt as awed by them as he was.

No one else saw the care and dedication that went unto each and every star. 

He couldn't contain himself, the excitement literally made him squeal with joy.

There was only one word to describe something so magnificent..

*Gorgeous.*

Then something Aziraphale said broke his trance. The words were lost at the moment, just a muffled mouthing of words. But Crowley then felt dread for the first time. 

What... it's going to.. to end?

Why would they do that? Why would *she* do that? 

No.. no that must have not been passed by her. She must not know how wonderful the universe is. How much purpose it can have. How much it means to him...

Of course, God wouldn't want to hurt him. He could just tell her about it. Talk, ask why it would need to end. A suggestion. A suggestion couldn't hurt.. right?

He looked to Aziraphale for a sign, any small facial expression or glimse of hope in his eyes. But there were none. Aziraphale's words were positive but his body language was anything but. 

It was.. peculiar. Crowley didnt remember paying so much attention to Aziraphale in this memory, to caught up in his masterpiece than anything else. 

"Forgive me"

Aziraphale whispered out before reaching over to Crowley and lightly pushing him over. For how light the push felt it had a catastrophic effect. 

All of a sudden Crowley felt like he was on fire. His back, his wings, his head, everwhere. It took him a second to notice but he was falling. Back to the ground, looking up to the heavens, falling. 

His thoughts were blurred, pain induced shock overtook him as he plummeted through the air. 

There was this wretched noise, an agonizing painful scream. It took him even longer to realize that it was him. He was screaming.

This..this isnt how the memory went. This isn't how he fell. Aziraphale would never do something like that to him.

Yet... yet it all felt so real.. so vivid.. so violent

-------

Crowley's eyes shot open. What happened? Who was he? Where was he?

He was frantic, almost fell out of bed in the panic. His body burned, but the feeling felt faint now, like a memory.

Slowly, he was able to regain a semblance of what had happened before he had fallen asleep. Nina's flat.. 2020s... just- dreaming.

*Okay* then. 

Crowley slowly stood up, only to see a note fall right off him. It was just a thin piece of paper with a few lines written. Still, he watched at the paper fell, or rather, sauntered vaguely downwards to the floor.

Once it had ceased motion on the wooden floor, Crowley bent down and picked it up.

'I get you probably need rest and all, but it's been a few days, and you're still asleep (is that normal??)'

'Anyway, I left this just in case you woke up and I was gone. '

'Watered your plants for you.'

A line was scribbled out, though he could still make out what it read. 'For heaven's sake- for hell's sake-'

'Take a shower damn it, eat something, take a walk, or go feed ducks. I have some bread in the cupboard.'

He wanted to laugh at her obvious confusion, but that was quickly covered by grumbling about how ducks dont eat bread. 

The note burned away at his fingertips, a trick he loved to do just for the satisfaction of seeing it dissolve.

With a sharp turn, Crowley started towards the door. But was yet again stopped in his tracks when he saw his plants. 

The once masterfully curated ferns were now wilting. Their vibrant green now a dull greenish-gray, a few leaves had holes in them, some even threatened to fall off. They looked destroyed, unkempt, uncared for.

Crowley knew the feeling.

He went to yell, grab one and kill it, threaten them, tear them apart. Whatever would make them look nice again, whatever would make them whole again, perfect again. 

Less than an inch away from grabbing one of the pots though, Crowley stopped dead in his tracks. 

He...couldn't do it.

After all the torment and trauma he had put his dear plants through, Crowley couldn't bring himself to harm them for slipping up this time.. because didnt he slip up as well?

He had gotten too comfortable being left alone by heaven and hell, too vulnerable. He was a fool to think after the whole Gabriel debacle that they could hust go back to that. Let alone finally be together. 

He followed the stupid advice of two stupid humans who knew nothing about their situation and now look where it got him. 

Alone.

Alone with a few of dying plants, in a dust filled bare room with an uncomfortable bed. Relying on the whim of a human who is less than 1/100 his age for housing and any form of a life.

Crowley hadn't noticed but he had sunken against the wall all the way down to the floor. And after he stilled once more a leaf, one of the few remaining spot free leaves, fell to the floor.

How ironic. 

He never wanted to fall. He never meant to be imperfect to those around him. He never wanted to disappoint anyone just by being him. But he did.

And then he tried to force that perfection onto the things around him. Put the fear of God into them, make them be perfect. All just to cover up how imperfect he was.

But now here he sits, in mindless contemplation, the most imperfect he has ever been. Next to the most imperfect things he has ever allowed something in his care to be.

What's the point anymore? There is no one to be perfect for anyway. No one who will bother him if he's a bit out of line. No one to get him into trouble with heaven and hell anymore.

Crowley is the most free he has ever been.

Yet, he is also the unhappiest he has ever been.

------

@thatoneteen Sorry this took so long Dear, I've had so many finals.

It might seem a bit rushed atm, but I have a lot of ideas for future chapters and can't wait to write them out! ♡

[sir-sillybunny]

i have never been so deeply disappointed in a story's ending as i was with this game

it was such an amazing beautiful game. there were so many very intriguing mysteries that had very satisfying answers. it was just so amazing and i was ready to consider it one of my favorite games of all time but then after the end of like chapter 5 i think it just all went downhill.

the story just went in a direction that felt really like boring? and just kind of forced. it started to feel less like i was reading a real story and more like i was a reading a fanfic of the story. like a fix it fix. it was nice to see the characters get a chance at getting fixed but just? idk. their motivations behind what they did were already obvious. we had already seen their personalities and what lives they led before in the first 3 doors. we did not need to it again. it was just the same story again except the characters were wearing costumes. and i slighlty disagree with the message it was trying to push. i understand that revenge is often not worth it and only serves to hurt you more if you seek it and i understand that everyone should get a chance at a new life to change for the better. but i dont believe that morgana was wrong for hating those men as deeply as she did. i agree that she shouldnt have cursed them, to that degree at least. but she had every right to hate them and to want terrible things to happen to them. idk. it was just so frustrating to have to sit through michel talk for hours with morganas murders and sympathize with them about what they did to her. all while knowing that morgana, the girl they were leting fucking die in a locked room, was upstairs from him slowly dying.

i get that the 3 men had the keys to free her but he didnt have to spend as much time with them as he did. the fact that he spent so much time talking with them made him too late to save her and she died anyway. which i guess it wasnt real anyway, he couldnt have actually saved her. but still. she deserved his attention and care more than any of them ever did. all she wanted was someone to save her. she didnt need to understand her murderers stories, she didnt need to feel any sympathy for them. i think if she was saved by someone before she died she wouldnt have turned into the witch after death.

and also????????? why is no one talking about how fucking creepy and literally pedophilic it was that the original jacopo was in love with morgana???????????? when she was 12 and he was 21?????????????????? that happened multiple times in the story. weird age gap relationships that are not at all presented as bad. the first times i noticed it i could chalk it up to trying to being historical accurate or something but that last one was just too much. jacopo literally said he had a crush on a 12 year old girl and that he would "wait for her." until she turned 18. which he didnt even do btw. he told her he was in love with her when she was 16, and attempted to do it before then. it was just gross and completely and utterly unnecessary to add to the game. also im remembering that earlier in the game the player gets asked which of a group of 3 girls he fancies and you had the option to say he fancied one of the girls who was 14 years old !! just so unnecessary to add and so creepy. this game came out in 2012, its not like it would have been normal to think that was okay.

another thing that weirded me out is that giselle in her normal character sprite had a normal sized chest and her dress wasnt all that revealing. but in every cg her tits were huge and basically completely out. in every single cg. theres nothing wrong with that if it was simply part of her style and looks. but it wasnt like that in her character sprite. it took away from the cgs and was just annoying.

it just sucks because up until that point it was such a good game. the music was beautiful, the story was so so good, it was all just so good. but i really wish the game ended when when saw morganas real body for the first time. it should have ended with a big long conversation or something. but instead it was another several hours of gameplay after that about forcing yourself into morganas memories and sympathizing with the men who killed her. it just sucked. even ignoring me disagreeing with the moral of it, it was just bad. we learned nothing in that chapter. every single major thing that got revealed about the mens motivations for what they did was already completely obvious. it just felt like they were trying to make the game longer. and after that the ending i honestly couldnt even pay attention to. i skipped through half of it. which maybe there was some super amazing dialouge in there that compeltely magically fixes all the stuff from before but i doubt it lol. either way the pedophila was still gross. so im deeply disapointed either way.

i spent 30 hours in that game and im never getting them back lmao

[goremet-chef]

also excuse me i wanna talk about my little mirror family so bad its not even funny. im like. because of my own inhibitions concerning family, i rarely ever plan out and embrace my characters families but these fucking guys.....

okay so as i said, we have fjord as well as kestrel 👇

the both of them were left alone for quite some time like it was JUST the two of them which is unusual since mirrors prefer to be in large packs but the clans they were born in didnt have any other mirrors. they met eachother out scavenging and it was like LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT okay like im so cheesy cuz they are cheesy in a brutal mirror way LOL so they decide to run away together after visiting a few times cuz they naturally are just drawn to other mirrors.

kestrel was unsatisfied with the glimmery landscape of the starfall isles and honestly she is just. shes a girlboss never forget that she loves to hunt loves to run, loves the thrill of surviving and making a place for herself in the environment but arcane flight is full of little fuckin NERDS so she proposed the idea to go back to where they belong. and fjord obviously loved the idea if you couldnt tell. he wasnt bored but he would follow her literally anywhere 💀

they founded their own clan there and it was quite lonely for a while. until they found tarren

despite how he may look, tarren is upbeat and jolly, and he believes that you shouldnt just survive and come out on top, you should thrive. you should be happy. fjord and kestrel honestly found him a bit annoying at first since he was so uncharacteristically chatty for a mirror, but eventually they let him stay since he knows the land better than them and is genuinely helpful

so time jump their clan is definitely not thriving but they are still alive and thats what matters. things start looking up once the other carrions come together to lead the scavengers, their clan is nursed to health and is actually functional. YIPPIE!!

except i have 2 other mirrors!!!!!!

throughout their history kestrel and fjord have tried to expand their clan and start a family but it never worked unfortunately. both were too emaciated and not adjusted to the sickly landscape they now called home. they had always been really sad about it but fjord was out scavenging one day and he was looting through some corpses to take whatever they had that they clearly didnt need anymore and he found a plague egg. clear as day, alone in the cold clutch of what he assumed to be its parent. the sight was gut-wrenching to him, and considering how badly he and kestrel had wanted children, his decision was made quickly: he would take the egg and pray that whatever was inside of it had survived whatever killed its parents.

surprise! it absolutely was and they got this girl :]

crypt!!! their adopted daughter WAHHHH !!!!

and then it gets better, they actually managed to have an egg a few years after crypt hatched

adder!!

