#just not compatible and ends up making me feel v insecure and sad i think

[salstini]

i love my bf, but more and more I think we’re just really not compatible so… I think I might break up soon. I’m hesitating though I dunno… But I’m definitely considering it

[mylittlyworld]

My little confession

First I’m sorry for my bad english! I do just need to get off my chest. I love our boys a lot but everything changed a few months ago when I decided to visit a well-known psychic professional here in my country. I’m facing health issues in my family, guys I’m in shook, I didn’t believe some of the things she said to me, because my dad’s health was always so good, he almost never needed a doctor and now he is hospitalized with a serious illness, just as she warned me. So now I want to share this with you.

I have decided to ask her about the future and the real personalities of my favorite boys Jimin and V thinking I would only hear good things, especially because they are known as “best friends”. I left there devastated, I do not care if you’ll believe it or not, but what she told me about my situation and my families was accurate, so it’s up to you to decide to believe it or not.

The good thing is that she said they will continue to have more and more success with the group, especially Jimin, he is the favorite of the "company” and they will make him always be highlighted in everything: choreography, music, screen time, interviews. Jimin has gained so much confidence over the last few years that he is feeling the most top boy in the world, his ego is on top of him, so he is doing everything to get the attention of all the girls around so that he can get a fame of playboy and have the most popular girl as his girlfriend. He is loving all the attention he is getting but to his members and fans he always “cries” claiming that he feels insecure with his appearance, voice, low self-esteem because he knows that acting as a “victim”, people will always feel sorry for him and then he gets full attention. That’s what really makes him happy. She said yes, Jimin has two faces, at first he was really a good person but fame made him really change. I asked to her if the death threats Jimin was received could actually happen and she said that it was all a marketing move because it only makes the public have this image of him being the most popular member. The company will continue to create more situations (example: artists taking him as their favorite member)    

On the other hand, V is the least dear, people in the company love him, the problem is the boss who hates him since debut, he always thought that V would be a big problem for the group. And no matter how popular V is and how much he brings “investors”, big brands wanting to hire him to be the ambassador, commercials, dramas, important projects that could help his career. They ignore it. Actually the boss wants V to leave the group, so his favorite won’t have a competitor. She said that V has enormous potential to be the most popular artist not only in your country but internationally. If he seriously studies english, have more confidence in himself, nobody holds this boy. But he loves BTS so much that she does not see him leaving the band currently, despite all the stress he’s been going through. She said he could be very successful as an actor and model. And because of the bullying that he suffers in the company, he suffers in silence, he is always in his side, frustrated, discouraged. He has many songs that he composed but his boss always says that it is not enough, always points some imperfection and then he is increasingly losing his confidence in everything, in making music, speaking in interviews, even interacting with fans. She said that he urgently needs the help of a professional because one day this will accumulate and the worst can happen. After all, she said, he is lucky because he has many good people on his side, Jimin is one of them, he tries to give support when he is going through difficult times and V is very grateful to him for it. V has a heart of gold, he is the kind of person who will give his life to the people he loves and will be eternally grateful. This is bad because he often ends up sacrificing his own happiness.                      

I asked: in what sense? and she said, I see that they are in love with the same girl. V has always been in love with this girl and then Jimin has begun to create feelings for her as well. Actually Jimin wanted to be like V, this is almost an obsession and this is bad for V because as she said earlier, V unfortunately ends up sacrificing his own happiness to see the people he loves, happy.

I asked, does Jimin love this girl? Yes but no more than V. I feel like they already had a troubled affair, between comings and goings in the past. She said: “What a complicated situation, I see here some love triangle. V is very indecisive and falls in love very easy. I feel it was a relationship full of distrust, jealousy. Both of him, as well as her. But to be brief, the time was very short, she said that an hour later they were seeing that it was not working anymore, so he ended up leaving the way clear for Jimin, due to much persistence of Jimin. Which is sad because I feel she was more compatible with V. And even though they are with other people, they will always have a very strong feeling for each other.

The defect of V is that he is extremely jealous, indecisive and possessive. He cannot see his girl talking or having friendship with other guys. If he continues like this, none of his relationships will work out. He must trust people and have more confidence in himself. Be more persistent because he is in a moment of his life where he just let things happen. He sees many unfair things happening to him, but to avoid quarrels, misunderstandings, he prefers to accept and suffer quiet. V is not interested in being the most popular, conquering the most top girl. He just wants to be with the people he loves and see their happiness, for him it is enough. Jimin is a good friend but always with parallel intentions because he knows that pleasing everyone around him, he will get everything he wants. The big problem with V is that people take advantage of his ingenuity. The great quality of Jimin is, when he wants something, he runs for that, no matter what it costs and he always gets it because he knows very good on persuading people.