THEY they are such a tight knit family like they were INCREDIBLY protective over both adder and crypt while they were younger, to the point where theyd bare their teeth at their own clanmates if they got too close LOL

it paid off tho cuz they both survived and have grown up and theyre. THEM AND THEIR LITTE KILL SQUAD theyre great hunters naturally as mirrors but MAN they are a force to be reckoned with. a lot of mirror packs split randomly and merge whenever so im assuming MOST those mirrors dont actually know each other. hunting with yr little family tho? they look out for each other and keep each other safe which makes them more efficient

crypt is pretty quiet and more observant which she probably gets from tarren (who both her and adder consider to be their uncle). she mixes well with the other scavengers and is agreeable, if not a little odd. she usually spends time with adder, and is the levelheaded one in their duo.

adder on the other hand is just like her mother, aggressive and snappy. she'd get into more trouble if she didnt have her family looking out for her.

they are just. THEY ARE SO SILLY I LOVE THEM SM

fjord and kestrel quickly embraced the plague flight once they abandoned the starfall isle, especially since their breed originated from underneath the wing of the plaguebringer, so it just felt natural to them. fjord found a way to apply his magic abilities, adapting them to take after the plague element. its good contrast when kestrel is a very physical fighter, they compliment each other well.

okay thats all i feel like talking about for now but i just needed to get it out cuz i love them im having a lot of fun planning this shit out

[bo0zey]

I hope you're doing ok, I only read about what happened at riot fest through someone who saw some of the people who fainted and had to be taken out, but to be in the situation that you were is so terrifying. I really wish I could whisk you to another concert of theirs, it breaks my heart that arseholes who have no regard to others' wellbeing ruined your experience. (And reading your post about how gerard was trying to control the crowd, I couldn't stop thinking about how disturbing it must have been to watch people fainting left and right and having to be surfed out of the crowd, and people still continuing to push.)

i'm okay!<3 i went home and hit the Hay afterwards lol. my abdominal cavity was still rlly sore tho lol like i couldn't eat my burrito once i got home :( which i shouldve expected cuz i couldnt even drink water without sharp stabbing pangs from my diaphragm n intestines still on bad terms with each other skjskjng . but i was better the next day :) . and i was so sad for the band you're 100% correct i can't imagine what they must've been thinking up there having to perform while so many people were getting hurt :/ . like gerard handled everything so well, better than the event organizers ffs, and i was so mad because then the tabloids were released ranking the 13 most "dangerous bands/crowds" at riot fest & MCR was right up there and it's like!!!!!! the band was doing everything they could to keep the crowd safe, pausing between every damn song, literally ZERO bantering from gee in between because he was too busy counting the steps he wanted the crowd to take back.

that's why i'm still kinda annoyed abt me almost fainting bc i know it's not my fault but i still feel so stupid n weak bc i feel like everyone thinks it's my fault too and i 'couldn't hang' but i was literally being crushed from all four sides of my body and my nose was in this stinky bitch's armpit like:((( it's not fair. and like i tried not to let the fact that i was almost barrier, ~1hr away from seeing the band whose music was literally the only thing i listened to from 12-16yrs old when my mom was sick and dying and i deadass had nothing left that resonated with me aside from mcr & the boys' side projects for 4 years straight. it sounds corny as fuck but it honestly felt like a dream come true to be able to see them live and so up close like??

but i'm not gonna lie i couldn't stay positive lol. i was in a fog and dissociated for their entire set. n like the fact that i was 1000000s of feet away from my original spot so i couldn't even see them on stage, just the big screen, it just made the dissociation worse because everything had already looked and felt unreal and now mcr felt unreal too but like in the worst way possible, like they actually WERE NOT real and i was watching a youtube video at home lol. and i've literally never tried so hard in my LIFE to re-ground myself because i wanted to be at least somewhat present for this once in a lifetime chance u know?? so i tried singing along but i couldn't because it made the shooting pains so much worse. then i tried just mouthing the words but the pain kept getting worse and i literally had to leave during the middle of TKFY because i was getting nauseous and lightheaded again. aside from the pain i truly couldn't feel anything while watching them perform i was just so numb from everything and i couldn't stop crying because i deadass felt zero happiness, and that realization made me cry more because they weren't even happy tears, they weren't the ones i'd expected to cry. it was honestly one of the worst feelings i've ever experienced, feeling nothing, just numb as fuck inside despite being live and present at the concert of the band that had at one point made me feel everything, every emotion, tenfold all at once. and there i was 10 years later, feeling nothing. tis a veerrrryyyyyy hard pill for me to swallow lol n im still tryna choke it down. i haven't been able to listen to any mcr songs since bc i'm afraid i'm going to experience the same empty feelings again orrrrr worse break down and cry like a little bitch n feel sorry for myself bc i was so.close. to having this 1 thing i always wanted but never thought i'd be able to have and then *poof* IT'S GONE. like i can't have shit in this world lol i jsut wanted to give my inner child some peace and remember happier days before mom was gone and what happpens instead??? god yanks mcr away from her too lmaoooo. it's like funny and ironic tbh idk. and then ofc for their last song gerard played cancer and i was 10000000000000 of feet away in pain while my stepmom tried 2 find me water n im just sobbing next to some trashcans bc suddenly im 12 years old realizing i just lost the last piece of my childhood n mcr can't soothe me anymore and mom isn't there either and now i truly have nothing left inside or outside myself that makes me happy:-). like i don't think i've EVER even cried to cancer bc i didnt think it was /that/ sad and my mom literally died of cancer and i still never cried??? But idk that was another weird sad thing that jabbed the knife in deeper lol.

but also ik why gee played it, they were supposed to close with TKFY but played cancer bc it's their slowest 'saddest' song which would hopefully make everyone chill the fuck out & leave without trampling each other. which, AGAIN, gerard is literally an amazing fucking frontman for once AGAIN going out of his way to try and mellow ppl out n keep everyone safe aND FOR TABLOIDS TO ATTACK THEM calling them the most dangerous band like!!!!!!!! it literally wasn't their fault ppl are just fucking idiots and don't understand BASIC PHYSICS/HUMAN ANTOMY DKDFNSKD. ngl the only reason i'm not wrathful abt the article is bc it's validating 2 me n my experience that Yes that crowd was actualyl fucking awful and what happened to me was OUT of my control n therefore it wasnt>:(my>:(fault>:(((

[spikeinthepunch]

talking further in therapy etc about dyscalculia has been interesting- basically realizing more and more what things are hard to do because of it. people want to assume on the surface that its just "math hard" but its not-- if you have ever read a bit more about dyslexia then you would know its more than just struggling to read or spell, right?

dyscalculia is just like that but its less spoken of. numbers look like nonsense symbols i dont think of as nuimeric values, 'mistakes' in easy math like subtraction/addition/etc (or just straight up not processing/solving them), able to grasp math in concept but not able to actually apply the theory, the inability of remembering any formulas, and even poor name and face retrieval.

its interesting when i add those up to various things in my life i never recognized as one of the symptoms. and i think whats extra important is reading the symptoms as "the inability to [thing]". its not like.. oh i can do some math, i cant remember every fomula but i can do some. its like, i literally cannot at all, and this was blatantly clear when i did the testing. just passed over many things bc i couldnt solve it.

didnt mean to write the above so long but what i was going to get to-- i thought a lot about the stuff i struggled to stick with hobby wise in the past. stuff i never caught on to and always felt like it was hard to do for some reason. a lot of it relates to this overall learning disorder, because of reading and listening comprehension. but something i learned that is hard to learn because of dyscalculia is... music. at first glance you wouldnt think about it, unless you have learned a lot of music. but math to some extent is used- in general... numbers are used. thats the thing. most people would think its silly that numbers alone would make it hard to learn but it really clears up my struggle with music.

and THAT is annoying as hell. i sat around for so long wondering why i just couldnt grasp it. complained to my dad who said all kinds of things about how i could learn w/o reading music, or i could learn by ear. but even that doesnt work- i still need to apply numbers to chords and even without sheet music. i struggle to listen by ear because well, listen comp is bad. i have made music, if you have followed me for a while. i have. but oof, if you knew my process you would see how my issues reflect it. i would bring up a key, like D, and pull out a screen shot of all the chords for that key. and then i would just... put notes on the piano roll. but hell if i knew the chords, remembered them, or even work on the music without that picture. i hardly remembered the key i was using the moment i looked away and i have no clue what scale i used if i open up an old song, cant identify it. i just kinda move notes around while staring at a picture.

and yeah, it works. kind of. but the workflow is hell, and the fact is that if i wanted to learn how to do it better, this whole... math disorder, actually makes it harder. you just wouldnt think about it!! i really didnt.

today in therapy discussing those learning issues, the one thing my therapist brought up was how its not uncommon for artists to have learning disabilities or more specifically, dyscalculia actually. art has nothing to do with any of my issues. no reading, no listening, no math. i self taught myself that, and continue to self teach myself, because its the one thing i could learn without any barriers. still, my issues would reflect whenever i did try to take classes- id get annoyed and not take in information, and id just go back to doing it alone.

it sure is weird, and neat, seeing puzzle pieces come together in some way. lots of "oh, thats why!" lately. understanding it is one key though, the other is now trying to solve it completly.

[heyitsyn]

MANAGER!SEIJOH AU

a/n: this is kind of an au like what if you were

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i would like to request a seijoh!manager reader who’s a first year and is siblings with ushi and the team’s reaction to finding out that she was supposed to go to shiratorizawa with ushi and their reaction with her getting along with the shiratorizawa volleyball team and maybe the manager is a small cute soft little energetic ball of sunshine 🥺🥺 also hewwo, hope youre doing well! ☺️ -🎷🐛

- Ir seijoh manager series is so gooood. Can we get something where by some weird reason yn-chan is close to ushijima and tendou and the seijoh boys dont know about it and how they'd react to her being so affectionate w them ahahwindkdn

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HOW FREAKING PRETTY TENDOU IS LIKE AKLFDJLASKFJDLSKFJDSFLKD

okayokayokay

so this is a what if thing

like what if ushijima was your older brother

SLKFDJADFLIJSDKLDF I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE OIKAWA SCREAMING

you didnt exactly have the best relationship with your mom

you remember when you were younger that she used to yell at your brother for using his left hand and you got angry a lot because you were fiercely protective of your brother

this caused her to yell at you too for being nosy and being involved in something you shouldnt be in

duh we know that ushi’s dad takashi actually supported him for this and protected him too and you were also a papa’s girl so you always ran to him

he understood you both better and while your mother worked, he was at home taking care of you two

then when they mentioned wanting to separate, you were very sad but somewhat relieved

mostly because you hated hearing your parents arguing and you felt bad for your brother as he constantly did whatever to get you out of the house

thats what brought on your love for volleyball

you werent exactly the best player but you were interested in it and often watched matches with him

but you also liked volleyball because your brother liked it

you liked whatever your brother liked

he adored you too and he was a boy who didnt talk much due to your mother but he was always a talker with you

especially when you couldnt sleep, he would sneak you out of your room and you both would run to the kitchen and eat ice cream

even with just a 2 year age difference, he looked as if he was older than you due to his massive height

‘just wait nii-chan! i will drink enough milk to reach your height!’

*insert lenny face*

AKLDJFSLDKFJDF I HATE MYSELF

CAN I PLEASE DIE

however

when they divorced, you thought your father would take both you and ushi

like the lady at the court even asked you where you wanted to go and not a breath of hesitation you chose your father

you weren’t very concerned because you knew your brother was going to choose your dad as you both were closer to him

so imagine your surprise when he said he didnt care and naturally, the mother would get the child

lowkey you felt hella betrayed and when your dad whisked you away overseas, there was this grudge you held against toshi

yall youre like 5

i would be hella mad too if my brother chose the person who yells at him all the time

in california, your father made sure you still remembered your brother and you tried to detach from the japanese lifestyle to your new one but you just couldnt

maybe around 6 years you were already fed up with the hot california heat and you wanted to go back to japan to see toshi again

you got over that grudge years ago but your mother refused to have any contact or anything to do with your father and so that included you too

she refused to let you both video chat and any type of connection

your dad obviously noticed your sad expressions and your obvious longing to go back to your brother again and so he arranged something

you shut the door gently before taking off your shoes by the doorway

the large house was often quiet except for the constant typing of a keyboard in your father’s study

‘tadaima’

you meekly mumbled but his sense of hearing never wavered so he heard your voice

‘oh? y/n?’

his voice echoed through the hallways and you heard his chair squeak as it was moved back so he could stand

your sock-cladded feet padded against the hard wood floor and you walked towards his study where indeed he was standing there

your father has definitely aged yet his job as a coach made him as fit as he was decades ago

as much as it disgusted you, you could tell what your friends meant when they said your dad was good-looking

they actually said your dad was hot but you refuse to acknowledge that

you and your friends are like 12 tf

you closed the door and sat down on the loveseat at the corner of the room as it was your designated spot

‘hey, papa’

you greeted with a smile and he gave you the same grin

‘i ordered f/f (favorite food) for dinner tonight so try and listen for the bell to ring, okay?’

you nodded

there was bit of small talk and you asked about his team while he asked about school and you both arranged to hang out over the weekend at some ice cream shop

the conversation dragged on until you heard the doorbell and you ran to the door to answer the delivery man

your dad put out the plates on the table and you excitedly dug in

‘also, you remember your grandmother? and her terrible back?’

oh god of course you did

they lived about 30 minutes away from your house in japan and she constantly worried your father bc the woman was approaching 90 and was still picking peppers!

with old coach ukai

‘what did she do now?’

your father chuckled at the exasperation in your voice

‘she misses you. says something about the family’s princess needing to go back to her country or something’

there was a smile in your face

your grandmother was your favorite and she always said you were the princess

she hated your mother because of how insensitive she was so she only acknowledged you as the only other female in the family

obviously your brother was also liked but there was just a special bond between you and your grandmother

‘so when are we going back?’

you asked and it was clear that you were excited at the thought of going back to japan as you havent been back since you moved due to your father’s busy job and your school

takashi swallowed his food before revealing the news

‘actually, if you want, you could finish your schooling there. but only until college first though because your old man needs you over here too’

nah bro you didnt even care about the last part

literally your fork fell to the table and you shrieked 

‘WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!’

and thus brought you back to japan

you stayed with your grandmother on your dad’s side and you quickly got accustomed back to japan life

OH

your BROTHER!

okay

so waka-chan def heard you coming back

your mother was grumbling about it the other day and he was sure he heard your name in there

‘sdkfjkdslfjdkslfj y/n dkfjlsdkfjldkf’

LMAO THATS ME TRYING TO SAY THAT WAKA COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAID SINCE SHE WAS MUMBLING SHE WASNT KEYBOARD SMASHING LMAO

there was a mutual giddiness in there too and he was excited to see you again after many years without contact

however

there was a bit of fear in there that thought back to when you were younger and his choice of not really having a specific parent despite your pleads to stay together with him

but he was going to make sure your bond was still intact!

he would do anything in his power to do so!

when you arrived

your dad accompanied you back to japan and you both were walking out to the exit of the airport when you saw your grandmother excitedly waving a sign around

in bold sparkly letters, it said ‘USHIJIMA’

okay wait i love grandma usui 

you quickly ran over to her and she grasped you into her arms

‘nana’

you sobbed and she hugged you tightly

‘im so happy youre back home’

your father shook hands with the friend she brought to help drive you guys back home

old man ukai was basically the chauffeur but hes really good friends with your nana so it was okay

the entire ride you guys basically caught up with each other and you couldnt help but laugh whenever your dad would go on a rant about your grandma being too reckless and your nana defending herself

‘oh stop it, takashi. i was only given one life and if it’s over, it’s over. for now, ill live it how i see fit!’

your old family home was exactly as you remember it but you didnt expect the 6′2 boy in the living room

‘nii-chan’

you meekly whispered and he let out a soft smile before opening his big arms

you ran into them and he held you tightly

‘i missed you. so much’

he whispered and you nodded 

it was def such a nice thing to have your brother again

oooo your dad been knew that you would be sticking to waka like you did when you were itty bitty young

so when you practically begged waka to stay at your nana’s house the entire summer, he couldnt refuse you

duh your mom went to see you but you just quietly sat there and smiled at her

polite but distant

due to being around waka so much, you naturally went to his volleyball practices and their training camp

there

you met his friends and you guys quickly got acquainted especially with tendo bc he was just so fun

and he was your brother’s boyfriend best friend

the others were still kinda distant with you ahem ahem im looking at you shirabu

but they were mostly amazed at how powerful the genetics played in your appearances because wowza you were beautiful

lmao dont let waka hear them say that bc they would be benched all season in a single snap

during training camp, you usually sat at the sides or you would be their stand-in manager

goshiki absolutely LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSHIKI MY SON MY BABY

him and you were the same age so there was an easier way of being friends and your energies just matched so well

he would run up to you whenever he got a play right and you would ruffle his hair affectionately

LADKSJFLDSKFS FLASHBACK TO TENDO!SISTER X GOSHIKI

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

hell even ushi was getting annoyed at goshiki’s constant need for you

tendo would steal you away and he would be giggling to you about how adorable you were and you just giggled along bc wow this beautiful man is really talking to me right now

ALKSDJFLKSF CAN YOU TELL IM ALSO A TENDOODOO SIMP?

‘cmere, y/n-chan. i taught toshi this the other day and he was very impressed and wanted me to do it again. okay so it goes in a rhyme, ya ready?’

you nodded along and he shot you a close-eyed smile before starting to draw on the dirt with a stick

‘there once was a man with-’

lets just say

you were definitely your brother’s sister

sometimes though

you would try and go towards the calmer players to get away from the rowdiness from baby daddy tendo and baby goshiki

you would find them at the gym just doing drills and at the sight of you, they would turn red but continue playing

they didnt really mind seeing you there bc youve always been such a positive energy and cheered them on which gave them strength

‘NICE ONE OHIRA-SAN!’