Someone needs to open his eyes! I’m so sad, please V try to think care more about you, be more ambitious and fight for the things you love, even if you must sacrifice your friendship. Health and joy are your treasure!

[fever4romance]

Professional Boyfriend - Gay Romance Novel chapter 4: Shawn

Shawn was wearing a v-neck and a black leather jacket. There was a thin gold chain around his neck. His left ear was pierced, a tiny diamond earring. I felt awkward asking him this, but I simply needed to know: "How did you become a" I didn’t even have to finish the question. He knew what I needed to know. "Rent boy? I'm not a hooker. I'm a professional boyfriend. There's no sex. It's a date." I raised my eyebrows. "But you pretend to be people's boyfriend for money. Is it just guys or" He grinned. "No. It's open-ended. Could be guys, could be girls. I've gone out with people of any age. From 18-year-old girls who want to impress their frenemies by bringing me as their prom date, or 70-year-old single ladies who want to prove their ex-husbands they can also get a young thing to go out with them for their money." I was stunned. "Sounds like an interesting life. Don't you feel bad, having to pretend to be in love with someone you barely know?" He looked confident, the subject didn't phase him. "I travel around the world. I’m very well compensated. I make more money than I have time to spend. They pay for everything. I meet interesting people, they tell me their stories, I know then better than the people in their lives. They usually treat me with respect, most of the time. Every now and then I get someone who doesn’t understand the rules and who tries to make things seem like more than they are. I’m proud of what I do.”

He continued.