‘WAHHH SO COOL YAMAYAMA-SAN!’

you were like a cute ball of serotonin >o<

‘wah, of course its expected for you guys to be the top in the prefecture. youre like,,,,, silent but deadly~!’

duh a compliment from a girl?

dead

shirabu’s bangs would get in the way of his vision sometimes yall i will never stop making fun of that ridiculously adorable haircut so you would use a clip and tuck it away for him

this big babie is so awkward that he turns red when you whisper in his ear that you were done

semisemi baby and you got along bc you guys had a similar taste in music and because you lived in california, he was fascinated that you were in the music capital of america

‘did you see celebrities down the street?’

he asked you excitedly one day during lunch

you stopped then smiled softly

‘semisemi-kun, i didnt live at that part of california’

nah to him, america is just filled with celebrities

OH DEAR BABY BOY KAWANISHI

taichi is a generally quiet guy

like you thought he was actually selectively mute when you first met him

but you gradually got him to talk and you would help him whenever he would want to practice

usually it was during the ungodly hours of the morning

you woke up and went to grab a drink from the common room but you noticed his large build exiting the door so you followed him into the gym

‘kawanishi-san?’

you called out and felt guilty when he jumped 

‘oh, hey’

he aknowledged

‘wha-’

you stopped to yawn causing your eyes to close making you miss the brief second of softness that flashed in his eyes

‘what are you doing?’

you tiredly asked

taichi dusted off his trackpants after kneeling down to rummage through his bag and you couldnt help but gawk at his height

‘im training early’

he answered

‘why? is it because you want to keep up with the others?’

you mumbled and he was surprised for a second but reverted back to his stoic expression

‘i have to make sure i am able to reach my seniors level for next year’

taichi turned away to grab a stray ball and you moved to go to the storage room for the ball cart

‘oi, what are you doing? go back to bed’

he said from the other side of the gym but you just looked back at him with a tired grin

‘meh, i want to spend time with you, senpai’

you reasoned

he shook his head before walking over to you then ruffled your hair

‘no wonder youre so tiny. you dont sleep enough and let your body grow’

yep that was the closest youve gotten to taichi joking with you

usually, hes training and when hes in the zone, nothing else has his attention but the ball

maybe thats why the others ahem goshiki has said that he was very scary

his game face was practically a mean face

basically you spent the entire training camp with them and then soon, you were going back to school

duh everyone hmm maybe not shirabu bc he most definitely read the school book of rules thought you would be going to shiratorizawa with them 

but you broke the news to them one afternoon and imagine the tears from both tendo and goshiki

‘WHHYYYY!!!!’

‘NOOO!!!!!’

‘why can’t you?’

semi asked and you were about to answer when shirabu beat you to it

‘the school doesnt allow late transfers’

oh right

the american school system was set in a different schedule than a japanese school system

it was considered the summer for them yet school already started a few months ago

since shiratorizawa was a very academically and physically prestigious school, they refused anyone who would potentially be late or behind their curriculum

‘so where ya headed to then, chibi?’

tendou pouted and you leaned against his arm

‘hmm some school named aoba johsai? i dont know its near my grannie’s so that’s all that mattered’

oh dear

USHIJIMA NO Y/N WILL NOT ASK TOORU TO GO TO SHIRATORIZAWA

they consider seijoh a rival bc theyve played against them practically in every prefecture tournament and they were worried for that infamous setter

‘ne, y/n-chan, promise us that you won’t be swept away by them! especially a guy named oikawa tooru!’

uhhh

well

tendou’s warning was kinda ignored bc you ended up being seijoh’s manager

hehe

surprise?

but they weren’t really really shocked tho bc they knew you liked volleyball so you would naturally be in the volleyball team

even as a manager

meanwhile in seijohhh

OooOOOoOoOooooo sEiJOOhHHHH~~~~~~

okay so you were actually registered under your father’s last name usui rather than the ushijima last name

therefore you werent exactly immediately known as HEY! USHIJIMA’S SISTER!

you still became the manager the way you did as mentioned in part 1 

and you still are their adorable baby manager

you were aware of their oikawa’s hatred for wakawaka so you try not to talk about him even though youre literally the closest person to him

was it traitorous? 

maybe

but you actually even help them when they practice

duh the boys are like eyebrow raise emoji 

‘wow youre really into volleyball, huh, manager-chan?’

matsukawa commented and you just smiled

‘hmm, my family likes it so ive picked up a thing or two’

LMAO

little do they know your brother is literally the best volleyball player around and is a member of the under 19 team and your father is a volleyball coach in america and would someday be someone iwaizumi hajime (19) would apprentice under

there was a lot of times you thought you would slip up like your home screen was of you and waka but youve been careful to cover it up

BUT

you cant always be sneaky

it was during the first day of the tournament and you were filling up their water bottles I SWEAR WHY IS MANAGER-CHAN ALWAYS FILLING UP WATER BOTTLES when you found a familiar bunch of boys at the end of the hallway just chatting

you havent seen tendou and the boys in so long so you placed the bottles down and rushed over there so quickly

‘TOMUTOMU!’

you shouted and the oddly-haired boy turned and he gasped before grabbing you into a large hug

this grabbed tendou’s attention and he cheered then hugged you too

your giggles and happy cheers were so infectous and they just absolutely missed you so much 

these tall boys were at a advantage so someone scooped you up and you were just affectionately being talked to and hugged and LKDSJFSLDFJ SO LUCKY SO LOVED

meanwhile

the plant babies were wondering where the heck you went to 

‘y/n-chan?! where is she?!’

oikawa panicked quickly while iwaizumi hit him to shut up

‘be quiet! you won’t find her if you’re too busy freaking out!’

‘ill find her’

matsukawa volunteered and they nodded, feeling at ease of him being capable to find you if you were in trouble

but when he returned empty-handed and with large eyes, they knew something was up

they ran behind mattsun to stop and copy his shocked expression at the sight in front of them

is that

you?

with

shi

ra

to

ri

za

wa

oh my god

‘y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted, being the first to speak

you jumped and your own eyes widened

‘oh. oh no’

you mumbled

the others were so stunned and seijoh itself was so hard to make speechless but they were just shocked

period

‘what is happening’

iwaizumi mumbled

yea the others were just shocked period

‘hey guys’

you waved and you motioned them closer

‘uhh,,, well,,, um they are my friends’

you smiled uneasily and they could see that

‘aaand?’

oikawa signalled you to say everything bc he knew it wasnt the whole story

you sighed

‘ushi,,, jima is my brother’

you mumbled the last part

but they heard you

‘HAH?!’

you cringed and the shira boys were about to move to protect you but they saw you glare at them

‘what? what about it? hes my brother? and?’

you babbled

‘but,, why are you,, in seijoh? dont get me wrong! its just,, youd naturally go to shiratorizawa right?’

mattsun waved his hands around and asked the question thats bugging the team

‘i came to the country late’

‘THE COUNTRY?!’

well,,

turns out you havent exactly told them everything about you yet :/

even when youve cleared the air and introduced waka as your brother, seijoh still didnt say anything

they were stuck in this shocked and surprised moment even at the end of the day and when you went straight to the shiratorizawa team,

they watched with wide eyes as you laughed with goshiki and was jumping around with tendou

‘AH! TOMU! MY HAIR!’

‘TORI-SAN! SATORI-SAN! TAKE THAT!’

wow you were actually really beautiful when youre happy

‘i dont think ive seen her this happy with this much energy’

makki said and they nodded

it was true

you were usually calm and collected and was the perfect balance to this chaotic team

so seeing you so free and loose with them was so refreshing, even if it was with damn ushiwaka

you finally went back to the seijoh boys and they all sent glares to the violet team before sending you a smile

‘you ready to go, manager-chan?’

watari ruffled your hair before handing you your bag to start walking to the bus

‘yea. lets go home’

as you all walked, oikawa was already starting his tantrum

‘y/n-chan~! why aren’t you that happy around us? are we not enough for you?’

oikawa whined and pouted

but you just turned to smiled at him and stopped walking to pat his head

‘im not their manager, therefore im not pressured to act like anyone except as a friend and a spectator. but i try to be as professional as i can with you guys to make sure you dont appear bad to others. and you guys are perfectly chaotic enough, adding me into the mix will just about kill coach’

oikawa didnt seem satisfied though

‘but! thats not fair! they get to see you smile and i dont!’

iwaizumi growled at him to be quiet but you beat him to it

well

you smiled at tooru but your eyes shone maliciously

‘i knew you would act like this, oikawa-san. as punishment, i gave nii-chan your phone number. good luck avoiding him now’

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAWWWWW LETS NOT KILL COACH IRIHATA OKAY? HES LIKE OUR GRANPAPA AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE OIKAWA ALONE WAKAWAKA-KUN!

[onyx-and-friends]

Siblings Reunited, Part 4

When August finally rolled around, Polly was still in the steamworks, getting a final once over before going to surprise her eldest brother. Her new Brunswick Green paintwork seemed to glow as the light from a nearby window reflected off of her boiler. "I wish Scotty could be here.." She sighed. "I know, but hes getting his boiler overhauled and recertified in preparation for his 100th next febuary." Her new driver said, hopping into her cab. Pollys eyes followed various people as they walked around her. "So? Whats the verdict?" The engine asked nervously. "Am i mainline certified?" Her eyes lit up when she was given the all clear. Her driver and fireman looked equally excited. "We knew you would be!" Cheered her fireman. "For an engine who was left to rust for almost 60 years, you ran like an absolute dream!" Her driver beamed. "And my boiler was recertified about a week ago..- huh?" She looked up as she heard her name called. "Yes sir?" It was Sir Topham Hatt, coming to see if Polly was given the green light. "So! How is everything going?" He asked. "We're good to go, sir! I've just been mainline certified!" Pollys eyes sparkled in excitement. "Wonderful!! And im assuming your boiler is certified?" "It sure is!" The railways controller grinned, stepping up into her cab. "Most excellent! With all the formalities out of the way, let us be off! Everyone is waiting!"

------

Henry could hardly conceal his excitement as he and all the other engines sat in the sheds, waiting for the new arrival. Everyone, like Henry, was VERY excited. Gordon, however.. Gordon was annoyed. Everyone was keeping a massive secret from him. Everyone, even his own crew! He felt betrayed, there was no two ways about it. The express engine caught various snippets of his friends' conversations as he looked from one area to another. "I heard she looks more splendid than James!" "Oh, ha ha! Very funny, Thomas. No engine is more splendid than me!" "We'll see about that, James. If my crews reports are right, shes due to arrive any minute!" Everyone was hushed as a new whistle tore through the air. Gordons eyes snapped up at the sound. "What..? That whistle sounds.. Oddly similar to mine.. But.. Its not Scotsmans.." Now he was more confused than mad. That confusion changed rapidly to utter shock as he saw the new engine turn the corner. Memories flooded his mind, memories of past conversations he had with Scotsman about what their little siblings had gotten up to on the mainland prior to the famous engines visit to Sodor. Tears welled in Gordon's eyes as he looked at who sat on the turntable before him. The air felt thick enough you could cut it with a knife, and no engine made a sound as they let Gordon process what was happening. "Polly..?" He finally choked out, his voice hoarse. "Its me, Gordie. Im alive." Polly smiled, beginning to tear up herself. "But how..? You and the others were.. In the 60s, you.." "I know. But i was never fully dismantled. I was also far enough back in the scrapyard that they kind of just.. Forgot about me, and left me to rust. I dont fully understand it myself, but.. I literally owe my life to Henry over there. If he hadn't stopped when i called out to him, this reunion wouldn't be happening." Henry blushed, looking at his buffers. "I was only thinking of my friends, and the wellbeing of a fellow steam engine." He muttered bashfully. Gordon looked at Henry, tears rolling down his face as he just smiled. "Thank you, Henry.. Now i understand why you all were rushing back and forth to the steamworks all the time.. You were racing the clock to get everything done on time." Henry smiled, looking up at the tearful blue express engine. "It wasnt just us on Sodor, Gordon. We recieved a lot help from The Mainland, too. It was a team effort to get Polly's overhaul and recertifications done in time for your birthday." Sir Topham Hatt had by now exited Polly's cab, and was now standing on the turntable beside her. "I couldnt have said it better myself. Well done, all of you. You did an excellent job preparing Gordon's birthday surprise. You all can have the rest of the day off. You've more than earned it." The engines couldnt help but smile, remaining silent as their controller continued his impromptu speech as he stepped off the turntable. "This was by no means a cheap undertaking, but i honestly cannot think of a better way to have spent the money, than on Gordon. He has done so much for us, taking charge of twice daily express services for.. How long has it been? 89 years, at least? I knew we would have to go big for his centenary, and when Henry and his crew gave me their report on what they had heard and seen on their return journey from Doncaster Station, i knew what had to be done. Happy Birthday, Gordon." Gordon sniffled, a huge, tearful smile plastered on his face as all the engines wished him a a very happy birthday. Polly had since been turned around, and had backed into a new shed that had been specially built just for her. "Happy 100th Birthday, big brother. I love you."

[mqnasluvr]

heya ! i heard you were new around here, could i request headcanons of enemies to lovers with kaeya and childe ? any pronouns are fine ! they’re so annoying i hate how i love them nevertheless,, thank you belladonna and take your time <3

enemies to lovers | kaeya alberich

pairings; kaeya x gn!reader

mentioned; jean

warnings; enemies to lovers but it’s pretty one sided, spoilers for kaeyas backstory, no beta we die like men, a lil bit of kaeya slander im sorry i had to, gn! reader

word count; 2k

a/n; where did kyquu go? :( i hope they at least see this.. i didnt finish childes part but i wanted to push this out as soon as possible. :(

kaeya

to put it simply, your relationship with kaeya was... tiring.

you had been close to kaeya and his younger brother for years, them being your closest and most trusted friends throughout part of your childhood and teenage years. but that all came to a halt when the former admitted to being a spy from khaenri'ah.

in no way or form did he expect for you two to forgive him— but actually seeing your broken and betrayed faces hurt him more than he thought it would, and the image still haunts him to this day.

you had separated yourself from the two brothers. although diluc didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t want to pick between them ( even though you really should’ve ). that decision was too hard for you to make.

for years, you stayed out of touch with kaeya as he continued to climb the ranks within the knights of favonius, and you followed, much to your dismay. you worked hard to become a knight, and you weren’t going to quit just because of some bad blood between you and your superior. ( props to you for maturity )

he wanted nothing more than to reconnect with you, and maybe even diluc— but that was wishful thinking. diluc ragnvindr was a stubborn, hardheaded man, and getting past that exterior would be no simple feat.

so, he opted for ( not so ) subtly courting you— giving you the occasional wave whenever he saw you walking through mondstadt, offering to help you train ( although you declined every time ), and other small things. you question why he chose to do this now of all times, after half a decade of not speaking to each other.

you weren’t sure how to feel, but it made you agitated. not seething with rage, but it did annoy you to see his lazy grin whenever he walked into the angels share and saw you sitting in the corner of the room. it annoyed you whenever he did that stupid two finger salute before walking off, and archons, did it annoy you when he patted your shoulder after sparring as if you were the best of buds.

then why did your thoughts never stray from him?

that question, you couldn’t answer.

and so, you resorted to treating him like he didn’t exist. it was rude, but you couldn’t really think of anything else. avoiding him like the plague was the one thing you were good at.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, one of your worst nightmares came to fruition.

“jean, please. why can’t i do this mission with you? why... him?” you were basically at the acting grand masters feet, head in your hands and pleading up at the woman. she felt bad, but there was nothing she could do.

“i’m really sorry y/n. but i’m too busy with other things, and kaeya happens to be available. you know an ordinary knight wouldnt be able to take this mission,” her guilt worsened when you looked up at her with ( fake ) tears in your eyes. she kneeled to your height.

“i don’t know of your history with kaeya, but please, just put it aside for this one mission. it shouldn’t take you very long.”

jean helped you stand to your feet, the frown etched into her face growing deeper when she saw your shoulders slump. “alright, fine..i’ll try-”

“jean! have you seen y/n— ah, there they are,” kaeya waltzed in without so much as a knocking, making you jump in surprise and shoot a glare at him. he flashed you a lazy grin.

“speak of the devil..” you muttered.

“are you ready to go? we don’t have much time.” the mission you were assigned was to gain intel on what the fatui were planning. to get said intel, you had to sneak into a gathering held by the fatui. the dresscode was rather expensive— more expensive than anything you owned— so to help you out, kaeya took the liberty of purchasing an outfit for you.

kaeya dropped it into your arms. “change into this. don’t want to show up to a party wearing uniform, do you?”

“thanks...” your face felt warm from embarrassment, but you did have to admit, that was considerate of him.

he laughed and waved his hand, shaking his head. “let’s get going, yeah?”

—

you finished getting ready with the help of jean. she sent you one last apologetic gaze before walking you out the door, waving at you both.

kaeya didnt even hide the fact that he was checking you out. his eyes raked over your attire, before sticking his arm out for you to hold. “my, my, you look quite impressive, y/n. is everything suited to your tastes?”

you huffed and walked past him. “the corset is too tight, and the shoes are too small.” you were only half lying— the corset was a bit uncomfortable to move in, but he got your shoe size down to a T. how? you didn’t really want to know.

“if that’s the case, i can loosen it for you-”

“no.”

kaeya laughed it off, and you only grew more irritated. “come now, y/n. don’t be so stiff.”

“i am perfectly content with being stiff, thank you. now hurry up, i want to get this over with,” you muttered the last part.

you didn’t want to admit that you were struggling to take your eyes off of his attire. he was clad in a white suit with blue complimentary colors to match your own outfit.

you rolled your eyes. ‘of course he’d get us matching outfits.’

but, you didnt find yourself minding all too much.

—

the party looked like any other party— fatui agents littered all over the residence, along with guests in fancy clothing.

you tugged on your sleeve, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. but on the outside, yourself and kaeya blended in pretty well.

because kaeya was such a well known figure, he had to change up his looks a bit. no eyepatch, ( i know, so uncharacteristic ) and he used contacts to change his eye color to a darker shade.

he also put that disgusting rat tail away.

so he didn’t look completely different, but he looked different enough.

...the change was nice.

you couldnt help but feel watched though. but that was to be expected. even though you felt somewhat secure in this situation, anxiety rests for no one. it rested in the pit of your stomach dormantly, waiting for a moment to bloom.

looking around the ballroom, kaeya found people dancing in the middle. deciding that it was better to at least enjoy the party before leaving, he stood in front of you and held his hand out, bowing.

“may i have this dance?”

“who do you think i am-”

kaeya flashed you a cautious glance, head nodding towards a fatui agent who was keeping their eye on the two of you. holding back a sigh, you placed your hand in his. he grinned.

“thank you,” he said. you grunted quietly and held back a roll of your eyes as he dragged you to the middle of the dance floor.

“attention whore,” you muttered, feeling warmer as he placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you in closer.

“you wound me, y/n.”

“you deserve it. i wish i could slap you.”

he stayed quiet. maybe too far?

you shook your head. no. there was no way you we’re going to let yourself feel sorry for him when he was literally a spy.

but he feels honest enough.

sure, his intentions at first were.. questionable. but he’s changed for the better. kaeya has been in mondstadt for years now, and khaenri'ah fell ages ago. his love for mond shouldn’t be doubted for a second, even if he hides it quite well.

before you could look up and make sure your words didn’t hurt him too badly, he leaned down near your ear.

“we have to go.”

“what-”

“i’ll explain later, but we have to go,” he grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

you didn’t notice, but several of the fatui agents were watching you. you didnt change your looks as much as he did, opting to use simple touch-ups to make yourself more presentable. but it wasn’t enough.

“hey!” one of that agents shouted, and kaeya turned his head back to see how close they were. like he suspected, they were following gou. they pushed through the people, even going as far as knocking one man over, just to catch up.

you hurried your steps along with kaeya, almost sprinting to keep up with him. his grip on your hand was firm though. you two dashed up the stairs onto the third floor of the residence, where the bedrooms were. offices, libraries, bedrooms— they were all there. kaeya picked a random one and shoved you both inside.

it was a red themed bedroom, the lights dim with papers scattered along the desk on the other side of the room. “it seems we’ve gotten lucky,” kaeya joked, skimming over the papers. they were letters, between the fatui and some unknown source. kaeya stashed them in his jacket.

you didn’t understand how he could joke at a time like this. you still arent in the clear and you could hear rapid footsteps coming upstairs. “kaeya—!”