“Why should I be ashamed? I didn't make the rules, I just follow them. I need the money. I like it. I make people feel good. I kiss them when they need to be kissed, and I help them feel better about themselves. It's not about faking it, it's about giving them something they can't get anywhere else. I understand your reluctance, what's your reason for being here today? Why did you want to hire a professional boyfriend?" I took a deep breath. "My mom invited my ex-fiancé for Christmas. Here's bringing his girlfriend.” He didn’t show any reaction. "That's horrible. Your mom shouldn't have done that.” It felt good to be understood. "Thanks for saying that. And to make matters worse, I told her I have a boyfriend.” "So we'd have to come up with a story. How did we meet?" I raised my eyebrows. "I haven't agreed to anything yet. Do you usually do this, meeting prospecting clients at hip gay bars?" He looked around. "This place isn't very hip. I don’t do this usually, but I could tell you needed some convincing. I think we should do this. Most people are in the second they look at my profile picture. What happened with your fiancé? He's bisexual. Did he dump you for this new girlfriend?" I felt reluctant, I haven't told many people the details of what happened between Daniel Chase and me. "He got cold feet. He did dump for someone else, a male paralegal. They went on our honeymoon together" "Then why did your mom invite him for dinner?" I finished my beer. "Because we're neighbors. Our families always spend Christmas together, and she wanted to keep the tradition going." "That's bound to get awkward. You shouldn't show up alone. I could help you feel a bit more comfortable. And don't think I'm doing this just for the money. You need someone there." I shook my head. "But this is a bit drastic. I don't want to have to fake all weekend.” He had a calm way of speaking. He seemed to have gone through this before. "Sure. But it's better than letting him win. You two are playing a game. He wants to prove he's moved on, and so do you. You show up with a good looking guy, he shows up with this new girl." We remained silent for a moment. There were a couple of bear cubs making out a few feet from us. "I'm not drunk enough to say yes." "If you don't do this, he's gonna think you haven't moved on. Which I can tell is true." I raised my eyebrows. "How can you tell that? You don't know me." "It's written all over your face. That night we went clubbing, you were alone. You probably spend your nights thinking about him. I get it. It's not easy to move on from a relationship. How long were the two of you together?" "Ten years, on and off" "You need to teach him a lesson. This is revenge we're talking about" "Revenge? That sounds a bit drastic.” "Hey, you want it. What does he do?" "He's a lawyer. He works at this very important company in Manhattan" "Probably a frat douche.” "He wasn't in a frat, but he is a douche.” "He's your total opposite, isn't he?" "I guess, yeah." "Show me a picture.” "I don't have it on my phone.” "Tell me his name.” "Daniel Chase" He grabbed his phone and I looked at my empty beer as he did his research. "Happiness is a girl. What an asshole! He's trying to rub it in your face. He knows you're stalking him.” My jaw dropped. "I'm not stalking him. Maybe just a little." "If we're gonna do this, you need to start being honest with yourself. Which you aren't. You're in denial about a lot of things. Do you still love him?" I looked away for a second, searching inside myself for the truth. "I think I do. I'm not sure. If I see him again, I will know." "You don't love him. You just haven't forgotten him. It's not healthy to spend your time idealizing the time you spent together." "I'm not idealizing. I'm remembering." "You got blinders on. You seem like very incompatible people. And that's what you like about him. You're each other's prizes. He wasn't right for you, didn't treat you very nicely, and you wanted to show him you could make him fall in love with you.” I rolled my eyes. "Drop the drug store psychology, ok? You don't know anything about it.” "I know what I see. A nerdy guy and a jock." "So we're stereotypes?" "You're people. And the two of you together, the pictures don't lie. There's an attraction there. But he was kinda reluctant about your relationship, and that made you insecure. Give me a minute, ok? I gotta take a look at these pictures of the two of you together.” He scrolled down and I went to the bar and asked for a shot of vodka. I finished it in a second and sat down again. "You gained some weight during the last few months you were together. You were eating as a coping mechanism. You knew he was gonna get cold feet. You should've said no when he proposed." "How was I supposed to know that, I thought he loved me." "It's ok. We all make mistakes. But the biggest mistake of them all is lying to yourself. His body language says he wasn't in it for the long haul. He always put some distance between the two of you." "How can you be sure?" "I know what you told me. And if the two of you were that compatible, you would be together right now, and you wouldn't be here talking to me." "But he asked me to marry him. That's gotta mean something." "It means he bought a ring. Getting engaged doesn't solve relationship problems. Was he a cheater?" I blushed. This was getting too personal. "You're out of line, buddy. Do you really need to know all this stuff?" "This stuff is crucial, Matt. I want to know the nature of your relationship." "Let's keep it professional. You don't need to know the kind of underwear he wore." "I don't need to ask you that, I saw it on his Instagram. You were an adorable couple, don't get me wrong." "That's kinda patronizing." "It's the truth." I frowned. "Why are you so interested in this?" He shook his head. "I'm not. I'm interested in you." Hearing that made me very nervous. "Why?" "Because I think you deserve better." "How do you know that?" "Your eyes. There's a sadness there. And It's like you're holding your breath all the time. Relax. You don't have to overthink every little detail.” "Who are you to judge?" "It's not judging, Matt. It's a conversation. We could sit here and tell each other bullshit that neither of us believes. You could tell me about your job, or your hobbies. That's not what makes a person. If we're in a relationship, even if it's a fake one, we're gonna need some level of honesty." I stopped to think for a second. The fact that he was so handsome made it a little distracting. “Are you ready to move on?" I breathe out. "Yeah. I am. What our story? What are we gonna tell my parents? You seem better at this stuff." "I will tell them I'm a doctor. Your parents will love that." "That sounds good.” "And it's Christmas, so I will give them a present. I will give them enough frequent flier miles to travel anywhere." "You don't have to do that" "I'm always traveling for work. I just got back from Hong Kong. I have to go around the globe ten times. No big deal." "That's very generous of you, thank you." "I'm covering our tracks. You're a very nervous guy, they'll be suspicious. You need to learn how to hide your emotions, Matt." I looked away. "Am I that obvious?" "We're all a little more transparent than we like to believe. Your parents know you better than anybody else." "I don't know if that's true. If my mother knew me she wouldn't have invited my fiancé." "She knows you." He finished his Tequila Sunrise. I couldn’t stop looking at his face. He was incredibly pretty. "Matt, there's something else you need to understand. Don't fall in love with me. You're vulnerable right now, and just because a guy pays you attention, doesn't mean you have to hallucinate." I felt a little insulted. "I don't hallucinate. And I'm can control my emotions when I need to." I was starting to sweat. The way he looked at me, it was like he could see right through my soul. I stared at his mouth. I was trying not to think about kissing him. "We're gonna have a good time. What do you say, am I hired?" "Yes. You are." I said with a smile. "Cheers to that. Excuse me." He bought another round and I was left with my thoughts. This was crazy. I never thought I would hire someone to be my fake boyfriend. But I could get used to Shawn. It surprised me how OK I was with the idea. Maybe it was just that he was so cool and handsome. "There we go. Let's toast." I licked my lips and raised my glass. "To what are we toasting?" "To my wonderful new friend. And to our entirely fake relationship. Here's to happy couple, Matt and Shawn." We said this in unison: "To Matt and Shawn!" Our glasses clicked and then we took a sip of our drinks. Afterward, he excused himself to the bathroom and my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the screen. Unbelievable. It was Daniel again. I didn't pick it up this time. I knew he had nothing to say. "I have to go. I will help you get to a cab." We were standing on the sidewalk and he hugged me. My whole body shook when he grabbed my chin and looked deep into my eyes. We’ve never been closer. "If we're gonna be a couple, we need to have a first kiss. What do you say?" I tried to control my body. "That sounds good." "How is this?" He leaned over and our lips met for the first time. He put his hand on my back and I tried hard not to let him notice how much I wanted him. "You're a smoker." "I'm trying to quit." "You have very sexy lips." I blushed. "You're just saying that." He looked absolutely sure of himself. "I'm not. It the truth. When someone pays you a compliment, just say thank you. You don't have to be so modest." He kissed me again. This time, his tongue caressed my tongue. "You see? I didn't have to do that. But your lips are very soft, I like kissing you." His words echoed through my brain as he hailed me a cab. I got in, and he shook my hand. "Text me the details. And learn the rules. No personal information, no sex and I never date my clients. Understood?" My voice cracked as I answered. "Understood." He closed the door and I took one last look at him. I could still smell his cologne all over my clothes. I rested my head against the window and watched as the car drove me further and further away from my professional boyfriend. My heart was beating too fast. Crap, I was in love again. And this time, it was even more forbidden than the last one.