“you know how you said you wanted to slap me?” he said while tucking the last bit of papers into his suit. he didnt even give you a chance to answer. “you can, after this.”

you were confused, but when he backed you up against the wall and pressed his lips to yours, that confusion turned into anger, then more confusion, then understanding.

sighing when you finally caught on, he pulled your body closer to his and you wrapped your arms sround his shoulders. he tugged and nipped on your bottom lip, and if you didnt know any better your knees would be knocking. he was almost too good at this.

suddenly, an agent— a female one, this time— barged in. “have you— hey! take that shit elsewhere, lovebirds!”

kaeya hid your face in his chest, grinning lazily at the woman. his lips were swollen and his eyes were lidded. the woman blushed.

clearing her thoat, she held up a picture of you. well, moreso the back of your head. “have you seen this individual?”

he stared at the woman, then glaced down at you. “..sorry. i’ve been busy, i haven’t seen anyone of the sort. wish i could help,” he shrugged, and the ladies blush worsened. “o-of course..” she muttered, before closing the door and locking it.

kaeya snorted at the irony. he looked back at you, who was still touching your lips with your fingers.

“was i that good?” he chuckled, and caught your hand when you moved to slap him. his laughter died down and he looks oddly serious.

“y/n, we need to talk..”

“...no we dont,” you turned your back to him. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“yes,” he sighed. “we do. i know you didnt want to do this with me-”

“kaeya..”

“-and really, i understand. but i’ve changed, and i know you’ve noticed. i dont want you to hate me forever-”

“kaeya-”

“and you can’t-”

“kaeya!” you nearly yelled. he finally stopped talking over you. “i don’t want to talk about this right now. can you just drop it?”

“then when?” he narrowed his eyes. he laughed humorlessly when there was no reply.

kaeya’s eyes softened the longer you stayed silent. he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you in for a hug. “...sorry.”

“could you please shut up,” you mumbled into his chest. he laughed softly.

“i know you’re wary right now. but all i ask for is a second chance,” he pulled away and hend your hands together in his. “...please.”

it was an odd sight, seeing him this vulnerable. then again, there was a good chance he was faking it to get on your good side but.. for some reason you found it hard to believe that. he looked truly sincere.

you groaned.

“you better not make me regret this.”

[mebbrrr]

cc indirect from the perspective of a bitch who dropped the fandom a While Ago and hates like 80% of the creators on the server

1. youre cool. ur New To Big Fame but i think ur quite neat and actually seem rlly nice. rock on. also u actually bring something new to that shitass story and its nice to see from the sidelines

2. same with the above u seem Cool i just Dont know As Much abt you. ur cool

3. i literally do not have feelings about you. like your humor is just Loud and it works sometimes but like Yknow.

4. um. twitter is on ur ass rn. for good reasons it seems like

5. you are the only mf. ur cool in my book u should get more attention

6. i literally dont know a thing about you

7. i still watch ur youtube content u kinda rock. we are like when autism unites except u might be neurotypical Idk

8. also know nothing abt u but ur character had a cool premise at least

9. Hardly Know Anything about you but youre good in my books purely by the fact that you know Nothing at all. that sits right with me. ur on thin ice tho (but everyone on this list is)

10. um. i have ur merch i guess but imma be real i am likely going to sell it LMAO

11. idk u

12. i also dont know u

13. ur tweets remind me of my grandmother’s facebook presence

14. imma be real i do not like u king. ur like #25 in terms of Dark Humor El Oh El and that doesnt vibe with me and i also just. couldnt sit down for ur streams i am being 100% honest its just Something abt ur voice

15. u r kind of boring i will not lie. i like ur laugh tho

16. ur gay i guess

17. it’d be cool if u would actually apologize for some of the stuff u’ve done. like im of the belief that u actually learned from it but actually acknowledging it would be sicknasty. please acknowledge it. the ice is so thin that you literally have 1 foot in the water. also i fucking hate the character you play its so badly written

18. i literally have no thoughts on you. you showed up for the first time when i first started watching and i Still do not have thoughts on you

19. ur twitter stans are annoying. like ur ok i Guess (friend-disown that other mf and we’re GOOD) but your vibe is just slightly Wrong

20. u actually did apologize for the shit u did. idk how to feel abt u tho even tho i actually do find you funny

21. u deserved better both from fans and from those bitches on the server who Never listened to u

22. i still vibe with you. ur like a capybara to me i could never hate you. thank u for actually calling ppl out on their bullshit

23. U ALSO DESERVED BETTER. thank u for apologizing for ur ignorance. but also u deserved better king i wish the other jackasses on the server listened to u

24. ur fucked up Lol i thought u were Cool for a bit just bc Most People Did but u have recently gotten urself into hot water and its.. deserved bc wtf. u fucked up For Sure

25. i cant see the appeal. any bit of humor from u Solely comes from ur voice. u are like if john mulaney made a career on being even whiter than he is. also u literally buy (SOMETHING HEEHEEHOOHOHO) which is still fucked up even if u frame it as a joke LMAO

26. i mean ur fine i guess. thin ice bc ur white. ur (HOBBY OF SOME SORT) does rock tho

27. YOU ALSO CALL PPL OUT ON THEIR SHIT. ur better than most of these bitches

28. i cannot get over past comments u’ve made. not only did they make me deeply uncomfortable, but they hurt some of my friends and acquaintances and that will always carry with me

29. imma be real i. could never get into ur content. ur funny with other people but just.. not on ur own, to me

30. you are white bread

31. i did like ur content. like a lot. but i feel like you crossed over that line of whats okay to joke about Too Much and now i cant vibe with u. hope u learn from it i guess bc i still Do have some sort of hope for u

32. i dont trust any man with that hobby and that name

33. u deserved better. except when you decided to partake in buying (SOMETHING. LOL) wish ur friends were less white

34. i wish you’d get acting lessons bc you were one of the few genuinely interesting characters

35. U R THE ONLY MF FROM THIS SMALLER GROUP THAT I CAN STAND. AND THAT DOESNT EVEN PUT U ON GOOD TERMS IN MY BRAIN

36. ppl somehow forget u in the conversation of (some discourse dont worry) even tho ur one of the main parties involved. i just dont rlly like you purely based on vibes, otherwise

37. the last time i read ur name is the first time ill be at peace

[tastyykpop]

Can you make a smut + angst jealousy fic for Ten or Jeno please~ thankiee

I hope this was okay. I made it a best friend au if u don't mind🙈

ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ᴅɪsᴀsᴛᴇʀs

Pairings: bestfriend!ten x reader

Genre: smut, angst

Warnings: jealousy, slight d/s themes, slight choking, marking, possessiveness, unprotected sex, creampie, rough ish sex

"What are you doing here?" Ten asks walking into the living room where you sat watching tv. "Thought you had a date with that guy?"

"I did, but he called it off again." You mumbled.

"Again? Isn't this like the hundreth time? What a joke." He plops down on the couch next to you.

You side eye him, ready to question the attitude but chose to close your mouth instead.

Shrugging with a sigh, you bite your lip, "Its nothing. Hes probably busy." You knew that wasn't the case. The two of you were all over the place, it was either you guys flirted and went on dates like couples or he ditched you to do something with his friends and side chicks.

You were basically his fling that somehow dragged on for months. And ten couldnt stand it. Seeing you get beaten down and crushed like an egg made his heart sink. But to be honest, it wasn't like he minded the extra attention. Once you and that guy started talking, you were dragged out of his life and hardly talked to him unless it were times like this or when you bragged about the dude, and if he was lucky, a sleepover that came once in a blue moon. Ten probably shouldn't have felt this way, but he couldn't help his jealousy. He wanted what the guy had. He wanted you.

"Give the bastard up already." Ten says, "All he does is break your heart like its his favorite hobby. Then he has the fucking audacity to get back with you like nothing happened. Open your eyes, y/n, he's not good for you."

You grimaced, looking up at his uncharacteristically fuming face, "You don't know him like I do. He's good to me."

"Oh cut the shit. Stop being so naive."

Glowering at the man, you shake your head, "Im not naive and its not my fault you don't like him."

Ten sighed, "Jeez you can be a bitch sometimes."

"Excuse me!?" Your brows furrow, "Ten, stop acting like a dick. Why can't you support me and my decisions? You always find something to complain about with your overprotective ass."

"He treats you like shit, thats literally all he does and I have to sit here and deal with it." Ten growls.

"Then leave i don't fucking care."

Ten snorts, "Youre kidding. You're gonna push me out of your life just because I'm calling someone out. Well I got a newsflash for you babe, thats not how life works."

"As if youre any better." You mumble, thinking ten couldnt hear you. But you were very wrong.

"I dont have to do a thing to be better than that motherfucker." Ten glares before leaning closer to your face, "I could treat you better than he ever did. Like a fucking goddess, but no, you chose him."

"Youre so fucking annoying, ten." Your eyes met your best friends. This was probably the biggest mistake you've made. So many years you never bothered to say anything about your small crush on ten, afraid it may ruin the friendship between you two. But knowing its mutual, you could practically hear your heart crack. Those wasted months could've been months spent with ten, but they weren't.

Ten stared back into your hurt eyes with no expression except frustration, "Good i can keep going. I could write a whole essay on this loser."

"Ten, shut the fuck up! I'm tired of your fucking voice!"

Immediately ten stops talking. Though hes still frowning like an angered child who didn't get their way.

"God, you can be so frustrating at times." You say.

"Frustrating?? Whats frustrating is you being him and not with me." Ten says, breaking his short silence as his face was still inches away from yours.

Your back is just about touching the arm of the couch, tens breath fanning your face softly making your face heat up ever so slightly.

"Seeing him kiss you, hold you-makes my blood boil more than you think." Finally your body was pinned to the couch, ten just barely hovering over your lips, "Im going to make sure he knows who you belong to after tonight."

You yelped as you best friend clashed his lips into yours, much rougher and desperate than you thought he'd be. His hand snaked up your thigh, grabbing and kneading at the skin before he moved it to your hip, loving the small sighs against his lips.

"Youre so desperate," ten mumbles. He swipes his tongue just over your lips as you find yourself chasing his lips, staring at the string of saliva attached. "I finally get to have my desperate little baby." Your pants were off in a matter of seconds along with your panties. Tens fingers already taking in your soaked cunt as he lifted his two fingers up in front of your face, smirking down at you. "Already dripping too. Can't believe you thought about going out with him when you have me."

"Never knew you could be so jealous." You tore your gaze off his arousal coated fingers. "But I'd wish your shut up about it."

Ten sucks his fingers clean before leaning down to bite your neck, earning a gasp as you tilt your head to the side for him. "Dont push it."

"Can't help it." Sighing at the feeling of his teeth sinking in and the small hickeys he's giving you, you reach up to tangle your fingers through his hair, "Youre mad and jealous just because of some guy."

"Not just some guy, babe. A fucking douche." He lapped over the bruises he created on your neck. The purple and blue color was a work of his own art and he wasn't afraid to show it off to anyone and everyone.

"He was nice."

He arched a brow, "Dont lie."

Soon enough, both of your clothings were discarded. Nothing could turn back whatever was going to happen now, and surely not ten who had his hand wrapped firmly around your neck, squeezing the sides tightly but still enough for you to breathe. And as crazy as it may seem, he loved seeing you gasp and wrap your small hands around his wrists.

You moaned at the sudden fullness at your core, the stretch making your back arched a bit off the couch as you pushed your hips into his. A hand carefully placing itself on your hips, but not bothering to push it down or keep it in place.

Ten wasn't going to waste time, he was already thrusting into you at a reasonable set pace where you both moaned, you being louder than he thought.

"You like it?" Ten chuckles to himself, "Of course you do because I know how to fuck you good." He sent a particularly hard thrust just to hear you scream in pleasure. Your nails clawing at his back causing ten to hiss, throwing his head back.

"Youre the worst." You call out, digging your nails further into his back, sure there will be cuts the next day.

He choked you harder, eyes rolling back from the adrenaline rush, "But you love this cock so much, love how I call you mine and not his. Fuck, I should just fill you up over and over again with my cum." You moan at his words, ignoring that stupid grin on his face, "Want me to fill your pretty pussy up, kitten?" Nodding frantically, you gripped his wrist with both of your hands, feeling your orgasm coming closer with each thrust.

"Feels s-so good." The couch screeched against the wood floor as ten pounded into you with no mercy. Each vein of his cock made your walls tighten around him as you got near. " 'm gonna cum."

As if he couldn't move faster, ten surprised you when your body banged against the armrest, desperate for you to cum around him. "Cum, baby. I wanna feel your cum."

You didn't need to be told twice. Everything came rushing out of you an instant, body shaking as ten continued with stuttering thrusts before he finally released inside you, mixing your cum together as he slowly fucked it back inside you, finally pulling out.

"Stay away from him for God's sake." he placed a chaste kiss to your lips. "Or dont, I wouldn't mind him seeing the mess I made."

[tobi-momo]

The Third Set

PAIRING: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

GENRE: Romance | Pining | Fluff | A lil crack (kinda)

WARNINGS: not proofread | a lil ooc and soft at the end (pls dont get mad at me 😭😭)

WORD COUNT: 1k+

A/N: hihihi ok so this idea literally came to me while reading another fic (i cant remember it now im super sorry) and it wouldnt leave my head so i couldnt NOT write it yk? pls keep in mind that it gets rlly soft at the end and really out of character😭 i just hc that does affectionate things during an adrenaline rush, like he's too hyped to care ab what going on around him he just wants to see you, and so this is basically where that came from kasjkhasd- also this is not meant to be spicy at all whatsoever (although some remarks from the others are made that way when you read) its supposed to be romantic and lighthearted, so pls dont think its that sexual😭 also thank you @awmahleebkg my wife for giving me the confidence to post this i love you baby <333

Watching Kei play was one of your favorite things to do. Sure, that might sound a little sad, but watching him and his team working together on the court was something that you wouldn't miss the world for. Until an away game came along, it taking place somewhere farther than they usually are, and since you weren't a part of the team, you couldn't take the school bus with them. So, you took the city bus. He might have told you not to, he might have told you to wait at your house for him to return and tell you about it, but you couldn't help it. This was an important game, and you needed to be there and support him.

He was nervous, although someone who didn't know as well as you wouldn't be able to tell, you were always able to see right through him. Always able to tell when he was nervous or scared, even intimidated. He found it annoying, that you were always there for him, confused as to why you dedicated your time for him, but years after your first meeting he realized that he would do the same for you. You didn't know that his heartbeat the same way for you as it did for him, and he sure as hell didn't know that the reason you stuck by him all these years was to feel that exact heartbeat next to yours.

[3:37 P.M.]

Kei <3: Stay home, y/n

Y/n: but it's an important game! i want to cheer you on!

Kei <3: I'll tell you what happens after I get home if you really want me to. But stop whining at me it's annoying.

Y/n: 😠😠 let. me. go.

Kei <3: No.

Y/n: i hate you so much

Kei <3: Sure you do

You wouldn't listen to him, of course. Why would you? You get your bag ready to leave, filling it with snacks and water bottles to help the team out.

By the time you snuck in, it was half-way past the second set. Tensions were high and sweat was dripping off their jaws while they gain each point. You made sure to stay a little quieter, not wanting Kei's attention to be drifted away from the game, especially since you weren't supposed to be there. By the time they won that set, they were tied with the other team. One more set left, things are getting really heated.

The score remained close to each other throughout the game, Karasuno being two points away from a win with their opponent three points behind them. Watching Kei as he looks at the floor with frustrated eyes, obviously mad at himself for not doing better. He frowns, taking a sip of water so no one sees it. You can see a slight tint of fear in his eyes- he was scared of losing the set. Although all you've seen were blocks of perfection, even a couple spikes that hit the court floor aggressively, points going towards Karasuno once more, he thought he wasn't doing good enough. You knew he was amazing, everyone in the room knew it too, so why didn't he?

He jogs back on the court after a timeout from the other team, getting into a serve/receive position, waiting for the ball to come over the net. The server on the other team hit the ball over, sending it straight to Nishinoya, who receives the ball perfectly, passing it to Kageyama. Backing up into the set, Hinata runs behind Kageyama, surprising the blockers on the other side of the net when Hinata smacks the floating ball down with his might. Instead of the ball hitting the floor, the left-back position receives the ball at the seam, shanking it towards the audience.

Another point.

The crowd goes wild and the air tightens as the scoreboard raises. You bounce on the bleachers and stomp your feet in excitement, knowing that this match would be over soon.

Kei exhales sharply at the whistle, relief, and nervousness seeping out of him. He can do it, he thought. Only one more point. When the ball passes him to the other side of the court, quickly moves to the right side of the net, jumping and completely regretting his decision once the ball hits the floor. He watches the ball trail off in shock, the whistle suddenly getting too loud for him. He grits his teeth in defeat, thinking that it would be over for them. His head faces the ground, his hands are balled up in fists. That's when you decide to take initiative.

Inhaling a harsh breath, you stand up putting your hands on each side of your face before yelling out to him.

"TSUKISHIMA KEI!!!"

His head whips from the floor, his eyes widening once they find yours in the big crowd. You stand out- to him at least.

"DON'T GIVE UP!!! YOU GOT THIS!! LET'S GO!!"

His pupils dilate at your figure cheering him on, suddenly wishing he hadn't told you to stay home. He didn't know you were there, or how you get here in the first place, but he was glad you came. He wanted you there. His shocked expression turned into a smirk of confidence before he turns back around and goes to his position. The whistle blows once more, telling the server that they can go. He refocuses on the court, watching the ball and everyone near it, analyzing everyone's movements and predicting where the ball is going to go. The big spiker on the other team runs towards the net with his approach, swinging his arms back, ready to slam the ball down as Kei quickly beats him to it, jumping and raising his arms on top of the net in defense.

The ball smacks the floor of the court.

Kei's eyes glow when his feet touch the ground again.

They won.

He tries his best to catch his breath, heaving once his teammates trample him on the ground. You scream in victory, jumping up and down, sprinting down the bleachers to the team, them welcoming you with tight hugs and cries of joy. Electricity coursed through Kei's veins, adrenaline making his sight clearer, his hearing less muffled and his breathing a lot clearer.

You see Kei on the other side of the court, getting up and steadying himself on his feet once you two lock eyes. You run towards him with a fast pace, him reciprocating as his legs speed up toward you. You jump on him, clinging to him as much as you could when wrapping your legs around him, digging your head in his shoulder. His hand immediately grab the back of your thighs for support, helping your body balance on his while you tug on his neck.

You praise him, telling him how proud you were of him picking himself up and being the best, telling him how amazing his blocks and spikes were, how amazing he was. You could hear his breathless laughs of joy, a genuine smile painting his face when you subconsciously pepper his face in firm pecks from your lips, showering him in sweet affection for his win.

"YOU DID SO AMAZING KEI!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! THAT WAS SO COOL!! YOU SHOULDA SEEN YOURSELF OUT THERE! OH MY GOD THAT WAS- THAT WAS PERFECT!! I KNOW YOU WERE DOUBTING YOURSELF A LITTLE BIT BUT YOU WERE AMAZING THE WHOLE TIME I MEAN-"

Your words muffle when his lips crash onto your- a rough, exciting kiss that has you moaning in his mouth from surprise and desperation from wanting this for the longest time. Your hands slide up from his neck to his cheeks, palming them and pulling him closer while your lips disconnect and reconnect rapidly, not being able to get enough of each other. His hands subtly, but firmly squeeze your thighs while you tilt your head, giving him the chance to kiss you deeper. The amount of emotion going through your bodies, desperation, love, excitement, impatience, relief, mixing with the adrenaline in your system's causing your worlds to finally collide and mix.