Want more? Get it at:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/professional-boyfriend-justine-cox/1134093992?ean=2940163609994

https://books.apple.com/us/book/id1483684046

[anonymous-adult-angst]

The End

SAT 9:49PM

V: Hey so I’ve been thinking a lot recently and I want to be 100% clear with you. I can’t ever go back to what we were because the spark is not there for me anymore. I’m just in a different place in my life and I don’t have the motivation to keep in touch like we used to. I wish you the best of luck in the future but we can’t keep going back and forth and ignoring what has been said. I deleted you off snap cause I think that’ll be easier. Like I said before, I had a great time getting to know you but I can’t do what you want from me. Sorry it had to end this way.

SAT 11:04PM

T: I’m sorry Val, I understand I’ve not really replied how I should to you, but was always scared you would kill it off I guess, and I haven’t been trying to ignore you the past few days, I have literally just been working ridiculous hours, I’m gonna be 100% honest with you, You’re one of the best girls I’ve ever met and this is gutting to see, I know it’s all self inflicted, but insecurities cause that and I don’t want to lose you from my life, especially not completely after all we’ve been through, so I’ll give you the option that if you wanna stay friends I’ll sort my shit out and not leave you out too dry, but at the end of the day it’s your decision and you mean too much too belittle that, so if you want we can talk ( over phone and maybe work out what’s the best way forward ) or if you’re really sure then just send back ‘bye’ and it’ll be the last time you ever hear from me

SUN 10:25PM

V: Sorry for taking a long time to respond but I wanted to get this message right. The past couple of times I’ve shared some personal details about my life with you, it highlighted that we really don’t know anything about each other at all. Meeting up with you in October was probably one of the craziest things I’ve done in my life but I don’t regret it. I’m just in a different place in my life and I want to move on into the future. You did nothing wrong, I understand you’re busy and not always on your phone. When you said you deleted me off Facebook it hurt me but it just proves that I can’t be what you want me to be. I’m sorry for that. I don’t want to keep dragging you along cause it isn’t fair. I think it would be best if we parted ways on a good note. When I think about you there is nothing but good memories, so thank you. I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m sorry I can’t keep in touch like we used to, I’m just in a different place. Sorry if I caused you any pain, that was never my intention. Thanks again for everything Tarran.