"What are they doing?"

"I don't know but I feel like I'm interrupting something"

"I think they're the ones interrupting"

"Just let them have this one, guys"

"They are literally about to do it on the court how am I not supposed to feel uncomfortable, Suga-san?"

"Aw, these lovebirds are finally getting together, I knew it would happen"

"Liar, you bet they wouldn't!"

"Tanaka-san! You weren't supposed to say anything!"

You couldn't hear any of the banter in the background, your only focus was him, and his only focus was you. And all the team could do was watch.

pls i know this was rlly ooc im super sorry

taglist: @combat-wombatus @hitosushi @toosharkinternet @alpha3113 @flattykawadoorusmilkbread @solar3lunar @zerohawks @katsuhera

[1994sunflower]

Say something happened idk what but like Y/n couldn't be with michael at the moment say she was visiting somewhere or something. How would their facetime be like?

michael will be so grumpy and annoyed that youre gone

your absense will be so obvious in his life, even if he’s just being overdramatic because its only a couple of days/a week/whatever

he just misses you a lot, misses waking up next to you, touching you, spending time with you

but you facetime everyday

which makes it as tolerable as it can be

i mean if it were up to him he’d facetime you all day everyday

but you restrict it to only at the end of the day so you can both get your things done throughout the day

which for him really just means wasting the day until he finally gets his time with you

but when that time comes, he does not let any distractions, he is very serious about his time alone with you even if only over the phone

and while seeing your face again makes his entire day

it’s never enough, he’ll still have to go to sleep without your warmth next to him

which is why he usually likes to fall asleep with you on the call lol

but he takes what he can get

as soon as you’re on the call and your face pops up, when you give him that heartwarming smile of yours “hi, mikey.”

his entire body sways at seeing his love again but at the same time it just makes him miss you so much more

you’re so close, visually but so far away

you would usually sit on your hotel/childhood bed and fold your knees up to your chest with your phone in your hand against them as you talked to him

only enough for him to see from your collarbone to your face

and he’d be laying on his bed with his phone held over his head so you could see his face

and he’d listen while you ranted about how your day was

maybe really half listening to the plot but he missed your voice throughout the day so he was really just soaking it in

how you managed to be excited about the littlest things if you had a good day

the way your face was so bright and beautiful as always, your big eyes showing your excitement

he’d laugh and smile, tease you whenever you told him something embarrassing had happened and watch delighted as you stammered and blushed

or if you had a bad day, he would watch your sad expression and have a yearning to hold you in his arms, prevent any tear from streaming down your face

also a bit of a yearning to get on a car/plane and get rid of everything that upset you

he was very mad he couldn’t physically be there for you but he did what he could just letting you let out your feelings

if you ever tried to cut yourself off because you thought you were talking too much or ask him about his day

he’d almost be frustrated because you never annoyed him and he wanted to hear you more, your voice, even if it was the most boring story he physically would never tolerate if anyone else had been saying it

“how was your day, bubs?”

“boring.”

“…michael” cue your eyeroll and lecture

but he would always let up and tell you what he did today, how the house and ashton were doing, things like that

you were really the one that spoke and were more animated but that was just your normal dynamic with him

sometimes you were excited about a particular thing that was going to happen or you had a great day so you would model for him your clothing option for the next day

like you would set your phone down to give him a good view then you’d show him your full outfit

“so i was thinking of wearing this dress but i don’t know if this yellow one would be better. what do you think?”

and he literally didn’t know the first thing about fashion, especially when you looked good in everything you wore

but he couldn’t deny you, even when it was so out of his personality, so he’d always chuckle and give a general “i think it looks good” but with a smile that made you weak to your knees so you knew that you would definitely wear it and send him pictures of you in it the next day so he could see you

(which is what you did everyday really, you’d always send him pictures of your trip or just you with your outfit of the day

it was one of the parts of his day that he anticipated the most even though he nearly never answered you and just commented on it during your facetime call at the end of the day briefly

“you looked pretty today.”

so you were never really sure if he wanted you to keep sending them but thank goodness you did)

or when you were telling him about your day and what you did and his snide little comments told you exactly how you felt

“it was a hard day.”

“it wouldn’t have been if you were here instead.”

to which you would giggle knowingly and give him the most loving smile that he had been missing

“i know mikey, i miss you too.”

to which he would smile

the smile he only ever gave to you

it was his way of saying he missed you without ever really saying it.

but then in would come the same question he asked every single time he talked to you

“when are you coming home?”

he tried not to sound whiny but he always did

he was constantly counting down the days for you to be home

because there was only so much patience he could have and it was starting to feel like the trip had stolen his girlfriend and he was this close to wrestling you back.

and you would always tell him a few days and he would always huff

your conversations were mundane but it brought a bit of your normal everyday life when both of you felt kind of out of wack without each other

sometimes you were tired and michael forced you to hang up even if you didnt want to so you can rest

always always ending with an “i love you."

other times you laid on your side on the bed as michael did the same, both of your phones extended in your hands on the other side of the bed so it seemed like you were in each others bed

and you’d go to sleep like that

just whispering about random things until you both closed your eyes and dozed off

nsfw because i’m a whore with no self control 😔🤚🏼

you guys really were always all over each other, esp michael who had no restraint

so being away from you for more than a few days was more than a little frustrating

sometimes it would be you

you’d be squirming all day with thoughts of him and finally seeing him even if through a screen would have you whimpering for him almost without any other introduction

he would always understand and give you what you need without explanations needed

but most times it would be him

you’d answer his call with the same innocent, happy smile you always had on

he’d be quieter than normal, almost looking mad (frustrated is the better word) but you figured he had a bad day and talked much more to compensate

and he’d listen to you, not cutting you off.

mumbling “hm..” at appropriate times

but he was a lot closer to the camera than usual, watching you carefully, taking you all in, only one of his hands was in frame and the other seemed like it was moving

it wasnt until you paused that you heard it

a sort of ’slick’ing sound that you knew a little too well

“mikey?"

“keep talking.”

he was getting off on your voice, loved the how sweet and oblivious your words were, how much you missed him, how good your day was

could imagine your voice crying out for him like you always did

plus you were so pretty, he could get himself off with just your face and the pretty dress you were wearing

then he’d pull the phone back and show you exactly what you had been suspecting

his hard cock was out, being stroked slowly and lazily by his hand as he had been doing since the moment you had picked up

“miss you so much, little one. couldn’t think of anything else today except you bouncing on my cock like the good girl you are. i’m so fucking hard”

he was so big, like always and you could almost drool at the sight of him, clenching around absolutely nothing as you imagined being filled up by him, him spoiling you with his cock like he usually did

and seeing you blush and seem so mesmerized, equally as turned on as him then made him just fuck his fist faster, tighten his fist to mimic your tightness

and he’d direct you to tell you what to do, tell you how to touch yourself

he made sure he could see every part of you, your legs spread for the camera and him showing everything he’d been fantasizing about for so long

it’d honestly be so frustrating just as much as it was hot for him

because he was visibly seeing what he wished was with him right then but he couldnt touch you

but seeing his innocent little girlfriend touching herself for him was enough for him to stroke himself faster

especially at the thought of you either being at a hotel or at your parents house, so close to others, so easy for anyone to overhear the good girl they saw going in, shy and sweet, but none of that registers in your mind because youre michael’s whore that would do anything to be fucked dumb by your big, bad boyfriend

he’d listen to your small breathy moans and whimpers, honestly getting even more painfully hard at your sounds

sometimes your tongue would be out, expectantly like it usually was when he was above you, awaiting his spit

biting your lip as you tried to keep your eyes open to watch him getting himself off but sometimes you had to throw your head back as you imagined his fingers instead of yours stretching you out, his big body overpowering yours

your hips would be grinding pathetically agaisnt your hand without even realizing it

“daddy, d-daddydaddy!"

but michael saw all of it, groans and curse words leaving his mouth as he took you in entirely

your slim fingers rubbing your little clit, your blush as you tried your best to mimic all the things he usually did to you with your fingers

although nothing comparing to his much bigger hand that could cup your entire cunt with his palm and his thick, long fingers that could fill you up and hit all your best spots

leaving you more than a little whiny in frustration

spreading your folds to the camera so he can see your tight, drooling hole. a show just for him.

and it was better than any porn he’d ever watched

especially because the girl he was watching was HIS

he imagined your smaller hand wrapping around his dick, your wide eyes looking up at him from down on your knees, head bobbing on his cock, tears in your eyes

he’d be giving you the most degrading praises he could, they would just fall from his lips

“that’s right, play with yourself for me, dirty girl.”

“fuck just a few days without me and you’re already a cockhungry slut aren’t you?”

he’d tell you what he wants to do to you, what he’d do if he were there

“i’d stretch you open so good, little one”

“i want to have you crying on my cock”

“rub your cunt faster, just how I would. pinch your clit”

he’d have your small body bent over, face pushed into the bed and dress bunched on your hips, plowing you from behind (especially with how blue balled he’d be for so long without you) and he’d tell you as much

you were so wet, the wetness practically dripping from your hand and the sound loud for michael’s ears which did not help his desperate want to actually feel you

normally you couldnt get off by yourself, but knowing your boyfriend was watching, that he was getting off on you and the fact that he was the one controlling your movements, you did cum on your own fingers

“show me”

you’d blush but shyly obey him, something that filled him with so much pleasure - always so submissive for him, and brought your phone closer to show him your messy cunt

and michael, jacking off and thrusting against his fist

grunts, groans and some low growls

“fuckfuckfuck”

cumming right after you, all over his stomach, his head being thrown back at the pleasure

and the sight had you already writhing and grinding against the mattress under you, wanting more

wanting him and wanting his cum in you

“good fucking girl”

he wasnt used to getting himself off, didn’t need to with you around, and normally didnt like it but with your help, it felt so good

but he wanted the real thing, could only go so long without fucking his sweet little girlfriend who he was so weak over

and you wanted the same