SUN 10:43PM

T: We don’t have to keep in touch like we used to Val, messaging always gets stale like that whoever’s talking, why not just stay friends and maybe have a catch-up every so often, our calls were always so long, back and too and amazing and every time we’ve seen each other in person we’ve had great chemistry and loads in common, it’s just messaging where we don’t always click, and that’s only because of stupid decisions on my end so I really am sorry Val, I just think that when you find truly special people in your life you shouldn’t just let them go, regardless of how they stay in your life, the reality is with us living in different countries that goodbye like this would definitely be forever, eventually we won’t even remember each other, which can be avoided without going back to what we used to have if we come up with something, tbh I could go on with a million more reasons I want to stay in touch in just at least one shape and form but it looks like your mind’s made up, so as I said just send ‘bye’, any more and I’m only going to disagree because I hate the idea of this, if that’s how you want then I’ll block you and delete your number and everything, but even if so it’s been amazing getting to know you Val, you’ve been a truly amazing friend and given me some of the best times of my life

SUN 10:46PM

T: Regardless, this is always gonna stay there *sends a picture of the shot glass*

SUN 10:46PM

V: I really don’t know what to say

SUN 10:49PM

T: Doesn’t have to be much, all I want is some way that down the line at least I know everything’s going well with you, we’ll never be what we used to be unfortunately but I don’t was us to ever just be nothing

SUN 10:52PM

V: Honestly Tarran this is just all very confusing to me. I know you think of me as a friend but I have a hard time thinking of you that same way. I’m just in a really bad place right now.

SUN 11:08PM

T: Val for me to say I just think of you as a friend is slightly false, I’ve always had like held-back feelings for you and if we were in a situation where it was viable to be together then I wouldn’t even hesitate, but sometimes it isn’t that straightforward, regardless of how compatible two people are, and I had a tough time accepting that, which was a large part of why I’ve been bad with replying in the past, because I’ve been a bit scared of well this happening I guess. But I think too just completely throw all we have away is the worst thought, sometimes feelings for someone turn into the best friendships and I just think we need to figure out some situation where we can both learn too just be happy knowing each other and always know each other’s there and get on with our lives, I can give you as much space as you need Val, I probably need it too, but in time we can just be cherished friends, and I really am so sorry for this Val, im not trying to confuse or upset you, that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do, I’m just trying to fight for what I know is a worthy cause

SUN 11:19PM

V: I find it difficult to have any sort of relationship with someone who I can’t see in person. I think space is what we both want and need so maybe we should do that. I’m gonna be honest cause I was seeing someone in January but I ended it cause of my mental state at that time. When we talked I did really like you so I molded my personality in order to be more appealing to you. I have a lot of baggage I’ve never expressed and I’d feel weird entering into a friendship with that part of my life being ignored.

SUN 11:44PM

T: That’s understandable Val, anyone does but life’s dynamic and you have too just live with how it falls some times, and yes I agree but I don’t think that forever erasing each other from our lives is what we need, and I understand Val, when feelings are there it’s easy too talk forever and be happy as ever, but you have to remember for it too be like that in the first place was because we hit it off when we first met, we had amazing chemistry even when it wasn’t ideal days, we’d talk for literally hours and hours on end which there’s so few people you can achieve with, we would of both been hiding baggage, it’s what everyone does, I was also not really flirting anymore because I didn’t want to risk it I guess but after how much time we’ve spent talking and all the various situations we’ve been talking I really do know who you are Val, and I think you’re an amazing person and really don’t give yourself enough credit. I am sorry because it could of been straightforward and was consistently great and straightforward until I ruined it, but even then when we talk on the phone it was like straight back to how we were in Liverpool or at mine, Look Val if we go the first way then we never see/hear/know anything about each other ever again, eventually we won’t remember each other. If we go the other way then who knows, could only have a couple chats on random occasions over the next few years, but could end up with some freak situation where we actually could see how things would go, regardless of how unlikely you just don’t know, I don’t want you to be sad in some situation in 2 Year’s thinking I wish I could just talk to Tarran, knowing it will never be possible again, Val you mean the world to me and I don’t ever expect anything to happen between us, but I don’t want nothing, you’re going to need to choose Val, we can work something if you want, I’m sorry for sending such a ludicrously long message but it shows how much you mean to me, if you say bye then really best of wishes Val, you’re amazing and beautiful and great in every way and stop worrying so much because you’re doing so many things that’ll all piece together eventually, but you’ve got too choose cus I could go on forever

MON 12:03AM

T: I’m sorry Val, I’ve just realized how hard I must be making this, we can say goodbye and I’m happy to part that way Val, I’ll always remember you with the happiest memories 

MON 12:10AM

V: As tough as this is, I think it’s best for both of us if we stop talking. I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for all of your kind words. Goodbye and good luck!

MON 12:11AM

T: I’ll always be rooting for you as the next big shot Canadian! Goodbye sweetie!

*You’re blocked*